Ep. 9 Caution Tape & Comfort Zones

In this episode of Unhinged Memoirs, we’re ripping off the band-aid and stepping into the uncomfortable conversations every couple avoids—but NEEDS to have. From the controversial debate of going through each other’s phones to whether having opposite-sex friends is a relationship risk, we’re putting it all on the table. Can couples spend too much time together? Should privacy exist in a committed relationship? We’re breaking down the unspoken rules, the blurred boundaries, and how to navigate these tricky topics without burning down your relationship.

It’s time to cross that caution tape and challenge those comfort zones.

Key Topics Covered:

1. Going Through Each Other’s Phones: Privacy vs. Transparency

• Is checking your partner’s phone a betrayal of trust or a form of accountability?

• What drives the need to snoop: insecurity or intuition?

• How to create a balance between privacy and openness.

2. Opposite-Sex Friendships: Harmless or Hazardous?

• Can you truly have opposite-sex friends without crossing boundaries?

• How to handle friendships that make your partner uncomfortable.

• Defining what’s appropriate vs. disrespectful in friendships while in a relationship.

3. Spending Too Much Time Together: When Closeness Turns Clingy

• Can too much time together hurt a relationship?

• Signs that codependency is creeping in.

• The importance of maintaining individuality and personal space.

4. Social Media Boundaries: What’s Too Public and What’s Too Private?

• Is not posting your partner a red flag or just personal preference?

• How social media can fuel insecurity and comparison.

• Setting digital boundaries for a healthier relationship.

5. Friends with Exes: Respectful or Reckless?

• Is staying friends with an ex harmless or holding onto the past?

• How to set boundaries if your partner is still close with an ex.

• The difference between maturity and mixed signals.

6. Alone Time vs. Quality Time: Finding the Balance

• How spending time apart can actually strengthen the connection.

Listener Challenge:

This week, have one uncomfortable conversation with your partner. Whether it’s about phone privacy, friendships, or how much time you’re spending together—break through that comfort zone.

Connect With Us:

Got a hot take or a personal story about handling these uncomfortable topics? DM us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Lemon8, Pinterest and/or Snapchat.. Or you can email us at [e-mail] Let’s keep the conversation real and raw!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I just want you to know that I'm sorry.

(00:18):
What's up, everyone?
Welcome back to episode nine of Unhinged Memoirs.
Today, we're diving into tough conversations, sticky situations
and those oh so complicated gray areas of relationships.
We're breaking down the delicate balance between trust, transparency and independence.
No topic is off limits, which is exactly why we're calling this one

(00:40):
caution tape and comfort zones.
Val, I'm Jess and I'm Liz.
That's right, everybody.
We're going to be asking all the questions and debating amongst ourselves
about the controversial and taboo subjects in relationships.
It's going to be fun.
Boy, oh boy, I hope you're ready.
Yes, dive in.
We're going to dive in.

(01:02):
I think I'm just going to do it.
Absolutely beautiful.
Thank you.
I think I'm going to just do that every episode.
Yeah, I just feel like that's your thing.
It is.
At this point, I'm about to dive in.
All right.
So let's start with the first question.
So I want to know what you guys think about this.
What do you guys feel?
We're debating or masturbating?
We're going to be debating.
We're doing both right now.
Okay, so do you believe you can have opposite sex friends

(01:26):
when you're in a relationship or vice versa?
Like and not just I guess if that's if you're straight, if you're gay or lesbian,
do you feel like you can have same sex friends when you're in a relationship
with other people, like outside of like your couple friends?
I was just going to say that unless it's a couple friend, like
like our friends Thomas and Amy.
OK, we were friends with Thomas before he got with Amy.

(01:48):
And there was nothing there that was strictly platonic.
But then once he got with Amy, I kind of gravitated more towards hanging out with Amy.
Right.
Than Thomas, just because I feel like it's disrespectful to hang out with him by
himself anymore, especially that he's in a relationship.
So I personally, I don't that that's a no go for me.

(02:10):
People have ulterior motives and that's just that.
I agree.
I disagree, actually.
OK, let's hear it.
I don't think I've been a firm believer in this because I have been
the opposite. Like I've been the receiving end of being dropped by somebody
because they got in a relationship with somebody else.
And I think it's shitty.
Like who? Why?

(02:32):
For what reason can you not be friends with somebody because they're the opposite sex?
What insecurities do you have or what insecurities does your partner have saying
that you can't be friends with somebody, especially if it was platonic the entire time?
See, I border this one and this was a big one for me.
So originally, if I would go back to when I was younger, I'd be like, oh, yeah, I had no problem
being friends with, you know, I could have as many guy friends because growing up,

(02:55):
that's all I had was 90 percent of my friends were all guys.
And I've had only a few you guys and maybe like a couple other that were I've actually had as female
friends in my life.
But I will say that I've noticed that for me, at least in all my other relationships,
that were toxic, it was a major issue.
It was a major issue, me having male friends.

(03:16):
And I didn't quite understand it back then.
And I'd always try to fight it because I guess I just didn't understand why.
Now, looking at it, having male friends that have been in my life beforehand when I was in a
relationship, they were all there for me.
And then as soon as something bad would happen, my relationship, they wanted to be that
shoulder to crown. And it was almost this like way in between.

(03:37):
And a lot of times it's for me, at least I've noticed that the men that are being your friends
is because you strictly told them, hey, I only want to be friends, but they'll still try.
I mean.
Right. But I don't consider them friends, honestly.
But what do you consider a friend then?
I mean, because realistically, like anybody that I've anybody like anybody that I've had a

(03:58):
relationship with or tried, you know what I mean?
Like if we went on on one date, clearly we didn't have a fucking relationship.
You know what I mean? But prime example with H and D.
Uh huh.
Do you think that you and D should have been friends?
I had no problem with that.
But right. But do you think that D had an ulterior motive?
No.
Wait, what?
Like, like now I don't in the in during that time.

(04:23):
Yeah, there I thought there was.
But there have been plenty of discussions between then and now that I'm going, hmm,
OK, I was reading a little bit far into that one.
OK, so let me ask you this, though.
Do you feel that that that your other male friend talked in your ear enough to maybe

(04:46):
influence some of your decisions at one point or time?
Yeah, absolutely.
OK, that's where my problem comes in.
That is more than just even about about trying to get with you as a person.
It's the fact that we allow people to influence this in our relationship because it's going
to as a as a man's point of view, I'm telling you, they're fucking up because it's one thing
for your girlfriends to be like, oh, what's the difference, though?

(05:07):
What's the difference between your girlfriends and your boyfriend?
Because you're more apt to listen to a male than you are a female and vice versa.
But that's because they can see it from an outsider's point of view as compared to ours.
As women, we all think alike, right?
Not necessarily.
Well, in most situations when it comes to certain things, right?
Like we'll look at it and be like, oh, yeah, no, that's totally fucked up.
Right.
And then a guy will look and be like, but did you look at it this way?

