February 16, 2024 • 30 mins
A lot of cool stuff happened over the last month. In addition to getting 4 full weeks of M-F 6am jiu jitsu classes, I had the pleasure of training with my son. Three new TNTD books have had contracts signed and we're digging into the writing this weekend. The cover for TNTD: On Slashtag is revealed and the eBook will go on Netgalley and to early reviewers very soon. TBI or CTE is free on Amazon through Feb 18 - get at https://geni.us/TBIorCTE Soon all of my books will be going wide. They will be sold on all retailers with deep discounts on my website. (10:55) The Short Horror Story - Mommy's Big Boy" from Twisted Reunion and narrated by Tee Quillen.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Vicious Whispers with Mark Tullius, your source for horror,
sci-fi, suspense, and all things violent.
(00:30):
Try not to die is very excited about that. So yeah, I just got a way cooler
approach and I, today we're finishing up trying not to die on slash tag.
I don't know if you can see it behind me, but we got the new cover.
I had to rework it a little bit, but I liked this one a lot.
John likes it a lot. I think it's going to be an amazing book.
So I'm going to give him those notes, final notes this weekend,
(00:50):
and then he will make those final changes and we'll put out the,
it on net galley for a month and also give it to my early readers and John's early readers.
So we can get some reviews that way it has a good shot coming at the gate i
never give my books a good launch i'm not a good marketer yet but that's cool
because i'm pretty good at this,
(01:11):
pumping out content right and that's all thanks to my
co-authors like john john cone did this whole
book himself trying to die on slash tag lindsey smith
and i edited it john wrote the whole thing amazing job they're very excited
about that shortly after that we'll put try not to die and the dark fairy tale
there's a lot of shit coming this year this year should be a minimum of four
(01:31):
try not to dies and one doom to die that doom to die all we need are the last
three scenes Everything else is completely done, completely edited.
So yeah, a lot of little things here and there. But yeah, my whole attitude
though has been way chiller, way calmer.
I did this past month, started out awesome. I did 20 days. So a full month of
(01:52):
hitting every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, 6 a.m.
Class at 10th Planet Whittier.
I love it. I was really enjoying it, just having fun with it.
I was going to do a competition. competition wasn't causing me stress
because i just got my brain around that and how do i how i
want to approach it ended up not doing the competition there are
no fair fights i'd have to fight someone 15 20 years younger than
(02:13):
me and i realized that no i shouldn't be doing that i can't compete with those
guys so i'm just waiting for the next one and which is cool but i in really
am having fun with training that's what's awesome this monday it was a pretty
nice treat probably probably one of the coolest morning practices I've ever had.
And it's because my son, Jake, wanted to go to class with me.
(02:35):
I told him the night before, my dude, I was like, are you sure?
I was like, you have to wake up early for it. He didn't have a school.
And so he said, no, I want to go. I want to try it. So he went with me.
I didn't know how much he would be able to do.
I said, at the very least, you'll do the warmups and then you can watch and
you can learn. And I said, there may not be anyone for you to actually try anything
on because of the size difference.
But he went, he did the warmups, did a good job. And then I had him work in,
(02:57):
My partner, Mike, was really cool letting Jake come in and get some reps.
And yeah, so it was a lot of fun. We leave and Jake says, man,
I want to go back next week.
I want to go back next Monday. I was like, dude, you got school.
He's like, no, it's a holiday. I can go again.
All right, I'll ask coach and coach was cool with it. So yeah,
so he just really enjoyed working with the adults.
(03:18):
Usually him and I, he doesn't want to hear shit from me about jujitsu.
You know, whatever advice I have, it does not matter. He doesn't want to hear.
He likes hearing the funny stories when I come back from class.
He likes, you know, him and my daughter both see that I'm in a great mood when I return from training.
And that's why they both want to train. Like my daughter, she's in a musical this weekend.
(03:38):
Excited to go see that. but she's excited. As soon as it's done,
she's going to start training and she's probably going to be going to the 6am
class with me as long as she can handle waking up that early.
But she thinks I'll be a lot of fun. You know, coach art does Tuesdays and Thursdays
and coach West is Monday, Wednesday, Friday, just, it's a cool, cool, cool group.
So, but yeah, having my son want to do that, to do it with me,
(04:00):
you know, when I was just warming up, he was on my back, he was putting me in
chokeholds. He was having fun playing, doing jujitsu, working moves on me.
So So that was, yeah, something, something really cool.
We hadn't had the chance to really do that because of our size difference,
but now he kind of wants to do it with all of us. So that's awesome.
Yeah. Training has been great. This morning was fun. I got beat up by a purple
(04:24):
belt, a really good purple belt, but it was an awesome round.
Those, and that's what I've told my son too.
He's gotten discouraged before from, you know, losing rounds or whatever else
feeling like he can't beat someone.
I said, those are what motivate me, man. Those are the most fun.
Like what fun is an easy rally maybe you
got to do a move or a move or something
(04:45):
like that but the real fun is yeah trying to overcome getting your ass kicked
like okay he got me twice today well next time i'm gonna try you know only once
or or however and yeah so that was fun one with him very technical just very
good and then i got to go with coach art and he snuck me me,
which is covering my mouth and nose with his hand.
(05:08):
And my, both of my arms are trapped by the way. And so you just suffocate the person.
And I tried licking them and it didn't get him to let go.
And then I realized that someone else had already tried to look at him and I
was like, Ooh, I just looked that guy's fucking lick, but I'm sure there'd been
lots of other sweat and grossness on his hand prior to that or in between.
So yeah, it's pretty fucking disgusting.
(05:29):
So that, But the reason that happened, I had noticed that he'd been doing it
to others in class, too. I was rolling with my buddies.
I look over, and he's snuffing this guy. He's snuffing that guy.
And afterwards, after he snuffed me, he said that was because of me.
I've been a bad example by playing with people's ears, maybe his,
(05:49):
and the younger belts, some of the white belts.
I think one booped his nose or something like that.
And so that's why he was snuffing us. He was teaching us a lesson.
And I probably didn't learn it, but I did enjoy the hard rolls.
I enjoyed getting snuffed. And yeah, maybe I found out something new about myself.
Maybe I really like getting snuffed.
(06:11):
Not really. Fucking sucks. I don't recommend it. but
what else so the slash tag cover out
that was awesome i'm going to put it out in the newsletter tomorrow oh
death fest confessions the german version i know none of
you listening give a shit about that but i'm glad to
finally have that translation done i'll be working on that this
week to get that out so i'll be nice having another book in
(06:33):
german then i believe i will start the translation of
trying to die at death fest i was waiting to see if i
could get a publisher to take the whole series but it looks
like i will just hold on to it myself as i
have a lot of confidence in this like this fucking series is
so is not making me
money is not making my co-authors money it is growing i am building it i am
(06:57):
pouring a lot of time and effort into this thing yeah so i think we have shit
i don't know i don't know when it's going to even stop but i'm pretty excited
about it So now that my daughter is going to be done with her musical beauty
and the beast with her school,
she and I will go back to writing,
trying to die the musical. So we're working on that.
