March 21, 2024 • 15 mins
In this powerful episode, I'm joined by my husband, Geoff, to celebrate his 13th sobriety birthday. Geoff opens up about his journey from a tumultuous past of addiction and alcoholism to finding peace and sobriety through faith, perseverance, and seeking the support of the recovery program. We explore the raw and emotional moments that led to Geoff's realization of the need for continuous commitment to the program, the transformative power of facing our truths, and the strength of rebuilding relationships. Together, we acknowledge the significance of sobriety in our lives as sober parents and the value of a strong support system in navigating the challenges of a sober lifestyle. Join us for an eye-opening conversation about mental health, spirituality, and the resilience found in fun and growth within sobriety. Don't miss out on this inspiring journey of hope and redemption.
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**It’s time for that desperately sought after solo Target run.. Grab your keys and let’s go for a drive... There’s no judgment (or breathalyzer) at this Sobriety Checkpoint.**
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Music for Sobriety Checkpoint created by my cousin: Jake Meyer - Copyright 2021 All rights reserved.
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****The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of Felicia Hermle and her guests and do not reflect the views or positions of any entities they represent or are a part of.****
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****The information contained in this podcast is general information for educational purposes only, it is not, nor is it intended to be, therapy or psychological advice. Please consult your physician or mental health provider regarding advice or support for your health and wellbeing. If you are in crisis, please call your local 24-hour hotline or 911.****
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:19):
Welcome to Sobriety Checkpoint. I'm your host, Felicia Hermley.
I'm a 12-stepper-turned-therapist, I'm married, and I have two littles under five.
I love Jesus, but have had my fair share of struggling with church culture and religion.
I know what it's like to be stuck in a restless, irritable, and discontent rut, drunk and sober.
(00:40):
In this podcast, you're going to find solutions to navigating mental health,
spirituality, and relationships to experience the peace you've been craving.
It's time for that desperately sought-after solo target run.
Grab your keys and let's go for a drive. There's no judgment or breathalyzer
at this sobriety checkpoint.
(01:00):
Welcome back to another episode of Sobriety Checkpoint. I'm excited to have
my husband Jeff back on the show.
When this episode comes out, it will be his 13th sobriety birthday,
so I'm super excited to record with him and to have him share his story about,
what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now, and excited that we're
(01:23):
going to be celebrating 13 years of sobriety together this month.
So I guess we can go ahead and get started.
I'm glad to have you back. Can you go ahead and just tell us what was life like for you.
Before sobriety? Yeah, absolutely.
Life before sobriety, I grew up in kind of a drug addict family,
(01:48):
and as long as I wasn't doing dope, I wasn't so bad.
So drinking and smoking was acceptable in my household,
and I knew from the very first time I had a sip of champagne when I was a kid,
I told myself, I like the way I feel.
(02:09):
And every time I drank after that
I was had allergic reaction I drank
I puked every single time every time
I went out with my friends they go Jeff you're just gonna puking another
nah no I won't not this time and I did
that every time I went out drinking thinking that was okay
(02:30):
until one day I wanted
to get drunk before a hockey game and did not
eat the whole day but I had to get drunk for this hockey
game I got really bad alcohol poisoning
woke up naked in my parents bathtub with
puke and everything else on me and I was 17 years old when this happened and
(02:55):
my parents go you are no longer allowed to drink anymore I was like okay that
makes sense so that's when my drugs took off.
I started smoking, taking pills, playing with hallucinogenics.
And when I turned 18, I had a kamikaze shots with my dad.
(03:16):
And I went out and drank that night too. And since I was 18 years old,
the only desire I had to do is make enough money to buy me my beer.
And I lived that way every day.
The only desire I had to do Was to get another drink Get another sack It really didn't matter.
(03:38):
When I did turn 18 It lasted three months before I got my first case I got arrested,
Since it was my first time You get a slap on the wrist,
So they drug tested me This program I was in So I drank more And I caught my
first DUI at six months After turning 18 years old And that's when I got my
first taste of rehab had the first taste of what the program was about.
(04:02):
I could honestly say the seed was planted then, but there was no way of being
sober before you're 21 is what I thought.
