September 12, 2025 • 38 mins
What happens when military discipline meets empathetic leadership? Juan Alvarado's extraordinary journey from military sergeant to leadership coach reveals powerful insights for anyone developing talent.
After nearly a decade in military service followed by law enforcement, Juan faced a profound realization: "You go 10 to 12 years not knowing if you're going to come home, at the end of the day gets old pretty fast." This pivotal moment led him to youth development, where he revolutionized training approaches before launching his own leadership coaching practice.
Juan brings a refreshingly practical perspective to leadership development. Having faced life-threatening situations, he approaches difficult conversations with a unique clarity. His approach balances toughness with remarkable empathy through his HAT framework: How do you Handle what you hear? How do you give Attention with the right attitude? How do you Transform the temperature?
Whether you're developing talent professionally or simply trying to help others grow, Juan's frameworks provide actionable tools for meaningful transformation.
Ready to revolutionize your approach to leadership development? Subscribe now and share this episode with someone who could benefit from these insights.
Meet the Host
Jay Johnson works with people and organizations to empower teams, grow profits, and elevate leadership. He is a Co-Founder of Behavioral Elements®, a two-time TEDx speaker, and a designated Master Trainer by the Association for Talent Development. With a focus on behavioral intelligence, Jay has delivered transformational workshops to accelerate high-performance teams and cultures in more than 30 countries across four continents. For inquiries, contact jay@behavioralelements.com or connect below!
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayjohnsonccg/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jayjohnsonccg/
Speaker Website - https://jayjohnsonspeaks.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to this episode of the Talent Forge,
where we are shaping the futureof training and development.
I am joined by special guestJuan Alvarado.
Welcome to the show, Juan.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Thank you for having me.
I appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Yeah, so why don't we have the audience get to know
you a little bit?
What's your story and how didyou get into the talent
development space?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yeah.
So right out of high schooljumped straight into the
military and was in the militaryfor right shy under 10 years
where I moved my way up theranks to sergeant.
I was this close to staffsergeant and getting out as an
E6.
But the military has a problemwhen you say you're going to get
out, they won't promote youright before you get out for
(00:43):
bragging rights, I guess.
So yeah, so stayed there andthen worked the police
department for two years before.
I kind of had enough of it.
Just wanted to have more of animpact.
Even though I love doing what Iwas doing, you go 10 to 12
years not knowing if you'regoing to come home at the end of
the day gets old pretty fast, Iguess.
(01:04):
And so I just want to have moreof an impact on youth and youth
development.
So I went into that whole areastaff, a lead and then a manager
and then director of programsand so from there just started
to craft and change the way wedid our hiring practices, what
we did for personal development,got into a different way of
(01:26):
training staff and then startedto help other organizations do
that kind of as a like a sidehustle, if you will, and it kind
of just took off from there.
And now I left the nine to fiveand I do keynotes and trainings
for leaders and their teams.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Amazing.
Well, thank you for yourservice on multiple fronts.
It's a.
You know that's gotta be aninteresting transition.
I actually want to dig intothat just a little bit.
One of my business partnersshe's actually the chief of
police for a local municipality,and another person that I had
worked with in some crisiscommunications was in the
(02:04):
military, so I know how hardthey work.
I know how hard every one ofthem work.
So, seriously, thank you forthat service.
But so how is that transition?
One, you go from one of thesespaces to another.
There's got to be some coollessons that you were able to
bring over there.
That's got a completely uniqueperspective for our audience.
(02:25):
Do you have any Talk to me?
This is so fascinating for me.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Yeah, so it was tough to transition specifically from
the military side because youfeel that life has been on pause
.
It's almost like if you go onvacation and you come home and
maybe you leave three, four,five days and you really don't
have anybody, that maybe housesits or anything like that.
(02:51):
But you come back andeverything is stay the same.
No one's moved.
Your furniture, their couchesare still the same thing, your,
you know, your counters might beor your TV might be a little
bit more dusty, but everything'sexactly the way that you left
it.
That's a thought process whenyou're in the military and
especially when you get deployedso veteran being deployed of 18
months, and so when you comeback they tell you listen, your
(03:12):
spouse or significant otherprobably has new friends, lost
some friends, they probablydon't talk to certain family
members anymore.
Their hair is shorter, longerdyed, whatever.
Like, things have changed,things have moved around and so
you have to be okay with thechanges.
And that's hard, especially ifyou're not really good with
changes.
So it just helps you tounderstand, like, bro, you're
(03:33):
not the only one in this world.
Life has changed.
So that was a little difficultat first, but going into, like,
the nonprofit sector of things.
You're not afraid to handletough conversations.
So that's, I'm huge on that.
So two things that I'm reallybig into being intentional as a
leader and to how to teachpeople how to have difficult
(03:54):
conversations and like, why arethey so tough and you know
you're you get shot at or yourbombs are coming your way.
Telling somebody they that theyneed to step it up is not that
scary, right?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
So that's perspective .
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah big time.
So to tell somebody, hey, cutthe crap, you need to come in on
time.
Of course I'm not going to sayit that way, but the courage, if
you will, to have difficultconversations seems to be a
little bit easier.
But I'm also pretty empatheticand I understand.
Stuff happens, family happens,so how do I connect with the
person more?
And so there is some differentaspects, if you will, of it
(04:34):
helps you to be brave and havethose tough conversations.
It also helps me help motivatepeople.
So I definitely have amotivational voice, a coach's
voice, a friend voice and aneducator voice when I'm having
meetings with people.
So it's really helped me tokind of figure out, okay, what
is what does this conversationreally need?
Does it need the motivator?
Does it need a teacher?
(04:55):
Does it?
And so that's helped out quitea bit in in that and perspective
has helped a lot.
Like this is tough, like how doI get through this?
No, you've been through tougherGo back there for a second oh
yeah, this is easy.
So it's a gamut of things.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Well, and I think that's awesome because you also
get the credibility for whenpeople push back and be like
Juan, this is so tough.
You know you're putting methrough the ringer here.
I've got to go have thisdifficult conversation about my
employee being late or so on andso forth and you're like,
listen, let me talk to you abouttough.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I really like that.
The one thing that I wanted toask about is, as you were
talking, I kind of picked up onsomething that I thought was
really interesting that you saidYou've got that strength
mentality, but you also have theempathy to sort of connect with
those people, and I think thatthat's sometimes a challenge.
Is, you know, especially ifwe're training managers, if
(05:52):
we're training leaders?
You know, there was anassessment that I just looked at
.
I'm not a big fan of it and I'mnot going to name it, but it's
like the way that they measuremanagement is how assertive they
are.
No kidding, and I'm like whatabout other things like empathy,
communication, all these otherfunctions?
Right, Like being able tobalance empathy with that sort
of assertiveness or toughness?
(06:13):
How do you manage that whenyou're coaching people?
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Yeah, so two different things.
It sounds like you're somewhatinterested in assessments or
things like that, which is whyyou probably looked into this
one, but I'm a Gallup certifiedstrengths coach, so I'm maybe
you've heard of Gallup strengthsor Clifton strengths I think
they're rebranding that.
So Clifton strengths tells youyour depending on the report,
that you get your top fivestrengths or your full 34
(06:40):
strengths, and empathy is one ofthose.
And so as I go intoorganizations to help their
leadership or their team withtheir strengths, there's some
people in leadership positionsthat are asked to, or they ask
their staff to, be empathetic,but empathy is not in their
strengths.
It might be their last strength.
That, you know, is probablywhat we call dormant.
(07:01):
Right, it's their 34 strength.
They're not going to use it.
So how do you expect somebody tobe empathetic and have empathy
if that's the bottom of thebarrel of their strengths?
And so there's a ways that wecoach like what are your
strengths?
How do we, how do we get thatto be empathetic?
Luckily for me?
Um, empathy is, I think, sevenor eight, so it's still within
(07:21):
my wheelhouse of reaching thatstrength, the top 10.
Yeah Right, but it's one ofthose things where you just have
to tell people okay, if youdon't have empathy, how do we
use one of those strengths tolook like it?
In a sense, it's almost likemixed drinks.
There's mixed drinks and if youmix out some alcohol and this
(07:41):
juice and this juice and thisspritzer and this and that, oh,
this tastes like Dr Pepper.
Like you could still use yourstrength to make it look like
quote unquote look like or feellike empathy.
But one thing I tell people todo is just slow things down.
What is the end goal?
What is the end result ofthings?
Right, I do this with my kids.
Conversation with my wife,other people in in the
(08:05):
organizations that I help out islet's sew it down, what's the
end goal?
