October 7, 2025 • 31 mins
Life after 50 often brings unexpected changes, from the loss of parents to shifting roles, identity, and purpose.
In this episode of The Wellness Connection, Fiona Kane shares her reflections on the emotional transitions of midlife, the grief that can surface, and the opportunities for renewal that follow.
Through personal stories and gentle guidance, she explores how to reframe your story, embrace change, and find strength in the struggles that shape this transformative chapter of life. This isn’t only about menopause or aging, it’s about navigating the bigger questions of who we are and how we grow when life shifts beneath us.
Whether you’re in midlife yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode is a reminder that you’re not alone in the journey.
Outro: Music by Musinova from Pixabay
Learn more about booking a nutrition consultation with Fiona: https://informedhealth.com.au/
Learn more about Fiona's speaking and media services: https://fionakane.com.au/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Fiona (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection podcast.
I'm your host, Fiona Kane.
Today I'm going to be talkingabout midlife or about being in
your 50s and the experience ofthat and some of the things that
maybe we don't talk about andum and not specifically about
menopause, that will be part ofit.
And this won't be specificallyabout women either, although, of
(00:24):
course, my my personalexperience is of a woman.
I have patients that are menand women or clients who are men
and women, and I talk to peopleabout these issues.
But yeah, I wanted to talkabout midlife and some of the
things that happen, and some ofthe maybe the unexpected things
or the things that um thechallenging things that that
(00:46):
happen for us.
And where I suppose where I'dlike to start is by saying that
we throughout our life, we havedifferent periods, different
transitions in our life.
There's different transitionperiods.
And in our culture, uh, which Iwould prefer I'll say
Australian or maybe Australianslash Western culture, we don't
(01:07):
really have good rites ofpassage for things like you
know, coming of age ortransitioning through menopause
and those kinds of things.
And it's kind of sad that wedon't really have those rites of
passage because they areimportant times.
And I feel like what happensthen is we kind of just have
these experiences on our own anddon't really talk about them as
(01:31):
much or or understand, youknow, we're not sure what's
wrong with us, that kind ofthing.
So I'll give you a bit of aninsight into what I'm talking
about.
So when you're going throughthis stage, when you're in your
50s, there's a lot of thingsthat happen in your 50s and that
um that change everything.
Uh and one of those things isyou often, if you haven't
(01:55):
already, that is when you startlosing your parents.
And there's something reallyunique about losing a parent or
losing your parents that isreally that shifts the ground
from under you.
And I know some you know ithappens much earlier for some
people and all the rest of it.
I'm just talking just ingeneral, for most people, it's
(02:15):
40s or 50s, maybe where theythat this starts happening in
their life.
And losing a parent is it doesshift the ground from under you
because it's kind of that personis a person who knew you better
than anyone, possibly, or maybeyou had a uh a confusing or
challenging relationship withthat person or a
(02:38):
non-relationship with thatperson, whatever the case is
when you've lost that parent,there's going to be grief, and
it might be grief for the greatperson in your life that you
lost, maybe grief for therelationship that you didn't
have that you wish you had.
But it's essentially it's youknow, that is your parent, and
regardless of whether you had aclose relationship with them or
(03:01):
not, there's something about youknow that it's that legacy and
that person who was the windowinto where you're where you came
from, and they're gone, right?
So there's it's quitesignificant, regardless of your
relationship with that person,it is significant.
The other thing that'ssignificant about it is that for
(03:22):
a lot of people, when you getto the point where you lose,
especially once you've lost bothof your parents, all then you
look around and you're kind ofyou're if you're looking at that
genealogy chart, you're sittingup towards the top now rather
than down the bottom.
And up the top now, as in, youknow, you're next, right?
Uh, you don't have your parentsand grandparents above you.
(03:45):
So now you're the elder.
Now you're the um the yeah, nowyou yeah, you're the elder in
the family, right?
And so there's quite a shiftthere because suddenly instead
of having that layer above you,all that uh assurance above you,
if you were lucky enough tohave um have parents who were
(04:05):
supportive of you, you don'thave that anymore.
So you've lost that bufferabove you, and now uh you've as
as much more, I suppose you feelmuch more open to the elements
in a way, or just much more,yeah, it's it's a bit more
fragile or a bit less protected,maybe.
(04:26):
Not so protected as you werewhen you when you had a parent
uh in in front of you, sort ofthing.
Uh so one is losing parents,which is really challenging and
really life-changing and anddoes shift you.
And you do shift quite a lot,you lose your sort of you lose
your grounding, and it takes awhile to shift into, I don't say
(04:50):
it goes back to how it was, itdoesn't go back to how it was.
Uh grief it works like that,but it it just you just shift
into a new position.
So it's a transition.
Again, it's a transition.
So losing a parent and youknow, losing both parents, they
are transitional things thattake you to the next place.
And along with that, what canoften happen is you have the
(05:11):
hormone changes that make it abit challenging as well.
Because for women, we have umwe're normally making
progesterone that's quite goodfor keeping us feeling calm and
uh and relaxed, and uh that kindof disappears by the time
you're in your 50s, and thatadds to the sort of feeling that
(05:31):
lost feeling, you know, um, andthat feeling of not being able
to maybe I I see what happensall of a sudden is even though
we're at a time in our lifewhere we've experienced so much
and we know so much, and we'rein some ways we're quite
confident, on the other hand, wejust start having experiences
where we question ourselves aswell, because we're like we
(05:52):
things feel different, we feeldifferent, and maybe we start
second guessing ourselves alittle bit as well.
That can happen as well.
The other thing that happens isbecause you're going through
all these changes.
So if you think about if you gothrough the change where okay,
you've you know, your your youthis your youth is gone, and it
doesn't mean you can't beyouthful, but your youth is
(06:13):
gone, and your problem for womenyou've changed over to a place
where your childbearing yearsare gone if they ever existed
for you in the first place, butthat yeah, that gate has closed,
that door has closed.
And so there's a lot ofdifferent levels of grief, and
there might also be grief inaround your career or around
(06:34):
your relationships, or not noteven grief, but just kind of a
you know, you get to an agewhere you look around and go,
Oh, what how did I end up here?
Uh you know, a bit like that uhtalking head song, uh, you
know, this is not my beautifulwife, this is not my beautiful,
you know, just kind of lookingaround and going, oh, okay, how
did I get here?
Uh I this maybe wasn't theplan, or when I planned this,
(06:58):
this isn't how I thought itwould be.
So we look around and wesuddenly kind of go, okay, this
is a relationship I have ordon't have, and this is the
career I have or don't have.
Um, these these are thechildren I have or don't have,
uh the grandchildren that youmaybe do or don't have.
