Life, Lagers, and Laughs in Everyday Details

Settle into an immersive journey with "The Terrphy Show" where John Mann and Miss Mary merge everyday life, craft beer appreciations, and lively conversations into a captivating podcast. They unveil relatable realities, explore adult relationships, discuss societal perspectives on aging, and dive into self-care dynamics in great depth.

From managing their dogs to delightful beer banter, the duo ingeniously turns mundane moments into extraordinary recollections. Featuring live chats, discussions of diverse topics like Brewfests and London love are brought to the table, engaging listener interaction.

The hosts strive for authenticity, embarking on the transformation from a negatively inclined podcast to an honest reflection of life's ups and downs. They openly share their routines, victories, struggles, and the criticality of nurturing friendships in a busy life. Emphasizing the inevitability of aging, they confront society's perception of graying hair in a humorous yet insightful manner.

The ordinary act of showering develops into a stimulating conversation about self-care in the midst of daily chaos. The hosts share their reduced social circles and faith in prioritizing valuable friendships in a blend of humor, sincerity, and candid confessions.

Engaging discussions about friendship, discrimination, personal growth, and cultural diversity are tackled. Highlighting the requirement of non-discriminative friends and vetting new social additions, the hosts delve into their unique idiosyncrasies while also navigating reactions amidst information overload. They further unpack their experiences around cultural shocks, challenging assumptions, and exploring the potential for thriving community growth.

An engaging conversation about local economics, small businesses, and the necessity for a diversified skill set in a functional society presents a fresh outlook on capitalism and labor force. The thought-provoking episode culminates in an emotional dialogue about emotional well-being, life choices, constant self-improvements, and dealing with anxiety. Listen in for hilarious narratives, heartfelt reflections, and a joyful goodbye until the next riveting episode.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Music.

(00:13):
Welcome, welcome back everybody and back to the Turfie Show.
I am the John Mann and to my lovely co-host over here is Miss Mary.
How the hell are you doing, Mary?
I am well. You're well.
That's good. That was kind of a weak introduction for me.

(00:33):
And my co-host for today is Miss Mary. How the hell are you doing?
I don't know. Are you not feeling it? I wanted like a real amp,
you know, I wanted like, and to my right is my magical, magnificent,

(00:54):
perfect wife, the marvelous Miss Mary.
Well, the problem with that is one, if I say to my right, I mean,
no one's going to see that.
Or to your left, you could have said to my right or to my left. which
is funny because this is totally not the kind of wife i am like i'm

(01:14):
not a showy wife like i stand on my own i don't need you to introduce me i run
the room but in this one instance she just wants me to be her hype man that's
all she wants me to do she just wants me to hype her up because maybe you make
me watch too much wrestling so i expect like are you ready.

(01:36):
I mean i guess i could start being your hype man a little bit better you know
i could do Paul Heyman the shit out of this. Actually, no, he's really good. I can't do that.
He is really good. He was a theater kid for sure.
He has to have been. There's no way I could write something that good.

(01:58):
Listener! Do you like me some wrestling? That's why in my mind I'm like, come on,
this is your one time to be able to like my one
time it's not like i have like any other time to hype
you up at all just this one time i don't
know on this one podcast i'm clearly not that interesting
to you anymore why do you say that i'm curious

(02:20):
you don't listen to me hey casey
beep what do you mean i don't listen to you casey is in
the house happy saturday what are
you doing with your day i like how
you i mean i love that our friends in here right now but i'm
asking you a serious fucking question how do i not
listen to you anymore i was telling you something very serious

(02:40):
today and you clearly were not paying attention stuck in
the house do you guys have snow oh there's a
snow storm warning i'm so jealous we were supposed to have a blizzard yesterday
and all fucking day i was waiting for this blizzard to happen i was like ready
ready i'm like ready to be snowed in and we didn't get any snow so So I hope

(03:03):
that you guys get a ton of snow.
Although there is a little bit of snow here now.
Welcome welcome rue is it rubens ruku's beer ruku's beer ruku's beer welcome
in i can't see that far away john has the screen a little wonky right now.
Thank you welcome in michael oh you left us although i we do have as much snow

(03:29):
as when you were here last time kayla what's going on oh for some reason it's
playing like you you and me at the same time. It's weird. I don't know what's going on.
Oh, can you guys hear us okay in our live chat? Can you guys hear us okay?
I mean, it should be fine. It's just not segregating our channels,
but anyway. No snow yet here in the UK. What part of the UK are you in?

(03:55):
I did drive in the snow today. London. I want to come to London so bad.
It's my dream to get over to that side of the world. I want to do London,
Scotland, scotland and ireland i want to do like a whole like fail swoop trip
a lot of people say london's a lot like new york is that true i'm curious if

(04:16):
so i'll probably love it because i love new york,
what's up is that better what's going on yeah i fixed it okay i mean you can
still hear me it just wasn't separating us out okay but apparently i don't listen
to mary anymore oh my gosh this This is going to be a theme of the night.
But at the end of the night, there's going to be drama.

(04:36):
I don't know if there's going to be drama. But, okay, so...
Mary and I He knows how to
get in the office chair is the problem Mary Our dog
right now is trying so hard to get in the chair With John And
I work from home Well you
know what This is I don't work

(04:57):
from home And this is what's happening right now These dogs
are pretty much Tattletelling on every little
Fucking spoiled thing Mary does Throughout the
day while I'm not home Like this little one cannot not
comprehend why i'm not letting him in the office chair right now he's like why
daddy mom does this shit all the fucking time oh for sure i definitely like

(05:19):
if i have a break like if i have a minute i fully expect like this is what like
you could be talking to clients on the phone.
And i kind of expect that dog to be there like in your lap watching your computer
screen no so i don't i don't let him up that often it's probably like once a day maybe is it yeah,
maybe twice a day like because he's big and

(05:42):
my office chair is literally a
child's office chair and so like there's
really not enough room for both of us so i really don't let him up that often
and we have basset hounds for those of you that don't know yeah and then i opened
all i did was open my breakfast the other day from the package and the dogs

(06:03):
came running i'm like you fuckers or tattletaling on me.
So it's one thing, right? So if I open something, you know, they'll be like,
oh, what's dad eating? What's dad eating? Maybe we could get some.
But if fucking mom opens something, they fucking run, they sit down,
they look at her, and they're like, okay, where's mine? Mm-hmm.

(06:23):
And, yep. And they're very patient with me. They're like, with dad,
they don't know. They're like, hmm, are we going to get a morsel?
Are we not going to get a morsel?
But they know what they have to do to be able to get one for me.
What, buddy? Come here. Oh, yeah. They're both good dogs.
But there's definitely a difference in parenting between mom and dad.