So it was dry for 90 days.
And then I was back out there drinking every day, really excessively on the
weekends, functional during the week, as I thought.
And then one day I was doing a full day bender.
(04:24):
I was on a a good one one day and I left the party when it was raining outside.
And as soon as I turned on the car, I blacked out.
I woke up from that blackout and I took off running, thinking,
I'm just going to turn myself in.
I'm not getting a second DUI. No way.
(04:46):
But an hour later, the cops break into my girlfriend's house or not break in,
open, let themselves in.
And the cops asked me if I was in an accident.
And I absolutely denied it 100%.
The fat lip and the bruise across my collarbone wasn't a giveaway. way.
And they told me I had four people in the car and they don't know if they're going to live or die.
(05:07):
Right there, you sober up pretty quickly.
And about a day or two later, I get my first visit.
It was my mom. And she said she spoke to a lawyer and they go,
you're looking at about eight years minimum with a 13 year max sentence.
And that has a lot to do with why the sobriety birthday for me is so crucial
(05:29):
because i would have been just released and i would not be able to share this
story with you as i was happened to me i was able to go into the salvation army,
and really get to grow really know who god is really understand the program and the steps,
and it was amazing and after i was done with my program and out in the real
(05:53):
world now it's time to actually take what you've learned and go on with life.
And it was good. Very humbling. Ride your bike to the wire class,
get your bike stolen, laugh about it and say, hey, he must have needed it more
than me. I did everything I was supposed to do.
Restitution, stayed sober, did meetings with my sponsor, the whole nine yards.
(06:15):
A couple years sober, it started turning into every other week meetings, maybe once a month.
Then it started turning into only on my birthdays, I'll go to the meeting.
Fired my sponsor, and I didn't really need him anymore. And I did that for a
couple of years, only going to meetings on my birthday or whenever I'm having a real bad day.
(06:40):
And then one day on my way home, I started crying, and I drove past my house.
I was just a miserable drunk with no booze. I was a dry drunk.
It was the most painful feeling I felt in my life, I believe.
(07:01):
And I go to work and I tell my family emergency, I got to leave.
It was like the middle of the day.
I didn't want to drink. And I knew I relapsed in the mind.
And I did not want to pick up that drink. How many years, Hopra,
did you have when this was going on? It was year 11.
I was between 10 and I was about to turn 11.
(07:23):
I went to a meeting, and the cigarette smell, coffee, the musty room,
and I smiled, and I said I was home.
They asked, are you anyone new to this meeting? I raised my hand,
knowing that you're going to get called on.
They call on you, and I literally broke down in tears.
(07:43):
I cannot say I had 11-year sobriety. I did nothing for it other than stay sober. and I cried.
They called me up on the podium. I continued to cry.
Someone said, hey, we need you. I want you to share for me. And I came back
a week later and I shared a meeting and I started crying again.
(08:04):
It was a very sad feeling to be in this program and not live up to the program.
This alcoholic is more than just someone that picks up a drink.
He's a master director and I could rearrange and rewind, fast forward,
anything that goes on in the day, edit stuff that never happened,
(08:26):
have conversations with people that never did, and the outcomes were never true.
I constantly had those thoughts in my head. When I lay down in bed,
things that never happened, but in my mind they did.
This alcoholic needs a lot more than just the drink to stay sober.
He needs the program, the people, and most of all, he needs God.
(08:48):
And today, I'm so happy to say when I have 13 years, this has been the best
two years I've had in a long time.
I go to meetings regularly.
I talk to men on a daily basis.
This means more to me than anything else. I've done a lot of self-help stuff in the past few months.
(09:10):
I've been on a pink cloud again for about three months now.
And I forgot what that cloud was like. In your first year of sobriety,
you're living on a high cloud.
You're learning how to love people again, learn how to love yourself.
I'm learning how to live and better myself every day.
To not not just become a better Jeff, but a better husband, better father, better employee.
(09:37):
You know, we do have those crazy thoughts time to time.
They happen, but they're easy to identify and acknowledge.
That's just the drunk trying to creep his way out and change the story.
And today, I read the story.
