May 12, 2024 • 42 mins
In this episode, Baroque Medusa and PAHMOANAH BULITZ sarcastically dive into the saccharine abyss of "Mother's Day," offering their unfiltered opinions and colorful language. The conversation hilariously veers off course into a bizarre wasp conundrum, because why the hell not? And of course, the Clink-Clink Gang chimes in with their own brand of witty banter, making this episode a rollercoaster of sarcasm and expletives.
Read up on Baroque Medusa's interview w/ Bold Journey Magazine about her evolution as an erotica author: https://boldjourney.com/news/meet-baroque-medusa/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
If I give you a if I made a giant bat of Tito's vodka, would you move back?
(00:06):
That's very convincing. Yes. I might
Good afternoon best day good afternoon best day happy freakin Labor Day
You know what
It's so funny my daughter was like, um, so did you want to do anything on Sunday? You want to go out to a late lunch?
(00:30):
And I'm like what?
Like you want to do anything. I'm like no I got leg day and then I'm gonna take a nap and then I got a podcast with
Pomona Bolts. She's like, okay. Well, it's Mother's Day, and I'm like, oh
That was next weekend
I
Guess happy Mother's Day. I don't celebrate happy Mother's Day
(00:51):
I and you know what? I haven't seen my mom yet today. So when she wakes up from her nap
I need to tell her that she's the only one that really appreciates that me. I don't give a fuck
You know, don't give me one fucking day
Celebrate your mother every day. Yeah, how about that? How about that? I have stretch marks because of you
(01:15):
Oh, my belly button is a fucking sad face. It used to be a fucking cute button. Oh
My god
Shit, so what movie are you guys gonna go see later? Um, oh
So funny so um, I honestly wanted to see that new planet of the apes
(01:39):
Okay, but but again, it's Mother's Day and everybody and their mother are out on the streets and literally
Literally, yeah, just like can I just please stay in my cave? I don't need to be out there with you
sheeples
But I wanted to see Planet the Apes if I have to just appreciate
(02:02):
Somebody doing something for me at my child. Let's go. Let's go
Um
No, I know that you have the bundle on voodoo and I've yet to watch one of them and
Like just watch the original ones. Yeah, and I'm like, alright. He said well, what about um the fall guy? I
(02:28):
Can't believe they're already making that movie. I know they I was just like and
And and Ryan Reynolds to boot in right and not Ryan. Is it Ryan Reynolds?
Oh, what Ryan Gosling Ryan Gosling, sorry one of the Ryan's. Yeah, one of those Ryan's they all look alike
(02:50):
Yeah, I'm like do the people like the younger generations even know that that used to be a TV show and it was with Lee
Majors probably not like whatever happened to Lee majors
I need to look that up now that you say mentioned the fall guy. Yeah
They don't know girl. They thought Bohemian Rhapsody when it came out
Panic at the disco was like an original like you know what you win
(03:17):
Totally the truth
How do you know all the words mom? Uh, maybe cuz Queen
I
You were born
Yeah, the good old days I know I'm just like yeah, let's just cheers to myself
(03:39):
Um, I feel so very accomplished
With why what happened? Oh, I feel very accomplished because I'm trying to like, you know, hey, it's it's a new day
I'm trying to that's my whole get up now. It's a new day. Okay. It's a new day. So yeah, I had to work
Of course
I just need you to have Saturdays off. Can you tell him that?
(04:00):
Baroque Medusa needs me to have Saturdays off. Yeah, I'll be like guess what Baroque Medusa pays me more
Right and one day
But yeah, so I'm working even whatever I'm doing payroll
I just want to get the hell out of there and um, it was it's just the vibe is just very
(04:23):
Heavy and it's on Saturdays or like all the time just all the f n time and
Wow, I mean if you can't beat them join them, but I'm like the big
And they don't want me to join their club. So it's kind of weird
So
Yeah, I work I come home and I actually felt
(04:44):
accomplished
I went to work did payroll my boss tells me hey
um tomorrow's mother's day and I have 200 balloons and I need
Freakin she wants me to be crafty
One I'm not crafty
I'm not crafty. Wait. What are the balloons for the moms that work there? Yeah. Yep. Oh, okay. Got it. Yep
(05:05):
But only the moms that are going to work on mother's day get a balloon core, of course
Yeah, so I was like can I get a fucking balloon before I leave that? No, I
Okay, no, but you got to blow them up, bitch. Yeah. Yeah, and I got a tie fucking skittles and peanut m&ms and type a little fucking note that like
(05:26):
love management or
In lieu of a raise here's m&ms. Thank you. Have a good day
Hope you enjoy this treat because you're so much appreciated and thank you for all your hard work
and
just
No, I just it's just crazy, but I'll take that over
Anything else. I'm like fine. I'll freaking tie balloons after I did payroll
(05:48):
I go home and I was in a pretty decent mood
good, um
Yeah, so I get home. There was no road rage. There's no tractors. I was stuck behind. Thank god. Yeah
It was 88 degrees
Oh, that was kind of toasty
For organ. Yes
So I thought to myself, hmm, I it is getting a little warmer here in my neck of the woods
(06:14):
And I would love to wear
some shorts
But I am a pasty ass
biatch
Oh freaking so you so let me guess you hopefully you laid out. I was going to I was going to that was my plan
I was like, you know what come on a bullet. You're gonna go home. You're gonna drain that hot tub
(06:35):
You're gonna clean it. You're gonna just prep it for it. It's it's time. It's time
You're gonna make that
Freakin amazing and you're gonna get some sun. You're gonna read a book
Just tell me why I come home. I'm so excited. I'm like, yes, I'm motivated
(06:55):
I yeah, I start draining the hot tub. I have a bikini top on I put some shorts on
I'm busting out while I was like a little bit of spf 50 on my my nose and my face, but everything else
Let's just do this dark spray tan oil. Shit. Let's do this
Why was there like fucking 30 wasp just like, oh, we have those two
(07:22):
It's like as soon as it gets warm all these fucking insects come out and they want to fucking procreate in front of our door
I'm just like what and then is there a nest them or were they building a hive?
I don't know. It's like those wasp it to me. It's it's like, are they eating the wood on my fence?
I don't know. Why are you guys all posted up here? I don't see a nest
(07:43):
They're just posted but
But in their defense, I have this little wasp catcher from okay. My bad from like maybe two years ago
Okay
I you hang up. What's what's the wasp catcher? I'm interested in that because we get lost here too
So I'm like, what is that? Okay? So it's kind of like a little lantern thingy
(08:05):
But you put this fluid in it and I guess it attracts them and they go into the little
Uh, like a little lantern just kind of okay, and they go into it and they can't get out and then they just end up dying
Dead. Yeah, so you
Yeah, you get that from amazon
Um, actually I bought it at by mart here in town, but you could probably get an amazon. I'll I'll shoot you
(08:29):
I'll check it out. Yeah, I'll know those things exist. Okay. Cool. Yeah, I'm gonna check that out
We we had a wasp issue about two weeks ago when it started getting warm and they were like inside the house
And I'm like, where the fuck are they coming in from?
And I couldn't figure it out. But then like when I went into the backyard
I thought there was a bunch back there
But then they like they left because my daughter's best friend's dad is an exterminator. So she called him
(08:54):
And he's like I can be there on Friday, but of course they left by Friday. Thank god because I'm like
I just yeah, we had two in the house and I'm just like what the fuck is going on
What? Like I don't even know what like what are you guys posting up for? I don't I don't understand exactly and I'm like
Just leave me alone. Yeah, I don't have time for this shit
I know and they're just it just seems like I just walk out there and they just want to say hi
(09:16):
You're not just trying to say hi. I don't want I've never been right by a wasp
For the record. No, but it's got to be brutal because I've been stung by bees when I was little but not by wasps
And there's no point for wasps like can they science just figure out a way to fucking get rid of them for good? They don't there's
No
(09:37):
contributing factor to the ecosystem except for fucking everything up
Yeah, we we had the GPS that because we thought the same thing for skunks. No, I can totally vouch that
There's nothing. Yeah. No, they don't do honey or anything. So goodbye. Yeah
What the hell are they doing?
