September 30, 2025 • 22 mins
Turning pain into purpose is never easy, but it’s in our hardest moments that true growth begins.
In this episode of The Wellness Connection, Fiona Kane reflects on Charlie Kirk’s legacy and the powerful message of forgiveness shared by his wife, Erika. Inspired by this act of grace, Fiona explores how we can face tragedy without being consumed by it, and how resilience, faith, and values can help us move forward.
You’ll hear about:
Why forgiveness can be a powerful turning point.
How resistance, both emotional and physical,builds strength and capacity.
The importance of honest, even uncomfortable, conversations.
Ways to actively look for light, hope, and healing in dark times.
This conversation isn’t about politics, it’s about humanity, strength, and the choices we make when faced with loss.
✨ Share your thoughts in the comments: How do you find hope when life feels darkest?
Outro: Music by Musinova from Pixabay
Learn more about booking a nutrition consultation with Fiona: https://informedhealth.com.au/
Learn more about Fiona's speaking and media services: https://fionakane.com.au/
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Credit for the music used in this podcast:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Fiona Kane (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast
.
I'm your host, Fiona Kane.
Today I'm actually going to betalking about what we can do to
make a difference, what makes adifference in this world, how do
you find hope when it seemslike it's all lost?
And to give you a bit ofbackground on this particular
(00:22):
topic, two things happened.
So one thing is I was talkingto my husband and I said to him
what should I talk about on thepodcast today?
What topic should I do?
And he said do something good.
And I said what do you mean bydo something good?
And ultimately, what I got outof him is he just meant do
something positive.
And I get what he means, and alot of the topics I talk about
(00:45):
are challenging topics.
However, my goal is to try andbring some good out of it or
have something useful andsomething that you can do
something with by the end of it.
So my goal isn't just to domisery and doom and gloom.
It's actually to talk aboutreal issues and real problems,
but then also solutions orthings that we can do that are
(01:07):
helpful, that will help us.
So, as I record this, I'mrecording this just moments
after watching Erica Kirk speakat Charlie Kirk's memorial
service and that really inspiredme.
Now, for those of you whodidn't see it or don't know of
it, erica just forgave the manwho assassinated, the young man
(01:33):
who assassinated Charlie.
That, to me, is reallyinspirational.
I must admit, I haven't gotthere yet and I didn't even know
Charlie personally.
I'm still struggling with thatone.
I really admire her doing thatand I think that that's.
(01:55):
I talked about it in anotherepisode a long time ago.
I talked about when bad thingshappen in the world, how we need
to look for the helpers, lookfor the good, look for the good
things that will come out ofsituations, and this is another
one of those situations becauseactually, what happened to
Charlie was horrific, right, noquestions asked.
And I'm not even talking aboutpolitics here, I'm just talking
(02:19):
about a human being, right?
So doing that to another humanbeing just because you don't
like their words or you don'tagree with them or their words
you might find them triggering,is horrific.
There's no other way about it.
Everything about his death washorrific and we could stay in
(02:41):
that place of being there, beingin that moment and playing that
over and over again and beingin the horror.
In life.
We need to be able to move pastthat.
We need to be able to move onfrom that.
And I don't mean past it andmove on from it as in not care,
it doesn't matter.
I don't mean any of thosethings.
What I mean is to go to thenext thing, the next thing, the
(03:01):
next thing is to go to the nextthing, the next thing, the next
thing and the next thing is likewhat can I do?
What can I do to make adifference?
Or what can I do to give myselfsome healing?
What can I do to bring somelight into this dark place that
I'm in?
And that's what I'm seeing a lotof in regards to Charlie's
(03:23):
death.
You certainly see, you know theamount.
I mean, look, there's been alot of darkness as well, don't
get me wrong.
I mean, if you go on some ofthose sewers of social media
platforms with people you knowrejoicing about his death and
laughing about his death and allof that, that's all there, that
all exists, and I've seenplenty of it it made me really
(03:49):
really angry and really reallysad, and I think that, based on
what Erica and other people havesaid about Charlie, he would be
really sad For those people.
He's just sad that there's this.
So you know, what kind of souldo you have, or what's going on
in your soul, to be celebratingsomeone's murder?
I wouldn't celebrate someonewho's who's murder, who I didn't
(04:12):
like, or who was on a different, a different political team, or
whatever I, just I wouldn'tcelebrate that.
Uh, you don't have to care alot, but, geez, basic human
dignity and just human having asoul, just not finding it funny
and not finding it gleeful.
A bit of a basic place.
(04:34):
Anyway, I'm going down therabbit hole of the negative, and
I told my husband I'd do thepositive.