And so the example that I useis like I was spanked as a kid,
um, and I used to tell my, tellme the story of like I'm glad I
was.
I was spanked because then ithelped me become the person that
I am.
But at the same time, I'm likebut that wasn't the best way to
go about things, but it helped.
(08:26):
And so, like, the whole thingwas like you don't get respect
or empathy, or cleaning yourroom or whatever goes on the
hand and then on the butt, cheek, and all of a sudden now it now
travels all the way up to yourhead and then you're like, oh,
lesson learned.
Thanks mom, thanks dad, like itdoesn't happen that way.
What's the end result?
(08:47):
I just want my kids to respectme.
I just want them to clean theirroom, okay.
So if that's the end result,that's probably not going to
help you get the end result.
It's probably gonna make themfear you or scared of you, or
now they're going to work andbeing timid, but that's not the
end result.
What's the end result?
So, if I want my staff to comein late or, excuse me, if I want
(09:08):
my staff to come in early andstop being late, maybe yelling
and finger pointing and doingthis, and it's not going to work
.
Do the write-ups help?
Yes, but the write-ups, the endresult of the write-ups is
either you get with it or wework your way out of the
organization and we, you knowyou get another job, but
sometimes it's just okay.
What's going on?
Does this stuff happen?
(09:30):
Does SHIT stuff happen?
Like sure it does.
Has it ever happened to you?
Have you ever popped a tire,you know, ran out of gas,
whatever?
Like we're all human, sothere's some grace there.
But just slow it down, have aconversation with somebody and,
you know, go from there.
If they don't have that, thatempathy piece, try to see the
(09:54):
shoes that they come there, tryto put yourself in their shoes.
And I, there's a lesson that Ido when it comes to being
intentional, and I talk aboutput the right hat on.
So sometimes we need to not bemanager or director, right?
Especially when we come home.
Right, I'm sure your spousedoesn't want you to be right,
they don't need podcast hosts,they don't need manager, they
(10:14):
don't need director, right?
I need to take that hat off andput you know spouse hat,
supporter, you know whateverthat hat is, and so hat is an
acronym.
So H how do you handle what youhear?
A, how do you give attention,with the right attitude?
And then T how do you transformthe temperature?
If I'm able to slow down, right, god, I'm pissed that this
(10:36):
staff is late or having attitudeor whatever.
But you can complain and yelland point all you want, but who
do they need me to be?
How do I handle what I hear?
Give attention, with the rightattitude, and then how do I
transform the temperature?
And by then you're able to tapinto what empathy might be or
look like to that other person.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
That's a huge takeaway, Juan, and I really
like that acronym.
I like the way that youapproach that.
As you mentioned assessmentsyeah, I've studied assessments.
I like the way that youapproach that you know, as you
mentioned assessments, that yeah, I've studied assessments.
I'm certified in about 25 ofthem and there's only two that I
use.
One of them is the one that Idesigned, Behavioral Elements,
and the other one isStrengthsFinders at
CliftonStrengths.
(11:18):
I absolutely love it.
I think it's a really, reallypowerful program for maybe an
audience member that's not awareof the strengths.
And you're right, they didswitch it from like Gallup
Strengths to CliftonStrengthsFinder or whatever else
.
We had deployed it at FordMotor Company had great results
with it.
Why don't you tell the audiencea little bit about what
(11:38):
StrengthsFinder is and whatvalue you get from using it with
your clients?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Yeah, so Strengths, don Clifton is the creator of it
and he basically saw all thesedifferent assessments and you
might be familiar with the diskassessment and there's numbers
and colors and all this otherstuff, myers-briggs, and I think
even Myers-Briggs.
He studied Myers-Briggs and waslike how we keep on putting
people in these boxes, if youwill, or these quadrants, and
(12:03):
there's more detail to thosethings.
And so they did an assessmentof all these different
organizations, differentfunctions of work, and they said
why are the most successfulpeople in all of these areas, no
matter sex, gender, whatever itis, age, why are they so
successful?
And they found that everybodythat's successful had 34
(12:24):
different traits, but that these34 traits were in all of us,
but they utilized what theyfound to be their top five or
their top 10.
And so then he figured out howto do this assessment.
It's funny because a lot ofpeople don't know this that in
strength, when you take thoseassessments, there's actually a
time.
Part of the data that they getis how quickly you answer those
(12:45):
questions, and so there's atimer behind each question that
you can't see on the back end,and so a lot of data comes from
that, because you're assuringyou're positive.
This is the way I feel about X,y or Z.
But long story short, you getyour top five or your full 34.
And basically there's fourthemes executing, strategic
(13:07):
thinking, influencing andrelationship building.
And those strengths all kind ofgo within those four.
And the cool thing is is I meanthose of us that well, we could
see each other.
But it's cool because to meMyers-Briggs says oh, you're a
guy, juan's a guy, you have ablack shirt on, he's got a black
shirt on.
So you guys must handle thissituation the same way where
(13:27):
CliftonStrength says yourstrength for for Jay is this way
and it shows up in him this way, and this, that same strength
shows up in Juan differently.
So a quick example is um, um,the strength relator.
It's a relationship drivenstrength.
But, um, some of my relatorstrength shows up one way and
(13:49):
somebody else can have the samestrength but it reads
differently in how it comesthrough them and how it equips
them.
So I think the, the the stat isone in 33 million um is the
odds of you and I having thesame strengths in the same order
and just shows how unique youare.
So that's the reason why I likeit.
So now what I do with it is Iget my clients right, the
(14:10):
leaders and their staff, and wepull their strengths.
Or I've even helped coupleswhere you get the husband and
the wife and their strengths andwe start to see do you
understand why you get sofrustrated?
Because your strength is notbeing fulfilled?
Do you see why they getfrustrated?
Do you see why you guys aren'tseeing eye to eye?
You want to execute, they wantto think first.
(14:31):
You want to just move, theywant to think.
And so then we start to say, ohokay, so how do I understand
their point of view?
How do I get them to understandmy point of view?
And then it helps out even withcommunication.
Just how do I?
How do I speak to them?
Ah, they need context.
Well, that's one of thestrengths, right?
So I need to give them a littlebit more data, a little bit
more back work for them tounderstand what I need.
(14:52):
And so when you can figure outtheir strengths and your
strengths, man, it is like Jedimind tricks when it comes to
working with uh, with people instrengths.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Yeah, yeah, so, and that's so well said, and one of
the biggest challenges that I'vealways had is personality
assessments that say this is howyou are and then all of a
sudden that becomes ajustification for whatever ask
how should I be showing up inthis situation?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
and make an alternative behavioral choice.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
So you know, from the strengths finder, the strengths
.
I always thought the coolestthing was one in 33 million,
exactly what you said.
You know our DNA in leadershipor in communication, so unique
(15:43):
and so valuable.
But I really love the otheraspect of it that says, hey, you
know what, instead of trying tofix all of the issues that you
have with you know your lowest,your 34, your 33, your 32,
really focus your energy on whatyou're good at.
That's going to be morefulfilling, more effective, more
productive and it's going tolead to better results, and I
(16:05):
thought that was, you know, areally brilliant way to set that
model.
So, juan, let me ask thisquestion as you're navigating
behavioral change, because Imean, that's essentially what
we're doing as coaches, trainers, that's what everybody in our
audience really wants to do.
You've seen some unique, you'vegot some unique perspectives,
I'm sure, across you know,obviously, your military
background or time in lawenforcement, and obviously, as a
(16:28):
coach, you know, as younavigate, essentially getting
somebody to sometimes just getout of their own way or really
kind of focusing their energy ina productive way.
What are some of the steps thatyou try to do to identify what
those barriers might be and thensecondly help people sort of
shift their behaviors.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yeah.
So one of them is still kind ofriding the coattails of
strength.
So, on strengths, there's blindspots, and so one of the things
and what I tell people in blindspots are is it's basically a
duplicate of you, right, it'syou getting in the way of you.
And so again, right, it's yougetting in the way of you.
(17:10):
And so again, I'll use thestrength of relator where
relator says that you have deep,meaningful relationships, um,
so, and one of the things thatthey say is um, what, you're not
right.
So, um, one of the examples isif you go into an elevator, do
you like?
I'm not a person that says, hey, jay, what, what, what floor
you want?
Or you know I on, or you know,I don't know your name yet,
right, uh, hey, sir, what, whatfloor do you want?
(17:31):
I'll, I'll push the button foryou.
No.
