November 1, 2023 • 34 mins
In this compelling episode, we explore the remarkable life of Julia Schafer a CODA (Child of Deaf Adults) and her unique experiences, shedding light on the intersection of Deaf culture, sign language, and the hearing world. Discover the power of nonverbal communication and the rich stories behind 'Hands That Speak'.
For more information on CODA:
https://coda-international.org/
Registry of Interpreters for the Deaf
https://rid.org/
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome to The Seed Project.
It's a podcast that nourishesyour heart, mind, and soul.
I'm your host, CharlotteEdwards.
I believe everyone plants a seedin each other, whether it's a
seed of knowledge, inspiration,or impact.
I created this podcast so wecould have real conversations,
create connections, and growinto the best versions of
(00:25):
ourselves.
Everyone has a story to tell, solet's share ours together to
empower, heal, and grow.
Laugh and learn.
Grab a cup of coffee and let'sstart planting.
Charlotte (00:42):
Hi, everyone.
I'm excited to have JuliaShaffer on today.
Julia is a Coda.
A child of deaf adults and she'salso my cousin.
She's here to talk about herjourney of growing up with deaf
parents.
And navigating the deafcommunity and the hearing world.
She will talk about.
The connections.
She made the challenges she hadas a child, and then how it led
(01:05):
her to her path of becoming aprofessional.
Interpreter.
Julia graduated from theuniversity of Maine with a
degree in sociology ineducation.
She is in our ID certifiedAmerican sign language
interpreter.
Julia lives in old orchardbeach, Maine with her husband,
Travis and their dog, Joey.
(01:25):
Julia.
Thank you so much for coming onand sharing your story with us
today.
Julia (01:31):
Absolutely.
I'm excited to be here.
Charlotte (01:34):
At a young age, when was the first time you actually
recalled, that your parents werea little bit different than
Julia (01:41):
others?
You know, I, I don't reallyremember exactly what.
But I, I know that, I, I don'tknow how to explain it.
Well, I know that I communicatedwith them differently than
others did, but I don't reallyknow how old I was.
and that might be just becauseI've been retold stories of
(02:02):
other people's experiences of megrowing up with deaf parents.
I know that my first languagewas American sign language.
I was able to speak with myparents.
Using, American sign languagebefore I could use spoken
language.
And, even though my mom was astay at home mom, my dad worked,
he went to work every day, buteven though my mom was a stay at
(02:24):
home mom, I went to, daycare orpreschool at an earlier age so
that I could be around my,typical hearing peers so I could
develop language typically likethe rest of them.
And I also learned a lot fromSesame Street watching TV.
Oh, that's a great.
I learned a lot of language thatway.
(02:45):
I also was around, mygrandparents.
My dad's parents lived just fiveminutes away.
And so I was around hearingfamily members to develop.
My, spoken language skills, butdefinitely my first language was
American sign language.
that's what we used at homeevery day.
and that's how I communicatedwith them.
Honestly, I really don'tremember being or noticing any
(03:08):
real difference until maybe Iwas in elementary school at some
point.
When I got to an age where Icould go to friends houses, or I
could go to, you know,sleepovers, or if my parents
were coming to school for, aparent night or something,
that's around the time when Inoticed that my parents were
(03:29):
different than others parents.
I know that for, parent teachernights, my grandparents would
come and interpret for myparents at that time.
There were no interpreters, perse, or schools wouldn't, you
know, hire an interpreter tocome in.
They always relied on familymembers to be the interpreters,
which is big faux pas thesedays.
Charlotte (03:52):
wow, that's amazing.
Because what if yourgrandparents.
Didn't live close by you and,you had a parent teacher
conference and there's nobody tocommunicate and I think it's
hard for you to have tocommunicate about yourself to
your parents, for a conferencein elementary school.
If your grandparents, didn'tlive close to you.
Julia (04:11):
Right.
They, at that time, they wouldrely on the children to be the
interpreters, or they would relyon using pen and paper to write
notes back and forth.
But that wasn't very successfulbecause English for deaf people
is a second language for most.
Deaf people, American SignLanguage is their first
language, and English is theirsecond language, because ASL and
(04:35):
English are not...
Interchangeable.
Yeah, they're notinterchangeable.
They're not the same thing.
So a lot of miscommunicationhappening and, and again,
relying on the kiddos to be theinterpreters and imagine all the
miscommunication happening thereor.
Absence of a lot of theinformation I was
Charlotte (04:57):
trying to say, I mean, maybe if it's we're coming
to tell you that Julia isphenomenal and got honor roll.
Of course, you're going to signall of that, but Julie's not
being very nice to all of herfriends, or we've had to talk to
her about talking too much ormisbehaving.
Of course, there'd probably besome gaps.
And, that translation,
Julia (05:16):
right?
Not that that was me.
Yeah.
I was always the good quiet kidin the corner, but, my grades
may not have been, stellar, butthey, yeah, when I was in high
school,.
Or even in, gosh, in middleschool, if I was sick, I would
have to be the one to callmyself out sick.
(05:38):
cause my parents, at the time,there was not an easy way to
call the school and inform them,Hey, my child is sick, they'll
be staying home today.
I called myself in sick.
And the school nurse or thesecretary was like, okay,
thanks, hope you feel better.
Charlotte (05:55):
I'm sure in middle school, that was probably good,
but I'm sure in high school,maybe that could have been used
to your
Julia (06:00):
advantage.
It could have been, but I wasone of those goody two shoes
kids., I did not take advantageof that.
looking back on it,
Charlotte (06:08):
So you guys are teenagers in high school.
obviously teenagers can be justtough to raise in any situation,
but also having, parents thatcommunicate differently.
Do you remember incidents whereyou just want to scream at your
parents and you're frustratedand maybe it's not at them or,
it's just a time you're growinginto your own independence yet
(06:32):
you also have to be thecommunicator for kind of the
outside world with your parents.
Julia (06:38):
Yeah.
Granted, it's been a long timesince I was a teenager.
I'm trying to remember.
I mean, there are certainlydefinitely.
Arguments would happen and, youknow, I think we were louder
than most people would thinkthat we might have been.
But, I was definitely more theshy, quiet, um, teenager growing
(06:58):
up.
I never wanted to drawattention.
I never wanted to be the centerof attention.
I remember there being a timewhen I was out shopping with my
mom and we were in a departmentstore and she, wanted to ask, or
I was interested in something.
And so mom wanted to ask thesalesperson, a question on my
(07:21):
behalf.
And I was like, no, I don't, Idon't want to bother.
I just don't, I'm not in themood to talk to somebody.
I just.
I don't really care that muchabout it.
And she was insistent on it,which meant I had to be her
interpreter.
Um, and so I was kind of like,no, mom, I really don't feel
like talking to somebody rightnow.
But she went ahead and went upto this person, tapped them on
(07:44):
the shoulder and triedcommunicating with them without.
You know, trying to do it on herown.
And so when I saw that, I'mlike, Oh, okay.
I will go and interpret for you.
