October 17, 2025 • 59 mins
Return of the Sober Butterfly- Nadine's Life Updates, Summer Adventures, and Starting 75 Hard
Watch the full episode on YouTube:
https://youtu.be/aoJZ0Igm08o
In this episode, Nadine returns after a two-month hiatus to provide life updates and catch listeners up on her summer experiences. She discusses her high-functioning depression, a challenging summer job, and a rigorous but ultimately unsuccessful attempt to become a Pilates instructor. Nadine also shares details about her adventurous trek in the Andes Mountains of Peru, the challenges she faced, and how it provided her with clarity. She concludes the episode by announcing her plan to finish the year strong by undertaking the 75 Hard challenge. Listeners are invited to join her journey and follow her updates on Instagram.
00:00 Introduction and Catching Up
00:38 Life Updates and Sobriety Journey
03:04 Dealing with Depression and Burnout
06:49 Summer Job and Overcommitment
09:11 Pilates Training Struggles
16:57 Vacation in Peru
20:02 Altitude Sickness and Rainbow Mountain
30:21 Struggles of the First Night
31:29 Meeting the Group and Guide
32:10 Facing Physical Challenges
33:56 Bathroom Woes and Remedies
35:49 Unexpected Companions
37:47 Reaching the Mountain Peak
42:44 The Journey Continues
49:18 Reflecting on the Trek
51:12 Post-Trek Adventures
54:45 Planning for the Future
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
the-sober-butterfly_3_10 (00:01):
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Is anyone there?
Oh, hi.
Oh my gosh.
I've been trying to reach youfor like two months.
Where have you been?
the-sober-butterfly_4_10-1 (00:22):
Okay guys.
Hey, all jokes aside.
It is your girl.
I am back.
Serious question.
Did you guys miss me?
Did you even notice I was gone?
Hopefully you did because youwere locked into the show, I
missed you.
I gotta catch you up to speed.
So today's episode is going tobe mostly life updates because.
(00:42):
I live many lives every day, andso summer just stretched on and
on, but.
Here we are in my favoriteseason fall, before we get into
fall.
This new season of life, thisnew version of Nadine, who is
she?
I'm gonna fill you in.
I want to get into how the restof my summer went and why I
(01:05):
ghosted you again after.
Promising I wouldn't, So bucklein.
Let's get ready for the returnof the Sober Butterfly.
Welcome guys to the show.
I am Nadine, your host, and thispodcast, I mean, how can I
describe this podcast?
I was gonna do a blurb here, butlike I don't know.
We're still evolving.
The sober butterfly is still ina metamorphic phase of life, and
(01:30):
that's okay.
I'm embracing.
Change.
I'm embracing the process oftransformation and I'm not going
to tell you what the show isabout.
You can figure it out foryourself.
What I will share that I thinkis important information for
context purposes, especially ifyou're new here.
I am a sober girly.
(01:51):
I have not drank alcohol in fouryears, so that is still true.
Life update.
I'm still sober.
The other thing that you shouldknow about me.
I am an A DHD girly.
Okay.
And I was diagnosed pretty latein life like this time last
year, so it's been officially ayear since I've had my
(02:12):
diagnosis.
And it has completely changed mylife because now I'm
understanding more about how mybrain works, and especially in
relation to when I was drinkingas a form of.
Self medication and all of thethings.
But yeah, welcome if you're newhere, if you've been with me for
a while, thank you for stickingit through and being here today.
(02:36):
You know, firsthand, just, howall over the place this show is,
but I think that's part of ourcharm.
I'd like to think of it as whatmakes the Sober Butterfly
Podcast special and differentfrom all of the other great
podcasts out there.
Okay, so like those two thingsknow about me, I don't drink and
I have a DHD.
So this show is very much areflection of those two things.
(03:00):
More specific though to life andmy updates.
I have shared pretty openly allyear that I was depressed, 2025,
Q1, Q2.
Are we in Q4?
I think we're like in Q3 goinginto four.
I was pretty beat up.
Okay.
I was pretty open about mystruggles here on the podcast,
I'd been depressed before.
(03:21):
So I recognized some of the redflags and the symptoms and blah,
blah, blah.
I knew something was going ondeeper than a little seasonal
depression or bout of birthdayblues.
It wasn't that.
It was depression, highfunctioning depression, I
realized, and that really cameto ahead this summer.
So for those who may not knowand even people that have been
(03:42):
around, I don't really talkabout like my professional life
beyond creating content on thisplatform.
But I'm a full-time teacher.
I work in a high school, apublic high school in New York
City, and that has been mycareer.
Since I pretty much graduatedcollege, so for the past 11 ish
years I've been teaching.
And summer, you think, oh,that's one of the major perks of
(04:03):
the job.
You have time off.
You can unwind and decompressand reset and all of the things.
But I'm not your average teacheror average person.
I am very much an extremist andI'm very much someone who needs
to.
Feel like she has a purpose andvery early in my therapy
(04:29):
journey, back when I wasactually still drinking in 2021,
I remember my therapist prettyearly on spotting that I have an
issue with boredom.
I have a problem with not havingthings to do.
I create chaos.
And so she very politely gave memy prognosis and she's like,
(04:51):
yeah, you are someone who'sdangerous or like destructive
when you are bored.
And I was like, yeah, bet youare correct about that assertion
after 45 minutes of meeting me.
Once I realized that aboutmyself.
In my drinking days at thattime, and then subsequently
getting sober.
(05:12):
I know that I am good with aproject like your girl has to be
doing things, and I don't knowif that's a defense mechanism.
I don't know if that's a traumaresponse.
I don't know if that's even ahealthy response.
It is just my default mode andI've learned to channel.
All of the boundless energy Ifeel as an A DHD, girly coupled
(05:34):
with being an Aries I have somuch energy, I gotta get it out.
And before I was drinking to dothat, and now I constantly feel
like I have to be doing thingsin sobriety, the having 101
hobbies, sober memes that Imake, I'm describing myself,
like I'm that girl.
So just to kind of rewind backand connect the dots my mental
wellbeing this year was notwell.
(05:56):
A state of high functioningdepression and then summer gets
here and instead of taking thetime I needed to truly reset and
process and work through thisdepression.
It was almost like a low grade.
I don't wanna call it a lowgrade depression because I feel
like that undermines how bad itwas at certain points this year.
(06:19):
But I will say it didn't feellike the last notable depressive
spells I've had.
One in COVID right before I gotsober and the other when my dad
died in college.
So it didn't feel as dramatic asthat.
So that's why I'm referring tomy depressive episode as low
grade.
But there were definitely.
(06:40):
Boiling points.
But basically this summer I wasat my boiling point, I was
feeling burnout.
And literally grinding myselfinto the ground.
So I accepted this summer jobthat I normally do, in this
economy, really recommend havingmultiple streams of income.
I'm a teacher, guys, so I workthis summer gig.
(07:01):
I've been doing it for manyyears
Nadine Mulvina (07:05):
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the-sober-butterfly_5_10- (08:18):
Okay, let me set the scene for you
July 20, 25, and instead ofhaving my Hot girl summer, which
I actually did co-host an eventwith these two sober
influencers.
It was a sober girl meetup inCentral Park and it was a lot of
fun.
But like that was going on inthe background of my life,
coupled with me accepting a rolewith this organization that I
(08:41):
work with in the summers to helptrain new teachers.
Coupled with beginning myPilates training journey and it
was just too much.
I was working three jobsbasically, and also trying to
produce this podcast, and it wasjust too much.
Like I signed up for too much.
(09:03):
Even though I was still makingthe show, it wasn't something
that I was being as intentionalor thoughtful around.
So I just decided like Icouldn't do it anymore.
Like I was working about 70hours for my summer job, then my
Pilates training started, whichI'll take a moment here to kind
of get into what that was about,because I never officially
(09:24):
announced that I was becoming aPilates instructor, and now in
hindsight, I'm like, good,because spoiler alert, I am not
becoming a Pilates instructor.
I didn't tell you guys this andI don't know why, but I think in
the, maybe, you know what, inhindsight there was a gut
feeling that it wasn't gonnawork out why didn't I share
(09:48):
that?
I was on this journey?
That's not like me.
I'm pretty open about everythinggoing on in my life, especially
here on the show.
So I don't know why I didn'ttell you guys, but yeah, I
auditioned with a local Pilatesstudio here in New York I had
been a member of that studiolike the year before for a
couple months, but I wasn't likea long-term client or anything
(10:10):
like that.
So in the spring I received anemail from the studio because I
was still on their mailing list,and it said that they were
looking for.
New instructors.
I went on the audition and I gotit.
now I wanna tell you guys asmuch without.
Breaching my NDAI did sign anNDA that basically said I
(10:31):
couldn't discuss the specificsaround my training.
So I'm also not gonna tell youthe name of the studio just
because I don't wanna get sued,guys.
It's not that deep, like I'lltell you that much.
The particular studio I workedfor reminded me of what I would
imagine.
(10:52):
A dance school would be like,actually they kind of reminded
me a little bit of Dallas cowboycheerleaders, like the show on
Netflix, if you've ever seenthat.
That dance mom type of vibe ishow it felt.
And I don't know if I was adiversity hire, I'm gonna just
say that on the record, and I'mnot somebody who defaults to
(11:12):
thinking that everything is aracially charged situation or
incident, but I can't help butwonder if, you know, being the
only black girl on a staff oflike 12 to 15 instructors and a
ton of front desk girlies thatcome in and out, like it just
felt a little unwelcoming orlike, not unwelcoming'cause they
(11:32):
were nice.
They were nice.
Okay.
They were nice.
If you're not watching this, youcan't see my face right now, but
like, it was very like pc Nice.
I'll say like politicallycorrect.
Nice.
Especially the more I wentthrough the process, I just felt
like there was always an edge orI was always like kind of under
a microscope, and Maybe that'sme being paranoid, but that
(11:56):
dance culture felt very real.
I'll say like a lot of theinstructors are former dancers
or current dancers and haveyears of experience in ballet
and all the things.
And like I stopped taking balletat like seven.
I didn't grow up in that world.
the-sober-butterfly_6_10-16-2 (12:11):
I didn't go to Julliard, but I
would imagine that was like theculture and I wanna be
self-aware in this and say like,I was not perfect, like I
could've done more.
And now I realize that my whymaybe wasn't strong enough.
Like my reason for doing thiswasn't strong enough.
(12:31):
I'll say maybe it wasn't juststrong enough I know I should
have been carving out more timeto rehearse, but because I was
spending so many hours at work,I.
Had a hard time balancing both,and I didn't balance both.
Like I definitely gave moreattention to the work stuff than
the Pilates training.
So in a nutshell, it wasn't agood fit.
(12:55):
Oh wait, hold on.
Let me quote that.
Air quotes, it wasn't a goodfit.
Like that was the final Zoomgoodbye meeting that I got
after, you know, I.
Went into the studio every day,like you couldn't even tell me
in person.
You had to put me on a Zoomcall.
And when I ask you like what thecall is about,'cause that's
(13:17):
weird.
Like why do you wanna see me ona Zoom call when you see me in
the studio every day,.
And when I ask what this isabout, you just say it's related
to.
Checking in about how mytraining's going, just to later
deliver on that call that itisn't a good fit.
Yeah, I don't like that.
Like that part felt icky.
So like, I wanna be self-awareand say I.
(13:39):
Didn't realize how much thistraining fully entailed, and I
had every intention to give itmy all the summer.
But because I took on a largerrole with my summer job, that
really did not leave much timefor Pilates training.
And so, yeah, it just wasn't apriority, but it helped me
(14:00):
realize that, you know, I.
I wrote down initially when Iwas reflecting on this, like, be
careful what you wish for, butit's not a case I think of like,
be careful what you wish forbecause I wanted to be a Pilates
instructor for the last twoyears that's been on my
Pinterest vision board.
Like I want to teach and I'm ateacher.
So those skills come naturallyto me, but it doesn't
(14:21):
necessarily translate into thestudio.
Like it doesn't necessarily meanthat.
Because I like to practicePilates.
I need to therefore lead andteach it.
And yeah, when I was training, Iwas miserable.
I cried so much.
I received so many passiveaggressive emails and it just
was too much.
