Ghosting can feel like a punch to the gut—leaving you questioning what went wrong and spiraling into self-doubt. But here’s the thing: your energy is too valuable to waste on someone who can't communicate with respect. In this episode of The Femme Cast, I challenge the common advice to "play it cool" when a ghoster comes crawling back. True empowerment isn't about acting unaffected—it's about recognizing your worth and not engaging with someone who’s emotionally immature.
We'll discuss:
- Ghosting often triggers a spiral of self-doubt and questioning what you did wrong
- How influencers suggest playing it cool when a ghoster returns, but this approach misses the mark
- True high-value behavior means not investing energy in someone who has shown disrespect
- Refusing to engage with someone who ghosted you isn't about what they think—it's about valuing your energy
- The person who's right for you would communicate honestly even if it's uncomfortable
- Moving through the discomfort of being ghosted eventually leads to genuine unbothered confidence
- Focus on knowing what you deserve rather than trying to change how others treat you
I share how I’ve navigated being ghosted countless times, what I’ve learned, and why the right person for you would never disappear without explanation. Tune in for a no-BS approach to protecting your energy, reclaiming your worth, and setting boundaries that honor your self-love. Remember: If someone ghosts you, it says more about them than it does about you. Don't chase validation—your next relationship will honor you from the start.
PS: Stop begging to be chosen. Choose yourself instead.
You’re not here to beg, chase, or perform for the bare minimum.
You’re here to reclaim your power and become magnetic to real, soul-aligned love, success, and abundance.
Reclaim the version of you that never had to beg to be chosen.
Book your 90-minute Sacred Reclamation Intensive.
But fair warning—authentic connections, aligned opportunities, and breakthroughs in love, money, and purpose are inevitable.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST (00:00):
Hey you guys, what is up?
Welcome back to the show.
I'm so excited and grateful tohave you here Today.
We are going to dive right inbecause I have a shit, ton of
shit to say today, because Iheard an influencer talking
about what to do and not do whenbeing ghosted and I have to,
respectively, disagree.
Now, this is somebody who Ihave a lot of respect for.
(00:22):
I think she gives great content.
I love her point of view.
I love her take on things.
I think she brings a greatenergy and a great vibe to the
industry.
However, she, I think,mentioned like two or three,
three or three points.
I think there's most of it Iagreed with.
There's one point that I really, really, really hardcore,
disagreed with, and I want totalk about it on the show today.
(00:45):
As somebody who has been ghostedmany, many, many times, I have
been down that rabbit hole, youguys, more times than I care to
count.
I've learned a few things.
I fucked a few things up, I dida lot of things wrong, and now
I do things very differentlythan I used to, and I'm okay
with that, because now I get toshare it with you guys.
(01:05):
See how this works.
So, back in the day when Iwould get ghosted.
You know, first it would alwaysbe that honeymoon phase, right,
like whether you're dating orjust talking online or whatever.
You're going through this phaselike this.
This is the best thing sincesliced bread, like we've got
everything in common.
We're so much fun.
(01:27):
Oh my god, we have all the sameinterests.
We've been down all the same.
We've had all the sameexperience, all the same
heartbreaks.
Even.
We're like two twin souls whorandomly found themselves online
.
Where's this person been all mylife?
Oh my god, we've been sharingso much of our story in our
lives together.
I think this could be my person.
Boom, they're gone, they'reghosted.
(01:50):
They're like Casper nowhere tobe seen or heard from Boo.
Then you're mystified.
You're like what happened?
What did I do?
Did I say something wrong?
Did I smell funny?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I?
Did I chuckle in a weird way?
Did I do that snorting thingthat I do?
Did I say something wrong?
Did I smell funny?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I chuckle in a weird way?
Did I do that snorting thingthat I do when I start laughing?
(02:11):
Did I completely turn him off?
Did he hear shit about me?
Oh my God, did he hearsomething?
Did my ex get to him?
Like?
