March 15, 2019 • 32 mins
Executive Life Coach Stefanie Ziev returns to coach Mario through a session and things get a little uncomfortable and quite revealing.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, I'm a bit nervous about this episode of
the podcast sa Mario Lopez. Last week we had my
buddy Stephanie ziv One. She's a certified life coach with
pretty amazing story. She gave up a really successful career
as a TV executive to become a life coach to
some pretty important people. Anyway, in the last conversation, we
talked about having her back to coach me. So I've
(00:22):
never done this before, and here we go, Stephanie zip
welcome back. Thank you. Are you ready for me? I'm
always ready for you. Were on this last week? I
thought we broke down a lot of stuff, but but
I was left wanting more. And I want to be
selfish today because I want to go through the motions
(00:45):
of what an actual life coach session would be like.
Is that okay? Yeah, I'd love it. So I'm your
your Would I be your pupil, your patient? What would
I be? We're not a doctor, but yeah, let her
behind you my pupil. No, you are my client. Client.
There you go. It's not not a patient client yeah, client? Okay, okay,
(01:08):
so I have your client. We're sitting down here. This
is my first life coach session. Hit me, what do
we Here's what? Here's how I start? Or do you
want to be coached on today? Well? Oh so specifically not.
I can't just be general about it. What I wanted
to be coach on today. Yeah, if you're like you know,
if you're my client, you're coming to me because there's
something going on in your life that you want some
clarity around, or you want to improve, or you want
(01:30):
to get rid of your guilt or whatever it is
that is coming up for you. Then you people usually
come in because there's something that they're dealing with and
they want some support around. It's like, why would you
go to the gym? We talked about? Okay, got it understood.
So if there is something going on, this is what
I want to be coached. It's layered how I can
manage my time a little better and not put so
(01:52):
much pressure on myself. And I feel like I'm giving
my family leftovers and realized that I am getting older
and uh, I can't treat my body like I'm twenty
five anymore. How do you deal with your all that? Yeah,
dealing with more to I don't want good at that.
I'm not good at that because like, because I still
(02:13):
have like a lot of energy like a kid. I know,
but I don't think it means you have to get
rid of that. It's just that you get to harness
it right. You've been harnessing it for your whole life
in a doing way. Well, I have to. I have
to channel it because if I don't, it when I
was younger used to get me into trouble, and even
as an adult, I think it might get me into trouble.
So I gotta stay busy to stay out of trouble.
(02:35):
That was my mom's whole philosophy with me, especially in
my neighborhood. So she kept me busy and putting me
in a bunch of different things. That's why I could
do a bunch of different kind of stuff because to
keep me out of trouble and at work because I
didn't have time to get into trouble. And same thing
as an adult, I'm still very hyper and and and
um energetic. But I feel like I gotta you know,
but I feel like I'm burning the candle at both
ends too, So you know, it's harder to recover you
(02:58):
get older. I used to be able to party, drink,
get up the next day, work out this and that.
Now one good parting night and you're done. I'm done
for like three days and I need to recover. What's
the vision that you would have? Like as you you
have known one thing for a long time, right, you've
known this channeling in all these outlets. Keeping yourself busy,
which we talked about last week, also was in some
(03:20):
way keeping yourself present. But also you know you're when
when you're constantly in the doing mode, you're just not here.
Now you know why I'm constantly in the doing mode
because I'm scared of failing and not doing well. And
what happens if you would fail? How do I I'll
feel like a loser? And what if you feel like
(03:41):
a loser? Well, I I can't if you're alone in
a loser that's one thing. But you can't be a
loser with a family because then you have a whole
team that's losing. That was my fear as a single man,
and now as a family, it's it's gone next level.
Maybe that's why I've taken on more so it's your
but I'm being serious. I've trying to be funny, but
(04:02):
I've been scared to not not Now work not be
able to provide and and uh make a living, and
even about myself though I was, you know, provide for myself.
I just it was just just a scary thing. I
think I get motivated by fear of like not doing
or or failing or being able to always like Seere's
(04:22):
one thing when you grow up without money, you have
two things. When you start to make a little bit
ways of of of thinking. I think one, you start
getting real philosophy as the kids call it. You start
to kind of you know, you show it off. You're
a little bit more show up or you you do
what like I do, and you think it's going to
go away in any second, or it's someone's gonna take
(04:42):
it from you. Um, and you're always saving for rainy day.
And I always just thinking like that rainy day is
right around the corner, and I have that. I mean,
I don't know if that maybe keeps me hungry and
which is a good thing, or it's like a constant
stress and pressure. Well what do you take sense? Yes,
it makes perfect sense. Yeah, you've been driven by fear,
which is they say fear is false evidence appearing real, right,
(05:08):
which is also to say that there's been nothing that
had except there's you have a past that inspired you
will say, you know, because of the way you grew up,
it filtered into your relationship to money and how you
operate and what you think you need and then what
you're fearful of if God forbid, that doesn't that doesn't
come to fruition. And I never I never went to school.
(05:31):
I'm like college. I went to high school and all that,
but I never went to college. And you know, you
grew up thinking I was going to make money to
pay for college because I would be tough with my
parents and so you know, and I got to that
point and then I kind of kept fortunate enough to
keep working. So I never went back. And now that
was always like a little guilt. I was like, I
don't know why, you just grew up thinking you gotta
go right and then uh, I didn't go. So there's
(05:52):
a certain level of guilt and not like I could
choose another career right now. I don't know what I do.