(06:44):
In my opinion, I feel like I'm the, I'm not too stern with them, but that fucking dog.
Mary definitely lets them get away with a lot more as he's like chewing up shit
in this room right now, just living his best fucking life.
I mean, where the fuck is he finding those? Like we have like this foam padding

(07:06):
stuff and one strict one, one pushover. Yeah, that's exactly how it is.
Did you guys not just hear me saying no?
I mean, it was very faint and very quiet. Well, I was clearly, I was being firm.
You said no with a smile on your face. That's the problem. Well,
it is kind of funny. You don't say no with like this resting bitch face look.

(07:29):
You say no and you smile like no, because dad's not going to like this.
Do I really give a shit? No.
No, I don't give a fuck if they tore that up. if it
would make him happy for an hour all right i don't give a shit why do
you think i give him boxes when you're not home yeah but that's just
not digestible like we just made our dog throw up because he ate

(07:50):
a fucking stuffed arm yeah that was rough i'll tell you what i'm sure parents
like regular parents with like humans human children i'm sure like they have
their struggles and all but you know what dog parents have their struggles too
you know like you just can't stick like a dog Talk to any old regular babysitter.

(08:10):
Absolutely not. I'm very strict on this. I mean, and if I had a kid,
I'd just be like, hey, whatever family member or stranger wants to hang out
with my kid for a day. Just keep them alive.
Just keep them alive and I'll be back. But my dog, no. No.
Like, I for sure would drop my kids at your parents all the time. If I had human kids.
If we had kids, they would live at my parents' house. They would not live there, but.

(08:35):
The majority of the time, yeah. They would go. For sure.
I mean I've changed my dog's food more times than I've changed my own food great
I mean I go through the same shit too like all of a sudden there's explosive
diarrhea what do you have to do well you have to clean it up same as a regular human kid,
yeah you don't well I guess we clean up the food this morning.

(08:56):
I mean, the only difference is not in a diaper. Yeah. Our poor little one,
poor guy, he has severe anxiety, and he works himself up.
Like, if we leave him, he'll work himself up, or he can't get down the stairs either.
So, like, if I'm in a meeting and I have to leave him up the stairs because
he's ran himself up the stairs, right?

(09:19):
Like, I've packed his ass down, and then he decides he wants to go back upstairs,
and then I have to go into a meeting, and he can't get himself back downstairs.
Downstairs he'll work himself up to like
literally explosive diarrhea because he is
so upset and distraught because
his brother can come down so his brother comes down and sleeps on my couch and
is like this is the best life ever so and then it's a rough afternoon so i mean

(09:47):
it is a rough afternoon but i've noticed there's there's two people in the chat
room that both have brew and and beer in their names. So they must like brew and beer.
So enlighten me. What's your guys' favorite beer and brew? And same goes for KCB.
What's going on over there? And then back to my original story.
All right. So Mary's telling me the serious story earlier in the day.

(10:09):
And if you've listened to this podcast all 12 episodes, and then the 100 that
we had before we deleted them all, you might know that I'm a little bit of a squirrel.
So Mary and I are talking. We're at a bar top.
Obviously there's TVs and stuff And I'm like, I'm not actively watching TV But
I'm kind of looking around, looking at the beers, looking at the TV And Mary

(10:29):
starts telling me this serious story This event that happened in her life,
And this is from my perspective. I'm sure Mary will, she wouldn't hear in a second.
And like, she's telling me and I'm listening. I know everything she said.
And then on the screen, because there was college basketball playing on the
screen, there was like this fucking, there was just like regular basketball

(10:52):
players, right? He wasn't that big.
And then on the screen, there's like this fucking ginormous fucking giant of
a man. He wasn't that big. And I was like, look at this fucking dude.
He was fucking huge. Yes, he was. he was like it made like all the other people
on tv looked little like little people and this guy was a fucking giant and

(11:12):
i just happened to be like in my mind like holy fuck this guy is huge.
So and i said that to mary i was like look at that dude in
the white jersey he was fucking huge obviously i interrupted
mary's story and she's mad at me now well i
was telling you something very serious and you haven't asked me how the follow-up
went or what was said or i did i asked you all those questions but like at that

(11:38):
point you didn't want to tell me because you were already mad at me yeah i was
i was genuinely it's 24 hours after all these events happened you were telling me,
at the at the bar i know and like i just so happened to see like a fucking huge dude,
on the TV and like I was trying to like poach and get questions from you but

(12:00):
then you didn't want to tell me and I was genuinely like only because I got
mad I know but I was genuinely interested in what was going on but at that point,
like I couldn't ask I was already done and I didn't mean to.
You have a YouTube channel. I can't see that way.
Ruckus Beer. Ruckus Beer. Okay. I review beer from... All over the world.

(12:23):
Sorry, you guys... The screen... Oh, there we go. Thank you.
We're all gone. Let's just make that a little bit bigger so you can read.
So we just did... Well, not just, but we... In September? October?
Anyway, we went to Brewfest in... All-American Brew Festival?
In Denver. In Denver. And tried beers all over the country.

(12:48):
It would be fun to do an all over the world one like that. Yeah, it would.
Welcome, Father Brian. Well, we will. How are you? We'll follow you on Instagram too, by the way.
Anyway, so that's my story. I didn't mean to make Mary mad or upset or act like
I wasn't trying to pay attention. This is going to be drama for the rest of
the podcast. No, I just need to get it out now. That way it's not drama.

(13:08):
Because the only drama for here on out is going to be from you.
Okay. Today I've tried beer from over a hundred different countries.
That's pretty cool. That is cool.
I wouldn't say Mary and I are like the Cicerones or anything like that.
But we definitely enjoy beer.
And we love sampling beer too, like getting the notes.

(13:31):
We're doing well. We made friends in the state we are in now.
So that's been nice it's been a nice reprieve from only family and obligations.
So it's been good we're we're doing good we're making it through making it through

(13:52):
winter yeah how are you guys i know you said you're making it through how's
things going are you guys still doing podcasts three days a week give me your
deets and i'll shout them out.
No taking a break again it's tough we we try to be consistent and the last time we,

(14:13):
oh no oh that's terrible uh well at least they figured out what's going on,
not that that is the silver lining but that's really hard to find out what's
going on to like like specifically target anything towards that.
We try to be consistent, but it's just so tough. Like, life is...

(14:38):
Yeah, I mean, we're down to pretty much the once a month show.
Yeah, well, Thanksgiving was our last podcast, you said?
Yeah, so, I mean, we had one... No, no, no, not Thanksgiving. Christmas.
Before Christmas. Okay, so Christmas. Before Christmas was our last Thanksgiving.
Since we started back up, we're about once a month.