You start to go down all theselike crazy stories and rabbit
holes of what could havepossibly happened to get this
guy to suddenly stop talking toyou without a trace, without a
reason, without an explanation.
Nothing, nada, gone,disappeared, adios muchachos,
(02:34):
nowhere to be seen or heard from.
And you're now trying tojustify all this in your head
right and now you're trying toresist the urge to spam him of
all the reasons why he shouldn'thave done that.
And that's probably wasn't thebeginning.
This is probably later in thejourney, after I had gone
through some personaldevelopment.
(02:55):
I'm using air quotes right now.
Right, I've gone through somestuff, I've experienced some
stuff and I've learned somestuff.
And now I'm going to set aboundary and I'm going to put
you in your place.
You don't treat a woman that way.
That is very disrespectful,it's very rude and it shows that
you're very emotionallyimmature.
You just don't go through.
I'm a high value woman.
(03:15):
You can't treat me that way.
If you have to start bargainingfor your worth and your value
and you have to start making apoint of having that
conversation and texting theselong ass text messages
explaining how valuable you are.
You've already lost theargument.
You've already lost theargument because you are texting
him, trying to restore yourposition of value, because you
(03:41):
feel like it's been taken away,because this person has
disappeared.
And now you're trying torestore it by getting them to
admit to the error of their ways, maybe even apologize and try
to set the record straight.
That was probably how I used todo things all the time.
Okay, now I do things a littlebit differently.
(04:03):
And she agreed.
She agreed that you know shewas sharing her perspective.
She said you know you don't do,you know you don't go down the.
I don't know if she hit therabbit hole, but I definitely
say don't go down the rabbithole.
She definitely said the partabout don't you know, not with
the crazy messages trying toadvocate for your worth and your
value.
Don't do that, because as soonas you do that, you've already
lost the fucking argument.
(04:23):
There's no point whatsoever indoing that.
But here's where I started todisagree.
So she said when he comes backand I made a face huh, what do
you mean?
When he comes back?
What are you talking about?
When he comes back?
And oftentimes they do actuallycircle back around, when, when
they realize that there'snothing else going on that
they're missing out on, whenthey didn't find back around,
(04:44):
when, when they realize thatthere's nothing else going on
that they're missing out on,when they didn't find the
greener pastures they went outlooking for, they usually do
come crawl them back.
So, um, she's like, when hecomes back and so I made a face
she's like you're going to actreally unbothered, you're going
to just hey, how's it going?
(05:07):
How are you?
How are things?
If he asks you out, oh and oh,and you're going to take your
time responding.
You're going to respond whenyou feel ready to respond.
And already I'm like what doyou mean respond?
What, what are we talking about?
Then she's like then he's goingto, if he asks you out, you're
going to say I'm going to checkmy schedule and get back to you.
You're going to take your timegetting back to him.
Then you're going to set a dateand you're going to go and
you're going to meet him.
And then I think she might havesaid you're going to show up a
little bit late and you're goingto be completely unbothered by
(05:30):
the fact that he ghosted you andyou're going to show up in this
exact energy until he thenturns around and starts you
which, I agree, probably worksin theory.
(05:51):
No-transcript Like.
Why would you ever want that?
Why would you ever chasesomebody who ghosted you, left
for like a few weeks to go seeif the grass was greener on the
other side and then comescrawling back?
Why would you want thatbothered you?
(06:17):
You want to come off as beingunbothered.
Here's what unbothered to melooks like.
Okay, here's what.
Here's what being empowered andunbothered means to me, even if
you have to fake it at firstand I do realize you may have to
fake it at first, and that'sthat's okay, I faked it at first
too.
All good, trust me, beingunbothered by somebody ghosting
you means that you are able towalk away from the situation and
(06:41):
not give a shit what they thinkand know that you deserve
better and not tolerate that inyour life.
I am not going to put myselfout there, play some ridiculous
game of energetics which, to befair, probably will work in the
end, because she's not coming atit from a chaser energy.
