August 18, 2023 • 18 mins
Hello, cherished listeners. 🎙️ Today on "the Mommy Mentor," we're delving into a topic close to every mother's heart – the unspoken pressure to be a superwoman while juggling the beautiful chaos of motherhood.
In a world that often expects us to balance work, family, and self-care flawlessly, we're here to offer a moment of unity. Join me as I candidly share stories that tug at the heartstrings and remind us that it's okay not to have all the answers.
Together, let's pause, breathe, and acknowledge that we're doing our best amidst the swirling demands. Tune in for a genuine reflection that acknowledges the weight of motherhood's expectations while celebrating the strength it takes to simply be real. 🌸🤱
For information on this podcast and more, visit mommymentorpodcast.com. My name is Erinn Kennedy-Heldt & I am a registered nurse and a Mom of three. I have professional experience with moms & babies as a post-partum nurse, which keeps the newborn & post partum transition fresh in my mind. And I have my personal experience of 17 years of parenting.Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:13):
Welcome to the Mommy Mentor Podcast.
This parenting bull sheet is hard.
Am I right?
From sleepless nights with newborns tosleepless nights with teens from potty
training to sending them off to college.
I'm here to get you throughit all as your mommy mentor.
My name is Erin Kennedy Health, and I'ma registered nurse and a mom of three.
I have professional experience withmoms and babies as a postpartum
(00:36):
nurse, which keeps the newborn andpostpartum transition fresh in my mind.
I have 17 years of parentingexperience as well.
For information on this podcast andmore, go to mommy mentor podcast.com.
Parents, grab a couple ofwhatever you prefer, and
settle in for the next episode.
(01:04):
Welcome to Mommy Mentor.
My name is Erinn.
I am your host and we have anothertopic to talk about mommies.
I had a conversation with my bestfriend a couple days ago, and I
called her on the way home from work.
And for a little background, I'm a nurse.
However, I used to work on thefloor, meaning I was a direct,
(01:26):
I provided direct patient careto postpartum moms and babies.
You guys have heard the about that andstopped doing that in March because
I'll be honest, I worked Covid.
Although the moms and babies aregenerally not your normal case.
And a lot of the times themoms have high risk factors.
So every patient that you have isvery sick and covid and everything,
(01:48):
and it just wears on a person.
So plus, I'll be also honest, I did nothave the best manager, so yeah, I ended
up needing to leave the bedside for myown mental and emotional health, and
I decided to go to care coordinationfor a little while, which means I
help people with their discharge.
I get them the things that theyneed to discharge, like if they
(02:08):
need a shower chair or a walkeror if they need IV antibiotics at
home or something of that nature.
I help them coordinate anything thatthey might need to go home, but.
That job is not direct patient care.
Not only that, it's for a completelydifferent organization and my boss is
completely different person, obviously,and she is amazing and lovely.
(02:29):
And I will tell you this, if you areever struggling in your job, this is
a complete side note, not to do withwhat the episode's actually about.
But if you're ever unhappyin your job, I encourage you.
If your manager is not supportiveto, find a different job with a
manager who is supportive becauseit makes a world of difference.
And I did not realize how big ofa difference it makes because I've
(02:52):
really never had a boss like this.
But anyway, so I used to work on thefloor and when I worked on the floor I
worked 12 hours and that meant, meantI went to work three times a week, and
that translates to 12 times a month.
So I had a lot more free time, especiallygiven the fact that my kids are older,
they're in school, they're 17 and 12.
(03:13):
So definitely not needing to beat home with my kids all day.
And so I was able to get a lotof things done at the house.
I was able to do a lot of extracurricularactivities like my podcast.
I was able to have time to be alone,have time for my appointments, that I
need to do all these kinds of thingsbecause I had free time on weekdays.
(03:36):
I also had free time on weekdays becauseI would work every third weekend.
So just the nature of my job allowedme a lot of free time to do all
the extra things that people needto do in life other than work.
