November 27, 2023 • 33 mins
And ... here we go. This is NOT a fun episode, but it is an absolute truth you have to prepare yourself to navigate. From state laws, to Tinder, we are journeying through all the ups and downs of divorce and what to expect if you're about to separate from your toxic partner. Do I give the best advice? Hell no. Do I give authentic advice? You bet. Listen in as I tell you the details of the most challenging 6 months of my life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's time to wake up witches.
I'm your host, cat Adams, andI'm here to remind you that, no
matter where you're at in life,you're not stuck you.
Welcome back to the podcast,where I tell you Like it is and
(00:34):
what you probably don't want tohear.
I don't sugarcoat anything, andthat's kind of what this
episode is going to be about.
So if you listen to me, you canexpect a hundred percent
authenticity and no Bullshit.
So hold on to your butts,because today we're gonna talk
(00:57):
about the truth, about divorce.
But first let me tell you alittle bit about what's
happening right now, and that isI am freaking home Free.
I took today off, and I didn'ttell anybody in my family.
I was taken today off Becauseanytime I have time off, it's
(01:20):
like, hey, do this, do that, andI don't want to do anything
Except sit in my robe.
Today I want to work out.
I've been falling behind on myworkouts.
I want to.
I have crab stone, crab clawsbeing delivered today, because
today is the day beforeThanksgiving, and so I wanted to
do something special and I toldyou all about this on a
(01:40):
previous episode ordering fromgold belly and so I ordered,
like a shit, ton of crab.
We had crab legs last nightfrom San Francisco Dungeonous
crab flown in from the budinbakery with the famous sourdough
bread, and today we're havingstone crab claws from Miami
flown in.
I know that sounds fancy right,because it freaking is and
(02:03):
because we deserve it.
So Treat yourself.
You know I'm all about thatlife, romanticizing your life.
Luxurious bougie vibessometimes gets me in trouble,
but oh my gosh, talk about highvibes.
Dude, eat some crab, drink somechampagne and celebrate life.
So the last time you heard fromme, I was having those tower
(02:25):
card moments and this week I hadsome good news.
I have mixed feelings about it.
It's related to my job, so Ican't expand on it yet, but I I
think things are going to belooking up now because I had my
moments where everything's likebasically being dismantled and
(02:49):
has to be rebuilt again.
So I'm working on that andhopefully more news on that to
come.
But I don't.
I need to figure out a way tohave less stress and pressure in
my career life and I'm gonnawork on that while I have this
(03:09):
time off.
I'm super excited about thistime off.
You don't understand.
I have three days off becausemy work lets us all run
Thanksgiving and the day after.
So I took the day before and,oh my gosh, I mean it's a
five-day job, five days of beingin my robe, no makeup, no
makeup, because I have to be oncalls every single day, usually
(03:30):
back to freaking back.
So I have to be, all you know,have my face on.
I put no makeup on these fivedays.
I ain't gonna do it unless I goout, which I may do, but black
freddy crowds, I don't know.
I'm thinking out loud here, butthat's where I've been.
I think I see now where thingsare supposed to be, falling card
(03:51):
wise in my career and Trying tofigure out what that looks like
.
But my husband and I werewalking the other day and he's
like you've gotten like fivepromotions in the past five
years, can earn in the past twoyears.
He only been working here fortwo years.
(04:13):
He said can you imagine whenyou would be at now if your ex
didn't hold you back?
And I was like, damn, that hitshard.
So for all you out therelistening and you're stuck in
these relationships, you arebeing held back.
You are so talented, you haveskills you might not even know
(04:36):
about, you can go so far and youmight get there fast.
You might get there a littlebit slow.
I'm gonna bet you're gonna getthere fast because once you get
on the other side and you giveit your all, you flourish, and
it's a bitch to get there.
And that's what I want to talkabout.
I want to talk about therealities of Of divorcing a
(05:03):
narcissist man.
So I'm gonna I'm gonna tell youa lot about my story and my
journey through divorce andwe're just gonna dive in.
And it's like, what time is it?
It's nine o'clock in themorning.
I slept, daniel, you know Iusually get up at five.
I slept in.
I feel like I need a drink totalk about this, but it's way
too early, so I'm just gonna rawdog this shit, all right.
(05:28):
So you know, this podcast isabout not feeling stuck in every
single situation and a badcareer and a toxic relationship
with maybe your mommy or youknow, just a situation you don't
want to be in, not even likesomething toxic.
You might be stuck in amiserable marriage, you might
(05:50):
have a dead marriage and you'rejust like you can't breathe life
into it.
That's not a way to live.
I can guarantee you that is nota way to live.
There is passion and chemistryand love out there for you and
it is worth fighting for amillion times over.
(06:11):
Oh, my gosh, I'm talking aboutthis as my husband is away for a
little over a week and he doesthis every November because he
visits his family and he takes along vacation to go there.
They're out of state and Idon't go because I don't want to
(06:33):
.
I would go if he really wantedme to but also I have, you know,
my daughter here and work andthings, and so we take this time
apart because we are together24 seven.
Like, seriously, we both workfrom home and no, I'm not
kidding, we're together 24 seven.
So this is our like once a year, little time apart, and I miss
(06:59):
him from the second he steps outthat door and it's just.
We've been together for fouryears now and I didn't know
relationships could be this way.
I didn't know they could bethis good.
I didn't know the honeymoonstage never goes away, sometimes
for some people.
This time last year we weretexting.
(07:21):
We were dirty, texting back andforth for four hours straight
when he was gone to on his tripand like I mean, who does that?
After years and years together,you still have this amazing
(07:42):
chemistry and passion and loveand trust.
Oh my gosh, it's so nice totrust someone Because before him
I never, I never knew I couldtrust like anybody, because I
just didn't have anybody in mylife to show me that or show me
how the relationship and I knowI'm going off on this, but I
want you to know that if you'restuck, even if it's not toxic,
(08:03):
if you and your husband justdon't get along anymore, don't
see eye to eye, don't have thesame dreams, hopes, goals you
might have outgrown him andthat's okay.
But it's not okay to staystagnant because you're
comfortable, because that's notthe life that's meant for you.
No one is supposed to bemiserable.
(08:24):
So grab life by the balls.
And we're going to talk aboutgrabbing life by the balls right
now.
I think some of the first thingsthat come to mind when you
think about you think aboutdivorcing an abuser or
narcissist is your danger level,which needs to be the very
first thing you think about.