I'm having talks about the escape room. So that's definitely something I still
(07:19):
want to happen. And fucking comic books are looking very, very good.
Had a great talk with a guy about doing a certain trend to that comic book.
And if that certain trend is like comic book does well, then the other trend
is that comic books will be even bigger, better, very bad-ass.
But if this first one even happens, I'm fucking thrilled.
So yeah, what started out, you know, I loved choose your own adventure.
(07:43):
I want to do something cool, something fun.
Didn't think much about it after the first book, but no, now it's like,
all right. Yeah. It's worth putting off all my other work.
I got a goddamn tattoo of the cover of a book on my back tattooed took a very,
very long time. And I just realized like, fuck, I'm never going to write it.
My wife made me feel better. She's like, yeah, maybe when you're old,
like, well, way older when you're eighties and you're on your porch.
(08:05):
And I was like, I'll probably be on a diaper and drawing, but, Oh, Oh,
That brings me to TBI or CTE.
That book is free. And this is probably going to be the last time books are
free for a while, especially this one because, well, the e-book is free on KDP
and the German version, SHT oder CTE.
(08:25):
Both of those are free until the 18th. But it's going to be the last time for
the TBI one because I'm pulling all my English books off of,
well, I'm not taking them off of Amazon.
I'm taking them out of the KDP Select. So they're no longer exclusive,
but I can sell them direct and on all other retailers, all other platforms.
So I'm very excited about that. I've been messing around with fixing up back
(08:46):
matter, trying to make these books look really great while I'm doing the transferring process.
But yeah, so get TBI or CTE free. Now, if you haven't read it, check it out.
There's also the audio book if you prefer that, or you can buy the paperback or the hardcover.
So if you know someone who played contact sports, if you played it yourself,
if you had head injuries, or if you just don't know what the fuck's wrong with
(09:09):
your emotions, and you just can't seem to get a good handle on it,
maybe you'd get something positive and good from that book.
So that's, that's what's up guys. Yeah. Just a lot of try not to die is happening.
Pretty excited about it. Pretty excited about the whole thing.
Oh, and with my son too, when we went to go train on Monday,
we both had our try not to die rash guards on. He told me, he's like,
(09:31):
yeah, that's my favorite rash guard.
It's so cool to have so many people at the gym where they're trying to try rash guards. So yeah,
That's pretty fucking awesome. Great conversation started to these rash guards
are going to different black belts, different friends around the country.
And yeah, so trying to grow it, having fun with it, proud of it.
And that's where we are at.
(09:52):
I didn't put too much thought into what we should go out on, what kind of story.
For a moment, I was thinking, I was like, oh, I should read from one of the
stories from Death Best Confessions.
Then I was like, no, I shouldn't because I'm tired. I don't feel like doing
a lot of talking. and I got my ass kicked today.
I'm beat. So instead, let's go with a different story. Someone just shared the
(10:14):
other day that they were reading Twisted Reunion.
Cynthia, glad that she was able to check that out.
I asked her which stories she was enjoying the most. She said all of them.
But then she said Mommy's Big Boy was one of the ones she really had a lot of fun with.
I like that story. That story is probably one of the most fun for me to ever
write. And so let's go out on that one.
That is off of Twisted Reunion. That's Mommy's Big Boy. Hope you guys enjoy
(10:36):
it. and I will talk to you later. Peace.
Mommy's Big Boy Stacey held her one-year-old on her lap, cooing and trying to
get her boy to say the name of her latest man.
(10:57):
Say it for Mommy. Come on, Brendan. Say Harry.
Brendan tilted his head to the side and gazed into his mother's eyes.
Babies always look like little drunks stacy
thought brendan's eyes were glossy and trying
to focus look he's about to say it stacy said harry didn't take his eyes off
the baseball game even when he took a sip of his bud light cool come on brendan
(11:22):
you know how to talk she said one time say harry brendan's blue eyes sparkled
and a grin spread across his face.
Harry! He did it! He did it! He said it! Stacey cheered, bouncing Brendan into the air to celebrate.
Harry turned up the television and gulped the rest of his beer.
(11:42):
Stacey saw she'd been annoying him again, apologized for being too loud.
I'm going to put him to bed.
It's early, but maybe we could have some alone time.
Harry actually glanced over at her. That don't sound too bad.
Harry used the remote control to scratch the side of his neck.
All right. I won't be long.
Stacey stood with Brendan. Who's mommy's big boy?
(12:06):
Stacey gently tossed her little guy in her hands. Are you ready for bed?
Brendan shook his head and used sign language to say that he was hungry.
Stacey had taught him how to do it after watching a rerun of Oprah.
Brendan had taken to it quickly. It gave him a voice. And Stacey liked that.
Just now wasn't the time.
No, you don't need to eat. It's time to go to bed. I'll feed you in the morning.
(12:30):
Brendan squirmed and squealed, trying to wiggle out of her hands.
Stacey had to sit back down to catch him. Before she could control him,
he turned sideways and positioned himself under her breast.
Stacey laughed as Brendan tried to lift her shirt. Quit it, Brendan.
Brendan screamed when she held down her top. His scream grew louder.
(12:51):
The hell's he crying about? Harry asked. He wants me to feed him.
Give him a bottle if it'll shut him up. No, no, look at him. He wants me to feed him.
Harry waited for the commercial before turning around.
That's disgusting. I don't want to see that.
It's perfectly natural. I don't care. I can't handle the thought of some kid sucking on your tits.
(13:16):
It's not like that. It's no big deal. Yeah, it is. It's gross.
Don't ever do that around me. Don't ever talk about it. He turned back to the TV.
And get him to shut up. Little fucker's giving me a goddamn headache.
I'm sorry, Stacey said both to Brendan and Harry.
She got out of the chair and walked Brendan to the bedroom. I'll put him to
(13:40):
bed. I'll be back in a minute.
Stacey laid Brendan in his crib, but in no time he was up on his feet rattling
the top railing. He continued to scream.
She gave his cheek a gentle squeeze and smoothed his fine blonde hair.
I'm so sorry, Brendan. Mommy's sorry.
Just do this for me. I wish you could understand.
(14:00):
Harry's not a bad guy, and I want to keep him around for a bit.
But he won't stick if you keep on crying like that.
He'll like you. I swear it. Oh, baby, please stop crying, will you?