And, so it, it makes me soundlike a, like a brat, but, it's
situated with situations likethat where those moments where I
just, if I said, you know, Ididn't want to, to be the
(08:07):
interpreter.
Um, but yet.
Still needed to help be thatinterpreter.
Um, I guess, I don't know if I'mwording it right.
Charlotte (08:16):
It doesn't make you seem like a Brad.
It's just, it's also that age.
It's more just a frustration.
I just think it sounds bratty.
You're.
Annoyed, with your parents andas children, I don't care what
age you are at some point,right?
Your parents can get under yourskin.
Julia (08:31):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
exactly.
I think that being a teenagerand not wanting to deal with
adults.
And then on top of that, my momgoing ahead and.
Pulling me into a conversationthat I didn't want to have in
the first place.
and she just so happens to bespeaking a different language.
I, yeah, I think that wouldhappen to anybody.
Um, I kind of forget what youroriginal question was.
Charlotte (08:54):
We were just talking about the school system and
having to interpret for your momstarting at a very young age.
You were saying.
You had to call out of school.
And probably when there wereeven just any kind of important
phone calls for your parents,back then when they didn't have,
I forget what the phone is thatyou guys use.
Julia (09:15):
Back when I was a kid, it was the TTY.
So there was a service that, thedeaf person could call to a
relay service person where itwas another, a hearing person on
the other end, and they wouldtype messages back and forth
with each other while theinterpreter was on the phone
with the hearing person.
(09:36):
But they were relying on typeback and forth.
which is not effective becauseagain, that's.
written English rather thanusing their original, their
first language, American signlanguage to communicate.
but so that's what we used, whenI was younger.
And then it probably wasn'tuntil college that the video
(09:59):
phones started coming out.
and the video phone was able to,it's a visual way of
communication.
So a deaf person could get ontheir video phone and Connect
with, an ASL interpreter and theASL interpreter would then make
the phone call.
so the interpreter and the deafperson can see each other.
(10:19):
So now they can use their firstlanguage, American Sign Language
to be able to.
Make phone calls and have farmore clarity around
conversations and lessmisunderstanding.
But again, that didn't comearound until I would think I was
in college, like the end of mycollege years.
I remember my graduation giftfrom high school was a TTY.
(10:41):
So that when I went to college,I'd have a way of communicating
with my parents.
Oh my
Charlotte (10:45):
gosh, that's funny.
Plus we're also datingourselves.
Julia (10:49):
Yeah.
Cause nobody uses TTYs anymore.
Charlotte (10:54):
It's funny because, even with you being family
members my lack of knowledge,cause I was going to say email
came about right when we weregoing, we all got our first AOL
accounts, going off to collegeand pretty impressive that you
still have your AOL account.
I noticed.
I was
Julia (11:09):
wondering if you were going to date me on that one,
Charlotte (11:13):
but I was thinking that, email would have helped.
Your parents, but this justshows being naive to the fact
that, ASL and English, twototally different languages and
that it doesn't translate thesame.
So even with email, granted, itmight be.
(11:33):
A little bit easier than pickingup a phone, but it's still
probably isn't as much of a gamechanger when the iPhone's got
FaceTime, that had to be a hugefor you communicating with your
parents, versus email.
I guess I just, I don't know whyI just wasn't even thinking
those are two totally differentlanguages.
(11:53):
It's
Julia (11:54):
time and video phones.
We're huge for the deafcommunity, telehealth, huge for
the deaf community.
Zoom huge, uh, well, when zoomcame along, the deaf community
was like, where have y'all been?
We've been here doing thistelecommunication stuff for a
long time.
And, uh, you know, it's, it'spretty amazing.
(12:15):
But going back to how wecommunicated when I was younger,
it was, I'd have to call a relayservice to talk to an
interpreter on the phone to havesomeone call my parents using
the TTY, and it wasn't until, Ithink, when I was in high
school, did they start hiringinterpreters for different
(12:36):
events, like for my graduation.
I know there was an interpreterthere for my graduation, but for
concerts and things like that,We never knew that was a thing,
cause I was involved in theaterand choir and all that stuff.
And we never knew it was a thingto request an interpreter.
Um, cause I was always raised,my parents had grown up always
(12:57):
having to rely on other peoplethat we knew in our circle to
help facilitate communication.
But that was what, the had comeout not long before that.
And it took a long time forpeople to really pick up on the
and.
Uh, the Americans withDisabilities Act and to provide
(13:18):
services that the law was meantto provide.
Charlotte (13:23):
Especially for the deaf community, it's, another
language, just like Spanish or.
Chinese
Julia (13:30):
they still like all those spoken languages, it's a
cultural thing.
I think for a lot of thosecommunities to still rely on
their family members to beinterpreters, which I hate to
hear that.
But anyway,
Charlotte (13:42):
Since we're actually on this topic, I was going to
ask you, because as our parentsare aging how is it to be the
daughter that sometimes is theslash interpreter, I get for
more casual conversations.
You're probably accustomed toit, even though it may be
challenging, cause you're maybehaving conversation with
somebody else, but your parentscan't speak to another family
(14:03):
member unless they have you tointerpret.
But going into, the medicalworld, our parents are starting
to have a lot more doctor'svisits, and I know that your
mom's had some, heart issuesrecently, but how is that for
you?
Do they still rely on you, or doyou use the hospital services,
and just in general, as adaughter, that you want to be
(14:24):
their daughter, not necessarilythe interpreter during kind of
any kind of medical
issues?
Julia (14:29):
Bye.
Yeah, it's, it's kind of a lovehate relationship.
Um, being the interpreter andthe daughter I have years ago I
had sat down with my parents andI said, you know, I'm happy to
interpret for you in manydifferent settings but the one
that I really do not want to bethe interpreter for is for your
(14:50):
medical situations because Iwant to be there as your
daughter.
and I want to be there becausewhen I'm interpreting when I'm
in my professional role,information goes in 1 year and
out the other.
And I oftentimes, I mean, Iretain information, but, not
like I would as I'm trying to bethere to care for a family
(15:11):
member.
If I'm interpreting, I won'tretain information as though I
want to like for my parents.
So if I'm if I want to be therefor my parents, I want to be
able to take notes.
I want to be able to hear theinformation and ask questions
versus if I'm working as aninterpreter, I'm not there to
take notes and to retaininformation to ask questions, my
(15:32):
own personal questions insupport of my parents or in
support of a client.
But for my parents, I want to beable to be there to listen, to
ask questions, to console my momor dad if they needed it.
Um, whereas if I'm working as aninterpreter, I wouldn't have the
time or space to be able to dothat, if that makes sense.
Charlotte (15:55):
Um, Oh, definitely.
Because I think in aninterpreter, you're not really
processing and digesting.
I can't even think of a quicksentence, but your mom had a
heart attack, let's say, andyou're just really just saying
your mom had a heart attack.
You're not processing and,Understanding oh my gosh.
What is recovery?
did we have to have surgery?
All the questions that you wouldthink of are oh my goodness, is
my mom going to be okay?
(16:16):
Just is your mom had a heartattack.
That's all.
It's just one sentence.