I don't know why are you on my fucking wooden fence like I just all brought it up like soldiers and shit like
(10:01):
What are you protecting? You're dead fucking buddies that I have in a can that's hanging there from
I'm fucking a year and a half ago. You know what when I was um
When me and Darce were rooming together like I want to they weren't
Were they ants we had like an like in the summertime like the first when it gets warm
We would always leave the sliding door open so we could get the air in yeah
(10:24):
And they would always come in the ants would come in when um, it was I guess
When it first started getting warm because they wanted fenway's um water they would go to her water bowl
Right, so she would fucking kill them with the um the raid and then she would just like leave the dead bodies there
She's like I'm leaving the dead bodies here. So the rest of the ants can say like oh, maybe we should just fucking not show up
(10:48):
Okay, that might work like you show up here. Look at what happens. It's like the elephant cemetery
right
Fucking lying king
Oh god, yeah, I don't remember if it worked or not, but I was just like I don't know man
It's just like as soon as it gets warm all these fucking insects are just like hi. I'm here in your face
(11:08):
Yeah, it's just like get the fuck away from me and I I just yeah, I don't know
I don't know. I just realized like I'm not really um outdoorsy
Um, but I do want to look outdoorsy to lay out by the pool. That's about it
Yeah, if it was like a pool in vegas or something, but like right, yeah, I don't know
I don't want to go in my grass. There might be a snake or a spider or a wasp. Oh, I can't believe
(11:33):
Have you had the wolf spiders come out yet?
Dear god, I have not encountered one
Okay, we'll have those tennis rackets ready girl. I already put new batteries in it. I would I'm about to buy
I'm you know what I'm gonna like just I'm a double fist this shit like I'm gonna buy like three more on amazon
And just have them ready. I guess have them ready in all the rooms give one to jay give like yeah
(11:58):
Oh, I can't believe those spiders and then the way they oh
No, I know they're so big it just sucks when you their shadow scares you before you actually know it's a fucking spider on the wall
Oh shit
So like did you ever where was the first city that you
(12:18):
Um moved to when you moved up to Oregon was freaking the same damn city. I'm in
Okay
Because I'm like I wonder if it was like the same in the other city that you lived in because the city you live in now is so
Fucking rural
Fucking has all that wildlife everywhere. I was just like oh, that's not me
You know what it was the same fucking city the only the best part when I very first moved up here was
(12:44):
Um, I lived right behind the liquor store the only the store town
like
gold
Struckled so you let you live down the main street or off the main street that street that um, I guess where the bus goes
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah
I was just like this is this is amazing
(13:05):
Fucking three bedrooms for 900 bucks three bathroom three bedroom
wetlands
beer
Fucking amazing
Fucking amazing
Yeah
And it remains to be amazing
(13:25):
It's amazing
Here like that's all I got. Yeah, that's all I got guys. Okay. I hope you guys are happy mother's day. No, she's kidding
See you later. Bye. Yeah
Doses
Yeah, so so you're not doing anything. You're just gonna chill. I'm just hanging out. Yeah
I haven't I'm gonna lay out when I get off. I guess when we get done podcasting because I didn't do it earlier
(13:51):
Do you um today?
I'm sorry. Do you put a
Sun
Like sunblock or whatever. Yeah, do you too sunblock or do you put the shit that's like spf 30?
I don't know. I put the 30 on. I don't put the 50 on. Do you still get a tan when you put the 30 on?
Yeah, well, I've been late. Well, I lay out longer than usual. I guess
(14:14):
Does that make sense? I guess. Yeah. Well, yeah, I guess I do. I feel like I have tenorexia already because
I fucking I have like, you know, you said I have the tan lines like on my tones
And I'm like, oh, I don't feel like I'm tan. I look down when I go to the bathroom. I'm like, apparently I am. I have tan lines
You're not today vanilla girl. I have to go to um, what is it called?
(14:39):
tan republic
There you go
Or the jams are the jams
You know what I want one those spray tans where they can spray some abs on me because I'm just a fucking
Spray like I want to be like 300. I just spray that I've never done a spray tan. I know I think we've had this conversation already, but um,
(15:03):
Okay, yeah, I'm like, I don't spray tan. I wish I could but I don't know. I shower twice a day. So
I don't know. It's just pointless. I don't spray tan either
But I mean, but if they have an airbrush machine that can't give me abs like I'm down for that. You're like, let's do this. Yeah
And you know, can you lift up like my fucking left butt cheek just like two inches?
(15:27):
This double chin, I know you guys know about that contrast like
The contrast contour. Yeah, get a little bit of brick and bronze under there
Make me look like a fucking
You know Instagram model
You are hilarious today
and by the way, I had um
I I texted him because she said you sure you don't want anything for mother's day
(15:51):
And I'm like we can pick me up again us, but she still hasn't came home from last night
She's hanging out with her friends and I'm like, you know what never mind. I went to fucking trade her joes and I'm like
I went to trade her joes around lunchtime and I'm like this place better be fucking empty because it's mother's day
No, it was a fucking nightmare. Of course. Of course not. Everybody's picking up their last minute barbeque shit
Yeah, so um, I picked up um, because I haven't picked up beer in like ages
(16:15):
I only drink beer now when I I guess if I go out for like dinner or whatever, which is rare
But I picked up Sierra. What is it?
Nevada pale L. You can't go wrong with that shit. Oh, I never had
Oh, yeah, it's a staples
One of those that I guess have stout stood the test of time. Oh nice
noise
(16:36):
Just like that. Yeah, they're bloating. So I'm like, this is the one that I will have
Was it packed?
Oh my god, that place is always ridiculous and I'm like I told the cashier. They're like, how's it going?
And I'm like, well, I thought today was gonna be not busy because it's mother's day, but apparently I was wrong
They're like, well, you should be happy eating come yesterday. Yesterday was a nightmare
(16:57):
Oh
Thank you. That's why I didn't show up yesterday. I'm just like I thought it would be not busy today
But clearly that's not the case. Well, clearly there's people that really fucking love their mothers that go out of their way
to um fight the crowds
And cook and shit. I don't know
I I wouldn't I wouldn't know but I'm just assuming
(17:19):
That's yeah, and it kind of shocked me that and wanted to take me out for dinner or lunch. I guess which is fine
I did that part didn't shock me, but I'm like really on mother's day like the worst day of the year to go
Yeah, it's like come on, grar. You you my blood runs through your veins
You should know you should have done this the weekend before the weekend after
Thank you
(17:39):
How much how much do you hate people so much that that I'm a mother and I want to celebrate it the sunday before the sunday after
Yeah, I don't want to see no other mother. No mother fucker. No mother fucker. They're all mother fuckers
I'm gonna happy mother fucker day
There you go. I'm making
Yeah, but honestly
(18:00):
I'm gonna push all this shit aside and I'm gonna tell you a secret. Um, okay. I
I honestly
Wanted some flowers and I didn't get any
Uh, you know what I'm not a flower. I guess if somebody gets me flowers, that's cool
But I'm not the one to be like, oh, I want a bouquet bouquet of flowers
I guess they were everybody's been selling flowers this weekend like all the people are out on the you know at the intersection
(18:26):
Yeah, they're at the fucking exit on the freeway. Like, yeah
Come on
Can I get a pack of oranges? Can I get some flowers and some that's a tamales?
Yeah, can I just can can you buy the tamales from the fucking ice chest?
At the fucking lady at the grocery store. I don't know something just I don't know
(18:47):
but there was one thing where
Um, my sister reminded me that I would always say I guess
um, okay, and she was like
telling me a little bit of something of how I kind of I don't do funerals
I'll do the little celebration of life or what whatnot, but I I don't go to the
(19:10):
Cemetery and watch the coffin or I don't do simp. I don't do funerals. I just I just don't I don't find it that I'm being
Disrespectful, but no, it's just not your thing. It's just not my thing, right?
And I used to tell my sister you so always get upset with me and say why
Pomona bullets are you so disrespectful like why are you not?
You're disrespectful if you went and you would have an attitude the entire time because you didn't want to be there
(19:35):
Yeah, how about that? Yeah, it's like I'll celebrate their little life like little whatever rosary or whatever you guys call
I don't know what you guys. Yeah, but I just
I don't know. It's not your thing and that's totally fine. Yeah, so I
Apparently my sister reminded me that I always said
You give flowers to the living not to the dead like
(20:00):
You give flowers to the living not to the oh, yeah, I don't think about that. Okay
like what the hell give a fucking
Fucking flower arrangement to a goddamn coffin
To a corpse like I supposed to pour a 40 over the yeah, right?