(08:44):
So you need to have an exitplan.
You know.
You know your danger level.
Okay, some of you might bebeing emotionally abused, like
you know.
They just put you down withwords or whatever and not, and
you know that they're not goingto like escalate into physical.
But you know, some of you arein really dangerous situations.
(09:10):
I can't make that call for you.
You have to evaluate yoursituation but no matter what
level of abuse you'reexperiencing, you should always
have some kind of safe exit plan.
You need to look at the numbersthat I've posted on my show
notes.
Call them for help.
Blah, blah, blah.
I am not like a therapist, I'mnot a doctor, I'm not advising
you anything.
I'm telling you my experiences.
And number one, it's for you tobe safe.
(09:33):
I've talked about my go bag.
I had a go bag for forever.
I had to use it quite a fewtimes and it's you know the
things.
There's a whole list in myyou're not stuck book, but it's
things like you know, copies ofyour birth certificates and your
kids birth certificates andyada, yada, yada, things like
that.
So have a go back.
But I'm gonna talk more, notabout, like, the physical things
(09:58):
I want to talk to you about,like the emotional things and
things that happen to me thatyou might not know about and
that you might could expect fromthis decision, because it's a
big decision, but if you're in ashitty relationship.
It is absolutely the rightdecision.
It's never gonna be the wrongdecision.
(10:19):
And do not say I'm staying forthe kids.
No, I Promise you.
The kids are so much happierwhen their mom is happy, when
their mom is safe, when they'resafe and plus, they're not gonna
be picking up on that behavior,because that is gonna cause
(10:39):
anxiety, depression and it couldeven like they could even mimic
that behavior one day.
You know, that's what theylearn, it's what they see.
They don't know what a healthyrelationship looks like.
Don't do that to your kids.
All right, I'm speaking fromexperience.
It's hard.
All right, I'm with the show.
I know what I'm doing, I'mtalking, so I don't have to talk
(11:01):
about it.
But let me just tell you howI'm down.
So I Finally decided to get adivorce in 2019.
It was July, I think it waslike July 3rd, I was around the
4th, because I remember it waslike Independence Day and I was
(11:21):
like, wow, that's, you know,kind of ironic and it, it, my,
my marriage had just escalatedso much that my daughter was
getting older and she it wasaffecting her.
It.
You know, kids pick up on it.
She was picking up on it to thepoint where it was making her
(11:41):
sick and I was also, like youknow, I had been on reddit a lot
and I talk about reddit a lotBecause it's like my escape and
I had learned about, you know,writing.
So I'd started writing to tryto like write myself out of my
divorce.
If you want to hear more aboutthat, you need to go check out
that podcast I was a speaker onI think I talked about it in my
(12:05):
previous episode before this onebut I had, you know, tried my
best to get on my feet because Iknew I had to get out of there.
And I knew because I had been tothe divorce lawyer two or three
times before this, because Ishopped around and that was
years ago and he talked me outof it every time he found out
(12:29):
you know you went to divorcelawyer you would talk me out of
it.
So I knew this time I can't goback, no matter what.
And Through the entirety of ourrelationship that's 15 years I
left several times and he alwaysused threats to Bring me back
(12:49):
or guilty feelings and that's asign of abuse, you know.
I know I've talked about itbefore, but that's how they get
you back, that's how they keepyou under control.
I knew it was coming and I knewI Couldn't let it get to me.
I had to be strong for mydaughter, like she's Pretty much
(13:09):
the reason why I fall, you knowto, to get out of my situation.
She is like I didn't want herto suffer like I did.
I don't want her to thinkthat's normal and healthy and,
you know, fall for a man who didthe same stuff.
And if you're single, you canstill fight for yourself, like
because you shouldn't thinkthat's a healthy relationship.
(13:31):
So the average time a womanleaves a man in a toxic
relationship I don't know ifthis is just you as specific,
but it's seven times Before.
It's like she's like I'm justdone and that's a damn shame.
We need to pull together andwork on chipping away at that
number.
Seven times it's just, it's toomuch.
Honestly, returning once is toomuch and it's a threat like
(13:56):
it's a real threat, like a lotof women lose their lives when
they try to leave.
So again, assess your dangerlevel before you do this.
Find a safe shelter, a trustedresource.
Don't tell anybody what you'redoing either, because you know
(14:16):
you could even put your life inmore danger.
But back to what happened to me.
I went to the divorce lawyerand I Signed the papers and I
was scared shitless y'all.
But I knew I Did not want to bemarried to this man anymore.
We didn't even have a Arelationship, we didn't have
(14:38):
like any intimate life.
We, you know I hated him.
I hated him still do.
Instead of getting sad about itall the time, like I was, and I
was just like crying a lot andyada, yada, yada, I started
getting mad and anger fuels youLike.
(15:01):
I was so mad at my situationand what he'd done to me and
that was like the driving forceto keep me going.
So I also had the writing thingand I poured everything out
into that writing.
But I signed the papers in Julyand my ex is very much a person
who has this ego where he'sjust Mr Amazing Big Shot, and he
(15:31):
had gotten the papers deliveredto him.
What is it called when they dothat?
What is it?
I can't remember.
But you know like they have, oh, you being served papers at his
work and he became furiousbecause everybody at his work
(15:53):
always had to think you know,perfect home life, perfect man,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And of course he took it out onme.
He was furious, yada, yada,yada, but I stayed strong.
It also helps to have a goodlawyer who's going to prepare
you for everything that's goingto happen, and I found one that
(16:15):
specializes in.
It's a whole group of womenlawyers and they specialize in
handling these types ofnarcissistic men.
They can call it, they know it,they know what's going to
happen, they know the placethey're going to use and it was
amazing, like she was amazing,and she also like, just prepared
me for everything, looked outfor me.
Now they're expensive, y'all.
(16:36):
They are so expensive.
Oh my gosh, lawyers areexpensive.
My retainer was like 5,000 andI mean I even went over that
because you know it's expensiveand it sucks, it sucks, it sucks
, it sucks.
But there is some freeresources out there.
I'll try to find the link tothis women's law thing.
(16:58):
I found that might be helpfulbecause not everyone has that.
I didn't have that.
I was, you know, I wasn't evenworking and I didn't want I
couldn't take that out of theaccount, like my husband would
have freaked out.
I had to borrow that money andit was freaking well worth it.