She's coming at it from areceiver energy where she's kind
(07:04):
of standing back and kind ofletting him find his way back to
her and I get that.
That could totally work.
But the fact that he ghostedstill shows to me emotional
immaturity and a lack of respectfor her and for women in
general, because you just don'tdo that.
You just don't do that topeople.
It's a lack of respect forpeople in general.
Right, when you start, when youghost people like that, it's
(07:26):
just not a cool thing to do.
And so for me, if I'm coming atthis from being a high value
woman who knows that shedeserves better and doesn't care
what anybody else thinksbecause I think that there's
this perspective that, oh well,if he goes to you and then he
(07:46):
comes back, you want to act likeyou don't care.
So you still answer his calls,make dates, but you just play
the game, right, you just kindof look back and try to look
like a cool cat and all of it.
You take your time responding,you take your time booking a
date.
You take.
What about not caring what thisperson thinks?
That's what my thing would be.
My thing would be I don't givea shit what this person thinks
(08:07):
about me.
They can think I'm angry atthem.
All they want, if they want togo home at night and think, oh,
I, you know I must have brokeher heart because she totally
blocked me on Bumble and I can'tget through to her because I
ghosted her and like two weekslater I tried to, like you know,
hook up with her again or likecontact her again and I noticed
that she had blocked my account.
(08:28):
So I must have really done anumber on her.
Yeah, go ahead and think thatthat's just fine.
Go right ahead, think whateveryou want.
If you've ghosted, I actuallycould care less.
What matters to me, being a highvalue woman, is where and how I
invest my energy, and I will bedamned if I invest my energy in
(08:50):
somebody who chooses to ghost.
I would rather save my energyfor somebody who treats me in a
respectful manner, who shows uprepeatedly, who's honest about
where they are and what they'relooking for and where some of
their doubts might be or wheresome of their triggers might be,
(09:10):
who's ready to have an adult,emotionally evolved conversation
.
If you're going to deal withshit by ghosting, I don't want a
relationship with you.
You're not my person, like.
I know that from the get-go.
So why you would entertain thatis beyond me.
It makes no sense, especiallywhen we're talking about having
(09:30):
empowered high valuerelationships as women.
Who cares what the mofo thinks?
Who ghosted you?
Who cares?
If he thinks he broke yourheart, Let him think whatever
the fuck he wants.
If he ghosted you, your energyis way more important than what
(09:53):
he thinks you're feeling.
Do you get that?
Let me?
Your energy is way moreimportant than what he might
think you're feeling.
So I would rather let somebodythink that they've hurt me, that
they've wounded me, that I hadto block them because I was
angry or I was upset or I wasthis, that or whatever.
(10:15):
Have them make up any storythey want about me.
Go right ahead, because I knowI do not want to invest my
energy in anybody who wouldghost and disappear and then
come back when they realize whenthe grass is not green or on
the other side, fuck.
No, I don't want that.
Hell.
No, absolutely not.
(10:36):
I will leave that for somebodyelse to pick up.
Thank you, that is not mine topick up and I really, really,
really, really don't want thatto be yours to pick up either.
Now I realize that this might bedifficult at first.
The first few times you do this, it's going to be hard because
you have to go through a periodof fighting for your worth with
(11:00):
yourself, not other people, butwith yourself.
You have to fight for yourworth with yourself because if
you've been in a pattern ofpeople pleasing, of overgiving,
of constantly settling for lessthan then it's going to be a bit
of a battle getting you to aplace where you can be
unbothered by someone ghostingyou.
Someone literally ghosted methe other week and honestly, I'm
(11:22):
fine with it.
I'm fine with it because I tome, I know I know my worth, I
know my value, I know my personis out there.
I don't need to fight from formy value or my worth.
I don't need to like get outthere and start having debates
with people.
I know that my person is goingto show up for me when the time
is right and until then, anyonewho goes is off my radar and I
(11:47):
and this.
This is not something thathappened overnight.