(15:00):
But... Yeah. Yeah. Well, and even without anything going on,
that's how hard we, like, of a time we're having, staying committed.
I can't even imagine trying to work through everything you guys got going on. Mm-hmm.
For sure. I mean, in a perfect world for us, like, we'd do it during a weekday instead of a weekend.
Mm-hmm. you know but i don't know like i feel like

(15:22):
now between you and i mary we're like the
second i get home because you get off like an hour before me but you have to
you have to let the dogs out you have to play with the dogs and you have to
do all these like mandatory obligatory things like once you get off work and
then i'm off like maybe an hour hour and a half later,

(15:43):
and by the time i'm off and we actually eat dinner there's no fucking
way we're doing a podcast podcast you know and we're
doing it early today like this is actually the earliest we've done a
podcast in a long fucking time and it's because we have plants tonight so
so it's tough like you know like i'm i'm a dreamer and i like like ideally you

(16:04):
know i would love to do this like three times a week but i can't well and we
had a conversation and this is why so we you got i think for sure father brian
will know in case you will know our like long time,
og from three years ago follow us throughout our journey we deleted like 150
episodes and then we started again and then we deleted more yeah and then we

(16:27):
restarted again it's just because we got toxic we did we get we got toxic hello becca.
And we said, hey, like, maybe we don't utilize the podcast for,
like, airing our dirty laundry and frustration.

(16:48):
So, if you guys want a good laugh, there's no bars, hold humor,
give the Stewie Griffin Sunday show a listen. All right, you guys.
9 Central time. Go check it out. Texas time, yeah. Texas time.
Central. and we said we don't want
to bring like we just don't the podcast was for us
was turning into this bitch fest and it

(17:11):
took us like just saying okay like not that we won't share the bad things because
you guys know we have no problem letting you guys know like what's going on
in our life but we just didn't want to like keep beating dead horses if that
makes sense i don't know we we kind of got in this rut of like,
fuck this fuck that I don't know I hope that makes sense we not that we don't

(17:35):
ever like share our like bad attitude it's just more of like that's what it
like started becoming and so we were like okay we need to like.
Think about this. We don't want it to be Instagram to where the only thing you
see is the happy highlights. Right.
We just don't want it to be real, but we just don't want it to be...
But we also want it to be... Like a good mix. A good mix between negative and positive.

(18:00):
So it's tough. Yeah. That's why we're only doing it once a month.
That and we don't have time to do shit. I know.
I mean, it's kind of a weird... I
think the last year and a half between our friends in
seattle and then our newfound
friends here and even some of our newfound friends
in like new mexico and shit like that you know

(18:22):
you want to be able to spend time with everybody you know like what's the point
of having friends and then our friends in oregon yeah you know she comes and
hangs out with us all the time which and it's tough because as an adult if you
want to have friendships you have to actively engage and foster those relationships
and so it's a challenge it's a challenge.
Yeah. I mean, like definitely we try not to like show anything fake,

(18:44):
but we just didn't want it to just only be the negative side of life.
And that's what it turned into for a minute. Well, it did.
And that's like kind of like the climate, not to get too far into anything,
but the climate of the United States is just super negative.
Yeah. And then we were just kind of falling in line with like,
let's just be negative and negative. And it was super easy to do. Right.
Which I mean, we'll tell you the bad shit, but don't give a fuck about that.

(19:06):
It just, it's like when you're like, Like just rehashing every conversation.
Anyhow, that's the whole gist. Is KCB still in here?
Probably. Yeah. Yeah. She's probably just listening. But, you know,
having adult relationships, right?
Like when we were in our 20s, we just had people in and out of our house,

(19:27):
like randomly all the time.
You know, and it was 20s, like super early 30s. And it was just always like
a party fest, right? They're going to get that.
But having real meaningful relationships when you're a little bit older as an
adult, you actually have to try a little bit harder.
Our friend Casey, she comes and sees us all the time, and we have a good,

(19:50):
meaningful relationship with her, and we have a good, meaningful relationship
with some friends in Seattle, and now our new friends here where we live now.
But it's like you have to put in time. It's not one of those things that you
could just show up to anymore. Does that make sense?
To you so that that does take time away from like the quote-unquote free time

(20:13):
we would have you know making this show but i think it's worth it because there's a lot of times where.
The most important thing in life is human connection in reality
and thank you for the birthday wishes and happy birthday to both
of you since we totally failed and missed your birthdays birthdays both of yours
actually because we've met yeah because we're each a week apart yeah i believe

(20:39):
so so yeah happy birthday to you guys and speaking of birthdays casey beeps,
we need the details so our
dear friend casey beeps in this chat you
guys this year is her dirty 30 30 it
is dirty 30 in march and we gotta do something you gotta figure out what she

(21:02):
wants i know she's a baby i know we're old as fuck she's really my child at
this point and not my friend.
I'm just kidding the child that we party with yeah and hang out with and watch
the weather channel with i know but she is a baby i don't know when i hear her
age though sometimes i'm like Like, oh, like, you're fucking young.

(21:24):
I mean, not that we're, like, super old. I'm 30. I'll be 36.
Right? Fucking old lady.
And. I don't know. How many gray hairs do you have? Four dates. Oh.
How many gray hairs do you have? Oh, so many gray hairs. Like, it's so bad, you guys.
It is so bad. Like, honestly, I'm kind of pissed off. Can I just vent for a second?

(21:50):
Okay, so my natural hair color, my whole life has been like,
ew, you have mouth brown.
And I'm like, that's your natural color?
My whole fucking life, right? So I bleached my hair, dyed my hair, done everything up.
And before I say what I'm going to say, I do love Taylor Swift. But that fucking bitch.
The fucker. Has made natural mousy brown cool. And you know what these motherfuckers are calling it?

(22:19):
Old money brown. You know what the problem with that is?
I can't rock my natural old money brown hair now.
Like, I can't be like, oh, I got this shit. Like, I have this naturally,
right? Like, I have that color natural.
Like, God gave me that. I have old money brown.
No, because now I'm old enough that I have fucking gray.

(22:43):
Yeah. And not just a little bit either.
Not just a little. And Taylor Swift is what she is.
She's she's awesome but no she definitely earned her so what her hair color
is what they're calling old money brown so like in the hairstylist world that
so like that's like what they're calling,

(23:04):
her color of hair i mean but i
mean i i would say like once she starts going gray and then that will be popular
but but by that time you'll be so fucking gray it won't even matter oh for sure
like doesn't it doesn't actually i'm that much older than that bitch because
when When we were in high school and stuff, it was like fucking blonde, blonde.

