Ep.1 A Toast To Our Red Flags

Welcome to the first episode of Unhinged Memoirs! We’re diving in headfirst by doing something bold: calling ourselves out. That’s right—this one’s all about our red flags. You know, those little quirks, bad habits, and moments of self-sabotage that we’re finally ready to own.

We’ve all been guilty of ignoring the warning signs in others, but today, we’re flipping the script and holding up a mirror. From bad relationship patterns to emotional walls and a sprinkle of unhinged behavior, we’re exposing the messy truths about ourselves. Because let’s be honest, sometimes we were the red flags in the story.

So grab a drink and join us as we toast to our toxic traits, laugh through the embarrassment, and share how we’ve grown along the way. Spoiler alert: Growth is messy, but it’s also freaking hilarious.

What to Expect:

• Meet the Hosts Through Our Red Flags:

A crash course in who we are—quirks, chaos, and all. Each of us is laying it all out: from relationship disasters to questionable coping mechanisms.

• Our Biggest Red Flags:

We’re not holding back. Tune in for the tea on:

• Ignoring boundaries (ours and others’).

• Picking the same kind of toxic partner over and over.

• Having emotional walls so high, even we can’t climb them.

• “Fixing” people who never asked to be fixed.

• Saying “it’s fine” when it’s very much not fine.

• Why We Ignored Them for So Long:

Let’s unpack why we clung to those red flags like they were designer handbags. Spoiler: It wasn’t self-love.

• How We’re Working on Them:

Self-awareness is the first step, but change is hard. We’re sharing what’s worked (and what hasn’t) as we navigate the messy process of growth.

• Laughing Through It:

Because what’s the point of healing if you can’t laugh at yourself? We’re telling stories that’ll have you saying, “Oh girl, same.”

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I just want you to know that I'm sorry.

(00:02):
Music
What's up everyone?
Welcome to the long anticipated very first episode of our podcast, Unhinged Memoirs.

(00:26):
This is the episode that we're going to be bearing it all talking about the ugly personality traits that we all have, all the personality traits that actually brought us here.
We're going to be talking about red flags today and today's episode is called A Toast to Our Red Flags.
I'm Val.
I'm Jess.
And I'm Liz.
That's right, today we're not only testing our red flags, but the moments we've not only been walking warnings, but the lessons that those sometimes hard have taught us.

(00:53):
Absolutely.
Taught us hard.
Yeah, absolutely.
And let's be honest, because I know for me at least, and I think I speak for us all, we have all been the problem at some point.
So I hope you guys are ready.
So pour a drink, brace yourself for some hard truths and let's get ready to toast to our messiest versions of us.
Cheers bitches.
Cheers.
Cheers.
All right.
So first and foremost, I want to apologize because I'm getting over laryngitis.

(01:15):
So my voice sounds like a man or a horse.
I don't know what everyone go with.
It works for me.
A horse.
Like the animal.
It's a horse of course.
It's a horse of course.
All right, honey.
So here's what we're going to do.
I'm going to go ahead and start if y'all don't mind.
I'm going to go ahead and name some of my red flags here.
I'm going to start with my first one, which I think is the hardest lesson I've had to learn in life.

(01:36):
And that is, I feel like I have my PhD in playing therapist.
I am everyone's therapist, but my own.
I have a hard time taking my own advice or even listening to myself in moments that I know that I should be listening.
You know, I mean, if that makes sense.
So I think that's my biggest one.
You know, it's really funny because I feel like we all come to you.

(01:57):
Seriously, in our very vulnerable moments, we're like, Hey, um, I have no problem giving any advice to anyone else.
Okay.
But I'm like, Hey, my own shit.
I'm really anxious and I can't figure this out.
I can talk to everyone else about it.
But I'm like, Hey, um, life.
What is this?
Why are we doing this?
Like, where did that come from?

(02:19):
Like, where did this come from?
Honestly, I would say it started when I was a little girl.
I, um, I think it was emotional neglect to a certain extent of feeling and having my own abandonment issues or whatever you want to call it.
But even as a little girl, it's been something I've been dealing with, um, where everybody always seemed to come.
I mean, even random strangers come and talk to me.
I can go through a drive through line and people will be like, Hey, let me tell you my whole life story.

(02:41):
You know what I mean?
So I mean, that's just, I don't know if I just like magnetized to people that are like that, that just need someone to talk to or what it is.
But I remember being a little kid and my, even my babysitter sitting down be like, you're just such a good listener.
How old are you?
I was five.
I was five.
I remember being five years old and sitting on the couch and she was like 15 and she's just telling me about her boyfriend and all stuff.
And I was like, we'll just give it time.

(03:03):
She's like, you're such a great listener.
You just know soul.
You know, it's really funny.
Obviously she had her own emotional problems as she's coming to a five year old and really truly listening to a five year old who has zero life experience.
You know what?
You're right.
You know, that's just, you're right.
I should give it some time.
It'll be fine.
Let's talk about that red fire.
It's hard to five year olds to get feel better.

(03:25):
Yeah, no kidding.
No kidding.
That sounds a little weird though.
Like, let's not say it in that fashion.
Well, yeah, no.
Okay.
I wasn't being like, you know, about it or anything, but just saying like talking to the right, you know, okay, nevermind.
We're just going to the next one.
That's fine.
Oh, shit.
But you know, I just like therapists, I guess it's, you know, it, I do know why I feel like it's not draining.

(03:53):
Um, it depends if I have like five, six people on that week that are coming to me like hardcore that are all going through stuff.
Sometimes I'm like, at the end of the day, I'm like, fuck.
But realistically, you know what, and I've said this to you before when, you know, you've been in like dramatic shit or bad relationships and you're coming to me even when my life is a complete case.
A complete chaotic disaster.

(04:15):
What do I say to you?
It's okay.
You can talk to me about it because it helps me not think about my problems helping you with your problems.
So I guess it was also maybe it's like an avoidant issue.
I don't know.
It's absolutely.
I feel like you neglect your own emotions.
Absolutely.
Well, there's another red flag is neglecting my own self care.
I mean, emotionally or just fucking not shaving my legs for three weeks because I just can't remember.

(04:40):
You remember when you're living at his house, the one across the road there?
He was shall not be there.
He was not going to call him Voldemort.
Okay.
So she was living with Voldemort and I remember going over there and I gently nailed by the bed.
And I was like, honey, when's the last time you shaved your legs?
I'm not kidding.
I was genuinely concerned because they were like fucking Sasquatch.

(05:02):
They were just breeding.
Oh, yeah.
It's depression and it's also called.
She wasn't really like attracted to him in that sense that she really felt that she needed to keep on herself.
No, no, no, no.
That wasn't the situation.
It was it was nothing to do about attraction.
Let's just break it off right there.
It had to do.
I was in a narcissistic relationship and he really truly just was just not that mixed with I'm pretty sure he just I would I didn't play for the same team.