This was an evolution over timeand the evolution began with
first going crazy, trying tofigure out what I had done wrong
.
Then it evolved to I'm going tofight with anybody who does
this, that or the other to meand I'm going to advocate for my
worth and I'm going to advocatefor my boundaries and I'm going
(12:09):
to.
I'm going to fight for how Iexpect to be treated to then
playing the game of I'munbothered.
You know what?
Now I am actually reallyunbothered and I don't invest in
those types of situationsanymore because to me, my energy
is more valuable than hisopinion of me, and so I am very
(12:35):
selective about where I investmy energy and I am 125% okay
with that If people think thatthat's offensive or rude or
whatever In the beginning.
You have to resist the urge totext.
(12:56):
You have to resist the urge tofight.
You have to resist the urge totext.
You have to resist the urge tofight.
You have to resist the urge.
You know when, when, when, whenthe ideas come up, when you
start to spiral and start tothink of all the reasons of why
you could, what you could havedone wrong to turn this guy off,
to make him ghost, make himdisappear like that.
You have to.
You have to really get in yourhead and you have to start to
tell yourself this had nothingto do with me.
(13:17):
Somebody who ghost, it's anemotional immaturity.
It's somebody who you know, forwhatever reason maybe they
weren't that into you andthey're really out there trying
to find, you know, if the grassis greener on the other side, or
making sure they're not missingout on something else.
Or, you know, maybe they had amoment of vulnerability that
(13:40):
they weren't comfortable with,so they pulled back.
You know where they shared toomuch and they kind of felt a
little bit too vulnerable.
Things got a little bit tooreal, so they kind of pulled
back a little bit.
All well and good, none ofwhich I want to entertain as a
relationship.
So I think the first thing thatneeds to happen is you need to
decide what it is that you wantto entertain in a relationship
and what it is you want in apartner going forward.
(14:02):
If you want somebody who's goingto wobble back and forth all
the time, who's not going to besure about where they stand,
who's going to have one foot in,one foot out, making sure they
don't miss any greener pastureson the other side, then by all
means continue to play the gamewith the guy who ghosts.
See if you can get him to comecrawling back to you and begging
for your forgiveness, only tohave him ghost again down the
line.
Because that's the kind ofbehavior you get from these
(14:24):
types of people.
They kind of come in, they comeout.
It goes back and forth.
You know, if they're not sureabout you, why bother?
Really like why bother?
You know you want someone whois at least sure about you.
Maybe they've got some stuff towork through.
Maybe they still have got somefears, some quirks and some
hangups.
That's okay.
We still do have a lot ofhealing and evolving in within
(14:47):
our relationships.
We don't need to come intorelationships.
Perfect, we can all be a hotfucking mess and still be in a
loving relationship, but theyshould at least be sure that
they want to be with you, and ifthey're not, they are not your
person.
So resist the urge to fight withyourself and come up with a
list of reasons and I know youcan come up with pages and pages
(15:08):
and pages of reasons of why hemight have decided to stop
talking to you, and I'm going totell you to ignore all of it.
Okay, you might want to fightand advocate for your worth, for
your value, to stand up foryourself, to stand up for how he
treated you for stand up forall the reasons why it was wrong
(15:29):
.
I'm going to ask you to fightthat too and keep telling
yourself what it is that youactually deserve.
And is this what you want?
No, this is not what I want.
No, this is not the kind ofpartner I'm looking for.
No, this is not how I want tobe treated.
And, yes, everything about whathe decided to do has everything
to do with him and nothing todo with me.
(15:50):
Because I'll tell you right now,the person who's for you, the
person who is worth your time,would have a conversation with
you and say to you listen,you're a great woman, I love
your sense of humor, I love this, I love that, but you're just
not my person.
And they would tell you,honestly, might be uncomfortable
, maybe it's not something youwant to hear, but they would
(16:12):
give you that level of respectand honesty.
And until you have that levelof respect and honesty, do not
waste your time with any ofthese other mofos because they
are not worth it.