So I saw all that, of course Isaw that that was there.
There's a lot of darkness there.
The same time, though, what Isaw was a lot of light.
I saw many people say that theywere going to church for the
first time, or back to churchand again.
Whatever your opinions on churchor not, or whatever, my opinion
(04:59):
is that I've never really beensuper religious and that way
inclined.
However, the older I get, themore I see what Christian values
brought to our society.
And Christian values are good,solid values, and when we don't
have them in a society, allsorts of awful things replace it
(05:21):
.
So what I'm seeing is a lot ofdarkness and a lot of dark sort
of cult, like horrible thingsthat have come into in place of
Christian ethics, explained bythe things I just told you about
the people celebrating.
So the more I see that, themore I think that our society
(05:43):
does need Christianity.
You know some version ofChristianity and I'm not going
to get into the religious sideof it because I just don't
understand it well enough topreach it or talk about it but
the way I see it, it's just thedifference between light and
dark, and darkness is prevalentand we need to overcome that and
(06:03):
I think some good Christianethics and a good Christian
society is a great way to movetowards that.
Is Christianity perfect?
No, by no means no.
But I just, like I said whenI've weighed it up and when I've
seen the different societiesand the different ways society
behaves in my lifetime, asociety with good Christian
(06:23):
values is a good society overalland it's probably the best of a
bad bunch of options, but Ithink it's a good option.
So what I'm seeing is I'mseeing people say they're going
back to church and they're, youknow, young men saying I'm
wearing a suit.
Now I'm going to go and youknow I now understand the value
(06:44):
of getting married and havingchildren, all the things.
Essentially, what I'm seeing ishe's brought a lot of people to
the light, to some sort of lightin their life, and to people
who want to move forward, peoplewho want to make a difference,
people who want to take theirown life seriously, and I think
that is wonderful.
So I think that his legacy iswhat we will see.
(07:08):
It's like, well, you know, whenI was talking about, you know,
moving on from the moment andfrom the horror.
It's like moving on to whatwill be built out of this, what
will come out of this, andsometimes, when we're in the
horror of a moment, it is really, really hard to see what that
could be.
And it's really hard to believein light when you only feel and
(07:30):
see darkness.
And it's really hard to see,like you know, something good
can come out of something bad,and it can and I think it will.
You're seeing it happen already.
So, you know, so many peopleare going to be speaking up now
because they encouraged bycharlie and by erica and by, you
(07:53):
know, the people who love them.
So I think that that, overall,as horrific as this has been, I
think the fact that he named hisorganization Turning Point, usa
, I think it was very prophetic.
The fact that he's named Kirk,charlie, kirk or Kirk is a word
for church in Celtic languagesand in, I think, german
(08:16):
apparently as well.
So that's what I heard thismorning, the German bit.
So I'm not sure.
Yeah, he turning point and hislife.
He worked hard to create thischange and it's coming, and his
death is actually what's goingto create that point.
That turning point and Erica,her ability to forgive, I think
(08:41):
is really important as well,because what you will notice is
that, in response to this, thatum, for the most part, if not
totally, most people, inresponse to this, who are on um
with a conservative side orchristian or whatever, they've
reacted with prayer, visuals,they've reacted with love and
(09:02):
with, uh, just coming togetherin, you know, trying to make
sense things, but they haven'treacted by trying to destroy
things and tear things down.
And I think that that is withErica choosing to find a path of
forgiveness.
I think that makes a bigdifference too, because if you
think of the turning point thatwe're at, that sort of point
(09:24):
that we're on right now wherethings could go a few different
ways.
Based on this, the fact thatshe's chosen forgiveness and
she's chosen light, I think,will encourage a lot of people
who follow Charlie and who arefeeling really hurt and angry to
go in that direction as well,and she could have just as
easily said a whole lot ofdifferent things there and
(09:46):
encouraged a whole lot of otherstuff, right?
So, again, I think it's reallybeautiful that she's chosen this
positive path and going towardsa light.
Now, one thing that I alsowanted to talk about is and I
think I'll do another episodewhere I talk about this in more
detail but to live a good life,to live a life like, to feel
(10:09):
like you, it's worthwhile youactually have to have some
discomfort in your life.
You know you, actually to buildsomething worthwhile, there
needs to be a level ofdiscomfort.
We need to have resistance inour life for things to get
better and what I mean by thatis, if you think about even just
physically right We've heard ofresistance training, you know
(10:31):
gravity, that sort of thingright.
We need essentially to buildmuscle and to build bone.
We need resistance, right.
So we need to actually workthem hard.
We need to, you know, carryheavy things, that sort of thing
.