That guilt thing, that guilt thing we have to also,
I can have a gate. I got a lot of guilt,
and so you know, I like to put a lot.
So that's my issue. I think I put a lot
of pressure on myself. I feel guilty, um, and I'm scared. Yeah, fear, guilt, pressure, right,
(06:13):
which is let me just say what normal humans go through. Right,
So welcome, thank you. You're a normal human. That's so exciting.
But but I felt like that since I was young. No,
it's not weird. I think that you know, that's where
this stuff begins, you know, the way I think about this.
I just want to bring up this way to use
(06:35):
as a this tool that we can sort of talk
about in the context of all that. So if you
think about a big dining room table where in a
normal situation like Thanksgiving, would be your family and friends
sitting around it. But instead of it being family and friends,
let's have it so that it's all of the parts
of you sitting around the table. Right. So we have
fear and guilt and pressure, but we also have the driver,
(06:59):
We have husbands, and we have um host, we have
loyal we have kindness what else would you say, father's son,
But also qualities like what are the qualities we have disciplined, discipline, focus.
So here's the thing. If you look at that table
(07:19):
and there's all these parts of you and there's a
million more that we can name. But the question is
always what part of you is sitting at the head
of the table? Right, So if guilt or fear or
pressure are sitting at the head of the table and
running your show essentially, then that's going to infuse that
energy into whatever it is that you're doing and then
create results from there. I think it is sitting at
(07:41):
the head, but I think it kind of all it does.
It does, but at the same time, it's it's also
depleting you in some way, right, you can't relax. It
gets in the way of actually being present with your family.
You think they're giving you're you're giving them leftovers, right,
So what would be a better part of you to
it at the head of the table when you are
(08:01):
still being driven? But what if you're driven by you know,
I mean the other parts of you that that are
at the table. Let's say our love and joy and
fun and strength and fierceness. You know what I think
it is or I feel like it is. I think
because of the unpredictable nature of our business in the
(08:24):
not knowing causes a lot of that. And since you know,
telling that sou I was ten years old causes a
lot of that insecurity, so and that's always the case,
Like it's if I had a regular gig where it
was sort of constant and stable, and you know what's happening.
I'm working towards four one K and I got fine.
(08:44):
I probably chill out a lot more. But because of
the unknown, the unknown is scary. Even though I feel
very blessed to have been doing I just but I
also know that to get in like that, so I
don't take it for granted, and I think I gotta
keep up the the intensity or else. You know. It's
kind of like when you're working out, you got to
(09:05):
keep up, and as you get older, you gotta even
work harder else you get fact, let me ask you
this though make sense? It does? And where does where
does your faith come into this? Or that's a good question.
I think that helps me and how um because it
would be worse without it, well, it would be worth
without it your faith also though there's guilt that you
have around that too, so that's some of the pressure
(09:26):
in some way. But my question is really you That's
how I come at peace. I sort of want to
let go and I pray about it, and I let
you know, I work hard. My whole mantras like I'll
work hard, I'll stay focused, and I'll do the right thing,
and I hope the right thing happens for me and
for my family. That's my whole thing, you know. After that,
that's how you can do with your best right. So
(09:48):
then I let go and leaving God's plan is meant
to be, And so that's how that's how is that not?
Maybe truly? Because really I wouldn't be so scared. Still,
what does that look like? I mean, at least I
tell myself, and I think it it helps. I don't
think it it um alleviates everything, but it kind of helps.
I think that what you're describing, though, is also like
(10:09):
even the even people who have the four one K
and what looks like the secure job any anyone you know,
anyone who has a job. Nothing is ever really secure.
We don't really know how or why things work. Right.
If we sat and worried about the how of it all,
we would be here forever and never understand that. How
did we ever, how did it come to be that
(10:31):
at this time and on this planet, in this way,
the two of us are sitting here. It doesn't really matter. Right.
The point is that if if if you have, if
you know what you want and you know why you
want it, then you can start to take action, which
is the antidote to fear oftentimes, and also um be
open to the outcome. So I think what I'm hearing
(10:54):
from you a little bit is part of the pressure
and the guilt and the and the stress comes from
being attached to the outcome. And that means that you're
kind of holding You're you're holding strongly to something even
though there are moments where you can let go and
let God and surrender. There is and there this fear
is having you hold onto something for dear life because
(11:14):
you have because you think it's going to go away,
versus holding with a loose fist where there's other opportunities
that can come in and out. When when you're not
holding on so tightly, then then uh, then there's just
more flexibility and nuance and space to create and transform
and evolve. Right. I also feel the reason why I
(11:34):
hold on so tightly is because once I start to
loosen up, I'll get lazy and then I'll keep my
eye off the ball. And is that true? Do you
really think that? No? I don't want to risk that.
You don't want to risk that, But that's a story.
Look there's I know what you mean, but I think
that right now you have to be what you get
to observe without judgment these stories that you're telling yourself
(11:57):
because you right, and we're in a youth of s business.
But there's this, right, but you really don't look like,
well that's very nice. I don't still but nevertheless, but
that's another thing that goes my friend, right, God, and
I smoke and drink and so I don't want to
I just lucky. But uh so all that, you know,
even I just want you to know what I want.