Another thing is I was also oneof the oldest girls there, aside
(14:42):
from the owner, I think I wasthe eldest and so.
I just didn't fit in.
She's right.
It wasn't a good fit.
And I'm so glad that I learnedthe lesson of releasing because
I was so afraid to quit.
I was so afraid to be the one tothrow in the towel and say like,
I can't do this, or this isn'tfor me.
(15:03):
Also, when I signed my contractto work with'em, I would owe
them money if I quit because.
They, you know, had to recouptheir investment.
So I had to commit to a year ofworking with them after I got
certified, but they let me go,the release was needed because
when I tell you guys since Ihave released Pilates training,
(15:24):
I feel so much better.
Like it actually coincides withmy depression lifting.
So yeah, July was rough for me,like between working 70 hours
for that job and then putting inlike 10 hours of Pilates time
training.
And I should have been puttingmore time to be honest with you,
like that's why my feedbackwasn't that great, but that's
(15:46):
all I could give.
I just felt like I was drowning.
And then, I co-hosted this.
So we're meet up with a group ofinfluencers and sober women that
came to Central Park thissummer.
And that was fun, but I feltlike I was barely there.
I wasn't very present because somany things were running through
my mind but I did it.
(16:08):
Because I also didn't wanna quitthat.
So something had to give.
I was burnt out, andunfortunately this podcast
became collateral damage in mydecision to just sort of, it
wasn't even a true decision tobe honest with you.
I just one day was like, oh myGod, I don't have an episode,
(16:28):
and Friday is tomorrow, and Ijust.
I can't.
And then I was like, I'll do itnext week, or I'll send
something out with my newsletterand explain or put something on
Insta and I just didn't becauseI was barely on social and I
barely had time to call my momback.
You know?
Like it was just that busy and Iwas that miserable.
(16:53):
So July was a lot.
the-sober-butterfly_7_10-16- (16:57):
In August, I was done with that
summer job and that freed up alot of time so I devoted more
time naturally to training forthe Pilates certification.
But that studio, and then I tooka vacation.
I should air quote that vacationtowards the end of August after
I had that big corporatetraining for Pilates.
(17:18):
And I am air quoting vacationbecause.
When most people, you know,vacation, it's relaxing, you
probably picture a beach, it'sAugust.
And to be fair, I normally do goto a beach, but this year I had
the brilliant idea to dosomething different.
Because July wasn't challengingenough, I just had to push
myself even further and decidedthat I was going to do a five
(17:42):
day trek along the AndesMountains in.
In Cusco, Peru at an altitudeabove 15,000 feet at certain
points.
And yeah, I thought that was agood idea.
I thought doing a five day multihike with one of my best travel
friends.
I coerced her into thisexperience with me.
(18:04):
Thank God she was there.
'cause I literally wouldn't havedied without her.
Kim, if you're listening, I loveyou.
Thank you.
Also, just thank you for beingdown to do anything because you
need friends like that.
You need friends who will alwayskeep your row with you and tell
you what it is, even when youdon't wanna hear it.
And you need friends who willjust go with the flow.
Like my good Libra girl, Kim,she just goes with the flow.
(18:26):
I'm like, do you wanna go?
To Germany next week and yeah,let's fucking go.
Like literally conversationswe've had.
So Kim has known me for.
Five years plus she knew me whenI was very much at my low point
in life.
So circa 2020 to 2021, we'reboth living in Mexico City and
(18:48):
we randomly met outside of CL,which is this what do you call
it?
Oh my gosh.
On the bikes I used to SoulCyclecycling class.
Wow.
So we met in a cycling class andI always like to give Kim shit
about this, so I'm gonna tellyou guys she might not want me
to tell this story, but I haveto.
So the way we met, it was such acute meet.
Cute.
(19:08):
We were both taking a cyclingclass and I was trying to sign
in to the class with like mystruggle Spanish at the time,
china explained something and itwasn't coming out right and she
just so happened to be rightbehind me or nearby and she
intervened and explained to'emand then afterwards, I'm like,
(19:28):
oh my God, thank you so much.
Where are you from?
She's I'm from LA and we'rechatting.
I'm like, yeah, like yourSpanish is great.
Thank you for helping me.
And she's oh no.
My Spanish is so bad.
Okay.
That's what she said the firsttime we met.
Come to find out.
It's her first language.
It's this bitch's firstlanguage.
Like what Kim, cu.
How.
(19:49):
I love to tell that story, so Ihope you appreciated that guys.
So yeah, Kim is my ride or die.
She's down to do anything and soI convinced her to come to Cusco
with me and go on this multi-dayhike.
And keep in mind that this trek,because it is quite literally a
trek before you go, they highlyrecommend that you acclimatize
(20:12):
to the altitude.
At least three days prior todeparture.
So we both arrived three daysprior to departure and in Cusco,
which I believe is like 12,000and change elevated above sea
level in Cusco.
When Kim arrived, she felt, moreof the effects of the altitude
(20:34):
and thankfully, thank God shewent to her.
MD before and got a prescriptionfor altitude sickness
medication.
That had not even crossed mymind.
And that's a telltale sign thatI was struggling with like
everything going on because I amsuch a planner when it comes to
trips like I, that I didn't evenresearch that or look into that.
(20:57):
So she thankfully bought enoughfor both of us, and so when she
got there, she immediatelystarted to take the medication
because it takes, some time forit to actually go into effect
and enter your system.
I decided to decline.
I'm like, girl, I'm good.
I'm fine.
Even on my flight, I sat next tothis woman named Priscilla, her
and I bonded on this flight,which I'm not really a talker on
(21:20):
flights, but she was justincredible.
She's from Brazil.
She tells me her whole lifestory.
She got married later in life,so there's hope for you girl,
she's a stepmom.
She's been living inMassachusetts.
Since she was 18 and now she'sin her fifties and she was on a
girls trip with five othergirls.
They were all scattered aroundthe plane and they were all
doing this five day hike as wellwith a different tour company.
But she was going to overlapwith me and so we may even run
(21:43):
into each other on the journey.
So anyway, her and I are gettinginto it, love Priscilla, and she
gives me the best advice becauseI had glossed over the
literature, the 50 million pagesthat they sent me before I was
supposed to go, and I didn'tread that stuff.
And so one of the big thingsthat I had planned when I was
sharing the itinerary with herI'm like, okay, so we arrived.
(22:04):
On Wednesday.
And so on Thursday we're gonnado Rainbow Mountain, and then
Friday we're gonna go horsebackriding, and then Saturday we
leave for our hike and she waslike whoa, girl.
Back it all the way up.
Then she advises me very wiselynot to go to Rainbow Mountain on
Thursday.
So we were literally arrivingWednesday and then we're gonna
(22:25):
go the very next day to RainbowMountain.
And she's you can't do that.
If you read any of the materialthey sent, like they all say
don't do that, because thealtitude at Rainbow Mountain is
higher than the altitude, thehighest peak, the, ascension
point that we're going to.
Our hike.
You do it after?
'cause like at that point yourbody is super acclimatized and
(22:47):
so I was like, oh my gosh.
I immediately called Kim who wasboarding her flight and I was
like, we gotta change the wholeorder of operation girl.
Like we can't do RainbowMountain before we leave.
So we decided to push it toFriday.
Like we thought it was a smartidea to like still go before we
went on our trek because wewouldn't have time on the back
end of our trek to go to RainbowMountain.
(23:09):
So we were like, we gotta seeRainbow Mountain.
You're in Cusco.
Like I wanna see the beautifulcolored mountains.
And so we decided to go on theFriday and we were leaving for
our Trek on the following day,the Saturday morning.
So that's what we did.
We got to Cusco, we had likelocal little things to do the
first day or two.
(23:29):
And then on the Friday we gotpicked up at 4:00 AM.
By surprise, that was my fault.
I thought we had a 7:00 AMpickup, and so I just remember
at three 50 something like myphone is buzzing, and I'm like,
oh my God, who's calling me?
It's the freaking tour companybeing like, Hey, we're
downstairs, and I am dead asleepin my bed, and Kim is upstairs
(23:49):
sleeping in her bed in ourAirbnb.
That was fun.
We had to rush and get ready infive minutes, run downstairs.
We're in this van and it was oneof the most uncomfortable
journeys up the fuckingmountain.
To get to Rainbow Mountain fromCusco.
There's a point where you'regoing up these like winding very
bendy roads and I've actuallybeen in situations in the past
you know, driving in Jamaica orlike driving on another island
(24:11):
or driving even in Greece Wherethe roads were super windy and
bendy and scary'cause the cliffsare on the side and that's your
death if there's one slipup.
But this driver was recklesswith it.
Like he was whipping that thingup that mountain.
And that is where my troublebegan.
I hadn't really slept well thenight before.
(24:31):
We're going, away from Cusco,higher ascension points or
elevation and.
The car, it just started to hitme all at once.
Like I felt sick.
I'm like, oh, this is altitudesickness.
Like I'm not well.
And so we get to RainbowMountain and I feel nauseous and
I have a blinding headache and.
(24:53):
I'm like, Kim, give me thefucking altitude medication
right now.
Please.
Like I need it.
I needed it yesterday.
In fact, I should have beentaking it when we first got to
Cusco like you, because it takestwo days to really set in.
So I'm like, just give it to menow, like I'm dying.
And so we get there, they giveus like these walking sticks and
they're like, okay.
It's about, I actually don'tknow the length of time, but it
(25:13):
was definitely over an hour,walk up to the Rainbow Mountain
The issue is not the walk.
Okay.
The walk is easy.
The issue is the altitude.
the-sober-butterfly_8_10-16- (25:26):
So I am looking at our guide who's
basically just pointing in thedistance to various foggy
places, that we should go andlike vintage points and I'm
like.
I am dying already.
Like we just walked maybe 10feet and I, I can't breathe.
That was the scary part.
Like I could not breathe.
And so he's like, if you arestruggling or if you don't think
(25:49):
you can make it, you can renthorses.
And I was like, sign me up.
How much?
Where are they?
I rented a horse, Kim.
Trek the first bit.
'Cause they have like horses allalong the way, up to a point.
And the closer you get to like.
The part where the horses can'tgo, the cheaper the horses are.
(26:09):
But from the first point, fromwhere, basically where the bus
dropped us off, I'm like, gimmethe horse now.
Kim walked and then she took ahorse later on.
But yeah, I took the horse.
I have no shame in my game.
Anyway, the horse drops me offand I still had to go maybe like
10 minutes up, but it was supersteep and it took me what should
have taken 10 minutes, maybe 40every 10 steps.
(26:31):
I had to like stop.
And I was huffing and puffingand it's cold because it's
winter in Peru and they're inthe southern hemisphere, they
have opposite seasons.
And so it was like their winter,which is their dry season, which
actually helped later on.
But yeah, it was just sofreaking cold and I couldn't
(26:52):
breathe and I was not happy.
And that really set the tone forthe rest of, I wouldn't say the
rest of the trip, but thebeginning of my trek, once
again, I'm telling you, it wasthe next day.
I was already feeling prettydefeated.
the-sober-butterfly_2_01-08 (27:09):
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the-sober-butterfly_9_10- (28:33):
Okay, I am back.
You may not have even known Iwas gone.
The beauty of editing but yeah,I went to work.
I had a whole workday 12 hourshave gone by guys where were we?
I think I was telling you aboutthe Salkantay and Yeah, it was
so hard the day that weliterally started the trek.
(28:55):
I start my period.
Let me back up.
Like when we went to ourbriefing, they gave us a duffle
and so we were allowed to.
Stash, everything in this dufflebag and that duffle bag would be
then carried by a horse.
We had a horseman accompany us,and then we were responsible for
our day packs, like our hikingbackpacks.
(29:16):
I overpacked chronic over Packerhair, and I, the first day was
dying simply because my backpackwas so heavy and the first day
was about.
I think a five hour hike.
I was still feeling sick fromthe day before Rainbow Mountain,
that fiasco.
I couldn't even enjoy RainbowMountain.
I don't know if I finished thatpart of the story, Rainbow
(29:38):
Mountain's cool.
It's beautiful, but like I wasso over it.
By the time I got to the top ofRainbow Mountain, I was dying.
Okay.
Dying and like, yes, it waspretty, I took a couple
pictures, but I was cold.
I couldn't find Kim.