And this care coordination job is acomplete benefit for my mental and
emotional health, and it's an amazing job.
And I am not bored.
And I thought I would maybe bebecause I'm not on the floor.
(03:57):
I'm at a desk most of the time,but I'm not bored and it's lovely.
So it's a good change.
The trade off is that I work five daysa week now, Monday through Friday, 8
to 4 (04:07):
30, and it's salary, so that's also cool because I've never done
that before and I only have to workevery sixth weekend and I have one
holiday year rather than about six.
So it's beneficial very much for my mentaland emotional health, but also for like
having a family because I'm relativelyon the same schedule as my family now.
However, 'cause I'm on the sameschedule as my family, the exact same
(04:31):
schedule, they're at school when I'mat work, my husband's at work when
I'm at work, no one's home alone.
No one has extra time.
They're all on the same exact schedule.
And that means not only we have our dogsthat are home alone, which was nice that
I could be with our dogs most of the time.
But, now things in the house arestarting to kind of fall apart.
(04:53):
Not necessarily literally fall apart,but I had that, you're gonna think
I'm crazy or maybe you won't, yourmom's, maybe you have the same thing.
I had a cleaning schedule to makesure that everything got done.
You have to kind of, make sure thatyou're doing things every so often.
And I had a schedule and most of the timeI was able to complete it by myself, or
(05:14):
if I was working, my husband would do it.
And you're going, why in the heckdidn't you have your kids help?
Why would Why?
Well, because I made the gravemistake of when they were little,
little and they wanted to help, butreally it was making a bigger mess.
I didn't let them help and I should havelet them help, but I didn't let them
help and because I didn't let them help.
They didn't, it's notnormal to them to clean.
(05:36):
And so I've tried a hundred thousandthings over the course of the years.
So my husband and I have to try to getthem to do more chores to try to wanna
be a part of the team to understand like,you live here, you gotta pull your weight.
It's, all of our efforts have just notworked and it's ended up being more,
way more frustrating than fruitful.
So I ended up throwing in thetowel every single attempt.
(05:59):
You probably have been there.
And it never improved, andit just got to be where they
don't have any official chores.
I asked them to keep their rooms clean.
I asked them to do what I asked themto do, as in, if I ask you to do
something, please do it instead ofnot doing it or complaining about it.
Totally.
Still have a lot of complaining.
Totally.
Still have a lot of, I didn't dothat, but point being is me working
(06:23):
this Monday through Friday job,my house is a lot dirtier than
I would like for it to be and.
I'm a person who I need at least a neatenvironment, if not a clean environment,
in order to not feel anxious in that.
Like I can't relax at home.
If there's crap everywhere,you might be the same.
(06:45):
I don't know.
But I've always been like that.
If there's a mess, Ididn't clean it up before.
I can relax and hang out in my home.
Like that's the gross.
And because, I never got the kidscleaning when they were little.
They don't really know how to clean nowthat they're old enough to be capable
of doing these things by themselves.
They are capable and they do try,and I will say that that's great
(07:08):
and I do appreciate their efforts.
However, I just had a conversationwith my one daughter about how
you just don't see what's dirty.
I don't know how, you don't see what'sdirty, but you don't, and okay, you're
maybe thinking, Erin, you have O C D.
Nope, I don't.
When you just don't see dust ona window sill and it's completely
coated, or you don't see dust on aceiling fan, or even think about the
(07:29):
fact, oh yeah, a ceiling fan needsto be dusted every once in a while.
It's just stuff like that, andI guess I have just like a very
good eye for messes and for whatneeds to be done around my house.
So, yeah, house has been disgusting,literally disgusting since March.
It is now August.
Yeah.
(07:49):
We haven't gotten back onthe cleaning schedule.
I have tried assigning everyonetwo to three jobs to just get done
every day and then I'll do thestuff that's not as often, but nope,
that hasn't worked so well either.
So house is dirty.
Okay, so that sucks.
