Episode 90 - Only An Excuse? (1999) - The Culture Swally

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:32):
I'm doing good, Hogmanay only seems like a week since Christmas.
I know it's like being Christmas yet because as always we recorded well in advance.
So I did something the other day which we'll talk about very quickly.
It's something that I've never done before but I've heard other people have done it.
So I thought I was at work and it's holiday time, right?

(00:57):
And nobody's really working that hard.
Certainly not me.
And I was fucking about and I thought I'm going to Google my own name and see if there's
any interest in Greg Hurst in the world.
Okay.
So the first one that came up, Greg Hurst, convicted of killing his father in Casper, Wyoming.
Okay.
It's a good start.
A strong start.

(01:18):
A strong start.
There's also a director called Greg Hurst who directed a movie called "Temporary Australians."
There's another Instagram guy who's got the handle "First Day Hurst Day 44."
And then there's in Australia there's Greg Hurst racing.

(01:39):
There's a Greg Hurst racing team in Australia.
Oh, what?
Yeah.
And you have to get a Greg Hurst racing shirt or something.
I know, that would be quite good.
So then I thought just for a laugh I would Google your name as well.
Oh, thanks.
Just thanks for your money.
It's very kind.
I'm never ending quest for content.
Sorry to break it to you, but most Nicky Kemp's are ladies that come up on the internet.

(02:02):
I don't know.
That's fair enough.
It's quite all right.
It's understandable.
One of which is an author, a published author with a book called "Be All You Should Be"
and I'm going to just bring up this inopsis of this book.
So yeah, I'm.
So on the cover of the book, there we see a lady from the back walking across

(02:24):
London Bridge towards the houses of Parliament.
She's a troubled lady.
We can tell she's a troubled lady because she's not combed her hair.
And the synopsis says, set against a bleakly toxic educational backdrop, the start of Nina's
journey tracks, the shockingly incorrect years of the 1960s and 1970s.

(02:46):
Don't know what was incorrect about them.
But woven into her own story are the graphically remembered violations inflicted on her mother
and her grandmother and their devastating lifelong repercussions.
Some of them will, one time, be shared, but others will remain tantalisingly locked and
linger to haunt the reader for months to come.

(03:08):
It is Nina though, who is on course to discover perhaps the biggest secret of them all.
So you can buy the paperback edition of "All You Should Be" for £20 or you can buy
the Kindle edition for £4.99.
I'll probably just do neither.
To be perfectly honest, I mean, obviously my namesake maybe I should support, but it doesn't

(03:32):
really sound like the kind of book I would read to be perfectly honest.
I don't think so.
There's also a lady singer called Nicky Camp who's got a song called "Niver Apart" which
I couldn't find.
I did the con iTunes.
And also there's a children's author who is the author of bestselling, although I don't
just heard of it when I looked this up.
"Children's Book" series, "Colin Camera" which is exactly as it sounds.

(03:56):
It's a little camera with eyes and by a shum gets into adventures, takes pictures, gets
into scrapes.
Upscarf.
Well, hopefully not.
It's a children's series of books.
Who knows if he accidentally goes off under a lady's skirt then again?
You know, sure it wasn't intentional.
Just happens to look up and the flash goes off and there you go.

(04:20):
This can happen when you've got a face for a camera or a camera for a face.
That's true, yeah.
I can imagine.
Yeah.
"Colon Camera" oh wow.
I'll have to look out for that.
Yeah, wow.
So, and Mike, well that's very interesting.
And Mike said "Murderers and Racers" not racists, racers.
And on your side, singers, artists and authors.

(04:41):
Yeah.
Because that's what adults think I've got the better deal there.
Also a doctor in the K camp who works at Bath University who's also a lady.
I essentially are really pushing this.
Also a lady, all ladies.
Yeah, thanks mate.
Okay.
So yeah, right anyway.
So it's Hogmanay Greg, so what are you exciting plans for Hogmanay?
Well, in the moment I'm sipping an ice cold blue moon Belgian white beer, which I'm thoroughly

(05:09):
enjoying.
What are you?
What are you on there?
I'm having a hot toddy because I'm full of the cold at the moment as you might be able
to tell from my voice.
It's a little bit grokey.
So yeah, I've got cold.
So I'm having a hot toddy just a standard whisky honey lemon hot water.
In your sports direct mug which holds about a pint, about a pint of fluid.

(05:29):
Yeah.
That's the biggest mug I have.
So yeah, of course I'm going to have to be recording for about two hours.
So yeah, I needed something to last me then.
But I think I've got a bit too much whisking.
So that gives me a little bit.
But yeah, I was feeling, I woke up feeling a bit, oh yesterday and I thought, you know what,
you know hot toddy.
So, I nipped down to the off-licens and, because I do have whisky, but it's like a single

(05:51):
malt and you know what, use that in a hot toddy.
Like, okay, it's going to taste nicer, but it's a waste.
So, so I just went out the offy and bought a bottle of grouse for like 12 euros for medicinal
purposes.
Exactly, from medicinal purposes, yeah.
So basically I'm just drinking hot toddy's for the last two days.
The best thing about having the cold, because I live in an environment where a drink in

(06:14):
June the week when there's work in school is generally frowned on by more than one person
in the house and I'll get about a hard time for it.
But if I've got the cold, I can drink as many hot toddies as I want without fear of recrimination.
It's completely allowed.
It's almost worth pretending to have the cold, just so I can have a hot toddy or two on

(06:37):
the school night.
Oh very good.
That's a bit dangerous, Greg, but yeah, never mind.
That's fine.
It's okay.
It's all right.
It's medicinal, of course it is.
Right, well, since it is our hogminy episode, shall we have a look at what's been happening
in the news in Scotland over the last couple of weeks?
Sure, jingle.
[Music]
Hello!

(06:58):
This is the out there heaven east broadcasting conversation.
And here is what's been going on in the news.
Okay, Greg.
What have you seen in the last couple of weeks in Scotland that has caught your eye and
you want to share with me and our lovely listeners?
So last year I think it was, we had Elvis appear to a dundee lady in the bottom of her pot

(07:26):
of McDonald's ketchup.
A few months ago, a couple of months ago, now we had Lewis Kapowdy manifest in Greece, not
the country, but the paper, which was wrapping someone's fish supper.
So this is another story of that elk in the headline means, "Ranger's fans stunned
after spotting Alan McGregor in his toothpaste."

(07:47):
Oh, fucks sake.
The byline has got quite a funny mistake in it.
So what the reporters meant to write was, "Brandon Morrow was brushing his teeth in his
bathroom before bed when he spotted the keeper's spitting image in his sink."
He's actually written as Brandon Morrow was brushing his teeth in his bathroom before bed.

(08:08):
Nobody's come back to correct it, even though this has been up since the set for December,
which is almost a week ago.
So a Scottish football fan was left stunned after he spotted the spitting image.
That could be a pun, because you're spitting the sink, don't you?
That's what I was thinking, yeah, because he must have properly spat into the sink.

(08:29):
So yeah, I think that is a pun, yeah.
He's a Rangers fan, though, so he might just swallow everything when his brushing is teeth.
So a Scottish football fan was left stunned after he spotted the spitting image of former
Rangers goalkeeper Alan McGregor in his toothpaste.
Rangers fan Brandon Morrow was brushing his teeth in his bathroom, as opposed to his kitchen,
before calling it a night on Sunday when he spat his toothpaste into the sink.

(08:53):
However, the sterling native quickly spotted what he reckons as an uncanny resemblance
to the 41-year-old shot stopper in the residue.
Brandon makes sense, he's a Rangers fan from Sterling, that makes sense, I suppose.
Brandon shared his discovery with his pals who were left howling at his claims and shared

(09:13):
the apparent resemblance to social media.
An image shows the stainless steel plug at the bottom of the sink, covered with Brandon's
toothpaste residue.
In the centre of the image, a face can be made out, which bears a ridiculous resemblance
to the Rangers' hawthoe fever.
I'm looking at the picture now.
I mean, it doesn't look like anything, it looks like a vegan of all of our twists.

(09:37):
I am looking at the picture as well, Greg, because I did have this story too.
And I would say it looks, did you ever watch the mighty bush?
So when no fielding used to dress up as the moon, right?
It was face-covered in cream.
I'm like, "Oh, I'm the moon."
It looks like that, or it looks like the protagonist from the terrifier movies.

(10:00):
Right, yeah.
Looks a little bit like that, I would say, rather than Alan McRigger.
But anyway, sorry, I digress.
Very nice.
Yeah, I agree, it looks fuck all like him.
I mean, the chip wrapper looks like Lewis's part.
It does.
This looks nothing like Alan McRigger.
Yeah, and the tomato sauce tub didn't really look like Elvis, but we agreed that they'd
look like Alvin Stardust.

(10:20):
Yes, we did, yeah.
My cook had you.
So the article continues, "The residue has created two spaces for the go-key burz eyes,
as well as his nose and mouth, even branding stunned by the odd creation."
He immediately messaged his pals via the messaging service WhatsApp, right?
And called me crazy, right?

(10:40):
But why does my toothpaste look like Alan McRigger?
That's what they sound in the sternum, the speak, they come from the deep.
I know that, because my grandfather came from Sterling, I got real little from there.
Despite reckoning, he'd stumbled on something.
Branden's pals were less impressed.
Jokingly tell him to "Fuck off!"

(11:03):
The image was shared online by Branden's friend, Aaron Fraser.
Sharing the snap on Sunday, he wrote, "The resemblance is frightening to be fair.
It received over 3,200 likes with Aaron himself adding, "Your neon aboro, my glasses mate."
Fellow-footy fan Nathan Steep's joked, spit and image was right there.
It was a tell with some stuff about Alan McRigger, but how many times he played for Rangers?

(11:27):
But how many times he didn't let any go-s in?
And how many times he was decorated and stuff?
But fuck it goes the fuck about that.
So, um, the only stat you need to know is that he's probably in my top five hated Rangers
players of all time.
Who is who's the other four?
Well, that had to be guessing, I guess, I guess.
Barry Ferguson?

(11:47):
Oh, yeah, he probably would be in there, actually.
Yeah, yeah, I'll have him, yeah.
Okay, so we've got McGregor, we've got Ferguson, Neil McCann?
Uh, no, no.
He was good for Scotland, Neil McCann, wasn't there?
Yeah, I didn't mind him.
Turned out for Scotland, Neil McCann.
Yeah, he did, actually, yeah, he was hurt, yeah, I quite, I didn't mind him, uh, for Scotland.

(12:08):
He hated him, obviously, for Rangers, but no, he wouldn't make a top five.
No, okay.
Um, McCoyst?
No.
He's had, you know, some hard, not to make out of McCoyst, isn't it?
Yeah, I think so, because obviously I hated him when he played for Rangers, but I think he's,
I know he's got, he's a cheeky chap, but, you know, he is, he's good, actually.
Like I really like, um, when he commentates on games, like he is good.

(12:31):
And obviously he's redeeming himself, you know, questioning that sport and stuff.
Short and good, shagging, he's a lurvy.
Short and glory.
Short and glory.
Yeah, so I don't, I don't actually mind McCoyst.
Um, and again, he turned out for Scotland.
He did.
He did, turned out for Scotland.
Um, okay.
Who else we got?
What about Ian Joran?
Um, no, we didn't say I hate him, really, because obviously, you know, Neil Simpson, effectively,

(12:56):
fucked him, so, um, you know, who got the last laugh there, so no.
Okay.
So who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?
I'll tell you where they're three then.
Um, I would have to say, um, probably Mark Hately.
Right.
Okay.
Absolutely despise Mark Hately.
Um, Ryan Jack, because this history there, and probably number one is, um, Ryan Jack,
because this history there, and probably number one is, um, Ryan Jack, because this history,
history there, and probably number one is, um, and I feel bad for saying this because he

(13:16):
was Dutch and, because he's no longer with us, but Fernando Ricksen.
Right.
Okay.
I thought you were going to say Terry Butcher, because he kicked a hole in the door of the
Patadre changing room, a waiting change room.
It's all right.
I don't mind, you know, the only reason I don't mind Terry Butcher is the fact that, um,
he got so angry at Maradona for scoping the hand of God.