(05:27):
He wanted to play for you.
He like he like bats for sure.
He bats.
I don't know.
I think he takes.
No, no, no.
I really thought that you met like bats like flying bats and I was like, we need like bats because that things about ways that makes me think of really bat.
Yeah, like flappers down there.

(05:49):
Oh, oh, it's about roast beef.
Oh my God.
Okay, so I'm going to I'm going to preface all of our listeners with this.
Okay.
Valerie is one of the most brilliant people you will ever meet in your life.
Book wise.
Okay.
Book wise for a reason because like, you know, normal like common sense shit like yeah, I lack.

(06:11):
It's over than a box.
Hey, I have grace tattooed on my arm.
I'm graceful at zero.
Okay, let's just talk about that.
We're getting off track.
Okay, who wants to tell me another fucking red flag.
Hey, I like to run for my problems.
Oh, don't you ever.
Oh man.
Um, okay.
So let me preface this by saying that I truly don't mean to I have such a giving heart.

(06:32):
And I give and give and give and I'm very empathetic and I'm loving and I'm carrying and I'm honest
and I'm truthful.
And when things aren't going, um, picture fucking perfect.
I tend to up and run.
Um, that also came from my childhood and I'm, I'm mirrored.
Um, my mom, I'm sorry, mom, if you're listening, but, um, she likes to as soon as there's

(06:57):
confrontation, block someone, don't talk to them, cut them off and immediately I get scared
because it's a hurt, right?
So I feel in those moments that I just don't know how to process that hurt, but I think
the older that I'm getting and the more that I realized that I fucking self sabotage by
doing that, um, I'm learning to face those, you know, I'm learning to sit there and go,

(07:21):
okay, what is triggering that?
Why do I feel like I need to run away from this?
You know, I think that it's a lot of abandonment issues when I get those abandonment insecurity
issues, I go, okay, you know what, I'm just going to, I'm going to avoid it and fuck this.
I'm just going to leave it all.
It's easier for you to leave before you get hurt.
It's your way of protecting yourself.
Absolutely.
Um, and that's not healthy because when you have some people in your life who really truly

(07:45):
want to be there and you're sitting there trying to run, that's not okay, especially
when someone's trying to love you.
So I think that's a, that's a thing that I'm absolutely working through that I recognize.
And I think the biggest step is recognizing that I do that.
Um, because before I just fucking, I blocked everyone and didn't talk to you.
I just literally let you out of my life.

(08:06):
Oh yeah.
I mean, you've done it to me too.
I mean, I remember in the past, you know, I mean, there's been times where shit wasn't
going right or we weren't getting along.
I mean, we've been friends for what, 18 years almost.
And, uh, you know, when shit was getting hard, you would, I remember the time that you literally
like packed your shit.
I had no idea it was at work and came home and you were gone.
Like what the fuck?
You run in when you run, you run hard.

(08:27):
I do run hard.
Yeah.
Until you become uncomfortable and then you're like, okay.
Yes.
Coming back.
And that's terrible.
And that's just so, it's terrible for people.
It's not, it's not something that it doesn't feel good.
Your fight or flight response is what you're doing and you're just flighting each time
instead of fighting for what you want.
You know what I mean?
Well, it's not, it's not helping.
It is.
It's not helping.

(08:48):
I mean, I could segue off that though and just say my biggest red flag or one.
Of them, top five at least.
I have avoidance of vulnerability.
I have a problem letting my true self out around people unless I'm like full deep end
dive in, like trust you with everything that I have in me.
I, what's just going to say, but why?
I mean, honestly, and I hate to like feed off you guys, but childhood, my biological

(09:09):
mother, may she rest wherever she's resting.
Have the day you deserve bitch.
And our blunt one.
That's where it's for it.
She was always the one that, why are you crying?
I'm going to give you a reason to cry.

(09:30):
So that made me suppress my emotions and suppressed like how I was, like if I was
pissed off or if I was sad or if I was angry, whatever, whatever the case was, I was told,
keep it in, tuck it away.
Nobody needs to see it.
And so I only let it out around people that I trust.
Like you guys have seen me vulnerable, but how long did it take for that to come out?

(09:51):
Oh, a while.
Like her obviously Jessica before me, right?
But like I am not one.
Like I don't want people to see the true me and that comes in friendships, relationships,
everything.
Let me ask you a question though.
Okay.
You hiding that part from other people and you just showing them what you want them to
see.

(10:14):
Almost creates a false sense of connection with people.
Absolutely.
So you're only creating connection based on what they think you are.
Yep.
You're really not gaining in which I think also compounds because you're not getting
the friends and relationships that you deserve in your life.
Absolutely.
And it's something that listen, baby steps like a motherfucker.
It takes a long time for me to let go.

(10:37):
All right, this person's not going to hurt me.
This person's not going to do this because every relationship that I've ever been in,
everything's great in the beginning.
Everybody goes through the fucking honeymoon phase.
What do we call that?
We meet the representative.
Hey, like, but you meet the representative and then you're going, let's go talk to the
CEO real quick.

(10:58):
And we all find that hidden person.
We go, you know, well, this is how you are in front of my parents.
You talked to me different in the room.
And that's a problem for me because I'm going, okay, well, I need to, I need to negotiate
in my mind.
Well, this is how I have to act.
We're around certain groups.

(11:18):
This is how, so I don't, because I have a problem also with pissing people off.
Like I am, I don't, I'm a people pleaser.
I don't want to piss anybody off.
So I'm going to do whatever I need to do in my heart to make sure that everybody around
me is good, whether that's whatever.
I know, I can't even give you an example right now because, you know, my fucking brain goes

(11:41):
fucking speedy Gonzalez.
Yeah, I know, I get it.
But I want to make sure that everybody around me is happy.
So if I have to chameleon myself, which makes me sound fake as fuck, but those who truly
know me know me, then I do.
I hate to say it, but you're a shitty chameleon.
I know Mike, because my face gives everything away.

(12:01):
Well, it's not even your face.
I think that you can only chameleon for so long.
Like it's a very small, short, tempered period of time that you can do that in that moment.
But the problem is, is you have a problem with feeding off of people's emotions too.
And that does fall into chameleoning.
Okay, I will say that because I know in my past I've dealt with people that literally

(12:22):
like if I went down, they went down.
If I was up, they were up, you know what I mean?
And vice versa, you know what I mean?
Like, and that shit sucks because that's where I think a lot of times we create our own problems.
Because I mean, I used to do the same thing.
That's something I had to be really self aware to stop because I found myself doing the same
thing in my past relationship where I would, excuse me, where I would sit and go, Oh, they're

(12:45):
down.
Okay, so I need to be down with them because they're just their energy would drag me down
with them.
And I'd be like, okay, well, I guess I'm just going to be down today.
Instead of realizing it's okay for them to be down.
Because I guess that falls into my other segueing off of that first thing and it falls into
one of my other red flags is my addiction to fixing others.
And I think that's why we do chameleon though is because in that aspect we're going, Oh,

(13:08):
they're down and I don't know how to fix this.
And then we allow ourselves to get down because we're trying to take their problem.
We're trying to get into their headspace.
Right.
But we're also trying to take accountability for for their own issues that are ours.
For something that we didn't even do.
And we were talking about this this morning about there's a difference between like we
were hardcore talking about this this morning.
There is a difference between fixing people and enabling people.
Absolutely.