Or if you were to say hey, uh,room four or, excuse me, level
four or whatever, I'd be likeyou can push your own dang
buttons Like who in the heck youagain later on in life I'm like
hey, jay, what the heck, howare you doing?
What are you doing?
Here?
And now I can have thatconversation.
(17:59):
The blind spot is is, is when itcomes to relator is uh, people
think that you have favorites,right, the guy you come in and
into the elevator and the guynext to me is like, why is he
all talkative, that guy?
How come he wasn't talkative tome?
Ah, he must have favorites.
No, that's not the case.
So I noticed this when I was adirector.
When I go to certainorganizations, uh, excuse me,
certain um, uh buildings wherewe had staff, staff at other
(18:20):
locations would say, oh, youhave favorites Cause you're
always at this location.
No, I asked those people whoneeded help.
They emailed me and said hey,can you come here and work with
me one-on-one?
And so I did.
I don't have favorites.
And so the outside, or how I getin front of myself with that
strength, is some people mightthink that you have favorites,
but the strength says I havedeep meaningful relationships.
(18:42):
So how do I have favorites if Ihave deep meaningful
relationships?
It's because I'm so strong inthis area.
Meaningful relationships, it'sbecause I'm so strong in this
area.
One of the examples that I giveis there's a video of this big
old, huge buff guy in the lockerroom and somebody gets a
post-it and they put it right inbetween his back and he can't
reach the post-it on the middleof his back and he can't reach
it.
He's got like theseTyrannosaurus Rex arms and he
can't reach his back becausehe's so buff.
(19:04):
Your strength is you are hugeand muscular and strong.
The blind spot is you can'teven scratch your own back,
right.
So how do people get in theirway?
We look at their strengths andwe say do you see how other
people see you?
Do you see how you can get inyour way?
You keep on help.
Your thought is helping peopleout, but you forget about this
one or two people that youhaven't talked to yet.
(19:25):
And so that's one spot of howwe start to look at those blind
spots and start to tell if wecan be aware of those blind
spots.
I could say, okay, my workdaytoday, I'm really close and I've
talked to this staff, thisstaff, this staff who haven't I
talked to today, so let me startoff my day here, right, and so
(19:48):
we start to find alignment.
So this is the next part issometimes we do so much that
there's not alignment with ourown core values, what our goals
are, and so one of the things inour and how we get in our way
is we kick ourselves in the buttbecause we can never meet our
goals or our expectations.
(20:08):
And here's the issue that I havewith people when they set goals
is, I would say, nine times outof 10, people don't know how to
how to use um goal setting.
And people will Google and dosmart goals, right, um?
And they'll say, okay, I needto be specific.
I want to lose 10 pounds, okay,measurable, it's 10 pounds, and
I want to do it by this date.
And you go, they go through the, all, the, the, the acronym of
(20:31):
smart, right, but what they endup doing is they are setting up
themselves for failure becausethey are setting up results of
goals, not the goal itself.
Right, my goal to lose 10pounds is to eat the macros that
I need today.
Go to the gym and do theworkout today.
Go on my walk or my run today.
(20:54):
Goal set done, right.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Next time somebody tells you they want to lose 10
pounds, feel free to steal thisfrom me, because I've used this
one in the past.
I take them by the hand and Imeasure out from their
fingertips and I go down toabout the elbow and I say, all
right, right about there iswhere we're going to make the
cut then.
And they go what?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
And I said that's where we're going to make the
cut.
You want to lose 10 pounds.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
I can do this for you in 15 minutes.
I've got you know, I've got asaw out in the trunk.
I will come back in here.
We're going to achieve yourgoal right now, and they're like
you know, but to your point.
A lot of times we look at theresult as the goal.
But the goal is, if I shift mybehaviors and I actually take
(21:40):
steps and I build in that habitand I start creating the
conditions to get those results,that's what's actually going to
get me to my goal, notnecessarily this phantom,
because every time I see it,somebody starts a workout
program for the first week.
They go through it, they lookat the scale at the end of the
week and they've only dropped apound and they're like why did I
just kick my ass for an entireweek for one lousy pound?
(22:02):
And the reality is, what theydon't see in the background is
that their metabolism isincreasing, their breath is
increasing, their blood isincreasing.
They're assuming that theyactually did what they were
supposed to do, but you knowthat whole concept of the
journey.
Well, I 100 percent agree withthat.
So how do you get people to getout of their own way though?
(22:22):
Because, like this is, itdoesn't seem intuitive, right?
Like so often, people thinkthey know how to set goals, or
they come in and say Juan, don't, yeah, I don't need to worry
about goals.
I've already got my goals, I'vegot these things set up, I've
got these measurables and thereality is is I think you're
absolutely spot on A lot ofpeople just don't know what they
don't know.
So how do you gently, maybeempathetically, help them to see
(22:46):
that they may not know whatthey don't know?
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Yeah, the next part of this was going to be
alignment in that piece, and so,again, to go back just a little
bit, it could just be theweight loss thing, but it could
be.
I want to have betterrelationship with my spouse.
Again, that's the result of thegoal.
If it is at work, I just wantmy staff to be more productive.
(23:11):
Now, those are all results ofthis.
So then we start to look atalignment.
What is your?
I tell people, what is yourschedule, like your daily
schedule, what is your?
What are your priorities orvalues in that sense, but your
priorities.
And then what are your goals?
And and then we re, we reassesstheir goals, or what are their
KPIs, if you will, for business,and then we start to look at
(23:37):
their schedule.
And here's the gentle nudge iswe start to show them that they
are lacking alignment, right.
So here, quick example, peoplesay what do you want to do?
Lose weight, betterrelationship with my wife,
whatever it is right.
What do you do the first thingwhen you wake up?
So we have their schedule right.
And then we start to make theirschedule truthful.
So it says wake up, get ready.
Do you literally hop out of bedsix o'clock and you just go get
(24:00):
ready, you hop in the shower,or do you get this rectangle off
of your nightstand and start toscroll and see who emailed you
and liked your photos, and go toall your social media things,
and so this is your number onepriority.
If this is the first thing thatyou do and you check your phone
, that might take priority.
(24:20):
Not your spouse, not yourweight loss journey, not
whatever.
It is Right and it's the samething at work.
I want my staff to be morehappy.
So you go, walk in and you'relike, hey, can't talk, I have a
meeting.
And you go straight to yourcomputer, turn your computer on
and you check your emails andwho emailed you and what you
have to do for that.
But I thought your goal was,and so we start to show, when
(24:41):
the staff or people write downtheir schedules, I don't know
what's really your schedule.
Then we start to find gaps andwe start to and here's a big
piece when you say how do yougently nudge, I get people to
talk or walk themselves into acorner.
I let the client or the or thestaff talk and speak.
Is this your schedule?
Yep, okay, is this what youreally do?
(25:01):
No, I actually go on, get on myphone first.
For how long, I don't know,about five, 10 minutes or 15
minutes, or actually I just sitin bed for like a half hour and
I scroll, okay.
So do you understand why you'renot meeting your goals?
Do you understand why you'renot doing?
This is because what are youdoing first, and so I don't give
them the answer.
I already know the answer.
What are you doing instead?
(25:21):
I'm scrolling or I'm wastingtime, okay.
So when you get mad and you sayI don't have enough time in the
day, we know that you spend 30minutes scrolling here.
You take this for lunch.
You do this for this.
You don't do this.
You don't do that.
How much time could you have?
If you were to be laser focused, I could probably have two and
a half hours, okay.
So is your is the excuse?
Now, what was your excuse?
(25:42):
That I don't have enough time?
How much time do you have now?
Two and a half hours, okay.
So do we so that it's because Ican easily say you waste your
time, you don't do this, and Ican get them from point A to
point B, but then there's nolearned lesson.
I want them to say it.
So I never give my kids theanswer.
I never give employees theanswer.
I always walk them through,make them answer, and that's to
(26:04):
me, that's the gentle shove ornudge is they nudge themselves
because they walk themselves ina corner when they start to give
themselves their own answers.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
You'll love this.
There's a great study that wasdone with kids and they took two
groups, group A and group B.
Group A researchers came in andsaid hey, kids, you see this
table of candy sitting there.
Don't eat that candy, you'llget a stomach ache.
You're going to get this,you're going to get this, you're
going to get this and it'llruin your dinner.
Group B they did exactly whatyou said.
(26:35):
They said, kids, do you lovecandy?
And they're like, yeah, andyou're like should we eat it all
the time?
And they're like, well,probably not.
Okay, well, why not?
Well, because it can make yousick.