And then also you also have the wholepressure of like, I also need to work
(08:11):
out because for me, working out isvaluable for obviously my physical
health, my mental and emotional health.
But also for me, I've taken careof so many people who haven't been
able to move their own bodies.
Had to feed adults, grown men, and hadto help people itch their nose, and
(08:33):
I just can't imagine that and thosepeople, i, I work out and I move my
body every day to honor those people.
Number two reason I move my bodyevery day is I was greatly inspired
by someone during the pandemic.
This woman, I don't know if you'veheard of her, her name is Amanda Kloots.
Her husband Nick Cordero, he lost hislife to covid, 40 year old healthy man.
(08:58):
They had a baby.
They had just gotten marrieda couple years before.
She's a fitness trainer, and she hadalready believed move your body every day.
But then her husband ended upstruggling with Covid and ended up
having to unfortunately have a legamputated before he passed away.
And so she was already thinkingof how is he gonna move his body?
So I move my body every day fortwo reasons to honor my patients
(09:21):
and also to honor I guess thosewho lost their lives to Covid and
Nick and Amanda and their battle.
Plus man, it's just a good idea!
'Cause there's so many benefits.
So pressure of that how do I,how do I fit that in every day?
And I don't mean I'm doing aworkout, like a 60 minute workout
every day or even 30 minute workout.
(09:42):
Literally move your body every day,10 minutes, 15 minutes, take a walk.
I don't know.
Just do something.
And then also, I have the three kids.
How, how am I gonna like be a perfect mom?
Not sure because no one's a perfect mom.
We're all just trying our best,but there's the pressure of our
society for women to be perfectat literally everything they do.
(10:06):
So I am supposed to bea perfect homemaker.
Have a neat and clean house all the time.
Spotless failing at that.
So far you've heard the story.
I'm supposed to be perfect at stayingfit and taking care of myself, my
mental, emotional and physical health,which involves going to a lot of
appointments sometimes and or medicationsthat cost money and or fitness,
(10:30):
things that cost money and also time.
And then I'm supposed to be aperfect professional woman as well.
I am supposed to be perfect at my joband never make a mistake in that and
never have any emotions around that.
I.
Oh, also, I'm supposedto be a perfect wife.
Never have any issues with that.
Your marriage has to be perfect, so.
(10:53):
Look at all the pressure that I'mjust talking about for my life.
I feel the pressure to be perfect athome with my, my house being clean
and and wonderful all the time.
I'm supposed to be perfect at stayingfit and taking care of myself, my
mental, emotional and physical health,which involves going to a lot of
(11:14):
appointments sometimes and or medicationsthat cost money and or fitness,
things that cost money and also time.
And then I'm supposed to be aperfect professional woman as well.
I am supposed to be perfect at my joband never make a mistake in that and
never have any emotions around that.
And oh, also, I'm supposedto be a perfect wife.
(11:37):
Never have any issues with that.
Your marriage has to be perfect.
So, look at all the pressure thatI'm just talking about for my life.
I feel the pressure to be perfect athome with my, my house being clean
and and wonderful all the time.
And I feel the pressure of beingable to take care of myself, to be
(12:04):
an example to my children and alsoto be around for a really long time.
And I also feel the pressureof being a perfect mother.
Which no one is 'cause you can'tbe, and I don't know what I'm doing.
I just try my very best andlove the crap outta my kids.
And then I have to be a perfect wife andI can't make any mistakes in any of it.
(12:25):
And that's, that's what thisAmerican society tells me.
And how do you havetime to get it all done?
I'm also supposed to be able torest my body so that I can do
it all over again the next day.
I am also, I will say I am married.
I have a person to help me.
Not everyone's married doing this.
Some people have way more kids than me.
(12:45):
I have three, somepeople have five or more.
And I'm just like, kudos to you guys.
'cause I don't know how you're doing this.
I call like, this was the wholeconversation with my best friend.
I'm just like, how are we doing this?
Because she has two boys.
She is a person who.