And um, and so there's just alot of things where you look
(07:20):
around and you kind of have thisawareness that there's a lot
behind you and maybe less infront of you, less time, and
you've made certain choices thathave got you to this place.
So there's just a lot oflooking around and going, okay,
how did I get here?
And how do I feel about that?
And what's my place in theworld?
(07:43):
And even, you know, often ifyou have had children, it's
usually when your children areolder and they've moved out of
home, or they're moving out ofhome, or they're shifting on
with their lives, and maybethey're having children as well.
So maybe you're busy being agrandparent, uh, or maybe not.
Maybe you're sort of just anempty nester and the children
really don't need you muchanymore at the moment, and
they're off doing their thing.
(08:04):
So it is quite a different timewhere you're sort of thinking
about, well, what's what's themeaning of life?
What's my meaning and what do Iwant to do with my life?
But the other thing that canhappen amongst all of this,
because we're because like Isaid, we're we're in a
transition, there's a shifthappening for us, and like I
said, we do feel like sometimeslike some as it's our foundation
(08:27):
is being pulled out from underus, you can really feel like
that for quite a while, and soit often leads to us feeling
quite sad, and maybe you know,quite flat, quite sad.
And the risk is there's a riskthat you might pathologize this
when you don't need to.
And what I mean by that is, youknow, of course, if you are
(08:49):
absolutely struggling, youcannot function, you cannot get
out of bed, you're having darkthoughts, whatever, then go and
get a diagnosis and yes,pathologize that because you you
need more support, you needhelp, and you know, obviously
that's a different situation.
You have developed, you know,depression or something along
those lines.
(09:10):
But just feeling sad and beingin transition and just up in the
air and all of that, that'sactually really, really normal
for this time in our lives.
And so there's no need topathologize that.
And I so I want to assure you,man or woman, if you're kind of
got those, if that's sort of theexperiences that you're having
(09:33):
along those lines, feeling a bitlost and feeling like things
have shifted from under you, andkind of, you know, there might
be fear about uh fear aboutdeath or fear about what your
life means or what your lifemeant or your legacy or all of
those things, whatever's goingon, it is actually perfectly
normal and it's just part ofthis transition.
(09:55):
So rather than kind of think,oh my god, there's something
wrong with me that I need tofix, uh, you know, it is part of
a transition.
Now it doesn't mean you can'twork on yourself.
Obviously, this that's whatthis time is for, the gift of
this time, is to actually startto kind of assess those things.
Where am I in my life?
Is this where I want to be?
(10:15):
Is this where I wanted to be?
Can I do something differentabout it?
And it might be actually makinga change in your life, or it
might be just making a change tohow you look at your life.
Uh, both are quite valid.
So sometimes people do themidlife thing where they change
everything, and maybe that'sabsolutely the right thing to do
and what you need to do.
But sometimes the changeeverything isn't actually about
(10:35):
the life itself, it's about theway you look at that life.
And so what often happens is wewe get quite fixed in our idea
of what we think success is orwhat we think a successful life
is, or we might have in our mindwhen we're in our 20s, 30s,
(10:56):
whatever, that when I reach 50or when I reach 60, or whatever
the age, magic age is, when Ireach 40, I'm gonna have XYZ or
I'm gonna be XYZ.
And we have this kind of fixedidea in our mind about what we
hope to achieve by that age, orwhat we think success is going
to look like at that age.
And then we get to that age,and maybe none of that happened,
(11:19):
or maybe it happened, but itdidn't happen exactly that way.
And even if none of thathappened, quite often something
different's happened, it's notnecessarily a bad thing.
But what we do is we kind ofgo, oh my god, I failed, or oh
my god, I didn't, or whatever itis, we we stick to that rigid
plan that we created 20 yearsago, 30 years ago, and we get
(11:40):
quite quite fixed on the factthat it must mean we're some
sort of failure or we've donesomething wrong.
And I invite you to think aboutthat because first of all, as
we know, John Lennon said thislife is what happens to you
while you're busy making otherplans.
(12:00):
So you can't always just doexactly what you plan to do.
You do you plan and you do thebest you can, but sometimes life
just that that's not the cardsyou get given, right?
You get given different cards.
So you you can't that there's awhole lot that's not in your
control.
So if you're sitting back andnot doing anything, then that's
(12:21):
not helpful.
You need to do something to getwhere you want to go in life.
However, what we do is we makeplans and we aim for one place,
but if we go, if we land in adifferent place, it's not
necessarily a bad thing, it'sjust a different place, right?
And I think we get caught up init's not the original plan,
therefore it's no good.
But sometimes it's it'ssometimes it might be no good,
(12:43):
absolutely, but sometimes itactually might be better than
the original plan.
Sometimes it's just like wethought that we were, you know,
we were destined for that, andwe're destined for something
else.
And the something else issometimes better or it's better
for you, or whatever it is.
But we get we're so rigid inour thoughts or in our ideas
(13:03):
about how it should be, whetherit's our ideas or whether it's
an idea that someone put intoour head or society or whatever,
but some expectation of wherewhere we should be, um, I invite
you to reassess that becausejust because that was a good
idea, you know, what I thoughtwas a good idea when I was 35, I
don't actually think is a goodidea now.
So I'm actually very, I feelvery different about uh, you
(13:26):
know, I feel very different towhat I did when I was in my 30s.
And so any idea that I hadfixed in my mind when my 20s and
30s about how my life shouldlook now, it's not necessarily
true or true to me now, youknow.
So I encourage you to justthink about why you're so fixed
(13:46):
with these things and invite youto reassess your story.
And you know, and even if youhad the greatest plan, and you
know, uh I I I've recently uhone of my sort of uh
acquaintances, I would say,someone I met through
networking, young man with achild, and uh he's recently his
(14:10):
wife passed away, right?
You couldn't plan for that.
You couldn't plan for that,right?
So he and the child they'regrieving now and they're
readjusting to life without mum,and obviously that's a massive
shift for them, and it's goingto change everything, it has
changed everything.
(14:30):
Now, if now right now they'rethey're in the midst of it all
and they're just processing itall and what day by day, which
is you know really appropriate.
But if in 20 years' time he'sstill kind of fixed in the it
was supposed to look this wayand now it's not, that'll be
really sad for him because thetruth is truth is in life things
(14:55):
change and we need to learn tocreate a new story.
So what what we do is overtime, and it might be one year,
two years, five years, tenyears, uh, we create a new story
for ourselves that says, okay,we still include that person who
we loved so dearly, who meantso much to us.
Um, where they're still part ofour everyday life, we still
(15:16):
hold them in our hearts, but wewe also live and we choose to
live and we choose to have joyand we choose to, you know, move
on, sort of thing.
I don't mean moving on byletting go, like throwing the
person away or any of that.