(13:38):
Like, I kind of don't mind him because he was just so annoyed and angry and apparently
after the game, you know, we had him by the throat and he used your hand, he used your hand,
and sometimes I was like, no, no, no, I used my head, he used my head, like, so, um, so yeah,
that's fine, it's fair enough.
And he was kind of before my time, um, when he was at Rangers, like, just before, I think,

(13:59):
so don't hate him that much.
I remember, I remember my grandfather being quite, um, impressed the Terry Butcher, because
like, my grandfather was sort of notorious, the anti-English, and obviously, uh, Terry Butcher,
as, as she's just described, as an Englishman who turned out for England, but he, um, he is
indeed.
My grandfather, uh, he liked, he liked Terry Butcher and then when Terry Butcher bought his

(14:23):
pub, not my grandfather's pub, but he bought himself a pub, uh, in Bridge of Allen, near
Stirlin, he sort of cemented himself in my grandfather's good graces.
Yeah, that's nice.
That's all of the place, don't you?
Um, thank you.
Yeah, so that's old, uh, Brandon getting roasted on social media for putting a picture of,
uh, no fielding in a mighty bush or, uh, pagan from whatever twist, or whatever you think

(14:48):
it might be, go on to the day of the records, we'll find it quite quickly and let us know what
you think.
Like, again, I would say, and this is one of the things, you know, why we started the
podcast, like, why is this in the newspaper?
Like, you know, something, the Lewis Capaldi one, I can kind of understand, it's a funny
story, they have to fill it, it looks like Lewis Capaldi.
Yeah, that is impressive.
And it gave us some great quotes in that article as well with the guy saying, what's it?

(15:10):
He's having a bad time at the moment, so I'm going to send him this.
That's right.
Well, cheat him up.
But wait, as this is just, it looks nothing like him.
How is this must have been one hell of a slow new stay for this to make the newspapers?
Must have.
And I do like his pals reactions.
Fuck off.
Fuck off.
I do.
Oh, dear.
Well, have a matey Christmas, Brandon, if you can.

(15:32):
What's your next story?
What's your first story even this week?
Yeah, well, my first story this week, Greg, is about one of my favourite Scottish comedians,
Kevin Bridges.
Who doesn't love Kevin Bridges?
Yeah.
Everybody loves Kevin Bridges.
Everyone loves Kevin.
He's got a new special out, which I've not watched yet.
He does.
He's very, very funny.
Yeah, I haven't watched it yet, but I guess that's why he was on the one show last week,

(15:54):
promoting his new special.
So yeah, I do need to watch it.
I've seen him live a couple of times, so I'm live in Dubai, actually.
And he was fantastic, like he's just so funny, so effortless as well, and just kind of a real
guy.
So he was on the one show last week, obviously promoting this special.
So Kevin Bridges, and this is sorry, this is from the Scottish son last week.
Kevin Bridges has revealed a fan was caught having an affair at one of his shows after the

(16:19):
man's wife spotted him on camera with another woman.
The comedian said that the audience member was filmed sitting with his mistress during
his stand-up special, the brand new tour.
The man's secret was uncovered when he was sitting watching a recording of the gig on TV
with his wife on Christmas Day.
The show was filmed at Glasgow's Hydrurina in 2018 and later released on streaming platforms

(16:45):
and as a DVD.
Bridges, 37, originally from Clydebank, told how he had been inadvertently responsible
for home-breaking during an appearance in the one show.
He said, "And I'm not going to do the accents, I don't do the accents for famous people,
I just do them for the normal punty."
Yeah, we can't see you.
He said, "There is a story that means people should be aware when they come to a live show.

(17:08):
Somebody told me on my last special that there was a guy in the audience with a female
that he shouldn't have been with.
The guy and his wife were watching it on Christmas Day and the camera cut to the crowd and he
was having to explain.
That's maybe a cautionary tale to be aware that the camera is always there.
He added, "That's a bit brutal for the one show, isn't it?"
A nice, hope-breaking story.

(17:30):
Bridges was on the show to promote his new stand-up special, sorry, this'll be the one
that overdued catch-up, which was filmed at Corke Opera House earlier this year.
That's a bit of a shame, why did they film at Corke Opera House?
I always think, like, someone like that should always be filmed at the Hydrurur or a
Glasgow, because you get much better reaction from a Glasgow crowd for a Glasgow comedian.

(17:51):
It was released in cinemas last month and made almost £400,000 at the UK box office before
being made available to buy on DVD and as a digital download.
I've never heard of that.
A stand-up comedy show being released in the cinema.
No, I've not.
I've not heard of a stand-up comedy show.
I've seen when they've done sort of like West End shows sort of beamed light into the cinema

(18:13):
or Broadway or something, but never a stand-up comedian.
I've even seen, I think it was in Dubai, I don't remember, they were even like showing
like WrestleMania in the cinemas and stuff.
You could go along to that, but I could not be fucked with that purely because going to the
cinema in Dubai was bad enough, let alone going to watch something like that if you know
what I mean.

(18:34):
But yeah, why film at Corke?
That's weird.
But this led to me asking.
Obviously, it's a shame for this guy, but obviously he was doing something he shouldn't
have been doing.
He was caught out, you know, as Billy Conley told us, you know, if you tell lies, you
should always expect to get captured.
But if you ever been caught somewhere you shouldn't have been or filmed, like been on TV or something,

(18:58):
somewhere you shouldn't have been, if that makes sense.
No, what about you?
Have you ever been filmed in a place like you're not supposed to be?
Yes, I think back in maybe 2003 or something, I was working in a bar in Aberdeen.
I've mentioned before it was a revolution that was working there.
I can't fucking zoom it out for.

(19:21):
And I'd completely forgotten that I think it was a Wednesday night I was working and I was
on the evening shift and I'd completely forgotten to book it off because it was Aberdeen
Rangers at Petodren.
Right.
And I'm not right.
If I ask people with swap shifts then and I don't get my shift swapped then I'm fucked
because they'll know that, do you know what I mean?

(19:42):
Like they'll know that I can't phone in sick because they're going to know that I've asked
to swap shift.
I didn't, so I just phone in sick and got tickets to the game.
And it was like it was a big crowd so it was kind of last minute so the only tickets me
and my make-it-get were in the main stand and it just so happened we were sat in like the

(20:02):
second row and the game was on TV.
Which channel was on?
It's a Tanta.
It must have been on, I don't know, back in the day it was probably on Cetanta or Sky Sports,
another two back in the day but it was definitely televised so it would have been on.
And at Petodren the cameras are in the south stand so they face the main stand and it just

(20:23):
so happened it was like a massive fucking punch-up just literally in front of where we were
sitting.
So we were on TV.
So I'm like, so.
Now thankfully revolution didn't have TVs so they weren't showing the game or anything.
But someone by colleagues were watching the game and so me and my mate at the game shouting

(20:47):
up use.
Thankfully they never told the management or anything but yeah I was caught good in proper
attending the football match and having phone in sick so I never did it again after that
but yeah that was definitely a lesson learned for that.
I always made sure I got those games off from then on in or just ask people to swap my

(21:08):
shifts.
That's hilarious.
I don't know if this is a bit of a family apocryphal tale but the home county's tie, sort of home
county, his home country's tie in the 1970s being Scotland and England when Scotland won
the Scottish fans invaded the pitch and broke the goalpost and everything.
So this sort of family tale is that my uncle Donnie, because it was a bank called the weekend

(21:31):
and he knew that he wouldn't get back for his shift on the Tuesday because just went
and make it so he asked if he could have the Tuesday off and he's, no it wasn't me and
I had to cut my member but I kind of realized what happened but he asked for the day off to
get back and his boss said no he was the apprentice performer at the time so he phoned in sick and

(21:55):
he went to the game and he came back and he turned up for work the next day and he's
boss said, "Donnie, come here a minute, let me ask you something son, be honest with me
here, did you go at the game in London?" and Donnie said, "No, I was, I was paddling at my bed

(22:15):
though, oh we can't, I was so ill, honestly I thought Kath in phone, then from me and told
you I was so ill and his boss said, "Are you sure?
Are you sure that's what you want to tell me, Donnie's like, I can't, honestly boss, I
can't, so his boss reaches in, he's bag, gets a copy of the Sunday mail, slides it across

(22:37):
the table and apparently front page, oh not the front page, on the splash page there's
a picture of Donnie and his mate, in the middle of his mate, in between him and his mate is
a WPC, who's got an Irish round them at the sides, his mate is missing their tooth because when

(23:01):
he clipped, when he invaded the pitch and the police rushed out about them back, one of them
caught them in the mouth, he's baton and knocked at his tooth, oh fuck yeah, so it's basically
up, I think Bruce and his cheek and his tooth missing and then they're put, I think there
must be an outside, it must be an outside the ground, I can't imagine that these were
posing for photographs, thousands of the tart and army were swarming across when, but

(23:25):
yeah, so anyway, suffice to say Donnie got his jotters and had to go and resume his apprenticeship
elsewhere, oh fuck yeah, what a great story, that's incredible, to be caught out like that,
fucking big spread in the fucking Sunday mail, I mean as I say, it could be an apocryphal
tale, I've never seen the picture, but I thought it was a good story regardless of how

(23:49):
much of it's true or not, I don't know, oh very good, well there you go, there's a lesson
there and if you're gonna go somewhere with cameras, just don't get caught, that's why I hate
having my photo taken, so, no, I'm doing anything to get caught off, but just in general.
Anyway, okay Greg, what else have you seen this week?
Okay, so my next one comes from a daily record on the 7th of December, two days ago, the

(24:13):
headline needs Gogglebox, Stalker, Shripped Off, and Swam across the wall, and Beds to Escape,
Rescue Teams, so this is a former Gogglebox researcher, for those of you across who
have overseas Gogglebox is a fairly popular channel for, sort of, freeing out program where

(24:34):
members of the public are filmed watching and reacting to the weeks sort of biggest TV events,
they sometimes have celebrities on there, I think this is, they better,
and it's a little bit of a reason that is when they have normal people on there, but,
no, I used to watch Gogglebox, I prefer it when it's in normal, yeah, fair enough.
So this is a former Gogglebox researcher, she stalked her police officer, Lover, and

(24:56):
stripped off in Swam across a Scottish walk as concerned medics and a passing kayaker
mounted the rescue operation.
Rachel Barnes has recently been released from prison after being jailed for mounting a surveillance
operation on a man she met on a dating site and his new lover.
She caused a near miss on the A9 near Pit Walkie, and initially fell into a walk fa scally

(25:21):
as she made a drunken escape on foot to evade paramedics at the scene.
Barnes, who's 29, appeared in a docket per Shripped Court and Wednesday in a admitted driving
when she was more than three times over the alcohol limit on September the 5th of last
year.
Sheriff Jennifer Bane, KC, noted she had a previous drink driving conviction and banned her from

(25:43):
the road for three years in order to carry out 135 hours of unpaid work.
The court heard how Barnes triggered a rescue operation after abandoning her car in the
wake of a near miss and then trying to escape by entering the walk after stripping down
to her underwear.
She was running away from the ambulance workers when she initially fell into the walk, but

(26:05):
later climbed out of the water, took most of her clothes off, and jumped back in.
Barnes from London approached the giveaway junction in her black-out-e three without slowing
down or giving way, another vehicle had to swear to avoid her.
She came to a halt between the verge and the carriageway.
A passing ambulance stopped to offer assistance, and paramedics noticed that Barnes was acting

(26:26):
strangely, smelling strongly of alcohol, and was clearly heavily intoxicated.
She repeatedly stated that she didn't want any help, then she ran off towards the walk
for Scali and entered the water.
She later stripped down to her underwear and began swimming in the walk, prompting the emergency
response.
The emergency services, including police and fire crews, were called to the suite the

(26:47):
scene as 'Barm Swam' about 200 metres into the centre of the walk.
That's quite far, and struggled to stay afloat.
A kayaker who entered the walk through her alive jacket, which she used as a buoyancy
aid to swim back to shore.
Once in dry land, she was assessed by paramedics and taken to police headquarters.

(27:10):
Breath Lizer tests found her to be over the legal alcohol limit.
Her solicitor, David Homes, submitted letters of support for Barnes from her father,
and her godfather, who is a psychiatrist.
So yeah, that's, what's that in general for Barnes?
What's her name?

(27:30):
Rachel Barnes, running away from the police.
I mean, to swim 200 metres, I don't think I could swim 200 metres when I was sober, let
alone, no, pished, in a fleas and cold walk.
Not a fucking chance I could do that.
That's very, I was going to say, it's very brave, no, it's very fucking stupid, but that's
insane.

(27:51):
Yeah.
Well, if you're going to stalk someone, police officers probably not the best person to
be stalking, isn't it?
No, I don't think so.
No, probably not.
No.
Well, apparently she's shakari, though, a three-month surveillance operation on the policeman,
whose name is PC William Sonders.
Her surveillance operation included posing as a delivery driver to monitor him and his

(28:13):
new girlfriend.
Shortly after they'd encounter Barnes, started her, oh, as I say, shortly after encounter,
William Sonders broke it off with her and Barnes started her own investigation, finding
out private information about his new lover.
The officer's new partner, police investigator Catherine Baird, then found herself at the
heart of Barnes investigation in January 2021.

(28:36):
Phone records show that Barnes mobile pings near her home in more than 400 occasions, but
it's unclear how many times she visited the property.
Barnes also made report to the times where the police that she had allowed PC Sonders
to visit her home that would have breached COVID regulations.
She created fake social media profiles and added PC Sonders, misbeared and her house met.

