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May 17, 2024 15 mins

In this episode of Hoping Him Today, our host Gary Miller talks about the powerful effect of truly listening when you are interacting with others. He draws attention to how being quick to hear, slow to speak, and refraining from making assumptions about others can facilitate constructive dialogues and heighten understanding between parties involved.

Starting off with verses from the Books of James and Proverbs, Gary emphasizes the often-underestimated aspect of communication - listening. He shares his personal experience of a recent conversation where the emphasis on listening allowed for a deeper connection. He argues that truly listening, showing patience for the speaker, and not jumping to conclusions before hearing the full story not only fosters effective communication but can also unlock unexpected depths of compassion, empathy, and mutual understanding.

Discussing the real-life application of these concepts in spiritual practice and ministering, Gary subsequently outlines the strength found in the act of listening. He insists that in doing so, we enact our redemption, which in turn brings transformative operations into play. This, Gary believes, proves indicative of the impact of a profound exchange furthered by effective listening.

The host concludes this engaging episode by encouraging his listeners to offer their thoughts and reflections in solitude, contemplating where they can apply more listening and fewer premature responses. Gary invites his audience to welcome the transformative effect of active listening in their lives, thus, bringing about positive changes in their relationships and personal development.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey there, friends. This is Hoping Him Today. My name is Gary Miller.
Great to have you here. If you've got your Bibles in, you always should.
Go on over to James chapter 1 and put a marker there and then put a marker in
Proverbs 18, okay? So go to both.
While we do that, quick disclaimer here that I haven't thrown out in a while,

(00:21):
but it's important to remember, all right?
Just to, You know, we do a lot of content here. A lot of you have been listening
since like we started it four years ago.
And most of you know this, but
some newer listeners or some even veteran listeners sometimes forget this.
And I don't say this to shout you down. I just say it as a good reminder. Okay. OK.

(00:43):
Podcasts should be supplements to our study. They shouldn't be like the main course. Right.
Because as well intentioned as someone like me is and I hope that everything
we do and we say is adorning to the gospel and it magnifies Jesus and we're
we're doing the things we need to do here.
Inevitably, we'll make mistakes or we'll say something that's,

(01:06):
you know, not meant to be off, but it might hit wrong or it might be off a little
bit. I might bring too much of my Baptist brain to a conversation sometimes
or something like that. You know, things are going to happen.
The point is, whether it's this podcast or any content creator or influencers
podcast, it should always, always be a supplement, not the main dish. Right.

(01:27):
What's the main dish is? Well, of course, the scriptures.
That's a great place to start. Foundation teachings of prophets,
seers and revelators. That sounds good.
Official teaching of the church. That sounds good.
Things like the Liahona General Conference, come into Christ.org, places like that.
Go to the real source, go to the primary resources.

(01:50):
The fundamental resources, and that's going to take care of you.
Okay. That's strong foundation to build your house on.
And then sure, if you want to put up a couple of pictures or put in a couple
of pieces of furniture that you learned as a supplement from the podcast, fantastic.
But I hope what we do here and anywhere else, if anybody else does it,
is that we point you number one to Jesus and number two to his words,

(02:13):
right? In the scripture.
And if we miss there, you pray for us, forgive us, and we'll keep working on it.
But make sure that podcasts are in the right spot.
I'm a podcast listener, I'm a consumer, and obviously I'm a podcast creator
across multiple niches.
I think there's great value in this kind of stuff.
But let's make sure that we just put it where it belongs and not let it rise

(02:39):
to the top of the list when it really kind
of belongs at the bottom, but it's still on the list and it can be really helpful
to help us accentuate or apply or think about those primary things we learn, the fundamentals,
even better. And I hope that's what we do here.
So keep that in mind. Okay, friends, scriptures first, teachings of the prophets.

(03:04):
Official church teaching, Liahona, general conference, that stuff,
always, always, always safe ground for you.
And then let us podcast types at a supplement.
But never make your diet just the podcast because it doesn't matter how well-intentioned it is.
That will have and inevitably have some mistakes or may not hit right.

(03:26):
But, you know, you open up your Bible and start reading. You open up your Book
of Mormon and start reading. It will never...
Okay. You with me? All right. Great. So James chapter one, I want to minister
today to you on the topic of listening, listening.
I'm going to share a story with you, but let me first just give you these two texts.
James chapter one, verse 19, something many of you are familiar with.

(03:48):
It says, know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear,
slow to speak, slow to anger. Now flip over to Proverbs 18.
You should have a marker there. 18 and verse 13 says, He says,
if one gives an answer before he hears, it's a folly and a shame.