(23:24):
And then when we were out of high school and into like the 2010s,
it was like fucking white blonde. And then it went gray blonde.
And it was always fucking blonde through like most of your youth. Even like ombre.
Like my natural hair's never been in it. Now it is.
Yeah. And like through most of your youth, it's always been some type of like

(23:47):
super blonde. And now...
And it's your natural hair color i know i so here's thing is if i was all silver i'd be fine,
but it's like just enough like gray to like i can't be blonde because the gray
shows up too fast and i can't be brown because the gray shows up too bad so

(24:07):
like i just wish it were enough to,
like rock why don't you just go like remember that one year
where you were like pretty be gray blonde why don't
you do that again that is so much work
that like blends in well though i know but that is so much
upkeep no one know
what colors my because no one has seen my face there you go see i mean you know

(24:31):
what one of these days my hair is going to start grown and i'll have like this
full lock of hair and then bald will be in style okay john's about ready to
i mean he's He's already got a little gray,
but he's about ready to go like full gray in his mustache.
Yeah, it's getting there. Can you check on them?
Yeah. Oh, no. I thought they were under here. No, they're upstairs.

(24:54):
Oh, they're fine then. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm about ready to go full blown gray. Like I'm holding on to because
for years my brother thought I dyed my beard because it's just so dark.
Like I have a really dark beard.
It's always been dark and I've never had gray. I think the last three years
I've had a total of two gray hairs that I could count.
And maybe I have a total of like five or six. Yeah.

(25:17):
But he's about ready to get like a whole, but like my mustache is about ready
to go. Like full blown gray.
Does this turn in red? You know, I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward
to some salt and pepper. Don't do a whole Colgan and die the trash.
John would love to do a whole Colgan. I think like in his mind.
No, I would. No, I wouldn't.

(25:38):
I mean, I think in my mind, I think it'd be funny and I would just do it as
a parody of a parody of myself.
But then it's like, I don't want to fucking wash that much hair.
Like when my hair gets like this long,
I know Mary had a conversation about this and it's probably because of the trauma
that Mary gives me every single time she's in the shower that she's bred me

(26:02):
into thinking that you can't wash your hair in a decent amount of time.
But once my hair gets like a quarter
of an inch on the sides is like i got to cut this
shit because it looks like shit like honestly come on
now it's not we also had this conversation today
too we did and i usually i i don't know i try to cut it i try to upkeep it but

(26:25):
you know what i'm not very good at it yeah just just clip it i think it's a
good call because i was like i'm just jealous us that men can take such a short shower, right?
Because my showers are like, especially an everything shower, it just takes too long.

(26:45):
Yeah, I mean, I could see that.
And plus, you guys can judge me if you must, but I definitely,
like, I don't really care to shower.
I mean, I like to shower. I like to, like, be clean, but I definitely have to force myself to shower.
So, like, the fact that my shower takes so long, too.

(27:06):
I mean, a lot of the time, it takes me more time to shit than it does to shower,
to be quite honest. I think it's this train.
Hold on, the dog has something he shouldn't. you could
grab muffin from my office oh the
doggy has something he shouldn't can't rush
the shit no for real but you know john can get in

(27:27):
the shower he's in and out of the shower for like five minutes max my shower
especially if i'm washing my hair like solid 20 because you know like you're
You got to do the whole process. What is it?
The thing that you didn't give him. I took it from him.

(27:50):
But you're also like, oh, I don't give a shit. Well, I didn't think he had tore it apart.
Yeah. You're an hour. Yeah, it takes some time.
It takes some time. And then if you got to shave on top of that, like, yeah.
I don't want to take that long of a shower. It's way too long.

(28:13):
Yeah, well, Kayla, you suck.
You also have short hair. I'm not even sure you shave your legs.
Do you shave your legs, Kayla?
I don't know. Is that something you ask people? I don't see why not.
I mean, you could ask. Not in the winter. Not in the winter. Smart.
So during the summertime, your showers go from the length of a song to the length

(28:36):
of of two songs and a half.
Well, you're a fucking shower every day, so you probably fucking...
Yeah. You scrape that shit fucking every single day you're in the shower, I'm sure. Yeah.
Have a good night or morning. I guess it's morning on that side of the world, right?
They're 12 hours ahead of us. Really? London. Yeah.

(28:58):
They're seven hours ahead of us. Seven hours ahead. So I guess good night.
Yeah, good night. This is afternoon. afternoon.
I'm used to podcasting at night, so it would have been morning. Yep.
Showering is one of those things i mean i've been it's not like a new year's
resolution or anything that i had because i try not to do new year's resolutions

(29:19):
because i'm like failing.
But one of my things is like i do want to be healthier and
i think to me like being clean a
little bit more often is a little bit healthier you know
yeah seven hours ahead yeah that was right you got it you
got it so i think it starts there starts being you know like shower a little

(29:39):
little bit more often john like you fucking got this it takes you fucking 10
minutes just shower be a little cleaner neither of us are like shower to you
guys like just full transparency you lift boxes you work hard you know you sweat
just shower a little bit more often so that's one of my things,
eventually i'll get into working out you know but i've been saying
that for fucking 16 years so you know maybe

(30:00):
it'll take me another 16 years who knows i don't know
i did go on a good
stretch where i was working out like every single day and then i got sick as
fuck for like a week and i was like nope you're like i'm done yeah well because
i lost it you know like you're motivated you're doing it for a week and you
like start to do it as a habit you're like okay i'm a shit and then i'll fucking

(30:21):
work out and then you know i'll go drink coffee and get on with my day you know
but then i got so fucking sick that i was like rolling out of bed like barely
alive and i was It's like, no, no, no.
Then you just get out of the habit. Yeah. You know? That's fair.
Bruno, come here, baby. Because working out is like one of those habitual things.

(30:42):
Like, you have to, like, do it every single day or you're not going to do it. Yeah, no, 100%.
Come here, baby. But I will say, I did it for a week.
And I'm not doing it anymore. I love that you're a while is a week.
It was like a week and a half. I don't know. It was a little bit.
I mean, no judgment for me. I fell off a long time.

(31:04):
Ago and have not even made an effort since well
you know it's funny about resolutions since we're
in this new year and and maybe it's
just us like maybe you and i are the problem right but
i feel like if you do these resolutions you're like oh
i'm gonna be healthier i'm gonna eat healthier i'm gonna do

(31:24):
healthier things like every fucking buddy else like mary
and i could say that and you know what we do we'd be like you know
what fuck this shit one day
in let's just fucking eat junk food every day and i feel
like that's how we are we're like let's set a goal
to be healthy and then three weeks into
it you've been more unhealthy than you ever have

(31:45):
in your entire fucking life because you said you're gonna do something and just
do completely opposite it's like we're fucking cancel culture or something like
that except for it's with us yes we're the problem yeah it's like and that's
what i like setting goals because it's like Like I set a goal and then I feel
like my body tries my hardest to do the fucking opposite.
So maybe you should set a goal to be as unhealthy as possible.

(32:10):
I mean, I've never tried that. No.
I really haven't. Oh, my gosh. I mean, that might be a good plan.
And then, like, the first week, just be fucking unhealthy as possible.
My goal is to not shower for two weeks.
And then you shower every week. Well, that's what I shower now.
So, sometimes, well, I shower more.

