Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
You are listening to Kid Chris offair. Oh yeah, what up?
It's all fair with Kid Chris here. It's uh whatna stay Tuesday, August
eighth, I got your calls comingup? All right. I tweet out
usually when I'm in here taking callsfor this podcast. I want to talk
(00:26):
to you, all right, Soalways follow me on the social media,
no matter what platform you're on.Let's Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, x
whatever they call it in threads alsoanything all right, And I will tweet
out when I'm excuse me, Iwill tweet out when I'm in the here
(00:47):
in the studio at home taking phonecalls and stuff, right, And you
can always text or leave a voicemailfor me at five one three eight one
three seven nine seven nine A specialguest joining right now. I'm in the
Cincinnati area and the Offspring will behere at the end of the month.
I'm sure going to be in yourneighborhood wherever you're listening from. But Noodles
(01:10):
from the Offspring is here. Howyou doing? Man? Hey? Good?
How'd I call you? Kill?Or do I call you Chris or
Kid Chris? Either? One?Man? Do I call? Can I
call you a New News? Yeah? News sort dude, I gotta tell
you. You know, I startedin radio in the in the nineties,
so it's like I kind of feellike we all grew up together. U
yeah, right. Yeah. AndI saw you, believe it or not,
(01:34):
for the first time at it wasSonic Temple, which was what four
years ago maybe okay, yeah,and out maybe even longer. And I
was like, right before the pandemic, yeah, and I was like,
wow, this guy sound exactly thesame as the records. That's incredible.
Nice work. Cool. Yeah.I mean we tried to we try to
sound really good on stage right now, and we tried to bring a little
(01:56):
bit different energy, maybe a littlebit more energy on stage. Yeah,
for the most part, you know, try to try to make it a
little bit more dynamic, you knowwhen it's when it's live and you never
know, we could screw up massivelyand that's always fall too for the fans.
Yeah. Yeah, no, Ithink that, uh, you know,
honestly, I don't I don't likethe polished that some some bands have.
Like I don't know about you guys, but like on TikTok, I
(02:19):
see sub bands will go Here's whatI hear in my in my inner ear
and I have like that click.Do you guys use that click thing?
How does that work? We doplay along to a click. That's just
kind of helps us keep the keepthe tempo. Okay, uh yeah.
And it's different from every song,you know. Some songs are fast,
some songs are slow. Some songschange tempo in the middle of the in
the middle of the song. Doyou guys, because you guys started obviously
(02:42):
in clubs and all that stuff,and a lot of guys enjoy the club
scene, do you do you likethe clubs or do you like the the
big atmosphere? Well, I likedoing both. I mean, I wouldn't
want to be limited to one orthe other. Really, you know.
The club's thing is, so it'sjust an intimate time is time slows down
a little bit when you're playing thebigger crowd. It's it's almost a little
(03:05):
more frenetic, a little crazier.It's hard to wrap your your head around
time. You know, it's you'rejust a little more nervous, you know,
a little bit more excited and alittle bit more nervous. Club club
gigs are a little bit more relaxing. Yeah, yeah, I think that's
I think that's true because when yousee a bed like yourselves in a club,
it seems like you guys, youknow, for the past what I've
seen other beds, they kind ofenjoy talking more in between songs and getting
(03:28):
to know you know what I mean, just kinda Yeah, I think it's
kind of exciting for sure, andthe audience isn't is scary, So it
is a little bit more just funjust shooting the ship back and forth.
Yeah, whereas when we're facing youknow, crowd of people, you can't
even see the faces in the back. It goes so far. That's a
little it's a little daunting. It'sa little bit more intimidating. It's still
a really cool energy. I mean, we kind of we feed off that.
(03:50):
So you know, like I said, I like doing both it.
They are kind of different, butthey're but they're both really fun, especially
when you're connecting with the audience.You know, now, you guys are
going to be here in the citySinnati area on the thirtieth of August.
You're coming with some forty one.Now that's another band. I did see
them at a club. That's gotto be some fun, healthy competition because
they put out a great show aswell. Oh yeah, they're gonna keep
(04:12):
on top of our game for sure. I've had I've stopped drinking, I'm
trying to lose weights. I'm gonnago out there firing on all cylinders because
yeah, both both these bands wereplaying with Simple Plant puts on a hell
of a show. They've got suchgreat pop sensibilities. Yep. Some for
one's a little bit more rock,you know, almost kind of metal sometimes
(04:32):
you know, even elements of hiphop. But they both of putt of
a show. So yeah, we'vegot our work, you know, cut
out for us. We can't restour Laurels. Let me let me say
that, you know, if Iremember correctly, I don't know if this
was like a rumor or not,but back in the nineties, were you
guys like the first I guess consideredalternative band. It signed like a huge
deal with a record company. Wasthat like a rumor? Was that like
(04:55):
a real thing? No, weactually did the opposite. We stayed on
at the TAFF, which was anindie label, and rather than jumping ship
and finding too big record label whenSmash started taken off, we decided to
work with the record label and andyou know kind of do it, you
know, use some of our ownresources to to kind of help where the
(05:15):
where the you know, epitaf wasa small label at the time, so
you know, we spent some ofour own resources, you know, hiring
people to help kind of get ourword out there and worked with them.
