Episode 89 - The Bogie Man (1992) - The Culture Swally

Episode Transcript
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(00:34):
Merry Christmas? I can see you got all your decorations up in the background there.
Yeah, I've got no decorations up at all. No, I mean we're recording this. It's the second of December we're recording this, but no, it's still far too early.
I don't think I'll be putting up any Christmas decorations this year to be honest. What about you? You're a tree up?
Yes, it's up. I came. I was away all week. My daughter's birthday is late November, so the sort of rule was always being, we don't really talk about Christmas until her birthday is been celebrated or birthday.

(01:03):
Fair enough. So yeah, I was away for a week last week. I came back yesterday morning and I came into an empty house to find the Christmas tree up.
I had a lot of decorations up here living room and everything and some presents under the tree, so it's, oh, Christmas is well and truly kicked off and the horse's house old.
Was there anything for you under the tree? There is, there is my daughter. I think my daughter's bought me a pair of trainers.

(01:27):
Oh, I think, yeah, because just because I bought myself a pair of trainers last week and I got a bit of a hard time off my wife.
I was like, okay, the trade was up for what? She was like, yeah, but Christmas is coming, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then I saw under the tree, there's a shoe box shaped gift with my name on it.
So yeah, so there's something there for me, but yeah, that's it.

(01:49):
It'd be funny if it was just something else packaged in a shoe box. That would be good. I would like that.
We'll look forward to finding that out after Christmas. I did.
Next year and see what was in that shoe box.
But yeah, everything else good with you? Yeah, everything's good. Obviously sad news just a day.
We heard about John Byrne passing away. Yeah, especially since we just did slab boys so recently.

(02:13):
But it was a three good age, considering I think he smoked his entire life and you know, leaves behind a fairly unique legacy and body of work.
Hopefully they'll be some nice tributes over the next week or two on the Scottish TV, maybe even the British TV.
Yeah, I was hugely sad when I read that yesterday. As you say, especially because we just did the slab boys a couple of episodes ago.

(02:38):
So it felt quite poignant, but yeah, it was very sad news and an absolute trailblazer and such a creative force.
So yeah, a huge sad loss.
Indeed, but we can look forward to maybe doing maybe we'll cover 20th, 30th, early, when the year ends up out of a tribute to the great man.

(03:00):
Yeah, I think that would be very fitting. I think that would be very fitting indeed. Wonderful.
Okay, well, shall we have a look at what's been happening in Scotland over the last couple of weeks?
Cure the jingle.
Hello, this is the Outdoor Heavard East Broadcasting Corporation and here is what's been going on in the new.

(03:27):
Okay, Greg, what have you seen in the news over the last couple of weeks that has caught your eye and you want to share with me and our lovely listeners?
Well, we're always a wee bit wary about doing stories that involve the old firm, you know, what's a analyse, analyse, alienate any of the ardent supporters, but I saw this one, I thought I just had to do it.
So it's the 29th of November, it's the day after Celtic crashed out of the Champions League.

(03:54):
I'm just reading what's in the article here. This is the Sunsword, it's not mine, after losing to Latsio.
And the TNT Sports presenter who covered the game wasn't pulling any punches.
This is Reshman Choudrey, she's the two TNTs host on their football programme.
That's Latsio beat Celtic Tunel, they're the night there. She was joined by Neil Lennon doing his football pundit.

(04:19):
So obviously this means that there's no European football for the hoops after Christmas.
The club has gone, it's the first time a British club has gone 15 matches without a win in the Champions League, just a little sophisticated there.
The match was shown live on TNT Sports, not the full-time whistle, things headed back to the studio with a host Reshman Choudrey and pundits Neil Lennon and Owen Hargreaves.

(04:42):
And it's fair to say that presenter Choudrey wasn't holding back as she delivered a brutal assessment of Celtic Shuripian campaign.
The host viewed off several disappointing statistics, showing how the hoops came to find themselves rock bottom of the group.
She began, Celtic have managed just one point in five games, bottom of the group with a go difference of 11.

(05:03):
I mean, it really is the stuff nightmares are made of.
I've got Neil Lennon and Owen Hargreaves alongside me.
I mean, Neil, as a Celtic man, you still call them we? I mean, how devastating is it to go out in this manner?
Then I replied, "The game was there for the taken. I thought that you were very passive and the game was there for Celtic and somehow Celtic have managed to lose another big game. It's bitterly disappointing."

(05:25):
That was the game they had to win, but once a mobile gets the first goal, the tie is over. It's disappointing because they are better than that.
Choudrey then continued delivering the devastating numbers. She went on, "They are better than that, but in Europe, it's proven not to be the case."
Now the first British sides have not won in 15 consecutive games in Europe. I mean, it's a devastating record and for Brendan Rogers as well.

(05:48):
And after X-Magnon Aided and England player Owen Hargreaves had commented on the bitterly disappointing statistics, the presenter came back with a diamond verdict.
She said, "Looking at the bigger picture going forward, it's another season where they're not on the knockout stages and they're not going to be in the Europa League either.
It's a damn an indictment of a Scottish football, where it is at the moment." And it's fair to say that that damning view brought around a rather awkward response.

(06:12):
Nenon Lennon could be seen looking toward the floor with a somewhat uncomfortable expression on his face.
As Owen Hargreaves shuffled around in his seat, there were four full seconds of absolute silence, which has been "oh, four seconds, but it's only four minutes."
On a broadcast before Chaotry then added "or is it?" Hargreaves eventually broke the silence by replying, "ish, issuing a defence of Scottish football, the former biomeonic midfielder added."

(06:45):
If you look at Rangers a couple of years ago, they went on a brilliant mud. If you get it right, you can have success, but you have to get momentum.
I think Brendan will look back and see that they have made mistakes. Nenon had no more appearance, he had nothing else to add.
So it's not often that you see Nel Nennon lost for words apart from that video taking this Christmas when he was absolutely hammered at Parkhead.

(07:07):
You give everybody abuse.
I threw a pie at Nel Nennon once.
It didn't hit him.
Yeah, Patojary, it didn't hit him thankfully because I would have been thrown out probably, but yeah, I think it was just the start of the second half, obviously an Aberdeen Celtic game.
I was in South Stand, maybe about five, six rows from the front, and they scored. I think it was him that scored.

(07:32):
He basically came and celebrated right in front of us, so I just fucking launched my pie.
I landed on the pitch, just a few feet away from him, but it was a shame. Then I was sad because I'd lost my pie.
But yeah, I would have been worth it if it just fucking hit him right in the face.
Did they all pick it up and tuck it into the way Span would be short as they have it later on?

(07:57):
No, it didn't, unfortunately.
A very divisive character, Neil Benning.
Kind of a Scottish football legend, really, because it was part of that Celtic team, but yeah, very divisive character and very temperamental character as well.
I knew a lot of Aberdeen fans have maybe said, if we needed a new manager or Neil Lennon, but I wouldn't touch him with a fucking parched ball.

(08:21):
No, no. He's too problematic, I think.
Yeah, he's got a bit of an attitude in the past, obviously. He's left jobs because there's been maybe a bit of animosity or a bit of grievances with his employers.
So I don't think he's the easiest person to get along with, so no, I wouldn't touch him.
But yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong in him referring to Celtic as we, because he spent so long there, and I think he's got an affinity with the club.

(08:49):
I think that's the point, because I think he grew up in Northern Ireland and supporting Celtic.
I don't see anything wrong with that, to be fair. You often see a lot of X players.
It's a wrong, maybe, something like Gary Neville, for example. He always refers to Manus, we.
He spent his whole career there, so that's different you could potentially say.

(09:12):
But I don't see anything wrong with that, Percy.
I don't either. I think she's sort of setting up to defend this club, and she obviously was, I think she was hoping to maybe get a little bit of that, learn and passion by throwing all those stats out on the, maybe his agents had the board and said,

(09:34):
"Look, this TV gig can be an earner, a squad keep your precious." Alan Hansen managed 25 years for his hours.
So, but I've met, I've met Neil Lennon, more than one, so I met him at, we, uh, been a worked for a, a restaurant company in Scotland, we bought some advertising space at Parkhead, and we got an invite to have a corporate thing one night, and, uh, it was, it was friendly enough, you know what I mean?

(10:03):
Oh yeah, I wasn't talking some for ages, it was very much a 30 second.
Hi, how'd you do? That was it, but it seemed all right. Was he pished? Not at that point, but, I mean, just, just as I was leaving, I could see he was throwing a laugh with somebody at the bar, and it was definitely the laugh of somebody who's perhaps in bide the food too many, you know?
Anyway, yep, so, Neil looks Celtic, there's always next year, there's always next season, you know? That's what they say, isn't it?

(10:30):
Yeah, that's a lot of next season. You could, like, make a just, actually concentrate on the, on the one and a half horse race, that is the Scottish Premiership.
Exactly, they can focus all their attention on that, so, they don't need to worry about that, and obviously, they're out of the league cup, so, yeah.
They could focus on the Scottish cup as well.
Indeed. Anyway, that's all Neil, getting a bit of a roasting on TMT, what's your, what's your first, what's your story this week?

(10:56):
That my first story, Gregus, when the Scottish sun this week, and the headline is, "There for you."
Now, I can't remember if we've covered this girl before, or if we've just maybe mentioned her in before we recorded this one of the articles, but I've got a funny feeling we have covered this girl before.
But anyway, this is a Scott's, Neil Technician, who has paid a very permanent tribute to late friend star Matthew Perry after getting a tattoo of the cast.

(11:24):
Nikki Hardy, 37, from Aberdeen, holds the Guinness World Record for having the most in-kings of rapper M&M.
Does that ring a bell?
Yeah, I think it.
Yeah, I don't know if, maybe we'll just walk about off, off, off here, so to speak.
But yeah, it does ring a bell, for sure.
So maybe one of the stories that didn't make the great one of one episode, but anyway.

(11:48):
But as well as her love for the real Slim Shady, the mum of one is a massive fan of the iconic US sitcom.
She got the artwork on her thigh after Perry, who shot to Thitthane as Chandler Bing, died age 54 last month.
Nikki said, "I've been watching since before I became an M&M fan, lol, and I can't go to sleep without it on."

(12:11):
So it's a real comfort for me.
I was truly gutted about Matthew Perry, so that's what made me get it.
Nikki was crowned for having 23 tattoos of M&M in 2020, and now has more than 30 of them.
She took things one step further last year when she got married in Detroit, M&M's home city, and said her vows in the first venue he ever played, visited his restaurant, and even got a tribute tattoo before getting photos in front of a mural to the lyricist.

