Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
This is off Air with Kid Chris. What up? What's day? Oh,
today's the eighteenth, It's Tuesday.Welcome to it, man, and
I want to thank you for beinghere for tuning it in. We want
to thank some of the new peepsthat are checking out this show called off
(00:23):
Air from across the country. Ihave ads running for this podcast that I'm
paying for in cities that I've workedin, Wichita being the latest. So
I want to thank you the peopletuning in from which tall you've hit me
up and fuck it's been it's liketwenty five years since I worked there,
(00:44):
but welcome to it. And someof you peeps in the Philadelphia Tri state
area that weren't following since I leftthere now welcome aboard. I've been hearing
from party people, so that's cool. So it's worth the money going into
it. It's perfect. So anyways, UM hit me up at any time
five one three, eight one threeseven nine seven nine. You could leave
(01:04):
voicemails. I uh, whenever I'min here recording this podcast, I will
take some phone calls too, Okay, so when you call in during that
time, I usually tweeted out orwhatever and uh and put you on the
podcast or I try to make itsound as close as possible to a actual
radio show. Um, some ofthe things, man, I'll tell you
what. I nothing really gets mewhere I don't want to say shock.
(01:27):
But it felt awesome when I sawit. Was watching the boxing thing over
the weekend and I saw that chick, Daniella Hemsley, Um, she has
a only fans and stuff and Idon't I don't go and pay for that.
But she was on live TV.She won her boxing match and then
pulled up her shirt and showed themtitties. And it moved man, And
(01:52):
it's it takes. It doesn't makeme, you know, watching something like
that happen doesn't normally make me go, oh shit, but that that was
like, oh yeah, I knowsome of you may you're you're you're taught
that when a straight white male getshorny, it's a creepy and I should
be pulled off, but uh whatever, I really don't give a shit,
(02:13):
you know. And and look here'sthe thing. Women rule everything, everything,
and I always have. It's notlike it's a it's not like it's
a new thing, like oh nowthe women are starting to come up now
they I've always ruled whether no matterwhat job they had or whatever. You
could be CEO, you could beworking at a toll booth register you rule
(02:34):
everything. Guys will dress. It'sa good women guys make. If it
wasn't for women, guys would livein caves and just be bonking themselves on
the head with a fucking a pieceof wood. But we make money.
We go to make a ton ofmoney just to impress women. You know,
(02:57):
if it wasn't for for the ladies, we'd be living trees picking fucking
bugs out of her ball hair.So nothing that I say on here,
when I say that I'm turned onby something is not meant to be a
disrespectful thing, And don't take itthat way. If you do, then
you're the one that's wrong. Becauseeverything a guy does, to sum it
up is based on women. Sowomen rule the world. It's pretty safe
(03:23):
to say. And now, ifyou haven't seen that video man of that
boxer, titty boxer pulling up hershirt, it's on kid Chris dot com.
That's with two d's. I now, I was able to watch a
lot of the UFC and like thattitt titty boxing match or whatever, because
my girls now are gone again.This time, both of my girls.
(03:45):
Well, first of all, theywere in Texas last week visiting their grandmother
and cousins and stuff. And thenthis week my wife and I dropped the
kids off at a horse ranch campthing and they're gone for a whole week.
Now we're getting pictures and stuff,but we're not allowed to communicate with
them in case they get homesick andall that shit. But I'm the one
(04:05):
that's freaking out. I want todrive there right now and just take a
bust them out of there and takethem back home. So this week is
a little it's going by slow forme, and I'm all fucking scattered because
of this. You know. Then, my wife, this is another thing.
We're going back to Texas. It'sbeen years since I've been to San
Antonio, but my wife's family isthere and we're going there for Thanksgiving this
(04:28):
year. Now, some of youmay know the first time I when I
first started dating my wife and Iwent to meet her family at Thanksgiving.
It was totally fucking awkward. Didn'tknow a single soul and we all had
to go outside to this that thisbroken fountain in the front of the yard
and hold hands and stand in acircle and talk about things were thankful for.
