August 3, 2023 • 20 mins
Have you ever felt that you could be addicted to pain or drama in your life?
Sometimes we get so used to dealing with painful moments in life we tend to get stuck in these negative loops of painful experiences. Our egos can become drawn to the negative feelings we feel, to those lower vibrational feelings of being a victim. There is a community with shared traumas and life experiences that we can bond over.
Misery loves company and can reinforce these negative loop patterns in our lives.
But we can rise above this.
This week's Heart AF episode is all about how we can break these negative cycles our egos want to hold onto. And how we can rise above to create more joy and peace in our lives.
Let me know what you think and if any of this week's episode resonates with you
#selfgrowth #selflove #lawofattraction #healing #selfhealing #higherpower
You can find the book I mention in this episode here
Connect with me on Facebook or Instagram
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Hey everyone.
What's up?
It's Chelsea Van Buskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
Um, happy to be backto do another episode.
I was talking last time aboutchanging our perspectives, right?
Changing the lens in which we seeour world coming from a place of love
versus a, a place of fear where wecan get totally misaligned, looking
(00:26):
through that fear lens and how thatcan really bring us down and really
have us live our lives in a morenegative way than it needs to be, right?
And sometimes changing our life andshifting things into a more positive
way is shifting that perspective andseeing things through that love lens.
And I've been talking about howI've gone through this, painful
experience a couple months ago and,still recovering from, that experience.
(00:48):
Cause it was one of these, earthshattering, life-changing seasons
of life, that I think are definitelyneeded for our self-growth, for a
positive change to get our lives backinto alignment for what's best for, our
highest good and how we can live lifein a more happy, more aligned state.
And I've been thinking about itbecause, It is hard when you are
(01:08):
stuck in that lower vibrational statewhen you're still stuck in that pain.
And here's the thing is, I wasreflecting back on the book, I
mentioned last week, a Return to Love.
I was revisiting some of thechapters, that I'd highlighted.
And one of the chapters was talking about,how the ego, thrives on pain, right?
Like it's very attached to pain.
It's attached into thatvictimhood mindset, right?
(01:29):
Our ego almost creates painin a lot of ways I think.
Like if you're somebody who hasexperienced a lot of trauma, whether that
is early childhood trauma or just has gonethrough a lot of painful moments in our
lives, we tend to like circle back andwanna go back to these painful moments.
Like we get addicted to being in pain.
Like, I know for me, wheneverlife is going well, and
I'm feeling good and happy.
I'm just waiting for that nextmoment to happen where everything's
(01:52):
gonna come falling down.
Right?
Because it's happened again and again inmy life that it's almost like I expected.
I, I'm just waiting forthat next traumatic moment.
Um, for a long time it wasalways things with my dad.
Um, you know, I've shared alittle bit about his story.
He was a quadriplegic.
There was many health issues.
He was, you know, one of themost important people in my life.
And I was always living on edge,like waiting for that phone call
(02:14):
for the next time he was gonnaneed to go to the hospital or for
that next in crisis moment, right?
And I feel like our family hasalways just been that way, like the
family I grew up with, like therewas always a crisis that was coming.
Like it was always a matter of timebefore the next crisis happened, right?
And that just was the way I grew up.
Whether it was, my mom, she, hadanother overdose or you know, she
was back in jail, or my sister gottaken away again, , there was always
(02:34):
something that was happening, right?
Like it was, life is smooth,I'm in my own little world.
And then boom, another.
Traumatic experience would happen.
Right.
And I just kind of got used to that.
And I think that's similar forother people who have experienced
traumatic moments or painfulmoments in their lives where you
just get kind of hung up in that.
And the other thing is, there'sthis thing called trauma bonding.
Right where we tend to seek out otherpeople who have had these painful
(02:55):
experiences and we kind of attractto each other and we bond about these
shared like shitty life experiences.
It becomes something thatwe can relate to others on.
I think it's much easier for us to relateto other people who are struggling.
Right?
Like it's hard as a society, I feel liketo even talk about when things are going
well sometimes, um, that it's almost likewe can relate and, and fall into this
(03:17):
community if we're all suffering, right?
Even with like weight loss, like if I'vemade some weight loss goals, it's like
now I can't relate to people who arestill struggling with their weight or
who are still struggling to get there.
It's like, I wish I wasstill struggling too.
Like you sometimes maybe self-sabotageto get yourself back into that camp
where you can relate to these peopleand be in a similar circumstance.
Like we just kind of thriveon that connection and wanting
to be like everybody else.
(03:38):
Like it almost becomes abnormalthen for us to be doing well and
we're not having issues, right?
Like it's almost like we get addictedto creating drama in our lives, right?
Like creating these.
Dramas and traumas in our life, cuzthat's where we feel comfortable.
And again, this is what our ego wants.
Our ego is addicted and attractedto being that victim, to being in
those lower vibrational states.
