March 5, 2019 • 48 mins
At the end of a very hard week, things are suddenly good, except for the twelve-hundred calories of milkshake that Peter ingests right before recording, causing him to hate himself and everything else. Beth discovers a local infrared sauna that may or may not be run out of a van. Peter and Beth debate the merits of having a second child with your ex, unpack an international Would You Knows scenario and answer some listener mail about March Madness potty training, staggering bedtimes and more forest based pre-school.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
I got hello and welcome to we know his parenting.
I'm Peter McNerney, and I am completely full of milkshake,
a thousand calories and a lot of regret. Yeah, you
usually went for it tonight, I gotta say, I feel
(00:29):
um chemically sad. You um, I don't know, you really
dragged us to get a big milkshake. I regret every
single bit of it. I only had two steps because
I didn't like the milkshake. And there's no sense wasting
the intense milkshake calories on a milkshake you're not enjoying.
(00:52):
A milkshake hasn't been worth it for me in twenty years.
I agree, I almost I always regret the shake. It is.
It is literally the worst. I mean it's also the best,
and then very quickly it tastes. I think the problem
is the serving size is just way off, you know
what I mean, like if it was smaller. Well, so
(01:15):
we went out for dinner. It was fun, and then
I had been, of course like looking very excuse to
go to this new place because it was it is
a cereal and cookie like ice cream bar. It's a nightmare.
And my cousin went and said that they got something
really good, so I was like, I gotta try it,
and I used the kids as an excuse. Well, the
thing is, if you had waited for me to order,
(01:37):
I would have enjoyed something there, but you didn't. And
then it was so loud in there, and I just
wanted to leave. If it was a bad vibe in there. Yeah,
it was like it's they've felt. It's like, I don't know,
I feel like other people have seen this kind of
new business that's like a big box painted bright colors
and like no good seating, and they just like no
sound absorption anywhere, no sound absorption. They like buys seats
(02:00):
based on like look and not functionality, you know what
I mean. Like they had big high stools that you're like,
I can't put it two year old on this, So
it's an insane amount of empty space in the middle
of that place. Yeah, and then there's just kids like
darting back and forth. That was the thing. The two
parents who are like, we're not even going to pretend
to act like we're embarrassed by our kids doing I think, fine, No,
(02:24):
it was not the parents faulty. It's never the parents fault.
That's the moral of our podcast, so much anxiety about
my kids being up in the obnoxious one. No, but
I think there's so many issues with the functionality of
this new business, and they it's like so classic bad
new business where they have teenagers behind the counter who
(02:47):
don't understand how the business works. They've been working there
for like two days, and no one really explained it
correctly because the owners were like, our business as a gimmick,
and we haven't thought about how food service works. We
put cereal and everything, and we have one machine to
mix everything. And by the way, I got I went
(03:07):
in there and I was looking at the menu and
it's a little convoluted, so I was like trying to
figure out. I was waiting for you, and they fucking
bullied me into ordering, and I panicked hard and it
went up there and I was like, you got bullied
by two sixteen year old girls. They were in charge,
and and I was like two ice creams and I
picked two cereals. And by the way, I did not
(03:28):
order milkshakes. And there's no smalls, there's no like tiny.
There's one size and it's humongous. And I did not
order ice cream. And I was like seventeen Bucks, and
then you walked in and it was so loud, and
you were like, I don't like this, and I was like,
I feel everyone's anxiety. The second I walked in, I
was like, I hate this place. I hate everything about
like and I know it was just like the sound
(03:49):
like that. It was an overwhelming environment. Anyway, thanks for
tuning into we review local restaurants. They might figure it out.
Sometimes they do, who knows, we'll see. Having said when
we left, you didn't like the milkshakes, but I bought
him to the gimmick. It's a it's a cereal milkshake
and it was yummy, but now I want to I
(04:10):
wanted that into this like cereal dessert fad. Sorry, sorry people.
I like the classics. You know who definitely love the milkshakes.
Oh yeah, Bran did one of his classic lines where
he goes, I love it, and he does like he
(04:32):
does a really weird intonation on love. He's like, I
love it. It's like like like that milkshake and he's
like drinking. He goes, I love it. He's like he's
like in zombie mode. Must must have more of this
Reese's puff cereal milkshake. Oh boy, see. You know what's
insane is there's half a Captain Crunch milkshake in the
(04:54):
freezer right now, and my whole body is like I
hate you and that, but part of me thinking it
does taste good. Maybe I will have the rest of it.
You know. I did something in saying this week where okay,
so we're probably going to get to this, but we
both had a really bad week, right and then yesterday
afternoon was the first moment I really had any sort
(05:17):
of space to stop and think and relax. And Brin
was on a plate date and you went to work
and I just said, Maven, but then oh, we had
to run and drive you the train. So it's still
constantly hectic week. And we had an incredibly emotional fight moment.
We had a big, huge blowout fight and then we
were both uh, practically in tears. And then I had
(05:38):
to drive you to the train. Anyway, So the that's
a low moment when I just literally is crying and
run out. I come back and I'm like, sorry, can
you drive me the train? Yeah? So anyway, had you
drive you the train? Then I was like, well, this
week has been a full ship show. I need to
give myself some reward right now, and I don't think
(05:59):
i'd had lunch or anything. It was just crazy, and
so I took I was like, maybe you want to
go good treat. Also, I was trying to make Mayven
feel better because she had to see us fight again
and then see me in tears, and I was like, oh,
this is too much for a two year old. So
I was like, let's go get a treat. And it
took her to McDonald's. Went through the drive through. It
was just sort of like sleepily, like ordering left and
(06:21):
right whatever I felt like because it's so cheap, and
I was like, I don't know, coffee, milkshake and water
bottle and so like I got like. I was like,
I'm gonna show Maven what a what's it called? The
swirly ice cream thing like with the toppings in it.
So I was like, I want to give Maven her
(06:42):
first mcflurry experience. Is going to turn this day around.
And I got a milkshake with it for some reason,
and then as soon as I have this week, I
didn't really eat any of this. I got through the
drive through, I turned around, Maven is fully passed out,
and now I have to pee and I have like
all this ice cream I don't want, and so I
(07:05):
go to Starbucks. This is the first time. I guess
I've probably left a sleeping kid in the car and
run in somewhere and I peed at Starbucks, came back out.
I was like really fast. It was fine, it was yeah, anyway,
she was whatever. So then I'm just stuck in the car,
sitting there and I'm like, I really don't want all
(07:25):
of this. Oh, and they didn't give me like a
straw for the milkshake, of course, which is probably a
good thing that comes with us built in mixer spoon. Right, no, no, no,
this is the milkshake I'm talking. Oh gross. I mean,
I hope listeners are fascinated by the story. Anyway, I
had like a little bit of mc flurry and then
I just threw everything away. I was like, what am
I doing? I don't want I'm proud of you. I
(07:47):
am incapable. The only self control I have is not
letting the food get within my vicinity. But once it's there,
I got I got no control. It's I'm eating it. Yeah,
So I'm very proud of you. More like that, and
now I'm sometimes like that. So yeah, I mean, so
(08:10):
let's address the episode in the room, which was so
last week's episode was a bit tense. Honestly, that was
the kickoff to a week of we both I mean
not getting not getting into we we have legitimate argument
and issues with each other which we will not address
in this episode. But underneath all of that, we had
(08:32):
a tremendous amount of personal stress for other things, and
it all came to it just it was like one
of those weeks where like everything is as triggering as
possible at all moments until today. I it all cracked
open for me today, and I feel like you two
you went to a sauna and you were healing, went
(08:52):
to an infrared sauna in town, which I I thought
was a scam and then sounds like one. And then
someone told me that someone told me it was good,
and I was like, Okay, that's all takes. Say a
guy standing outside and you tried these in so good
good you got to try it. Yeah, it was a
guy like that. I'm just kidding you. You know, just
(09:16):
like a lot of people have questions, but it seems
like you're trying to sell this to me. Why don't
you have a sign hanging comfortable. I got back problems.
You really just recommend this of your own accord and
you don't work. Literally just walking by, I put it on.
It's good for my posture, and I was like, I'm
gonna look at some clouds. Okay, Well then I'm sold
(09:37):
getting the Sana sas in your van. Okay, okay. Anyway, anyway,
the point was really bad week, and then I think
it was one of those six store It gets just
so bad that like you hit a breaking point and
then you're like, I think it's over. I think it's
finally over. And it happened today. I mean, for me,
(09:58):
it was getting through all of the work I thought
I would not get through and just being like I'm free.
I still have a backlog of work to do, but
at least I've got a lot of crying out of
my system that apparently needed to happen. And then I
filled it with milkshake and now I want to die.
So we're doing great. Um, Beth, I love you very much.
(10:25):
I love you too. Tickets on sale for our live
show in April April Littlefield in Brooklyn. We're gonna be
plug in it. Buy some tickets. Check Brian from Stuff
you should know, Abby Crunch Faield, Oh, fr Eisenberg. That's
our pitch. We need to get that ticket link ready
to it's on our website. We know it's parenting dot
com more info soon. I believe it's Little Field NYC
(10:47):
dot com something like that. Anyway, you'll find it now
it's time for did you know? This is where we
share something we learned or found or just covered in
the world, but probably the internet, Beth, what have you unearthed? So?
