The Q-Chat REBROADCAST Ep. 161 "Geaux Quench Experience" Featuring Christina S. Johnson

Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
Hey Queens, and welcome to the QChat, the official podcast of Go
Queen, where we have real conversations to inspire
healing, growth and purpose. I'm your host, Shronda
Armstrong, founder of Go Queen magazine.
Through my work, I help women develop purpose driven brands
that align with their truth, their voice and their vision.

(00:23):
Whether it's through media, branding or storytelling, I'm
all about helping Queens shine unapologetically.
Here on the Q Chat, we talk about all things self love,
mental health, entrepreneurship,and what it means to walk boldly
in your purpose. Thanks again for tuning in, and
I'm always here to remind you togo love yourself.

(00:50):
Working hard on a mission. She's a queen about a business,

(01:11):
working hard on a mission, Had high purpose driven crown on
navratility. Go, Queen, go.
Queen go. Queen, go.

(01:35):
Thank you guys for joining another episode, The Key Chat.
I'm so happy to be back after recovering from surgery.
I have a very special guest today and her name is Miss
Christina Johnson. Christina has a wonderful
platform regarding self love, self forgiveness.
She has a beautiful message thatI'm so excited to hear about.

(01:56):
And I just want to dive in and Christina's going to tell us
some more about her herself. You may be familiar with her
from the past show from VH1 Atlanta X's, but she has such a
huge, huge platform that I'm just really excited to talk
about how you doing today. I'm doing wonderful, Sharonda.
Thank you for having me. This is amazing.
I'm so happy to speak with you as we were chatting before I hit

(02:19):
record, like I said, you have was a lot of points that really
speak to my heart about self love and self forgiveness and
importantly loving yourself for the first time.
Because some people we assume when we're telling people to
love themselves that they already, you know, have done it.
But some people, even at our ages, have not grasped that
concept. Yes, I definitely can't wait for

(02:40):
us to dive deeper, but I wanted to start off with talking about
your childhood because one of the with self love is, I feel
removing a lot of the scars fromthe little girls that we grew up
because a lot of us adult women are those same little girls with
those different scars. So I wanted to start off with
asking you about your childhood and your upbringing.

(03:01):
I know you have like some powerful things that you went
through as a teen mother. I read that you were a Teen Mom
of a Teen Mom. So I definitely wanted to off
with just the growth that you'vegone through.
And how did that shape you starting off?
Well, OK, so I grew up like you said, my mother was 16 when she
got pregnant with me. I was 16 when I got pregnant

(03:23):
with my daughter. So I believe in a thing, you
know, not saying it was a curse because honestly, my daughter
was a gift to me, but you know, there are generational curses
and things that we carry over from our grandparents, great
grandparents and so forth. So my mom was a Teen Mom.
I was a Teen Mom. I had my oldest daughter when I

(03:44):
was 16, my second daughter when I was 19.
So we really grew up together, but I grew up in a household
that was, it was very, there wasa lot of domestic violence.
And so I grew up not being nurtured and not loving myself.
I thought I was hideous, to be honest with you.

(04:07):
I didn't know what self esteem was, what it meant.
I didn't know what it was like to love myself.
And I didn't grow up in a household where that was
nurtured. So, and then my dad, he didn't
claim me as a child because my mom chose not to be with him
because he had other relationships.

(04:27):
So I think to get back at her, he felt like, well, I won't be
there for Christina, take that, but not thinking about what
effect it would have on me. I think he was just thinking
about her, you know, him gettingback at her.
So of course, a lot of times as young people will look for that
male energy and we'll look for that love, what we feel like is

(04:51):
love from all the wrong places, you know, So growing up
promiscuous, misunderstood, feeling unloved, although I know
that my mom loved me and my parents loved me, but it just
was not healthy. They didn't really know how to
love themselves. You know, they grow, grew up in

(05:12):
toxic environments as well. And like I said, we carry on
these different generational curses and unhealthy habits, and
then we raise our children with these same fears and
conditioning and, you know, so on.
So I kind of got swept up in that.
And my stepdad, he wasn't reallyraised in a healthy household

(05:33):
either. So these are adults as far as
the age is concerned, but these are children in pain, trapped in
these adult bodies, and they really don't know how to express
themselves or how to love. And I always say that with like
so much conviction with the part, the greatest lesson that

(05:56):
we can teach our children is howto love through the way that we
love in all of our relationships.
That's not just a love relationship.
That's the relationship with your parents, your friends.
Kids are always watching. So they don't always do what you
do, they do what you say. So I made a decision as a young
mother, I'm going to raise my children even as a child.

(06:18):
And when as I learn, I will teach and I will try to live the
example of woman for them so that if they do what I do and
not what I say, then it won't bea situation where, you know,
I've drifted so far off and repeating the same cycles that I
saw. I felt like now I'm an adult so

(06:39):
I get to choose. And so I made different
decisions growing up with them than what I saw, if that makes
sense. That's a lot, you know, and you
touched on a lot just based justwhen you mentioned the self
esteem portion and like you said, thinking you were hideous,
so many women of color. And when I say when I'm women of

(07:00):
color, I'm not trying to knock out any other, but, you know,
just. From understood.
Yeah, experiences, you know, women of color, you know,
sometimes we just grow up just not even thinking that we're
beautiful. Yes, You know, and that sounds
like to somebody else, but for someone to carry that and just
to think that they are not beautiful, it leads into

(07:21):
thinking you're not worthy and not valuable.
You don't deserve anything, you know, and you're seeing yourself
through a distorted cracked lens.
It's you know, we all grow up inthis beauty, but you know, we
only knew then what we knew now.But when we look at ourselves as
young girls and just having thatfeeling like I'm ugly, I'm not

(07:43):
beautiful, that's starts a wholedifferent trail of heartache
alone. And then as you mentioned it,
you're in an environment where you may not be being told that,
hey, I love you. That's more wounds that are
getting bigger and bigger. And as you said, at least to
promiscuity, at least to us having that hurt when we become

(08:06):
mothers too, because a lot of us, you know, when we become
mothers, we're so excited because we look at it like, OK,
this is a chance to start over and we want to start over via
via our children. But sometimes we start over the
pain we went through, you know, and part that really hurts as a

(08:26):
mother because I know you mentioned she had two daughters.
How was that? You know, because you're trying
to heal yourself. And also give up to your
children, but also not give themany past pain.
So, raising girls, how was it for you mothering girls you
know, with everything that you'dexperienced?
Right. So now I have two girls and a

(08:48):
son. He's the youngest, but my girls,
you just have so much fear that Oh my God, I don't want them to
do make the same mistakes I did.I don't want to raise them the
way I was raised. So a lot of it was fear based
initial initially and I did a lot.
I was more of a disciplinarian because that's what I saw.

(09:10):
It took me a while to really realize these are human beings
who get it right, so I don't have to be perfect.
Initially I was very much, oh, Igot to take them to church, I
got to be perfect in their eyes.I can't do this, can't do that.
And then as they got older, I started saying tweens, you know,
I was like, well, you just have to keep it real with these kids

(09:32):
cuz I started seeing that what they talk about in school, like
it will blow your mind. A lot of things We don't feel
like they know they know. Cuz even growing up as kids, we
saw a lot that our parents did, probably didn't realize we were
Privy to, but we heard a lot in the household, you know.
So growing up with girls, I think my number one was I don't
want them getting pregnant at 16.

