January 1, 2025 • 53 mins
Welcome back to Unhinged Memoirs! In this episode, we’re taking a deep dive into love languages—but with our signature sarcastic, sassy, and totally unfiltered twist. Forget the mushy, textbook explanations, because we’re here to roast, laugh, and unpack what love languages really look like in everyday life.
Here’s what we’re covering:
1. Acts of Service:
• Is it love, or are they just tired of you folding towels the wrong way?
• When your partner thinks taking out the trash counts as foreplay.
2. Words of Affirmation:
• Are they complimenting you, or just buttering you up so they don’t have to unload the dishwasher?
• “I love you” vs. “You’re not as annoying as everyone else I’ve met.”
3. Receiving Gifts:
• From diamond rings to gas station snacks—who says love can’t be practical?
• “I got you this because it made me think of you”… or was it just on sale?
4. Quality Time:
• Watching Netflix together doesn’t count if one of you is asleep, okay?
• How to survive “mandatory fun” when you’d rather be alone.
5. Physical Touch:
• Hugs, kisses, and the age-old debate: Is a back scratch really romantic?
• Love language or personal space invasion? You decide.
We’ll share:
• Our own embarrassing and hilarious stories of mismatched love languages.
• How our childhoods and past relationships shaped the way we give (and demand) love.
• The absolute chaos of trying to blend seven kids’ needs with our own.
And, of course, we’re bringing plenty of sarcasm, bold humor, and maybe even a few emotional moments along the way. Tune in to hear us roast each other’s love languages while reminding you that no matter how messy it gets, love—and laughter—always win.
P.S.: Share your love language fails or funny moments with us! We’ll feature the best ones on our next episode. Email us at [your podcast email] or DM us on [social media handles].
Stay unhinged,
Jess, Val, & Liz
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
you to know and I'm sorry.
(00:01):
What's up everyone?
Welcome back to our third episode of Unhinged Memoirs.
(00:22):
Today's topic is love languages.
You know those five magical ways we're supposed to show affection and not
accidentally drive each other insane.
I'm Jess. I'm Val. And I'm Liz.
Well if there's one thing relationships needs it's more rules.
But don't worry we're not here to educate you.
We're here to drag ourselves and maybe just maybe a few listeners who dare to relate.
(00:47):
Yes. So in that process we're going to go ahead and break down the five love languages.
Cute. It is very cute.
We're aesthetically pleasing over here.
It is very much so.
Let's just go ahead and start it off.
We're going to start with words of affirmation.
(01:08):
You know this is for the people who need to hear.
You're amazing. You're wonderful.
Wow. You didn't burn dinner tonight.
Good job.
Such a good job.
And also let's talk about the fact how this one when you're dating
someone who doesn't just get words like okay like my very first husband.
(01:29):
I was very young.
I met him when I was 18.
Married him when I was like hmm how old was I?
You were young.
Yeah.
20.
Yeah.
16 years ago.
Yeah.
This man showed no words of affirmation.
I'm surprised that he graduated high school in English.
Mind you.
Context clues are not a thing for everybody.
(01:50):
Like legit.
I'm not kidding.
This man his words of affirmation was zero.
It was actually more like hey uh do you want to peg me?
That's why he had the nickname Skippy.
Yeah.
No really.
Like he just you know when you're like hey babe I want it doggy style and he gets on all fours.
That's his dad's no there was no words of affirmation there.
(02:14):
Zero.
He just didn't get it.
There was none there.
He just broke it.
It is.
Like legit he did get on all fours.
I mean it's only all three.
Edmund.
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure that I just attract that.
That's yeah I don't know.
It's a really good thing for me.
They really want you to have the dick.
Yeah.
Do we put masculine energy?
(02:34):
We do.
We do.
Because when we're all in our douchebag teas and our yoga pants and we walk through
fucking publics everybody's like yeah they're a threple.
It's 100%.
It's an issue when I start getting hit on by more women than men.
Absolutely.
And you and I have been lesbians at one point so.
Yeah.
Not like together.
No we're not together.
Like we both dated females.
On different occasions and we both decided that females are not for us.
(02:56):
Yes no crazy even though it was really good sex.
Sorry for who's listening.
It was subpar.
No mine.
Yours wasn't mine was.
That was good sex.
Maybe it was with a bad lesbian.
I mean you could have been.
I don't know it's a thing.
Very well anyway.
That's that one definitely had all the words of affirmation.
I could tell you that much.
Oh she had more than words.
She had fingers of affirmation too.
(03:17):
She did.
Oh my god.
I'm just gonna apologize now to our listeners because I feel like this shit's getting deep tonight.
Oh wish you got deep.
I mean we've been pretty.
Well everybody has their floods on okay.
I'm gonna pull it up.
It's been it's been really it's been heavy the past couple episodes so we're ready to talk about some shit.
Some lighter ended stuff.
Yes no kidding.
(03:38):
Yeah.
We love this for us.
And I know I've had my share of I meant we can just go with Lord Voldemort.
He did not bore a fucking fact to know what words of affirmation even was.
I mean seriously I think the most I got was you're really good at overthinking.
And I'm like bitch that's a fucking trauma response.
Why are you even bringing this up?
Yeah that's not even your personality.
(03:58):
Like just kidding.
Like he would say something nice to you and like as a word of affirmation you go.
Are you fucking feeling okay?
But normally it always followed up with an insult.
Right.
Like yeah you didn't burn dinner tonight.
But it still tastes like shit.
Or let's talk about the fact that he would sit there and just buy dinner for himself
and not anyone else.
Oh absolutely and don't touch anything that he bought.
(04:20):
No for real.
And I would just like to toot my own horn just for a whole two seconds.
He's the only person out of every single person I've known that said my food was shit.
That's bullshit.
I know right because I've eaten your food for four years now that fucking shit is fire.
It's fire.
And just because he went to culinary school and it has his he wanted to be fucking fucked by
what's his name Gordon Ramsay.
Good.
Yeah he wanted to be the idiot sandwich there okay like let's be fucking for real.
(04:43):
Like god for fucking bid.
But you know what this is why people who who need words of affirmation go date a fucking
writer man.
Amen.
I like like seriously like you'll get the love letters the dramatic declarations maybe even
like a little haiku if that's your thing if it's right up your alley.
(05:05):
I mean great your hair smells good.
You showered today.
Okay I'd growl in po.
Oh quote the raven never more.
Look at you.
Hey I paid attention in school okay.
I'm really proud.
What is that other one that he did at girl and put what the bird cake nuts not him is
it the bird cage.
(05:26):
That's a movie with Robin Williams and he's gay.
But that's cool.
Yes queen.
Yes queen.
Oh god.
So here's here seriously.
Okay so unless he's broke though you're gonna get post it notes.
Oh I've gotten post it notes.
Jessica's gotten post notes.
Oh I get post notes.
(05:46):
Yeah.
Oh well tell your story first and I'll tell my name.
Okay so I used to get post it notes on like um Heffrey when I was dating him.
He made me dinner.
I remember one night we're just gonna call names because last episode we're just calling
fucking names it is what it is.
Yeah it is what it is.
Um he cooked me dinner one night when I was like overnight nursing and I didn't notice
(06:07):
like I thought I packed my own shit and he unpacked my bag and packed me my lunch
and he had a little thing in there and a post and I said I love you and it was like
stuffed peppers that he made that shit was fire let's just talk about that.
But that's words of affirmation I love that that's pretty cool we don't have to roast that one.
And not even that.
No.
Used to he I remember Heff always writing you like even if you had a bad day or like you were
(06:29):
just like you when you were traveling or seeing and you were like crying your eyes out and he
would write you these letters like you were so strong you're so beautiful.
You're so amazing.
You got this.
You go look in the mirror and tell yourself that like he was always about words of affirmation
that was a really big thing for him.
It was a huge thing for him and a huge thing for me because that's one of my top level
languages we really met each other eye to eye on that one 100 percent.
(06:52):
As for the rest of them they just want to be pegged.
Not the rest of them.
Well for me in my situation I finally got away from the one that wants to be pegged.
Thank God first and foremost.
Ain't no ass play here.
No ass play here.
Speaking of ass play.
What?
I'm just kidding.
Wait what where are we going with this one?
(07:13):
Oh my god.
But okay so I'll I'm and I'll call his name out because you know everybody will know but
my current fiance his name is Eric and my only fiance I should say I say current but I'm just
I was going to say current relationship.
I was like current fiance like there's going to be one in the future.
No there's no more I'm done.