I want to moment just relax, and I just want
(12:21):
to kind of live in that space for a little bit.
I think that that's what we have clashes of it,
but I don't live there, like maybe visit it for
like a half second, Yeah only a half second, for
like a minute. Maybe we're on vacation and chilling for
a hot second. I'll take a like a second, and
then I feel guilty when I'm a vacation, like, okay,
this is too long. I can't already chill that too much?
(12:42):
Right after like two days, I'm like, all right, we
have to talk about this guilt, because that guilt is
keeping you from your joy. Yeah, I'm happy, as like
I said, I'm happy, you're happy, but it's keeping you right.
But it's it's the guilt is not allowing you to
be the fullness of your presence. It's not it's not
fully allowing you to be um to either fill your
(13:02):
tank right in a way that is filled with even
just that breath, that calmness, that meditative moment, that relaxing,
that experiencing. I know you are very grateful and you
feel blessed, and you don't take anything for granted, and
I really know that about you. And yet I and
I think that your opportunity is to really get deeply
(13:23):
present to every moment and not be worried, stressed, or
guilty about the moments to come right. I'm always planning
your planning if I could, If I could, I would
plan the next year already. I'd have every week. I
want to know what I'm doing. I like the structure,
I want to work around it. I would plan, you know,
every day. I always got like a bunch of stuff.
I don't know what I'm doing. I just I'll come
(13:43):
and I'll just kind of boo plan the year? Do
you do as much as I can? Okay, let me
ask you this. What would it be like if we
were to sit here right now? So whatever day this
is right, it doesn't matter. Let's just think about the day.
Let's think about the end of Okay, what what if
you were to map out that year just in terms
(14:05):
of a vision that you have, what happened? What are
you celebrating that happened over this year, celebrating um, hopefully
some things that are in the works that officially come
to fruition um on many different levels on that Uh,
you know, my family being healthy and us all together
(14:28):
and and uh, mom and dad, everybody okay, and and
uh and then I think I think I needed like
another a year or two of just kind of of
hustling and then I can finally do the I think
the So the opportunity is to find that breath now
(14:50):
and to not wait until something happens. I think that
are our biggest o. Our biggest issue is I will
you know when this happens? Then I will write that
that's an issue. It is an issue that goes to
the have do b right. I was talking about that
if we operate off and from a place. If if
I have the thing, if I have money in the bank,
if I have the job, if I have the deal
(15:11):
that closed, if I have the relationship, if I have
the health, whatever, then I can do whatever it is
that I want to do that as it relates to
that having thing, and then I will be happy. And
he exactly, So the opportunity is switched from have do
B to B do have. So now you bring who
(15:32):
am I being? If I want to be peace, I'm
gonna be piece now and then I'm going to infuse
that into what I am doing, and then I will
have a different results. You are frenetically creating all the time,
and that's what's expanding in your life. You're not feeling
the peace, You're not feeling the breath, you're not feeling
the expansiveness because you are. You are constricting with the
(15:53):
fear and the guilt and and and time. Your your
relationship to time and your relationship to abundant is actually
constricted in some way. And I would even say that
you're not even generating or creating as much as you
can with less effort. You know, I um so what
do I do? Well? I think it is about it's
(16:15):
it's about really kind of getting into that feeling that
you want to create. Right, So part of do you
ever do you have an experience where you really did
feel peace, where you like, is it something you're willing
to share? Like a certain moment, what I'm having a
drink and have a nice cigar and I'm sitting down
(16:35):
and just kind of being still listening to some good music.
I feel peace there And are you really present and
not really you're not feeling guilty? Yes? Okay for what
like thirty two seconds? For that amount of time, all right,
So that's kind of what I would call the bottle
that moment, you know, that's kind of the touch point
(16:56):
or the accent. The bottle is what helps him exactly, Okay,
whatever it says, um. But really it's like if you
can think about a moment that brings you the piece
that you want to feel and feel into that now.
So it's almost like operating from an already having received place.
If you already received everything that you want, how would
(17:16):
you feel? So if if that is peaceful, then bring
then then what would it be like to be that
person who's walking through life feeling the peace. So part
of this is like in terms of what do I do,
it is a practice, it does become a conscious yes, yes,
be do have be, do have because again, you know,
(17:40):
it's like it's even like you go back to those
stories about the people who win the lotteries, right, and
there's all these tragic stories about well, they have and
they have more than they could ever need or wants, right,
and yet in many cases they because maybe they they're
not didn't know why that they wanted that, or it
(18:02):
was greed based or ego based or whatever it was,
then destruction ends up happening, you know. Um, So it
makes a lot of sense to bring a high level
of consciousness into the action that you're taking to that
you're creating the results that you want. If you are
interested in having a better time management and to bring
more peace into your life and to be more present.
One thing I think for sure that would be fascinating
(18:24):
for you to try is meditation. And there are there's
two apps I would recommend. One's called Headspace and the
other one is called Calm. Both are you know, the
same but different and you can see but you can
start it starts off with like a minute. Or there's
another great app that I love called Happy Not Perfect.
That's wonderful. Um. These are all simple little moments that
(18:48):
allow because I think Happy Not Perfect also allows you
to kind of check in with yourself about where you
are emotionally and then write it out and then burn
it and then um and then do a little meditation.