(05:28):
Or I think you guys are reading too much into this.
Right.
Did this guy ever want to like have a relationship with you?
Acted, acted, acted.
But nothing ever came of it.
Type of type of guy that was interested when not available and when available, not interested.
Yeah.
So the interest was there until she was available.

(05:49):
I think that's that's the key.
Interested.
It's the vulnerability.
It's the trying to get to a part of it.
I've had my experiences, you know, in the past with that as well.
And in vice versa, like I have a vice, a wrong word, vice versa.
I have a problem.
I'm going to be honest, like maybe I'm toxic this way.
I'd have a major issue if Eric had female friends that he was super close to and talking

(06:11):
to them about shit in our life.
That right.
And it all comes down to that too, as well for me.
But why is it OK for you to talk to your female friends about it and not your male friends?
Because you're not going to leave your female friend.
You're not going to leave your boyfriend for that female friend.
That's not necessarily true either.
Well, OK, if you swing that way, I mean, if that's your thing.
Yeah, I mean, that's a situation.

(06:32):
You're shit out of luck.
You can't have friends.
I mean, there have been plenty of situations with it, too, though.
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't know.
Like, I just I don't think it's I understand where both of you are coming from.
And I and I agree with you on certain aspects of it.
If there was any kind of sexual relationship, if sexual interest, sexual flirtationships

(06:53):
or whatever the case is, absolutely not.
You should not be friends with them.
They should not have any part in your relationship with your partner.
But if it's just a platonic relationship and you've been friends with them for a very long
time in your case, Thomas, Thomas and Amy.
Yeah.
I don't see a problem with that.
You know what I mean?
No, and I don't necessarily.

(07:13):
But they're also coupled.
Right.
I mean, and there's no interest there.
There is no like that's what I'm saying.
There's no if if Amy and him split up, there's no me and him getting together and there's
no me getting together with Amy.
But if you go from it on Amy's point, I meant she's allowing her husband to be friends with
another female.
Right.
Because I think that she understands and she's secure in that aspect and knowing that like

(07:37):
there is nothing there.
So I get what you're saying to I'm not discrediting what you're saying.
But I have a problem with having opposite sex friends who there's an interest.
So if that went south, that girl or that guy is sliding right the fuck on in.
OK, so let me let me take this one further and let me ask this question then.

(07:58):
So it's one thing, I guess, to have like someone you're talking to.
But would you if you're in a relationship, would you go out and have lunch with that
with that other guy friend just as a friend?
I mean, I like what do you mean?
Like in a in just like a friendly platonic way.
Yeah.
Like would you go out with another guy like as a platoon a platonic way?

(08:19):
Of course, in your mind, in a platonic way, go out and hang out with another male by yourself,
just you and that person when you're in a relationship.
No, probably not.
Right.
OK.
No, I mean, like that that aspect, I don't think that you should be hanging out with
them like friend wise.
I think it should be a group thing or with your partner.
Absolutely.
I don't I don't think that you should be hanging out with anybody of the opposite sex by yourself.

(08:41):
Absolutely.
Especially when you're in a relationship.
But when I say like that I've been burned, I was more speaking of M. Oh, I know.
Oh, I know who you were speaking about.
No, I get like.
But in reality, there were there were more than just platonic feelings there at one point
in time, right in the very, very, very beginning.
We want to go back like two years.

(09:02):
Absolutely.
Right.
But at one point there was.
So that shows that there is some sort of physical and mental, emotional, but that had been cut
off.
That literally was cut off like a year prior to anything.
No, absolutely.
And I'm not saying that any of yours you get in.
You get in a relationship with somebody and then all of a sudden the person that you were

(09:22):
calling every day and talking to every day, just bullshitting with you, come over, hang
out, whatever the fucking case was.
All of a sudden you get in a relationship and it's I'm going to ghost you now.
OK, can I flip it real quick and ask one more question?
OK, so let's let's say you got in a relationship with someone and they had a best female friend,

(09:44):
right, that at one point in time he shares with you that there was certain type amount
of interest that was there and you guys tried, but it didn't work out and you guys just remained
friends.
But you guys talk, they talk every single day.
I'd have to see the dynamic between them, though that wouldn't bother you.
Realistically, you'd have to see the dynamic.
So I wouldn't trust the dynamic.
I wouldn't either.
What one would do in front of me would be different than what they do behind my back.

(10:07):
Because that's just trauma talking.
Right.
Because that's basically saying that what your past relationships have taught you is
that your future relationships are going to be the same thing.
But isn't that how we grow?
Is it though?
Because you're not healing at that point.
No, I can't trust that.
I can't trust that.
Like for me, like, because I love you, you'd have the strength to like.
But hold on, like case in point though, H and K, how long have they been friends?

(10:31):
They were living together and I still had to be okay with it.
Did I not?
So did they date?
That statement was never made clear.
Honestly, it was we have been friends since we were in high school.
We were always super, super close.
And then her boyfriend and H did not get along in high school.

(10:55):
Okay.
But when H and I mean, excuse me, when K and C got together, all of a sudden they were
a throuple living in the fucking same house together.
And I had to be okay with that.
But that's been going on since when they lived up north, right?
I don't know if they live together up north.
Honestly, I don't know that part.
Again, there's information that was missing from there was pizza pieces and parts that

(11:17):
were missing from stories that I never got the answer to.
Okay.
So but here's where, okay.
If they were living together, that's one thing.
It's like a roommate situation.
I get it.
I guess.
I don't really know their dynamic.
But what my brain goes to is that if there's an opposite sex friend that you're calling

(11:41):
and confiding in instead of me in that moment and talking to that opposite sex friend about
our relationship or anything intimate with us, I have a, that's a huge problem.
And that's what was being done.
Okay, see.
But I was told basically like, it's fine.
It's okay.

(12:02):
Like, and the only people I was allowed to talk to were Jess and Eric.
I wasn't allowed to talk to anybody else about it because they don't need to know our problems.
Did he outright state that?
Yeah, he did state that.
I didn't know that.
I mean, either way, I guess you know what it comes down to all in all it, what it comes

(12:22):
down to me, to me, what am I saying?
For me, what it comes down to is I feel like you should automatically be talking to your
spouse first about your issues.
And if there's still issues that you case can't seem to come to an understand on, then
it's okay to reach out to your friends for help and go, Hey, let me ask you a question.
But even in that aspect, I think that should only be done like in worst case scenarios.