She also appreciates cleanhouse in the way that I do.
She totally gets it.
(13:06):
I don't know if you guys arefriends fans, but "Monica Clean!".
You know how Monica likes things clean?
Yeah.
That's how I like things clean.
Clean it up.
And so we were talking about that andshe has two boys who are 11 and 13 and.
Also has, she's tryingto grow her own business.
(13:26):
She has a marriage that she'strying to maintain and lo and
keep healthy just like me.
She has obviously her a job,but in her case, she's got her
wanting to start her own business.
She's got multiple small jobs thatshe does so that she can support
her family while trying to makeher small bus or her business work.
(13:47):
We were talking about this,how are we supposed to be
perfect about all of this stuff?
Oh my gosh.
Like how, how can we do it?
How are we supposed tobe perfect at all of it?
Mommies how?
How?
Here's the answer.
We can't be, I also didn't mention a pieceof this that goes along with the fitness.
(14:12):
Women in this society are alsopressured to keep their pre-baby bodies.
And dads don't have that pressure.
So they do have the pressureprobably to take care of themselves.
'cause let's face it, Americansociety is pretty unhealthy.
So we all have the pressure to takecare of ourselves, but they don't
(14:32):
have the pressure or the societalpressure of looking perfect.
I forgot about that.
I'm supposed to be, have a perfect house.
That's one.
Supposed to be perfect at fitness formore than one reason in order to look
good, and also to keep myself healthyand be an example to my children.
Third thing, supposed tobe a perfect professional.
(14:54):
Fourth, perfect wife, perfect mom.
That's a handful of trouble.
Can't be perfect at all of them.
So how do we be perfect at it all?
I don't know.
How do we not feel the societal pressure?
I don't know.
My best friend and I decidedon the phone the other day.
This is a systemic issue.
(15:16):
Much like many of theproblems in this country.
We won't talk about that today.
But literally, the expectationsof American women are ridiculous.
And how do we do it all?
We just, we all, what we do is we justburn the candle at both ends, as my
mom would say, and we kick our ownbutts every day trying to do it all
(15:38):
and trying to be perfect at it all.
And then when we're not perfectat it all, we beat ourselves up
about it every day, all the time.
And I don't, I don't know whatto do about that because I'm
in that very boat right now.
I'm having a very hard time withthe fact that my house isn't clean.
The fact that I know I can'tbe perfect at everything.
The fact that I don't have enough timeon my hands to do the things that I want.
(16:00):
For me, I am trying to grow this podcast.
I am trying to have a, a fun hobby, andalso I wanna help people and I wanna
create this community of moms and parentswho just know how each other feels and
can support each other along the way.
That's important to me too, so I havebarely any time, but I'm doing it all
(16:24):
and I hope I'm doing okay at most of it.
The most important thing I need to dogood at is being a mom, and I really
hope that I don't fail at that, andI know you all feel that pressure.
You totally get it.
You're like, "Ugh, I don't spendenough time with my kids", or "We
don't do enough things together", or"We don't have enough quality time
together", or "My kids have too muchscreen time", or blah, blah, blah.
(16:47):
Whatever you're feeling guilty aboutwith your, your parenting people,
let's try to give ourselves some grace.
People try really hardto be kind to yourself.
I'm trying my best and I'mtrying, like I said before, to
listen to my head, not my heart.
How the heck were wesupposed to do it all?
We can't.
(17:08):
And I think we need to work really hard atchanging the narrative for our daughters
that you can't do it all, and that you'renot supposed to be perfect at everything.
To be brave and to try new thingswithout fear of being perfect at them.
(17:31):
So mommies, that's about it.
I'm sitting right here with you.
We're all under a lot of pressureand, we just need to give ourselves
grace and try to ask for help asmuch as we can, and also take care of
ourselves because most importantly,we have to take care of ourselves
(17:53):
before we can take care of anyone else.