(04:55):
And it was one of the mostawful, the most awkward, fucking
things I've ever had to deal within my entire life. And that was
the first time I met these There'speople crying and all that shit. God,
it was really fucked up. I'llnever forget that. So now I
get to go back, and Iguess it's a tradition, so I get
to do it again. Lucky meanyway, So let's go out through some
(05:19):
voicemails here. Hey, chrism,just wondering on your off error show,
did you make the intro music orwhat's that riff from? Or I don't
know. It's very catchy. Ilove it, so I don't think it's
bad. I love it. Also, you were you read something about like
(05:40):
what people suggestions I'm making a showbetter or anything of the show. I
would just love to hear you talkto Thomas again. It's so wrong.
I just want to hear what's goingon with Thomas and words while y'all are
talking like. It may sound stupid, but I would just like to hear
y'all talk. Same with you andMeat or you and Dusk. I just
want to hear you talk again.You live in one. I love the
(06:02):
show man. Keep it going.No, that's uh, that's not me.
That's uh some production music. Um, let me see what it's called.
I don't even know if there's aname for it. Dreadnot. I
think it's the name of it.Yeah, that's what it says here,
dreadnought. And there's different mixes andstuff. Um, but yeah, that's
what. It's production music. It'sjust generic production music. Oh shit,
(06:25):
I'm catching up on the podcast.I just heard your new twat music song.
I literally bought the podcast and Ihad a call and just tell you
how funny that ship was. Keepit off, Gobra, we love you
buff twat Music. Now. Somepeople told me that I actually played twat
Music on the Internet show, soI guess it's been out there if you
(06:46):
haven't heard it. This was asong I have like an archive of all
these drives and stuff with shit onthere, swings and misses, a lot
of that stuff. Um, thatnever aired anywhere, and twat Music,
I didn't think I aired anywhere,but apparently I have it. Before it
sounded, we know what you doit into his face, Salda that goes
(07:12):
and shakes up the whole place.Sounds like the quick bart rank Where from
come from? Not from her bum? Talking about flot music, I talk
about Tolt music. I want todedicate this. Do you want the girls
who made this? When you penetrateit? It deflated New York blooding into
(07:32):
the Paris Day deal with the girlsall making that twin music, talking about
twin music, Town music music,twalt music. Fair. Yeah, you
got your christ Concertine. Yeah,Chrift, what are you doing? Bitch?
(07:56):
Nothing? Bitch? You're not workingtoday? Now I'm off, Chris.
Oh good, I'm glad. Ithink he worked too much. Well,
Chris, I'm not doing anything butmama match today. I'm sleeping in
the chair. Chris, you're sleepingin the chair. No, the news
on Sun ten, Chris. Okay, so you're watching the news. Now,
(08:18):
why you're what are you wearing?Are you just in your your tidy
Whitey's you have your regular clothes on? No? No, I'm in my
Papa boxes and I'm taking Chris.Oh you're you're naked? Yeah yeah,
So will you rub your your junkwhile you're watching the news? No?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Chris, I had to get it two times
morning, Chris, Oh, youdid it two times this morning already.
(08:41):
Yeah, you're at the house withthe cat, right, she's upstairs a
sleep Oh, she's she's sleeping.What she finds out that you're naked watching
the TV and sleeping, she'll comedown, right, Yeah, she'll come
down and show me now and she'llpart at me. Chris. Yeah,
will she jump on your naked body? No, Chris, she's not the
out of that type of chat anyway. But I still touch Harrah Chris?
(09:05):
Yeah. Yeah. Now does yourfinger get stinky when you touch your butthole?
You get Chris and person me becauseI'm touching Chris. Yeah. Now
would you be out and per atme if I touched your butth hole?
If I want a cat, youcan get Chris. Here, I'm touching
(09:26):
your butth hole. Kitty Connie perh per pretty sexy, hot Connie.
Yeah, that is pretty sexy Chris. Yeah. Yeah. Have you been
getting a lot of pussy? SayChris, remember that what time you said
(09:50):
you had sex? Was it yourneighbor you had sex with? I tried
to Chris patting me? Chris?Why? Why what do you mean you
tried to? I wanted Hurrah,I wanted hurr Oncumbrance. She said,
no. Yeah, that's when youused to stand in your kitchen and watch
her through your window, right,yeah, that's so Christmas and you would
stare at her and you would getup in the morning. You would go
(10:11):
get her coffee and wait outside.Yeah yeah yeah. Did you ever be
out at her Christmas? Oh?I wonder if she would have liked that.