Well, it's the same emotionally,and I've talked on and on, I've
been talking about capacitybuilding a lot here, building
capacity emotionally andspiritually and managing your
(10:56):
mental health, that kind ofthing.
And a lot of that comes fromresistance, and it's a
resistance of going out andgiving it a go, showing up,
going for a job, asking someoneout for a date, showing up,
being prepared to have yourheart, you know, asking someone
out for a date, showing up,being prepared to have your
heart broken, being prepared tohear a no, but you just keep
going.
You just keep going and whichis exactly what, um, you know,
(11:16):
charlie did and he sort ofstarted all turning point when
he was 18 and everyone probablythought he was a joke.
And who is this kid?
And look what he, look what hedid.
We need to understand that weneed resistance in our life to
achieve things in life and Ithink that sometimes that's
where we get it wrong inparenting and where we think
(11:37):
that we need to make thingseasier for our children, pave
the way and make things easierIn some regards.
Yes, especially very, very,very young children need, you
know, lots of cuddles from theirparents and and lots of um,
lots of love and support and allof those things.
As we get older, though, we doneed to have more and more
(11:58):
resistance, and resistance isjust like letting people,
letting your children, lettingpeople learn how to have
discomfort, like I've talkedabout before.
You know safe spaces inuniversities.
We don't need safe spaces.
We actually need dangerousspaces, and I don't mean
dangerous as in the one thatwe've just seen.
I mean dangerous ideas.
I mean a place where we cantalk, a place where we can feel
(12:20):
triggered about something thatsomeone said, but we can handle
it.
You can cope with that.
If someone says something thatyou dislike and you feel
triggered, well, it says a lotabout you, doesn't it?
And sometimes it might meanthat they've said something
really horrific and really awfuland you feel triggered and
there's some information for youthat that's not a good person
(12:43):
to be around, or you don't wantto go down that path Absolutely.
That's how I felt this week,watching all people's reactions
at the same time.
Sometimes you feel triggeredbecause someone's told the truth
, and the truth is often thething that triggers you the most
.
So when you hear somethingthat's really, really truthful,
that often is activating you themost.
So, when you do get activatedby something that someone said,
(13:05):
when you you do feel triggered,examine that in yourself.
What does that mean?
It might be data about thesafety of being around that
person, but it also might bedata that's telling you a truth.
It might be data that's tellingyou to re-examine, maybe, how
you think of something and whatyou believe about something.
But that is actually reallyreally good for us to learn how
(13:27):
to sit in that and learn how toreflect, and you reflect on
things you've heard and thingsyou're hearing and then you
decide for yourself.
But if we're like triggered,triggered, bad, bad, evil, evil
we don't learn anything, right?
So we need to actually learnhow to be in that uncomfortable
feeling and therefore we needresistance in our lives, right?
You know, and you see thishappen.
(13:48):
I heard Matthew McConaughey wastalking about this in an
interview the other day that Isaw on the Diary of a CEO
podcast podcast, is that whatit's called?
I think that's what it wasStephen Bartlett, I think, is
his name and he was talkingabout this.
It was a really good interviewand he said you know, and you
see it so often, right, when youhave a certain level of success
(14:11):
or when you have a certainlevel of ease in life, what can
happen is you've got noresistance, so you've got no
reason for being so, you're notdoing anything worthwhile.
You, you can't motivateyourself.
So sometimes we need to createthose things in our lives.
So if you're in a situation evenif you're not Matthew
McConaughey and rich andpowerful and all those things,
(14:35):
even just in your everyday lifeif you're in a situation where,
I don't know, you're living withyour parents and you don't
really have much responsibilityand you don't have to worry
about paying bills too much andthose kinds of things, well,
create something that gives youresistance.
Go and get a job, whatever thatjob is.
Learn how to manage yourself ina space with other people.
(14:57):
Learn what it's like to workhard or go and volunteer
somewhere, or go and join adebating team or go and join a
sporting team, but go and dosomething and get involved in
the world and you know that iswhere you will learn, that's
where you'll get resistanceright, that's where you'll get
pushback and that's where youwill actually learn how to be a
(15:17):
better person and that's whereyou grow.
So, like I was talking aboutwith growing muscle from
resistance training.
We grow our mind and ourselvesfrom resistance, from going out
and being in the world andlearning that you don't always
get your way.
Sometimes you fail, sometimespeople hate you, sometimes
people love you, sometimespeople lie to you, sometimes
your dreams are shattered.
(15:38):
Sometimes you win, you get yourdream right.
All of these things are trueand you know it really, really
hurts to be heartbroken and it'sreally really beautiful to be
in love and all of that.
That's a full life.