Well that's all. So does thatmean you know, because I I've interviewed
like the guys from Chevelle and stuff, and they had some choice things about
the record companies to say and stuff. So does that mean like that content
(05:38):
back then is yours? Well notnecessarily, ok, you know, we
we we we really we really kindof wanted We felt like we were you
know, the Davids taking on Goliath. And we worked, like I said,
with EPI TAFF, we did alot, you know of stuff in
house that normally would be the recordlabels, uh, you know, job
to do. Uh. And thenand then ultimately, you know, we
(06:00):
had a falling out with the headof the record label, Brett gurl with
It's all you know, water underthe bridge now. Yeah, but eventually
we did we did, uh youknow, have to have to ties with
with Epitaph. It was it wasunfortunate because we really did you love what
they were doing, what they wereabout. And then certainly all the bands.
We're still really really tight with theyou know, like the No Effects,
(06:24):
Penny Wise Rants, and we lovethose guys. Yeah, and that's
a business. I mean, that'swhat it's all about, you know.
Yeah, if you guys weren't holdingup your part, they would have said,
Leslie, we gotta cut ties.You know. It's it's it's both
ways, Yeah, for sure.Yeah, And you know our feeling was,
Man, we helped you know,you helped us, but we also
helped you grow. You know,you need to give us a better deal
(06:45):
than than a normal record deal.And Brett Brett was going through some things
and he was getting advice though,like you can't let your you can't.
If you can't get better deals,you're gonna lose your Yeah, I don't
know, you let it be awfulfor the for the rest of us.
He was hanging out with Richard Branson. I can only imagine the Yeah,
well, so well, now Offspringwill Offspring come to Cincinnati on a bus,
(07:12):
uh commercial first class or their ownOffspring jet. We are going to
be using the jet just before Cincinnati. I think I'll be on the bus
for Cincinnati. Jelsha might actually stillhave the jet out for that, Wow,
so might you might be a littlebit of both, some of us
on the bus, some of us, uh, some of us in the
jet. And then the jet goesthe jet goes home after Cincinnati, though,
(07:34):
and then we're on the on thebus for the first well like for
the first third and then for likethe last ye last shows, like the
middle third, Like we're right aroundChicago. We're gonna do some hubbing out
of Chicago. Oh, I see, Okay, Now will the family go
on the road. My wife isgoing to come out for some of it.
Yeah. My son, you know, works and he plays in a
(07:55):
band. My daughter works and uh, you got a boyfriend, so they
won't. Yeah. How old areyour kids? Yeah, my son is
twenty one. My daughter is thirtythree. Oh, I shouldn't. I
shouldn't get her age. Probably allthis time, as as offspring is growing
and growing and growing, do youhave family growing and growing grown at home.
That's gotta be a pain. That'sgonna be hard. Well, when
(08:16):
you know it's it's harder when yourkids are young. You know, when
when you're missing them and they're changingso much. That was when it was
more more difficult. You know,now that they're getting older, and you
know, once they get were oldenough to come out and do, you
know, do some of the touringwith us. That was just all fun.
Yeah, yeah, dude, Noware they I mean, well,
you're you said your son's in aband, so he was attracted to that
(08:37):
business. Your daughter wasn't attracted tothe business. She is, she's musical.
She would sing and played a littlebit of guitar, but but it
wasn't something she really tried to pursue. No, she never played, you
know, with a band or wentout in gig or anything. And my
son actually does. He played inSan Diego last night, so he's actually
(09:00):
go out and play games. Doeshe steal your foot pedals? No,
he's a bass player. So,noodles, What was the last band that
you went out and checked out justas yourself as a regular guy. Oh
gosh, it's been a while.I haven't. I did go see punk
rock karaoke play, but they're that'sbecause they're friends of mine, Okay,
(09:20):
So I was just kind of hangingout with them just as a fan.