But for him like and he's a songwriter so maybe that's what it is for him as he loves to write
music and so I guess he is in a form of writer but he's always done sweet stuff like that like
(07:37):
every single day he sends me books of like just like this little love letters and he always has
to like talk about his like he is very much 100 percent his love language is words of affirmation
and quality 100 and quality time and like physical touch like but really truly like I would say
words of affirmation is this top one I mean I've woken up to have literally like a big heart
on the on the mirror that was just loaded like hundreds of post-it notes and stuff like he does
(08:00):
that all the time and ask her if she's kept every single one because she has like a little treasure
box I do full of all her little posts and it's adorable and I do the same for him even though
like yes words of affirmation to an extent is my love language but it's not nowhere near as strong
but I've done the same for him just because I try to match his energy and that and with that being
said like I know but you're also very good at words are you the yeah I mean I'm good at writing
(08:24):
but I words I don't know I think that words when it comes to expressing how I'm feeling in a loving
way sometimes can be hard if it's not for my children you know I mean maybe that's a vulnerability
issue but either way I mean I used to do the same and so he actually when he got in his accent
and I had to go get everything out of the truck I found all the post-it notes so he's like the first
thing when I got back he's like you grabbed all my post-it notes right oh that was like his main
(08:48):
because he's like you got my post-it notes right my truck but remember the post-it really really so yeah so now that I definitely
that was it was sweet RIP to that truck I know oh mother fucker I miss that truck well next one
let's talk about access service so these are the men who want a pat on the back every single time
you're doing fucking dishes but I did the dishes I did the laundry no no it's more like oh you vacuumed
(09:14):
well I reorganized the pantry passive aggressive competition you want a fucking cookie wow let's
go ahead and keep doing the whole house like that until everything's done yeah no kidding and like you
know meanwhile I'm sitting here working a full-time job you're not um and I'm coming home and I'm also
doing school and I work and I take care of every fucking thing else and let me tell you something
(09:37):
if that house smells like shit when I walk in from work I'm pissed pissed I would just like to
know why your house would smell like shit when you know okay so here's my thing listen whoa for real
it's the pegging that's a mixed oh never mind no no no it's not the pegging as a matter of fact
(10:02):
it's the I have a cat so if it's a cat litter and the garbage hasn't been taken out and there's
dishes that have been sitting over there from the fucking night before that stench and the windows
are closed now that it's colder out not like literal shit like no I mean like you gotta no you gotta
explain absolutely fucking not but I'm so sick and tired of them going but I did that I cleaned
(10:24):
like that's also your fucking job yeah that was that was a big thing in my past like a lot of my
relationships so they'd be like well I did the dishes and I'm like well do you want a fucking
gold star like seriously that's that's a part of teamwork that's what you're supposed to be doing
right you know I mean like it shouldn't be like you just got extra credit because if I can help
down around the house in a house that you live in you help make the mess you did this you know I mean
(10:46):
like right it's all of us you know I mean we everybody should be actively helping so it's
but it's great because a lot of people do like like that kind of stuff they love the acts of
service and and all that and that's great I mean I'm I'm I do I'm not even gonna lie right I am
100% an acts of service me too but if you really break it down it's more about teamwork though and
that exactly it's funny that that's a love language when that's an actual fucking responsibility
(11:10):
it's a life quality it is let's call it what it is no really you have to be able to live on your
own and clean your own fucking house without expecting anybody else to come do it or give you
a fucking cookie and a parade around the neighborhood because you did something good for yourself
yes grow the fuck up bro it's good what I came down to bubble dog what what wait no okay back
(11:33):
up hold on hold on really why did you just say you came don't we're not playing no no no no no no
you can't really hear it on the on the thing so for our listeners they wouldn't be able to hear it
very well so I really want to waste your time but did you see you came down from a bubble dog
wait stop no what your sister was a witch right and what was her sister a princess
(11:59):
you're gonna look at me tell me I'm lying
there it is see that's what I was saying she's like grow up bro and it maybe came down to bubble
dog so there's that so I was right I mean I don't know for me I love access service don't get me
(12:27):
wrong but it's when people use that against you like they expect you to be like give them a round
of applause for doing things like it's more like acts of self-preservation at this point you don't
hear you don't you just do it so you don't have to hear me complain later right like honestly
you do it now because you're going oh fuck if I don't do these dishes now she's gonna
(12:48):
walk in the fucking door and be like what'd you fucking do all day just sit there on your
fucking game are we wrong you're gonna look at me and tell me I'm wrong
like really though are we fucking wrong because isn't that a responsibility because I'm sorry if
I'm home and my man's at work or my girlfriend if I'm home and they're at work I'm cleaning the
(13:17):
fucking house absolutely responsibility even though I love access service name that I don't know
right but it goes but it's vice versa I mean if it's the woman working the man's home he should
be helping around the house it's true you know I mean it needs to be a 50-50 that's why I say teamwork
is so important and that's why like I have I think out of all of me even though yes I love acts of
service I also struggle with this one as a love language because like like we already came up on
(13:40):
like I really truly just feel it should be a responsibility and a part of teamwork right
in a household whether it be with your spouse or whether it's with your children or your roommates
or whatever the situation is everybody should be helping out evenly agreed yeah agreed so acts of
service can lean into but here's my thing is acts like we're just talking about this does acts of
(14:01):
service like them like like Jeff making dinner right okay is that also like receiving gifts
because that's another love language that we can talk about right absolutely but I don't think
receiving gifts is more of like yeah I'm gonna guess in a sense but no I don't feel that way in
the same aspect because I feel like cooking dinner is an act of service because you're exhausted you've
(14:23):
had a long day and your spouse is like you know what I'm gonna go ahead and cook for you so you
don't have to do that a gift is someone like going out love language yes absolutely but that's that's
a part of acts of service so I mean in that aspect yeah okay I get it she she has something to say
here's the interface but hold on hold on hold on because we all know out of the three of us I like
we all share black cat qualities but I am the most black cat it's true of them all okay I'm also like
(14:49):
a little fucking touch me um I mean yeah that's that's gift giving because I think that portion
of it is gift giving yeah doing things like that around the house absolutely but then you
have the people that are like oh here's like a pack of gum I bought I bought you a pack of gum
at the fucking store here's a gift and you're going 25 cents please and I'm not saying that like the
(15:13):
the gift has to be like it has to cost a lot of money but but you're not also like what's
I don't know like maybe I'm being maybe I'm being selfish maybe I'm being like a little I don't
know what the fucking word is right now but no go by me go put some go buy me something if you're
gonna buy me something put gas in my car put a little fucking thought into it oh we all look at
(15:39):
gift receiving a little bit differently yeah exactly so like number three receiving gifts right
the go buy me my tampons right that's fine and that that right there in itself is cool but like
here I brought you this rock I'm not a fucking penguin bro you're not bringing me a pebble
(16:00):
that's the sign of adoration I don't know if you know the story about how the penguin brings it
like but that's like a penguin I want to mate with you for life this is my gift to you you know what
I mean like I think that's yay same penis for the rest of my life done done done done done
for real done done done for real I know so okay so receiving gifts people think it's shallow
(16:28):
right like that's that's a love language oh you must be shallow if all you like to do is be
fucking adorned with gifts but like no we all secretly fucking love that shit but I think it's
a two-way street I think as much as you're getting gifts you should be giving them as well I agree I
agree see I'm a gift giver not as a language um but I would say like I'm all about like giving
because I'm just a giving person but in the same aspect I have a really hard time with accepting
(16:52):
so this is one of the yes one of the love languages that I will say I honestly struggle with the most
and maybe call it me being like hyper independent but in that aspect when someone buys me something I
guess maybe that's drama I feel like if a gift is given there's literally like there's something that
comes with that that's going to be bad you know what I mean like well I did this for you you know
I mean I went and bought you this you can't do this for me you know I mean like I feel like it's
(17:14):
held over my head and in my past I've experienced and maybe that comes from my grandmother because
that was her mean love language when you know when she was a little bit younger before she got
dementia like that was her big thing like she didn't say I love you she didn't try to do like acts
of service or she didn't try to spend quality time with you really truly what it came down to
words of affirmation definitely was another thing but at the end of the day like her way of showing
(17:37):
love like I remember as a kid like I'd be like I just don't feel like you let me she's like I just
bought you literally I just bought you clothes how do I not love you you know I mean I'm like well
wait what I mean as a kid I don't understand that so I think and then that would get thrown in my
face why just bought you clothes so you need to go do this or you have to do that or you have to do
this so I feel like for me maybe that's just been from like childhood trauma that kind of like stems
(17:59):
up but I have a hard time receiving like I almost feel uncomfortable especially then if I have to
open them in front of them I'm like oh hey thank you for the gift I'll go open this later you know
what I mean like I don't want to open in front because I am the worst when it comes out I will
never forget when my stepdad bought me my car when I was 17 and they were so excited okay and they had
a big old bow on it and they worked at a car dealership so he ended up getting in training a
(18:22):
BMW M3 right and it was an older car but it was beautiful and it had low mileage everything
and inside when I walked out I was literally flipping the fuck out inside I'm like oh my god
oh my god but I'm like oh wow for me like because outside I couldn't outwardly show how I felt inside
because I literally was like I feel so uncomfortable you know what I mean like I felt like I was on the
(18:44):
spot and everybody was watching me I was like not all like that that's true and honestly I wonder if
that's why maybe from our childhood if that's why you like words of affirmation because gift giving
makes you feel like weird like if that's why because like with grandma you were saying that words of
affirmation was definitely but you don't love me you don't show me that you don't say that right in
return I did acts of service for her see and I think that's also like why I'm such a like OCD
(19:09):
clean freak and like always constantly try and do stuff because I'm like oh this is my way of helping
you know I mean I'm gonna just gonna constantly clean 24-7 24-7 just I want to make sure everything's
perfect everything has a spot everything's gonna be clean and it's gonna be nice for everybody because
I know how it feels when I walk into a house and it's clean you know I mean I'm like oh my zen
place that's true you know I mean you know when it's not I'm like I made a mardi tired listening
(19:32):
to that yeah that's for real like what the fuck thank god thank god that you are just the way that
you are now I think you know also receiving gifts too is really funny because you also have those
relationships or I've been in them that they're like hey babe I bought a second game controller
so we could all play video games together I don't fucking play video games what the fuck what's wrong
(19:57):
with you like selfish gift giving but no kidding hold on because that can that literally oh my god
that can segue us into our next acts of service I mean uh what the fuck am I trying to say our
next quality time yeah quality time because if they buy my ex my ex used to sit there and play
his fucking video games 24 fucking 11 if he wasn't sleeping 11 I love it yeah he was doing it until
(20:23):
he was 7 24 11 he was doing it from the time he woke up till the time he went to work then he would
go to work for however long and then he would come home and he was right back on his fucking video
game and then he took up on his fucking bong while he was playing his video game and what was I
fucking doing sitting there because quality time I would rather be in the same room with you and not
(20:45):
have you talk to me because I'm still in your presence and we're supposed worse I think we're
spending time together that way I think you need to have conversation I don't think it needs to be
quiet the whole time but like you've had a long day you talk to people all day I don't want to come
home and talk to people again like I don't know you are very much so an introvert I am you are I
am I come off as an extrovert to certain people yeah I do though because like I will talk to anybody
(21:13):
about anything but if I'm not comfortable in the situation I will I think you're an extrovert to
the people that you're comfortable talking to absolutely if it's like just random people like
you'll be nice like you'll put your customer service voice I'll be like hey how you doing
you know what I mean but as soon as they leave they're like I don't know what to do with you
the look on your face gives away like your rbf comes on so strong but I do want to jump back
(21:35):
just for one second back to the gifts one and that is the other thing for me is I also notice
is like when someone gives you like a really meaningful gift and then you feel like you almost
have to like oh get in the same in return like they go and they you know make you a scrapbook of
like the past like a couple years of your relationship and you're like well I got you a gift
card to chile no it's so true do not knock the chile's gift cards though there's nothing like
(22:00):
sitting in the dimly lit fucking like a little restaurant and you're just sitting there eating
your little chocolate lava cake together and just everything's perfect in that moment because I'm
now craving their chips and salsa oh my god chili's chips and salsa bitch I'm telling you and
they're mozzarella sticks like yep you smell their deep eddies strawberry hard strawberry
(22:23):
lemonade oh my god that sounds delicious that does sound delicious so are we going to the
chili's vodka like with the strawberry and the lemonade and it's like fresh like crunched up