My phone wasn't working wesomehow spotted each other on
the top of the mountain and.
Transverse down without theguide.
(29:58):
The guide told us to meet him ata specific time.
He kept repeating this time overand over again, like, meet here
at this point, at this time.
And we were at that point, atthat time and he was nowhere to
be found.
So we decided to go down RainbowMountain by ourselves.
And I felt a bit better, but Therest of the day.
And then going into the firstday of the actual trek, I felt
(30:19):
like shit.
I had cramps, I'm bleeding.
I'm like worried because eventhough we paid for the premium
the first night, did not have apersonal bathroom.
Maybe my privilege is showinghere, but I was like, whoa,
there's no personal bathroom weslept in like this igloo thing
that was freezing cold.
I was beat up by the time wearrived to our accommodation
(30:40):
that night.
I was so tired.
I had a massive headache.
The altitude medication had notkicked in and my head was
spinning oh, and as an addeddetail that is crucial.
Here I was backed up like allthe way, backed up to day one of
me arriving in Cusco, like I hadnot used the bathroom.
Number two over here.
(31:01):
In three days.
So that was a major concern ofmine.
And the food, by the way, forthis experience was phenomenal.
Like a one top tier, breakfast,lunch, dinner, snacks, like they
gave us everything every day,and that was great.
However, I was so stuffed frombreakfast that day before we
(31:23):
started our hike.
To when we arrived lunch and nowdinner.
I'm sitting at dinner, my headis spinning and our guide, his
name was Carlos, was amazing.
Like did a great job.
And especially hearing thehorror stories of other truckers
along the way with differentcompanies and different tiers,
we realized, oh, okay, we are inthe premium group, but I'll get
(31:45):
to that later.
Anyway, Carlos was our guide andevery day he would brief us at
dinner.
It was like a whole thing, likea production almost.
We had our horseman that wascarrying our luggage from place
to place.
And then we had two chefs thatwere actually married, a husband
and wife duo.
And every meal was amazing.
But like at dinner on the firstnight, I was so beat up, like I
(32:06):
mentioned and over it already,and thinking this is gonna be
hell.
And then I have Carlos tellingthe group that tomorrow would
be.
One of the, if not the hardestday, and we would be hiking for
12 hours and the first half ofit was completely uphill into
the Snowcap mountains, which wasbasically the highest altitude
(32:29):
peak that we would reach.
Our journey.
So as he's telling the groupthis, and the group was
phenomenal, I'll get into thegroup later, but as he's telling
the group that, you know,tomorrow's gonna be ridiculously
hard, my head is pounding.
The room is spinning, like, Ican't think straight, and he's
telling us this information andI'm not processing it well.
(32:50):
I'm like, okay, what are ouroptions here, Carlos?
Like, are you gonna helicopterme back to Cusco?
Like, no.
I wasn't like ready to quit, butI was like, hi, key, ready to
quit and like, that's my thing.
This is the recurring theme asyou probably picked up with the
Pilates story.
I don't like to quit.
So even though I was dying, Iwas like, I'm going to drag
myself through this experience.
(33:10):
So he is like, well, if youdon't think you're up to handle
the hike, we can take you to thebase camp or close to it, not
fully by horseback and then fromthere you can hike the remaining
way, which was by the way, eighthours.
(33:31):
Kim and I were like, horseplease.
And Kim, poor Kim also wassynced up with me, so she was
also on her period That firstday was hell.
And then the morning after Iactually FaceTimed my mom
because I was like, so.
Defeated.
I was in a war with my periodand it was winning like not even
(33:53):
a close match.
And then.
The real concern was like, Istill hadn't used the bathroom.
And so in our briefing, theyactually gave us a roll of
toilet paper because along theway there were very small like
shops and like they hadouthouses basically where you
could use the bathroom, but youwould have to pay the equivalent
of like 50 cents USD.
(34:14):
So.
I was worried.
I was like, I don't wanna gointo the outhouse and have an
accident or an explosion.
And the outhouses are far andfew in between.
So I was talking to my mom like,I cannot use the bathroom.
Like asking for her help.
Like I bought every type ofmedication, antidiarrheal, like
all the things, but not.
Constipation medication.
(34:35):
So I'm telling my mom like, Icannot use the bathroom and I'm
afraid, and we have about anhour until we have to get on
this horse.
And my mom was like, oh, like.
Do you try coffee?
I'm like, yeah, I tried that.
I've been drinking tons ofcoffee, like, nothing's working.
And so I finally just confidedin Carlos, our guide, and I was
like, I can't use the bathroom.
Do you have any medication?
(34:56):
And he's like, well, I don'thave medication, but I do have a
natural remedy that works.
And I'm like, okay, what is it?
And he's like, I'm gonna havethe chefs prepare it for you.
And it was.
Orange juice.
Warm orange juice, and coffeewith milk.
It wasn't as bad actually as Ithought it was gonna be, but it
(35:17):
was not something I would everwanna try again.
And I'm like, yeah, my stomachwill curl.
But is it gonna crow in time?
Because if I don't catch thishorse at nine o'clock, my ass
has to walk up that mountain andthat's not gonna happen.
So I was In a panic, but itworked.
It worked very well.
A little too well, but I usedthe bathroom just in the nick of
(35:41):
time before I had to saddle up.
And then we started our trek upthe mountain, by the way.
Oh my God.
There was a baby, there was awhole ass baby on this trek like
a 1-year-old.
Like she, ugh.
She was so cute.
Like I actually had serious PSof baby fever, being near her
(36:01):
because I saw her every day.
But yeah, this couple, I thinkthey were from Canada, but the
wife was originally fromsomewhere else, I don't
remember, but she was black andher husband was white, and they
had this adorable 1-year-olddaughter Named Mia and I was
obsessed with her.
But the first night I saw her atthe dinner table, I saw the
baby.
Like I knew the baby was real.
(36:23):
I'm not tripping over here, thealtitude does make things feel
very fuzzy at times.
But I was like, oh, that baby'sso cute.
And she kept staring at me and Ikept staring at her and we kept
making eye contact.
I was having this wholeconversation with this
1-year-old girl with my eyes andlike hands and gestures and
stuff and like whatever, we werelocked in, and I assumed, even
(36:45):
though I saw, this isembarrassing, even though I saw
the couple holding the baby, Ithought it was like one of the
locals, like, I thought it waslike, you know, this little
girl, she's biracial.
As mentioned, her mom's black,her dad's white.
I literally thought it was likeone of the local's baby girl.
And so as I'm getting on thehorse, the next day I see the
couple with their baby with Mia,and I'm like, oh my God, like
(37:10):
this baby is so cute.
Basically like, where did shecome from?
I didn't actually say that.
Thank God.
Like my Aries impulsivity didnot kick in.
And I wasn't like, oh, whosebaby is that?
But I realized that it was theirbaby.
Pretty quickly.
And I was just like, wow, youbrought your daughter here
the-sober-butterfly_11_10-16- (37:26):
I need to emphasize just the
absurdity of this 1-year-old,even though I was in love with
her, she shouldn't have beenthere.
And in fact, she is the youngestbaby person.
In fact, maybe I should callGuinness because according to
Carlos, who's done hundreds oftreks, he's never seen a baby.
(37:47):
So to set the scene, we'resaddling up on our horses.
Everyone's on their own horse.
Mom, dad, you can't bring Mia.
You can't hold the baby and holdon for day life as you go up
this slippery mountain in thesnow with your baby.
So they had to give theirdaughter to their guide and he
(38:08):
had to walk.
They had this like, harness thatwent on The guide's back and it
was like a carrier.
So Mia was in there andfastened, and it had like this,
you know, top coat part.
That had a covering and ofcourse she was bundled up, but
literally they had to give theirdaughter away because the horse
path is not the same as thewalking path.
(38:30):
So we.
Said goodbye to Mia.
Like, we didn't see her untilthey were reunited at the top of
the mountain.
So anyway, we get to the top ofthe mountain.
The horseback journey was not apleasant one.
I wanna be clear, it was veryuncomfortable.
It was very bumpy.
There were moments where I waslike, afraid for my life is this
horse gonna fall off the side ofthis mountain, like the horses?
(38:52):
On one.
Okay.
So I was very happy to get offmy horse and then we had to walk
maybe like 10 minutes to get tothe very top of the mountain.
And it's just snowing.
It's so foggy, if your hand waslike stretched out in front of
you a few feet, you could notsee it.
So Kim and I get to the top ofthe mountain.
And of course we've arrivedbefore the rest of our group
(39:14):
because we were on the horseeven though they left an hour
before us.
So we're looking at each otherlike, oh my God.
He said to wait here, but like,how long is it gonna be?
Because we are shivering.
Kim turned to me.
There's a picture I'll put itactually on the screen if you're
watching this on YouTube so youcan see, but there is a picture
(39:35):
that Kim took of me, and this isat the top like everything on me
is frozen.
My lashes are frozen, like myhair is frozen.
and she's like, smile.
And you guys, I love a goodphoto op.
I'm ready to pull it together ina.
Flash.
Literally snap.
I'm ready.
But I could not even fake it.
I could not pull it together.
I looked like I was in agony.
(39:55):
I looked how I felt and I waslike, Kim I can't, like, please.
We have to get out of here.
We cannot stay up here a secondlonger.
So we're like at it, we're gonnalike walk down this mountain.
There's tons of people around,but just from different groups.
And so we just see peoplewalking.
We're like, we're gonna followthese people'cause we can barely
see and I can't think straight.
It's so fucking cold.
(40:15):
So we just continue on ourtrack.
We're walking and walking.
We don't really know where we'rewalking to because as mentioned,
we left our remaining group withour guy Carlos.
So we don't really know wherewe're going.
We're just like, we can't standstill.
Like we will turn into anicicle.
So we're walking for like anhour and then we're walking for
like another hour, and then.
(40:35):
All of a sudden, like our chefduo, the husband and wife run up
to us like out of nowhere.
They were so cute.
Like they literally came up tous and they're like, your tea,
the-sober-butterfly_12_10-1 (40:46):
And they had the coca tea, and I'm
gonna be honest with you guys.
I drank that fucking tea.
I drank it.
Yeah.
I still think I'm sober like Iused to, you know, do the other,
Coca and I can tell you withcertainty.
They're vastly different things.
Okay?
They're vastly different in ourbriefing, our safety briefing,
(41:09):
he did mention like this T isgreat for altitude sickness, but
please be aware that if you getdrug tested, it will come up
positive for, you know, theother coca.
I knew that going into it.
In fact, I had a conversationwith Sam Bail from Third Place
Bar, and she's done this journeybefore, and so before I left,
she was giving me tips andadvice and she was like, the
(41:30):
cocoa tea has, you know that init, it's the natural leaf that
they boil, but you don't.
Feel high.
You don't feel high at all.
It's such a small concentrationand it's the natural form and it
helps with altitude sickness,and I was very sick at that
time, so yeah, I drank thefucking tea.
Sue me.
I don't know if it even worked.
(41:52):
But it was warm and I was coldand yeah, I did it and I'd do it
again.
So they, run up with the tea andwe're like, oh, like where are
we going?
Like how long?
And they're like, not muchlonger, but that doesn't really
tell us anything.
And then they just disappearinto the fog because they were
super fast.
They were literally running.
Through the mountain and we arestruggling to walk.
(42:16):
We keep walking, and thenfinally we get to the lunch
spot.
There were different huts set upfor different groups, and so we
had to find our group because wewere super early and that was a
struggle in itself.
But when the group arrived,finally like an hour and change
later, we had a great lunch andthen Carlos told us that the
(42:37):
rest of the journey would beabout.
Another four hours to get to ourcamp to sleep that night.
Okay, the group, I gotta talkabout the group really quickly.
So in the premium group, we haveKim, you know Kim obviously me,
you have a middle age Australiancouple.
You have a couple that'sprobably like late twenties from
(43:02):
Brazil.
You have a family of four fromDenmark Mom, dad, early twenties
daughter and the late teen sonso that was the dynamic.
There were so many moments thatwe shared together struggle
moments like trauma bonding,that you really do form.
(43:23):
A true bond with these people.
And so I would like to thinkthat I would see them again one
day and we're definitely stillLinkedIn on social.
They was such a fun group andI'm really glad that everyone
vibed, which was nice.