(12:43):
But I don't know, I just have a problem, I guess.
And maybe it is my trauma.
Maybe it is the damage that's happened.
It's not so much of being healed.
I guess it's more of for me, my trauma is gone and went, let me teach you lessons of
things you're willing to accept and things you're not willing to accept.
And one of the things that I'm not willing to accept is having my, my spouse be best

(13:04):
friends with an opposite sex that especially if there was even a hint of anything beforehand
and sit and be their best friend and constantly be talking to them all the time when that
I feel like should be focused on us home at home.
You know what I mean?
That's like my last relationship, like when we, when we just split up and I was like,
what happens if you get another girlfriend?
And he goes, they're going to have to accept that you are my best friend and you are a

(13:26):
part of this family.
And I flat out told him, I was like, and if I was that woman, I would fucking run, especially
with our, our dynamic.
That's a little bit different though.
I understand that, but it still goes with the opposite sex friends.
And he's very convincing when he's like, she's just my friend.
No the fuck she's not.
I don't trust that.
Like period.

(13:47):
Like that's a, that's a boundary for me.
Like I think having like my man having another woman as a best friend and someone that he
confides in, I'm out.
I'm out.
And listen, and I, I respect anybody that can do it and has enough trust in their life
and in their partner to be able to do it.
And please understand, I don't knock at all like the way you feel because everybody's

(14:07):
in total their own feelings.
And I get what you feel.
If that works for you or works for you, however your opinions work, I think it's awesome.
And vice versa.
Like I, I get how y'all are feeling too.
Like I completely see it from both sides.
It's just, it's not for everybody.
I think there's also rules to the, there's exceptions to the rules.
There is.

(14:27):
Like you guys asked, would, would I be okay going out to lunch with this person without
my partner?
Absolutely not.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Unless they were fucking gay, then you know, that's different.
It's different.
It was a hundred percent different.
It's like going out to lunch with one of my bitches, you know?
Right.
Right.
Let's segue into something else here.
Okay.

(14:48):
What do we feel about each partner having the passwords to each other's phones?
I E iPhones, computers or whatever, just having open access.
How do we feel about that?
Can I go first on this one?
Yeah.
Okay.
So I don't have a problem with it personally.
But I think that there has to be a limit.

(15:10):
And when I say that it goes like this.
So I've always been the type of person when I get in a relationship, I have an open phone,
open password policy.
You can have access to everything because I don't have anything to hide.
Right.
You want to use my phone.
You want to answer my phone calls.
I don't give a shit.
Take my phone, go through it.
I don't care.
But there is a limit to that.
Okay.
And I've always set up in every relationship I've ever been in where I went like this,

(15:33):
I get that there's going to be times where we have insecurities or trust issues or whatever
the situation is.
All I ask is that you come to me and go, Hey, listen, and I will do the exact same.
I'm feeling insecure in this moment.
Would you have a problem if I looked in your phone?
Because now you're coming to me when you're letting me know that you're feeling insecure
and I will gladly hand you my phone.
I won't touch it outside of if you need me to put the password in for you can do it yourself.

(15:57):
You know what I mean?
But I feel like that shouldn't be an issue.
What I do have a problem though, is ones that in my past relationship, I would go to bed
or I would go take a shower or whatever the situation was.
And that's when they were secretly going my phone.
Then it feels like an invasion of privacy because you're doing it behind my back.
Does that make sense?
Yes.

(16:17):
That's where my problem comes in.
So I was actually the one doing that.
If we're being transparent, I was the one doing that in my last relationship.
Okay.
And I had, he always told me if you felt weird, ask me for my phone, take my phone.

(16:38):
But when I did, I don't understand what I've been doing.
Why do you feel so insecure?
Why are you going through my phone?
He told me literally if ever, if there's ever a moment where you feel insecure or something's
off and you need to see my phone, have it.
Cool.
I would never find anything.
But after I gave him back his phone, did you find anything that you're looking for?

(17:00):
I don't understand what I've been doing to make you do that.
That's toxic to me.
It is.
You told me that if I was feeling any type of way, it shouldn't fucking matter what made
me feel that type of way.
I had reasons beyond our relationship, not technically in our relationship, but I had
reasons beyond our relationship when we were just friends to have insecurities with this

(17:24):
man.
Right.
So I have a problem when they're like, yeah, you can go ahead and do that, but I'm going
to fight you on it as soon as you're done.
And that's not helping.
I don't think that should have been a situation.
I don't think he should have done it that way.
No, I agree.
So that's what I'm saying.
So I, when he was in the shower, went through his phone.
I had his password.
I knew his password and he knew mine.

(17:44):
But did you feel like you're invading his privacy?
I was fucking lutely, but I didn't get the fucking third degree.
If he didn't know, I hate to say it that way.
And honestly, I know that sounds toxic and I know that that's going to come out real
fucking bad, but if I'm going to get fucking, if I'm going to get reamed for something that
you told me, I don't want to make you feel insecure.
I don't ever want to make you feel that way.

(18:04):
So yes, here's my phone, but then turn around and fucking chastise me when I did what you
asked me to do.
I'm going to start doing it in secret.
Oh, absolutely.
And that goes for so many different things in life.
I mean, I think we've all been there.
We've all done it secretly before because we haven't wanted to be that person that was
going like ridiculed, you know, for, for, for trying to figure out like what the fuck

(18:25):
is going on in our relationship.
Yeah.
Like when he was acting weird, I'm like, okay, so what the fuck is this?
You know, and it's not that I did it all the time.
I probably did it literally less than a handful of time, our whole relationship.
So it's not like it was an every night day or every night thing that I was going through
his phone.
I wasn't doing any of that shit.
But when I did it, I think there was two times that I told him.
And then the other three times or so it was in secret.

(18:50):
Hmm.
How do you feel?
I mean, I don't have a problem sharing my passwords, sharing anything like that.
As long as there's not like, I think there's a moment when it becomes excessive.
Yeah.
Like if you're that insecure that you have to look at my phone every fucking day when
I come home from work, it's almost like, and excuse me, I'm going to get fucking raw and
real right.

(19:11):
Let me smell your dick.
That's like, Jesus Christ, and you walk through the fucking door.
Let me smell your dick.
Where has it been?
I mean, like honestly, and I'm sorry for anybody that's listening that's got prude ears or
whatever the fuck was going on.
You should already know, but wrong podcast, wrong podcast, wrong podcast.
But like I have no problem being open.

(19:34):
It's black and white.
You know what I mean?
Like we don't meet the representative.
We meet the CEO when it comes to our relationships.
If I had anything to hide, I wouldn't be doing out in plain sight.
Like let's be fucking for real.
Be a little bit smarter or trust your partner a little bit more.
And I'm not saying that like you didn't trust him.