like strawberries and shit with fresh lemon oh my god are we going to chili's you know can we
doordash like I'm not even kidding you I mean I don't know they do doordash yeah they do doordash
they do well I'm just mine out and you know what you can get a bag of margarita from them for 45
(22:46):
fucking dollars and it has like six fucking margaritas worth in there okay that's only $15
per person and that's two margaritas per person I'm fucking down that's that that comes out to
$7.50 a margarita that's true that's true oh that sounds good but fuck around and find out because
just get a couple of those triple different like the trio and then get some fucking margaritas on
(23:10):
deck we'd have a whole fucking podcast like like we'd have a whole segment just on chili's and how
good it is speaking of I just want to point this out speaking of margaritas okay I would like to
have a couple drinks before an episode one day because I would like to see how shitty I get
kind of like how brandy does with the she like eats the edibles before she does her makeup online
(23:33):
do you know what I'm talking about no who's there's this girl that she's been around
fucking forever okay and she started like doing like the videos where she would literally like
she'd first talk to you when she's normal and then you'd watch her eat her edibles and then
it'd be like 45 minutes later and she would be so baked out of her fucking mind and she would do
she does like Halloween makeup and like she did like Patrick Starter I think you've shown me her
(23:57):
yes dude she is funny as fuck I absolutely love her and she's sitting then she's laughing as she's
trying and like she don't use like normal stuff like she's not like trying to be like FX right
like she'll like take like a paper plate and like put it on her forehead you know I mean like she
uses like everyday household items to make her costumes and it's she's funny as hell you guys
have to watch her because she's awesome dude I can only imagine what she's like after eating
(24:19):
edibles oh my god she's hilarious and the whole time she's like drooling on herself and her eyes
are like this the whole time you guys can see I'm saying the eyes are like this like you guys can
see but her eyes are like totally squinted you know I feel like in my younger years those edibles
just used to fucking hit man yeah never never and then we became adults and we couldn't fucking do
that shit I know I know so instead we have margaritas hey yeah yeah yeah yep yep yep I like miss
(24:47):
margaritas but we're good off topic so back to quality time because that's the next one yes
that's what we're currently talking about so quality time I also think that you're talking
about quality time and being in their presence right because I feel like if you're out of sight
you're out of mind yeah but do you feel so just sitting like quietly next to someone's quality
(25:08):
time not always but I feel like in certain situations absolutely it is and I can understand that okay
because I used to sit like Brian would play his video games and I would sit on the couch and where
it got to be quality time is like I'm sitting there on tiktok and he's like babe I'm in this mission
because I used to love watching him play Grand Theft Auto because it's just fucking fun it's fun
(25:30):
so he used to have those missions so then he go babe go on YouTube and try to find the cheat code
for this one so then I go all right go here go there that's quality time like he's still playing
that whatever and then I'd go back to my thing you know what I mean yeah that I find quality time
but I also feel like quality time for me it has to be like not has to because I did enjoy those times
(25:53):
but I do like when they're like hey I want to bring out to dinner yes that's quality time
yes absolutely like let's go for a walk yes let's go to the beach let's go here let's do this
let's just go for a fucking drive right I love or even just laying in bed watching a movie together
yes you can do that and be quiet absolutely and I also feel like that's where like extroverts
and introverts kind of clash in that aspect because like you have the ones that are like let's
(26:16):
let's just hang out and spend all this time together ones like can we don't have to talk the
whole time we can just sit there and hang out too like so I get that I guess I get that absolutely
absolutely well oh what's the next one what else do we have um we have physical touch
oh I'm a physical touch person to a certain extent I want you to touch me when I want it
(26:37):
but when I don't want you to fucking touch me don't breathe on me yeah that's the whole black
capping yeah yeah I'm not way too I'm bad that way see you're like super physical touch and I like
I like physical I think out of the like the least would be would be Liz she she is the type it's like
okay you touched my arm that's enough okay you got your fill her form of cuddling is like you
(27:00):
can put your finger on my thigh while we go to bed you're right right you're right for real and then
I'm kind of like in the middle like I occasionally like like the cuddlies and the all that other
shit but then other times where I feel like I'm almost feeling suffocated by too much physical
touch and I'm like okay do you remember when you had something off me oh my god yeah I couldn't
hit and I feel bad and I think that's another thing that a lot of mothers experience that
(27:23):
that most people don't understand is when you have a young kid they literally literally suck all the
physical touch quality out of you because you're literally taking care of them and you're holding
them and you're feeding them and you're changing the diaper and they're whining and they're crying
and you're holding them again you know I mean and it's non-stop in your bathroom right you're
rocking them to sleep you're staring at you you're in the bathroom you mean like and they're
(27:45):
kind of like trying to touch you and do all this stuff and by the time for like I know I experienced
this like with me and my ex by the time Sophia would go to sleep I would be like and he'd be like
come on babe let's go like cuddle up watch me I'm like I don't even want you to fucking touch me
like just don't touch me because I don't think people are like how drained you end up feeling
after taking care of a younger child. I used to say that like I remember postpartum used to tell me
(28:08):
like get though like I just get off me but like that's my baby like I can't yeah you know I get
that yeah 100% get that and then when he's asking hey yeah and then it's like oh let's have sexy time
I was just gonna say in the hyper sexuality mix with that oh my god and sex is great don't get me
wrong but in the same aspect every birth like and maybe I'm just different okay because I'm not
(28:29):
speaking for I'm just speaking for myself I know for me like afterwards like especially with the
amount of cleaness that my youngest was with me it was hard for me even like sexually in that aspect
like because that's still from a physical touch you know what I mean and I he'd be like well let's
do it and he wanted to do it like every day and I'm like we're like four or five years in there
is no fucking way I'm doing it every day right now especially with a newborn child right I mean
(28:52):
like I'm like the thought of even having sex I'm like I haven't shaved in like what feels like a
month I haven't showered in two days because you won't even watch your fucking child so I can shower
you know oh god like and you think you want to touch me right now you got you damn mind right
exactly and there's also there's a there's a point of physical touch where you have to feel good about
yourself too because I know sometimes if I don't feel good about my body if I'm having a what girls
(29:17):
we call them fat days for the men's okay we have fat days if I have a fat day don't
fucking look at me don't touch me don't do anything or at least turn off every single
fucking light in the room if we're gonna have sex or that and I have to wear a shirt and yes
your comments on like oh you look so good today don't fucking say it don't because I feel like
you're literally going to you're lying you're lying you're lying no but I feel like um physical
(29:45):
touched out like in those moments when I'm having fat days I'm like I'm gonna put my fucking cold
feet on you and you are gonna warm up my toes I know you don't like feet you know what is it what
what is it they're fucking disgusting like physical touch it's no no no just feet in general I would
rather you like lay up on me than put your fucking feet on me because I will fucking chop your dick
(30:07):
off whoa I hate feet what is it I think they're bob it hey you know my parents did used to call me
Lizzie Borden so oh my god that's fucked up did it yeah they used to call me Lizzie like whenever
I would have like one of my teenage angst days where I was like fuck the world bull blood I'm so
(30:28):
depressed and emailed they were like all right Lizzie Borden calm down no yeah holy shit yeah
yeah yeah there goes trauma dude wonder why she's so great I know no kidding talk about the black cat
here I am I don't know I like I like physical touch I like to feel um I like physical touch from
(30:49):
the right person yeah I like physical touch from everyone I'm a very touchy person yeah I'm a hugger
I'm like I'm a hugger if I love you yeah it's true I'm not a hugger in general but yeah you're like
and maybe I don't know if that's the codependency or what is but like you like that is like how you
feel your love I think that honestly I would say physical touch has got to be one of your top love
(31:11):
languages it's physical touch then worth for affirmation yeah 100% I feel like I have none like
talking to you guys now now I feel like this is why I've been single you know what I mean like
yes I have somebody now and he's great and he's wonderful and he's god he's so fucking patient
with me but like I feel like quality time how what how she's like he's not around and she's
(31:34):
perfectly fine no she's not I'm not though she's not though that's why I'm saying quality time
because see for you you need quality time to keep the the spark alive yeah and then you get bored
or you start to feel like you're losing the relationship if they're not giving you quality
time that's fair because you guys could sit and talk all day on the phone but if you guys aren't
(31:57):
seeing each other in person you'll quickly lose interest yeah oh yeah and that's the shitty part
because like they don't deserve me having my issues you know what I mean they don't deserve that no
it's literally me in my head going self sabotage I'm finding fucking reasons and I'm like shut the
(32:18):
fuck up bitch wait so you have no love languages none that's what I'm saying I think I think I
personally like looking from the outside I would say it's quality time and no other like that's it
that's all that I need to survive off love no I think you also need to be in my presence don't
fucking say anything don't look at me don't touch me I just need to know fucking cold call us heartless
(32:40):
bitch like you are I don't like this episode like seriously like I feel like no okay bohan pause
it would be acts of service as well because you feel loved if someone's helping you you know I mean
like prime example okay your current right when your ex wasn't helping out and you needed help
he was the first one to jump up and be like here I got you don't worry you know what I mean like
(33:04):
I'm gonna take care of this for you and that was something that really meant a lot to you you know
I mean because he came and helped you in a situation where you were struggling in that moment you
know I mean so I think there's a mixture of I think you have a little bit of each I just think
that there's not one that you dominate over per se because you still like you said you do like
(33:25):
like physical touch to an extent you know I mean there's a little bit of each not everybody has a
mean one that I would say just sticks out for them you know I mean for me like I feel like there's
a little bit of each um that I can say I mean I like physical touch I don't like over abundant
amounts of it but I do like it I would say for me would be definitely like acts of service is probably
(33:46):
my number one even though even though I go back and say I feel like that should be a responsibility
thing but maybe that's just because I've never outside of of Eric haven't been with anyone
that was responsible enough to be a team member with me but prime example an active service that
Eric has done if you don't mind me sharing okay you've had a long day at work or you've had a long
(34:07):
day period he's come home and drawn you a bath and made sure that you had everything for that bath
and lit candles and just made sure that you had that moment that is took care of your children to
like just make sure that they were all taken care of so nobody would come bother you in that moment
that's an act of service to itself absolutely that's what I'm saying yeah like those are all things
and but that's not just the responsibility though like that's the actual act of service absolutely
(34:29):
absolutely and there's times where he doesn't have to cook dinner like he knows that like my big thing
is like I open to come home and I'm gonna cook dinner and there's times like he's alignment so he
works a hell of a lot harder than I do he works a hell of a lot longer hours and works way more days
in a row than I do there's times he's working 20 days in a row and when he was doing that or is doing
that he would still come home exhausted hardly able to keep his eyes open and just see that I'm
(34:52):
tired and even though his tiredness weighs out mine by a long shot and he would still be like you
know what I can see you're tired go upstairs relax take a bath and I'm gonna go ahead and cook dinner
and I'm gonna clean up after dinner or I'll cook dinner and help like I'm gonna clean up you know
I mean so he does do a lot in his he's got so many of them he really truly he is a perfect blend
(35:14):
of them all I've gotten really lucky in that aspect he is he truly is I've been truly truly
lucky with him in that aspect so I don't know maybe I'm just a hoe and I like physical touch
I mean we're all hosed for the right one like let's be like daddy time like that's different
I'm not talking about that kind of stuff but I mean there's listen if you look at it that way if
(35:37):
you go no no no no hold on though because there's quality time in the bedroom there is acts of
service in the bedroom there is physical touch in the bedroom I mean we could apply this all here
like let's be fucking for real there's words of affirmation there's words of affirmation in the bedroom
good girl good girl you're gonna take this dip when I get home you're gonna be on all fours
(35:59):
that's not my husband my ex husband that's the other way around that's gonna take that attitude
right out of you you're gonna take it you're gonna take this yeah yes daddy yes daddy oh my god
I can't with you guys well oh lord what happens what happens when your love languages don't align
(36:21):
with your partners what are you doing that aspect I think you learn to navigate each other absolutely
you have to it's sometimes hard it is it's extremely hard especially like in your primal
situation like when you're with your ex-husband you know I mean you were searching for for words
of affirmation which he did not provide at all and you had to find ways around to feel loved or
(36:42):
feel accepted by him because of he had ones that you that was your more dominated ones where his
weren't you know I mean dominated him he liked to be dominated do you remember when he sent you the
picture of him in a thong and I'm sorry what yeah okay so listen this this is okay little
(37:02):
little t we're just listen honestly Ryan Roberts if you're listening listen holy fucking shit I don't
like so far removed out of my life please listen so listen so after they got out of a relationship
right he ended up sending me hold on pause can I preface this for my listeners our listeners