And so, right then and there,you can keep telling yourself he
is not my person, because if hewas my person, he would not be
treating me this way.
I know what my person lookslike, I know how my person
(16:35):
treats me and this is not it.
And, yes, this feels shitty andyes, I feel insecure and yes,
I'm overwhelmed in self-doubt,but I'm going to keep leaning
into the discomfort of beingghosted and eventually it gets
easier and that's when you canstand in your power and actually
be unbothered, once you've gonethrough that storm of the
(16:55):
discomfort of being ghosted.
So that is my advice to you Donot fight, do not advocate, do
not go down the spiral.
Do not play the game of I'munbothered and pretend to be
unbothered.
Move through the discomfort ofbeing ghosted so that you can
actually become the unbothered,high value woman who's out there
looking for the partner who'sgoing to treat her like a
(17:17):
princess.
That's all you guys.
Until next time, massive love.
Hey you guys, what is up?
Welcome back to the show.
I'm so excited and grateful tohave you here Today.
We are going to dive right inbecause I have a shit, ton of
shit to say today, because Iheard an influencer talking
about what to do and not do whenbeing ghosted and I have to,
respectively, disagree.
Now, this is somebody who Ihave a lot of respect for.
(00:22):
I think she gives great content.
I love her point of view.
I love her take on things.
I think she brings a greatenergy and a great vibe to the
industry.
However, she, I think,mentioned like two or three,
three or three points.
I think there's most of it Iagreed with.
There's one point that I really, really, really hardcore,
disagreed with, and I want totalk about it on the show today.
(00:45):
As somebody who has been ghostedmany, many, many times, I have
been down that rabbit hole, youguys, more times than I care to
count.
I've learned a few things.
I fucked a few things up, I dida lot of things wrong, and now
I do things very differentlythan I used to, and I'm okay
with that, because now I get toshare it with you guys.
(01:05):
See how this works.
So, back in the day when Iwould get ghosted.
You know, first it would alwaysbe that honeymoon phase, right,
like whether you're dating orjust talking online or whatever.
You're going through this phaselike this.
This is the best thing sincesliced bread, like we've got
everything in common.
We're so much fun.
(01:27):
Oh my god, we have all the sameinterests.
We've been down all the same.
We've had all the sameexperience, all the same
heartbreaks.
Even.
We're like two twin souls whorandomly found themselves online
.
Where's this person been all mylife?
Oh my god, we've been sharingso much of our story in our
lives together.
I think this could be my person.
Boom, they're gone, they'reghosted.
(01:50):
They're like Casper nowhere tobe seen or heard from Boo.
Then you're mystified.
You're like what happened?
What did I do?
Did I say something wrong?
Did I smell funny?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I?
Did I chuckle in a weird way?
Did I do that snorting thingthat I do?
Did I say something wrong?
Did I smell funny?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I chuckle in a weird way?
Did I do that snorting thingthat I do when I start laughing?
(02:11):
Did I completely turn him off?
Did he hear shit about me?
Oh my God, did he hearsomething?
Did my ex get to him?
Like?
You start to go down all theselike crazy stories and rabbit
holes of what could havepossibly happened to get this
guy to suddenly stop talking toyou without a trace, without a
reason, without an explanation.
Nothing, nada, gone,disappeared, adios muchachos,
(02:34):
nowhere to be seen or heard from.
And you're now trying tojustify all this in your head
right and now you're trying toresist the urge to spam him of
all the reasons why he shouldn'thave done that.
And that's probably wasn't thebeginning.
This is probably later in thejourney, after I had gone
through some personaldevelopment.
(02:55):
I'm using air quotes right now.
Right, I've gone through somestuff, I've experienced some
stuff and I've learned somestuff.
And now I'm going to set aboundary and I'm going to put
you in your place.
You don't treat a woman that way.
That is very disrespectful,it's very rude and it shows that
you're very emotionallyimmature.
You just don't go through.
I'm a high value woman.
(03:15):
You can't treat me that way.