(13:28):
So I think that's another thing.
And I'm going to also piggyback off you with that.
I also have an issue of trying to fix.
I want to take that problem, make it my own fucking take it, fix it and bring it back
to you.
And it's silver platter with a fucking row and a Bose on it.
I don't want anyone to feel what they're feeling, especially if I love and care for

(13:52):
you.
I'm going to leave you with chips and french chips.
Right.
That's not represent.
And I think honestly, I think this would be a great next episode that we could do is
going over not having to fix people.
Absolutely.
I think that that's it.
I think that that's a lot of problems that a lot of men have it too.
But I think a lot of women deal with it's that mother and your caregiver thing in us.

(14:14):
Absolutely.
That we want to fix that.
But it becomes at what point is that unhealthy from the beginning?
No, I mean like no, no, but also.
And I know that you guys have it too, because you guys sit there and say that I can only
chameleon for so long.
I'm impatient.

(14:35):
My fucking fuse for for patients is like nothing.
It's a cut here.
Yeah.
At least a cut here.
Like maybe half.
Half a cut here.
I'm like half a cut here.
Like I don't even know how to describe it.
You're like I want things to happen when they happen.
I don't want to wait for them.
Right.

(14:56):
And I think it comes from childhood as well of being over promised and under delivered
on things that I'm sitting here going, Hey, I'm old enough now to do and hold people accountable
for things that I'm sitting here going.
No, you're either going to love me right and love me right now, or you can get the fuck
out of my life.
Right.
And that goes for relationships.
That goes for friendships.
That goes for fucking family.

(15:16):
Sorry for anybody that's fucking listening, but you all know how my mouth is.
But here's my thing.
Okay.
Also, I feel like that's a tactic where you push people away.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Absolutely.
Which is a part of also a self sabotage.
Okay.
So we, it all ties in together.
It does tie in together.
It's literally, it's a form of, of what's the right word that I want to use here.

(15:40):
It's being addicted to chaos, honestly.
It's that, it's that need of chaos because we're so used to toxicity in our life, right?
That when things go normal or things go okay or things are good even, we find the need
to get bored or even if we're not bored, we're like, I just got that feeling.
Something's gonna happen.
It's gonna happen.
We're gonna shoot a drop.
Right.

(16:00):
And then what ends up happening is we start self sabotaging when sometimes we don't even
realize we're doing it at first.
And that has been the hardest thing I know for me.
And I've been really working on it, especially in, in my relationship now.
I'm, it's my first really true healthy love relationship I've ever been in.
And I, and I've told you guys before from, from literally day one of the relationship,
I'm like, oh, this is not normal because he's so healthy and he's so, he knows how to communicate.

(16:27):
He knows how to be loving.
He knows how to be all those things that I'm not used to that.
So in sense, I'm like, in those moments where I'm used to being in these narcissistic, overbearing,
controlling relationships, I'm now sitting here going, well, fuck, this isn't normal.
You know what I mean?
And it's sending all my high alerts off and I'm like, dude, dude, dude inside going, okay,

(16:47):
this isn't, this isn't good.
This is something's going to go wrong and I need to start fixing this before I get hurt.
Cause right now I'm so vulnerable that I'm going to get like devastated when in reality,
and that falls down to what you were just saying a moment ago.
What it falls down to is, as you saying, like, you know, you can't show your real self to
people what it falls down like fully, wholly opens up to is the fact that when we're dealing

(17:11):
with that kind of feeling, we're so afraid to be vulnerable to people because we don't
want to get hurt.
And sometimes you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable because realistically, I hate
to say it, but every single relationship we've been through, no matter how hard it may have
been in the moment, we're all still here moving on with our lives and are okay.
That's true.
You know what I mean?
And that's, and that's something to realize, like we get so either codependent or so, you

(17:34):
know, was set up in these feelings of, oh, we're in failure, that we don't know how to
keep moving forward at times, but when we look back at it, like, well, shit, you know,
I mean, I look back at my relationships from the past and I go, man, did I make some bad
choices and bad mistakes?
How did I get here?
Right?
A lot of it, you know, I'm saying like a lot of it was them, but a lot of it was me too,
allowing a lot of things.

(17:55):
Because you enable their behaviors and their whatever they're telling you to do because
you want to make them happy.
You're sitting there going, you're neglecting your own needs.
Absolutely.
I'm pretty sure they call that daddy issues.
Yeah, I mean, what happens when your boyfriend is daddy?
Yeah, I get that.
You know what it means so literally, I mean, daddy issues 100%.

(18:17):
I think that going off of the chaos thing.
Okay.
I think it's also tough because when you get into a relationship where someone loves you
truly and just wants to work for you, I will call a vulnerable moment here.
My boyfriend now we split up for about a month and it was really tough because now we both

(18:44):
played parts.
I'm not solely taking responsibility for the whole thing because there was some things
on his part too.
However, I can only speak for myself and there was things in that relationship that bothered
me.
I'd constantly search for reassurance.
You know, am I good enough?
Am I doing things right?
Well, that is fucking codependent as fuck.

(19:06):
Okay.
I had a lot of alone time to reflect on that and go, okay, you know what?
I understand everyone in a relationship has issues.
Everyone in a relationship has anxieties.
Everyone in a relationship has a past and trauma and all this fucking shit.
Okay.
I just tended to take that into mind.

(19:27):
So I constantly search for am I doing the right thing?
And it's a constant reassurance.
It's too fucking much all the time and it became unhealthy.
So now that we're back together, I'm really trying to make sure that I'm bringing forth
those efforts that I have made and the thoughts that I've had to try to fix the things that

(19:48):
I realized that I can do.
He still has things that he needs to do, which is understandable.
Again, I'm only speaking for myself.
So I'm trying to take those things into account of like, okay, I don't want to be that person.
So it's really tough going from one spectrum to the other side of the spectrum to try to
go from chaos to healthy, you know, and that transition is really tough.