(09:53):
It was my biggest goal. So like, I do not want to break.
I mean, I do not want to keep this cycle.
I want to break it. So I remember my oldest daughter
and I saying we're not generational curse makers, we're
generational curse Breakers. And so it was a situation where
I tried my best to teach them tobe open with them because see,

(10:14):
that was something that I didn'thave too.
I got molested when I was littleand I didn't have anyone to talk
to about it. I couldn't, I felt, I can't tell
my mom. She's going to blame me.
She's going to say it's my faultor, you know, my stepdad may
kill him. Now I got I have to live and I'm
young thinking this way, right? So with my kids, I was like, I

(10:36):
don't want there to be anything that happens that we can't talk
about, right? Or, you know, if anybody looks
at them inappropriately or touches them inappropriately, I
want to create an environment where they can come tell me.
It's crazy because I was listening to an interview the
other day with Oprah and the creator of the Me Too movement.

(10:58):
And she was saying a way to get kids to talk about it is to let
them know that you know that you're safe with me.
You know, that you can tell me, you know anything.
And I'm, it's not going to change my love for you.
And see, when I was coming up and raising my girls, I was very
much like, if somebody put theirhands on you, touch you
inappropriately, let me know if they threaten to hurt me, they

(11:20):
can't. I'm here.
I'll do whatever it is to protect you.
But that was such a beautiful statement that she made.
Instead of saying they can't hurt me, I, you know, let me
saying that no matter what you, what happens, I'm not going to
stop loving you. It's not going to change my love
for you. No matter what you what happens,

(11:42):
I'm not going to stop loving you.
It's not going to change my lovefor you.
Because a lot of times when we go through that, we blame
ourselves, right? We think I shouldn't have did
this or I shouldn't have. Maybe because of this or maybe
because of that, not realizing this is a older teenager or an
adult who knows better, you know, who's been plotting on me.

(12:05):
It's not my fault, but as a young person, I just felt like,
Oh my God, what am I going to do?
So raising my girls, I was very much vocal with them, very much
keeping it real with them, very much.
I want to hear what's going on. And sometimes that caused me to
hear things I didn't want to hear, but I rather hear them
than not. So it was a situation where I

(12:25):
tried my best to create an environment that felt safe
because I've never had that. I've never had the safety of
knowing I could say anything or do anything and the love for me
wouldn't change. So I thought that was beautiful.
Yeah. So raising girls, it was.

(12:45):
It was tough because I wanted them to be better than me and I
felt like these lives are in my hands.
So I don't want to disappoint God, you know, in the way that
I'm raising them. I put a lot of pressure on
myself and I tell parents all the time.
Had I known then what I know now, I would tell parents, don't
even worry so much. They came here to have this

(13:08):
journey. They came through you to get
these lessons and they're going to be just fine.
But we're always like, you can'tgo.
You can't do that. You can't.
And it's like, Oh my gosh, you know, like I have, I want, I
wanted them to have the freedom to be themselves.
So by the time my son came around, I was like, I just want

(13:29):
to see what's genuinely you. But it took me, it took me a
while to get there. Right.
And you know, and I've gone through a similar violation as a
young person and I think that's what adds the extra anxiety and
the pressure because you're already having this issue with
the self esteem where you, like you said, you think you're not
beautiful, you think you're idiots.
You know, we're already looking down upon ourselves, then a

(13:51):
violation. You're embarrassed, you know,
and again, you already don't feel that you're valuable or
worthy. So it just adds more to just not
having any type of self worth and you're embarrassed and
you're ashamed. So I know, like for me as a
mother, I always had this extra anxiety, like thinking everybody
was the boogeyman, you know, so and you want to raise your

(14:14):
children as if you're playing like the floor is lava, like you
can't touch anything. Yes.
It's true. And is it actually what they do?
Like kids, they explore, but we like, no, don't touch that.
No, don't do this. We're so afraid to really allow
them to just be, you know what Imean?

(14:35):
Sometimes it can be a lot. And like we grew up like that.
Like don't touch this. You better not do that.
Don't sit on nobody's lap. Like they were talking about
that in the interview and I was like, Oh my God.
I mean, we grew up with all the rules on what not to do and what
not to be, that when things did happen, we felt bad, we felt
guilty, we felt responsible, butwe were just being young people,

(14:57):
young kids, you know, children. And so I think it's really
important for parents to give the their children enough
freedom to be themselves. Now we're here for guidance.
We're here for correction. If you need that, that's fine.
But for sure allow them to have a voice because I know growing

(15:19):
up we always heard shut your mouth, don't talk back.
You better not do this. You've been and it's like you
didn't have the freedom to speak.
So I remember one of my friends calling me after an interview I
had done and said, what do you always apologize for speaking
too long or speaking too much? And I'm like, I think it's
because I always was told to hush or to shut up or don't talk

(15:43):
back to me and don't say this, you know, it wasn't too, too
afraid to ask. It was just so many elements of
you can't just be you. And so that I tried to not do
that with my kids. Like, OK, let me hear you out.
Even though they I remember themsaying you're not a good
listener. I was like, I'm a great
listener, but you're sometimes we're listening to respond

(16:08):
instead of listening to really hear, right?
So yeah, that's a big thing too.Just the patience that it takes,
you know? And like you said, yes, we do
look down on ourselves. And then once something like
that happens and you're victimized, I think the little

(16:29):
girl in you comes up to protect you even in situations where you
may not need her. So we grow.
We have to grow through a lot. We have to go through a lot, but
we have to grow through a lot. And just being able to handle
this life, you know what I mean?And be OK with not being OK, you

(16:50):
know? And then as we're being raised,
sometimes it's like, be seen andnot heard.
But it's like, well, then how amI supposed to tell you things?
Or then some people do say something and then they're not
protected, you know what I mean?And then it bleeds over into
their adulthood. They don't trust somebody comes

(17:10):
into their life and have to pay like because they don't know
real loyalty and they don't feelsafe with anybody.
So, you know, if the relationship isn't really
negative and bad for you, you'llsabotage it when it's good
because you're not used to beingtreated well or you're not used

(17:32):
to, you know, someone having your back.
So you could be a runner, you know what I mean?
So this stuff like you go through so many things to try to
heal that little girl in you. And then imagine raising other
little girls while you're tryingto heal and this little girl
coming up from for you feeling like she's saving you when
really, you know, doing the healing work.

(17:52):
I've learned, OK, I got it. I can have the difficult
conversations, you know, I can talk for myself, you know what I
mean? Because my thing was to cave,
cave, you know, like cave myselfin, cage myself in.
I wouldn't speak. I call it the bubble.
So I surrounded myself with thisbubble, this invisible bubble

(18:13):
that protected me so I could just be quiet, like not talk to
anybody for like days, weeks at a time.
And I felt like I was protectingmyself.
But like I asked, the Bible saysto guard your heart.
And I think guarding, like if you have a guard at the door,
they can let the good people in.They can let the good people,

(18:33):
you know, bad people out. They they're guarding the door.
But if you block the door, put locks on the door, nothing's
getting in. So as much as you're protecting
the bad stuff from getting in, you're also keeping the good
stuff out, right? And you're not able to freely
love because you have it all trapped inside.