I probably just
Yeah, I
I go to the fucking curb and I fucking dump some out like fuck that's respectful
(20:24):
right
shit
Yeah, I don't know
Friggin I do that little sign across. I'm like, oh, yeah
So question did you call your mom today then? I did
Okay, well, you say you're a daughter. You're a good daughter. No, no
I got I got the fucking answering the answering machine. Okay the answering machine
(20:47):
Who has a fucking answering machine these days a legit answering machine?
I don't know. I don't know if it's like a Verizon type just you have reach
I don't know how the fuck they live. Oh, but did you call like a landline? Yeah, or you call? Yeah, wow
Oh
No, I know
Fucking it's just like I'm like, are you being for real? I guess you're being for real
(21:09):
That's you were joking. No, I'm fucking legit fucking for real
Oh, so, you know, my birthday just passing so did jays and my mom actually sent us
um a little card and a little amazon gift card and
I told my son we need to call grandma and say thank you
Yeah, and he's like, I'm just gonna text her. I said dude. How are you gonna text the landline?
(21:33):
And he's all what?
What the landline? Yeah, what's the landline?
And I was like you can't text. I go grandma doesn't have a cell phone. He's all well then how does she call us?
Oh you simple soul
All right, I'm just wish you luck in life
I don't I don't know
(21:55):
She calls us from a payphone son. Just do you know what that is? No
It's a landline. You cannot text it. Well, how could you not text somebody on a phone?
Because it's a landline
It's a landline. It's a landline a land mine land mine
Boom it just blew your brains, right? You can't text it
(22:18):
There you go
Oh speaking of blowing your brains, so I have a confession to make well, they're not they're not psychoactive, but I ordered mushroom tincture
Yeah, huh
So I'll let you know how that goes and it's not it's not psychoactive
But it may trigger a drug test is what they told me but I'm like I'm ready to enlighten my life
(22:41):
Let's fucking do this shit and I should have just asked my hairdresser or one of my daughter's friends
They probably could get me the psychoactive version, but I'm like, let me start small. Well, you know what I fucking applaud you for that
because
Some people need to do that, but just know if you do it like five times you're considered legally insane
(23:03):
Well, I'm just kidding. That's totally fine
And that's because the governments are the governments already called me crazy and whatever else
I mean, you can just if you want to label me insane
Yeah, I'm not gonna pay for your fucking prescription. So I don't have to be crazy bitch. I'm crazy
I'm gonna fucking expand my mind by burp. Yeah. What the fuck you trying to do keep me from what I'm gonna bow
(23:26):
I'm about to find out
I I like that I yeah, we'll see what happens. I don't know
We'll see. I don't know. I don't know but I'm like, uh, well, I should tell tomorrow
Do you know what actually I mean before it was like regulated and people finally said hey, maybe we shouldn't eat an eighth. Um
(23:48):
Yeah
Have you done that before girl, please. How do you think I fucking know how to draw like it's like the universe
Exactly. Well, that's I'm just like I should that's why I want to take legit acid
But um, I guess I need to talk to my hair guy. I don't take acid just take shrooms
Well, that's what I mean. I don't know what's acid then acid man
(24:11):
That's that man made bullshit that you drop under your tongue with the bonacca thing. Oh, okay. No, I don't want that then I want my shrimps
Yeah, okay my bad. I'm sorry
This is we're gonna have this conversation after we uh end the podcast
I don't need the cops at my house again
(24:32):
I love you Pomona bull
Oh
My god, you're hilarious. Yeah, we don't need a knock on the door. No, please. No, please. No, I can hate that
I'm like
Turn off the tv shit like who's right like it's like that. This is my house. I'm like, fuck you
(24:57):
Just because my legs are on and the music's bumping. Yeah, and you're like, yes, I'm ignoring you now
I'm not gonna fake that I'm not here. Yeah, because I mean I'm now
I don't give a fuck that you're knocking
You're not amazon so go away. Yeah
Amazon usually sends me a picture and says bitch. It's delivered
Oh
(25:18):
Yeah
Yeah
So crazy. Oh, and I also like just before we I mean, I know I'm like really short on
Like time but I love our fans and whoever loves to listen to us and I love you
So, um, I just want to let you know that I got that 3d or not 3d my bad. I got that tattoo printer
(25:43):
Um, oh, yeah, I have to read that. I bought it. I yeah, I did I did okay
And I have yet I opened the box and I looked at it, but I didn't read the whole
What app do I download and how do I bluetooth it and all that stuff but
Okay
But I just I don't know I really feel
(26:07):
So
How are you gonna test it out or try it out or can you test it out on something besides I guess humans again?
Oh, yeah, I got the the fake skin too because I got a bunch of needles, right? Yeah, okay. Okay
Yeah, and I was is it am I a bad mom if I just have my son put the fake skin over his like arm and I just do it
(26:30):
No, do what you got to do to practice girl. I know because I can't just make it flat
I have to test the new the needles that I have and have different needles
I've been YouTubing a lot and everybody it's like yelp. Don't eat here
Sucks and then you eat there and you're like this is fucking amazing and so
I don't okay, so um
(26:51):
I guess I'm gonna have to look it up on YouTube because I don't know how 3d printer tattoo
No, no, no, no, it's not 3d printers. It's not 3d. What it is. It's that if somebody says
for example
Will text me and say I want this
Hello kitty. This is what I want on me and they send me a picture, right? Okay. I can
(27:14):
Download that picture to my printer put the little stencil paper in there that you can put so that the
Oh
And it's just so it does the stencil. Yeah, it just yeah, it's like it's like putting a yeah
Got it. Okay. And then the stencil you apply it to the skin and you tattoo from there. Yeah, it's like
(27:35):
Got it. Okay
I really didn't want to do that. I really didn't want to do that because it was like then what's my purpose?
What's right? What's my fucking purpose? Am I supposed to not color within the lines? Okay. Yeah
I'm here you know. That's what you wanted. It's not even my artwork really. It's just I just I don't know
(27:59):
I was kind of I was going back and forth with that a lot mentally because I wasn't
Like
Well, then what do tattoo artists do like they they fucking
They upgraded I'm like I'm like on the landline tattoo artists
What are you gonna practice then? Are you gonna practice? Well, did you schedule a practice time or did you already I guess
(28:25):
The guy who wants the dog tattoo like did you already I guess set a date for that?
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I I said give me two weeks. Um, I'm getting some
Some material that are in some supplies
That I want to just kind of check out and see. Okay. Um
I'm
(28:45):
I'm gonna try this is my trial thing. I'm gonna do the dog paw
Freehand and then I'm going to try to transfer that to the little tattoo printer
And then and then I'm just gonna do both of them on the fake skin and just kind of see like
What what works better or what what comes out better? I guess I don't know
(29:07):
um
Who knows maybe but like I said he wanted like legit
The dog print so maybe the tattoo printer would you know, is it just it's cutting corners?
Better simplify it. Yeah
Yeah, make it a lot
faster of a session I guess I don't know so
(29:31):
Yeah
Yeah, we'll see okay
Yep
Yeah, needy ass people
Oh my goodness, but yeah, when is your mom coming home?
She's home. She's taking a nap. So whenever she wakes up, I will I guess greet her with a happy mother's day
(29:57):
You should just like do an ice bucket thing on her. I just
I would love to do that
And then remind her how she called the cops on me at the age of three and that's why the I am the person I am today
That's what I should do then she'll go into cardiac arrest and I
Maybe I should do that. It's all you need to know
(30:24):
Happy mother's day was for dinner. I'm hungry
Where's my where's the where's my dinner at? Yeah, and when you're done wash the dishes. Yeah, happy mother's day
Why isn't my laundry folded?
There you go. As a matter of fact, I got laundry in the goddamn fucking dryer and you
Man, I have I have a basket of laundry that I need to throw back in the dryer
(30:50):
Let's get the fucking wrinkles out and then hurry up and hang them up
Oh, I did that this morning too because I got rid of my steamer. My steamer was so old and I kept um
I had to like throw vinegar in it. Yeah, so it would be unclawed
Uncalcified or whatever
Yeah, that's it uncalcified or
Uncalculable calcium ide or whatever the fuck and I'm like, you know what?
(31:13):
Let me just throw it start throwing things in the dryer with a wet wash cloth like everybody else does. Yeah
Shit, I take a hot ass shower and I'll just be like this shirt will do hopefully it'll fucking get
D-ringled with this just a little yeah, right? I just needed a little
Yeah, just fuck it. Hopefully it doesn't look like
I just pulled it out of my ass because I did or
(31:37):
Yeah, yeah
I try not to do that anymore. I just hang shit up and people are like, why do you keep hanging?