I someone I follow on Twitter tweeted something and I
(11:09):
was going to credit this person, but they've deleted the
tweet for reasons that they're probably getting harassed for stupid reasons.
So but anyway, I thought it was really interesting. They
were saying that them and their co parent were they
co parent with someone who is now their ex, and
that they have decided to have a second child together
(11:29):
even though they're no longer a couple because they're already
co parenting the first kid. And I thought that was fascinating.
I was like that, UM makes a lot of sense
to me, Like I guess if you because I guess
their goal if I'm remembering correctly, was sort of like
you know, once slings have a common experience. Yeah, siblings
(11:53):
have a common experience. And I think their goal is
like they both wanted to have more kids at some
point and they wanted they had like a timeline, they
had expected that to happen, and you know, obviously they
do it just logistically. They were like, I can do
this with this other person. I'm already doing it, you
know what I mean, share these responsibilities. I thought that
(12:13):
was really cool. Um, obviously they have a pretty respectful relationship.
You got to have a specific kind of relationship because yeah,
I would imagine, boy, that's as your kids get older
and it becomes you know, for I'm assuming for a
lot of divorce couple or separated parents or whatever, that
(12:34):
the trait. You know, you have a certain amount of
time with one parent, a sorta amount of time with
the other is typical. And I imagine as kids get older,
that's easier to do just because it is that like
it's your turn, it's my turn. But a brand new baby,
um uh, with such around the clock needs, I feel
like there's there's gonna be unexpected challenges. Yeah, that part
(12:59):
was interesting. I mean it sounded like they felt like
they had it under control or like, I don't, but
so I'm really curious. You seem to be very specifically
removing all gender from this scenario. Well, so, okay, when
I when I first read the tweet, in my memory,
(13:20):
it was a lesbian couple, and then when I just
went back and read it, it was actually they described
themselves as queer. And then I don't have the rest
of the tweets because it's been deleted. Like I said,
so I can't remember fully, And now I'm wondering if I,
like misinterpreted at the time and they met, you know,
they could have had like a lesbian partner who just
(13:41):
realized that she was trans that sorry that she was
a man, you know what I mean. Like, I, I
don't know the specifics of the story, and so I
have no idea. Well, I do think that I think we,
I mean, myself probably sees that scenario through a more
(14:01):
you know, stereotypical gender norms that I'm used to, you know,
mother father being separated and those sorts of challenges. Uh
uh and uh are you trying to give credit to
queer people as well? I guess in my mind, I'm like, uh, they,
(14:25):
I don't know how that dynamic works. I do think
I will say like something. I mean, I think that
I don't want part of can I talk? Um? Part
of her original point of the tweet, I think was
she was saying it was like sort of a particularly
queer thing because queer people do have more flexibility to
make choices because they understand the inherent uh bs of
(14:49):
the entire gender life world paradigm that as it exists.
So they don't they're not always but generally less like
really to care so much about rules? You know, Yeah,
well it's like you know, it's you don't even realize, um,
going into a relationship like this, Like a big part
(15:10):
of our relationship, for me at least, has been realizing
the sort of inherent biases and assumptions that are in
my brain that you don't actually think about. But it's
just how you are raised and when you're surrounded by
that can be a significant cause of issues. Um. But
if if we both had come into this without those
(15:31):
preconceived notions, I imagine we would be much more flexible
to just figure out how to do what needs to
be done. Do you know what I mean? I think
so I sort of fell asleep in the middle. Cool, cool,
there's a special kind of silence that I can hear
from you, which is the I know that you because
you start talking and you're like, well, in the world,
(15:55):
as we both know braind and know well, I gotta says.
It's very clearly tied to when you are defensive, and
then this is it just can I just get confused
and you're well, that's not defensive. It's trying to choose
(16:16):
my words carefully, and in moments where I know that
I'm trying to voice my ignorance about something. It's just
so funny to me because your panic move is to
take up more space, is to take up as much
physical and verbal space in the room as possible. I
need to keep talking until I land in a place
(16:37):
where I feel that maybe I'm okay, and I can
only do that out loud. You're like, hey, for you
have a chance to think something bad about me. I'm
just going to talk it out in front of you,
and I'm trying to find the reason that I am
a man and I've got my biases. I'm going to
in a moment. Let me just keep talking. I'm pretty
(17:00):
sure I had reason to be bad. Just keep listening.
Here it comes all that being said is I'm very
impressed with a couple that it seems to know their boundaries,
and I wish them luck and all the best. It
(17:21):
could be a disaster, it's no, But that's the beauty
of it, is like it was already going to be
a disaster. If it was going to be a disaster,
and they were stuck with that disaster either way, that
disaster was already a big part of their lives. So
let's just double down on the disaster. I mean, I'm
not saying I'm not saying that we're missing a lot
(17:43):
of context too U to be able to judge, because
that's our job to judge. Right, It was implied that
this person had a healthy, respectful relationship, and I trust
and believe them on their words. I have no reason
not to um if we ever get a divorce, I'm
not having another baby with you, Yeah, that's for sure.
(18:10):
This next segment is called would you Knows? It's where
we take some parenting hypotheticals from our listeners and try
to say if we would knows what to do? What
we know? Can I just say that? So we've we've
been in this past several weeks recording with all the
lights out. It's been nice. We've been doing this for
like months, yeah, and I've tonight I was like, I
(18:34):
think it's been a little too dark. And you lit
a candle in here, and I gotta say it feels good. Well,
because I just got some new candles from Home Goods.
Great deals on candle. I'm slowly discovering all these nice
little touches of things you bought at Home Goods. Today
I had a um, pretty successful trip to Home Goods
because I find that store so overwhelming, much like the
(18:55):
ice cream place. Um, I'm unfit for the cream. I
I'm not fit for the way we have set up society. Um.
And so home Goods is a discount like home good Store.
It's in the title, you get it. And so they
have all these like discounted items from other stores, like leftovers.
(19:16):
So it's just a full mess of stuff whatever you
can grab. But they consistently have like certain things again
and again. If you're into those things, and it's like
a very good deal. It's like you can get really
cheap toys. I don't know why I'm giving an ad
for Home Goods, but I was just this is why
I chose to subject myself to the cast. We did
(19:36):
a whole episode called hashtag joy Bird. We're not above
or not above, We're not above trying to flirt with
brands home goods. You want to give us a coupon?
You may remember us as the couple who tricked a
car company, a car dealership into giving them a free
(19:57):
lease on a car. Um. Anyway, this is UH. This
is a would you know scenario? This is from This
is a repeat um uh would you know their? Um?
This one of our favorite questionnaires. Our favorite hypothetical scenarios
are international fans. So we did. This is Catherine and
(20:20):
David And if you recall, they sent in a would
you know about where we if we went forward in
time to any point in Brindan Maven's life, what would
we pick? And I? UM? I picked their funeral two
because I wanted to hear about their whole life, and
(20:40):
that was met with some interesting reactions. UM. And so
that's some context for this. Their response from from that
Monsieur from Cold Brussels, Belgium, thanks for asking my challenge.
I didn't expect the funeral answer. Very part of the uh,
(21:00):
Peter wasn't expecting, you know picture your ideal future being
at your child's funeral. I stand by the yes, picking
an event that won't happen is a possibility. But the
challenge was to answer knowing that everything anything is possible.
You did it magnificently and then uh smiley emoji with
(21:23):
star eyes. Would you knows? Challenge? For some reason? Details
an example below, you have to leave home of the
United States and start a new life in a new country.
Which country would you pick and why? From a parenting perspective,
of course, details one or both. You can decide. Of
(21:45):
you have a midlife crisis, you have that you have
the time to sell your property and unwanted belongings. Equivalent
jobs are guaranteed. For example, example actor for a Japanese commercial,
Beth I booked one chill in Japan. We need to
move there. Wait, I don't understand what the question is.
This is very simple. Well, because you just kind of
(22:08):
mumbled through all the do we need to stop and
go back and listen? Um, if we had to move
to another country for work or because of a midlife crisis,
for for any reason, we're moving to another country, where
would we pick from apparent? Okay, we've had a midlife crisis,
(22:31):
and we have to pick a country to move to,
but we also have to pick a profession. I'm just
there's a lot of details. I'm trying to figure out
what the question. The details were given after the full
scenario was written. Okay, but can you, the host of
this podcast, who's had time to think about this, give
it to me. Let me finish reading the email and
then I'll summarize bonus question, how do you explain it
(22:55):
to may Even and Brenn? Having to move is not
always well understood. You don't have to choose France, but
if you do, would you send your kids to a
French speaking school? Just kidding? You already answered that one
That was from an episode a while back by Katherine David. Okay,
so here's the scenario. I just have to say right
now for listeners, you have to understand we're recording this
very late at night. You're hypothetical should have a clear
(23:20):
set up and a single question. This is all Bet does.
Just she just tells you how you did not do
it clearly enough. I'm just tired and like I know
this is on me, but like my brain hurts. Well,
the mistake was very she very politely gave us some options,
and Beth doesn't want options. Tell us what it is.
