March 27, 2024 • 34 mins
In this episode of the Sober Butterfly Podcast, host Nadine Mulvina sits down with Jasmine from Soulfully_Sober about her inspiring journey to sobriety. Jasmine shares her before and after, highlighting the transformation from a life characterized by excessive drinking to one focused on personal growth, resilience, and motherhood. She opens up about the challenges that led to her decision to become sober, including debilitating hangovers and the desire to be a better mother. Jasmine discusses the pivotal moments of self-awareness, the impact of attending AA meetings, and the positive changes sobriety has brought into her life, including improved relationships and a newfound sense of clarity and intention. The conversation emphasizes the value of trying sobriety, viewing it as a social experiment rather than a permanent restriction, and encourages listeners to consider the benefits of living alcohol-free.
00:00 Welcome to the Sober Butterfly Podcast
00:18 Meeting Jasmine: A Journey to Sobriety
01:13 Jasmine's Life Before Sobriety: Party Girl to Motherhood
02:38 The Turning Point: From Debilitating Hangovers to a Sober 2018
03:15 The Relapse and Realization: Embracing Sobriety for Good
04:26 Exploring the Depths of Sobriety and Personal Growth
07:09 The Impact of Sobriety on Relationships and Self-Perception
29:40 Navigating Triggers and Cravings in a Sober Life
31:32 Jasmine's Advice: Giving Sobriety a Chance
33:40 Closing Thoughts and Gratitude
Connect with Jasmine
- Follow on IG: @soulfully_sober
Connect with Nadine:
- Follow on IG: @the.soberbutterfly @soberbutterflypodcast
- Follow on TikTok @the.soberbutterfly
- Subscribe to YouTube channel
- Subscribe to our monthly newsletter, https://thesoberbutterfly.com/
Tune in to The Sober Butterfly podcast for more inspiring conversations and stories of transformation on the journey to sobriety. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a five-star review!
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services refereed to in this episode.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to the show.
(00:02):
My name is Nadine Mulvina andyou are listening to the Sober
Butterfly Podcast.
TSB is all about diving intoinspiring stories of personal
growth, resilience, andtransformation.
Today we are joined with a veryspecial guest.
We have Jasmine here over atSoulfully underscore Sober.
(00:26):
Welcome jazz.
I called you jazz.
Is it okay?
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
Of course.
I feel like we're so comfortablewith each other.
I think so.
I think so.
It's so funny because you know,when you make friends on
Instagram and then you get tomeet in real life, it just feels
like authentic.
It's just a natural progression.
Yeah.
Yes.
It's we already know.
(00:46):
We had a little day togetherwent to the Whitney we walked
over here and in the interim,you know, we got to know each
other a little bit.
And we are talking today just alittle bit about Jazz's story or
Jasmine's story.
We want to hear what led you tosobriety.
And is it okay if I share thisis the first time you're like
openly talking about it.
(01:08):
I love that.
I feel like I'm getting anexclusive.
So thank you.
Okay.
Jasmine, tell us a little bitabout who you are, and what life
looked like for you beforegetting sober.
Okay.
Well, first, thank you forhaving me.
I'm so glad we got to meet inperson.
This is so fun.
Who am I?
So I am a 33 year old mother.
(01:32):
I live in Virginia.
I was raised and grew up inVirginia.
And You know, I definitely feellike I'm a different person now.
So before my sobriety, I was thejust straight party girl.
Like I'm like, everyone takesshots now.
There was no such thing as time.
(01:52):
Like we're taking shots every 10minutes.
I was not one of those peoplethat was like, let me wait, like
pace myself.
No pacing.
Almost every time it was prettymuch inevitable, but I was just
always the one just encouragingpeople to drink.
That was just who I was.
I can relate to that so much.
(02:12):
It's sometimes hard to decipherif it was like the normal
college experience or youngadult experience versus it was
my experience and I was theproblem.
I think maybe a little bit ofboth.
Yeah.
But yeah, to your point, like Ialso was the friend that was
always doing the most andencouraging other people to also
do the most.
And you reminded me of the drinkevery 10 minutes, take a shot.
(02:35):
That was a real thing that myfriends and I played as well.
So I'm curious for you, When didlife shift?
At what point were you like,maybe I shouldn't be the life of
the party or the party girlanymore?
Yeah, I think part of it wasdefinitely So in 2018, I think I
(02:55):
was just experiencingdebilitating hangovers, like
literally laying in bed, callingout of work, having sick days
because I was just like,literally could not function
from how much I was drinking.
And in 2018 it was kind of justlike, why am I doing this to
myself?
Let me stop.
And You know, stop drinking.
(03:16):
I stopped drinking for a year.
And then for some reason I waslike, Oh, a year feels good.
I feel like I've, you know, hitsome sort of accomplishment.
Let me just go back to what Iwas doing before.
And so from 2019 to 2020.
Two, I was back in my drinkinghabits, like drinking too much,
(03:40):
taking three days to recover andjust like really putting my
body.
But then I ended up gettingpregnant and I had my son and I
did drink postpartum probablylike the first six months of his
life, but I realized I was like,I have this human now who, wakes
up at the crack of dawn whodoesn't care if I was drinking
(04:03):
the night before.
And I just didn't like the kindof mother I was being like
dragging and not having theenergy and like wanting to sleep
it off.
And it just, it didn't feel goodfor me.
And so I think that was when Iwas like, I had a really good
year in 2018 when I didn'tdrink, like, why did I go back?
And that's when I was like, youknow what?
I'm not gonna drink it.
(04:24):
Well, that's beautiful.
I want to kind of backtrack to2018.
People often reference like, I'mair quoting here, a rock bottom
moment.
Did you experience anything likethat in 2018 that prompted you
to take that hiatus fromdrinking?
You know, not that I cannecessarily pinpoint when I look
(04:45):
back at my drinking and myhabits, I almost feel like I
was.
the center of the joke because Iwas the one who would get
blackout and do something crazyor like my friends would call me
Bambi because I would fallalways and no, it's okay.
It's okay.
That's kind of funny.
Yeah.
I mean, that's like what it was.
(05:06):
And so it wasn't necessarily Badthings and I have had though bad
experiences that you would havethought would have been my rock
bottom But I didn't have that in2018.
I think it was just truly Acombination of just like my body
telling me that I can't keepgoing like this And i'm, sorry
(05:27):
that I laughed at the bambithing.
It just brings me back to likeAlso feeling like I was always
at the brink the crux ofsomeone's joke, like being the
friend that did too much andthen having people to this day,
pair it back to me stories thatI'm like, that happened so long
ago.
It's not funny.
Like you can just let it be, letit rest, but it's like for them,
(05:47):
it's just monumental and it'sforever emblazoned in the friend
group chat, like whatever it maybe, I'm always going to be the
I'm just going to say if anyonewith friends listening, the cat
story, 20.
10, you had to be there.
I picked up a stray cat andwalked into a party and the DJ
literally scratched the tapelike he was DJing.
He was like, Nadine, get thatout of here.
(06:11):
You can't bring that in here.
Apparently the cat looked likethat.
Like it had rabies.
It was like, I had to get atetanus shot.
Like it was a whole thing.
Anyway, so like stories likethat would irk me because I'm
like, oh my gosh, like now I canlook back and be like, I'm not
that girl anymore.