Julia (16:20):
Right.
And so with my mom, of course,all these emotional feelings are
going to come up.
Whereas when I'm working, Ithink I do a really good job at
compartmentalizing a lot ofthose emotions.
If I'm working with.
A client who is going through anemergency situation, I can
compartmentalize those emotions,um, and get the job done and do
(16:41):
a good job making sure that the,the client knows all the
information that they need toknow about whatever condition,
whatever situation they're goingthrough.
Um, whereas.
When it's my mom, I can'tcompartmentalize all those
feelings.
I will be a basket case and notbe able to, process that
(17:01):
information because she just hada heart attack, you know, like I
want it, but I want to be thereto support her emotionally and
also fight for the things thatshe needs to get in order to
have.
Success in the end.
and so when I say it's a lovehate relationship, the other
part of it is, yes, we do relyon the interpreters that the
(17:25):
hospital staffs and brings in.
And so, I rely on those people,you know, to come in, do a good
job and.
I'm so thankful to have thoseinterpreters be there.
Um,
Charlotte (17:41):
however, it's coming.
There's an however in there.
Julia (17:45):
I haven't, I, yeah, well, you know, it's my, my mom, it's
my dad, and I want to make surethat they have good
interpreters.
I want to make sure that.
We are fostering a field ofinterpreters that can come in
and do a good job and be thatquality of interpreter, that
myself and other codas, childrenof deaf adults, can feel
(18:09):
comfortable being in a hospital.
And in having the services thatcome in do a good job for our
parents.
So it's sometimes it's hard tosit back and not be the
interpreter, even though there'san interpreter right there in
the room.
Sometimes I kind of like, let mejust add a little bit to that,
you know, and help clarify thata little bit.
(18:30):
Um, it's hard.
I sometimes have to sit on myhands, and allow the
interpreters to do their job.
It's, it is hard.
I think even if I wasn't.
a professional interpreter, um,and just being a child, I think
I'd still have a hard timewatching the process play out
(18:50):
and not trying to jump in everytime.
Um, yeah.
Charlotte (18:56):
did you always want to be an interpreter?
Julia (18:59):
No.
No, I, no, I so did not want tobe an interpreter.
Um, I, I wanted to be a marinebiologist or a teacher.
I remember.
Yeah, I even went andinterviewed at Eckerd College in
(19:20):
Florida and, um, decidedacademically that was not the
right path for me to be on.
Um, but, I did go to school.
I was planning to be a teacher,but I ended up, let's see, I
went to school for about two anda half years.
Um, I went to the University ofSouthern Maine and after some
(19:42):
time realized I just needed totake a break from school for a
little while.
And so I, left school andtraveled a bit and, let me back
up for just a second.
My grandparents, the ones that Imentioned earlier that only
lived about 5 minutes away, um.
Nanny and Grandpa, your Aunt Boband Uncle Sue, um, Nanny would
(20:04):
always say, Julie, you're, youwould be such a good
interpreter.
Why don't you think aboutbecoming an interpreter?
I was like, what?
There is no way I'm becoming aninterpreter.
I know.
Um, So it was brought up to me along time ago, long before I
ever even thought it would everbe an option.
Did you just want to
Charlotte (20:24):
break?
Did you just want to forge myown path.
I don't want to I do enough ofis at home.
I can't fathom having to dothis.
I don't know every conversation
Julia (20:34):
or if I had the words.
As to why I didn't want to doit.
I also, there's always a part ofme that doesn't want people to
tell me what to do.
And so that could be it too.
I don't know if I had the wordsas to exactly why, if I just.
If it's because I've been, likeI said, it's because I've been
doing it my whole life or if Ijust needed a break or, or just
(20:57):
flat out, don't tell me what todo.
I'll figure this out myself.
but so, yeah, so call it leftcollege traveled a bit.
I just started working, at alocal clothing store and was
lifeguarding.
And I was at a high school eventfor my brother, interpreting for
(21:18):
my parents.
And I think it was like an awardceremony banquet or something
for my brother.
Then a day or two later, I get aphone call from this woman who.
I saw you at the high school andI am the sign language teacher
at the school and I think you'rereally, really good.
(21:39):
And I think that You shouldbecome an interpreter.
And I was like, Oh, I don'tknow.
And she says, well, what areyou, what are you doing for work
now?
And I said, well, I work at aclothing store.
Oh, really?
So how much are you earningthere?
And I said, I don't know.
I don't even remember what I wasmaking back then.
Eight, 10 an hour.
I just was like, really?
(22:01):
So did you know that you couldmake like 20 something more
dollars an hour?
And I was like.
Oh, ears perked up a little bit.
And so, later, I think the nextweek I went in and I interviewed
and, got the job, my very 1stjob, interpreting for a 5th
grade boy and.
(22:23):
That was it.
That was when I started, in1999, my first interpreting job,
and that woman who called me,it's all because of her, and
she's been a very, very closefriend of mine for, ever since
then, um, Val Sears was hername, and she, um, Kind of roped
me into it and I've never leftand I haven't ever looked back.
(22:45):
I've loved every second of it.
I did educational interpretingfor a boatload of years.
And then about eight or nineyears ago, um, I transitioned
from educational interpretinginto freelance interpreting.
And I love it.
I absolutely love it.
And I love it.
(23:07):
Um, not only because the work isfun, but I think it's brought me
closer to my parents, and closerto the Deaf community in Maine,
and it's such a huge part of myown identity as well, and I
don't know where I'd be withoutthem, I think I've, it's been a
(23:29):
weird journey.
One that I never thought that Iwas going to go down, but it's
part of who I am.
And I, I feel fortunate everyday to be able to do a job that,
has always just come naturallyfor me.
I feel like I'm bouncing allover the place here with lots of
different things.
I'm sorry.
Charlotte (23:48):
It's totally fine.
We're just, we're just goingwith the flow.
And when you say brought youcloser to your parents, do you
think it's because it has helpedimmerse you into the deaf
community more?
Julia (23:59):
Yeah.
I think, you know, when the deafcommunity is so small, and most
of my parents experience intheir everyday life is in the
hearing community where they'renot connected with the hearing
community.
And so they, they basically livewithin the hearing community.
That they don't necessarilybelong to.
(24:20):
They belong to the deafcommunity.
And so with the deaf communitybeing so small and having a son
and a daughter who are part ofthe hearing community, when I'm
doing my work with the deafcommunity and we're at events
that we can share together, aspart of their community, I think
(24:41):
that's what helps.
Or has helped bring me closer tothem, that I can be part of
their community.
Charlotte (24:47):
So now your part, instead of them having a little
taste of your world, you'reimmersed in their
Julia (24:54):
world.
Yes.
Yes.
Yep.
And I think what was also, has,bright, well, another connection
within our family.
So my brother, he has, Charlotteand Baxter, um, they both went
to preschool at the maineducational center for the deaf
(25:14):
and hard of hearing where theyhave a preschool on the island
where they went to preschoolwith, um, deaf peers.
And so they got to learn signlanguage when they were very
young.
And so.