sure my listeners I would like to preface by saying I I didn't know it was to the extent
(37:28):
while I was with him I thought that he just had like a a fucking her radar just didn't go off
and also I was young my radar yeah no my radar did not go off okay I was young and now in my 36
years of life I'm like you fucking idiot okay but anyway signs were there yeah and I had but he's
(37:49):
still married and named his children the names that we chose for our twins that I miscarried tell
me we're petty without being petty are you serious I know that Jordan and Aiden oh wow anyway
yeah okay well so okay let's preface this right with us so Valerie had another best friend who
(38:14):
we shall not name her no but no names but so it was the three of us we're like the three
fucking Amigos back in the day and huh legit yeah legit and when they broke up it I want to say was
about a year later all of a sudden he reached out to me and our other friend and basically was like
hey so I'm coming out of the closet he goes I'm coming out of the closet to an extent though I'm
(38:40):
not telling my family I just wanted you guys to know and I wanted to know if you guys needed a gay
best friend and I need help because I'm trying to figure out like what because he wanted to start
cross-dressing and like what what clothes would look good on me right so this motherfucker starts
sending pictures to me and our other friend at the time pictures of him in songs like not not
(39:04):
menthongs like wait menthongs are a thing yes yes and an hammock yes like the little string up
through his I had to hear this and hearing it again because I haven't heard this story in so long
I'm like hearing it again older I'm so uncomfortable but so he sends us these pictures and like and
(39:25):
they work like it was unsolicited okay because he was like would you be able to tell me if I like
look okay in this outfit oh my god do I look okay in this outfit so in my mind I'm going oh he's
in a picture of him like in a skirt in a shirt or like a dress or which would be the normal
thing out there like that's okay right absolutely yes but I was married to a man that I thought I
(39:46):
was marrying a man I didn't realize that I was gonna marry a cross dresser also I still have his
last name right but what's what we're saying is if somebody chooses to do that that's not it's cool
for you that's great 100% when I'm rocking it but here's my thing if I'm going into a relationship
thinking that I'm getting a full blown straight man and this straight man is not a straight man I
(40:08):
feel bamboozled we've all kind of been there before I mean yeah we've all been bamboozled in
one way or another but that's extreme keep going go ahead yes anyways so he says can you tell me
how I look in this outfit he's basically right and so I'm like oh okay yeah sure he sends the same
thing to our other friend and we end up getting a picture of him in literally a female song what
(40:34):
color was it I don't I think it was pink if I remember correctly and like straight up like his
ballsack it was lace right yes it was lace and it was like but it wasn't like the full on like g
string it was a thong like at the thicker sides and like probably I'm sure the thicker backings
and a picture of the back and I was like okay did he send you a front picture or a back picture
a front picture like was he did he set up the phone and then walk back or no no no no it was
(40:59):
like it was like like pretty close picture she had them balls did you see pups yeah you could see
pups you could see pups did you see his wiener um it was covered by the stuff because even though
it was lace like it had like another like like liner of a material I wasn't trying to really look I
kind of went okay because all I could see was like the pubes coming out from the side and you
(41:20):
like I like the hairy thighs are so it was like a bad image of like someone who hasn't shaved in
like six months you know what I'm also this is taken from like fucking iphone 3 like that yeah
yeah because this was a long time ago but uh and I was like uh oh okay and he's like so I was
learning like do you think it looks okay and I was like um I think you need to find a different
size like maybe like a men's thong or something and he's like well I would I feel more comfortable
(41:44):
wearing girls clothes would you be able to help and then he sent me sent us okay both of us a
picture of him in a bra right oh I don't remember hearing this well he doesn't have chesticles
no he did not he was flat chested like can I show you a picture of him yeah I've never seen him
you've never seen him yeah just okay so for our listeners he was like 510 dark brown hair total
(42:04):
fuck boy okay literally thought that um he was mixed or something because he would wear the
do rags and the the bandanas and the baggy ass pants and do all that different you know jazz and
he just you know and he tried to be a thug I mean that was really truly his personality so him coming
out this way that's it also that's why it was so confusing when he came when he did that because
(42:25):
he put on this front but he was also over what's the word I'm looking for not over compensating yes
he was over compensating by cheating on her with all these different women because I believe like he
was trying to fill this void in his head that he's not really that way because he didn't want to be
judged because his parents would have never accepted him that way I don't think I really
(42:45):
really his current is a female yes yes so he's still closeted yeah maybe I don't know or or
maybe he was just doing it for attention or like maybe because he tried to get with me and Mary at
one point when they were still together after she literally had her miscarriage and she had her
dncs he came over to the house and I had his straight up tell him it was the first time you
(43:06):
never done anything like this before right and I actually knew him before I knew her because I
met him through Harper right so so in that process like I had met him he'd come over with Harper and
stuff and was like hanging out and shit and I was like oh he's cool and he's like yeah you gotta meet
my girlfriend you guys would get along that and I was like oh cool okay so fast forwarding like
(43:27):
six seven months into it I finally get to meet her and stuff and then and then she ends up having
the miscarriage and they came over to our old friend sister's house and we were all hanging out
inside and she was just a total wreck and I came over there because she was like I really just could
use you right now yeah so I get there I'm hanging out outside with her and I'm just trying to console
(43:49):
her through all this and before I had gotten there I know they were inside so um Boston ends up coming
outside and he's sitting there going and he's like all right I'm gonna get her home because she was
already like she was so drained from everything that was going on so I was like all right so I
gave her a hug and they left right so I go in the house and I'm hanging out I want to say it was not
(44:10):
even fuck what 20 30 minutes later he calls my phone and he was like hey from Valerie's phone
he's like hey do you see my phone there and I was like no I don't I don't he's like well can you guys
just look real quick so I got our old friend her sister everybody is searching everybody in the house
is now searching for his phone in the living room we're checking the couch moving the cushions
(44:30):
checking the bathroom we're looking outside in the patio we can't find his phone anywhere okay
so I tell him that and he's like all right he's like well I'll just come over there and try to
look then and I was like well I don't see it and he's like well I'm just gonna come try to look and
I was like all right well I'll see you in a little bit okay not thinking anything of it
he gets there he comes inside I'm sitting on the couch and he asked me he's like hey can you come
outside and help me look for for my phone and I was like oh okay you don't want to like look in here
(44:55):
or anything like that and he's like well you guys already looked in here and then he uh our old friend
goes will you want me to come help and he goes no no no it's okay I got it I got it we got it this
will be fine so I was like okay so we start looking and he immediately goes to the car and I'm like
well did you not want to look out here and he's like well do you want to just help me try to
look in the car because maybe I just it's somewhere in here when I like put her in the car and I'm
(45:18):
like okay yeah I'm like but why wouldn't you just I'm thinking myself like why when you have done
that when you were at the house why would you drive another 15 minutes back for all this
shit and do it there you know because he's a skeezy fat absolutely so in that process okay
he ends up like opening the back passenger door and I'm going to meet you were the driver why are
you looking in the back passenger like in the back seat right and he's like oh I'm gonna look under
(45:43):
there so I literally open the driver door I look down and I just put my hand because I'm thinking
like realistically in my head I would look under my seat okay I literally put my hand out in the phone
sitting sideways like right there at the edge right and I go oh here's your phone and he was like oh
thank you so much I'm so grateful also why didn't you call your phone fucking facts dude like why
(46:06):
wouldn't you have taken your phone right and went around and start calling in the car first any of
that kind of stuff so anyways so I'm like well here you go 100% exactly and at that time I'm like
oh yeah go look for your phone babe like I like again young and dumb didn't think call your phone
bro absolutely so he he walks over and he like I was like thanks so much and then he goes you know
(46:30):
I just want to kind of also talk to him private and I was like okay and he goes well he goes just
saying oh like you know like did she tell you that I've enlisted into bootcamp and I was like yeah
I mean I heard stuff about it she had said it before and he's like yeah he's like so you know I'm
gonna be gone soon and I just I was wondering like will you be able to be there for her and like you
know spend time with her and stuff like that while I'm gone because you know she's gonna be alone and
(46:51):
I said yeah absolutely I mean I have no problem with that and he goes all right cool he's like and
then when like I graduate will like from from bootcamp or you can come with her because she'll come to
Chicago like do you want to come up with her and like this way she's not traveling alone and I was
like well I mean I'll have to see if I can but I'm and I'm down if you know because at this point I'm
going okay still nothing seems too off a little weird but not too off right and I was like yeah you
(47:16):
know if I can I absolutely well and he's like all right sounds great and then all of a sudden he
reaches over and takes his hand and like scoop yep puts his hand or even used to do this thing where
he'd go scoop right when he would fucking touch your tit right and he'd go under and scoop from
underneath and he'd go scoop and I go excuse me yeah and I go what and he goes yeah it's just
(47:37):
it's what I do and I was like uh I don't like that and he goes yeah well I pretty much do what I want
and then he goes salsa and he grabs my fucking couch right and I go and at this point like I
back up and I go who the fuck do you think you are right now and I go if you ever fucking put
your hands on me again I said I will call her so fucking quick and say something right and he's like
(47:59):
well you know I just I'm sorry I'm sorry it's just you know I'm just having a hard time because
with her having this miscarriage all I can think about is how I'm not going to get laid for the
next six weeks like that's your concern like your girlfriend okay literally just miscarried with your
children and your first concern is are you not getting laid or not like what the fuck right
(48:21):
so I'm like I gotta go I end up going inside after that right I get inside and I tell our
friend the time he's just like don't say anything he's done it to me before just don't say anything to
her because in this situation I didn't know about that with her at that point right no you knew nothing
about that point no you knew nothing about it it wasn't until I told you that that's right that's right
and um and so I was like I really think we should tell her because to me that's like a what the like
(48:46):
I'm sorry if my boyfriend does some shit like that I don't give a fuck who it is ruin my
were you married at that point not yet because I married you guys afterwards oh yeah or were you
guys no you guys weren't married yet because you went that was the one that was one of the first
times like me and you really like I was kind of like oh you're like clinging to me but no I think
that we were married because he was staying at my mom's house and the only stipulation that he could
(49:10):
stay with me is that we were married maybe I think we were married at that point maybe because I
really wasn't all that close you still at that point I was you know why because we were married
and then after because I was pregnant at my wedding oh that's right okay yeah yeah yeah yep so we were
married yeah yeah you were but you gotta think when I came to you that wasn't like your real wedding
(49:32):
I'm thinking of one actually married you guys we're standing outside of our friend's sister's
apartment by my car and you officiated it yeah yep it was right before he left to go to basic
uh huh so you were eat wake up so you weren't technically legally married you guys had your
wedding so we had the marriage certificate but you guys never got it signed we never got it signed
(49:54):
had the wedding had you sign it that's what it was that's right okay either way I just remember
it not being 100% done yet that's what I remember I remember it not being legal yeah because I remember
doing shortly after that I was like mm-hmm I remember feeling very uncomfortable with signing
that for you and I think I even made a comment you know you guys have a certain amount of time if
you guys don't do anything you guys can always annul it you know I mean I don't remember making that
(50:16):
comment because and I wanted to tell you so bad so bad so bad but but our other friend was like
absolutely not saying nothing you'll ruin her marriage you'll ruin this don't do that to her
she deserves this relationship like I deserve like yeah he doesn't she deserves someone who's
literally like not even being faithful yeah no and not only that red flag number here's my 13th
(50:38):
reason okay um we the day before our wedding I remember I was in the car they had a Chrysler
300 do you remember that fucking bitch the light Chrysler 300 is that the one that had no no radio
and he used to carry around the fucking boombox that was the galant all the galant okay that was
(51:01):
the Mitsubishi galant but um anyway so we were um in the car with his mom we were going to like
Costco BJ's I actually think it was BJ's up here and she gets out of the car I take his phone because
he was acting weird and I noticed that he was sexting a girl the day before our fucking wedding
(51:25):
okay now I'm pregnant you motherfucker he was sexy another fucking girl and I remember I swear to God
I was livid we'll just say that okay I fucking I flipped my shit still married him
still married listen it's just called bad decisions right no no it is but I will say we
(51:50):
have fully 100% I got an autopsy I was just gonna say that I like that being said physical touch
100% because I got scooped anyways so here's the takeaway love languages are cute in theory
but in practice they're just another way to figure out how much you're willing to compromise
It's true.
It's 100% true.
It's 100% true.
(52:10):
Yeah.
Oh, Lord.
So we've come to find out that Liz has hardly any love languages.
Just a cold callous bitch, guys.
Yeah.
Or just how much you're going to roast each other in your relationship, one of the two.
I had a gay ex-husband who liked to wear pink thongs.
And if you're a love language, don't.
Jessica's just normal.
(52:30):
Yep.
I don't know.
