Sober Success: Building a Life You Don't Need to Escape From with Darryl Dittmer

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello and welcome to the show.

(00:02):
My name is Nadine Mulvina andyou are listening to the Sober
Butterfly Podcast.
TSB is all about diving intoinspiring stories of personal
growth, resilience, andtransformation.

Nadine (00:18):
Hello, hello, and welcome to the Sober Butterfly
podcast.
Today we are joined with a veryspecial guest.
I have Daryl Dittmer here.
Welcome Daryl.
Thank you so much for being apart of the show.

Darryl (00:32):
Hi, Nadine.
Thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate it.

Nadine (00:35):
And I really appreciate you.
I am very interested to learn alittle bit more about your book.
When I Stopped Fighting theUnexpected Joy of Getting to
Know You.
My head out of my ass, what atitle.
I absolutely love that.
So we can get into that a littlebit later.
Um, and then just in terms of alittle bit of your story,
because you have a lot of sobertime.

(00:57):
Um, you and I were talking alittle bit backstage.
I have coming into three yearsand how many years sober do you
have?
Daryl?

Darryl (01:04):
Uh, just over 39.

Nadine (01:07):
Wow.
That's impressive.
And I know like you can't alwaysqualify, quantify or qualify.
I should say maybe the sobertime, but in terms of like, you
know, That's like a lifespan.
That's incredible.
So I would love to hear a littlebit more about that, of course.
Um, but tell us earlybeginnings.
What was life like for you,Daryl, growing up?

(01:27):
I believe you're from Michigan,right?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-2024 (01:29):
I am.
Yes, I am.

Track 1 (01:31):
So tell us about your upbringing.
What was life like?
I love to learn or know some ofthe earliest associations that
you had with alcohol orsubstances.
Like, did your family have anyconnection to drinking or using,
or what was their sort of likeviews around?
Substances and how were youfirst exposed to that growing

(01:52):
up?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24- (01:55):
Sure.
The, the, um, you know, from afamily perspective, uh, no real
association with alcohol.
Uh, I guess, you know, I grew upin the Midwest.
So, so I was guess the biggestinfluence on my life was sort of
the Protestant work ethic that,you know, it's, it's, it's just

(02:16):
a thing where my dad was amechanic.
My mom took care of us kids andhave an older brother and a
younger sister.
So it was, it was.
What I would say from back then,it was a pretty traditional, you
know, typical MidwesternAmerican family.
Um, in Michigan, dad worked foreither GM Ford or Chrysler for

(02:39):
the most part.
I shouldn't say everyone, butthat's just kind of how it
rolled out.
And, and so, you know, there wasa focus on, for my dad, he was
also a Navy veteran.
So it was discipline.
It was strict.
It was, you know, fairly tough.
He was a pretty tough dude.
He was Um, my mom was, uh, astrict, you know, disciplinarian

(03:00):
manners, all that sort of thing.
Um, and we had a, a, aProtestant upbringing, so, so
we, I was raised Lutheran,which, you know, is, is really
neither here nor there, but itstarted the story of, of here's
your box of what you're allowedto believe.
And here's your.

(03:20):
Here's your stuff that you haveto kind of buy into, which is
cool because they're parents andthey're supposed to do that sort
of thing and whatever.
But, but at some point you cometo, you know, where does that,
where does that work in my life?
So anyway, we'll get to that ina little bit because, uh,
that's, that's another.
Uh, juicy part of the story,but, um, in terms of sobriety,

(03:43):
um, you know, and belief systemsand that sort of thing.
But you know, I starteddrinking, I shouldn't say I
started drinking, I had my firstdrink when I was 13 and, and uh,
you know, got into, not bigtrouble, but just a little bit
of trouble with a kid that wasmuch older than me and I was,
you know, I just turned into anidiot.
Um, yeah.
pretty immediately.

(04:03):
But, but I do remember the factthat I loved how I felt.
I, I, and I wanted to do thatagain and I wanted to keep doing
that.
So, so that was my introductionand then it, you know, it just,
it took a pretty quick path fromthat point.

Track 1 (04:21):
Thank you for sharing that.
I'm curious Darryl was the firsttime at 13 that you tried
alcohol.
Did you get drunk at that timeor were you just casually
drinking?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-20 (04:31):
No, casually drinking even

Track 1 (04:34):
drinking.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24- (04:36):
Yeah, it wasn't even wasn't even in my
repertoire the 1st time.
Um, you know, I wouldn't, Iwasn't stumbling around or
anything or, but I wasdefinitely, um.
You know, more than, more thancasual, no doubt about it.

Track 1 (04:50):
I asked that question because I too got drunk.
I can't remember actually I wasin seventh grade So I would have
been 12 or 13 And the first timeI ever drank alcohol, I was
completely blackout drunk And soI I often ask that question That
question to guess because Iwonder if there's some sort of
like parallel that coexists likeyour first introduction to the

(05:11):
substance.
It's like, I felt the sense ofeuphoria.
Like you said, you'd never feltlike that before.
Like I too was like, wow, thisis incredible.
I can lose myself.
My inhibitions are gone.
So that's why I always ask thatquestion.
But yeah, there was no sense ofresponsible drinking for me at
12 slash 13 either.
Um, so yeah, what happened thatfollowing that, um, first?

(05:33):
Time you drink, like how didthat sort of, or did it snowball
into other things?
Like, like how did thatrelationship grow or develop for
you?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_0 (05:43):
Definitely snowballed into other things.
Um, moved from kind of the burbsto out in the country, uh, not
too long after that firstintroduction and, and I got
involved with some, some guyswho, uh, know, we started, uh,
riding, I had a crappy oldmotorcycle and they had

(06:05):
motorcycles and so we used toride around in the old.
Back roads, dirt roads, and weused to ride and drink in the
gravel pit and that sort ofthing and, and, and then got
introduced to weed and starteddoing that, you know, as often
as I possibly could and,drinking as often as I possibly
could and hiding and, and thenit started into the, you know,

(06:26):
the lying and cheating andstealing and all that stuff that
just kind of.
Comes along at least it did forme.
And I think a lot of folks thatI've known over the years that,
you know, we have to protectthis newfound love of our life.
Right?
So, and most people can't relateto how hard we decided to go at

(06:49):
it.
Um, and some can, and those arethe people that, that stayed
along for the ride, right?
Until, until the bitter end,but, um, it, it, you know, it
moved into psychedelic stuffand, and cocaine, and then, you
know, dealing and that sort ofthing, and, it definitely

(07:11):
snowballed, and by the time Iwas 18, I was with the prospect
of, of, you know, being.
Uh, asked to, to go intotreatment and that's a, that's a
interesting story in of itself.
They

Track 1 (07:29):
I would love to hear parts of that story as well.
I'm curious to, to find out,since you mentioned your parents
were pretty disciplined and alsoreligious, um, were there any,
um, confrontations or Was therea conflict between this version
of you as you were maybe pushingthose boundaries and home life?