Uh I just mean carry them inyour in your heart, but keep
going.
And so we we we can't get fixedwith, you know, it's it's uh
(15:37):
the example I've used for myselfis I wasn't able to have
children, right?
So if I'm 54 now, if I wassitting here saying it's not
okay, I didn't have children,that's that means I'm a failure,
that means I can't be happywith my life.
Well, that's not helpful to me,is it, right?
So I can stay fixed there and Ican keep saying that story to
(16:01):
myself, but what purpose does ithold?
So I need a new story.
I need a new story for well,okay, the children didn't
happen, so what what can whatcan where do I find my purpose?
Where do I find my passion?
Where do I place my energies?
And what can what does my lifelook like?
And all that mothering energythat I have, because women do
(16:23):
have mothering energy, I canstill use that.
I still do use that.
I just don't use it towards myown children.
I use it with other people'schildren and other people's
grown-up children, right?
So I still use that energy, butI use it in other ways.
So I invite you just if you'veif you've got some story that
you're really fixed on, I inviteyou to just think about that
(16:43):
story and one of two things,either kind of realize that
maybe it's not your storyanymore, anyway, and you'd you'd
actually would prefer adifferent story, or have a
certain level of acceptance ifthat story is not going to
happen.
Or make it happen if it'ssomething that you really can
make happen and you really wantto make happen.
(17:04):
So there's different, you know,there's acceptance, there's
changing the way you think aboutit, all there's going and doing
it.
All of those things arecompletely acceptable, depends
what the story is, doesn't it?
But it's just like reassessbecause sometimes we're like
angry at ourselves because wedidn't do XYZ.
And is XYZ really what we wantto do or where we want to be?
And maybe it's not, but we'rejust telling ourselves this same
(17:29):
old story.
And um, you know, one of thethings I I refer to a lot, but
I'm going to refer to it againbecause it's just so well said,
is um, you know, Ren Gill, whois the artist, a singer that
I've talked about many times, inhis song Hi Ren, at the end, he
does a spoken word part.
And he's been through to helland back uh many times with uh
(17:49):
Lyme disease and all of theassociated physical and mental
health issues he's had that havegone with that.
And one of the things he saidat the end of that song, uh he
said that um, you know, it wasnever really a battle for me to
win, it was an eternal dance.
And like a dance, the morerigid I became, the harder I
(18:11):
got, the more I cursed my clumsyfootsteps, the more I
struggled.
So the older I got, so I gotolder and I learned to relax, I
learned to soften, and the dancegot easier.
See, eternal dance thatseparates human beings from
angels, from demons, from gods.
Uh essentially, like there'smore, but he's he's just
(18:32):
sometimes we need to soften.
Sometimes we need to not be sorigid, and sometimes we need to
just know that that we thoughtthat we're going to be doing
this dance, but we're doing adifferent one.
And uh a certain level, and Ihave also referred to Eckhart
Tully before on this as well,but Eckhart Tully talks about
how most of much of thesuffering in this world, the
(18:54):
anxiety and the suffering thatwe have as human beings, is in
just not having acceptance ofthis moment.
So we we kind of it's like itshould be like this, or I want
it to be like that, or it's gotyou, but we're not just being in
the moment and being present inthe moment.
And sometimes we just need tobe present in the moment and
say, all right, this is thereality where I'm at now.
This is where I thought Ishould be.
(19:15):
Do I actually still want that?
Do I want something different?
Uh or even if I do still wantthat, is that possible?
Or is there a different way ofdoing that?
Or yeah, whatever, or am Igoing to rewrite things and
start again?
Uh so just remember that wetell ourselves stories and
sometimes we get really caughtup in those stories and we get
(19:37):
really fixed on them.
And those stories can bereally, really unhelpful.
And this is in general in life.
Uh, but um, so if you're havingthat experience where you feel
like somehow you failed, youknow, I would invite you to
question yourself on that andyou know, reassess things, you
know, as I've sort of justdiscussed there.
And um, you know, getting backto in general the the midlife
(19:59):
stuff, the questioning that wehave at this time, it's really
it's really just understandingthat it is a transformative time
that you are going through ashifting and a transforming
experience, and there's going tobe struggle involved in that.
(20:20):
All transformation has struggleinvolved in that, and so that's
actually really normal.
So rather than kind of go, oh,I'm feeling I'm feeling a bit
sad, or I'm feeling all thesefunny emotions, or I I feel like
I'm struggling at the moment,that must mean there's something
terribly wrong.
I mean, it is a sign.
I mean, it's certainly it's asign and it's data.
(20:42):
So I'm not saying don't, I'mnot telling you to ignore it.
We need to pay attention todata and we need to decide what
to do with that data.
And it might mean go and getsomething to manage, you know,
whether it be medically or orherbally or whatever, to manage
your menopause or those sorts ofissues.
Or it might mean go and get acheckup with a doctor and just
(21:03):
make sure that you know we'rehealthy and everything's going
okay.
So I'm not saying ignore, it'sdata.
It's definitely data.
So sometimes that data issaying listen to your body more,
sleep more, look afteryourself, make sure you've got
enough nutrients, change yourdiet, whatever, get more
exercise.
So, but part of it isabsolutely that.
But part of it is also going,all right, it is understanding
(21:26):
that it is normal when we'regoing through transition, that
there's struggle involved inthat.
And there's a lot of that sortof thing where we okay, we we
suddenly see ourselves.
And uh as we get older, I findthat life life humbles you more
as you get older.
(21:47):
And bit by bit the layers comeoff, and bit by bit, okay, well,
your you know, your looks startto go, or you start to put on
weight or lose weight, orwhatever the thing is that you
know that's that changing foryou that that um makes you feel
less of who you were before.
Uh you can't rely on your looksso much, you can't rely on your
(22:08):
youth so much, and uh, and youknow, layers start to drop off
and and friendships change andfriendships drop off, and you
suddenly look around, andthere's less there's less
buffering between you andreality, and you just start
seeing reality, you start seeinglife, and you start seeing all
(22:28):
sorts of things.
Uh, and so sometimes it can bechallenging, and sometimes you
get a look in the mirror, and Idon't mean physically, although
that's part of it, but you get alook in the mirror at what sort
of person you are, or how youbehave, or what you do, and some
of it you might really like andsome of it you might not.
So, yes, this is atransformational period, and it
is a period where there's somestruggle involved, and there is
(22:51):
a period where you feel youknow, it does feel like the
ground shifts from under you.
And so I really just want toassure you that that's really,
really normal.
If you're really struggling,obviously get help, whether it's
um with me or whether you go toyour doctor or go to your
therapist or whatever you needto do.
I'm not saying don't go forhelp because sometimes we need
(23:12):
help to manage these times.