That's true.
No, I am far from fucking normal.
Well.
I've dealt with my share of everything.
But if your love language doesn't align with your partners, just send them this episode.
And then that way, you can let them roast you together.
We can do it that way, too.
You like a good roast?
Absolutely.
So thank you guys for listening to Unhinged Memoirs, where love is messy.
(52:52):
And we wouldn't have it any other way.
We hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
So please make sure you show us some love by smashing the like button.
Give us a follow as well as share.
This was somebody who needs to hear it.
And don't forget to send us your love language fails funniest relationship moments.
DMS those on Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok.
Or if you're ancient and you prefer email, write us on UnhingedMemoirs.gmail.com.
(53:18):
Or send us smoke signals.
Those work, too.
Those do work.
Whatever works best for you.
We want to hear it all.
All of it, baby.
And as always, don't take life or us too seriously.
So we will see you next time.
Bye.
you to know and I'm sorry.
(00:01):
What's up everyone?
Welcome back to our third episode of Unhinged Memoirs.
(00:22):
Today's topic is love languages.
You know those five magical ways we're supposed to show affection and not
accidentally drive each other insane.
I'm Jess. I'm Val. And I'm Liz.
Well if there's one thing relationships needs it's more rules.
But don't worry we're not here to educate you.
We're here to drag ourselves and maybe just maybe a few listeners who dare to relate.
(00:47):
Yes. So in that process we're going to go ahead and break down the five love languages.
Cute. It is very cute.
We're aesthetically pleasing over here.
It is very much so.
Let's just go ahead and start it off.
We're going to start with words of affirmation.
(01:08):
You know this is for the people who need to hear.
You're amazing. You're wonderful.
Wow. You didn't burn dinner tonight.
Good job.
Such a good job.
And also let's talk about the fact how this one when you're dating
someone who doesn't just get words like okay like my very first husband.
(01:29):
I was very young.
I met him when I was 18.
Married him when I was like hmm how old was I?
You were young.
Yeah.
20.
Yeah.
16 years ago.
Yeah.
This man showed no words of affirmation.
I'm surprised that he graduated high school in English.
Mind you.
Context clues are not a thing for everybody.
(01:50):
Like legit.
I'm not kidding.
This man his words of affirmation was zero.
It was actually more like hey uh do you want to peg me?
That's why he had the nickname Skippy.
Yeah.
No really.
Like he just you know when you're like hey babe I want it doggy style and he gets on all fours.
That's his dad's no there was no words of affirmation there.
(02:14):
Zero.
He just didn't get it.
There was none there.
He just broke it.
It is.
Like legit he did get on all fours.
I mean it's only all three.
Edmund.
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure that I just attract that.
That's yeah I don't know.
It's a really good thing for me.
They really want you to have the dick.
Yeah.
Do we put masculine energy?
(02:34):
We do.
We do.
Because when we're all in our douchebag teas and our yoga pants and we walk through
fucking publics everybody's like yeah they're a threple.
It's 100%.
It's an issue when I start getting hit on by more women than men.
Absolutely.
And you and I have been lesbians at one point so.
Yeah.
Not like together.
No we're not together.
Like we both dated females.
On different occasions and we both decided that females are not for us.
(02:56):
Yes no crazy even though it was really good sex.
Sorry for who's listening.
It was subpar.
No mine.
Yours wasn't mine was.
That was good sex.
Maybe it was with a bad lesbian.
I mean you could have been.
I don't know it's a thing.
Very well anyway.
That's that one definitely had all the words of affirmation.
I could tell you that much.
Oh she had more than words.
She had fingers of affirmation too.
(03:17):
She did.
Oh my god.
I'm just gonna apologize now to our listeners because I feel like this shit's getting deep tonight.
Oh wish you got deep.
I mean we've been pretty.
Well everybody has their floods on okay.
I'm gonna pull it up.
It's been it's been really it's been heavy the past couple episodes so we're ready to talk about some shit.
Some lighter ended stuff.
Yes no kidding.
(03:38):
Yeah.
We love this for us.
And I know I've had my share of I meant we can just go with Lord Voldemort.
He did not bore a fucking fact to know what words of affirmation even was.
I mean seriously I think the most I got was you're really good at overthinking.
And I'm like bitch that's a fucking trauma response.
Why are you even bringing this up?
Yeah that's not even your personality.
(03:58):
Like just kidding.
Like he would say something nice to you and like as a word of affirmation you go.
Are you fucking feeling okay?
But normally it always followed up with an insult.
Right.
Like yeah you didn't burn dinner tonight.
But it still tastes like shit.
Or let's talk about the fact that he would sit there and just buy dinner for himself
and not anyone else.
Oh absolutely and don't touch anything that he bought.
(04:20):
No for real.
And I would just like to toot my own horn just for a whole two seconds.
He's the only person out of every single person I've known that said my food was shit.
That's bullshit.
I know right because I've eaten your food for four years now that fucking shit is fire.
It's fire.
And just because he went to culinary school and it has his he wanted to be fucking fucked by
what's his name Gordon Ramsay.
Good.
Yeah he wanted to be the idiot sandwich there okay like let's be fucking for real.
(04:43):
Like god for fucking bid.
But you know what this is why people who who need words of affirmation go date a fucking
writer man.
Amen.
I like like seriously like you'll get the love letters the dramatic declarations maybe even
like a little haiku if that's your thing if it's right up your alley.
(05:05):
I mean great your hair smells good.
You showered today.
Okay I'd growl in po.
Oh quote the raven never more.
Look at you.
Hey I paid attention in school okay.
I'm really proud.
What is that other one that he did at girl and put what the bird cake nuts not him is
it the bird cage.
(05:26):
That's a movie with Robin Williams and he's gay.
But that's cool.
Yes queen.
Yes queen.
Oh god.
So here's here seriously.
Okay so unless he's broke though you're gonna get post it notes.
Oh I've gotten post it notes.
Jessica's gotten post notes.
Oh I get post notes.
(05:46):
Yeah.
Oh well tell your story first and I'll tell my name.
Okay so I used to get post it notes on like um Heffrey when I was dating him.
He made me dinner.
I remember one night we're just gonna call names because last episode we're just calling
fucking names it is what it is.
Yeah it is what it is.
Um he cooked me dinner one night when I was like overnight nursing and I didn't notice
(06:07):
like I thought I packed my own shit and he unpacked my bag and packed me my lunch
and he had a little thing in there and a post and I said I love you and it was like
stuffed peppers that he made that shit was fire let's just talk about that.
But that's words of affirmation I love that that's pretty cool we don't have to roast that one.
And not even that.
No.
Used to he I remember Heff always writing you like even if you had a bad day or like you were
(06:29):
just like you when you were traveling or seeing and you were like crying your eyes out and he
would write you these letters like you were so strong you're so beautiful.
You're so amazing.
You got this.
You go look in the mirror and tell yourself that like he was always about words of affirmation
that was a really big thing for him.
It was a huge thing for him and a huge thing for me because that's one of my top level
languages we really met each other eye to eye on that one 100 percent.
(06:52):
As for the rest of them they just want to be pegged.
Not the rest of them.
Well for me in my situation I finally got away from the one that wants to be pegged.
Thank God first and foremost.
Ain't no ass play here.
No ass play here.
Speaking of ass play.
What?
I'm just kidding.
Wait what where are we going with this one?
(07:13):
Oh my god.
But okay so I'll I'm and I'll call his name out because you know everybody will know but
my current fiance his name is Eric and my only fiance I should say I say current but I'm just
I was going to say current relationship.
I was like current fiance like there's going to be one in the future.
No there's no more I'm done.
But for him like and he's a songwriter so maybe that's what it is for him as he loves to write
music and so I guess he is in a form of writer but he's always done sweet stuff like that like
(07:37):
every single day he sends me books of like just like this little love letters and he always has
to like talk about his like he is very much 100 percent his love language is words of affirmation
and quality 100 and quality time and like physical touch like but really truly like I would say
words of affirmation is this top one I mean I've woken up to have literally like a big heart
on the on the mirror that was just loaded like hundreds of post-it notes and stuff like he does
(08:00):
that all the time and ask her if she's kept every single one because she has like a little treasure
box I do full of all her little posts and it's adorable and I do the same for him even though
like yes words of affirmation to an extent is my love language but it's not nowhere near as strong
but I've done the same for him just because I try to match his energy and that and with that being
said like I know but you're also very good at words are you the yeah I mean I'm good at writing
(08:24):
but I words I don't know I think that words when it comes to expressing how I'm feeling in a loving
way sometimes can be hard if it's not for my children you know I mean maybe that's a vulnerability
issue but either way I mean I used to do the same and so he actually when he got in his accent
and I had to go get everything out of the truck I found all the post-it notes so he's like the first
thing when I got back he's like you grabbed all my post-it notes right oh that was like his main
(08:48):
because he's like you got my post-it notes right my truck but remember the post-it really really so yeah so now that I definitely
that was it was sweet RIP to that truck I know oh mother fucker I miss that truck well next one
let's talk about access service so these are the men who want a pat on the back every single time
you're doing fucking dishes but I did the dishes I did the laundry no no it's more like oh you vacuumed
(09:14):
well I reorganized the pantry passive aggressive competition you want a fucking cookie wow let's
go ahead and keep doing the whole house like that until everything's done yeah no kidding and like you
know meanwhile I'm sitting here working a full-time job you're not um and I'm coming home and I'm also
doing school and I work and I take care of every fucking thing else and let me tell you something
(09:37):
if that house smells like shit when I walk in from work I'm pissed pissed I would just like to
know why your house would smell like shit when you know okay so here's my thing listen whoa for real
it's the pegging that's a mixed oh never mind no no no it's not the pegging as a matter of fact
(10:02):
it's the I have a cat so if it's a cat litter and the garbage hasn't been taken out and there's
dishes that have been sitting over there from the fucking night before that stench and the windows
are closed now that it's colder out not like literal shit like no I mean like you gotta no you gotta
explain absolutely fucking not but I'm so sick and tired of them going but I did that I cleaned
(10:24):
like that's also your fucking job yeah that was that was a big thing in my past like a lot of my
relationships so they'd be like well I did the dishes and I'm like well do you want a fucking
gold star like seriously that's that's a part of teamwork that's what you're supposed to be doing
right you know I mean like it shouldn't be like you just got extra credit because if I can help
down around the house in a house that you live in you help make the mess you did this you know I mean
(10:46):
like right it's all of us you know I mean we everybody should be actively helping so it's
but it's great because a lot of people do like like that kind of stuff they love the acts of
service and and all that and that's great I mean I'm I'm I do I'm not even gonna lie right I am
100% an acts of service me too but if you really break it down it's more about teamwork though and
that exactly it's funny that that's a love language when that's an actual fucking responsibility
(11:10):
it's a life quality it is let's call it what it is no really you have to be able to live on your
own and clean your own fucking house without expecting anybody else to come do it or give you
a fucking cookie and a parade around the neighborhood because you did something good for yourself
yes grow the fuck up bro it's good what I came down to bubble dog what what wait no okay back
(11:33):
up hold on hold on really why did you just say you came don't we're not playing no no no no no no
you can't really hear it on the on the thing so for our listeners they wouldn't be able to hear it
very well so I really want to waste your time but did you see you came down from a bubble dog
wait stop no what your sister was a witch right and what was her sister a princess
(11:59):
you're gonna look at me tell me I'm lying
there it is see that's what I was saying she's like grow up bro and it maybe came down to bubble
dog so there's that so I was right I mean I don't know for me I love access service don't get me
(12:27):
wrong but it's when people use that against you like they expect you to be like give them a round
of applause for doing things like it's more like acts of self-preservation at this point you don't
hear you don't you just do it so you don't have to hear me complain later right like honestly
you do it now because you're going oh fuck if I don't do these dishes now she's gonna
(12:48):
walk in the fucking door and be like what'd you fucking do all day just sit there on your
fucking game are we wrong you're gonna look at me and tell me I'm wrong
like really though are we fucking wrong because isn't that a responsibility because I'm sorry if
I'm home and my man's at work or my girlfriend if I'm home and they're at work I'm cleaning the
(13:17):
fucking house absolutely responsibility even though I love access service name that I don't know