(07:50):
Or did you keep that separate?
Like, did they not know theextent of your drinking or, um,
hanging out even with these guysin a motorcycle?
I'm thinking like a motorcyclegang.
I don't know if that's a fair,um, fair depiction, but yes.
Were they aware of your sort oflike dealings at this time.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-2 (08:09):
were aware of the fact that I had
changed immensely as a humanbeing, um, and I'd come You
know, when I was a kid, I'd comehome drunk all the time, uh, or
high or both or whatever, youknow, just under the influence
of something, whatever thathappened to be or knock them
home or, you know, whatever.

(08:29):
So, so they, they knew therewere issues.
My dad, you know, he did have apast when it came to, um, know,
a little bit of dysfunction and,and, and in his younger years
drinking, but I never saw him.
He drank, you know, three beersa year or something.
Um, You know, when I was growingup, so, think he sort of looked

(08:52):
at it like, Oh, he's just, youknow, a kid being a kid and he
didn't really get into it.
My mom, on the other hand, wason my tail and, uh, she was
definitely very concerned aboutme.
And, And, um, and the, and howmuch I changed, um, cause she,
she said to me one time, andit's difficult for me to say

(09:12):
now, but, uh, you know, amendshave been made long time ago
and, and that sort of thing.
And, but said, I saw when Ilooked in your eyes, I guess to
paraphrase it was evil.
I didn't, and that was just, andI, I don't think I was, but I
think she saw a part of me thatwas.

(09:35):
Not the guy she raised and it,and I think it scared the hell
out of her.
I

Track 1 (09:42):
Wow.
I mean, that's a prettypowerful, profound statement.
And I'm sure hard to hear as ason.
Um, so what was the precipicelike?
So at 18, you know, you'rerealizing that maybe you
mentioned that you needed somehelp.
It sounded like maybe, andtreatment became An option.

(10:04):
I'm curious to know what thatlooked like.
So how did we get to that placewhere you sought change for your
life?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-2 (10:14):
wasn't, I was, I was aware to the extent
that I could be at that pointthat I was miserable, that I was
always hiding, that I was alwaysscared, that I always had to be
around people.
I couldn't stand to be alone.
Um, it was just, it wasincredibly, you know, my life
was just, tumultuous.
It was tumultuous at that point.

(10:36):
Um, but I didn't understand thatit was the drugs and the drink
and that was that was that washow I escaped and that was how I
got out of what I thought wasbad, you know, because that was
when I felt good when I wasn'twhen I wasn't under the
influence of something that's.
I didn't enjoy myself and I, Ididn't like the time I was

(10:58):
spending with me or other peopleand I got to the point where I,
you know, I couldn't look peoplein the eye.
I, I could barely have, youknow, a rational conversation,
um, with anyone who was youknow, it was just kind of these,
the, the friends that I Did moreof this hard stuff with hard

(11:21):
party and whatever.
Um, those were the guys I couldrelate with so So anyway, my my
mom and dad said to me one daythey said look we got to talk
and and so They said we want youto go talk to this counselor.
And if you don't go talk to thiscounselor You know, it's kind of
over, you know in terms of howour relationship is going to go

(11:47):
Hennett was, it was kind of atough, it was a tough sort of,
uh, crossroads for me, because Ididn't want to go talk to this
counselor, and, and absolutelynot, and I was scared to death
to go talk to the counselor, butthere was also something inside
me that was saying, of bangingon my hood a little bit, saying,

(12:08):
dude, you're a mess.
You know, you, you need to dosomething.
So decided to go and the meetingwas probably a, I don't know, a
week or week and a half forwardfrom when we had that
discussion.
So, so I went and I showed upand my, my plan was as.
I'd conducted everything in mylife at that point was to try to

(12:31):
lie and just BS my way throughit.
And, and as soon as I walkedinto this dude's office, he's
like, you can't lie to me.
You can't BS me, you know,don't, don't even try.
He intimidated the hell out ofme.
And, a kid, I'm 18, you know,I'm, I'm still.
able to be intimidated for sure.
And, and I was, and so in thatdiscussion, I told him I was as

(12:57):
honest with him as I could be atthat time, whatever capability I
had of being honest at thattime, I, I, I was as honest as I
could be.
So the end I said, what's, youknow, what do you think doc?
And he said, well, we need toget you into treatment.
So, so it was probably another,I don't know, maybe two, three
weeks and I have, I don't havemany recollections of that time,

(13:18):
quite honestly, but, but therewas a date that was set and, uh,
and that was the day I was goinginto treatment and I, and I
ended up acquiescing to, uh, tomy fate at that point, not
knowing what the hell was goingto happen and.
I ended up going,

Track 1 (13:36):
That's beautiful.
And I'm so glad that thatcounselor kind of expected you
to lie and BS and was just like,well, dude, I've seen and heard
it all.
There's no way I'm going to letyou skate out of here.
Um, that's also really relatablein terms of the honesty piece.
I feel like most people.

(13:58):
Get sober when they're ready tobe honest with themselves and
maybe with other people who canactually help facilitate that
process.
So that's beautiful because itsounds like you weren't
necessarily seeking sobriety atthat time.
It was sort of like your handwas forced, but ultimately you
made that choice, which we alldo when we're ready to actually

(14:18):
have the tough conversation.
Like I can't do this or maybe mylife is unmanageable at this
time.
What was, um, your treatmentprocess?
I know you said it's sort oflike, And many years ago, I'm
assuming as well, but it wassort of a blur.
But what would you say were,were some of the cruxes or
foundations of you gettingbetter during that time?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-20 (14:40):
uh, I, I don't remember much about
treatment, honestly, and, andfor several reasons.
Um, but I do know there are 2,uh, very important things that I
got out of treatment, um, whichwere indispensable and, and I
think sort of lit the fire forme that.

(15:03):
I could live a different way.
So, so the first thing was I gotan introduced to the 12 steps
and that was, that was reallyimportant for me.
It was if I was at that time Iwas 19.
So, so my birthday's December15th and I went into treatment
January 3rd.
So, I had just turned 19.

(15:25):
I'm in treatment and, and I'm akid.
So I'm still trying to figureout the whole life thing, you
know, just like, where do I.
I'm a kid.
I'm messed up.
I think I know everything.
I don't know a damn thing.
You know, there's all this stuffgoing on.
So, so the 12 steps for meprovided, um, at least people
who seem like.

(15:46):
They may have had somethingtogether that I didn't have in,
in any way.
And that was pretty cool for meto see.
then I got, you know, introducedat least to the 12 Steps.
And I know heard the promises,um, point.

(16:07):
And so then the other thing Igot other than 12 Steps was
hope.
I got hope that, that I couldlive a life where.
know, someday, maybe I couldlook people in the eye and I
could have confidence and Icould feel better like some of
these people that I'm seeingaround me and, and it wasn't all
the people I was seeing aroundme in the, in the, around the

(16:29):
tables and stuff, but there weresome, and you just kind of pick
them out and like, oh, wow, thatperson.
I want to be like that person orI, I want to feel how I think
that person feels, you know, so,so that was, that was treatment
for me and it was, it, it put meon the road for which I am
grateful.