Mom says I need to save roomfor dinner, this, that and the
other thing.
When the researchers left, theytimed how long it would take
(26:57):
for the kids to absolutelydemolish the candy there and it
took the group A.
It took them like four minutesbefore the first kid comes over,
grabs a piece of candy, anotherkid, another kid, and they just
destroy it all.
Group B actually ended upkeeping themselves to like one
or two pieces of candy and itwas really about helping people
find their own way and feelingthe autonomy of being able to
essentially navigate that, and Iwant to stick with that for a
(27:17):
moment as you're coaching.
How do you give people thesense of because I heard you say
something earlier in theintroduction how do you give
people that sense, or how do youhelp them find that sense of
ownership?
That sense of this is actuallyon me, you know, I heard you as
you were talking through thatsort of walking them through the
(27:39):
understanding of OK, you'rescrolling.
That doesn't align with whatyou actually want to accomplish.
Why are you doing that?
But humans have this fascinatingcapacity to come up with a wide
variety of excuses.
Oh well, my boss, you know,make sure that I have to check
that email in the morning.
So it's not my fault that I'mscrolling first and not taking
(27:59):
care of my wife, my kids, mywhatever my partner, my spouse,
etc.
Cetera.
It's my boss's fault, or well,I have to do that because and
and how do you?
Speaker 2 (28:13):
help them navigate and really sort of own that
space.
So again, two things.
One is even if it's somebodyelse's fault, it has nothing to
do with you and it's a hundredpercent their fault how do we
dumb it down to 99% and you take1% ownership, just 1%.
But then how do you take 100%of that 1%?
Very quick story my son is inhigh school, goes to a private
(28:35):
school, christian school, andhe's a good kid and he was
getting a little picked on.
It was a friend that he has thatsometimes have good days and
bad days.
But he's behind him flickinghis ear and slapping the back of
his head.
He's like bro, stop, stop, dude, we, we're, we're done, we're
past, we're done with thisalready.
And he keeps on doing it.
(28:56):
He keeps on doing it.
And then one last final hardflick right in the back of the
year and my son gets up, turnsaround and says bro, what the F
and the?
And the teacher says Levi, gooutside.
And he ends up gettingdetention.
He texts me.
He's like hey, dad, I'm gettingdetention today because I said
the F word and I was like okay,why?
Why, he goes, I'll explain whenI get home.
I said okay, and then I stillhave the text message Um.
And I said I said to him um, Ineed to do a better job
(29:19):
mentoring you.
I wasn't in the classroom and Ididn't teach him that word.
I wasn't there, I didn't tellhim to say it, but I, as his
father, had to take ownership ofthat 1%.
And I said you know what?
I need to do a better job ofmentoring you as your father to
help you understand how do youcontrol yourself.
I need to sit down and figureout what do I need to do to
(29:41):
change.
And he was like wait a minute,I'm not getting yelled at right
now, like what the heck.
Wait a minute, I'm not gettingyelled at right now, like what
the heck.
And so he started.
And so when he came home, he'slike God, I apologize.
And so there's a.
There's a story that I heard ofof a guy uh told his son to come
pick him up at work and his sonwas late and picking him up and
he said no, I want you to drivehome, I'm going to walk.
(30:01):
And so the dad gets out of thecar and walks in the rain and
the son is like get in the car,get in the car, get in the car
and he's like no, no, no, no.
And the son apologized.
It was never late again.
Why?
Because he felt empathetic tohis dad.
He realized that he messed upand sometimes you have to take
yourself out of the situationbut take ownership at that same
time, and so what I try to do istry to have those people take
dude.
(30:21):
I just want you to take 1%, buthow do you own that?
It is not the other person'sfault 100% of that 1%.
And so in that my son was likeI need to do better and you know
I'm sorry.
He apologized.
He even punished himself and Iwas like okay, so let's figure
out your consequences.
He's like I think we should dothis, this and this.
I was like all right, cool andhow.
(30:48):
Another thing that helps getthere is he had an understanding
.
You said this with the kids andthe whole candy thing.
They understood the why.
And my big thing I know wetalked off camera on this is
about there's zero fluff, likeI'm a speaker that I don't like.
I want to give you tangiblethings that you can do, real
frameworks, and not justmotivate you.
Motivation's cool until you getto the gym.
I can motivate you to lift 300pounds, but now you got to lift
the 300 pounds once we get tothe gym, like, enough talking.
(31:11):
I think there's a saying thatsays everyone wants to act like
a lion until they get into thejungle, and then all the animals
are going to know that you,you're not a lion, right?
So, um, how do we find theirwhy?
And so there's a lot ofmotivational speakers and a lot
of people that are like findyour why, lead with your why,
and then you leave the seminarand you're like, yeah, I think
you're like you really didn'tsay anything.
How in the hell do I find mywhy?
So, to me, why is an acronym,why, what hurts you, or who
(31:35):
hurts you, what hinders you orwho hinders you?
And then, what will help you orwho will help you?
And if you can go and get WHOand figure out excuse me, who
and figure out the who and thewhat hurts you, hinders you and
would help you, you start tofigure out your why.
(31:57):
And so perfect examples of thekids like it's the what.
What's going to hurt you?
The candy and the cavities andthe stomach aches, what's going
to hinder you If I take thatcandy?
Well, what's going to hurt youthe candy and the cavities and
the stomach aches.
What's going to hinder you If Itake that candy?
Well, what's going to help youNot eat all of the candy?
Like they understood the fullversion of the why.
We see this a lot in people whoare in counseling.
(32:19):
Or maybe you run this throughyourself, like, why do you coach
people?
Why are marriage, familytherapists, marriage family
therapists?
Well, if you get to talk to, Iwould say, a majority of them, I
would say 90%, if not 99%, ofthe family marriage therapists
that I know their parents hadhorrible marriages or they were
divorced.
Right, they find out what hurtsyou.
(32:40):
I didn't have, you know, thestability or the input, the help
that I needed as a kid Okay, sowhat hinders you?
I couldn't find you know thehelp or how to go to kid.
Okay, so what hinders you?
I, I couldn't find you know thehelp or how to go to all these
people, and it's a lot of youknow education.
Okay, what's going to help you?
I'm going to go to school forthis and now I'm going to help
other people, and so people findtheir why.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
My brother.
My brother, uh, has dyslexiaand he's about 12 or 13 years my
senior and at the time therewas no resources for that.
In fact, they just thought hewas dumb and tried to um, you
know, essentially hold him back.
He ended up going to theuniversity, putting himself
through an undergrad, then wentto michigan state university,
got himself a teaching degreeand now he goes and he is a
(33:21):
special education teacher andhas been doing so for the past
25 years.
Exactly what you said it.
I got in this to make sure thatsome other kid like me isn't
experiencing that same thing.
So I love that.
Why concept?
It's brilliant and you know,it's really a tactical way to
walk through that.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Yeah, we find that we and this is not my line.
It's a mentor of mine namedRory Vaden.
He says we are best positioned,we are perfectly positioned to
serve the person who we oncewere.
And if I look at it, I'm like,oh my gosh, I am serving the
leaders that I wish I had in mylife, like I'm serving the kid
that I wish that I had over me.
(34:03):
So, with all that being said,when we figure out like how do
we nudge people to take thisownership piece, they have to
find the why.
Why should you walk around theblock 10 times?
What happens?
What's going to hurt you if youdon't do it?
Like, what's going to happen ifyou don't do it?
I'm going to continue to gainweight, my heart rate is going
to go whatever, diabetes andheart losing heart function,
(34:31):
blah, blah, blah.
Well, what's going to help youif I get up and I walk?
Why?
And so, once you find out thewhy behind things, and people
say, like I even talked tosomebody who had, like a porn
addiction and it was like, whathappens?
What does it hurt?
What hinders you?
What's going to help you?
And you have to audibly say,like this is what's going to
happen if I continue to do thisand this, and so when they
audibly hear themselves againtake ownership of that one
(34:53):
percent, then they say I can't,because I know that if I, if
that's not, if I do this, when Ido this, this is the outcome.
If I make this change, or whenI make this change, this is the
outcome.
Which one do I want now?
And just teaching people youknow the difference between what
you want now versus what youwant most.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
So smart because you perfectly addressed, even like
my, why for starting the TalentForge podcast, for running the
Elite Training Academy, forwriting a book on training was
to help myself 20 years ago andall the things that I screwed up
along the way to be better.
You know, to help those peopleto be better.
Juan, this has been anabsolutely fascinating
conversation.