(12:41):
Nikki, whose hubby Chris, is also a fan, well, I guess she'd have to be his wife.
She has 30 M&M tattoos, you're gonna have to be a fan.
Nikki, whose hubby Chris is a fan too, said, "We got married in Detroit. It's in Andrew's home where M&M first performed.
We got wedding photos at the D-12 mural, and then we went to Mom's spaghetti and got our tattoos.

(13:05):
Chris is a huge fan too. He's amazing at learning the lyrics. Where is I'm terrible?"
"You could just read the tattoos, you got the lyrics, you've got tattooed on you, I guess."
We both got matching Detroit D's and 313's. He has no other M&M tattoos, but plans to get some more.
Nikki required two tattoo artists and a dermatologist to verify the number of M&M tattoos she had in order to officially be handed the role record.

(13:36):
Away from her nail business, eat, sleep, polish, she still has one dream left before her M&M quest is complete.
She added, "He does know of me, I know that for a fact. I'd like to think he'd think it's cool, but he knows.
And it's my ultimate dream to meet him, have him sign me and get that tattooed."

(13:57):
So that is the M&M fan who got a Matthew Perry friend's tattoo to commemorate.
I guess that's taken up large space that there could be another M&M tattoo there, but she's decided to go with Matthew Perry.
So yeah, in terms of a TV show, would you ever get a TV show tattoo?
No.
You've got one already, haven't you?
No, no, I don't know. I don't know.

(14:19):
Or like I think about when you're in the article there was, could she have any more M&M tattoos?
Would you mean you don't have a TV show tattoo? You've got one on your fucking arm.
Oh yeah, two of the same.
Yeah, well, yeah, it's cool, it's cool.
I think the scene was, I see these books before it was a TV show.
Okay, so that's the excuse.

(14:40):
Oh, so it's a literal, a literary tattoo rather than a TV show tattoo that you're trying to say there.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
You know Robbie Williams is, I watched the Robbie Williams documentary on Netflix a couple of weeks ago.
It's actually quite good.
And he's got the scene, the scene, the logo tattoo, then he's back.
Oh, okay. Oh wow. You're in good company there.

(15:01):
You're in good company, just like Robbie Williams.
It's such a weird documentary because literally nobody else has interviewed on it apart from him.
And then the last episode, like his wife gets to speak a little bit.
They don't interview any of the take-lack guys or any of the guys that he worked with over the years.
Oh wow.
Which maybe says quite a lot for that.
Okay.

(15:22):
Is there anything that you love enough that you would get over 30 tattoos of?
I don't think so because, I mean, I like, I've got four tattoos.
I probably, if I didn't live in Dubai, I'd probably have more than four by now.
And I'll definitely have more tattoos as I age.
But the thing about tattoos, I don't give a fuck what anybody says.
They're sore.
They're sore.

(15:45):
You know, like, yeah, I mean, depending on when you get them, they can be really sore and not as painful.
But ultimately, you know, they hurt.
My wife got a tattoo when we were back in Glasgow in the summer and she reckoned that it didn't hurt at all and she nodded off in the tattoos.
But she's like, I don't know what the fuss is about.
It's not sore.
It was sort of a fallout.
I think it depends.
I guess it depends on the artist and maybe the tattoo because I got a new tattoo about a month ago.

(16:10):
And it didn't hurt.
Like, it genuinely didn't hurt.
Whereas, and the woman was asking me, like, how's the pain?
And I was like, it's fine.
It's okay.
It's funny because I'm saying I've got four tattoos as well.
And I was like, the one I have on my other upper arm, I was like, that nipped a little bit but not too much.
I was like, where is the one I got on my forearm?

(16:31):
Which is a small tattoo that we got when you got your same tattoo.
I was like, that hurt, like, fuck.
And she looked at it and she went, yeah, I can tell that hurt.
She's like, he's gone really deep.
So it's a good tattoo.
Yeah.
It's fine.
But this is what we call a braille tattoo.
Like, if you run your finger over it, you can read it.
And I was like, yeah, it was strange that hurt.
Yeah, I can tell it hurt.

(16:53):
It looks like it.
I've got a couple that are like that.
So there's nothing wrong with it.
It'll be fine.
But he's gone in a bit deep there.
So, you know, I guess it depends on the artist.
The artist, I suppose, in terms of the pain threshold.
But yeah, so it's not weird.
I mean, the other thing that's weird about what she said there,
she can't fall asleep on this friend's playing in the background.

(17:15):
Yeah.
That just sounds torturous.
There's a lot of people like that, though, that listen to podcasts
or have something on in the background when they're going to sleep.
Yeah, but not, but not, I mean, I sometimes do.
I sometimes fall asleep listening to something.
Especially if I'm having problems sleeping.
If I've got a lot of my mind or whatever and I want to settle my mind down
about, I'll listen to something and nod off.
But the TV on, if I can lights the room up.

(17:38):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do think that's a little bit problematic.
I don't know if I agree with that.
What do you listen to when you try to get to sleep?
No, because it just, because the culture swells,
these so entertaining, it just keeps me up.
No, maybe they could be a bit of classical music or something,
something like that.
I could just listen to that sort of nice to the pure in the background

(17:59):
and diverting without being too stimulating, you know?
Okay.
But you do.
I do like a sort of room has to be pitch dark, no sound.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It has to be pitch dark, has to be cold and no sound.
Yeah.
I can't sleep in a warm room or if there's any light, I can't sleep.
Yeah.
Or if there's any noise, nah, I'm gone.

(18:21):
I think I used to when I was younger, maybe I would listen to music.
When I was, or, you know, yeah, usually music.
Like if I was trying to go to sleep, but no, now it has to be
complete silence, complete darkness, and then I can nod off.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I mean, I don't, I'm alright.
I don't need it to be pitch dark.
My wife does.
I mean, if she'll sleep, but then I'm asked on, quite often.

(18:43):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It should be like, the tiniest chunk of light or the tiniest bit of noise will wake me up.
I can, I'm not easy to wake up.
Sleep through, stand up.
Well, there you go, listen, now you know, our sleeping habits.
And I'll probably get up there.
So yeah, so good luck to the girl and I hope she gets some more M&M tattoos and her husband,

(19:07):
Chris, gets some more M&M tattoos as well.
You know, it's maybe he'll catch up with her eventually and steal her Guinness World record.
That could be a love on the rocks if he starts encroaching on her record holding fame.
I just can't give anything, I would want 30 tattoos.
It's just insane to be such a devoted M&M fan.
I mean, what if he something comes out about him and then she's branded for life for the old tattoos?

(19:33):
I know exactly.
I mean, look at all those people that had to get the rough hardest tattoos removed a few years ago.
Which is, that's not a bad idea for a tattoo actually, a little Rolf Rolf.
Rolf Rolf, a tattoo tattooed on your shoulder or something.
I mean, it probably wasn't a bad idea for a tattoo about 20 years ago, I think.
These days you might struggle to find a tattoo artist but then to do a Rolf Rolf.

(19:58):
The only condition would be if they were tattooed on you, they have to stop halfway through and say,
"Can you tell me what it is yet?"
"Yes, yes."
"Do you guys know him?"
And Viz, you know, Viz, they have the letters page and somebody had written in saying about,
"What's his name?" The Nigel Farage, they were like, "See Nigel Farage?

(20:21):
Got was missed off the New Year's honours list again."
Imagine, imagine knowing that the Queen thinks that you're more of a continent Jimmy Savo,
Rolf Harrison Stewart Hall.
[Laughter]
Oh dear.
Anyway, okay, well, see if you see this week, Greg.

(20:43):
So we have been in touch with this fella before, Daza from Ayrshire, who appeared on "Come Down With Me"
just deep-frying everything.
I've come a bit of a sort of influencer, I suppose.
Food influencer.
So this comes from a daily record yesterday.

(21:04):
Headdine is deep fried Mars bar made in Ayrs, Tempura restaurant, Wonchden Space.
After foody, Daza makes world history.
It's gonna be remembered for.
Send them a fried Mars bar in space.
So a deep fried Mars bar has boldly gone where no deep fried Mars bar has gone before.
The infamous battered delicacy, Mades in Ayrsher, has been monged in space.

(21:29):
Popular air-rested Tempura, fried off, the gut busting snack to be blasted into the sky after teeming up with top Scots foody, Daza.
The online funny man, known for his iconic "Does It Fry" video series, chose the chain, which both Venn used in air press,
we can call Marnock for the Magcap Challenge, and their iconic batter was strong enough to withhold the 62 mile journey before crashing back to Earth at 200 miles an hour.

(21:57):
Daza shared the outcome of his epic stunt to his 343,000 followers on Facebook this morning.
He's almost Scots many as we do.
The clip, the clip was, she's chopped up 14,000 views, shows each step of the progress made.
Daza can first be spotted in Tempura in air, where the owner, Brandon Van Rensberg, your name, can be seen handing over the battered goods.

(22:21):
The social media star then heads down to Sheffield to "Sent Into Space HQ" where a top team made this dream possible.
Stunning clips then show the delicacy take flight attached to a balloon as it soared through the stratus sphere before hitting space.
The Marnock Bar then floats in orbit before the balloon is released and it tumbles to the ground.

(22:44):
Daza and Brandon then race to Lincoln where the deep fried Marnock Bar crashes to the ground in a field.
Speaking on his video, Daza recalls the moment it ends up in space.
The food vlogger said, "Trust me, I cannot believe my eyes either. I think I can comfortably say this has been the only deep fried Marnock Bar in the history of the world that has been in space."

(23:05):
When the Marnock Bar crashes, Daza then picks up the far travel Tempura and takes a bite before scoring it.
Before scoring it 5 out of 5, Tempura shared the clip and it's in me, did it?
Both are going where no Tempura has gone before.
So, yeah, I don't really know what to say.
This is brilliant.

(23:27):
The dream of sending a deep fried Marnock Bar in space and he made it a reality.
It's fantastic. I do follow, I know we've featured Daza before to the company with me but I do follow him on social media and there's something I love watching his videos.
I've loved him from the "Does it fry" days.
Now, effectively a lot of his videos is he will order ridiculous things from takeaways and test them out and review them.

(23:53):
Or even just reviews like he is all this. A lot of his videos are, I've ordered a cabab from the lowest rated cabab place in Glasgow on just eat and let's see what it is.
And then he'll give it his review and he's hilarious in terms of his content.
I really do enjoy watching his videos.
But this is just an amazing stunt sending a deep fried Marnock Bar in space and I can go down here to Daza.