Track 1 (16:49):
That's beautiful.
And I, I feel like this is whyhaving conversations like this
is so important because whenpeople can connect, when people
can hear parts of their story.
Interwoven with yours, forexample, it lets us know that we
are not alone.
And I think AA has a saying,like, we are all terminally

(17:10):
unique.
We think that we're living insort of like a.
Silo where it's like, this isjust happening to me.
No one else can understand.
And then when you connect withother people who have gone
through that similar situationand they seem like, you know,
they're still alive and eventhriving, um, you're like, wow,
like I want to be like that,like you have something I want

(17:32):
and I desire to also be able tolive this life.
And I think.
That is profoundly just soimpactful because when you feel
like you're so broken and noone, nobody understands, that is
where I think so many peoplestay stuck and suffer.
Whereas when you see people whohave gone through similar things

(17:54):
as mentioned.
It just gives hope, like youmentioned, everything you said I
can resonate with.
And I've had similar situationswhere I've been like, I don't
think other people necessarilyunderstand what I'm going
through.
And then I'll go to a meetingand I recognize that, no,
there's so many people thatunderstand exactly what you've

(18:14):
gone through and what you'regoing through.
So that's really powerful.
Thank you for sharing that,Daryl.
Um, so then following treatment,like you've had like many, I
want to say iterations of life,which I'm so drawn to because I
love this idea that we are not asingle narrative.
There's so many dimensions towho we are.
So, you know, being a 19 yearold kid, you've already lived,

(18:36):
it sounds like a lot ofexperience, um, but you were
still figuring out life and howto navigate life.
So talk, kind of walk us throughthe iterations.
I know this is a big ask, butwalk us through some of the
iterations of Daryl.
Cause I, I, you are a carpenterat one point, you, you know, own
your own business, you were insales, so like, how did you sort

(18:57):
of go through life?
And then this is inching towardssuccess, right?
Like what did success look foryou at 19 versus fast forward,
you know, to how many years tonow?
Like how many lives have youlived?
I guess it's my question, Daryl.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-2024 (19:13):
I love that.
Now, uh, lots of them, um, whichis great.
And, and, you know, I, I don'twant to be done living different
iterations of me because.
and, and for every ounce of it,you know, I don't seriously, and
I'm serious when I say this, I,I, I do the work that's in front

(19:33):
of me to be done, but I, I can'tjust take credit for, I spend
more time being grateful thananything, you know, and just
doing the work.
So, so that's, that's the end ofthe story.
The beginning of the story was,um, you know, at 19, I wanted
to.
You know, my parents did a greatjob and they did the best they

(19:55):
could and, you know, we, my dadwas a mechanic and, you know, we
didn't have much money, right?
We had no, we had food, clothingand shelter and, and, you know,
they, they did absolutely thebest they could, for which I am
very grateful.
Um, and, but I wanted toexperience some different things

(20:15):
and some financial success in mylife and.
And I started to hang aroundwith people in sobriety who Um,
you know, who thought of lifefrom a perspective of abundance
and, and that it's okay andthere's enough for everybody

(20:37):
and, you know, you don't, you'renot holding somebody else down
if you're successful.
You know, those sorts of thoughtprocesses, which I completely
agree with, um, and I don't Ijust, I wanted something more
so, so I actually ended up goingto college and I wasn't, you
know, I didn't come from acollege educated family or

(20:58):
anything like that.
So it was never like, uh, youknow, nobody was planning on
going to college or, you know,and I just happened to, when I
got out of treatment, um, I, Idecided I wanted to go to
college.
And so I did do that.
I got out of college and I justwent back to doing carpentry
because that's what I wascomfortable doing.
I got a criminal justice degreebecause my brother was a police

(21:22):
officer.
My grandfather was a policeofficer.
My dad was a mechanic.
My other grandfather was afirefighter.
So seemed like the You know, theclosest thing to what I could
understand, um, people weregetting business degrees and
marketing degrees and financedegrees.
I'm like, you know, just keepthis stuff away from me.
I don't understand it.
I can't do it.

(21:42):
No, thanks.
I'm good.
So want to keep this storyreasonable, uh, in terms of
length of time here.
But, um.
I got, doing carpenter aftercollege, and I, I met a guy and
he asked me if I wanted to getinvolved in the sales thing, and
it was a network marketingthing.
I had no idea.
So I was like, yeah, why not?

(22:04):
You know, I'll, I'll check itout.
Long story short, um, thatworked okay for a little while,
but not for anything long term.
Then I got approached by anotherfriend and said, Hey, you want
to be involved in sales and goout to Boston with us and we're
doing this stuff to help people,you know, quit smoking and, uh.
And, uh, lose weight and managetheir stress.

(22:27):
I'm like, yeah, I'll try it.
Why not?
I did that.
That didn't go well.
Everybody that I went out toBoston with ended up going back
to Detroit.
And I was like, you know what?
I'll just stay.
And then I got involved withthis guy at the gym.
I, I was talking to him and heowned a, uh, commercial
insurance brokerage and riskmanagement firm.
And, and I asked him for a joband he gave me one.

(22:49):
And that, that one, I startedout at 30, 000 a year, but it
was a draw.
So everything I, Got from them.
I had to pay back until I wasable to overcome that with
sales.
So that sucked.
Um, that was a little bit

Track 1 (23:05):
Wow.
That's a lot of pressure.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24- (23:08):
Yeah, so anyway, I did that and that
worked out fine.
And then that that company wasacquired.
I got ownership in the secondcompany which was cool.
So I did that and that was, thatwas kind of a, a long part of my
story.
That was about 20 years.
Um, in that time, I, I bought acouple of old homes and rehab

(23:30):
them and, you know, and didsome, some building type stuff.
And that was really cool.
Um, I enjoy that because I couldspend, I spent about 2 and a
half years of weekends.
talking to, you know, some daysor some weekends I'd go without
talking to another human being.
So I was just quiet.
I was in the moment.
I was doing the work and it was,it was, it was silence and it

(23:53):
was, it was a beautiful thing.
So anyway, um, I've, I've owneda restaurant.
I've owned, uh, Parts of aninsurance company.
I own parts of the brokerage.
Um, and so, you know, just juststuff, right?
We're prevented or I'm sorryprevented.
We're presented withopportunities I was presented

(24:14):
with things that I could eithersay yes to or I could say no to
I got my ass handed to meseveral times and that's fine
and know, as we go along inlife, you just learn that that's
just part of the story.
You know, if we want, if we wantsomething more, that's just part
of the story.
Get your butt kicked around alittle bit.
And that's, you know, that'swhat happened to me.

(24:35):
I've, like to say that I've hadmore failures than I've had
successes, um, which is alsofine.
I, I, I kind of expect, youknow, now, like, okay, I'm going
to it.
You know, now I'm going to writebooks and that's, that's what I
to do and I'm sure we'll chatabout that a little bit, but you

(24:56):
know, I know I'm not going to begood at it.
I know I'm not going to know howto do it.
You know, I got to figure it outlike, like else that, you know,
needs to be tried.
So I hope that gives a littlesmattering of the story, uh,
Nadine and in

Track 1 (25:10):
It does.
It does.
I feel like you did a great jobof recapping 20 years of life.
And I, I mean, I am wonderingwith sobriety or without
sobriety, would any of that havebeen possible for you?
Like this idea of trying yourhand at different things.
And you said you failed morethan, you know, you succeeded.