(23:42):
But you are a host and producer of this podcast,
and I getting criticized. I was going to read it
and then I'm about to clarify it for you. I'm
gonna make some decisions. We can save the listeners so
much time if you trimmed it down and we're like,
here's the ypothetical, you do it. I'm setting this whole
(24:02):
thing up and you've been in the bath for an
hour and a half. You're not a lot of complaints. Sure, well,
I needed to not prepare. So one of us gets
a big job in a country and uh, next we
have to move. You don't know what we're leaving the country, Beth.
(24:27):
What country do we pick? From a parenting perspective, where
are we going to move? Internationally? Okay, if we can
move anywhere? That this is what we could have started with.
We said, we have a question from a listener, is
you could move anywhere in the country? That is That's
what she wrote, and then she said details below. Then
(24:47):
you know, I'm saying all we had to do when
we set up this segment for the listener to say Okay,
so we have a question from a listener. She asks
if you can move anywhere? And it's not my fault.
You brain can't hear words put them together into meaning. Okay,
I'm just gonna get to the point pretty quickly. Now
here we go. I'm getting I appreciate the effort and
(25:11):
energy that our listeners put into their emails, and you
disrespect all of it. You don't care if you delete
the pleasantries out of the email. They're not going to
be offended. They understand podcasts are produced. Oh my gosh,
I'm so insulted for you guys. I'm so sorry. Answer
the question, Beth, and tell us how you would prefer. Okay,
(25:35):
what country would I live in? Um? I want somebody
to write in with the most convoluted would you know
scenario that's all out of order and it drives that crazy,
or the opposite, the most succinct one you can, Beth,
what country? Where are we going? Because you're going to
win the debate, so you tell me where. This is
(25:56):
such a hard question, honestly, Um, I'll tell you my
If you're still thinking I was gonna I was gonna
say maybe like Costa Rica or something. Oh, I don't know. Well, well,
I think you gotta. I think in terms of, like
we're living there a long time, Um, like I have
(26:16):
know what is what our education? I do love England
British Isles, and I love the idea of not having
to learn a language because I'm not good at that. Norway, baby,
Norway is what you would pick. That was the first
place I thought of, because you had really good food there,
because I had really good food there. You'd love it,
(26:38):
They're all you know. I wouldn't love the weather, you know,
I love the politics, and you'd love their forest kindergarten.
I have they already said this, but and then they
all speak English. It's okay, I don't have to say anything.
You continue, I say, go, I've totally forgotten the point.
(27:01):
Um the so your country is Norway. It's too cold
for me. Well that's fair, but I love that British Isles.
I am a UK citizen. Just in time for Brexit,
(27:23):
I'm going to use my UK passport to move my
family there. I don't think you're a UK citizen. I
am literally a UK citizen. I have a passport. Okay,
you're a citizen, but you're not a resident right. I
don't live there, Um, but yeah, I was born in England. People,
I bet not a single one of you ever had
(27:44):
that thought. Why would you? This has been fun facts
about Peter. This has been would you knows? Now it's
time for listeners want to knows. This is where we
read your emails. Your message is two sees what you
(28:07):
see sees? What's what she gets to say? Is this? Uh?
This email was from Sarah, She sos ees. Um, My
two year old goes to an in home day care
three days a week in the mornings unless I'm on
a project where I have to go into the city
or travel somewhere. This week is one of those weeks.
(28:27):
So he's there every morning until one pm, when my
mom picks him up and watches him till I get home.
My daycare lady is gung ho about potty training him,
especially since he's there all week. We're going on a
trip at the end of the month, including me being
on a plane alone with him on a read eye.
Ah ready, ready, she's taking the little Ready you guys,
(28:49):
ready for UM's taking a red eye, which is a nightmare,
meeting my husband who will already be there for work.
I feel like I should stop her referring to her
daycare lady, even though she's acutely named it March potty
training madness. On the one hand, it's great someone else
is doing it for me. On the other, being away,
being with him away when Jess potty trained feels like
(29:12):
a bad idea. I assume it to be annoying having
to ask him if he has top all the time,
et cetera. I'm such a good two shoes, and I
feel like I shouldn't tell the teacher that's a bad
idea right now thoughts. Oh boy, and I just gonna
say this email came in like two hours ago, so
there is this does feel time sensitive? Um? I think
(29:37):
this is a tough one. I mean, she should probably
talk to the daycare provider about pushing it off a
few weeks. That seems pretty logical. Like two years old, Um,
is not like late to be potty trained. It doesn't
seem like this is a rush of a sa Brin
was like three, what do we write? Isn't he we
(30:00):
had like no rush on him? Yeah? And her kid
just turned to which is like, honestly, I would say
pretty early for body training. I mean, I know a
lot of people do it, but it's if your kid's
not feeling it, and then you know it's a boy.
I don't know. Some people say boys are a little
(30:20):
take a little longer say that. Well, like Brin was
really hard. It's partly it's his personality, but he was
not like he didn't take to it as naturally as Mayven.
She's sort of she was fine, you know what I mean.
Like I think Bryn he was sort of immediately difficult,
but I think it took less time overall to get
(30:43):
to the point where I'm like, I'm not nervous about
something happening, where it's like Mayven, I beIN because she
was younger, she was took to it pretty well. But
I think there were more accidents. Oh, I disagree. I
feel like she had like almost no accident. Am I
rewriting history? I think so, because I feel like Brin,
you're just like forgetting it because he probably just cheerfully
(31:06):
was like daddy, I peed my pants, crabbing my pants.
He literally peed his pants like three times, like a
week ago when we were on vacation. Oh, he did
have a that I think he went through being very
actively afraid of strange bathrooms. It was excited to be
where he was, so he was taking his time getting
(31:27):
to the bathroom, and then he misjudged how long it
takes to get up a staircase because we don't live
in a home with a staircase. So he kept like
he kept underestimating or overestimating whatever. He kept underestimating the
amount of focus and energy it takes to control your
bladder going upstairs. Yeah cool, Yeah yeah, Um well I said, like,
(31:51):
this opportunity, it doesn't need to be March. You know,
this opportunity is going to be here when you get
back from your trip. Yeah, I think put it off off.
I mean, there's always going to be something. So if
this woman's like offering, it's fine. If I would say, also,
if you're like lazy and don't get around to confronting her,
you can see how your son's actually doing with a
(32:12):
potty training and like put a diaper on him if
you need to, Like we've definitely done that for car
rides and stuff. Yeah, I we were. I was gonna
say lucky, but in both scenarios, they had a long
runway and that they had like their big week where
they like went through it and then they had a
(32:32):
consistent sort of schedule after that, so things were predictable. Yeah,
my little brother, when he was little, he potty trained,
and then we immediately went to Chicago for an entire
summer and we stayed at my grandparents house. And I
think he's suddenly developed quick anxiety about bathrooms and would
not go to the bathroom until he got so constivated
(32:53):
that he would just randomly crap his pants wherever he was,
And then we had to give him enemas and my brother,
older brother, and I had to hold him down. Well,
my mom gave him animalus while he screamed. That's a
fun memory. Hey, Sam, how's it going? So relevant to
this point is you don't want to train him and
then put him in a scary place because he could revert.
(33:14):
I don't know. I was literally when you're about telling
this why I was about to say, I think people
get too scared about this kind of thing. And I
think it's fine if he regresses and you put diapers
on him and then he goes back to daycare. That woman,
she's going to be back on top of it and
he'll be fine. Yeah, I don't worry about it, but
(33:34):
be afraid I'm very afraid it will be fine. Whatever
it is, I probably would push it off. But yeah,
worst case scenario, you bring some diapers and you throw
them back on, and you take a few steps back
and you try again. Yeah, just say something to him,
or you're like, diapers are only for airplanes, you know. Yeah,
it's a special treat for airplanes. And then you can
(33:55):
go into april madness. Um. So there is our very
unprofessional opinion, non expert But it feels right. You're feel
good about it, Beth, I feel so good about it. Nice.
Now we're gonna do something really exciting, Beth, do you
know what that is? What we're gonna listen to a voicemail.
(34:17):
We don't do this very often, but here we go. Hi,
Beth and Peter. My name's Angeline. I'm calling from Seattle, Washington.
I am midway through your podcast and decided I needed
to call and just provide some input. Um. And yes, Beth,
I will make sure to go on and rate and review,
of course. But I was listening. You were talking about
(34:41):
the forest kindergarten that they do in some places and
in the Pacific Northwest. Out here, we have something called
outdoor preschool. That I've found UM is growing. Our son
is almost three, and so we've been looking at different
options about what's have out here, and it's it's an
(35:03):
interesting concept. I've seen them and maybe it's just because
we're in specific Northwest and there's just a lot of
opportunity for this. But they get to go, they're outside
all the time. They have the special UM little rain
gear jumper outfits, and they have their books, and there's
ones that are in the forest, there's ones that are
near farms in then they're all getting excited right now
(35:26):
for the baby animals for Eastern and it's just it's
a great concept. But I understand how in the income
of inequality can come into play because they tend to
be more expensive and then those there are those families
who can't afford to be able to talk to have
this opportunity. That's not that other schools aren't great. Also,
(35:49):
I just think it's a fun thing and I wish
more people did it and I hope it catch us
on other places. I would love to do it myself
out door work. See how that's un Anyways, you guys
are still great, love listening to you always and have
a great depress your day. Well, thank you Angela for
(36:10):
calling to using our voicemail. Yeah, thanks for giving us
a voicemail to play. The rest of you are so
scared of that voicemail. There's it's not gonna bite. Take
it from Angela. Yeah. So, I I think what is
(36:30):
um interesting about this is um that we as a
society of somehow managed to make it more expensive to
keep kids in the woods all day. Exactly what I
was thinking. It's just so stupid. I mean, I understand,
I understand why it's happening. It's like probably a very
prestigious community, and they've got some sort of teaching philosophy
(36:53):
to go along with it, and it's like a lot
of white people in a neighborhood where they're willing to
pay a lot of money for something, you know. Um
on paper, though it does look like, oh it's really
expensive to not have walls, to not have a school
go in the woods. Yeah I don't. Yeah, you're paying
for perhaps somebody's somebody's um expertise, like Waldorf School or
(37:22):
something where someone's like specifically trained in a certain method,
or maybe they're trained about knowing things about the environment.