And just to have people from allparts of the world was also very
cool.
Anyway, we had to walk anotherfour hours to get to our base
(43:43):
camp that night.
It was a beautiful base camp.
We did have our own privatebathroom.
I was a happy girl.
I got to finally take a shower.
Yeah, I, yeah.
Imagine I hadn't showered sinceI left SCO so yeah, I was very
happy to shower.
I was regular at that point.
okay.
Day one, day two, disgusting.
(44:05):
Day three things started to lookup.
We were told that it would nolonger be freezing cold because
now we were descending and goingtowards the Amazon jungle.
We went from wearing puffyjacket woolly hats and, you
know.
Fleece gloves to, oh Justinlayers because it's gonna get
(44:27):
warm.
That day was like only a fivehour hike in the morning, and it
was mostly Inca flat is whatCarlos referred to it, which was
like little ups and downs.
And at that point, day three, Idid start to feel the medication
kick in the altitude thicknessmedication, which was such a
blessing now, we're goingthrough different terrains and
it's looking more jungley andit's warmer and I'm just in good
(44:50):
spirits and I can breathe and Idon't have a headache anymore.
And so once we hiked those fivehours, we arrived to this coffee
plantation and did a coffeeexperience where we got to
ground the coffee beans andlearn about how they're grown
and the different flora local tothe area.
(45:10):
And then we got to try somechocolate and then we checked
into another beautiful jungledome.
The accommodations werephenomenal.
We had a beautiful dinner andthen we went to the hot springs,
which was really nice, about anhour away in a van.
So we got to like get in a car.
It was very nice.
And then we got to hang out inthe hot springs and then
(45:31):
afterwards we spent the eveningkind of people watching at an
outdoor restaurant that wasattached to other restaurants
like, imagine like an outdoorpatio.
This is Peru, so think rustichere.
But very cute, set up.
It was fascinating to be in thatexperience because everyone's
(45:52):
drinking now and celebrating thefact that day three was more of
a chill day for everyone.
We made friends along the way,so running into other people at
the hot springs and like sharingstories and that's when we
really discovered, at the hotsprings from this Italian
couple, we had met from ourRainbow Mountain excursion
actually.
And another guy that we keptseeing, they were sharing their
(46:15):
stories and.
Saying things about theirguides, like their guide was
drunk, literally drunk and outtashape.
And he would be huffing andpuffing up the mountain and then
gaslight them and be like, oh,you're so tired.
You need to break, don't you?
And they're like, what are youtalking about?
And this Italian coupleactually, they were super hot.
Like both of them were.
(46:36):
Carved out a marble, okay?
They were very fit and in shape.
And here this man is telling'emwho's drunk, by the way.
Or hungover, I should say, thatthey need to rest because
they're so tired moving along.
We also learned just like somany people at that point had
dropped or like were injuredcouldn't make it to day three.
(46:58):
So we felt pretty good and smugabout ourselves.
We're like, okay, we're stillhere, we're still in this fight.
So then, like I mentioned,, werepeople watching and all of these
people are just binge drinkingand Carlos is telling us that
they are gonna get so drunktonight.
Then tomorrow, day four now isthe hardest day.
Because we're going up throughthe jungle and it's slippery and
(47:22):
it was raining well, he said thesecond hardest day, like the
second day.
And the fourth day are both, hesaid maybe equally hard.
This time there's no horse.
So one woman, the Australianwoman.
She had like a bad knee and shewas like, you know, I'm going to
take a bus there because thatwas an option as opposed to
trying to do this other reallyhard hike.
(47:43):
And everyone else in our group.
We were like, we can do it.
And I was so proud of myselfbecause I almost took the bus
only because at that time I'mlike, I just don't wanna get
injured at this point.
Can you imagine like tomorrowday five we get to go to Machu
Picchu and I am injured.
Like he's talking about howslippery it is and I'm already
clumsy.
(48:04):
I just don't wanna risk it.
And I just would be soembarrassed to be like, I broke
my, whatever.
On the last day of my hike,like, no.
So I almost opted out and thenhe was like, you know, you can
definitely do it.
And so when he said that it wasthe, I guess, nudge that I
needed and I was like, okay, I'mgonna do it.
(48:26):
But it was hard.
Oh my God.
It was hard.
But as mentioned, I was startingto fill the medication and we
did it.
It was raining the majority ofthe time.
When we leave for these hikes,it's always at the crack of
dawn, so it's dark and you know,now there are mosquitoes and it
was just, it was a lot.
But my breathing had regulated,which was the biggest.
(48:46):
Concern I had before, like notbeing able to breathe and you're
just walking even though, yes,you're going up, was scary.
But now I felt like I couldbreathe.
I was still, you know, huffingand puffing, but I could breathe
and I felt like I could actuallycontrol my breathing.
So it was a great.
Experience at last day becausewe did something really hard and
(49:07):
that was like the end of thehike part.
So even though it's five daysday five, you're not hiking.
And I don't even know if I hadany more hike left in me guys
after the 50 miles of hiking.
Yeah, when we finished day four,we ended up taking a train to
the nearest city to Machu Picchucalled, Aguas Calientes.
(49:29):
We had dinner, our final dinnerin an actual restaurant.
We had said goodbye to thehorsemen and to the wife,
husband, chef duo.
And yeah, it was an emotionalmoment because it was our last
night together and we were goingto, the World Wonder, Machu
Picchu, and that was such a big.
(49:51):
Bucket list item for both Kimand I.
When we met in Mexico and becamefriends, we always said we would
do that together.
And so it was just such amagical, full circle moment to
be there with her and then makeall of these great connections
with people that we otherwisewould never know in life.
So that was such a beautifulexperience.
And I came back, even though Iwas exhausted, somewhat somehow,
(50:14):
restored, so it wasn't a badidea.
But had I known.
All that I know now, I don'tknow if I would do it, so I'm
glad I actually didn't do enoughresearch going into it because.
Oh my God, that was insane.
And I ran into Priscilla.
I was looking for her the wholetime.
Like she had actually left theday before me, so she was always
(50:36):
like a step ahead.
But I think she did the four dayand I did the five day.
So either way, we crossed pathsright before we got on the train
to go to Aguas Calientes.
I was so grateful to, God andthe universe.
For this opportunity to run intoher again.
And truly thank her for all ofher help because I was like, you
(50:56):
were right girl.
I almost died on RainbowMountain and it almost ruined
the rest of the trip for me.
So thank you for telling us notto do that on our first day in
Cusco.
So that was basically myexperience in Peru
the-sober-butterfly_14_10-16 (51:12):
So that trip closed out the rest of
my August.
And now moving into September, Istarted to work again.
Back at school.
My Pilates training ended.
Hallelujah.
I was burnt out and it was thefirst time I felt like I could
really exhale in a long time.
And I felt like I could be morepresent.
I think that's the keydifference as well.
(51:32):
Like I was so anxious thinkingabout all the things next day,
had to do that, like I wasn'treally showing up for other
people or for myself.
And going away on that trekreally did give me a lot of
clarity.
And disconnect really.
So September felt like a realreset moment for me, and I think
(51:52):
the perspective just from all ofthe struggles I experienced this
summer and also this year.
I think it really felt like thelessons were unfolding and
everything was becoming clear.
I also went to Arizona with mycousin in September and we had
so much fun, we went on a miniroad trip from Phoenix to
(52:17):
Sedona, in a Jeep of course,because you have to have the
wind blowing through your hairjamming Spice Girls and whatever
throwback tunes we had going, itwas just such a fun experience.
So we got to do that.
Oh, we went to the Chris Brownconcert as well.
And I fell asleep in true sobergirl fashion.
I was like passed out, but notbecause I drank or did anything.
(52:42):
Although it probably looked likeit to the untrained eye, to
onlookers.
They were probably like, thisgirl is tapped out.
I was just tired.
I don't go out like thatanymore.
I'm not staying up late likethat.
And if I do, it's just becauseI'm doom scrolling or too
caffeinated, but I'm not outsideat.
(53:04):
Ungodly concert hours.
I like to have fun, but justwith the time difference too,
like Arizona's three hoursbehind New York and Chris Brown
didn't actually hit the stageuntil like 9:00 PM their time.
So it's already midnight whenthe show is starting.
I was tired.
Okay.
The show, the parts that I saw,the show was great.
(53:26):
He.
Perform for like three hoursstraight, nonstop.
There was no intermission fromwhat I saw.
I will have to confirm that withmy cousin, but the, it was a
good time.
I was just exhausted.
The concert was the same nightthat we flew into Phoenix, and
by the way, Phoenix, I don'tknow the racial demographics of
(53:47):
Phoenix is, but apparentlythere's not a lot of black
people, which is very misleadingfrom the movie.
Waiting to exhale with WhitneyHouston, like that movie I
always knew was set in Phoenixand I just thought it was like,
you know, black girls hanging onPhoenix.
But no, apparently that's rare,but at the airport.
(54:08):
We saw so many black people, asea of black people, to the
point where Uber drivers keptreferencing, oh, we know you're
not from here because you'reblack.
Basically like black people andwhite people were telling us
like they knew that.
They're like, you're here forthe concert.
Right.
The Chris Brown concert.
And we're like, I hate thatyou're profiling us and I hate
(54:28):
that you're right.
But yes, we are here for theconcert.
So, that was my trip inSeptember and now we're in
October and I'm back, baby, I'mgonna wind down here'cause you
know, I can go on and on.
But I'll wind down here by justgiving you a current snapshot of
(54:50):
where I am at in this lastseason of the year.
Whether it be Q3, Q4, undecided,but I'm gonna finish the year
out on the high because Idefinitely started on the low,
and it's only right to balancethe scales over here.
Shout out to my Libras as we'rein Libra season.
(55:12):
so I have a plan for how I'mgoing to actually close the year
out strong because it's onething to wish, and I think you
should wish for whatever youwant because why would you wish
small wish big babe?
But there has to be action,right?
We have to back up ourintentions with.
Actionable steps.
So I have a plan and I'm gonnashare that plan because I don't
(55:35):
gatekeep mental health tips overhere.
Okay.
Not that I am the spokespersonfor mental health.
Good mental health.
So today as I record this, it'sa Thursday.
And if you're listening in realtime you're going to hear this
on October 17th, which is aFriday, Starting on Saturday,
October 18th, we have 75 daysleft in 2025.
(56:01):
I'm gonna pause for a dramaticeffect.
Yeah.
75 days babe.
75 days to get your shittogether.
Okay?
I'm not gonna wait for the newyear to make more resolutions
that are just going to fall bythe wayside.
I am starting now and I'minviting you to join me, maybe
(56:22):
not as extreme as me because asyou know, I'm an extreme girly,
but I am starting 75 hard.
On Saturday, 75 days left in theyear.
No room for error because if youknow anything about 75 hard A,
it's hard.
B, you complete it in 75 days,and if you breach or break any
(56:46):
of the rules, there are five.
You have to start over again.
So it doesn't matter if you'reon day 74, but you don't drink a
gallon of water.
That's one of the rules thatday.
Sorry, boo.
You're back to day one.
So I don't have any room to fuckup because there's only seven,
five days in the year startingSaturday when I'm starting.
So I have put together a plan toreally execute this properly.
(57:12):
I'm going to devote next week'sepisode to really get into the
weeds around that because.
I've tried it before and Ididn't succeed, so I will be
going in depth about what'sgonna be different this time as
well as, Sharing that journeywith you guys next week in case
you're interested.
(57:33):
Even if you don't wanna do it ornever think you can do it, or
whatever the circumstances maybe, you just want to hear my
real time suffering out loud.
I think doing an inventory ofyour health and your lifestyle
choices is always a good idea.
So yeah.
Next week we'll chat some morearound my 75 hard experience and
(57:55):
where my health currently is, aswell as me getting into my
number one addiction, which isnot alcohol.
Surprisingly.
Maybe not surprisingly because Idon't drink alcohol, but my
number one addiction, I wouldargue even maybe when I was
drinking.
Is sugar and we can get into howyour body metabolizes alcohol
(58:19):
into sugar.
So the two are interconnected ina way.
Later, we can talk about thatnext week.
the-sober-butterfly_15_10-16 (58:27):
So that's the update, butterflies
where I've been, what I'velearned, and what's next.