(03:59):
Right?
And so it can be so hard to pull ourselvesup and out and to become these higher
vibrational beings and to become thepeople that can be happy and feeling good.
sometimes that can evenbe a hard place to be.
Where we're sucked into that victim hood.
Our egos thrive on that pain, right?
They wanna keep us in that pain.
And, one of the things MarianneWilliamson talks about in her book,
(04:21):
A Return to Love, is that forgivenessis the only way out of pain.
And the other thing she says isthat, As we learn to love and
allow ourselves to be loved isreally that key to forgiveness.
Like the way out of pain, theway we can release ourselves out
of pain is letting ourselves beloved and showing love ourselves.
(04:42):
Right?
Um, it's showing that forgiveness.
So whether it's forgiving yourself forsomething that you've been doing to
yourself, like those self-sabotage thingsthat you might be doing, um, whether it's
finally forgiving, A parent, like if youhad, a traumatic relationship with a
parent, like just finally showing thatlove and forgiveness and releasing it.
Releasing and forgiving, you know,any person that's done you wrong
(05:03):
or, that's hurt you, whetherthat's a friend, a spouse, um, any
type of resentment you're holdingonto, or that victim stuff, right?
We like to hold onto being right,like we've been wronged and so we're
gonna hold onto that anger and thatrighteousness of you wronged me so.
You know, f you, I'm pissed.
I deserve better.
And you get stuck into that.
Like that's what our ego wants, right?
(05:24):
Like our ego wants to beright, our ego wants to win.
And the way out of that pain, a wayout of that negativity is actually
to forgive and release, right?
It's about showing compassion andlove and just letting it go, letting
people do what they're gonna do, right?
You can't control what other people aregonna do, but you can control yourself.
And really, we start hurting ourselveswhen we, are stuck on those egotistical,
(05:46):
victimhood, spiraling, negative, lowvibrational, like staying in pain.
Like we're literally creatingour own suffering by holding
onto this need to be right, whichagain is our ego coming at play.
And the only way to releasethat is through love.
It's through a higher source, right?
It's through this, divine mind, right?
We are all healedthrough the same process.
(06:07):
And that process is comingback to love and reconnecting
to that divine place within us.
Right?
Like that all-encompassing,unconditional love, pure love,
divine love, source energy, God,whatever you wanna name it, call it.
That's it.
That's what we call on to helprelease us from that pain.
(06:29):
It's coming out of that ego mind andcoming in to that higher mind, right?
That Christ mind, that God within, howeveryou wanna phrase it, that's what it is.
That is a powerful energy that we can callon that's always there within us that we
need to remind ourselves and reconnect to.
And by doing that, we'rereleasing our minds.
We're releasing our egos.
We're letting that pure love inside us tohelp cleanse and purify us from these.
(06:53):
You know, if you wanna call 'em evilor low vibrational thoughts, that ego
mind like letting go of playing thevictim, of wanting to be right and just
letting things be and really releasingus from these negative energies.
These vibrational states that justkeep us down and keep us in our pain
and in this suffering and keepingus on that cusp of always waiting
(07:15):
for the next thing to go wrong.
And that's how we manifest these thingsthat keep happening for ourselves.
Cause we keep expecting it.
Right?
Like things happen if you believe them.
Right?
Like our beliefs, our minds are sopowerful and the science is everywhere.
Like I feel like especially now, Isee it everywhere and maybe that's
just me, cuz that's my awareness.
I see it everywhere and I wannaturn that on for you because it
(07:36):
is, our minds are so powerful.
We are so powerful.
And.
We really need to come to thatrealization that we have more control
and power than we think over our ownsuffering and how we can flip that switch
.Putting on the love lense, calling on that higher power to help us release
those ego stories that are in our egomind, our human mind, to help us see
(07:57):
that there is a higher place, thereis the ability to live in this space
in a more joyful and happy state.
And where we can expect love, where wecan expect good things to happen, where we
can expect that it is our God-given rightto live in joy to be love and be loved.
And sometimes it can be hard.
(08:18):
We can be blocking ourselvesfrom even receiving the love
that is around us, right?
We create these walls with that lowervibrational state, like we're not opening
ourselves up to receiving the love that'sactually there and available to us.
So I know for me , like anytimethings are going right, I'm always
expecting the worst to happen,and that's one of my flaws.
And I would love to know, if that'ssomething that you also do, whether
intentionally or unintentionally.
(08:38):
It's just something we're in thehabit of because that's been our life
and we have to break those cycles.
We have to break that negativeloop that we keep repeating.
Until we know better, until we canlearn to love ourselves, to really
forgive those that have hurt us.
To let go of the need to beright and to really embrace.
That love and kindness and showinggrace for others and letting things
(08:59):
go, because really all it is doingis it's hurting ourselves, right?
Like again, we're creating our ownsuffering by holding onto these
hurts, by holding onto that pain.