I don't know, but I'm sure it's nice. I well,
Angela's from Seattle, so there's a Pacific northwest, and I'm
I'm just picturing them wet all the time, in their
rain boots, in their rain jackets. Are they literally outside
(37:45):
all day? Are you asking me or just I'm asking?
I don't know. I've read two sentences about these schools,
and then I got a voicemail from Angela. Why don't
you know where's the chalkboard? I think how learn their letters?
(38:06):
I don't think it sounds great. I mean just the
being outside, and like, I'm sure the thing for me
is like by virtue of creating a place that is
four kids to be outside, it would attract employees who
also enjoy being outside. It sounds in my mind like
a nice place. You know, it's you know, anyone who
(38:26):
likes being outside, that's my kind of person. Yeah, I'm
sure there's no weirdos that love being outside. Not a
single weirdo that's like, you know what, I want to
be a teacher who only teaches outside. If someone's wearing
like cargo shorts, I trust them. I don't know, Hey,
(38:49):
you want this Uva Sana? I got a flyers in
my cargo shorts. Get in my van. There's a forest
pre k in there. These are very wildly different characters.
Forest teacher. No, I love being outside. Why do you
think I'm standing outside this suna? I don't trust to
endor us. You got full walls. I don't trust you. Okay,
(39:13):
Well here's my kids. Um, alright, getting the van? Uh.
I only trust the full walls in my van. H Well,
thank you, Angela. We continue to know only them, I do.
I think I do want to say in regard to this,
I feel this feels like very like something as good
as it is that can only happen in like a
(39:34):
very white part of the country. Um. And then we
don't when we live in cities and diverse areas, we
don't allow for these sort of things to take place
because we don't have any woods. Well, because white people
want to like hoard the woods. We're sick of the
white people's monopoly of the woods. White people horde land.
(39:58):
They do. I've got a strong argument historically everyone knows that.
But I do like if you just think about geographically
like the makeup of different areas. We've now moved to
the suburbs, which is nice, and you know, obviously offers
us a lot of privileges of being able to get outside.
But the thing that drives me crazy is that so
(40:20):
much nice like waterfront land up here, and so much
you know, beautiful wooded land is either like country clubs
or golf courses or places where we have barred anyone
middle class or low income from ever entering. There are
a tremendous amount of golf clubs, like I think you
(40:41):
can still have nice things like that in a way
that doesn't like make it impossible for for other people
to be there enthusiast. I know I'm gonna get a
lot of hate from the golfers, because Lord knows they
need to wander around found on a field alone, shots fired.
(41:03):
My whole family is going to write in and give
get a piece of their golf mind. If there's one
thing that divides me in your family, it's this issue.
It's true, I did go to golf camp. You know
that's right. Accidentally, Yeah, you're kind of like a failed
rich person. You didn't figure out the ways you have Um,
(41:25):
I had to move on to Imbron. I think success
in improv it's one of the best jokes in thirty
Rock episode or my great great grandfather that came to
this country so his son could eat, so that his
son could work freely, so that his son could go
to college, so that his son could own his own business,
(41:46):
so that his son could snowboard and take improv classes. Yeah,
that's me. That's all right. I got another email. You're
here for this. This is in regards to bedtime. I
have a five year old boy in a seven year
old girl, and we recently moved to Hope from Hoboken
to Atlanta. My seven year old happened to be listening
with me to the episode where you asked if anyone
(42:08):
had ideas for how to put two kids to sleep
in the same room. And Hoboken, she and her brothers
shared a room for space reasons. They liked it so
much that even now with a bigger place, they still
share a room. Thus, she declared she would offer you
some advice in this area. Area. Her suggestion to you
is to put the youngest child to bed first and
(42:29):
then let the older child stay up for fifteen or
thirty or sixty minutes after the first bedtime. Her suggested ranges, Uh,
let's gep ahead a little bit. The method she and
her brother use. It works well for them even if
bedtime is only fifteen minutes later, although their bedtime between
routine is a little different. They do one song and
(42:50):
a good night any book reading has done prior to
going into the bedroom. I hope you find this advice helpful.
Sarah mom and Elizabeth daughter. So we used to do this.
I feel like a stagger at the bedtimes? Did we?
I don't know. I don't even remember. It's ten million
(43:12):
years if that ever happened. Baby, Yeah, yeah, I mean
the issue, yeah, what we used to have no control
over when anyone fell asleep. Um, but the issue is
like trying to do this now. I think it's just
that Brin would like throw a fit when we tried
to put into bed and wake her up. I don't know,
it's just like, well, it's interesting. If you presented at
(43:34):
the white right the right way to Brin, he'd be like,
oh I could to stay up and Maybn has to
go to bed, and then he would blow it by
gloating very loudly. Yeah. I don't there's nights where we
could pull this off, like recently Maybn has had sometimes
where she's just like I'm tired, I want to go
to bed, and like she you can see it in
her face. I don't think the average weeknight she's going
(43:55):
to be that she's like she's fighting bedtime too much.
Brend did sneak out of bed last night after they're
in bed, which was like I kind of let him
get away with it, because he had fallen asleep in
the chair in front of the TV for a couple
hours in the afternoon or evening, and I was just like,
I was like, well, yeah, he's wired. So he was
(44:18):
watching TV with me for a while, and he like
has this weird fascination with grown up TV, which I
think I mentioned before, And anyway, he was up, he
was up, and then I had to finally turn it
off because the show I was watching was getting kind
of like suggestively violent, and I turned it off, and
(44:39):
he was clearly getting so excited about the show. I
was watching Moonlighting, the pilot episode, and they had like
so it was like you know eighties violence, whereas like
actually not really showing anything violent, just like hinting at it,
like something, you know, like there's a knife in someone's back,
and it's all intuitive. So if you're watching with a
four year old, he doesn't really understand what's that, but
(45:00):
he was very clearly enthralled by the action of it
all and the like fake punches and like the sort
of like so he didn't want to go to bed.
He had a screaming fit. He was like kicking, He
had like a real tantrum while Maven slept soundly next
to him in the bed. Um. This is so what
(45:24):
a surprise tickle in the throat. I'm not editing that out.
So he only sneaks out with you because he knows
that he knows that he can. And it's so funny
that he's like, I like adult TV because he makes
such a point with me to tell me how stupid
my adult TV is. Well, he's clearly doing it as manipulation,
(45:46):
like he knows he knows us the best he's going
to get in that moment, and he's like trying to
sweet talk me. He's like this adult TV is great,
and he's like, no, relax, mom, you don't have to
put me in bed. We'll just watch some grown up TV. Uh.
That is so funny, do you Yeah, I'm trying to think,
like the bedtime routine, I'm trying to shorten it because
(46:09):
it takes. I mean they're they're good now, but I
have just been the one that has drawn it out
and out the problem is that the second you rush
any aspect of the bedtime routine, they sense it and
then they're like wow, and they're like no, bad time. No, no.
I thought, you know, like every single part has to
(46:30):
be dealt with as patiently as possible. Yeah. Well, I
used for a while, I was reading three to five books,
and then I turned out the light and then I
lay down, and we make up a story altogether, maybe
a second one, and they'd still be awake. And then
i'd read Harry Potter and they'd fall asleep while I
was in there. And I've cut that. One big thing
I've done is they go thirty, we start getting ready
(46:51):
for bed, brush, the teeth, get in bed, read books,
and I tell them if they're if they're not laying down,
I'm like, listen, at eight o'clock, lights are out, no
matter what. So if you want to get through more books,
let's do it. I'm like, five minutes to eight o'clock.
And they don't know how to really read the clock,
so they don't know if I'm lying or not. And
that's gotten them to pay attention quicker and they know that, well,
(47:13):
lights out happens, and then maybe we can do a
little thing after that. We might try this, Elizabeth, And uh,
I mean I don't think I don't think they need
to be spaced out right now, but like they when
there's the occasional night where Maven is clearly exhausted, it's
it's good. Yeah, I put in the bed at the
(47:36):
same time. Probably takes less time than spread it out right. Yeah, Well,
we might never find out both. If we do, you
will know because we have a podcast where we talk
about those things, and this has been listeners want of
those This has been another episode of We Knows Parenting
(48:00):
once again. We have a live show coming up in
April in Brooklyn. Check out We Knows Parenting dot com
for information. I don't know how to get those tickets
and all that. It's like to send us an email,
uh we Knows Pod at gmail dot com. Any question, advice, story,
let us know, hit us up yes, or leave us
(48:20):
a voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven
three nine six. You can find us on social media Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
at we Knows Pod and rate and review why don't
you rate and review. Why don't you, And we will
see you later. Bye bye bye bye
I got hello and welcome to we know his parenting.