(25:32):
I feel like so many people arefailure adverse or risk adverse
that they wouldn't even attemptto try their hand at different
things because they're so afraidof failure.
And I'm just thinking back towhen I would drink and I think a
lot of people can probablyresonate with this.
I would drink because I wasdeeply unhappy with that.
The way things were, I woulddrink because I felt like I was

(25:53):
tethered to maybe a job or anexperience that wasn't serving
me.
And it was a form of escapism.
So going back to that question,I think I know the answer there,
but like, could you have doneany of this if you were still
drinking or without sobriety?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_0 (26:09):
definitely not.
Definitely not.
I, I, there's, there's a, um,that get installed in us.
And this is my belief, but aswe're sober, and as we grow, and
as we change.
know, we're exposed to thingslike, uh, discipline and
perseverance and, you know, justnot giving up and all of those

(26:34):
things that allow us to trythings and maybe not succeed,
but also to keep going, youknow, and, I would not have been
presented with those things interms of.
Those tools and those componentsto live a successful life.
Had I not gotten sober andstarted to hang around people
who.

(26:55):
I wanted to emulate.

Track 1 (26:59):
I love that.
I'm wondering if it's because,and like, forgive me if this is
presumptuous.
Is it because you've quoteunquote fucked up or failed at
life before that you're notafraid to fail?
Like you failed.
You know, like in your youngeryears, I'm sure you messed up a
lot.
And like, when you got sober,you recognize, and cause I feel

(27:21):
like this is what's true for me.
I'm like, I have already fuckedup so much in my life.
Like, I'm not afraid in my sobermind to try my hand at these
other things.
Like it could, it could never beas bad as it was then.
Do you feel like there is somekind of connection there?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-2024 (27:34):
I think there is.
Yeah, I think there's aconnection there and there's
also a connection for me and abig, a big part of me when I was
younger and just getting soberwas I wanted the people who I'd
let down to be proud of me.
I wanted those people to beproud of me and I, and I my life

(27:55):
in, in such a way as, you know,and not that I didn't.
Fuck up a whole bunch of stuffsober too.
I mean, that's just part oflife, right?
It's, it's what it is.
Um, so, so there's, there's apart where, you know, maybe
there's some making up andthat's okay because whatever
drives us forward, in myopinion, whatever keeps us going

(28:19):
and drives us forward, I don'tcare if it's, you know, I'm
trying to make up for somethingor I'm trying to have my parents
be proud of me until I can beproud of myself, you know, until
I can, you know, And I don't saythat from an ego perspective.
I just say that from theperspective of having some
confidence and having somewillingness to, you know,
continue going down what can bea really difficult road and, you

(28:43):
know, the subtitle of my book,the unexpected joy of getting my
head out of my ass.
It wasn't the sobriety part,getting my head out of my ass, I
mean that was a, that was asmall part of it, but it's life,
you know, and after I'm sober, Istill have to get my head out of
my ass, you know, I still haveto figure it out and move
forward.

Track 1 (29:02):
Yeah, that's a great segue.
So when you say in your book.
When I stop fighting, I feellike most people think that they
should be fighting.
So what do you, what do you, howdo you define this fight that
you're referring to in thisbook?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-202 (29:17):
I, I am, a maniac, I'm a fighter,
I'm, I'm, it's how I'm built,it's how I was raised, you know,
no pain, no gain.
Um, it only hurts till the painstops, you know, just keep
going, don't, don't let these,you know, Oh, if there's not a
bone sticking out, you're nothurt, you know, like that sort

(29:38):
of stuff.
So, you know, that's how I wasraised.
So that's how I approach life.
And when I got sober.
And, and the reason that I, thatI titled the book this way is I
beat the hell out of myself withlife, and I beat the hell out of
myself because I always had theass kicking machine turned on,
and I was always, know, off atmyself for, for not doing

(30:03):
everything correctly and, youknow, how we can be really tough
on ourselves.
So, you know, especially earlyon and, and that's a, that's a
difficult thing to overcome.
So, so when I was about 8 monthsover and I'd say I was told this
probably at 9 or 10 months over8 months over, I went to
college.
I met my sponsor, um.

(30:24):
Another sponsor, his name wasBud.
Phenomenal, beautiful humanbeing, just, anyway, he said to
me as I was wrestling andfighting with some problem and
you know, I'm bringing him allmy stuff and we're talking about
things, he said, Daryl, you stopfighting, the fighting stops and
that is why I titled the bookthat way and why I My entire

(30:49):
life, almost every day from thatpoint on, has been how do I stop
the fight with myself?

Track 1 (30:59):
I love that.
It's almost like, you know, weare what we attract, like you're
bringing in more problems, themore that you're obsessing about
having to confront saidproblems.
And when you just releaseeverything, then I think things
tend to get better.
And I also want to connect thatback to what you had mentioned
before around, you know, comingfrom.

(31:20):
A blue collar family.
I think like the mindset shiftis really important as well.
Because if you're only beingshown certain examples of what
success can look like, it's hardto sometimes shake that, right?
It's hard to I hate to quotelike rich dad, poor dad, right?
But you have to.
Two archetypes presented to you.
One is like, take the saferoute, right?

(31:42):
This is the course you need tofollow, what you know, what
you're comfortable with.
And then you have thealternative, which is like, this
is the pathway to wealth, orthis is the pathway to
abundance.
And it's, it looks like takingrisks.
It looks like obviouslycalculated risks, but being a
bit more Um, flexible with yourthinking.
And I also can relate to thatbecause I feel like in order to

(32:06):
protect ourselves and otherpeople, when they think they're
helping you to protect yourself,you, you kind of get bogged down
with like very traditional waysof thinking, and it's not
necessarily the best way foryou.
And I, I, that's what sobrietyhas shown me, like getting
sober.
I'd shared this with you before.
Like I'm starting to finally seesome of the seeds I planted a

(32:28):
long time ago flourish andblossom and it's because I have
more clarity.
It's because I know that thework I'm doing is, It's good
work.
And so I'm not afraid to, um,take risks.
And I think that is really whatI want people to understand.
Like sobriety isn't just aboutremoving the toxins from your

(32:50):
body.
It's about also removing thetoxins from your mind, from your
soul, from whatever you believein, right?
Like it, it really filters intoall aspects of your life.
And.
I also had connotations,negative connotations around
money.
I always felt like, Oh, like ifyou have money, it's going to be
connected to greed and justthese negative associations.