(18:54):
Nobody can get it because you'reblocking love from coming in and
you're blocking yourself from giving love out.
It's a difference between blocking and guarding, in my
opinion. And so, you know, going through
different traumas, whatever yourtraumas were, some people didn't
go through molestation, you know, some people went through
physical abuse, verbal abuse, whatever your traumas were, it

(19:18):
sometimes stagnates us in life because we can't get past that
pain. And I think a lot of times we
put conditioning is a big thing.So we've been conditioned to
believe you're my mom, you're mydad.
You're supposed to show up in mylife.
Perfect feed me, clothe me in the nicest things We supposed to
be, you know, this super D duperperfect family.

(19:40):
And no, we didn't. We didn't make the agreements to
come here through our parents for perfect experience since we
came here to learn, which means if you chose me as your mom to
have these experiences and I showed up imperfect, your soul
needed that. Your soul needed that lesson.
It came here to grow in a certain way and return to God

(20:01):
with everything that it gained and learned to share, right?
But a lot of times we give up because we don't feel like we
can handle it when we absolutelycan.
But it gets really, really tough.
And so for me, being a life coach, loving on people, I think
it's because I've experienced pain and hurt, disappointment.

(20:26):
And betrayal as such a big degree that I've never want
anybody else to feel it right. So a lot of it for me too as a
young person was. Hey Queen, if you're loving this
conversation, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review or
leave a comment and make sure you share this episode with

(20:47):
another queen who needs to hear it.
And don't forget, if you're ready to build a purpose driven
brand or if you want to get featured in Go Queen Magazine,
head over to www.goqueen.com andlet's connect.
Now let's get back to this episode.
People pleasing even as an adult.

(21:08):
Yes. I want to fix it, I want to pay
for it, I want to save it, I want to protect it.
Whatever you got going on, I become the superhero for it.
And that's a lot of pressure, right?
So many things that you've mentioned from just the cultural
things that we have to online, right?
You know, because we grow up in environments where, like you

(21:31):
said, you talk too much to be quiet.
You're not supposed to say that.Respect your elders.
Doesn't matter if you're being totally disrespected, supposed
to respect them, you know, as girls.
Oh, that's not ladylike. You know, a young woman is not
supposed to do this. So again, you're already being
conditioned that you're not supposed to express your
feelings. You're supposed to keep it a

(21:53):
secret. You're not supposed to say, hey,
I don't like this. This didn't make me feel good.
This makes me unhappy. You're not allowed to say those
things. That's how we're brought up.
And then as you mentioned too, with blocking things, right,
Yes, you have. I'm a I'm definitely a
recovering people pleaser thingsright?

(22:14):
Yes, you have. I'm a I'm definitely a
recovering people pleaser pleasers.
You know, we have once we get out of that, we begin to have
knee jerk reactions, right, Because mind you, our radar is a
little, you know, I think it peaks a little higher when you
recover from people pleasing. So you end up picking on hands,

(22:38):
I think a little earlier than the average person because you
don't want to go back to that part of your life where you let
certain things hurt you longer than it should have.
You know, sometimes it's to the point now once you've gotten out
of that people pleasing stage, it's like, oh, wait a minute,
I'm starting to get a bad feeling.
So like you said, you locked that door, you put the deadbolt
on, that's it. And again, and so, but like you

(23:01):
said, the problem with that is you're so guarded that you also
miss out on some people who really aren't trying to hurt
you, some relationships that could be healthy for you.
It's really hard to the point where it's like, how can I
figure out if this is going to feel good if it's not going to
feel good because you don't wantto get hurt again, you know,
right from that defensive mode, you've been violated in the

(23:24):
past. I heard of people pleasing comes
with so many repercussions, you know, because they're less and
the wrong people. So we do have to protect our
energy. So I think that's the, I think
that's the optical course through life.
That's a lot of us go through it.
It's crazy, and do you feel guilty for putting yourself

(23:46):
first? But it's an absolute must.
I cannot show up, like I said, as the hero, which isn't
healthy, you know what I mean? You have to be discerned on how
to move. But I can't show up for you,
whether it be your kids, your boss, your man, your woman, your
whatever. And I, if I'm depleted, I have
no reservoir. Like I have to make sure that

(24:09):
I'm good first. And a lot of people who are
people, people pleasers, put themselves on the back burner.
It's the kids, it's my man, it'smy girl, it's my job before
everything, you know what I'm saying?
Like before myself. And then by the time I get to
me, there's only crumbs left. I have no energy, you know, my

(24:30):
energy is zapped. I haven't protected myself, you
know, my energy or anything. Like I think it's so important
that we take care of ourselves 1st and it's and to know that
it's not selfish to do that, right?
To know that if I'm energetic, if I'm healthy, if I feel good,

(24:50):
then I can give you the best of me, which is why I take time for
affirmations, prayer, yoga. I love hot yoga.
I love to sweat. I'm going to go to the Sweat
house here in Atlanta. We have this place where you can
go. It's like a dry sauna with
chromo therapy. You can listen to YouTube.
I meditate in there when I go. My meditation is so important to

(25:12):
me in the morning when I get up my praise, you know, I get up, I
do my praise music and I let Godknow I'm thankful for just
another opportunity to do thingsbetter today than I did
yesterday, right? And so once I start, that's my
fuel, right? And I go off of that for the
rest of the day. It's like, OK, so now I have a

(25:33):
full tank, right? And as I'm just earned, I can, I
can give whatever needs to be given as long as I know that I'm
discerned. So back in the day, I used to
just fix it, fix it. And still it, it still dwells
within me. So I have to check myself
because some things become a habit, right?
Or an addiction to us. You know, it makes you feel good

(25:55):
to be the hero. So you going to fix it, save it,
you know, do whatever you have to do to protect it and not make
sure that you're good. So I have to go back and say,
hey, what have you done for yourself?
I have to go to the gym. So whether I'm eating well or
not, I still have to like take it, get my blood flowing, you

(26:16):
know what I mean? And then that's another thing.
Am I eating well? Am I taking care of myself?
It's such a biggie for me as well.
So like they, they say that pour, you know, fill your own
cup and whatever runs over is yours to give away, but don't
empty your cup, right? Just make sure you're taking

(26:37):
care of yourself 1st and it's OK.
It really is OK. And it took me a long time as a
people pleaser to understand that you don't have to.
Sometimes I feel like we can getin God's way, right?
Because the best things that we,the best lessons we've learned,
right? The best of our resilience, our

(26:59):
strength, and all that stuff comes from trial, not trial and
error. Trial test.
You can't even spell testimony without first spelling test.
It's the first 4 letters. Like, so you have to go through
some stuff to become resilient, right?
That's where the good stuff lies.
So imagine somebody fixing it every time and you don't go