Maybe that's why. So let's see, Chris. Yeah, well,
let's try it. Okay, let'spretend that you're calling her right now,
okay, ring ring, Hello?Na oh hi? No oh you want
(10:35):
you want me to touch your butthole? No? Mmmm here I'm touching
your butt hole? No, yeah, I love you, kitten, Connie.
No, well, Chris, Igotta go, all right, buddy,
(10:58):
it's good talking to you. Conn. You go from the fuck yourself
over all right, got it,buddy, just my black I love Constantine.
Man. I want to go throughsome of the reviews from Apple Podcast.
It's some of the funny shit thatyou guys are writing up here.
(11:20):
If you go to kid Chris dotcom slash off air, that's how you
directly go to the Apple podcast.Her Bush sixty nine awesome show, Cobra,
hope you keep doing it. I'msitting in I'm sitting in the heat
creating some gooch sweat listening to theshow even one fifty seven. I enjoy
listening and learning on the Kid ChrisShow, especially tips from Constantine how to
(11:43):
finger your cat's butter button. Thanksto Kid Chris, I couldn't survive without
you. Dangerous Night Night's Crew thirteen. A fan since two thousand and six,
I was so excited to hear KidChris was doing a podcast too.
To twenty minutes an episode is perfectto listening during an edging session on my
(12:05):
milking table. I laughed so hardI often drop a deuce and kick it
under the bed. Show side effectsincluding spiking your hair and frosting the tips,
attending Lemon parties, and wearing jeanswith the Ultimate Warrior airbrushed on them.
And then the subject is the cooleRichie's favorite podcast. Dude, that
(12:26):
is some fucking throwback shit right there, bone horrific from Joey Ganuts. This
podcast is so funny, crude,I have to turn it off when my
wife gets home, like I'm watchingPorto or something true that. Oh,
here's this is a Girl Christie fourtwelve Hot Soup. I love this guy,
but listen since oh six, andhe keeps getting better. Just check
(12:48):
out his pick Rare m Pugs thirtyeight. I love you, love the
podcast in the morning show. Youmake my drive home enjoyable. I used
to said to Bob and Tom's showfor twenty plus years, you are much
better. Okay, well that's cool. That's somebod who listens to both.
Well, there's a lot of thisshit up here. Okay, I can't
(13:09):
read all of it, but thegood, good, good, up to
date ones are there. And keepwriting them on there and do the five
star podcast rate ranking two if you, if you could, please, Hey,
what's up? You're on the air, Go ahead, Hey, what's
up? Man? What up?This is stupid, but I wanted to
come and tell you because I thoughtit was funny and it annoyed my wife.
(13:31):
I've listening to your show since twothousand and five, so you could
probably guess where I'm from. ButI'm not one of those douche bags.
So I listened to your show andyou call with my kids and whatever,
and they like your show and theylisten all the songs. Whatever, So
anyway, two weeks ago, I'mon a boat with my kids. I
said my wife, I'm afraid ofboats, and my girls, they're eight
and thirteen, They're like, no, daddy's not afraid of boats, kid
Christie's and they started singing the dumbsong Kick Chris is afraid of boats.
(13:56):
Yeah. My wife's like, there'ssomething wrong with you. You're poisoning our
children with this nonsense. Look,I'm not afraid of boat boats, boats.
It's the gigantic ships. It's no. All right, But you did
the Disney Cruise and liked it.Yah know that was fine, But the
(14:18):
big like battleships or those kind ofships are scary. When you're next to
him, you feel like, Ifeel like I'm gonna get sucked under.
I don't need to explain this toyou. I hate boats too. I
didn't even want to go on mysister and her dumb husband wanted to go
on a stupid fucking boat. Yeah, no, I get you. You
know, people who like my dadhad a boat when we were growing when
I was growing up, and healways wanted to go out on it,
(14:39):
and it just sat in the garage. Who went out at a few times
that it was. It was horrible. You're stuck. One person is having
a good time, and that's aperson driving a fucking boat. He was
lean and everyone got drunk, andI hate drunk people. Annoying. Yeah,
but my kids all saying the kidChris is afraid of boat song,
and I wife un annoyed. Ithought it was funny. No, well
listen, I'm all about annoying them. Well, dude, I appreciate you.