(20:09):
It's not an easy road.
No, it's not.
You know, and I catch myself slipping.
I've asked you guys 10 times today, am I okay?
Is this okay?
You know what I mean?
Like, and I'm trying to...
He loves me, right?
Yeah, right.
No kidding.
Like, you know, and that's sad.
That's fucking sad because that's anxiety driven.
That's 100%.
And I have no reason to be anxious.

(20:29):
I have good friends, a loving family, a great job.
I'm fucking beautiful inside and out.
I have so much to give to someone.
I am a gift to someone.
So if I'm choosing someone to be in my life, obviously they are giving me back what I deserve.
Absolutely.
So, and I need to realize that too.

(20:50):
Like, I need to really stop focusing on like, what am I doing wrong?
Absolutely.
I'm doing a thousand things right.
I agree with that.
So in that being said, I am the queen of overanalyzing.
I don't know if you're the queen.
You guys are sitting on the same pedestal, okay?

(21:10):
Yeah.
We could be twin flames at that point.
No kidding.
No kidding.
Because like, I overanalyze things.
Like, you could say hi to me and say it 100 times.
And if you say it different one time, I'd be like, what the fuck is your problem?
Here's the word hey and say hi.
She's like, what's wrong?
I do.
I turn my head to the right instead of the left, saying how do you come up the stairs?

(21:34):
Bitch.
She mad.
I know.
Well, you know, here I am overanalyzing, but you know what?
I'm taking accountability for it.
Baby steps.
Are you?
I'm trying.
I know.
It's tough.
It fucking sucks.
It does fucking suck, but you know what?
Also, at the same time, I think that that comes from past trauma where we are.

(21:58):
Again, with the overpromising and underdelivering, and then we're sitting there waiting for like
the same thing and because we like consistency.
And if we don't, if we get inconsistency, we're sitting there going, this doesn't feel
right.
And then we wait for that other shoot of all because we're so used to chaos that we're
going, oh, his tone changed on that one.
So maybe I didn't.

(22:19):
Did I cook dinner right last night?
Yo, I do that.
Did I make the bed?
I said good morning to him.
Didn't I?
I said, I love you.
When did that happen?
The way I thought it did?
And then everything's happening, the way it's supposed to be on a normal day and you're
creating problems from something that is not there.
You're stemming.
You're making issues and instead of making just like an olive branch, you're making a

(22:39):
whole fucking oak tree.
No fucking problems for nothing.
I don't think olives come from oak trees.
Exactly.
It's chaos.
Oh, I got you.
I got you.
But let's also talk about the fact when you're doing all of these things, they fell in love
with us for us.
They fell in love with the chaos.
So like-
No, which is, it's, it, here's my thing.

(23:00):
Okay.
I think like I have a fucking issue
over analyzing when I can just,
I bagged you from just being me.
Absolutely.
Period.
End of fucking story.
But the problem really truly comes in this point
with you guys being over analyzers and over thinkers
as expectation as a killer.

(23:22):
And that's truly what it is
because as we were talking about earlier,
you know, we can't expect everybody
to have the same heart as us, right?
Correct.
So the part-
You hurt yourself by thinking you have the same heart.
Absolutely, but that's where the overthinking comes in.
Okay.
Because the way they said it,
you expected them to say it a certain way.
Are you expected them to react a certain way?
Are you expected them to do something for you?

(23:43):
And not realizing like you just put that expectation
in your head that that's how it's supposed to be.
And then when it changes,
you guys automatically go,
oh no, something's wrong.
And then you guys will create the story
that's like-
It falls.
It's wrong.
It's all storing your head.
So, right of negativity.
And you guys will keep feeding that story the longer.
And then it's like, you gotta get that answer.
You gotta get the answer you're looking for to,

(24:05):
to go ahead and go, oh yeah, I was right.
I was right.
And in reality, you don't have to do that.
Like you have to understand that everybody's different.
You know what I mean?
And not everybody is going to always react in a good way
or a positive way or a bad way or any of those things.
It's just what your expectation is.
And if it's different,
you gotta learn to ride with it instead.

(24:26):
You know what I mean?
I think that's the biggest problem is we expect things
and then when it doesn't happen.
And I know it sounds stupid
and I will never forget like watching TLC when I was younger
and you know the fucking, what was it?
The Duggers was a Dugger plus 18
or whatever the whole episode was.
But I remember-
19 kids encountering.
19 kids, there it is.
I was like eight Duggers plus 18.
Well it was 18 originally and then it went to 19.

(24:47):
But I remember-
At some point you should really just stop reading
and just keep seeing what's inside of it.
Well, at that point,
you're just populating all of the US.
Like they start walking out at that point.
Right.
But listen, I was watching that show
and I remember,
and I was like a teenager.
I remember watching the show and listening to her
and she was giving her son advice
when he was getting married, Jen was, right?

(25:09):
And she goes, listen, she goes, expectations,
you need to leave the methador.
And she goes on to explain,
she's basically states that like in your relationship
you should never have expectations.
If your spouse sits and cleans the house every day
or your spouse brings you flowers once a week
or whatever the situation is,
they're doing all the kindness of their own heart, right?

(25:29):
But then you grow to expect it all the time.
Once they're doing it,
once it becomes a common like thing that they're doing,
you start to grow these expectations.
Well then what ends up happening is the one time
they don't do it now you're hurt by your expectations
that they were gonna do it again.
And so she was explaining to her son,
instead of having an expectation,
just be grateful when they do it.
And but don't expect it to happen again.

(25:51):
And if it happens again,
each time you'll just be grateful if they did it that way.
I think that also comes with a huge part of
self-regulating your own shit.
Ooh.
So expectation 100% is a killer.
And I am, I think a part of the whole world
of having expectations for certain things of going,

(26:12):
well, I, you know, if that were me,
this is what I would have done.
And in my head, I'm genuinely going,
well, that's just common sense.
That's just common courtesy to someone.
Right?
You know what I mean?
Like, I have more times than I can count
have heard in all of my life, not everyone is you Val.
And in that moment, I'm so hurt.

(26:35):
Because I'm like, but it's just common courtesy.
Right.
Hello.
People have their own agendas.
People have their own shit that they're going through.
People have their own stress that they're dealing with.
Right.
Just because that stress or whatever they're going through
is superseding me in that portion
has nothing to do with me.

(26:57):
And it doesn't mean that your feelings
are less validated at that point.
It just means that sometimes you have to like,
get in your own mind and break it down for yourself
and be your own therapist instead of bringing
other people into it.
No, that's what I'm calling Jax.
And realizing though, but like,
even there's moments like I came to her the other day
and I was like, I need to talk to you later.

(27:18):
I need you to tell me to stop being stupid.
It could have been about the fucking way I wear my hair.
It could have been about anything,
but it was an inconvenience to me
and I just needed to go to her.
I think she's like a safety blanket.
You know what I mean?
You are a safety blanket.
I prefer a therapist.
PhD, but you're welcome to safety blanket too.
You're very cuddly.