(27:21):
through anything. That was me like, oh, I'll fix
it, I'll fix it. And you get in God's way.
And he has a way sometimes of just moving you up out of the
way. So you have to be careful with
that too, because you know that whole analogy.
Give a man a fish, you'll eat for a day.
Teach them how to fish, you'll eat for a lifetime is a real
thing, right? Putting the mask on yourself

(27:44):
before anybody else, you put it on them, you pass out.
Like, what good is that? You can't even save yourself or
anybody else because you're helping other people and you
can't even breathe. It just does not make sense.
You have to do for you first, and people that love you should
understand that. They don't always understand it,

(28:05):
but you don't have to explain, right?
When you need me, I'm able to behere for you because I've taken
care of myself. So you can't have a problem with
me taking care of myself. Or you can, that's your issue.
But I have to take care of me first.
And like I said, that's a selfless act because I'm taking

(28:27):
care of me so that I can give toyou that to me, that's selfless.
It's not selfish at all and justunderstanding to me.
Also, I think that discernment is such a big deal because
sometimes you can clearly hear don't do it, but we'll do it
anyway. Then you have to pay for the

(28:48):
repercussions of being disobedient to yourself like
your soul, because you know, youheard it's not a good idea, but
you want to fix it. You want to people, you want
people to like you, you want people to love you.
And that's where I feel like that self love should
automatically kick in because when you love yourself, if

(29:11):
somebody doesn't care for you, you really don't care.
Like it could feel bad, like, Ohwell, you know, I don't know
what I did to them. It could be uncomfortable, but
it's not going to stop me from living, loving, honoring people,
hugging on people, healing, you know, allowing God to heal
through me. It's not going to stop any of
that. That's your stuff.

(29:32):
So we have to be clear on letting people have their stuff,
right, and not allowing their stuff to become your stuff.
Because I have so many people that I love on.
I don't even have the energy forone person to take that much out
of me, right? If you love me, then you must

(29:52):
respect that this is the way that I'm moving.
If you know me, then you know that I'm moving in love, right?
So you know that my intentions are always good, even if I have
to say no, right? Because everything's working in
the background for our good, especially when it doesn't feel
like it. And I'm not getting in the way

(30:13):
of that for you. So if something in my soul says
no, then the answer is no. I don't care who else thinks
what what their opinions are. Because I trust in the Most High
so much that I know when he discerns me, it's clear.
It's clear. But you know, something that you
mentioned too, and I definitely wanted to touch on self

(30:35):
forgiveness, but I'll push it upearlier because like you
mentioned, our discernment tellsus a lot of times before that
trouble hits, it's in the back of my mind like this doesn't
feel good. I shouldn't say yes to this, you
know? But again, like you said, when
you come from just having that low self esteem or dealing with

(30:55):
any, any people pleasing or justany stage in your life where you
felt less than, even though something in the back of your
mind, you feel that it's off. Again, you want to be like you
want to be loved. And once it makes you sometimes,
like you said, get that superwoman complex.
So it's like, I can change this.I'm so great and so powerful now

(31:16):
because, you know, again, we want to fight that imposter
syndrome as well. So it's like, you know what, I
can do this even though you're getting that tingle telling you
not to do it. So then whether it's a bad
relationship or just anything that may not have worked out,
instead of giving ourselves thatgrace that, hey, I just was
trying to be a good person, we start beating ourselves up, you

(31:40):
know, and then me personally, just coming from a domestic
violence situation, I went through years of just having
some serious guilt. Like you should have known
better. And I have so many people
telling me, well, hey, I'm like,you know about it, you knew
about it. It's like you're beating
yourself up for being human. You know, you're not on this
earth to be perfect. But again, we struggle with that

(32:01):
self forgiveness. What is your take on because you
already touched on it, because so many of us, especially women
our age, you know, 40 plus, we're trying to heal.
You know, this is a new age now where people are being more, I
feel steadfast and more active. They I want to heal.
You know, I want to break some generational curses or cultural

(32:25):
upbringing that I had where I wasn't supposed to talk.
I want to speak up now. I want to talk.
But we're dealing with a lot of guilt.
We just can't forgive ourselves.I love ourselves, yes.
What do you tell that woman who she really has that desire to
heal, but that that, that, that that pain that was they can't

(32:45):
forgive themselves is hindering them.
It's hurting them. It's like a cancer.
Like, what is your take on that?Because that's what holds a lot
of people back from being the best version that they can be at
themselves. Yes.
Can't forgive themselves. They have so much guilt and pain
and shame too. Yes, they do.
I think a lot of. Can't forgive themselves, they

(33:06):
have so much guilt and pain and shame.
Too. Yes, they do.
I think a lot of it for me, I'm a connect the dots person,
right? So I go back to my childhood.
I go back to the things that I went through as a young person
to try to figure out where did that, the stem of that come
from, right? Why would I get involved with
men or men? That is abusive.

(33:29):
And I think a lot of it is US wanting to be punished, us
feeling like we deserve to be punished for something, right?
And for me, I remember as a child, we were at my dad's
family owned a tire and Body Shop.
So I would drive, we will ride past there.
I would see his other kids out there and think, well, what's
wrong with me? Why am I not enough?

(33:50):
Why am I not invited, you know? And I started feeling like,
well, it must be me. It must be something I did or,
you know, I, I'm not enough, youknow what I mean?
So I think growing up, it kind of just felt like, why am I not
good enough? Why am I not accepted?
And I think over time I just started feeling like I deserved

(34:13):
punishment. Just like me not being invited
there was like punishment, right?
So then you're not in your conscious mind thinking that way
subconsciously just over what you've seen and how you've grown
up and the things that have happened to you.
You feel like, oh, well, maybe I'm not good enough to be there.
So then you settle for people that aren't healthy that you

(34:36):
create these trauma bonds, you know, like attracts like.
So a lot of times, even if you're not a bad person, you may
attract something that happened to them in their childhood to
something that happened in your childhood.
Now you guys are bonding together.
Nobody comes up to you and just clocked you over the head.
And it's like, oh, I'm going to abuse you, but hey, how you

(34:57):
doing? You want to go out and you're
like, yeah, no, it doesn't happen like that.
They build you up just to tear you down.
And so over time that happens. I think with me, I just felt
like enough is enough. I just got to the point where it
was like, you don't deserve this.
You're not even being yourself anymore.
Who are you really and how do you start this healing journey,

(35:20):
right? So I remember being in a car
with a friend of mine and looking at and they were looking
at me with so much love, so muchadmiration and adoration that I
felt like, oh, I want to feel that way about myself, right?
Over time, I started to spend more time with myself because
obviously I'm lovable. You know, I'm funny, somebody

(35:44):
thinks I'm cool to hang out with.
So how do I get to the point where I can smile at myself this
way, right? So I started taking myself out
on dates. Like I would take myself to
brunch once a week. I would go take myself to a
movie by myself and start spending time with myself.
And I remember kicking it off ata spa here in Atlanta.