Why do you hang up all your stuff? It's like because
Because I don't want to fold it and put it in a drawer
Right
Takes too much work less effort to hang them up
Which means I need more closet space
(32:00):
I
Don't even I just fucking hate folding clothes
Pomona bullets. I'm like, I'm at a loss. I have zero words for that. I'm like, I can wash clothes all day long
We've had this conversation. Yeah, I hate folding clothes. I fucking hate it
You can't they all be like the fitted sheets where you can just bundle it up in a ball and just throw it in the fucking
(32:23):
Oh, wait, do you bundle up your fitted sheet in a ball?
Yeah, well, it's not a flat sheet the flat sheet I fold but the fitted sheets that you like put on your actual mattress
I fucking throw that I
Ball it up because there's no point in fucking folding it. Wait, but there's a way to fold it
You know what you're the one who likes to fold laundry, bitch
(32:44):
You know what we should just stop
The madness and just be roommates like legit
Right four years. I'm giving you four years
And then we can do psycho sticks song laundry sucks
girl
That's why I fucking love
laundry sucks
Yeah, no, you know what I like that one sign that they saying there's like don't eat my food
(33:08):
Fuck yeah, please don't that's gonna have to look that up on fucking youtube again because that fucking album was the fucking
Fuck yeah, it is I
I
I swear these boys I'm just like yes, please do not eat my food. I used to tell my kids
Don't touch my tacos. Don't you know what?
(33:28):
Remember I think it was last episode or the episode before where I told you like if I when I started doing
When I went back on McDonald's with quarter pounder with a 10 piece nuggets and m1 is my last two nuggets
And I'm like no, I don't share my fucking food and I purposely put them both in my mouth at the same time because she wanted to take one
And I'm like
You know what?
(33:49):
I thought about like the law of attraction in the universe and I'm like I'm thinking there's lack like so the fact that I did that
Implies like I will never have any more protein ever and I should have shared my fucking food with her
You know now have I done that since the my epiphany?
(34:09):
No, because I've had McDonald's a billion times since then but like I need to stop thinking lack
Come on a bullets and that's where I'm you're on your happiness journey. I've got like
I haven't talked to you offline and I don't want to talk about it until it actually like happens for me
But I'm in a major transfer transformation age
(34:30):
My first 50 years of life has fucking sucked but like in the last
Four to six weeks everything
Has improved drastically so I'm just on my fucking way
finally
I
Could not
Be happier to fucking hear you
(34:52):
Say that
I am so fucking happy to hear you say that
And yes, we will talk
offline
Yeah, not today. I mean it's motherfuckers day, but um, it's motherfuckers day, you know, I happy motherfuckers day
You know what? We're gonna celebrate motherfuckers day every a second Sunday from May then May moving forward
(35:16):
We should we should it's healthy for the soul. Um, but yes, I'm very very very very very
Very you don't even know it'll all come together once we talk
Um, and for you as well because you're finally out of your rut. Thank god. God dang it
if there's a god
(35:39):
But there's a Pomona bullets and Baroque Medusa and if we believe in ourselves, it'll get fucking done. It's gonna get done
Freakin get her done get her done get her done. I want to think it I'm gonna believe it. It's gonna happen. You better watch out
That's right
Where's that John Deere tractor at so I can fucking bulldoze over you. Yep. There you go. Don't make me bust out with the robot
(36:04):
Right on stage
The only dance I can do is the walking man. Let's go
You can do the floss the running man
That's super little floss. I said the walking man
You can do the running man. I was a kind of patch the running man
I can't believe I call it the walking man
Oh, well, you know what that's what people do they walk they don't they they don't run. They don't have no purpose anymore
(36:27):
in this second
drag their feet
Well, I finally have a purpose and yes you do. You always had a purpose you finally see it
Yes, it's kind of scary to be honest. Don't be scared. Don't be scared girl. I got you. I fucking got you
That's why I fucking love you
Mm-hmm. That's why you kept me around for so fucking long. You're like this bitch. I'm gonna need her for
(36:55):
I don't know why this stupid ass bitch. I just can't shake her is no
It all started with karaoke my brother's garage
To the care song
It was it all happened for a reason. No coincidence. That's right, bitch. Oh speaking of
Okay, so when we were in my brother's garage was it for a Mayweather fight? It was a fight. Yeah. Yeah
(37:19):
Okay, so I don't know if you're aware but Mayweather's
held up in Dubai
for
One of his entourage they were in Dubai. I want to say it's Dubai
It's probably Dubai. I don't want to google it right now because we're short on time
I know you need to leave but
Him and his entourage were in Dubai or insert the correct city for the people. I guess who are gonna google this
(37:44):
I he somebody one of his entourage wanted to buy jewelry
I don't know they took the jewelry home. The jewelry was not supposed to be bought
Mayweather if I'm saying this correctly, I might be wrong
Offered it or like paid the mount, but they're like it's not for fucking sale. So he has been held up. They're not letting him go
(38:05):
Wow
He is stuck in Dubai
Like everybody came home except him
Like he's being held for ransom
Yes
And I'm just like, huh
I'm like, I would never go to Dubai. Let's start there. Yeah first of all, where the fuck in life
(38:26):
Where they in like king tuts, motherfucking like like what they what they still I don't know
I didn't google I didn't gts it but it's all it was all over my um because I follow all the boxers
It was all over my instagram feed. I'm like, is this fucking for real
But then 50 cent fucking chimed in and I'm like, oh, of course it's for real 50 cents chiming in because you know
(38:47):
50 cent offer
I don't know if you're aware. I'm sure you are
He said he would pay um mayweather. I don't know x amount of dollars like 50 million dollars some
insane amount if he could read
I think it was one page out of harry potter
Because he can't because mayweather can't read allegedly
(39:09):
So he's like, you know what fuck that just read the cat in the hat the entire fucking book and I'll pay you 50 million
Never took him up on the offer and I'm just like, okay. Well, there you go
He's like, I don't I don't need to read like where's the mean nothing I
I see the picture
I I I drive my vehicle on this planet earth with something higher than just words
(39:34):
Tmt the money team new yeah, no, um
When 50 cent chimed in just once and I'm just like, oh, this is legit. He's fucking held up in Dubai
I haven't googled it. So I should google it to confirm but
Yeah, that's where he's stuck at right now supposedly
I want to say it's been two weeks possibly three
Three weeks then his head's chopped off already
(39:58):
Right
They already stoned him to death
Don't call it a comeback
Come on
Come on. We need some LL
Right
Oh shit, wow
Well, I mean, that's what you get when you try to take gold that
Isn't for sale. It's good. Right and no matter how much you offer them
(40:20):
They still don't want it for sale. So does it it doesn't aim for sale because it doesn't have a price
There's no price on whatever the fuck they want. That's some crazy ass shit. I'm gonna fucking with that up too now
the hell
What's going on? What the hell's going on?
(40:42):
All right, girl, it's um
1600 and 15 minutes and I know you need to hit the movie so I we better call it a day
All righty. Well, happy
Motherfuckers day and happy Motherfuckers day. Let's do this every fucking second Sunday of the month
It's just that's May or oh of May
Okay, I mean, yeah, whatever. We appreciate each other every day anyhow. So yes, right. Yep
(41:09):
I hope your mother is very aesthetic when you tell her you love her and give her a hug after her nap
Yeah
I knew it
We'll see. I'm hopefully she'll remember or she'll care. I don't know whatever
(41:29):
We'll see
I'll give her the appropriate love. There you go. Just give her a fucking good old pat on the back. Oh
My god, okay really quick. Oh, it's been three years since my dad died. He died or it was three years on Thursday
so like the last um the year that he died was the first year he
(41:53):
Was the first year I guess that um
He gave my mom a mother happy Mother's Day card because he was dying
But no like everybody knew I mean
Whatever, right? Right, but he's like happy Mother's Day. Thanks for being a great mom and she's like this is the first Mother's Day card
Yeah, well he fucking died
I was just like whatever he was like, uh, you know what he's like I
(42:18):
I always knew but you know, here you go
You've been acknowledged I gotta go. Yeah, I'll leave this planet. Please. I'll be back. Maybe not. I don't want to sign the contract again
I'm right back to the lock down now. It's time to go
The world's gone to shit. Yep
Please. I hope you make it out. I'll be on fucking cloud nine if I can third star two left play
(42:40):
Okay, all right, so I wish you a guys all a good week and tomorrow bullets does the same and again happy Mother fuckers day
From both of us. Yes. Take care. Bye. Peace
If I give you a if I made a giant bat of Tito's vodka, would you move back?