(27:38):
Yeah, you are very cuddly.
Are you calling me fat?
No.
I'm just kidding.
No, she would be calling you fluffy.
I would be calling you fluffy.
You're curvy.
You're thick.
I'm thick.
Well, three C's.
I was gonna say four, but I was gonna say thick
and then a snick up, but okay, we'll go with it.
Do what you do.
Another one for me, I can say that I feel
as a really big red flag for myself
is over committing to others.

(27:59):
And I say that because I have a bad habit
of trying to take on everybody's responsibilities.
Everybody's goals all be, okay, can you do this for me?
Can you help me with this?
Can you do this?
I'm like, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
I don't know how to use the word no.
And then I was going to the full fucking burnout
to the point that I'm like, I can't even move.

(28:20):
You know what I mean?
I'm so emotionally, physically and spiritually drained
at that point.
And it's not the therapy portion of it.
It's taking on everybody else's things that they need done.
Why do you have it genuinely, okay?
Same issue.
You?
Same issue.
It falls down to, you know what it is?
I, hmm, I apologize now.

(28:42):
Anybody that's listening,
I have major abandonment issues.
And it stems from needing my father in my life.
And that's really what it truly stems from.
And I grew up just wanting to have a close relationship
with my real dad.
And it took me a long time to realize

(29:03):
that a lot of my issues came from that
because I was just a little girl
wanting their superhero dad to be in their life.
And when I felt like he was constantly choosing
other things over me, it hurt.
It hurt really bad.
And I remember many times him saying he was coming to get me
when I still lived up in Illinois
and sitting outside of my house waiting for him

(29:26):
because he was supposed to be on his way
until my mom was like, just come inside.
You know what I mean?
And so a lot of those became these like neglected
abandonment issues, right?
So I overdo it because for me,
I feel like I know how it felt to not feel like
I had him when I needed him.
You know what I mean?
In many instances of my life.

(29:46):
And that doesn't make him a bad person.
He had his own life going on.
I just internalized it for myself.
And the problem that came from it is I ended up
feeling the need that I had to be,
hate to say this way,
but Captain Save a Ho for everyone.
You did save a ho for everyone.
I meant at one point I had like 11 people staying in my house.
I was the two bedroom place downstairs.

(30:07):
You know what I mean?
And like literally like, hey, you get a couch.
You get a couch.
I felt like Oprah handing out couches.
She's not kidding.
Anyone listening?
She's not fucking kidding.
No, I literally, I was like the puppy pound
for humans.
You know what I mean?
Like legit.
So, and it was my way of,
I always felt the need that I had to help everybody
and do everything for everyone
and take on everybody
and take on everyone's responsibilities.

(30:29):
And you know, you need a taxi,
I'm sure I got you.
You don't have to pay me, no worries.
You know what I mean?
And I was allowing myself to be drowned by all of that
because it was this like need to fill that void
of them ever feeling like they didn't have someone there.
If that makes sense.
It's a lack of boundaries, honey.
Oh, dude.
Bad.

(30:50):
That's a very bad lack of boundaries.
Listen, I had like for the longest times
I was just a fucking door mat.
There was no such thing.
Boundaries, what is that?
You know what I mean?
It took me years.
Let me ask you, how many of those people
that you still talk to these days?
Out of the ones that were staying with me in 2019?
Yeah.
On a regular?

(31:10):
Who are you close with?
None of them really to be honest with you.
There you go.
None of them.
I would say there was maybe one or two
that still I occasionally talk to,
but not very often.
It's more of like,
oh, hey, how you doing in passing type thing?
And these are people that I literally housed,

(31:31):
gave them food, fed them.
I mean, I didn't have a lot of money at the time.
You know what I mean?
Literally when I say drowning myself
was just to take care of
because I just wanted everybody to feel like
it was okay to feel like
I wanted to be everybody's safe place.
I wanted, that's literally when it comes down
to I guess the security blanket thing is a true statement
because I wanted to be everybody's safety net.
I wanted to be everybody's like you, it's okay.

(31:53):
Like I wanted to be their mom and just love on
and be like, it's gonna be all right.
Everything's gonna be good.
You know what, you're gonna get through this.
I'm gonna help you.
Here, you need a place to stay.
You can stay here for free.
Hey, you need rides here.
They'll do this for free.
Here's some food.
Here's this.
You need cigarettes.
You need some drink.
Sure, like I got you.
You know what I mean?
And I did that for so long
because I didn't have boundaries
because I just wanted people to feel

(32:14):
like there was someone there for them
that had their back at all times.
You also feel like you also over the years
have made so many connections like that
because at some point they all needed you.
Yeah.
Like you feel the need to be needed.
Absolutely.
Mm-hmm.
Absolutely.
You 100, like I think that you-
Ooh, my grandmother's that way.

(32:35):
My grandmother was definitely that way
before she got dementia.
Really?
Ooh, bad.
Bad, bad, bad.
Yeah, no 100%.
Well, cause she goes stir crazy.
If like the kids aren't coming in her room
or if they're not calling her or whatever the case is,
she's like, wait, what do I do?
Like I have all this time.
Maybe I need to clean something.
Maybe I need to start going through all my stuff again.

(32:55):
You know what I mean?
Like she has this, like she has to do something.
Like it's like a need for her.
Oh yeah, I'd have to sit still.
She can't.
Yeah, there's my grandmother.
And I think that's where I get it from
because you know, my mom, she did it for so long
where she, her and my stepdad,
they were busting their ass 24 seven.
They worked in the car industry.
So they, I mean, when I tell you they were gone,
bell to bell, six, seven days a week,

(33:17):
every single fucking week.
There was never a time where they were just home
hanging out really.
You know what I mean?
It wasn't until my mom got the opportunity
for a couple of years when my brother and sister,
my brother's ancestor were younger.
And at that point I was over the age of 18
and already, you know what I'm saying, had moved out.
But before that was the only time
that she ever really got to be home.
You know what I mean?
So a lot of the times I was sitting with my grandma,

(33:39):
but my mom was trying to make sure that we had food.
And you know what I mean?
Just she was busting her ass, take care of us.
You know what I mean?
But at the end of the day,
I was with my grandma a lot of the times.
You know what I mean?
And that came with its own drum.
I know.
Because I love her to death.
We do love her.
She was hateful as fuck when I was a kid.
You know what I mean?
So I don't know.
But I think that's, you know,
there's a lot of things I think stem a lot of our red flags.

(34:01):
And I think that's really truly the point of all this is
we've had messy past.
Chaotic fucking toxic lives at times.
And don't worry, we will tell you all the fuckery
in episodes to come.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
You're gonna get this in bits and pieces, baby.
Sit back and get comfy
because it's a wild fucking ride.
No, like legit.
Yeah.
It's fucking, it's messy.