That's what life is about.
So we need to actually go outin the world and we need
resistance training.
So, besides the physicalresistance training that is
(15:59):
really important and I've talkedabout that in other episodes we
need resistance spiritually,mentally, and you do that.
You get that toughness by beingprepared to go out and talk to
people and by being prepared tomeet people and just doing
something that makes youuncomfortable.
I don't mean uncomfortable,stupid uncomfortable, like you
know, go and take a bunch ofdrugs and drive a car.
(16:19):
I don't mean that.
I mean uncomfortable, as inhearing something that you're
not prepared to hear or seeingsomething from a different way
of looking at things.
I'm just encouraging you to beprepared to feel triggered by
something that you might notunderstand or don't agree with.
(16:40):
If you normally watch or listento podcasts that are on one side
of politics, I encourage you tolisten to something on the
other side.
And I do it.
I do it, I regularly do it, andsometimes I feel triggered
while I'm listening to it.
Oh, these people are idiots.
But I do it because I want toknow what they're thinking.
And I do it because I don'tever want to be so closed that
(17:02):
I'm only in an echo chamber andI only ever hear yes, you're
right, yes, you're right, yes,it's all you know.
I don't want to just hear that.
Of course, it's comfortable tohear that and it's nice to hear
that, but there's no resistanceinvolved in that.
There's no growth involved inthat.
So growth is involved whenyou're prepared to hear the
other side.
Now, if you're in this situationwhether it be this charlie kirk
situation or whatever it is andthere's someone who's on the
(17:25):
other side to you it could be me, um, and, or it could be
whoever it is reach out to thatperson.
I, like you know, haveconversations with people.
I want to have conversationswith people about this because
I've seen people on facebooksaying how could you care about
charlie's death because he wasall insert evil, blah, blah,
blah all the things that aresaid about him that are simply
(17:45):
not true.
So how could you whatever andthey're the conversations we
need to have Not fighting aboutit, saying, well, you're this
and you're that and you're anidiot and whatever, but
conversations where you actuallysay, okay, let's have a true
good faith conversation and talkabout why I support Charlie
Kirk or why I don't, or whateverthe situation is.
(18:05):
You'll find you'll get somevalue out of that.
Use this as an opportunity,like, I hope that every
university not just in the US,but honestly I hope every
university in the world creates,uh, you know, a Charlie Kirk
debating club and has a CharlieKirk statue and and a place in,
you know, in every courtyard ofuniversity or where it's a place
for free speech.
If we got that, that would beamazing Again, whether or not
(18:29):
you loved him or hated him.
But we need to have free speech.
The cure to bad speech is morespeech, not shutting down speech
.
So we need to learn how to beuncomfortable.
We need to have resistance inour lives and we need to learn
how to be uncomfortable.
We need to have resistance inour lives and we need to learn
how to have conversations and umand we need to also learn to
(18:51):
look around and look for thegood, because sometimes we get
so caught up and me included,don't worry about that we get so
caught up and only seeing a badthing and of course in the
moment we see that that's ofcourse, that's natural, but we
get so caught up in only seeingwhat's wrong, only seeing what's
bad, only seeing the dark,whatever it is.
(19:12):
We need to actually activelylook for the light, whatever
that looks like we need toactively look for whether it's
that beautiful person or thatkind person or those kind words
or that, whatever it is.
We need to actively go and lookfor light when we're in dark
and not only focus on the dark,because many of us only focus on
the dark and that just pullsyou down and it keeps you there.
(19:35):
So if you want to stay in aplace of misery, stay in that
place where you just over andover and over again, are in that
place and can't move on.
And on that note, like I'm not,that's a whole other thing.
But I'm not saying that peopledon't have like PTSD or that
things don't happen where that'sa problem.
But if that is a real problem,obviously go and get help so you
(19:55):
can move past that.
Because I know myself for me, Icertainly experienced that
after my mother passed away, Ihad a lot of for a long time.
A lot of the negative things,all the really challenging
things were really prominent inmy mind and I had trouble moving
on from it.
So no judgment about inabilityto do that, but just try and get
help to do that.
If you need help to do that,because you will win from doing
(20:18):
that, I promise you.
It's only a good thing to learnhow to move past it and just see
the light and see beauty andsee love and see kindness and
look for the helpers, look forthe good things out of
situations, and that's what willhelp you bring you to the other
side, even if ever so slowly,that's what will help bring you
to the other side.
(20:39):
So I will leave it at that.
Look, I hope that my husbandwill approve.
I know there are some darkmoments in this, but I was also
trying to find the light and Iwas trying to find the good and
my intention was to find thegood in this, so hopefully he'll
say it was good.