I need you to go to bed, sweetheart, please.
Brendan unleashed an ear-piercing shriek. I'm sorry, honey.
Stacy forced herself away from the crib. You need to go to bed I'll see you in the morning,
(14:26):
Before she changed her mind and picked up her screaming baby from the crib,
Stacey walked from the room, leaving the door open an inch so she could peek
in later without waking him.
When she returned to the living room, she heard Brendan wailing over the baby
monitor positioned next to the television.
Harry glared at her, and then the monitor. Come on, Stace, I gotta listen to this? Are you serious?
(14:48):
Stacey grabbed the monitor and lowered the volume. I'm sorry,
I forgot about it. Harry turned up the television. vision.
I can still hear him. Well, I need to leave it on. This is so I can hear him. I don't buy that.
What about all the babies that came before those stupid things came out?
They all came out fine. I mean, my mom didn't have one of those things.
(15:09):
It makes me feel better. She sat on the couch, lowered the monitor so she could
barely hear Brendan's cries over the baseball game.
Does that little bastard always scream like that? Stacy winced.
The funny thing is he never used to, even right after his dad died.
It wasn't until last week that he started throwing these tantrums.
(15:31):
Brendan's dad had passed eight months earlier. He and Stacey had already planned
on splitting, but it still tore her up to think about his death.
Harry shrugged his shoulders and returned his attention to the game.
Probably does it because you baby him too much. Treat him like a man or he'll
grow up to be a damn sissy.
He's only one. Put him on a schedule and don't treat Treat him like he's helpless.
(15:52):
He'll stop crying, trust me.
You're probably right. I am.
He clicked off the game, which ended with the Tigers winning by three.
So now that he's in bed, how about showing me some attention?
I'd love to. She hurried over and sat on his lap. Harry looked down and noticed
(16:12):
the monitor in her hands.
What about that alone time you were talking about?
She had left the door cracked and promised herself she'd keep one ear listening for Brendan.
There, it's off. She kissed him on the cheek and set the monitor on the coffee table. How's that?
That's a start. Harry pushed Stacey off his lap so he could dig into his jeans
(16:33):
pocket. He held up a plastic baggie.
I brought us a little snack. A pile of shriveled brown objects sat at the bottom
of the bag. What are those?
Mushrooms. Ever tried them?
Mushrooms? No way. Never? You have no idea what you're missing out on.
(16:55):
Stacy's cousin had tried to get her to take them in high school,
but one taste had nearly made her puke, and she'd spit it out.
She tried pulling Harry to his feet.
We don't need that to have a good time. Come on, I'll show you.
Harry pulled away from her grasp, but kept eye contact.
Just try one. It'll bring us closer. You gotta try it. But what about Brendan? He's asleep.
(17:19):
Harry slid his arm up Stacey's forearm, gave her goosebumps.
What if he wakes and needs me? And what about nursing him? Can it mess up my milk?
Harry yanked his hand away. God damn it, Stacey. What did I say about that crap?
He's a boy, not a damn glass figurine. I don't want to do anything that can hurt him.
Harry opened the bag and placed two of the shrunken mushrooms on his palm.
(17:43):
It's fine. He placed one in his mouth and held the other out to her.
They've done all kinds of tests on it. You mean studies? Yeah, that's what I said.
He surprised her and stuck the other mushroom in her mouth. Just take it.
Stacey was about to spit it out, but then Harry said, Instead,
you were the one that said you wanted to keep me around a bit, that I wasn't so bad.
(18:07):
Stacey was going to deny it, but he pulled her into his chest.
He stroked her cheek, forced her mouth closed.
There you go. That's good. Just chew it up and relax.
You deserve this. Here, lie down on the floor. Let me just put this down.
Harry spread a blanket over the worn carpet and flipped on the radio.
(18:28):
We'll just relax and watch some music for a while.
That's right. Just come down here and get comfortable.
Stacy stopped chewing the nasty stem, lay on her back, and stared up at the ceiling.
Nothing happened for a while. But then, everything began to spin.
Harry just kept stroking her arm, telling her to relax. He crawled on top of
(18:51):
her, slid his jeans past his knees.
She woke a few minutes later. Or was it hours?
To the sound of a salesman announcing the best deals at Pete's Pontiac.
Still half-asleep, she blocked out the radio ad, rolled onto her side,
and spooned Harry's sleeping body She saw movement in her peripheral vision Through blurry eyes,
(19:15):
Stacey saw Brendan standing next to Harry's head Brendan was struggling to hold
a potted plant He lifted the pot into the air and took a step closer to Harry's head,
Stacey cried out for Brendan to set the pot down He turned his head so fast
that he lost his balance and fell onto his side, the pot breaking on the floor.
(19:35):
Brendan got to his feet and shoved his finger against his tiny lips.
Not a word, bitch, he said, and ran toward his room, his little legs struggling
to balance his chubby body.
Stacey told herself she was hallucinating. She closed her eyes and drifted off again. again.
(19:55):
Brendan's high-pitched screams and an eyeful of warm sunshine woke Stacey from her deep sleep.
The clock told her it was already past seven o'clock.
Brendan always ate by five-thirty, six at the latest. No wonder he was screaming bloody murder.
Although her head was pounding and her lower back was killing her,
Stacey picked herself up off the floor.
(20:18):
She hurried to Brendan's room, afraid the baby's cries would wake Harry,
who was still sprawled naked on the floor.
Brendan stopped crying and smiled at her.
As she went to pick him up, Stacy bumped into the tiny chair someone had placed next to the crib.
Using the bottom of her shirt, she wiped the tears from his eyes and the snot from his lip.
(20:40):
Hush, big boy. Mama's here. I'm sorry, Brendan. You must be starving.
Brendan smiled and gestured in sign language that he wanted to eat.
She sat on the rocking chair and pulled up her shirt so he could feed.
She was just thinking back to her crazy dream of Brendan holding the potted
plant when Brendan bit down on her nipple.
Ow! What are you doing?
(21:02):
Stacey pulled him away from her and stood him on her lap. Don't bite! That hurt, Mommy!
Brendan shook his oversized head and stared disapprovingly at her and clearly
said, How about you wash your tits after letting that scumbag slobber all over them?
If I wanted to taste shitty beer and stale cigarettes, I'd ask you to kiss me.
(21:24):
Stacey held him at arm's length. It took a few seconds to find any words,
but when she did, she screamed for Harry.
Brendan smiled as Harry crashed about the living room, yelled for her to calm down.
Harry appeared in the doorway, looking worse than Stacey felt.
What the hell is it? Stacey kept Brendan at arm's length. It's him!
(21:49):
He talked! You woke me up because of that? that?
No, no, she cried. You don't understand. He talked like an adult.