I call on God, and he's with me the whole time.
(09:58):
This morning I was at a meeting and the
topic was surrender and my bible verse was seek God and all you do he is the
truth and it was absolutely true for a split moment I was in a little funk but
then I prayed God is by your side and you're living the dream right You're sober,
(10:22):
you have a family, kids,
and you're sane. You're there.
The things you get in sobriety, people talk about the money,
the cars, the house, all that stuff.
That could be gone overnight.
You could lose everything. But the relationships you build, they could last forever.
(10:45):
So what I would say to anyone that's listening to this, never give up.
And if you are dry, get your ass to a meeting.
You do not want to stay dry for long. I was fortunate enough to not drink.
Not so many people are that fortunate.
Well, I, for one, I'm super grateful that you got your ass back into those meetings
(11:08):
because it has made our whole life fortunate.
You know, yes, for you, but definitely for me, for the kids.
I remember when you talked about being dry and hearing you in a meeting share that.
Drove past the house and didn't didn't want to come come in
(11:29):
and I one of the things that that really stands out to me when I heard you say
that because I was I was in that meeting with you that day is how grateful I
am for the meeting sorry how grateful I am for the rooms for the program,
because of the fact that I could sit in that meeting and hear you say that and
(11:51):
hear you just tell the truth and not take it personal.
I knew that it wasn't about me. It wasn't about the kids.
There was a part of me where, I mean, I think it was a little bit painful,
but for the most part, I'm so grateful for my program that I was able to hear you say that.
And I think that that's one of the things that's pretty significant.
(12:14):
And one of the things that I wanted to share, you know, know,
I don't know if there's couples that listen to this podcast,
but I am super grateful that both of us are in the program and we both are,
you know, doing our own work on ourselves to be able to show up,
you know, for each other and be honest with each other about all kinds of different things.
(12:37):
I'm grateful that you're back in meetings and it also didn't occur to me until
you were sharing your story about the part that, you know, your mom spoke to a lawyer.
They said, you know, 13 on the top, 13 years.
And it is really amazing thinking about,
(12:59):
you know, this is year 13 and everything that wouldn't exist if God didn't give
you that grace 13 years ago.
So I'm super grateful. I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for this program.
Grateful to our higher power. And thanks so much for sharing your story. Thank you.
(13:24):
Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
Before you go, please subscribe and leave a five-star written review.
Reviews help boost my ratings, which helps other parents in recovery find my show.
If you're interested in emotional sobriety coaching, please reach out and schedule a call. all.
Check out the show notes for my contact info and social links.
Don't forget to like, follow, and share with a friend. I'm super excited to
(13:48):
know this podcast is helping you.
Tune in Thursdays for the latest episode. I'll see you back here on your next
target run. Until next time.
Music.
Music.
(00:19):
Welcome to Sobriety Checkpoint. I'm your host, Felicia Hermley.
I'm a 12-stepper-turned-therapist, I'm married, and I have two littles under five.
I love Jesus, but have had my fair share of struggling with church culture and religion.
I know what it's like to be stuck in a restless, irritable, and discontent rut, drunk and sober.
(00:40):
In this podcast, you're going to find solutions to navigating mental health,
spirituality, and relationships to experience the peace you've been craving.
It's time for that desperately sought-after solo target run.
Grab your keys and let's go for a drive. There's no judgment or breathalyzer
at this sobriety checkpoint.
(01:00):
Welcome back to another episode of Sobriety Checkpoint. I'm excited to have
my husband Jeff back on the show.
When this episode comes out, it will be his 13th sobriety birthday,
so I'm super excited to record with him and to have him share his story about,
what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now, and excited that we're
(01:23):
going to be celebrating 13 years of sobriety together this month.
So I guess we can go ahead and get started.
I'm glad to have you back. Can you go ahead and just tell us what was life like for you.
Before sobriety? Yeah, absolutely.
Life before sobriety, I grew up in kind of a drug addict family,
(01:48):
and as long as I wasn't doing dope, I wasn't so bad.
So drinking and smoking was acceptable in my household,
and I knew from the very first time I had a sip of champagne when I was a kid,
I told myself, I like the way I feel.