(36:06):
It's a hotel and winery called Chateau Alan.
But they have a spa house here where you can go get spa
services. You can go to dinner, breakfast,
lunch in your row. And they had theme rooms.
And I will always stay in this Greek room.
And I just went in there, started riding.
And I just remember staying there for like a week, right,

(36:26):
and just doing self work. And then after that I just said,
from now on, you're going to do something every week, no matter
how small it is, no matter how big it is to show yourself that
you love yourself. And though so I started doing
that, the affirmation speaking those things that are not as
though they were, that's the definition of faith
manifestation is doing the same thing.

(36:48):
It's like I'm speaking life. I'm a New York Times bestselling
author. I'm a speaker, I'm loving, I'm
kind. I would get affirmations and
quotes from other people. Oprah got one from Maya Angelou
that says people can't hold the candle to the light that God has
given me. I know who I am now.
I am God's child and really feeling it.

(37:10):
At first when I was doing it, itwas kind of like, you know, it
didn't feel genuine. But over time I started to
really feel it, believe it, honor it, honor myself, my
journey, accept myself, accept the things that I've been
through and then work through that stuff to try to create not
only a better life in existence for me, but for my children and

(37:32):
everybody around me. Because like I said before, when
you're a person who have been, who's been through so much pain,
so much hurt, so much trauma andbetrayal, the last thing you
want to see is other people go through that.
So me being able to put a smile on my children's face now, my
grandchildren's faces, my friends, my lover, my, it makes
me happy to see them happy. And that's how I live my life.

(37:57):
I live my life now the way I wish, you know I could have
experienced it as a child. I, I create the environment for
my children and grandchildren tohave that that love, that
security, me honoring them. When my kids or grandkids walk
in the room, you would think whoever your favorite person

(38:19):
that Oprah came in or Beyoncé came in or whoever your person
is. Because it's like I always want
them to feel that they're special to somebody.
Like it means something that youexist in this world.
And see, I didn't have that. So I do everything in my power
to create that for not only my family, but my friends, my

(38:40):
friends and my family. I don't look at it no different
for my lover, for my, you know, for my grandbabies.
I try to create environments or little surprises or what have
you that make them feel honouredand special and loved and
accepted and protected because Iknow for me that's a biggie.

(39:00):
I'm a Taurus, I love security, Ilove feeling protected, I love
feeling honoured. So I think I get so much love
now because I've given out so much of it, but I didn't have it
young. So I honour it and appreciate
it, right? So much that it feels like

(39:22):
because I went so many years without it, that now God has
given me such an abundance of itand I'm grateful, right?
And so I, I'm very intentional in my movement, in my words, in
my energy, very intentional in my hugs.

(39:45):
I remember going to Jamaica recently for a friend of mine.
Chefs are gay. She got married and her best
friend's mom, I had given her a hug and she was like, the next
day she was like, your hugs are so healing.
Like you can heal through your heart.
I can feel the energy. She was like, if you could just
open a place where you just givehim hugs.
And I thought that would be a beautiful.

(40:07):
Would that not be the most beautiful thing?
Like, do you know how much a hugcan change the course of not
just someone's day, but of theirlife?
Do you know how many people havegone through a lifetime without
it? Like as a young you, like a kid?
We didn't, we didn't have, we weren't affectionate in that.
You know, my mom, she didn't sayshe loved us and hugged us and
she didn't grow up with it. You know, it's like you, it's

(40:30):
hard for people to get what theydidn't have right?
So I don't fall for her for that.
It just wasn't a place, a comfortable place for her.
And it wasn't something that sheknew, you know what I mean?
So just imagine someone who never gets hugs.
Right. Just to melt into your arms for
for just that few seconds of feeling the energy of love and

(40:54):
care, right? That, that's everything now to
me, that's true wealth, right? Loving, honoring, caring for a
person, just giving them a few minutes of that good energy.
Like that's, that's wealth to me.

(41:15):
I'm super wealthy, so I'm super wealthy.
All that other stuff is going tocome.
Just live a happy G1 life, man. That's what this is about.
I don't want to waste this journey.
I'm trying to use every heartbeat for something special.
And when I get back to the I'm going to be like, I use
everything you gave me. I'm coming back empty because

(41:36):
giving me so many gifts. I want to be a little bit of
like my design partners here. After we're done, we're going to
design some stuff. I love being creative.
I feel like that's so close to the most highlight that lets me
know he dwells within me becauseI have an eye for beautiful
things. I can put beautiful things
together. We have a company called Design

(41:57):
My Investment, me and Philia Carter and we make spaces
beautiful, whether it's commercial, you know, a
residential and I just love it in every aspect of my life.
The way we dress when we go somewhere to do design, they're
always like, well, I can tell y'all design is I mean we fly.

(42:18):
And so my adornments, I'm starting a company called Jamila
Jahari where I'm going to sell accessories, chokers, bracelets,
necklaces, ear cuffs, like all the cool stuff that I love to
wear, thumb rings, toe rings, ankle bracelets, because that's
where we come from. We're from, we are descendants
of kings and Queens and, and everything I do, I want to

(42:41):
promote that, to show that, to love that.
And to me, everything, there's praise and everything, right?
So we think that we're just these bodies.
Yes, this is a loner, right? I'm so much bigger than this,
right? Right.
So I'm going to speed feed my spirit.
I want to share my spirit and mylove with people, but even in

(43:04):
the expression of the way that Idress or how I might wear a
bendy or rings or that to me is praise, I am grateful for this
vessel. I am grateful for my home.
And like I would clean my house just to and play gospel music,
just as be thankful for the factthat God has given me a
beautiful dwelling, right? A beautiful space that is all

(43:27):
me, right? And just the way that I carry
myself in my walk, I want to be grateful.
Yeah, I want to be. I want to praise in everything
that I do because I am so grateful just to be here.
I've battled Graves' disease. I almost lost my life from
complications. So grateful just to be here.

(43:50):
I've battled Graves' disease. I almost lost my life from
complications of Graves. I almost died and the doctors
were describing my death to me, how my kidneys were going to
fail, how it's going to go into emergency surgery, how it's
going to go into cardiac arrest because I had these tumors that
were pushing my kidneys and organs out of the way.
And I was, I was wearing maternity clothes, but I was 130

(44:12):
lbs and I'm 57. That's tiny, right?
So I started dying and then I remember, and it's crazy because
I always tell this story about Rickey Smiley.
But when I met him, we went on his show one day.
I didn't even get to tell him. But I remember taking my son to
school and Rickey Smiley had themorning show and he would be on

(44:35):
there. He would play gospel.
Then he would have Pastor Hanes come on and say something.
And I remember I grew up in a small church in North Carolina.
So we used to pray and speak in tongues, and then somebody
across the church would interpret the tongues.
But I didn't know how to interpret tongues.
I just was like, that's amazing.But I remember this more that
morning, this particular morning, driving up in my

(44:55):
driveway, listening to Pastor Haynes praying, speaking in
tongues. And then I remember it
interpreting the tongue. And I remember God saying, no
matter how bad, no, this is whathe said first.
This is nothing compared to whatI'm about to give you.
And he was like, but no matter how bad things get, stand on my