I'm Peter McNerney, and I am completely full of milkshake,
a thousand calories and a lot of regret. Yeah, you
usually went for it tonight, I gotta say, I feel
(00:29):
um chemically sad. You um, I don't know, you really
dragged us to get a big milkshake. I regret every
single bit of it. I only had two steps because
I didn't like the milkshake. And there's no sense wasting
the intense milkshake calories on a milkshake you're not enjoying.
(00:52):
A milkshake hasn't been worth it for me in twenty years.
I agree, I almost I always regret the shake. It is.
It is literally the worst. I mean it's also the best,
and then very quickly it tastes. I think the problem
is the serving size is just way off, you know
what I mean, like if it was smaller. Well, so
(01:15):
we went out for dinner. It was fun, and then
I had been, of course like looking very excuse to
go to this new place because it was it is
a cereal and cookie like ice cream bar. It's a nightmare.
And my cousin went and said that they got something
really good, so I was like, I gotta try it,
and I used the kids as an excuse. Well, the
thing is, if you had waited for me to order,
(01:37):
I would have enjoyed something there, but you didn't. And
then it was so loud in there, and I just
wanted to leave. If it was a bad vibe in there. Yeah,
it was like it's they've felt. It's like, I don't know,
I feel like other people have seen this kind of
new business that's like a big box painted bright colors
and like no good seating, and they just like no
sound absorption anywhere, no sound absorption. They like buys seats
(02:00):
based on like look and not functionality, you know what
I mean. Like they had big high stools that you're like,
I can't put it two year old on this, So
it's an insane amount of empty space in the middle
of that place. Yeah, and then there's just kids like
darting back and forth. That was the thing. The two
parents who are like, we're not even going to pretend
to act like we're embarrassed by our kids doing I think, fine, No,
(02:24):
it was not the parents faulty. It's never the parents fault.
That's the moral of our podcast, so much anxiety about
my kids being up in the obnoxious one. No, but
I think there's so many issues with the functionality of
this new business, and they it's like so classic bad
new business where they have teenagers behind the counter who
(02:47):
don't understand how the business works. They've been working there
for like two days, and no one really explained it
correctly because the owners were like, our business as a gimmick,
and we haven't thought about how food service works. We
put cereal and everything, and we have one machine to
mix everything. And by the way, I got I went
(03:07):
in there and I was looking at the menu and
it's a little convoluted, so I was like trying to
figure out. I was waiting for you, and they fucking
bullied me into ordering, and I panicked hard and it
went up there and I was like, you got bullied
by two sixteen year old girls. They were in charge,
and and I was like two ice creams and I
picked two cereals. And by the way, I did not
(03:28):
order milkshakes. And there's no smalls, there's no like tiny.
There's one size and it's humongous. And I did not
order ice cream. And I was like seventeen Bucks, and
then you walked in and it was so loud, and
you were like, I don't like this, and I was like,
I feel everyone's anxiety. The second I walked in, I
was like, I hate this place. I hate everything about
like and I know it was just like the sound
(03:49):
like that. It was an overwhelming environment. Anyway, thanks for
tuning into we review local restaurants. They might figure it out.
Sometimes they do, who knows, we'll see. Having said when
we left, you didn't like the milkshakes, but I bought
him to the gimmick. It's a it's a cereal milkshake
and it was yummy, but now I want to I
(04:10):
wanted that into this like cereal dessert fad. Sorry, sorry people.
I like the classics. You know who definitely love the milkshakes.
Oh yeah, Bran did one of his classic lines where
he goes, I love it, and he does like he
(04:32):
does a really weird intonation on love. He's like, I
love it. It's like like like that milkshake and he's
like drinking. He goes, I love it. He's like he's
like in zombie mode. Must must have more of this
Reese's puff cereal milkshake. Oh boy, see. You know what's
insane is there's half a Captain Crunch milkshake in the
(04:54):
freezer right now, and my whole body is like I
hate you and that, but part of me thinking it
does taste good. Maybe I will have the rest of it.
You know. I did something in saying this week where okay,
so we're probably going to get to this, but we
both had a really bad week, right and then yesterday
afternoon was the first moment I really had any sort
(05:17):
of space to stop and think and relax. And Brin
was on a plate date and you went to work
and I just said, Maven, but then oh, we had
to run and drive you the train. So it's still
constantly hectic week. And we had an incredibly emotional fight moment.
We had a big, huge blowout fight and then we
were both uh, practically in tears. And then I had
(05:38):
to drive you to the train. Anyway, So the that's
a low moment when I just literally is crying and
run out. I come back and I'm like, sorry, can
you drive me the train? Yeah? So anyway, had you
drive you the train? Then I was like, well, this
week has been a full ship show. I need to
give myself some reward right now, and I don't think
(05:59):
i'd had lunch or anything. It was just crazy, and
so I took I was like, maybe you want to
go good treat. Also, I was trying to make Mayven
feel better because she had to see us fight again
and then see me in tears, and I was like, oh,
this is too much for a two year old. So
I was like, let's go get a treat. And it
took her to McDonald's. Went through the drive through. It
was just sort of like sleepily, like ordering left and
(06:21):
right whatever I felt like because it's so cheap, and
I was like, I don't know, coffee, milkshake and water
bottle and so like I got like. I was like,
I'm gonna show Maven what a what's it called? The
swirly ice cream thing like with the toppings in it.
So I was like, I want to give Maven her
(06:42):
first mcflurry experience. Is going to turn this day around.
And I got a milkshake with it for some reason,
and then as soon as I have this week, I
didn't really eat any of this. I got through the
drive through, I turned around, Maven is fully passed out,
and now I have to pee and I have like
all this ice cream I don't want, and so I
(07:05):
go to Starbucks. This is the first time. I guess
I've probably left a sleeping kid in the car and
run in somewhere and I peed at Starbucks, came back out.
I was like really fast. It was fine, it was yeah, anyway,
she was whatever. So then I'm just stuck in the car,
sitting there and I'm like, I really don't want all
(07:25):
of this. Oh, and they didn't give me like a
straw for the milkshake, of course, which is probably a
good thing that comes with us built in mixer spoon. Right, no, no, no,
this is the milkshake I'm talking. Oh gross. I mean,
I hope listeners are fascinated by the story. Anyway, I
had like a little bit of mc flurry and then
I just threw everything away. I was like, what am
I doing? I don't want I'm proud of you. I
(07:47):
am incapable. The only self control I have is not
letting the food get within my vicinity. But once it's there,
I got I got no control. It's I'm eating it. Yeah,
So I'm very proud of you. More like that, and
now I'm sometimes like that. So yeah, I mean, so
(08:10):
let's address the episode in the room, which was so
last week's episode was a bit tense. Honestly, that was
the kickoff to a week of we both I mean
not getting not getting into we we have legitimate argument
and issues with each other which we will not address
in this episode. But underneath all of that, we had
(08:32):
a tremendous amount of personal stress for other things, and
it all came to it just it was like one
of those weeks where like everything is as triggering as
possible at all moments until today. I it all cracked
open for me today, and I feel like you two
you went to a sauna and you were healing, went
(08:52):
to an infrared sauna in town, which I I thought
was a scam and then sounds like one. And then
someone told me that someone told me it was good,
and I was like, Okay, that's all takes. Say a
guy standing outside and you tried these in so good
good you got to try it. Yeah, it was a
guy like that. I'm just kidding you. You know, just
(09:16):
like a lot of people have questions, but it seems
like you're trying to sell this to me. Why don't
you have a sign hanging comfortable. I got back problems.
You really just recommend this of your own accord and
you don't work. Literally just walking by, I put it on.
It's good for my posture, and I was like, I'm
gonna look at some clouds. Okay, Well then I'm sold
(09:37):
getting the Sana sas in your van. Okay, okay. Anyway, anyway,
the point was really bad week, and then I think
it was one of those six store It gets just
so bad that like you hit a breaking point and
then you're like, I think it's over. I think it's
finally over. And it happened today. I mean, for me,
(09:58):
it was getting through all of the work I thought
I would not get through and just being like I'm free.
I still have a backlog of work to do, but
at least I've got a lot of crying out of
my system that apparently needed to happen. And then I
filled it with milkshake and now I want to die.
So we're doing great. Um, Beth, I love you very much.
(10:25):
I love you too. Tickets on sale for our live
show in April April Littlefield in Brooklyn. We're gonna be
plug in it. Buy some tickets. Check Brian from Stuff
you should know, Abby Crunch Faield, Oh, fr Eisenberg. That's
our pitch. We need to get that ticket link ready
to it's on our website. We know it's parenting dot
com more info soon. I believe it's Little Field NYC
(10:47):
dot com something like that. Anyway, you'll find it now
it's time for did you know? This is where we
share something we learned or found or just covered in
the world, but probably the internet, Beth, what have you unearthed? So?
I someone I follow on Twitter tweeted something and I
(11:09):
was going to credit this person, but they've deleted the
tweet for reasons that they're probably getting harassed for stupid reasons.