I really appreciate yourinsights and all the takeaways
(35:34):
that you've left the audience.
If my audience wanted to getahold of you, how would they
connect with you?
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Yeah, so two different spots and it's two
different spellings of this.
So Instagram is going to beraise the bar with the Z, so
R-A-I-Z-E raise the bar, ceo.
On Instagram and then onLinkedIn it's R-T-B for raise
the bar, r-t-b dash Juan J-U-A-N, and you can just DM me there
(35:59):
if you need to get a hold of me.
And then, lastly, the websiteis we raise same spelling, we
raise the barcom.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Love it.
Thank you so much for joiningme today, Juan, and for all the
incredible insights.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Thank you so much.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
And thank you, audience, for tuning into this
episode of the Talent Forge,where we are shaping the future
of training and development.
Welcome to this episode of the Talent Forge,
where we are shaping the futureof training and development.
I am joined by special guestJuan Alvarado.
Welcome to the show, Juan.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Thank you for having me.
I appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Yeah, so why don't we have the audience get to know
you a little bit?
What's your story and how didyou get into the talent
development space?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yeah.
So right out of high schooljumped straight into the
military and was in the militaryfor right shy under 10 years
where I moved my way up theranks to sergeant.
I was this close to staffsergeant and getting out as an
E6.
But the military has a problemwhen you say you're going to get
out, they won't promote youright before you get out for
(00:43):
bragging rights, I guess.
So yeah, so stayed there andthen worked the police
department for two years before.
I kind of had enough of it.
Just wanted to have more of animpact.
Even though I love doing what Iwas doing, you go 10 to 12
years not knowing if you'regoing to come home at the end of
the day gets old pretty fast, Iguess.
(01:04):
And so I just want to have moreof an impact on youth and youth
development.
So I went into that whole areastaff, a lead and then a manager
and then director of programsand so from there just started
to craft and change the way wedid our hiring practices, what
we did for personal development,got into a different way of
(01:26):
training staff and then startedto help other organizations do
that kind of as a like a sidehustle, if you will, and it kind
of just took off from there.
And now I left the nine to fiveand I do keynotes and trainings
for leaders and their teams.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Amazing.
Well, thank you for yourservice on multiple fronts.
It's a.
You know that's gotta be aninteresting transition.
I actually want to dig intothat just a little bit.
One of my business partnersshe's actually the chief of
police for a local municipality,and another person that I had
worked with in some crisiscommunications was in the
(02:04):
military, so I know how hardthey work.
I know how hard every one ofthem work.
So, seriously, thank you forthat service.
But so how is that transition?
One, you go from one of thesespaces to another.
There's got to be some coollessons that you were able to
bring over there.
That's got a completely uniqueperspective for our audience.
(02:25):
Do you have any Talk to me?
This is so fascinating for me.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Yeah, so it was tough to transition specifically from
the military side because youfeel that life has been on pause
.
It's almost like if you go onvacation and you come home and
maybe you leave three, four,five days and you really don't
have anybody, that maybe housesits or anything like that.
(02:51):
But you come back andeverything is stay the same.
No one's moved.
Your furniture, their couchesare still the same thing, your,
you know, your counters might beor your TV might be a little
bit more dusty, but everything'sexactly the way that you left
it.
That's a thought process whenyou're in the military and
especially when you get deployedso veteran being deployed of 18
months, and so when you comeback they tell you listen, your
(03:12):
spouse or significant otherprobably has new friends, lost
some friends, they probablydon't talk to certain family
members anymore.
Their hair is shorter, longerdyed, whatever.
Like, things have changed,things have moved around and so
you have to be okay with thechanges.
And that's hard, especially ifyou're not really good with
changes.
So it just helps you tounderstand, like, bro, you're
(03:33):
not the only one in this world.
Life has changed.
So that was a little difficultat first, but going into, like,
the nonprofit sector of things.
You're not afraid to handletough conversations.
So that's, I'm huge on that.
So two things that I'm reallybig into being intentional as a
leader and to how to teachpeople how to have difficult
(03:54):
conversations and like, why arethey so tough and you know
you're you get shot at or yourbombs are coming your way.
Telling somebody they that theyneed to step it up is not that
scary, right?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
So that's perspective .
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah big time.
So to tell somebody, hey, cutthe crap, you need to come in on
time.
Of course I'm not going to sayit that way, but the courage, if
you will, to have difficultconversations seems to be a
little bit easier.
But I'm also pretty empatheticand I understand.
Stuff happens, family happens,so how do I connect with the
person more?
And so there is some differentaspects, if you will, of it
(04:34):
helps you to be brave and havethose tough conversations.
It also helps me help motivatepeople.
So I definitely have amotivational voice, a coach's
voice, a friend voice and aneducator voice when I'm having
meetings with people.
So it's really helped me tokind of figure out, okay, what
is what does this conversationreally need?
Does it need the motivator?
Does it need a teacher?
(04:55):
Does it?
And so that's helped out quitea bit in in that and perspective
has helped a lot.
Like this is tough, like how doI get through this?
No, you've been through tougherGo back there for a second oh
yeah, this is easy.
So it's a gamut of things.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Well, and I think that's awesome because you also
get the credibility for whenpeople push back and be like
Juan, this is so tough.
You know you're putting methrough the ringer here.
I've got to go have thisdifficult conversation about my
employee being late or so on andso forth and you're like,
listen, let me talk to you abouttough.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I really like that.
The one thing that I wanted toask about is, as you were
talking, I kind of picked up onsomething that I thought was
really interesting that you saidYou've got that strength
mentality, but you also have theempathy to sort of connect with
those people, and I think thatthat's sometimes a challenge.
Is, you know, especially ifwe're training managers, if
(05:52):
we're training leaders?
You know, there was anassessment that I just looked at
.
I'm not a big fan of it and I'mnot going to name it, but it's
like the way that they measuremanagement is how assertive they
are.
No kidding, and I'm like whatabout other things like empathy,
communication, all these otherfunctions?
Right, Like being able tobalance empathy with that sort
of assertiveness or toughness?
(06:13):
How do you manage that whenyou're coaching people?
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Yeah, so two different things.
It sounds like you're somewhatinterested in assessments or
things like that, which is whyyou probably looked into this
one, but I'm a Gallup certifiedstrengths coach, so I'm maybe
you've heard of Gallup strengthsor Clifton strengths I think
they're rebranding that.
So Clifton strengths tells youyour depending on the report,
that you get your top fivestrengths or your full 34
(06:40):
strengths, and empathy is one ofthose.
And so as I go intoorganizations to help their
leadership or their team withtheir strengths, there's some
people in leadership positionsthat are asked to, or they ask
their staff to, be empathetic,but empathy is not in their
strengths.
It might be their last strength.
That, you know, is probablywhat we call dormant.
(07:01):
Right, it's their 34 strength.
They're not going to use it.
So how do you expect somebody tobe empathetic and have empathy
if that's the bottom of thebarrel of their strengths?
And so there's a ways that wecoach like what are your
strengths?
How do we, how do we get thatto be empathetic?
Luckily for me?
Um, empathy is, I think, sevenor eight, so it's still within
(07:21):
my wheelhouse of reaching thatstrength, the top 10.
Yeah Right, but it's one ofthose things where you just have
to tell people okay, if youdon't have empathy, how do we
use one of those strengths tolook like it?
In a sense, it's almost likemixed drinks.
There's mixed drinks and if youmix out some alcohol and this
(07:41):
juice and this juice and thisspritzer and this and that, oh,
this tastes like Dr Pepper.
Like you could still use yourstrength to make it look like
quote unquote look like or feellike empathy.
But one thing I tell people todo is just slow things down.
What is the end goal?
What is the end result ofthings?
Right, I do this with my kids.
Conversation with my wife,other people in in the
(08:05):
organizations that I help out islet's sew it down, what's the
end goal?
And so the example that I useis like I was spanked as a kid,
um, and I used to tell my, tellme the story of like I'm glad I
was.
I was spanked because then ithelped me become the person that
I am.
But at the same time, I'm likebut that wasn't the best way to
go about things, but it helped.
(08:26):
And so, like, the whole thingwas like you don't get respect
or empathy, or cleaning yourroom or whatever goes on the
hand and then on the butt, cheek, and all of a sudden now it now
travels all the way up to yourhead and then you're like, oh,
lesson learned.
Thanks mom, thanks dad, like itdoesn't happen that way.
What's the end result?
(08:47):
I just want my kids to respectme.
I just want them to clean theirroom, okay.
So if that's the end result,that's probably not going to
help you get the end result.