Who you know, probably just somesmall local punk band. You know,
I'd love going to see tis sowell play, you know. Oh oh,
Chebookie Beaver was. I drove actuallyall the way out to Pappi and
Harriet's. Uh, Pappy and Harriet'sis this barbecue joined out in the middle
(09:43):
of the desert near near twenty ninePalms, and uh, this all girl
Japanese band o Chebokee Beaver played andthey're phenomenal, just crazy. I don't
know how they I don't know howthey do what they do. They're so
fast and so crazy, but they'retight and they keep it all together.
It's it's amazing, you know.I gotta say. You know, I'm
forty nine years old and there's abig window of stuff that I missed out
(10:05):
on. And uh, this bandcame to town and I saw it in
one of those free newspapers and youwere playing a little a little place here
in town. I thought, youknow, I know that name, the
logo. Especially, I'm like,I'm gonna go check these guys out.
And now I'm in love with them. And I feel like a poser because
I'm Johnny come Lately with it.But it's d r I Okay, hey
(10:26):
of course, Yeah, what awhat a great band. There was like
three hundred people there and it wasincredible. Yeah, rad Yeah, good
for that. Man. I'm gladthey're still out there doing it because they've
been around for a long time.And you know, and I used,
yeah, all my friends used tohave those you know, those dirty hats
with the uh you know, withthat logo of the washing Dude on there,
(10:48):
and skateboards and all that, andI just never at the time,
I was in the old school hipyou know it's at the time, but
hip hop at the time. SoI'm like, I don't know what that
is. Now, I'm like,God, I wish I grew up it
was able to go and get thealbums as it came out. You know,
there's something to it where it's justright there, all of it.
Yeah for sure, Yeah, forsure. You know, and then you
listen back and you hear some stuffand you're like, oh, the production
(11:09):
is not as good because it's older, and you know, I wanted to
live through all that stuff. Yeah, you know, you know what I
mean, Well, that oh that'syou know, and punk rock. I
mean, I'll listen to my oldrecords now, and you can just still
hear it, and you know,sometimes it's starmy. Sometimes I'm like,
man, I wish they would haverecorded it better. Some of the some
of the bad brain stuff. It'sjust oh the bad brains, the bad
(11:31):
brain stuff. You know. Igot into them when I would hear the
BAC boys talk about it, andI remember I was like, I wonder
this is all about. So Igo on my Apple, you know,
streaming, and I'm listening to it. I'm like, this is horrific.
Yeah, just so just the recordings, yeah, atrocious, but but the
songs are great, the energy soso amazing, you know you you Yeah,
it's just out of this world.So I love talking to stuff man,
(11:54):
and you guys, I can't Ican't stress it enough. Anybody listening
who's never saw Offspring live, thisis going to be an incredible show outdoors
at Riverbend. It's going to bebeautiful. And I'm sure on the thirtieth
of August and Doodles, you guys, I mean, you're one of the
coolest to talk to, dude,and continued success. I'm glad the family's
all good and everything. But thanksfor the time, man, Oh my
(12:15):
pleasure. Thank you, Chris.Thanks thanks for talking to me now.
Yeah, take care, buddy,see you later. Off air. Cool
dude, I like when rock starsare, you know, gigantic, I
mean be flying around on a privatejet and stuff, being on tour.
Those guys mates made a ton ofdough and they're very successful. But he
was super cool, So that's awesome. I'm glad he called in here.
(12:37):
I'm kid Chris off air and speakingof I tweeted out, I'll be taking
some phone calls at five one threeeight one three seven nine seven nine.
What's up. I was calling becauselast time we spoke, I was sending
you pictures of the alleged skin tag. Oh my, Dicky, I wanted
to give you an update. Ohyeah, tell us about your skin tag.
(12:58):
It wasn't the skin tag, Chris. That was a genital award.
So I uh embarrassingly walked into thelocal Planned Parenthood and it turns it,
Yes, it turns out it's oneof them. Many listen still laugh at
me, Chris. Listen. There'smany versions of HPV out there, and
I haven't contract one from one ofthe hive ladies. I enjoy no plus
(13:24):
sized ladies I like to sleep with. If you remember, for wet spot.
I came from missus h wet Spotand she is still with me.
Oh emen, so you know whoit came from. I'm not sure who
it came from, but missus wetSpot knows that I have it and she
didn't seem to just heard, sowe're still together. You know why she
(13:48):
didn't seem to tour it because shehas it and she's like, well I
can't catch it twice yes, uponwith that, she's my best friend.