(28:58):
She poses a delivery driver in order to get them to open a door, fucking hell.
That is pretty dedicated.
Yeah, very dedicated, I would say.
And probably not the best police officer anyway, if he's not noticing that someone's
mounted a three-month surveillance on him.
Yeah, exactly, I know.
I mean, she's obviously pretty sure she's not very well, you know what I mean?

(29:22):
And needs a bit of support, fairytale paying counselling, but I'm always fascinated how
people can have a fairly fleeting encounter with somebody and then just go to that, those
sort of lengths to be near them and to getting involved in their lives and stuff when it's
clear that it's a sort of one-sided thing, you know?

(29:44):
We've all seen fate-let-action through our source.
That's exactly it, it's been around since the 80s.
You know, they've just done a fate-let-action TV series.
I've not seen it, apparently it's not very good.
Yeah, I did, I was listening to a podcast about that actually.
I remember what it was and they mentioned that and that was the main reason, because there's

(30:08):
a show, I don't know if you ever seen "Party Down" TV show.
No, I know about it, but I was looking over at "Scene It".
I highly recommend it.
I absolutely love this show.
You'll be able to watch it now, now you've got your new TV.
You will absolutely love it and they did two series back years ago and then they just did
a reboot, like kind of a new series.
And it's brilliant, absolutely brilliant show.

(30:30):
And Lizzie Kaplan was in the first two series, but then she didn't come back for the reunion
and it was because she was busy filming the fate-let-action TV show.
Ah, really?
And the podcast I've listened to was like, "Well that was a bit shit, wasn't it?"
Like, you know, that was a bit stupid because the "Party Down" kind of reunion was very
well received to her as exactly as you've said, the fate-let-action was not so much.

(30:53):
Yeah, I quite like Lizzie Kaplan.
Yeah, I was very disappointed and she wasn't in the new series, but they got Jennifer Garner
to replace her, which was also a welcome addition, because I'm a big fan of Jennifer Garner.
That's quite pleased when she turned up in "I quite enjoyed the, what's it called?
How do you see me?" those sort of musician films with Mark Ruffalo and JC, who's his face

(31:18):
with the house and stuff and the first one had Sasha Baron-Kohn's wife in it, whose name
has either Fisher and then she didn't come in for the second one, so they got Lizzie Kaplan
instead.
I have to say, I enjoyed the second one more than the first one and largely down there.
And have the four.
Well you've been enjoyed part of the "Party Down" performance two seasons anyway.

(31:39):
First season, "Party Down" you would enjoy very much, because she's younger in it and she's
very cute.
I don't mean younger as in Gary Glitter type style, but I mean she's, you know.
Anyway, okay.
Okay, moving on.
Moving on.
We'll show you our next story.
So my next story is from the Scottish Sun this week and the headline literally just reads

(32:02):
"Bizarre".
So, a sleeping family were woken up at 3am by a drunken stranger snoring on their living
room couch.
Marion Bialov was left stranded in Stonehaven after he was thrown off a bus heading for Edinburgh
for being too drunk.
The 49-year-old then wandered into the family's unlocked home instead of booking hotel.

(32:25):
The family of four, consisting of two adults and two teens, were woken up by Bialov snoring
that sounded like groaning.
When the parents challenged him over being there, he showed his passport to them and claimed
they didn't want to help him.
The alarming incident happened on December 5th last year.
Fiscal deput, sorry, fiscal deput, Andrew McCann told Aberdeen Sheriff Court.

(32:52):
Mr McCann explained, both went to investigate out of concern for themselves and the children
and found the accused in the lounge area standing at the bottom of the stairs.
When Bialov of "Bue for Total" in Inverness was asked if he was all right, he showed the passport
to his couple and said "you don't want to help me".
The police were then called to the property.

(33:13):
Bialov pried guilty to behaving in a threatening or abusive manner.
Defence agent Mike Monroe described his client's behaviour as "utterly bizarre".
This is his defence agent.
This is his defence and said that Bialov took the train to Aberdeen for a few days off.
Mr Monroe added, he consumed a vast amount of alcohol.

(33:34):
Then he got it into his head, that he wanted to go to Edinburgh.
He'd never been there before.
However, so drunk was he, that the driver elected to remove the accused that Stonehaven.
How drunk have you got a beat?
That if you got on a megabuss in Aberdeen, you get thrown off at Stonehaven.
That's like a 15 minute drive.
He must have been fucking paralytic.

(33:54):
So now we have the accused, very drunk and wandering around Stonehaven.
The accused, for reasons we cannot comprehend, in his drunken state was looking for somewhere
to stay for the night and ended up going around Bat Gardens and landed up at this address,
knocking ornaments and plants over.
Again, this is his defence, Greg.

(34:16):
The door was insecure and in he went.
Mr Monroe acknowledged that the family of four would have been frightened during the instant.
He also explained that the groaning they heard was his client snoring.
He then told the court that his client woke up and was then found by the couple, meandering
around the ground floor of the property.

(34:36):
Mr Monroe added that by-law apologized to the householders for the fear that he caused
them.
Sheriff Margaret Hodge told by-law, it must have been very frightening for the householders
that you entered their house in the middle of the night, bang, find £290.
That's it.
He's broken and entered in their house and he's been fined £290.

(34:57):
Maybe the family have decided that it was an honest, albeit bizarre and fairly silly mistake
and no harm done.
Yeah, I can imagine.
It must have been.
He was obviously pished.
He just decided, on a whim, let's go in, bro.
Let's get the fucking bus down.
But how hammered you got to be, you get thrown off a bus in 15 minutes?
That's impressive.

(35:18):
He must have been doing something on that bus.
Really?
I'd be the annoying.
I wish they'd interviewed the bus driver to explain his side of the story and tell us
that why he threw him off after 15 minutes?
Because, yeah, I mean, do you imagine being launched off a bus and effectively being stranded
in Stonehaven?
You think it's obviously going to try and loads of doors before it's found one that's

(35:39):
open?
Yeah.
It's a bit weird.
I mean, can I actually open the wrong door?
It's like fucking some hard cunt.
It's like cumstown.
Kicks a stab, so fucking cunt and drags him out into the garden.
Info into please.
Yeah, yeah, you don't want to be doing that or worse, it's like two fucking door man waiting
for you as you open the door.
I mean, yeah, I know.

(35:59):
It's okay, I'll just...
To be fair, to the bus driver, there's nothing worse.
And it's happened to me a couple of times when I used to go up and down between Glasgow
and Aberdeenlight fairly regularly.
Nothing worse than being stuck beside somebody who's a bit pished and just insists on fucking
talking at you.
Do you know what I mean?
You must have happened to you before, I'm sure.

(36:21):
Fucking happened to be on your stag do.
On the bus to the airport, your dad effectively told the Spanish cheeky.
Oh, that's right.
To fucking that he was going to knock him out if he...
And he went and sat elsewhere, your dad saved my life, eventually that day.
And sat next to some fucking Spanish jk kept offering me booze from his water ball that

(36:44):
looked like his own pish, but he was drinking it and he was really having a go at me and I
was...
I don't know what I was about.
Timid, I was fucking massively hungover and I was just kind of ignoring him but he was
really annoying me and then your dad basically stepped in and told him to get to fuck.
We've got no about that.
I remember, I remember actually what you were doing.

(37:04):
You had elected to sit by yourself from a got in the bus because you were getting ready
for an interview because you were in a process of moving to Dubai.
So you had brought all your notes and everything so you could swap up in the bus.
I think your interview must have been that week because we came back from Dubai, I think

(37:25):
from the Sunday of the Monday, from Dubai, from Barcelona and the Sunday of the Monday.
And so you were naked.
Sorry boys, I'm just going to sit here in my own.
I need to... I need to just get this in my head, spubble, blabla.
Fuck it.
Sat beside, fucking accosted by Roberto C. Nesbito.
[Laughs]
I forgot all about that.

(37:48):
Yeah, he was a fucking head case that guy.
God, thank God for your dad.
Total safe my skin that day.
Fuck knows what happened to me then.
No.
You're drinking some spaniards pish.
I remember once coming down in the train from Aberdeen and sometimes she would be guys that
would be getting on that had just come back from a couple of each rotation on the rigs.

(38:10):
And this old fella fucking sat next to me one night.
He was a Friday night and he was hammered.
Because he was sometimes... if I got the train from Aberdeen early in the morning, these
guys would sometimes get on.
And they'd obviously bought a fucking carry out the night before.
Yes, they'd get on the train at 8/30 in the morning with sort of half a dozen
cans of McEwen's export in a half bought of the whiskey for the two and a half hour journey

(38:33):
from Aberdeen to Glasgow.
And still run out.
Yeah, just for themselves.
But I saw, because I was getting the train in the train and I only assumed that this guy
had landed back at Dyson the morning and just spent the day in the fucking pub, he probably
missed the few trains.
Oh, sorry, I'll get in next one.
Got in next one.

(38:53):
So, he sat next to me and was that a dangerous fan?
And he was just like, like, quizzing me on Rangers.
I was just, I was just, I read my book, right?
This was the beat.
This was the early 2000s.
It was no Y-pads, no smart phones.
Suddenly I read him a book.
I had bought a couple of beers from the trolley.
I was quite content.
I wasn't bothering him, but it's just one of those fucking annoying fucking cunts that

(39:17):
can't just require it.
It has to just talk at somebody.
And he was like, "Oh, I bet you can't even name this, starting at 11 for Rangers."
And I was like, "Yeah."
"Could not give a fuck?"
And the thing about, the thing about people like that from Glasgow is that, you know, if you
say you're from Glasgow, you can only be one of the other.

(39:37):
If you say you support Partic Thistle, they'll like, "No, you don't."
"Ah, well, yeah."
And you're up.
If you say you support Partic Thistle, you obviously support the opposing team, the team
that they support.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Who's your big team, though?
Yeah.
Come on.
Who's your big team?
In the end, it was so fucking annoying and the shame was full.
So instead of going all the way to Glasgow, I formed my dad.

(40:00):
My dad rescued me, much thinking I rescued you.
And I said, "Duck, you're okay to pick me up at Sterling and I'll just stay at Cumber
and all tonight and I'll go home in the morning."
And he said he would, so I got off at Sterling.
I'd have nighted my dad's just to get away from this fucking annoying cunt.
"Ah, get out of your dad was just, he was like the fucking equalizer, wasn't he?"
"He's the fucking hero."

(40:21):
Sorting shit.
Yeah, so what a legend.
So we're all my problems.
I could have used them.
I could have done one of them in the cup last week because we were seven or, well, our house
is sold now.
It's completely done.
But it had to be the hard time getting the bits and bulbs of furniture that were still
in the house taken away.
So, you know, whereas if my dad was there, he'd have been so late that fucking hell with that

(40:42):
and about half an hour.
Just like, "God, but, yeah, anyway."
"Ah, well, well, that is our, ehm, or a hero there, or a drunken hero, fall asleep on people's
sofas."
Anyway, have you seen anything else this week, Greg?
"Eh, no, that's, that's all my news, but in the last episode, you and I went down a wee

(41:03):
bit of a Cosmo rabbit hole, we're thinking of rabbit hole, rabbit hole, and we were sort
of imagining what the Cosmo Christmas party might be like at the big man's house.
So I was thinking, well, if he has a Christmas party, James,
I bet he has a Hogmanay party."
"Oh, why?"
And I was thinking myself, "It strikes me as a sort of, as a quite a traditional guy, James

(41:25):
Cosmo."
So he's going to, he's arranged a Hogmanay party.
He's invited all his friends, like the, the great and the good of, eh, Scottish actors,
screenwriters, directors.
And when Cosmo has a Hogmanay party, it's very traditional.
Everyone's there, but I tie on.
Got to be smart, you know?
"Yeah."
"You have to, oh, you got to be smart at Cosmos."
"Yeah."

(41:46):
"You have to be on your feet for the bells."
"Anybody not on their feet for the bells doesn't get asked back."
"I've had a game."
"Eh, that's just a non-starter in Cosmos house."
"Ewan McGregor did it when he was a young actor starting out, you know, he
just got Shallow Grave under his belt, fucking sleeping in Cosmos couch at 5 to 12, has
never been asked back since."

(42:06):
"Yeah."
"And then steak pie after midnight."
"But it doesn't want everyone to stay too late because he's got to get a flight in the
morning at Bulgaria for a couple of lines on some fucking swords and sandals film that he's
got, he's got a couple of days work on.
Two days work, £3,000 in hand plus expenses.
So this is my Emirates stay too late.
But, you know, who do you think he's inviting along to the Cosmo Hogmanay party?