(00:06):
That's very convincing. Yes. I might
Good afternoon best day good afternoon best day happy freakin Labor Day
You know what
It's so funny my daughter was like, um, so did you want to do anything on Sunday? You want to go out to a late lunch?
(00:30):
And I'm like what?
Like you want to do anything. I'm like no I got leg day and then I'm gonna take a nap and then I got a podcast with
Pomona Bolts. She's like, okay. Well, it's Mother's Day, and I'm like, oh
That was next weekend
I
Guess happy Mother's Day. I don't celebrate happy Mother's Day
(00:51):
I and you know what? I haven't seen my mom yet today. So when she wakes up from her nap
I need to tell her that she's the only one that really appreciates that me. I don't give a fuck
You know, don't give me one fucking day
Celebrate your mother every day. Yeah, how about that? How about that? I have stretch marks because of you
(01:15):
Oh, my belly button is a fucking sad face. It used to be a fucking cute button. Oh
My god
Shit, so what movie are you guys gonna go see later? Um, oh
So funny so um, I honestly wanted to see that new planet of the apes
(01:39):
Okay, but but again, it's Mother's Day and everybody and their mother are out on the streets and literally
Literally, yeah, just like can I just please stay in my cave? I don't need to be out there with you
sheeples
But I wanted to see Planet the Apes if I have to just appreciate
(02:02):
Somebody doing something for me at my child. Let's go. Let's go
Um
No, I know that you have the bundle on voodoo and I've yet to watch one of them and
Like just watch the original ones. Yeah, and I'm like, alright. He said well, what about um the fall guy? I
(02:28):
Can't believe they're already making that movie. I know they I was just like and
And and Ryan Reynolds to boot in right and not Ryan. Is it Ryan Reynolds?
Oh, what Ryan Gosling Ryan Gosling, sorry one of the Ryan's. Yeah, one of those Ryan's they all look alike
(02:50):
Yeah, I'm like do the people like the younger generations even know that that used to be a TV show and it was with Lee
Majors probably not like whatever happened to Lee majors
I need to look that up now that you say mentioned the fall guy. Yeah
They don't know girl. They thought Bohemian Rhapsody when it came out
Panic at the disco was like an original like you know what you win
(03:17):
Totally the truth
How do you know all the words mom? Uh, maybe cuz Queen
I
You were born
Yeah, the good old days I know I'm just like yeah, let's just cheers to myself
(03:39):
Um, I feel so very accomplished
With why what happened? Oh, I feel very accomplished because I'm trying to like, you know, hey, it's it's a new day
I'm trying to that's my whole get up now. It's a new day. Okay. It's a new day. So yeah, I had to work
Of course
I just need you to have Saturdays off. Can you tell him that?
(04:00):
Baroque Medusa needs me to have Saturdays off. Yeah, I'll be like guess what Baroque Medusa pays me more
Right and one day
But yeah, so I'm working even whatever I'm doing payroll
I just want to get the hell out of there and um, it was it's just the vibe is just very
(04:23):
Heavy and it's on Saturdays or like all the time just all the f n time and
Wow, I mean if you can't beat them join them, but I'm like the big
And they don't want me to join their club. So it's kind of weird
So
Yeah, I work I come home and I actually felt
(04:44):
accomplished
I went to work did payroll my boss tells me hey
um tomorrow's mother's day and I have 200 balloons and I need
Freakin she wants me to be crafty
One I'm not crafty
I'm not crafty. Wait. What are the balloons for the moms that work there? Yeah. Yep. Oh, okay. Got it. Yep
(05:05):
But only the moms that are going to work on mother's day get a balloon core, of course
Yeah, so I was like can I get a fucking balloon before I leave that? No, I
Okay, no, but you got to blow them up, bitch. Yeah. Yeah, and I got a tie fucking skittles and peanut m&ms and type a little fucking note that like
(05:26):
love management or
In lieu of a raise here's m&ms. Thank you. Have a good day
Hope you enjoy this treat because you're so much appreciated and thank you for all your hard work
and
just
No, I just it's just crazy, but I'll take that over
Anything else. I'm like fine. I'll freaking tie balloons after I did payroll
(05:48):
I go home and I was in a pretty decent mood
good, um
Yeah, so I get home. There was no road rage. There's no tractors. I was stuck behind. Thank god. Yeah
It was 88 degrees
Oh, that was kind of toasty
For organ. Yes
So I thought to myself, hmm, I it is getting a little warmer here in my neck of the woods
(06:14):
And I would love to wear
some shorts
But I am a pasty ass
biatch
Oh freaking so you so let me guess you hopefully you laid out. I was going to I was going to that was my plan
I was like, you know what come on a bullet. You're gonna go home. You're gonna drain that hot tub
(06:35):
You're gonna clean it. You're gonna just prep it for it. It's it's time. It's time
You're gonna make that
Freakin amazing and you're gonna get some sun. You're gonna read a book
Just tell me why I come home. I'm so excited. I'm like, yes, I'm motivated
(06:55):
I yeah, I start draining the hot tub. I have a bikini top on I put some shorts on
I'm busting out while I was like a little bit of spf 50 on my my nose and my face, but everything else
Let's just do this dark spray tan oil. Shit. Let's do this
Why was there like fucking 30 wasp just like, oh, we have those two
(07:22):
It's like as soon as it gets warm all these fucking insects come out and they want to fucking procreate in front of our door
I'm just like what and then is there a nest them or were they building a hive?
I don't know. It's like those wasp it to me. It's it's like, are they eating the wood on my fence?
I don't know. Why are you guys all posted up here? I don't see a nest
(07:43):
They're just posted but
But in their defense, I have this little wasp catcher from okay. My bad from like maybe two years ago
Okay
I you hang up. What's what's the wasp catcher? I'm interested in that because we get lost here too
So I'm like, what is that? Okay? So it's kind of like a little lantern thingy
(08:05):
But you put this fluid in it and I guess it attracts them and they go into the little
Uh, like a little lantern just kind of okay, and they go into it and they can't get out and then they just end up dying
Dead. Yeah, so you
Yeah, you get that from amazon
Um, actually I bought it at by mart here in town, but you could probably get an amazon. I'll I'll shoot you
(08:29):
I'll check it out. Yeah, I'll know those things exist. Okay. Cool. Yeah, I'm gonna check that out
We we had a wasp issue about two weeks ago when it started getting warm and they were like inside the house
And I'm like, where the fuck are they coming in from?
And I couldn't figure it out. But then like when I went into the backyard
I thought there was a bunch back there
But then they like they left because my daughter's best friend's dad is an exterminator. So she called him
(08:54):
And he's like I can be there on Friday, but of course they left by Friday. Thank god because I'm like
I just yeah, we had two in the house and I'm just like what the fuck is going on
What? Like I don't even know what like what are you guys posting up for? I don't I don't understand exactly and I'm like
Just leave me alone. Yeah, I don't have time for this shit
I know and they're just it just seems like I just walk out there and they just want to say hi
(09:16):
You're not just trying to say hi. I don't want I've never been right by a wasp
For the record. No, but it's got to be brutal because I've been stung by bees when I was little but not by wasps
And there's no point for wasps like can they science just figure out a way to fucking get rid of them for good? They don't there's
No
(09:37):
contributing factor to the ecosystem except for fucking everything up
Yeah, we we had the GPS that because we thought the same thing for skunks. No, I can totally vouch that
There's nothing. Yeah. No, they don't do honey or anything. So goodbye. Yeah
What the hell are they doing?