(33:11):
And that's not true because youcan do so much goodness with
money and with success.
So how would you define successnow?
Because you're trying your handat writing and you have this
amazing book.
Like what has, how has yourperspective, how has your
perspective of success shiftedthrough the years that you've
been working?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-2 (33:32):
It's shifted immensely.
It's, it's um, it was a verynarrow, uh, you know, scope in
terms of, When I first soberbecause I wanted financial
success.
I didn't really know how else todefine success at that point.
Um, you know, my dad said, oh,I'll get you a job at the

(33:54):
assembly line, you know,probably around the assembly
line, which, which, you know, isfine.
And, and, you know, there'snothing wrong with that, but it
just wasn't me.
Like, I had to go out and, andI'm a risk taking person.
And, and, you know, it's funnybecause, my wife is probably
less.
So, I'll jump off a cliff andshe's grabbing me and pulling me

(34:15):
back, like, no, don't do it.
So,

Track 1 (34:19):
the ying and yang in the relationship.
I

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-2 (34:23):
it's incredibly important.
Um, and it's great.
And, and, and, you know,sometimes I prod her to maybe to
take a little more risk, youknow, like that sort of thing.
So it works out really well.
But, um, success for me today isand has been for a long time is,
and this deserves definition.
So I'll define it.
But.

(34:43):
It's, it's, uh, waking up in themorning with a smile on my face.
That's what success is.
And

Track 1 (34:50):
love that so much.
I really love that.
Ooh.
Yeah.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-202 (34:55):
it encompasses everything.
It encompasses, it encompasseshow I treat my body, how I treat
my mind, how I treat my heartand how I treat my soul.
And, and so I can't wake up inthe morning with a smile on my
face.
You know, seriously, if I'm, I'mnot eating the right stuff, and
I'm not paying attention to myhealth, and I'm not, and I'm

(35:16):
not, for me, being gratefulevery day, and I'm, and if I'm
not saying no to things thataren't, know, good for me, or
those around me, you know,there's, there's a whole bunch
of stuff that goes into thatequation, but, that goes into,
and honestly, financially goesinto, you know, Waking up in the

(35:36):
morning with a smile on my faceand I have to pursue that if I
want to, um, you know, achievethat in life and, and so, you
know, if I'm, if I'm worriedabout where my next bill is
going to get paid or how it'sgoing to get paid, I'm not
waking up with a smile on myface.
So there's, so there's a tonthat goes into that.

(35:56):
And, you know, we can elaborateif you want or.

Track 1 (36:01):
I would like to elaborate because I think
obviously the most base levelwaking up with a smile on your
face, I, I cannot tell you howmuch I love that because I feel
like you said it encompasses somuch.
Waking up with a smile on yourface, if you're not hungover,
that helps, right?
Like if you're not worried aboutblackout, the blackout that you
had last night and the impact ofthat, like obviously that helps,

(36:22):
but it's not the end becausethere are so many other things
at play.
And I think this is just areminder that getting sober is
almost like the first step.
So If you were to give or offerany piece of, I like to stray
from advice, but just what worksfor you in terms of how did you
get to this place where you canactually wake up happy?

(36:44):
Like, what does that really looklike?
And how are you able to getthat?
Because I think so many peoplewant to wake up happy, but they
don't even know how Where tobegin or wake up with a smile on
their face, I should say.
And they, but they may not knowlike what the, and I obviously
think people have to definesuccess for themselves, but if
you could for yourself, justkind of dive into what that
actually looks like for you, Ithink that may be a good.

(37:06):
Foundation for other people tolike build from

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24- (37:10):
Sure.
Um, and that's, that's the mostimportant part of the whole
equation for me now is to youknow, my experience and, you
know, we talk about experience,strength and hope, right?
That's, that's the key.
So, I don't know what's best foranybody.
I don't know what's good foranybody else, but I do know

(37:30):
what, what has worked for meand.
And probably one of the biggestthings that worked for me was,
was early on it was, it was, youknow, my sponsor and it was the
tables and it was the 12 steps,but it was, I had to pull apart
my belief system and, and I liketo sort of visualize it as I

(37:50):
pull it all apart.
I put all the little componentson a table and I look at
everything that I believe and Iponder what I believe.
And I asked myself, is what Ibelieve about.
All this stuff in life and inthe world and, and the beliefs
that I've gathered to thispoint, what's it doing for me?

(38:10):
Is it working?
Is it not working?
You know, am I happy?
Am I and, and happy is a happyis a fleeting thing.
So am I content?
Am I fulfilled?
Um, you know, is that hole inthe middle of me?
Getting filled up with some sortof, some fulfillment and, and
just, you know, feeling good.
So, so the first thing ispulling apart my beliefs.

(38:33):
I have to understand what Ibelieve and why I believe it and
ask myself whether or not it'sworking.
did that and I've, and I do thatall the time.
And, and I think it's reallycrucial to, you know, we're
handed this stuff and told us,and we're told to believe it.
But it's only because theybelieve it and it may or may not

(38:57):
be working in their lives.
You know, are they happy?
Are the people that believe thisstuff that are telling me to
believe it happy?
So, so I think that's really thefirst step and I, and I think,
you know, the second step for meis exploration.
I have to explore, um, I haveto, to be open to new ways of

(39:17):
thinking about things and newways of believing things and
then.
And then direct my life in a waythat aligns with a principled
way of living.
Um, I have to be, I have tolearn to be honest with myself.
I have to learn to, know, havesome humility.
Um, and, and be grateful, youknow, I have to, and I practice

(39:42):
gratitude and, and, now it's athread that runs through my life
every day where, where I'mgrateful for my life and for
living and for the people thatare in my life and, and a lot of
it also I'll, I'll end with thispart, but, but I've got to take
out the garbage.
I've got to get rid of the stuffthat doesn't work.

(40:05):
And I've been doing that mywhole life, uh, I've been sober.
I was accumulating garbage for awhile there, but, but since I've
been sober, that's, that's,that's been a big part of my
work.
And sometimes, quite frankly,you know, and not that we have
to, to, you know, say goodbyenecessarily to, to people, but

(40:27):
we do have to keep them at adistance if they're not healthy
for us.
And sometimes that includesfamily.
It just does.
And, um, you know, to, to notallow our well to be poisoned,
um, and, and then you get to apoint where your well kind of
can't be poisoned because you'rejust observing stuff and you're

(40:48):
not really, It's not hittingyou.
You know, there's not bombsgoing off all the time, and
you're not getting shelled allthe time, and you know, it's,
it's, um, you're more or lessobserving what's going on, um,
not to say that you're immune,but, but things change.
So, anyway, I hope that, I hopethat helps

Track 1 (41:07):
it did.
Oh my gosh.
I learned so much from that Ithink getting curious.
I was always a very inquisitivechild probably annoyingly So and
I going back to your upbringingbecause you said that you were
raised lutheran protestant someof those beliefs I think I too
was raised in a very religioushousehold we were episcopalian

(41:27):
and I would ask tons ofquestions and never really have
You Answers that seemssufficient for me at that time.
And I think.
We're just often told tobelieve, blindly believe.
And then I love the part whereyou mentioned the people who
are, you know, distilling thesevalues or these beliefs on into

(41:48):
you, they themselves may seemvery unhappy, whatever that
looks like, but like you get theessence of they are not actually
content.
And so that I think lends itselfto, even from a societal
perspective, So many of us drinkblindly because it's like a
social norm, right?
Like we're just, it's a rite ofpassage.