(45:21):
promises, right? So then I get sick, right?
And I, they tell me I have Graves' disease.
I need to find an internist. We can't touch you, you know,
remove these tumors. I instantly started dying.
I was losing weight, I was sick.And I just remember coming from

(45:45):
the doctor's office, I, I had togo every week.
They had to take blood and all this stuff.
And I remember I would cry everytime and I would be in my car
and I would be crying. Please, God, why?
I'm gonna die. You know, this and all of this.
They're saying this. And I remember hearing God just
as clear as I'm talking to you. No joke said.
Are you gonna believe the word of man or are you gonna stand on

(46:07):
my promises? Wow.
It took me all the way back to that day when I heard Ricky
Smiley and I was speaking in tons and he said no matter how
bad it gets, stand on my promises.
And I remember from that day, I remember crying, I'm going to
stand on your promises. And I just kept saying thank

(46:27):
you. Thank you for my healing, thank
you for my life. Thank you for everyone that's
praying for me who's never prayed.
People were like, I've never prayed before.
I'm a crazy. I've been praying for you.
If anything happened to you, I'mgonna stop believing.
I remember my friend technique was like we're getting on the
phone at this time. I put together a prayer call.
It was so many ministers, all her minister friends, and it was

(46:50):
so many prophets and prophets just praying for me.
But what I felt like was I was just a sacrificial lamb to bring
people closer to the Most High, but also show them the healing
power that he still has today, right?
So I was able to be on my deathbed and make Jesus popular

(47:14):
again or bring people to God like and it fell amazing.
I'm not going to lie. I just kept saying thank you,
thank you. That's how I know gratitude is
such an amazing tool. I sell these gratitude.
They're called mustard seed necklaces, right?
Because if you have face as tinyas a mustard, have you seen a

(47:35):
mustard seed plant grow? It's huge.
It comes from this tiny little scene.
It grows so much. What I realized was me being
I'll wasn't about me, right? It was about the journey to show
people that God is real. He still has healing power.
Gratitude is powerful, right? My face grew in it in that

(47:56):
right. So I was able to have other
people have, you know, show themfaith and how you can get
through trusting, right? So I started making these little
mustard seed necklaces as a reminder of how powerful our
faith is. And so that situation grew me so
much like my faith grew. My health is amazing.

(48:19):
There's no cure for graves. I don't have it though.
You know, you can get your it's to get your thyroid taken out.
I was like, no, I tried to do radiation.
It didn't work for me. And then it just balanced
itself. It's been years.
I've never had to take a thyroidreplacement pill.
I haven't had to do any of that.What I know is healing power is

(48:42):
real, but it can't happen without your belief, right?
You got to believe that you can be well and not even be well.
Let me say this, the definition of faith again is speaking those
things that are not as though they were right.
So you have to believe it's donenow, as if you say, OK, God

(49:02):
already did it. Why would you have to get on
your knees and pray for Him to do it?
If it's done, just thank him. Start praising now and be
grateful to yourself as well. Running, jumping kick and
screaming like. And I remembered some days I
would be in the gym. I go to this cool gym here in
Atlanta called Effect Fitness, right?

(49:22):
I would be jumping around and I would just start crying,
remembering a time where I had debilitating fevers.
They were called thyroid storms.The fever would go up to like
105 and I couldn't walk. My son was 9.
He was trying to help me get to the bathroom.
I could barely walk, I was so tiny.
Now I'm jumping around in this gym.

(49:44):
I had no choice but to feel gratitude, right?
Because what I know for sure is that if you, if you thank him in
advance, it's done. If you praise him in advance,
it's done. Be upset for what?
Stress for what? And please, y'all, for the love
of God, stop talking about it all the time.
Like we have a habit of just wanting in conversation to talk

(50:06):
about our illnesses and our horrible times.
And the thing, the only reason that I'm writing a book is
coming out this summer, right? And it's my story.
And the only reason I'm telling it is because I know it's going
to heal many. Other than that, it's just a
story. Stop telling folks, unless
you're using it as a guideline for how you made it to the other

(50:28):
side. Yes, Because what I know for
sure is if you stay stuck, that's where you're going to be.
You're going to stay stuck in this stagnant place.
I see myself as well in a loving, healthy, loving marriage
relationship with all my kids and grandkids running around
and, you know, sharing wisdom and love and I see greatness.

(50:49):
I don't, I don't stay stuck in what could have should have been
right. I'm moving forward happily,
lovingly, kindly, you know, enjoying and loving life.
Yes, yes, you just really have such a powerful journey that
you've experienced and you know,you said something very

(51:12):
important because obviously we want to share our stories, but I
think there's a balance between sharing your story do help
someone heal, but also we want to speak life, you know, so and
you just said a whole testimony.You know, like, yeah, we we're
going to share our stories, but we're also going to speak life,
because if you just do this whole woe it's me and let me

(51:35):
share with someone while I'm having such a miserable time or
while I went through hell, but you don't get in the end of the
rainbow. I got to hit a pot of gold with
that story. Like, you know what I'm saying?
Yes, absolutely. All you've done is do you just
done some more self and you've just passed on some negative
energy. You know, like, no, I, I just, I

(51:58):
don't hold on to energy. I just feel like none of us
should. And you know, like I just like I
said, I just think there's something so possible.
What you said, you know, like we're going to share that story,
but we're not going to share. We're not going to pass on and
regurgitate that negative energy.
And that's about, you know, because we all have been through
some things we thought we don't have our process to bear.

(52:20):
Absolutely you got to sell that pot of gold because if you don't
sell that pot of gold again, you're just bringing the next
person down. But I think we all need to be
mindful when we share our story,selling that rainbow and selling
the pot of gold at the end because the pain does not last
forever. It may feel like it when you're
going through it. It's like this ever going to

(52:41):
end, you know, But the beautifulpart of it is that it does get
better. It's best to when you speak life
and you give God his glory and his praise.
When we come out of it, you know, God is selfish in a sense.
You know, he said, like, I want my praise out of this time.
I just saved you, you know, and he does it because he loves us,

(53:03):
obviously. But what better way to thank him
and to show him how much we adore him and love him?
Like, you didn't have to save me.
You didn't have to Get Me Out that health crisis.
You didn't have to pull me out of that abusive relationship.
And everybody kept telling me, don't go back.
You know, you didn't have. We need to hear it.

(53:24):
And you stuck in there anyway. He's like.
Let me tell you, like me singingand this is our way that we can
adore him, we can sing and give him his praises by giving that
story. But again, like I said, if we
don't have that pot of gold, we're not letting the story do
it. As opposed to, you know, like

(53:44):
you said, Testimony does have a test in it.
We have to do our part and giving that testimony and
understanding. And that's the part, part Part
2. But you know, we're not supposed
to lean on our understanding, but having that understanding
once we get out of it, you know,because when you're in the thick
of it, like again, like I said, it's like, why is this

(54:04):
happening? I don't think anyone's that
mature, like when they're going through something terrible to
say. Well, you know what?
I know this illness and this badmarriage and my financial
problems. It's thought I just, you know,
tell everybody like, no, at the time you're like, why is?
This happening to me, yay. Over you look back at it like.
Thank you God. And then over time, being that I

(54:28):
grew up in abuse and had sexual abuse, I've been raped and all
this stuff. After over time, after you see
God bring you out so many times,abuse and had sexual abuse, I've
been raped and all this stuff. So after, over time, after you
see God bring you out so many times, you get to the point
where it's not that you don't feel yeah, but you can speak

(54:50):
victory over yourself immediately.
You know what I mean? Because what it taught me is it
don't matter what the doctors say.
God has the final word. He has the final say So.
And a lot of times it ain't final.
What you feel like is your finaldiagnosis or destination is not
it. It's really a choice.
That's what my book is about, choices.
Because really our perspective is so important.