(19:54):
You just had your reasons.
You know what I mean?
I did have reasons.
Very good reasons.
You had very good reasons.
But also at the same time, I think that there are people that obsess over it.
Agreed.
And you didn't obsess over it.
Nope.
Cause like the whole time that you guys were together, I think I heard you talk about it
maybe twice.
Maybe, maybe he, no, but like me personally, I mean, I heard her a little bit more, but

(20:17):
yes.
Well, yeah, but like, I don't know.
I feel like overall in that I didn't feel, listen, and I still stand by this.
He wasn't doing me dirty inside the relationship.
Right.
I was just, I was very insecure in that relationship and now being, justifiably so.

(20:39):
Yes.
I was just being out of it, which is, which sucks because in the relationship he really
did try to make sure he was good.
Right.
But it was the before exactly my, exactly my point.
And that's exactly it.
And you're going, well, if he did it, all these bitches, what's he doing to me?
Yeah.
And he wasn't, but like, I don't know, man, that's, that's tough for me.

(21:02):
I like, I will give you my phone gladly.
I don't give a shit.
Go through it.
Have it.
I really don't care.
I'm not going to chastise you.
I'm not going to go, what made you feel that you need to go through that?
And did it.
I may ask you though.
I may be, and not maybe so much in a condescending tone, but just be like, well, can we talk
about what led you to feel this way?
Yeah.

(21:22):
Or what can I do to help change that?
Absolutely.
I think communication is very healthy.
Yeah.
There's ways to go about it to address like what's going on to go, Hey, listen, obviously
you're feeling insecure.
Am I doing something?
Have I said something?
Am I not doing enough of something?
Is there a reason that I am making you feel insecure?
I think that's important.
I think it's a huge, huge relationship aspect that people don't actually think about.

(21:47):
They kind of just put it off in like the back of their mind thinking that everything's just
going to be great with their partner and not really realizing how much work actually goes
into it.
Or when there is issues wanting to attack instead of realizing like, Hey, you guys are
in this together and maybe we need to work on this.
It's called team effort.
You got to, you got to sit there and communicate.
Communicate.
So when there has been broken trust, not necessarily for me, but I know my friends in certain relationships,

(22:11):
there's been broken trust.
You know, like, so when you had your past relationship, I noticed that we talked about
it in the last episode.
You know, when he was looking over your shoulder, right?
And he was looking through your phone.
I don't think necessarily it was that you were doing anything, but you were checking
up on things that he may have been doing in your phone, you know, and you were afraid

(22:32):
of what he'd see that way.
Not that you were doing anything, but things that you may have been looking up.
So there's like a breaking of the trust.
So like, I just feel like, I don't know, having access to the phones is, it's a sticky situation,
but like I'm an open book, like take it.
Right.
And I guess what it really truly comes down to is if you're in a relationship, don't do

(22:54):
fuck shit.
Right.
And it's as simple as that.
Get out of the relationship.
If you feel the need to like swerve and go somewhere else, get out of the relationship,
just fucking in the relationship at that point.
And clearly like, look where you're at now.
Absolutely.
And it's crazy that like you go through all of that because you love this person or think
you love that person or think you love that person in love with the idea of that person.

(23:17):
Correct.
So much better love on the opposite side of that spectrum.
Absolutely.
There's the grass sometimes is always greener on the other side.
Yes.
So phones, we say that yes, open policy.
I have no problem with it as long as there's respect and there's no break of like a mutual

(23:37):
understanding.
Right.
Absolutely.
And same with location.
Yeah.
It goes the same with the locations.
I don't have a problem.
You know, we have life 360 on our phones for my whole family.
I mean, everybody in my family has, I ain't got nowhere to hide from, you know, like if
I'm going somewhere, y'all can know where I'm going.
I don't give a shit.
Right.
So well, my last relationship immediately when we started dating, he sent me his location

(23:58):
on iPhone.
Right.
And I was like, wait, what are you doing?
Like I, I've never in my life.
But in a relationship, you can trust me.
I was like, what is this?
And he's like, well, I just want you to know where I'm at because you know, he did a dangerous
job.
He did a dangerous job and it was nice to know where he was.

(24:19):
You know what I mean?
I had, I had no problem with knowing where he was, but I will tell you this.
I noticed my own toxicity when I wouldn't hear from him for a little bit during the
day.
I would catch myself clicking on that map going, yeah, fuck is he?
Oh, he's over here.
Oh, he's at work right now.
Good thing he's at work.
Not that I ever had any worry or doubt in my mind that he was doing anything because

(24:40):
he was not that kind of guy.
He was very upstanding.
He's a great guy.
You know what I mean?
Like we just were not compatible.
I noticed my own toxicity though.
But also like, I hate to say it.
I guess I have that too.
Like it eased my anxiety of going, why isn't he answering?
And that's also why I'm doing my own therapy.
Hello?

(25:01):
Because I need to break those patterns.
I recognize a part.
I do that.
I absolutely do that.
But I'm like, okay, well, why isn't he answering me?
Okay.
Well, Valerie, he's, he's, he's on the road.
He's up in a tower.
Like he's not answering you.
Not because you suck.
He's not answering you because he's fucking working.
So I would do that with the location too.

(25:22):
Like I'd constantly check and check.
It's not a, it's not a good look sometimes though.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
That's why I'm doing therapy.
Cause what the fuck?
So what do you got, babe?
So I was thinking about it because I am like the black cat out of all three of us.
I think when it comes to like, don't touch me, don't breathe on me.
Yeah, you are.

(25:43):
Get away from me.
But also I like to cuddle when I want to cuddle.
Okay.
Yeah.
But I'm a firm believer in like, if you're in a relationship with somebody, you don't
need to do everything together.
You're right.
Like, I don't think that you need to go to the store together all the time.
I don't think that you need to brush your teeth together at the same time.
Like let's go change our underwear.
You know what I mean?
Like let's go shower together.

(26:04):
Like yes.
Okay.
That's great.
Sometimes.
Yeah.
But sometimes I just want to do a full body shower and when I like actually, you know,
get some good stuff going on and I don't need your help with that.
I know.
I want to go to the grocery store.
I want to go for a fucking drive down the road and listen to my own music without having
to hear somebody else talk.
Just let me be my own person.
And I'm not saying that needs to be every day, but I feel it's healthy for couples to

(26:28):
have time apart.
It is.
It's a hundred percent.
It is.
I don't know.
I just, I've never been one of those cutesy couple people in a relationship.
So I don't think that you necessarily need to do everything together to maintain a healthy
relationship.
Yes, I think togetherness is great sometimes, but like have some fucking space, put a wedge

(26:52):
there too much of good thing is not always good.
I get what you're saying.
Sometimes it becomes like redundant and like, okay, get it.
We were actually talking about this at work the other day.
All the girls were in there.
We were all just venting just about home life, work, everything.
That was the main thing.
So one of the girls at work, she was like, Oh, cause she was on a vacation for Christmas

(27:15):
and New Year's.
I was so excited to see her and I was like, how was your staycation?
And she goes, man, she's like, I was surrounded by them the whole time.
And she says, I was excited when my husband went back to work, my kid went to school.
She said, I got to sit on the couch, watch whatever I wanted to watch and be by myself.
She goes, I just missed my alone time.