He had a man's voice and was so mean.
This isn't my son.
Harry looked at the smiling baby and back at Stacey.
You're out of your damn mind. It's just the shrooms.
(22:11):
No, no, I was feeding him and he bit me. He said, what did I say about that?
I told you not to mention that crap.
I'm sorry, but before Before Harry could interrupt her, she said,
He bit me and said my boob tasted like beer and cigarettes.
Harry laughed and slapped his thigh. Jesus, Stacey, you're still tripping.
(22:31):
Put the kid in the crib. You need to get your head straight.
You think it's the mushrooms? I'm still high. What do you think, Brainiac?
Come on, put him down and fix me some breakfast. It'll make you feel better.
Harry left the room and said, Wake me when it's ready. I want eggs.
Stacey set Brendan in the crib and stepped back. She studied her giggling boy
(22:53):
and felt disgusted with herself.
He was so adorable. And he couldn't speak. He was one and she was high.
She bent down to nuzzle her son's cheek, whispered his name lovingly.
A sick grin spread across his face.
Why are we whispering? Stacy stifled a scream, reminded herself that she was
(23:15):
still experiencing the drugs.
She looked at the chair next to the crib.
Did you get out of your crib last night?
Brenda nodded. And you aren't going to say a word, are you, Mommy? His voice was so deep.
Stacy gasped and pinched herself, herself, hoping the pain would snap her out
of this horrific illusion.
(23:36):
When it didn't, she said, what were you trying to do?
Let's just say the prick got lucky.
If it weren't for these fat baby fingers, his brain would have been mush.
Harry? What now? He asked from the other room.
He's doing it again. Get out of there, Stace, Harry ordered. You're tripping.
(24:01):
Drink some water and fix some goddamn eggs and don't make them all runny.
Brendan waved a mocking goodbye as Stacy backed out of the room.
In the living room, she noticed the pot, cracked and on its side next to where
Harry had been sleeping.
Oh my God, the pot.
Relax. Harry covered his face with the blanket to hide from the morning sunshine.
(24:25):
I think I kicked it over when I got up. I mean, it's your fault though.
You scared the crap out of me when you yelled like that.
You broke it? Who cares? The thing was ugly anyway. Go buy a new one if it bothers you so much.
Stacey wanted to tell Harry about her dream, but it would only upset him even more.
Instead, she did as she was told and cooked breakfast.
(24:49):
The sunlight was intense, but she felt like she was regaining some sobriety.
After she slid the plate of fried eggs in front of Harry, Stacey took a bottle
of milk to Brendan's room.
She was relieved to see he was curled up under his blanket.
Stacy walked to the crib and set the bottle on the nightstand.
She was about to pull the blanket down when she heard a noise behind her and whipped around.
(25:11):
Brendan was a few feet away trying to pick up a pair of scissors from the floor.
Before he could cut himself, Stacy snatched the sewing scissors and set them on the cabinet.
She turned back to her son who cursed under his breath, looking down at his hands.
Stupid goddamn fingers, he said. Keeping one eye on Brendan,
(25:32):
Stacey lifted the blanket and saw the pillow underneath it.
What were you trying to do, Brendan? Her voice shook.
Let's just say we'll call you lucky this time.
Stacey picked Brendan up, holding him as far away as possible,
and took him into the living room.
She set him in front of Harry and said, Please watch him for a minute.
(25:52):
I need to take a bath. I don't feel good at all. My mind's all screwed up.
When is this stuff going to wear off?
You can't worry about it. If you panic, it'll only make things worse.
Hurry up and take a bath. I'll watch him. Thanks, Harry. I owe you.
With his back to Harry, Brendan put his fist in front of his O-shaped mouth
(26:13):
and rapidly jerked it up and down, showing Stacey he knew how she'd repay her boyfriend.
She pretended she didn't see the obscene gesture and ran off to the bathroom.
After setting the radio on the ledge and turning on an easy listening station,
She eased into the warm water and tried to relax.
She promised God that she would never again take drugs.
(26:35):
She begged him to cleanse her mind, take away the evil thoughts.
She loved Brendan and hated herself for thinking such terrible things about him.
Stacey had been in the bath for quite some time when there was a low knock on the door.
I'll be out in a minute, Harry. The knocking persisted.
Is everything okay? Okay, Brendan's not causing too much trouble,
(26:57):
is he? The doorknob turned back and forth.
Finally, the catch released, and the door pushed open. And there was Brendan,
standing on top of his rock-and-roll Tigger.
Brenton had opened the door before, doing this very thing. But his sick smile
told her the drugs were still coursing through her mind.
He got down on his knees and backed off the toy, carefully easing one leg down
(27:21):
and then the other so he didn't lose his balance.
Before he turned toward her, he picked up his favorite red ball in his right
hand and something else in his left. Did you want to play catch?
She looked around the bathroom, actually thinking about what she could use as
a weapon before scolding herself.
He's your son. Jesus, get it together, Stacey. She held her hands in front of
(27:43):
her. Want to throw it to Mommy?
Wouldn't Harry play with you? Brendan stepped into the bathroom,
his left hand behind his back, his right clutching the red ball.
Oh, don't worry about him. That motherfucker got what he deserved.
What? Brendan smiled and moved closer to the tub.
I made a joke. Get it? You're Mommy.
(28:06):
Brendan could barely control his giggles.
And he's screwing you.
Mofo.
Brendan, stop this right now. I love you, but you need to listen to me.
Brendan bounced the ball up and down on his palm, his dexterity much improved.
You treat that loser better than your own son. What kind of mom does that?
(28:32):
I'm sorry, honey. It's just that mommy's getting older and it's hard to find a decent man.
You are getting old. And Harry was probably the best you'll ever get.
I think I like my chances of getting a foster family.
With my angelic face and adorable smile, I'll be picked up quick.
(28:54):
Maybe I'll have a proper house, some decent threads. dreads.
He tugged at the zipper of his ratty sleeper.
These Salvation Army rags aren't flying.
Brendan, I'm a good mom. You named me Brendan, for Christ's sakes.
You want me to be some sissy boy?
(29:14):
Don't say that. Your father named you. Oh, what a great guy Daddy was,
shaking the crap out of me every night.
No, no, he didn't. You know what else he didn't do? He didn't commit suicide
on the bed. I'm dreaming.
Stacey closed her eyes and shook her head. This isn't real.
He showed her the fist he'd been holding behind his back. Is this real?
(29:39):
Stacey stared at Harry's eyeball and screamed. Brendan tossed the bloody orb into the tub.
His whole body shook with laughter as his mom slapped it away from her.
Don't worry, Brendan said. Harry doesn't need it.
Stacey struggled to stand in the tub. waiting for his next move.