So I don't have a, so much of anemotional attachment to that,
but I feel you 100 percent onthis notion that I was sick of
being the, brunt of everyone'stotally jokes, you know, and
(06:34):
it's like I because I wouldblack out every time It was
always other people telling meabout how I was acting or what I
was doing And it just didn'tfeel good to not be able to
remember everything and hearthings from other people's point
of view and so I don't know if Ican trust you as a source.
Yes, that doesn't even soundlike me.
(06:56):
Right, exactly.
But yeah, Blackout, Nadine andme today, very different people.
So yeah I hate that too.
Having to piece together yournight based off of other
people's accounts isfrustrating.
So then you took a year.
So what was that year like foryou in 2018 when you stopped
drinking and how did you stopdrinking?
Was it hard for you that firsttime?
(07:18):
It actually wasn't.
Too hard, honestly.
I think I don't know why itwasn't that hard.
It was just like, this issomething that I'm doing.
This is something that I'm goingto do.
And obviously at the time Iwasn't thinking that it was
forever.
So I was just like, I'm justgoing to do it.
But it was one of the years,like it was a year that I
(07:39):
finally.
started a business idea, whichwas like nothing that I had ever
done before.
But I finally had the mentalclarity to actually pursue and
start a business.
And then I was in my primefitness wise.
Like I was like, Beakroom yogaqueen, like body was snatched.
(08:00):
Like I was just like feelingreally good and like actually
doing things outside of work formyself and like pursuing other
goals.
And so it was.
It was just a beautiful year inthat way.
So I like the idea of treatingit like a social experiment.
It sounds like to me because ittook the pressure off of
forever, right?
It was just like, I'm going totake a break and see if I can
(08:21):
make a year.
What shifted in the year?
What made you feel like, okay, Ican drink again.
I don't know.
And I think nobody wants torelapse, right?
Nobody wants to go back.
But I think if I didn't, I wouldnever appreciate my sobriety
now.
And so I think just feeling likea year felt like completion to
(08:44):
me, like I had accomplishedsomething, you know, people are
clapping for you Oh my God, youstopped drinking for a year good
for you.
And so it was just like, Forsome reason I felt like that was
enough.
Like I was like, Oh I've provedto myself that I cannot drink.
And now that I haven't drank fora year, maybe I can moderate,
which is just such a myth, atleast in my world.
(09:05):
So it was like, I don't know, Iguess maybe I thought once I
started drinking again, thingswould be a little bit different.
Yeah.
That's spoiler alert.
I think for most people, it'snot like this myth of
moderation, as you It's afallacy.
It's for, I don't even thinkthe, not to get too technical
here, but I think the design bydesign alcohol is intended for
(09:28):
you to want to drink more andmore of it.
That's the whole idea of atolerance, right?
Absolutely.
So it's really hard to moderate,especially when you are coming
from a different perspective.
Like you already had more of atoxic relationship with alcohol
to begin with.
And even taking the break, it'sOh, like I'm back.
It's like me recycling my exes,right?
It's like nothing has changed orhas it?
(09:50):
Anyway.
So then you mentioned, you know,fast forward a few years.
So like you have a son andObviously, like when you had
your, I shouldn't say obviously,but when you had your son, you
recognized that you didn't wantto regress back to old drinking
patterns.
And I feel like I've heard thisbefore.
(10:13):
I'm not a mother, but specificto kind of like our conversation
before around Postpartumspecifically and how hard that
is.
Do you feel like you were usingalcohol as a coping mechanism to
deal with some of the harshrealities of being a new mom and
like the hormonal stuff thathappens behind the scenes?
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, it's funny.
I think I had this serious selfawareness about my drinking for
(10:37):
a really long time.
And while I was pregnant, I'mnot going to say obviously, but
like I didn't drink while I waspregnant and I used to say I
just won't drink for the firstfive years of his life.
Okay.
Like I tried to set somethinglike that.
Like I knew that I didn't wantto be a mom that drank just
because of how I drank and Iknew that it would impact like
(10:58):
the mom I wanted to be, butyeah, because postpartum was so
hard and because alcohol isjust, marketed as this thing
that's supposed to help yourelax and Decompress and relieve
stress.
Yeah, I definitely was drinkinghoping that it would help in
some way.
But what's crazy is that likepostpartum, and I don't know if
(11:21):
it was cause like everything mybody was going through, like
producing milk and you know, allthe things that are happening
with your body at that time, Iwould drink so much and not feel
drunk.
Wow.
Yep.
Like it was the worst.
And so then it's well, what do Ido now?
If I'm chasing and drinking muchand I'm not even like getting
(11:44):
drunk or feeling it, then it'slike something has to give.
Yeah.
And it can go in many differentdirections.
Right.
This is where I feel like peoplebecome more susceptible to
trying other things maybebecause they're like, well, this
isn't working for me.
So what else is on the table?
My friend has a saying like it'sdrug of convenience, like
(12:05):
depending on like the socialcircles, like where you grew up,
if heroin were on the table, notto make this a different
conversation, but like the typeof person I was, I'm
experimental.
And if I wanted to feelsomething and I couldn't feel
for it.
Something who's to say Iwouldn't reach for something
else, but what I can relate toand what you shared about not
(12:25):
getting drunk, it wasn'tpostpartum for me.
It was, I think my tolerance wasjust so sky high towards the end
of my drinking that I would goout chasing this feeling.
Like I never drank for the sakeof just wanting to drink.
I drank because I wanted to kindof alleviate some of the
stresses and feel an out of bodyexperience.
And yeah, lose myself and losemy inhibitions.
(12:47):
And I felt like towards the end,I had a really hard time getting
there wherever there was,because it was always like I was
chasing this like perfectequilibrium.
Like I wanted to feel good, butnot black out.
Right.
I wanted to be drunk, but notblack out.
But I would always skirt Like Iwould still have blackout
moments, but like in the moment,I didn't realize it was
blackout.
It was really convoluted andcomplex, but I share that to say
(13:09):
that I think that is thebeginning of the end.
It's almost like a symptom thatyour body is rejecting this and
it's no longer serving you andit's time to release it.
And if you listen to your body,which we can get into later,
because I feel like you're veryin tune with your body now, if
you listen to those symptoms andthose signs, then you can make a
pivot and change yourrelationship.
(13:31):
Yep.
Or you can continue chasing orlooking to feel something.
But yeah, I relate to not beingable to get drunk.
And then I would have hangoversstill.
Yeah.
Like I would still have theaftermath or the after effects
of drinking the amount that Idrink, which is a lot.
Yeah.
So then at what point did youdecide, Okay, enough is enough
this time.
I don't want to be this version.
(13:52):
of a mother for my son.
How did you get to this placewhere you decided that you were
done with alcohol for real thistime?
Yeah, I think, I mean, I justremember I was having a really
hard time at work where I wasjust like, kind of really
checked out.
Crying in meetings, like justhaving a really hard time and I
(14:13):
literally could not wait to pickmy son up from daycare, make
sure he got home safely, andthen have a drink.
And then I was like trying toget All of my drinks in between
6pm and midnight and then likewaking up and doing it all over
again.
So like waking up and feelinghungover and sluggish because
(14:34):
I'm not getting good sleep.