right but it goes but it's vice versa I mean if it's the woman working the man's home he should
be helping around the house it's true you know I mean it needs to be a 50-50 that's why I say teamwork
is so important and that's why like I have I think out of all of me even though yes I love acts of
service I also struggle with this one as a love language because like like we already came up on
(13:40):
like I really truly just feel it should be a responsibility and a part of teamwork right
in a household whether it be with your spouse or whether it's with your children or your roommates
or whatever the situation is everybody should be helping out evenly agreed yeah agreed so acts of
service can lean into but here's my thing is acts like we're just talking about this does acts of
(14:01):
service like them like like Jeff making dinner right okay is that also like receiving gifts
because that's another love language that we can talk about right absolutely but I don't think
receiving gifts is more of like yeah I'm gonna guess in a sense but no I don't feel that way in
the same aspect because I feel like cooking dinner is an act of service because you're exhausted you've
(14:23):
had a long day and your spouse is like you know what I'm gonna go ahead and cook for you so you
don't have to do that a gift is someone like going out love language yes absolutely but that's that's
a part of acts of service so I mean in that aspect yeah okay I get it she she has something to say
here's the interface but hold on hold on hold on because we all know out of the three of us I like
we all share black cat qualities but I am the most black cat it's true of them all okay I'm also like
(14:49):
a little fucking touch me um I mean yeah that's that's gift giving because I think that portion
of it is gift giving yeah doing things like that around the house absolutely but then you
have the people that are like oh here's like a pack of gum I bought I bought you a pack of gum
at the fucking store here's a gift and you're going 25 cents please and I'm not saying that like the
(15:13):
the gift has to be like it has to cost a lot of money but but you're not also like what's
I don't know like maybe I'm being maybe I'm being selfish maybe I'm being like a little I don't
know what the fucking word is right now but no go by me go put some go buy me something if you're
gonna buy me something put gas in my car put a little fucking thought into it oh we all look at
(15:39):
gift receiving a little bit differently yeah exactly so like number three receiving gifts right
the go buy me my tampons right that's fine and that that right there in itself is cool but like
here I brought you this rock I'm not a fucking penguin bro you're not bringing me a pebble
(16:00):
that's the sign of adoration I don't know if you know the story about how the penguin brings it
like but that's like a penguin I want to mate with you for life this is my gift to you you know what
I mean like I think that's yay same penis for the rest of my life done done done done done
for real done done done for real I know so okay so receiving gifts people think it's shallow
(16:28):
right like that's that's a love language oh you must be shallow if all you like to do is be
fucking adorned with gifts but like no we all secretly fucking love that shit but I think it's
a two-way street I think as much as you're getting gifts you should be giving them as well I agree I
agree see I'm a gift giver not as a language um but I would say like I'm all about like giving
because I'm just a giving person but in the same aspect I have a really hard time with accepting
(16:52):
so this is one of the yes one of the love languages that I will say I honestly struggle with the most
and maybe call it me being like hyper independent but in that aspect when someone buys me something I
guess maybe that's drama I feel like if a gift is given there's literally like there's something that
comes with that that's going to be bad you know what I mean like well I did this for you you know
I mean I went and bought you this you can't do this for me you know I mean like I feel like it's
(17:14):
held over my head and in my past I've experienced and maybe that comes from my grandmother because
that was her mean love language when you know when she was a little bit younger before she got
dementia like that was her big thing like she didn't say I love you she didn't try to do like acts
of service or she didn't try to spend quality time with you really truly what it came down to
words of affirmation definitely was another thing but at the end of the day like her way of showing
(17:37):
love like I remember as a kid like I'd be like I just don't feel like you let me she's like I just
bought you literally I just bought you clothes how do I not love you you know I mean I'm like well
wait what I mean as a kid I don't understand that so I think and then that would get thrown in my
face why just bought you clothes so you need to go do this or you have to do that or you have to do
this so I feel like for me maybe that's just been from like childhood trauma that kind of like stems
(17:59):
up but I have a hard time receiving like I almost feel uncomfortable especially then if I have to
open them in front of them I'm like oh hey thank you for the gift I'll go open this later you know
what I mean like I don't want to open in front because I am the worst when it comes out I will
never forget when my stepdad bought me my car when I was 17 and they were so excited okay and they had
a big old bow on it and they worked at a car dealership so he ended up getting in training a
(18:22):
BMW M3 right and it was an older car but it was beautiful and it had low mileage everything
and inside when I walked out I was literally flipping the fuck out inside I'm like oh my god
oh my god but I'm like oh wow for me like because outside I couldn't outwardly show how I felt inside
because I literally was like I feel so uncomfortable you know what I mean like I felt like I was on the
(18:44):
spot and everybody was watching me I was like not all like that that's true and honestly I wonder if
that's why maybe from our childhood if that's why you like words of affirmation because gift giving
makes you feel like weird like if that's why because like with grandma you were saying that words of
affirmation was definitely but you don't love me you don't show me that you don't say that right in
return I did acts of service for her see and I think that's also like why I'm such a like OCD
(19:09):
clean freak and like always constantly try and do stuff because I'm like oh this is my way of helping
you know I mean I'm gonna just gonna constantly clean 24-7 24-7 just I want to make sure everything's
perfect everything has a spot everything's gonna be clean and it's gonna be nice for everybody because
I know how it feels when I walk into a house and it's clean you know I mean I'm like oh my zen
place that's true you know I mean you know when it's not I'm like I made a mardi tired listening
(19:32):
to that yeah that's for real like what the fuck thank god thank god that you are just the way that
you are now I think you know also receiving gifts too is really funny because you also have those
relationships or I've been in them that they're like hey babe I bought a second game controller
so we could all play video games together I don't fucking play video games what the fuck what's wrong
(19:57):
with you like selfish gift giving but no kidding hold on because that can that literally oh my god
that can segue us into our next acts of service I mean uh what the fuck am I trying to say our
next quality time yeah quality time because if they buy my ex my ex used to sit there and play
his fucking video games 24 fucking 11 if he wasn't sleeping 11 I love it yeah he was doing it until
(20:23):
he was 7 24 11 he was doing it from the time he woke up till the time he went to work then he would
go to work for however long and then he would come home and he was right back on his fucking video
game and then he took up on his fucking bong while he was playing his video game and what was I
fucking doing sitting there because quality time I would rather be in the same room with you and not
(20:45):
have you talk to me because I'm still in your presence and we're supposed worse I think we're
spending time together that way I think you need to have conversation I don't think it needs to be
quiet the whole time but like you've had a long day you talk to people all day I don't want to come
home and talk to people again like I don't know you are very much so an introvert I am you are I
am I come off as an extrovert to certain people yeah I do though because like I will talk to anybody
(21:13):
about anything but if I'm not comfortable in the situation I will I think you're an extrovert to
the people that you're comfortable talking to absolutely if it's like just random people like
you'll be nice like you'll put your customer service voice I'll be like hey how you doing
you know what I mean but as soon as they leave they're like I don't know what to do with you
the look on your face gives away like your rbf comes on so strong but I do want to jump back
(21:35):
just for one second back to the gifts one and that is the other thing for me is I also notice
is like when someone gives you like a really meaningful gift and then you feel like you almost
have to like oh get in the same in return like they go and they you know make you a scrapbook of
like the past like a couple years of your relationship and you're like well I got you a gift
card to chile no it's so true do not knock the chile's gift cards though there's nothing like
(22:00):
sitting in the dimly lit fucking like a little restaurant and you're just sitting there eating
your little chocolate lava cake together and just everything's perfect in that moment because I'm
now craving their chips and salsa oh my god chili's chips and salsa bitch I'm telling you and
they're mozzarella sticks like yep you smell their deep eddies strawberry hard strawberry
(22:23):
lemonade oh my god that sounds delicious that does sound delicious so are we going to the
chili's vodka like with the strawberry and the lemonade and it's like fresh like crunched up
like strawberries and shit with fresh lemon oh my god are we going to chili's you know can we
doordash like I'm not even kidding you I mean I don't know they do doordash yeah they do doordash
they do well I'm just mine out and you know what you can get a bag of margarita from them for 45
(22:46):
fucking dollars and it has like six fucking margaritas worth in there okay that's only $15
per person and that's two margaritas per person I'm fucking down that's that that comes out to
$7.50 a margarita that's true that's true oh that sounds good but fuck around and find out because
just get a couple of those triple different like the trio and then get some fucking margaritas on
(23:10):
deck we'd have a whole fucking podcast like like we'd have a whole segment just on chili's and how
good it is speaking of I just want to point this out speaking of margaritas okay I would like to
have a couple drinks before an episode one day because I would like to see how shitty I get
kind of like how brandy does with the she like eats the edibles before she does her makeup online
(23:33):
do you know what I'm talking about no who's there's this girl that she's been around
fucking forever okay and she started like doing like the videos where she would literally like
she'd first talk to you when she's normal and then you'd watch her eat her edibles and then
it'd be like 45 minutes later and she would be so baked out of her fucking mind and she would do
she does like Halloween makeup and like she did like Patrick Starter I think you've shown me her
(23:57):
yes dude she is funny as fuck I absolutely love her and she's sitting then she's laughing as she's
trying and like she don't use like normal stuff like she's not like trying to be like FX right
like she'll like take like a paper plate and like put it on her forehead you know I mean like she
uses like everyday household items to make her costumes and it's she's funny as hell you guys
have to watch her because she's awesome dude I can only imagine what she's like after eating
(24:19):
edibles oh my god she's hilarious and the whole time she's like drooling on herself and her eyes
are like this the whole time you guys can see I'm saying the eyes are like this like you guys can
see but her eyes are like totally squinted you know I feel like in my younger years those edibles
just used to fucking hit man yeah never never and then we became adults and we couldn't fucking do
that shit I know I know so instead we have margaritas hey yeah yeah yeah yep yep yep I like miss
(24:47):
margaritas but we're good off topic so back to quality time because that's the next one yes
that's what we're currently talking about so quality time I also think that you're talking
about quality time and being in their presence right because I feel like if you're out of sight
you're out of mind yeah but do you feel so just sitting like quietly next to someone's quality
(25:08):
time not always but I feel like in certain situations absolutely it is and I can understand that okay
because I used to sit like Brian would play his video games and I would sit on the couch and where
it got to be quality time is like I'm sitting there on tiktok and he's like babe I'm in this mission
because I used to love watching him play Grand Theft Auto because it's just fucking fun it's fun
(25:30):
so he used to have those missions so then he go babe go on YouTube and try to find the cheat code
for this one so then I go all right go here go there that's quality time like he's still playing
that whatever and then I'd go back to my thing you know what I mean yeah that I find quality time
but I also feel like quality time for me it has to be like not has to because I did enjoy those times
(25:53):
but I do like when they're like hey I want to bring out to dinner yes that's quality time
yes absolutely like let's go for a walk yes let's go to the beach let's go here let's do this
let's just go for a fucking drive right I love or even just laying in bed watching a movie together
yes you can do that and be quiet absolutely and I also feel like that's where like extroverts
and introverts kind of clash in that aspect because like you have the ones that are like let's
(26:16):
let's just hang out and spend all this time together ones like can we don't have to talk the
whole time we can just sit there and hang out too like so I get that I guess I get that absolutely