(30:00):
He threw the ball at her. Stacey moved to her right and then saw the malicious
sparkle in Brendan's eyes.
Realized too late what he'd been aiming for. The radio wobbled on the edge of
the counter and fell toward the water before Stacey could leap from the tub.
The electricity paralyzed her and Stacey's eyes fixed on her big boy.
(30:22):
Music.
Welcome to Vicious Whispers with Mark Tullius, your source for horror,
sci-fi, suspense, and all things violent.
(00:30):
Try not to die is very excited about that. So yeah, I just got a way cooler
approach and I, today we're finishing up trying not to die on slash tag.
I don't know if you can see it behind me, but we got the new cover.
I had to rework it a little bit, but I liked this one a lot.
John likes it a lot. I think it's going to be an amazing book.
So I'm going to give him those notes, final notes this weekend,
(00:50):
and then he will make those final changes and we'll put out the,
it on net galley for a month and also give it to my early readers and John's early readers.
So we can get some reviews that way it has a good shot coming at the gate i
never give my books a good launch i'm not a good marketer yet but that's cool
because i'm pretty good at this,
(01:11):
pumping out content right and that's all thanks to my
co-authors like john john cone did this whole
book himself trying to die on slash tag lindsey smith
and i edited it john wrote the whole thing amazing job they're very excited
about that shortly after that we'll put try not to die and the dark fairy tale
there's a lot of shit coming this year this year should be a minimum of four
(01:31):
try not to dies and one doom to die that doom to die all we need are the last
three scenes Everything else is completely done, completely edited.
So yeah, a lot of little things here and there. But yeah, my whole attitude
though has been way chiller, way calmer.
I did this past month, started out awesome. I did 20 days. So a full month of
(01:52):
hitting every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, 6 a.m.
Class at 10th Planet Whittier.
I love it. I was really enjoying it, just having fun with it.
I was going to do a competition. competition wasn't causing me stress
because i just got my brain around that and how do i how i
want to approach it ended up not doing the competition there are
no fair fights i'd have to fight someone 15 20 years younger than
(02:13):
me and i realized that no i shouldn't be doing that i can't compete with those
guys so i'm just waiting for the next one and which is cool but i in really
am having fun with training that's what's awesome this monday it was a pretty
nice treat probably probably one of the coolest morning practices I've ever had.
And it's because my son, Jake, wanted to go to class with me.
(02:35):
I told him the night before, my dude, I was like, are you sure?
I was like, you have to wake up early for it. He didn't have a school.
And so he said, no, I want to go. I want to try it. So he went with me.
I didn't know how much he would be able to do.
I said, at the very least, you'll do the warmups and then you can watch and
you can learn. And I said, there may not be anyone for you to actually try anything
on because of the size difference.
But he went, he did the warmups, did a good job. And then I had him work in,
(02:57):
My partner, Mike, was really cool letting Jake come in and get some reps.
And yeah, so it was a lot of fun. We leave and Jake says, man,
I want to go back next week.
I want to go back next Monday. I was like, dude, you got school.
He's like, no, it's a holiday. I can go again.
All right, I'll ask coach and coach was cool with it. So yeah,
so he just really enjoyed working with the adults.
(03:18):
Usually him and I, he doesn't want to hear shit from me about jujitsu.
You know, whatever advice I have, it does not matter. He doesn't want to hear.
He likes hearing the funny stories when I come back from class.
He likes, you know, him and my daughter both see that I'm in a great mood when I return from training.
And that's why they both want to train. Like my daughter, she's in a musical this weekend.
(03:38):
Excited to go see that. but she's excited. As soon as it's done,
she's going to start training and she's probably going to be going to the 6am
class with me as long as she can handle waking up that early.
But she thinks I'll be a lot of fun. You know, coach art does Tuesdays and Thursdays
and coach West is Monday, Wednesday, Friday, just, it's a cool, cool, cool group.
So, but yeah, having my son want to do that, to do it with me,
(04:00):
you know, when I was just warming up, he was on my back, he was putting me in
chokeholds. He was having fun playing, doing jujitsu, working moves on me.
So So that was, yeah, something, something really cool.
We hadn't had the chance to really do that because of our size difference,
but now he kind of wants to do it with all of us. So that's awesome.
Yeah. Training has been great. This morning was fun. I got beat up by a purple
(04:24):
belt, a really good purple belt, but it was an awesome round.
Those, and that's what I've told my son too.
He's gotten discouraged before from, you know, losing rounds or whatever else
feeling like he can't beat someone.
I said, those are what motivate me, man. Those are the most fun.
Like what fun is an easy rally maybe you
got to do a move or a move or something
(04:45):
like that but the real fun is yeah trying to overcome getting your ass kicked
like okay he got me twice today well next time i'm gonna try you know only once
or or however and yeah so that was fun one with him very technical just very
good and then i got to go with coach art and he snuck me me,
which is covering my mouth and nose with his hand.
(05:08):
And my, both of my arms are trapped by the way. And so you just suffocate the person.
And I tried licking them and it didn't get him to let go.
And then I realized that someone else had already tried to look at him and I
was like, Ooh, I just looked that guy's fucking lick, but I'm sure there'd been
lots of other sweat and grossness on his hand prior to that or in between.
So yeah, it's pretty fucking disgusting.
(05:29):
So that, But the reason that happened, I had noticed that he'd been doing it
to others in class, too. I was rolling with my buddies.
I look over, and he's snuffing this guy. He's snuffing that guy.
And afterwards, after he snuffed me, he said that was because of me.
I've been a bad example by playing with people's ears, maybe his,
(05:49):
and the younger belts, some of the white belts.
I think one booped his nose or something like that.
And so that's why he was snuffing us. He was teaching us a lesson.
And I probably didn't learn it, but I did enjoy the hard rolls.
I enjoyed getting snuffed. And yeah, maybe I found out something new about myself.
Maybe I really like getting snuffed.
(06:11):
Not really. Fucking sucks. I don't recommend it. but
what else so the slash tag cover out
that was awesome i'm going to put it out in the newsletter tomorrow oh
death fest confessions the german version i know none of
you listening give a shit about that but i'm glad to
finally have that translation done i'll be working on that this
week to get that out so i'll be nice having another book in
(06:33):
german then i believe i will start the translation of
trying to die at death fest i was waiting to see if i
could get a publisher to take the whole series but it looks
like i will just hold on to it myself as i
have a lot of confidence in this like this fucking series is
so is not making me
money is not making my co-authors money it is growing i am building it i am
(06:57):
pouring a lot of time and effort into this thing yeah so i think we have shit
i don't know i don't know when it's going to even stop but i'm pretty excited
about it So now that my daughter is going to be done with her musical beauty
and the beast with her school,
she and I will go back to writing,
trying to die the musical. So we're working on that.