(34:22):
And I think that there's a lot of times where my,
I want everything to be good.
I have an unrealistic timeline.
I can't,
I can't just settle in the now.
Yeah.
You know, I think I have a hard time with making sure that
in future, everything's okay.

(34:42):
You go straight that way.
I want it done and I want it now.
But I think that's since from us going.
It's a control thing.
Like this is how our lives were.
This is how we want our lives to be.
We don't want to keep doing the same fucking things
year after year after year
with the same people who are not going in the same places
that we are.
Right.
We want people that are going, you know,

(35:04):
I want to do better in my life.
I want this for my house.
I want, you know, I want to live this lifestyle.
Mutual fucking goals, baby.
I am not the kind of girl that goes out
and drinks at bars anymore.
Like that used to be me in college.
Now, if I'm gonna drink, which is like once in what?
A blue moon.
It's gonna be at my house where when I'm done
and I'm fucking drunk and can't go nowhere,

(35:25):
I'm probably right into my fucking bed.
I'm literally gonna crawl my ass up my stairs
and I can door dash back a bell
because we all know we're gonna get sick tomorrow.
So fuck that I'm door dashing I hop.
It kicks on dick.
That's usually my post sex breakfast.
I hop.
I really, I really have waffle house.
No, is it waffle house?

(35:46):
What's the yellow one?
Waffle house.
Okay.
It's not bad.
Door dash waffle house.
Yeah.
How do you, we can't door dash waffle house.
We're close to one.
We're closer than the other restaurants.
I can where I live.
It comes up on your door dash.
On door dash.
What the fuck?
Yes bitch.
I am so pissed off right now.
I want waffle house like right now.
And it's, you know, in the afternoon.
It's not, we're not even drunk at 2 a.m.

(36:07):
Like, fuck man.
Here I am with my green tea.
Waffle house and bad decisions.
Yeah, no, honestly.
I think that I think, I, I, I,
there's Teter Stanley.
That's all.
That's all.
I think that there's just, there's a lot of things

(36:27):
that we all have to take responsibility for.
And I think that that has attracted us
to certain characteristics in people because of our shit.
So I know for me, with the fact that I like
to run from my problems, I tend to attract emotionally

(36:48):
avoidant and unavailable men.
And sometimes the point that you don't take the hint.
No, like not real.
I'm not kidding.
Hi, president of that club right here.
Right?
Like they could be like 100 times over to both of you.
They could be like, hey listen,
I don't want a relationship.
And you're like, you're gonna, it's okay.

(37:09):
It's me.
Hi, I'm the problem, but you're gonna love it.
And it's crazy because I have this like, I, I,
oh my God, and the last two that I've had,
you know, the significant ones,
it took almost a year for both of them to go,
you know, I do want to commit to you.
And it's, I honestly, I just don't understand

(37:33):
where the fuck that comes from.
I know that I've had, when I was younger,
my real father was super abusive to my mom,
physically abusive, mentally abusive.
I mean, I remember seeing, he was abusive to my sisters.
Like he was a piece of shit.
Okay.
Rest in peace, dude, but you were a piece of fucking shit.

(37:56):
Up until I was seven years old.
And then at eight years old, my mom met my stepdad.
And he was such a beautiful soul.
He was so good for my mom.
I got to see what loved look like through him.
Now, when I was a teenager, I put him through hell.
So obviously we had those teenage fights and all that shit.
And I swear, got it.
My 36 year old self now goes, I wish you were here.

(38:19):
So I can just give you a hug and say sorry.
So, what that being said, up until I was 21 years old,
he was an amazing father figure in my life.
He was.
And also rest in peace to him
because he passed away of cancer back in 2010.
And he didn't necessarily abandon me,

(38:40):
but I got an abandonment wound.
That's when I very first started getting anxiety.
So I feel that my lack of male figure in my life
has brought me into, okay, well, it's like,
is this normal?
Like, can I chase?
Maybe they're just confused, you know what I mean?
Because I'm not dumb.
I don't go for men who are like, I don't like you.
There's obviously attraction, you know what I mean?

(39:02):
These people that I'm getting into a relationship
with play house.
Yeah, they talk to us first.
You like, they come in, they come over, they play house,
they do all the things, they eat dinner,
and then they should go.
Jessi's done, she's fucking rearing to go right now.
She is gritting, she's go.
I was just gonna say.
You're red to the point where you have to say it, go.
Listen, and I, you know, I love you both

(39:22):
and I'm no judgment, okay?
But the problem is, is a lot of times
you guys look for sexual connection
before you look for emotional connection.
And that is one of your guys biggest problems
and you both used to do it, okay?
So, you know, prime example,
looking over the balcony at daddy down there
and be like, mama, fuck him, good, okay?
Like that's your first attraction.
You look for, you both look for the sexual attraction first.

(39:45):
Right?
I mean, I had to be sexually attracted to you.
But how strong was your guys foundation for a while?
It took a while to build that foundation.
It did.
And that's where some of the problem though comes in,
I believe, and I only say that because I can watch
what you guys have both have done and speak for myself.
I mean, I've done that before in the past,
but I've learned over the years being the oldest here

(40:06):
that the old granny that y'all,
you're not that much older.
Dude, I'm almost 40 years old.
Come on now.
You're not that much older.
I'm still old, okay?
I'm getting graze.
But when it comes down,
it's he's he's he's like, oh, Jesus Christ.
He's in rass, he's in rass.
No, but realistically, like there's a point where you start

(40:26):
to learn that sexual connection is great, right?
And yes, you need a certain amount of sexual connection
in any relationship.
Right.
Okay.
But it's that emotional foundation
that needs to be built first a lot of times.
Can I just defend this real quick?
Oh, sure.
I would like to hear this.
Okay.
So at first it was that very much so.
Physical.
Physical.

(40:46):
Yes.
Very much so physical.
I wasn't talking to you for a while.
And in that, I would say, so I met him in the end of July.
We started talking in the beginning of August.
I would say by October.
So it was about a month and a half after like sleeping with him,
this man opened up to me about.

(41:09):
He trauma dumped.
Okay.
As you did.
As I did too, as well.
Okay.
So our relationship and our bond got really fucking strong.
Okay.
Very quick, which created a sense of connection.
And then before I knew it, like we were hanging out more
and we were sharing more things and it, you know, eventually,

(41:31):
it was literally to the point that we were, because he was my neighbor.
That's how I met him.
It came to the point that I was seeing this man every single day.
I didn't know what it looked like to be without him.
And then it slowly started dwindling and then he would, he got his own space
and I was doing my own thing.
So maybe I was seeing him five out of seven nights a week.