absolutely well oh what's the next one what else do we have um we have physical touch
oh I'm a physical touch person to a certain extent I want you to touch me when I want it
(26:37):
but when I don't want you to fucking touch me don't breathe on me yeah that's the whole black
capping yeah yeah I'm not way too I'm bad that way see you're like super physical touch and I like
I like physical I think out of the like the least would be would be Liz she she is the type it's like
okay you touched my arm that's enough okay you got your fill her form of cuddling is like you
(27:00):
can put your finger on my thigh while we go to bed you're right right you're right for real and then
I'm kind of like in the middle like I occasionally like like the cuddlies and the all that other
shit but then other times where I feel like I'm almost feeling suffocated by too much physical
touch and I'm like okay do you remember when you had something off me oh my god yeah I couldn't
hit and I feel bad and I think that's another thing that a lot of mothers experience that
(27:23):
that most people don't understand is when you have a young kid they literally literally suck all the
physical touch quality out of you because you're literally taking care of them and you're holding
them and you're feeding them and you're changing the diaper and they're whining and they're crying
and you're holding them again you know I mean and it's non-stop in your bathroom right you're
rocking them to sleep you're staring at you you're in the bathroom you mean like and they're
(27:45):
kind of like trying to touch you and do all this stuff and by the time for like I know I experienced
this like with me and my ex by the time Sophia would go to sleep I would be like and he'd be like
come on babe let's go like cuddle up watch me I'm like I don't even want you to fucking touch me
like just don't touch me because I don't think people are like how drained you end up feeling
after taking care of a younger child. I used to say that like I remember postpartum used to tell me
(28:08):
like get though like I just get off me but like that's my baby like I can't yeah you know I get
that yeah 100% get that and then when he's asking hey yeah and then it's like oh let's have sexy time
I was just gonna say in the hyper sexuality mix with that oh my god and sex is great don't get me
wrong but in the same aspect every birth like and maybe I'm just different okay because I'm not
(28:29):
speaking for I'm just speaking for myself I know for me like afterwards like especially with the
amount of cleaness that my youngest was with me it was hard for me even like sexually in that aspect
like because that's still from a physical touch you know what I mean and I he'd be like well let's
do it and he wanted to do it like every day and I'm like we're like four or five years in there
is no fucking way I'm doing it every day right now especially with a newborn child right I mean
(28:52):
like I'm like the thought of even having sex I'm like I haven't shaved in like what feels like a
month I haven't showered in two days because you won't even watch your fucking child so I can shower
you know oh god like and you think you want to touch me right now you got you damn mind right
exactly and there's also there's a there's a point of physical touch where you have to feel good about
yourself too because I know sometimes if I don't feel good about my body if I'm having a what girls
(29:17):
we call them fat days for the men's okay we have fat days if I have a fat day don't
fucking look at me don't touch me don't do anything or at least turn off every single
fucking light in the room if we're gonna have sex or that and I have to wear a shirt and yes
your comments on like oh you look so good today don't fucking say it don't because I feel like
you're literally going to you're lying you're lying you're lying no but I feel like um physical
(29:45):
touched out like in those moments when I'm having fat days I'm like I'm gonna put my fucking cold
feet on you and you are gonna warm up my toes I know you don't like feet you know what is it what
what is it they're fucking disgusting like physical touch it's no no no just feet in general I would
rather you like lay up on me than put your fucking feet on me because I will fucking chop your dick
(30:07):
off whoa I hate feet what is it I think they're bob it hey you know my parents did used to call me
Lizzie Borden so oh my god that's fucked up did it yeah they used to call me Lizzie like whenever
I would have like one of my teenage angst days where I was like fuck the world bull blood I'm so
(30:28):
depressed and emailed they were like all right Lizzie Borden calm down no yeah holy shit yeah
yeah yeah there goes trauma dude wonder why she's so great I know no kidding talk about the black cat
here I am I don't know I like I like physical touch I like to feel um I like physical touch from
(30:49):
the right person yeah I like physical touch from everyone I'm a very touchy person yeah I'm a hugger
I'm like I'm a hugger if I love you yeah it's true I'm not a hugger in general but yeah you're like
and maybe I don't know if that's the codependency or what is but like you like that is like how you
feel your love I think that honestly I would say physical touch has got to be one of your top love
(31:11):
languages it's physical touch then worth for affirmation yeah 100% I feel like I have none like
talking to you guys now now I feel like this is why I've been single you know what I mean like
yes I have somebody now and he's great and he's wonderful and he's god he's so fucking patient
with me but like I feel like quality time how what how she's like he's not around and she's
(31:34):
perfectly fine no she's not I'm not though she's not though that's why I'm saying quality time
because see for you you need quality time to keep the the spark alive yeah and then you get bored
or you start to feel like you're losing the relationship if they're not giving you quality
time that's fair because you guys could sit and talk all day on the phone but if you guys aren't
(31:57):
seeing each other in person you'll quickly lose interest yeah oh yeah and that's the shitty part
because like they don't deserve me having my issues you know what I mean they don't deserve that no
it's literally me in my head going self sabotage I'm finding fucking reasons and I'm like shut the
(32:18):
fuck up bitch wait so you have no love languages none that's what I'm saying I think I think I
personally like looking from the outside I would say it's quality time and no other like that's it
that's all that I need to survive off love no I think you also need to be in my presence don't
fucking say anything don't look at me don't touch me I just need to know fucking cold call us heartless
(32:40):
bitch like you are I don't like this episode like seriously like I feel like no okay bohan pause
it would be acts of service as well because you feel loved if someone's helping you you know I mean
like prime example okay your current right when your ex wasn't helping out and you needed help
he was the first one to jump up and be like here I got you don't worry you know what I mean like
(33:04):
I'm gonna take care of this for you and that was something that really meant a lot to you you know
I mean because he came and helped you in a situation where you were struggling in that moment you
know I mean so I think there's a mixture of I think you have a little bit of each I just think
that there's not one that you dominate over per se because you still like you said you do like
(33:25):
like physical touch to an extent you know I mean there's a little bit of each not everybody has a
mean one that I would say just sticks out for them you know I mean for me like I feel like there's
a little bit of each um that I can say I mean I like physical touch I don't like over abundant
amounts of it but I do like it I would say for me would be definitely like acts of service is probably
(33:46):
my number one even though even though I go back and say I feel like that should be a responsibility
thing but maybe that's just because I've never outside of of Eric haven't been with anyone
that was responsible enough to be a team member with me but prime example an active service that
Eric has done if you don't mind me sharing okay you've had a long day at work or you've had a long
(34:07):
day period he's come home and drawn you a bath and made sure that you had everything for that bath
and lit candles and just made sure that you had that moment that is took care of your children to
like just make sure that they were all taken care of so nobody would come bother you in that moment
that's an act of service to itself absolutely that's what I'm saying yeah like those are all things
and but that's not just the responsibility though like that's the actual act of service absolutely
(34:29):
absolutely and there's times where he doesn't have to cook dinner like he knows that like my big thing
is like I open to come home and I'm gonna cook dinner and there's times like he's alignment so he
works a hell of a lot harder than I do he works a hell of a lot longer hours and works way more days
in a row than I do there's times he's working 20 days in a row and when he was doing that or is doing
that he would still come home exhausted hardly able to keep his eyes open and just see that I'm
(34:52):
tired and even though his tiredness weighs out mine by a long shot and he would still be like you
know what I can see you're tired go upstairs relax take a bath and I'm gonna go ahead and cook dinner
and I'm gonna clean up after dinner or I'll cook dinner and help like I'm gonna clean up you know
I mean so he does do a lot in his he's got so many of them he really truly he is a perfect blend
(35:14):
of them all I've gotten really lucky in that aspect he is he truly is I've been truly truly
lucky with him in that aspect so I don't know maybe I'm just a hoe and I like physical touch
I mean we're all hosed for the right one like let's be like daddy time like that's different
I'm not talking about that kind of stuff but I mean there's listen if you look at it that way if
(35:37):
you go no no no no hold on though because there's quality time in the bedroom there is acts of
service in the bedroom there is physical touch in the bedroom I mean we could apply this all here
like let's be fucking for real there's words of affirmation there's words of affirmation in the bedroom
good girl good girl you're gonna take this dip when I get home you're gonna be on all fours
(35:59):
that's not my husband my ex husband that's the other way around that's gonna take that attitude
right out of you you're gonna take it you're gonna take this yeah yes daddy yes daddy oh my god
I can't with you guys well oh lord what happens what happens when your love languages don't align
(36:21):
with your partners what are you doing that aspect I think you learn to navigate each other absolutely
you have to it's sometimes hard it is it's extremely hard especially like in your primal
situation like when you're with your ex-husband you know I mean you were searching for for words
of affirmation which he did not provide at all and you had to find ways around to feel loved or
(36:42):
feel accepted by him because of he had ones that you that was your more dominated ones where his
weren't you know I mean dominated him he liked to be dominated do you remember when he sent you the
picture of him in a thong and I'm sorry what yeah okay so listen this this is okay little
(37:02):
little t we're just listen honestly Ryan Roberts if you're listening listen holy fucking shit I don't
like so far removed out of my life please listen so listen so after they got out of a relationship
right he ended up sending me hold on pause can I preface this for my listeners our listeners
sure my listeners I would like to preface by saying I I didn't know it was to the extent
(37:28):
while I was with him I thought that he just had like a a fucking her radar just didn't go off
and also I was young my radar yeah no my radar did not go off okay I was young and now in my 36
years of life I'm like you fucking idiot okay but anyway signs were there yeah and I had but he's
(37:49):
still married and named his children the names that we chose for our twins that I miscarried tell
me we're petty without being petty are you serious I know that Jordan and Aiden oh wow anyway
yeah okay well so okay let's preface this right with us so Valerie had another best friend who
(38:14):
we shall not name her no but no names but so it was the three of us we're like the three
fucking Amigos back in the day and huh legit yeah legit and when they broke up it I want to say was
about a year later all of a sudden he reached out to me and our other friend and basically was like
hey so I'm coming out of the closet he goes I'm coming out of the closet to an extent though I'm
(38:40):
not telling my family I just wanted you guys to know and I wanted to know if you guys needed a gay
best friend and I need help because I'm trying to figure out like what because he wanted to start
cross-dressing and like what what clothes would look good on me right so this motherfucker starts
sending pictures to me and our other friend at the time pictures of him in songs like not not
(39:04):
menthongs like wait menthongs are a thing yes yes and an hammock yes like the little string up
through his I had to hear this and hearing it again because I haven't heard this story in so long
I'm like hearing it again older I'm so uncomfortable but so he sends us these pictures and like and
(39:25):
they work like it was unsolicited okay because he was like would you be able to tell me if I like
look okay in this outfit oh my god do I look okay in this outfit so in my mind I'm going oh he's
in a picture of him like in a skirt in a shirt or like a dress or which would be the normal
thing out there like that's okay right absolutely yes but I was married to a man that I thought I
(39:46):
was marrying a man I didn't realize that I was gonna marry a cross dresser also I still have his
last name right but what's what we're saying is if somebody chooses to do that that's not it's cool
for you that's great 100% when I'm rocking it but here's my thing if I'm going into a relationship
thinking that I'm getting a full blown straight man and this straight man is not a straight man I
(40:08):
feel bamboozled we've all kind of been there before I mean yeah we've all been bamboozled in
one way or another but that's extreme keep going go ahead yes anyways so he says can you tell me