(27:39):
And that is, and everyone was like, yes.
And then they were all like, you're so lucky.
I know that you're sad because you're single, but you have no idea how lucky and like, like
we envy that we envy that you get to go home from working all day and being around everyone
and talking all fucking day and you get to go home and just do whatever the fuck Valerie

(28:00):
wants to do.
And I'm like, you know what you write?
Yeah, I'm totally envious of it to be honest.
I'm not even going to lie.
Like the fact that you only have to worry about yourself and only have to worry about
feeding yourself and paying your own bills for just you and doing all of that and being
able to have your alone time.
Like that's such an awesome thing.
But in the same, there's also negative that come with that because it sucks being alone.

(28:22):
Yeah.
I mean, and, and for me, I'm going to, I'm going to jump in on this one because I know
that I almost slightly feel personally attacked.
No jabs were thrown.
No, I know.
No, I know.
Um, so with Eric and him being a lineman, I mean, he's normally always, always gone
and he's been home now since the accident and he hasn't been able to go back to work
yet just because of his injuries and stuff.

(28:44):
But we were so used to it being where he was gone from, you know, leave at four o'clock
in the morning and not be home until nine, 10 o'clock and do that for 10 days a week,
you know, like 10 days for the week of his, hold on, let me rephrase that 10 days was
his week where then he'd have four days off and those four days ended up following up
with normally like trying to do shit around the house and get stuff done and be ready

(29:05):
to start.
Yeah.
And so we would go so much time without him being around that by the time those days come,
we were like, okay, let's just do everything together and get as much of it as can.
But no, but that's normal because you had the healthy away part already.
Right, right, right.
And now like since November, we've been together 24 seven and I absolutely love being around
him 24 seven.

(29:25):
I do.
Um, but it is nice when he's like, I'm going to go to the store and I'm like, okay, I'm
going to lay on the bed and I'm going to watch TV or I'm going to do this or I'm going to
do that.
So it's a moment just to even take a shit by myself.
It's quite nice actually sometimes, but I still, I also enjoy being around him all the
time too, cause I know that this is only temporary when he goes back to work, it's going to go

(29:46):
back to that and then I'll be like, I miss him.
I know.
I'm just gonna project it one, just one thing.
What's that?
If my future boyfriend ever in their entire life catches themselves sitting in the bathroom
while I'm taking a shit, that is the end of the relationship right there.
Why?

(30:06):
I have to fucking, that is my time.
That's like me.
That's my time.
I used to stand in there or I used to sit in there with Brian and Brian used to sit
in there with me.
Jeff and I didn't like, I mean, he'd come in there and talk to me for a second and then
leave.
Like he wouldn't just sit there, but I mean, it also depends on the person and the relationship,
you know, I did Brian and I are very clingy.

(30:27):
Jeff and I were not, you know, it just depends.
It just depends on the relationship.
It does.
It really, really does.
Yeah.
I've never in my life, any of the boyfriends I've ever had ever just sat in the toilet
and been like, all right, babe, let's talk about our day.
No, never in my life.
No, never in my life.

(30:47):
I mean, whatevs.
Like if we had shit to talk about, here's my thing.
Well shit, yeah, you clearly had shit to talk about.
No, listen, I have IBS, so I just, if we're in the middle of a conversation, you guys
know me.
I have to shit and I have to shit now.
Okay.
So if we're in the middle of a conversation and I have to poop, he's coming to follow
me because we're finishing the conversation.

(31:08):
You know, that's just, that's, Hey, what works for some doesn't work for all.
Right.
Exactly.
Yeah, clearly.
But I get it.
No, there's a healthy balance.
I get what you're saying.
Like the smell alone.
I already work in the hospital where it smells like death and dying and shit and GI bleeds
and I don't want to smell any of that when I come home and sit there and have a serious

(31:28):
conversation with you because I would be fucking, I love the ER.
It's so much fun.
I, uh, no, that's a no for me.
Thank you.
That's a no for me, dog.
Yes.
But back to unshitting.
Um, I think that unshitting, unshitting, we're going to go back to talking before we talked
about shit.
Um, I 100% agree with you.

(31:50):
I think being around each other all the time with no break is not healthy.
No.
Having your own alone time is absolutely healthy.
You don't have to do everything.
It should be healthy to go out and hang out with your friends or go paint with your friends
or go out with your friends for dinner.

(32:10):
It should be like, there's a normal part of relationships outside of the relationship.
It gives you time to miss each other.
Right.
Right.
And that's what I'm saying.
Like, and I envy those couples that want to be around each other all the time.
Cause I wish I was that person.
I wish I could be like, I don't know, cuddly, like a cuddly little bear.

(32:32):
I'm not that way all the time.
I have my moments where I am in that other time.
So I'm like, I just need a minute to myself.
Yeah.
Well, because you got, you also have a lot going on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You have a lot of dynamic there.
Yeah.
I'm sure we will be that couple though.
Like once all the kids are grown and we're just living in our own home by ourselves and
like, babe, I'm going to go brush our teeth though.
Right.

(32:52):
So you go do that.
You will.
I know.
I know you will.
I know.
You're a little bit of an issue.
Exactly.
You're a bit of an issue in there too.
And the fact that he's your best friend.
But I envy that because I can honestly say that any of the boyfriends that I've ever
had have never been like my best friend.
Like they've been great.
You know, minus one.

(33:16):
But they've been great to the aspect of like, we were always good together.
Yeah.
I never looked at them as like, let's go shoot the shit.
You know what I mean?
I'll see.
And I guess this is the first relationship where I can say I am so unapologetically able
to just be me.
Yep.
I can tell him anything.
Like I have not kept a single thing from him.

(33:37):
And I envy that.
Yeah.
I do.
I tell him everything.
Without judgment.
Even if it makes me look like shit, I'm like, oh my God.
I'm like, I'm going to tell somebody like every little deep, dark secret or like how
many intrusive thoughts do we have all the fucking time?
And I just want to be able to blur it out and then not be like, what a fucking weirdo.
And he just looks at me and goes, you're so random.
It's cute.

(34:00):
I think I had that best friend.
I had that maybe twice, maybe twice.
Yeah.
Maybe.
I don't even know.
I don't even know anymore.
I think I'm questioning this last one, but I know the one before that, man.
Who was your best friend?
That was my best friend.
You guys were like two peas in the pod, like personality wise.

(34:21):
Peas and carrots.
You guys made like the bestest of friends.
Yeah.
The bestest of friends.
It's true.
It's true.
Okay.
So let's go on to another one.
My next question, and I know I seem to be like following like a pattern here, but what
about when your spouse is liking photos on social media of the opposite sex?
Or it depends on the-
Same situation, same sex, whatever.