We will see.
Probably not, that's anotherstory.
(21:01):
Look, please like, subscribe,share or write a review, or
write a reply and tell me whatyou're thinking, what your
thoughts are on this.
The idea of this podcast is realconversations about things that
matter.
These things matter.
I want to have realconversations.
Real conversations areuncomfortable but at the end of
(21:22):
the day, I really want positiveto come out of these real
conversations, no matter howhard they are.
Anyway, I will leave it at that.
Have a great week and I willtalk to you again soon.
Thank you, bye.
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast
.
I'm your host, Fiona Kane.
Today I'm actually going to betalking about what we can do to
make a difference, what makes adifference in this world, how do
you find hope when it seemslike it's all lost?
And to give you a bit ofbackground on this particular
(00:22):
topic, two things happened.
So one thing is I was talkingto my husband and I said to him
what should I talk about on thepodcast today?
What topic should I do?
And he said do something good.
And I said what do you mean bydo something good?
And ultimately, what I got outof him is he just meant do
something positive.
And I get what he means, and alot of the topics I talk about
(00:45):
are challenging topics.
However, my goal is to try andbring some good out of it or
have something useful andsomething that you can do
something with by the end of it.
So my goal isn't just to domisery and doom and gloom.
It's actually to talk aboutreal issues and real problems,
but then also solutions orthings that we can do that are
(01:07):
helpful, that will help us.
So, as I record this, I'mrecording this just moments
after watching Erica Kirk speakat Charlie Kirk's memorial
service and that really inspiredme.
Now, for those of you whodidn't see it or don't know of
it, erica just forgave the manwho assassinated, the young man
(01:33):
who assassinated Charlie.
That, to me, is reallyinspirational.
I must admit, I haven't gotthere yet and I didn't even know
Charlie personally.
I'm still struggling with thatone.
I really admire her doing thatand I think that that's.
(01:55):
I talked about it in anotherepisode a long time ago.
I talked about when bad thingshappen in the world, how we need
to look for the helpers, lookfor the good, look for the good
things that will come out ofsituations, and this is another
one of those situations becauseactually, what happened to
Charlie was horrific, right, noquestions asked.
And I'm not even talking aboutpolitics here, I'm just talking
(02:19):
about a human being, right?
So doing that to another humanbeing just because you don't
like their words or you don'tagree with them or their words
you might find them triggering,is horrific.
There's no other way about it.
Everything about his death washorrific and we could stay in
(02:41):
that place of being there, beingin that moment and playing that
over and over again and beingin the horror.
In life.
We need to be able to move pastthat.
We need to be able to move onfrom that.
And I don't mean past it andmove on from it as in not care,
it doesn't matter.
I don't mean any of thosethings.
What I mean is to go to thenext thing, the next thing, the
(03:01):
next thing is to go to the nextthing, the next thing, the next
thing and the next thing is likewhat can I do?
What can I do to make adifference?
Or what can I do to give myselfsome healing?
What can I do to bring somelight into this dark place that
I'm in?
And that's what I'm seeing a lotof in regards to Charlie's
(03:23):
death.
You certainly see, you know theamount.
I mean, look, there's been alot of darkness as well, don't
get me wrong.
I mean, if you go on some ofthose sewers of social media
platforms with people you knowrejoicing about his death and
laughing about his death and allof that, that's all there, that
all exists, and I've seenplenty of it it made me really
(03:49):
really angry and really reallysad, and I think that, based on
what Erica and other people havesaid about Charlie, he would be
really sad For those people.
He's just sad that there's this.
So you know, what kind of souldo you have, or what's going on
in your soul, to be celebratingsomeone's murder?
I wouldn't celebrate someonewho's who's murder, who I didn't
(04:12):
like, or who was on a different, a different political team, or
whatever I, just I wouldn'tcelebrate that.
Uh, you don't have to care alot, but, geez, basic human
dignity and just human having asoul, just not finding it funny
and not finding it gleeful.
A bit of a basic place.
(04:34):
Anyway, I'm going down therabbit hole of the negative, and
I told my husband I'd do thepositive.
So I saw all that, of course Isaw that that was there.
There's a lot of darkness there.
The same time, though, what Isaw was a lot of light.
I saw many people say that theywere going to church for the
first time, or back to churchand again.
Whatever your opinions on churchor not, or whatever, my opinion
(04:59):
is that I've never really beensuper religious and that way
inclined.
However, the older I get, themore I see what Christian values
brought to our society.
And Christian values are good,solid values, and when we don't
have them in a society, allsorts of awful things replace it
(05:21):
.