I don't know why are you on my fucking wooden fence like I just all brought it up like soldiers and shit like
(10:01):
What are you protecting? You're dead fucking buddies that I have in a can that's hanging there from
I'm fucking a year and a half ago. You know what when I was um
When me and Darce were rooming together like I want to they weren't
Were they ants we had like an like in the summertime like the first when it gets warm
We would always leave the sliding door open so we could get the air in yeah
(10:24):
And they would always come in the ants would come in when um, it was I guess
When it first started getting warm because they wanted fenway's um water they would go to her water bowl
Right, so she would fucking kill them with the um the raid and then she would just like leave the dead bodies there
She's like I'm leaving the dead bodies here. So the rest of the ants can say like oh, maybe we should just fucking not show up
(10:48):
Okay, that might work like you show up here. Look at what happens. It's like the elephant cemetery
right
Fucking lying king
Oh god, yeah, I don't remember if it worked or not, but I was just like I don't know man
It's just like as soon as it gets warm all these fucking insects are just like hi. I'm here in your face
(11:08):
Yeah, it's just like get the fuck away from me and I I just yeah, I don't know
I don't know. I just realized like I'm not really um outdoorsy
Um, but I do want to look outdoorsy to lay out by the pool. That's about it
Yeah, if it was like a pool in vegas or something, but like right, yeah, I don't know
I don't want to go in my grass. There might be a snake or a spider or a wasp. Oh, I can't believe
(11:33):
Have you had the wolf spiders come out yet?
Dear god, I have not encountered one
Okay, we'll have those tennis rackets ready girl. I already put new batteries in it. I would I'm about to buy
I'm you know what I'm gonna like just I'm a double fist this shit like I'm gonna buy like three more on amazon
And just have them ready. I guess have them ready in all the rooms give one to jay give like yeah
(11:58):
Oh, I can't believe those spiders and then the way they oh
No, I know they're so big it just sucks when you their shadow scares you before you actually know it's a fucking spider on the wall
Oh shit
So like did you ever where was the first city that you
(12:18):
Um moved to when you moved up to Oregon was freaking the same damn city. I'm in
Okay
Because I'm like I wonder if it was like the same in the other city that you lived in because the city you live in now is so
Fucking rural
Fucking has all that wildlife everywhere. I was just like oh, that's not me
You know what it was the same fucking city the only the best part when I very first moved up here was
(12:44):
Um, I lived right behind the liquor store the only the store town
like
gold
Struckled so you let you live down the main street or off the main street that street that um, I guess where the bus goes
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah
I was just like this is this is amazing
(13:05):
Fucking three bedrooms for 900 bucks three bathroom three bedroom
wetlands
beer
Fucking amazing
Fucking amazing
Yeah
And it remains to be amazing
(13:25):
It's amazing
Here like that's all I got. Yeah, that's all I got guys. Okay. I hope you guys are happy mother's day. No, she's kidding
See you later. Bye. Yeah
Doses
Yeah, so so you're not doing anything. You're just gonna chill. I'm just hanging out. Yeah
I haven't I'm gonna lay out when I get off. I guess when we get done podcasting because I didn't do it earlier
(13:51):
Do you um today?
I'm sorry. Do you put a
Sun
Like sunblock or whatever. Yeah, do you too sunblock or do you put the shit that's like spf 30?
I don't know. I put the 30 on. I don't put the 50 on. Do you still get a tan when you put the 30 on?
Yeah, well, I've been late. Well, I lay out longer than usual. I guess
(14:14):
Does that make sense? I guess. Yeah. Well, yeah, I guess I do. I feel like I have tenorexia already because
I fucking I have like, you know, you said I have the tan lines like on my tones
And I'm like, oh, I don't feel like I'm tan. I look down when I go to the bathroom. I'm like, apparently I am. I have tan lines
You're not today vanilla girl. I have to go to um, what is it called?
(14:39):
tan republic
There you go
Or the jams are the jams
You know what I want one those spray tans where they can spray some abs on me because I'm just a fucking
Spray like I want to be like 300. I just spray that I've never done a spray tan. I know I think we've had this conversation already, but um,
(15:03):
Okay, yeah, I'm like, I don't spray tan. I wish I could but I don't know. I shower twice a day. So
I don't know. It's just pointless. I don't spray tan either
But I mean, but if they have an airbrush machine that can't give me abs like I'm down for that. You're like, let's do this. Yeah
And you know, can you lift up like my fucking left butt cheek just like two inches?
(15:27):
This double chin, I know you guys know about that contrast like
The contrast contour. Yeah, get a little bit of brick and bronze under there
Make me look like a fucking
You know Instagram model
You are hilarious today
and by the way, I had um
I I texted him because she said you sure you don't want anything for mother's day
(15:51):
And I'm like we can pick me up again us, but she still hasn't came home from last night
She's hanging out with her friends and I'm like, you know what never mind. I went to fucking trade her joes and I'm like
I went to trade her joes around lunchtime and I'm like this place better be fucking empty because it's mother's day
No, it was a fucking nightmare. Of course. Of course not. Everybody's picking up their last minute barbeque shit
Yeah, so um, I picked up um, because I haven't picked up beer in like ages
(16:15):
I only drink beer now when I I guess if I go out for like dinner or whatever, which is rare
But I picked up Sierra. What is it?
Nevada pale L. You can't go wrong with that shit. Oh, I never had
Oh, yeah, it's a staples
One of those that I guess have stout stood the test of time. Oh nice
noise
(16:36):
Just like that. Yeah, they're bloating. So I'm like, this is the one that I will have
Was it packed?
Oh my god, that place is always ridiculous and I'm like I told the cashier. They're like, how's it going?
And I'm like, well, I thought today was gonna be not busy because it's mother's day, but apparently I was wrong
They're like, well, you should be happy eating come yesterday. Yesterday was a nightmare
(16:57):
Oh
Thank you. That's why I didn't show up yesterday. I'm just like I thought it would be not busy today
But clearly that's not the case. Well, clearly there's people that really fucking love their mothers that go out of their way
to um fight the crowds
And cook and shit. I don't know
I I wouldn't I wouldn't know but I'm just assuming
(17:19):
That's yeah, and it kind of shocked me that and wanted to take me out for dinner or lunch. I guess which is fine
I did that part didn't shock me, but I'm like really on mother's day like the worst day of the year to go
Yeah, it's like come on, grar. You you my blood runs through your veins
You should know you should have done this the weekend before the weekend after
Thank you
(17:39):
How much how much do you hate people so much that that I'm a mother and I want to celebrate it the sunday before the sunday after
Yeah, I don't want to see no other mother. No mother fucker. No mother fucker. They're all mother fuckers
I'm gonna happy mother fucker day
There you go. I'm making
Yeah, but honestly
(18:00):
I'm gonna push all this shit aside and I'm gonna tell you a secret. Um, okay. I
I honestly
Wanted some flowers and I didn't get any
Uh, you know what I'm not a flower. I guess if somebody gets me flowers, that's cool
But I'm not the one to be like, oh, I want a bouquet bouquet of flowers
I guess they were everybody's been selling flowers this weekend like all the people are out on the you know at the intersection
(18:26):
Yeah, they're at the fucking exit on the freeway. Like, yeah
Come on
Can I get a pack of oranges? Can I get some flowers and some that's a tamales?
Yeah, can I just can can you buy the tamales from the fucking ice chest?
At the fucking lady at the grocery store. I don't know something just I don't know
(18:47):
but there was one thing where
Um, my sister reminded me that I would always say I guess
um, okay, and she was like
telling me a little bit of something of how I kind of I don't do funerals
I'll do the little celebration of life or what whatnot, but I I don't go to the
(19:10):
Cemetery and watch the coffin or I don't do simp. I don't do funerals. I just I just don't I don't find it that I'm being
Disrespectful, but no, it's just not your thing. It's just not my thing, right?
And I used to tell my sister you so always get upset with me and say why
Pomona bullets are you so disrespectful like why are you not?
You're disrespectful if you went and you would have an attitude the entire time because you didn't want to be there
(19:35):
Yeah, how about that? Yeah, it's like I'll celebrate their little life like little whatever rosary or whatever you guys call
I don't know what you guys. Yeah, but I just
I don't know. It's not your thing and that's totally fine. Yeah, so I
Apparently my sister reminded me that I always said
You give flowers to the living not to the dead like
(20:00):
You give flowers to the living not to the oh, yeah, I don't think about that. Okay
like what the hell give a fucking
Fucking flower arrangement to a goddamn coffin
To a corpse like I supposed to pour a 40 over the yeah, right?
I probably just
Yeah, I
I go to the fucking curb and I fucking dump some out like fuck that's respectful
(20:24):
right
shit
Yeah, I don't know
Friggin I do that little sign across. I'm like, oh, yeah
So question did you call your mom today then? I did
Okay, well, you say you're a daughter. You're a good daughter. No, no
I got I got the fucking answering the answering machine. Okay the answering machine
(20:47):
Who has a fucking answering machine these days a legit answering machine?