I'm gonna marry. I'm gonna marrythat big old lady. Well is it
like it's the stuff is uh,it's like everywhere, But now they have
a vaccine for it that they tellyou, like I have daughters, They
tell you to give it to yourdaughters early. Yeah. Yeah, that's
(14:09):
what she was saying. She doesn'tlike like she's one of those like anti
vaccine people, not just about likeCOVID before everything. Yeah, he had
to give it to your daughter,you she I mean her daughter probably had
her kids probably have it. Shewas she was a lucy She was a
Lucy goosey back in the day,if you know what I mean. How
old are her daughters? She hasa son that's fifteen, her daughter's fourteen.
(14:35):
But she's one of those broads thatwere she was just throwing her mouth
everywhere around in high school. Youknow what I mean. It's hot,
a big fat gentleman. And sometimeslike her kids are in the house a
lot. Their dad does his best, but he's not very good at being
(14:58):
a dad. Anyway. There isa how a lot. So we don't
get the fuck, but some likein the morning, like we're real quiet,
like I have a whisper stories inme is how she got sucked by
like these huge cocks. I jerkmyself off. Yeah, I love it.
That's all I was gonna ask.I was like, do you tell
so she tells you? Does shetell you stuff like like being double teamed
and ship She's never been double teamed, and she's like, she's it's weird.
(15:20):
She's like she was like she's kindof a Bible beat a little bit,
but a total whore the other end. That's what happened on How to
Talk sexty. I have to drawit out of her. I'm like,
oh yeah, I'm like, ohyeah, what happened one time on this
camping trip and like there's like thesetwo boys there and I was bored,
so I sucked them off. I'mlike, how big? How how big
(15:41):
were they? Like, God,how did it start? See that sucks
because I wish more girls were boredaround me. That's what I was thinking
too. She went to a biggerhigh school than I did. It's really
weird. Like I'm not even makingthis up, Like I like, I
grew up in like a small highschool, but I worked at like I
had. I was fourteen on adishwashing job a restaurant that was probably ten
(16:03):
miles away from my house. Mygrandmother was a general manager. So I
went to this restaurant like it wasin the middle of there's like three other
school districts. And like when Iwas fourteen, the guy she was quote
unquote dating when she was fourteen wasworking with me. He was my same
age, and he's the first guythat ever like smoked. He like showed
(16:25):
like I never smoked pot before.And he was such a nice kid.
He's like I almost say his name, but anyway, he was like,
yeah, man, come up behindthe dompster. I want to smoke pot.
Meanwhile, I'm getting stoned and Ithink I'm not sure what's going on.
Meanwhile, twenty thirty years later earlier, like my girl, like the
woman I'm about to marry, wasblowing him. It's such a small world.
(16:51):
So you're going to marry her?Yeah, I'm gonna marry she was
my best friend. I don't careif she was a horror when she was
seventeen, don't care, dude.Listen, that's the thing, you know,
this guy said. I know thatwould get well, actually it's been
a while, but that would getjealous of like ex'es and shit. But
I could never do that because whatif I What am I gonna get jealous
of somebody who has a pass beforeme when all I did was fucking put
(17:17):
my dick in everything you know comingup? So what am I? Who
am I going to say? Youknow? You know what I mean?
So I don't ask. I understandcompletely, Like yeah, so it turns
me home. She tells me likethese slubty stories. I'm like, oh,
really you did that? I meantwhat happened? Yeah, I put
my I always put my mind inthe other guy's situation, you know what
I mean. I'm like, ohmy God, Like, yeah, do
(17:37):
you say I grew up like Igrew up? My family was like,
if you leave stick your dick ina girl, you better marry or type
thing. And I was like,and I would I end up friend zoned
until I lost my virginity. Waslike, I think it was twenty one
when I lost my virginity because ofthat, I was eighteen years old.
Because I was nice to people.Yeah, I don't know, I stopped
fucking being sailing with them and startedgetting handy and only worked out. But
(18:00):
yeah, then it's just really weirdbecause it's like the cool guys in high
school where the guys fucking getting headand finger blasting Mike. Woman's would be
my wife, you know what Imean. So you win, you win
ultimately, yes, because I meanthey put her through training camp and now
you get the pro absolutely. God. She she was raised by her grandmam,
(18:21):
so she felt like, don't letboys touch your vagina. That means
fucking suck their dicks so way theystay happy with you and they don't have
to touch your vagina. Oh Isee, yeah, okay, it makes
sense. Yeah, so yeah,she sucked a ton of cock and then
like and then eventually she ended up. She mets up her my my step
kid's dad. Apparently he has ahog because he's a fucking idiot. But
(18:45):
she married him and had two kidswith him, and I still asked him.
I'm like, well, you know, how'd that happen? You know?
