Give each parent one night off

Parents can make time for hobbies too

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is about how you can maintain your own interests,
especially if you have young kids. The secret every week

(00:23):
give each parent one night off. In my years of
writing about time management, I found that one of the
most pernicious cultural narratives out there is that once you're
a parent, you'll have no more time for yourself. Forget
about going to that seven pm spin class or singing
in a choir, going out with your friends for Thursday
night happy hour. If you do those things, you won't

(00:45):
be home with your kids, and that makes you a
horrible parent. So those things will have to go. Frankly,
I think this narrative is ridiculous. Just because you have
a family doesn't mean your life has to end in
d it. I think it's better for kids if they
see that parents have their own lives and that they
have goals and dreams beyond earning a paycheck and doing

(01:08):
the work of raising a family. So how can you
keep space for your interests? The best, most fair solution
I've seen is to give each parent one night off,
one night a week. Each parent has full permission to
leave the house and go do whatever hobby or social
activity he or she enjoys. Most different families start the

(01:28):
clock at different points. For some, it's right after work
or the time when a primary breadwinner commits to coming home.
If your kids go to bed really early, it might
be right after bedtime. But the point is that the
person can count on this space. He or she can
make a commitment to attending something. There's no need to
ask permission or to feel guilty. For most couples, trading

(01:52):
off coverage for each other's assigned nights each week will
work great, but of course that's not true for all families.
For the US to work best, both parties have to
commit to covering for each other. Both needs schedules were
committing to a time is possible, and this is where
things sometimes go awry. My husband and I both travel

(02:14):
for work, for instance, and not always on certain days.
While I'd be happy to cover an evening each week
for my husband to go to the gym, I can't
guarantee that I will always be home at six thirty
pm on Tuesdays. He can't guarantee that he will always
be home at six thirty pm on Thursdays for me
to get to choir practice. So in our case, we've

(02:34):
arranged for regular childcare on Thursday evenings. We've decided that
this is a family financial priority, more so than say,
upgrading my eight year old car. Regular reliable childcare means
I can go to choir when I'm not traveling. If
my husband is traveling, I'm not resentful about it. If
he's home, he can use the time to go to

(02:56):
the gym. Everyone is reasonably happy. If one parents work
hours are irregular and money is really tight, or if
you're parenting on your own, I still think you can
aim to get one night off per week. You'll just
have to be more creative about it. Some gems offer
childcaren that's worth looking into in order to take a

(03:17):
favorite class if you'd like to do something like singing
a church choir or go to a Bible study. Sometimes
houses of worship offer childcare for people while they attend events.
Anyone who's parenting on his or her own already knows
that it takes a village to raise kids. So reach
out to your village and set something up. Maybe you
can work out a trade your older neighbor takes your

(03:40):
kids on Tuesday evenings and you mow her lawn, or
another family with kids might be willing to trade off
evening play dates. You do pizza and games with the
kids on Mondays and they do sandwich night and a
midweek movie on Wednesdays. But don't assume it's impossible. If
your boss suddenly declare that you'd have to stay at

(04:01):
the office until seven pm every Tuesday, but you otherwise
really love the job, you'd probably figure out a way
to make it work. Likewise, you can figure out how
to make a commitment in your personal life. You might
not be able to commit to everything you could before
you had kids. When I was twenty four and single
and living in New York City, I actually sang in

(04:22):
three choirs, which is not something I'd attempt now. But
one activity is doable, and one night off from family
duties can go a long ways towards making life feel sustainable.
So if you're raising a family, talk with your partner,
or your friends or your neighbors about how you might
make this work. What night could you take off in

(04:45):
the meantime. This is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's
to making the most of our time. Hey everybody, I'd
love to hear from you. You can send me your tips,
your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

(05:05):
and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's B the number four,
then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
an email at Before Breakfast podcast. At i heeart media
dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all
the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying
in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio.

(05:33):
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