Again, that's another connectionto the deaf community that my
parents could be a part of,where they could communicate
with Charlotte and Baxter'steachers, without needing an
(25:36):
interpreter.
And so that's another aspect ofour family that I think helped
bring us closer to my parents.
So just having those connectionsto their small community, I
think has brought us as a familycloser together.
And it's something that I'm, I'mproud of., I like to see that,
you know, my niece and nepheware able to communicate with
(25:58):
their grandparents and that,when I go to events, I can
communicate with my parents,friends.
And, so, last weekend was, deafculture festival.
It was the end of a whole longweek of deaf culture events.
There was a lot of volunteeringand participation.
(26:19):
I can go to these events and bepart of my parents world and
talk with their friends and allshare the same language and
that's, again, just a way of usbeing closer together.
Charlotte (26:29):
I know that you did do a lot of musicals growing up.
Probably just because it wasdifferent and maybe have friends
doing it.
do you think that was hard foryour parents?
Julia (26:39):
I, at the time it never occurred to me, you know, when
we're young, we're all about.
You know, and, and I, it neveroccurred to me that, man, this
must, that must have been soboring for them.
but they always went, theyalways went to all our concerts.
The theater stuff that we wereinvolved in, they always went
(27:00):
cause they were so supportive ofus.
Um, advice.
If I'm thinking about, you know,school and things like that, I
would always make sure that,that younger kids.
Are not afraid or.
Don't be shy of your parents.
(27:20):
Just allow yourself to embraceyour parents along with, you
know, your friends, hearingparents, let there be
interpreters involved and allowfor those interpreters to help
facilitate conversations betweenyour parents and your friends,
parents and, um.
Don't shy away from that.
I would encourage parents tomake sure that you have access
(27:44):
to communication.
No matter where it is, in yourin the school setting.
It's I think at that young of anage, it's important for for
those parents to have access towhat's happening in their kids
lives and at school andextracurricular activities and,
um Just community access tocommunication, access to knowing
(28:06):
what's happening in theirenvironment is, is huge.
Charlotte (28:10):
I think it's also important what you said about
not shying away from yourparents.
Do you feel like you did that ordid you have instances where you
shied away from it, and youdon't want to look different
than anybody else.
And that, like
Julia (28:23):
I said earlier, I was very shy.
I did not want her to haveattention drawn to me.
And so absolutely there weretimes where I would rather go
hide under a rock.
And I'm sure I probably avoidedsituations and, I look back on
it and, I feel guilty about itnow.
And I'm sure I've probably feltsome guilt around it then too.
But I, I know it's a commonthing for coders to, to feel,
(28:48):
uh, that feeling and justwanting to assimilate with their
peers.
It's amazing how much power theconcept of peers has over, uh,
People.
Yeah, I know that there weretimes when I would have that I
shied away and avoidedcircumstances where I had to,
(29:11):
when I was signing, obviouslypeople were looking, you know,
and so I
Charlotte (29:15):
Oh, what is she doing?
And
Julia (29:16):
now I love it.
I don't mind it.
I embrace it now., I.
Could care less if anybody'slooking.
But at the time I was so shy.
I, I, yeah, never, never likedit.
Charlotte (29:27):
I truly feel like connection is the key to the
human experience, whether it's afriend, whether it's with your
parent.
I even see that now with myteenager and as they get older,
he's gravitating towardsindependence and all you want to
do is be a part of his worldstill, because you're their mom
and you want to feel connectedto them.
(29:48):
So I can't imagine as a parentthat's deaf, having hearing
children, and all you want to dois be a part of their world and,
how hard that had to be for yourparents, from their perspective,
but also for a kid of trying toassimilate to society.
Yeah.
Julia (30:07):
I definitely think that, we are embracing our younger
codas, and encouraging them andbringing them to a place where
they can feel comfortable andhave a space where they are,
allowed to be kids.
Earlier we talked about CODA asCODA.
Those are children of deafadults, but then there's also K
(30:28):
O D A, and those are kids underthe age of 18, kids of deaf
adults.
Um.
So the codas, the younger codas,there's all kinds of, support
for them to embrace theirparents, to embrace the
language, to, to be with othercodas who are, like themselves
(30:49):
and in public schools, there'sso much more acceptance of
different cultures and differentbackgrounds.
It's definitely not like it waswhen I was a kid.
I definitely see that when Imeet other CODAs who are
younger.
it's really cool to see thatthey have a lot more, resources,
a lot more available to themnow.
(31:10):
Yeah.
And going back to, theperspective of my parents, you
know, how they felt going toevents.
For my brother and I, I alsowould love to talk more with my
brother and hear his perspectivebecause he was younger than me.
And, when the movie coda cameout, there's a scene in the
(31:32):
movie where.
Um, the parent, the deaf parentsand the, their son goes to their
daughter's music performance.
And I was like, Oh, that was me.
I was the one on stage with mychorus group or in the theater.
And my parents came to see theshow.
And then I don't know about amonth or so later, my brother
and I were talking about it.
He's like, yeah, I remembergoing to those shows with mom
(31:54):
and dad and they were doing theexact same thing.
Okay.
Check that song's done.
Check that song's done.
Okay.
We get four more songs till theconcert's over.
And because, you know, they werebored and all they were doing
was really looking at whateverybody else was wearing or,
uh, had no concerns about, thatperson hit a flat note or what
instruments were being played.
(32:15):
And so I would love to hear morestories from my brother about
how life was for him after I hadgone off to college or, um.
Because he was then left at homeby himself with mom and dad
without me being there.
So I don't really know exactlywhat happened in those years.
(32:36):
Um, because he was in highschool when I was in college.
it's interesting that, I, andI've been thinking about these
questions for quite some timeand just haven't had a chance to
really ask him.
Because we're always so busywhen we all get together and,
Playing with the kids or talkingabout other stuff.
And so I gotta, I gotta ask himthose questions.
Charlotte (32:56):
Julia, I really do appreciate you coming on and
sharing your story.
And I think, one thing I takeaway with this is We all want
connection.
We all want connection with ourpeers, our family, and that
comes in, so many differentforms.
And, I hope for other CODAs.
realize that connection is key,whether it's to your peers or to
(33:17):
your family and to really findthat community, find that
community that can serve you,but then also serve your family
as a whole.
And, we're fortunate that thereare a lot more resources than
when we were growing up.
Julia (33:33):
Right.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
and I, I definitely want toemphasize that every CODA's
experience is 100 percent uniqueand individual to that person.
I have met many other CODAs andall of their experiences are so
different, but yet we have somany shared experiences.
It's always, you know, makingsure that we respect, the
(33:54):
similarities that we have andthat, each of us has our own
unique story.
And it's so valuable to hearother people's stories, no
matter where they come from.
And, you're right, thatconnection and making sure you
have that connection.
To be able to lean on otherpeople's stories, to know that,
we have each other and we haveeach other's backs and that, no
(34:16):
matter where you come from orwhat language you speak, making
sure that you're here for oneanother.
Yes,
Charlotte (34:24):
definitely.