So there's a reality it'sfreaking expensive as shit.
(17:22):
So my lawyer.
She prepped me for everything,and there's probably a lot of
things, if you've never beendivorced, that you don't know
about regarding laws around yourstate.
So again, I'm going to findthis website and it says, like
you know, laws by state orwhatever there's usually a
separation period.
It's called a cooling offperiod.
(17:43):
It's a bunch of bullshit andthis is why women need to be in
power so we can change theselaws, because why the fuck do we
have a cooling off period?
I don't need to fucking cooloff Like.
I know what I want, notquestioning my decision.
I want to get away from thisman.
I forget what it was inTennessee.
Maybe it was like 60 days orthree months or something, I
don't know.
But you can't get a divorcelike right away.
(18:05):
You have to wait before you caneven like go on to the next
step.
In North Carolina it's a year.
You have to be separated for ayear.
Oh my gosh, y'all.
It's insane.
So get the ball rolling now.
One of the things also that yourlawyer is going to tell you is
(18:26):
she's going to have your bestinterests in mind.
So if you won't like the house,if you won't custody things
like that, she's going to figureout how to get it for you.
And in Tennessee, one of thosethings is like I don't know if
other, what other states havethis, but I always have a fear
of being homeless because I grewup in a broken home and it's
(18:48):
just a long story.
I wanted my home and I wantedcustody.
Obviously you may go in therethinking, okay, well, if I say
if, if, and you have to behonest with your lawyers, okay,
you got to be pretty honest,even if you don't want to know
(19:08):
some stuff.
And I was like I let my lawyerknow, you know, I wanted the
house, I wanted my kid.
He's dangerous and I was like Idon't want to go to the court
anyway, like I, the courts cangive you know custody to him or
for any amount of time.
I don't want him to have shit,and that's not the case.
Now, if you're I don'tunderstand all your strategies,
(19:32):
but if you're like in a superserious situation, yes, you can
do protective orders and thingslike that, but going through a
divorce, working with a divorcelawyer, it's like a game.
It's like you don't put allyour cards on the table.
It's a lot of manipulation,it's like just lawyering, and so
one of the things she let meknow was like, yeah, judges,
(19:54):
especially if you're in theSouth, they believe you know men
, your, the dad, should haveequal time, even if you know
he's, even if your abuser isabusive towards you, if he's not
towards a kid, they're going togive the dad time, all right.
So that's disheartening andagain, why we need to change the
laws as women, because men suck.
(20:17):
But I was so upset about that,so upset about that, and my
lawyer was like look, Ispecialize in this.
He's going to fight for yourdaughter, he's going to fight
for the kids.
They all say I want this muchtime with the kid.
I want this much time with thekid and it's because, one,
they're trying to manipulate you, to backing down and disdain,
(20:41):
and two, they don't want to paychild support.
She said he's going to sign upto have the kids like 50, 50 or
whatever, and he's not going todo it.
They never do.
It's just all a show with them.
I promise you.
And damn, if she wasn't right.
Like he's supposed to have mydaughter like over a hundred
(21:02):
days.
I'm going to say maybe is itover, I don't know.
It's a lot.
He gets a lesson, 30 a year.
All right, that's all a show.
No-transcript.
Yes, have your kids front andcenter in your mind, but also,
your lawyer's gonna advise youwhat's gonna happen.
And this is what mine said, andshe specializes in these types
of men and their manipulativebehaviors, and she was right.
(21:23):
So don't let that scare you.
All right, talk to a lawyer,they will guide you through this
.
So, during this cooling offperiod, my ex would not leave
the house and I wanted them.
And if you vacate your propertyfor like I forget what the
amount of time is you'reforfeiting your property, which
(21:46):
would be if I left, if me and mydaughter left and I took her
and left, then he would havelike automatically gotten the
home.
You can imagine what a battlethat was with an asshole,
narcissistic, abusive man.
He stayed here until the veryend.
He would not leave.
I begged him to leave.
(22:06):
It was not healthy for me, itwas not healthy for my daughter.
I begged him to leave and hewould not leave until the day on
the paper, after mediation, andI'm about to get to that but
yeah, it was horrible, horrible,and you go through so many
emotions and divorce.
I'm not gonna lie.
I like hated him.
(22:28):
I hated him so much and hewould come home screaming at me,
begging me, crying, begging menot to do this, not to do this
to him, not to do this for hisfamily.
He's sorry, he'll change.
He'll whatever I want likehe'll change, trying to win me
back with money, trying to winme back with everything Non-stop
(22:49):
, 24, seven, y'all the sixmonths this went on.
It was non-stop.
And then he would, when hisbegging and crying didn't work,
he'd resort to being violent,talking about killing himself.
That was one of his favoritethings to do killing myself,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
It's hard and this is a hardtopic to talk about because I
(23:12):
know some guys do that but thisis not your problem.
Your problem is you gotta befigure out how to stay safe for
your child and your family.
So I'm not advising youanything here.
I'm telling you what happenedto me.
I stayed strong during that andI don't know how, because, yep,
I had doubts.
I was like, am I really doingthe right thing?
(23:33):
Like, what am I gonna do formoney?
How am I gonna pay for thishouse?
By the way, my lawyer let meknow about child support and
alimony.
There's avenues for you.
And I just freaked out.
I didn't know, like if I wasmaking a dumb decision.
Part of me was like, well,maybe for real he will change
his time.
Stupid me, right, stupid me.
And so I remember the promiseto myself that I'm not gonna go
(23:57):
back this time, no matter what,because it will turn out the
same.
And I ain't gonna lie y'all.
I got through my divorce bydrinking a lot of wine.
I don't recommend this.
This is horrible, but again Iwanna be authentic and tell
y'all the truth.
So here it goes.
I watched the girlfriend'sguide to divorce on Netflix and
(24:20):
she's not divorcing an abuser,it's just this guy.
But they go back and forth andmixed emotions, because
sometimes you're like you know,but I love him.
And that's so true because evenI went through that.
I was like you know, this wasthe man I married that I thought
I loved, and so I watched thatlike I binged it.
(24:41):
I ate popcorn, I drank wine.
I don't know how I stayed soskinny back then.
I guess anxiety and I knew thatI was gonna get divorced, no
questions asked.
I really was lonely, y'all.
I was so lonely for so long andI was ready to find chemistry
(25:06):
and passion and romance and love.
The second I knew I was gettingdivorced.