I certainly have when my motherpassed away, I was actually
working with two different ummentors and coaches at the time
who helped me very much, helpedme through that period.
One of them was on this podcasta few years ago, um, Shandu
Bickford, and she was amazing.
Um, so I actually did pay forprofessionals to support me
(23:36):
through a lot of that transitiontime and a lot of that time
where I was really strugglingand and sort of you know didn't
know which way was up, sort ofthing.
So I struggled and I soughthelp because I was struggling
and because I was trying tofigure things out.
And the other thing too is to,you know, the the butterfly
(23:58):
analogy to sort of explain thissituation is what we do know is
you know, when the uhcaterpillar is in the cocoon
before it becomes a butterfly,it it needs to struggle so that
it can actually fly when itbecomes a butterfly.
So it needs to spend howevermuch time it is in the cocoon, I
(24:19):
don't know, I'm not an experton this, but it needs to spend a
certain amount of time in thatcocoon, and over time it starts
to break its way out of thecocoon.
And the breaking out of thecocoon, that struggle, is what
allows the wings to workproperly, so it allows it to
fly.
Now, if you were to go up tothat caterpillar and just cut it
out of the cocoon, doesn't havea struggle, and the wings don't
(24:42):
work, and um, so that willnever that butterfly will never
fly.
So it's the same with humanbeings when we're going through
a transition period.
When we're going through atransition, we're going through
a change.
There's going to be somestruggle involved, and that is
okay, that is actually reallynormal.
So get support around that ifyou need to, or just know it's
(25:03):
really normal.
And maybe what you need to dois start doing some journaling
or start going for regular walksand just clearing your head or
do some yoga or do somemeditation or whatever it is.
But um, but just start doingsort of more self-care and be
really kind to yourself.
Uh, the other thing too is thatit's important to understand
(25:27):
that different phases in liferequire different levels of of
planning or of uh thinkingahead.
So, for example, when you'remaybe when you're younger and
you know you're planning, whatdo I want to do?
And do I want to have a family,do I want to have well or kids,
all those things.
Maybe you're looking at thefive-year plan, the 10-year
(25:47):
plan, that kind of thing.
But when you go throughchallenges in life, when you're
going through a transition oryou're going through grief,
sometimes at that point, it'sactually more like looking at
what am I going to do today orthe next hour or whatever it is.
And that's okay as well.
I can't remember there's aterminology for it.
I can't remember what it'scalled.
But essentially it's thatwindow of depending on how much
(26:10):
overload we've got, we can lookat just a little bit ahead or we
can look far ahead.
It depends on where we're at.
And if we're in the middle of astorm, that's not the time
where you can kind of look thatfar ahead.
Uh, and that's actuallysomething that um at uh Charlie
Kirk's memorial, uh, his wifeErica talked about this.
(26:30):
She said that she was talkingto Usha Vance uh the day after
Charlie died when they werehaving his body uh returned back
to the state, and she said thatshe said to Usha, What am I
what am I going to do?
How am I going to get throughthis?
And Usha very wisely said toher, You only need to focus on
(26:53):
the next 15 minutes.
This is going to be 15 minutes.
Let's just do that 15 minutes.
Then we can do the next 15minutes.
And and sometimes in parts oflife, all you can focus on is
the next 15 minutes.
So do that, right?
And then things start to calmdown, you start to work through
things, and you start to buildyour capacity again.
(27:14):
And then you might be able togo day to day at a certain point
and then week to week.
And then you can go back intomore of a planning and saying,
okay, what are we going to dothe next year, the next two
years, whatever?
But it is okay to adjust that.
So you might get a terriblediagnosis or be going through a
treatment.
Maybe at that point, it's like,what am I going to do for the
15 minutes?
(27:34):
What am I going to do to getthrough this nausea?
What I'm going to go do to getthrough this thing, right?
So it's quite okay to likereadjust that up and down, back
and forward as you need to.
And sometimes uh if you aregoing through a transition and
you are going through astruggle, you need to adjust it
back down.
And especially if you're unsureof what's going to be the on
the other side of it.
(27:55):
So if you are in thattransition and you're not sure
if there's going to be a changein your job or a change in your
relationship status or you knowwhat's going to be happening in
the future, it is okay not tohave the answer and just focus
on the next 15 minutes and justfocus on the next day and focus
on just building your capacity.
So I've talked about thisbefore, building your capacity,
(28:15):
whether it be physically,emotionally, spiritually, you
know, all of those differentlevels, but build your capacity.
And so spend the time that ifyou are having a struggle and
you are having, you know, you'regoing through a transition time
in your life, allow yourself,allow yourself to be in that
time.
Allow yourself to work throughit.
Allow yourself to that youdon't have to have all the
(28:39):
answers, you don't have to knowall the outcomes.
Just work through the periodthat you're in and things will
start to shift, and then you'llfind yourself in a new place and
get the support you need aroundit if you need support around
it to help you going into thatnew place.
But understand that it'snormal, it's part of shifting
and changing and going throughtransition in life.
(28:59):
And um all those kinds offeelings and and experiences are
really, really normal.
Uh, and you know, without evenI haven't even talked about the
physical changes that um womencertainly have during menopause.
And I think men have a certainlevel of anthopause as well,
where they experience justphysical changes as well.
Uh, it's you know, your bodychanges a lot and it can be
(29:21):
quite overwhelming without allthe things I just talked about
to begin with.
So uh just you know I inviteyou to understand listen,
there's data, your body's givingyou data.
So if you're getting, if you'refeeling certain ways
physically, emotionally, orwhatever, that is absolutely
data.
Pay attention to the data andyou know, act accordingly,
(29:44):
whether it is go and get acheckup or whether it is get
someone to support you throughthe challenging time, or whether
it is just to have anawareness, oh, okay, this is a
transition time.
All right, so it's notnecessarily a pathology, it
doesn't mean the world, youknow, it's not, you know, uh.
It doesn't mean there'ssomething terribly wrong with
me.
It might just mean you'retransitioning.
(30:04):
And embrace it.
So rather than you know,embrace it, there's going to be
a struggle for a while, embraceit.
That's really normal.
Understand that that's actuallygoing to that struggle and that
uh and that having an awarenesswhile you're doing it and
really trying to to learn and umgrow while you're doing it uh
will allow you to build capacityso that when you get to the
(30:26):
other side of it, the nextchoice or the next the next
phase, you're ready for that,whatever that ends up being.
But you don't necessarily haveto know what that is right now.
So I hope um hope thatresonates with some of you and
um and that's helpful.
Uh please always give mefeedback, love to hear feedback.
Like, subscribe, share thisepisode, and um and rate it and
(30:50):
review it on whichever appyou're watching or listening on.
And um, yeah, I will talk toyou all again next week.