(32:33):
I don't want to say shower. I clean my body more in the winter.
Because i shower like i clean my body like twice a week i only wash my hair once a week,
i mean you do bathe like in the bath often like i wash my body yeah that's a
good point mary i've never thought about that just do like what you want to

(32:56):
do but set your goal to be the opposite,
maybe we should try that next year in 2025 yeah maybe i don't know i was thinking
about this like Like, okay, so, you know, like, obviously, self-care,
in air quotes, is, like, this whole, like,
it's almost been, like, glorified. It's almost a trend.
But, like, something that I, I don't know, this was, like, kind of an epiphany

(33:19):
I had, is, like, for people who are neurodivergent, which I clearly am.
I don't even fucking shower. Let go.
Brutal. Stop being a jerk. jerk like sometimes
self-care is not
the glamorous like go get a pedicure get your

(33:40):
hair done look pretty like sometimes like
for me when i say i'm gonna work on my self-care it is truly you're gonna brush
your teeth every day you are going to take a shower more than once a week you
are are going to eat some substance today because toast at 3 p.m.

(34:03):
Is not eating for the day.
So like a lot of things for me, like it's not like that glorious self-care.
And so I have to think of self-care in a different manner.
Like I have to think of self-care as like, no, bitch, this is the bare minimum
to take care of yourself and you need some self-care.
This is quote unquote normal. So let's get up to quote unquote normal.

(34:26):
Right. So my self-care is not like this glamour. I love bath bombs and that
kind of shit, so don't get me wrong.
I mean, you get in funks, and then all of a sudden, you're off track.
I mean, I think everybody does, right? Well, not everybody, but some people do.
Easy to slip into a path of

(34:47):
not being able to do the
bare minimum yeah but but my whole point
of this it wasn't like to feel sorry for me it was like i
think that our messaging around self-care is like glorified when i think a lot
of people just need to know like hey like maybe self-care isn't this sexy thing

(35:10):
that you have yourself up for maybe self-care is something that like.
You need to force yourself into because like don't
get me wrong like i fucking love being clean like i
like once i get in the shower and
get myself clean i'm totally fine but like
thinking of the like the mountain of

(35:30):
tasks which really like most people are like oh i'll
get in the the shower for me i'm like okay so i need
to go in the bathroom i gotta
brush my hair i need to brush my teeth i have
to get undressed i'm gonna be cold i gotta get my water
right then i gotta shampoo then i gotta wash
then i gotta exfoliate then i gotta shave then i

(35:51):
gotta put conditioner in then i gotta rewash my like
where that conditioner touched or whatever and it's
like this whole like i don't think like oh i'm gonna get in the shower like
i'm gonna go in the bathroom i'm gonna get the shower come out then you get
out of the shower then you gotta put lotion on then you gotta get dry then you
gotta get your clothes on then you gotta get your clothes to the wash like it's

(36:11):
like this whole thing like i don't think of like oh i'm just gonna shower
it's like oh i gotta do all these other things that i think it's overwhelming
yeah does that make sense it does am i making sense you are you are making sense
so i really don't care to shower Well, yeah,
I think I think it's really easy to get into like the the whores bath routine.

(36:36):
Oh, pits and pussies, pits and pussies, you know, wash your pits,
wash your pussy and get it done with, you know, whores bath it all fucking day.
Pits and pussies, pits and pussies.
And hopefully you guys have seen that comedy special to understand.
It's funny. Yeah. Burt Crusher.
You'll watch him he's awesome but anyway like it's easy to get in that routine

(36:57):
of like not specifically that but like cutting corners right.
Which you know it's fine to do a horse bath every now and again,
once a week yeah I was like fuck I horse bath once a week what are you talking
about I mean I really do shower like twice a week but I only wash my hair once
a week clicker oh I didn't know I had the clicker they count out.

(37:24):
Me three days to decide when i'm gonna take a bath exactly a
trucker trucker baths i love that yeah trucker baths yeah yeah i don't know
i i feel like i don't know i feel i feel like 2024 will be a good year you know
depending you know i feel like there's always been like,

(37:46):
what i like about 2024 so far is there's not a lot of hype around it no yeah
everybody's just like setting expectations like super low you know like you
got yeah it's a lot an election year and that'll be weird or difficult or whatever
it is but it's not like 2020 because when 2020,
came the ball dropped everyone's like

(38:08):
this is gonna be the best fucking year ever you
know like hindsight 2020 blah blah blah you know
2020 vision motherfucker and then
it was like the the shittiest fucking year ever right 2024 is
the year of reality i feel that like people
are just coming in with realistic expectations yeah i mean whether you like

(38:29):
or not we're still dealing with the ramifications of like the covet thing you
know we're only a couple years removed and like things are still well we're
four years removed but well four years since it happened like two years.
Year and a half two years since it was like lifted and
people could go out and do shit it fully you know

(38:49):
so we're you know you're a reality that that's a
good one i like that i like it it did change
the world it really did and as much as people are like i don't
but i also like i feel like there's so much negative connotation
with the pandemic and what it did to the world but i also think there was like
you guys are gonna come at me and it's fine but i think there there was a lot

(39:11):
of good that came from it too yeah no definitely we're like finding our feet
figuring it out like i think the good thing at least in our house there was some good,
like we really like re-established ourselves
our relationship we re-evaluated

(39:33):
like so many things and we like got
to take a break from the rat
race which we never would have
been able to do yeah the pandemic is an extended
honeymoon i think you're able to cut a lot of waste out too oh yeah like wasting
your life wasting you know your budget budget wasting your friends like just

(39:55):
wasteful things we got to see like who really mattered to us and who like who
did we we miss and who didn't we miss?
And that sounds ugly, but it really is what it was.
Okay, do we really need to be eating out this much? Do we need to be like doing this many adventures?
Do we need to... Adventures, yes. Adventures, yes, but.

(40:19):
It just made us like take a hard look at our life and reevaluate it.
And we never would have got that opportunity.
How do we not be in force to slow down? Because as you guys know, like I'm a busy body.
John was a busy body. Like we were always out and about doing things.
I worked two jobs like by choice, not out of necessity of by choice.

(40:44):
And I mean, thank God I did, because that's
what got me through the pandemic was having and those two jobs
and money saved but like we
were just like always out and about and
doing things and eating out and partying and like
we had a big group of friends and it was like
you know maybe we don't like everybody in that group of

(41:04):
friends you know like it was really like a like
being able to see people's true colors i think
like since the pandemic our friend group
went from like it downsized like
98 oh yeah and i
think that's part of why like we've had a difficult time meeting friends
here too and why we're being so like choosy it

(41:27):
could be because i only want like real valuable
friends like i don't want like if i'm
gonna spend every weekend of my life with you you know
or even three weekends a month with you or whatever it is i want you to to be
a person that like brings value to my life and i want to bring value to your

(41:47):
life you know and like you know i and i and i think about this and like because
i i always think big picture,
you know like would they be friends i'd be comfortable bringing like my best friend kc.
To me around you know like because if they're not then they're no fucking way
they're gonna be my friend they're not our friends they're not our friends i

(42:07):
don't want to go down that rabbit hole because I'm still so triggered. Yeah. Yes.
Just about the gym and the bathroom thing. And yeah.
So I agree with what you're saying. You know, it's like, if I can't bring my other friends around.
Because if you think that way, like, you are obviously not my fucking friend. Yeah, exactly.