So not long after I'd say acouple months after I I oh my
God, a couple months after thedivorce proceedings I got on
Tinder and some other placeswhere I could meet people from a
(25:31):
distance, because I was ascared little big chicken.
But I think I just wantedsomeone to talk to because I
didn't have anybody in my lifeback then and I didn't have
anybody to like help me getthrough this.
So I talked to dudes.
I talked to dudes and they mademe feel really good about
(25:53):
myself.
I ain't gonna lie y'all this ishorrible.
I know it's not horrible in theway that I feel bad about it
because I mean I was goingthrough divorce proceedings, but
thank you, fucking Tennessee,for making that difficult and
longer and drawing it out for me.
But I needed a way and I neededdistractions and I didn't like
(26:13):
go meet anyone off Tinder oranything.
But it did get to develop likefriendships with people, dudes,
who distracted me while I wentthrough this.
I don't know if this ishorrible advice or not.
First of all, know your dangerlevel.
(26:35):
Turn off your freaking wifi ifyou're gonna be on your phone
talking to people.
But I ain't gonna lie y'all.
It got me through it.
Like it doesn't have to bedudes, like if you have friends,
I didn't have friends.
I had one friend no, I had twofriends back then, but they
weren't nearby and they weren't.
One of them was, but it wasjust.
There was some dramasurrounding that.
(26:57):
So I was trying to do better andbe healthier for myself and the
people I chose around me.
That's such a contradictionbecause I'm like a been on
Tinder and talking to dudes, butwhatever, I'm not gonna sit
here and be like oh you know,you weren't divorced yet.
So that's cheating,motherfucker.
I would have been divorced ifTennessee didn't have these
(27:17):
stupid ass laws and if my stupidass ex did not drag it out
because he dragged his feet, hewould not sign papers, he would
not do this.
He would not do that.
This went on for months andmonths and months and some of
the people I talked to was alsoin like divorce groups and stuff
(27:37):
that I had been on in Redditand they were going through the
same shit.
So we found a lot ofcamaraderie and just texting
back and forth.
I would sit there and I wouldbe watching girlfriends got
divorced, drinking wine, eatingpopcorn.
My ex was out doing God knowswhat.
Some days he wouldn't even comehome.
So I'm sure he was like fuckingaround too.
(28:00):
Even though I wasn't fuckingaround, I was seriously.
I was just talking to thesedudes.
I was just talking to thesedudes and trying to keep my mind
off of my emotions on should Istay, should I go?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,and how I can survive until he's
(28:21):
supposed to actually be kickedout and leave.
And you know, yeah, I I got on,like the dating websites and
things like that.
I don't think I actually thinktender was later.
Tender was, I think.
So I saw my divorce papers inJuly.
I can't remember.
I can't remember.
I know I let.
I met a lot of people in mysituation on reddit and that's
(28:44):
kind of the avenue that started,because I I believe the first
time I got on tender was when Imet my husband, my nail husband.
I know it is your foggy whenyou go through this.
Okay, you're not gonna rememberstuff cuz your brain is gonna
protect you and a lot of this isa fog for me, but I know when I
was going through the thick ofit it was horrible.
So anyways, all right.
(29:05):
Yeah, I had friendships withpeople and Develop that and it
kind of carried me through.
There's things also you need toexpect and that's I had to go
because I was a divorcing and Ihad kids.
I had to go to some kind ofchild parenting class.
That's required in Tennesseeagain, get fucked Tennessee.
So I had to do this.
(29:27):
I had to sit in this room withother people who were going
through divorce, listening to abunch of men cry oh, my wife,
she'd be a big old, whiny manbabies.
And this bitch conducting thisclass was going around asking us
all while we were getting adivorce.
I Was an abused woman who doesnot want to talk about her
trauma at that point.
(29:47):
Also, she can get fucked too.
So expect that you may have toattend some course like that,
depending on what dumb assstates you're living in.
And that was hard.
I Was just vague, I didn't wantto talk about it, I was just
like you know, whatever he'scontrolling her mean, left it at
that.
(30:07):
But like, how dare people putyou through this when you are so
freaking traumatized?
So, anyways, expect that.
Yeah, I didn't know that andit's mandatory.
It is mandatory.
You have to get that signatureon that paper saying you went to
that course on parenting or wedidn't even talk about parenting
.
It was a vent session foreverybody getting divorced,
mostly big man babies.
Yeah, expect that.
(30:29):
So I did that.
Then we comes mediation.
We tried mediation.
I don't know if every divorcegoes through mediation, but my,
my lawyer recommended it, whichis if you don't know what that
is, it's basically you'resitting in different Rooms.
I'm sitting with my lawyer,he's sitting with his lawyer we
were even on separate floors inthis building and there's this
(30:50):
guy who goes back and forth andplays both sides and he's the
mediator and he's like, goes to,he talks to me in my lawyer, my
lawyers like she deserves$20,000 a month in alimony, you
know, because they're gonnashoot really high y'all because
this is a whole negotiations andThen he goes back and my
ex-husband's lawyer is like haha ha, I'm gonna give her like
(31:12):
$500 and then the mediator hasto go back.
Well, what do you think aboutthis?
What if you trade this for thisand this and this and this?
I think I was there for overeight hours in this room and
it's basically just fighting.
But you're not.
They are fighting like sittingnext to each other.
You're in separate rooms andyou have this mediator going
(31:32):
back and forth to negotiate thedetails of your divorce, and I
believe it was then, that waslater, that was in November.
It was then that I sort ofgetting a little bit more
serious about my tendershenanigans because I was like,
finally we got negotiations toget him kicked out of the house
(31:54):
on December I believe it wasDecember 15th and and this was
early November or late Octoberwe went through this and I was
like I need to See what's on theother side.
God, this sounds horrible.
Whatever y'all, I was ready.
I was ready 10 years ago, okay,to find someone who Made me
(32:18):
feel good about myself.
I think that's what it allboils down to.
Because I didn't feel goodabout myself.
I hadn't even done the work yet.
Y'all like I, I Wasn't in a badsituation.
So that's when I got on tender,when mediation was over and we
had signed the papers and Now Ijust had to wait till he left.
(32:38):
And then I met my now husband,my sweet man, the D, that night
on tender and he, we talked andwe didn't even meet in person.
He waited on me.
So, sweet y'all, he didn't knowwe didn't have our first date
or anything.
Until that day.