(34:43):
Depends on the context.
So I'm not a fan.
If they're fucking half thinking in a bikini, their ass is hanging out, their titties are
hanging out, they're just with a whole bunch of other females and they're out partying
and he's liking that, fuck you.
Yeah.
That part.

(35:04):
Seriously.
That's not, I don't, and it's not an insecurity.
It's respect.
It's respect.
It's fucking respectful.
It is disrespectful.
Period.
Yeah.
I wholeheartedly agree with you guys on this one.
I cannot, will not ever be okay with a guy liking provocative pictures or anything like

(35:29):
that of the opposite sex or whatever, whatever they choose.
I don't like it.
But with that being said, if it is a picture of them and their family or if it's like a
holiday picture, they're fully dressed, it's respectable.
It's their friends.
They're wearing a turtleneck.
They're in a snow suit.

(35:49):
Covered all the way up to your nose.
Great.
Love the picture.
Like it.
Lick it.
Do whatever you fucking gotta do.
I don't know about lick it.
Lick it.
Lick it.
I'm liking the picture that falls under liking someone half naked.
Okay.
Fucking fast.
Maybe he's got a fetish for Eskimos or something.
Maybe.
For me, I am 100% on the same page with you guys.

(36:12):
I have a hard time and I guess it's from my past relationships where I was in a relationship
where he didn't want to have sex but spent all of his time on Instagram sitting liking
photos of girls wearing no clothes hardly at all, but just little nipple covers and
tiny thongs.
I'm going, okay.
Well, you don't want to do anything with me so obviously you're not attracted to me.

(36:32):
And then also it was a disrespect thing because I'm going, you're publicly letting them know,
hey, I'm interested in you by sitting there and liking all these photos.
When I'm in a relationship, I'm not sitting there looking at all these thirst trap guys
and fucking be like, oh yeah, double click.
You know what I mean?
Like I don't do that shit.
That's just me because I feel like you're giving them a gateway to open up for me to
go if it's not someone that's super famous and I'm just like, oh yeah, I like that photo.

(36:55):
I've had guys message me after I liked their photos and I know damn well that I've had
in my past when a cute guy had liked my photos that I've been like, oh hey, what's up?
You know, I mean, right afterwards.
So I feel like you're, you're putting a open platform open for you to be able to talk to
someone else.
And I don't want that.
That's too much temptation.
That's one thing I hate about social media.
Well like, and for me, you liking somebody else's pictures, like another female's pictures,

(37:19):
I'm instantly in my head going, I'm comparing myself.
Yeah.
Why does he like her?
What about her?
Does he like, what's different about me?
Especially when they're normally like perfect body, perfect boobs, perky ass, all that shit.
So clearly you like that.
So what the fuck are you doing with me?
Right.
You know what I mean?
Am I just your, well, I can't really get that in real life.
So I guess I'm a subtle.
Yeah.
Fuck out of here.
Fuck you, man.

(37:39):
Like, yeah, I'm perfect the way I was made.
You don't like it?
Oh, fucking well.
Exactly.
You give a fuck.
I'm not perfect, but you're still going to like me anyway.
Period.
I mean, my personality is not perfect.
Right.
Right.
I mean like, you love this better.
Daddy.
Yeah.

(37:59):
So that's a no for me, dog.
I think that was a simple fucking answer.
Absolutely fucking not.
That's like case closed.
There's no gray area.
It's black and white.
Yeah, I'll just go ahead and hit though.
Is it the little hammer, the gauntlet?
Yeah, there you go.
Is it called a gauntlet?
Yeah, it's a gauntlet.
It's going to be a gauntlet all right.
Yeah, it's going to be.
Fucking mask your somebody.
Next topic.
Okay.
How do we feel about sexual incompatibility and how to navigate that in a relationship?

(38:25):
Okay, explain because I think there's a difference between being incompatible sexually and enjoying
different things sexually.
So what are you referring to?
Okay, maybe, maybe the enjoying or maybe whatever.
So say if one partner is very vanilla and just like, you know, like missionary and then
like bending over, but there's no, there's no choking.

(38:49):
There's no smacking.
There's no dirty talk.
There's nothing spicy or they call it right.
And then you have the other partner who's very shy, timid, who doesn't want to ask
for that because they may not know how to ask for that, but they do enjoy those things.
They do enjoyed or they do enjoy like getting choked and being called dirty things and like

(39:16):
having spicy sex.
Okay.
So how do you approach that into relationship and like, what happens if two of you are just
completely opposite, but you love each other.
It's not something to break you up, but it's definitely something that's very taboo to
talk about with one another.
Oh, well, so first I would say communication is such an important fact.

(39:37):
So if there's something you enjoy or something that you really want done, I like being choked
or you know, having your hair pulled or any of those types of things that make it more
fun for you, I think that those are things that you need to just tell your partner, whether
you're shy or not.
Those are things that you have to speak up on because nobody's a mind reader.
They need to know the other two things that I would say that could be really helpful is

(39:58):
one doing like a yes, no, maybe list.
And that's where you basically sit down and you make a list of writing down all the different
things that you'd be interested in trying on and then sit down with your partner and
go, okay, so I want to know what things you'd be willing to try and then go through that
list and get that's a good idea.
And then you can at least start with the yeses because sometimes I know in past like experiences

(40:19):
for me, for men that were quite vanilla, the biggest thing was they were just almost like
nervous or kind of like fearful of like just being judged or whatever if they shared that,
you know what I mean?
So they didn't want to like just act on those things.
They needed to be slowly moved into them and you can't take like big steps and that kind
of stuff.
And also like when they do do those things is really showing like, hey, I'm really grateful

(40:46):
you try that.
Thank you.
It really turned me on.
I really enjoyed it.
Whatever the situation may be.
The debrief after sex is super important because it lets them know that you liked it and they're
going to be more apt to want to do it again.
Yep.
Yep.
So that's just my two cents.
I think that that's a very great idea.
I think also like coming from different relationships that I've had in my 36 years, I've had a

(41:09):
relationship where they weren't vanilla, but they weren't like crazy.
There were no Neapolitan.
There was something.
There was something.
So I went from like maybe like a French vanilla to a complete triple chocolate instance in
the last one, you know?

(41:30):
So I was able to, I was shy.
Like when I got into my last relationship, I wasn't, I was afraid to ask these things,
but luckily I was with a partner who was a super fucking freak and I was super freaking
now.
Something fucking wrong with this.
So I was, I was thankful in that aspect, you know, but it took a lot of like, it took a

(41:54):
lot of encouragement, you know, and saying you're safe.
This is safe space.
If you don't like it, tell me if you like it, we'll go.
Have a safe word.
Pineapple.
Yeah.
I mean, pineapples.
I don't like it.
But just that gentle encouragement really also helped me become very open in my sexuality
and also going to, I've never been to a sex store ever until two and a half years ago.