Having a hard time at work ofjust like feeling stressed and
like overwhelmed.
I had just started a new job andit was a different environment
on top of, you know, Recentlyhaving a baby and I remember I
got to the point where I told myjob.
I was like, I need to take timejust for my mental health.
Like I need to actually stepaway from work and just focus on
(14:58):
my mental health.
I just felt like I was slippingsomehow.
And so I was like I got a notefrom my doctor that said, yeah
start with two weeks, go totherapy, and let's see what
happens.
And I remember talking to mytherapist and telling her like,
yeah, I can't wait to make suremy son gets home safely so that
I can have a drink.
And she said, you know, have youever thought about going to AA?
(15:19):
And I was like, no.
And it was still very muchduring pandemic times where AA
meetings were online.
You didn't have to be on camera.
Like people didn't necessarilyhave to see my face.
And she was like, you know, justgo and listen.
And so I ended up going to acouple of AA meetings and after
(15:39):
my first meeting and justListening to people's stories
and like other things thatpeople are battling with.
I was like, I don't want to dothis anymore.
Like I Can't keep going likethis.
Like I don't want to get to apoint where I'm telling a story
about being passed out drunkwith my son at home or you know,
(16:00):
getting to a point like that.
And so I stopped drinking.
And I think the power, and bythe way, kudos to your
therapist.
I think that was amazing advicejust to listen, because I think
AA can be really daunting andscary to hear those words.
Wait, what?
What are you suggesting?
But if you just go and listen,you're often find that your
(16:21):
story is sometimes embedded inother people's story.
Maybe not to the extreme, butthe, nature of alcohol and
alcoholism is progressive,right?
So if you're not here today,like nobody takes their first
step in Oh, I'm a ragingalcoholic, right?
You build momentum towards thisplace.
And so I think that was reallypowerful that you were able to
(16:43):
take inventory, be self awareand recognize that you don't
want to get to that place orbecome that person.
So it sounds like.
Going to meetings online andimmersing yourself with
community was the start of yoursober journey Yeah, absolutely.
And I just I remember afterthose meetings I was talking to
some of my best friends and I'mlike, I don't know if I have the
(17:05):
right to call myself analcoholic just because of what I
was hearing from other peopleand I remember one of my best
friends saying like you can'tcompare Severities of traumas
like your trauma is just astraumatic and transformational
to you as whatever you'rehearing from this person.
(17:25):
And I think that was like lifechanging for me too, because
it's like, yeah, I've beenthrough things in my life.
And I drink the way I do becauseI am like coping or like trying
to forget, or like trying todeal with some like unresolved
things.
And just because it might notsound as severe as like this
person's story, That doesn'tmean that it didn't have an
(17:47):
impact on me.
And that doesn't mean that Ican't say that like alcoholism
runs in my family.
And my mom would say if it, ifthere's a gene for it, like you
would have it because it runs inour family.
And so I wanted to do somethingabout it.
I love that.
That's beautiful.
And your friend also profoundwords, right?
Like it's all relative.
Yes.
(18:07):
It's all relative.
And.
Yeah, that's, I'm thinking aboutthat for myself even because I
think sometimes going tomeetings, I still go to meetings
and I'll hear things and I doquestion like this term am I, do
I have the right to say I'm analcoholic as well?
But the way I see it, I'd ratherclaim it so that I can stay away
from alcohol because I know Ican't moderate.
(18:29):
I know I don't have a healthyrelationship with it.
Then, you know, delude myselfinto saying, Oh, I'm not an
alcoholic.
I can, whatever.
Cause when I start slipping intoold patterns and like thinking
that I'm responsible in, Noteven responsible, that's the
wrong word to use, but I'm ableto have a somewhat healthy
relationship with alcohol, and Iknow that's not true.
(18:51):
It really feels like you'rehaving a moment, pun intended,
when you're sipping on thelovely and refreshing moment.
Now what I love about moment isthat not only does it taste
delicious, I have my favoriteflavors.
I love the blood orange, I lovethe spicy mango, but it's also
good for you, which is exactlywhat I need in my life right now
(19:13):
as I'm in my early 20s.
30s.
It's infused with L theanine,which is great for mental
clarity.
It also is packed withashwagandha, which is great for
helping to fight stress.
It's made with all of thesenatural botanicals, which really
enhances your vitality.
It does not contain any addedsugar.
It's caffeine and of coursealcohol free and you can
(19:34):
purchase it in still orsparkling.
I love a good sparkle moment sothat's typically the route I
take.
In the morning it's great for aboost to start the day versus in
the afternoon if you want tobeat that afternoon slump and
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pick me up like for me I love tohave a moment after the gym
versus going into the gymbecause it just really helps.
(19:57):
Reenergize me.
And then in the evening, if youwant to wind down after a long
busy day and enjoy a deliciousmocktail without the hangover,
then Moment is great for thattoo.
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They donate 1 percent of alltheir sales to mental health non
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(20:21):
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Head over to drinkmoment.
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Let's be moment bunnies.
We can both have momentstogether.
So then how has life changedsince then?
I love this question becauseit's just changed in the best
(20:42):
ways and I will try not to getemotional about it.
I told you.
Like every, especially becominga mom.
I feel like I cry a lot moreeasily now.
Jasmine almost cried at themuseum at this really weird
exhibit.
I think I see a lot, people arelike, people stop drinking and
they wish they would have doneit sooner.
(21:04):
And I wish I would have done itsooner.
I think that I'm now in a placewhere dreams that I've had.
For so long, I'm finally like,you're going to do it.
You're going to pursue it.
You're going to be consistentand you're going to work towards
it.
And I just feel if I would havestopped drinking sooner, I would
(21:26):
just have been just in adifferent place.
But I mean, you know, weexperienced things, we go
through life, it's all learninglessons and we're meant to be
where we are, but my life isjust tremendously better.
I have just like a deepergratitude.
for life.
I've stopped like chasingmaterial things.
(21:48):
I've stopped comparing myself toother people.
Of course, you know, we live inthe age of social media and some
of that is still there, but I'vereally just become comfortable
in my skin and the life thatI've built and just been so much
more appreciative.
And I think that as someone whostruggles with depression, To be
in that place is like reallygood and healthy for me.
(22:08):
And I think also just liketaking care of my body.
Once I stopped drinking alcohol,I was like, okay, alcohol is a
poison.
So is that McDonald's that I waseating like every single day.
So like, all right, girl, like,how are we going to reign this
in and just eat more whole foodsand just take care and pour into
your body and be moreintentional about that.
And I think it's just, it'schanged my life in the best
(22:28):
ways.
I absolutely love everything youshared.
And I.
Also can agree with everything.
It's like you make a gooddecision when it comes to
removing a toxic substance, likeyou mentioned a depressive
substance, like you mentioned,and then you start making better
choices.
It's the trickle down snowballeffect, but in the best ways.
(22:49):
And then you look and you havemore.
Surpluses than deficits, right?
Like all of the benefits.
And I just want to say that thepart about like almost being
regretful that you didn't startsooner.
I believe in divine timing.
I believe that you quit when youwere supposed to quit after the
birth of your son.
That was the catalyst maybe thatyou really needed to get you to
(23:09):
this place.
But I understand like themessage, which is just like,
everyone should.