I do appreciate you coming onand sharing your story
Julia (34:28):
thanks.
You're very welcome.
It was fun chatting.
Charlotte (34:33):
I appreciate you spending this time with me until
next time, keep sowing the seedsof love in your life and those
around you.
Welcome to The Seed Project.
It's a podcast that nourishesyour heart, mind, and soul.
I'm your host, CharlotteEdwards.
I believe everyone plants a seedin each other, whether it's a
seed of knowledge, inspiration,or impact.
I created this podcast so wecould have real conversations,
create connections, and growinto the best versions of
(00:25):
ourselves.
Everyone has a story to tell, solet's share ours together to
empower, heal, and grow.
Laugh and learn.
Grab a cup of coffee and let'sstart planting.
Charlotte (00:42):
Hi, everyone.
I'm excited to have JuliaShaffer on today.
Julia is a Coda.
A child of deaf adults and she'salso my cousin.
She's here to talk about herjourney of growing up with deaf
parents.
And navigating the deafcommunity and the hearing world.
She will talk about.
The connections.
She made the challenges she hadas a child, and then how it led
(01:05):
her to her path of becoming aprofessional.
Interpreter.
Julia graduated from theuniversity of Maine with a
degree in sociology ineducation.
She is in our ID certifiedAmerican sign language
interpreter.
Julia lives in old orchardbeach, Maine with her husband,
Travis and their dog, Joey.
(01:25):
Julia.
Thank you so much for coming onand sharing your story with us
today.
Julia (01:31):
Absolutely.
I'm excited to be here.
Charlotte (01:34):
At a young age, when was the first time you actually
recalled, that your parents werea little bit different than
Julia (01:41):
others?
You know, I, I don't reallyremember exactly what.
But I, I know that, I, I don'tknow how to explain it.
Well, I know that I communicatedwith them differently than
others did, but I don't reallyknow how old I was.
and that might be just becauseI've been retold stories of
(02:02):
other people's experiences of megrowing up with deaf parents.
I know that my first languagewas American sign language.
I was able to speak with myparents.
Using, American sign languagebefore I could use spoken
language.
And, even though my mom was astay at home mom, my dad worked,
he went to work every day, buteven though my mom was a stay at
(02:24):
home mom, I went to, daycare orpreschool at an earlier age so
that I could be around my,typical hearing peers so I could
develop language typically likethe rest of them.
And I also learned a lot fromSesame Street watching TV.
Oh, that's a great.
I learned a lot of language thatway.
(02:45):
I also was around, mygrandparents.
My dad's parents lived just fiveminutes away.
And so I was around hearingfamily members to develop.
My, spoken language skills, butdefinitely my first language was
American sign language.
that's what we used at homeevery day.
and that's how I communicatedwith them.
Honestly, I really don'tremember being or noticing any
(03:08):
real difference until maybe Iwas in elementary school at some
point.
When I got to an age where Icould go to friends houses, or I
could go to, you know,sleepovers, or if my parents
were coming to school for, aparent night or something,
that's around the time when Inoticed that my parents were
(03:29):
different than others parents.
I know that for, parent teachernights, my grandparents would
come and interpret for myparents at that time.
There were no interpreters, perse, or schools wouldn't, you
know, hire an interpreter tocome in.
They always relied on familymembers to be the interpreters,
which is big faux pas thesedays.
Charlotte (03:52):
wow, that's amazing.
Because what if yourgrandparents.
Didn't live close by you and,you had a parent teacher
conference and there's nobody tocommunicate and I think it's
hard for you to have tocommunicate about yourself to
your parents, for a conferencein elementary school.
If your grandparents, didn'tlive close to you.
Julia (04:11):
Right.
They, at that time, they wouldrely on the children to be the
interpreters, or they would relyon using pen and paper to write
notes back and forth.
But that wasn't very successfulbecause English for deaf people
is a second language for most.
Deaf people, American SignLanguage is their first
language, and English is theirsecond language, because ASL and
(04:35):
English are not...
Interchangeable.
Yeah, they're notinterchangeable.
They're not the same thing.
So a lot of miscommunicationhappening and, and again,
relying on the kiddos to be theinterpreters and imagine all the
miscommunication happening thereor.
Absence of a lot of theinformation I was
Charlotte (04:57):
trying to say, I mean, maybe if it's we're coming
to tell you that Julia isphenomenal and got honor roll.
Of course, you're going to signall of that, but Julie's not
being very nice to all of herfriends, or we've had to talk to
her about talking too much ormisbehaving.
Of course, there'd probably besome gaps.
And, that translation,
Julia (05:16):
right?
Not that that was me.
Yeah.
I was always the good quiet kidin the corner, but, my grades
may not have been, stellar, butthey, yeah, when I was in high
school,.
Or even in, gosh, in middleschool, if I was sick, I would
have to be the one to callmyself out sick.
(05:38):
cause my parents, at the time,there was not an easy way to
call the school and inform them,Hey, my child is sick, they'll
be staying home today.
I called myself in sick.
And the school nurse or thesecretary was like, okay,
thanks, hope you feel better.
Charlotte (05:55):
I'm sure in middle school, that was probably good,
but I'm sure in high school,maybe that could have been used
to your
Julia (06:00):
advantage.
It could have been, but I wasone of those goody two shoes
kids., I did not take advantageof that.
looking back on it,
Charlotte (06:08):
So you guys are teenagers in high school.
obviously teenagers can be justtough to raise in any situation,
but also having, parents thatcommunicate differently.
Do you remember incidents whereyou just want to scream at your
parents and you're frustratedand maybe it's not at them or,
it's just a time you're growinginto your own independence yet
(06:32):
you also have to be thecommunicator for kind of the
outside world with your parents.
Julia (06:38):
Yeah.
Granted, it's been a long timesince I was a teenager.
I'm trying to remember.
I mean, there are certainlydefinitely.
Arguments would happen and, youknow, I think we were louder
than most people would thinkthat we might have been.
But, I was definitely more theshy, quiet, um, teenager growing
(06:58):
up.
I never wanted to drawattention.
I never wanted to be the centerof attention.
I remember there being a timewhen I was out shopping with my
mom and we were in a departmentstore and she, wanted to ask, or
I was interested in something.
And so mom wanted to ask thesalesperson, a question on my
(07:21):
behalf.
And I was like, no, I don't, Idon't want to bother.
I just don't, I'm not in themood to talk to somebody.
I just.
I don't really care that muchabout it.
And she was insistent on it,which meant I had to be her
interpreter.
Um, and so I was kind of like,no, mom, I really don't feel
like talking to somebody rightnow.
But she went ahead and went upto this person, tapped them on
(07:44):
the shoulder and triedcommunicating with them without.
You know, trying to do it on herown.
And so when I saw that, I'mlike, Oh, okay.
I will go and interpret for you.
And, so it, it makes me soundlike a, like a brat, but, it's
situated with situations likethat where those moments where I
just, if I said, you know, Ididn't want to, to be the
(08:07):
interpreter.
Um, but yet.
Still needed to help be thatinterpreter.
Um, I guess, I don't know if I'mwording it right.