(42:30):
"Ah, to all the good and the great, of course.
Alex, Norton will be there."
"Norton's there."
"He'll invite Peter Mullin."
"Peter Mullin probably won't show up though."
"I mean Jonathan Watson's there?"
"Dave Anderson obviously, not invited after the debate."
"I'm not a tackle of the garden, no."
"You only get one chance with Cosmo."
"Yeah."
"And that's it."
"Only got one chance."
"Matt Costello, he does invite, but he's just stood in the kitchen again, telling everyone

(42:52):
about Wonder Woman 84 and Gal Gadot how he tried to crack on tour, but didn't get anywhere
at all."
"No, didn't get anywhere at all."
"I think David Hayman is obviously there."
"Haman gets there early, I think."
"Yeah, I think Hayman gets there early."
"Is there early?"
"He says, does every year, he says, look James, don't think I can stay in some midnight,

(43:16):
you know, a bit late, blah, blah, blah, I need to get back, I've got stuff on the next day,
but he's always won the last ones to leave in the end."
"But he's fine, he's a good egg, does he cause any bother?"
"And Cosmo's ordered in early, so he has got the slabs of Kestrel and McEwan's export,
tenants obviously, baby sham for the ladies for Mrs Cosmo."

(43:40):
"Yeah, for Mrs Cosmo and for Barbara Rafferty."
"Elaine C Smith and Shirley Henderson, they are there."
"Afflek on the door, obviously, as always."
"I think Tori and Roper is probably sat in the couch just demolishing the lazy Susan that
he has, which has pickled onion and cheese cubes and ham cubes as well."

(44:04):
"And Tori and Roper are just sitting there telling everyone about touch the dog's ears,
the gamer used to play as a kid while she'd been pickled on games."
"Elly Harrington, I'll be there. She's probably doing the dishes, and loading the dish for sure."
"She's helping out." "Yeah, she's chatting away to Mrs Cosmo.
I can see, Ellie and Mrs Cosmo sitting in the kitchen, we co-glazer, baby sham, each,

(44:27):
just cracking away, I'm folded, keeping an eye in the steak pie, you know, Ellie's as
rent and I can do, you know, you want me to wash up with some dishes, you want me to set
the table, when Mrs Cosmo's like, "No, no, Ellie, you're a guest." And James is like, "No, no, no, no, no,
you just relax, Ellie." Mrs Cosmo will take care of all that.
"Yeah, exactly. You'll have some bit-parter's like Gordon Kennedy, you know, he'll be there,

(44:51):
but just kind of milling around looking at things, seeing what's going on."
"Just glad to be there, you know, just, yeah, I can see Kennedy maybe just sort of keeping
his ears open for any work, you know, we're working on, you know, baby, chatting up,
Alex not only doing another series of two doors down next year, you know, I think it'll be

(45:12):
part of me on it." "It's Tiger coming back, you know, I could always do that, you know, I could
always be villain number three or something, you know, I could always do that, I can see Cosmo,
you know, it's all got, the party's going really well, it's a really nice atmosphere,
and so we bit of sort of lucky-white hair-the-club music, not too loud, you know, because

(45:33):
of what people talk and things, but it takes Alex not into one side and has a wee word with him
about his weight, you know, just moment Alex." "Oh, do you think you're not young man?"
"Oh, Alex, I don't mind any more Alex, do I just want to treat you a dune or something, you know,
this is a young man's game, you get too fat, parts will dry up." "You're getting on a bit, come on man,
I don't know, look what happened to Tom Yury, when he was last thing he saw him in the tele."

(45:57):
"Foxie, do you think Cosmo strikes me as a type that we'd have like a little salute, like they
have at the Oscars, maybe he has like a slide show prepared for like all the Scottish actors we've lost."
"Yeah, I think so." "Like, over the year, so you have like a Robby Coltrane..."
Was that this year? "I know, I was last year, I think it was another bit of a question."

(46:19):
"Last year, wasn't it?" "I was last year." "You study this year?" "Oh well, John Burnen,
I know he's not, not an actor, but a fine contributor to the Scottish arts." "He'd have like a
little slide show there to show, you know, everything." "And then, I almost imagine him in a way,
it's a bit like Festivus with Frank Costanza, they have like an airing of grievances that Cosmo

(46:41):
sits everyone in a circle and they have to air any grievances they've had over the year,
to cleanse their year before leaving here begins." "To leave it in the, leave it in the
old year and go into the new year, clean and fresh-late." "He's quite spiritual." "Right,
of course, he believes in that." "He does meditation, he does yoga, and he believes that you have to,

(47:04):
you know, out with the old one within you, and you have to cleanse yourself, so I think he does
sit everyone in a circle and they have to air any grievances that they've had over the previous
year, so, you know, barber rafferate, he might be annoyed at a lazy Smith for taking one of our roles,
or something, as in a show role, not like a sausage roll, or something." "Rab-Raflex obviously,

(47:27):
they're going to be pissed off with somebody about something that's upsetting, well, he's an easy-going
guy, but this is his time. This is the time he can let it out, he can let it show." "I think David
Hamons just sat in the corner just thinking about going fishing, not really wanting to put anything."
"Yeah." "Alex Norton's kind of looking at the buffet, thinking, "Ah, fuck, I'm a

(47:49):
cosmos warden." "I'm a fucking regular, he's a young one of those men's pies, but yeah, Cosmo said,
I need to watch my weight, so I don't know, and then Steve McColle was just pissed off because he's
had to stop DJing." "It's kind of musical off, yeah, it's just about, just about,
McColle was just about to tee up, like, a quite an obscure ass-take camera beside
when Cosmo came and switched off the decks." "Oh yeah, Cosmo's like, no, it's time for the Cosmo chat,

(48:15):
the Cosmo clearance we will call it, for that's the thing, and Tam Dean Burns just sitting there
was heading his hands, like, "Oh, for fuck's sake, I didn't want to do this, I don't know what's
going on here." "Mac and Cosmo still excluded from the Cosmo hug-and-a-party because the first
time that he was invited just after is sort of start making turn in sweet 16, so the scribe last

(48:41):
time he took Cosmo's bathroom door off and slashed down the stairs on it, so, you know, there's some
things that Cosmo just can't forgive, and taking the big man's bathroom door off is just not allowed."
"No, you never, never take the big man's bathroom door off, that's just ridiculous." "But definitely
not, so yeah, Cumson doesn't get invited back, you know, Cosmo had the tools out, it fucking,

(49:03):
they quartered it's well, one was missed the bells, putting that fucking bathroom door back on,
Mrs. Cosmo and Baba Rafferate both burst them for a push, because Cosmo's only got one bathroom,
he doesn't see the need to have an unsweet, he's got a nice old house, one bathroom space,
which, Cosmo grew up in a house, so one bathroom, why do we need more than one bathroom, you know?
Cosmo grew up with a fucking outdoor club, he doesn't, it's nothing, he's nothing, yeah,

(49:29):
there's nothing there, he knows that, you know, he hasn't grown up with privilege, so he's there.
Yeah, well he's fine, one bathroom can be managed, perfectly well with discipline and getting
at your bed in the morning. Until Brian Pettifer blocks the toilet, and then all hell breaks loose,
Cos Cosmo's got to get the plunger out, and he's fucking hammering away at it, he's going,

(49:51):
"Nice, I forgot, for fuck's sake, what's going on, it fucking last year, it was the door of a
compsent, this year it's Pettifer blocking the toilet, for fuck's sake, can I not just have a
fucking hogman A in peace and enjoy my black bun and my steak pie, without being
fucking my tart and special, without having to constantly be in this fucking clergy, sort and shit out."

(50:13):
Heyman's a bit of a really apologetic about it though, but heyman's looking a bit green in the corner
as well, it's only about a time before he has to go and fucking spews ring, so he's only a wee fellow,
I mean I've met David Heyman, he's not a very tall man, he's quite slight, quite a slight guy,
you know, quite thin, wirey, can't hold these fucking cans, you know, he always says,

(50:35):
"I'm not, I can't stay for a long James," James knows that Mrs. Cosmo's making a bed up in
the sofa for him, because there's no way he's going home, all it takes is, he gets talking,
gets talking about Peter McDougall, when he gets talking about when he was in a working hair with
Simon Pegg and Andy Serkis, next thing you know, he's five cans of cash, he's looking

(50:58):
about green about the girls, he's not, he's not eating enough, crucially, Cosmo's got to have the
reverse conversation with him, because he's so fucking skinny, okay, come on James, if you're going to
be hands, if you're going to be hands on cans at a Cosmo hug bunny party, you need to get wired
into that steak pie, so, yeah, but yeah, he has to, he has to get someone inside him,
it definitely, I mean, Cosmo knows that he's going to have to fucking put a bucket on the,

(51:23):
the living in carpet next to his sofa when he fucking puts, when he puts him in a bed later on.
Well, fucking Mrs. Cosmo's just had that carpet cleaned especially for this part, and you can
imagine if he spews his ringer on it, it's going to go fucking mental. Cosmo's got to go,
Jesus Christ. Cosmo's got to go up early, he's got that flight to Bulgaria at a catch, he's
going to have to make sure that he man's up in at the house, because he's, you know, he's just, he's

(51:45):
not the right thing to leave some, you know, like a pissed up colleague on the sofa at home,
and we're going to put only Mrs. Cosmo, you know what I mean? So he got to get, get him and up off the
sofa and out, and he's waiting at the airport. And how do you think Cosmo will react when some of
the neighbourhood kids come round? Like, much like two doors, they come and round, they've heard
there's a part of there, they've come round, they've knocked on the door. Cosmo and fighting them in,

(52:09):
for a weekend, a weekend of tart and special. I think, I think if he knows the bad, it's okay,
if it's, if you know, if it's, it'll be like, "You know, who's your dad? What, what, what, what, what,
don't you live it?" And if, if the past, the inquisition, and Cosmo, this had like a, you know,
he's seen the dad, the dad looks alright, he's seen him at washing his car in a Sunday, Cosmo
respects that, he knows some of his other neighbours fucking drive down to the, drive down to the car wash

(52:32):
and pay some Polish guy, three quid. Cosmo respects when a man is out in his drive, spending two or three
hours meticulously washing and carrying for his car. So if it's one of those kids, who's dad's,
does that? Cosmo will let them in, maybe give them like a wee snowball or something like that,
or they'll be kind of top deck. One eye on them all the time to make sure that they don't get

(52:53):
wired into the tart and special or the cash roll, because you know, they want to have to have that
conversation. Does he want to have this guy chaper in the door? The last thing Cosmo wants to do
on hug-bunny is have to fucking give one of his neighbours a fucking belt in the year,
because his wee boys, their Cosmo's house, pitched and gone home. Yeah, but then there's another
chap in the door. Cosmo answers the door and it's Kevin Guthrie. So I mean, that is the second biggest

(53:19):
mistake I've had in Guthrie's life. That is me. That is me. What's Cosmo's reaction to that? I can see,
by, he Cosmo's red head and I can just see that pale complexion flushing the fucking colour of an 80s
don't strip. He won't say a word. He'll turn Castello, where they've been on his way to the bog,

(53:43):
he'll have seen when Cosmo's opened the door, he'll have seen Guthrie there and he's hurried
there, he's hurried in between them, he's told James the Calsoartless or James, you go away inside,
you go away inside, Jim and he said to Guthrie, 'Son, what the fuck are you doing? How could you come
back here?' That's man, I'll kill you. Run these hug-bunny, it's fucking ruined, but I don't know

(54:07):
the beginning, because after he's just finished unblocking the toilet that Brian met for us, blocked,
he's heard these noises coming from his bedroom. The bed he shares with Mrs Cosmo and he's going
in and he's found Joy McAfoy at Ian Robertson, feeling alright, what's Cosmo's reaction at that?
I mean I think Cosmo's, I think at this point Cosmo's wondering why the fuck he bothers,

(54:28):
opening his house up. I think he's said to go in there, he said to tell Joy that fucking put
our blouse back on, he's got Ian by the ear, he's fucking dragging him down his stairs, he ends
up the door, Cosmo's put planted firmly in his arse and a warning watch out for the
gnomes and he's waiting at the garden gate and that's him bad for life. No barbecues, no Christmas

(54:53):
parties, no Hanukkah, no New Year's party, no St Andrews Day, no Barnes night, he's done.
That's a lot. He's on the list with Gus Ray and Dave Anderson in constant, that's the last time.
That's the very last time you know what, we're still getting invited back. McAfoy, you know, he's
going to give her the benefit of the doubt, she makes the look and mercy, he'll be asked Mrs Cosmo

(55:15):
just to have a chat with her later on if he finds out that there's been anything untoward
and Joy and that wasn't Joy's idea and God forbid, Robert Sins fucking just been trying it on
with her the next time the Cosmo season. In fact, Cosmo will be done that fucking river city set
as soon as it gets back from home anyway. They know that James can't stick up for his sister because

(55:39):
James McAfoy's only fucking four foot eight so Cosmo will step in because James McAfoy's even
here in the mean world, but it's in things. So Cosmo will step in and then at the end of the night
you know when he's got fucking, he's got a haman on the sofa, everyone else has gone home. He helps
Mrs Cosmo make sure the house is shipshaked before they go to their bed, they get in bed and he says

(56:01):
that's the last time. That's the very last time I'm doing a hug beneath part. Mrs Cosmo says,
oh come on Jim, you say that every year and you always you always want to have another one
come September time and he says no this is the last time. But Mrs Cosmo knows that come late summer
early autumn next year. James will say, you know how about doing a hug beneath part. Yeah, again,

(56:22):
they're always good. They're good to see my pals. Maybe, maybe, maybe, Holly would general butler will come
if he's if he's in, if he's in Glasgow, see, he's mad and bring me a he always brings me a nice bottle
of drums when he comes general. Oh James, if you're listening, would love to be invited to your 2024 New
Years' Party, please. I hope it's as spectacular as we've just can imagine this right? Can you imagine

(56:47):
imagine a production assistant on the river site, he said, Chappinon, Robertson's dressing room door.
Mr Robertson, James Cosmo is here to see you. He's like, fuck, he's hiding under the bed,
Cosmo banging on the door. Well, just let him in. James Cosmo, I'm just back from

(57:09):
Bulgaria, son. I've come, come, sorry, I had to fucking, not enough, I had to unblock the toilet after
pet if I had to change the fucking sheets before I'm being Mrs Cosmo could get into bed because I
you and fucking joy, I'm happy for you. I've heard about it. Like seconds before the production
assistant comes in, Mac, Robertson just opened the WhatsApp from joy and all that says is,

(57:34):
I'm really sorry you. Okay, how well? That's fucking how Cosmo's New Years'
signed up Mises. I wish I could go to that there. Yeah, it does.
Can you imagine just like, sitting in next to that lazy Susan with Johnny Watson and Tony
Roper, just cracking away, doing impressions and, you know, just eating pickled onion?