It's probably gonna make themfear you or scared of you, or
now they're going to work andbeing timid, but that's not the
end result.
What's the end result?
So, if I want my staff to comein late or, excuse me, if I want
(09:08):
my staff to come in early andstop being late, maybe yelling
and finger pointing and doingthis, and it's not going to work
.
Do the write-ups help?
Yes, but the write-ups, the endresult of the write-ups is
either you get with it or wework your way out of the
organization and we, you knowyou get another job, but
sometimes it's just okay.
What's going on?
Does this stuff happen?
(09:30):
Does SHIT stuff happen?
Like sure it does.
Has it ever happened to you?
Have you ever popped a tire,you know, ran out of gas,
whatever?
Like we're all human, sothere's some grace there.
But just slow it down, have aconversation with somebody and,
you know, go from there.
If they don't have that, thatempathy piece, try to see the
(09:54):
shoes that they come there, tryto put yourself in their shoes.
And I, there's a lesson that Ido when it comes to being
intentional, and I talk aboutput the right hat on.
So sometimes we need to not bemanager or director, right?
Especially when we come home.
Right, I'm sure your spousedoesn't want you to be right,
they don't need podcast hosts,they don't need manager, they
(10:14):
don't need director, right?
I need to take that hat off andput you know spouse hat,
supporter, you know whateverthat hat is, and so hat is an
acronym.
So H how do you handle what youhear?
A, how do you give attention,with the right attitude?
And then T how do you transformthe temperature?
If I'm able to slow down, right, god, I'm pissed that this
(10:36):
staff is late or having attitudeor whatever.
But you can complain and yelland point all you want, but who
do they need me to be?
How do I handle what I hear?
Give attention, with the rightattitude, and then how do I
transform the temperature?
And by then you're able to tapinto what empathy might be or
look like to that other person.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
That's a huge takeaway, Juan, and I really
like that acronym.
I like the way that youapproach that.
As you mentioned assessmentsyeah, I've studied assessments.
I like the way that youapproach that you know, as you
mentioned assessments, that yeah, I've studied assessments.
I'm certified in about 25 ofthem and there's only two that I
use.
One of them is the one that Idesigned, Behavioral Elements,
and the other one isStrengthsFinders at
CliftonStrengths.
(11:18):
I absolutely love it.
I think it's a really, reallypowerful program for maybe an
audience member that's not awareof the strengths.
And you're right, they didswitch it from like Gallup
Strengths to CliftonStrengthsFinder or whatever else
.
We had deployed it at FordMotor Company had great results
with it.
Why don't you tell the audiencea little bit about what
(11:38):
StrengthsFinder is and whatvalue you get from using it with
your clients?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Yeah, so Strengths, don Clifton is the creator of it
and he basically saw all thesedifferent assessments and you
might be familiar with the diskassessment and there's numbers
and colors and all this otherstuff, myers-briggs, and I think
even Myers-Briggs.
He studied Myers-Briggs and waslike how we keep on putting
people in these boxes, if youwill, or these quadrants, and
(12:03):
there's more detail to thosethings.
And so they did an assessmentof all these different
organizations, differentfunctions of work, and they said
why are the most successfulpeople in all of these areas, no
matter sex, gender, whatever itis, age, why are they so
successful?
And they found that everybodythat's successful had 34
(12:24):
different traits, but that these34 traits were in all of us,
but they utilized what theyfound to be their top five or
their top 10.
And so then he figured out howto do this assessment.
It's funny because a lot ofpeople don't know this that in
strength, when you take thoseassessments, there's actually a
time.
Part of the data that they getis how quickly you answer those
(12:45):
questions, and so there's atimer behind each question that
you can't see on the back end,and so a lot of data comes from
that, because you're assuringyou're positive.
This is the way I feel about X,y or Z.
But long story short, you getyour top five or your full 34.
And basically there's fourthemes executing, strategic
(13:07):
thinking, influencing andrelationship building.
And those strengths all kind ofgo within those four.
And the cool thing is is I meanthose of us that well, we could
see each other.
But it's cool because to meMyers-Briggs says oh, you're a
guy, juan's a guy, you have ablack shirt on, he's got a black
shirt on.
So you guys must handle thissituation the same way where
(13:27):
CliftonStrength says yourstrength for for Jay is this way
and it shows up in him this way, and this, that same strength
shows up in Juan differently.
So a quick example is um, um,the strength relator.
It's a relationship drivenstrength.
But, um, some of my relatorstrength shows up one way and
(13:49):
somebody else can have the samestrength but it reads
differently in how it comesthrough them and how it equips
them.
So I think the, the the stat isone in 33 million um is the
odds of you and I having thesame strengths in the same order
and just shows how unique youare.
So that's the reason why I likeit.
So now what I do with it is Iget my clients right, the
(14:10):
leaders and their staff, and wepull their strengths.
Or I've even helped coupleswhere you get the husband and
the wife and their strengths andwe start to see do you
understand why you get sofrustrated?
Because your strength is notbeing fulfilled?
Do you see why they getfrustrated?
Do you see why you guys aren'tseeing eye to eye?
You want to execute, they wantto think first.
(14:31):
You want to just move, theywant to think.
And so then we start to say, ohokay, so how do I understand
their point of view?
How do I get them to understandmy point of view?
And then it helps out even withcommunication.
Just how do I?
How do I speak to them?
Ah, they need context.
Well, that's one of thestrengths, right?
So I need to give them a littlebit more data, a little bit
more back work for them tounderstand what I need.
(14:52):
And so when you can figure outtheir strengths and your
strengths, man, it is like Jedimind tricks when it comes to
working with uh, with people instrengths.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Yeah, yeah, so, and that's so well said, and one of
the biggest challenges that I'vealways had is personality
assessments that say this is howyou are and then all of a
sudden that becomes ajustification for whatever ask
how should I be showing up inthis situation?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
and make an alternative behavioral choice.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
So you know, from the strengths finder, the strengths
.
I always thought the coolestthing was one in 33 million,
exactly what you said.
You know our DNA in leadershipor in communication, so unique
(15:43):
and so valuable.
But I really love the otheraspect of it that says, hey, you
know what, instead of trying tofix all of the issues that you
have with you know your lowest,your 34, your 33, your 32,
really focus your energy on whatyou're good at.
That's going to be morefulfilling, more effective, more
productive and it's going tolead to better results, and I
(16:05):
thought that was, you know, areally brilliant way to set that
model.
So, juan, let me ask thisquestion as you're navigating
behavioral change, because Imean, that's essentially what
we're doing as coaches, trainers, that's what everybody in our
audience really wants to do.
You've seen some unique, you'vegot some unique perspectives,
I'm sure, across you know,obviously, your military
background or time in lawenforcement, and obviously, as a
(16:28):
coach, you know, as younavigate, essentially getting
somebody to sometimes just getout of their own way or really
kind of focusing their energy ina productive way.
What are some of the steps thatyou try to do to identify what
those barriers might be and thensecondly help people sort of
shift their behaviors.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yeah.
So one of them is still kind ofriding the coattails of
strength.
So, on strengths, there's blindspots, and so one of the things
and what I tell people in blindspots are is it's basically a
duplicate of you, right, it'syou getting in the way of you.
And so again, right, it's yougetting in the way of you.
(17:10):
And so again, I'll use thestrength of relator where
relator says that you have deep,meaningful relationships, um,
so, and one of the things thatthey say is um, what, you're not
right.
So, um, one of the examples isif you go into an elevator, do
you like?
I'm not a person that says, hey, jay, what, what, what floor
you want?
Or you know I on, or you know,I don't know your name yet,
right, uh, hey, sir, what, whatfloor do you want?
(17:31):
I'll, I'll push the button foryou.
No.
Or if you were to say hey, uh,room four or, excuse me, level
four or whatever, I'd be likeyou can push your own dang
buttons Like who in the heck youagain later on in life I'm like
hey, jay, what the heck, howare you doing?
What are you doing?
Here?
And now I can have thatconversation.
(17:59):
The blind spot is is, is when itcomes to relator is uh, people
think that you have favorites,right, the guy you come in and
into the elevator and the guynext to me is like, why is he
all talkative, that guy?
How come he wasn't talkative tome?
Ah, he must have favorites.
No, that's not the case.
So I noticed this when I was adirector.
When I go to certainorganizations, uh, excuse me,
certain um, uh buildings wherewe had staff, staff at other
(18:20):
locations would say, oh, youhave favorites Cause you're
always at this location.
No, I asked those people whoneeded help.