(42:20):
Oh, you poor thing.
What?
Yeah.
You didn't go with me and him?
No, I did not.
Oh, but that place that you guys went to is hot flicks for the win.
Now my fucking favorite and they're wonderful.
Like they're so, they're non-judgmental.
Anything they, they don't follow you.
They don't make it weird.
Like, no, you just do your thing.
Yeah.
That place is like, and they have everything.
So I was able to like freely look through all the stuff that they had to explore.

(42:44):
And I, I encouraged the use of, um, cause they have games there.
They have like sex games.
Games are fun.
Yes.
And that was, that was really good.
And like the sex coupons, you know, those were really, really those actually, that's
probably a really good fucking tip.
They have sex coupons at hot flicks that like some are like super racy and some are not

(43:05):
so super racy.
Um, but those are a really good idea, I think.
Um, and then also introducing toys and then going, are you willing to do that?
Is that something that you're willing to do?
Because I feel like I would enjoy that because I just want to make it a little bit more spicy.
So, I mean, asking what his fantasies are.
That's important too.
Cause you may find out that he may have some kinky fantasies that you didn't know about

(43:28):
right.
Just by asking that question.
Yeah.
That's a good thing too.
That's a good thing too.
Come on.
I'm waiting for it.
I am not a kinkmeister.
Fuck both of you.
You are so full of shit.
Do you hear it?
I was just thinking.
We have seen your BBC.
Don't go there.
Can you get the fuck out?
Okay.
There is no such video anywhere.
Oh, wait, I have a picture.
I have a picture.
I have a video.
It was stuck in my washer.

(43:49):
Your dishwasher.
My dishwasher.
And hanging out your pants at the same time.
Right.
Not in a weird kinky way.
We were just drunk and having fun playing around.
No, we were just drunk and having fun playing around.
We were just drunk and having fun playing around.
We were just drunk and having fun playing around.
We were just drunk and having fun playing around.
Not playing around that way, but just playing around and making funny videos.
We were full of clothes.
I know.
I didn't crack to myself.
Digging it.
We were like twenty feet deep.
We were clothed.

(44:10):
We were clothed.
Well, except for the time you flashed the camera three times.
I still have those pictures of myself.
I was just over here thinking while you guys were talking about being in relationships,
I'm going, some of the best sex I've ever had has been when I'm not in a relationship
with somebody.
Like honestly, I will never forget.

(44:33):
Remember the first time Dee came over and I came out the next morning and I was like
fucking glowing, right?
She's still glowing and she's talking about this.
Her cheeks are red.
Because if you were a child, get the fuck off this podcast right now.
I really hope the children aren't listening to this.
It's an 18 year old podcast.

(44:54):
It says explicit.
So she's like, are you good?
Like how did last night go?
And I was like, it went fucking great.
She was like, why?
I was like, he ate me out from the fucking back.
Like that was the first time I'd ever experienced that.
And I was like, damn daddy, let's do it again.
Wait, hold on.
He ate me out from the back.
Set the scene.

(45:15):
Wait, he ate the booty hole?
No, no, no, no, no.
She was on all fours.
I was on all fours and he pushed my head down like into the mattress and then like got all
up in there.
I was like, yes, fucking yes.
And then after that, after that, then like, you know, like pound town.

(45:35):
Okay.
Yeah.
And it was fucking great because it was like, oh, after, oh, after, oh, after, oh, after,
oh.
And like I, that was probably the best sleep I've ever had in my entire life.
Okay.
And that was after C. Okay.
After my whole experience with that.
So I just, I've never had good sex in relationships.

(45:58):
It's always been when I had my ho phase, which is always in between my relationships.
Okay.
So, uh, why?
I don't know.
Like I always think it's great in the beginning and then I, I feel like they get lazy inside
the relationship.
Like everything's great than that honeymoon phase.
And then it's not, you know, okay.
Fair.
So, but I also think like for me, like sex is emotional.

(46:21):
It is.
And like that for me is, but there's a difference between sex, making love and just getting
fucked.
Ain't that right?
Ain't that right?
Sometimes I just want to get, sometimes I just want to get fucked.
Yeah.
Like throw me up against the wall and fucking choke me up.
Sometimes I do want made love to, but I was just getting fucked for two years.
Okay.
Well, sorry about your small problems.

(46:42):
Like fuck.
Oh my God.
His dick was pretty big, but it was just, I don't want to just be fucked all the time.
No, I, I, I agree with that.
I want to be made love to, you know what I mean?
But like also fuck the attitude out of me.
Yeah.
Ain't that right?
I still had an attitude.
That's crazy.
You know why?
Because you wanted to keep getting fucked.

(47:03):
You wonder why you got fucked for two years.
I mean, there's that.
Anyways.
So what's the next question?
Cause I'm a little uncomfortable.
Why?
I'm just kidding.
You out of the three of us getting uncomfortable.
Oh, come on now.
No, I'm an angel.
Bullshit.
Bullshit.
Bullshit.
A bullshit.
I've witnessed the opposite.
You know what?
I'm really offended right now.

(47:23):
Why?
You have feelings?
I had my ho phases.
Yes.
But no, you haven't been in a ho phase like in the past two years.
Oh wait, hold on back up.
Guess it's been a little bit longer than that.
Four years.
Yeah.
Three and a half.
What year are we in?
2025.
25.
Fuck man.
Twenty.
Twenty.
Twenty.
Twenty.
Twenty.
Twenty.
Twenty.

(47:44):
Twenty.
Twenty.
Twenty.
Twenty.
Twenty.
Twenty.
So it's been at least five years, right?
I have a slight ho phase.
Yes, I did, but it's just not my thing.
Don't we all?
Haven't we all?
Just really not my thing.
She's more mature now.
It's really stressful.

(48:04):
I just don't like it anyways.
I'm keeping my comments to myself.
Anyways.
That was a good ho phase.
That's all I wanted to say.
Let's get off on the sex for a minute.
All right, yeah.
No, well that was a part of it.
That was a question asked and beautifully answered.
Question received.
So, you had a question asked.
That was a question asked and beautifully answered.
Thanks.
Oh, it was answered in many colors.
How do you guys navigate when you're in a relationship and your partner does not like

(48:30):
your friends?
Yikes.
Like you're, I'm not talking about your casual everyday acquaintances.
Like your best friends.
I'm talking like your best fucking friends.
And I know all three of us have been in that situation.
Yeah, I know I have.
Yeah.
Nobody seems like you guys.
It's true.
It's real for real.
I know.
I know.