(57:57):
Yeah, because, because on a Cosmo lazy Susan, it's only like, it's like pineapple and cheese on
cocktail sticks. It's like cocktail sausages, pickled onions. This waif does a sort of shredded
carrot and raisin thing that was quite popular in 1980s as well. I don't know if you've ever had it,
I quite like it. I better take it salad, you know. Yeah, there's not a lot there. Span a

(58:20):
shite, not chorizo or anything. It's not fucking tapas, tapas, tapas, taps, taps, taps, taps,
yeah. So, there's nothing like that there. It's the genuine staple and it's a white plastic lazy Susan.
It's not a fancy one for it. It's one they can go. It's one they've had since the 80s. They've got
it as a wedding present probably. It's one they can fengen at this water.

(58:41):
Well, Mrs Cosmo. Oh, I've seen the lazy Susan. It's one they can just know how to marry.
And Mrs Cosmo is the dishwasher. No, I don't.
At this washers are modern, well, we're out of the modern sort of appliance that cause
them all out, you know, is, is it? Yeah, it's fair enough. He doesn't want Mrs Cosmo to be stood

(59:03):
at the sink for hours and hours. He wants to spend time with her. He loves the woman, you know?
Yeah, but he doesn't have an air fryer or a... No, not George Foreman.
But he's being green-fagged. But do you know, like, machine? Do you know something that fucking
annoys Cosmo more and almost anything else? It's when Mrs Cosmo doesn't
loaded dishwasher properly. Cos he's... Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.
Shoulder so many times where the big plate's go, where the side plate's go, which way up the

(59:27):
cut that it goes? What pans can go into dishwasher? What pans need to be washed in the sink?
Because putting dishwasher will fuck up the nonstick. Must have told her a thousand times.
She never learns the dish. Oh, she never learns. But she's fine for a few weeks.
Cosmo goes away to, like, Wyoming or something to do a guess roll.
He's fucking hylanders. Wyoming and bulkier. Do they get a walk-on on a cab?

(59:51):
Another attempt to reboot the hylander TV series Mrs Cosmo. Just all a good habit.
She's got the window, you know? Bad habits creep back in. It's got a show again.
So, test the patience of a saint. Poor Cosmo. Never mind.
Okay. Right. Well, I hope you have as good a Hogman A as Cosmo's Hogman A part.

(01:00:11):
It's Cosmo's not half a billion.
Poor James. He's so much to clean up the next day.
Right. If you've seen anything in the news or if you've got any ideas for Cosmo's next
year party that we can pass on to the great man, then you can get in touch with us on cultureswalley@gmail.com

(01:00:33):
or you can follow us on Instagram @CultusWalleyPod or you can follow us on x for learners twitter @swalleypod.
Right Greg, before we go on to what we're going to be talking about today, let's have a little word
from our sponsors. And our sponsor is of course Dorick's skateboard. A skateboard brand created by
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inspired by Scotland what which we actually need to cover quite soon Greg. So check out Dorick's
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have a look at all the amazing decks stickers, badges, hoodies and teas on offer and enter the promo
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Dorickscapeboards.com link in the description of this episode. So yeah that was our sponsor,
Dorick's skateboards if you're looking for some Christmas presents for New Year's and these

(01:02:23):
after Christmas so this will be coming out Greg. Okay then for some New Year's presents for
you, some New Year's. I go on to their website and they'll get some cool stuff but it was your turn
to pick Nicky this week because I picked the bogeyman for the Christmas episode so what are we talking
about on this Hogmanay special? Well Greg as you've just said it's Hogmanay so we're talking about
a show that was an absolute staple of Hogmanay from 1993 to 2020 when it ended. It is of course the

(01:02:52):
Jonathan Watson vehicle only an excuse. Starting out is a radio special in 1987 and then there were
three other radio specials before it made the leap to TV in 1993 replacing Scotch and Rye in the
Hogman A lineup created by Phil Differ and starring mostly Jonathan Watson but with a lot of other

(01:03:12):
contributors over the years it's essentially a schedule which takes the piss out of the good
and the bad of Scotch football with impressions of some legendary Scotch characters such as Sir Alex
Ferguson Craig Brown, Walter Smith, Dennis Law, Chick Young, Frank McAvenny and of course
Graham soon has some young stutters it spawned a whole host of catchphrases and jokes that have

(01:03:35):
made their way into the lexicorn of Scotch football and culture. Only an excuse was an absolute
institution and a must watch of any comedy fan so there are so many episodes out there obviously
ran from 1993 to 2020 but I thought I would just pick one episode to watch just to kind of cover
but we will talk about the show overall so I picked the 1999 episode which is available on YouTube

(01:04:01):
that it wants to watch it and most of them are available on YouTube but Greg what are your memories
overall of only an excuse? So I remember it must have been about 1994 and I think for whatever reason
I hadn't seen the first one in Hugway in 1983 and I was talking to my dad on the phone and he

(01:04:22):
asked me what I was doing for the bells and I kind of remember what I was doing probably not a lot
so it was only like 16 or 15 or 16 probably just going to drink some thunderbird and some of these
garage but he said oh you should you should tape only an excuse and I was not heard of it at all
at that point so I did and I remember watching the night before one it wasn't quite as engaged in

(01:04:47):
everything sort of Scotch football at that time but there was obviously a lot of characters who were
unmistakable that they were parry then particularly Gravesunus and Dennis Law and Alex Fergus and other
three that I remember I just remember being really funny and I remember laughing at stuff that
I didn't really get but just the the way it was being performed just really made me laugh you know

(01:05:10):
I mean and I think as well I think the power of only an excuse in Scotland is you know if you
if you live in Aberdeen and you support Aberdeen football club you at some point you're going to
run into some players you're going to yes you've described before and we did the the the documentary
about Aberdeen running the cup on his cup and you're going to run into like Stuart Millen probably

(01:05:34):
or the manager if you live in Glasgow you're going to come across various people associated with
the old firm clubs if you live in Dundee you know I'm not sure that if you live in Manchester the
chances of seeing I don't know Ryan Geig's in fucking Yates Weimlodge is particularly likely but

(01:05:58):
you know if you live in Glasgow it's a good chance you'll see Barry Fergus and getting shocked out of
our chaos right you know so there's there's a sort of intimacy about these big personalities in
Scottish football for us the viewers you know this you know we see them on the TV and they're various
sort of personality that all new onties and things and there's every chance that you might bump into

(01:06:23):
the e and jess and his wife and Frankie and Denys or something like that if you live in Aberdeen so
I think it's just I think that's about it's so funny and like if you like the episode that we did
for the effort for this episode the podcast it's predominantly Scottish football although there is
a little bit of a there's a wee bit of um premier ship uh sort of characters and stuff in there too

(01:06:45):
but I mean it's the episode that we did here is from 1999 which is 24 years ago almost quarter of
a century ago but you know the the way that the characters that are the people that are being sent up
like Craig Brown for example would come off on in the media whether it was in newspapers or on

(01:07:06):
Scotsport or match the day whatever they just just really nail them you know and then you know
obviously they have abory stuff as well and whatnot but uh they got it really really made me really
made me laugh much more than I was expecting as we've been nervous about watching it because it's
such an old episode I'm saying well I don't know how much I'll be able to remember how much it'll
resonate with me because it was so long ago but you know like this this stuff like with um QC

(01:07:31):
what's his face with the Donald Finlay with the singing the sectarian songs you know I I'm not
thought about that sort of it was I've got a scandal the day I'm not thought about that for a
year is huge and it just it can rush it back to me it's episodes that you watch in it I think that's
the thing um because that's kind of the reason I picked this episode because I did watch about

(01:07:56):
five or six episodes before picking this one and the reason I picked this one was because first
of all it's kind of the best quality yeah the same quality wasn't great on a few of them and of course
obviously I need to make some clips and stuff to put in but it just kind of resonated this was one I
remembered really enjoying at the time and really laughing at and I think that's that's why I kind of

(01:08:18):
landed on the 1999 one but you're right I mean I mean this was an absolute tradition of hogmanay
for me I don't remember watching maybe the first one but I similar to you yeah might've been
94.95 that I probably first watched it and then I never missed an episode like I would tape it before
going out even when I moved to Dubai I downloaded it you know I made sure obviously I had to download it

(01:08:40):
from illegal sources at the time but then of course I player came out and they could they were putting
on there but yeah I've never missed an episode because I just found it so hilarious and yeah it just
takes the piss I got a Scottish football but what I love about it is it's not like there's no malice
it's nothing it's nothing it's not nasty at all it's it's fun and it just kind of takes the piss

(01:09:05):
and it just exaggerates kind of the you know it's so spot on in places just as you've said in terms of
the way I mean and well come on Jonathan Watson he is just incredible it's it's it's it's amazing how
he does it but some of his impressions are just so spot on and I think what I love about it is well
like you probably have to have a little bit of maybe Scottish football knowledge to understand all

(01:09:30):
the jokes but I don't think he actually have you don't have to be an expert I mean I watched a show
that I watched the the final show which like Muriel Gray was on and she's like I know nothing
about football but I watched only an excuse every year and I find it how hilarious because you don't
have to know football to you know it's true like a lot of the jokes aren't football related but it

(01:09:52):
helps if you know the the background or the information of what's happened in the past year but it's
just so cleverly done I mean the I think the sketch in this episode that really sums up what you've
just described is so we've seen Chik Young already on the who was the a millionaire send up and then
and then there's one that comes a wee bit later where it's that the BBC News studio and like they still do

(01:10:20):
in the background sort of blurb out they've got all the researchers and things while they've got the
the newscaster at the front and focus giving you the the news of the day and she's telling us of
the how rangers have just beaten Celtic and you'll firm that and then you see this kind of blurred
character in the background with you and it's unmistakably Chik Young we know it's Chik Young because

(01:10:43):
we've just seen him a few minutes before or who wants to be a millionaire so we recognize the
outline and the thing is you don't have to know that Chik Young you know sort of famously in his
punditry was a wee bit in favour of of the rangers to to find out funny because he's he's
one about celebrate and wavney scar for about and then he realises that he's on camera

(01:11:07):
and he's hoping to cover you know it's brilliant and that's the thing are we Chik Young obviously I
mean for listeners that don't know Chik Young he is a radio broadcaster commentator pundit on
radio Scotland and he's been around for years at that journalist yeah I guess on a writer he wrote a book
because he wrote a book about rangers and that's why they focused on this for the show and throughout

(01:11:33):
the whole run of the show he over all the years he's been a joke that he is a rangers fan but he
pretends to be a cent mirrored fan and that's what I mean that has entered the lexicon of Scottish
football everyone now thinks that Chik Young is a rangers fan and he is a cent mirrored fan but you know
and it's a little it's a tiny little joke like you just mentioned the who wants to be millionaire

(01:11:57):
skater when Chris Tarant says and Chik Young from iBrox oh sorry paisley is um in the scene
it's such a little quick joke but it's so funny and if you know Chik Young you know it's just
it's hilarious just a lot like can i phone botter Smith we've got Chik Young here you just hangs up

(01:12:21):
it's fucking bro again update them update five of us say it's a couple of times with the Chik Young
you know i remember that yeah remember you saying that before it fucking i mean this was back in
sort of 2000 and 3000 and four and he was an older fellow then even then but he was you know he
worked a little harder than i did that was literally just blown at my arson waiting for a chance to