So what I'm seeing is a lot ofdarkness and a lot of dark sort
of cult, like horrible thingsthat have come into in place of
Christian ethics, explained bythe things I just told you about
the people celebrating.
So the more I see that, themore I think that our society
(05:43):
does need Christianity.
You know some version ofChristianity and I'm not going
to get into the religious sideof it because I just don't
understand it well enough topreach it or talk about it but
the way I see it, it's just thedifference between light and
dark, and darkness is prevalentand we need to overcome that and
(06:03):
I think some good Christianethics and a good Christian
society is a great way to movetowards that.
Is Christianity perfect?
No, by no means no.
But I just, like I said whenI've weighed it up and when I've
seen the different societiesand the different ways society
behaves in my lifetime, asociety with good Christian
(06:23):
values is a good society overalland it's probably the best of a
bad bunch of options, but Ithink it's a good option.
So what I'm seeing is I'mseeing people say they're going
back to church and they're, youknow, young men saying I'm
wearing a suit.
Now I'm going to go and youknow I now understand the value
(06:44):
of getting married and havingchildren, all the things.
Essentially, what I'm seeing ishe's brought a lot of people to
the light, to some sort of lightin their life, and to people
who want to move forward, peoplewho want to make a difference,
people who want to take theirown life seriously, and I think
that is wonderful.
So I think that his legacy iswhat we will see.
(07:08):
It's like, well, you know, whenI was talking about, you know,
moving on from the moment andfrom the horror.
It's like moving on to whatwill be built out of this, what
will come out of this, andsometimes, when we're in the
horror of a moment, it is really, really hard to see what that
could be.
And it's really hard to believein light when you only feel and
(07:30):
see darkness.
And it's really hard to see,like you know, something good
can come out of something bad,and it can and I think it will.
You're seeing it happen already.
So, you know, so many peopleare going to be speaking up now
because they encouraged bycharlie and by erica and by, you
(07:53):
know, the people who love them.
So I think that that, overall,as horrific as this has been, I
think the fact that he named hisorganization Turning Point, usa
, I think it was very prophetic.
The fact that he's named Kirk,charlie, kirk or Kirk is a word
for church in Celtic languagesand in, I think, german
(08:16):
apparently as well.
So that's what I heard thismorning, the German bit.
So I'm not sure.
Yeah, he turning point and hislife.
He worked hard to create thischange and it's coming, and his
death is actually what's goingto create that point.
That turning point and Erica,her ability to forgive, I think
(08:41):
is really important as well,because what you will notice is
that, in response to this, thatum, for the most part, if not
totally, most people, inresponse to this, who are on um
with a conservative side orchristian or whatever, they've
reacted with prayer, visuals,they've reacted with love and
(09:02):
with, uh, just coming togetherin, you know, trying to make
sense things, but they haven'treacted by trying to destroy
things and tear things down.
And I think that that is withErica choosing to find a path of
forgiveness.
I think that makes a bigdifference too, because if you
think of the turning point thatwe're at, that sort of point
(09:24):
that we're on right now wherethings could go a few different
ways.
Based on this, the fact thatshe's chosen forgiveness and
she's chosen light, I think,will encourage a lot of people
who follow Charlie and who arefeeling really hurt and angry to
go in that direction as well,and she could have just as
easily said a whole lot ofdifferent things there and
(09:46):
encouraged a whole lot of otherstuff, right?
So, again, I think it's reallybeautiful that she's chosen this
positive path and going towardsa light.
Now, one thing that I alsowanted to talk about is and I
think I'll do another episodewhere I talk about this in more
detail but to live a good life,to live a life like, to feel
(10:09):
like you, it's worthwhile youactually have to have some
discomfort in your life.
You know you, actually to buildsomething worthwhile, there
needs to be a level ofdiscomfort.
We need to have resistance inour life for things to get
better and what I mean by thatis, if you think about even just
physically right We've heard ofresistance training, you know
(10:31):
gravity, that sort of thingright.
We need essentially to buildmuscle and to build bone.
We need resistance, right.
So we need to actually workthem hard.
We need to, you know, carryheavy things, that sort of thing
.
Well, it's the same emotionally,and I've talked on and on, I've
been talking about capacitybuilding a lot here, building
capacity emotionally andspiritually and managing your
(10:56):
mental health, that kind ofthing.
And a lot of that comes fromresistance, and it's a
resistance of going out andgiving it a go, showing up,
going for a job, asking someoneout for a date, showing up,
being prepared to have yourheart, you know, asking someone
out for a date, showing up,being prepared to have your
heart broken, being prepared tohear a no, but you just keep
going.