If you have to start bargainingfor your worth and your value
and you have to start making apoint of having that
conversation and texting theselong ass text messages
explaining how valuable you are.
You've already lost theargument.
You've already lost theargument because you are texting
him, trying to restore yourposition of value, because you
(03:41):
feel like it's been taken away,because this person has
disappeared.
And now you're trying torestore it by getting them to
admit to the error of their ways, maybe even apologize and try
to set the record straight.
That was probably how I used todo things all the time.
Okay, now I do things a littlebit differently.
(04:03):
And she agreed.
She agreed that you know shewas sharing her perspective.
She said you know you don't do,you know you don't go down the.
I don't know if she hit therabbit hole, but I definitely
say don't go down the rabbithole.
She definitely said the partabout don't you know, not with
the crazy messages trying toadvocate for your worth and your
value.
Don't do that, because as soonas you do that, you've already
lost the fucking argument.
(04:23):
There's no point whatsoever indoing that.
But here's where I started todisagree.
So she said when he comes backand I made a face huh, what do
you mean?
When he comes back?
What are you talking about?
When he comes back?
And oftentimes they do actuallycircle back around, when, when
they realize that there'snothing else going on that
they're missing out on, whenthey didn't find back around,
(04:44):
when, when they realize thatthere's nothing else going on
that they're missing out on,when they didn't find the
greener pastures they went outlooking for, they usually do
come crawl them back.
So, um, she's like, when hecomes back and so I made a face
she's like you're going to actreally unbothered, you're going
to just hey, how's it going?
(05:07):
How are you?
How are things?
If he asks you out, oh and oh,and you're going to take your
time responding.
You're going to respond whenyou feel ready to respond.
And already I'm like what doyou mean respond?
What, what are we talking about?
Then she's like then he's goingto, if he asks you out, you're
going to say I'm going to checkmy schedule and get back to you.
You're going to take your timegetting back to him.
Then you're going to set a dateand you're going to go and
you're going to meet him.
And then I think she might havesaid you're going to show up a
little bit late and you're goingto be completely unbothered by
(05:30):
the fact that he ghosted you andyou're going to show up in this
exact energy until he thenturns around and starts you
which, I agree, probably worksin theory.
(05:51):
No-transcript Like.
Why would you ever want that?
Why would you ever chasesomebody who ghosted you, left
for like a few weeks to go seeif the grass was greener on the
other side and then comescrawling back?
Why would you want thatbothered you?
(06:17):
You want to come off as beingunbothered.
Here's what unbothered to melooks like.
Okay, here's what.
Here's what being empowered andunbothered means to me, even if
you have to fake it at firstand I do realize you may have to
fake it at first, and that'sthat's okay, I faked it at first
too.
All good, trust me, beingunbothered by somebody ghosting
you means that you are able towalk away from the situation and
(06:41):
not give a shit what they thinkand know that you deserve
better and not tolerate that inyour life.
I am not going to put myselfout there, play some ridiculous
game of energetics which, to befair, probably will work in the
end, because she's not coming atit from a chaser energy.
She's coming at it from areceiver energy where she's kind
(07:04):
of standing back and kind ofletting him find his way back to
her and I get that.
That could totally work.
But the fact that he ghostedstill shows to me emotional
immaturity and a lack of respectfor her and for women in
general, because you just don'tdo that.
You just don't do that topeople.
It's a lack of respect forpeople in general.
Right, when you start, when youghost people like that, it's
(07:26):
just not a cool thing to do.
And so for me, if I'm coming atthis from being a high value
woman who knows that shedeserves better and doesn't care
what anybody else thinksbecause I think that there's
this perspective that, oh well,if he goes to you and then he
(07:46):
comes back, you want to act likeyou don't care.
So you still answer his calls,make dates, but you just play
the game, right, you just kindof look back and try to look
like a cool cat and all of it.
You take your time responding,you take your time booking a
date.
You take.
What about not caring what thisperson thinks?