I'm having talks about the escape room. So that's definitely something I still
(07:19):
want to happen. And fucking comic books are looking very, very good.
Had a great talk with a guy about doing a certain trend to that comic book.
And if that certain trend is like comic book does well, then the other trend
is that comic books will be even bigger, better, very bad-ass.
But if this first one even happens, I'm fucking thrilled.
So yeah, what started out, you know, I loved choose your own adventure.
(07:43):
I want to do something cool, something fun.
Didn't think much about it after the first book, but no, now it's like,
all right. Yeah. It's worth putting off all my other work.
I got a goddamn tattoo of the cover of a book on my back tattooed took a very,
very long time. And I just realized like, fuck, I'm never going to write it.
My wife made me feel better. She's like, yeah, maybe when you're old,
like, well, way older when you're eighties and you're on your porch.
(08:05):
And I was like, I'll probably be on a diaper and drawing, but, Oh, Oh,
That brings me to TBI or CTE.
That book is free. And this is probably going to be the last time books are
free for a while, especially this one because, well, the e-book is free on KDP
and the German version, SHT oder CTE.
(08:25):
Both of those are free until the 18th. But it's going to be the last time for
the TBI one because I'm pulling all my English books off of,
well, I'm not taking them off of Amazon.
I'm taking them out of the KDP Select. So they're no longer exclusive,
but I can sell them direct and on all other retailers, all other platforms.
So I'm very excited about that. I've been messing around with fixing up back
(08:46):
matter, trying to make these books look really great while I'm doing the transferring process.
But yeah, so get TBI or CTE free. Now, if you haven't read it, check it out.
There's also the audio book if you prefer that, or you can buy the paperback or the hardcover.
So if you know someone who played contact sports, if you played it yourself,
if you had head injuries, or if you just don't know what the fuck's wrong with
(09:09):
your emotions, and you just can't seem to get a good handle on it,
maybe you'd get something positive and good from that book.
So that's, that's what's up guys. Yeah. Just a lot of try not to die is happening.
Pretty excited about it. Pretty excited about the whole thing.
Oh, and with my son too, when we went to go train on Monday,
we both had our try not to die rash guards on. He told me, he's like,
(09:31):
yeah, that's my favorite rash guard.
It's so cool to have so many people at the gym where they're trying to try rash guards. So yeah,
That's pretty fucking awesome. Great conversation started to these rash guards
are going to different black belts, different friends around the country.
And yeah, so trying to grow it, having fun with it, proud of it.
And that's where we are at.
(09:52):
I didn't put too much thought into what we should go out on, what kind of story.
For a moment, I was thinking, I was like, oh, I should read from one of the
stories from Death Best Confessions.
Then I was like, no, I shouldn't because I'm tired. I don't feel like doing
a lot of talking. and I got my ass kicked today.
I'm beat. So instead, let's go with a different story. Someone just shared the
(10:14):
other day that they were reading Twisted Reunion.
Cynthia, glad that she was able to check that out.
I asked her which stories she was enjoying the most. She said all of them.
But then she said Mommy's Big Boy was one of the ones she really had a lot of fun with.
I like that story. That story is probably one of the most fun for me to ever
write. And so let's go out on that one.
That is off of Twisted Reunion. That's Mommy's Big Boy. Hope you guys enjoy
(10:36):
it. and I will talk to you later. Peace.
Mommy's Big Boy Stacey held her one-year-old on her lap, cooing and trying to
get her boy to say the name of her latest man.
(10:57):
Say it for Mommy. Come on, Brendan. Say Harry.
Brendan tilted his head to the side and gazed into his mother's eyes.
Babies always look like little drunks stacy
thought brendan's eyes were glossy and trying
to focus look he's about to say it stacy said harry didn't take his eyes off
the baseball game even when he took a sip of his bud light cool come on brendan
(11:22):
you know how to talk she said one time say harry brendan's blue eyes sparkled
and a grin spread across his face.
Harry! He did it! He did it! He said it! Stacey cheered, bouncing Brendan into the air to celebrate.
Harry turned up the television and gulped the rest of his beer.
(11:42):
Stacey saw she'd been annoying him again, apologized for being too loud.
I'm going to put him to bed.
It's early, but maybe we could have some alone time.
Harry actually glanced over at her. That don't sound too bad.
Harry used the remote control to scratch the side of his neck.
All right. I won't be long.
Stacey stood with Brendan. Who's mommy's big boy?
(12:06):
Stacey gently tossed her little guy in her hands. Are you ready for bed?
Brendan shook his head and used sign language to say that he was hungry.
Stacey had taught him how to do it after watching a rerun of Oprah.
Brendan had taken to it quickly. It gave him a voice. And Stacey liked that.
Just now wasn't the time.
No, you don't need to eat. It's time to go to bed. I'll feed you in the morning.
(12:30):
Brendan squirmed and squealed, trying to wiggle out of her hands.
Stacey had to sit back down to catch him. Before she could control him,
he turned sideways and positioned himself under her breast.
Stacey laughed as Brendan tried to lift her shirt. Quit it, Brendan.
Brendan screamed when she held down her top. His scream grew louder.
(12:51):
The hell's he crying about? Harry asked. He wants me to feed him.
Give him a bottle if it'll shut him up. No, no, look at him. He wants me to feed him.
Harry waited for the commercial before turning around.
That's disgusting. I don't want to see that.
It's perfectly natural. I don't care. I can't handle the thought of some kid sucking on your tits.
(13:16):
It's not like that. It's no big deal. Yeah, it is. It's gross.
Don't ever do that around me. Don't ever talk about it. He turned back to the TV.
And get him to shut up. Little fucker's giving me a goddamn headache.
I'm sorry, Stacey said both to Brendan and Harry.
She got out of the chair and walked Brendan to the bedroom. I'll put him to
(13:40):
bed. I'll be back in a minute.
Stacey laid Brendan in his crib, but in no time he was up on his feet rattling
the top railing. He continued to scream.
She gave his cheek a gentle squeeze and smoothed his fine blonde hair.
I'm so sorry, Brendan. Mommy's sorry.
Just do this for me. I wish you could understand.
(14:00):
Harry's not a bad guy, and I want to keep him around for a bit.
But he won't stick if you keep on crying like that.
He'll like you. I swear it. Oh, baby, please stop crying, will you?
I need you to go to bed, sweetheart, please.
Brendan unleashed an ear-piercing shriek. I'm sorry, honey.
Stacy forced herself away from the crib. You need to go to bed I'll see you in the morning,
(14:26):
Before she changed her mind and picked up her screaming baby from the crib,
Stacey walked from the room, leaving the door open an inch so she could peek
in later without waking him.