And so I wanna invite you all withthis, a episode this week is to really
dig deep and to see what ways are youcontributing to your own suffering,
and what ways are you still holdingonto pains and past hurts that you.
(09:19):
Really need to work on lettinggo, letting it be, sending that
forgiveness out to whoever has hurt you.
And even if that means forgivingyourself, because so many times we
are so quick to, berate ourselves,to judge ourselves, and to really,
put our own selves down, right?
Like, we tend to say, oh, it's myfault that I was treated this way.
I did these things wrong.
(09:40):
Or, we're really quick.
To judge ourselves and to sayall the things that we did wrong.
And when you are forgiving people thatyou might hold grievances against, you
also need to remember to forgive yourselfand really allow yourself to be loved.
And again, reconnecting to that divinelove, that divine source energy that
is within you that you can connect to.
(10:01):
And all you have to do is ask for it, isto have that intention of connecting with
it, to allowing that love wash over you.
Um, there's a lot of exercises inmany different books, different
ways to, visualize this process.
Where you can step into the light or youenvision this pure white light coming
down through the top of your head andjust washing over through you, and almost
(10:23):
like a self purification process whereyou're letting that love just melt and
release any darkness that you're holdingonto with it and just letting it go.
I've heard people talking about, youknow, putting it into bubbles and
blowing the darkness away, right?
Like, there's so many different waysto visualize this process, and really
it's just having that intention.
Of wanting to let go of wanting to letlove in and really send out forgiveness
(10:46):
to whoever you need to send it to.
And letting that pain dissipate andgetting into the mindset where you are
believing that you are lovable, that youare worthy, that it is your natural born
right to, to experience love and joy.
Right?
That it's okay to be contentwith our lives, right?
(11:07):
Like we don't need to bewaiting for that next drama.
We don't need to be creating thingsin our lives because, that's
what keeps things exciting.
Or we're trying to almost keep ourselvessafe by creating that next drama.
So I can know what to expect.
I can be more in control of thedrama by creating it myself, right?
I feel like that's somethingthat we do I mean, I know for
sure I do that all the time.
(11:27):
Like I might create drama that's noteven really there, because that's
what I'm used to doing, right?
Like, if I can stay in control, likeif I wanna find a way to keep myself
safe, Then I, again, create thesewalls, create these stories, create this
drama around me that brings me pain.
And it's like I can say,oh, I was right, right?
, like we're manifesting stuff forourselves, like we can get stuck on
(11:48):
the, I'm expecting the worst to happen.
I'm expecting the worst tohappen, and the worst happens.
That's the way, thelaw of attraction works.
So if it works that way, italso works the other way.
So start expecting the best.
You know, I've talked about this,you have to, really flip that switch
and start believing the best, youknow, if you can believe the worst,
you can believe the best also.
And so it's really startingto focus on the positive.
(12:10):
I am love.
I am joy.
I deserve love.
I deserve joy.
And knowing that you're worth it andknowing that it's possible for you,
and knowing that life doesn't have tobe full of drama, that we can actually
bond in our collective happiness.
I feel like so much of oursociety is based on, you know,
if I have something that means somebodyis without, right, like we're in
this scarcity kind of society andreally the world is not like that.
(12:32):
The universe is not built like that.
We come from an abundant universe.
We come from an abundant source.
There's always enough to go around.
We really have to instill that andbelieve that in order for us to see
that it's okay for me to be happy.
Me being happy doesn't mean somebodyelse has to be unhappy, right?
Me making money doesn't mean that that'sless money for that person to make.
Like there is enough to go around, right?
(12:53):
Like we really have tobe in that mentality.
And so many of us are still so focusedthat it's a dog eat dog world, right?
Where if I wanna get to the top,I have to step on this person's
head to get there, right?
We start associating, you know,these negative connotations with
success where, you know, the peoplewho are successful are evil, right?
Like we tend to be hung up on thosestories and it's really time for us to
really shift our mindset and really see.
(13:14):
That we live in our abundantworld, that it's not evil to be
successful, that there's enoughto go around that if I win doesn't
mean that somebody else has to lose.
It means I'm showing the nextperson how to win, right?
It's sharing an abundance.
It's knowing that if I can accomplishsomething, you can do it too, right?
our ego wants to keep us inthose low vibrational states.
(13:35):
It wants to keep us in those negativehabits that keep us in that negative loop.
And the only way to let go ofthat darkness, that victim hood
to let go of that pain is to letthe love in, let the light in.
Let source in.
Right?
Like letting that in and letthings melt away and knowing that
(13:56):
love is the key, right?
That is the key to our healing,to freeing ourselves from this
suffering, from hanging on tothat victim hood, to that pain.