You can't pour from an empty cup, so justmake sure you're being kind to yourself,
kind enough to yourself and gentle enoughwith yourself that you can take care of
yourself well enough that you are ableto take care of those that you love.
(18:14):
That being said, mommies, I wishyou love and support and just
know that I'm right here with you.
Until next time.
You guys have a great, whatevertime of day it is, make sure you
like and share and subscribe.
Follow the show.
(18:35):
Go to my website, mommy mentorpodcast.com and go check out my,
my Instagram my mommy mentor.
I will talk to you guys or,and see you another time.
Safe parenting out there.
Welcome to the Mommy Mentor Podcast.
This parenting bull sheet is hard.
Am I right?
From sleepless nights with newborns tosleepless nights with teens from potty
training to sending them off to college.
I'm here to get you throughit all as your mommy mentor.
My name is Erin Kennedy Health, and I'ma registered nurse and a mom of three.
I have professional experience withmoms and babies as a postpartum
(00:36):
nurse, which keeps the newborn andpostpartum transition fresh in my mind.
I have 17 years of parentingexperience as well.
For information on this podcast andmore, go to mommy mentor podcast.com.
Parents, grab a couple ofwhatever you prefer, and
settle in for the next episode.
(01:04):
Welcome to Mommy Mentor.
My name is Erinn.
I am your host and we have anothertopic to talk about mommies.
I had a conversation with my bestfriend a couple days ago, and I
called her on the way home from work.
And for a little background, I'm a nurse.
However, I used to work on thefloor, meaning I was a direct,
(01:26):
I provided direct patient careto postpartum moms and babies.
You guys have heard the about that andstopped doing that in March because
I'll be honest, I worked Covid.
Although the moms and babies aregenerally not your normal case.
And a lot of the times themoms have high risk factors.
So every patient that you have isvery sick and covid and everything,
(01:48):
and it just wears on a person.
So plus, I'll be also honest, I did nothave the best manager, so yeah, I ended
up needing to leave the bedside for myown mental and emotional health, and
I decided to go to care coordinationfor a little while, which means I
help people with their discharge.
I get them the things that theyneed to discharge, like if they
(02:08):
need a shower chair or a walkeror if they need IV antibiotics at
home or something of that nature.
I help them coordinate anything thatthey might need to go home, but.
That job is not direct patient care.
Not only that, it's for a completelydifferent organization and my boss is
completely different person, obviously,and she is amazing and lovely.
(02:29):
And I will tell you this, if you areever struggling in your job, this is
a complete side note, not to do withwhat the episode's actually about.
But if you're ever unhappyin your job, I encourage you.
If your manager is not supportiveto, find a different job with a
manager who is supportive becauseit makes a world of difference.
And I did not realize how big ofa difference it makes because I've
(02:52):
really never had a boss like this.
But anyway, so I used to work on thefloor and when I worked on the floor I
worked 12 hours and that meant, meantI went to work three times a week, and
that translates to 12 times a month.
So I had a lot more free time, especiallygiven the fact that my kids are older,
they're in school, they're 17 and 12.
(03:13):
So definitely not needing to beat home with my kids all day.
And so I was able to get a lotof things done at the house.
I was able to do a lot of extracurricularactivities like my podcast.
I was able to have time to be alone,have time for my appointments, that I
need to do all these kinds of thingsbecause I had free time on weekdays.
(03:36):
I also had free time on weekdays becauseI would work every third weekend.
So just the nature of my job allowedme a lot of free time to do all
the extra things that people needto do in life other than work.
And this care coordination job is acomplete benefit for my mental and
emotional health, and it's an amazing job.
And I am not bored.
And I thought I would maybe bebecause I'm not on the floor.
(03:57):
I'm at a desk most of the time,but I'm not bored and it's lovely.
So it's a good change.
The trade off is that I work five daysa week now, Monday through Friday, 8
to 4 (04:07):
30, and it's salary, so that's also cool because I've never done
that before and I only have to workevery sixth weekend and I have one
holiday year rather than about six.