(48:50):
I was like.
Eric is the first one that actually was like, I love you guys.
You can be like my sisters.
But outside of that, I think it's just bad relationships.
I think it's also because we sit there and questioned why they were treating you the way
that they were.
Yeah, yeah.
That was just bad, toxic.
You know, I think it depends on the situation.
That's right.
And the reasoning and the dynamic of what's causing them to not like that other person.

(49:14):
Realistically.
So I would need to know the dynamic of it.
If it's just they don't like them because they don't like them for no fucking reason,
then oh well.
You know what I mean?
Like I'm not going to make you go out of your way to hang out with them.
I'll just hang out with them on my own.
But it's also really fucking sucks.
It does.
But in the same aspect of it, again, I truly feel like it comes down to the dynamic of

(49:35):
why they don't like you.
You know what I mean?
Like in your guy situation, I can only speak from what I've gone through.
There was really no reason for it.
They just didn't like the fact that they were trying to control me.
And y'all were like, I ain't playing that game.
You guys were calling it out.
That's what it was.
You guys were calling it out.
So I think there is also different parts, like different relationships and dynamics.

(50:00):
Right.
So when I was with Jeff, he loved everyone.
He really did get along with everyone.
So that wasn't really an issue.
But I've had moments to where it depended on the situation that other ones didn't like
you guys.
Right.
It depended on the situation.

(50:20):
It waxed and it waned.
He loved you.
And then he's like, Oh, I could do without or they're shady or whatever the fuck.
But no, I love them.
And like, he wouldn't necessarily talk shit, but I can tell when he would get distant.
And that made me feel uncomfortable because I don't want to sit there and have to go hang
out with you guys knowing that he's not really engaged in either.

(50:41):
I want a partner who fucking loves and we're family and ultimately strained our friendship
during that period of time.
I did.
I did.
And I didn't think anything.
I still loved you because she would call and go, are we okay?
And I'm like, no, like really we're okay.
You know, we were, but I was just, it was hard to reach out and have and maintain that

(51:01):
friendship.
Yep.
Because you were living with him.
Right.
And then communication works really good too.
You know, you could have been like, Hey, listen, he's just acting funky and I don't think he
likes you right now for some reasons.
But what's crazy is that it never was.
He never said that.
Like he never even outright said, I don't like them.
He would just get like, he would do without.

(51:24):
Like I don't know.
That's a tough, that's, that's a tough subject because I'm sorry.
Like moving forward, you need to be invested.
Like I'm invested.
Right.
Like I hang out with you and I stay here.
Like this is my second home.
And if you're not involved in that either, that's a, that's a problem for me.
No, I don't like that.
I think there's ways to navigate it though too.

(51:46):
Cause you guys, I feel approach it a little bit easier than I do.
Whereas I walk up to and I'm like, yo, what the fuck is your problem?
What they do to you?
Like let's talk about it right now.
I'm not going to talk about it behind closed doors.
Like we need to figure this fucking shit out because I agree with you guys on the aspect
of I want my friends and my spouse or whoever I'm with to treat, treat each other like family

(52:12):
because you guys have been in my life, you know what I mean?
And then they're going to be in my life.
So I want it to work together.
And if there's not, then we need to figure out why.
And if it's just maybe that your personalities don't match, then okay, we don't need to hang
out like that.
But you need to know that they're going to be there at certain times.
And if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then I'm sorry, you know, I would stick up for

(52:32):
my partner in the same way.
If my, one of my friends didn't like it as you have before, you know what I mean?
We've all done it.
We've all sat there and, and gone, well, you know, he's just having a bad day or, you know,
that's just, he just doesn't like when this is done this way or whatever the case is.
We always have an excuse for them.
Or we always try to make smooth things over.
I think it's a two way street.

(52:53):
I want my friends to get along with my partners.
That's just how it is.
No, I mean, I wholeheartedly agree with that.
I think that it just makes things a little more comfortable when everybody can get along,
especially when you have your friends that are your life and the people that you love
and care about, and then your spouse who you're now with, and you want them to all get along
to make it all just be good.

(53:13):
Right.
I think in certain situations though, I think there are times that I'm not saying with us,
but I've seen it in with other people that they'll be like, Oh, well, fuck you.
You don't like my friends.
Well, that's too bad.
I'm going to go hang out with them anyways and just not give a fuck.
And then, you know, that affects their relationship.
And if it's really truly like, that's why I said earlier about the dynamic portion,
because I feel like that's important.
There's got to be a reason and then let's communicate about it.

(53:35):
And maybe let's all sit down together and figure out what the problem is and how we
can work on it so we can all get along together.
Right.
Like I can see if they were disrespectful or if they were speaking out of turn or whatever
the case is inserting themselves in the parts of the relationship that don't need to be
inserted.
I mean, there's reasons.
But if you just don't like somebody because you know, you're well reserved and you sit

(53:58):
back and you don't want to go out and do wild things, but they are.
That's not a reason not to like somebody or treat them like shit.
I absolutely agree.
I agree with that too.
So I don't know.
That's just my outlook on it.
No, I think you're a hundred percent right on that.
So what do you, how do I even, I don't know, how do you navigate that?

(54:20):
That's so it's fucking difficult.
I think you just have to communication.
It all comes back to communication.
You have to sit there and talk to your partner about it.
Yeah.
Just be like, well, what is it that they're doing?
And if they can't give you a valid reason, like a legitimate, if they're just like, well,
I just don't like them, that's not a valid reason.
You have to give me like examples, something, you know what I mean?

(54:41):
So I mean, I don't know.
That's just my train of thought on it.
I don't know if you guys feel the same way.
I do.
I think that if you don't like my friends and we need to have a serious conversation
and then if it grows from there that you still don't like my friends, we have a problem.
Yeah.
Right.
Because sometimes that, um, that I don't like your friends can be a form of narcissism and
in the backend there, that's trying to get you to just start alienating you away from

(55:03):
people.
So sometimes that's why I said like communication.
That's a whole nother topic for another podcast show.
Like, I mean, shit.
Well with that being said, if you guys liked our topic this week and you enjoyed and laughed
with us and got, you know, all up in it, we would appreciate it.

(55:27):
We would have truly appreciated if you would listen to Valerie say that every single week
because that is her signature move.
That's my, what's my, my stem, my stem.
Anyways, her tism is showing guys.
Um, and just, uh, go follow us on Apple music or excuse me, Apple podcast, iHeart radio,
or a Spotify, you know, all the major platforms.

(55:48):
We're also on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook and Tik Tok as it still stands for right now.
Please go ahead and like share, smash that follow button, do everything that you can
because we want all of you and all of your input actually.
So if you have any questions or if you have any topics that you think you want us to talk
about here on the show, please, please, please email us at unhingedmemoirs at gmail.com.

(56:12):
And with that being said, we love you all.
Bye.
Bye.