That's what my thing would be.
My thing would be I don't givea shit what this person thinks
(08:07):
about me.
They can think I'm angry atthem.
All they want, if they want togo home at night and think, oh,
I, you know I must have brokeher heart because she totally
blocked me on Bumble and I can'tget through to her because I
ghosted her and like two weekslater I tried to, like you know,
hook up with her again or likecontact her again and I noticed
that she had blocked my account.
(08:28):
So I must have really done anumber on her.
Yeah, go ahead and think thatthat's just fine.
Go right ahead, think whateveryou want.
If you've ghosted, I actuallycould care less.
What matters to me, being a highvalue woman, is where and how I
invest my energy, and I will bedamned if I invest my energy in
(08:50):
somebody who chooses to ghost.
I would rather save my energyfor somebody who treats me in a
respectful manner, who shows uprepeatedly, who's honest about
where they are and what they'relooking for and where some of
their doubts might be or wheresome of their triggers might be,
(09:10):
who's ready to have an adult,emotionally evolved conversation
.
If you're going to deal withshit by ghosting, I don't want a
relationship with you.
You're not my person, like.
I know that from the get-go.
So why you would entertain thatis beyond me.
It makes no sense, especiallywhen we're talking about having
(09:30):
empowered high valuerelationships as women.
Who cares what the mofo thinks?
Who ghosted you?
Who cares?
If he thinks he broke yourheart, Let him think whatever
the fuck he wants.
If he ghosted you, your energyis way more important than what
(09:53):
he thinks you're feeling.
Do you get that?
Let me?
Your energy is way moreimportant than what he might
think you're feeling.
So I would rather let somebodythink that they've hurt me, that
they've wounded me, that I hadto block them because I was
angry or I was upset or I wasthis, that or whatever.
(10:15):
Have them make up any storythey want about me.
Go right ahead, because I knowI do not want to invest my
energy in anybody who wouldghost and disappear and then
come back when they realize whenthe grass is not green or on
the other side, fuck.
No, I don't want that.
Hell.
No, absolutely not.
(10:36):
I will leave that for somebodyelse to pick up.
Thank you, that is not mine topick up and I really, really,
really, really don't want thatto be yours to pick up either.
Now I realize that this might bedifficult at first.
The first few times you do this, it's going to be hard because
you have to go through a periodof fighting for your worth with
(11:00):
yourself, not other people, butwith yourself.
You have to fight for yourworth with yourself because if
you've been in a pattern ofpeople pleasing, of overgiving,
of constantly settling for lessthan then it's going to be a bit
of a battle getting you to aplace where you can be
unbothered by someone ghostingyou.
Someone literally ghosted methe other week and honestly, I'm
(11:22):
fine with it.
I'm fine with it because I tome, I know I know my worth, I
know my value, I know my personis out there.
I don't need to fight from formy value or my worth.
I don't need to like get outthere and start having debates
with people.
I know that my person is goingto show up for me when the time
is right and until then, anyonewho goes is off my radar and I
(11:47):
and this.
This is not something thathappened overnight.
This was an evolution over timeand the evolution began with
first going crazy, trying tofigure out what I had done wrong
.
Then it evolved to I'm going tofight with anybody who does
this, that or the other to meand I'm going to advocate for my
worth and I'm going to advocatefor my boundaries and I'm going
(12:09):
to.
I'm going to fight for how Iexpect to be treated to then
playing the game of I'munbothered.
You know what?
Now I am actually reallyunbothered and I don't invest in
those types of situationsanymore because to me, my energy
is more valuable than hisopinion of me, and so I am very
(12:35):
selective about where I investmy energy and I am 125% okay
with that If people think thatthat's offensive or rude or
whatever In the beginning.
You have to resist the urge totext.
(12:56):
You have to resist the urge tofight.
You have to resist the urge totext.
You have to resist the urge tofight.
You have to resist the urge.
