Why We Need to Be Liked: The Emotional Cost of Validation

Why does a compliment feel like oxygen—and silence feel like a threat? Why do we keep checking for reactions, even when we tell ourselves we don’t care? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the hidden layers behind our need for validation, exploring how the craving for approval shapes our identity, our relationships, and even our mental health.

Drawing from attachment theory, social comparison research, and lived experience, this powerful episode explores how early family dynamics, digital culture, and emotional wiring teach us to outsource our worth. You’ll learn why the brain processes rejection like physical pain, how intermittent feedback from social media mimics addiction, and what happens when we perform to be liked instead of learning to belong.

But more than explanation, this episode offers a way forward. With warmth, insight, and accessible psychological wisdom, Professor Starr guides listeners back toward internal validation, authentic connection, and the quiet confidence that doesn’t need applause to exist.

This is an episode for anyone who’s ever needed to be seen—and is ready to reclaim that from within.

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