(24:19):
That's fantastic. Like, brilliant. That has to be the only time that's been done.
Oh for sure.
I'm quite interested in the center then she feels that basically just sends things in a space.
Yeah. I wonder how it must cost a fortune though to do that.
It's not like you're just sending a deep fried Marnock Bar up in a hot air balloon or something.
You're sending it into fucking space.

(24:41):
Like, yeah.
You'd be just Jeff Bezos, one of deep fried Marnock Bar is up there or something.
I don't think anybody wants a deep fried Marnock Bar. I don't want a deep fried Marnock Bar.
I can tell you that for now.
I've never tried one. I don't know how.
You don't know.
I've never had any confection-red deep fried.
So no.
I watched in a restaurant where we had the deep fried ice cream which was actually quite nice.

(25:05):
It's like a process to, you know, you've got to batter it and do it quickly, obviously.
But it was quite tasty.
It's sort of cinnamon kind of batter on the outside and the ice cream inside.
That's quite tasty.
That sounds lovely.
But yeah, I mean, whenever you should, they don't worry to make them in the contact with deep fried Marnock Bar.
It's when somebody is making like a fairly racist comment about where I'm from.

(25:28):
Yeah.
Yeah. We've covered that, I think, before and the swallow in terms of that.
Does seem to be the good one of the go-to's of Scotland.
If you're trying to give us a beast inside of it, that we're tight or we'll work out and play back pipes or we deep fried Marnock bars all the time.
But yeah, that is probably one of the worst.
Yeah. Anyway.
But yeah, that was a successful launch for Baza there.

(25:51):
I mean, you could put a wee link to Baza's socials in the description for the podcast and you can go and see the video.
Anyway, that's my next story, which we're next one this week.
I've got another food-based story, Axie Greg, and this is from the Gazette this week.
And it's about a Renfrewshire hotel who have taken a controversial decision and banned Mints Pies from Warmenu.

(26:14):
Warmenu.
Exactly.
The Glen Hill Hotel and Spa in Renfrew will not serve Mints Pies at all this festive season.
After what it says, have been years of low demand and high wastage.
Those who visit the hotel over the festive period will instead be offered a host of other dessert options.

(26:35):
It'll be the first time in the hotel's 53-year history that they will not serve the Christmas staple choice.
Glen Hill Hotel and Spa Chief, Willie Miller, not that one, said, "Every year, we buy them and serve them.
And with a very few exceptions, we bend them, which feels like an awful waste."
Not many people at all seem alike them, even less want them at this end of their meal.

(27:00):
So it feels like a bit of a no-brainer to simply ban them this Christmas and focus on offering desserts and sweet treats, which our customers do want.
We think we might be the first venue in Scotland to remove Mints Pies from the Christmas menus, but it's in line with customer feedback, and will also mean a reduction in wastage, which can only be a good thing.

(27:21):
Bye, bye, Mints Pies.
And forgotten.
So, I don't agree with this.
I don't.
It's pie is a fucking staple of Christmas.
How can you ban them?
Okay, I agree wastage, but you don't bend them and you give them away, or just get them homeless, or leaving them on the bar or something, but surely someone's going to eat them.
And plus Mints Pies, they not keep for fucking ages as well.

(27:42):
Well, I can tell you the do, and the reason I know they do is because...
I like a Mints Pies fanatic, but I look forward to having a couple of Mints Pies at Christmas.
I like it when they come out. I like the smell and everything, so it gets me in the festive spirit, having to be Mints Pies.
But I went home in April this year to see my mother.

(28:06):
And she obviously thinks that I'm absolutely Mints Pies daft.
Right?
So ask your wife.
And her mum makes Mints Pies every year, so she had saved some for me in the freezer and she'd have roasted them.
So I could have some Mints Pies in April when I was back.
Oh, that's lovely.

(28:27):
Yeah.
Very nice.
I guess, speaking about wastage, but I suppose if you have a table of six people in dining, and then you put them in pies on the table as kind of offering with your coffee and stuff,
and maybe only three of them have, so you're left with three Mints Pies.
But legally, because they've been on a table, they've been served, or you allowed to then just stick them back in the fridge and give them out to the next people, or do they effectively have to be bent, don't they?

(28:58):
Yeah.
So I can see what he's going in.
Yeah, I can see what he's going for there, I guess.
So you can play as a lot of wastage.
So you're really at a point, you could donate them, you could take them, you know, let's say like a, like a subculture or, you know, a sort of place for people that are down in their lot.
I'm sure they would appreciate them, but yeah, you can, you can't sell them.
Yeah.

(29:19):
In case someone's had their tongue in them or something like that, you don't mean that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, a Christmas party can be like, get out of order, don't they?
So once a year, baby merchants, you never know what's going to happen.
Yeah, I've seen American Pie, I know what can happen.
Um,
Just, you never know.
Christmas pies like a bagel, what's that?

(29:43):
The thing is my wife doesn't like this pies.
So, uh, so, uh, commercial.
I know, yeah, she doesn't like them.
It's just, it's just, it's just like, raisins or anything.
It's not the taste, it's the texture.
Okay.
She doesn't like meringue.
Okay.
I like, yeah, I love meringue.
I mean, you can, you can, you can feel it dissolving your teeth while you eat it, but.
Yeah.
I love meringue.

(30:04):
She doesn't like it.
That's a Christmas staple my niece makes.
Well, my sister used to make the most amazing Pavlova every Christmas.
Um, but then my niece has surpassed her effectively.
Oh, really?
She now makes the most amazing Pavlova.
Um, my niece also makes the most incredible.
See, I'm not a dessert fan and I don't really have like a sweet tooth as such, but there's one dessert.

(30:28):
If it's on the menu somewhere, I will have it and that's sticky, toffee pudding.
Oh, yeah.
And my niece makes the best sticky toffee pudding I've ever tasted in my entire life.
Right.
So, I'm taking my hat off to her for that.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't order, I never order dessert, though, I, with a mouth, I never feel like, I never feel like having dessert,
but if I'm out at someone's house and they say, in the offer dessert, I'll have it.

(30:52):
And if it's like, if it's like a way down meal in a restaurant, like a function or a way, then I'll have dessert.
But like, I don't, I wouldn't like order it for myself.
No, I'd be the same.
I'd rather have a cheese board or something than a dessert.
I don't want that, but yeah, fucking love a cheese board, a cheese board.
But yeah, but anyway, well, you won't get any mince pies if you go to that hotel in Rempershire,

(31:13):
because there are off the menu, this Christmas.
So, there you go.
Right enough to my mind.
Okay, Greg.
Have you seen anything else this week?
Well, I think it was the last episode.
I spoke about the guy who made a big profit on a, kind of, a bit of, Macaron,
marketing merchandise in from, they are the 20th century, he's found a wooden display box.

(31:37):
Well, this article is a, it's quite a good companion piece to that one.
So, the world's oldest whisky, which was one sipped by a young Queen Victoria, allegedly, goes under the hammer.
So, what was a whisky thought to be the oldest in the world are attracting bints of thousands of pounds each from collectors after being discovered in a Scottish castle?
Incredibly, the same batch was one sipped by a young Queen Victoria.

(32:00):
The 24 dusty bottles were among a cache of around 40, then it will happen to the other 16 men.
A cache of around 40 hidden behind the seagull door in the 750 year old Blair Castle in Persia,
the ancestral home of the Duke's of Atel.
Victoria enjoyed a dram while staying at the castle with her consort, Prince Albert in 1844.

(32:22):
According to a plaque found with a stash, the whisky was distilled in 1833 and matured for eight years before being bottled.
Making of the oldest vintage in existence.
The bottles have gone in sale in the Perth-based Wichie Wichie, whisky, auctioners, online sale,
where they're expected to fetch over a quarter of a million pounds each.

(32:44):
Wow!
Several of the bottles hit their £10,000 reserve price within hours of the sale opening on Friday evening,
more than a week before the sale closes on Monday.
So, if you want to get a bid in, so I've got a couple of days, Nicky.
Magic. Thank you.
This is the remaining bottles of the remarkably well-preserved Scotch will be exhibited as part of this,

(33:05):
this is what's happening to the 16.
They are going to be exhibited as part of the Blair Castle Visitor Experience.
So, there you go, if you want to see some old whisky, I don't think you'll be invited to taste it,
especially if bottles are going for a quarter of a million quid each.
You may want to go and visit Blair Castle in 2020-24.
If you just tip people off to do an angel-share type heist,

(33:28):
look, possibly.
You're going to go...
Yeah, really, yeah.
Yeah, that's the only way I would ever be tasting up whisky, that's that expensive, if you stole it,
putting an eyebrow ball.
Yeah, it is, yeah, exactly.
That's insane amount.
It's incredible how much some whisky is going for.
Just insane.
But I think there's something a bit sad about...

(33:49):
Because if you spend a quarter of a million pounds on a bottle of whisky, you're probably never going to open it.
You know what I mean?
And then, you know, you may be able to leave it behind when you pass away or you'll sell it on,
make about money off it.
But it's only going to appreciate and value one with a shum.
So, it seems that it's a bit sad that it's never going to be tasted, I think.
Yeah, you're right.

(34:10):
It's not like a work of art that you will buy that you can admire.
Yeah.
If you're buying the whisky, you're just admiring the bottle.
You're not having a party and somebody accidentally cracks open your quarter of a million bottle.
Yeah, you're going to be hiding that away, aren't you, if you're having a party.
You're not going to be leaving that out on the drinks, Charlie.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, for sure.
I've got a very, very under-locking key.

(34:32):
Yeah.
It's funny when I was doing the social media for the last episode of The Culture Swally,
which we covered the out-looking, which is still available.
If you haven't downloaded it, go and download it, listen to it.
It never occurred to me because I'd always just assumed that James Cosmo wouldn't bother with social media.
Right.
But for some reason, I thought, "Well, have a look.

(34:53):
Maybe at least you might even have a, you know, quite a lot of people have fan pages, don't they, where people?"
Yeah.
You know.
So, not only does he have an Instagram account, he's got two Instagram accounts, but the thing is,
he's obviously started the first one.
He's put a couple of pictures on there and then just left it eight years ago.
And then at some point later, he started another one and done exactly the same thing again.

(35:16):
That's like, if you've had videos on the other side of the camera and stuff, then it's just
forgotten about it clearly or just lost his passport, doesn't it?
Good old Cosmo.
Lovely.
That's amazing.
Well, you get doubled the Cosmo then.
But, I guess not.
If you're following him, you're probably only getting one because he's probably only posting on one nowadays.
I don't think he's posted for a long time when I had a look there.