When she returned to the living room, she heard Brendan wailing over the baby
monitor positioned next to the television.
Harry glared at her, and then the monitor. Come on, Stace, I gotta listen to this? Are you serious?
(14:48):
Stacey grabbed the monitor and lowered the volume. I'm sorry,
I forgot about it. Harry turned up the television. vision.
I can still hear him. Well, I need to leave it on. This is so I can hear him. I don't buy that.
What about all the babies that came before those stupid things came out?
They all came out fine. I mean, my mom didn't have one of those things.
(15:09):
It makes me feel better. She sat on the couch, lowered the monitor so she could
barely hear Brendan's cries over the baseball game.
Does that little bastard always scream like that? Stacy winced.
The funny thing is he never used to, even right after his dad died.
It wasn't until last week that he started throwing these tantrums.
(15:31):
Brendan's dad had passed eight months earlier. He and Stacey had already planned
on splitting, but it still tore her up to think about his death.
Harry shrugged his shoulders and returned his attention to the game.
Probably does it because you baby him too much. Treat him like a man or he'll
grow up to be a damn sissy.
He's only one. Put him on a schedule and don't treat Treat him like he's helpless.
(15:52):
He'll stop crying, trust me.
You're probably right. I am.
He clicked off the game, which ended with the Tigers winning by three.
So now that he's in bed, how about showing me some attention?
I'd love to. She hurried over and sat on his lap. Harry looked down and noticed
(16:12):
the monitor in her hands.
What about that alone time you were talking about?
She had left the door cracked and promised herself she'd keep one ear listening for Brendan.
There, it's off. She kissed him on the cheek and set the monitor on the coffee table. How's that?
That's a start. Harry pushed Stacey off his lap so he could dig into his jeans
(16:33):
pocket. He held up a plastic baggie.
I brought us a little snack. A pile of shriveled brown objects sat at the bottom
of the bag. What are those?
Mushrooms. Ever tried them?
Mushrooms? No way. Never? You have no idea what you're missing out on.
(16:55):
Stacy's cousin had tried to get her to take them in high school,
but one taste had nearly made her puke, and she'd spit it out.
She tried pulling Harry to his feet.
We don't need that to have a good time. Come on, I'll show you.
Harry pulled away from her grasp, but kept eye contact.
Just try one. It'll bring us closer. You gotta try it. But what about Brendan? He's asleep.
(17:19):
Harry slid his arm up Stacey's forearm, gave her goosebumps.
What if he wakes and needs me? And what about nursing him? Can it mess up my milk?
Harry yanked his hand away. God damn it, Stacey. What did I say about that crap?
He's a boy, not a damn glass figurine. I don't want to do anything that can hurt him.
Harry opened the bag and placed two of the shrunken mushrooms on his palm.
(17:43):
It's fine. He placed one in his mouth and held the other out to her.
They've done all kinds of tests on it. You mean studies? Yeah, that's what I said.
He surprised her and stuck the other mushroom in her mouth. Just take it.
Stacey was about to spit it out, but then Harry said, Instead,
you were the one that said you wanted to keep me around a bit, that I wasn't so bad.
(18:07):
Stacey was going to deny it, but he pulled her into his chest.
He stroked her cheek, forced her mouth closed.
There you go. That's good. Just chew it up and relax.
You deserve this. Here, lie down on the floor. Let me just put this down.
Harry spread a blanket over the worn carpet and flipped on the radio.
(18:28):
We'll just relax and watch some music for a while.
That's right. Just come down here and get comfortable.
Stacy stopped chewing the nasty stem, lay on her back, and stared up at the ceiling.
Nothing happened for a while. But then, everything began to spin.
Harry just kept stroking her arm, telling her to relax. He crawled on top of
(18:51):
her, slid his jeans past his knees.
She woke a few minutes later. Or was it hours?
To the sound of a salesman announcing the best deals at Pete's Pontiac.
Still half-asleep, she blocked out the radio ad, rolled onto her side,
and spooned Harry's sleeping body She saw movement in her peripheral vision Through blurry eyes,
(19:15):
Stacey saw Brendan standing next to Harry's head Brendan was struggling to hold
a potted plant He lifted the pot into the air and took a step closer to Harry's head,
Stacey cried out for Brendan to set the pot down He turned his head so fast
that he lost his balance and fell onto his side, the pot breaking on the floor.
(19:35):
Brendan got to his feet and shoved his finger against his tiny lips.
Not a word, bitch, he said, and ran toward his room, his little legs struggling
to balance his chubby body.
Stacey told herself she was hallucinating. She closed her eyes and drifted off again. again.
(19:55):
Brendan's high-pitched screams and an eyeful of warm sunshine woke Stacey from her deep sleep.
The clock told her it was already past seven o'clock.
Brendan always ate by five-thirty, six at the latest. No wonder he was screaming bloody murder.
Although her head was pounding and her lower back was killing her,
Stacey picked herself up off the floor.
(20:18):
She hurried to Brendan's room, afraid the baby's cries would wake Harry,
who was still sprawled naked on the floor.
Brendan stopped crying and smiled at her.
As she went to pick him up, Stacy bumped into the tiny chair someone had placed next to the crib.
Using the bottom of her shirt, she wiped the tears from his eyes and the snot from his lip.
(20:40):
Hush, big boy. Mama's here. I'm sorry, Brendan. You must be starving.
Brendan smiled and gestured in sign language that he wanted to eat.
She sat on the rocking chair and pulled up her shirt so he could feed.
She was just thinking back to her crazy dream of Brendan holding the potted
plant when Brendan bit down on her nipple.
Ow! What are you doing?
(21:02):
Stacey pulled him away from her and stood him on her lap. Don't bite! That hurt, Mommy!
Brendan shook his oversized head and stared disapprovingly at her and clearly
said, How about you wash your tits after letting that scumbag slobber all over them?
If I wanted to taste shitty beer and stale cigarettes, I'd ask you to kiss me.
(21:24):
Stacey held him at arm's length. It took a few seconds to find any words,
but when she did, she screamed for Harry.
Brendan smiled as Harry crashed about the living room, yelled for her to calm down.
Harry appeared in the doorway, looking worse than Stacey felt.
What the hell is it? Stacey kept Brendan at arm's length. It's him!
(21:49):
He talked! You woke me up because of that? that?
No, no, she cried. You don't understand. He talked like an adult.
He had a man's voice and was so mean.
This isn't my son.
Harry looked at the smiling baby and back at Stacey.
You're out of your damn mind. It's just the shrooms.
(22:11):
No, no, I was feeding him and he bit me. He said, what did I say about that?
I told you not to mention that crap.
I'm sorry, but before Before Harry could interrupt her, she said,
He bit me and said my boob tasted like beer and cigarettes.