(41:52):
But in that time, we were still spending and sharing so much deep shit with each other
that we created such a bond with each other of things that he's never told anyone else.
That he told me.
So that was hard for me to kind of separate of like, okay, like what is this?
Like we're sharing things with each other that like we feel comfortable enough

(42:12):
to tell each other that we don't tell anyone else.
Absolutely.
So I think that's where I was.
That's that part of the emotional unavailability, but I think that he was just so
unhealed in that moment because he's going through his own shit.
He went through so much shit.
He was broken broken.
And that's, but still, and I don't mean to cut you off for a second, but what I'm,

(42:35):
what is the point I was making?
I'm not saying you can't build a strong foundation out of that as well.
But my point is, is a lot of times that a lot of the relationships don't work
because it's built off of a sexual foundation first.
Right.
And then when the sexual foundation starts to lack, there's not a strong enough
emotional foundation sometimes.
Right.
That's, that was the point I was making.

(42:55):
I was more emphasis on there needs to be more of an emotional foundation that's
built and then said the sexual is more supposed to be a benefit, right?
In a sense.
Okay.
And you can have an even keel amount of both, right?
And for you guys, I think it was a little bit different though in your
relationship because you both were so broken at the time.
You had just gotten out of a relationship right before you met him, a very long

(43:17):
relationship where you were going to be getting married and you guys have a
property and you did all these things to build this life together for that to
just come crashing down, right?
Unexpectedly, you know what I mean?
Through a lot of, a lot of heartache and a lot of problems that went in that
relationship, not so much on you guys, but just problems that came into the
relationship from a lot of tragedy, right?

(43:38):
But with that being said, and you guys just grew apart, but at the end of the
day, I think what it came down to is you were still so unhealed and so broken and
so filled with so much of that needed to still be healed.
And then here came along your current who is just as broken, who has been
through literally the ringer and back.

(43:59):
And you both didn't know how to love.
You both didn't know how to, like you guys not a love, but love properly at
the time, healthy, you know what I mean?
And, and so you guys were able to find each other and help fix each other to a
certain extent in maybe not a bad way.
You know what I mean?
Like I think there's a different type of fixing that goes on there of just
realizing you can have someone in your life that's there for you that can, you

(44:19):
can talk about the dirtiest, the worst, the ugliest parts of your trauma and be
able to heal through that just through time and having someone that's actually
there to listen to you.
Right.
So.
And it's so true.
I feel like that's, he and I said this before, my analogy is that last
relationship for all intents and purposes gave me everything else besides emotional

(44:44):
connection.
Emotional stability.
Stability.
You're right.
Emotional stability.
And now he, we did love each other.
I mean, that was that he, I loved him.
He's a good human being.
Absolutely.
And I think after leaving that relationship, I was left with an empty
space in me that my current now filled because he made me feel heard and seen

(45:11):
and validated.
You know, so when we broke up, I was like, dude, what the fuck?
You know, that was tough.
And I think I'm trying to navigate that too of how to, how to not feel so
unlovable when I felt so loved, you know, it's tough spot.

(45:34):
So I just think that it takes time and it takes a lot of trust and it takes a lot
of conversation and it takes a lot of different.
Bless you.
Did you see she's silent?
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
Like I was de-blooded at that moment.

(45:55):
I definitely feel like it just takes a lot of, a lot of work on, on both people's
sides to recognize things that need to be fixed and things that can be just fine
tuned.
I think it's all about just fine tuning each other.
You know, I agree.
Let's get off the heavy.
Yeah.
And let's talk about like our funny red flags that we see, like not even so much

(46:17):
funny, but like you're sitting there like, okay, so me, what I'm attracted to, my
normal, which is nothing like my current.
Okay.
I like tall, bald headed, big gate.
Oh, listen to what?
It's just, it doesn't matter guys.
It's all how you work it.

(46:40):
Okay.
The little interim can definitely make it work.
Don't ever tell a man to his face.
What's going on?
What's going on?
It's going to take a long time to row that boat across the China.
Wow.
Fuck me, man.

(47:02):
I love tattoos and I like, like, I don't know, like, I don't like the clean cut guys.
I don't like preppy frat boys.
Like if you're like a saw dude, I'm going to tell you to fuck off.
I quit fucking attack.
I was just going to say that's Voldemort.
Yeah.
I wouldn't go with clean cut or any other shit, but the solid.
I don't like the bread.
It's like, yeah, I'm definitely not the Fort Lauderdale Brocades anymore.

(47:25):
No.
No, with that being said.
And I also was, I, I love me some Puerto Rican men like fuck me, man.
Like so toxic, but that's a good sex.
That's a red flag.
That's daddy.
Like, hmm.
Mine literally has daddy tattooed on his lip.

(47:47):
Let's talk about that red flag.
Huge red flag.
I will every time.
Yeah, I went totally against my normal.
I went totally against my normal.
Okay.
Like so my old type, my old red flag was to go for obviously fucking stonered convicted
felons.
Oh yeah.

(48:08):
If they didn't have a felony, you didn't like that.
No, 100%.
You weren't a bad boy.
You didn't do some bad shit.
Fuck you.
That's your fucking shawty.
You're like, what the hell are you doing?
You want critical jail?
You know, I swear to God, I was like, what seriously is she saying?
And I was like, oh shit, that's crystal gel.
Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't.
Oh, I thought it was acrylic or gel.

(48:30):
No, it's crystal gel.
Oh, well shit.
See, we all got it wrong.
There we go.
And you know, make fun of people that don't speak your language.
I know it's true.
You know, but sometimes it's really good to go against the grain.
Like when it comes to people you're dating, like for example, right?
I went from like the bald, like super gauged ears tattooed from fucking head to toe,
convicted felons.
No, they're not really daddies.
They're just like narcissistic little boys who 100% like they can fuck, but really can't.

(48:55):
You just need one fucking.
That was a lot of, you know, so can we, that'll be another episode.
Yeah.
I have a lot to say about that.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
But I will stay.
I will say I'm very lucky now.
You are very lucky.
My old redneck.
He is, he, you guys will hear him.
We will definitely bring him on at one point.

(49:16):
Okay.
He's not like Alabama.
The fucking.
The clampets or shit or anything like that.
But no, he does not fuck his sister.
No, it's just.
He doesn't hug his cousin.
He's from Ohio.
You know, I mean.
What's up?
Oh, I'm going to hear about that later.
Anyhoo.
But no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

(49:39):
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You know how.
You know how.
We're going to wait out some of these, dude.
You know, yeah, he tried.
Bring boomhower on one day.
Boom.
Yeah, a little boom.
How he.