Thanks so much.
And you know, I like to havehere, as you know, I like to
have real conversations aboutthings that matter, and uh, and
this is an important thing thatexperience that we all go
through different variations ofthis, but sometimes it's
important to voice that andnormalize it and just let you
(31:12):
know that it's something thatyou can embrace and uh work
through rather than feel like,oh my god, there's something
terribly wrong with me.
Anyway, see you all again nextweek.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection podcast.
I'm your host, Fiona Kane.
Today I'm going to be talkingabout midlife or about being in
your 50s and the experience ofthat and some of the things that
maybe we don't talk about andum and not specifically about
menopause, that will be part ofit.
And this won't be specificallyabout women either, although, of
(00:24):
course, my my personalexperience is of a woman.
I have patients that are menand women or clients who are men
and women, and I talk to peopleabout these issues.
But yeah, I wanted to talkabout midlife and some of the
things that happen, and some ofthe maybe the unexpected things
or the things that um thechallenging things that that
(00:46):
happen for us.
And where I suppose where I'dlike to start is by saying that
we throughout our life, we havedifferent periods, different
transitions in our life.
There's different transitionperiods.
And in our culture, uh, which Iwould prefer I'll say
Australian or maybe Australianslash Western culture, we don't
(01:07):
really have good rites ofpassage for things like you
know, coming of age ortransitioning through menopause
and those kinds of things.
And it's kind of sad that wedon't really have those rites of
passage because they areimportant times.
And I feel like what happensthen is we kind of just have
these experiences on our own anddon't really talk about them as
(01:31):
much or or understand, youknow, we're not sure what's
wrong with us, that kind ofthing.
So I'll give you a bit of aninsight into what I'm talking
about.
So when you're going throughthis stage, when you're in your
50s, there's a lot of thingsthat happen in your 50s and that
um that change everything.
Uh and one of those things isyou often, if you haven't
(01:55):
already, that is when you startlosing your parents.
And there's something reallyunique about losing a parent or
losing your parents that isreally that shifts the ground
from under you.
And I know some you know ithappens much earlier for some
people and all the rest of it.
I'm just talking just ingeneral, for most people, it's
(02:15):
40s or 50s, maybe where theythat this starts happening in
their life.
And losing a parent is it doesshift the ground from under you
because it's kind of that personis a person who knew you better
than anyone, possibly, or maybeyou had a uh a confusing or
challenging relationship withthat person or a
(02:38):
non-relationship with thatperson, whatever the case is
when you've lost that parent,there's going to be grief, and
it might be grief for the greatperson in your life that you
lost, maybe grief for therelationship that you didn't
have that you wish you had.
But it's essentially it's youknow, that is your parent, and
regardless of whether you had aclose relationship with them or
(03:01):
not, there's something about youknow that it's that legacy and
that person who was the windowinto where you're where you came
from, and they're gone, right?
So there's it's quitesignificant, regardless of your
relationship with that person,it is significant.
The other thing that'ssignificant about it is that for
(03:22):
a lot of people, when you getto the point where you lose,
especially once you've lost bothof your parents, all then you
look around and you're kind ofyou're if you're looking at that
genealogy chart, you're sittingup towards the top now rather
than down the bottom.
And up the top now, as in, youknow, you're next, right?
Uh, you don't have your parentsand grandparents above you.
(03:45):
So now you're the elder.
Now you're the um the yeah, nowyou yeah, you're the elder in
the family, right?
And so there's quite a shiftthere because suddenly instead
of having that layer above you,all that uh assurance above you,
if you were lucky enough tohave um have parents who were
(04:05):
supportive of you, you don'thave that anymore.
So you've lost that bufferabove you, and now uh you've as
as much more, I suppose you feelmuch more open to the elements
in a way, or just much more,yeah, it's it's a bit more
fragile or a bit less protected,maybe.
(04:26):
Not so protected as you werewhen you when you had a parent
uh in in front of you, sort ofthing.
Uh so one is losing parents,which is really challenging and
really life-changing and anddoes shift you.
And you do shift quite a lot,you lose your sort of you lose
your grounding, and it takes awhile to shift into, I don't say
(04:50):
it goes back to how it was, itdoesn't go back to how it was.
Uh grief it works like that,but it it just you just shift
into a new position.
So it's a transition.
Again, it's a transition.
So losing a parent and youknow, losing both parents, they
are transitional things thattake you to the next place.
And along with that, what canoften happen is you have the
(05:11):
hormone changes that make it abit challenging as well.
Because for women, we have umwe're normally making
progesterone that's quite goodfor keeping us feeling calm and
uh and relaxed, and uh that kindof disappears by the time
you're in your 50s, and thatadds to the sort of feeling that
(05:31):
lost feeling, you know, um, andthat feeling of not being able
to maybe I I see what happensall of a sudden is even though
we're at a time in our lifewhere we've experienced so much
and we know so much, and we'rein some ways we're quite
confident, on the other hand, wejust start having experiences
where we question ourselves aswell, because we're like we
(05:52):
things feel different, we feeldifferent, and maybe we start
second guessing ourselves alittle bit as well.
That can happen as well.
The other thing that happens isbecause you're going through
all these changes.
So if you think about if you gothrough the change where okay,
you've you know, your your youthis your youth is gone, and it
doesn't mean you can't beyouthful, but your youth is
(06:13):
gone, and your problem for womenyou've changed over to a place
where your childbearing yearsare gone if they ever existed
for you in the first place, butthat yeah, that gate has closed,
that door has closed.
And so there's a lot ofdifferent levels of grief, and
there might also be grief inaround your career or around
(06:34):
your relationships, or not noteven grief, but just kind of a
you know, you get to an agewhere you look around and go,
Oh, what how did I end up here?
Uh you know, a bit like that uhtalking head song, uh, you
know, this is not my beautifulwife, this is not my beautiful,
you know, just kind of lookingaround and going, oh, okay, how
did I get here?
Uh I this maybe wasn't theplan, or when I planned this,
(06:58):
this isn't how I thought itwould be.
So we look around and wesuddenly kind of go, okay, this
is a relationship I have ordon't have, and this is the
career I have or don't have.
Um, these these are thechildren I have or don't have,
uh the grandchildren that youmaybe do or don't have.
And um, and so there's just alot of things where you look
(07:20):
around and you kind of have thisawareness that there's a lot
behind you and maybe less infront of you, less time, and
you've made certain choices thathave got you to this place.
So there's just a lot oflooking around and going, okay,
how did I get here?
And how do I feel about that?
And what's my place in theworld?
(07:43):
And even, you know, often ifyou have had children, it's
usually when your children areolder and they've moved out of
home, or they're moving out ofhome, or they're shifting on
with their lives, and maybethey're having children as well.