Harry laughed and slapped his thigh. Jesus, Stacey, you're still tripping.
(22:31):
Put the kid in the crib. You need to get your head straight.
You think it's the mushrooms? I'm still high. What do you think, Brainiac?
Come on, put him down and fix me some breakfast. It'll make you feel better.
Harry left the room and said, Wake me when it's ready. I want eggs.
Stacey set Brendan in the crib and stepped back. She studied her giggling boy
(22:53):
and felt disgusted with herself.
He was so adorable. And he couldn't speak. He was one and she was high.
She bent down to nuzzle her son's cheek, whispered his name lovingly.
A sick grin spread across his face.
Why are we whispering? Stacy stifled a scream, reminded herself that she was
(23:15):
still experiencing the drugs.
She looked at the chair next to the crib.
Did you get out of your crib last night?
Brenda nodded. And you aren't going to say a word, are you, Mommy? His voice was so deep.
Stacy gasped and pinched herself, herself, hoping the pain would snap her out
of this horrific illusion.
(23:36):
When it didn't, she said, what were you trying to do?
Let's just say the prick got lucky.
If it weren't for these fat baby fingers, his brain would have been mush.
Harry? What now? He asked from the other room.
He's doing it again. Get out of there, Stace, Harry ordered. You're tripping.
(24:01):
Drink some water and fix some goddamn eggs and don't make them all runny.
Brendan waved a mocking goodbye as Stacy backed out of the room.
In the living room, she noticed the pot, cracked and on its side next to where
Harry had been sleeping.
Oh my God, the pot.
Relax. Harry covered his face with the blanket to hide from the morning sunshine.
(24:25):
I think I kicked it over when I got up. I mean, it's your fault though.
You scared the crap out of me when you yelled like that.
You broke it? Who cares? The thing was ugly anyway. Go buy a new one if it bothers you so much.
Stacey wanted to tell Harry about her dream, but it would only upset him even more.
Instead, she did as she was told and cooked breakfast.
(24:49):
The sunlight was intense, but she felt like she was regaining some sobriety.
After she slid the plate of fried eggs in front of Harry, Stacey took a bottle
of milk to Brendan's room.
She was relieved to see he was curled up under his blanket.
Stacy walked to the crib and set the bottle on the nightstand.
She was about to pull the blanket down when she heard a noise behind her and whipped around.
(25:11):
Brendan was a few feet away trying to pick up a pair of scissors from the floor.
Before he could cut himself, Stacy snatched the sewing scissors and set them on the cabinet.
She turned back to her son who cursed under his breath, looking down at his hands.
Stupid goddamn fingers, he said. Keeping one eye on Brendan,
(25:32):
Stacey lifted the blanket and saw the pillow underneath it.
What were you trying to do, Brendan? Her voice shook.
Let's just say we'll call you lucky this time.
Stacey picked Brendan up, holding him as far away as possible,
and took him into the living room.
She set him in front of Harry and said, Please watch him for a minute.
(25:52):
I need to take a bath. I don't feel good at all. My mind's all screwed up.
When is this stuff going to wear off?
You can't worry about it. If you panic, it'll only make things worse.
Hurry up and take a bath. I'll watch him. Thanks, Harry. I owe you.
With his back to Harry, Brendan put his fist in front of his O-shaped mouth
(26:13):
and rapidly jerked it up and down, showing Stacey he knew how she'd repay her boyfriend.
She pretended she didn't see the obscene gesture and ran off to the bathroom.
After setting the radio on the ledge and turning on an easy listening station,
She eased into the warm water and tried to relax.
She promised God that she would never again take drugs.
(26:35):
She begged him to cleanse her mind, take away the evil thoughts.
She loved Brendan and hated herself for thinking such terrible things about him.
Stacey had been in the bath for quite some time when there was a low knock on the door.
I'll be out in a minute, Harry. The knocking persisted.
Is everything okay? Okay, Brendan's not causing too much trouble,
(26:57):
is he? The doorknob turned back and forth.
Finally, the catch released, and the door pushed open. And there was Brendan,
standing on top of his rock-and-roll Tigger.
Brenton had opened the door before, doing this very thing. But his sick smile
told her the drugs were still coursing through her mind.
He got down on his knees and backed off the toy, carefully easing one leg down
(27:21):
and then the other so he didn't lose his balance.
Before he turned toward her, he picked up his favorite red ball in his right
hand and something else in his left. Did you want to play catch?
She looked around the bathroom, actually thinking about what she could use as
a weapon before scolding herself.
He's your son. Jesus, get it together, Stacey. She held her hands in front of
(27:43):
her. Want to throw it to Mommy?
Wouldn't Harry play with you? Brendan stepped into the bathroom,
his left hand behind his back, his right clutching the red ball.
Oh, don't worry about him. That motherfucker got what he deserved.
What? Brendan smiled and moved closer to the tub.
I made a joke. Get it? You're Mommy.
(28:06):
Brendan could barely control his giggles.
And he's screwing you.
Mofo.
Brendan, stop this right now. I love you, but you need to listen to me.
Brendan bounced the ball up and down on his palm, his dexterity much improved.
You treat that loser better than your own son. What kind of mom does that?
(28:32):
I'm sorry, honey. It's just that mommy's getting older and it's hard to find a decent man.
You are getting old. And Harry was probably the best you'll ever get.
I think I like my chances of getting a foster family.
With my angelic face and adorable smile, I'll be picked up quick.
(28:54):
Maybe I'll have a proper house, some decent threads. dreads.
He tugged at the zipper of his ratty sleeper.
These Salvation Army rags aren't flying.
Brendan, I'm a good mom. You named me Brendan, for Christ's sakes.
You want me to be some sissy boy?
(29:14):
Don't say that. Your father named you. Oh, what a great guy Daddy was,
shaking the crap out of me every night.
No, no, he didn't. You know what else he didn't do? He didn't commit suicide
on the bed. I'm dreaming.
Stacey closed her eyes and shook her head. This isn't real.
He showed her the fist he'd been holding behind his back. Is this real?
(29:39):
Stacey stared at Harry's eyeball and screamed. Brendan tossed the bloody orb into the tub.
His whole body shook with laughter as his mom slapped it away from her.
Don't worry, Brendan said. Harry doesn't need it.
Stacey struggled to stand in the tub. waiting for his next move.
(30:00):
He threw the ball at her. Stacey moved to her right and then saw the malicious
sparkle in Brendan's eyes.
Realized too late what he'd been aiming for. The radio wobbled on the edge of
the counter and fell toward the water before Stacey could leap from the tub.
The electricity paralyzed her and Stacey's eyes fixed on her big boy.
(30:22):
Music.
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