Charlotte (08:16):
It doesn't make you seem like a Brad.
It's just, it's also that age.
It's more just a frustration.
I just think it sounds bratty.
You're.
Annoyed, with your parents andas children, I don't care what
age you are at some point,right?
Your parents can get under yourskin.
Julia (08:31):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
exactly.
I think that being a teenagerand not wanting to deal with
adults.
And then on top of that, my momgoing ahead and.
Pulling me into a conversationthat I didn't want to have in
the first place.
and she just so happens to bespeaking a different language.
I, yeah, I think that wouldhappen to anybody.
Um, I kind of forget what youroriginal question was.
Charlotte (08:54):
We were just talking about the school system and
having to interpret for your momstarting at a very young age.
You were saying.
You had to call out of school.
And probably when there wereeven just any kind of important
phone calls for your parents,back then when they didn't have,
I forget what the phone is thatyou guys use.
Julia (09:15):
Back when I was a kid, it was the TTY.
So there was a service that, thedeaf person could call to a
relay service person where itwas another, a hearing person on
the other end, and they wouldtype messages back and forth
with each other while theinterpreter was on the phone
with the hearing person.
(09:36):
But they were relying on typeback and forth.
which is not effective becauseagain, that's.
written English rather thanusing their original, their
first language, American signlanguage to communicate.
but so that's what we used, whenI was younger.
And then it probably wasn'tuntil college that the video
(09:59):
phones started coming out.
and the video phone was able to,it's a visual way of
communication.
So a deaf person could get ontheir video phone and Connect
with, an ASL interpreter and theASL interpreter would then make
the phone call.
so the interpreter and the deafperson can see each other.
(10:19):
So now they can use their firstlanguage, American Sign Language
to be able to.
Make phone calls and have farmore clarity around
conversations and lessmisunderstanding.
But again, that didn't comearound until I would think I was
in college, like the end of mycollege years.
I remember my graduation giftfrom high school was a TTY.
(10:41):
So that when I went to college,I'd have a way of communicating
with my parents.
Oh my
Charlotte (10:45):
gosh, that's funny.
Plus we're also datingourselves.
Julia (10:49):
Yeah.
Cause nobody uses TTYs anymore.
Charlotte (10:54):
It's funny because, even with you being family
members my lack of knowledge,cause I was going to say email
came about right when we weregoing, we all got our first AOL
accounts, going off to collegeand pretty impressive that you
still have your AOL account.
I noticed.
I was
Julia (11:09):
wondering if you were going to date me on that one,
Charlotte (11:13):
but I was thinking that, email would have helped.
Your parents, but this justshows being naive to the fact
that, ASL and English, twototally different languages and
that it doesn't translate thesame.
So even with email, granted, itmight be.
(11:33):
A little bit easier than pickingup a phone, but it's still
probably isn't as much of a gamechanger when the iPhone's got
FaceTime, that had to be a hugefor you communicating with your
parents, versus email.
I guess I just, I don't know whyI just wasn't even thinking
those are two totally differentlanguages.
(11:53):
It's
Julia (11:54):
time and video phones.
We're huge for the deafcommunity, telehealth, huge for
the deaf community.
Zoom huge, uh, well, when zoomcame along, the deaf community
was like, where have y'all been?
We've been here doing thistelecommunication stuff for a
long time.
And, uh, you know, it's, it'spretty amazing.
(12:15):
But going back to how wecommunicated when I was younger,
it was, I'd have to call a relayservice to talk to an
interpreter on the phone to havesomeone call my parents using
the TTY, and it wasn't until, Ithink, when I was in high
school, did they start hiringinterpreters for different
(12:36):
events, like for my graduation.
I know there was an interpreterthere for my graduation, but for
concerts and things like that,We never knew that was a thing,
cause I was involved in theaterand choir and all that stuff.
And we never knew it was a thingto request an interpreter.
Um, cause I was always raised,my parents had grown up always
(12:57):
having to rely on other peoplethat we knew in our circle to
help facilitate communication.
But that was what, the had comeout not long before that.
And it took a long time forpeople to really pick up on the
and.
Uh, the Americans withDisabilities Act and to provide
(13:18):
services that the law was meantto provide.
Charlotte (13:23):
Especially for the deaf community, it's, another
language, just like Spanish or.
Chinese
Julia (13:30):
they still like all those spoken languages, it's a
cultural thing.
I think for a lot of thosecommunities to still rely on
their family members to beinterpreters, which I hate to
hear that.
But anyway,
Charlotte (13:42):
Since we're actually on this topic, I was going to
ask you, because as our parentsare aging how is it to be the
daughter that sometimes is theslash interpreter, I get for
more casual conversations.
You're probably accustomed toit, even though it may be
challenging, cause you're maybehaving conversation with
somebody else, but your parentscan't speak to another family
(14:03):
member unless they have you tointerpret.
But going into, the medicalworld, our parents are starting
to have a lot more doctor'svisits, and I know that your
mom's had some, heart issuesrecently, but how is that for
you?
Do they still rely on you, or doyou use the hospital services,
and just in general, as adaughter, that you want to be
(14:24):
their daughter, not necessarilythe interpreter during kind of
any kind of medical
issues?
Julia (14:29):
Bye.
Yeah, it's, it's kind of a lovehate relationship.
Um, being the interpreter andthe daughter I have years ago I
had sat down with my parents andI said, you know, I'm happy to
interpret for you in manydifferent settings but the one
that I really do not want to bethe interpreter for is for your
(14:50):
medical situations because Iwant to be there as your
daughter.
and I want to be there becausewhen I'm interpreting when I'm
in my professional role,information goes in 1 year and
out the other.
And I oftentimes, I mean, Iretain information, but, not
like I would as I'm trying to bethere to care for a family
(15:11):
member.
If I'm interpreting, I won'tretain information as though I
want to like for my parents.
So if I'm if I want to be therefor my parents, I want to be
able to take notes.
I want to be able to hear theinformation and ask questions
versus if I'm working as aninterpreter, I'm not there to
take notes and to retaininformation to ask questions, my
(15:32):
own personal questions insupport of my parents or in
support of a client.
But for my parents, I want to beable to be there to listen, to
ask questions, to console my momor dad if they needed it.
Um, whereas if I'm working as aninterpreter, I wouldn't have the
time or space to be able to dothat, if that makes sense.
Charlotte (15:55):
Um, Oh, definitely.
Because I think in aninterpreter, you're not really
processing and digesting.
I can't even think of a quicksentence, but your mom had a
heart attack, let's say, andyou're just really just saying
your mom had a heart attack.
You're not processing and,Understanding oh my gosh.
What is recovery?
did we have to have surgery?
All the questions that you wouldthink of are oh my goodness, is
my mom going to be okay?
(16:16):
Just is your mom had a heartattack.
That's all.
It's just one sentence.
Julia (16:20):
Right.
And so with my mom, of course,all these emotional feelings are
going to come up.
Whereas when I'm working, Ithink I do a really good job at
compartmentalizing a lot ofthose emotions.
If I'm working with.