You know when, when, when, whenthe ideas come up, when you
start to spiral and start tothink of all the reasons of why
you could, what you could havedone wrong to turn this guy off,
to make him ghost, make himdisappear like that.
You have to.
You have to really get in yourhead and you have to start to
tell yourself this had nothingto do with me.
(13:17):
Somebody who ghost, it's anemotional immaturity.
It's somebody who you know, forwhatever reason maybe they
weren't that into you andthey're really out there trying
to find, you know, if the grassis greener on the other side, or
making sure they're not missingout on something else.
Or, you know, maybe they had amoment of vulnerability that
(13:40):
they weren't comfortable with,so they pulled back.
You know where they shared toomuch and they kind of felt a
little bit too vulnerable.
Things got a little bit tooreal, so they kind of pulled
back a little bit.
All well and good, none ofwhich I want to entertain as a
relationship.
So I think the first thing thatneeds to happen is you need to
decide what it is that you wantto entertain in a relationship
and what it is you want in apartner going forward.
(14:02):
If you want somebody who's goingto wobble back and forth all
the time, who's not going to besure about where they stand,
who's going to have one foot in,one foot out, making sure they
don't miss any greener pastureson the other side, then by all
means continue to play the gamewith the guy who ghosts.
See if you can get him to comecrawling back to you and begging
for your forgiveness, only tohave him ghost again down the
line.
Because that's the kind ofbehavior you get from these
(14:24):
types of people.
They kind of come in, they comeout.
It goes back and forth.
You know, if they're not sureabout you, why bother?
Really like why bother?
You know you want someone whois at least sure about you.
Maybe they've got some stuff towork through.
Maybe they still have got somefears, some quirks and some
hangups.
That's okay.
We still do have a lot ofhealing and evolving in within
(14:47):
our relationships.
We don't need to come intorelationships.
Perfect, we can all be a hotfucking mess and still be in a
loving relationship, but theyshould at least be sure that
they want to be with you, and ifthey're not, they are not your
person.
So resist the urge to fight withyourself and come up with a
list of reasons and I know youcan come up with pages and pages
(15:08):
and pages of reasons of why hemight have decided to stop
talking to you, and I'm going totell you to ignore all of it.
Okay, you might want to fightand advocate for your worth, for
your value, to stand up foryourself, to stand up for how he
treated you for stand up forall the reasons why it was wrong
(15:29):
.
I'm going to ask you to fightthat too and keep telling
yourself what it is that youactually deserve.
And is this what you want?
No, this is not what I want.
No, this is not the kind ofpartner I'm looking for.
No, this is not how I want tobe treated.
And, yes, everything about whathe decided to do has everything
to do with him and nothing todo with me.
(15:50):
Because I'll tell you right now,the person who's for you, the
person who is worth your time,would have a conversation with
you and say to you listen,you're a great woman, I love
your sense of humor, I love this, I love that, but you're just
not my person.
And they would tell you,honestly, might be uncomfortable
, maybe it's not something youwant to hear, but they would
(16:12):
give you that level of respectand honesty.
And until you have that levelof respect and honesty, do not
waste your time with any ofthese other mofos because they
are not worth it.
And so, right then and there,you can keep telling yourself he
is not my person, because if hewas my person, he would not be
treating me this way.
I know what my person lookslike, I know how my person
(16:35):
treats me and this is not it.
And, yes, this feels shitty andyes, I feel insecure and yes,
I'm overwhelmed in self-doubt,but I'm going to keep leaning
into the discomfort of beingghosted and eventually it gets
easier and that's when you canstand in your power and actually
be unbothered, once you've gonethrough that storm of the
(16:55):
discomfort of being ghosted.
So that is my advice to you Donot fight, do not advocate, do
not go down the spiral.
Do not play the game of I'munbothered and pretend to be
unbothered.
Move through the discomfort ofbeing ghosted so that you can
actually become the unbothered,high value woman who's out there
looking for the partner who'sgoing to treat her like a
(17:17):
princess.
That's all you guys.
Until next time, massive love.
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.