To letting go and being able toforgive and release and be able to
enjoy life again, and to be ableto expect the best and know that
(14:19):
when we get hurt, when somebody makesus feel bad, to really be able to
take a step back and see how maybeit's not really us, that it's a really
reflection on them and to not take thingsso personally because again, our ego
mind is gonna wanna us to take thingspersonally, is gonna wanna be offended,
is gonna wanna again, Twist the story sothat we're the victim, and we start to
(14:42):
again, instill that suffering within usbecause we're focused on the wrong thing.
Right?
It's about flipping that switchand changing the way you view it.
And to see, you know, maybe thisperson's just having a bad day.
I'm not gonna take it personal,like letting go of being offended.
Just forgive them, let thembe how they're gonna be and
not taking things personally.
And you keep that focus onyourself and feeling good.
(15:02):
That just reminded meof one of Wayne Dyer's.
Quotes.
I can't remember which book exactly itcomes from, but he always would say,
feeling good is feeling God, right?
Like that is how our naturalstate is supposed to be, is to be
feeling good, is to be feeling joy.
And we can choose how wefeel again, by our thoughts.
Our thoughts are so powerful and alot of times it's not the situation
(15:23):
itself that causes us hurt and pain.
It's how we're thinkingabout that situation.
So again, we have to change our mindset.
And rewire our thinking so that wecan see it in a different way, so
that we can see it through that lensof love and not let it kill our vibe.
Right?
Like being able to just keep movingthrough life in a joyful state to
(15:45):
not let these things come up, orbeing so offended all the time and
letting ourselves get worked upagain and bringing us down, right?
We have to work on pulling ourselvesback up and I know this sounds so super
easy and depending on the situation,you might be in a really dark place.
That darkness, that painmight be so deep and hurt.
Like I know what that's like, whereyou're just like, what the fuck
(16:08):
are you talking about Chelsea?
Like, there's no way I can justmove on from this hurt and pain.
Like this person did this to me like,my heart has been ripped outta my chest.
I get it.
And it's not easy, and it's notlike it happens instantaneously,
but again, this is why I talkabout where you're asking for help.
You're asking a higher power tohelp you see things differently.
You're asking for that help.
(16:29):
It's a prayer, it's a meditation.
It is a talk with that divine sourceand asking for that energy to help
ease your ego based mind that'scausing that hurt and pain within you.
You can't do it all alone.
Your humanness cannot do it all alone.
You have to rely on that highersource, that higher pure love energy
is what's gonna help you get through.
Um, something else that was talked aboutin this text was this three day period
(16:53):
of asking for help and giving it threedays, holding on for just three days
after you've asked for that help from thatuniversal love, from that source energy,
from God, whatever you wanna call it.
Calling in that energy and asking forhelp to see things differently, to
see things through that lens of love.
Give it three days and see howyou feel in three days and see
(17:14):
if things have not changed.
I think that's huge.
So this week I would love if you areexperiencing any type of pain, if there is
like that victimhood that's still in you.
If there's a moment in the last weekwhere you felt victimized or offended,
why don't you reflect back on that andsee if you can see things differently.
See if you can let things go.
See if there's a way that you canallow forgiveness to come through you.
(17:37):
See if there's a way that you canlet that love in, let things go,
To boost yourself up, to get you inthat higher vibrational state, to get
back in, to love, to get back in to thatstate of mind where you're able to be
content, where you find peace, whereyou can find joy and let love in and
(17:58):
let yourself be loved and experience thebeauty of what life has to offer you.
I'm gonna, link this book cuz itis so good especially if you're
going through stuff and it, it talksabout all different facets of life.
Every time I read it, I pick upnew little things or things click,
or I hear it a different way.
It's really great.
And I've really come to realizehow much I've played a part in my
(18:19):
own suffering, especially recently,like, I'm still struggling.
I'm not saying that like life doesn'thappen and you still don't get
upset, you still don't get angry.
Like, that's bullshit.
Like life is life.
Like, you're still gonna getannoyed, like life is a process.
Our self growth is a process.
It's not like it ever stops.
It's not like all of a sudden you justbecome like completely fine and you're
always happy a hundred percent allthe time, and you never get bothered.
(18:40):
That's not reality.
These are just tools to help you so youdon't stay stuck in these painful moments.
So you don't stay stuckin that victimhood.
So you can work on thenext time a thing happens.
Like start realizing what is my role thatI'm playing in my own suffering, right?
Like you start to become aware.
So really all this is, is becoming.
More aware of our own actions and ourown thoughts that are keeping us in
(19:03):
certain low vibrational states where weare creating our own suffering and pain.
That's what I want you to open yourmind to and evaluate in your own life
to, to bring up, to be able to openyou up to a greater awareness within
yourself as a part of your self-growth.
So, thank you so much forshowing up to the show.
I appreciate all of my listeners.
(19:23):
You can always find meon Facebook or Instagram.
My handle is @chelsea.vanbuskirkI love it when people reach out
or give me feedback, let me know.
Super excited to be backto getting these episodes
out more regularly,I've missed doing this.
please let me know how you're doing in theworld and what might have been helpful.