(55:12):
How you see things, how you think about things is
everything. So it's important to make sure
that you're speaking life. A lot of times we just talking.
If you listen to a lot of stuff you say, it's so cliche and it's
stuff that you've heard over theyears over and over and over,
and now you're saying it and it's not even healthy.
I don't like when people say it's always some, well, if you

(55:36):
say that, that's what it is. I always say, well, it is what
you say it is. So if it's always something
negative, it's always going to be something negative.
You know what I'm saying? So having the awareness, like I
said, everything is about your intention.
I heard Oprah say that recent like your, the intention you put
out is what you get back. So I've been like repeating that

(55:59):
with my book, like my intention is to heal or allow God to heal
through me. He's the healer on the vessel.
My intention is to show love. My intention is to show, like
you said, the pot of gold on theother side.
You know what I mean? Not just the rain, not just the
storm, but girl, when the sun come out after the storm, we
know we go outside. We like we can just bask in the

(56:22):
beauty of all that is, but that storm is a real thing, you know
what I'm saying? Be in it, but speak life over
it. Because one thing we know is
that it is not going to storm orrain always.
Things can't grow without sunshine and we have more sunny
days a lot of times then rainy days.
But sometimes we're the reason for them, the rainy days, right?

(56:46):
Because of the things that we say.
It's creating our tomorrow. So be mindful of your words.
Like, you know, we have this thing, Marco Polo, me and my
friends get on and we talk or whatever.
And sometimes we'll get on thereearly in the morning.
He'll standing straight up and be like, oh, I look a hot mess.
And we promised each other. Now we don't do that.
We don't speak down to ourselves, you know, girl, I

(57:07):
know my hair. Standing up, but I'm still glad.
You know, just trying to always find something like my friend
Braley always says, yeah, so we don't kill anything.
You know, you'd be like you killed that.
We don't do that. We don't want to kill anything.
We give it life. That's what we do.
We're life divers. We're manifesters.
We're, we birth things, you know, we make people come on,

(57:28):
ladies, you know what I'm saying?
Even if you haven't experienced that, it's so many children that
need our support and help and love and so many people that
we're nurturers by nature, mothers in ways, even if we
haven't birthed any children, weare givers of life.
You know what I'm saying? So, like, bask in your strength,

(57:49):
in your, in your being a queen, in your love.
Like all things good. It's a choice.
I can be just as messy, petty, do horrible things like
everybody else, like Maya Angelou says.
Like, we're all human. So no matter how heinous the
crime, any human could do it 'cause we're human.
Yeah. But choose love, choose choose

(58:13):
faith, choose gratitude, choose hugs, choose all things good.
And that's what comes back to you.
It just is what it is. And remember, it is what you say
it is, so be mindful of your words.
That's what I would leave for you.
And it's just the power of gratitude.
You have no idea how being thankful for who you are, what

(58:34):
you are, where you are at this present moment in time can just
take you to places that you've never been in such a beautiful
way. But be thankful some people have
this list of wants and needs andthey're not even appreciative
for the breath in their body andthe fact that they woke up this
morning, like I said, with a appwith a chance to get it better
today than you did. Do it better than you did

(58:56):
yesterday, right? They only thinking about what
they don't have, what they want to have, what they need.
And it's like some people don't have legs.
Here you are walking around. Give great, give gratitude.
Some people no longer have breath in their body.
They can't get it right and theyleft here lost.
You have choices every day to bethe best version of yourself, to

(59:19):
be your best self every single day, right?
And be OK with being vulnerable.Now come on now I'm preaching to
myself. This scary place to me.
I ain't alive. I run up on run up run.
What do they say? Run up on the plug twice.
I'll be out of here because and we think again, like I told you,
we think we're guarding when we're blocking.

(59:39):
Be mindful of what you're keeping out and what you're
keeping in because we have so much love to give.
Just be OK with loving, you knowwhat I mean?
Be OK with being grateful. Be OK with where you are right
now. And some people like, oh, I
don't know what God wants me to do my life.
I don't. You're exactly where you're

(59:59):
supposed to be, right? Doing exactly what you're
supposed to be doing. Right now, God is not a God of
mistakes. He didn't say, oh, you know
what? I'm going to make a mistake.
Today is going to be my first one.
I'm going to do a wish, Rhonda, right?
Why? He's not that God.
He's not he's not making any mistakes.
We beat ourselves up like, oh, Ishould have been wrote this
book. I should have been started this

(01:00:21):
job. I should have nine years ago.
I should have kept playing and Iwould be in the inner dude.
You right where you supposed to be because if it was meant to
happen for you, it would stop beating yourself up for old
stuff that don't even have anything.
It doesn't have anything to do with where God is taking you.
Be OK and grateful for where youare so that doors may open take

(01:00:43):
you to this beautiful destiny. And it may not look what you
look like what you think it does, but it's all working out
for your. Good, Yes, yes, right.
Because again, He is the one that holds the key to everything
as powerful as we think we are. Again, if something was meant to
happen, there would be absolutely nothing that could

(01:01:04):
stop it if God wanted it to happen.
And that's things that we have to remind ourselves of again,
because if not, it's going to lead to that rabbit hole here.
We go, oh Lord, I'm 40 years oldand I ain't done nothing, Jesus.
Right. Like, you're right, Every single
one of us. We're exactly where we're
supposed to be. Absolutely.
The honor of finding that purpose.

(01:01:26):
Just be still. Just sit and be still.
Go through each and every singleday.
The single day that time. Because he's if you're the Co
creator. Oh my gosh.
All you have to do is be listen.I'm sorry, Sharonda, if you're
the Co creator of your life and every moment you get to think

(01:01:49):
beautiful thoughts or imagine yourself doing what you love to
do and just sitting like simply sitting in it, closing your eyes
and really seeing you driving this car, living in this
particular place, speaking to children at a school, building
your own school, right, Designing beautiful spaces,

(01:02:13):
designing dope, you know, clothes, doing hair makeup, like
it's so many ways that you couldbe of service and do what you
love to do. And a lot of times we are the
ones that's keeping things from happening.
Like I said, we don't have faith.
We don't believe it can happen for us.

(01:02:33):
Why not? Right, right.
We come from the same creator, right?
We might not come from the same background, don't have the same,
you know, family or bloodline, but one thing that ties us all
together is the most high. Like we all come from the same
God, the creator of all things that he has no respective

(01:02:54):
person. He's not going to favor you over
me or vice versa. He's going to love us both want
he said he'll give you all the desires of your heart.
A lot of times the reason we don't have it is because we
don't believe we deserve it. We don't believe he'd do it for
us. We don't believe we're enough.
No. But why not you?
Why not me? Why?