And it's very simple, but it's great structure. So if
I just have a little structure and I need a routine,
all of those apps will provide you structure and that
will help you to understand what the meditation is and
(19:11):
it'll walk you through it. It's they're guided, and that'll
be a good start. You recommend um morning meditation or
evening meditation both, and but if you're starting, I would
start in the morning. Literally, it could be two minutes.
It doesn't have to be You don't have to be
a Buddhist monk and go to the mountains and you know,
(19:33):
ohmen out you know. So I it's about making it
really accessible. But I do believe, and I would be
fascinated to follow up with you and see what happens
that if you start to meditate, what what is the
experience you have with time. You know, are you a
big fan of writing things down and having a visual Oh?
(19:54):
My god, yes, I mean I have. I have a
great little story about my own I have all my
clients right out of day in their extraordinary life ten
years from now, because I should write down my b
do have did you well? Well? But have you? Have
you ever written out your your vision? What is your vision?
What's your big vision? Well, my big my in my
(20:15):
entire life. Like if you were to write a day
in your awesome life ten years from now, what is
happening on that day? On that day, I would be
showing up to work or a job I love, and
and um, maybe doing a couple other things and working
(20:35):
with my friends and family because I like having the
people I like around me, and my kids would be
involved in a bunch of great activities. I'd get to
go see after and on the weekends, um, maybe we'd
have another one uh and um, I'd be able to
create some opportunities for other people and friends and family
(20:58):
because when I'm having a good time, I want everybody
to have a good time, you know, I'm like, I
want everybody to win, so and that makes me happy.
So because That's why I'm being a host, because I
like genuinely, genuinely hosting people, uh just entertain and I'm
making sure they're happy mission they're having a good time.
So and I'd like to uh, you know, even probably
a little bit more financial stabilities like that big moment,
(21:21):
just as as as in ten years from now, hopefully
find blessed enough to stay busy that that I think, um,
time wise, and be fine. Because look, in five years
I'm gonna be fifty. So I can't believe I said
that out loud. By the time I'm fifty, Um, I
should be feeling pretty good about there. I'm like, that's
(21:42):
my goal. That's my goal right there. And by time
I'm fifty, should that's that's the team is too long
far away, but I should have that be Do have that? All? Right?
First of all, you use should, and we talked about
that word word. What what do you suggest I do
you want to should? Shooting is like it's a is bad.
That's a pressure word. That is one of those things
(22:03):
I keep talking about your narrative. You have a narrative
around should and guilt, and both those things are like
they're like they're just so I can get out of
them and to get chose to get to it. Yeah,
it doesn't. That change your energy does and because there's
no pressure and it's like it's like it's heavy on me. Yes.
If you do nothing else but change your language your life,
(22:24):
I like that. Yes, you know, I try to incorporate
the four agreements in my life. Be impeccable with your word,
don't take things personally, don't assume anything, and always do
my best boom, don't make assumptions, don't make assumptions, don't
be free to ask questions. That's why that's yeah, So okay,
got it? So anyway, I be impeccable with your word. Right,
(22:44):
So that's that's what I'm saying. That the case in point,
so what you were trying to say. So, yes, and
I think once you do choose certain language that we
can get out of those bad habits. I think that
will change your And I think that being impeccable with
your word. People often think about it as being outside
of word to ourselves, right, you know, that's a commitment
to self. It's how it's what what are how are we?
How are we driving? What what we're doing, and who
(23:07):
we're being? Right, So being impeccable with your word is
is doing what you say and saying what you do.
But it's also what is what? What is that story
I'm telling myself? You know what? What How am I
walking forth with? What authority? With? You know, if I'm
the author of my life? What am I authoring? Right? What?
What authority? And I am I bringing? And if it's
(23:29):
the authority of guilt, then you're doing great? You know?
Meaning look, you know, meaning you're you're aligned, right. I
guess I think about it not to at job, but
I think I accepted living with it because I knew
it drove me right, and I knew it and I
knew it and I knew it kept me motivated. Okay,
you know, fear is a great motivator, right, So, but
(23:52):
it's not a happy place. It's not a happy place
to live, and it's it's it's something else that I
said to you. It's like if you were to think
about how many hours you spend or minutes or whatever
feeling guilty, and you were to take that energy and
transform it into something joyful, what else is possible for you?
What could you create from that place of joy or peace?
(24:13):
And the thing you said earlier about like in five
years you'll be a certain age and you and so
when you are at certain age, then you will be peaceful.
And I was like, none, No, we got to switch
that up, right. It is be that peace now, infuse
that into into you know, come up with this vision,
feel into the peace, and start to create from peace.
Start to show up to work from a place of peace,
(24:37):
be with your family from a place of peace. Trust
from a place of peace. And then that's going to
be the transformer that sets everything else into motion. So
my homework slash takeaway, Yeah, I'm gonna get these apps
really make a conscious effort in addition to my praying
which I do at night. Great, I'm gonna try to
(24:57):
do incorporate the meta station um both both in addition
with a prayer in in the morning. Yeah. I like
the one minute too minute deal to start off with absolutely,
which is enough, it is. I mean, I think that's
like take the pressure off, right. That's the other thing
about pressure. We think that we have to do this
extraordinary mountaintop you know, month long meditation, and so we're
(25:20):
never going to do it, so we don't do it
at all. And that's as you would. You probably would agree.