What did you get from this episode thatis helping you see things maybe a little
(19:47):
differently or changing your perspective?
I'm, sending you guys all so much love,and light, especially if you're in
a place where you need that healing.
Don't be afraid to ask for helpand to call on a higher power
because you're never alone.
Love is always available to you.
You are loved.
You are worthy.
I'll see you guys next time.
Peace.
Hey everyone.
What's up?
It's Chelsea Van Buskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
Um, happy to be backto do another episode.
I was talking last time aboutchanging our perspectives, right?
Changing the lens in which we seeour world coming from a place of love
versus a, a place of fear where wecan get totally misaligned, looking
(00:26):
through that fear lens and how thatcan really bring us down and really
have us live our lives in a morenegative way than it needs to be, right?
And sometimes changing our life andshifting things into a more positive
way is shifting that perspective andseeing things through that love lens.
And I've been talking about howI've gone through this, painful
experience a couple months ago and,still recovering from, that experience.
(00:48):
Cause it was one of these, earthshattering, life-changing seasons
of life, that I think are definitelyneeded for our self-growth, for a
positive change to get our lives backinto alignment for what's best for, our
highest good and how we can live lifein a more happy, more aligned state.
And I've been thinking about itbecause, It is hard when you are
(01:08):
stuck in that lower vibrational statewhen you're still stuck in that pain.
And here's the thing is, I wasreflecting back on the book, I
mentioned last week, a Return to Love.
I was revisiting some of thechapters, that I'd highlighted.
And one of the chapters was talking about,how the ego, thrives on pain, right?
Like it's very attached to pain.
It's attached into thatvictimhood mindset, right?
(01:29):
Our ego almost creates painin a lot of ways I think.
Like if you're somebody who hasexperienced a lot of trauma, whether that
is early childhood trauma or just has gonethrough a lot of painful moments in our
lives, we tend to like circle back andwanna go back to these painful moments.
Like we get addicted to being in pain.
Like, I know for me, wheneverlife is going well, and
I'm feeling good and happy.
I'm just waiting for that nextmoment to happen where everything's
(01:52):
gonna come falling down.
Right?
Because it's happened again and again inmy life that it's almost like I expected.
I, I'm just waiting forthat next traumatic moment.
Um, for a long time it wasalways things with my dad.
Um, you know, I've shared alittle bit about his story.
He was a quadriplegic.
There was many health issues.
He was, you know, one of themost important people in my life.
And I was always living on edge,like waiting for that phone call
(02:14):
for the next time he was gonnaneed to go to the hospital or for
that next in crisis moment, right?
And I feel like our family hasalways just been that way, like the
family I grew up with, like therewas always a crisis that was coming.
Like it was always a matter of timebefore the next crisis happened, right?
And that just was the way I grew up.
Whether it was, my mom, she, hadanother overdose or you know, she
was back in jail, or my sister gottaken away again, , there was always
(02:34):
something that was happening, right?
Like it was, life is smooth,I'm in my own little world.
And then boom, another.
Traumatic experience would happen.
Right.
And I just kind of got used to that.
And I think that's similar forother people who have experienced
traumatic moments or painfulmoments in their lives where you
just get kind of hung up in that.
And the other thing is, there'sthis thing called trauma bonding.
Right where we tend to seek out otherpeople who have had these painful
(02:55):
experiences and we kind of attractto each other and we bond about these
shared like shitty life experiences.
It becomes something thatwe can relate to others on.
I think it's much easier for us to relateto other people who are struggling.
Right?
Like it's hard as a society, I feel liketo even talk about when things are going
well sometimes, um, that it's almost likewe can relate and, and fall into this
(03:17):
community if we're all suffering, right?
Even with like weight loss, like if I'vemade some weight loss goals, it's like
now I can't relate to people who arestill struggling with their weight or
who are still struggling to get there.
It's like, I wish I wasstill struggling too.
Like you sometimes maybe self-sabotageto get yourself back into that camp
where you can relate to these peopleand be in a similar circumstance.
Like we just kind of thriveon that connection and wanting
to be like everybody else.
(03:38):
Like it almost becomes abnormalthen for us to be doing well and
we're not having issues, right?
Like it's almost like we get addictedto creating drama in our lives, right?
Like creating these.
Dramas and traumas in our life, cuzthat's where we feel comfortable.
And again, this is what our ego wants.
Our ego is addicted and attractedto being that victim, to being in
those lower vibrational states.
(03:59):
Right?
And so it can be so hard to pull ourselvesup and out and to become these higher
vibrational beings and to become thepeople that can be happy and feeling good.
sometimes that can evenbe a hard place to be.
Where we're sucked into that victim hood.
Our egos thrive on that pain, right?
They wanna keep us in that pain.
And, one of the things MarianneWilliamson talks about in her book,
(04:21):
A Return to Love, is that forgivenessis the only way out of pain.