(15:07):
I love the show. Thanks bytake care of her. Bread of
folks, brand of folks. Everybodylooking kid, Chris. He's a brand
of books, brand of folks.Frand of books. Everybody looking kid Chris,
He's a freed of books. Yeah, big boats coming in the harbor,
Cooper stocks and running the state ofHarry. Let's sail of sand and
(15:30):
start our chicken. His frosted tipsaid he got from his barber. Oh,
I'll tell you what I think,Folly. I think you're a little
pussy. You're afraid to go onboats. Get you, you're a grown
wnight. You're not even a grownman. You're a little scared man that's
afraid of going on a boat.I between you take a bath. You
(15:50):
probably wear swimming. H the GreatReverend Bob Levey, what's up. You're
on the air. Been a longtime since you left here. But uh,
this is a phone call I've beenwanting to make for a very long
time. Um, this is apersonal thing. Um. I'm turning forty
(16:11):
this year. And there was atime, you know, going back to
when you guys first started on theradio here in Philly, and uh,
I was going. I was ateenager, still going through kind of a
rough patch, and I had justgotten fired from a job, and my
plan was to drink my face offin the parking lot of a movie theater
(16:36):
and then you know, kind oftake my life. And I started listening
to you guys, and I justsat there and drank and listened and and
drank and listened, and I Idecided not to do it. And then
day by day, and this isone hundred percent God's honest truth. You,
(16:57):
Uh, you definitely saved my life. So I wanted to thank you.
Damn how old Maria I was.I was nineteen going on twenty,
Okay, so you weren't even oldenough to drink. You should have been
thrown in jail. Yeah, youguys, You guys being on the radio.
(17:21):
That was saving grace to me.And I mean this wholeheartedly. You
know, I love you from thebottom of my heart because you, without
inadvertently, without you really knowing,you you saved my life that day.
And I'm sitting outside an office thatI own a very successful accounting firm.
Nice and I would have never gottenhere, I never would have met my
(17:42):
wife, never would have had mykids. It's all been it's all been
incredible, and uh it's I'm sureyou don't hear this a lot, but
it is nice to you. Youknow, if you were listening to uh,
say, this was happening now,and you were in the parking lot
and all that stuff and you're listeningto my show now, this whole conversation
(18:03):
would be interrupted by a Lincoln Parksong and you probably would have taken your
own life, and I wouldn't haveblamed you a lot to you, you
guys, I'm glad you didn't gotoo serious because that's like a dog ship.
Yeah, realistically, you need atalk show. You're you're not You're
(18:23):
not a DJ. I understand.I get home at the end of every
day and I don't want to makethis sound ausy. And Harriet, because
you know, there's everybody's got theirown life. But my kids legitimately still
run out to the car and hugme and say what are we doing today?
Every day when I get home,no matter what. I grew up
(18:45):
with a father who was like walkingon eggshells because he worked his ass off
because my mother spent like a drunkenseiler, and I didn't want my kids
to be that way. So Idon't care how tired I am or what's
going on. I leave it itin the car and we do whatever the
fuck they want. And me andmy wife still date each other, you
know, we go out once aweek at least, and we do everything
(19:07):
as a family. And that's allI ever really wanted. And you don't
think you're going to get it,because like the kind of trouble I was
in was pretty deep. I mean, they put me on Megan's all,
which there's different levels. I wason the lowest level. They basically had
the fight to get me on there. The prosecuted it, and I was
able to get off of it eventually, but it was a long time and
(19:30):
the only thing that really was mysaving grace was like once again, you
know, my life kind of turnedaround that day. That's just because you
know, I didn't. I hada little bit of laughter. It's something
I didn't have it a long time. Yeah, well that's cool, man.
That's good to hear everybody, everybodythat calls from Jersey and stuff that
everybody sounds like Big Jay Oakerson.All right, dude, Well listen,
(19:56):
man, I'm glad to hear thatit all worked out and stuff. But
it's cool that you're a you're ayou know, a dad and everything's working
well for you and all that shit. That's cool. That's awesome. And
you got one of those jobs thatwon't be downsized, you know what I
mean. Once again, I appreciateyou having great rest of your day and
look forward to hopefully hearing more ofyou about, you know, more music.
(20:18):
All Right, brother, thanks forcalling, man, you gotta take
any Thanks for listening to off air