So it's beneficial very much for my mentaland emotional health, but also for like
having a family because I'm relativelyon the same schedule as my family now.
However, 'cause I'm on the sameschedule as my family, the exact same
(04:31):
schedule, they're at school when I'mat work, my husband's at work when
I'm at work, no one's home alone.
No one has extra time.
They're all on the same exact schedule.
And that means not only we have our dogsthat are home alone, which was nice that
I could be with our dogs most of the time.
But, now things in the house arestarting to kind of fall apart.
(04:53):
Not necessarily literally fall apart,but I had that, you're gonna think
I'm crazy or maybe you won't, yourmom's, maybe you have the same thing.
I had a cleaning schedule to makesure that everything got done.
You have to kind of, make sure thatyou're doing things every so often.
And I had a schedule and most of the timeI was able to complete it by myself, or
(05:14):
if I was working, my husband would do it.
And you're going, why in the heckdidn't you have your kids help?
Why would Why?
Well, because I made the gravemistake of when they were little,
little and they wanted to help, butreally it was making a bigger mess.
I didn't let them help and I should havelet them help, but I didn't let them
help and because I didn't let them help.
They didn't, it's notnormal to them to clean.
(05:36):
And so I've tried a hundred thousandthings over the course of the years.
So my husband and I have to try to getthem to do more chores to try to wanna
be a part of the team to understand like,you live here, you gotta pull your weight.
It's, all of our efforts have just notworked and it's ended up being more,
way more frustrating than fruitful.
So I ended up throwing in thetowel every single attempt.
(05:59):
You probably have been there.
And it never improved, andit just got to be where they
don't have any official chores.
I asked them to keep their rooms clean.
I asked them to do what I asked themto do, as in, if I ask you to do
something, please do it instead ofnot doing it or complaining about it.
Totally.
Still have a lot of complaining.
Totally.
Still have a lot of, I didn't dothat, but point being is me working
(06:23):
this Monday through Friday job,my house is a lot dirtier than
I would like for it to be and.
I'm a person who I need at least a neatenvironment, if not a clean environment,
in order to not feel anxious in that.
Like I can't relax at home.
If there's crap everywhere,you might be the same.
(06:45):
I don't know.
But I've always been like that.
If there's a mess, Ididn't clean it up before.
I can relax and hang out in my home.
Like that's the gross.
And because, I never got the kidscleaning when they were little.
They don't really know how to clean nowthat they're old enough to be capable
of doing these things by themselves.
They are capable and they do try,and I will say that that's great
(07:08):
and I do appreciate their efforts.
However, I just had a conversationwith my one daughter about how
you just don't see what's dirty.
I don't know how, you don't see what'sdirty, but you don't, and okay, you're
maybe thinking, Erin, you have O C D.
Nope, I don't.
When you just don't see dust ona window sill and it's completely
coated, or you don't see dust on aceiling fan, or even think about the
(07:29):
fact, oh yeah, a ceiling fan needsto be dusted every once in a while.
It's just stuff like that, andI guess I have just like a very
good eye for messes and for whatneeds to be done around my house.
So, yeah, house has been disgusting,literally disgusting since March.
It is now August.
Yeah.
(07:49):
We haven't gotten back onthe cleaning schedule.
I have tried assigning everyonetwo to three jobs to just get done
every day and then I'll do thestuff that's not as often, but nope,
that hasn't worked so well either.
So house is dirty.
Okay, so that sucks.
And then also you also have the wholepressure of like, I also need to work
(08:11):
out because for me, working out isvaluable for obviously my physical
health, my mental and emotional health.
But also for me, I've taken careof so many people who haven't been
able to move their own bodies.
Had to feed adults, grown men, and hadto help people itch their nose, and
(08:33):
I just can't imagine that and thosepeople, i, I work out and I move my
body every day to honor those people.
Number two reason I move my bodyevery day is I was greatly inspired
by someone during the pandemic.
This woman, I don't know if you'veheard of her, her name is Amanda Kloots.