I don't know. I don't know if it's like a Verizon type just you have reach
I don't know how the fuck they live. Oh, but did you call like a landline? Yeah, or you call? Yeah, wow
Oh
No, I know
Fucking it's just like I'm like, are you being for real? I guess you're being for real
(21:09):
That's you were joking. No, I'm fucking legit fucking for real
Oh, so, you know, my birthday just passing so did jays and my mom actually sent us
um a little card and a little amazon gift card and
I told my son we need to call grandma and say thank you
Yeah, and he's like, I'm just gonna text her. I said dude. How are you gonna text the landline?
(21:33):
And he's all what?
What the landline? Yeah, what's the landline?
And I was like you can't text. I go grandma doesn't have a cell phone. He's all well then how does she call us?
Oh you simple soul
All right, I'm just wish you luck in life
I don't I don't know
(21:55):
She calls us from a payphone son. Just do you know what that is? No
It's a landline. You cannot text it. Well, how could you not text somebody on a phone?
Because it's a landline
It's a landline. It's a landline a land mine land mine
Boom it just blew your brains, right? You can't text it
(22:18):
There you go
Oh speaking of blowing your brains, so I have a confession to make well, they're not they're not psychoactive, but I ordered mushroom tincture
Yeah, huh
So I'll let you know how that goes and it's not it's not psychoactive
But it may trigger a drug test is what they told me but I'm like I'm ready to enlighten my life
(22:41):
Let's fucking do this shit and I should have just asked my hairdresser or one of my daughter's friends
They probably could get me the psychoactive version, but I'm like, let me start small. Well, you know what I fucking applaud you for that
because
Some people need to do that, but just know if you do it like five times you're considered legally insane
(23:03):
Well, I'm just kidding. That's totally fine
And that's because the governments are the governments already called me crazy and whatever else
I mean, you can just if you want to label me insane
Yeah, I'm not gonna pay for your fucking prescription. So I don't have to be crazy bitch. I'm crazy
I'm gonna fucking expand my mind by burp. Yeah. What the fuck you trying to do keep me from what I'm gonna bow
(23:26):
I'm about to find out
I I like that I yeah, we'll see what happens. I don't know
We'll see. I don't know. I don't know but I'm like, uh, well, I should tell tomorrow
Do you know what actually I mean before it was like regulated and people finally said hey, maybe we shouldn't eat an eighth. Um
(23:48):
Yeah
Have you done that before girl, please. How do you think I fucking know how to draw like it's like the universe
Exactly. Well, that's I'm just like I should that's why I want to take legit acid
But um, I guess I need to talk to my hair guy. I don't take acid just take shrooms
Well, that's what I mean. I don't know what's acid then acid man
(24:11):
That's that man made bullshit that you drop under your tongue with the bonacca thing. Oh, okay. No, I don't want that then I want my shrimps
Yeah, okay my bad. I'm sorry
This is we're gonna have this conversation after we uh end the podcast
I don't need the cops at my house again
(24:32):
I love you Pomona bull
Oh
My god, you're hilarious. Yeah, we don't need a knock on the door. No, please. No, please. No, I can hate that
I'm like
Turn off the tv shit like who's right like it's like that. This is my house. I'm like, fuck you
(24:57):
Just because my legs are on and the music's bumping. Yeah, and you're like, yes, I'm ignoring you now
I'm not gonna fake that I'm not here. Yeah, because I mean I'm now
I don't give a fuck that you're knocking
You're not amazon so go away. Yeah
Amazon usually sends me a picture and says bitch. It's delivered
Oh
(25:18):
Yeah
Yeah
So crazy. Oh, and I also like just before we I mean, I know I'm like really short on
Like time but I love our fans and whoever loves to listen to us and I love you
So, um, I just want to let you know that I got that 3d or not 3d my bad. I got that tattoo printer
(25:43):
Um, oh, yeah, I have to read that. I bought it. I yeah, I did I did okay
And I have yet I opened the box and I looked at it, but I didn't read the whole
What app do I download and how do I bluetooth it and all that stuff but
Okay
But I just I don't know I really feel
(26:07):
So
How are you gonna test it out or try it out or can you test it out on something besides I guess humans again?
Oh, yeah, I got the the fake skin too because I got a bunch of needles, right? Yeah, okay. Okay
Yeah, and I was is it am I a bad mom if I just have my son put the fake skin over his like arm and I just do it
(26:30):
No, do what you got to do to practice girl. I know because I can't just make it flat
I have to test the new the needles that I have and have different needles
I've been YouTubing a lot and everybody it's like yelp. Don't eat here
Sucks and then you eat there and you're like this is fucking amazing and so
I don't okay, so um
(26:51):
I guess I'm gonna have to look it up on YouTube because I don't know how 3d printer tattoo
No, no, no, no, it's not 3d printers. It's not 3d. What it is. It's that if somebody says
for example
Will text me and say I want this
Hello kitty. This is what I want on me and they send me a picture, right? Okay. I can
(27:14):
Download that picture to my printer put the little stencil paper in there that you can put so that the
Oh
And it's just so it does the stencil. Yeah, it just yeah, it's like it's like putting a yeah
Got it. Okay. And then the stencil you apply it to the skin and you tattoo from there. Yeah, it's like
(27:35):
Got it. Okay
I really didn't want to do that. I really didn't want to do that because it was like then what's my purpose?
What's right? What's my fucking purpose? Am I supposed to not color within the lines? Okay. Yeah
I'm here you know. That's what you wanted. It's not even my artwork really. It's just I just I don't know
(27:59):
I was kind of I was going back and forth with that a lot mentally because I wasn't
Like
Well, then what do tattoo artists do like they they fucking
They upgraded I'm like I'm like on the landline tattoo artists
What are you gonna practice then? Are you gonna practice? Well, did you schedule a practice time or did you already I guess
(28:25):
The guy who wants the dog tattoo like did you already I guess set a date for that?
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I I said give me two weeks. Um, I'm getting some
Some material that are in some supplies
That I want to just kind of check out and see. Okay. Um
I'm
(28:45):
I'm gonna try this is my trial thing. I'm gonna do the dog paw
Freehand and then I'm going to try to transfer that to the little tattoo printer
And then and then I'm just gonna do both of them on the fake skin and just kind of see like
What what works better or what what comes out better? I guess I don't know
(29:07):
um
Who knows maybe but like I said he wanted like legit
The dog print so maybe the tattoo printer would you know, is it just it's cutting corners?
Better simplify it. Yeah
Yeah, make it a lot
faster of a session I guess I don't know so
(29:31):
Yeah
Yeah, we'll see okay
Yep
Yeah, needy ass people
Oh my goodness, but yeah, when is your mom coming home?
She's home. She's taking a nap. So whenever she wakes up, I will I guess greet her with a happy mother's day
(29:57):
You should just like do an ice bucket thing on her. I just
I would love to do that
And then remind her how she called the cops on me at the age of three and that's why the I am the person I am today
That's what I should do then she'll go into cardiac arrest and I
Maybe I should do that. It's all you need to know
(30:24):
Happy mother's day was for dinner. I'm hungry
Where's my where's the where's my dinner at? Yeah, and when you're done wash the dishes. Yeah, happy mother's day
Why isn't my laundry folded?
There you go. As a matter of fact, I got laundry in the goddamn fucking dryer and you
Man, I have I have a basket of laundry that I need to throw back in the dryer
(30:50):
Let's get the fucking wrinkles out and then hurry up and hang them up
Oh, I did that this morning too because I got rid of my steamer. My steamer was so old and I kept um
I had to like throw vinegar in it. Yeah, so it would be unclawed
Uncalcified or whatever
Yeah, that's it uncalcified or
Uncalculable calcium ide or whatever the fuck and I'm like, you know what?
(31:13):
Let me just throw it start throwing things in the dryer with a wet wash cloth like everybody else does. Yeah
Shit, I take a hot ass shower and I'll just be like this shirt will do hopefully it'll fucking get
D-ringled with this just a little yeah, right? I just needed a little
Yeah, just fuck it. Hopefully it doesn't look like
I just pulled it out of my ass because I did or
(31:37):
Yeah, yeah
I try not to do that anymore. I just hang shit up and people are like, why do you keep hanging?