So but anyway, I thought it was really interesting. They
were saying that them and their co parent were they
co parent with someone who is now their ex, and
that they have decided to have a second child together
(11:29):
even though they're no longer a couple because they're already
co parenting the first kid. And I thought that was fascinating.
I was like that, UM makes a lot of sense
to me, Like I guess if you because I guess
their goal if I'm remembering correctly, was sort of like
you know, once slings have a common experience. Yeah, siblings
(11:53):
have a common experience. And I think their goal is
like they both wanted to have more kids at some
point and they wanted they had like a timeline, they
had expected that to happen, and you know, obviously they
do it just logistically. They were like, I can do
this with this other person. I'm already doing it, you
know what I mean, share these responsibilities. I thought that
(12:13):
was really cool. Um, obviously they have a pretty respectful relationship.
You got to have a specific kind of relationship because yeah,
I would imagine, boy, that's as your kids get older
and it becomes you know, for I'm assuming for a
lot of divorce couple or separated parents or whatever, that
(12:34):
the trait. You know, you have a certain amount of
time with one parent, a sorta amount of time with
the other is typical. And I imagine as kids get older,
that's easier to do just because it is that like
it's your turn, it's my turn. But a brand new baby,
um uh, with such around the clock needs, I feel
like there's there's gonna be unexpected challenges. Yeah, that part
(12:59):
was interesting. I mean it sounded like they felt like
they had it under control or like, I don't, but
so I'm really curious. You seem to be very specifically
removing all gender from this scenario. Well, so, okay, when
I when I first read the tweet, in my memory,
(13:20):
it was a lesbian couple, and then when I just
went back and read it, it was actually they described
themselves as queer. And then I don't have the rest
of the tweets because it's been deleted. Like I said,
so I can't remember fully, And now I'm wondering if I,
like misinterpreted at the time and they met, you know,
they could have had like a lesbian partner who just
(13:41):
realized that she was trans that sorry that she was
a man, you know what I mean. Like, I, I
don't know the specifics of the story, and so I
have no idea. Well, I do think that I think we,
I mean, myself probably sees that scenario through a more
(14:01):
you know, stereotypical gender norms that I'm used to, you know,
mother father being separated and those sorts of challenges. Uh
uh and uh are you trying to give credit to
queer people as well? I guess in my mind, I'm like, uh, they,
(14:25):
I don't know how that dynamic works. I do think
I will say like something. I mean, I think that
I don't want part of can I talk? Um? Part
of her original point of the tweet, I think was
she was saying it was like sort of a particularly
queer thing because queer people do have more flexibility to
make choices because they understand the inherent uh bs of
(14:49):
the entire gender life world paradigm that as it exists.
So they don't they're not always but generally less like
really to care so much about rules? You know, Yeah,
well it's like you know, it's you don't even realize, um,
going into a relationship like this, Like a big part
(15:10):
of our relationship, for me at least, has been realizing
the sort of inherent biases and assumptions that are in
my brain that you don't actually think about. But it's
just how you are raised and when you're surrounded by
that can be a significant cause of issues. Um. But
if if we both had come into this without those
(15:31):
preconceived notions, I imagine we would be much more flexible
to just figure out how to do what needs to
be done. Do you know what I mean? I think
so I sort of fell asleep in the middle. Cool, cool,
there's a special kind of silence that I can hear
from you, which is the I know that you because
you start talking and you're like, well, in the world,
(15:55):
as we both know braind and know well, I gotta says.
It's very clearly tied to when you are defensive, and
then this is it just can I just get confused
and you're well, that's not defensive. It's trying to choose
(16:16):
my words carefully, and in moments where I know that
I'm trying to voice my ignorance about something. It's just
so funny to me because your panic move is to
take up more space, is to take up as much
physical and verbal space in the room as possible. I
need to keep talking until I land in a place
(16:37):
where I feel that maybe I'm okay, and I can
only do that out loud. You're like, hey, for you
have a chance to think something bad about me. I'm
just going to talk it out in front of you,
and I'm trying to find the reason that I am
a man and I've got my biases. I'm going to
in a moment. Let me just keep talking. I'm pretty
(17:00):
sure I had reason to be bad. Just keep listening.
Here it comes all that being said is I'm very
impressed with a couple that it seems to know their boundaries,
and I wish them luck and all the best. It
(17:21):
could be a disaster, it's no, But that's the beauty
of it, is like it was already going to be
a disaster. If it was going to be a disaster,
and they were stuck with that disaster either way, that
disaster was already a big part of their lives. So
let's just double down on the disaster. I mean, I'm
not saying I'm not saying that we're missing a lot
(17:43):
of context too U to be able to judge, because
that's our job to judge. Right, It was implied that
this person had a healthy, respectful relationship, and I trust
and believe them on their words. I have no reason
not to um if we ever get a divorce, I'm
not having another baby with you, Yeah, that's for sure.
(18:10):
This next segment is called would you Knows? It's where
we take some parenting hypotheticals from our listeners and try
to say if we would knows what to do? What
we know? Can I just say that? So we've we've
been in this past several weeks recording with all the
lights out. It's been nice. We've been doing this for
like months, yeah, and I've tonight I was like, I
(18:34):
think it's been a little too dark. And you lit
a candle in here, and I gotta say it feels good. Well,
because I just got some new candles from Home Goods.
Great deals on candle. I'm slowly discovering all these nice
little touches of things you bought at Home Goods. Today
I had a um, pretty successful trip to Home Goods
because I find that store so overwhelming, much like the
(18:55):
ice cream place. Um, I'm unfit for the cream. I
I'm not fit for the way we have set up society. Um.
And so home Goods is a discount like home good Store.
It's in the title, you get it. And so they
have all these like discounted items from other stores, like leftovers.
(19:16):
So it's just a full mess of stuff whatever you
can grab. But they consistently have like certain things again
and again. If you're into those things, and it's like
a very good deal. It's like you can get really
cheap toys. I don't know why I'm giving an ad
for Home Goods, but I was just this is why
I chose to subject myself to the cast. We did
(19:36):
a whole episode called hashtag joy Bird. We're not above
or not above, We're not above trying to flirt with
brands home goods. You want to give us a coupon?
You may remember us as the couple who tricked a
car company, a car dealership into giving them a free
(19:57):
lease on a car. Um. Anyway, this is UH. This
is a would you know scenario? This is from This
is a repeat um uh would you know their? Um?
This one of our favorite questionnaires. Our favorite hypothetical scenarios
are international fans. So we did. This is Catherine and
(20:20):
David And if you recall, they sent in a would
you know about where we if we went forward in
time to any point in Brindan Maven's life, what would
we pick? And I? UM? I picked their funeral two
because I wanted to hear about their whole life, and
(20:40):
that was met with some interesting reactions. UM. And so
that's some context for this. Their response from from that
Monsieur from Cold Brussels, Belgium, thanks for asking my challenge.
I didn't expect the funeral answer. Very part of the uh,
(21:00):
Peter wasn't expecting, you know picture your ideal future being
at your child's funeral. I stand by the yes, picking
an event that won't happen is a possibility. But the
challenge was to answer knowing that everything anything is possible.
You did it magnificently and then uh smiley emoji with
(21:23):
star eyes. Would you knows? Challenge? For some reason? Details
an example below, you have to leave home of the
United States and start a new life in a new country.
Which country would you pick and why? From a parenting perspective,
of course, details one or both. You can decide. Of
(21:45):
you have a midlife crisis, you have that you have
the time to sell your property and unwanted belongings. Equivalent
jobs are guaranteed. For example, example actor for a Japanese commercial,
Beth I booked one chill in Japan. We need to
move there. Wait, I don't understand what the question is.
This is very simple. Well, because you just kind of
(22:08):
mumbled through all the do we need to stop and
go back and listen? Um, if we had to move
to another country for work or because of a midlife crisis,
for for any reason, we're moving to another country, where
would we pick from apparent? Okay, we've had a midlife crisis,
(22:31):
and we have to pick a country to move to,
but we also have to pick a profession. I'm just
there's a lot of details. I'm trying to figure out
what the question. The details were given after the full
scenario was written. Okay, but can you, the host of
this podcast, who's had time to think about this, give
it to me. Let me finish reading the email and
then I'll summarize bonus question, how do you explain it
(22:55):
to may Even and Brenn? Having to move is not
always well understood. You don't have to choose France, but
if you do, would you send your kids to a
French speaking school? Just kidding? You already answered that one
That was from an episode a while back by Katherine David. Okay,
so here's the scenario. I just have to say right
now for listeners, you have to understand we're recording this
very late at night. You're hypothetical should have a clear
(23:20):
set up and a single question. This is all Bet does.
Just she just tells you how you did not do
it clearly enough. I'm just tired and like I know
this is on me, but like my brain hurts. Well,
the mistake was very she very politely gave us some options,
and Beth doesn't want options. Tell us what it is.
(23:42):
But you are a host and producer of this podcast,
and I getting criticized. I was going to read it
and then I'm about to clarify it for you. I'm
gonna make some decisions. We can save the listeners so
much time if you trimmed it down and we're like,
here's the ypothetical, you do it. I'm setting this whole
(24:02):
thing up and you've been in the bath for an
hour and a half. You're not a lot of complaints. Sure, well,
I needed to not prepare. So one of us gets
a big job in a country and uh, next we
have to move. You don't know what we're leaving the country, Beth.