(42:09):
What do you mean?
Like everyone drinks.
And I think when you decide togo against that narrative, many
of us, you describe yourself asa maniac.
I think I'm a maniac too.
I think so many people who aresober are deemed as maniacs
because we go against the commonthought.
And I don't see that as beingproblematic.
I think it's more problematic toblindly follow like a sheep and

(42:30):
not necessarily.
Even question why?
And so, yeah, I loved everythingyou shared.
I'm curious.
I always say I'm curious becauseI really am curious.
I'm curious to learn though.
what helps you then get to thisplace where like you're able to
release those beliefs.
Obviously you do research andyou explore and you find other

(42:51):
things, but like, I guess.
My question is more so like,what do you believe in now?
In AA specifically talk abouthigher power and like defining
that for you, a common languagethat speaks to you.
And I still like, am trying toworkshop that for myself, if I'm
being quite honest, because Igrew up believing.

(43:12):
And my higher power as God, um,Jesus.
And then I sort of, you know,went against that and I don't
think I'm doing enough orprioritizing enough work around
finding that for myself.
I do believe in a higher power.
I just don't have it fullyformed.
So what do you believe in?

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-20 (43:29):
The

Track 1 (43:29):
a big question.
Yeah,

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24 (43:39):
quote, unquote, believe in something
and the more I embrace faith.
Um, so I, I, I, there's so manythings, there's just so many
things to say about this, butum, there's, there's a saying

(44:00):
that, you know, there's, there's5, 000 or so gods being
worshiped on earth today.
And everybody believes theirs isthe right one.
And it's, it's an amazing thingto me and not, it's not a bad
thing.
And I know that, know, religionworks for a lot of people and,
and, you know, it keeps them onthe road and, and it's, you

(44:23):
know, it's perfect for them andtheir lives and that sort of
thing.
Um, Bud gave me a book when Iwas still a freshman in college
and it's called the TenCommandments.
And it sounds religious, butit's not.
Um, so don't let that.
don't want that to scareanybody.
It's, um, it was a book byEmmett Fox and, and I highly

(44:48):
suggest Nadine.
I, I, I'm going to send that oneto you too.
Um, so I think you'd love itreally, but, but so it gave me,
it was my first.
It was my first opportunity tounderstand that, wow, maybe
things that they, that I've beentaught can be looked at in a
different way, know, maybe, andI'm just going to use a really

(45:10):
quick little simple example,but, you know, maybe thou shalt
not kill helps me, uh, you know,also not.
character assassinate, not talkbehind people's back, you know,
not do that can, you know, quoteunquote, kill them, um, from the
perspective of, you know, just adifferent way of looking at it.

(45:31):
So, so there's, there's, there'sdifferent levels of, of our
belief systems and, and, youknow, where we can go and, and
what we can believe or havefaith in.
Um, and the longer I go, Ishould say the less I believe,
um, right now my life iscentered around, you know, what

(45:55):
I do, but my, the faith part ofmy life is, has gone from, and
I'll start there, has gone from,you know, the God that I grew up
with and when they mentioned,you know, higher power in the
second step, when I first camein, I'm like, Oh, Lordy, the,
you know, that God, the, Thedude that's like up there with
the big thing writing down allthe stupid stuff I do and then

(46:16):
he's going to send me to helland all that stuff because,

Track 1 (46:20):
that's where I'm going.
Yep.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24- (46:22):
Yeah, I mean, I, I don't, I'm not sure
I'm buying that cause, causewhere does that leave me here?
the earth, where does that leaveme?
It just leaves me waiting to gosomewhere and I don't want to
wait to go somewhere.
I want to experience what I cannow.
And, so, you know, the, thetables became my higher power,
you know, probably a, atelephone pole for a little

(46:43):
while became my higher power.
Seriously, just as I was sortingall this stuff out and it's

Track 1 (46:48):
Um,

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-202 (46:49):
to go through all those.
know, gyrations.
It really is.
And I think the more of thoseyou go through and you had
mentioned, you know, you're kindof working on that stuff now,
but the more you go through, themore you can, you know, either
embrace or eliminate and, youknow, I think it's important to
do that and ask ourselves whatwe believe and why we believe

(47:10):
it.
So, Today, and it's gonethrough, you know, all kinds of
ups and downs.
I've, I've studied Buddhism andTaoism and Confucianism and
legalism and, you know,everything I've read about
everything.
And I, I'm, I'm, you know, Ilove exploring what other people
believe.
And it's just, it's just such acool thing.

(47:31):
And, I don't have to believe itall just because I read it
doesn't mean I have

Track 1 (47:35):
right.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-20 (47:35):
it.
I, you know, like they say inthe, in the, um, in the program,
you know, take what you can useand leave the rest.
So my whole thing today iscentered around faith, but it's
not You know, the guy in thewhite robe up, they're going to
send me to hell someday.
Um, if I don't do exactly whatthey tell me to do, um, I,

(47:59):
that's, that's not it for me.
It's more the hole in me isfilled and has been filled for a
long time.
And know that no matter what'sgoing on.
Everything's going to be okay,and there's been a lot of losses
and a lot of difficulty and alot of pain and, and, you know,

(48:20):
and many people have died in mylife and that sort of thing.
But I also always know thateverything's going to be okay.
It's just that little centeringpiece inside of me.
And that's, the root and, andthe tree and the flowers and
everything else of, of my faith.
Today, and, and how I, how I getthere is, I meditate, I, I, um,

(48:48):
consciously, you know, do aconscious breathing practice
every day, and I calm myself,and I quiet myself, and that
calm and that quiet, you know,turns into that faith, and that
pervades life, um, and it's aprocess.
It really feels like you'rehaving a moment, pun intended,

(49:11):
when you're sipping on thelovely and refreshing moment.
Now what I love about moment isthat not only does it taste
delicious, I have my favoriteflavors.
I love the blood orange, I lovethe spicy mango, but it's also
good for you, which is exactlywhat I need in my life right now
as I'm in my early 20s.
30s.
It's infused with L theanine,which is great for mental

(49:34):
clarity.
It also is packed withashwagandha, which is great for
helping to fight stress.
It's made with all of thesenatural botanicals, which really
enhances your vitality.
It does not contain any addedsugar.
It's caffeine and of coursealcohol free and you can
purchase it in still orsparkling.
I love a good sparkle moment sothat's typically the route I

(49:55):
take.
In the morning it's great for aboost to start the day versus in
the afternoon if you want tobeat that afternoon slump and
enhance your mental clarity orif you just need like a simple
pick me up like for me I love tohave a moment after the gym
versus going into the gymbecause it just really helps.
Reenergize me.
And then in the evening, if youwant to wind down after a long

(50:18):
busy day and enjoy a deliciousmocktail without the hangover,
then Moment is great for thattoo.
One of the best parts for mewith Moment is I feel like it's
a really conscientious brand.
They donate 1 percent of alltheir sales to mental health non
profits, so you can feel goodabout supporting greater causes
as well.
Head over to drinkmoment.