(01:12:43):
go and go but yeah let me check he uh pounded up and down now we five of a side's pitch and shawling
sort of played out so it's a rapid sketch you it's 28 minutes and 45 seconds long yeah and there are
66 sketches well in this oh i made like it's insane i made a no so in the first sort of maybe four minutes

(01:13:05):
from the from the show starts we we see Sunnis we see Jim Care from simple mountains
which is very very funny indeed we see Fergie twice and then we got Mac of any before we get to
Chik Young and he wants to melt you in air and that's all in the first like maybe three or four minutes
it's like just rapid you know Sunnis is there talking about the tea lady sent Mirin that he fell

(01:13:32):
out with and they made up they made up with him they see a one pin of wave she and the tea trolley
now did you do the whole story behind that i was going to wait till later come onto that but i
found an amazing article about this i don't remember if i don't remember if there was a story okay
so there's a sketch early on in this episode where Sunnis says uh and he's at St Johnston and he says

(01:13:56):
uh so you know uh Aggie the tea lady effectively drove me out of Scottish football uh but we've had
a conversation and we've sorted it and then you see Aggie the tea lady hobbling up the the corridor
so this genuinely happened and it genuinely did drive Sunnis out of Scottish football so it was
a game a Rangers against St Johnston game at St Johnston and Sunnis was furious at the team and he

(01:14:22):
smashed a tea jug in the away dressing room and Aggie and Sunnis went head to head this old woman
stood up to him and squared up now she she gave an interview years later she's passed away now
unfortunately but years later she gave an interview um about this incident and she said uh this is

(01:14:43):
a quote from Aggie he is just a plunk he always will be i never liked the man and i never will
so he smashed this jug against the wall she picked up the pieces of the shattered jug and was taking
them to show her chief executive when she met Sunnis and Walter Smith um who was the Ranger
assistant manager at the time in the foyer and she says i held Walter Smith saying she's got that

(01:15:05):
jug so i gave it to the managing director and as far as i was concerned that was it i turned away
and then i banged into him soon as i would have just walked on had he not put his hand in his pocket
and asked how much the jug was though then i well then i saw rave and that was it the things that he
said and he said to her you'll never work at Rangers and Aggie said i wouldn't be one of your

(01:15:32):
puppets then things got worse i pushed him so Aggie pushed Sunnis and then he pushed her back
i was about an inch away from his nose she continues if he'd come back the next season i would
have finished it his nose would have been splattered over his face that's the only thing i regret

(01:15:52):
happening i didn't finish it i should have broken his big nose i will see him again i will make
a point to beat him again and i will finish what i started and apparently Sunnis has made no secret
of his disdain for this woman and in his autobiography he compared her to last of the summer

(01:16:14):
binds Nora Batty so yeah it's a true story Sunnis like had a massive fight with his tea lady
it's in Johnston and that was when he decided i'm fucking done with Scottish people like fuck this
and he joined Liverpool like two weeks later so it's a true story but i just i love that article so
funny you'll never you'll never work in features to be a sure team lady that probably

(01:16:44):
it's quite worked at St Johnston for fucking 25 30 years quite happy this is not like she's like
ambitious thinking you know 10 years at St Johnston and then they'd be dundee united then the big
time i brox the big 70 i brox i better biscuit i brox yeah uh but come on let's all tea lady is

(01:17:06):
say that's the only thing i regret not happening that i didn't finish it i should have broken his big nose
since he's been splashed so this is keeping the imagine that it rangers like if she isn't like you know
if she isn't serving the tea quick enough when Sunnis was there and Sunnis comes on and take
just take the job set and starts taking the trouble because remember when he was when he was at

(01:17:26):
rangers you'd always sub on cell phone when he was a player manager so you know if ag if ag is not
serving the tea quick enough he'd sub on cell phone push the tea trolley ag he sits on the bench
region being taken off i'll come back to soonest later on because i do have another senior story
to to talk about but i guess we need to speak about before we go into a lot of the sketches and a lot

(01:17:50):
of the characters we need to speak about Jonathan Watson before we go into that we've kind of hit
upon it earlier it's slightly mentioned it but his impressions are just absolutely spot on in places
oh and yeah he maybe doesn't in some cases he maybe doesn't look exactly like the person he's portraying
but as soon as he starts talking or does some some of the mannerisms it's it's immediately obvious

(01:18:13):
who it's meant to be and it's incredible that he's such a chameleon that you can kind of tell exactly
who he is i mean it's just he's an underrated genius i think Jonathan Watson he's such a good mimic
like i was reading about the sort of big like the kind of humble beginnings of owning excuse and
they had done a thing on radio scotland as a parody of a documentary that came out around the time

(01:18:39):
of the 1986 world cup called only a game which is where they get the name only an excuse from and
only a game was narrated by the famous scotish novelist will you mark of any who Watson could
mimic perfectly but i think even you know when he's even like his ferguson because he i think he

(01:19:00):
doesn't look to your point anything like Alex ferguson like nothing like him it doesn't look anything like
Alan Mcnali I don't know like funny enough in the scenes in the sketches with Mcnali and Archie
Ferguson yeah Archie McPherson rather the actor doing Archie McPherson looks quite a lot like

(01:19:21):
Archie McPherson I think yeah he does yeah but i'm gonna put my chips in the oven here uh Archie
and i love the year Archie McPherson it's so funny he's like uh sorry to interrupt you uh
carry on
arma Alan say I know very well indeed from my euros what's there is strolling down La Rue Gautier

(01:19:47):
parles are quite honestly struggling against the scotish champions you said a big man
Italians have it Avruzo Brini out back with Parma Alan Mcnali
Archie McPherson listen to me I'm gonna I'm gonna put my head in the oven here and say
I sorry to interrupt you then Alan uh carry on

(01:20:10):
I ask the fans say if ranger's win this one they'll be in with your big boys you know you
you're by the minigps you're by the munitions you're you're by the munchersons oh great great good good good
good person friends of mine you touch the rain here a van broke her's the malls malls back to one

(01:20:33):
matto squares her to our bals you know it does shoot proud to see a scotish team playing this way
25 is great and his case range of scarf on his family
that's another fluky gooferva lencia
oh dear but yeah it's more the the mannerisms that he's got to spot on and the catch phrases

(01:20:59):
yeah and i'll come on to that later because a lot of the I watched the the very last show
and they interviewed quite a few people that he'd mimicked so they interviewed like sooner
smaller smith framacadvini and i'll come on to them all individually later but they all mentioned
that like oh fucking he got me he got me like he just absolutely got me spot on and it's incredible

(01:21:22):
to watch you know just the wiki mimics and it's just a little expression like when he does soon
it's just a little kind of neck twitch like well you know yeah i'm not saying or it's it's incredible
the way he does it yeah and that one nuances when he's doing Craig Brown's voice you know especially
especially the press conference when they're doing Kevin Keegan and Craig Brown after you know

(01:21:48):
obviously Scotland famously would be the midfielder call unfortunately but Scotland famously beat in
England and the last the last time they played it old Wembley and remember Bill what was
they been about this time neck neck neck and uh Keegan's you know talking about taking the lessons
from the game and you know when we go next year and we win the tournament it's like he was young

(01:22:11):
ma they've beaten us terrific you know but we beat them first terrificate you know i still think
there's a lot of work to be done you know between now and when we win the tournament next year
you're more kev it's the beat to make Craig Brown he does so well he's like well we had more

(01:22:33):
through ends we had more by kicks we had more corners and amazingly we scored more goals then
we had more red stockings yeah it's Craig Brown and there's a lot of Craig Brown in this which I
loved and yeah his impression is fantastic you know we're he's obviously you know speaking about

(01:22:56):
the Scotland team and how'd be great to have the the annual friendly again so that it's great for
the Scotland fans it's great for the Scotland team it's good for the Scotland manager because he's
going to pull it strong because this was the year because I did double check because there's a
later sketch with Craig Brown and he says who would I like to have one to one with well any woman

(01:23:19):
with that tape recorder and because this was the year that Craig Brown was found out of having
three women on the go at the same time he was a bit of a love rat um I reckon this time that's why
a lot of the sketches about him going on the pool or not going with a one-a-take recorder or the

(01:23:40):
you know one of the last sketches when he turns up and he's like where's the barb?
but he's also I mean yeah Craig Brown amazing character and some of his sketches are just fantastic the
um you know the and of course that'll lead on to the next one actually when he's talking about the

(01:24:03):
when the draw was made I thought I'd be like Sir Alex Ferguson and the guy so you thought
you'd be knighted he's like no I shut myself so did you get you remember that story about Alex
Ferguson because that's most of the ferricous sketches are around him shitting himself do you remember
this story? I do remember it yeah I do remember it so yeah so he was um found not guilty of

(01:24:27):
illegally driving on the hard shoulder after Margie Straits heard that he'd been suffering from
severe diarrhea and was trying to get to a toilet so I quite a few of the sketches involving ferricy
are about his toilet issues he's walking away he's like you know talking I'm not being rude so I'm
just busting for a shite and then when he comes out he's like I'll give that a minute so

(01:24:50):
this was this was uh before he stopped talking at the press remember there was a tight
Mayanate for the ferricier thinking the two thousands when they went they went they weren't quite
as successful as they had been in the late 90s they just got fed up with a fed up with like journal
this asking them jaggy questions like like how about fucking talking the press area to the shite but

(01:25:16):
yeah go back to Jonathan Watson I mean I remember obviously he's he appears in uh two doors now is
one of the main cast members and um there's an episode where they go to the pub and it's it's uh
Alex Norton Arabelo Weir and Elaine C Smith that are in the pub and it's like I'm supposed to be a

(01:25:37):
sort of well-spinning-type pub and Jonathan Watson Watson's character is there and he's pished you
know the episode I'm talking about and he comes over and joins them and it does such a good drunk because
you know it is because he's not threatening he's just sort of hapless well well meaning but sort of
indelicate insensitive it's I just remember watching it and the episode itself when it

(01:26:03):
took doors down is you know it's I watched the first episode of the new series the other day
yeah dunes back which is quite good but it's still you know it's it's it's it's fine it's not
it's not as good as those first couple of series but um yeah you know and it can be a wee bit hit
and miss and that that episode I think is is probably mostly missed the one I'm talking about but you

(01:26:27):
know his his performance in that episode really just being drunk basically is fucking hilariously
funny but also really true to life as well you know uh it's just like I said before it's just it's
just such a good mimic you know yeah no it really is and we've covered him quite a lot
mmm on the podcast I think he's been in quite a few things and we recently covered him in uh let's

(01:26:52):
pray what was our halloween episode let's pray yes exactly um but he's been in so many things that
we've covered him in fact he's currently sitting one two three fourths on the swallow tally um
because he's been in let's prays and guilt series three um that's what it was that's right
uh he's in city lights with that city lights a couple of years ago yeah we've done city lights

(01:27:13):
with the two doors down pilot we did he's in rap scene esby of course in local hero yeah he's in
pop servant of course oh yeah he's in filth as well and of course naked video yes naked video what
was he in filth again I've forgotten I can't remember but he's definitely in it I've got him down
the swallow tally so he must be in it that's a point but um I might need to double check that maybe

(01:27:37):
I put a mark in the wrong column there um but yeah he's uh yeah massively underrated I would say in
terms of uh Scottish comedy I mean I don't know he's in the situation I think like Jonathan
Watley and he doesn't age that's the other things you know like he's kind of got this incredible
gift like Paul Rudd he's the Scottish Paul Rudd like he just doesn't seem to age like if you look

(01:28:02):
back at the city I think we mentioned that in the city lights episode that like he looks exactly
like he does not yeah it does this is out of the same I think that's like fucking what like
but nearly 40 years ago yeah before 40 years ago next year because I think the first season city lights
was 1984 I think um yeah yeah he's just brilliant I think and if you watch some of the early episodes

(01:28:25):
20 ropers there as well they were there obviously they worked together on
Akin video and Rapsy Nesbit and they were this original gonna double act for only an excuse when it
was in the radio and things but if I look at I'd look at Wikipedia and the amount of performers
that have been on owning an excuse over the years I mean I won't I won't list them all just

(01:28:47):
tons quite a lot of them I've not heard of but you've got a Alice McGowan who
very famous impressionist in the BBC Greg Hemphill before um Tune the Fat Gordon Kennedy
Gerard Kelly is there Alex Norton Joy McI, I think Joy McAvoy is in the episode that we did this
you know Joy McAvoy is not in the episode that we did she's in the the last two episodes she's in the

(01:29:11):
2019 the 2000 right of course yes she wouldn't be in this much too young but I would be I did watch
a couple of episodes on YouTube maybe I've watched one of the later ones Tom Yuri who I
roasted there they're on sorry Tom yeah I mean it's just this is a huge list of scotched
talent that have been on the show over the years but then it wasn't it was on for 27 years 27 years