You just keep going and whichis exactly what, um, you know,
(11:16):
charlie did and he sort ofstarted all turning point when
he was 18 and everyone probablythought he was a joke.
And who is this kid?
And look what he, look what hedid.
We need to understand that weneed resistance in our life to
achieve things in life and Ithink that sometimes that's
where we get it wrong inparenting and where we think
(11:37):
that we need to make thingseasier for our children, pave
the way and make things easierIn some regards.
Yes, especially very, very,very young children need, you
know, lots of cuddles from theirparents and and lots of um,
lots of love and support and allof those things.
As we get older, though, we doneed to have more and more
(11:58):
resistance, and resistance isjust like letting people,
letting your children, lettingpeople learn how to have
discomfort, like I've talkedabout before.
You know safe spaces inuniversities.
We don't need safe spaces.
We actually need dangerousspaces, and I don't mean
dangerous as in the one thatwe've just seen.
I mean dangerous ideas.
I mean a place where we cantalk, a place where we can feel
(12:20):
triggered about something thatsomeone said, but we can handle
it.
You can cope with that.
If someone says something thatyou dislike and you feel
triggered, well, it says a lotabout you, doesn't it?
And sometimes it might meanthat they've said something
really horrific and really awfuland you feel triggered and
there's some information for youthat that's not a good person
(12:43):
to be around, or you don't wantto go down that path Absolutely.
That's how I felt this week,watching all people's reactions
at the same time.
Sometimes you feel triggeredbecause someone's told the truth
, and the truth is often thething that triggers you the most
.
So when you hear somethingthat's really, really truthful,
that often is activating you themost.
So, when you do get activatedby something that someone said,
(13:05):
when you you do feel triggered,examine that in yourself.
What does that mean?
It might be data about thesafety of being around that
person, but it also might bedata that's telling you a truth.
It might be data that's tellingyou to re-examine, maybe, how
you think of something and whatyou believe about something.
But that is actually reallyreally good for us to learn how
(13:27):
to sit in that and learn how toreflect, and you reflect on
things you've heard and thingsyou're hearing and then you
decide for yourself.
But if we're like triggered,triggered, bad, bad, evil, evil
we don't learn anything, right?
So we need to actually learnhow to be in that uncomfortable
feeling and therefore we needresistance in our lives, right?
You know, and you see thishappen.
(13:48):
I heard Matthew McConaughey wastalking about this in an
interview the other day that Isaw on the Diary of a CEO
podcast podcast, is that whatit's called?
I think that's what it wasStephen Bartlett, I think, is
his name and he was talkingabout this.
It was a really good interviewand he said you know, and you
see it so often, right, when youhave a certain level of success
(14:11):
or when you have a certainlevel of ease in life, what can
happen is you've got noresistance, so you've got no
reason for being so, you're notdoing anything worthwhile.
You, you can't motivateyourself.
So sometimes we need to createthose things in our lives.
So if you're in a situation evenif you're not Matthew
McConaughey and rich andpowerful and all those things,
(14:35):
even just in your everyday lifeif you're in a situation where,
I don't know, you're living withyour parents and you don't
really have much responsibilityand you don't have to worry
about paying bills too much andthose kinds of things, well,
create something that gives youresistance.
Go and get a job, whatever thatjob is.
Learn how to manage yourself ina space with other people.
(14:57):
Learn what it's like to workhard or go and volunteer
somewhere, or go and join adebating team or go and join a
sporting team, but go and dosomething and get involved in
the world and you know that iswhere you will learn, that's
where you'll get resistanceright, that's where you'll get
pushback and that's where youwill actually learn how to be a
(15:17):
better person and that's whereyou grow.
So, like I was talking aboutwith growing muscle from
resistance training.
We grow our mind and ourselvesfrom resistance, from going out
and being in the world andlearning that you don't always
get your way.
Sometimes you fail, sometimespeople hate you, sometimes
people love you, sometimespeople lie to you, sometimes
your dreams are shattered.
(15:38):
Sometimes you win, you get yourdream right.
All of these things are trueand you know it really, really
hurts to be heartbroken and it'sreally really beautiful to be
in love and all of that.
That's a full life.
That's what life is about.
So we need to actually go outin the world and we need
resistance training.
So, besides the physicalresistance training that is
(15:59):
really important and I've talkedabout that in other episodes we
need resistance spiritually,mentally, and you do that.
You get that toughness by beingprepared to go out and talk to
people and by being prepared tomeet people and just doing
something that makes youuncomfortable.
I don't mean uncomfortable,stupid uncomfortable, like you
know, go and take a bunch ofdrugs and drive a car.
(16:19):
I don't mean that.