They emailed me and said hey,can you come here and work with
me one-on-one?
And so I did.
I don't have favorites.
And so the outside, or how I getin front of myself with that
strength, is some people mightthink that you have favorites,
but the strength says I havedeep meaningful relationships.
(18:42):
So how do I have favorites if Ihave deep meaningful
relationships?
It's because I'm so strong inthis area.
Meaningful relationships, it'sbecause I'm so strong in this
area.
One of the examples that I giveis there's a video of this big
old, huge buff guy in the lockerroom and somebody gets a
post-it and they put it right inbetween his back and he can't
reach the post-it on the middleof his back and he can't reach
it.
He's got like theseTyrannosaurus Rex arms and he
can't reach his back becausehe's so buff.
(19:04):
Your strength is you are hugeand muscular and strong.
The blind spot is you can'teven scratch your own back,
right.
So how do people get in theirway?
We look at their strengths andwe say do you see how other
people see you?
Do you see how you can get inyour way?
You keep on help.
Your thought is helping peopleout, but you forget about this
one or two people that youhaven't talked to yet.
(19:25):
And so that's one spot of howwe start to look at those blind
spots and start to tell if wecan be aware of those blind
spots.
I could say, okay, my workdaytoday, I'm really close and I've
talked to this staff, thisstaff, this staff who haven't I
talked to today, so let me startoff my day here, right, and so
(19:48):
we start to find alignment.
So this is the next part issometimes we do so much that
there's not alignment with ourown core values, what our goals
are, and so one of the things inour and how we get in our way
is we kick ourselves in the buttbecause we can never meet our
goals or our expectations.
(20:08):
And here's the issue that I havewith people when they set goals
is, I would say, nine times outof 10, people don't know how to
how to use um goal setting.
And people will Google and dosmart goals, right, um?
And they'll say, okay, I needto be specific.
I want to lose 10 pounds, okay,measurable, it's 10 pounds, and
I want to do it by this date.
And you go, they go through the, all, the, the, the acronym of
(20:31):
smart, right, but what they endup doing is they are setting up
themselves for failure becausethey are setting up results of
goals, not the goal itself.
Right, my goal to lose 10pounds is to eat the macros that
I need today.
Go to the gym and do theworkout today.
Go on my walk or my run today.
(20:54):
Goal set done, right.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Next time somebody tells you they want to lose 10
pounds, feel free to steal thisfrom me, because I've used this
one in the past.
I take them by the hand and Imeasure out from their
fingertips and I go down toabout the elbow and I say, all
right, right about there iswhere we're going to make the
cut then.
And they go what?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
And I said that's where we're going to make the
cut.
You want to lose 10 pounds.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
I can do this for you in 15 minutes.
I've got you know, I've got asaw out in the trunk.
I will come back in here.
We're going to achieve yourgoal right now, and they're like
you know, but to your point.
A lot of times we look at theresult as the goal.
But the goal is, if I shift mybehaviors and I actually take
(21:40):
steps and I build in that habitand I start creating the
conditions to get those results,that's what's actually going to
get me to my goal, notnecessarily this phantom,
because every time I see it,somebody starts a workout
program for the first week.
They go through it, they lookat the scale at the end of the
week and they've only dropped apound and they're like why did I
just kick my ass for an entireweek for one lousy pound?
(22:02):
And the reality is, what theydon't see in the background is
that their metabolism isincreasing, their breath is
increasing, their blood isincreasing.
They're assuming that theyactually did what they were
supposed to do, but you knowthat whole concept of the
journey.
Well, I 100 percent agree withthat.
So how do you get people to getout of their own way though?
(22:22):
Because, like this is, itdoesn't seem intuitive, right?
Like so often, people thinkthey know how to set goals, or
they come in and say Juan, don't, yeah, I don't need to worry
about goals.
I've already got my goals, I'vegot these things set up, I've
got these measurables and thereality is is I think you're
absolutely spot on A lot ofpeople just don't know what they
don't know.
So how do you gently, maybeempathetically, help them to see
(22:46):
that they may not know whatthey don't know?
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Yeah, the next part of this was going to be
alignment in that piece, and so,again, to go back just a little
bit, it could just be theweight loss thing, but it could
be.
I want to have betterrelationship with my spouse.
Again, that's the result of thegoal.
If it is at work, I just wantmy staff to be more productive.
(23:11):
Now, those are all results ofthis.
So then we start to look atalignment.
What is your?
I tell people, what is yourschedule, like your daily
schedule, what is your?
What are your priorities orvalues in that sense, but your
priorities.
And then what are your goals?
And and then we re, we reassesstheir goals, or what are their
KPIs, if you will, for business,and then we start to look at
(23:37):
their schedule.
And here's the gentle nudge iswe start to show them that they
are lacking alignment, right.
So here, quick example, peoplesay what do you want to do?
Lose weight, betterrelationship with my wife,
whatever it is right.
What do you do the first thingwhen you wake up?
So we have their schedule right.
And then we start to make theirschedule truthful.
So it says wake up, get ready.
Do you literally hop out of bedsix o'clock and you just go get
(24:00):
ready, you hop in the shower,or do you get this rectangle off
of your nightstand and start toscroll and see who emailed you
and liked your photos, and go toall your social media things,
and so this is your number onepriority.
If this is the first thing thatyou do and you check your phone
, that might take priority.
(24:20):
Not your spouse, not yourweight loss journey, not
whatever.
It is Right and it's the samething at work.
I want my staff to be morehappy.
So you go, walk in and you'relike, hey, can't talk, I have a
meeting.
And you go straight to yourcomputer, turn your computer on
and you check your emails andwho emailed you and what you
have to do for that.
But I thought your goal was,and so we start to show, when
(24:41):
the staff or people write downtheir schedules, I don't know
what's really your schedule.
Then we start to find gaps andwe start to and here's a big
piece when you say how do yougently nudge, I get people to
talk or walk themselves into acorner.
I let the client or the or thestaff talk and speak.
Is this your schedule?
Yep, okay, is this what youreally do?
(25:01):
No, I actually go on, get on myphone first.
For how long, I don't know,about five, 10 minutes or 15
minutes, or actually I just sitin bed for like a half hour and
I scroll, okay.
So do you understand why you'renot meeting your goals?
Do you understand why you'renot doing?
This is because what are youdoing first, and so I don't give
them the answer.
I already know the answer.
What are you doing instead?
(25:21):
I'm scrolling or I'm wastingtime, okay.
So when you get mad and you sayI don't have enough time in the
day, we know that you spend 30minutes scrolling here.
You take this for lunch.
You do this for this.
You don't do this.
You don't do that.
How much time could you have?
If you were to be laser focused, I could probably have two and
a half hours, okay.
So is your is the excuse?
Now, what was your excuse?
(25:42):
That I don't have enough time?
How much time do you have now?
Two and a half hours, okay.
So do we so that it's because Ican easily say you waste your
time, you don't do this, and Ican get them from point A to
point B, but then there's nolearned lesson.
I want them to say it.
So I never give my kids theanswer.
I never give employees theanswer.
I always walk them through,make them answer, and that's to
(26:04):
me, that's the gentle shove ornudge is they nudge themselves
because they walk themselves ina corner when they start to give
themselves their own answers.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
You'll love this.
There's a great study that wasdone with kids and they took two
groups, group A and group B.
Group A researchers came in andsaid hey, kids, you see this
table of candy sitting there.
Don't eat that candy, you'llget a stomach ache.
You're going to get this,you're going to get this, you're
going to get this and it'llruin your dinner.
Group B they did exactly whatyou said.
(26:35):
They said, kids, do you lovecandy?
And they're like, yeah, andyou're like should we eat it all
the time?
And they're like, well,probably not.
Okay, well, why not?
Well, because it can make yousick.
Mom says I need to save roomfor dinner, this, that and the
other thing.
When the researchers left, theytimed how long it would take
(26:57):
for the kids to absolutelydemolish the candy there and it
took the group A.
It took them like four minutesbefore the first kid comes over,
grabs a piece of candy, anotherkid, another kid, and they just
destroy it all.
Group B actually ended upkeeping themselves to like one
or two pieces of candy and itwas really about helping people
find their own way and feelingthe autonomy of being able to
essentially navigate that, and Iwant to stick with that for a
(27:17):
moment as you're coaching.
How do you give people thesense of because I heard you say
something earlier in theintroduction how do you give
people that sense, or how do youhelp them find that sense of
ownership?