how I look in this outfit he's basically right and so I'm like oh okay yeah sure he sends the same
thing to our other friend and we end up getting a picture of him in literally a female song what
(40:34):
color was it I don't I think it was pink if I remember correctly and like straight up like his
ballsack it was lace right yes it was lace and it was like but it wasn't like the full on like g
string it was a thong like at the thicker sides and like probably I'm sure the thicker backings
and a picture of the back and I was like okay did he send you a front picture or a back picture
a front picture like was he did he set up the phone and then walk back or no no no no it was
(40:59):
like it was like like pretty close picture she had them balls did you see pups yeah you could see
pups you could see pups did you see his wiener um it was covered by the stuff because even though
it was lace like it had like another like like liner of a material I wasn't trying to really look I
kind of went okay because all I could see was like the pubes coming out from the side and you
(41:20):
like I like the hairy thighs are so it was like a bad image of like someone who hasn't shaved in
like six months you know what I'm also this is taken from like fucking iphone 3 like that yeah
yeah because this was a long time ago but uh and I was like uh oh okay and he's like so I was
learning like do you think it looks okay and I was like um I think you need to find a different
size like maybe like a men's thong or something and he's like well I would I feel more comfortable
(41:44):
wearing girls clothes would you be able to help and then he sent me sent us okay both of us a
picture of him in a bra right oh I don't remember hearing this well he doesn't have chesticles
no he did not he was flat chested like can I show you a picture of him yeah I've never seen him
you've never seen him yeah just okay so for our listeners he was like 510 dark brown hair total
(42:04):
fuck boy okay literally thought that um he was mixed or something because he would wear the
do rags and the the bandanas and the baggy ass pants and do all that different you know jazz and
he just you know and he tried to be a thug I mean that was really truly his personality so him coming
out this way that's it also that's why it was so confusing when he came when he did that because
(42:25):
he put on this front but he was also over what's the word I'm looking for not over compensating yes
he was over compensating by cheating on her with all these different women because I believe like he
was trying to fill this void in his head that he's not really that way because he didn't want to be
judged because his parents would have never accepted him that way I don't think I really
(42:45):
really his current is a female yes yes so he's still closeted yeah maybe I don't know or or
maybe he was just doing it for attention or like maybe because he tried to get with me and Mary at
one point when they were still together after she literally had her miscarriage and she had her
dncs he came over to the house and I had his straight up tell him it was the first time you
(43:06):
never done anything like this before right and I actually knew him before I knew her because I
met him through Harper right so so in that process like I had met him he'd come over with Harper and
stuff and was like hanging out and shit and I was like oh he's cool and he's like yeah you gotta meet
my girlfriend you guys would get along that and I was like oh cool okay so fast forwarding like
(43:27):
six seven months into it I finally get to meet her and stuff and then and then she ends up having
the miscarriage and they came over to our old friend sister's house and we were all hanging out
inside and she was just a total wreck and I came over there because she was like I really just could
use you right now yeah so I get there I'm hanging out outside with her and I'm just trying to console
(43:49):
her through all this and before I had gotten there I know they were inside so um Boston ends up coming
outside and he's sitting there going and he's like all right I'm gonna get her home because she was
already like she was so drained from everything that was going on so I was like all right so I
gave her a hug and they left right so I go in the house and I'm hanging out I want to say it was not
(44:10):
even fuck what 20 30 minutes later he calls my phone and he was like hey from Valerie's phone
he's like hey do you see my phone there and I was like no I don't I don't he's like well can you guys
just look real quick so I got our old friend her sister everybody is searching everybody in the house
is now searching for his phone in the living room we're checking the couch moving the cushions
(44:30):
checking the bathroom we're looking outside in the patio we can't find his phone anywhere okay
so I tell him that and he's like all right he's like well I'll just come over there and try to
look then and I was like well I don't see it and he's like well I'm just gonna come try to look and
I was like all right well I'll see you in a little bit okay not thinking anything of it
he gets there he comes inside I'm sitting on the couch and he asked me he's like hey can you come
outside and help me look for for my phone and I was like oh okay you don't want to like look in here
(44:55):
or anything like that and he's like well you guys already looked in here and then he uh our old friend
goes will you want me to come help and he goes no no no it's okay I got it I got it we got it this
will be fine so I was like okay so we start looking and he immediately goes to the car and I'm like
well did you not want to look out here and he's like well do you want to just help me try to
look in the car because maybe I just it's somewhere in here when I like put her in the car and I'm
(45:18):
like okay yeah I'm like but why wouldn't you just I'm thinking myself like why when you have done
that when you were at the house why would you drive another 15 minutes back for all this
shit and do it there you know because he's a skeezy fat absolutely so in that process okay
he ends up like opening the back passenger door and I'm going to meet you were the driver why are
you looking in the back passenger like in the back seat right and he's like oh I'm gonna look under
(45:43):
there so I literally open the driver door I look down and I just put my hand because I'm thinking
like realistically in my head I would look under my seat okay I literally put my hand out in the phone
sitting sideways like right there at the edge right and I go oh here's your phone and he was like oh
thank you so much I'm so grateful also why didn't you call your phone fucking facts dude like why
(46:06):
wouldn't you have taken your phone right and went around and start calling in the car first any of
that kind of stuff so anyways so I'm like well here you go 100% exactly and at that time I'm like
oh yeah go look for your phone babe like I like again young and dumb didn't think call your phone
bro absolutely so he he walks over and he like I was like thanks so much and then he goes you know
(46:30):
I just want to kind of also talk to him private and I was like okay and he goes well he goes just
saying oh like you know like did she tell you that I've enlisted into bootcamp and I was like yeah
I mean I heard stuff about it she had said it before and he's like yeah he's like so you know I'm
gonna be gone soon and I just I was wondering like will you be able to be there for her and like you
know spend time with her and stuff like that while I'm gone because you know she's gonna be alone and
(46:51):
I said yeah absolutely I mean I have no problem with that and he goes all right cool he's like and
then when like I graduate will like from from bootcamp or you can come with her because she'll come to
Chicago like do you want to come up with her and like this way she's not traveling alone and I was
like well I mean I'll have to see if I can but I'm and I'm down if you know because at this point I'm
going okay still nothing seems too off a little weird but not too off right and I was like yeah you
(47:16):
know if I can I absolutely well and he's like all right sounds great and then all of a sudden he
reaches over and takes his hand and like scoop yep puts his hand or even used to do this thing where
he'd go scoop right when he would fucking touch your tit right and he'd go under and scoop from
underneath and he'd go scoop and I go excuse me yeah and I go what and he goes yeah it's just
(47:37):
it's what I do and I was like uh I don't like that and he goes yeah well I pretty much do what I want
and then he goes salsa and he grabs my fucking couch right and I go and at this point like I
back up and I go who the fuck do you think you are right now and I go if you ever fucking put
your hands on me again I said I will call her so fucking quick and say something right and he's like
(47:59):
well you know I just I'm sorry I'm sorry it's just you know I'm just having a hard time because
with her having this miscarriage all I can think about is how I'm not going to get laid for the
next six weeks like that's your concern like your girlfriend okay literally just miscarried with your
children and your first concern is are you not getting laid or not like what the fuck right
(48:21):
so I'm like I gotta go I end up going inside after that right I get inside and I tell our
friend the time he's just like don't say anything he's done it to me before just don't say anything to
her because in this situation I didn't know about that with her at that point right no you knew nothing
about that point no you knew nothing about it it wasn't until I told you that that's right that's right
and um and so I was like I really think we should tell her because to me that's like a what the like
(48:46):
I'm sorry if my boyfriend does some shit like that I don't give a fuck who it is ruin my
were you married at that point not yet because I married you guys afterwards oh yeah or were you
guys no you guys weren't married yet because you went that was the one that was one of the first
times like me and you really like I was kind of like oh you're like clinging to me but no I think
that we were married because he was staying at my mom's house and the only stipulation that he could
(49:10):
stay with me is that we were married maybe I think we were married at that point maybe because I
really wasn't all that close you still at that point I was you know why because we were married
and then after because I was pregnant at my wedding oh that's right okay yeah yeah yeah yep so we were
married yeah yeah you were but you gotta think when I came to you that wasn't like your real wedding
(49:32):
I'm thinking of one actually married you guys we're standing outside of our friend's sister's
apartment by my car and you officiated it yeah yep it was right before he left to go to basic
uh huh so you were eat wake up so you weren't technically legally married you guys had your
wedding so we had the marriage certificate but you guys never got it signed we never got it signed
(49:54):
had the wedding had you sign it that's what it was that's right okay either way I just remember
it not being 100% done yet that's what I remember I remember it not being legal yeah because I remember
doing shortly after that I was like mm-hmm I remember feeling very uncomfortable with signing
that for you and I think I even made a comment you know you guys have a certain amount of time if
you guys don't do anything you guys can always annul it you know I mean I don't remember making that
(50:16):
comment because and I wanted to tell you so bad so bad so bad but but our other friend was like
absolutely not saying nothing you'll ruin her marriage you'll ruin this don't do that to her
she deserves this relationship like I deserve like yeah he doesn't she deserves someone who's
literally like not even being faithful yeah no and not only that red flag number here's my 13th
(50:38):
reason okay um we the day before our wedding I remember I was in the car they had a Chrysler
300 do you remember that fucking bitch the light Chrysler 300 is that the one that had no no radio
and he used to carry around the fucking boombox that was the galant all the galant okay that was
(51:01):
the Mitsubishi galant but um anyway so we were um in the car with his mom we were going to like
Costco BJ's I actually think it was BJ's up here and she gets out of the car I take his phone because
he was acting weird and I noticed that he was sexting a girl the day before our fucking wedding
(51:25):
okay now I'm pregnant you motherfucker he was sexy another fucking girl and I remember I swear to God
I was livid we'll just say that okay I fucking I flipped my shit still married him
still married listen it's just called bad decisions right no no it is but I will say we
(51:50):
have fully 100% I got an autopsy I was just gonna say that I like that being said physical touch
100% because I got scooped anyways so here's the takeaway love languages are cute in theory
but in practice they're just another way to figure out how much you're willing to compromise
It's true.
It's 100% true.
It's 100% true.
(52:10):
Yeah.
Oh, Lord.
So we've come to find out that Liz has hardly any love languages.
Just a cold callous bitch, guys.
Yeah.
Or just how much you're going to roast each other in your relationship, one of the two.
I had a gay ex-husband who liked to wear pink thongs.
And if you're a love language, don't.
Jessica's just normal.
(52:30):
Yep.
I don't know.
That's true.
No, I am far from fucking normal.
Well.
I've dealt with my share of everything.
But if your love language doesn't align with your partners, just send them this episode.
And then that way, you can let them roast you together.
We can do it that way, too.
You like a good roast?
Absolutely.
So thank you guys for listening to Unhinged Memoirs, where love is messy.
(52:52):
And we wouldn't have it any other way.
We hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
So please make sure you show us some love by smashing the like button.
Give us a follow as well as share.
This was somebody who needs to hear it.
And don't forget to send us your love language fails funniest relationship moments.
DMS those on Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok.
Or if you're ancient and you prefer email, write us on UnhingedMemoirs.gmail.com.
(53:18):
Or send us smoke signals.
Those work, too.
Those do work.
Whatever works best for you.
We want to hear it all.
All of it, baby.
And as always, don't take life or us too seriously.
So we will see you next time.
Bye.
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