(35:41):
But I was wondering if you might have a Christmas party.
I was thinking about, Cosmo, thinking about him because I was doing a social media and stuff for the episode.
And we were calling him our patron saint of the podcast.
And I was thinking, "I'm having a party in his Scott."
And I just imagine that if he has a party, all those Scottish actors would be around, you know, getting a Christmas,
coming around and, you know, garrie Lewis, maybe they would probably send an invitation to Hollywood Butter,

(36:08):
not really expecting them to turn up, you know what I mean, but an invitation anyway.
Imagine James is kind of going around, making sure these glasses are full, make sure he's got enough to rob Aflick on the door.
A F-F-F-Eck, yes.
You know, I can actually say, "Don't rob you."
I can actually say, "I imagine that Rob Aflick is probably rack with Aflick, because he's such a fucking unit."
You're probably not allowed to mention Kevin Guthrie's name at all.

(36:31):
I imagine that James, James being betterly disappointed than Kevin Guthrie.
He probably thought he was quite a nice kid when he met him on the set of "Get Duke" and he's just really disappointed.
Don't speak to me, don't speak to me about that boy Guthrie.
I can imagine him saying.
Yeah.
I can just imagine Brian Petterfah, looking around the booth, a table, picking out forties, wanting to ask.

(36:54):
Yeah, it's picking to everyone who is there.
Yeah, that was the most of the sausage rolls.
That little frame picture of Jake Darcy and Matt O'Pease there.
Maybe we can, they'll say that.
Matt Costello doing the washing up.
Tell everybody about the time he was in Wonder Woman.
I had to do the American accent, Wonder Woman.

(37:17):
I was on the screen with Chris Payne for a couple of minutes.
And then, and then, then, Huzz will come in.
A couple of minutes.
Did a whole fucking film with a boy?
What a fucking Barolian Christmas party that would be.
I don't get it.
Amazing.
I know, imagine.
I wonder if James has got, like, some old whiskey that maybe has got one or two favourites that he's like,
"Yeah, boys, come on, we'll go and nip it to the, there'll be secret man cave that he's got and he gets the goods, it's the good drums out, the good glass issues for a couple of these, these closest muckers."

(37:45):
Who'd you think, I remember being at a party when I was about 13, 14, it was a house party, girls, parents were away.
And it was one of my first house parties I'd been to, actually.
And they were all a little bit older, and it was a lot of alcohol involved there.
And towards the end of the night, the one image I have is, someone, it unscrewed the bathroom door.

(38:09):
It was using it as a slide to go down the stairs.
Who'd you think is likely to be doing that at James Cosmo's party?
And how battered are they going to get after Cosmo finds out they've unscrewed his bathroom door?
Imagine, like, maybe, maybe, maybe, sort of, 10 years ago, somebody like, about, 10, 15 years ago, maybe, someone like Martin Constant, you know, he's just, like, setting out in his career, he's still a bit young, and maybe a wee bit naive, and maybe quite, he's had a few drinks in his way there, because he's, maybe, a wee bit nervous about being with all these old,

(38:41):
sort of, Scottish, journeyman actors, then just ends up making a cunt of himself.
And I imagine, I imagine, probably Cosmo, then inviting back for a few years, and then, you know, maybe, there's been a bit of an all-of-branching, Cosmo's seen him doing, like, naflies or something like that, and thought, alright, he's mature enough now, he can come back to the Cosmo's party.

(39:03):
But, William Rewain, who egged you on, is still banned.
Yeah, he's not allowed back.
That will, that was your reverse set, you can't say a comment.
*laughter*
I'll part my lean mac'll, she gets a pass.
Hi, she's an email friend!
Stephen MacCall - of course.
Stephen MacCall would be DJing, probably.

(39:24):
Yeah, he would.
And Gavin Mitchell obviously would be the barman, because like, saying so...
It's a fucking great part.
I'd love to go to this party, yeah.
Yeah, me too. Greg, a fisher, maybe, kind of cutting about.
Just, maybe, a soda water.
People try to get, do something, a younger crowd try to get them to do, Rabsie Nesbote.

(39:45):
So they, look, come on. Just, just, just, I was just playing the character there.
I'm not, I'm not a heavy drunkard.
Yeah, James, if you're listening, can we get an invite to your 2024 Christmas party?
Because it sounds fucking amazing.
Can it please be just like, we've described, because it's, uh,
sounds like a phenomenal party that I really want to go to.
Yeah.
I can imagine them having like a barbecue, they can have summer.
James, you know what I mean?

(40:05):
But he's stood in the cooking. Nobody else.
Oh, oh, no one else gets here.
No one gets near the barbecue apart from James, you know?
No one else is touching that barbecue.
No, not at all.
He's, uh, he's in charge.
He's chief barbecue man.
He's there with his barbecue, with his apron on, it says, "Kiss the chef."
Yeah.
And, um, he's got his tongs and he's, I mean, everything's fucking burnt, though, isn't it?

(40:29):
Like, Cosmo likes everything.
Well done.
Yeah.
And everyone's, everyone's too scared to meditate, you know?
Those sausages are fucking burnt to fuck, but that's the way that Cosmo likes them.
There's no grilled onions or anything.
It's just a fucking sausage and a bun.
You can have some ketchup if you want.
So, some American mustard.

(40:51):
There's colman's, um, or, you know, horse radish, something strong, but there's no,
none of this American sweet mustard shite in Cosmo's house.
No.
I'm just mustard ketchup, that's it.
It has a few cans of tarant special, so what happens later on is that, um, I bet later on,
the other burgers are, like, black on the outside and still a bit pink in the middle, that

(41:11):
everyone's, I mean, but no one wants to, can I put them up on it?
No.
No.
Yeah.
You don't pull up Cosmo.
Um, that's just something you don't want to do at all.
Especially when you're, when you're a guest and he's garden, he's got his name, he's got
his norms that he's been collecting for ages.
Everyone knows, don't get pushed and knock over the norm.
You won't get us back.
No.
Dave Anderson, Dave Anderson did that one year and he never got invited back.

(41:36):
Yes.
Dave Anderson was over the fence.
We saw the black quest.
He was pished.
Tries her around his ankles.
I have an a pish in the garden knocked over one of the norms and then had to flee the scene.
Yes.
Cosmo's chasing him with his tongs.
Yeah.
He was, uh, he was, he was, like, bustled out by Johnny Watson and Andy Gray before Cosmo

(41:58):
spotty, don't that?
Put in the back of his ex-R3 and driven home by Missy's Anderson.
We never speak of that day ever again.
Poor Dave.
Yeah.
Oh, anyway.
Uh, so yeah, let's go to the barbecue.
Um, okay.
Uh, right.
I guess that wraps up the news for this week then, Greg.

(42:20):
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Okay, Greg, so it was your choice on the Swally this week.
So why do you tell us what we're going to be talking about today?
So ever since I think I've ever done the, we've been doing a podcast, we've always, always
sort of had to be bit of a, I wouldn't say dread, but at least time a year, we've always
sort of found something seasonal. And whilst it's quite easy to find New Year's Eve related

(44:17):
Scottish stuff is, the Christmas stuff is a little harder, but I found a deep cut, I
shall say, which is set at Christmas and was broadcast at Christmas.
So I've gone for the BBC's TV movie from 1992, the Bogey Man starring at Robbie Coltrane,

(44:37):
a whole host of Swally favourites, Ron Donahay, Jake Darsey, Craig Ferguson, Majur, Bill Murdoch,
Jean Anderson.
I can't believe you haven't mentioned Freddie Bordley.
Freddie Bordley.
Freddie James Dean with the flu, Freddie Bordley.
So yeah, it was first broadcast. I think it's only been broadcast maybe once, not particularly

(45:01):
well received, um, the BBC, BBC 2, December 1992. It was written by Paul Pender, Alan Grant
and John Wagner, actually based on a comic written by Grant and Wagner who, you might,
some of our listeners may know are the guys who created Judges Red, our mutual friends
favourite.

(45:22):
So it tells a story of Francis Clooney played by Robbie Coltrane, who's a psychiatric patient,
who takes on various different personalities, mainly Humphrey Bogart, hence the name
the Bogeyman, but also Arnold Schwarzenegger, as well as himself, and his escape from the mental

(45:44):
hospital that he's in and the adventure he goes on in the streets of Glasgow, bringing
down a crime gang whilst staying out of the hands of the police.
So I had never ever seen this before.
Had you seen it before?
Did you watch it?
No, I was on.
I've never seen it before, no, first time I'd seen it, so I was aware of it, but I think
I was only aware of it because of doing research for things for the Swally in terms of what

(46:08):
we could cover, um, but I'd never seen it, so this was my first viewing.
Yeah, me too, I'd never seen it.
I mean, I was the way to, I don't know if it's just my memory playing tricks on me, but
I seem to remember seeing an advertised when, in the lead up to Christmas, I feel like
it might have been part of a member like the BBC, well, I guess this they still do,
you know, the BBC have the sort of Christmas trail, don't they?

(46:31):
Yeah.
Yeah, like what's going on in these standards and Christmas specials and knows Christmas
house party and all that sort of thing and I feel like, as I say, my memory might be
playing tricks on me, but I feel like I'd remember being advertised in there.
So I watched it for the podcast, what did you, what did you think?
I can't decide what I thought about this.
It's quite entertaining, but also it's quite crap in a way.

(46:56):
It's not the best thing I've ever seen.
I was a little bit bored by it.
It's quite pun-heavy.
Yeah.
There are a few really good jokes and we'll come to those later.
There are a few things that did make me laugh, but for a lot of it, I felt it was a little
bit lackluster, I guess, because it is, I mean, it's based on a comic book, so it is very
kind of noir, set, but I, I don't know, it just felt like it was lacking something.

(47:20):
As much as I absolutely love Robycle Train, I, I don't know if he was the best fit.
For, because in the Bogeyman, the comic book, Francis looks like Humphrey Bogeyard, but Robycle
Train looks nothing like Humphrey Bogeyard, yeah, he doesn't.
But I don't want to take anything away from his performance.
He is very good and he's very funny.