So maybe you're busy being agrandparent, uh, or maybe not.
Maybe you're sort of just anempty nester and the children
really don't need you muchanymore at the moment, and
they're off doing their thing.
(08:04):
So it is quite a different timewhere you're sort of thinking
about, well, what's what's themeaning of life?
What's my meaning and what do Iwant to do with my life?
But the other thing that canhappen amongst all of this,
because we're because like Isaid, we're we're in a
transition, there's a shifthappening for us, and like I
said, we do feel like sometimeslike some as it's our foundation
(08:27):
is being pulled out from underus, you can really feel like
that for quite a while, and soit often leads to us feeling
quite sad, and maybe you know,quite flat, quite sad.
And the risk is there's a riskthat you might pathologize this
when you don't need to.
And what I mean by that is, youknow, of course, if you are
(08:49):
absolutely struggling, youcannot function, you cannot get
out of bed, you're having darkthoughts, whatever, then go and
get a diagnosis and yes,pathologize that because you you
need more support, you needhelp, and you know, obviously
that's a different situation.
You have developed, you know,depression or something along
those lines.
(09:10):
But just feeling sad and beingin transition and just up in the
air and all of that, that'sactually really, really normal
for this time in our lives.
And so there's no need topathologize that.
And I so I want to assure you,man or woman, if you're kind of
got those, if that's sort of theexperiences that you're having
(09:33):
along those lines, feeling a bitlost and feeling like things
have shifted from under you, andkind of, you know, there might
be fear about uh fear aboutdeath or fear about what your
life means or what your lifemeant or your legacy or all of
those things, whatever's goingon, it is actually perfectly
normal and it's just part ofthis transition.
(09:55):
So rather than kind of think,oh my god, there's something
wrong with me that I need tofix, uh, you know, it is part of
a transition.
Now it doesn't mean you can'twork on yourself.
Obviously, this that's whatthis time is for, the gift of
this time, is to actually startto kind of assess those things.
Where am I in my life?
Is this where I want to be?
(10:15):
Is this where I wanted to be?
Can I do something differentabout it?
And it might be actually makinga change in your life, or it
might be just making a change tohow you look at your life.
Uh, both are quite valid.
So sometimes people do themidlife thing where they change
everything, and maybe that'sabsolutely the right thing to do
and what you need to do.
But sometimes the changeeverything isn't actually about
(10:35):
the life itself, it's about theway you look at that life.
And so what often happens is wewe get quite fixed in our idea
of what we think success is orwhat we think a successful life
is, or we might have in our mindwhen we're in our 20s, 30s,
(10:56):
whatever, that when I reach 50or when I reach 60, or whatever
the age, magic age is, when Ireach 40, I'm gonna have XYZ or
I'm gonna be XYZ.
And we have this kind of fixedidea in our mind about what we
hope to achieve by that age, orwhat we think success is going
to look like at that age.
And then we get to that age,and maybe none of that happened,
(11:19):
or maybe it happened, but itdidn't happen exactly that way.
And even if none of thathappened, quite often something
different's happened, it's notnecessarily a bad thing.
But what we do is we kind ofgo, oh my god, I failed, or oh
my god, I didn't, or whatever itis, we we stick to that rigid
plan that we created 20 yearsago, 30 years ago, and we get
(11:40):
quite quite fixed on the factthat it must mean we're some
sort of failure or we've donesomething wrong.
And I invite you to think aboutthat because first of all, as
we know, John Lennon said thislife is what happens to you
while you're busy making otherplans.
(12:00):
So you can't always just doexactly what you plan to do.
You do you plan and you do thebest you can, but sometimes life
just that that's not the cardsyou get given, right?
You get given different cards.
So you you can't that there's awhole lot that's not in your
control.
So if you're sitting back andnot doing anything, then that's
(12:21):
not helpful.
You need to do something to getwhere you want to go in life.
However, what we do is we makeplans and we aim for one place,
but if we go, if we land in adifferent place, it's not
necessarily a bad thing, it'sjust a different place, right?
And I think we get caught up init's not the original plan,
therefore it's no good.
But sometimes it's it'ssometimes it might be no good,
(12:43):
absolutely, but sometimes itactually might be better than
the original plan.
Sometimes it's just like wethought that we were, you know,
we were destined for that, andwe're destined for something
else.
And the something else issometimes better or it's better
for you, or whatever it is.
But we get we're so rigid inour thoughts or in our ideas
(13:03):
about how it should be, whetherit's our ideas or whether it's
an idea that someone put intoour head or society or whatever,
but some expectation of wherewhere we should be, um, I invite
you to reassess that becausejust because that was a good
idea, you know, what I thoughtwas a good idea when I was 35, I
don't actually think is a goodidea now.
So I'm actually very, I feelvery different about uh, you
(13:26):
know, I feel very different towhat I did when I was in my 30s.
And so any idea that I hadfixed in my mind when my 20s and
30s about how my life shouldlook now, it's not necessarily
true or true to me now, youknow.
So I encourage you to justthink about why you're so fixed
(13:46):
with these things and invite youto reassess your story.
And you know, and even if youhad the greatest plan, and you
know, uh I I I've recently uhone of my sort of uh
acquaintances, I would say,someone I met through
networking, young man with achild, and uh he's recently his
(14:10):
wife passed away, right?
You couldn't plan for that.
You couldn't plan for that,right?
So he and the child they'regrieving now and they're
readjusting to life without mum,and obviously that's a massive
shift for them, and it's goingto change everything, it has
changed everything.
(14:30):
Now, if now right now they'rethey're in the midst of it all
and they're just processing itall and what day by day, which
is you know really appropriate.
But if in 20 years' time he'sstill kind of fixed in the it
was supposed to look this wayand now it's not, that'll be
really sad for him because thetruth is truth is in life things
(14:55):
change and we need to learn tocreate a new story.
So what what we do is overtime, and it might be one year,
two years, five years, tenyears, uh, we create a new story
for ourselves that says, okay,we still include that person who
we loved so dearly, who meantso much to us.
Um, where they're still part ofour everyday life, we still
(15:16):
hold them in our hearts, but wewe also live and we choose to
live and we choose to have joyand we choose to, you know, move
on, sort of thing.
I don't mean moving on byletting go, like throwing the
person away or any of that.
Uh I just mean carry them inyour in your heart, but keep
going.
And so we we we can't get fixedwith, you know, it's it's uh
(15:37):
the example I've used for myselfis I wasn't able to have
children, right?
So if I'm 54 now, if I wassitting here saying it's not
okay, I didn't have children,that's that means I'm a failure,
that means I can't be happywith my life.
Well, that's not helpful to me,is it, right?