In terms of getting started into workout, you don't start
by being you. You start by being me, which is
I'm going to walk for a mile. And that's it
right right? Um? Okay, that choosing better words, being more
propable with my word, with with with changing the language.
(25:41):
I got to be conscious of that. And I'm gonna
write stuff down. Write out your vision for this year,
five years, ten years, whatever makes sense? What's what do?
I was gonna say, what's too much? A year? I write?
So I I have a good little quick story if
I may, can I share this quick story? So I
I now am able to use the as an example.
I wrote out my tenure vision five years ago. Okay,
(26:04):
in and I wrote A and the way I write it,
it's a it's bad writing because I I encourage people
to use a lot of adverbs, which is the like
number one thing you don't want to do as a
as an act actual writer. But but in terms of visioning,
it's excellent. So the intent is to write from this
place of you know, I am excitedly waking up with
joy and ease every you know, on the morning where
(26:26):
I I turned to my beloved and you know, I'm
you know whatever. So I wrote this whole day that
included my Central Park West Upper West Side, you know,
wrap around terrorists and my my awesome the man in
my life who was extraordinary, and you know, all the
and like we deeply connected on all these levels and
on and on and on and on, right, I mean,
(26:47):
one of the things I talked about was that I
am you know, I talked about myself as having a
show called Coach Steph and you know, I always wanted
to be a talk show host and all these things
so and books and all the whatever. But but here,
here's here's the best. Right. So in the vision, I am, uh,
I my doorbell rings and it's John McEnroe. And John McEnroe,
(27:09):
in my vision, is my friend. But he's also somebody
that brings us our US Open tickets. And I'm a
massive tennis fan, right, So I say, I don't know
what I'm more excited about the fact that John mcinroe
is our friend or that he gives us these amazing
seats to every single match at the U S Open.
So that always made me laugh and I loved it.
So I meet this guy a year ago on the street.
(27:31):
This British guy literally on the street, and um, we
and we end up having lunch and then I don't
hear from from a long time, and then um, this
past May, he calls me and and he, you know, says,
do you remember me? I'm like, I think so. So
we end up going out that night and I forgot
that he was a tennis person and he loved tennis,
(27:52):
and um, I started to talk to him about about
tennis and you at the US Open, and he said, oh,
it's so interesting. I was just with my friend John McEnroe,
who gives me my tickets for and this is now
my life person that I'm with. WoT I manifested. So
it's no joke, right, jotted down sort of applying that
(28:14):
whole methods of the secret from it is yes and
the secret. You know, I think there's a fine line
to be magical thinking and the secret, and I think
the secret. The good thing about the secret is that
it's it's the law of attraction and just from a
very simple basic thing, it's like attracts, Like it's like
what you think about expands, what you resist persists. I mean,
(28:34):
we could sit here all day in rhyme, you know,
but it's um but those are still valuable. Think that
there is a difference. There is a difference because also
I think, you know the other thing you have to
do the work and what I what I landed on,
you know. But the way end my my vision is
I say this or something even better for the highest
good of all concerned. Which is which is holding with
(28:56):
that loose fist, which is to say, I am this
is what I would love at this point in my life.
This is what makes sense to me. I realized there's
so much I don't know that I don't know that,
I don't even know. I don't know. So it's in
God's hands, if you will, and I'm going to surrender
this over. But here's here's a little I'm gonna place
my order for what I think i'd like, and if
something better shows up, God bless you know ten years
(29:17):
ago since you went back, we're talking about a ten
year plan. I know you just went back five years.
I think about what I wanted at that time and
had that comed fruition I was. Where I'm at now
is so much better. And I'm like, wow, I think
back and I go, oh gosh, I'm so glad that
didn't happen. You know, I'm so glad that didn't happen.
And so I'm cool with my goals um uh, evolving
(29:44):
and and and being open to it and rolling with
the punches, if you will. But there's also something okay
about writing down what you want this year to be
and so and so. Yeah, and I think it's kind
of cool maybe even looking back and you see that. Yeah.
So I've got my little homework, I've got my app
I've got working on my language, which I might need
um to jot down some words that I shouldn't use.
(30:07):
Can I Can I say shouldn't because it's not let's
let's try to get rid of that word all just
the it is a it is a guilt inducer. It's
a guilt inducer. I'm writing that. I just made that
up down because it perpetuates the narrative that you don't
(30:27):
want to create, and you are a powerful creator and
we all are, and we're constantly creating people. It's like
people who live in their victims story are the people
who continue to operate from a wounded place in their life.
And then suddenly it's like all these bad things keep happening.
There's right, but we can absolutely. So this is so,
(30:48):
I mean, we're gonna have to do a check in. Yeah,
do it, check in because I feel much better just
after this conversation. Yeah, so we're gonna So, so you're
going to create some sort of morning meditation for one
to five minut it's the start. You can visualize. You
can do whatever you want. You know. I would write
out that vision that you have, but not from a
goals oriented place, right, but from a vision like if
(31:11):
you're writing it in the first person, as if it's
happening right this second. That tends to that tends to
ignite the energetic, the energy that you want to bring
that you know that, and it brings the energy and motion.