(01:29:38):
yeah yeah it was not but it was an institution it was a genuine Hockmane institution and I know
that's why it worked quite well in the early days as you've said because it effectively the radio show
and the very first episode were really kind of Jonathan Watson and Tony Roper and it kind of
worked well in that fact that Jonathan Watson is a Rangers fan and Tony Roper is a Celtic so it kind

(01:29:59):
of worked it too and I mean like I'm not gonna say like obviously the episode we've watched the same
as every episode it's very Rangers and Celtic heavy yeah and that's to be expected because they are more
the focus of the media in Scotland so there's more news stories there's more stuff to take the piss out
of it's it's funnier so I did count out of the 66 sketches featured 41 were about Rangers or Celtic

(01:30:25):
yeah so 62% of the show is about them but probably a lot of the majority after that is about
Scotland yeah national team so there's only like a few sketches for Aberdeen hebs hearts like
there's not a lot I mean there's two three Aberdeen sketches I think and and they're Stuart Millen
sketchs effectively but yeah there's not like a couple of hearts or hebs there's not much else but there's

(01:30:51):
there is there is there is there is there is there is the hebs sketch where the fans say that because
that was put at the time that the ETBT commercial was on and they say the ET looks like pat me goodly
yes I did like that a lot yes did I like that many much

(01:31:12):
you know that again there's no malice but no that's it I don't think so you know it's just
I think it's lovin' I'm in about this time maybe you've still got people who you've got people
like Charlie Nicholas and Derek Johnson and you know guys who had so they've been not that long
really since they had hung up their boots sort of 10 years maybe 10 15 years but you kind of feel

(01:31:36):
like they can take it you know I mean they can take it they can take someone making fun of them
I mean yeah I mean okay let's go on to some of the characters then because we've spoken about
obviously the Jonathan Watson who is kind of the mainstay let's go on the characters okay yeah
let's start with Charlie Nicholas yeah just like Brogat the way he's portrayed just is always fantastic

(01:32:00):
I loved it's towards the end of the episode where he's speaking about Nathan Lyons and he's like he's
quick and he's ginger rare rare qualities a big red beacon you can't teach orange here that's the
kind of thing you're born with I think Johnson's Nathan Lyons I like this guy he's quick and he's
ginger rare rare qualities his phone is broken his napper makes him a rare target a big red beacon

(01:32:28):
if you like shining forth gingerness and inviting across and as you know Jim we can't
teach orange here that's the kind of thing you're born with the thing is that is so realistic to
Charlie Nicholas because I don't know if you've ever seen it it's a very famous kind of meme that
it was on Sky Sports News it was Jeff Stelling and Charlie Nicholas and Jeff Stelling says

(01:32:51):
somebody Charlie Nicholas take the piss out of him and Charlie Nicholas comes back with like the
worst retort ever and it's like well you don't like to be your glasses Jeff I saw you driving
last night without your glasses because you don't like to wear glasses and you have to kind of see
it to understand how funny it is because it just falls deadpan and it just fits in so well with a show

(01:33:15):
that's the kind of shite Charlie Nicholas comes back and I say that loving Charlie Nicholas because
he was a played for Aberdeen you know champion Charlie yeah yeah yeah and I was there a big star for
Celtic as well so it was my cousin's favorite player back in the early eighties Charlie Nicholas
so he was and then the other character that I like him doing is the Kadra Cat especially when he goes

(01:33:38):
to see Paul Amber in the hospital you should have been sent off it's so that was very famous of
that game Paul Amber like tackle George L. Barrett's they got penalty and Paul Amber losses from teeth
and obviously he was excited about his debentures but that was very famous at that time so yeah

(01:34:00):
that was brilliant Dick Advocate is a great character that he plays yeah there's some great sketches
as well where they send up a shortic Voday because they have Robert and Edo is Houdalis and I do like the
because obviously I've Robert DeVal speaking about Alan McCoyson and then you see the famous
recreation of DeVal holding up the keep Ulster Protestants come by and I check off

(01:34:25):
this very brave of them to do you think and remember that beat in the paper and but I don't remember
what he's talking about when we did the shortic glory episode we did remember that yeah definitely
eventually remember that beat in the paper because I must remember Robert DeVal looking
they proude his punch and obviously having the way the idea of the people that he was upset that

(01:34:50):
he was upsetting no we definitely mentioned it well that I think but you're right Robert DeVal is
Houdalis and it's brilliant are you talking to me did you put my windows in did you throw
on body and beat okay the thing is though is and that's the one thing I would say his Robert DeVal
impression I was like is this meant to be I know it's meant to be Robert DeVal but I was thinking
this is more like Robert DeVal and then I thought that turns up his Robert DeVal and I'm so up

(01:35:14):
I thought the same thing yeah I think there's about one e-smiles in it looks like I've had a bit of a
needle smile yeah but yeah great because obviously that would have been a roundabout time that a
short glory had come out so I thought that was a great sketch to have as well do you know I think
maybe we'd be a little unkind to Dennis Law especially on his who was Millianne who was Daniel

(01:35:35):
you know I think I did read that Jonathan Watson said that his favourite character to play
was Dennis Law and he's always been portrayed as this kind of idiot and I couldn't find anything
about Dennis Law speaking out about it and I said I've got quite a few quotes from quite a few people
that are portrayed in the show and what they think of it but Dennis Law I couldn't find anything

(01:35:58):
about him but yes portrayed as an idiot the one and I don't think it wasn't in this one it's
one earlier show and it's always it's one of the famous kind of old minute skew signs always
sticks with me and he's like oh Pellie Pellie what a player he was unique you know he was just unique
he was like you say to you you know just but yeah Dennis Law was portrayed as an idiot and that's

(01:36:25):
like the second sketch I think in the in the show I used to say the millennium no I put carpet in my
then they have a bond who was millionaire and he's just self so what's your name it's like oh I
think I need to use a lifeline but yeah they do portray Dennis Law as a complete idiot

(01:36:52):
throughout the show which is a bit of a shame because he obviously is but then he does come up
with the odd quip because I think his last sketch is you know the new James Bond they had to let
one go due to the bros and so they occasionally give him his moment to shine and show that he's
a bit funnier yeah but we spoke about Sunis earlier I think and I think his part is great so I did

(01:37:17):
Sunis was on the kind of last episode and did a talking head interview and he said when he first saw
he was angry only in his case but the reason he was angry was because what's and he'd got him spot on
yeah and he realized that he sounded ridiculous but he did say that like overall it was an honor
to be yeah so I think he took it in good heart and Genie I think the majority of people took it in

(01:37:43):
good because again I know I said before there's no malice there's nothing offensive they would
never go into anything bad that had happened in a player's life or manages life or something and
take the piss out of it it's all fun stuff but yeah Sunis was like yeah I was a bit angry but just because
he just got me so spoiled yeah but I think I told the story in the podcast before but I met

(01:38:07):
Greem Sunis when I was flying from London in Newcastle for my sisters were then and I was sitting
behind a couple of guys and they were talking when the guys was American and they were talking about
football when I could hear this Scottish accent talking about how he'd been a player and that my
years sort of pricked up a wee bit and then he said they played for Scotland and I was thinking who's

(01:38:30):
this fucking my son? I know he's like you're playing for Scotland, you're my, you're my, you're my
so I got up to get something from the overhead bell then I need to get the overhead walker but I
got up in the pretend so getting something overhead walker so I could eyeball who it was and it
was Sunis so I was telling my wife quite enthusiastically how he was I think Newcastle United for

(01:38:54):
playing Scotland that night at St James's Park and he was flying it was obviously commentating on
it or doing his pun that so I said to my wife so when we got off we were waiting for our bags and
she said why do you go and ask him for a photograph and I was like no no no she said go on I've got
other people getting a picture taken with him go and ask him so I went and asked him and I got out
of the honest it could be nicer it was really you know I mean obviously I remember my memories of him

(01:39:16):
was when he was the player manager at Rangers and then later on at Liverpool in Calatasaray and his
sort of reputation for being a bit of a bruiser and everything else but yeah really really really
nice fella but I always what was going through my mind was one of the very first only excuse episodes
I'd seen when they were sending up Sunis and they were saying well you know first of all you know if

(01:39:39):
if I get sub-drawn if I sub myself or rather for Rangers the first thing I like to do is I really
like to get my heels in the defense so that was sort of ringing in my mains when I was when I was
having a very the very briefest of chats with them but I've got to say it was very nice man and
also on that last show Kenny Douglas was interviewed as well and he said that he took it in good nature

(01:40:05):
and it was very fun and you know Kenny I've I've always liked Kenny it seems like a nice guy and
and he said like if you can't laugh at yourself then you have a problem yeah and I think Jonathan
Watson's portrayal of him and there's only a one Kenny sketch I think in this show and of course
the famous cat free you know maybe Zai maybe he's no yeah and because Kenny was just that type and

(01:40:29):
his sketch in this is hilarious though because it leads on from a John Barnes sketch which
we'll come back to you there but Kenny's hilarious where he's just like well I don't know I've told you
you know if you're not telling people I'm not telling people I'm sick of it up if you're you know
telling people if people don't know what I do it's because you're not telling them

(01:40:49):
I'm not telling you if you're not telling them don't you interview I'm sick of it up telling you
if you're not telling I'm not telling
it's just the ambiguity of Kenny talking in riddles and it's hilarious but that was just Kenny
Douglas as well and you know got him spot on again yeah and it's going back to the John Barnes

(01:41:12):
piece you know it's given modern sensibilities it's you know it's it's sort of uncomfortable but
the thing is they get's they don't make fun of his ethnicity they're making fun of him as
when he was the manager of itself or the coach rather than itself and I don't think John Barnes
would take any offense from that I've listened to an interview with him recently he was on a podcast

(01:41:37):
speaking about his career and stuff and talking about the races and that he kind of had to go through
but he just took it in his stride and I'm not saying this is racist like for anyone that's
important John the Watson does kind of black up for doing this but obviously he wouldn't do that
nowadays but in 1999 but I don't agree with it but the sketch is work quite funny and I

(01:42:00):
hugely remember the John Barnes era I was at the the one of his first games in charge against
Aberdeen a pitodre and we beat them three two Celtic got three penalties in that game they missed two
of them and they ready blinkers scored the most spectacular own goal I think I've ever seen like
he lobbed his keeper from like 20 yards it was fantastic um yeah John Barnes debacle

(01:42:26):
itself that with Kenny Douglas was a little bit of a disaster but they kind of take the piss out
over here in terms of the like you know I don't know what I'm doing yeah and when he's talking about
his formation he's like 442 181 90210 yeah we also have um I mean he's not portrayed in this

(01:42:49):
as such um in fact I don't think he's portrayed in this episode at all but Walter Smith was portrayed
a few times throughout the series and he was in the last episode and he said something very similar
to to Ken Douglas that he said that like if you don't find it's funny then there's someone wrong with you
yeah and he said like I noticed like I watched the first few episodes and he said like it's good

(01:43:11):
to have the piss taken out out of you at times but he noticed that Jonathan Watson had picked words or
phrases that he said a lot which is obviously yeah particularly and in this present moment and that's
every time Jonathan Watson does what was Smith he says those things often in repeat and he's like well
obviously particularly in this present moment I'm gonna be doing this and Walter Smith says after

(01:43:33):
he warts that he was like I tried so fucking hard not to say those words in interviews like because it
was on my mind but then I kept saying it and it just it was on my mind like this is gonna be taking
the piss out of so yeah he had tried to stop after it became popular the other there's another
moment in this that really really really made me laugh and that was the first division competition

(01:43:57):
oh that was fantastic and so true to form though like it's exactly true to form and it's brilliant
it's just the posting the way it's all blurry people are standing up in front of the cameras
are that that was one of my favorite sketches as well absolutely loved it find it a lady is so
so funny so clever and then the other the other one was the sports junction adfere

(01:44:22):
look like your heroes it's the fat guy in the Celtic top with malbe on the back look like your heroes
it reminded me of the the tune the fat are you gay adfer in a way like the way the voice of risen the

(01:44:43):
way that all dancing about the night chalk yeah it was the night chalk that's a night chalk
but yeah it's it's brilliant in terms of the way but god's sake you know um Scotland
sat a tiny nightly shirts for like two quid that's all and their nice shirts their
night that's a nice jersey yeah with a nice yeah it's a really nice shirt but yeah that was a very

(01:45:04):
good adfer I did appreciate that as well I think that jersey was the the sort of return of the collar
when the wasn't I think going up until then it was still the sort of elasticated rounded or v-neck
and I think that Italian-itey held it in the return of the of the collar in the Scottish chairs I think
I'd have to say the whole run of only an excuse and I kind of picked the wrong episode here for me

(01:45:27):
because my favorite character of all time in only an excuse is Frank McIvenny
he's not in it too much is he's he's got like two sketches and they're both towards the end so I
definitely picked the wrong sketch but there was an interview with MacIvenny speaking about this and
he's like oh fucking loved it he's like he's it's almost too lifelike now remember I've read