A client who is going through anemergency situation, I can
compartmentalize those emotions,um, and get the job done and do
(16:41):
a good job making sure that the,the client knows all the
information that they need toknow about whatever condition,
whatever situation they're goingthrough.
Um, whereas.
When it's my mom, I can'tcompartmentalize all those
feelings.
I will be a basket case and notbe able to, process that
(17:01):
information because she just hada heart attack, you know, like I
want it, but I want to be thereto support her emotionally and
also fight for the things thatshe needs to get in order to
have.
Success in the end.
and so when I say it's a lovehate relationship, the other
part of it is, yes, we do relyon the interpreters that the
(17:25):
hospital staffs and brings in.
And so, I rely on those people,you know, to come in, do a good
job and.
I'm so thankful to have thoseinterpreters be there.
Um,
Charlotte (17:41):
however, it's coming.
There's an however in there.
Julia (17:45):
I haven't, I, yeah, well, you know, it's my, my mom, it's
my dad, and I want to make surethat they have good
interpreters.
I want to make sure that.
We are fostering a field ofinterpreters that can come in
and do a good job and be thatquality of interpreter, that
myself and other codas, childrenof deaf adults, can feel
(18:09):
comfortable being in a hospital.
And in having the services thatcome in do a good job for our
parents.
So it's sometimes it's hard tosit back and not be the
interpreter, even though there'san interpreter right there in
the room.
Sometimes I kind of like, let mejust add a little bit to that,
you know, and help clarify thata little bit.
(18:30):
Um, it's hard.
I sometimes have to sit on myhands, and allow the
interpreters to do their job.
It's, it is hard.
I think even if I wasn't.
a professional interpreter, um,and just being a child, I think
I'd still have a hard timewatching the process play out
(18:50):
and not trying to jump in everytime.
Um, yeah.
Charlotte (18:56):
did you always want to be an interpreter?
Julia (18:59):
No.
No, I, no, I so did not want tobe an interpreter.
Um, I, I wanted to be a marinebiologist or a teacher.
I remember.
Yeah, I even went andinterviewed at Eckerd College in
(19:20):
Florida and, um, decidedacademically that was not the
right path for me to be on.
Um, but, I did go to school.
I was planning to be a teacher,but I ended up, let's see, I
went to school for about two anda half years.
Um, I went to the University ofSouthern Maine and after some
(19:42):
time realized I just needed totake a break from school for a
little while.
And so I, left school andtraveled a bit and, let me back
up for just a second.
My grandparents, the ones that Imentioned earlier that only
lived about 5 minutes away, um.
Nanny and Grandpa, your Aunt Boband Uncle Sue, um, Nanny would
(20:04):
always say, Julie, you're, youwould be such a good
interpreter.
Why don't you think aboutbecoming an interpreter?
I was like, what?
There is no way I'm becoming aninterpreter.
I know.
Um, So it was brought up to me along time ago, long before I
ever even thought it would everbe an option.
Did you just want to
Charlotte (20:24):
break?
Did you just want to forge myown path.
I don't want to I do enough ofis at home.
I can't fathom having to dothis.
I don't know every conversation
Julia (20:34):
or if I had the words.
As to why I didn't want to doit.
I also, there's always a part ofme that doesn't want people to
tell me what to do.
And so that could be it too.
I don't know if I had the wordsas to exactly why, if I just.
If it's because I've been, likeI said, it's because I've been
doing it my whole life or if Ijust needed a break or, or just
(20:57):
flat out, don't tell me what todo.
I'll figure this out myself.
but so, yeah, so call it leftcollege traveled a bit.
I just started working, at alocal clothing store and was
lifeguarding.
And I was at a high school eventfor my brother, interpreting for
(21:18):
my parents.
And I think it was like an awardceremony banquet or something
for my brother.
Then a day or two later, I get aphone call from this woman who.
I saw you at the high school andI am the sign language teacher
at the school and I think you'rereally, really good.
(21:39):
And I think that You shouldbecome an interpreter.
And I was like, Oh, I don'tknow.
And she says, well, what areyou, what are you doing for work
now?
And I said, well, I work at aclothing store.
Oh, really?
So how much are you earningthere?
And I said, I don't know.
I don't even remember what I wasmaking back then.
Eight, 10 an hour.
I just was like, really?
(22:01):
So did you know that you couldmake like 20 something more
dollars an hour?
And I was like.
Oh, ears perked up a little bit.
And so, later, I think the nextweek I went in and I interviewed
and, got the job, my very 1stjob, interpreting for a 5th
grade boy and.
(22:23):
That was it.
That was when I started, in1999, my first interpreting job,
and that woman who called me,it's all because of her, and
she's been a very, very closefriend of mine for, ever since
then, um, Val Sears was hername, and she, um, Kind of roped
me into it and I've never leftand I haven't ever looked back.
(22:45):
I've loved every second of it.
I did educational interpretingfor a boatload of years.
And then about eight or nineyears ago, um, I transitioned
from educational interpretinginto freelance interpreting.
And I love it.
I absolutely love it.
And I love it.
(23:07):
Um, not only because the work isfun, but I think it's brought me
closer to my parents, and closerto the Deaf community in Maine,
and it's such a huge part of myown identity as well, and I
don't know where I'd be withoutthem, I think I've, it's been a
(23:29):
weird journey.
One that I never thought that Iwas going to go down, but it's
part of who I am.
And I, I feel fortunate everyday to be able to do a job that,
has always just come naturallyfor me.
I feel like I'm bouncing allover the place here with lots of
different things.
I'm sorry.
Charlotte (23:48):
It's totally fine.
We're just, we're just goingwith the flow.
And when you say brought youcloser to your parents, do you
think it's because it has helpedimmerse you into the deaf
community more?
Julia (23:59):
Yeah.
I think, you know, when the deafcommunity is so small, and most
of my parents experience intheir everyday life is in the
hearing community where they'renot connected with the hearing
community.
And so they, they basically livewithin the hearing community.
That they don't necessarilybelong to.
(24:20):
They belong to the deafcommunity.
And so with the deaf communitybeing so small and having a son
and a daughter who are part ofthe hearing community, when I'm
doing my work with the deafcommunity and we're at events
that we can share together, aspart of their community, I think
(24:41):
that's what helps.
Or has helped bring me closer tothem, that I can be part of
their community.
Charlotte (24:47):
So now your part, instead of them having a little
taste of your world, you'reimmersed in their
Julia (24:54):
world.
Yes.
Yes.
Yep.
And I think what was also, has,bright, well, another connection
within our family.
So my brother, he has, Charlotteand Baxter, um, they both went
to preschool at the maineducational center for the deaf
(25:14):
and hard of hearing where theyhave a preschool on the island
where they went to preschoolwith, um, deaf peers.
And so they got to learn signlanguage when they were very
young.
And so.
Again, that's another connectionto the deaf community that my
parents could be a part of,where they could communicate
with Charlotte and Baxter'steachers, without needing an
(25:36):
interpreter.
And so that's another aspect ofour family that I think helped
bring us closer to my parents.