(33:00):
My ex finally left and so, yeah, I had to stay in this house
with him, knowing we weregetting divorced and we had
signed the papers.
It just wasn't.
It hadn't gone to court yet.
Because you have to do that toy'all?
It's time to wake up witches.
I'm your host, cat Adams, andI'm here to remind you that, no
matter where you're at in life,you're not stuck you.
Welcome back to the podcast,where I tell you Like it is and
(00:34):
what you probably don't want tohear.
I don't sugarcoat anything, andthat's kind of what this
episode is going to be about.
So if you listen to me, you canexpect a hundred percent
authenticity and no Bullshit.
So hold on to your butts,because today we're gonna talk
(00:57):
about the truth, about divorce.
But first let me tell you alittle bit about what's
happening right now, and that isI am freaking home Free.
I took today off, and I didn'ttell anybody in my family.
I was taken today off Becauseanytime I have time off, it's
(01:20):
like, hey, do this, do that, andI don't want to do anything
Except sit in my robe.
Today I want to work out.
I've been falling behind on myworkouts.
I want to.
I have crab stone, crab clawsbeing delivered today, because
today is the day beforeThanksgiving, and so I wanted to
do something special and I toldyou all about this on a
(01:40):
previous episode ordering fromgold belly and so I ordered,
like a shit, ton of crab.
We had crab legs last nightfrom San Francisco Dungeonous
crab flown in from the budinbakery with the famous sourdough
bread, and today we're havingstone crab claws from Miami
flown in.
I know that sounds fancy right,because it freaking is and
(02:03):
because we deserve it.
So Treat yourself.
You know I'm all about thatlife, romanticizing your life.
Luxurious bougie vibessometimes gets me in trouble,
but oh my gosh, talk about highvibes.
Dude, eat some crab, drink somechampagne and celebrate life.
So the last time you heard fromme, I was having those tower
(02:25):
card moments and this week I hadsome good news.
I have mixed feelings about it.
It's related to my job, so Ican't expand on it yet, but I I
think things are going to belooking up now because I had my
moments where everything's likebasically being dismantled and
(02:49):
has to be rebuilt again.
So I'm working on that andhopefully more news on that to
come.
But I don't.
I need to figure out a way tohave less stress and pressure in
my career life and I'm gonnawork on that while I have this
(03:09):
time off.
I'm super excited about thistime off.
You don't understand.
I have three days off becausemy work lets us all run
Thanksgiving and the day after.
So I took the day before and,oh my gosh, I mean it's a
five-day job, five days of beingin my robe, no makeup, no
makeup, because I have to be oncalls every single day, usually
(03:30):
back to freaking back.
So I have to be, all you know,have my face on.
I put no makeup on these fivedays.
I ain't gonna do it unless I goout, which I may do, but black
freddy crowds, I don't know.
I'm thinking out loud here, butthat's where I've been.
I think I see now where thingsare supposed to be, falling card
(03:51):
wise in my career and Trying tofigure out what that looks like
.
But my husband and I werewalking the other day and he's
like you've gotten like fivepromotions in the past five
years, can earn in the past twoyears.
He only been working here fortwo years.
(04:13):
He said can you imagine whenyou would be at now if your ex
didn't hold you back?
And I was like, damn, that hitshard.
So for all you out therelistening and you're stuck in
these relationships, you arebeing held back.
You are so talented, you haveskills you might not even know
(04:36):
about, you can go so far and youmight get there fast.
You might get there a littlebit slow.
I'm gonna bet you're gonna getthere fast because once you get
on the other side and you giveit your all, you flourish, and
it's a bitch to get there.
And that's what I want to talkabout.
I want to talk about therealities of Of divorcing a
(05:03):
narcissist man.
So I'm gonna I'm gonna tell youa lot about my story and my
journey through divorce andwe're just gonna dive in.
And it's like, what time is it?
It's nine o'clock in themorning.
I slept, daniel, you know Iusually get up at five.
I slept in.
I feel like I need a drink totalk about this, but it's way
too early, so I'm just gonna rawdog this shit, all right.
(05:28):
So you know, this podcast isabout not feeling stuck in every
single situation and a badcareer and a toxic relationship
with maybe your mommy or youknow, just a situation you don't
want to be in, not even likesomething toxic.
You might be stuck in amiserable marriage, you might
(05:50):
have a dead marriage and you'rejust like you can't breathe life
into it.
That's not a way to live.
I can guarantee you that is nota way to live.
There is passion and chemistryand love out there for you and
it is worth fighting for amillion times over.
(06:11):
Oh, my gosh, I'm talking aboutthis as my husband is away for a
little over a week and he doesthis every November because he
visits his family and he takes along vacation to go there.
They're out of state and Idon't go because I don't want to
(06:33):
.
I would go if he really wantedme to but also I have, you know,
my daughter here and work andthings, and so we take this time
apart because we are together24 seven.
Like, seriously, we both workfrom home and no, I'm not
kidding, we're together 24 seven.
So this is our like once a year, little time apart, and I miss
(06:59):
him from the second he steps outthat door and it's just.
We've been together for fouryears now and I didn't know
relationships could be this way.
I didn't know they could bethis good.
I didn't know the honeymoonstage never goes away, sometimes
for some people.
This time last year we weretexting.
(07:21):
We were dirty, texting back andforth for four hours straight
when he was gone to on his tripand like I mean, who does that?
After years and years together,you still have this amazing
(07:42):
chemistry and passion and loveand trust.
Oh my gosh, it's so nice totrust someone Because before him
I never, I never knew I couldtrust like anybody, because I
just didn't have anybody in mylife to show me that or show me
how the relationship and I knowI'm going off on this, but I
want you to know that if you'restuck, even if it's not toxic,
(08:03):
if you and your husband justdon't get along anymore, don't
see eye to eye, don't have thesame dreams, hopes, goals you
might have outgrown him andthat's okay.
But it's not okay to staystagnant because you're
comfortable, because that's notthe life that's meant for you.
No one is supposed to bemiserable.
(08:24):
So grab life by the balls.
And we're going to talk aboutgrabbing life by the balls right
now.
I think some of the first thingsthat come to mind when you
think about you think aboutdivorcing an abuser or
narcissist is your danger level,which needs to be the very
first thing you think about.
(08:44):
So you need to have an exitplan.
You know.
You know your danger level.
Okay, some of you might bebeing emotionally abused, like
you know.