(42:30):
Like, if you are any sort of discriminatory to the people that I love,
then you can fuck right off.
So we vet them. You know, I think we've done a pretty good job of vetting our friends.
And maybe that's why it takes so long to meet new people. Plus,
we're fucking weirdos, too. We are fucking weirdos.

(42:52):
We love board games and video games and movies, but we also love going out in the Jeep.
I obviously come from the beauty world, so I like to put my makeup on and be ready.
We like to go out and about on the town.
We are a little bougie, and we like really yummy food and good drinks.

(43:15):
And we're also like creatures of the habit too
like once we find a spot that we love and we'd like and
we'd like the people around there we'll keep going there right like there's
this pub that we go to probably every other weekend and
we're disney adults which is like a whole another like subsect
which i didn't realize it was so weird to be a disney adult yeah
i thought it was normal i thought it was normal too

(43:37):
it's not it's not no oh
and we like musical theater and but we'll
also go like shoot guns like you know
we're just fucking yeah weirdos
are low-key buddhas all peace and love yeah like i mean i wouldn't say all love

(43:59):
and peace but you know i mean i'll definitely come on now i'm white trash so
there is some you still got that blood in you i've I've mellowed out in my old age, though.
I would say. Like, I've mellowed way out.
I think so. I think, I don't know if it's mellowed out or if you just learn how to control it.

(44:21):
You don't react as fast as you used to. You kind of step back,
think a little bit, and then react.
Yeah. So, the difference between being the age I am now and the age I was in my early 20s.
In my early 20s, this would fly. Mm-hmm.
Late 30s words fly and i honestly

(44:43):
think words are worse than this sometimes it
can be uh i've been hit by your fist and your words and
sometimes those words they're fucking they're hard to
recover from because i will script it in such.
A way that it will just i will
put that dagger in your heart and i will twist it and it's
going to be serrated and you're going to think about that fucker

(45:03):
for the rest of your life like so i
don't want to be that way i mean
i think i'm still kind of the same way i'm not
as reactive as i was when i was in my 20s i
don't use my words very well you're still as reactive you've
just learned to like take a breath and remove
yourself from the situation yeah i thought

(45:26):
we were going to get kicked out of an airport because but i
was proud out of you you you maintain
yourself you you are just better about moving removing
yourself from the situation now i just gotta
leave and i think that's what's like hard because sometimes
i get really pissed off at work like because i just can't fucking
leave work you know and i'll

(45:48):
send out some fucking stupid emails i'll read
them three times first though and make sure they're okay i'll write
it and what i usually do is i usually write my email in word
and i'll just leave it there and once i
come to calm down and like got distracted i'll come
back and read it and if it's still good to send i'll send
that fucker but if i feel like it's too harsh then i'll edit it you know and.

(46:11):
Then send it so that way i don't like write it in like actual email and accidentally.
Hit send i always do it in word first there you go i like it i let people learn
They're in the hard ways, the lessons stick with them that way for sure.
And so it's this couples with like learning who I want around me and.

(46:33):
Learning that if people solicit those sort of reactions from me,
that I feel like I need to have such a volatile response, then those probably
aren't people I need in my life.
I mean, and that's why I'm kind of glad we moved like 45 minutes north, to be quite honest.
I mean, because, you know, when you're in like Idaho, the difference between

(46:56):
cultures in this area is pretty big.
And it doesn't take that far of a drive 30 minutes it doesn't take that far
of a drive for it to be like one way or the other yeah you know,
but drama buffers are lifesavers oh yeah well and I'm glad we didn't because

(47:18):
we could we I don't even want to go down that path but,
really we could have lived closer to either of our families and our life would
look a lot different right now yeah we'd be loaded yeah i mean we would be.
But i couldn't hang there i have

(47:39):
too much of a strong opinion about
my opinions yeah so we'd
be loaded we'd be loaded not really
loaded we just would have a lot more disposable income yeah i
mean that would be nice i like disposable income come
but we don't so here

(47:59):
we are happier so money can't
buy happiness okay i think so you know i think you know like they always say
money can't buy happiness but i think money definitely buys you tools to become
happy i'm not gonna read it out loud but it purged like a hundred percent 100%. 100%.

(48:22):
And here's the funny thing.
And I'm going to say this, and it's fine. We are Idaho left,
Washington right, and I don't feel like there's a place we belong politically.
And that is a challenge.
If I have to pick one extreme or the other, you guys know what I'll pick. I like the green.

(48:49):
I just think as a whole, it's because I love people and things,
and just because you're different,
doesn't mean that you're any less of a person yeah i
mean both sides have a fucking nuts oh yeah like the extremism
of both sides are and that's that's what it is right now there's no middle ground

(49:10):
no you know but you're not wrong in your comments otherwise at all and when
we talk about extremes that's as extreme as it gets especially with my immediate
family and maybe Maybe that's our problem,
because we went from one extreme to the other.
We went from Seattle to Idaho.

(49:32):
Probably two of the most extreme states in the lower 48.
Well, I mean, Texas is pretty bad. I mean, Idaho and Texas are right there with
each other. No, you're not wrong. You know.
And this is what I tell people. At the end of the day, we're all just trying
to feed our families and live our life and survive, and none of this should
really matter. No, it shouldn't. You know?

(49:53):
Honestly i didn't think it was going to be as big
of a culture shock as it was like i grew up
as redneck white trash gun
to in trailer park living
trash as it came so i honestly did
not think i would have the culture

(50:13):
shock that i did but it also was that like
a validation of like the experience of experiences i have
had and like the growth I've done as a person and
like my acceptance and like understanding the
world but yeah I was shocked I was
like you don't really think like this right like you don't really think I'm

(50:35):
ruining your state because I moved back here like you know that I was born and
raised here like I own property here and I have my home life like and you think I'm the problem,
like so it was shit like that that it was like you you honestly think,
that we're the problem here.

(50:58):
It's crazy. We've never been more discriminated against. Ever.
Moved here without estate plates. Yeah, it's insane.
Like, I am, like, we had, like, legitimately, like, people, like,
yelling at us because we had Washington plates.
It was wild.
It's like, you know, like, we have, like, five acres and a house somewhere else.