So just having those connectionsto their small community, I
think has brought us as a familycloser together.
And it's something that I'm, I'mproud of., I like to see that,
you know, my niece and nepheware able to communicate with
(25:58):
their grandparents and that,when I go to events, I can
communicate with my parents,friends.
And, so, last weekend was, deafculture festival.
It was the end of a whole longweek of deaf culture events.
There was a lot of volunteeringand participation.
(26:19):
I can go to these events and bepart of my parents world and
talk with their friends and allshare the same language and
that's, again, just a way of usbeing closer together.
Charlotte (26:29):
I know that you did do a lot of musicals growing up.
Probably just because it wasdifferent and maybe have friends
doing it.
do you think that was hard foryour parents?
Julia (26:39):
I, at the time it never occurred to me, you know, when
we're young, we're all about.
You know, and, and I, it neveroccurred to me that, man, this
must, that must have been soboring for them.
but they always went, theyalways went to all our concerts.
The theater stuff that we wereinvolved in, they always went
(27:00):
cause they were so supportive ofus.
Um, advice.
If I'm thinking about, you know,school and things like that, I
would always make sure that,that younger kids.
Are not afraid or.
Don't be shy of your parents.
(27:20):
Just allow yourself to embraceyour parents along with, you
know, your friends, hearingparents, let there be
interpreters involved and allowfor those interpreters to help
facilitate conversations betweenyour parents and your friends,
parents and, um.
Don't shy away from that.
I would encourage parents tomake sure that you have access
(27:44):
to communication.
No matter where it is, in yourin the school setting.
It's I think at that young of anage, it's important for for
those parents to have access towhat's happening in their kids
lives and at school andextracurricular activities and,
um Just community access tocommunication, access to knowing
(28:06):
what's happening in theirenvironment is, is huge.
Charlotte (28:10):
I think it's also important what you said about
not shying away from yourparents.
Do you feel like you did that ordid you have instances where you
shied away from it, and youdon't want to look different
than anybody else.
And that, like
Julia (28:23):
I said earlier, I was very shy.
I did not want her to haveattention drawn to me.
And so absolutely there weretimes where I would rather go
hide under a rock.
And I'm sure I probably avoidedsituations and, I look back on
it and, I feel guilty about itnow.
And I'm sure I've probably feltsome guilt around it then too.
But I, I know it's a commonthing for coders to, to feel,
(28:48):
uh, that feeling and justwanting to assimilate with their
peers.
It's amazing how much power theconcept of peers has over, uh,
People.
Yeah, I know that there weretimes when I would have that I
shied away and avoidedcircumstances where I had to,
(29:11):
when I was signing, obviouslypeople were looking, you know,
and so I
Charlotte (29:15):
Oh, what is she doing?
And
Julia (29:16):
now I love it.
I don't mind it.
I embrace it now., I.
Could care less if anybody'slooking.
But at the time I was so shy.
I, I, yeah, never, never likedit.
Charlotte (29:27):
I truly feel like connection is the key to the
human experience, whether it's afriend, whether it's with your
parent.
I even see that now with myteenager and as they get older,
he's gravitating towardsindependence and all you want to
do is be a part of his worldstill, because you're their mom
and you want to feel connectedto them.
(29:48):
So I can't imagine as a parentthat's deaf, having hearing
children, and all you want to dois be a part of their world and,
how hard that had to be for yourparents, from their perspective,
but also for a kid of trying toassimilate to society.
Yeah.
Julia (30:07):
I definitely think that, we are embracing our younger
codas, and encouraging them andbringing them to a place where
they can feel comfortable andhave a space where they are,
allowed to be kids.
Earlier we talked about CODA asCODA.
Those are children of deafadults, but then there's also K
(30:28):
O D A, and those are kids underthe age of 18, kids of deaf
adults.
Um.
So the codas, the younger codas,there's all kinds of, support
for them to embrace theirparents, to embrace the
language, to, to be with othercodas who are, like themselves
(30:49):
and in public schools, there'sso much more acceptance of
different cultures and differentbackgrounds.
It's definitely not like it waswhen I was a kid.
I definitely see that when Imeet other CODAs who are
younger.
it's really cool to see thatthey have a lot more, resources,
a lot more available to themnow.
(31:10):
Yeah.
And going back to, theperspective of my parents, you
know, how they felt going toevents.
For my brother and I, I alsowould love to talk more with my
brother and hear his perspectivebecause he was younger than me.
And, when the movie coda cameout, there's a scene in the
(31:32):
movie where.
Um, the parent, the deaf parentsand the, their son goes to their
daughter's music performance.
And I was like, Oh, that was me.
I was the one on stage with mychorus group or in the theater.
And my parents came to see theshow.
And then I don't know about amonth or so later, my brother
and I were talking about it.
He's like, yeah, I remembergoing to those shows with mom
(31:54):
and dad and they were doing theexact same thing.
Okay.
Check that song's done.
Check that song's done.
Okay.
We get four more songs till theconcert's over.
And because, you know, they werebored and all they were doing
was really looking at whateverybody else was wearing or,
uh, had no concerns about, thatperson hit a flat note or what
instruments were being played.
(32:15):
And so I would love to hear morestories from my brother about
how life was for him after I hadgone off to college or, um.
Because he was then left at homeby himself with mom and dad
without me being there.
So I don't really know exactlywhat happened in those years.
(32:36):
Um, because he was in highschool when I was in college.
it's interesting that, I, andI've been thinking about these
questions for quite some timeand just haven't had a chance to
really ask him.
Because we're always so busywhen we all get together and,
Playing with the kids or talkingabout other stuff.
And so I gotta, I gotta ask himthose questions.
Charlotte (32:56):
Julia, I really do appreciate you coming on and
sharing your story.
And I think, one thing I takeaway with this is We all want
connection.
We all want connection with ourpeers, our family, and that
comes in, so many differentforms.
And, I hope for other CODAs.
realize that connection is key,whether it's to your peers or to
(33:17):
your family and to really findthat community, find that
community that can serve you,but then also serve your family
as a whole.
And, we're fortunate that thereare a lot more resources than
when we were growing up.
Julia (33:33):
Right.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
and I, I definitely want toemphasize that every CODA's
experience is 100 percent uniqueand individual to that person.
I have met many other CODAs andall of their experiences are so
different, but yet we have somany shared experiences.
It's always, you know, makingsure that we respect, the
(33:54):
similarities that we have andthat, each of us has our own
unique story.
And it's so valuable to hearother people's stories, no
matter where they come from.
And, you're right, thatconnection and making sure you
have that connection.
To be able to lean on otherpeople's stories, to know that,
we have each other and we haveeach other's backs and that, no
(34:16):
matter where you come from orwhat language you speak, making
sure that you're here for oneanother.
Yes,
Charlotte (34:24):
definitely.
I do appreciate you coming onand sharing your story
Julia (34:28):
thanks.
You're very welcome.
It was fun chatting.
Charlotte (34:33):
I appreciate you spending this time with me until
next time, keep sowing the seedsof love in your life and those
around you.
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