(47:41):
And there are some funny moments, but there's a lot of puns that just left me like, are
really, did they, did they do that?
Did they say that?
That's really not funny.
It's, it's okay.
I mean, it's only 59 minutes, so I didn't waste too much of my time, but...
I, it's not my favourite and I probably won't be watching it again, but it was, it was entertaining

(48:03):
enough.
As I said, it was a couple of moments to make me laugh.
But what about yourself?
What did you think?
Yeah, I think more or less aligned.
I thought, I thought that it was a good story, you know what I mean?
I liked the, you know, maybe the execution, maybe a wee bit clumsy.
It was, the thing that I didn't like about it was the conicorniness of some of it, you

(48:27):
know what I mean?
Like when, you know, the, the van lady, Mrs. Napier, they'd be ginanderson, who's a great
character?
But you know, she's got all these like stuffed cats, um, or under house and stuff, you know
what I mean?
And the scene when they're, when they're cutting into the Christmas turkeys to, when
to try and find the, the loot.
Um, you know, it was just, it was just a lot of sort of stuff that, it's, the loot

(48:51):
that they were setting up that just either felt, felt that, felt that on its face or just
sort of fizzled away.
There's a, there's a moment in that scene when she gives Robby called Train of Hacks or,
or rather, Francis of Hacks, so on, he's cutting in and she, so she's sort of ominously
picks up this cleaver.
And you think, is she gonna attack them?

(49:11):
And then she, the mastermind of the happy gang.
Yeah.
And they, they don't even sort of tease that.
It's just all very kind of matter of fact.
And then it turns out she was just picking a cleaver up so she could cut into some turkeys
with it.
Yeah.
That's the call.
Yeah.
I think if it wasn't for Robby, for Robby called Train, I think it would be very difficult

(49:32):
to watch because you're right.
You know, he looks nothing like Humphrey Bogart, but he's such a good comic actor.
You know, the, I think his first line is, uh, Hastel Avista Davy.
And just, I just, I just, I just burst it.
Hastel Avista, baby.
I just burst it laughing.

(49:53):
He's, he's, he's sort of mischievously running down the stairs, having just gouged the guy
with a chair, faking his own death with a sex stall when addressing him.
Because I was a thing as well, like when it started, it starts very ominously.
You've got this ominous sort of gothic old hospital and then the silhouette of someone

(50:13):
hanging from the ceiling and you're like, I was like, yeah, I thought this was supposed
to be a comedy.
You know, it's not until, it's not until David, they order, they come and open the cell and
realize these little, it's a sex stall that ends up with a chair and you're like, ah, okay,
it is a comedy, but it's, remember Greg, it's 1992, not 2222.

(50:34):
It was okay to have a bit of fun with, um, fakes, who are side-spoken, 1992.
Well, there's quite a lot of things in this that you wouldn't get away with nowadays.
We'll talk about it later, but yeah, I agree the Hasdala Vista, Davey, is, you know, it's
his first line, it's probably one of my favourite lines of the whole show, but the way he delivers

(50:56):
it.
I think the other part that may be laugh a lot is involves him and Jean Alexander, Mrs.
Napier.
And when he says, can you get me a piece?
Of course, but you know what, it's probably your breakfast.
What?
I can give you a piece on jam, a piece on marmalade, or a piece on butter. I better know, it's

(51:32):
a jelly piece of me, your favourite.
Am I right?
By now I had to have pegged as a little crazy.
Yeah, yeah, that, that, that, oh, sort of exchanges between those two are really good.
Yeah, yeah, I thought so.
Yeah, it was good.
So, as you said, this was written by John Wagner and Alan Grant.
I was very familiar with Alan Grant, because he wrote for DC Comics for quite a big time,

(51:57):
and particularly Batman.
And that was around the time I was reading Batman Comics.
So Alan Grant is a name I've known for many years, like he had a big part in the, the
shadow of the Bat series, and he was one of the main writers of the Nightfall saga, which
is one of my favourite Batman storylines.
Exactly, as you said, Wagner created Judge Shred, and Wagner and Grant then combined on

(52:22):
the Judgment on Gotham graphic novel, which is Judge Shred and Batman go ahead to head,
which I love that graphic novel.
Yeah, absolutely.
So, it's big fan of that.
So yeah, it was based on a comic book, which was a four-part comic book, and this show was
initially broadcast December 29th, 1992 on BBC Two.
It didn't get great viewing figures, and it wasn't well received.

(52:45):
And yeah, Wagner and Grant felt that the film was a huge disappointment due to the makers
not granting them more influence.
And Wagner actually said in an interview, here's a quote from him, "It showed just after
Christmas, '92, opposite guerrillas in the mist, so it went pretty well unnoticed."
I used to have it on video, but I accidentally wiped it, and I didn't care.

(53:08):
Robbicle training the lead, a BBC Two production, you'd think it would be good.
It was muddled crap.
To start with, they got a scriptwriter to adapt it, who seemed intent on trying to resurrect
a faded career by imposing himself all over our story.
When he'd finished the story, it no longer made any sense.
Just before filming was about to start, the director informed him that it wasn't funny

(53:30):
anymore either.
Could he make it funny again?
So he went back over it and stuck much of our humour back in, unfortunately, in the wrong
places.
Then we come to Robby.
Now I used to like the guy.
He's got a lot of presence, he's a good actor, and I understand now that playing Bogart is
one of his big fantasies.
So why, oh why, didn't he play the part properly?

(53:53):
He did it tongue in cheek, as if Boggy realises that he's a loon, which is very much not the
case.
He believes in himself 100% and then some.
The result was the whole production didn't work and didn't do Boggy justice.
So fairly, fairly damning review there, if I will say yes.
Yeah, I think this probably, what this reminded me of, do you remember the comic strip with

(54:18):
the Rick Mayo and Robby Coltrane, is in the couple of the comic strips.
He's in one particular called the Supergrass with eight emits and all those guys.
And it felt about the kind of episode of the comic strip to me, you know what I mean?
So I neat that all I were.
Just not as well written as the comic strips were.
I think it's, you know, I think there's all the makings of like a great, so a movie or even

(54:42):
like a great series, I think, you know, they set up someone who thinks that someone who,
100% thinks of someone else and lives their life like that person.
I can see why they'd be disappointed.
I've never read the comic, but it sounds as though that's the way the characters portrayed
in the comics.
I can see why they'd be disappointed, you know, he, because Coltrane sort of flips between

(55:03):
Boggy, Francis, although he won't let anybody call them Francis at first, and they're not until
the very end.
And in bizarrely animal Schwarzenegger at the beginning, the first sort of 10, 15 minutes
of it.
So yeah, I mean, it's, it's pretty uneven, but I think there's still a lot of fun in it,
you know, despite all the fun.

(55:24):
That's why, you know, don't you see what, but it doesn't take itself very seriously.
No, it doesn't, and there's a lot of stuff that is quite fun and funny in it.
There's a lot of stuff that nowadays would obviously be very offensive because I don't
think, I wrote down some of the mentions that Francis is described as, and he's obviously
mentioned as a band pot, a loony, pure radio rental, and at the end, you know, they say,

(55:50):
don't deny him this credit just because he was daft at the time.
And I think that's quite undermining.
They go to great pains to mention that he's schizophrenic and has these multiple personalities.
And I just don't think you'd get away with that nowadays in terms of being able to call
him a band pot, a loony, or pure radio rental.
Definitely not.
Definitely not.

(56:11):
Yeah, I think it, and I'm not sure that, I'm not sure that schizophrenia really is as it's
described in this anyway, I think it's probably a bit more complex than, you know, just a
little bit, a little bit.
I mean, the way that they kind of describe it is that he has these multiple personalities
that he takes on.
And that was the other line that made me laugh.

(56:32):
Probably the one of the three that would be laugh a lot.
And it's when Dr. Branch is describing him and you know, he thinks he's swatching
a girl occasionally, Kagney, sometimes Lacey.
Sean Codary twice, but mostly thinks he's hungry, but I did like that, but Kagney, sometimes

(56:53):
Lacey.
Yeah, that's the first, so if you want to further sense, like, quite an accomplished actress,
she's a bonger now.
Yeah, a V2 Akhil, yeah.
Absolutely knockout in this.
She's gorgeous.
She's, oh, beautiful woman.
But like, you know, I get, she's sort of playing like the sort of straight character of it,

(57:15):
but even then, the sort of exchanges between her and the detective sergeant, you're played
by Craig Ferguson, was a lot of just like, daff puns in there that just, like, sort of
blink in your missile, like, he says, when they were the first thing that's talking to
the phone and the detective says, I'm you're, and she says, you're my what, you know,

(57:36):
whenever I was thinking, really?
Yeah.
And because obviously her name's Dr. Branch, and yeah, the one that got me was the one
they're having drinks or dinner, and so your special branch, no, your special branch,
that, yeah, that's like, oh, Jesus, really?
Did you go there?
That's a bit too corny for my liking in terms of a, a joke, it's not funny.

(57:58):
It's no hassle of Easter, Davey.
Definitely not.
And I think, I like Craig Ferguson.
He's funny, his stand up, particularly funny.
Sorry to say that he's not a very good actor.
Well, not in this, at least, you know?
I mean, I mean, Craig Ferguson's had quite a accomplished career.
It was good to, it was quite fun to watch him back when he was still on drugs.
And so, you know, being no Craig Ferguson.

(58:22):
But yeah, I, you know, there's a, he's not the best actor, I would say.
There was a film that he was in.
What is the, the one when he places Scottish hairdresser?
Oh, goes to the, that I'd, I'd thought about it.
And I was like, oh, maybe should do that in the swallie in the near future.

(58:43):
The big tease.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, very lovely.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Place, the Scottish hairdresser that goes to this show, it's kind of like a mockumentary.
So that could be something that we do in the, the near future.
But he had a hugely successful career, you know, over the years he popped up in a lot of
stuff and then of course he did over 2,000 episodes hosting the late, late show.

(59:03):
Yeah.
And then he was alive to 2014 and was adored in the States.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, it's funny.
They sort of, I guess it's the same sort of road that James Corden has gone down.
He's been, he was obviously quite famous in the UK.
Corden.
And then suddenly he's presenting.
What is he, is he does a late late show, doesn't he, Corden?

(59:24):
He took over from, he took over from Craig Ferguson.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That fucking hate, can hate him.
James Corden.
I, I can't stand him.
But, but the thing about, Craig Ferguson used to have a stand up alias when he started called
Bing Hitler.
Because I remember my dad had a couple of his albums and a really blue comedian, by the way,

(59:48):
you know, like sort of stagdoo kind of comedian.
But I mean, I guess he probably, I don't mean, I'm sure he's not bothered about the comedy,
but maybe the stage name these days.
I mean, Bing Hitler.
Yeah.
I'm not sure about that.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't think he was, I don't think he was great in this, to be honest.

(01:00:08):
But then he's only doing, but he's written, you know.
He's, he's a little bit wooden, I would say.
I don't think he was the, the best in terms of his performance.
I mean, I think we've said, you know, the, the best kind of performance here is probably
cool train.
And it's kind of one of the first times we've featured him on the swallow.
Yeah.