Do this.
Yeah.
Everyone should do it now.
Yes.
Like you, I've never met asingle person.
I always say this like never meta person who's regretted getting
sober, never.
Or quitting drinking or slowingdown with drinking, like never
met a person.
Yeah.
I'm curious to know how yourrelationships or if your
(23:29):
relationships have shifted orchanged since getting sober.
Yeah, I think.
They have definitely changed inthe sense that I'm just so much
more intentional about timespent.
So if I know that I'm going tospend time with people outside
of like my husband and my son, Iwant it to be quality time.
Like I want to be all up in yourface, like having serious
conversations and just likethings like that, because it's
(23:51):
just you know, time is limitedand we shouldn't take it for
granted.
The time that we have here onearth.
So I feel like my relations havedefinitely become more
intentional and also just moreaware.
Like a lot of my friends haveknown me as the drinking party
girl.
And so it's just okay, do youaccept me as sober Jasmine?
Do you appreciate me for me andlike my personality and my
(24:14):
qualities, or did you just.
appreciate the energy that Ibrought or like the time or like
the fun or like the jokes thatcould be made at my expense.
So I think that relationshipshave become a lot more better.
And I've also been able to justbe more transparent.
Like I found myself being a morehonest person.
So if someone says something orwasn't in the wrong way, whereas
(24:35):
before I sweep it under the rug,like now I don't know, the sober
girl is just honest as hell.
And that's been really good.
I also, I think, carried so muchguilt around, as mentioned
before, when you are blackoutdrunk, it wasn't always just
kiki fun oh, you were so crazyand wild and fun last night.
(24:55):
It was sometimes I would dothings that I wasn't proud of,
lash out on people.
So I feel like I was carryingguilt and shame and would tiptoe
around certain relationshipsbecause I didn't want them to
bring up the time that I cussedthem out when I was blackout
drunk and had no memory.
And so that I would.
let that seep into othercrevices of the relationship
where I'd let things slide thatreally bothered me.
(25:17):
Yeah.
And I felt Oh, I can't speak upfor myself because who am I to,
you know, stand up for myselfwhen I did this thing, this bad
thing.
And now I don't carry that guiltanymore.
Yeah.
Now I'm like, it is what it is.
I think the honesty piece, I'mso glad you brought it up
because sober girls have tousually be honest with
themselves, which is sometimesthe hardest part.
(25:40):
Yeah.
Honest about their relationshipwith alcohol, honest about where
they stand in life.
And yeah, that just obviouslytrans transfers over into other
aspects of our lives, includingpeople.
There's this, you know, saying,or like this understanding that
you lose quote unquote, losefriends and sobriety.
Have you experienced that?
(26:00):
I have not lost friends, but Ihave definitely experienced just
feeling like maybe we're growingin different directions or maybe
feeling that we're just indifferent places in our lives.
And I, and although I haven'tlost friends, I think It's
become more of like a peace andacceptance that like, if we
(26:22):
don't talk as much as we usedto, or if we don't see each
other as much as we used to,that's okay.
But I am thankful and gratefulthat I haven't really had like
any falling outs or likeanything like that.
I think I'm.
just very thankful for thepeople in my life and like their
understanding, not saying thatit wasn't hard for them and not
(26:43):
saying that like our, there waslike a little bit of rockiness
there as like we adjusted to meand my sobriety.
But I think it's actuallysomething that I'm very much
still actively working through.
Fair.
I, to that point, I'm alsoactively still working through
it, giving people grace whodeserve it and deciphering.
who actually deserves grace andwho I should just kind of let
(27:05):
go, release.
And I do believe relationshipscome in seasons, they ebb and
flow, but not everyone is forme.
And I recognize it so muchclearer now.
Like clarity is a part ofsobriety, right?
Recognizing people's intentionsa bit more clearer than I did
before.
Not to say I was naive, but Ithink when you're drinking
around people, it's You're lessaware of like energy and it's
(27:28):
just Oh, this is fun.
And then we talked about thisbefore too.
Like sometimes you're drinkingto make people more enjoyable.
And it's I don't have thatsocial lubricant anymore.
So it's if I'm not feeling it,that's okay too.
Yeah.
Maybe they're not feeling melike, you know, that's okay.
I'm learning.
And I wonder if that's also apart of.
(27:48):
You know, inching more into mythirties, I'm kind of just you
know, they say you care less,but what do you get?
It's kind of just like, whywould I force this?
When I cared so much about everylittle thing when I was younger,
things that I don't even thinkabout today.
I'm like, why did you care?
Why did you even give you thatenergy?
And now a quick word from ourpartners.
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You had a bad day.
I don't know what that bad daylooks like for you, but just
(29:36):
imagine like the worst day.
you get triggered?
Do you experience cravings?
And if you do, how do you quellthose triggers or cravings?
This might not be a greatanswer, but I eat.
I eat.
I eat too.
I eat too.
I think that truly is like, if Iam feeling down if I am feeling
(30:03):
just going through it, I'm goingto find food that is going to
make me feel better.
And it can be whatever andprobably not the best thing to
do, but that is that's what Ido.
I mean, it can be good for thesoul and I'm an emotional eater
too.
I'm a binge eater.
I go, I think for me, I also.
(30:25):
It could definitely food, butalso like I exercise, like
sometimes I need to likephysically get it out, release
it from my body.
I felt Oh my God, if I don't getcravings as much as I used to,
like in my first year, lots ofups and downs, but now I'm like,
it's more so emotional.
If someone pisses me off, or ifI feel like I want something,
(30:45):
cause like now I'm completely.
Like I don't do any substances.
I used to smoke.
I used to reach for otherunhealthy things, but now I'm
like, okay, I can't turn tothose coping mechanisms.
So I have to get it out of me.
Yeah.
I mean, the other thing that Ido is I do love to have a good
cry.
So I'll watch a really sadmovie.
Like a star is born likesomething that I just know is
(31:08):
gonna rip my heart to shreds.
I will just do that and likejust get a good cry and it just
feels like cathartic.
And so I'll just go to themuseum.
I want you all to see thisexhibit by Jasmine Star and
Takaya.
Anyway, I like that.
I wish I was telling you before.
I wish I could cry more butthat's a story for another day.
I don't think it's healthy thefact that I don't cry as much as
(31:29):
I should but okay.
I love that.
So.
What would you like to sharewith anyone about the sober
life, but maybe a misconceptionor just people you feel like are
not so well versed on?
Yeah, I think I would say Justtry it.
I think the hardest and mostintimidating thing when someone
decides to stop drinking orwhatever is that they're like, I
(31:52):
can never have this again.
I'm never going to have thisagain.
And it's don't think aboutforever in the future.
Like just think about each day,like each day, make a decision
to say I'm just going to tryMaybe not drinking today if
you're like someone who drinksevery single day after work or
like maybe I'm just gonna dolike a 30 day Detox or just do
(32:15):
something to just give it a tryand I think that feeling like I
think a lot of us might feellike we have to be social
drinkers and it's just likemaybe You just need to try
different activities.
Like maybe there's just otherthings that you need to do where
like drinking isn't the centerthat you might enjoy more.
And that can just be a gamechanger.
(32:36):
Cause I just at the fundamentalof it all, like it's literally a
poison and it's bad for us.