Thank you all for still beinghere and for being so patient
with me, for always believing inme, even when I go.
Dark.
Even when I go silent, even whenI ghost y'all.
(58:48):
Next episodes of the SoberButterfly Podcast will drop
every Friday, so make sure yousubscribe, leave a review, and
share the show with someone whoneeds a little sober sparkle in
their week.
Also, follow me on Instagram atthe@the.soberbutterfly for daily
(59:08):
updates on my 75 hard journey.
I said hard 75 because I'm justthinking about how hard it is,
but it's called 75 hard.
Anyway, we'll talk about it morenext week.
Remember, transformation isn'talways pretty, but it's always
possible.
I love you guys so much.
Let's make these next 75 dayscount.
Bye.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Is anyone there?
Oh, hi.
Oh my gosh.
I've been trying to reach youfor like two months.
Where have you been?
the-sober-butterfly_4_10-1 (00:22):
Okay guys.
Hey, all jokes aside.
It is your girl.
I am back.
Serious question.
Did you guys miss me?
Did you even notice I was gone?
Hopefully you did because youwere locked into the show, I
missed you.
I gotta catch you up to speed.
So today's episode is going tobe mostly life updates because.
(00:42):
I live many lives every day, andso summer just stretched on and
on, but.
Here we are in my favoriteseason fall, before we get into
fall.
This new season of life, thisnew version of Nadine, who is
she?
I'm gonna fill you in.
I want to get into how the restof my summer went and why I
(01:05):
ghosted you again after.
Promising I wouldn't, So bucklein.
Let's get ready for the returnof the Sober Butterfly.
Welcome guys to the show.
I am Nadine, your host, and thispodcast, I mean, how can I
describe this podcast?
I was gonna do a blurb here, butlike I don't know.
We're still evolving.
The sober butterfly is still ina metamorphic phase of life, and
(01:30):
that's okay.
I'm embracing.
Change.
I'm embracing the process oftransformation and I'm not going
to tell you what the show isabout.
You can figure it out foryourself.
What I will share that I thinkis important information for
context purposes, especially ifyou're new here.
I am a sober girly.
(01:51):
I have not drank alcohol in fouryears, so that is still true.
Life update.
I'm still sober.
The other thing that you shouldknow about me.
I am an A DHD girly.
Okay.
And I was diagnosed pretty latein life like this time last
year, so it's been officially ayear since I've had my
(02:12):
diagnosis.
And it has completely changed mylife because now I'm
understanding more about how mybrain works, and especially in
relation to when I was drinkingas a form of.
Self medication and all of thethings.
But yeah, welcome if you're newhere, if you've been with me for
a while, thank you for stickingit through and being here today.
(02:36):
You know, firsthand, just, howall over the place this show is,
but I think that's part of ourcharm.
I'd like to think of it as whatmakes the Sober Butterfly
Podcast special and differentfrom all of the other great
podcasts out there.
Okay, so like those two thingsknow about me, I don't drink and
I have a DHD.
So this show is very much areflection of those two things.
(03:00):
More specific though to life andmy updates.
I have shared pretty openly allyear that I was depressed, 2025,
Q1, Q2.
Are we in Q4?
I think we're like in Q3 goinginto four.
I was pretty beat up.
Okay.
I was pretty open about mystruggles here on the podcast,
I'd been depressed before.
(03:21):
So I recognized some of the redflags and the symptoms and blah,
blah, blah.
I knew something was going ondeeper than a little seasonal
depression or bout of birthdayblues.
It wasn't that.
It was depression, highfunctioning depression, I
realized, and that really cameto ahead this summer.
So for those who may not knowand even people that have been
(03:42):
around, I don't really talkabout like my professional life
beyond creating content on thisplatform.
But I'm a full-time teacher.
I work in a high school, apublic high school in New York
City, and that has been mycareer.
Since I pretty much graduatedcollege, so for the past 11 ish
years I've been teaching.
And summer, you think, oh,that's one of the major perks of
(04:03):
the job.
You have time off.
You can unwind and decompressand reset and all of the things.
But I'm not your average teacheror average person.
I am very much an extremist andI'm very much someone who needs
to.
Feel like she has a purpose andvery early in my therapy
(04:29):
journey, back when I wasactually still drinking in 2021,
I remember my therapist prettyearly on spotting that I have an
issue with boredom.
I have a problem with not havingthings to do.
I create chaos.
And so she very politely gave memy prognosis and she's like,
(04:51):
yeah, you are someone who'sdangerous or like destructive
when you are bored.
And I was like, yeah, bet youare correct about that assertion
after 45 minutes of meeting me.
Once I realized that aboutmyself.
In my drinking days at thattime, and then subsequently
getting sober.
(05:12):
I know that I am good with aproject like your girl has to be
doing things, and I don't knowif that's a defense mechanism.
I don't know if that's a traumaresponse.
I don't know if that's even ahealthy response.
It is just my default mode andI've learned to channel.
All of the boundless energy Ifeel as an A DHD, girly coupled
(05:34):
with being an Aries I have somuch energy, I gotta get it out.
And before I was drinking to dothat, and now I constantly feel
like I have to be doing thingsin sobriety, the having 101
hobbies, sober memes that Imake, I'm describing myself,
like I'm that girl.
So just to kind of rewind backand connect the dots my mental
wellbeing this year was notwell.
(05:56):
A state of high functioningdepression and then summer gets
here and instead of taking thetime I needed to truly reset and
process and work through thisdepression.
It was almost like a low grade.
I don't wanna call it a lowgrade depression because I feel
like that undermines how bad itwas at certain points this year.
(06:19):
But I will say it didn't feellike the last notable depressive
spells I've had.
One in COVID right before I gotsober and the other when my dad
died in college.
So it didn't feel as dramatic asthat.
So that's why I'm referring tomy depressive episode as low
grade.
But there were definitely.
(06:40):
Boiling points.
But basically this summer I wasat my boiling point, I was
feeling burnout.
And literally grinding myselfinto the ground.
So I accepted this summer jobthat I normally do, in this
economy, really recommend havingmultiple streams of income.
I'm a teacher, guys, so I workthis summer gig.
(07:01):
I've been doing it for manyyears
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the-sober-butterfly_5_10- (08:18):
Okay, let me set the scene for you
July 20, 25, and instead ofhaving my Hot girl summer, which
I actually did co-host an eventwith these two sober
influencers.
It was a sober girl meetup inCentral Park and it was a lot of
fun.
But like that was going on inthe background of my life,
coupled with me accepting a rolewith this organization that I
(08:41):
work with in the summers to helptrain new teachers.
Coupled with beginning myPilates training journey and it
was just too much.
I was working three jobsbasically, and also trying to
produce this podcast, and it wasjust too much.
Like I signed up for too much.
(09:03):
Even though I was still makingthe show, it wasn't something
that I was being as intentionalor thoughtful around.
So I just decided like Icouldn't do it anymore.
Like I was working about 70hours for my summer job, then my
Pilates training started, whichI'll take a moment here to kind
of get into what that was about,because I never officially
(09:24):
announced that I was becoming aPilates instructor, and now in
hindsight, I'm like, good,because spoiler alert, I am not
becoming a Pilates instructor.
I didn't tell you guys this andI don't know why, but I think in
the, maybe, you know what, inhindsight there was a gut
feeling that it wasn't gonnawork out why didn't I share
(09:48):
that?
I was on this journey?
That's not like me.
I'm pretty open about everythinggoing on in my life, especially
here on the show.
So I don't know why I didn'ttell you guys, but yeah, I
auditioned with a local Pilatesstudio here in New York I had
been a member of that studiolike the year before for a
couple months, but I wasn't likea long-term client or anything
(10:10):
like that.
So in the spring I received anemail from the studio because I
was still on their mailing list,and it said that they were
looking for.
New instructors.
I went on the audition and I gotit.
now I wanna tell you guys asmuch without.
Breaching my NDAI did sign anNDA that basically said I
(10:31):
couldn't discuss the specificsaround my training.
So I'm also not gonna tell youthe name of the studio just
because I don't wanna get sued,guys.
It's not that deep, like I'lltell you that much.
The particular studio I workedfor reminded me of what I would
imagine.
(10:52):
A dance school would be like,actually they kind of reminded
me a little bit of Dallas cowboycheerleaders, like the show on
Netflix, if you've ever seenthat.
That dance mom type of vibe ishow it felt.
And I don't know if I was adiversity hire, I'm gonna just
say that on the record, and I'mnot somebody who defaults to
(11:12):
thinking that everything is aracially charged situation or
incident, but I can't help butwonder if, you know, being the
only black girl on a staff oflike 12 to 15 instructors and a
ton of front desk girlies thatcome in and out, like it just
felt a little unwelcoming orlike, not unwelcoming'cause they
(11:32):
were nice.
They were nice.
Okay.
They were nice.
If you're not watching this, youcan't see my face right now, but
like, it was very like pc Nice.
I'll say like politicallycorrect.
Nice.
Especially the more I wentthrough the process, I just felt
like there was always an edge orI was always like kind of under
a microscope, and Maybe that'sme being paranoid, but that
(11:56):
dance culture felt very real.
I'll say like a lot of theinstructors are former dancers
or current dancers and haveyears of experience in ballet
and all the things.
And like I stopped taking balletat like seven.
I didn't grow up in that world.
the-sober-butterfly_6_10-16-2 (12:11):
I didn't go to Julliard, but I
would imagine that was like theculture and I wanna be
self-aware in this and say like,I was not perfect, like I
could've done more.
And now I realize that my whymaybe wasn't strong enough.
Like my reason for doing thiswasn't strong enough.
(12:31):
I'll say maybe it wasn't juststrong enough I know I should
have been carving out more timeto rehearse, but because I was
spending so many hours at work,I.
Had a hard time balancing both,and I didn't balance both.
Like I definitely gave moreattention to the work stuff than
the Pilates training.
So in a nutshell, it wasn't agood fit.
(12:55):
Oh wait, hold on.
Let me quote that.
Air quotes, it wasn't a goodfit.
Like that was the final Zoomgoodbye meeting that I got
after, you know, I.
Went into the studio every day,like you couldn't even tell me
in person.
You had to put me on a Zoomcall.
And when I ask you like what thecall is about,'cause that's
(13:17):
weird.
Like why do you wanna see me ona Zoom call when you see me in
the studio every day,.
And when I ask what this isabout, you just say it's related
to.
Checking in about how mytraining's going, just to later
deliver on that call that itisn't a good fit.
Yeah, I don't like that.
Like that part felt icky.
So like, I wanna be self-awareand say I.
(13:39):
Didn't realize how much thistraining fully entailed, and I
had every intention to give itmy all the summer.
But because I took on a largerrole with my summer job, that
really did not leave much timefor Pilates training.
And so, yeah, it just wasn't apriority, but it helped me
(14:00):
realize that, you know, I.
I wrote down initially when Iwas reflecting on this, like, be
careful what you wish for, butit's not a case I think of like,
be careful what you wish forbecause I wanted to be a Pilates
instructor for the last twoyears that's been on my
Pinterest vision board.
Like I want to teach and I'm ateacher.
So those skills come naturallyto me, but it doesn't
(14:21):
necessarily translate into thestudio.
Like it doesn't necessarily meanthat.
Because I like to practicePilates.
I need to therefore lead andteach it.
And yeah, when I was training, Iwas miserable.
I cried so much.
I received so many passiveaggressive emails and it just
was too much.
Another thing is I was also oneof the oldest girls there, aside
(14:42):
from the owner, I think I wasthe eldest and so.
I just didn't fit in.
She's right.
It wasn't a good fit.
And I'm so glad that I learnedthe lesson of releasing because
I was so afraid to quit.
I was so afraid to be the one tothrow in the towel and say like,
I can't do this, or this isn'tfor me.
(15:03):
Also, when I signed my contractto work with'em, I would owe
them money if I quit because.
They, you know, had to recouptheir investment.
So I had to commit to a year ofworking with them after I got
certified, but they let me go,the release was needed because
when I tell you guys since Ihave released Pilates training,
(15:24):
I feel so much better.
Like it actually coincides withmy depression lifting.
So yeah, July was rough for me,like between working 70 hours
for that job and then putting inlike 10 hours of Pilates time
training.