They just put you down withwords or whatever and not, and
you know that they're not goingto like escalate into physical.
But you know, some of you arein really dangerous situations.
(09:10):
I can't make that call for you.
You have to evaluate yoursituation but no matter what
level of abuse you'reexperiencing, you should always
have some kind of safe exit plan.
You need to look at the numbersthat I've posted on my show
notes.
Call them for help.
Blah, blah, blah.
I am not like a therapist, I'mnot a doctor, I'm not advising
you anything.
I'm telling you my experiences.
And number one, it's for you tobe safe.
(09:33):
I've talked about my go bag.
I had a go bag for forever.
I had to use it quite a fewtimes and it's you know the
things.
There's a whole list in myyou're not stuck book, but it's
things like you know, copies ofyour birth certificates and your
kids birth certificates andyada, yada, yada, things like
that.
So have a go back.
But I'm gonna talk more, notabout, like, the physical things
(09:58):
I want to talk to you about,like the emotional things and
things that happen to me thatyou might not know about and
that you might could expect fromthis decision, because it's a
big decision, but if you're in ashitty relationship.
It is absolutely the rightdecision.
It's never gonna be the wrongdecision.
(10:19):
And do not say I'm staying forthe kids.
No, I Promise you.
The kids are so much happierwhen their mom is happy, when
their mom is safe, when they'resafe and plus, they're not gonna
be picking up on that behavior,because that is gonna cause
(10:39):
anxiety, depression and it couldeven like they could even mimic
that behavior one day.
You know, that's what theylearn, it's what they see.
They don't know what a healthyrelationship looks like.
Don't do that to your kids.
All right, I'm speaking fromexperience.
It's hard.
All right, I'm with the show.
I know what I'm doing, I'mtalking, so I don't have to talk
(11:01):
about it.
But let me just tell you howI'm down.
So I Finally decided to get adivorce in 2019.
It was July, I think it waslike July 3rd, I was around the
4th, because I remember it waslike Independence Day and I was
(11:21):
like, wow, that's, you know,kind of ironic and it, it, my,
my marriage had just escalatedso much that my daughter was
getting older and she it wasaffecting her.
It.
You know, kids pick up on it.
She was picking up on it to thepoint where it was making her
(11:41):
sick and I was also, like youknow, I had been on reddit a lot
and I talk about reddit a lotBecause it's like my escape and
I had learned about, you know,writing.
So I'd started writing to tryto like write myself out of my
divorce.
If you want to hear more aboutthat, you need to go check out
that podcast I was a speaker onI think I talked about it in my
(12:05):
previous episode before this onebut I had, you know, tried my
best to get on my feet because Iknew I had to get out of there.
And I knew because I had been tothe divorce lawyer two or three
times before this, because Ishopped around and that was
years ago and he talked me outof it every time he found out
(12:29):
you know you went to divorcelawyer you would talk me out of
it.
So I knew this time I can't goback, no matter what.
And Through the entirety of ourrelationship that's 15 years I
left several times and he alwaysused threats to Bring me back
(12:49):
or guilty feelings and that's asign of abuse, you know.
I know I've talked about itbefore, but that's how they get
you back, that's how they keepyou under control.
I knew it was coming and I knewI Couldn't let it get to me.
I had to be strong for mydaughter, like she's Pretty much
(13:09):
the reason why I fall, you knowto, to get out of my situation.
She is like I didn't want herto suffer like I did.
I don't want her to thinkthat's normal and healthy and,
you know, fall for a man who didthe same stuff.
And if you're single, you canstill fight for yourself, like
because you shouldn't thinkthat's a healthy relationship.
(13:31):
So the average time a womanleaves a man in a toxic
relationship I don't know ifthis is just you as specific,
but it's seven times Before.
It's like she's like I'm justdone and that's a damn shame.
We need to pull together andwork on chipping away at that
number.
Seven times it's just, it's toomuch.
Honestly, returning once is toomuch and it's a threat like
(13:56):
it's a real threat, like a lotof women lose their lives when
they try to leave.
So again, assess your dangerlevel before you do this.
Find a safe shelter, a trustedresource.
Don't tell anybody what you'redoing either, because you know
(14:16):
you could even put your life inmore danger.
But back to what happened to me.
I went to the divorce lawyerand I Signed the papers and I
was scared shitless y'all.
But I knew I Did not want to bemarried to this man anymore.
We didn't even have a Arelationship, we didn't have
(14:38):
like any intimate life.
We, you know I hated him.
I hated him still do.
Instead of getting sad about itall the time, like I was, and I
was just like crying a lot andyada, yada, yada, I started
getting mad and anger fuels youLike.
(15:01):
I was so mad at my situationand what he'd done to me and
that was like the driving forceto keep me going.
So I also had the writing thingand I poured everything out
into that writing.
But I signed the papers in Julyand my ex is very much a person
who has this ego where he'sjust Mr Amazing Big Shot, and he
(15:31):
had gotten the papers deliveredto him.
What is it called when they dothat?
What is it?
I can't remember.
But you know like they have, oh, you being served papers at his
work and he became furiousbecause everybody at his work
(15:53):
always had to think you know,perfect home life, perfect man,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And of course he took it out onme.
He was furious, yada, yada,yada, but I stayed strong.
It also helps to have a goodlawyer who's going to prepare
you for everything that's goingto happen, and I found one that
(16:15):
specializes in.
It's a whole group of womenlawyers and they specialize in
handling these types ofnarcissistic men.
They can call it, they know it,they know what's going to
happen, they know the placethey're going to use and it was
amazing, like she was amazing,and she also like, just prepared
me for everything, looked outfor me.
Now they're expensive, y'all.
(16:36):
They are so expensive.
Oh my gosh, lawyers areexpensive.
My retainer was like 5,000 andI mean I even went over that
because you know it's expensiveand it sucks, it sucks, it sucks
, it sucks.
But there is some freeresources out there.
I'll try to find the link tothis women's law thing.
(16:58):
I found that might be helpfulbecause not everyone has that.
I didn't have that.
I was, you know, I wasn't evenworking and I didn't want I
couldn't take that out of theaccount, like my husband would
have freaked out.
I had to borrow that money andit was freaking well worth it.
So there's a reality it'sfreaking expensive as shit.
(17:22):
So my lawyer.
She prepped me for everything,and there's probably a lot of
things, if you've never beendivorced, that you don't know
about regarding laws around yourstate.