(01:00:29):
I don't think we've done anything with him.
I know when he passed, we, we spoke about him a little bit on one of the, the episode
just after he passed, but, yeah.
You know, he's a, just such a commanding Scottish actor.
Yeah.
And one that is kind of seems to have been around all the time.
And I was, I was trying to think back.
And I think I probably, when I was a kid, I probably mostly knew him from the turret and

(01:00:50):
special adverts.
Yeah.
And the young ones.
And then genuinely the thing, I probably think of most, if someone mentioned Robbie
Coltrane is non-summoned run because that film had such an impact on me.
I used to watch that film all the time and loved it.

(01:01:11):
I watched it again a few years ago.
It doesn't hold up very well.
But it's a, I'm so sorry.
That's probably one of the first things I would think of when I think of Robby Coltrane.
But of course, you went on to, to have an amazing career in terms of, you know, playing
Fritz and Cracker.
And you know, he's well known for 2-3 and stuff, David the bus driver from Still Game.

(01:01:33):
But as we said, when we spoke about him, he'll probably be known mostly as Hagrid.
I think so, yeah.
I think obviously for the sort of generation after us, yeah.
And, and subsequent generations, 100% that you'll be, he'll be known as Hagrid.
And for me, I think, I remember seeing a bit of the first episode of 2-3 when it was repeated.

(01:01:56):
Because it was repeated on, like, only a couple of months after it was first broadcast.
And it was, I saw a bit of a one-starred night, one month maybe, turn it off.
I think he'd, I think, been a bad, bad, bad, we'd be sure something.
And I was only nine or ten, so she maybe turned it off, turned it off.
And they had the talent special adverts.
But I saw, I saw Nundz and I run at the cinema.
[Laughs]

(01:02:17):
And I was, I'd been 11 and it was at 12.
And the thing about Nundz and the run for the old 12-year-old Greg is that
I got a little naked Nundz in it, having the shower after playing basketball.
[Laughs]
He's, but that's, he's sitting there, he's sitting there in the, in the habit.

(01:02:40):
And all the, he got going at my shower, and I said, "Oh, no, he does that little soft, I wish accent, doesn't he?"
No, no, no, I'll go in later, he's just, he's a beautiful naked, webbing walkin' around.
But that's, if I think Nundz and the run, that's probably there's two scenes I think of.
And one is, "Robicle train to in a slam dunk."
Yeah, I'm a basketball match.

(01:03:01):
And the second one is exactly as you described him sitting there,
in this, you know, little T-Irish accent as "Sister Ophelia"
And just this, "Nun, leaning over him to grab a towel"
And our nipple is right in his face.
Yes.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, he's, the minute movies that he's done, like, you know, he's, he's even in the, he's even in Flash Gordon.

(01:03:27):
Although he's only credited as "man at airfield."
He's in a National Lampons, UDP invocation as "man in bathroom."
But apart from, like, those, you know, you've got the Pope Mustai, where he is the lead that says film.
You know, it's the Pope Mustai that came out a year after Nundz and the run.
And then obviously he's got a couple of Bond films under his belt as a Valentin and Demetri of Zukowski.

(01:03:53):
I mean, like, a fairly hammy Russian accent, but it just, it fits really well in that first "Pios Bros."
And then, "Bond of film," I think, me.
That, that character, and him playing that character, I think, just, he's just exactly where he needs to be, I think, in that film.
Yeah, yeah.
I agree with you on that.
Yeah, he is brilliant in that.

(01:04:13):
But yeah, I mean, "Ocean's Twelve."
I know, then, obviously, more of that early in his film could a year it's been the "Hadi Porter franchise."
Yeah, effectively.
Four, five, six, seven, eight, "Hadi Porter" films.
Yeah.
Because they split the last one into two, didn't they?
Yeah, they did.
That was a trend for a while.
I think they did that with Twilight as well.

(01:04:35):
And the Hunger Games, all those kind of young adult films.
I mean, is "Hadi Porter" a young adult?
Is it not more kids?
But I don't know.
I think it sort of becomes a bit more young adult.
I remember seeing a bit of, I don't know if it was the first part of the second part of the last story.
It was on at Christmas one year when I was still living in the UK.
And I thought, "Well, 'cause I had seen the philosopher Stone when they're all little kids."

(01:04:57):
And that feels like a little, like, a little kid's fantasy film, but...
And we've seen any of the other...
I have seen, but I've probably seen most of them, because my wife's a big fan.
But I haven't even seen all of them, but I haven't seen the last couple anyway.
And that one of those ones was on at Christmas.
The member thinking, "Fuckin' Ellis is a bit like...
It's a pretty hardcore."
I was like, "Is Emma Watson do hardcore in it?"

(01:05:20):
No, she doesn't.
You know you, you know I mean.
I won't be watching it then.
I guess the other...
Kind of main cast member is Ultravox Lead Singer, Midjure, who pops up as the main villain in this.
She in this era.
And his opening scene is him lying in the bath listening to Vienna, which is just wonderfully meta, can you say?

(01:05:46):
Oh, it's beautiful.
I mean, I suppose after Band-Aid, I guess, Vienna is his opus, right?
That's going to be the main board for it.
That was number two on the day I was born.
Was it really a bi-ultravox?
Yeah.
What was number one?
Never got number one.
Shut up AF-Face by Joe Dolcey.
Well.
That's what kept Ultravox of number one.

(01:06:09):
I remember seeing something about that.
It's quite apocryphal, isn't it?
Yeah.
I, when I was born, number one was you're the one that I won by John Chavalta and, what's
I name?
I don't know if you're new in John.
I was hoping for something cooler, but unfortunately, fucking you're the one that I won.

(01:06:30):
But yeah, yeah, as you say, Midjure, obviously famous for Band-Aid.
Famous for being an Ultravox and famous for being the Boogieman, Mr. Happy, in terms of
the, yeah, the Fat Man in this.
The Fat Man, of course, but he's not very fat.
He's lost a few pose.
And he certainly does.
And he's only got a few scenes, but he's great in this.

(01:06:53):
Like, he's chewing up the scenery, but he's, he's pretty good.
He's not bad at all.
I mean, that I was, I'd look at the jurors' Wikipedia, because of what he's to see if
him he had done any other acting.
His Wikipedia page only has him act, as he mentioned the acting in the Boogieman, there's
like no mentions of any other parts.
But I am an IMDB.

(01:07:13):
He's, what's he got?
IMDB.
Sing Street.
Oh, that's, no, it's all soundtrack stuff.
Yeah, it's all soundtrack.
Do you know what, do you know he wrote the music for Metal Gear Solid 5, the video game?
I did not know that, but that is a wonderful fact that I will.
Well, now, no, wow.
Yeah, if I do.
You knew.
Is that it?
It's a Christmas.
No, it does a cover of the Manus or the World, the, the, the, the, the, the Bery song.

(01:07:38):
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Cause I, yeah, so I know that because IMDB knows that.
Oh, he's got an episode of Still Game, but as I'm saying, but as it, it, it plays himself.
But he's got 30, 38 acting credits.
He, he is the, the big bad in this in terms of the Mr. Happy.
and he's the one that's kind of,

(01:07:59):
the leader of the Happy gang that are stealing Jürie
from the...
- Where was it from?
- From the unstable- - The inner-
from the Argyle Arcade.
- And. - And
- they've robbed there and he stuffed them in turkeys
and they leave the Glasgow smiles better,
stickers at the scene of the crime.
- Which I thought was a nice little touch.

(01:08:20):
'Cause that would've been rund about the time,
but he towards the end when he's facing off against Bogey.
He delivers a great speech about how he wants to return
to the old values where men were men and joined
razor gangs and lived in closes and only the strong survived.
The real Glasgow before all this culture crap.

(01:08:41):
So of course, this was a roundabout the time
of Glasgow, the city of culture.
And I thought that really spoke volumes of,
I bet a lot of people felt that way.
I want Glasgow back to the way it was
before all this fucking culture shite.
- I mean, I mean, I remember it before
all this fucking culture shite and it was fucking shite.
(laughing)
Well, a lot of the 1990s, early 90s Glasgow

(01:09:06):
was a far cry from early 80s Glasgow
in my first memory of the city.
But I remember all that was going on.
I mean, it was quite a cool time.
'Cause then the Glasgow Garden Festival
and they had to make a concert in George Square,
like the big day out and stuff like that.
And it was, it was good, it was cool.
But I know that there would've been people
that just didn't appreciate it.

(01:09:27):
The irony is, I think Majur himself
was probably quite invested in the Glasgow
becoming the European city of culture.
- Yeah.
- So, yeah, he's, I thought, you know, I wasn't,
you know, the first scene in the bath when he's on the phone
and he's listening to ultra-vox, I was like,
"Oh, come on."
You know, you're not with somebody better than Majur,

(01:09:48):
but the later scenes are, he's pretty good.
And that final one is particularly good.
- Yeah.
- The one in the necropolis.
- Yeah, I thought he was okay, actually.
He came across as kind of the menacing villain.
And you could tell where he was coming from,
what his kind of purpose was.
And yeah, I know, I thought he was actually pretty good
in his compared to a lot of the others.

(01:10:09):
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Yeah, there's, there's some great,
and yet, all corner who plays Lauren.
You know, it's not exactly, not exactly true in the story.
- Like, as you alluded earlier,
there's a whole host of other great Scottish actors
in here that pop up in little bit scenes.
So we have, you know, Freddie Boroughley,

(01:10:29):
as mentioned, Ron Donahee, Jake Darcy.
Now, what produral that he meets is...
- Is Jolpa Veroi.
- Yeah, is credited as Moss Heights.
- Yeah.
- That's Morris Roves.
- A hundred percent, Morris Roves.
- Yeah, it's a hundred, as soon as he,
I was like, it's Morris Roves.
And then when it credits, I'm like, Moss Heights.

(01:10:50):
- Yeah, it looks 9-Db, it's Moss Heights is only credit.
And I googled Morris Roves Moss Heights.
There's not any hits.
So I don't understand why he didn't go as Morris Roves,
if it was just, I don't know,
was it some sort of tax evasion scheme?
Or something that he's gone as Moss Heights?
- We could ask him it, Cosmos,
Chris is part of you next year.
- Well, it's long gone, so I don't think we can.

(01:11:12):
- We could ask Cosmos.
- But, yeah, I didn't understand that,
why it's Moss Heights.
So I'm like, and it was driving me mental.
So I'm like, that is Morris Roves.
It's 100% him.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I know, it was weird.
And it took me a second,
because if Morris Roves won those actors,
who I think he's good at almost making himself

(01:11:32):
look a little bit different.
So he's still looks like Morris Roves,
but you know what I mean?
They think of all the things that he's done
that we've covered.
And he is, he's sort of physically different and all
than so for a second, then I'd think,
who is that guy?
He's really familiar, then, you know,
by this scene when Francis gave some money.
That's when I realized who it was.