Her husband Nick Cordero, he lost hislife to covid, 40 year old healthy man.
(08:58):
They had a baby.
They had just gotten marrieda couple years before.
She's a fitness trainer, and she hadalready believed move your body every day.
But then her husband ended upstruggling with Covid and ended up
having to unfortunately have a legamputated before he passed away.
And so she was already thinkingof how is he gonna move his body?
So I move my body every day fortwo reasons to honor my patients
(09:21):
and also to honor I guess thosewho lost their lives to Covid and
Nick and Amanda and their battle.
Plus man, it's just a good idea!
'Cause there's so many benefits.
So pressure of that how do I,how do I fit that in every day?
And I don't mean I'm doing aworkout, like a 60 minute workout
every day or even 30 minute workout.
(09:42):
Literally move your body every day,10 minutes, 15 minutes, take a walk.
I don't know.
Just do something.
And then also, I have the three kids.
How, how am I gonna like be a perfect mom?
Not sure because no one's a perfect mom.
We're all just trying our best,but there's the pressure of our
society for women to be perfectat literally everything they do.
(10:06):
So I am supposed to bea perfect homemaker.
Have a neat and clean house all the time.
Spotless failing at that.
So far you've heard the story.
I'm supposed to be perfect at stayingfit and taking care of myself, my
mental, emotional and physical health,which involves going to a lot of
appointments sometimes and or medicationsthat cost money and or fitness,
(10:30):
things that cost money and also time.
And then I'm supposed to be aperfect professional woman as well.
I am supposed to be perfect at my joband never make a mistake in that and
never have any emotions around that.
I.
Oh, also, I'm supposedto be a perfect wife.
Never have any issues with that.
Your marriage has to be perfect, so.
(10:53):
Look at all the pressure that I'mjust talking about for my life.
I feel the pressure to be perfect athome with my, my house being clean
and and wonderful all the time.
I'm supposed to be perfect at stayingfit and taking care of myself, my
mental, emotional and physical health,which involves going to a lot of
(11:14):
appointments sometimes and or medicationsthat cost money and or fitness,
things that cost money and also time.
And then I'm supposed to be aperfect professional woman as well.
I am supposed to be perfect at my joband never make a mistake in that and
never have any emotions around that.
And oh, also, I'm supposedto be a perfect wife.
(11:37):
Never have any issues with that.
Your marriage has to be perfect.
So, look at all the pressure thatI'm just talking about for my life.
I feel the pressure to be perfect athome with my, my house being clean
and and wonderful all the time.
And I feel the pressure of beingable to take care of myself, to be
(12:04):
an example to my children and alsoto be around for a really long time.
And I also feel the pressureof being a perfect mother.
Which no one is 'cause you can'tbe, and I don't know what I'm doing.
I just try my very best andlove the crap outta my kids.
And then I have to be a perfect wife andI can't make any mistakes in any of it.
(12:25):
And that's, that's what thisAmerican society tells me.
And how do you havetime to get it all done?
I'm also supposed to be able torest my body so that I can do
it all over again the next day.
I am also, I will say I am married.
I have a person to help me.
Not everyone's married doing this.
Some people have way more kids than me.
(12:45):
I have three, somepeople have five or more.
And I'm just like, kudos to you guys.
'cause I don't know how you're doing this.
I call like, this was the wholeconversation with my best friend.
I'm just like, how are we doing this?
Because she has two boys.
She is a person who.
She also appreciates cleanhouse in the way that I do.
She totally gets it.
(13:06):
I don't know if you guys arefriends fans, but "Monica Clean!".
You know how Monica likes things clean?
Yeah.
That's how I like things clean.
Clean it up.
And so we were talking about that andshe has two boys who are 11 and 13 and.
Also has, she's tryingto grow her own business.
(13:26):
She has a marriage that she'strying to maintain and lo and
keep healthy just like me.
She has obviously her a job,but in her case, she's got her
wanting to start her own business.