(50:38):
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Let's be moment bunnies.
We can both have momentstogether.

Track 1 (50:50):
I love that.
And I'm working on my processestoo.
I feel like most successfulpeople I know meditate and they
take those moments to recenterthemselves.
And as a busy body, that's veryhard for me to do.
But I recognize that it's, ittakes, It takes, um, it takes a
toll.
I'll just put it on that.

(51:10):
It takes a toll when you areconstantly going and not taking
inventory of where you are inthat moment in that day.
And I, I feel like I'm feelingmore and more called to try my
hand at meditation.
It's just so hard for me to, andI don't want to make this an off
topic conversation, but I'veheard how important it is to
really.

(51:31):
Come into yourself, and I thinkjust going back to, like, the
conventional, like, ortraditional religions, or at
least my upbringing, I knew somany people in the church that
were following the Bible orfollowing whatever, um,
religious, you know, I don'tknow, ideologies that they
thought they were supposed tofollow to the T, to the letter,

(51:54):
and were not, like, people thatI would say were kind, or
compassionate, or, I felt likethey were just very much, like,
going through the motions.
And I, I don't know exactly whatit's supposed to look like in
terms of having faith or evenbeing a good person, I'll say,
like, I don't think it's alwaysblack and white, but I think you
get what I'm where I'm goinghere.

(52:15):
I just think that it's more thanjust following the 10
commandments, for example, orlike, I'm very curious to learn
more about this book because itis open to interpretation.
I always thought that as a girl,I'm like.
Well, who's to say they didn'tmean that, but anyway, I
digress.
Um, that, that's really, reallynice to know, Daryl, that you
are doing the work, it soundslike on yourself and then it

(52:39):
reflects into the world as well.
Um, so I'm curious, um, I wouldlike to know, like, why did you
write your book?
I'm, as we kind of wind downhere, what gave you the
inspiration?
What do you hope to impart onothers as they read your book?

Darryl (52:57):
The book was, uh, it's been a long time in the making,
um.
I, I was, I was imparting astory to my wife one time,
probably 20 years ago, and Ididn't get married till I was 20
years sober.
So, um,

Nadine (53:12):
Oh, wow.
That's incredible.
That's great.

Darryl (53:15):
Yeah.
So, so, um, I was imparting, youknow, one of my stories of my
youth to her and, and, you know,it could have been even early
sobriety because, you know,things don't just like, you
know, all of a sudden I'm, I'mthis perfect.
Person, you know, at any time inlife, but, but certainly right

(53:35):
after I get sober, you know, I'mstill doing dumb stuff.
So um, that's just part of it.
But I said to her, uh, when shewas looking at me like, oh,
you're not that guy.
I don't even see that.
You know, I don't see you beingthat or doing that.
And I said, well, remind me towrite a book someday.
So, so that was 20 years ago.
And, um, Um,

Track 1 (53:57):
I love that.

Darryl (53:57):
probably wrote about two and a half paragraphs in that 20
years, um, you know, and itwould just sit in my computer
and I'd pick it up.
And then finally in, in Januaryof 23, I said, you know what,
I'm, I'm just going to sit downand I'm going to do this.
And about two, maybe threemonths, I had written that book.

(54:18):
Um, and then within five monthsI had written two books, um,
just cause, you I'm a maniac howI do stuff.
And, um, so, Wow.
And people, what I want peopleto get out of the book is I
want, um, and I, here's how I, Italk about it is.

(54:39):
If 20 years from now, like, youread my book, and 20 years from
now something hits you, or 10years from now something hits
you, or 5 years from nowsomething hits you, and you're
like, you know what?
I know what he was saying.
And, and that helped me, or thathelped improve my life, or I
could relate to that, or, youknow, something pinged inside of
me that, put me in a differentdirection.

(55:01):
That's, that's all I want.
Um, that's all I want the bookto do and it's, you know, it's
not a, not a world changer.
It's not a, you know, it's justif I can, if I can plant those
seeds, you've mentioned that acouple of times Nadine about
planting seeds and what it is.
It's, it's, I'm trying to plantseeds in people to help, with

(55:23):
any aspect of life, whetherit's.
A sober life, or whether it's a,you know, a person who's not
sober, who just says, hey,these, these concepts work and
they make sense.
And, you know, this is somethingthat I can implement in my life.
Because, because I know we're,we're sober and, but there's a
lot of people that.

(55:44):
That need a lot of, ofdirection, you know, who haven't
been through the sobriety thingor don't necessarily need to get
sober.
They just might be off track.
So, so to put it in a nutshell,I just, I wanted to help people.
I might steal that Darryl, likeI want to wake up with a smile
on my face, like truly, I don'tnecessarily need it to translate

(56:07):
into a certain amount in thebank.
I don't need it to necessarilymean that, you know, I'm living
in my dream.
apartment with my dream partner,but I want to feel excited about
the prospect of life, right?
Like every day we know is agift, but I don't think that we
take it as a gift every day.
We're like, Oh, I have a millionthings to do, but like feeling
good about the work that you doand like the reason that you're

(56:28):
here and having purpose.
And I think it's all connected.
So I very much love that.
I really want to leave us with aquote because I saw this and I
was like, I'm wondering, Iwonder what you mean by this.
So you said, just like waterseeks its own level, so does
everything else, includingidiots.
I was one of those at that pointin my life.
Can I ask you about thatspecific quote, Daryl?

(56:49):
Is that ringing a bell for you?
Yeah, no, I, I think.
It says a lot to me and, andprobably the biggest thing that
it says to me is something thatI heard in, in, uh, early
sobriety around the tables was,you know, you change the game,
you got to change the players.

(57:09):
And when we get sober and we're,you know, moving forward with
that life, we're not changingthe players, then we haven't
changed the game.
And, and that's how.
You know, that's how I thinkabout that from the perspective
of, of getting sober and, andsort of, you know, just changing

(57:29):
things up.
And I think that's incrediblyimportant.
The other side of that is, youknow, water seeks its own level
and, and, and so do we.
So if I'm upping my game, I'mgoing to be exposed to better
things and better.
And I don't mean this in ajudgmental way, but just people
who are.
You know, maybe better for meand I'm probably better for

(57:52):
them.
Um, and I have to, I have tocontinually step up my game and
I think, you know, that's alifelong process.
I, I, I look at it and look atit in terms of upgrading.
I have to continue to upgrademyself and I have to continue to
upgrade my life and I have tocontinue to.
Um, be better, and then I'llattract things that are better.

(58:14):
Um, even in relationships, youknow, it was very important to
me, and this goes with, youknow, water seeks its own level,
and so does everything else,which, you know, instead of
finding the right person, aboutI try being the right person,
and then the right person willbe attracted to me.
and I'll and and we'll attract.
Yeah.

(58:34):
Right.