Why do you hang up all your stuff? It's like because
Because I don't want to fold it and put it in a drawer
Right
Takes too much work less effort to hang them up
Which means I need more closet space
(32:00):
I
Don't even I just fucking hate folding clothes
Pomona bullets. I'm like, I'm at a loss. I have zero words for that. I'm like, I can wash clothes all day long
We've had this conversation. Yeah, I hate folding clothes. I fucking hate it
You can't they all be like the fitted sheets where you can just bundle it up in a ball and just throw it in the fucking
(32:23):
Oh, wait, do you bundle up your fitted sheet in a ball?
Yeah, well, it's not a flat sheet the flat sheet I fold but the fitted sheets that you like put on your actual mattress
I fucking throw that I
Ball it up because there's no point in fucking folding it. Wait, but there's a way to fold it
You know what you're the one who likes to fold laundry, bitch
(32:44):
You know what we should just stop
The madness and just be roommates like legit
Right four years. I'm giving you four years
And then we can do psycho sticks song laundry sucks
girl
That's why I fucking love
laundry sucks
Yeah, no, you know what I like that one sign that they saying there's like don't eat my food
(33:08):
Fuck yeah, please don't that's gonna have to look that up on fucking youtube again because that fucking album was the fucking
Fuck yeah, it is I
I
I swear these boys I'm just like yes, please do not eat my food. I used to tell my kids
Don't touch my tacos. Don't you know what?
(33:28):
Remember I think it was last episode or the episode before where I told you like if I when I started doing
When I went back on McDonald's with quarter pounder with a 10 piece nuggets and m1 is my last two nuggets
And I'm like no, I don't share my fucking food and I purposely put them both in my mouth at the same time because she wanted to take one
And I'm like
You know what?
(33:49):
I thought about like the law of attraction in the universe and I'm like I'm thinking there's lack like so the fact that I did that
Implies like I will never have any more protein ever and I should have shared my fucking food with her
You know now have I done that since the my epiphany?
(34:09):
No, because I've had McDonald's a billion times since then but like I need to stop thinking lack
Come on a bullets and that's where I'm you're on your happiness journey. I've got like
I haven't talked to you offline and I don't want to talk about it until it actually like happens for me
But I'm in a major transfer transformation age
(34:30):
My first 50 years of life has fucking sucked but like in the last
Four to six weeks everything
Has improved drastically so I'm just on my fucking way
finally
I
Could not
Be happier to fucking hear you
(34:52):
Say that
I am so fucking happy to hear you say that
And yes, we will talk
offline
Yeah, not today. I mean it's motherfuckers day, but um, it's motherfuckers day, you know, I happy motherfuckers day
You know what? We're gonna celebrate motherfuckers day every a second Sunday from May then May moving forward
(35:16):
We should we should it's healthy for the soul. Um, but yes, I'm very very very very very
Very you don't even know it'll all come together once we talk
Um, and for you as well because you're finally out of your rut. Thank god. God dang it
if there's a god
(35:39):
But there's a Pomona bullets and Baroque Medusa and if we believe in ourselves, it'll get fucking done. It's gonna get done
Freakin get her done get her done get her done. I want to think it I'm gonna believe it. It's gonna happen. You better watch out
That's right
Where's that John Deere tractor at so I can fucking bulldoze over you. Yep. There you go. Don't make me bust out with the robot
(36:04):
Right on stage
The only dance I can do is the walking man. Let's go
You can do the floss the running man
That's super little floss. I said the walking man
You can do the running man. I was a kind of patch the running man
I can't believe I call it the walking man
Oh, well, you know what that's what people do they walk they don't they they don't run. They don't have no purpose anymore
(36:27):
in this second
drag their feet
Well, I finally have a purpose and yes you do. You always had a purpose you finally see it
Yes, it's kind of scary to be honest. Don't be scared. Don't be scared girl. I got you. I fucking got you
That's why I fucking love you
Mm-hmm. That's why you kept me around for so fucking long. You're like this bitch. I'm gonna need her for
(36:55):
I don't know why this stupid ass bitch. I just can't shake her is no
It all started with karaoke my brother's garage
To the care song
It was it all happened for a reason. No coincidence. That's right, bitch. Oh speaking of
Okay, so when we were in my brother's garage was it for a Mayweather fight? It was a fight. Yeah. Yeah
(37:19):
Okay, so I don't know if you're aware but Mayweather's
held up in Dubai
for
One of his entourage they were in Dubai. I want to say it's Dubai
It's probably Dubai. I don't want to google it right now because we're short on time
I know you need to leave but
Him and his entourage were in Dubai or insert the correct city for the people. I guess who are gonna google this
(37:44):
I he somebody one of his entourage wanted to buy jewelry
I don't know they took the jewelry home. The jewelry was not supposed to be bought
Mayweather if I'm saying this correctly, I might be wrong
Offered it or like paid the mount, but they're like it's not for fucking sale. So he has been held up. They're not letting him go
(38:05):
Wow
He is stuck in Dubai
Like everybody came home except him
Like he's being held for ransom
Yes
And I'm just like, huh
I'm like, I would never go to Dubai. Let's start there. Yeah first of all, where the fuck in life
(38:26):
Where they in like king tuts, motherfucking like like what they what they still I don't know
I didn't google I didn't gts it but it's all it was all over my um because I follow all the boxers
It was all over my instagram feed. I'm like, is this fucking for real
But then 50 cent fucking chimed in and I'm like, oh, of course it's for real 50 cents chiming in because you know
(38:47):
50 cent offer
I don't know if you're aware. I'm sure you are
He said he would pay um mayweather. I don't know x amount of dollars like 50 million dollars some
insane amount if he could read
I think it was one page out of harry potter
Because he can't because mayweather can't read allegedly
(39:09):
So he's like, you know what fuck that just read the cat in the hat the entire fucking book and I'll pay you 50 million
Never took him up on the offer and I'm just like, okay. Well, there you go
He's like, I don't I don't need to read like where's the mean nothing I
I see the picture
I I I drive my vehicle on this planet earth with something higher than just words
(39:34):
Tmt the money team new yeah, no, um
When 50 cent chimed in just once and I'm just like, oh, this is legit. He's fucking held up in Dubai
I haven't googled it. So I should google it to confirm but
Yeah, that's where he's stuck at right now supposedly
I want to say it's been two weeks possibly three
Three weeks then his head's chopped off already
(39:58):
Right
They already stoned him to death
Don't call it a comeback
Come on
Come on. We need some LL
Right
Oh shit, wow
Well, I mean, that's what you get when you try to take gold that
Isn't for sale. It's good. Right and no matter how much you offer them
(40:20):
They still don't want it for sale. So does it it doesn't aim for sale because it doesn't have a price
There's no price on whatever the fuck they want. That's some crazy ass shit. I'm gonna fucking with that up too now
the hell
What's going on? What the hell's going on?
(40:42):
All right, girl, it's um
1600 and 15 minutes and I know you need to hit the movie so I we better call it a day
All righty. Well, happy
Motherfuckers day and happy Motherfuckers day. Let's do this every fucking second Sunday of the month
It's just that's May or oh of May
Okay, I mean, yeah, whatever. We appreciate each other every day anyhow. So yes, right. Yep
(41:09):
I hope your mother is very aesthetic when you tell her you love her and give her a hug after her nap
Yeah
I knew it
We'll see. I'm hopefully she'll remember or she'll care. I don't know whatever
(41:29):
We'll see
I'll give her the appropriate love. There you go. Just give her a fucking good old pat on the back. Oh
My god, okay really quick. Oh, it's been three years since my dad died. He died or it was three years on Thursday
so like the last um the year that he died was the first year he
(41:53):
Was the first year I guess that um
He gave my mom a mother happy Mother's Day card because he was dying
But no like everybody knew I mean
Whatever, right? Right, but he's like happy Mother's Day. Thanks for being a great mom and she's like this is the first Mother's Day card
Yeah, well he fucking died
I was just like whatever he was like, uh, you know what he's like I
(42:18):
I always knew but you know, here you go
You've been acknowledged I gotta go. Yeah, I'll leave this planet. Please. I'll be back. Maybe not. I don't want to sign the contract again
I'm right back to the lock down now. It's time to go
The world's gone to shit. Yep
Please. I hope you make it out. I'll be on fucking cloud nine if I can third star two left play
(42:40):
Okay, all right, so I wish you a guys all a good week and tomorrow bullets does the same and again happy Mother fuckers day
From both of us. Yes. Take care. Bye. Peace
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