And I just think that we ashumans, our lifespan is already
shorter than it needs to bebecause of all of the processed
foods and everything that wehave.
So it's don't add this substanceon top of that.
(32:56):
So I was just saying, just giveit a shot.
I love that.
And I feel like going back tothe social experiment piece,
like you feel better when youfeel better, you do better and
you don't put that pressure onyourself.
Right.
Like it doesn't have to beforever.
Although for me, it's forever.
I'm a forever girly here.
And I love that idea of justlike giving yourself grace to.
(33:17):
Experience what life could looklike for you without a toxic
substance.
Yes.
Amazing.
I really am so excited that wehad this conversation.
I learned so much about you andI feel like you shared some
amazing tips that other peoplecan relate to.
Thanks for having me.
Thank you for coming, Jasmine.
I appreciate you.
(33:39):
Okay guys.
So that's all I have to share.
I also wanna say thank you forbeing here, and thank you for
allowing me to hold space inyour day as you listen to this
podcast.
If you enjoyed today's episode,please, please do me a favor and
one, make sure you're followingthe show so that you can stay up
to date with everything elsethat's happening.
(34:00):
And two.
Please, please leave a review asit helps more people find the
show.
I would appreciate even more ifit's a five star review, but do
what's right for you.
Do what you think I deserve,thank you so much, and I'll see
you next week.
Bye bye.
Hello and welcome to the show.
(00:02):
My name is Nadine Mulvina andyou are listening to the Sober
Butterfly Podcast.
TSB is all about diving intoinspiring stories of personal
growth, resilience, andtransformation.
Today we are joined with a veryspecial guest.
We have Jasmine here over atSoulfully underscore Sober.
(00:26):
Welcome jazz.
I called you jazz.
Is it okay?
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
Of course.
I feel like we're so comfortablewith each other.
I think so.
I think so.
It's so funny because you know,when you make friends on
Instagram and then you get tomeet in real life, it just feels
like authentic.
It's just a natural progression.
Yeah.
Yes.
It's we already know.
(00:46):
We had a little day togetherwent to the Whitney we walked
over here and in the interim,you know, we got to know each
other a little bit.
And we are talking today just alittle bit about Jazz's story or
Jasmine's story.
We want to hear what led you tosobriety.
And is it okay if I share thisis the first time you're like
openly talking about it.
(01:08):
I love that.
I feel like I'm getting anexclusive.
So thank you.
Okay.
Jasmine, tell us a little bitabout who you are, and what life
looked like for you beforegetting sober.
Okay.
Well, first, thank you forhaving me.
I'm so glad we got to meet inperson.
This is so fun.
Who am I?
So I am a 33 year old mother.
(01:32):
I live in Virginia.
I was raised and grew up inVirginia.
And You know, I definitely feellike I'm a different person now.
So before my sobriety, I was thejust straight party girl.
Like I'm like, everyone takesshots now.
There was no such thing as time.
(01:52):
Like we're taking shots every 10minutes.
I was not one of those peoplethat was like, let me wait, like
pace myself.
No pacing.
Almost every time it was prettymuch inevitable, but I was just
always the one just encouragingpeople to drink.
That was just who I was.
I can relate to that so much.
(02:12):
It's sometimes hard to decipherif it was like the normal
college experience or youngadult experience versus it was
my experience and I was theproblem.
I think maybe a little bit ofboth.
Yeah.
But yeah, to your point, like Ialso was the friend that was
always doing the most andencouraging other people to also
do the most.
And you reminded me of the drinkevery 10 minutes, take a shot.
(02:35):
That was a real thing that myfriends and I played as well.
So I'm curious for you, When didlife shift?
At what point were you like,maybe I shouldn't be the life of
the party or the party girlanymore?
Yeah, I think part of it wasdefinitely So in 2018, I think I
(02:55):
was just experiencingdebilitating hangovers, like
literally laying in bed, callingout of work, having sick days
because I was just like,literally could not function
from how much I was drinking.
And in 2018 it was kind of justlike, why am I doing this to
myself?
Let me stop.
And You know, stop drinking.
(03:16):
I stopped drinking for a year.
And then for some reason I waslike, Oh, a year feels good.
I feel like I've, you know, hitsome sort of accomplishment.
Let me just go back to what Iwas doing before.
And so from 2019 to 2020.
Two, I was back in my drinkinghabits, like drinking too much,
(03:40):
taking three days to recover andjust like really putting my
body.
But then I ended up gettingpregnant and I had my son and I
did drink postpartum probablylike the first six months of his
life, but I realized I was like,I have this human now who, wakes
up at the crack of dawn whodoesn't care if I was drinking
(04:03):
the night before.
And I just didn't like the kindof mother I was being like
dragging and not having theenergy and like wanting to sleep
it off.
And it just, it didn't feel goodfor me.
And so I think that was when Iwas like, I had a really good
year in 2018 when I didn'tdrink, like, why did I go back?
And that's when I was like, youknow what?
I'm not gonna drink it.
(04:24):
Well, that's beautiful.
I want to kind of backtrack to2018.
People often reference like, I'mair quoting here, a rock bottom
moment.
Did you experience anything likethat in 2018 that prompted you
to take that hiatus fromdrinking?
You know, not that I cannecessarily pinpoint when I look
(04:45):
back at my drinking and myhabits, I almost feel like I
was.
the center of the joke because Iwas the one who would get
blackout and do something crazyor like my friends would call me
Bambi because I would fallalways and no, it's okay.
It's okay.
That's kind of funny.
Yeah.
I mean, that's like what it was.
(05:06):
And so it wasn't necessarily Badthings and I have had though bad
experiences that you would havethought would have been my rock
bottom But I didn't have that in2018.
I think it was just truly Acombination of just like my body
telling me that I can't keepgoing like this And i'm, sorry
(05:27):
that I laughed at the bambithing.
It just brings me back to likeAlso feeling like I was always
at the brink the crux ofsomeone's joke, like being the
friend that did too much andthen having people to this day,
pair it back to me stories thatI'm like, that happened so long
ago.
It's not funny.
Like you can just let it be, letit rest, but it's like for them,
(05:47):
it's just monumental and it'sforever emblazoned in the friend
group chat, like whatever it maybe, I'm always going to be the
I'm just going to say if anyonewith friends listening, the cat
story, 20.
10, you had to be there.
I picked up a stray cat andwalked into a party and the DJ
literally scratched the tapelike he was DJing.
He was like, Nadine, get thatout of here.
(06:11):
You can't bring that in here.
Apparently the cat looked likethat.
Like it had rabies.
It was like, I had to get atetanus shot.
Like it was a whole thing.
Anyway, so like stories likethat would irk me because I'm
like, oh my gosh, like now I canlook back and be like, I'm not
that girl anymore.
So I don't have a, so much of anemotional attachment to that,
but I feel you 100 percent onthis notion that I was sick of
being the, brunt of everyone'stotally jokes, you know, and
(06:34):
it's like I because I wouldblack out every time It was
always other people telling meabout how I was acting or what I
was doing And it just didn'tfeel good to not be able to
remember everything and hearthings from other people's point
of view and so I don't know if Ican trust you as a source.
Yes, that doesn't even soundlike me.
(06:56):
Right, exactly.