(02:09):
And every time I drank after that
I was had allergic reaction I drank
I puked every single time every time
I went out with my friends they go Jeff you're just gonna puking another
nah no I won't not this time and I did
that every time I went out drinking thinking that was okay
(02:30):
until one day I wanted
to get drunk before a hockey game and did not
eat the whole day but I had to get drunk for this hockey
game I got really bad alcohol poisoning
woke up naked in my parents bathtub with
puke and everything else on me and I was 17 years old when this happened and
(02:55):
my parents go you are no longer allowed to drink anymore I was like okay that
makes sense so that's when my drugs took off.
I started smoking, taking pills, playing with hallucinogenics.
And when I turned 18, I had a kamikaze shots with my dad.
(03:16):
And I went out and drank that night too. And since I was 18 years old,
the only desire I had to do is make enough money to buy me my beer.
And I lived that way every day.
The only desire I had to do Was to get another drink Get another sack It really didn't matter.
(03:38):
When I did turn 18 It lasted three months before I got my first case I got arrested,
Since it was my first time You get a slap on the wrist,
So they drug tested me This program I was in So I drank more And I caught my
first DUI at six months After turning 18 years old And that's when I got my
first taste of rehab had the first taste of what the program was about.
(04:02):
I could honestly say the seed was planted then, but there was no way of being
sober before you're 21 is what I thought.
So it was dry for 90 days.
And then I was back out there drinking every day, really excessively on the
weekends, functional during the week, as I thought.
And then one day I was doing a full day bender.
(04:24):
I was on a a good one one day and I left the party when it was raining outside.
And as soon as I turned on the car, I blacked out.
I woke up from that blackout and I took off running, thinking,
I'm just going to turn myself in.
I'm not getting a second DUI. No way.
(04:46):
But an hour later, the cops break into my girlfriend's house or not break in,
open, let themselves in.
And the cops asked me if I was in an accident.
And I absolutely denied it 100%.
The fat lip and the bruise across my collarbone wasn't a giveaway. way.
And they told me I had four people in the car and they don't know if they're going to live or die.
(05:07):
Right there, you sober up pretty quickly.
And about a day or two later, I get my first visit.
It was my mom. And she said she spoke to a lawyer and they go,
you're looking at about eight years minimum with a 13 year max sentence.
And that has a lot to do with why the sobriety birthday for me is so crucial
(05:29):
because i would have been just released and i would not be able to share this
story with you as i was happened to me i was able to go into the salvation army,
and really get to grow really know who god is really understand the program and the steps,
and it was amazing and after i was done with my program and out in the real
(05:53):
world now it's time to actually take what you've learned and go on with life.
And it was good. Very humbling. Ride your bike to the wire class,
get your bike stolen, laugh about it and say, hey, he must have needed it more
than me. I did everything I was supposed to do.
Restitution, stayed sober, did meetings with my sponsor, the whole nine yards.
(06:15):
A couple years sober, it started turning into every other week meetings, maybe once a month.
Then it started turning into only on my birthdays, I'll go to the meeting.
Fired my sponsor, and I didn't really need him anymore. And I did that for a
couple of years, only going to meetings on my birthday or whenever I'm having a real bad day.
(06:40):
And then one day on my way home, I started crying, and I drove past my house.
I was just a miserable drunk with no booze. I was a dry drunk.
It was the most painful feeling I felt in my life, I believe.
(07:01):
And I go to work and I tell my family emergency, I got to leave.
It was like the middle of the day.
I didn't want to drink. And I knew I relapsed in the mind.
And I did not want to pick up that drink. How many years, Hopra,
did you have when this was going on? It was year 11.
I was between 10 and I was about to turn 11.
(07:23):
I went to a meeting, and the cigarette smell, coffee, the musty room,
and I smiled, and I said I was home.
They asked, are you anyone new to this meeting? I raised my hand,
knowing that you're going to get called on.
They call on you, and I literally broke down in tears.
(07:43):
I cannot say I had 11-year sobriety. I did nothing for it other than stay sober. and I cried.
They called me up on the podium. I continued to cry.