I mean uncomfortable, as inhearing something that you're
not prepared to hear or seeingsomething from a different way
of looking at things.
I'm just encouraging you to beprepared to feel triggered by
something that you might notunderstand or don't agree with.
(16:40):
If you normally watch or listento podcasts that are on one side
of politics, I encourage you tolisten to something on the
other side.
And I do it.
I do it, I regularly do it, andsometimes I feel triggered
while I'm listening to it.
Oh, these people are idiots.
But I do it because I want toknow what they're thinking.
And I do it because I don'tever want to be so closed that
(17:02):
I'm only in an echo chamber andI only ever hear yes, you're
right, yes, you're right, yes,it's all you know.
I don't want to just hear that.
Of course, it's comfortable tohear that and it's nice to hear
that, but there's no resistanceinvolved in that.
There's no growth involved inthat.
So growth is involved whenyou're prepared to hear the
other side.
Now, if you're in this situationwhether it be this charlie kirk
situation or whatever it is andthere's someone who's on the
(17:25):
other side to you it could be me, um, and, or it could be
whoever it is reach out to thatperson.
I, like you know, haveconversations with people.
I want to have conversationswith people about this because
I've seen people on facebooksaying how could you care about
charlie's death because he wasall insert evil, blah, blah,
blah all the things that aresaid about him that are simply
(17:45):
not true.
So how could you whatever andthey're the conversations we
need to have Not fighting aboutit, saying, well, you're this
and you're that and you're anidiot and whatever, but
conversations where you actuallysay, okay, let's have a true
good faith conversation and talkabout why I support Charlie
Kirk or why I don't, or whateverthe situation is.
(18:05):
You'll find you'll get somevalue out of that.
Use this as an opportunity,like, I hope that every
university not just in the US,but honestly I hope every
university in the world creates,uh, you know, a Charlie Kirk
debating club and has a CharlieKirk statue and and a place in,
you know, in every courtyard ofuniversity or where it's a place
for free speech.
If we got that, that would beamazing Again, whether or not
(18:29):
you loved him or hated him.
But we need to have free speech.
The cure to bad speech is morespeech, not shutting down speech
.
So we need to learn how to beuncomfortable.
We need to have resistance inour lives and we need to learn
how to be uncomfortable.
We need to have resistance inour lives and we need to learn
how to have conversations and umand we need to also learn to
(18:51):
look around and look for thegood, because sometimes we get
so caught up and me included,don't worry about that we get so
caught up and only seeing a badthing and of course in the
moment we see that that's ofcourse, that's natural, but we
get so caught up in only seeingwhat's wrong, only seeing what's
bad, only seeing the dark,whatever it is.
(19:12):
We need to actually activelylook for the light, whatever
that looks like we need toactively look for whether it's
that beautiful person or thatkind person or those kind words
or that, whatever it is.
We need to actively go and lookfor light when we're in dark
and not only focus on the dark,because many of us only focus on
the dark and that just pullsyou down and it keeps you there.
(19:35):
So if you want to stay in aplace of misery, stay in that
place where you just over andover and over again, are in that
place and can't move on.
And on that note, like I'm not,that's a whole other thing.
But I'm not saying that peopledon't have like PTSD or that
things don't happen where that'sa problem.
But if that is a real problem,obviously go and get help so you
(19:55):
can move past that.
Because I know myself for me, Icertainly experienced that
after my mother passed away, Ihad a lot of for a long time.
A lot of the negative things,all the really challenging
things were really prominent inmy mind and I had trouble moving
on from it.
So no judgment about inabilityto do that, but just try and get
help to do that.
If you need help to do that,because you will win from doing
(20:18):
that, I promise you.
It's only a good thing to learnhow to move past it and just see
the light and see beauty andsee love and see kindness and
look for the helpers, look forthe good things out of
situations, and that's what willhelp you bring you to the other
side, even if ever so slowly,that's what will help bring you
to the other side.
(20:39):
So I will leave it at that.
Look, I hope that my husbandwill approve.
I know there are some darkmoments in this, but I was also
trying to find the light and Iwas trying to find the good and
my intention was to find thegood in this, so hopefully he'll
say it was good.
We will see.
Probably not, that's anotherstory.
(21:01):
Look, please like, subscribe,share or write a review, or
write a reply and tell me whatyou're thinking, what your
thoughts are on this.
The idea of this podcast is realconversations about things that
matter.
These things matter.
I want to have realconversations.
Real conversations areuncomfortable but at the end of
(21:22):
the day, I really want positiveto come out of these real
conversations, no matter howhard they are.
Anyway, I will leave it at that.
Have a great week and I willtalk to you again soon.
Thank you, bye.
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