And the other thing she says isthat, As we learn to love and
allow ourselves to be loved isreally that key to forgiveness.
Like the way out of pain, theway we can release ourselves out
of pain is letting ourselves beloved and showing love ourselves.
(04:42):
Right?
Um, it's showing that forgiveness.
So whether it's forgiving yourself forsomething that you've been doing to
yourself, like those self-sabotage thingsthat you might be doing, um, whether it's
finally forgiving, A parent, like if youhad, a traumatic relationship with a
parent, like just finally showing thatlove and forgiveness and releasing it.
Releasing and forgiving, you know,any person that's done you wrong
(05:03):
or, that's hurt you, whetherthat's a friend, a spouse, um, any
type of resentment you're holdingonto, or that victim stuff, right?
We like to hold onto being right,like we've been wronged and so we're
gonna hold onto that anger and thatrighteousness of you wronged me so.
You know, f you, I'm pissed.
I deserve better.
And you get stuck into that.
Like that's what our ego wants, right?
(05:24):
Like our ego wants to beright, our ego wants to win.
And the way out of that pain, a wayout of that negativity is actually
to forgive and release, right?
It's about showing compassion andlove and just letting it go, letting
people do what they're gonna do, right?
You can't control what other people aregonna do, but you can control yourself.
And really, we start hurting ourselveswhen we, are stuck on those egotistical,
(05:46):
victimhood, spiraling, negative, lowvibrational, like staying in pain.
Like we're literally creatingour own suffering by holding
onto this need to be right, whichagain is our ego coming at play.
And the only way to releasethat is through love.
It's through a higher source, right?
It's through this, divine mind, right?
We are all healedthrough the same process.
(06:07):
And that process is comingback to love and reconnecting
to that divine place within us.
Right?
Like that all-encompassing,unconditional love, pure love,
divine love, source energy, God,whatever you wanna name it, call it.
That's it.
That's what we call on to helprelease us from that pain.
(06:29):
It's coming out of that ego mind andcoming in to that higher mind, right?
That Christ mind, that God within, howeveryou wanna phrase it, that's what it is.
That is a powerful energy that we can callon that's always there within us that we
need to remind ourselves and reconnect to.
And by doing that, we'rereleasing our minds.
We're releasing our egos.
We're letting that pure love inside us tohelp cleanse and purify us from these.
(06:53):
You know, if you wanna call 'em evilor low vibrational thoughts, that ego
mind like letting go of playing thevictim, of wanting to be right and just
letting things be and really releasingus from these negative energies.
These vibrational states that justkeep us down and keep us in our pain
and in this suffering and keepingus on that cusp of always waiting
(07:15):
for the next thing to go wrong.
And that's how we manifest these thingsthat keep happening for ourselves.
Cause we keep expecting it.
Right?
Like things happen if you believe them.
Right?
Like our beliefs, our minds are sopowerful and the science is everywhere.
Like I feel like especially now, Isee it everywhere and maybe that's
just me, cuz that's my awareness.
I see it everywhere and I wannaturn that on for you because it
(07:36):
is, our minds are so powerful.
We are so powerful.
And.
We really need to come to thatrealization that we have more control
and power than we think over our ownsuffering and how we can flip that switch
.Putting on the love lense, calling on that higher power to help us release
those ego stories that are in our egomind, our human mind, to help us see
(07:57):
that there is a higher place, thereis the ability to live in this space
in a more joyful and happy state.
And where we can expect love, where wecan expect good things to happen, where we
can expect that it is our God-given rightto live in joy to be love and be loved.
And sometimes it can be hard.
(08:18):
We can be blocking ourselvesfrom even receiving the love
that is around us, right?
We create these walls with that lowervibrational state, like we're not opening
ourselves up to receiving the love that'sactually there and available to us.
So I know for me , like anytimethings are going right, I'm always
expecting the worst to happen,and that's one of my flaws.
And I would love to know, if that'ssomething that you also do, whether
intentionally or unintentionally.
(08:38):
It's just something we're in thehabit of because that's been our life
and we have to break those cycles.
We have to break that negativeloop that we keep repeating.
Until we know better, until we canlearn to love ourselves, to really
forgive those that have hurt us.
To let go of the need to beright and to really embrace.
That love and kindness and showinggrace for others and letting things
(08:59):
go, because really all it is doingis it's hurting ourselves, right?
Like again, we're creating our ownsuffering by holding onto these
hurts, by holding onto that pain.
And so I wanna invite you all withthis, a episode this week is to really
dig deep and to see what ways are youcontributing to your own suffering,
and what ways are you still holdingonto pains and past hurts that you.
(09:19):
Really need to work on lettinggo, letting it be, sending that
forgiveness out to whoever has hurt you.
And even if that means forgivingyourself, because so many times we
are so quick to, berate ourselves,to judge ourselves, and to really,
put our own selves down, right?