So I can stay fixed there and Ican keep saying that story to
(16:01):
myself, but what purpose does ithold?
So I need a new story.
I need a new story for well,okay, the children didn't
happen, so what what can whatcan where do I find my purpose?
Where do I find my passion?
Where do I place my energies?
And what can what does my lifelook like?
And all that mothering energythat I have, because women do
(16:23):
have mothering energy, I canstill use that.
I still do use that.
I just don't use it towards myown children.
I use it with other people'schildren and other people's
grown-up children, right?
So I still use that energy, butI use it in other ways.
So I invite you just if you'veif you've got some story that
you're really fixed on, I inviteyou to just think about that
(16:43):
story and one of two things,either kind of realize that
maybe it's not your storyanymore, anyway, and you'd you'd
actually would prefer adifferent story, or have a
certain level of acceptance ifthat story is not going to
happen.
Or make it happen if it'ssomething that you really can
make happen and you really wantto make happen.
(17:04):
So there's different, you know,there's acceptance, there's
changing the way you think aboutit, all there's going and doing
it.
All of those things arecompletely acceptable, depends
what the story is, doesn't it?
But it's just like reassessbecause sometimes we're like
angry at ourselves because wedidn't do XYZ.
And is XYZ really what we wantto do or where we want to be?
And maybe it's not, but we'rejust telling ourselves this same
(17:29):
old story.
And um, you know, one of thethings I I refer to a lot, but
I'm going to refer to it againbecause it's just so well said,
is um, you know, Ren Gill, whois the artist, a singer that
I've talked about many times, inhis song Hi Ren, at the end, he
does a spoken word part.
And he's been through to helland back uh many times with uh
(17:49):
Lyme disease and all of theassociated physical and mental
health issues he's had that havegone with that.
And one of the things he saidat the end of that song, uh he
said that um, you know, it wasnever really a battle for me to
win, it was an eternal dance.
And like a dance, the morerigid I became, the harder I
(18:11):
got, the more I cursed my clumsyfootsteps, the more I
struggled.
So the older I got, so I gotolder and I learned to relax, I
learned to soften, and the dancegot easier.
See, eternal dance thatseparates human beings from
angels, from demons, from gods.
Uh essentially, like there'smore, but he's he's just
(18:32):
sometimes we need to soften.
Sometimes we need to not be sorigid, and sometimes we need to
just know that that we thoughtthat we're going to be doing
this dance, but we're doing adifferent one.
And uh a certain level, and Ihave also referred to Eckhart
Tully before on this as well,but Eckhart Tully talks about
how most of much of thesuffering in this world, the
(18:54):
anxiety and the suffering thatwe have as human beings, is in
just not having acceptance ofthis moment.
So we we kind of it's like itshould be like this, or I want
it to be like that, or it's gotyou, but we're not just being in
the moment and being present inthe moment.
And sometimes we just need tobe present in the moment and
say, all right, this is thereality where I'm at now.
This is where I thought Ishould be.
(19:15):
Do I actually still want that?
Do I want something different?
Uh or even if I do still wantthat, is that possible?
Or is there a different way ofdoing that?
Or yeah, whatever, or am Igoing to rewrite things and
start again?
Uh so just remember that wetell ourselves stories and
sometimes we get really caughtup in those stories and we get
(19:37):
really fixed on them.
And those stories can bereally, really unhelpful.
And this is in general in life.
Uh, but um, so if you're havingthat experience where you feel
like somehow you failed, youknow, I would invite you to
question yourself on that andyou know, reassess things, you
know, as I've sort of justdiscussed there.
And um, you know, getting backto in general the the midlife
(19:59):
stuff, the questioning that wehave at this time, it's really
it's really just understandingthat it is a transformative time
that you are going through ashifting and a transforming
experience, and there's going tobe struggle involved in that.
(20:20):
All transformation has struggleinvolved in that, and so that's
actually really normal.
So rather than kind of go, oh,I'm feeling I'm feeling a bit
sad, or I'm feeling all thesefunny emotions, or I I feel like
I'm struggling at the moment,that must mean there's something
terribly wrong.
I mean, it is a sign.
I mean, it's certainly it's asign and it's data.
(20:42):
So I'm not saying don't, I'mnot telling you to ignore it.
We need to pay attention todata and we need to decide what
to do with that data.
And it might mean go and getsomething to manage, you know,
whether it be medically or orherbally or whatever, to manage
your menopause or those sorts ofissues.
Or it might mean go and get acheckup with a doctor and just
(21:03):
make sure that you know we'rehealthy and everything's going
okay.
So I'm not saying ignore, it'sdata.
It's definitely data.
So sometimes that data issaying listen to your body more,
sleep more, look afteryourself, make sure you've got
enough nutrients, change yourdiet, whatever, get more
exercise.
So, but part of it isabsolutely that.
But part of it is also going,all right, it is understanding
(21:26):
that it is normal when we'regoing through transition, that
there's struggle involved inthat.
And there's a lot of that sortof thing where we okay, we we
suddenly see ourselves.
And uh as we get older, I findthat life life humbles you more
as you get older.
(21:47):
And bit by bit the layers comeoff, and bit by bit, okay, well,
your you know, your looks startto go, or you start to put on
weight or lose weight, orwhatever the thing is that you
know that's that changing foryou that that um makes you feel
less of who you were before.
Uh you can't rely on your looksso much, you can't rely on your
(22:08):
youth so much, and uh, and youknow, layers start to drop off
and and friendships change andfriendships drop off, and you
suddenly look around, andthere's less there's less
buffering between you andreality, and you just start
seeing reality, you start seeinglife, and you start seeing all
(22:28):
sorts of things.
Uh, and so sometimes it can bechallenging, and sometimes you
get a look in the mirror, and Idon't mean physically, although
that's part of it, but you get alook in the mirror at what sort
of person you are, or how youbehave, or what you do, and some
of it you might really like andsome of it you might not.
So, yes, this is atransformational period, and it
is a period where there's somestruggle involved, and there is
(22:51):
a period where you feel youknow, it does feel like the
ground shifts from under you.
And so I really just want toassure you that that's really,
really normal.
If you're really struggling,obviously get help, whether it's
um with me or whether you go toyour doctor or go to your
therapist or whatever you needto do.
I'm not saying don't go forhelp because sometimes we need
(23:12):
help to manage these times.
I certainly have when my motherpassed away, I was actually
working with two different ummentors and coaches at the time
who helped me very much, helpedme through that period.
One of them was on this podcasta few years ago, um, Shandu
Bickford, and she was amazing.
Um, so I actually did pay forprofessionals to support me
(23:36):
through a lot of that transitiontime and a lot of that time
where I was really strugglingand and sort of you know didn't
know which way was up, sort ofthing.