And I should have been puttingmore time to be honest with you,
like that's why my feedbackwasn't that great, but that's
(15:46):
all I could give.
I just felt like I was drowning.
And then, I co-hosted this.
So we're meet up with a group ofinfluencers and sober women that
came to Central Park thissummer.
And that was fun, but I feltlike I was barely there.
I wasn't very present because somany things were running through
my mind but I did it.
(16:08):
Because I also didn't wanna quitthat.
So something had to give.
I was burnt out, andunfortunately this podcast
became collateral damage in mydecision to just sort of, it
wasn't even a true decision tobe honest with you.
I just one day was like, oh myGod, I don't have an episode,
(16:28):
and Friday is tomorrow, and Ijust.
I can't.
And then I was like, I'll do itnext week, or I'll send
something out with my newsletterand explain or put something on
Insta and I just didn't becauseI was barely on social and I
barely had time to call my momback.
You know?
Like it was just that busy and Iwas that miserable.
(16:53):
So July was a lot.
the-sober-butterfly_7_10-16- (16:57):
In August, I was done with that
summer job and that freed up alot of time so I devoted more
time naturally to training forthe Pilates certification.
But that studio, and then I tooka vacation.
I should air quote that vacationtowards the end of August after
I had that big corporatetraining for Pilates.
(17:18):
And I am air quoting vacationbecause.
When most people, you know,vacation, it's relaxing, you
probably picture a beach, it'sAugust.
And to be fair, I normally do goto a beach, but this year I had
the brilliant idea to dosomething different.
Because July wasn't challengingenough, I just had to push
myself even further and decidedthat I was going to do a five
(17:42):
day trek along the AndesMountains in.
In Cusco, Peru at an altitudeabove 15,000 feet at certain
points.
And yeah, I thought that was agood idea.
I thought doing a five day multihike with one of my best travel
friends.
I coerced her into thisexperience with me.
(18:04):
Thank God she was there.
'cause I literally wouldn't havedied without her.
Kim, if you're listening, I loveyou.
Thank you.
Also, just thank you for beingdown to do anything because you
need friends like that.
You need friends who will alwayskeep your row with you and tell
you what it is, even when youdon't wanna hear it.
And you need friends who willjust go with the flow.
Like my good Libra girl, Kim,she just goes with the flow.
(18:26):
I'm like, do you wanna go?
To Germany next week and yeah,let's fucking go.
Like literally conversationswe've had.
So Kim has known me for.
Five years plus she knew me whenI was very much at my low point
in life.
So circa 2020 to 2021, we'reboth living in Mexico City and
(18:48):
we randomly met outside of CL,which is this what do you call
it?
Oh my gosh.
On the bikes I used to SoulCyclecycling class.
Wow.
So we met in a cycling class andI always like to give Kim shit
about this, so I'm gonna tellyou guys she might not want me
to tell this story, but I haveto.
So the way we met, it was such acute meet.
Cute.
(19:08):
We were both taking a cyclingclass and I was trying to sign
in to the class with like mystruggle Spanish at the time,
china explained something and itwasn't coming out right and she
just so happened to be rightbehind me or nearby and she
intervened and explained to'emand then afterwards, I'm like,
(19:28):
oh my God, thank you so much.
Where are you from?
She's I'm from LA and we'rechatting.
I'm like, yeah, like yourSpanish is great.
Thank you for helping me.
And she's oh no.
My Spanish is so bad.
Okay.
That's what she said the firsttime we met.
Come to find out.
It's her first language.
It's this bitch's firstlanguage.
Like what Kim, cu.
How.
(19:49):
I love to tell that story, so Ihope you appreciated that guys.
So yeah, Kim is my ride or die.
She's down to do anything and soI convinced her to come to Cusco
with me and go on this multi-dayhike.
And keep in mind that this trek,because it is quite literally a
trek before you go, they highlyrecommend that you acclimatize
(20:12):
to the altitude.
At least three days prior todeparture.
So we both arrived three daysprior to departure and in Cusco,
which I believe is like 12,000and change elevated above sea
level in Cusco.
When Kim arrived, she felt, moreof the effects of the altitude
(20:34):
and thankfully, thank God shewent to her.
MD before and got a prescriptionfor altitude sickness
medication.
That had not even crossed mymind.
And that's a telltale sign thatI was struggling with like
everything going on because I amsuch a planner when it comes to
trips like I, that I didn't evenresearch that or look into that.
(20:57):
So she thankfully bought enoughfor both of us, and so when she
got there, she immediatelystarted to take the medication
because it takes, some time forit to actually go into effect
and enter your system.
I decided to decline.
I'm like, girl, I'm good.
I'm fine.
Even on my flight, I sat next tothis woman named Priscilla, her
and I bonded on this flight,which I'm not really a talker on
(21:20):
flights, but she was justincredible.
She's from Brazil.
She tells me her whole lifestory.
She got married later in life,so there's hope for you girl,
she's a stepmom.
She's been living inMassachusetts.
Since she was 18 and now she'sin her fifties and she was on a
girls trip with five othergirls.
They were all scattered aroundthe plane and they were all
doing this five day hike as wellwith a different tour company.
But she was going to overlapwith me and so we may even run
(21:43):
into each other on the journey.
So anyway, her and I are gettinginto it, love Priscilla, and she
gives me the best advice becauseI had glossed over the
literature, the 50 million pagesthat they sent me before I was
supposed to go, and I didn'tread that stuff.
And so one of the big thingsthat I had planned when I was
sharing the itinerary with herI'm like, okay, so we arrived.
(22:04):
On Wednesday.
And so on Thursday we're gonnado Rainbow Mountain, and then
Friday we're gonna go horsebackriding, and then Saturday we
leave for our hike and she waslike whoa, girl.
Back it all the way up.
Then she advises me very wiselynot to go to Rainbow Mountain on
Thursday.
So we were literally arrivingWednesday and then we're gonna
(22:25):
go the very next day to RainbowMountain.
And she's you can't do that.
If you read any of the materialthey sent, like they all say
don't do that, because thealtitude at Rainbow Mountain is
higher than the altitude, thehighest peak, the, ascension
point that we're going to.
Our hike.
You do it after?
'cause like at that point yourbody is super acclimatized and
(22:47):
so I was like, oh my gosh.
I immediately called Kim who wasboarding her flight and I was
like, we gotta change the wholeorder of operation girl.
Like we can't do RainbowMountain before we leave.
So we decided to push it toFriday.
Like we thought it was a smartidea to like still go before we
went on our trek because wewouldn't have time on the back
end of our trek to go to RainbowMountain.
(23:09):
So we were like, we gotta seeRainbow Mountain.
You're in Cusco.
Like I wanna see the beautifulcolored mountains.
And so we decided to go on theFriday and we were leaving for
our Trek on the following day,the Saturday morning.
So that's what we did.
We got to Cusco, we had likelocal little things to do the
first day or two.
(23:29):
And then on the Friday we gotpicked up at 4:00 AM.
By surprise, that was my fault.
I thought we had a 7:00 AMpickup, and so I just remember
at three 50 something like myphone is buzzing, and I'm like,
oh my God, who's calling me?
It's the freaking tour companybeing like, Hey, we're
downstairs, and I am dead asleepin my bed, and Kim is upstairs
(23:49):
sleeping in her bed in ourAirbnb.
That was fun.
We had to rush and get ready infive minutes, run downstairs.
We're in this van and it was oneof the most uncomfortable
journeys up the fuckingmountain.
To get to Rainbow Mountain fromCusco.
There's a point where you'regoing up these like winding very
bendy roads and I've actuallybeen in situations in the past
you know, driving in Jamaica orlike driving on another island
(24:11):
or driving even in Greece Wherethe roads were super windy and
bendy and scary'cause the cliffsare on the side and that's your
death if there's one slipup.
But this driver was recklesswith it.
Like he was whipping that thingup that mountain.
And that is where my troublebegan.
I hadn't really slept well thenight before.
(24:31):
We're going, away from Cusco,higher ascension points or
elevation and.
The car, it just started to hitme all at once.
Like I felt sick.
I'm like, oh, this is altitudesickness.
Like I'm not well.
And so we get to RainbowMountain and I feel nauseous and
I have a blinding headache and.
(24:53):
I'm like, Kim, give me thefucking altitude medication
right now.
Please.
Like I need it.
I needed it yesterday.
In fact, I should have beentaking it when we first got to
Cusco like you, because it takestwo days to really set in.
So I'm like, just give it to menow, like I'm dying.
And so we get there, they giveus like these walking sticks and
they're like, okay.
It's about, I actually don'tknow the length of time, but it
(25:13):
was definitely over an hour,walk up to the Rainbow Mountain
The issue is not the walk.
Okay.
The walk is easy.
The issue is the altitude.
the-sober-butterfly_8_10-16- (25:26):
So I am looking at our guide who's
basically just pointing in thedistance to various foggy
places, that we should go andlike vintage points and I'm
like.
I am dying already.
Like we just walked maybe 10feet and I, I can't breathe.
That was the scary part.
Like I could not breathe.
And so he's like, if you arestruggling or if you don't think
(25:49):
you can make it, you can renthorses.
And I was like, sign me up.
How much?
Where are they?
I rented a horse, Kim.
Trek the first bit.
'Cause they have like horses allalong the way, up to a point.
And the closer you get to like.
The part where the horses can'tgo, the cheaper the horses are.
(26:09):
But from the first point, fromwhere, basically where the bus
dropped us off, I'm like, gimmethe horse now.
Kim walked and then she took ahorse later on.
But yeah, I took the horse.
I have no shame in my game.
Anyway, the horse drops me offand I still had to go maybe like
10 minutes up, but it was supersteep and it took me what should
have taken 10 minutes, maybe 40every 10 steps.
(26:31):
I had to like stop.
And I was huffing and puffingand it's cold because it's
winter in Peru and they're inthe southern hemisphere, they
have opposite seasons.
And so it was like their winter,which is their dry season, which
actually helped later on.
But yeah, it was just sofreaking cold and I couldn't
(26:52):
breathe and I was not happy.
And that really set the tone forthe rest of, I wouldn't say the
rest of the trip, but thebeginning of my trek, once
again, I'm telling you, it wasthe next day.
I was already feeling prettydefeated.
the-sober-butterfly_2_01-08 (27:09):
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the-sober-butterfly_9_10- (28:33):
Okay, I am back.
You may not have even known Iwas gone.
The beauty of editing but yeah,I went to work.
I had a whole workday 12 hourshave gone by guys where were we?
I think I was telling you aboutthe Salkantay and Yeah, it was
so hard the day that weliterally started the trek.
(28:55):
I start my period.
Let me back up.
Like when we went to ourbriefing, they gave us a duffle
and so we were allowed to.
Stash, everything in this dufflebag and that duffle bag would be
then carried by a horse.
We had a horseman accompany us,and then we were responsible for
our day packs, like our hikingbackpacks.
(29:16):
I overpacked chronic over Packerhair, and I, the first day was
dying simply because my backpackwas so heavy and the first day
was about.
I think a five hour hike.
I was still feeling sick fromthe day before Rainbow Mountain,
that fiasco.
I couldn't even enjoy RainbowMountain.
I don't know if I finished thatpart of the story, Rainbow
(29:38):
Mountain's cool.
It's beautiful, but like I wasso over it.
By the time I got to the top ofRainbow Mountain, I was dying.
Okay.
Dying and like, yes, it waspretty, I took a couple
pictures, but I was cold.
I couldn't find Kim.
My phone wasn't working wesomehow spotted each other on
the top of the mountain and.
Transverse down without theguide.
(29:58):
The guide told us to meet him ata specific time.
He kept repeating this time overand over again, like, meet here
at this point, at this time.
And we were at that point, atthat time and he was nowhere to
be found.
So we decided to go down RainbowMountain by ourselves.
And I felt a bit better, but Therest of the day.
And then going into the firstday of the actual trek, I felt
(30:19):
like shit.
I had cramps, I'm bleeding.
I'm like worried because eventhough we paid for the premium
the first night, did not have apersonal bathroom.
Maybe my privilege is showinghere, but I was like, whoa,
there's no personal bathroom weslept in like this igloo thing
that was freezing cold.