Like, we tend to say, oh, it's myfault that I was treated this way.
I did these things wrong.
(09:40):
Or, we're really quick.
To judge ourselves and to sayall the things that we did wrong.
And when you are forgiving people thatyou might hold grievances against, you
also need to remember to forgive yourselfand really allow yourself to be loved.
And again, reconnecting to that divinelove, that divine source energy that
is within you that you can connect to.
(10:01):
And all you have to do is ask for it, isto have that intention of connecting with
it, to allowing that love wash over you.
Um, there's a lot of exercises inmany different books, different
ways to, visualize this process.
Where you can step into the light or youenvision this pure white light coming
down through the top of your head andjust washing over through you, and almost
(10:23):
like a self purification process whereyou're letting that love just melt and
release any darkness that you're holdingonto with it and just letting it go.
I've heard people talking about, youknow, putting it into bubbles and
blowing the darkness away, right?
Like, there's so many different waysto visualize this process, and really
it's just having that intention.
Of wanting to let go of wanting to letlove in and really send out forgiveness
(10:46):
to whoever you need to send it to.
And letting that pain dissipate andgetting into the mindset where you are
believing that you are lovable, that youare worthy, that it is your natural born
right to, to experience love and joy.
Right?
That it's okay to be contentwith our lives, right?
(11:07):
Like we don't need to bewaiting for that next drama.
We don't need to be creating thingsin our lives because, that's
what keeps things exciting.
Or we're trying to almost keep ourselvessafe by creating that next drama.
So I can know what to expect.
I can be more in control of thedrama by creating it myself, right?
I feel like that's somethingthat we do I mean, I know for
sure I do that all the time.
(11:27):
Like I might create drama that's noteven really there, because that's
what I'm used to doing, right?
Like, if I can stay in control, likeif I wanna find a way to keep myself
safe, Then I, again, create thesewalls, create these stories, create this
drama around me that brings me pain.
And it's like I can say,oh, I was right, right?
, like we're manifesting stuff forourselves, like we can get stuck on
(11:48):
the, I'm expecting the worst to happen.
I'm expecting the worst tohappen, and the worst happens.
That's the way, thelaw of attraction works.
So if it works that way, italso works the other way.
So start expecting the best.
You know, I've talked about this,you have to, really flip that switch
and start believing the best, youknow, if you can believe the worst,
you can believe the best also.
And so it's really startingto focus on the positive.
(12:10):
I am love.
I am joy.
I deserve love.
I deserve joy.
And knowing that you're worth it andknowing that it's possible for you,
and knowing that life doesn't have tobe full of drama, that we can actually
bond in our collective happiness.
I feel like so much of oursociety is based on, you know,
if I have something that means somebodyis without, right, like we're in
this scarcity kind of society andreally the world is not like that.
(12:32):
The universe is not built like that.
We come from an abundant universe.
We come from an abundant source.
There's always enough to go around.
We really have to instill that andbelieve that in order for us to see
that it's okay for me to be happy.
Me being happy doesn't mean somebodyelse has to be unhappy, right?
Me making money doesn't mean that that'sless money for that person to make.
Like there is enough to go around, right?
(12:53):
Like we really have tobe in that mentality.
And so many of us are still so focusedthat it's a dog eat dog world, right?
Where if I wanna get to the top,I have to step on this person's
head to get there, right?
We start associating, you know,these negative connotations with
success where, you know, the peoplewho are successful are evil, right?
Like we tend to be hung up on thosestories and it's really time for us to
really shift our mindset and really see.
(13:14):
That we live in our abundantworld, that it's not evil to be
successful, that there's enoughto go around that if I win doesn't
mean that somebody else has to lose.
It means I'm showing the nextperson how to win, right?
It's sharing an abundance.
It's knowing that if I can accomplishsomething, you can do it too, right?
our ego wants to keep us inthose low vibrational states.
(13:35):
It wants to keep us in those negativehabits that keep us in that negative loop.
And the only way to let go ofthat darkness, that victim hood
to let go of that pain is to letthe love in, let the light in.
Let source in.
Right?
Like letting that in and letthings melt away and knowing that
(13:56):
love is the key, right?
That is the key to our healing,to freeing ourselves from this
suffering, from hanging on tothat victim hood, to that pain.
To letting go and being able toforgive and release and be able to
enjoy life again, and to be ableto expect the best and know that
(14:19):
when we get hurt, when somebody makesus feel bad, to really be able to
take a step back and see how maybeit's not really us, that it's a really
reflection on them and to not take thingsso personally because again, our ego
mind is gonna wanna us to take thingspersonally, is gonna wanna be offended,
is gonna wanna again, Twist the story sothat we're the victim, and we start to
(14:42):
again, instill that suffering within usbecause we're focused on the wrong thing.
Right?
It's about flipping that switchand changing the way you view it.
And to see, you know, maybe thisperson's just having a bad day.