(24:27):
What country do we pick? From a parenting perspective, where
are we going to move? Internationally? Okay, if we can
move anywhere? That this is what we could have started with.
We said, we have a question from a listener, is
you could move anywhere in the country? That is That's
what she wrote, and then she said details below. Then
(24:47):
you know, I'm saying all we had to do when
we set up this segment for the listener to say Okay,
so we have a question from a listener. She asks
if you can move anywhere? And it's not my fault.
You brain can't hear words put them together into meaning. Okay,
I'm just gonna get to the point pretty quickly. Now
here we go. I'm getting I appreciate the effort and
(25:11):
energy that our listeners put into their emails, and you
disrespect all of it. You don't care if you delete
the pleasantries out of the email. They're not going to
be offended. They understand podcasts are produced. Oh my gosh,
I'm so insulted for you guys. I'm so sorry. Answer
the question, Beth, and tell us how you would prefer. Okay,
(25:35):
what country would I live in? Um? I want somebody
to write in with the most convoluted would you know
scenario that's all out of order and it drives that crazy,
or the opposite, the most succinct one you can, Beth,
what country? Where are we going? Because you're going to
win the debate, so you tell me where. This is
(25:56):
such a hard question, honestly, Um, I'll tell you my
If you're still thinking I was gonna I was gonna
say maybe like Costa Rica or something. Oh, I don't know. Well, well,
I think you gotta. I think in terms of, like
we're living there a long time, Um, like I have
(26:16):
know what is what our education? I do love England
British Isles, and I love the idea of not having
to learn a language because I'm not good at that. Norway, baby,
Norway is what you would pick. That was the first
place I thought of, because you had really good food there,
because I had really good food there. You'd love it,
(26:38):
They're all you know. I wouldn't love the weather, you know,
I love the politics, and you'd love their forest kindergarten.
I have they already said this, but and then they
all speak English. It's okay, I don't have to say anything.
You continue, I say, go, I've totally forgotten the point.
(27:01):
Um the so your country is Norway. It's too cold
for me. Well that's fair, but I love that British Isles.
I am a UK citizen. Just in time for Brexit,
(27:23):
I'm going to use my UK passport to move my
family there. I don't think you're a UK citizen. I
am literally a UK citizen. I have a passport. Okay,
you're a citizen, but you're not a resident right. I
don't live there, Um, but yeah, I was born in England. People,
I bet not a single one of you ever had
(27:44):
that thought. Why would you? This has been fun facts
about Peter. This has been would you knows? Now it's
time for listeners want to knows. This is where we
read your emails. Your message is two sees what you
(28:07):
see sees? What's what she gets to say? Is this? Uh?
This email was from Sarah, She sos ees. Um, My
two year old goes to an in home day care
three days a week in the mornings unless I'm on
a project where I have to go into the city
or travel somewhere. This week is one of those weeks.
(28:27):
So he's there every morning until one pm, when my
mom picks him up and watches him till I get home.
My daycare lady is gung ho about potty training him,
especially since he's there all week. We're going on a
trip at the end of the month, including me being
on a plane alone with him on a read eye.
Ah ready, ready, she's taking the little Ready you guys,
(28:49):
ready for UM's taking a red eye, which is a nightmare,
meeting my husband who will already be there for work.
I feel like I should stop her referring to her
daycare lady, even though she's acutely named it March potty
training madness. On the one hand, it's great someone else
is doing it for me. On the other, being away,
being with him away when Jess potty trained feels like
(29:12):
a bad idea. I assume it to be annoying having
to ask him if he has top all the time,
et cetera. I'm such a good two shoes, and I
feel like I shouldn't tell the teacher that's a bad
idea right now thoughts. Oh boy, and I just gonna
say this email came in like two hours ago, so
there is this does feel time sensitive? Um? I think
(29:37):
this is a tough one. I mean, she should probably
talk to the daycare provider about pushing it off a
few weeks. That seems pretty logical. Like two years old, Um,
is not like late to be potty trained. It doesn't
seem like this is a rush of a sa Brin
was like three, what do we write? Isn't he we
(30:00):
had like no rush on him? Yeah? And her kid
just turned to which is like, honestly, I would say
pretty early for body training. I mean, I know a
lot of people do it, but it's if your kid's
not feeling it, and then you know it's a boy.
I don't know. Some people say boys are a little
(30:20):
take a little longer say that. Well, like Brin was
really hard. It's partly it's his personality, but he was
not like he didn't take to it as naturally as Mayven.
She's sort of she was fine, you know what I mean.
Like I think Bryn he was sort of immediately difficult,
but I think it took less time overall to get
(30:43):
to the point where I'm like, I'm not nervous about
something happening, where it's like Mayven, I beIN because she
was younger, she was took to it pretty well. But
I think there were more accidents. Oh, I disagree. I
feel like she had like almost no accident. Am I
rewriting history? I think so, because I feel like Brin,
you're just like forgetting it because he probably just cheerfully
(31:06):
was like daddy, I peed my pants, crabbing my pants.
He literally peed his pants like three times, like a
week ago when we were on vacation. Oh, he did
have a that I think he went through being very
actively afraid of strange bathrooms. It was excited to be
where he was, so he was taking his time getting
(31:27):
to the bathroom, and then he misjudged how long it
takes to get up a staircase because we don't live
in a home with a staircase. So he kept like
he kept underestimating or overestimating whatever. He kept underestimating the
amount of focus and energy it takes to control your
bladder going upstairs. Yeah cool, Yeah yeah, Um well I said, like,
(31:51):
this opportunity, it doesn't need to be March. You know,
this opportunity is going to be here when you get
back from your trip. Yeah, I think put it off off.
I mean, there's always going to be something. So if
this woman's like offering, it's fine. If I would say, also,
if you're like lazy and don't get around to confronting her,
you can see how your son's actually doing with a
(32:12):
potty training and like put a diaper on him if
you need to, Like we've definitely done that for car
rides and stuff. Yeah, I we were. I was gonna
say lucky, but in both scenarios, they had a long
runway and that they had like their big week where
they like went through it and then they had a
(32:32):
consistent sort of schedule after that, so things were predictable. Yeah,
my little brother, when he was little, he potty trained,
and then we immediately went to Chicago for an entire
summer and we stayed at my grandparents house. And I
think he's suddenly developed quick anxiety about bathrooms and would
not go to the bathroom until he got so constivated
(32:53):
that he would just randomly crap his pants wherever he was,
And then we had to give him enemas and my brother,
older brother, and I had to hold him down. Well,
my mom gave him animalus while he screamed. That's a
fun memory. Hey, Sam, how's it going? So relevant to
this point is you don't want to train him and
then put him in a scary place because he could revert.
(33:14):
I don't know. I was literally when you're about telling
this why I was about to say, I think people
get too scared about this kind of thing. And I
think it's fine if he regresses and you put diapers
on him and then he goes back to daycare. That woman,
she's going to be back on top of it and
he'll be fine. Yeah, I don't worry about it, but
(33:34):
be afraid I'm very afraid it will be fine. Whatever
it is, I probably would push it off. But yeah,
worst case scenario, you bring some diapers and you throw
them back on, and you take a few steps back
and you try again. Yeah, just say something to him,
or you're like, diapers are only for airplanes, you know. Yeah,
it's a special treat for airplanes. And then you can
(33:55):
go into april madness. Um. So there is our very
unprofessional opinion, non expert But it feels right. You're feel
good about it, Beth, I feel so good about it. Nice.
Now we're gonna do something really exciting, Beth, do you
know what that is? What we're gonna listen to a voicemail.
(34:17):
We don't do this very often, but here we go. Hi,
Beth and Peter. My name's Angeline. I'm calling from Seattle, Washington.
I am midway through your podcast and decided I needed
to call and just provide some input. Um. And yes, Beth,
I will make sure to go on and rate and review,
of course. But I was listening. You were talking about
(34:41):
the forest kindergarten that they do in some places and
in the Pacific Northwest. Out here, we have something called
outdoor preschool. That I've found UM is growing. Our son
is almost three, and so we've been looking at different
options about what's have out here, and it's it's an
(35:03):
interesting concept. I've seen them and maybe it's just because
we're in specific Northwest and there's just a lot of
opportunity for this. But they get to go, they're outside
all the time. They have the special UM little rain
gear jumper outfits, and they have their books, and there's
ones that are in the forest, there's ones that are
near farms in then they're all getting excited right now
(35:26):
for the baby animals for Eastern and it's just it's
a great concept. But I understand how in the income
of inequality can come into play because they tend to
be more expensive and then those there are those families
who can't afford to be able to talk to have
this opportunity. That's not that other schools aren't great. Also,
(35:49):
I just think it's a fun thing and I wish
more people did it and I hope it catch us
on other places. I would love to do it myself
out door work. See how that's un Anyways, you guys
are still great, love listening to you always and have
a great depress your day. Well, thank you Angela for
(36:10):
calling to using our voicemail. Yeah, thanks for giving us
a voicemail to play. The rest of you are so
scared of that voicemail. There's it's not gonna bite. Take
it from Angela. Yeah. So, I I think what is
(36:30):
um interesting about this is um that we as a
society of somehow managed to make it more expensive to
keep kids in the woods all day. Exactly what I
was thinking. It's just so stupid. I mean, I understand,
I understand why it's happening. It's like probably a very
prestigious community, and they've got some sort of teaching philosophy
(36:53):
to go along with it, and it's like a lot
of white people in a neighborhood where they're willing to
pay a lot of money for something, you know. Um
on paper, though it does look like, oh it's really
expensive to not have walls, to not have a school
go in the woods. Yeah I don't. Yeah, you're paying
for perhaps somebody's somebody's um expertise, like Waldorf School or
(37:22):
something where someone's like specifically trained in a certain method,
or maybe they're trained about knowing things about the environment.