It's fun to read. It should make you laugh a
little bit. It could be I said, should you didn't
call me out to it gets to it gets to
tickle you and to bring the You get to choose
(31:36):
to be in the joy of of this making you laugh.
And another way to think about that vision is to
think about it as like, wouldn't it be nice if
wouldn't it be nice if I felt peace every day?
Wouldn't it be nice if I felt like I had
all the time in the world, and I could and
I could be present in every moment. Wouldn't it be
nice if that also unlocks a little freedom and takes
away the pressure, because it's just kind of a wouldn't
(31:56):
it be nice if so? That's a good other little exercise.
I have a vacation coming up in like a week
or two. Good. I think during that time is when
I can really dive in, yeah right, recharge and and
apply my new little um outlook slash strategy. Yeah. I
would even I would even offer you coming up with
(32:18):
some sort of little mantra which is just like, I mean,
whatever it means in terms of how you want to
relate to time, you know, or peace or you know?
Is it is it that? Is it the time that
stresses you out? Is it not having that stresses you out?
It's like the mantra could just be as simple as
I I have enough and I am enough and I
(32:41):
have you know, or or I am It's all good.
It's all good, dot com. It's all good. It's all
good dot com. Okay, we're going to check back in
check bad love it. Let's do it good. Okay, I've
got my little homework, all right,
All right, I'm a bit nervous about this episode of
the podcast sa Mario Lopez. Last week we had my
buddy Stephanie ziv One. She's a certified life coach with
pretty amazing story. She gave up a really successful career
as a TV executive to become a life coach to
some pretty important people. Anyway, in the last conversation, we
talked about having her back to coach me. So I've
(00:22):
never done this before, and here we go, Stephanie zip
welcome back. Thank you. Are you ready for me? I'm
always ready for you. Were on this last week? I
thought we broke down a lot of stuff, but but
I was left wanting more. And I want to be
selfish today because I want to go through the motions
(00:45):
of what an actual life coach session would be like.
Is that okay? Yeah, I'd love it. So I'm your
your Would I be your pupil, your patient? What would
I be? We're not a doctor, but yeah, let her
behind you my pupil. No, you are my client. Client.
There you go. It's not not a patient client yeah, client? Okay, okay,
(01:08):
so I have your client. We're sitting down here. This
is my first life coach session. Hit me, what do
we Here's what? Here's how I start? Or do you
want to be coached on today? Well? Oh so specifically not.
I can't just be general about it. What I wanted
to be coach on today. Yeah, if you're like you know,
if you're my client, you're coming to me because there's
something going on in your life that you want some
clarity around, or you want to improve, or you want
(01:30):
to get rid of your guilt or whatever it is
that is coming up for you. Then you people usually
come in because there's something that they're dealing with and
they want some support around. It's like, why would you
go to the gym? We talked about? Okay, got it understood.
So if there is something going on, this is what
I want to be coached. It's layered how I can
manage my time a little better and not put so
(01:52):
much pressure on myself. And I feel like I'm giving
my family leftovers and realized that I am getting older
and uh, I can't treat my body like I'm twenty
five anymore. How do you deal with your all that? Yeah,
dealing with more to I don't want good at that.
I'm not good at that because like, because I still
(02:13):
have like a lot of energy like a kid. I know,
but I don't think it means you have to get
rid of that. It's just that you get to harness
it right. You've been harnessing it for your whole life
in a doing way. Well, I have to. I have
to channel it because if I don't, it when I
was younger used to get me into trouble, and even
as an adult, I think it might get me into trouble.
So I gotta stay busy to stay out of trouble.
(02:35):
That was my mom's whole philosophy with me, especially in
my neighborhood. So she kept me busy and putting me
in a bunch of different things. That's why I could
do a bunch of different kind of stuff because to
keep me out of trouble and at work because I
didn't have time to get into trouble. And same thing
as an adult, I'm still very hyper and and and
um energetic. But I feel like I gotta you know,
but I feel like I'm burning the candle at both
ends too, So you know, it's harder to recover you
(02:58):
get older. I used to be able to party, drink,
get up the next day, work out this and that.
Now one good parting night and you're done. I'm done
for like three days and I need to recover. What's
the vision that you would have? Like as you you
have known one thing for a long time, right, you've
known this channeling in all these outlets. Keeping yourself busy,
which we talked about last week, also was in some
(03:20):
way keeping yourself present. But also you know you're when
when you're constantly in the doing mode, you're just not here.
Now you know why I'm constantly in the doing mode
because I'm scared of failing and not doing well. And
what happens if you would fail? How do I I'll
feel like a loser? And what if you feel like
(03:41):
a loser? Well, I I can't if you're alone in
a loser that's one thing. But you can't be a
loser with a family because then you have a whole
team that's losing. That was my fear as a single man,
and now as a family, it's it's gone next level.
Maybe that's why I've taken on more so it's your
but I'm being serious. I've trying to be funny, but
(04:02):
I've been scared to not not Now work not be
able to provide and and uh make a living, and
even about myself though I was, you know, provide for myself.
I just it was just just a scary thing. I
think I get motivated by fear of like not doing
or or failing or being able to always like Seere's
(04:22):
one thing when you grow up without money, you have
two things. When you start to make a little bit
ways of of of thinking. I think one, you start
getting real philosophy as the kids call it. You start
to kind of you know, you show it off. You're
a little bit more show up or you you do
what like I do, and you think it's going to
go away in any second, or it's someone's gonna take
(04:42):
it from you. Um, and you're always saving for rainy day.