(01:11:53):
- Hey, Joe.
Go buy yourself a season ticket for the opera.
- Why'd you?
- Are you a sage, so you are, Jimmy?
- Jimmy, you're gonna tell them a million times,
you know, and Mr. Bogey, and every guy in this time
would still call you Jimmy.
And it's to your point, the only,

(01:12:14):
the only act in creating that Moss Heights has
is this film.
- Yeah, because he almost,
when he's initially speaking to him
about the opera and stuff,
it almost is like he shrunk down
and he's just going to hairbrush forward,
he's got the beard and the glasses,
so it's difficult to tell.
It's not the Morris Roves that we've seen
in beautiful creatures or the big man

(01:12:36):
or the Aztecs, for example.
So he does, it looks very different
compared to how he normally was.
And that's why I wondered if it was some,
I could say some sort of tax evasion that he is not credited
as Morris Roves in this,
and credit is Moss Heights,
which seems quite strange.
- Jake Barcy by comparison is unmistakable.
- I mean, it's complete.

(01:12:57):
It's audition for Pete the Jakey, I guess.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- It's, you know, when he's asking the lady
with a ladle for a winch,
- Just a small winch, just a wee winch.
- A wee winch, just a wee winch.
- And that is quite funny, I suppose,
but when Boogie comes up and why would she have a winch?

(01:13:18):
(laughs)
- Upgrading machinery.
- Yeah, exactly.
- How the, are you one of the drug addicts?
(laughs)
- Do you think this is the most obscure
comic book adaptation ever?
- I think if it's not, it's definitely pretty high in the list,
right? - Yeah.
- Yeah, I mean, like, there's a lot of like one-off

(01:13:42):
kind of comic book stories, like Ghost Town, I think,
was one that got made into a film,
wasn't it, with Scarlett Johansson and,
(snaps fingers)
- Yeah, it was her name.
- So, God, what the hell is it?
- It's got a right sort of Yorkshire second name, isn't it?
- Is she not related to one of the actresses
off last of the summer wine?
Right, is it like, how granny or something like that?

(01:14:04):
Let me see, Ghost Were old, it is.
Thora Birch, Thora Birch.
Oh, is she genuinely related to,
I think she is.
- I think I read that somewhere.
- I was like Birch, I'm thinking of Thora Hird,
who was in last of the summer wine.
Is that where you get confused as well?

(01:14:24):
- Or, it's possible.
I'm just reading her.
She was born in Los Angeles,
the Jack Birch and Carol Connors,
who were both ex-pornographic film actors
who appeared in Deep Throte.
- Okay, so she's probably not related to Dame Thora Hird,
then? - No, she's not.
She's of German, Jewish, Scandinavian, French, Canadian
and Italian ancestry.
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah, I'm just view.

(01:14:45):
That was another, a bit of false news there
from the culture, as well.
I think news about Thora Birch's connection
to last of the summer wine.
- Somebody gets talk about the story.
So, Clooney escapes the, the mental hospital,
Spin Biny, mental home, and Spin Biny.
(laughs)
Ghost M goes off to solve this crime,

(01:15:06):
which as Dr. Branch tells Detective Ur
that he will invent a crime in his head
and we'll try and follow the clues.
And that's exactly what he does.
And he's obsessed with Humphrey Bogart.
So, it's the multi-s Falcon thing.
He's after the fat man.
And he kind of stumbles upon this, the happy gang

(01:15:26):
who have been robbing Jewry and stuffing them in turkeys.
And that is quite good to see what he goes into the factory.
And he just grabs an empty bell's bottle
and pretends to be a jakey.
But then breaks in effectively to the factory.
And the guy that is chasing after him
and attacking him, like why doesn't he just open a door?

(01:15:47):
- He smashes through every door.
- And the toilet later on when he smashes through
and Boggy does say, you know,
you really should learn to open doors.
- Yeah, I'm like, what does the need for that?
Like that's not that amusing, but he does have fun.
- He himself, he smashes through the doors.
- Yeah, and he does have one of my favorite lines in this.

(01:16:08):
After he's first assaulted by Clooney
in through the toilet and he heard him shouting in the background,
"It's a wildy time."
- Yes.
One of my choices for archetypal Scottish movement is
it's a wildy time.
Yeah, I loved that.
I know that was good.

(01:16:29):
- Yeah, so they chase him, he ends up obviously back at the club.
- Smashes a turkey through the window,
well, through the back of the bar
and which leads to the face off with mid-Jewers character
Macardi in terms of the leader of the happy gang.
And that's kind of the climax of it.
- Yeah, it's not a huge amount of story in this either, is there?

(01:16:52):
- Not really.
I mean, there's a scene that is completely bizarre and pointless,
but it still made me chuckle a bit
and it's the women who thinks
that she's Jimmy Cranca in the police station.
- Yes, oh God, yes.
- Jorby to show you, yeah, that's...
- Yeah, I took my cool talk to this show.
- And I did laugh at that as she's like,

(01:17:14):
escorting you out.
No, we're just gonna escort you out.
'Cause okay, you found Debbie Dozzy.
- Well, let's get this straight.
You're Jimmy Cranca, the Jimmy Cranca.
- Aye, it's just a tale he makes me look,
we do you want me to take home a Cleo's off and get you a wee key?
- I know, thanks, Hen, I've just had my tea.

(01:17:35):
- Show her the door.
- Oh, you can walk me up, I'm a famous TV person.
- You're gonna lock me up, I'm just gonna show you the door.
- And Debbie Dozzy.
- Yeah, what a random scene to put in.
- I'm not.
- That's not it.
- And that, the actor they are playing,
sort of yours, colleague, who's an interviewer.
- He's kinda, he's all in for that scene,
do you know what I mean?

(01:17:56):
- He's all in, all right, I've just had my tea,
and everything, and about a bit later on in stuff,
do you know what I mean?
- He was a bit underused, he's in this,
he's sort of well done, but largely pointless scene.
Well, there's some of the things that she's Jimmy Granque,
and then we don't really see him again, you know?
Apart from the pub scene when he tells him
that he'll go home.
- Yeah, yeah.
- So we hear about Buggie's childhood,

(01:18:18):
and it was obviously unhappy, as they say,
his father was a header beater, unfortunately.
Header was his mother, which is, I put her to a hook,
but it was quite a busy, but yeah,
obviously we don't could don't any of that on the culture's ballet.
But he's denied that his mum is dead,
and that's why he effectively has this kind of disorder.

(01:18:38):
It's not until the very final scene,
he's climaxing the graveyard,
and he finds his mother's grave,
and that almost cures him effectively, they see.
And, but then is he cured?
Because he realizes he's not getting any credit
for what he's done,
and as he's being wheeled into the ambulance,
he goes back into the, the Buggie character.
So is he cured or is he not?

(01:19:00):
What do you think?
- Well, I would say probably not,
just based on that little moment.
But I think, you know, the backstory of his character
is where it sort of comes on done,
this I think is a production,
because 99% of it is played for laughs.
The daff puddings, the sort of corneaness, and everything else.
But yet, you know, you've got that first scene at the beginning

(01:19:21):
that it spoke quite early,
where you, you know, the audience has led to believe
that somebody's hung themselves in their room,
and then you've got this really sort of tragic backstory
that you've mentioned, involving cruel fowlers,
and, you know, like the mother being beaten
and then being murdered ultimately,
and then, you know, you've got his reaction

(01:19:42):
to the song "Nobody's Child."
- Of course, yeah.
- You know, when he has this reaction to "Nobody's Child,"
even that sort of done for laughs a bit.
You know, when he's stood at the bar
and wore and singing the song,
and then you have that sort of funny scene
between him and Freddie Bourdley, you know what I mean?
And it's like, well, they can all the sort of sensibilities

(01:20:03):
I've moved on, and, you know, kind of humor is maybe not as ruthless
as it probably was back then, evidently,
but putting that to one side,
the sort of theme, the sort of themes just don't tie together.
And I think ultimately that's what lets the whole thing down, you know?
- Yeah, I agree. His backstory is maybe a little bit too dark

(01:20:24):
compared to how he is, and as you say, the comedic kind of aspect
that he has, so it does feel a little bit disjointed.
- I mean, I think overall, I think this little amuse anyone
that's fond of like a natural kind of quirkiness
of the Scottish temperament and humor.
It's by no means a masterpiece or anything, but it is funny in places,

(01:20:46):
and it is quite quirky.
But I agree you mentioned earlier, like, I think it's too tongue-in-cheek.
- Yeah.
- They attempt to make like every other line of pun,
or like tip the wink, you know, each turn, and that,
it's just a bit tiring, and I know I mentioned it earlier,
but it is like the, what sums it up for me is the,
your special branch, no, your special branch.

(01:21:08):
You're like, "Oh, really?"
Like, "Oh, come on."
Like, and I know it was 1992, but it's just,
a lot of the jokes just fall really flat.
- Yeah, I don't think that humor was really working anymore by then,
you know?
- It's sort of reminiscent of even,
even like, you know, we mentioned it earlier when we were talking about
Rubikotrain's sort of filmography,

(01:21:29):
but we think about the National Lampoon Vacation film
with HIV Chase.
The humor's sort of similar, you know, this sort of corning this,
the sort of funny conversations and that, you know, that kind of thing.
But, you know, I think it's one, I think, it's compared to those films.
This is a bit clumsy in how it's written,

(01:21:49):
like those scenes are written.
And I think as well, because we, you know,
will laugh at, like, Clark and Rusty sharing a beer in the desert
or that kind of thing, because it's, you know,
I mean, we know it's, you know,
or them leaving the dead granny on the porch.
And that kind of thing, we know that it's,
but we know that it's just ridiculous,

(01:22:10):
but it's in America, which is, you know,
at that time, America just seemed like an incredibly exotic,
aspirational place, probably to people of urge generation
when we were growing up.
It doesn't really work in a familiar setting, you know,
so it's Scotland.
Yeah, I mean, it's all filmed on the occasion in Glasgow
and there's some great shots, some kind of West End,

(01:22:33):
bios roads, stuff like that, in the river,
in the bridges and things,
but even if you don't, if you're not familiar with Glasgow
and you live in Scotland, it's Scotland.
So it's just weird.
That's sort of a corny, silly humor in a familiar environment,
just, you know, I think it just sort of falls about flat for me,
personally, I can't speak for everybody.