(04:09):
Now, do you see how these things go together already? Let me tell you a story.
And I have no doubt they wouldn't mind me sharing this.
They're probably not listeners of my podcast, but if they do happen to ever
come across the episode, maybe they would hear this because it's really something
that encouraged me in my walk.
So last night, my family was visited by a member of our ward bishopric and then

(04:36):
a member of the stake leadership, one of the counselors to the stake president.
And they came to visit Crystal and I last night to just visit and talk and catch
up and hear a little bit about our experience, because our experience is a little different.
It's not better it's not worse it's just different right your

(04:57):
experience is not better or worse it's just different you know
embrace your difference i know we talk about that
a lot wisdom you know proverbs chapter four is the ability to discern difference
right know your difference your difference isn't a your difference doesn't have
to be an ailment or a disability or something that holds you back your difference
can actually be the different thing god has put in you to do do something incredible

(05:20):
in this world, in your family, in your job, in your community,
even in your church. So embrace your difference.
But we've had a different journey, right? We have.
And what I loved about the way this conversation was handled is that the people
who sat in the living room of our home last night spent a lot of time doing

(05:42):
the front part of this verse,
and that was they were quick to hear. They were listeners.
They're both very smart people, lots of experience in the church.
They could have said all kinds of things in that moment, but they spent the
better part of an hour listening and periodically asking questions.

(06:04):
And that ability to listen and let other people speak and allow them to be heard
and let them know that they're being heard.
From a ministering perspective, I can tell you this as a former pastor,
it is incredibly powerful.
Few things will cool a hot person
down who might be angry or frustrated or offended or whatever the case,

(06:29):
few things will cool them down, like allowing them to speak and that they know
you're actively listening and you hear them.
Few things can calm the tumultuous waters of a disagreement or an argument between
a husband and wife, like somebody stopping and actually listening.

(06:52):
It's really impressive. And so as we were talking last night,
we weren't talking about anything things super controversial or,
you know, where I guess we could be living much more exciting lives,
but we're pretty boring here at the Miller House by all accounts.
But there were some topics that had some passion for me, some things that I

(07:14):
have struggled with in understanding some of the things in the world of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, some cultural things, some of those things.
And I voiced those with the kind of passion you would expect a a preacher to
voice them and someone who's very rooted in scripture to pull those scriptures

(07:35):
out and really use them in that kind of circumstance.
And I did that, and I hope, I really hope, and I checked with my wife afterwards,
I hope that I did it gracefully, and she tells me that I did.
But even in the midst of what was certainly not a disagreement,
but where I had a different experience and a different take on something, they listened.

(07:58):
And while all the problems weren't solved, we didn't walk away from the conversation
going, oh, look, we mopped everything up, right? Because life is generally not that way.
It's going to be a process, right? Right.
I go back. I over quote Mosiah a lot, but I you know that they prospered in degrees.
I love the idea of in degrees, a kind of one degree at a time.

(08:19):
We kind of grow through and figure some things out. Right.
I wish it were all a direct download, but often God doesn't work that way.
But but they listened. And what impressed me about that, beyond being heard
and beyond looking at people who were actually listening, not just doing the
perfunctory. Oh, OK, really?
No, because you'll know that someone's listening because they're going to ask clarifying questions.

(08:43):
They're going to dig in on some of the things you said. And we really engaged in a dialogue.
But what really stood out to me was how prevalent the spirit was in this conversation
last night. And I didn't honestly, guys, I didn't see that coming.
I didn't I didn't see that coming. I just thought it was going to be a sort

(09:05):
of administrative check in conversation.
Sometimes I'm hard on that. Sometimes I'm hard on people being too administrative.
And I would say there's no Holy Spirit within a million miles of it.
And I'm sure sometimes that's the case. But last night, it certainly wasn't.
It made me wonder and think and realize how little I know about how exactly
God works and moves through a lay-driven organization, the way that he works

(09:30):
and moves through a lay-driven organization.
But as I came off that conversation, what was unmistakable is I thought Jesus
would be very pleased with this visit. Right.
I think he would have liked the way everybody talked. It was honest.
It was raw. It wasn't dressed up, but it was graceful. It was like the right combination.
But I really think it was because the people who visited me,

(09:52):
I think their hearts were so in the right place and they were quick to hear
and they were very slow to speak.
And as a result, the presence of the Spirit of God was so tangible in that room.
I think if any one of you as believers would have walked in,
you'd have gone, oh, yeah, there's some anointing on this conversation, right?