But yeah, Blackout, Nadine andme today, very different people.
So yeah I hate that too.
Having to piece together yournight based off of other
people's accounts isfrustrating.
So then you took a year.
So what was that year like foryou in 2018 when you stopped
drinking and how did you stopdrinking?
Was it hard for you that firsttime?
(07:18):
It actually wasn't.
Too hard, honestly.
I think I don't know why itwasn't that hard.
It was just like, this issomething that I'm doing.
This is something that I'm goingto do.
And obviously at the time Iwasn't thinking that it was
forever.
So I was just like, I'm justgoing to do it.
But it was one of the years,like it was a year that I
(07:39):
finally.
started a business idea, whichwas like nothing that I had ever
done before.
But I finally had the mentalclarity to actually pursue and
start a business.
And then I was in my primefitness wise.
Like I was like, Beakroom yogaqueen, like body was snatched.
(08:00):
Like I was just like feelingreally good and like actually
doing things outside of work formyself and like pursuing other
goals.
And so it was.
It was just a beautiful year inthat way.
So I like the idea of treatingit like a social experiment.
It sounds like to me because ittook the pressure off of
forever, right?
It was just like, I'm going totake a break and see if I can
(08:21):
make a year.
What shifted in the year?
What made you feel like, okay, Ican drink again.
I don't know.
And I think nobody wants torelapse, right?
Nobody wants to go back.
But I think if I didn't, I wouldnever appreciate my sobriety
now.
And so I think just feeling likea year felt like completion to
(08:44):
me, like I had accomplishedsomething, you know, people are
clapping for you Oh my God, youstopped drinking for a year good
for you.
And so it was just like, Forsome reason I felt like that was
enough.
Like I was like, Oh I've provedto myself that I cannot drink.
And now that I haven't drank fora year, maybe I can moderate,
which is just such a myth, atleast in my world.
(09:05):
So it was like, I don't know, Iguess maybe I thought once I
started drinking again, thingswould be a little bit different.
Yeah.
That's spoiler alert.
I think for most people, it'snot like this myth of
moderation, as you It's afallacy.
It's for, I don't even thinkthe, not to get too technical
here, but I think the design bydesign alcohol is intended for
(09:28):
you to want to drink more andmore of it.
That's the whole idea of atolerance, right?
Absolutely.
So it's really hard to moderate,especially when you are coming
from a different perspective.
Like you already had more of atoxic relationship with alcohol
to begin with.
And even taking the break, it'sOh, like I'm back.
It's like me recycling my exes,right?
It's like nothing has changed orhas it?
(09:50):
Anyway.
So then you mentioned, you know,fast forward a few years.
So like you have a son andObviously, like when you had
your, I shouldn't say obviously,but when you had your son, you
recognized that you didn't wantto regress back to old drinking
patterns.
And I feel like I've heard thisbefore.
(10:13):
I'm not a mother, but specificto kind of like our conversation
before around Postpartumspecifically and how hard that
is.
Do you feel like you were usingalcohol as a coping mechanism to
deal with some of the harshrealities of being a new mom and
like the hormonal stuff thathappens behind the scenes?
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, it's funny.
I think I had this serious selfawareness about my drinking for
(10:37):
a really long time.
And while I was pregnant, I'mnot going to say obviously, but
like I didn't drink while I waspregnant and I used to say I
just won't drink for the firstfive years of his life.
Okay.
Like I tried to set somethinglike that.
Like I knew that I didn't wantto be a mom that drank just
because of how I drank and Iknew that it would impact like
(10:58):
the mom I wanted to be, butyeah, because postpartum was so
hard and because alcohol isjust, marketed as this thing
that's supposed to help yourelax and Decompress and relieve
stress.
Yeah, I definitely was drinkinghoping that it would help in
some way.
But what's crazy is that likepostpartum, and I don't know if
(11:21):
it was cause like everything mybody was going through, like
producing milk and you know, allthe things that are happening
with your body at that time, Iwould drink so much and not feel
drunk.
Wow.
Yep.
Like it was the worst.
And so then it's well, what do Ido now?
If I'm chasing and drinking muchand I'm not even like getting
(11:44):
drunk or feeling it, then it'slike something has to give.
Yeah.
And it can go in many differentdirections.
Right.
This is where I feel like peoplebecome more susceptible to
trying other things maybebecause they're like, well, this
isn't working for me.
So what else is on the table?
My friend has a saying like it'sdrug of convenience, like
(12:05):
depending on like the socialcircles, like where you grew up,
if heroin were on the table, notto make this a different
conversation, but like the typeof person I was, I'm
experimental.
And if I wanted to feelsomething and I couldn't feel
for it.
Something who's to say Iwouldn't reach for something
else, but what I can relate toand what you shared about not
(12:25):
getting drunk, it wasn'tpostpartum for me.
It was, I think my tolerance wasjust so sky high towards the end
of my drinking that I would goout chasing this feeling.
Like I never drank for the sakeof just wanting to drink.
I drank because I wanted to kindof alleviate some of the
stresses and feel an out of bodyexperience.
And yeah, lose myself and losemy inhibitions.
(12:47):
And I felt like towards the end,I had a really hard time getting
there wherever there was,because it was always like I was
chasing this like perfectequilibrium.
Like I wanted to feel good, butnot black out.
Right.
I wanted to be drunk, but notblack out.
But I would always skirt Like Iwould still have blackout
moments, but like in the moment,I didn't realize it was
blackout.
It was really convoluted andcomplex, but I share that to say
(13:09):
that I think that is thebeginning of the end.
It's almost like a symptom thatyour body is rejecting this and
it's no longer serving you andit's time to release it.
And if you listen to your body,which we can get into later,
because I feel like you're veryin tune with your body now, if
you listen to those symptoms andthose signs, then you can make a
pivot and change yourrelationship.
(13:31):
Yep.
Or you can continue chasing orlooking to feel something.
But yeah, I relate to not beingable to get drunk.
And then I would have hangoversstill.
Yeah.
Like I would still have theaftermath or the after effects
of drinking the amount that Idrink, which is a lot.
Yeah.
So then at what point did youdecide, Okay, enough is enough
this time.
I don't want to be this version.
(13:52):
of a mother for my son.
How did you get to this placewhere you decided that you were
done with alcohol for real thistime?
Yeah, I think, I mean, I justremember I was having a really
hard time at work where I wasjust like, kind of really
checked out.
Crying in meetings, like justhaving a really hard time and I
(14:13):
literally could not wait to pickmy son up from daycare, make
sure he got home safely, andthen have a drink.
And then I was like trying toget All of my drinks in between
6pm and midnight and then likewaking up and doing it all over
again.
So like waking up and feelinghungover and sluggish because
(14:34):
I'm not getting good sleep.
Having a hard time at work ofjust like feeling stressed and
like overwhelmed.
I had just started a new job andit was a different environment
on top of, you know, Recentlyhaving a baby and I remember I
got to the point where I told myjob.
I was like, I need to take timejust for my mental health.
Like I need to actually stepaway from work and just focus on
(14:58):
my mental health.
I just felt like I was slippingsomehow.
And so I was like I got a notefrom my doctor that said, yeah
start with two weeks, go totherapy, and let's see what
happens.