(51:23):
Down the street. Down the street.
Like, my birth certificate says, you know.
Just because we have Washington in place, it's like we moved back, so fuck off.
But regardless of that, too, it's like us moving to your area or anybody moving
into your area is not causing the price of milk to go up. You do understand that, right?

(51:48):
The price of milk going up is what this thing called is inflation. It's not me moving here.
And property rates have gone up all over the country.
Yeah, there may be a little bit of an influx, and I don't know the exact statistics,
so somebody can fucking come at me if I'm wrong.
But property value going up is called inflation, and this is why people tell

(52:12):
you to buy property, because it gains value over the course of your life. Yeah.
Has never not gained value except for like they crash
four times and crashes and even then if
you bought it beforehand it's not gonna crash to what like before
you bought it well in some instances if you
bought it like super crazy high but if you bought in

(52:35):
2008 and you survived the crash guess what you pretty much
doubled or tripled your fucking value exactly and then here's the other fucking
thing go we have we have too many people in the city well i don't think that
these people people from out of state bringing their like childless millennials
and their two dogs are the problem.

(52:55):
I think it's you fucking Mormons having six to 12 kids and all staying in the same area.
That's the problem. You're populating this area.
Yeah. It's not us. Well, and like, I think what, Oh, and sorry, I'm triggered.
And this is like, this is fact, right?
If people move to this area from out of state,

(53:16):
they're going to bring different views different opinions and
different ways of thinking which means different ways of spending money
different ways of building businesses small businesses small
local economy and like like mary
and i were childless millennials with two fucking dogs so what
do we do with our money that we wouldn't spend on that we
would spend on kids we go out and support local business maybe one

(53:39):
day mary and i will open up a business and it will
will support local community it's like
we are spending money into the community if more people like
mary and i move here that's job creation more
money into the community more money for roads getting done more roads for building
projects more roads or well we like our potholes well fucking enjoy your potholes

(54:00):
i do not so you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna pay my fucking taxes to get
that shit fixed right i bet that but that is the mentality and it's funny to
me because i'm like Like, you fuckers all have,
like, six, eight kids that all stay in this area,
and then they go on missions, and then they bring people from other countries,
and that's acceptable. Mm-hmm.
Like three hours up the road right and you

(54:22):
have like this amazing fucking town called bozeman
montana and it's so cute it's expensive
but you know what they have we have this main street that's a mile long with
a bunch of shops boutiques every fucking store is full every fucking store has
a shop in it every there's something in every fucking place and people go there

(54:46):
they shop they They spend money,
and that is supporting the community. It's supporting the locals.
It's supporting the people that live there because everyone goes there to shop,
drink, eat, spend money, and have a fun time.
And that's what this place could be like, you know, if people would just get
off their high horse and let people shop, spend money, eat, drink,

(55:08):
and build new businesses.
Because people, you know what? People like to spend money. money and
even if they don't like to spend money doing like community activities like
the horse-drawn buggy you know
like that's a good family activity yeah like that's a small business in the
area they like things to do right they like maybe they have kids and they would

(55:29):
like to have a really good starter job right or a park or a theater there's
you know that just brings more It brings more to the economy.
It brings more to the community. Anyway, but that's all way too logical to have
a conversation. It brings more tax dollars for the city so they could spend
it on their Mormon temples and their whatever they want to spend it on. Their zoning.

(55:50):
Their zoning. We have a county that is a dry county here.
Yeah. Well, it's not completely dry.
It's close to dry. You have to, so it's a county to where like,
if you have an establishment that serves alcohol,
you have to serve food, but not food in the sense of a taco truck or something

(56:10):
outside the establishment serving food.
You have to physically have a kitchen inside the establishment to be able to serve alcohol, which.
Which only franchises can do. So there's no small business in that county.
You know, there's this, the M word that made it so this part of town can't pretty

(56:32):
much can't have any alcohol in it, but that's fine.
We'll let the Mormons go over there and everyone else over here will have their
tea and eat it and have some beers.
Exactly. But I guess enough of that. We've ranted too long about local economics.
Yeah, I don't know. I got triggered. Anyway, so you're not wrong.

(56:55):
You're not wrong. Because while I say I'm Seattle right, it still is.
Those are all very social...
I don't even want to say they're liberal views. It's very social views.
Honestly, these type of views are...
I guess almost capitalistic, right? Yeah. If you're a capitalistic person,

(57:19):
obviously you have to capitalize.
You have to build business. You have to have people work in the business.
You have to do all these things.
I don't know. And here's the thing, too, is it takes everybody from every walk
of life to make a community run.
You have to have people that want to be a lunch lady and that work for their

(57:39):
lifestyle. You have to have the gas station attendant.
You have to have the business owner. or you you have
to have these people with different skill
sets and different open availabilities and different
aspirations in life like yeah the lunch lady may do that because that works
around her schedule and she's bringing extra money in right and so i think in

(58:02):
communities like this everybody gets stuck in like that poverty mindset and
they don't realize that it really takes the whole.
Community and it takes people from all
walks of life to make the community run and function well
and they're pissed off it's like all right all these washingtonians and californians
are taking all the good jobs it's like you could have applied well my job isn't

(58:27):
even in idaho it's not you know it's like you could have applied my job's in
illinois you could have done whatever Whatever you wanted to do, you just didn't.
100%. And I have no college degree. I have no education.
I had no skills in the field I went into. And you know what I did? I applied.

(58:47):
To be fair, I sent out like 150 applications. I made finding a job my job.
And I put my energy and effort into that. But like...
I don't know. But a lot of these people...
Gas station clerk just thinks that them sitting
there doing nothing is going to make them ceo of

(59:10):
the gas station right but then there's people that are like
take pride in that they're like this is perfect for
me i love like there's nothing wrong with it there's nothing wrong with it just
don't expect more remember rory do you remember who rory is from chevron yes
that bitch loved her job oh she loved it she did graveyards she was happy about

(59:30):
her customers she did it so she could You watch your grandkids during the day,
but still have extra money.
And it's like, I'm sure Casey Biebs remembers Rory, the salt and pepper old
lady that used to smoke way too many cigarettes at Chevron.
You know, I loved her.
Anyhow, you guys, we went down a rampage. I'm sorry. We definitely you triggered

(59:52):
me, Father Brian. I'm kidding.
It's a good conversation. But I mean, you very much so clarified.
And then I extrapolated.
No don't be sorry don't be sorry but it is it is at its core that's what it is,
so yeah it's just culture shock i don't

(01:00:12):
know i don't know if it's childhood trauma i don't know if it's my own like
inability to settle but i cannot live and die here for sure yeah mary and and
I were talking about this earlier and I just it's hard,
I don't even leave my house so I shouldn't be so like this,

(01:00:37):
I mean I think we'll probably leave eventually I don't see us staying here forever no,
I mean we could be here another 10 years and then leave I don't foresee it being
10 years but who knows I think it's just a stepping stone yeah we'll find out
I do like my house and I work from home so,

(01:01:00):
I'll die here but I live on the internet I feel that I think it's a lot more
than just where we are for me it's proximity to the entire family and the.
Right now, it has its ups and downs. Like, downs, like, we live here,
and we just explain the downs.