And I always just thinking like that rainy day is
right around the corner, and I have that. I mean,
I don't know if that maybe keeps me hungry and
which is a good thing, or it's like a constant
stress and pressure. Well what do you take sense? Yes,
it makes perfect sense. Yeah, you've been driven by fear,
which is they say fear is false evidence appearing real, right,
(05:08):
which is also to say that there's been nothing that
had except there's you have a past that inspired you
will say, you know, because of the way you grew up,
it filtered into your relationship to money and how you
operate and what you think you need and then what
you're fearful of if God forbid, that doesn't that doesn't
come to fruition. And I never I never went to school.
(05:31):
I'm like college. I went to high school and all that,
but I never went to college. And you know, you
grew up thinking I was going to make money to
pay for college because I would be tough with my
parents and so you know, and I got to that
point and then I kind of kept fortunate enough to
keep working. So I never went back. And now that
was always like a little guilt. I was like, I
don't know why, you just grew up thinking you gotta
go right and then uh, I didn't go. So there's
(05:52):
a certain level of guilt and not like I could
choose another career right now. I don't know what I do.
That guilt thing, that guilt thing we have to also,
I can have a gate. I got a lot of guilt,
and so you know, I like to put a lot.
So that's my issue. I think I put a lot
of pressure on myself. I feel guilty, um, and I'm scared. Yeah, fear, guilt, pressure, right,
(06:13):
which is let me just say what normal humans go through. Right,
So welcome, thank you. You're a normal human. That's so exciting.
But but I felt like that since I was young. No,
it's not weird. I think that you know, that's where
this stuff begins, you know, the way I think about this.
I just want to bring up this way to use
(06:35):
as a this tool that we can sort of talk
about in the context of all that. So if you
think about a big dining room table where in a
normal situation like Thanksgiving, would be your family and friends
sitting around it. But instead of it being family and friends,
let's have it so that it's all of the parts
of you sitting around the table. Right. So we have
fear and guilt and pressure, but we also have the driver,
(06:59):
We have husbands, and we have um host, we have
loyal we have kindness what else would you say, father's son,
But also qualities like what are the qualities we have disciplined, discipline, focus.
So here's the thing. If you look at that table
(07:19):
and there's all these parts of you and there's a
million more that we can name. But the question is
always what part of you is sitting at the head
of the table? Right, So if guilt or fear or
pressure are sitting at the head of the table and
running your show essentially, then that's going to infuse that
energy into whatever it is that you're doing and then
create results from there. I think it is sitting at
(07:41):
the head, but I think it kind of all it does.
It does, but at the same time, it's it's also
depleting you in some way, right, you can't relax. It
gets in the way of actually being present with your family.
You think they're giving you're you're giving them leftovers, right,
So what would be a better part of you to
it at the head of the table when you are
(08:01):
still being driven? But what if you're driven by you know,
I mean the other parts of you that that are
at the table. Let's say our love and joy and
fun and strength and fierceness. You know what I think
it is or I feel like it is. I think
because of the unpredictable nature of our business in the
(08:24):
not knowing causes a lot of that. And since you know,
telling that sou I was ten years old causes a
lot of that insecurity, so and that's always the case,
Like it's if I had a regular gig where it
was sort of constant and stable, and you know what's happening.
I'm working towards four one K and I got fine.
(08:44):
I probably chill out a lot more. But because of
the unknown, the unknown is scary. Even though I feel
very blessed to have been doing I just but I
also know that to get in like that, so I
don't take it for granted, and I think I gotta
keep up the the intensity or else. You know. It's
kind of like when you're working out, you got to
(09:05):
keep up, and as you get older, you gotta even
work harder else you get fact, let me ask you
this though make sense? It does? And where does where
does your faith come into this? Or that's a good question.
I think that helps me and how um because it
would be worse without it, well, it would be worth
without it your faith also though there's guilt that you
have around that too, so that's some of the pressure
(09:26):
in some way. But my question is really you That's
how I come at peace. I sort of want to
let go and I pray about it, and I let
you know, I work hard. My whole mantras like I'll
work hard, I'll stay focused, and I'll do the right thing,
and I hope the right thing happens for me and
for my family. That's my whole thing, you know. After that,
that's how you can do with your best right. So
(09:48):
then I let go and leaving God's plan is meant
to be, And so that's how that's how is that not?
Maybe truly? Because really I wouldn't be so scared. Still,
what does that look like? I mean, at least I
tell myself, and I think it it helps. I don't
think it it um alleviates everything, but it kind of helps.
I think that what you're describing, though, is also like
(10:09):
even the even people who have the four one K
and what looks like the secure job any anyone you know,
anyone who has a job. Nothing is ever really secure.
We don't really know how or why things work. Right.
If we sat and worried about the how of it all,
we would be here forever and never understand that. How
did we ever, how did it come to be that
(10:31):
at this time and on this planet, in this way,
the two of us are sitting here. It doesn't really matter. Right.