And I remember talking to mytherapist and telling her like,
yeah, I can't wait to make suremy son gets home safely so that
I can have a drink.
And she said, you know, have youever thought about going to AA?
(15:19):
And I was like, no.
And it was still very muchduring pandemic times where AA
meetings were online.
You didn't have to be on camera.
Like people didn't necessarilyhave to see my face.
And she was like, you know, justgo and listen.
And so I ended up going to acouple of AA meetings and after
(15:39):
my first meeting and justListening to people's stories
and like other things thatpeople are battling with.
I was like, I don't want to dothis anymore.
Like I Can't keep going likethis.
Like I don't want to get to apoint where I'm telling a story
about being passed out drunkwith my son at home or you know,
(16:00):
getting to a point like that.
And so I stopped drinking.
And I think the power, and bythe way, kudos to your
therapist.
I think that was amazing advicejust to listen, because I think
AA can be really daunting andscary to hear those words.
Wait, what?
What are you suggesting?
But if you just go and listen,you're often find that your
(16:21):
story is sometimes embedded inother people's story.
Maybe not to the extreme, butthe, nature of alcohol and
alcoholism is progressive,right?
So if you're not here today,like nobody takes their first
step in Oh, I'm a ragingalcoholic, right?
You build momentum towards thisplace.
And so I think that was reallypowerful that you were able to
(16:43):
take inventory, be self awareand recognize that you don't
want to get to that place orbecome that person.
So it sounds like.
Going to meetings online andimmersing yourself with
community was the start of yoursober journey Yeah, absolutely.
And I just I remember afterthose meetings I was talking to
some of my best friends and I'mlike, I don't know if I have the
(17:05):
right to call myself analcoholic just because of what I
was hearing from other peopleand I remember one of my best
friends saying like you can'tcompare Severities of traumas
like your trauma is just astraumatic and transformational
to you as whatever you'rehearing from this person.
(17:25):
And I think that was like lifechanging for me too, because
it's like, yeah, I've beenthrough things in my life.
And I drink the way I do becauseI am like coping or like trying
to forget, or like trying todeal with some like unresolved
things.
And just because it might notsound as severe as like this
person's story, That doesn'tmean that it didn't have an
(17:47):
impact on me.
And that doesn't mean that Ican't say that like alcoholism
runs in my family.
And my mom would say if it, ifthere's a gene for it, like you
would have it because it runs inour family.
And so I wanted to do somethingabout it.
I love that.
That's beautiful.
And your friend also profoundwords, right?
Like it's all relative.
Yes.
(18:07):
It's all relative.
And.
Yeah, that's, I'm thinking aboutthat for myself even because I
think sometimes going tomeetings, I still go to meetings
and I'll hear things and I doquestion like this term am I, do
I have the right to say I'm analcoholic as well?
But the way I see it, I'd ratherclaim it so that I can stay away
from alcohol because I know Ican't moderate.
(18:29):
I know I don't have a healthyrelationship with it.
Then, you know, delude myselfinto saying, Oh, I'm not an
alcoholic.
I can, whatever.
Cause when I start slipping intoold patterns and like thinking
that I'm responsible in, Noteven responsible, that's the
wrong word to use, but I'm ableto have a somewhat healthy
relationship with alcohol, and Iknow that's not true.
(18:51):
It really feels like you'rehaving a moment, pun intended,
when you're sipping on thelovely and refreshing moment.
Now what I love about moment isthat not only does it taste
delicious, I have my favoriteflavors.
I love the blood orange, I lovethe spicy mango, but it's also
good for you, which is exactlywhat I need in my life right now
(19:13):
as I'm in my early 20s.
30s.
It's infused with L theanine,which is great for mental
clarity.
It also is packed withashwagandha, which is great for
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So then how has life changedsince then?
I love this question becauseit's just changed in the best
(20:42):
ways and I will try not to getemotional about it.
I told you.
Like every, especially becominga mom.
I feel like I cry a lot moreeasily now.
Jasmine almost cried at themuseum at this really weird
exhibit.
I think I see a lot, people arelike, people stop drinking and
they wish they would have doneit sooner.
(21:04):
And I wish I would have done itsooner.
I think that I'm now in a placewhere dreams that I've had.
For so long, I'm finally like,you're going to do it.
You're going to pursue it.
You're going to be consistentand you're going to work towards
it.
And I just feel if I would havestopped drinking sooner, I would
(21:26):
just have been just in adifferent place.
But I mean, you know, weexperienced things, we go
through life, it's all learninglessons and we're meant to be
where we are, but my life isjust tremendously better.
I have just like a deepergratitude.
for life.
I've stopped like chasingmaterial things.
(21:48):
I've stopped comparing myself toother people.
Of course, you know, we live inthe age of social media and some
of that is still there, but I'vereally just become comfortable
in my skin and the life thatI've built and just been so much
more appreciative.
And I think that as someone whostruggles with depression, To be
in that place is like reallygood and healthy for me.
(22:08):
And I think also just liketaking care of my body.
Once I stopped drinking alcohol,I was like, okay, alcohol is a
poison.
So is that McDonald's that I waseating like every single day.
So like, all right, girl, like,how are we going to reign this
in and just eat more whole foodsand just take care and pour into
your body and be moreintentional about that.
And I think it's just, it'schanged my life in the best
(22:28):
ways.
I absolutely love everything youshared.
And I.
Also can agree with everything.
It's like you make a gooddecision when it comes to
removing a toxic substance, likeyou mentioned a depressive
substance, like you mentioned,and then you start making better
choices.
It's the trickle down snowballeffect, but in the best ways.
(22:49):
And then you look and you havemore.
Surpluses than deficits, right?
Like all of the benefits.
And I just want to say that thepart about like almost being
regretful that you didn't startsooner.
I believe in divine timing.
I believe that you quit when youwere supposed to quit after the
birth of your son.
That was the catalyst maybe thatyou really needed to get you to
(23:09):
this place.
But I understand like themessage, which is just like,
everyone should.
Do this.
Yeah.
Everyone should do it now.
Yes.
Like you, I've never met asingle person.
I always say this like never meta person who's regretted getting
sober, never.
Or quitting drinking or slowingdown with drinking, like never
met a person.
Yeah.
I'm curious to know how yourrelationships or if your
(23:29):
relationships have shifted orchanged since getting sober.
Yeah, I think.
They have definitely changed inthe sense that I'm just so much
more intentional about timespent.
So if I know that I'm going tospend time with people outside
of like my husband and my son, Iwant it to be quality time.
Like I want to be all up in yourface, like having serious
conversations and just likethings like that, because it's
(23:51):
just you know, time is limitedand we shouldn't take it for
granted.
The time that we have here onearth.
So I feel like my relations havedefinitely become more
intentional and also just moreaware.
Like a lot of my friends haveknown me as the drinking party
girl.
And so it's just okay, do youaccept me as sober Jasmine?
Do you appreciate me for me andlike my personality and my
(24:14):
qualities, or did you just.
appreciate the energy that Ibrought or like the time or like
the fun or like the jokes thatcould be made at my expense.
So I think that relationshipshave become a lot more better.
And I've also been able to justbe more transparent.
Like I found myself being a morehonest person.
So if someone says something orwasn't in the wrong way, whereas
(24:35):
before I sweep it under the rug,like now I don't know, the sober
girl is just honest as hell.