(01:03:15):
It's our belief system. We have to be mindful of your
fears because a lot of times that's all it is.
We just have fear that we wouldn't make it.
Fear failure. Fear success like you want it,
but you're too terrified that Ohno, because if I do this and
this happened, what am I going to do?
And what if people come after me?
And what if people on social media say, first of all, you've

(01:03:35):
created a whole scenario that isn't even real to put your
energy in places that this placedoesn't even exist.
You've created this negative space in your mind.
So now the universe is carrying out what you've been thinking
and feeling and all that stuff, but honestly, it's not real.

(01:03:56):
Our mind lies to US 90% of the time.
The brainstem holds on to these things that aren't even real and
it's trained us and conditioned us to believe things that aren't
even real. I love this book by Don Miguel
Ruez called The Voice of Knowledge and that's what it
talks about, this voice that just lies and we feed into the

(01:04:18):
lies. OK, because this happened to me,
she going to do this to me because this happened to me, he
going to do this. Like you've already accepted
defeat and that person hasn't even had the opportunity to show
themselves. Like they haven't had the
opportunity to show you. I'm different from your last
girl, you know what I mean? I'm different from what you,

(01:04:38):
your last employee. I'm not going to be the same,
you know, last girl, you know what I mean?
I'm different from what you, your last employee.
I'm not going to be the same, you know what I mean?
And so we really have to give, we got to give life a chance.
I'm going to say that because there's so much life to live.
In another couple months, I'll be 50 years old and like, I'm so

(01:05:01):
gung ho about the next 50. Like what?
Because I get to take all this love, this wisdom, this
understanding, this intelligence, this creativity
into another 50. And like, now I'm not rushing to
get anywhere. Like when you're young, you
like, oh, and I can't wait till I turn 16.
Oh, my super sweet. See, I can't wait to turn 18.

(01:05:23):
Oh, now I'm legally adult. Oh, I can't wait to turn 21.
So I have a cocktail. I can't wait to turn 25.
It's like, girl, you are rushingthrough life.
You're missing it. Yes, you're missing it.
When I get up in the morning, I'll be like, OK, Chris, what
adventure you want to have today?
And then I just seek out to justdo whatever it is.
I imagine that day I'm going to eat my favorite foods and I'm

(01:05:47):
going to go create a nice space.And I'm a wear this outfit and
I'm always in the mode of creating.
So I think everything is given to us and easy to come by,
right? When we really believe that it's
possible, yes, right, it's possible.
Any and everything is possible. You are created by the one that

(01:06:12):
created it all. How is it impossible for you?
Right. How it's only impossible for you
because you believe it's impossible for you, not because
he don't want to give it to you.It's there for the taking.
What you waiting on? What you waiting on?
Why you sitting here worried about?
I ain't feel good yesterday girl, that was yesterday.

(01:06:32):
How you feeling now? OK, I'm feeling so much better
than I did yesterday. Let's go.
That's how I'm thinking, you know what I'm saying?
Let's go. What are we doing?
You know me and my girls spot like spontaneity is a real
thing. We're going to get up, we're
going to leave the country, we're going to leave town.
We going to go for on a road trip.
We going to go to the spa, the 24 hour Korean spa.

(01:06:52):
We going to kick it, you know, like we're going to live life.
You have this opportunity every day, every time it comes, say
thank you first and then ride itto the wheels fall off.
That's what I say. Yes, yes, yeah.
Sharonda, thank you so much for this opportunity.
You've been so wonderful. Just let me just go on and on.

(01:07:15):
Joyce speaking with you. This has been a beautiful
conversation. Thank you.
Everything. No, please tell everybody how
they can connect with you, how they can learn more about you
and your platform. Like your energy is just
amazing. Thank you.
You have a story to tell, and like I said.
Come on, God. It is meant to help other
people. And that's so, so beautiful just

(01:07:36):
in hearing what you're saying and just how you've used your
experience, like you said to notjust, you know, like I said, put
out, oh, this is what I went through.
And then OK, what else you offerthat pot of gold like this is
not get at the end of that rainbow because you're right.
We hold ourselves back because of what we think.
It's not because there's anything in this world holding

(01:07:58):
us back. Achieve anything.
And it, and it does sound cliche, if you really don't
believe in yourself, like you don't have a belief system at
all. If you have a belief system, if
you really believe in yourself, you really understand anything
is possible. Whatever you want to do in life,
you can do it as long as you have breath in your body.
Come on. Happen.

(01:08:18):
So I just appreciate your story and what you've given us in this
conversation. So please tell everybody how
they can connect with you. OK you guys, my website is
Christina S Johnson dot com. That's where you can find
everything, Christina, from my life coaching to my group
coaching, the Quench quest to mymustard seed necklaces.

(01:08:39):
I have a workbook and a journal.I also, like I said, I'm an
interior designer. So me and my business partner
Fulia have a company called Design My investment.
You can go to designmyinvestment.com if you're
looking for a designer. We do residential, we do
commercial, we do corporate. So please go check us out and
it's design my investment on Instagram.

(01:09:00):
My personal page is Christina Johnson under score on
Instagram, Christina Johnson on Facebook and inner peace P i.e.
CE like a of furniture on Twitter.
I would love to get to know you to meet you DM me.
This has been amazing again Sharonda, thank you so much for
this opportunity and I'll be praying for you.

(01:09:22):
I know you're getting over your surgery.
I pray I pray that God just heals you completely and that
you're better than you were before He's he has that power.
Just see it, it's done, yes. So just start thinking.
Yes, definitely yes, I look you so much like I said, I I love
your energy so much. Thank you just for giving us

(01:09:43):
that we we all need healing right now, so we we need to seek
the healers. We have the healers that want to
share their stories. It's just always a beautiful
thing and this love hearing, just getting this knowledge, you
know, just the way that it feedsthe soul.
So I just really appreciate you blessing us with this, with your

(01:10:06):
platform and your journey. And I'm just excited because I
know everyone that listens to this conversation, they're going
to leave feeling higher. They're.
Going to look good. And you know, there's so much
going on in the world right now that I feel like, you know, when
you're God's kid, you can't be scared, right?

(01:10:28):
I know it's a lot going on. It's like, wait, what's
happening? UFOs being shot down in this and
that. God said in the end times,
people's hearts will fail because of fear.
But my children, they have nothing to fear.
You guys, we're OK. And just be OK with the fact
that we're OK, right? Just be OK like he has us.
We're good. We're good.

(01:10:49):
Keep keep honoring him, keep praising him.
Keep enjoying your heartbeats. Right.
We're good. So I just wanted to say that
I'm. I love you.
I always say I love you. I love you.
There's nothing you can do aboutit.
And thank you. And I hope to come back again
after the book. Yeah.
Have me back. Love to talk to you about it
further. Yes.
Now she's acquaint about a. Business working hard on a

(01:11:13):
mission, head hyper driven, crown on, never tilted.

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