I'm not gonna take it personal,like letting go of being offended.
Just forgive them, let thembe how they're gonna be and
not taking things personally.
And you keep that focus onyourself and feeling good.
(15:02):
That just reminded meof one of Wayne Dyer's.
Quotes.
I can't remember which book exactly itcomes from, but he always would say,
feeling good is feeling God, right?
Like that is how our naturalstate is supposed to be, is to be
feeling good, is to be feeling joy.
And we can choose how wefeel again, by our thoughts.
Our thoughts are so powerful and alot of times it's not the situation
(15:23):
itself that causes us hurt and pain.
It's how we're thinkingabout that situation.
So again, we have to change our mindset.
And rewire our thinking so that wecan see it in a different way, so
that we can see it through that lensof love and not let it kill our vibe.
Right?
Like being able to just keep movingthrough life in a joyful state to
(15:45):
not let these things come up, orbeing so offended all the time and
letting ourselves get worked upagain and bringing us down, right?
We have to work on pulling ourselvesback up and I know this sounds so super
easy and depending on the situation,you might be in a really dark place.
That darkness, that painmight be so deep and hurt.
Like I know what that's like, whereyou're just like, what the fuck
(16:08):
are you talking about Chelsea?
Like, there's no way I can justmove on from this hurt and pain.
Like this person did this to me like,my heart has been ripped outta my chest.
I get it.
And it's not easy, and it's notlike it happens instantaneously,
but again, this is why I talkabout where you're asking for help.
You're asking a higher power tohelp you see things differently.
You're asking for that help.
(16:29):
It's a prayer, it's a meditation.
It is a talk with that divine sourceand asking for that energy to help
ease your ego based mind that'scausing that hurt and pain within you.
You can't do it all alone.
Your humanness cannot do it all alone.
You have to rely on that highersource, that higher pure love energy
is what's gonna help you get through.
Um, something else that was talked aboutin this text was this three day period
(16:53):
of asking for help and giving it threedays, holding on for just three days
after you've asked for that help from thatuniversal love, from that source energy,
from God, whatever you wanna call it.
Calling in that energy and asking forhelp to see things differently, to
see things through that lens of love.
Give it three days and see howyou feel in three days and see
(17:14):
if things have not changed.
I think that's huge.
So this week I would love if you areexperiencing any type of pain, if there is
like that victimhood that's still in you.
If there's a moment in the last weekwhere you felt victimized or offended,
why don't you reflect back on that andsee if you can see things differently.
See if you can let things go.
See if there's a way that you canallow forgiveness to come through you.
(17:37):
See if there's a way that you canlet that love in, let things go,
To boost yourself up, to get you inthat higher vibrational state, to get
back in, to love, to get back in to thatstate of mind where you're able to be
content, where you find peace, whereyou can find joy and let love in and
(17:58):
let yourself be loved and experience thebeauty of what life has to offer you.
I'm gonna, link this book cuz itis so good especially if you're
going through stuff and it, it talksabout all different facets of life.
Every time I read it, I pick upnew little things or things click,
or I hear it a different way.
It's really great.
And I've really come to realizehow much I've played a part in my
(18:19):
own suffering, especially recently,like, I'm still struggling.
I'm not saying that like life doesn'thappen and you still don't get
upset, you still don't get angry.
Like, that's bullshit.
Like life is life.
Like, you're still gonna getannoyed, like life is a process.
Our self growth is a process.
It's not like it ever stops.
It's not like all of a sudden you justbecome like completely fine and you're
always happy a hundred percent allthe time, and you never get bothered.
(18:40):
That's not reality.
These are just tools to help you so youdon't stay stuck in these painful moments.
So you don't stay stuckin that victimhood.
So you can work on thenext time a thing happens.
Like start realizing what is my role thatI'm playing in my own suffering, right?
Like you start to become aware.
So really all this is, is becoming.
More aware of our own actions and ourown thoughts that are keeping us in
(19:03):
certain low vibrational states where weare creating our own suffering and pain.
That's what I want you to open yourmind to and evaluate in your own life
to, to bring up, to be able to openyou up to a greater awareness within
yourself as a part of your self-growth.
So, thank you so much forshowing up to the show.
I appreciate all of my listeners.
(19:23):
You can always find meon Facebook or Instagram.
My handle is @chelsea.vanbuskirkI love it when people reach out
or give me feedback, let me know.
Super excited to be backto getting these episodes
out more regularly,I've missed doing this.
please let me know how you're doing in theworld and what might have been helpful.
What did you get from this episode thatis helping you see things maybe a little
(19:47):
differently or changing your perspective?
I'm, sending you guys all so much love,and light, especially if you're in
a place where you need that healing.
Don't be afraid to ask for helpand to call on a higher power
because you're never alone.
Love is always available to you.
You are loved.
You are worthy.
I'll see you guys next time.
Peace.
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