(01:45:54):
Frank MacIvenny's autobiography I don't know if you've um I'm not read it never read it no
it's called scoring an expert's guy and he's not talking about goals it's all about all about
shagging birds and that you know it's it's true it turns out he's like I love to he's like it's almost
your life like um whenever he comes back to Scotland or when he's in school he says he gets stopped

(01:46:17):
every two minutes and someone comes up to him because first of births yeah first of births I'm sure
he's like but he said in the interview he's like like there's no malice in it at all and he actually
looked forward to watching it every year to see what he was getting up to that year and it's a very
famous sketch said it's his favorite sketch of all time and it wasn't it it was in a very later
episode that he's at a pedal station and he's filling up his car and there's two girls filling up

(01:46:43):
their car and they're kind of giving each other the eye and winking and flirting and he goes in the
pedal station and the attendee goes a pump two and Mac goes no yeah but I'm working on it
this is this is little reactions that kill me you know when he said I hear something and you know

(01:47:06):
the white teeth and the the sort of the can I to the camera it's just that it's so funny it's so funny
but he said he actually really appreciates that Jonathan Watson's effectively kept him
in the line light in the public eye over all these years in Scotland because of only their excuse
that's what everyone knows him for you know the fact that he was a prolific goal scorer in the

(01:47:30):
like an old english first division or the Celtic before that for Celtic you're
for Celtic it's the fact that he's he's now known as first but so yeah he's my favorite character so
it was a bit upset that there wasn't too much but yeah not a huge amount of Aberdeen a couple of
sketches of Stuart Mill where in his wake do you remember the Stuart Mill when he removed his

(01:47:53):
wick it was on the front page of the evening express like an Aberdeen I do remember and I thought he
looked a thousand times better because he wouldn't when I worked at Frankie and Benny's at the beach he
used to come in on a saturday after a home game with Willie Miller and they'd have a drink at the bar
and he always had that fucking ridiculous syrup on his snapper well he because he used to come into the

(01:48:14):
apple a lot when I worked there and he had three wicks he had one that looked like it just been cut
one that looked medium length and one that looked like he was needing a haircut and you know it was a
millionaire so that's that's what you would do that's the sensible thing to take but it wasn't
till one of the other barman point died to me and I noticed like the next week he had a different

(01:48:36):
wick I was the fucking hell is here's grown quite a lot in a week but yeah very much yeah yeah nice
taking the piss at Stuart Mill in this week um probably my favorite sketches in the show you
touched upon earlier are and it was a massive scandal was Donald Finley he see caught singing sectarian

(01:48:56):
songs on camera so they take the piss out of this yeah who's that him saying ah that was that was
the only songs they filmed I sing lots of other songs so they have him singing the hemi and rhapsody
tiger feet which is because my personal favorite by now devil we would by Cliff Richard uh
Rod Stewart's dear the cab sexy and maybe my other favorite is the the very last one is Karl

(01:49:22):
Douglas kung fu fighting they're gonna get it ding ding ding ding ding ding
because he even does the that and it's just absolutely fantastic Donald Finley QC it's very high
established legal eagle in in Scotland but they they take the piss out of him by doing this karaoke

(01:49:42):
song because he was caught singing sectarian songs on camera so I think it's only fair that you're
you're up for a bit piss taking for this but yeah but it cut to him just going funny with
singing tiger feet I just lost it the real Donald Finley people he's horny at me once in the
emergency city because in Glasgow because I crossed the road in front of these cars and it was early

(01:50:05):
it was like six o'clock or something in the summer's night I had a drink I just I don't know I
don't I'm a I'm a shruggedy speed and he gave me a suit as I because he had to say he had to slow down
for me to run across the road I just I think quite catchy as I but he uh he gave me a bit of a
a bit of a go lower so he did he wasn't happy there was another sketch which had and the

(01:50:29):
sweat also like because he obviously portrays the the good and famous of Scottish football but he
also portrays Rangers and Celtic fans and you obviously have the Rangers fans in terms of a two great
sketches you know we got married at ibrox she wore the white a waistrip and I did like the the sketch
with the Rangers fans about Billy Dott's he gave us something we've all been crying out for for years

(01:50:52):
a player called Billy yeah and that but the the Celtic fan listened to the radio and it's it's all
about all of our teably who was a defender they had at the time that John Bard's had signed and he
was terrible and the whole premise of the radio joke is like oh teably did this this is on Celtic
on the attack oh and teably gives that way oh teably's done this and and there was two headlines

(01:51:16):
from the John Barnes era that will go down history and that is of course when he lost a calythistle
and the famous headline was you know super caly-go ballistic Celtic R atrocious you ever came up with
that deserves you know a lifetime award but the other one was when Celtic had all of our teably
in defense and they had a Brazilian defender as well a time called Raphael Shite and it was spelled

(01:51:39):
sh-e-i-d-t but obviously it was pronounced shite so that led to so many jokes and it was after a game
they conceded a couple of goals and I can't remember which newspaper is daily record of the sun
and the headline was Celtic's defense is teably shite and just it just reminded me of that headline
when I was hearing about all of our teably I hadn't heard that name in years like decades but I

(01:52:05):
remember that headline Celtic's defense is teably shite so we've been we've been recording for
two hours and twenty minutes and yeah do you have any more on the next guess?
probably a lot more I could say for a lot longer actually um yeah I mean I just absolutely adore
this show love it so much just an absolute institution um I'm sad it's gone but I think it maybe

(01:52:28):
had had its date yeah towards the end I think it was maybe getting a little bit stale I'm
hoping we didn't even touch on Jim Kerr just a couple little sketches there about his is love
is passion for eyeliner is passion for Celtic it's so funny I don't know I think I think probably the
reason this endured for so long is because it was on once a year like the vast sort of sketch show

(01:52:53):
with somebody doing impressions that I can remember and I think it sort of came and went because I
don't know if maybe if maybe there'll be a bit out of fashion now but Tracy Almond had a tea you
know Tracy Almond the Merrick Bell the English comedian that used to be quite famous in America
she had a sketch show on ITV on a Saturday night of maybe less than ten years ago and she's a

(01:53:13):
she's like Johnny Watson she's a very good impressionist a very good mimic and it was on the prime time
I think it was in the Saturday night take away slot um when uh Aunt and Deck were having a bit of a
holiday and it just I mean I saw bits of it and she you know she's funny she's almost funny but I
don't know something about show that's all sketchies with people doing impressions of recognizable

(01:53:37):
celebrities and things I don't know I just seen the wee bit old-fashioned but I think with this because
the folk because he's he always was put bizarre about football in particular they Scottish football
and because like I said it earlier on he's doing people that you might see don't ask that
depending on whether you live or you know what I mean or you might see the pub or something like that

(01:53:58):
it just it just I don't know what just sort of it's sort of claimed in that people's hearts and just
sort of set up shop for years in Scotland uh it's just fantastic so funny and it's so clever
I think it was a good mix as you say of all the famous people we know um and that we can see but
it it came a lot later lay but there there was a few glimpses in this episode of kind of just normal

(01:54:21):
Scottish football fans as well yeah and you know what I've said mentioned the Rangers and the Celtic fans
and I'm I don't know great and it's a very quick sketch is and it was very famous at the time was the
daily record hotline call of yeah and you just see the phone there with someone phone then he goes
we must kick a race about racism out of the scorch football along with all these foreign
bastards there's a so a bit of what a little bit of a sketch that wasn't on this episode but I

(01:54:46):
think they filmed it in 1994 when um america hosted the the the world cup and it's Tony roper as a
Rangers fan wandering around New York and he's got his hairs these hairs that red, white and blue
and he's moaning so can't get radio glide on his tranny
sorry when I say tranny I mean transester radio that don't mean anything else and probably the

(01:55:09):
most controversial joke on this is the um when he stressed up is Gianna Cavalli when he says
I'm a foreign believer if you're good enough you're old enough that's what got Graham Rex into trouble
yeah which I've told the story in the podcast before but I will tell it again very quickly
Graham Rex was convicted of sleeping with a that I think she was 16 or 15

(01:55:31):
I think she was slightly younger but he um he did go to prison for it and then he ended up managing
hearts and his first game in charge of hearts was against Aberdeen at Patutri and for pretty much
the whole game we sang Young Girl by Gary Puckett and the Ian Chai
the whole young girl get out of my mind

(01:55:52):
dear me we're not condoning pedefilia on the culture swelli but
but we are condoning making fun of pedefiles yes we are making yeah we are condoning that that's
fine and yeah right we can put it to your boards but I will just leave you with one of my line that

(01:56:14):
cramped me up it was a Frank McIntyre line and I touched with Scottish football I thought Bobby Pitter was
a sex aide
oh dear as I said this will take long because as I said before we started recording I didn't do any
of words for this episode because okay I don't think I don't think it really worked but anyway you

(01:56:37):
have done so we're going to go through them um I'll take you through mine quickly first the
word then the Bobby the Barman award for the best pub uh it's the bar that Mac of any is in when
he's reading the financial times when uh going down or the bar the hearts fans are in when they're
speaking about Pat McIntyre like the comic E.T. I'll probably go with the bar the hearts fans

(01:56:59):
are in actually like it looked a bit better yeah it looked a bit more like a my kind of style of pub
nice little rose street pub maybe yeah um next one then the Cosmo award for being everything
Scottish Jonathan Watson Watson of course the Jett McQuillin your T'soot award it was off screen
but soon as an Aggie the T lady put an Aggie although I think she'd come off best in a view

(01:57:19):
I think so in a view square go should burst as big nose so no unity so we'll skip over the McGregor award
the Francis beg be award for the Chute is swearing fairkey I'm just burst in flashlight
wish our archetypal Scottish moment uh I had two here it's either the sports junction advert
with the Celtic fan with his belly hanging out at his top that could be any old firm fan

(01:57:45):
um but I did like the as you aforementioned the um Craig Brown Kevin Keegan when Kevin Keegan
says when we win the tournament next year and Craig Brown turns high you're more kev just
something like high you're more it's just so archetyfully Scottish it's the because he's he's

(01:58:05):
smiling and looking at the camera as he says it that's something so funny for me
and the bow I mean that you know I guess it's a foregone conclusion but the big time award is
is the winning player for you in this episode of one in excuse
how's Jonathan Watson of course is the day fantastic all day long okay so that was only an excuse

(01:58:27):
happy new year it was yeah happy new year happy hogmanate to all our listeners I hope you enjoyed
yourself and you enjoyed us talking about only an excuse so that was my choice so on the next episode
of the culture smiley Greg we will be having our best of the new special which we will cover the
best of the news from 2023 however on the next episode after that it's your choice on what we're

(01:58:53):
going to be talking about so why do you tell us what we're going to be talking about on the next
episode of the culture smile well I thought seeing us how we did the slab boys a few episodes ago
and then pretty much two weeks later the author John Burm passed away we've been talking about it
I think almost since we started doing the podcast we'll know we're doing it so I thought for the
the episode after the next episode we should cover John Burns, Robby Coltrane and Emma Thompson

(01:59:19):
starting to be fruity can I just say to our listeners like I genuinely mean this Greg and I do not know
what each other are going to pick on the next episode until we hear it on the podcast and I've been
hoping that he was going to pick 23 because we do have a few weeks off because we're doing the best
we can cover it properly yeah but yeah I've been dying to do that so yeah I'm absolutely delighted

(01:59:43):
to hear that because I haven't seen it I mean I didn't even see it when it first came out because I was too
young no but I have seen it at some point I think my drama teacher showed it to me or something one
night when he took me back and what's on the midrunk and no I've joking about that I think we watched
it in drama class at some point because he loved it so much and I'm so delighted you picked that Greg

(02:00:04):
thank you so much I can't wait to watch that over the festive season and speak to you about it in
January brilliant well the very happy new year I hope you all have as good a hug beneath is Mr
Mrs Cosmo has a party that we thought was talking about earlier that will be a Cosmo fantasy we'll
see and I hope Brian Pettifer hasn't clocked your toy there all right well thank you very much

(02:00:27):
for listening everyone I hope you enjoyed the show if you would like to follow us on the socials you
can at Cultureswally pod on Insta or we are on x formlaurs twitter at suhli pod or you can email us with
any requests or anything you'd like us to cover or anything you've seen in the news on Cultureswally at
gmail.com and we have a website as well don't we Greg we do you can find this at Cultureswally.com

(02:00:51):
there are links to all the episodes including this one articles about videos things related to
Scottish news and culture so come and check us out wonderful right well have a wonderful hogman
egg egg and I will see you in 2024 did you will happy new year happy new year
everybody was calm before you came here you casted a fast, good light and now your back is a little bit

(02:01:21):
[laughter]
You can read it, expert time, you know.
[laughter]
[music]

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Episode 90 - Only An Excuse? (1999)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 90 - Only An Excuse? (1999)