But one time he were that meover the deck and YadA, YadA
YadA, like holy shit. Sowait, so you you you jerk off
to your your fiance telling me storiesabout how her ex fucked her. Yeah,
(19:06):
dude, it's hot, that's awesome. You know what, But she
probably is turned on by your confidencewhere you're like, you know what,
this guy doesn't get jealous nothing.Yeah, well yeah, she she did
never express that to me, butthat's why. And again she probably has
a thought her mind and she gaveme HPV, so she might feel a
little bit guilty. That's no,no, no, that's I'm turned down
by your confidence. Can I blowyou? Sure? I make her put
(19:29):
on a mustache and uh go twith Thank you, Chris. Hey,
back to the original part of theconversation. I just wanted to point out,
Yeah, if enem you gentlemen areout there were a little like weird
things popping up on your cheft.Hey, go to the plan here and
feel embarrassed. Feel ashamed. It'sfine, everyone does it. There's a
(19:49):
couple of drops of some kind ofass to ship that goes away from what
I learned, because you know,I have girls and stuff and watching those
TV commercials of ship that uh thath ev stuff is everywhere. But the
problem is, uh, girls willget like uh cancer with the within the
uh the ovaries and all that ship. So that's that's what sucks. It's
(20:11):
always it's always it's always something grossthat more than likely guys spread the girls
and then uh, and then theyget fucking something horrible, like they get
their body gets ravaged with cancer andshit, and we just go whatever and
we keep raw dogging everybody. It'sfucked up. Yeah. A part of
(20:33):
it is, like you got tothink about like women, a lot of
them squat, but they're sitting onthe same toilet seats and it's it's it's
a it's a virus. So it'sjust like coronavirus, like it's it's it's
not hard to catch. But yeah, I was gonna say, what happens
in men is what the most promintivething, Like you said, it was
happens to women that creates cancer andthem, but like men get it in
their throat after X amount of yearsor whatever. That's the big thing.
(20:56):
So if you're getting like constant sortof throats and stuff, you feel nodual,
go get checked out. Oh no, yeah, I love Yeah,
that's the beauty of girls. Likein high school. That didn't fuck me
and stuff is because I didn't catchanything. You can't catch something you don't
you know, it doesn't just fallin your lap. You know, you
gotta earn it. I got clamydiatwice though. Yeah, right now,
(21:18):
I know that you went to themthere there's getting the walk of shaming you
paranoid and on my dick's gonna fall. Oh fuck. I was on my
way I'll never forget, on myway to the Monday morning staff meeting at
the radio station. And I justmoved to Wichita. So I was still
driving the teen ninety five van uhand because I didn't have my vehicle there
(21:42):
yet, and I was driving upthere, and I remember being at the
stoplight and I was like, God, damn, I felt like I peeved.
I didn't shake it all out,and I pulled my dick. I
pulled my dick out and I squeezeit and all this this screen pus came
out of the top and I waslike, oh shit, and I all
through the staff the staff meeting.I just was in a daze, like
(22:03):
I caught something from some fucking listenergirl. And then the one woman that
I was friends with in Kansas,I told her about it, and she
goes, man, we gotta fuckwe gotta take you to Planned Parenthood.
And I remember sitting there and itwas all these fucking like families and shit,
and they were there for all Idon't know who knows what, but
(22:25):
they're all. It was a fuck. It smelled like bo into place and
shit. And I walked in andthis doctor lady who goes, Okay,
what's going on? I said,I think I caught something. She goes,
all right, let me see.She I'm laying on the table.
She pulls out my penis and shegoes, oh, yeah, it looks
like you have clamydia. Let melet me test it. And she held
my stuff up. Well, Ishouldn't hold it with my fist, so
she took my two fingers. Sheheld up my penis, my Irish dick,
(22:51):
and she took this long, fuckinglike a swab and put it down
my dick and then pulled it outto get a sam ball and I was
like, holy shit, And Itold her, I go, look,
this is like fucking scared straight.I don't know what the fuck is going
on, but that's it. I'mnot I'm not gonna leave here without a
rubber and uh. And they saidthey would call me if it was something
(23:12):
serious and uh. I never gota call, but she said it's probably
chlamydia. I got, you know, like, uh whatever, yeah,
yeah, anybody accident went away andall that, and I went, I
went right back to work with theHPV thing. Like they said, throw
cancer and men. I was likelike, well, listen, my mom
(23:33):
died of cancer when she was I'mfifty nine. My dad did a heart
attack when he was fifty one.If I die for meeting pussy, that's
a win for me. That isa win. You're right. It's better
than a grip in your fucking chestand fallen down a flight of stairs.
All right, I won't take upanymore. Your job A good call,
(23:56):
all right, Thanks for listening toof air