So again, I'm going to findthis website and it says, like
you know, laws by state orwhatever there's usually a
separation period.
It's called a cooling offperiod.
(17:43):
It's a bunch of bullshit andthis is why women need to be in
power so we can change theselaws, because why the fuck do we
have a cooling off period?
I don't need to fucking cooloff Like.
I know what I want, notquestioning my decision.
I want to get away from thisman.
I forget what it was inTennessee.
Maybe it was like 60 days orthree months or something, I
don't know.
But you can't get a divorcelike right away.
(18:05):
You have to wait before you caneven like go on to the next
step.
In North Carolina it's a year.
You have to be separated for ayear.
Oh my gosh, y'all.
It's insane.
So get the ball rolling now.
One of the things also that yourlawyer is going to tell you is
(18:26):
she's going to have your bestinterests in mind.
So if you won't like the house,if you won't custody things
like that, she's going to figureout how to get it for you.
And in Tennessee, one of thosethings is like I don't know if
other, what other states havethis, but I always have a fear
of being homeless because I grewup in a broken home and it's
(18:48):
just a long story.
I wanted my home and I wantedcustody.
Obviously you may go in therethinking, okay, well, if I say
if, if, and you have to behonest with your lawyers, okay,
you got to be pretty honest,even if you don't want to know
(19:08):
some stuff.
And I was like I let my lawyerknow, you know, I wanted the
house, I wanted my kid.
He's dangerous and I was like Idon't want to go to the court
anyway, like I, the courts cangive you know custody to him or
for any amount of time.
I don't want him to have shit,and that's not the case.
Now, if you're I don'tunderstand all your strategies,
(19:32):
but if you're like in a superserious situation, yes, you can
do protective orders and thingslike that, but going through a
divorce, working with a divorcelawyer, it's like a game.
It's like you don't put allyour cards on the table.
It's a lot of manipulation,it's like just lawyering, and so
one of the things she let meknow was like, yeah, judges,
(19:54):
especially if you're in theSouth, they believe you know men
, your, the dad, should haveequal time, even if you know
he's, even if your abuser isabusive towards you, if he's not
towards a kid, they're going togive the dad time, all right.
So that's disheartening andagain, why we need to change the
laws as women, because men suck.
(20:17):
But I was so upset about that,so upset about that, and my
lawyer was like look, Ispecialize in this.
He's going to fight for yourdaughter, he's going to fight
for the kids.
They all say I want this muchtime with the kid.
I want this much time with thekid and it's because, one,
they're trying to manipulate you, to backing down and disdain,
(20:41):
and two, they don't want to paychild support.
She said he's going to sign upto have the kids like 50, 50 or
whatever, and he's not going todo it.
They never do.
It's just all a show with them.
I promise you.
And damn, if she wasn't right.
Like he's supposed to have mydaughter like over a hundred
(21:02):
days.
I'm going to say maybe is itover, I don't know.
It's a lot.
He gets a lesson, 30 a year.
All right, that's all a show.
No-transcript.
Yes, have your kids front andcenter in your mind, but also,
your lawyer's gonna advise youwhat's gonna happen.
And this is what mine said, andshe specializes in these types
of men and their manipulativebehaviors, and she was right.
(21:23):
So don't let that scare you.
All right, talk to a lawyer,they will guide you through this
.
So, during this cooling offperiod, my ex would not leave
the house and I wanted them.
And if you vacate your propertyfor like I forget what the
amount of time is you'reforfeiting your property, which
(21:46):
would be if I left, if me and mydaughter left and I took her
and left, then he would havelike automatically gotten the
home.
You can imagine what a battlethat was with an asshole,
narcissistic, abusive man.
He stayed here until the veryend.
He would not leave.
I begged him to leave.
(22:06):
It was not healthy for me, itwas not healthy for my daughter.
I begged him to leave and hewould not leave until the day on
the paper, after mediation, andI'm about to get to that but
yeah, it was horrible, horrible,and you go through so many
emotions and divorce.
I'm not gonna lie.
I like hated him.
(22:28):
I hated him so much and hewould come home screaming at me,
begging me, crying, begging menot to do this, not to do this
to him, not to do this for hisfamily.
He's sorry, he'll change.
He'll whatever I want likehe'll change, trying to win me
back with money, trying to winme back with everything Non-stop
(22:49):
, 24, seven, y'all the sixmonths this went on.
It was non-stop.
And then he would, when hisbegging and crying didn't work,
he'd resort to being violent,talking about killing himself.
That was one of his favoritethings to do killing myself,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
It's hard and this is a hardtopic to talk about because I
(23:12):
know some guys do that but thisis not your problem.
Your problem is you gotta befigure out how to stay safe for
your child and your family.
So I'm not advising youanything here.
I'm telling you what happenedto me.
I stayed strong during that andI don't know how, because, yep,
I had doubts.
I was like, am I really doingthe right thing?
(23:33):
Like, what am I gonna do formoney?
How am I gonna pay for thishouse?
By the way, my lawyer let meknow about child support and
alimony.
There's avenues for you.
And I just freaked out.
I didn't know, like if I wasmaking a dumb decision.
Part of me was like, well,maybe for real he will change
his time.
Stupid me, right, stupid me.
And so I remember the promiseto myself that I'm not gonna go
(23:57):
back this time, no matter what,because it will turn out the
same.
And I ain't gonna lie y'all.
I got through my divorce bydrinking a lot of wine.
I don't recommend this.
This is horrible, but again Iwanna be authentic and tell
y'all the truth.
So here it goes.
I watched the girlfriend'sguide to divorce on Netflix and
(24:20):
she's not divorcing an abuser,it's just this guy.
But they go back and forth andmixed emotions, because
sometimes you're like you know,but I love him.
And that's so true because evenI went through that.
I was like you know, this wasthe man I married that I thought
I loved, and so I watched thatlike I binged it.
(24:41):
I ate popcorn, I drank wine.
I don't know how I stayed soskinny back then.
I guess anxiety and I knew thatI was gonna get divorced, no
questions asked.
I really was lonely, y'all.
I was so lonely for so long andI was ready to find chemistry
(25:06):
and passion and romance and love.
The second I knew I was gettingdivorced.
So not long after I'd say acouple months after I I oh my
God, a couple months after thedivorce proceedings I got on
Tinder and some other placeswhere I could meet people from a
(25:31):
distance, because I was ascared little big chicken.