(01:22:54):
I'd say that that kind of corny, humor works
if you are doing like a sketch show, like Scotch and Rye,
for example. - Yeah.
You can have like a 10 second sketch that has that kind of line
and then you're already onto the next one.
And you've kind of, you've laughed about it
because you're already warmed up laughing at the previous few

(01:23:14):
sketches with Ricky Fulton and Mark Mammannis
or something else.
You're already kind of warmed up,
so you would kind of laugh at a joke like that in that scenario
because it's 10 seconds and you already moved on.
Whereas in this, you're like,
oh really, it's, yeah, it's a little bit too much,
I think, I would agree.
Yeah, yeah.
- And the thing with a sketch show as well is some sketches

(01:23:37):
will really make you laugh and really tickle your funny bone
and stuff.
And some sketches won't and they won't really land,
but then is that the as you said?
And a few seconds, you're not at something else
with a completely different set up, different characters.
Well, this is, you know, it's a story, you know what I mean?
It's all connected.
So you're with these characters for the full hour.

(01:23:58):
So if, you know, if they're not making your laugh early on
and the intention of this production is to make your laugh,
which I assume it was, I would hope so.
Anyway, but otherwise, there's some unintentionally funny moments.
And it could be, I think, become a bit frustrating,
especially if you turn up expecting
to be amused by something, you know what I mean?

(01:24:20):
- Yeah, no, I would agree with you on that.
- Yeah, completely.
- So any more on the Bogeyman?
Shall we put it through our Festive Swally Awards?
- Yeah, I don't have much more on it, to be honest.
I think we've kind of spoken about it as much as we can.
Yeah, why not?
Let's put it through our Swally Awards.
What's up first thing, Greg?

(01:24:42):
- So the first thing, the first award is,
the Bobby the Barber and the Ward for the,
our favorite pub in the production.
Hey, if Fredi Bordley is playing keyboards,
I will go to McCurdy's bar anytime.
- Yeah, absolutely, yeah.
- Is there any other bars in there?
And the, I don't know.
I think I see only one you see is the McCurdy's bar.

(01:25:02):
So yeah, let's see only one, I think.
- Next award then, the four, I know often mentioned
James Cosmo award for being an everything Scottish.
This is one that Cosmo turned down evidently.
(laughing)
- There's a few to choose from, but I won't run Donahue.
- I went with Jake Darcy, but I guess, you know,
Donahue is, you know, they're both like,

(01:25:24):
right up there, aren't they?
- I'd say they're, yeah, probably on a par with each other.
- Either or, could probably win it, yeah.
- Yeah, you got even, you know, most heights,
slash more as growths, bill more growth.
- Yeah, that's it, yeah.
But I think just in terms of impact,
I think those two are the two.
Okay, next one then, the Jake McQuillinger T-Zoot award.

(01:25:45):
What did you go for?
- I went with, I mean, there's a few to choose from.
There are a couple of moments,
but I went with Clooney shooting McCurdy at the end.
'Cause it felt like a little bit with T-Zoot,
'cause obviously McCurdy shot Clooney,
and then it's kind of like a bang, hey, T-Zoot.
But there's quite a few to choose from, you know,
initially I did have Castle of Easter Davey

(01:26:08):
getting back at the beginning,
but what did you go for?
- I went for Frances, Fumpin, Jake Darcy,
and the soup kitchen.
- Okay, yeah.
- I mean, it was a bit, it was ruined a bit
by annual corner scene, you've got them
in a fairly unconvincing way.
- But yeah, I went for that.

(01:26:29):
- Next two awards, so there's,
they, usually it would be the Yuma Gregor award
for good sure this nudity.
I don't think there's anybody in this
that you'd want to see naked apart from maybe,
if you want to furtherton or McCurdy's wife,
who's answers a phone when he's in the bath.
- Yes, I, yes, I find her very attractive, yes.
- I wonder if the boy McKenzie, who directed,

(01:26:49):
he had directed it, where they got to see
what we call Shane's cock, what did some point?
(laughs)
- Then the next award then is the Frances,
beg be a award for Gritutus Swearing.
Not really any Gritutus Swearing in this at all, is that?
- There's not Gritutus.
I think there's a bloody earlier on.

(01:27:10):
The only, what I had down for this,
'cause it did make me laugh, is towards the end,
where they're in the graveyard, McCurdy and Cleenie,
and McCurdy shouts out, "Dougie, rap."
And the two goons come out and Cleenie turns
and shoots both of them.
- Yeah. - I don't know which one it is,
if it's Dougie or rap, but he shoots him.

(01:27:31):
And as he's running off, he goes,
"I got bastard, yeah."
(laughs)
And just like, you see that if you've stubbed your toe,
or if you like catch your fingernail,
or you hit your finger with a hammer
if you're putting up a picture or something.
You don't see, "I got bastard, if you've been shot."
(laughs)

(01:27:51):
I'm like, "Get to see."
(laughs)
- Oh, dear.
Next one then, archetypal Scottish moment.
Oh, what did you go for for this?
- Well, because my mum was a nurse
in various hospitals in Glasgow.
I went for the sort of,
I went for the pissed up staff Christmas party

(01:28:11):
when they're all on duty.
'Cause I just, I don't know if it's archetypal,
if that's an archetypal,
a Scottish NHS thing that I'm sure it's not happening anymore.
But it certainly happens in the early 80s.
(laughs)
- I thought you were very fair enough.
- Would you go for, this is something,
and it's not particularly Scottish is such,
but something it just seems very Scottish to me

(01:28:33):
about porridge and kippers for breakfast.
- The porridge certainly.
- Yeah, but the kippers probably not,
but it does, I kind of associate it with Scotland,
but I know it's not, 'cause I did Google it.
It's kippers are Scottish thing for breakfast
and it's not, it's quite popular in England
and quite popular in the Netherlands as well.
But just porridge and kippers just seems for me a bit Scottish,

(01:28:55):
but other that, this is lalty time.
- Yeah, it's lalty time.
- Yeah.
- That's one then, so who, the big time award,
who wins the production for you?
It's only one choice really.
- Well, a tropical train, isn't it?
- Yeah.
- That's the day it says his vehicle, isn't it?
- Yeah.
- And he's so entertaining, well, a tropical train.

(01:29:17):
You know, he could do something like this
and then it's only, this is only like,
maybe two or three years before he did Cracker,
which is like,
- Yeah. - Gritty, dark, drama, you know?
But even in Cracker, especially those early episodes
when Chris Foregoston was still in it and all that,
you know, the storylines are fucking,
if I remember one and it was like a mixed race

(01:29:40):
or young black fella who, he had been raping women,
but he'd also tried to bleach his skin
because he was like, because he was so uncomfortable
with his ethnicity and, you know, in all the way through it,
you've got Coltrane playing Cracker,
who is really funny, a lot of the scenes,
so he's, and not like in a silly way,

(01:30:00):
like, his humour sits, a lot of it's sort of a gaville's humour,
but it's, and it sits, it sits really well
in the, the sort of format of the show.
But, you know, but it's, you know, like,
the scene when he's interviewing Bobby Carlyle,
after he's been arrested and he's just shouting,
"Cell tocat him."
And Bobbycat, Bobbycat, he's playing a scouser
and he's singing this Liverpool chant at Fitz,

(01:30:22):
"Rubbical Train."
And Bobbycultegi, he's shouting,
"Cell tock, cell tock."
- Back up, it's fucking brilliant.
- You know, as you're well aware,
I have just finished a rewatch of all five series
of a V-Dazane pit,
and I was, I'm genuinely, this afternoon,
I was thinking I'm gonna settle down
and start watching Minder for the very start,

(01:30:44):
but I might watch Cracker instead.
- Yeah, yeah, I mean, the thing is,
it's almost 30 years old Cracker,
but, you know, still got a lot of heft, you know what I mean?
- Yeah, he was from No-Mun on that.
- Absolutely phenomenal.
- Yeah, I think he has to win, definitely.
- So, well that was the Boogie Man.
- Don't know if we recommend it, but we'll see.

(01:31:04):
- I think it's something I never doubt your life is,
it's definitely interesting to watch, you know?
It's worth watching, I would say,
but, you know, it's just sort of take it for what it is.
But the Boogie Man was my choice for this Christmas
that are Festa Fepisob,
which means you have the honor of selecting
our New Year's Eve content for our Hugbonnets show.
So what are we watching in time for the next pod?

(01:31:25):
- Well Greg, our next episode, as you've just said,
will be our Hugmannets episode.
And over the years, we've covered Scotch and Rye,
two doors down, the Steamy,
but there's another Scottish Hugmannets
institution that we haven't covered yet.
So, this show ran from 1993 to 2020
and was on BBC One Scotland every Hugmannets over those years.

(01:31:48):
I am, of course, talking about the fantastic Jonathan Watson show,
only an excuse all about Scottish football.
But, with over 27 years worth of episodes to cover,
I thought we would just pick one to look at,
'cause there's too much content.
So, I have picked the 1999 episode

(01:32:09):
because I've watched quite a few of them on YouTube,
and I'll be honest, this one was probably the best quality.
- Right.
- It also is long ago enough that we can have
a little bit of nostalgia rather than do one
from a few years ago.
So, yeah, so I picked 1999.
And it is available on YouTube for anyone
that wants to watch it to do your homework.

(01:32:29):
So, that's it.
Next episode, 1999 episode of Only An Excus.
Brilliant.
Excellent.
Well, thank you very much for listening, everyone.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.
And if you would like to get in touch with us, you can.
You can email us on cultureswally@gmail.com.
And if you want to follow us on the socials,

(01:32:49):
you can, we're on Instagram @cultuswallypod
and we're also on ex formerly known as Twitter @swallypod.
And Greg, we have a wonderful website as well, don't we?
- Here we do.
You can find us at cultureswally.com,
links to other socials and content about Scottish horror,
movies, TV, coming visitors there.
Wonderful.

(01:33:10):
Right.
Well, have a wonderful Christmas Greg,
'cause I know I'll speak to you
because we'll record in our new rep.
So before Christmas, so I'll speak to you before then.
But have a wonderful Christmas, yeah?
- Yeah.
- I'll see you next time.
- See you next time.
- I want you to give yourself up.
I want you to confess your crimes.
I want you to make reparations to your victims.

(01:33:31):
And I want you to stop poisoning this city.
- And I want a retunct the old values bogey.
You know when men were men and joined razor gangs
and lived up closes, and only the strong survived?
You know, the real Glasgow before us,
this culture crab.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)

(01:33:52):
(upbeat music)

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Episode 89 - The Bogie Man (1992)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 89 - The Bogie Man (1992)