And that's been really good.
I also, I think, carried so muchguilt around, as mentioned
before, when you are blackoutdrunk, it wasn't always just
kiki fun oh, you were so crazyand wild and fun last night.
(24:55):
It was sometimes I would dothings that I wasn't proud of,
lash out on people.
So I feel like I was carryingguilt and shame and would tiptoe
around certain relationshipsbecause I didn't want them to
bring up the time that I cussedthem out when I was blackout
drunk and had no memory.
And so that I would.
let that seep into othercrevices of the relationship
where I'd let things slide thatreally bothered me.
(25:17):
Yeah.
And I felt Oh, I can't speak upfor myself because who am I to,
you know, stand up for myselfwhen I did this thing, this bad
thing.
And now I don't carry that guiltanymore.
Yeah.
Now I'm like, it is what it is.
I think the honesty piece, I'mso glad you brought it up
because sober girls have tousually be honest with
themselves, which is sometimesthe hardest part.
(25:40):
Yeah.
Honest about their relationshipwith alcohol, honest about where
they stand in life.
And yeah, that just obviouslytrans transfers over into other
aspects of our lives, includingpeople.
There's this, you know, saying,or like this understanding that
you lose quote unquote, losefriends and sobriety.
Have you experienced that?
(26:00):
I have not lost friends, but Ihave definitely experienced just
feeling like maybe we're growingin different directions or maybe
feeling that we're just indifferent places in our lives.
And I, and although I haven'tlost friends, I think It's
become more of like a peace andacceptance that like, if we
(26:22):
don't talk as much as we usedto, or if we don't see each
other as much as we used to,that's okay.
But I am thankful and gratefulthat I haven't really had like
any falling outs or likeanything like that.
I think I'm.
just very thankful for thepeople in my life and like their
understanding, not saying thatit wasn't hard for them and not
(26:43):
saying that like our, there waslike a little bit of rockiness
there as like we adjusted to meand my sobriety.
But I think it's actuallysomething that I'm very much
still actively working through.
Fair.
I, to that point, I'm alsoactively still working through
it, giving people grace whodeserve it and deciphering.
who actually deserves grace andwho I should just kind of let
(27:05):
go, release.
And I do believe relationshipscome in seasons, they ebb and
flow, but not everyone is forme.
And I recognize it so muchclearer now.
Like clarity is a part ofsobriety, right?
Recognizing people's intentionsa bit more clearer than I did
before.
Not to say I was naive, but Ithink when you're drinking
around people, it's You're lessaware of like energy and it's
(27:28):
just Oh, this is fun.
And then we talked about thisbefore too.
Like sometimes you're drinkingto make people more enjoyable.
And it's I don't have thatsocial lubricant anymore.
So it's if I'm not feeling it,that's okay too.
Yeah.
Maybe they're not feeling melike, you know, that's okay.
I'm learning.
And I wonder if that's also apart of.
(27:48):
You know, inching more into mythirties, I'm kind of just you
know, they say you care less,but what do you get?
It's kind of just like, whywould I force this?
When I cared so much about everylittle thing when I was younger,
things that I don't even thinkabout today.
I'm like, why did you care?
Why did you even give you thatenergy?
And now a quick word from ourpartners.
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You had a bad day.
I don't know what that bad daylooks like for you, but just
(29:36):
imagine like the worst day.
you get triggered?
Do you experience cravings?
And if you do, how do you quellthose triggers or cravings?
This might not be a greatanswer, but I eat.
I eat.
I eat too.
I eat too.
I think that truly is like, if Iam feeling down if I am feeling
(30:03):
just going through it, I'm goingto find food that is going to
make me feel better.
And it can be whatever andprobably not the best thing to
do, but that is that's what Ido.
I mean, it can be good for thesoul and I'm an emotional eater
too.
I'm a binge eater.
I go, I think for me, I also.
(30:25):
It could definitely food, butalso like I exercise, like
sometimes I need to likephysically get it out, release
it from my body.
I felt Oh my God, if I don't getcravings as much as I used to,
like in my first year, lots ofups and downs, but now I'm like,
it's more so emotional.
If someone pisses me off, or ifI feel like I want something,
(30:45):
cause like now I'm completely.
Like I don't do any substances.
I used to smoke.
I used to reach for otherunhealthy things, but now I'm
like, okay, I can't turn tothose coping mechanisms.
So I have to get it out of me.
Yeah.
I mean, the other thing that Ido is I do love to have a good
cry.
So I'll watch a really sadmovie.
Like a star is born likesomething that I just know is
(31:08):
gonna rip my heart to shreds.
I will just do that and likejust get a good cry and it just
feels like cathartic.
And so I'll just go to themuseum.
I want you all to see thisexhibit by Jasmine Star and
Takaya.
Anyway, I like that.
I wish I was telling you before.
I wish I could cry more butthat's a story for another day.
I don't think it's healthy thefact that I don't cry as much as
(31:29):
I should but okay.
I love that.
So.
What would you like to sharewith anyone about the sober
life, but maybe a misconceptionor just people you feel like are
not so well versed on?
Yeah, I think I would say Justtry it.
I think the hardest and mostintimidating thing when someone
decides to stop drinking orwhatever is that they're like, I
(31:52):
can never have this again.
I'm never going to have thisagain.
And it's don't think aboutforever in the future.
Like just think about each day,like each day, make a decision
to say I'm just going to tryMaybe not drinking today if
you're like someone who drinksevery single day after work or
like maybe I'm just gonna dolike a 30 day Detox or just do
(32:15):
something to just give it a tryand I think that feeling like I
think a lot of us might feellike we have to be social
drinkers and it's just likemaybe You just need to try
different activities.
Like maybe there's just otherthings that you need to do where
like drinking isn't the centerthat you might enjoy more.
And that can just be a gamechanger.
(32:36):
Cause I just at the fundamentalof it all, like it's literally a
poison and it's bad for us.
And I just think that we ashumans, our lifespan is already
shorter than it needs to bebecause of all of the processed
foods and everything that wehave.
So it's don't add this substanceon top of that.
(32:56):
So I was just saying, just giveit a shot.
I love that.
And I feel like going back tothe social experiment piece,
like you feel better when youfeel better, you do better and
you don't put that pressure onyourself.
Right.
Like it doesn't have to beforever.
Although for me, it's forever.
I'm a forever girly here.
And I love that idea of justlike giving yourself grace to.
(33:17):
Experience what life could looklike for you without a toxic
substance.
Yes.
Amazing.
I really am so excited that wehad this conversation.
I learned so much about you andI feel like you shared some
amazing tips that other peoplecan relate to.
Thanks for having me.
Thank you for coming, Jasmine.
I appreciate you.
(33:39):
Okay guys.
So that's all I have to share.
I also wanna say thank you forbeing here, and thank you for
allowing me to hold space inyour day as you listen to this
podcast.
If you enjoyed today's episode,please, please do me a favor and
one, make sure you're followingthe show so that you can stay up
to date with everything elsethat's happening.
(34:00):
And two.
Please, please leave a review asit helps more people find the
show.
I would appreciate even more ifit's a five star review, but do
what's right for you.
Do what you think I deserve,thank you so much, and I'll see
you next week.
Bye bye.
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