(10:14):
Like, God is visiting the living room here.
Not because we're special, but I think because when you are in line with his
principles, you accelerate his presence into a room. I found that to be true.
If you think that's wonky, okay. But I really did feel that.
But the other thing I appreciated about why their listening was so effective

(10:38):
is they didn't make assumptions.
Proverbs 18, I took you there. If one gives an answer before he hears it,
it's a folly and a shame unto him.
So in other words, if people make assumptions and they just start saying stuff
and tell you exactly what's this and what's that and what's the other thing
without ever having heard you, it makes them look like a fool, right? Right.

(10:58):
You and I look like a fool when we are making and pronouncing judgments or giving
instructions to our kids or correcting somebody at work or whatever,
when we don't have all of the facts because we haven't taken the opportunity to hear.
And because they didn't jump right to assumptions and they ask questions,

(11:21):
what does that do to us? while we open up.
Part of this is really a lesson in ministering. These guys had it down and they
weren't even trying to do that per se.
But because they were slow to speak and quick to listen, and they wanted to
hear before they prescribed or gave an answer,
well, then that changes, that moves the presence of God into that situation in a very unique way.

(11:48):
And we, as a result, open up and real ministering starts to happen,
real healing where we had a couple wounds or we'd been banged up a little bit.
Now, everything wasn't mopped up in one night, but at least it's like somebody
came along and said, man, let's start to clean this wound out a little bit.
Let's get some peroxide in there.
Let's get some water in there. Let's clean it out, and we're going to start

(12:12):
bandaging this thing together over time.
Think about that as you minister and you visit with others. It's a very effective stack of ideas.
I think these scriptures serve us well in that. The final thing we did is we ended in prayer.
Many of you would expect that. You go, well, of course you're going to pray.
That's kind of what we do. We pray it in and we pray it out.

(12:32):
But there's a difference when you have done the other things right and you are
praying in an atmosphere that is thick with the presence of God.
Those prayers hit different, yes?
It was a beautiful prayer, often offered up by the counselor from the stake,
and I was very touched by it. What's my point in telling you all this?

(12:55):
I think we need to make it our mission as Jesus people,
and that's what you and I are, that we need to figure out how to be quick to
hear and slow to speak, how to not give our answers before we've really heard
everything there is to hear about something or someone.
When we do that, I think we act like redeemed people.

(13:17):
I taught out of Mosiah this morning for our Families Come Follow Me lesson,
and I was talking about the importance of you and I actually starting to act like we're redeemed.
I think sometimes we're trying to earn redemption when the redemption's already
been taken care of by Jesus.
And so if we would know that we're redeemed by the finished work of Jesus,
the expansive power and reach of the atonement, we would start to act redeemed

(13:42):
in our life. All kinds of things would change.
Relationships, finances, health, joy, peace, happiness, love, all of it would change.
If we'd start to act redeemed, well, I think when we're quick to hear and we're
slow to speak and we're not giving all the answers before we know all the facts,
then what happens? We're starting to be a redeemed people.
We're actually producing some fruit that says this tree is redeemed. Amen.

(14:08):
And so if we'll think about that, man, I think there can be transformative things
happening, powerful things from a father in heaven that loves us.
So give that some thought in the secret place. Would you do it?
Hey, friends, thanks for being here again.
If you haven't done it already, please go over to Apple Podcasts,
leave us a five-star review. Please, please, please.
Can you help me? Let me just ask you straight up. Will you help me?

(14:30):
I need more reviews over there. They're free to do, and it helps us get found
more than anything else. You don't have to spend money. You don't have to donate.
You don't have to send me a note that says I'm amazing.
All you got to do is hit the five stars, if nothing else, but if you hit the
five stars and write a sentence or two, it makes a huge difference.
Of course, you can take in all of our content over at hopinghimtoday.com.

(14:51):
You can listen to as little or as much as you like.
I promise if you'll hang out there long enough, you will get a little more excited
about Jesus. Hopefully a lot more excited.
And of course you could support the show and do all that other stuff there.
And we'd love for you to do it.
Hopinghimtoday.com. Get into the secret place. Most importantly,
think about these verses.
Maybe ask our father in heaven in the name of Jesus, where in the world do I

(15:16):
need, where in my life do I need to do a little less? less talking,
a little more listening.
Where in my life do I need to give a little less answers, but actually hear the facts first?
How can I minister effectively like those two men that came over to Gary's living room?
How do I get some of what they had so that I can experience more of you in my
life and in these situations where I need you so much? Give a prayer like that some thought.

(15:39):
Give it a try. See what he has for you there. I know, I know Jesus has something good, good.
Music.
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