But I think I just wantedsomeone to talk to because I
didn't have anybody in my lifeback then and I didn't have
anybody to like help me getthrough this.
So I talked to dudes.
I talked to dudes and they mademe feel really good about
(25:53):
myself.
I ain't gonna lie y'all this ishorrible.
I know it's not horrible in theway that I feel bad about it
because I mean I was goingthrough divorce proceedings, but
thank you, fucking Tennessee,for making that difficult and
longer and drawing it out for me.
But I needed a way and I neededdistractions and I didn't like
(26:13):
go meet anyone off Tinder oranything.
But it did get to develop likefriendships with people, dudes,
who distracted me while I wentthrough this.
I don't know if this ishorrible advice or not.
First of all, know your dangerlevel.
(26:35):
Turn off your freaking wifi ifyou're gonna be on your phone
talking to people.
But I ain't gonna lie y'all.
It got me through it.
Like it doesn't have to bedudes, like if you have friends,
I didn't have friends.
I had one friend no, I had twofriends back then, but they
weren't nearby and they weren't.
One of them was, but it wasjust.
There was some dramasurrounding that.
(26:57):
So I was trying to do better andbe healthier for myself and the
people I chose around me.
That's such a contradictionbecause I'm like a been on
Tinder and talking to dudes, butwhatever, I'm not gonna sit
here and be like oh you know,you weren't divorced yet.
So that's cheating,motherfucker.
I would have been divorced ifTennessee didn't have these
(27:17):
stupid ass laws and if my stupidass ex did not drag it out
because he dragged his feet, hewould not sign papers, he would
not do this.
He would not do that.
This went on for months andmonths and months and some of
the people I talked to was alsoin like divorce groups and stuff
(27:37):
that I had been on in Redditand they were going through the
same shit.
So we found a lot ofcamaraderie and just texting
back and forth.
I would sit there and I wouldbe watching girlfriends got
divorced, drinking wine, eatingpopcorn.
My ex was out doing God knowswhat.
Some days he wouldn't even comehome.
So I'm sure he was like fuckingaround too.
(28:00):
Even though I wasn't fuckingaround, I was seriously.
I was just talking to thesedudes.
I was just talking to thesedudes and trying to keep my mind
off of my emotions on should Istay, should I go?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,and how I can survive until he's
(28:21):
supposed to actually be kickedout and leave.
And you know, yeah, I I got on,like the dating websites and
things like that.
I don't think I actually thinktender was later.
Tender was, I think.
So I saw my divorce papers inJuly.
I can't remember.
I can't remember.
I know I let.
I met a lot of people in mysituation on reddit and that's
(28:44):
kind of the avenue that started,because I I believe the first
time I got on tender was when Imet my husband, my nail husband.
I know it is your foggy whenyou go through this.
Okay, you're not gonna rememberstuff cuz your brain is gonna
protect you and a lot of this isa fog for me, but I know when I
was going through the thick ofit it was horrible.
So anyways, all right.
(29:05):
Yeah, I had friendships withpeople and Develop that and it
kind of carried me through.
There's things also you need toexpect and that's I had to go
because I was a divorcing and Ihad kids.
I had to go to some kind ofchild parenting class.
That's required in Tennesseeagain, get fucked Tennessee.
So I had to do this.
(29:27):
I had to sit in this room withother people who were going
through divorce, listening to abunch of men cry oh, my wife,
she'd be a big old, whiny manbabies.
And this bitch conducting thisclass was going around asking us
all while we were getting adivorce.
I Was an abused woman who doesnot want to talk about her
trauma at that point.
(29:47):
Also, she can get fucked too.
So expect that you may have toattend some course like that,
depending on what dumb assstates you're living in.
And that was hard.
I Was just vague, I didn't wantto talk about it, I was just
like you know, whatever he'scontrolling her mean, left it at
that.
(30:07):
But like, how dare people putyou through this when you are so
freaking traumatized?
So, anyways, expect that.
Yeah, I didn't know that andit's mandatory.
It is mandatory.
You have to get that signatureon that paper saying you went to
that course on parenting or wedidn't even talk about parenting
.
It was a vent session foreverybody getting divorced,
mostly big man babies.
Yeah, expect that.
(30:29):
So I did that.
Then we comes mediation.
We tried mediation.
I don't know if every divorcegoes through mediation, but my,
my lawyer recommended it, whichis if you don't know what that
is, it's basically you'resitting in different Rooms.
I'm sitting with my lawyer,he's sitting with his lawyer we
were even on separate floors inthis building and there's this
(30:50):
guy who goes back and forth andplays both sides and he's the
mediator and he's like, goes to,he talks to me in my lawyer, my
lawyers like she deserves$20,000 a month in alimony, you
know, because they're gonnashoot really high y'all because
this is a whole negotiations andThen he goes back and my
ex-husband's lawyer is like haha ha, I'm gonna give her like
(31:12):
$500 and then the mediator hasto go back.
Well, what do you think aboutthis?
What if you trade this for thisand this and this and this?
I think I was there for overeight hours in this room and
it's basically just fighting.
But you're not.
They are fighting like sittingnext to each other.
You're in separate rooms andyou have this mediator going
(31:32):
back and forth to negotiate thedetails of your divorce, and I
believe it was then, that waslater, that was in November.
It was then that I sort ofgetting a little bit more
serious about my tendershenanigans because I was like,
finally we got negotiations toget him kicked out of the house
(31:54):
on December I believe it wasDecember 15th and and this was
early November or late Octoberwe went through this and I was
like I need to See what's on theother side.
God, this sounds horrible.
Whatever y'all, I was ready.
I was ready 10 years ago, okay,to find someone who Made me
(32:18):
feel good about myself.
I think that's what it allboils down to.
Because I didn't feel goodabout myself.
I hadn't even done the work yet.
Y'all like I, I Wasn't in a badsituation.
So that's when I got on tender,when mediation was over and we
had signed the papers and Now Ijust had to wait till he left.
(32:38):
And then I met my now husband,my sweet man, the D, that night
on tender and he, we talked andwe didn't even meet in person.
He waited on me.
So, sweet y'all, he didn't knowwe didn't have our first date
or anything.
Until that day.
(33:00):
My ex finally left and so, yeah, I had to stay in this house
with him, knowing we weregetting divorced and we had
signed the papers.
It just wasn't.
It hadn't gone to court yet.
Because you have to do that toy'all?
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