So I struggled and I soughthelp because I was struggling
and because I was trying tofigure things out.
And the other thing too is to,you know, the the butterfly
(23:58):
analogy to sort of explain thissituation is what we do know is
you know, when the uhcaterpillar is in the cocoon
before it becomes a butterfly,it it needs to struggle so that
it can actually fly when itbecomes a butterfly.
So it needs to spend howevermuch time it is in the cocoon, I
(24:19):
don't know, I'm not an experton this, but it needs to spend a
certain amount of time in thatcocoon, and over time it starts
to break its way out of thecocoon.
And the breaking out of thecocoon, that struggle, is what
allows the wings to workproperly, so it allows it to
fly.
Now, if you were to go up tothat caterpillar and just cut it
out of the cocoon, doesn't havea struggle, and the wings don't
(24:42):
work, and um, so that willnever that butterfly will never
fly.
So it's the same with humanbeings when we're going through
a transition period.
When we're going through atransition, we're going through
a change.
There's going to be somestruggle involved, and that is
okay, that is actually reallynormal.
So get support around that ifyou need to, or just know it's
(25:03):
really normal.
And maybe what you need to dois start doing some journaling
or start going for regular walksand just clearing your head or
do some yoga or do somemeditation or whatever it is.
But um, but just start doingsort of more self-care and be
really kind to yourself.
Uh, the other thing too is thatit's important to understand
(25:27):
that different phases in liferequire different levels of of
planning or of uh thinkingahead.
So, for example, when you'remaybe when you're younger and
you know you're planning, whatdo I want to do?
And do I want to have a family,do I want to have well or kids,
all those things.
Maybe you're looking at thefive-year plan, the 10-year
(25:47):
plan, that kind of thing.
But when you go throughchallenges in life, when you're
going through a transition oryou're going through grief,
sometimes at that point, it'sactually more like looking at
what am I going to do today orthe next hour or whatever it is.
And that's okay as well.
I can't remember there's aterminology for it.
I can't remember what it'scalled.
But essentially it's thatwindow of depending on how much
(26:10):
overload we've got, we can lookat just a little bit ahead or we
can look far ahead.
It depends on where we're at.
And if we're in the middle of astorm, that's not the time
where you can kind of look thatfar ahead.
Uh, and that's actuallysomething that um at uh Charlie
Kirk's memorial, uh, his wifeErica talked about this.
(26:30):
She said that she was talkingto Usha Vance uh the day after
Charlie died when they werehaving his body uh returned back
to the state, and she said thatshe said to Usha, What am I
what am I going to do?
How am I going to get throughthis?
And Usha very wisely said toher, You only need to focus on
(26:53):
the next 15 minutes.
This is going to be 15 minutes.
Let's just do that 15 minutes.
Then we can do the next 15minutes.
And and sometimes in parts oflife, all you can focus on is
the next 15 minutes.
So do that, right?
And then things start to calmdown, you start to work through
things, and you start to buildyour capacity again.
(27:14):
And then you might be able togo day to day at a certain point
and then week to week.
And then you can go back intomore of a planning and saying,
okay, what are we going to dothe next year, the next two
years, whatever?
But it is okay to adjust that.
So you might get a terriblediagnosis or be going through a
treatment.
Maybe at that point, it's like,what am I going to do for the
15 minutes?
(27:34):
What am I going to do to getthrough this nausea?
What I'm going to go do to getthrough this thing, right?
So it's quite okay to likereadjust that up and down, back
and forward as you need to.
And sometimes uh if you aregoing through a transition and
you are going through astruggle, you need to adjust it
back down.
And especially if you're unsureof what's going to be the on
the other side of it.
(27:55):
So if you are in thattransition and you're not sure
if there's going to be a changein your job or a change in your
relationship status or you knowwhat's going to be happening in
the future, it is okay not tohave the answer and just focus
on the next 15 minutes and justfocus on the next day and focus
on just building your capacity.
So I've talked about thisbefore, building your capacity,
(28:15):
whether it be physically,emotionally, spiritually, you
know, all of those differentlevels, but build your capacity.
And so spend the time that ifyou are having a struggle and
you are having, you know, you'regoing through a transition time
in your life, allow yourself,allow yourself to be in that
time.
Allow yourself to work throughit.
Allow yourself to that youdon't have to have all the
(28:39):
answers, you don't have to knowall the outcomes.
Just work through the periodthat you're in and things will
start to shift, and then you'llfind yourself in a new place and
get the support you need aroundit if you need support around
it to help you going into thatnew place.
But understand that it'snormal, it's part of shifting
and changing and going throughtransition in life.
(28:59):
And um all those kinds offeelings and and experiences are
really, really normal.
Uh, and you know, without evenI haven't even talked about the
physical changes that um womencertainly have during menopause.
And I think men have a certainlevel of anthopause as well,
where they experience justphysical changes as well.
Uh, it's you know, your bodychanges a lot and it can be
(29:21):
quite overwhelming without allthe things I just talked about
to begin with.
So uh just you know I inviteyou to understand listen,
there's data, your body's givingyou data.
So if you're getting, if you'refeeling certain ways
physically, emotionally, orwhatever, that is absolutely
data.
Pay attention to the data andyou know, act accordingly,
(29:44):
whether it is go and get acheckup or whether it is get
someone to support you throughthe challenging time, or whether
it is just to have anawareness, oh, okay, this is a
transition time.
All right, so it's notnecessarily a pathology, it
doesn't mean the world, youknow, it's not, you know, uh.
It doesn't mean there'ssomething terribly wrong with
me.
It might just mean you'retransitioning.
(30:04):
And embrace it.
So rather than you know,embrace it, there's going to be
a struggle for a while, embraceit.
That's really normal.
Understand that that's actuallygoing to that struggle and that
uh and that having an awarenesswhile you're doing it and
really trying to to learn and umgrow while you're doing it uh
will allow you to build capacityso that when you get to the
(30:26):
other side of it, the nextchoice or the next the next
phase, you're ready for that,whatever that ends up being.
But you don't necessarily haveto know what that is right now.
So I hope um hope thatresonates with some of you and
um and that's helpful.
Uh please always give mefeedback, love to hear feedback.
Like, subscribe, share thisepisode, and um and rate it and
(30:50):
review it on whichever appyou're watching or listening on.
And um, yeah, I will talk toyou all again next week.
Thanks so much.
And you know, I like to havehere, as you know, I like to
have real conversations aboutthings that matter, and uh, and
this is an important thing thatexperience that we all go
through different variations ofthis, but sometimes it's
important to voice that andnormalize it and just let you
(31:12):
know that it's something thatyou can embrace and uh work
through rather than feel like,oh my god, there's something
terribly wrong with me.
Anyway, see you all again nextweek.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
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