Someone said, hey, we need you. I want you to share for me. And I came back
a week later and I shared a meeting and I started crying again.
(08:04):
It was a very sad feeling to be in this program and not live up to the program.
This alcoholic is more than just someone that picks up a drink.
He's a master director and I could rearrange and rewind, fast forward,
anything that goes on in the day, edit stuff that never happened,
(08:26):
have conversations with people that never did, and the outcomes were never true.
I constantly had those thoughts in my head. When I lay down in bed,
things that never happened, but in my mind they did.
This alcoholic needs a lot more than just the drink to stay sober.
He needs the program, the people, and most of all, he needs God.
(08:48):
And today, I'm so happy to say when I have 13 years, this has been the best
two years I've had in a long time.
I go to meetings regularly.
I talk to men on a daily basis.
This means more to me than anything else. I've done a lot of self-help stuff in the past few months.
(09:10):
I've been on a pink cloud again for about three months now.
And I forgot what that cloud was like. In your first year of sobriety,
you're living on a high cloud.
You're learning how to love people again, learn how to love yourself.
I'm learning how to live and better myself every day.
To not not just become a better Jeff, but a better husband, better father, better employee.
(09:37):
You know, we do have those crazy thoughts time to time.
They happen, but they're easy to identify and acknowledge.
That's just the drunk trying to creep his way out and change the story.
And today, I read the story.
I call on God, and he's with me the whole time.
(09:58):
This morning I was at a meeting and the
topic was surrender and my bible verse was seek God and all you do he is the
truth and it was absolutely true for a split moment I was in a little funk but
then I prayed God is by your side and you're living the dream right You're sober,
(10:22):
you have a family, kids,
and you're sane. You're there.
The things you get in sobriety, people talk about the money,
the cars, the house, all that stuff.
That could be gone overnight.
You could lose everything. But the relationships you build, they could last forever.
(10:45):
So what I would say to anyone that's listening to this, never give up.
And if you are dry, get your ass to a meeting.
You do not want to stay dry for long. I was fortunate enough to not drink.
Not so many people are that fortunate.
Well, I, for one, I'm super grateful that you got your ass back into those meetings
(11:08):
because it has made our whole life fortunate.
You know, yes, for you, but definitely for me, for the kids.
I remember when you talked about being dry and hearing you in a meeting share that.
Drove past the house and didn't didn't want to come come in
(11:29):
and I one of the things that that really stands out to me when I heard you say
that because I was I was in that meeting with you that day is how grateful I
am for the meeting sorry how grateful I am for the rooms for the program,
because of the fact that I could sit in that meeting and hear you say that and
(11:51):
hear you just tell the truth and not take it personal.
I knew that it wasn't about me. It wasn't about the kids.
There was a part of me where, I mean, I think it was a little bit painful,
but for the most part, I'm so grateful for my program that I was able to hear you say that.
And I think that that's one of the things that's pretty significant.
(12:14):
And one of the things that I wanted to share, you know, know,
I don't know if there's couples that listen to this podcast,
but I am super grateful that both of us are in the program and we both are,
you know, doing our own work on ourselves to be able to show up,
you know, for each other and be honest with each other about all kinds of different things.
(12:37):
I'm grateful that you're back in meetings and it also didn't occur to me until
you were sharing your story about the part that, you know, your mom spoke to a lawyer.
They said, you know, 13 on the top, 13 years.
And it is really amazing thinking about,
(12:59):
you know, this is year 13 and everything that wouldn't exist if God didn't give
you that grace 13 years ago.
So I'm super grateful. I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for this program.
Grateful to our higher power. And thanks so much for sharing your story. Thank you.
(13:24):
Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
Before you go, please subscribe and leave a five-star written review.
Reviews help boost my ratings, which helps other parents in recovery find my show.
If you're interested in emotional sobriety coaching, please reach out and schedule a call. all.
Check out the show notes for my contact info and social links.
Don't forget to like, follow, and share with a friend. I'm super excited to
(13:48):
know this podcast is helping you.
Tune in Thursdays for the latest episode. I'll see you back here on your next
target run. Until next time.
Music.
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