I was beat up by the time wearrived to our accommodation
(30:40):
that night.
I was so tired.
I had a massive headache.
The altitude medication had notkicked in and my head was
spinning oh, and as an addeddetail that is crucial.
Here I was backed up like allthe way, backed up to day one of
me arriving in Cusco, like I hadnot used the bathroom.
Number two over here.
(31:01):
In three days.
So that was a major concern ofmine.
And the food, by the way, forthis experience was phenomenal.
Like a one top tier, breakfast,lunch, dinner, snacks, like they
gave us everything every day,and that was great.
However, I was so stuffed frombreakfast that day before we
(31:23):
started our hike.
To when we arrived lunch and nowdinner.
I'm sitting at dinner, my headis spinning and our guide, his
name was Carlos, was amazing.
Like did a great job.
And especially hearing thehorror stories of other truckers
along the way with differentcompanies and different tiers,
we realized, oh, okay, we are inthe premium group, but I'll get
(31:45):
to that later.
Anyway, Carlos was our guide andevery day he would brief us at
dinner.
It was like a whole thing, likea production almost.
We had our horseman that wascarrying our luggage from place
to place.
And then we had two chefs thatwere actually married, a husband
and wife duo.
And every meal was amazing.
But like at dinner on the firstnight, I was so beat up, like I
(32:06):
mentioned and over it already,and thinking this is gonna be
hell.
And then I have Carlos tellingthe group that tomorrow would
be.
One of the, if not the hardestday, and we would be hiking for
12 hours and the first half ofit was completely uphill into
the Snowcap mountains, which wasbasically the highest altitude
(32:29):
peak that we would reach.
Our journey.
So as he's telling the groupthis, and the group was
phenomenal, I'll get into thegroup later, but as he's telling
the group that, you know,tomorrow's gonna be ridiculously
hard, my head is pounding.
The room is spinning, like, Ican't think straight, and he's
telling us this information andI'm not processing it well.
(32:50):
I'm like, okay, what are ouroptions here, Carlos?
Like, are you gonna helicopterme back to Cusco?
Like, no.
I wasn't like ready to quit, butI was like, hi, key, ready to
quit and like, that's my thing.
This is the recurring theme asyou probably picked up with the
Pilates story.
I don't like to quit.
So even though I was dying, Iwas like, I'm going to drag
myself through this experience.
(33:10):
So he is like, well, if youdon't think you're up to handle
the hike, we can take you to thebase camp or close to it, not
fully by horseback and then fromthere you can hike the remaining
way, which was by the way, eighthours.
(33:31):
Kim and I were like, horseplease.
And Kim, poor Kim also wassynced up with me, so she was
also on her period That firstday was hell.
And then the morning after Iactually FaceTimed my mom
because I was like, so.
Defeated.
I was in a war with my periodand it was winning like not even
(33:53):
a close match.
And then.
The real concern was like, Istill hadn't used the bathroom.
And so in our briefing, theyactually gave us a roll of
toilet paper because along theway there were very small like
shops and like they hadouthouses basically where you
could use the bathroom, but youwould have to pay the equivalent
of like 50 cents USD.
(34:14):
So.
I was worried.
I was like, I don't wanna gointo the outhouse and have an
accident or an explosion.
And the outhouses are far andfew in between.
So I was talking to my mom like,I cannot use the bathroom.
Like asking for her help.
Like I bought every type ofmedication, antidiarrheal, like
all the things, but not.
Constipation medication.
(34:35):
So I'm telling my mom like, Icannot use the bathroom and I'm
afraid, and we have about anhour until we have to get on
this horse.
And my mom was like, oh, like.
Do you try coffee?
I'm like, yeah, I tried that.
I've been drinking tons ofcoffee, like, nothing's working.
And so I finally just confidedin Carlos, our guide, and I was
like, I can't use the bathroom.
Do you have any medication?
(34:56):
And he's like, well, I don'thave medication, but I do have a
natural remedy that works.
And I'm like, okay, what is it?
And he's like, I'm gonna havethe chefs prepare it for you.
And it was.
Orange juice.
Warm orange juice, and coffeewith milk.
It wasn't as bad actually as Ithought it was gonna be, but it
(35:17):
was not something I would everwanna try again.
And I'm like, yeah, my stomachwill curl.
But is it gonna crow in time?
Because if I don't catch thishorse at nine o'clock, my ass
has to walk up that mountain andthat's not gonna happen.
So I was In a panic, but itworked.
It worked very well.
A little too well, but I usedthe bathroom just in the nick of
(35:41):
time before I had to saddle up.
And then we started our trek upthe mountain, by the way.
Oh my God.
There was a baby, there was awhole ass baby on this trek like
a 1-year-old.
Like she, ugh.
She was so cute.
Like I actually had serious PSof baby fever, being near her
(36:01):
because I saw her every day.
But yeah, this couple, I thinkthey were from Canada, but the
wife was originally fromsomewhere else, I don't
remember, but she was black andher husband was white, and they
had this adorable 1-year-olddaughter Named Mia and I was
obsessed with her.
But the first night I saw her atthe dinner table, I saw the
baby.
Like I knew the baby was real.
(36:23):
I'm not tripping over here, thealtitude does make things feel
very fuzzy at times.
But I was like, oh, that baby'sso cute.
And she kept staring at me and Ikept staring at her and we kept
making eye contact.
I was having this wholeconversation with this
1-year-old girl with my eyes andlike hands and gestures and
stuff and like whatever, we werelocked in, and I assumed, even
(36:45):
though I saw, this isembarrassing, even though I saw
the couple holding the baby, Ithought it was like one of the
locals, like, I thought it waslike, you know, this little
girl, she's biracial.
As mentioned, her mom's black,her dad's white.
I literally thought it was likeone of the local's baby girl.
And so as I'm getting on thehorse, the next day I see the
couple with their baby with Mia,and I'm like, oh my God, like
(37:10):
this baby is so cute.
Basically like, where did shecome from?
I didn't actually say that.
Thank God.
Like my Aries impulsivity didnot kick in.
And I wasn't like, oh, whosebaby is that?
But I realized that it was theirbaby.
Pretty quickly.
And I was just like, wow, youbrought your daughter here
the-sober-butterfly_11_10-16- (37:26):
I need to emphasize just the
absurdity of this 1-year-old,even though I was in love with
her, she shouldn't have beenthere.
And in fact, she is the youngestbaby person.
In fact, maybe I should callGuinness because according to
Carlos, who's done hundreds oftreks, he's never seen a baby.
(37:47):
So to set the scene, we'resaddling up on our horses.
Everyone's on their own horse.
Mom, dad, you can't bring Mia.
You can't hold the baby and holdon for day life as you go up
this slippery mountain in thesnow with your baby.
So they had to give theirdaughter to their guide and he
(38:08):
had to walk.
They had this like, harness thatwent on The guide's back and it
was like a carrier.
So Mia was in there andfastened, and it had like this,
you know, top coat part.
That had a covering and ofcourse she was bundled up, but
literally they had to give theirdaughter away because the horse
path is not the same as thewalking path.
(38:30):
So we.
Said goodbye to Mia.
Like, we didn't see her untilthey were reunited at the top of
the mountain.
So anyway, we get to the top ofthe mountain.
The horseback journey was not apleasant one.
I wanna be clear, it was veryuncomfortable.
It was very bumpy.
There were moments where I waslike, afraid for my life is this
horse gonna fall off the side ofthis mountain, like the horses?
(38:52):
On one.
Okay.
So I was very happy to get offmy horse and then we had to walk
maybe like 10 minutes to get tothe very top of the mountain.
And it's just snowing.
It's so foggy, if your hand waslike stretched out in front of
you a few feet, you could notsee it.
So Kim and I get to the top ofthe mountain.
And of course we've arrivedbefore the rest of our group
(39:14):
because we were on the horseeven though they left an hour
before us.
So we're looking at each otherlike, oh my God.
He said to wait here, but like,how long is it gonna be?
Because we are shivering.
Kim turned to me.
There's a picture I'll put itactually on the screen if you're
watching this on YouTube so youcan see, but there is a picture
(39:35):
that Kim took of me, and this isat the top like everything on me
is frozen.
My lashes are frozen, like myhair is frozen.
and she's like, smile.
And you guys, I love a goodphoto op.
I'm ready to pull it together ina.
Flash.
Literally snap.
I'm ready.
But I could not even fake it.
I could not pull it together.
I looked like I was in agony.
(39:55):
I looked how I felt and I waslike, Kim I can't, like, please.
We have to get out of here.
We cannot stay up here a secondlonger.
So we're like at it, we're gonnalike walk down this mountain.
There's tons of people around,but just from different groups.
And so we just see peoplewalking.
We're like, we're gonna followthese people'cause we can barely
see and I can't think straight.
It's so fucking cold.
(40:15):
So we just continue on ourtrack.
We're walking and walking.
We don't really know where we'rewalking to because as mentioned,
we left our remaining group withour guy Carlos.
So we don't really know wherewe're going.
We're just like, we can't standstill.
Like we will turn into anicicle.
So we're walking for like anhour and then we're walking for
like another hour, and then.
(40:35):
All of a sudden, like our chefduo, the husband and wife run up
to us like out of nowhere.
They were so cute.
Like they literally came up tous and they're like, your tea,
the-sober-butterfly_12_10-1 (40:46):
And they had the coca tea, and I'm
gonna be honest with you guys.
I drank that fucking tea.
I drank it.
Yeah.
I still think I'm sober like Iused to, you know, do the other,
Coca and I can tell you withcertainty.
They're vastly different things.
Okay?
They're vastly different in ourbriefing, our safety briefing,
(41:09):
he did mention like this T isgreat for altitude sickness, but
please be aware that if you getdrug tested, it will come up
positive for, you know, theother coca.
I knew that going into it.
In fact, I had a conversationwith Sam Bail from Third Place
Bar, and she's done this journeybefore, and so before I left,
she was giving me tips andadvice and she was like, the
(41:30):
cocoa tea has, you know that init, it's the natural leaf that
they boil, but you don't.
Feel high.
You don't feel high at all.
It's such a small concentrationand it's the natural form and it
helps with altitude sickness,and I was very sick at that
time, so yeah, I drank thefucking tea.
Sue me.
I don't know if it even worked.
(41:52):
But it was warm and I was coldand yeah, I did it and I'd do it
again.
So they, run up with the tea andwe're like, oh, like where are
we going?
Like how long?
And they're like, not muchlonger, but that doesn't really
tell us anything.
And then they just disappearinto the fog because they were
super fast.
They were literally running.
Through the mountain and we arestruggling to walk.
(42:16):
We keep walking, and thenfinally we get to the lunch
spot.
There were different huts set upfor different groups, and so we
had to find our group because wewere super early and that was a
struggle in itself.
But when the group arrived,finally like an hour and change
later, we had a great lunch andthen Carlos told us that the
(42:37):
rest of the journey would beabout.
Another four hours to get to ourcamp to sleep that night.
Okay, the group, I gotta talkabout the group really quickly.
So in the premium group, we haveKim, you know Kim obviously me,
you have a middle age Australiancouple.
You have a couple that'sprobably like late twenties from
(43:02):
Brazil.
You have a family of four fromDenmark Mom, dad, early twenties
daughter and the late teen sonso that was the dynamic.
There were so many moments thatwe shared together struggle
moments like trauma bonding,that you really do form.
(43:23):
A true bond with these people.
And so I would like to thinkthat I would see them again one
day and we're definitely stillLinkedIn on social.
They was such a fun group andI'm really glad that everyone
vibed, which was nice.
And just to have people from allparts of the world was also very
cool.
Anyway, we had to walk anotherfour hours to get to our base
(43:43):
camp that night.
It was a beautiful base camp.
We did have our own privatebathroom.
I was a happy girl.
I got to finally take a shower.
Yeah, I, yeah.
Imagine I hadn't showered sinceI left SCO so yeah, I was very
happy to shower.
I was regular at that point.
okay.
Day one, day two, disgusting.
(44:05):
Day three things started to lookup.
We were told that it would nolonger be freezing cold because
now we were descending and goingtowards the Amazon jungle.
We went from wearing puffyjacket woolly hats and, you
know.
Fleece gloves to, oh Justinlayers because it's gonna get
(44:27):
warm.