Track 1 (58:35):
That's

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-20 (58:35):
and we'll

Track 1 (58:36):
so much to me right now.
I'm just like, it's already cutyou off.
But like, that is where I'm atright now.
Yeah.
It's like people often like tosay in relationships, especially
like in seeking partners, why doI keep attracting the same, you
know, person?
Like sometimes you have to, ifyou're aspiring for a certain,
um, quality of mate, then youhave to become that version

(58:57):
because otherwise if you meetthat person, if you pray for
that person, whatever, and youare not on the level that, you
know, they are also desiring,then it's not going to work.
So you have to prepare yourselfto be the version of self that
you are seeking, if that makessense.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-20 (59:13):
100 percent and that that is the
water seeks its own level thing.
It really is.
That's, you know, becausebecause we're always seeking,
you know, we're always going toend up where.
we are and, and the things thatflow into our lives are going to
flow in based on where we are.
So it behooves us.

(59:35):
And I know for me, you know, itbehooves me to, do the things
that improve me and improve mylife.
And, and, you know, with that,and this is a little off that
topic, but I'm also improvingthe world when I improve me
because Because it makes me, itmakes me, it puts a smile on my

(59:57):
face, you know, and, and I givea smile to someone who might be
having a bad day, just passingthem on the sidewalk or
whatever, you know, like, itall, it all fits at all.
You know, the more improvement Ido, uh, you The better I am all
the way around to myself and tothe world.

Track 1 (01:00:16):
I don't think that's off topic at all.
I think it's very much,connected and I'm kind of nosy,
but is that why you waited solong in the same subject about
partners?
Is that why you took your time,20 years of sobriety to finally
marry or like find that personfor yourself?
Do you think that was becauseyou were improving and like
leveling up and redefining whatyour success should look like so

(01:00:38):
that you attract the level ofpartner that you felt that you
deserved?
Thank you so much.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24- (01:00:44):
Yeah, I do.
And I don't know that it wasnecessarily conscious at that,
you know, in terms of methinking about it in that way,
but it was, it was definitely,uh, part of not settling for.
um, you know, to the extent thatI could could help that and not

(01:01:08):
being in a hurry and not pushingmyself into something like that,
where.
You know, that decision can havelifelong consequences.
So this is a good one.
Um, so when my, now wife and I,um, we had a kind of a friendly
dinner at one point, just a bizthat we met in a business

(01:01:30):
setting.
Um, and, and so we had afriendly dinner one time cause I
asked her out and she said nothe first time, which, uh,

Track 1 (01:01:38):
Wow.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-202 (01:01:40):
it got them fairly bulletproof.
But, um, anyway, uh, we had afriendly dinner and she.
You know, she thought, like, whyisn't this guy, you know,
married and have three kids?
He probably does.
You know, what's going on?
So, she said, why, why aren'tyou married?
And I said, well.
I haven't met my wife yet.
And, uh, and that was kind ofhow I, I guess I had, but I

(01:02:04):
didn't know it.
So,

Track 1 (01:02:05):
I love

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24-2024 (01:02:06):
a few more months to figure that
one out.

Track 1 (01:02:09):
And see, if you were the type of guy who was afraid
to fail, like, you already kindof shot your shot and she turned
you down, but then you, youknow, followed up.
You're like, I'm not taking nofor an answer.
And I mean, that just goes tospeak levels to like the type of
person you are and how.
You know, now you'resuccessfully married to this
woman.
And I think that's allconnected.

(01:02:29):
I love that so much.
Well, Dara, this has been suchan amazing conversation.
I know that I walked away withso many gems that I plan on
implementing in my life.
Which is like really takinginventory of some of the beliefs
I currently hold And thinkingthrough why I believe them
because I think we so often Imyself included Blindly follow
certain things that are notserving us And may have been

(01:02:51):
imparted to us even with thebest of intentions Best of
intentions, however, are notreally like fitting properly.
And so I definitely want toevaluate some of that and then
think through like what myhigher power looks like or what
my faith looks like, and thenbuild some practices to sustain
that because I'm at the stage ofmy sobriety where I think so

(01:03:13):
many of us get stuck in this,like, I'm sober now, what, like
I'm doing the work, but like,what does the work really look
like?
And.
Why am I not seeing success orthe rates of success happen at
the speed that I expect in otheraspects of my life?
Um, and so I, I try to be waryof that, but I still find that I
fall prey to that.
So I'm at the stage now where,as mentioned, like I really am

(01:03:36):
seeing things come to intofruition, which is beautiful.
I'm very impatient.
So I'm like, why is it nothappening faster?
However, none of this would bepossible without getting sober.
That's.
First and foremost, and thensecondly, okay, like I am
probably going to take, youknow, a page from your book.
I'm getting in my own way.

(01:03:58):
I probably need to stop fightingso hard and sort of release.
Myself into just this idea thatthe work I'm doing, I know is
good and it will come with timeif I keep at it and I stay
consistent and also like, Iprobably have my head in my ass.
If I'm being real with you, soDaryl, thank you so much for

(01:04:18):
coming on and I just want tomake sure that listeners can
connect with you.
What's the best way to do so?
Where can we find your book?
And also, I know you haveanother book coming up.
So please plug everything and Iwill include them in the show
notes.

squadcaster-f2e9_2_03-24- (01:04:33):
Thank you, Nadine.
Um, I have a website, which iswww.
daryldittmer.
com, which is d a r y l d i t tm e r.
com.
my book is available on Amazon.
Um, and just when I stopfighting or you can, you can
plug my name in there and thebook will come up.

(01:04:54):
Um, I'm on Twitter and you know,all the, all the, uh, the
socials as far as, uh, if youlook up when I stop fighting,
uh, you'll find me on Instagramand Facebook and Twitter is
under my name.
so, you know, if you'd like to,to find me there, um, and, and
if anybody is looking for anyhelp or.

(01:05:15):
You know, anything I can answerin terms of questions, you can
email me, which is daryl atdaryldittmer.
and don't hesitate, I'm alwayswilling to help out if I can.
And I, I think that, I thinkthat hits it, but thank you so
much, Nadine, for having me on.
I really, I really appreciateit.
I really enjoyed theconversation.
And, uh, my other book's comingout.

(01:05:37):
My second book's coming out inthe third quarter this year.
So I'll, let you know, Nadine,and then maybe we can have
another discussion.

Track 1 (01:05:45):
I would absolutely love that.
And I will plug everything asmentioned below.
And I really appreciated thisconversation, Daryl.
So thank you for sharingeverything with us today.
And we look forward to havingyou come back on in the future.
Thank you, Daryl.

Nadine (01:05:58):
much.
Thank you.
Bye, Nadine.

Track 1 (01:06:00):
Bye.
Okay guys.
So that's all I have to share.
I also wanna say thank you forbeing here, and thank you for
allowing me to hold space inyour day as you listen to this
podcast.
If you enjoyed today's episode,please, please do me a favor and
one, make sure you're followingthe show so that you can stay up

(01:06:22):
to date with everything elsethat's happening.
And two.
Please, please leave a review asit helps more people find the
show.
I would appreciate even more ifit's a five star review, but do
what's right for you.
Do what you think I deserve,thank you so much, and I'll see
you next week.
Bye bye.

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Sober Success: Building a Life You Don't Need to Escape From with Darryl Dittmer

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