(50:00):
So too he's so he is.
I feel like I went, you know, even though like my current is totally my type, I feel
like I have been.
I didn't really physically appearance-wise, he's your type of mentally.
He's not.
not your norm. He's not my norm. Nope. I mean, my current is definitely out of my norm.
It's 100%. Like he doesn't have tattoos. He's got hair, like God forbid he's got a nice

(50:20):
hairline. You know what I mean? He actually works. He doesn't get paid under the table.
I don't have to fucking pay for everything. You know what I mean? Like who the fucking
thought that a man could get a job and not make his girl pay for fucking everything?
Or let's just go out the fact that he actually puts in the time and effort. He doesn't lie
to you. No, he doesn't. He communicates. He's actually really good with your son. Yeah. Super

(50:41):
good. Like he, I can sit there and be stressed out about my son and he's like, I'll take him.
Let's go play over here, buddy. I love that. Fucking took him trigger treating around the
around the neighborhood. I know. And like with him hand in hand. It was so cute. Whenever you
ever seen anybody do that with anybody's kids other than prime example, yours does that with

(51:02):
your children. Jess, like, absolutely. Like he loves your kids as they are his own 100%.
And they love him like, right. And they love him as they are as he's their dad and not to
take away from the fact that they have no, absolutely. There is a difference between a
father and a dad. Let's go ahead and practice that right now. A dad does all the work a father
actually in certain situations. You know, I mean, like, I mean, my kids have their own dads and

(51:26):
shit. You know what I mean? And everybody deals with their own struggles, their own problems.
And, and, you know, I've gotten lucky in certain aspects with them. So, you know, I mean,
though I'm not taken away, they definitely have their fathers and all that kind of shit. But
in the same aspect, they're lucky to have a second father figure in their life who literally will
love them through the thick and thin and be their form therapist. He's there as healer. He's there

(51:48):
as comedian, comedian, you want to joke around? So funny. He's so funny. Like they put his daddy
Dukes on last night. Oh my God. And he had his little, his cut off like Larry the cable. Yeah.
He had his hat on. I was like, that's your fucking Halloween costume next year, buddy.
Don't ever have moose knuckles. No, he had a hammock. Oh, that's right. Yeah. His new banana
hammock boxers that he had. Yeah. That's right. That's TP. So it was he put those on. Yeah.

(52:13):
It was adorable. Imagine that. Are you happy to see me? Or is that a
he walked in my daughter's room and they're like, you can go ahead and leave.
Did you imagine if he came up like to the school and just picked him up from school like that?
Let them fuck around and find out. I swear to God, I will send it to the school.
You have the shirt. Fuck around and find out and then make sure you walk up there with. Yeah.

(52:36):
Absolutely. 100%. I think that that is a great thing that he has because he's fucking funny.
And we love a good boxer that hold your nuts in. Absolutely.
Little nail huggers. I mean, I don't know what that feels like, but I imagine that would be like
a bra for a woman. Right. But it's gonna be uncomfortable. So it depends on the quality of

(52:56):
it, I guess. I mean, I guess I've had this bitch for like five fucking years. Still rocking it.
Still rocking it. This is my new one. I like it. It's nice and holds the girls where they need to
be. Yeah. Yeah. Is that the one from TikTok? It is the one from tick. I'm going to promote
something real quick. I got this fucking bra for five fucking dollars on TikTok. Like, and it hides
the back fat. I don't have fucking bat wings anymore. And I'm not talking about the actual wings

(53:20):
this time. Okay. I got you. I totally know. I totally got that. I got that. I got that this
time in this context. I sure fucking did. Sometimes you have to check. I literally,
because the class broke on this one, because I watched it one too many times. And
we all are savers. Yes. Her boobs. I'm like, babe, I need a new bra. I'm like sitting there

(53:44):
searching on Amazon and he's like, all right, fine. Just go get one. I'm like, that's a love language.
I get it. I want it. Yeah. I got it. That's exactly it. Oh my goodness. I think this has been a great
first episode. It absolutely has. And just to put it out there, we do want everybody to be a part of

(54:05):
our conversation. So if you guys have a story or a question or a situation, we would love for you
to go ahead and send it to us. So if you want to go ahead and email us, talk your shit, talk your
shit. And we want to hear all about it, whether it be your relationships, your family life, your
personal growth or just some wild unhinged experiences, we are here for it. So all here for
it. All here for it. Or even if you just need a therapist, we not say we have one. We do have one

(54:29):
in house guys. Didn't you forget? I have my, we don't take most insurances. So web mdphd.
If it's on the internet, it's true. Yeah. No, it's true.
We all want to go ahead and email us. You can email us at unhingedmemors at gmail or you can
even dml dm us, excuse me, dl. I don't know. Down the down low. Right in there. You can go

(54:53):
ahead and send it to us on our social media platforms. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram,
and TikTok. Same name, unhinged memoirs. Unhinged memoirs. And who knows, your story could
inspire one of our next episodes. Please do so. Honestly, I'm not kidding. I am a good,
I'm a good slut for fun stories. So I would like all good, bad, bad, bad.

(55:17):
I was like, wait, how are we going with this one? Yeah. So I, uh, I really would like the stories.
So please, we encourage you to talk to us. Let's talk our shit. Let's have stories.
We're all kind of nosy. We all want to know what's going on in the now. So if you have something
that like you heard something that we said today and it's you're going, fuck, man, I've done that too.
I wonder if they've ever fucking send it to us. Please. Please give us something like that we

(55:41):
can go off of cause and the petty are the better. Oh God, we love petty revenge stories.
We live for them. Not us. No, and it's so funny because I do would like, I would like to add.
I do. I do. I have someone that will be sharing their story on this podcast that I work closely

(56:03):
with. That has a friend who has been going through quite the bit of story.
So I don't necessarily work with her, but she definitely has someone very close to her.
A friend of a friend of a friend. A friend of a friend of a friend. And I can't wait for that
episode. So tune in cause that shit's fucking juicy. And if I had to go off that I would say our

(56:24):
next episode. So you guys can tune in and be excited. It's going to be, you don't have to fix them.
I mean, we've started it a little bit this week, but we're really going to dive in deep next week.
Absolutely. So cheers to being human on this one. Cause we're all, we all are, we all make mistakes
and we're all a fucking work in progress. No, seriously, honestly, you know, I think is the

(56:46):
best is that we have people around us who love us enough to be patient with us and tell us when
we're doing something wrong. No, look legit and work on it. I think that's the most important
thing. You recognize it, you realize it, work on it, own your shit, fix it. Absolutely. So, well,
until the next episode, I hope you guys enjoyed this one. If you can go ahead and give us a like

(57:07):
or subscribe or even leave a review for us, that would be amazing. And if you know someone needs
to hear this episode, go ahead and share it on to them so this way they can hear our messy,
chaotic bullshit as well. Share with me. And hopefully by the next episode I'll sound a little
bit clearer. She'll be Jessie, she'll actually be Jessica. Yeah.
She was Jessie's girl. Oh, I love that song. I'm away.

(57:29):
Bye.