She's got multiple small jobs thatshe does so that she can support
her family while trying to makeher small bus or her business work.
(13:47):
We were talking about this,how are we supposed to be
perfect about all of this stuff?
Oh my gosh.
Like how, how can we do it?
How are we supposed tobe perfect at all of it?
Mommies how?
How?
Here's the answer.
We can't be, I also didn't mention a pieceof this that goes along with the fitness.
(14:12):
Women in this society are alsopressured to keep their pre-baby bodies.
And dads don't have that pressure.
So they do have the pressureprobably to take care of themselves.
'cause let's face it, Americansociety is pretty unhealthy.
So we all have the pressure to takecare of ourselves, but they don't
(14:32):
have the pressure or the societalpressure of looking perfect.
I forgot about that.
I'm supposed to be, have a perfect house.
That's one.
Supposed to be perfect at fitness formore than one reason in order to look
good, and also to keep myself healthyand be an example to my children.
Third thing, supposed tobe a perfect professional.
(14:54):
Fourth, perfect wife, perfect mom.
That's a handful of trouble.
Can't be perfect at all of them.
So how do we be perfect at it all?
I don't know.
How do we not feel the societal pressure?
I don't know.
My best friend and I decidedon the phone the other day.
This is a systemic issue.
(15:16):
Much like many of theproblems in this country.
We won't talk about that today.
But literally, the expectationsof American women are ridiculous.
And how do we do it all?
We just, we all, what we do is we justburn the candle at both ends, as my
mom would say, and we kick our ownbutts every day trying to do it all
(15:38):
and trying to be perfect at it all.
And then when we're not perfectat it all, we beat ourselves up
about it every day, all the time.
And I don't, I don't know whatto do about that because I'm
in that very boat right now.
I'm having a very hard time withthe fact that my house isn't clean.
The fact that I know I can'tbe perfect at everything.
The fact that I don't have enough timeon my hands to do the things that I want.
(16:00):
For me, I am trying to grow this podcast.
I am trying to have a, a fun hobby, andalso I wanna help people and I wanna
create this community of moms and parentswho just know how each other feels and
can support each other along the way.
That's important to me too, so I havebarely any time, but I'm doing it all
(16:24):
and I hope I'm doing okay at most of it.
The most important thing I need to dogood at is being a mom, and I really
hope that I don't fail at that, andI know you all feel that pressure.
You totally get it.
You're like, "Ugh, I don't spendenough time with my kids", or "We
don't do enough things together", or"We don't have enough quality time
together", or "My kids have too muchscreen time", or blah, blah, blah.
(16:47):
Whatever you're feeling guilty aboutwith your, your parenting people,
let's try to give ourselves some grace.
People try really hardto be kind to yourself.
I'm trying my best and I'mtrying, like I said before, to
listen to my head, not my heart.
How the heck were wesupposed to do it all?
We can't.
(17:08):
And I think we need to work really hard atchanging the narrative for our daughters
that you can't do it all, and that you'renot supposed to be perfect at everything.
To be brave and to try new thingswithout fear of being perfect at them.
(17:31):
So mommies, that's about it.
I'm sitting right here with you.
We're all under a lot of pressureand, we just need to give ourselves
grace and try to ask for help asmuch as we can, and also take care of
ourselves because most importantly,we have to take care of ourselves
(17:53):
before we can take care of anyone else.
You can't pour from an empty cup, so justmake sure you're being kind to yourself,
kind enough to yourself and gentle enoughwith yourself that you can take care of
yourself well enough that you are ableto take care of those that you love.
(18:14):
That being said, mommies, I wishyou love and support and just
know that I'm right here with you.
Until next time.
You guys have a great, whatevertime of day it is, make sure you
like and share and subscribe.
Follow the show.
(18:35):
Go to my website, mommy mentorpodcast.com and go check out my,
my Instagram my mommy mentor.
I will talk to you guys or,and see you another time.
Safe parenting out there.
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