I don't know, but I'm sure it's nice. I well,
Angela's from Seattle, so there's a Pacific northwest, and I'm
I'm just picturing them wet all the time, in their
rain boots, in their rain jackets. Are they literally outside
(37:45):
all day? Are you asking me or just I'm asking?
I don't know. I've read two sentences about these schools,
and then I got a voicemail from Angela. Why don't
you know where's the chalkboard? I think how learn their letters?
(38:06):
I don't think it sounds great. I mean just the
being outside, and like, I'm sure the thing for me
is like by virtue of creating a place that is
four kids to be outside, it would attract employees who
also enjoy being outside. It sounds in my mind like
a nice place. You know, it's you know, anyone who
(38:26):
likes being outside, that's my kind of person. Yeah, I'm
sure there's no weirdos that love being outside. Not a
single weirdo that's like, you know what, I want to
be a teacher who only teaches outside. If someone's wearing
like cargo shorts, I trust them. I don't know, Hey,
(38:49):
you want this Uva Sana? I got a flyers in
my cargo shorts. Get in my van. There's a forest
pre k in there. These are very wildly different characters.
Forest teacher. No, I love being outside. Why do you
think I'm standing outside this suna? I don't trust to
endor us. You got full walls. I don't trust you. Okay,
(39:13):
Well here's my kids. Um, alright, getting the van? Uh.
I only trust the full walls in my van. H Well,
thank you, Angela. We continue to know only them, I do.
I think I do want to say in regard to this,
I feel this feels like very like something as good
as it is that can only happen in like a
(39:34):
very white part of the country. Um. And then we
don't when we live in cities and diverse areas, we
don't allow for these sort of things to take place
because we don't have any woods. Well, because white people
want to like hoard the woods. We're sick of the
white people's monopoly of the woods. White people horde land.
(39:58):
They do. I've got a strong argument historically everyone knows that.
But I do like if you just think about geographically
like the makeup of different areas. We've now moved to
the suburbs, which is nice, and you know, obviously offers
us a lot of privileges of being able to get outside.
But the thing that drives me crazy is that so
(40:20):
much nice like waterfront land up here, and so much
you know, beautiful wooded land is either like country clubs
or golf courses or places where we have barred anyone
middle class or low income from ever entering. There are
a tremendous amount of golf clubs, like I think you
(40:41):
can still have nice things like that in a way
that doesn't like make it impossible for for other people
to be there enthusiast. I know I'm gonna get a
lot of hate from the golfers, because Lord knows they
need to wander around found on a field alone, shots fired.
(41:03):
My whole family is going to write in and give
get a piece of their golf mind. If there's one
thing that divides me in your family, it's this issue.
It's true, I did go to golf camp. You know
that's right. Accidentally, Yeah, you're kind of like a failed
rich person. You didn't figure out the ways you have Um,
(41:25):
I had to move on to Imbron. I think success
in improv it's one of the best jokes in thirty
Rock episode or my great great grandfather that came to
this country so his son could eat, so that his
son could work freely, so that his son could go
to college, so that his son could own his own business,
(41:46):
so that his son could snowboard and take improv classes. Yeah,
that's me. That's all right. I got another email. You're
here for this. This is in regards to bedtime. I
have a five year old boy in a seven year
old girl, and we recently moved to Hope from Hoboken
to Atlanta. My seven year old happened to be listening
with me to the episode where you asked if anyone
(42:08):
had ideas for how to put two kids to sleep
in the same room. And Hoboken, she and her brothers
shared a room for space reasons. They liked it so
much that even now with a bigger place, they still
share a room. Thus, she declared she would offer you
some advice in this area. Area. Her suggestion to you
is to put the youngest child to bed first and
(42:29):
then let the older child stay up for fifteen or
thirty or sixty minutes after the first bedtime. Her suggested ranges, Uh,
let's gep ahead a little bit. The method she and
her brother use. It works well for them even if
bedtime is only fifteen minutes later, although their bedtime between
routine is a little different. They do one song and
(42:50):
a good night any book reading has done prior to
going into the bedroom. I hope you find this advice helpful.
Sarah mom and Elizabeth daughter. So we used to do this.
I feel like a stagger at the bedtimes? Did we?
I don't know. I don't even remember. It's ten million
(43:12):
years if that ever happened. Baby, Yeah, yeah, I mean
the issue, yeah, what we used to have no control
over when anyone fell asleep. Um, but the issue is
like trying to do this now. I think it's just
that Brin would like throw a fit when we tried
to put into bed and wake her up. I don't know,
it's just like, well, it's interesting. If you presented at
(43:34):
the white right the right way to Brin, he'd be like,
oh I could to stay up and Maybn has to
go to bed, and then he would blow it by
gloating very loudly. Yeah. I don't there's nights where we
could pull this off, like recently Maybn has had sometimes
where she's just like I'm tired, I want to go
to bed, and like she you can see it in
her face. I don't think the average weeknight she's going
(43:55):
to be that she's like she's fighting bedtime too much.
Brend did sneak out of bed last night after they're
in bed, which was like I kind of let him
get away with it, because he had fallen asleep in
the chair in front of the TV for a couple
hours in the afternoon or evening, and I was just like,
I was like, well, yeah, he's wired. So he was
(44:18):
watching TV with me for a while, and he like
has this weird fascination with grown up TV, which I
think I mentioned before, And anyway, he was up, he
was up, and then I had to finally turn it
off because the show I was watching was getting kind
of like suggestively violent, and I turned it off, and
(44:39):
he was clearly getting so excited about the show. I
was watching Moonlighting, the pilot episode, and they had like
so it was like you know eighties violence, whereas like
actually not really showing anything violent, just like hinting at it,
like something, you know, like there's a knife in someone's back,
and it's all intuitive. So if you're watching with a
four year old, he doesn't really understand what's that, but
(45:00):
he was very clearly enthralled by the action of it
all and the like fake punches and like the sort
of like so he didn't want to go to bed.
He had a screaming fit. He was like kicking, He
had like a real tantrum while Maven slept soundly next
to him in the bed. Um. This is so what
(45:24):
a surprise tickle in the throat. I'm not editing that out.
So he only sneaks out with you because he knows
that he knows that he can. And it's so funny
that he's like, I like adult TV because he makes
such a point with me to tell me how stupid
my adult TV is. Well, he's clearly doing it as manipulation,
(45:46):
like he knows he knows us the best he's going
to get in that moment, and he's like trying to
sweet talk me. He's like this adult TV is great,
and he's like, no, relax, mom, you don't have to
put me in bed. We'll just watch some grown up TV. Uh.
That is so funny, do you Yeah, I'm trying to think,
like the bedtime routine, I'm trying to shorten it because
(46:09):
it takes. I mean they're they're good now, but I
have just been the one that has drawn it out
and out the problem is that the second you rush
any aspect of the bedtime routine, they sense it and
then they're like wow, and they're like no, bad time. No, no.
I thought, you know, like every single part has to
(46:30):
be dealt with as patiently as possible. Yeah. Well, I
used for a while, I was reading three to five books,
and then I turned out the light and then I
lay down, and we make up a story altogether, maybe
a second one, and they'd still be awake. And then
i'd read Harry Potter and they'd fall asleep while I
was in there. And I've cut that. One big thing
I've done is they go thirty, we start getting ready
(46:51):
for bed, brush, the teeth, get in bed, read books,
and I tell them if they're if they're not laying down,
I'm like, listen, at eight o'clock, lights are out, no
matter what. So if you want to get through more books,
let's do it. I'm like, five minutes to eight o'clock.
And they don't know how to really read the clock,
so they don't know if I'm lying or not. And
that's gotten them to pay attention quicker and they know that, well,
(47:13):
lights out happens, and then maybe we can do a
little thing after that. We might try this, Elizabeth, And uh,
I mean I don't think I don't think they need
to be spaced out right now, but like they when
there's the occasional night where Maven is clearly exhausted, it's
it's good. Yeah, I put in the bed at the
(47:36):
same time. Probably takes less time than spread it out right. Yeah, Well,
we might never find out both. If we do, you
will know because we have a podcast where we talk
about those things, and this has been listeners want of
those This has been another episode of We Knows Parenting
(48:00):
once again. We have a live show coming up in
April in Brooklyn. Check out We Knows Parenting dot com
for information. I don't know how to get those tickets
and all that. It's like to send us an email,
uh we Knows Pod at gmail dot com. Any question, advice, story,
let us know, hit us up yes, or leave us
(48:20):
a voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven
three nine six. You can find us on social media Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
at we Knows Pod and rate and review why don't
you rate and review. Why don't you, And we will
see you later. Bye bye bye bye
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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