(01:01:22):
Yeah. And ups, though, like, I love my house.
We love our house. And, like, believe it or not, like, we've traveled more living
here than we did in Seattle.
Yeah. But that's a good and a bad, because the downside is we have to travel to do the things we want.
I don't know. Versus Seattle. We just went to Seattle, and I was there. Yeah, exactly.

(01:01:43):
And that's the thing. Like, proximity to drama is the thing.
And I'm still figuring my shit out, you know, as far as, like...
I mean, and technically, you don't really have anything here.
Like, the only... I mean, you have family, quote-unquote, but not immediate
family. Yeah. You know, all your immediate family is gone.
Like, I'm the only one with immediate moms and dads and brothers and sisters

(01:02:03):
here. Like, you have a brother here, but he still lives three hours away.
You know, so that's not close. But I have emotional connections to,
like, physical dirt here. Yeah, you do.
You do. And I'm not discounting that, you know.
I don't know. It's weird. Life is fucking weird.
It is. I mean, there's always points where you, like, lay awake or lie awake

(01:02:26):
in bed and you just think.
You never lie awake. I hear you snoring all the time.
I'm teasing. It was supposed to be funny. When the dogs wake me up at 4.30 in
the morning and I can't, like, go back to bed. That's when I lie there.
Can ponder and reflect then he's then
he just gotta work and forget about it all you gotta work

(01:02:48):
and wish your life you know wish you were born into
royalty or something yeah that'd
be fun yeah for a minute but then
again then again i'm just like you know what like maybe
i'm the problem maybe i'll just never be completely happy you know
no matter like what where i grew up how
i i grew up or if i grew up like poor or

(01:03:10):
rich like i'd probably never be completely satisfied oh for sure i'm like problem
fucking alexander hamilton just i'll never be satisfied you know i know this
like about myself at least yeah always striving for the next thing you know do better be better,
but and even for me it's kind of interesting though because i've always been

(01:03:32):
that way but it used to always be a financial thing and now it's more of like a.
No i'm not saying i'm not happy yeah i'm just saying i've never said hello welcome
in welcome now it's more of like i'm still like striving to do better and be
better as a person as an individual not necessarily well that's a lie because

(01:03:52):
i'm still doing it in my career now too so So,
I just tried to gaslight myself.
I gaslight myself every fucking day. So, you know, I don't know.
Well, Mary likes to compare me to the dog. If the dog is not getting any attention,
he just walks around the house until he finally finds someone to pet him or he goes to bed.

(01:04:14):
And Mary's like, that's exactly how you are. That is your personality to a T.
One room to the next to the other room to the pouting and then the next room
and the and then pouting, and then another room, and then he finally lays on
the couch, and then he just stares at you.
And then someone flinches, and
I get up, and I do the same thing over and over and over again until...

(01:04:34):
Canton the like restless energy
that constant fight or flight i'm always
trying to flight or fight i don't know i know
although i would like my body to understand that when i'm writing an email that's
not when fight fight or flight needs to kick in like i would like my body to

(01:04:56):
understand the difference between me actually needing to fight or flight maybe
my anxiety i don't know I wish I could recognize.
I saw this thing and somebody was like, what's the worst part of having anxiety?
And you know what I honestly think the worst part of anxiety is for me is that

(01:05:17):
I am a logical fucking person.
I can work through any problem. I can figure it out.
And when I'm in the heart of anxiety and I can feel my body just tensing up
and all this shit, right? Like, mentally, I, like, can talk myself out of it,
but I can't talk my body out of it.
And that shit pisses me off. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like,

(01:05:41):
all right, the fight or flight route. We'll write an email.
And, like, this is what goes through my mind a lot of time.
Is what if I fight this computer and this computer takes flight after I'm done
with it? And just fucking throw it across the room.
John is more like anger. yeah i'm

(01:06:01):
more fight i'm not i'm not really a fighter only knows how to
express his emotions through anger he doesn't know
how to express any other emotion other than just anger yeah
i guess not and that's why i think therapy would
be good for you not like not to
like control your inner anger but to be able to identify your other
emotions that surface this anger for you yeah i

(01:06:22):
know what those emotions are based upon how your anger
comes across because i've
been with you long enough because it's angry but i'm never angry i could
be sad and i just i'm angry and angry yeah or
i could be depressed and i'm angry every every emotion
to you is anger and i think identifying like
what the actual emotion is and then how

(01:06:44):
to address that versus just fucking getting angry i
mean but i'm pretty good at keeping my anger within myself like there i only
have a few outbursts well i'm not concerned about your outbursts i'm concerned
about your internal internal self like i'm concerned about you hey my inner
my internal monologue keeps me in check all right well so does mine and she fucking gaslights me,

(01:07:08):
mine's like john you realize if you go two steps forward all right you might not have a job.
Mine is a fucking T-U-N-T to me. Yeah.
Mine eggs me on, actually, sometimes. To be quite honest, my internal monologue...
Yep, emotional cockpit crockpot.

(01:07:30):
...will just sit there and go through every single conversation I can have with
this person, which gives me super anxiety, which I guess turns into anger.
So I've already had 30 conversations with one person, how I'm going to say it.
And like 30 different outcomes of that conversation we all know we know i don't

(01:07:54):
need i don't need to explain this name we're a disaster we are sometimes i'm
like are we good for each other are we bad for each other i think we're good
i mean we've lasted 16 years so far.
We're probably the only people that fucking stop us from jumping off the ledge i know,
which is funny because if somebody listens to them like your
anger like i don't know it's so

(01:08:15):
so funny too because like john is like one of the sweetest kindest
husbands there ever could live and i'm not saying that because
he's sitting with me like he literally like taylor can
totally back this up she's lived with us like she would never like
why but he really is like one of
the sweetest kindest humans on the planet and so
it's funny that like well people

(01:08:37):
hear anger and they probably automatically probably think of these right
uh and that's what i'm trying to like say is that it's funny but probably
like the context is coming through if you don't know it like if anything hi
it's me i'm problem it's me right copyright strike bam really no oh.

(01:09:03):
Oh well my friends we do need to get these doggies walked and get ready for
our evening big adventure. We're going to a pizza party.
We're going to have Costco pizza and dessert charcuterie in a historical house.
Some beer and cocktails and wine.

(01:09:25):
Yeah, thanks for coming. Nice to see you guys. We hope to see you soon.
We'll try to be around a little bit more, which is a lie. We'll see you in a month.