That day was like only a fivehour hike in the morning, and it
was mostly Inca flat is whatCarlos referred to it, which was
like little ups and downs.
And at that point, day three, Idid start to feel the medication
kick in the altitude thicknessmedication, which was such a
blessing now, we're goingthrough different terrains and
it's looking more jungley andit's warmer and I'm just in good
(44:50):
spirits and I can breathe and Idon't have a headache anymore.
And so once we hiked those fivehours, we arrived to this coffee
plantation and did a coffeeexperience where we got to
ground the coffee beans andlearn about how they're grown
and the different flora local tothe area.
(45:10):
And then we got to try somechocolate and then we checked
into another beautiful jungledome.
The accommodations werephenomenal.
We had a beautiful dinner andthen we went to the hot springs,
which was really nice, about anhour away in a van.
So we got to like get in a car.
It was very nice.
And then we got to hang out inthe hot springs and then
(45:31):
afterwards we spent the eveningkind of people watching at an
outdoor restaurant that wasattached to other restaurants
like, imagine like an outdoorpatio.
This is Peru, so think rustichere.
But very cute, set up.
It was fascinating to be in thatexperience because everyone's
(45:52):
drinking now and celebrating thefact that day three was more of
a chill day for everyone.
We made friends along the way,so running into other people at
the hot springs and like sharingstories and that's when we
really discovered, at the hotsprings from this Italian
couple, we had met from ourRainbow Mountain excursion
actually.
And another guy that we keptseeing, they were sharing their
(46:15):
stories and.
Saying things about theirguides, like their guide was
drunk, literally drunk and outtashape.
And he would be huffing andpuffing up the mountain and then
gaslight them and be like, oh,you're so tired.
You need to break, don't you?
And they're like, what are youtalking about?
And this Italian coupleactually, they were super hot.
Like both of them were.
(46:36):
Carved out a marble, okay?
They were very fit and in shape.
And here this man is telling'emwho's drunk, by the way.
Or hungover, I should say, thatthey need to rest because
they're so tired moving along.
We also learned just like somany people at that point had
dropped or like were injuredcouldn't make it to day three.
(46:58):
So we felt pretty good and smugabout ourselves.
We're like, okay, we're stillhere, we're still in this fight.
So then, like I mentioned,, werepeople watching and all of these
people are just binge drinkingand Carlos is telling us that
they are gonna get so drunktonight.
Then tomorrow, day four now isthe hardest day.
Because we're going up throughthe jungle and it's slippery and
(47:22):
it was raining well, he said thesecond hardest day, like the
second day.
And the fourth day are both, hesaid maybe equally hard.
This time there's no horse.
So one woman, the Australianwoman.
She had like a bad knee and shewas like, you know, I'm going to
take a bus there because thatwas an option as opposed to
trying to do this other reallyhard hike.
(47:43):
And everyone else in our group.
We were like, we can do it.
And I was so proud of myselfbecause I almost took the bus
only because at that time I'mlike, I just don't wanna get
injured at this point.
Can you imagine like tomorrowday five we get to go to Machu
Picchu and I am injured.
Like he's talking about howslippery it is and I'm already
clumsy.
(48:04):
I just don't wanna risk it.
And I just would be soembarrassed to be like, I broke
my, whatever.
On the last day of my hike,like, no.
So I almost opted out and thenhe was like, you know, you can
definitely do it.
And so when he said that it wasthe, I guess, nudge that I
needed and I was like, okay, I'mgonna do it.
(48:26):
But it was hard.
Oh my God.
It was hard.
But as mentioned, I was startingto fill the medication and we
did it.
It was raining the majority ofthe time.
When we leave for these hikes,it's always at the crack of
dawn, so it's dark and you know,now there are mosquitoes and it
was just, it was a lot.
But my breathing had regulated,which was the biggest.
(48:46):
Concern I had before, like notbeing able to breathe and you're
just walking even though, yes,you're going up, was scary.
But now I felt like I couldbreathe.
I was still, you know, huffingand puffing, but I could breathe
and I felt like I could actuallycontrol my breathing.
So it was a great.
Experience at last day becausewe did something really hard and
(49:07):
that was like the end of thehike part.
So even though it's five daysday five, you're not hiking.
And I don't even know if I hadany more hike left in me guys
after the 50 miles of hiking.
Yeah, when we finished day four,we ended up taking a train to
the nearest city to Machu Picchucalled, Aguas Calientes.
(49:29):
We had dinner, our final dinnerin an actual restaurant.
We had said goodbye to thehorsemen and to the wife,
husband, chef duo.
And yeah, it was an emotionalmoment because it was our last
night together and we were goingto, the World Wonder, Machu
Picchu, and that was such a big.
(49:51):
Bucket list item for both Kimand I.
When we met in Mexico and becamefriends, we always said we would
do that together.
And so it was just such amagical, full circle moment to
be there with her and then makeall of these great connections
with people that we otherwisewould never know in life.
So that was such a beautifulexperience.
And I came back, even though Iwas exhausted, somewhat somehow,
(50:14):
restored, so it wasn't a badidea.
But had I known.
All that I know now, I don'tknow if I would do it, so I'm
glad I actually didn't do enoughresearch going into it because.
Oh my God, that was insane.
And I ran into Priscilla.
I was looking for her the wholetime.
Like she had actually left theday before me, so she was always
(50:36):
like a step ahead.
But I think she did the four dayand I did the five day.
So either way, we crossed pathsright before we got on the train
to go to Aguas Calientes.
I was so grateful to, God andthe universe.
For this opportunity to run intoher again.
And truly thank her for all ofher help because I was like, you
(50:56):
were right girl.
I almost died on RainbowMountain and it almost ruined
the rest of the trip for me.
So thank you for telling us notto do that on our first day in
Cusco.
So that was basically myexperience in Peru
the-sober-butterfly_14_10-16 (51:12):
So that trip closed out the rest of
my August.
And now moving into September, Istarted to work again.
Back at school.
My Pilates training ended.
Hallelujah.
I was burnt out and it was thefirst time I felt like I could
really exhale in a long time.
And I felt like I could be morepresent.
I think that's the keydifference as well.
(51:32):
Like I was so anxious thinkingabout all the things next day,
had to do that, like I wasn'treally showing up for other
people or for myself.
And going away on that trekreally did give me a lot of
clarity.
And disconnect really.
So September felt like a realreset moment for me, and I think
(51:52):
the perspective just from all ofthe struggles I experienced this
summer and also this year.
I think it really felt like thelessons were unfolding and
everything was becoming clear.
I also went to Arizona with mycousin in September and we had
so much fun, we went on a miniroad trip from Phoenix to
(52:17):
Sedona, in a Jeep of course,because you have to have the
wind blowing through your hairjamming Spice Girls and whatever
throwback tunes we had going, itwas just such a fun experience.
So we got to do that.
Oh, we went to the Chris Brownconcert as well.
And I fell asleep in true sobergirl fashion.
I was like passed out, but notbecause I drank or did anything.
(52:42):
Although it probably looked likeit to the untrained eye, to
onlookers.
They were probably like, thisgirl is tapped out.
I was just tired.
I don't go out like thatanymore.
I'm not staying up late likethat.
And if I do, it's just becauseI'm doom scrolling or too
caffeinated, but I'm not outsideat.
(53:04):
Ungodly concert hours.
I like to have fun, but justwith the time difference too,
like Arizona's three hoursbehind New York and Chris Brown
didn't actually hit the stageuntil like 9:00 PM their time.
So it's already midnight whenthe show is starting.
I was tired.
Okay.
The show, the parts that I saw,the show was great.
(53:26):
He.
Perform for like three hoursstraight, nonstop.
There was no intermission fromwhat I saw.
I will have to confirm that withmy cousin, but the, it was a
good time.
I was just exhausted.
The concert was the same nightthat we flew into Phoenix, and
by the way, Phoenix, I don'tknow the racial demographics of
(53:47):
Phoenix is, but apparentlythere's not a lot of black
people, which is very misleadingfrom the movie.
Waiting to exhale with WhitneyHouston, like that movie I
always knew was set in Phoenixand I just thought it was like,
you know, black girls hanging onPhoenix.
But no, apparently that's rare,but at the airport.
(54:08):
We saw so many black people, asea of black people, to the
point where Uber drivers keptreferencing, oh, we know you're
not from here because you'reblack.
Basically like black people andwhite people were telling us
like they knew that.
They're like, you're here forthe concert.
Right.
The Chris Brown concert.
And we're like, I hate thatyou're profiling us and I hate
(54:28):
that you're right.
But yes, we are here for theconcert.
So, that was my trip inSeptember and now we're in
October and I'm back, baby, I'mgonna wind down here'cause you
know, I can go on and on.
But I'll wind down here by justgiving you a current snapshot of
(54:50):
where I am at in this lastseason of the year.
Whether it be Q3, Q4, undecided,but I'm gonna finish the year
out on the high because Idefinitely started on the low,
and it's only right to balancethe scales over here.
Shout out to my Libras as we'rein Libra season.
(55:12):
so I have a plan for how I'mgoing to actually close the year
out strong because it's onething to wish, and I think you
should wish for whatever youwant because why would you wish
small wish big babe?
But there has to be action,right?
We have to back up ourintentions with.
Actionable steps.
So I have a plan and I'm gonnashare that plan because I don't
(55:35):
gatekeep mental health tips overhere.
Okay.
Not that I am the spokespersonfor mental health.
Good mental health.
So today as I record this, it'sa Thursday.
And if you're listening in realtime you're going to hear this
on October 17th, which is aFriday, Starting on Saturday,
October 18th, we have 75 daysleft in 2025.
(56:01):
I'm gonna pause for a dramaticeffect.
Yeah.
75 days babe.
75 days to get your shittogether.
Okay?
I'm not gonna wait for the newyear to make more resolutions
that are just going to fall bythe wayside.
I am starting now and I'minviting you to join me, maybe
(56:22):
not as extreme as me because asyou know, I'm an extreme girly,
but I am starting 75 hard.
On Saturday, 75 days left in theyear.
No room for error because if youknow anything about 75 hard A,
it's hard.
B, you complete it in 75 days,and if you breach or break any
(56:46):
of the rules, there are five.
You have to start over again.
So it doesn't matter if you'reon day 74, but you don't drink a
gallon of water.
That's one of the rules thatday.
Sorry, boo.
You're back to day one.
So I don't have any room to fuckup because there's only seven,
five days in the year startingSaturday when I'm starting.
So I have put together a plan toreally execute this properly.
(57:12):
I'm going to devote next week'sepisode to really get into the
weeds around that because.
I've tried it before and Ididn't succeed, so I will be
going in depth about what'sgonna be different this time as
well as, Sharing that journeywith you guys next week in case
you're interested.
(57:33):
Even if you don't wanna do it ornever think you can do it, or
whatever the circumstances maybe, you just want to hear my
real time suffering out loud.
I think doing an inventory ofyour health and your lifestyle
choices is always a good idea.
So yeah.
Next week we'll chat some morearound my 75 hard experience and
(57:55):
where my health currently is, aswell as me getting into my
number one addiction, which isnot alcohol.
Surprisingly.
Maybe not surprisingly because Idon't drink alcohol, but my
number one addiction, I wouldargue even maybe when I was
drinking.
Is sugar and we can get into howyour body metabolizes alcohol
(58:19):
into sugar.
So the two are interconnected ina way.
Later, we can talk about thatnext week.
the-sober-butterfly_15_10-16 (58:27):
So that's the update, butterflies
where I've been, what I'velearned, and what's next.
Thank you all for still beinghere and for being so patient
with me, for always believing inme, even when I go.
Dark.
Even when I go silent, even whenI ghost y'all.
(58:48):
Next episodes of the SoberButterfly Podcast will drop
every Friday, so make sure yousubscribe, leave a review, and
share the show with someone whoneeds a little sober sparkle in
their week.
Also, follow me on Instagram atthe@the.soberbutterfly for daily
(59:08):
updates on my 75 hard journey.
I said hard 75 because I'm justthinking about how hard it is,
but it's called 75 hard.
Anyway, we'll talk about it morenext week.
Remember, transformation isn'talways pretty, but it's always
possible.
I love you guys so much.
Let's make these next 75 dayscount.
Bye.
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