That sense of this is actuallyon me, you know, I heard you as
you were talking through thatsort of walking them through the
(27:39):
understanding of OK, you'rescrolling.
That doesn't align with whatyou actually want to accomplish.
Why are you doing that?
But humans have this fascinatingcapacity to come up with a wide
variety of excuses.
Oh well, my boss, you know,make sure that I have to check
that email in the morning.
So it's not my fault that I'mscrolling first and not taking
(27:59):
care of my wife, my kids, mywhatever my partner, my spouse,
etc.
Cetera.
It's my boss's fault, or well,I have to do that because and
and how do you?
Speaker 2 (28:13):
help them navigate and really sort of own that
space.
So again, two things.
One is even if it's somebodyelse's fault, it has nothing to
do with you and it's a hundredpercent their fault how do we
dumb it down to 99% and you take1% ownership, just 1%.
But then how do you take 100%of that 1%?
Very quick story my son is inhigh school, goes to a private
(28:35):
school, christian school, andhe's a good kid and he was
getting a little picked on.
It was a friend that he has thatsometimes have good days and
bad days.
But he's behind him flickinghis ear and slapping the back of
his head.
He's like bro, stop, stop, dude, we, we're, we're done, we're
past, we're done with thisalready.
And he keeps on doing it.
(28:56):
He keeps on doing it.
And then one last final hardflick right in the back of the
year and my son gets up, turnsaround and says bro, what the F
and the?
And the teacher says Levi, gooutside.
And he ends up gettingdetention.
He texts me.
He's like hey, dad, I'm gettingdetention today because I said
the F word and I was like okay,why?
Why, he goes, I'll explain whenI get home.
I said okay, and then I stillhave the text message Um.
And I said I said to him um, Ineed to do a better job
(29:19):
mentoring you.
I wasn't in the classroom and Ididn't teach him that word.
I wasn't there, I didn't tellhim to say it, but I, as his
father, had to take ownership ofthat 1%.
And I said you know what?
I need to do a better job ofmentoring you as your father to
help you understand how do youcontrol yourself.
I need to sit down and figureout what do I need to do to
(29:41):
change.
And he was like wait a minute,I'm not getting yelled at right
now, like what the heck.
Wait a minute, I'm not gettingyelled at right now, like what
the heck.
And so he started.
And so when he came home, he'slike God, I apologize.
And so there's a.
There's a story that I heard ofof a guy uh told his son to come
pick him up at work and his sonwas late and picking him up and
he said no, I want you to drivehome, I'm going to walk.
(30:01):
And so the dad gets out of thecar and walks in the rain and
the son is like get in the car,get in the car, get in the car
and he's like no, no, no, no.
And the son apologized.
It was never late again.
Why?
Because he felt empathetic tohis dad.
He realized that he messed upand sometimes you have to take
yourself out of the situationbut take ownership at that same
time, and so what I try to do istry to have those people take
dude.
(30:21):
I just want you to take 1%, buthow do you own that?
It is not the other person'sfault 100% of that 1%.
And so in that my son was likeI need to do better and you know
I'm sorry.
He apologized.
He even punished himself and Iwas like okay, so let's figure
out your consequences.
He's like I think we should dothis, this and this.
I was like all right, cool andhow.
(30:48):
Another thing that helps getthere is he had an understanding
.
You said this with the kids andthe whole candy thing.
They understood the why.
And my big thing I know wetalked off camera on this is
about there's zero fluff, likeI'm a speaker that I don't like.
I want to give you tangiblethings that you can do, real
frameworks, and not justmotivate you.
Motivation's cool until you getto the gym.
I can motivate you to lift 300pounds, but now you got to lift
the 300 pounds once we get tothe gym, like, enough talking.
(31:11):
I think there's a saying thatsays everyone wants to act like
a lion until they get into thejungle, and then all the animals
are going to know that you,you're not a lion, right?
So, um, how do we find theirwhy?
And so there's a lot ofmotivational speakers and a lot
of people that are like findyour why, lead with your why,
and then you leave the seminarand you're like, yeah, I think
you're like you really didn'tsay anything.
How in the hell do I find mywhy?
So, to me, why is an acronym,why, what hurts you, or who
(31:35):
hurts you, what hinders you orwho hinders you?
And then, what will help you orwho will help you?
And if you can go and get WHOand figure out excuse me, who
and figure out the who and thewhat hurts you, hinders you and
would help you, you start tofigure out your why.
(31:57):
And so perfect examples of thekids like it's the what.
What's going to hurt you?
The candy and the cavities andthe stomach aches, what's going
to hinder you If I take thatcandy?
Well, what's going to hurt youthe candy and the cavities and
the stomach aches.
What's going to hinder you If Itake that candy?
Well, what's going to help youNot eat all of the candy?
Like they understood the fullversion of the why.
We see this a lot in people whoare in counseling.
(32:19):
Or maybe you run this throughyourself, like, why do you coach
people?
Why are marriage, familytherapists, marriage family
therapists?
Well, if you get to talk to, Iwould say, a majority of them, I
would say 90%, if not 99%, ofthe family marriage therapists
that I know their parents hadhorrible marriages or they were
divorced.
Right, they find out what hurtsyou.
(32:40):
I didn't have, you know, thestability or the input, the help
that I needed as a kid Okay, sowhat hinders you?
I couldn't find you know thehelp or how to go to kid.
Okay, so what hinders you?
I, I couldn't find you know thehelp or how to go to all these
people, and it's a lot of youknow education.
Okay, what's going to help you?
I'm going to go to school forthis and now I'm going to help
other people, and so people findtheir why.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
My brother.
My brother, uh, has dyslexiaand he's about 12 or 13 years my
senior and at the time therewas no resources for that.
In fact, they just thought hewas dumb and tried to um, you
know, essentially hold him back.
He ended up going to theuniversity, putting himself
through an undergrad, then wentto michigan state university,
got himself a teaching degreeand now he goes and he is a
(33:21):
special education teacher andhas been doing so for the past
25 years.
Exactly what you said it.
I got in this to make sure thatsome other kid like me isn't
experiencing that same thing.
So I love that.
Why concept?
It's brilliant and you know,it's really a tactical way to
walk through that.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Yeah, we find that we and this is not my line.
It's a mentor of mine namedRory Vaden.
He says we are best positioned,we are perfectly positioned to
serve the person who we oncewere.
And if I look at it, I'm like,oh my gosh, I am serving the
leaders that I wish I had in mylife, like I'm serving the kid
that I wish that I had over me.
(34:03):
So, with all that being said,when we figure out like how do
we nudge people to take thisownership piece, they have to
find the why.
Why should you walk around theblock 10 times?
What happens?
What's going to hurt you if youdon't do it?
Like, what's going to happen ifyou don't do it?
I'm going to continue to gainweight, my heart rate is going
to go whatever, diabetes andheart losing heart function,
(34:31):
blah, blah, blah.
Well, what's going to help youif I get up and I walk?
Why?
And so, once you find out thewhy behind things, and people
say, like I even talked tosomebody who had, like a porn
addiction and it was like, whathappens?
What does it hurt?
What hinders you?
What's going to help you?
And you have to audibly say,like this is what's going to
happen if I continue to do thisand this, and so when they
audibly hear themselves againtake ownership of that one
(34:53):
percent, then they say I can't,because I know that if I, if
that's not, if I do this, when Ido this, this is the outcome.
If I make this change, or whenI make this change, this is the
outcome.
Which one do I want now?
And just teaching people youknow the difference between what
you want now versus what youwant most.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
So smart because you perfectly addressed, even like
my, why for starting the TalentForge podcast, for running the
Elite Training Academy, forwriting a book on training was
to help myself 20 years ago andall the things that I screwed up
along the way to be better.
You know, to help those peopleto be better.
Juan, this has been anabsolutely fascinating
conversation.
I really appreciate yourinsights and all the takeaways
(35:34):
that you've left the audience.
If my audience wanted to getahold of you, how would they
connect with you?
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Yeah, so two different spots and it's two
different spellings of this.
So Instagram is going to beraise the bar with the Z, so
R-A-I-Z-E raise the bar, ceo.
On Instagram and then onLinkedIn it's R-T-B for raise
the bar, r-t-b dash Juan J-U-A-N, and you can just DM me there
(35:59):
if you need to get a hold of me.
And then, lastly, the websiteis we raise same spelling, we
raise the barcom.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Love it.
Thank you so much for joiningme today, Juan, and for all the
incredible insights.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Thank you so much.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
And thank you, audience, for tuning into this
episode of the Talent Forge,where we are shaping the future
of training and development.
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