The point is that if if if you have, if
you know what you want and you know why you
want it, then you can start to take action, which
is the antidote to fear oftentimes, and also um be
open to the outcome. So I think what I'm hearing
(10:54):
from you a little bit is part of the pressure
and the guilt and the and the stress comes from
being attached to the outcome. And that means that you're
kind of holding You're you're holding strongly to something even
though there are moments where you can let go and
let God and surrender. There is and there this fear
is having you hold onto something for dear life because
(11:14):
you have because you think it's going to go away,
versus holding with a loose fist where there's other opportunities
that can come in and out. When when you're not
holding on so tightly, then then uh, then there's just
more flexibility and nuance and space to create and transform
and evolve. Right. I also feel the reason why I
(11:34):
hold on so tightly is because once I start to
loosen up, I'll get lazy and then I'll keep my
eye off the ball. And is that true? Do you
really think that? No? I don't want to risk that.
You don't want to risk that, But that's a story.
Look there's I know what you mean, but I think
that right now you have to be what you get
to observe without judgment these stories that you're telling yourself
(11:57):
because you right, and we're in a youth of s business.
But there's this, right, but you really don't look like,
well that's very nice. I don't still but nevertheless, but
that's another thing that goes my friend, right, God, and
I smoke and drink and so I don't want to
I just lucky. But uh so all that, you know,
even I just want you to know what I want.
I want to moment just relax, and I just want
(12:21):
to kind of live in that space for a little bit.
I think that that's what we have clashes of it,
but I don't live there, like maybe visit it for
like a half second, Yeah only a half second, for
like a minute. Maybe we're on vacation and chilling for
a hot second. I'll take a like a second, and
then I feel guilty when I'm a vacation, like, okay,
this is too long. I can't already chill that too much?
(12:42):
Right after like two days, I'm like, all right, we
have to talk about this guilt, because that guilt is
keeping you from your joy. Yeah, I'm happy, as like
I said, I'm happy, you're happy, but it's keeping you right.
But it's it's the guilt is not allowing you to
be the fullness of your presence. It's not it's not
fully allowing you to be um to either fill your
(13:02):
tank right in a way that is filled with even
just that breath, that calmness, that meditative moment, that relaxing,
that experiencing. I know you are very grateful and you
feel blessed, and you don't take anything for granted, and
I really know that about you. And yet I and
I think that your opportunity is to really get deeply
(13:23):
present to every moment and not be worried, stressed, or
guilty about the moments to come right. I'm always planning
your planning if I could, If I could, I would
plan the next year already. I'd have every week. I
want to know what I'm doing. I like the structure,
I want to work around it. I would plan, you know,
every day. I always got like a bunch of stuff.
I don't know what I'm doing. I just I'll come
(13:43):
and I'll just kind of boo plan the year? Do
you do as much as I can? Okay, let me
ask you this. What would it be like if we
were to sit here right now? So whatever day this
is right, it doesn't matter. Let's just think about the day.
Let's think about the end of Okay, what what if
you were to map out that year just in terms
(14:05):
of a vision that you have, what happened? What are
you celebrating that happened over this year, celebrating um, hopefully
some things that are in the works that officially come
to fruition um on many different levels on that Uh,
you know, my family being healthy and us all together
(14:28):
and and uh, mom and dad, everybody okay, and and
uh and then I think I think I needed like
another a year or two of just kind of of
hustling and then I can finally do the I think
the So the opportunity is to find that breath now
(14:50):
and to not wait until something happens. I think that
are our biggest o. Our biggest issue is I will
you know when this happens? Then I will write that
that's an issue. It is an issue that goes to
the have do b right. I was talking about that
if we operate off and from a place. If if
I have the thing, if I have money in the bank,
if I have the job, if I have the deal
(15:11):
that closed, if I have the relationship, if I have
the health, whatever, then I can do whatever it is
that I want to do that as it relates to
that having thing, and then I will be happy. And
he exactly, So the opportunity is switched from have do
B to B do have. So now you bring who
(15:32):
am I being? If I want to be peace, I'm
gonna be piece now and then I'm going to infuse
that into what I am doing, and then I will
have a different results. You are frenetically creating all the time,
and that's what's expanding in your life. You're not feeling
the peace, You're not feeling the breath, you're not feeling
the expansiveness because you are. You are constricting with the
(15:53):
fear and the guilt and and and time. Your your
relationship to time and your relationship to abundant is actually
constricted in some way. And I would even say that
you're not even generating or creating as much as you
can with less effort. You know, I um so what
do I do? Well? I think it is about it's
(16:15):
it's about really kind of getting into that feeling that
you want to create. Right, So part of do you
ever do you have an experience where you really did
feel peace, where you like, is it something you're willing
to share? Like a certain moment, what I'm having a
drink and have a nice cigar and I'm sitting down
(16:35):
and just kind of being still listening to some good music.
I feel peace there And are you really present and
not really you're not feeling guilty? Yes? Okay for what
like thirty two seconds? For that amount of time, all right,
So that's kind of what I would call the bottle
that moment, you know, that's kind of the touch point
(16:56):
or the accent. The bottle is what helps him exactly, Okay,
whatever it says, um. But really it's like if you
can think about a moment that brings you the piece
that you want to feel and feel into that now.
So it's almost like operating from an already having received place.
If you already received everything that you want, how would
(17:16):
you feel? So if if that is peaceful, then bring
then then what would it be like to be that
person who's walking through life feeling the peace. So part
of this is like in terms of what do I do,
it is a practice, it does become a conscious yes, yes,
be do have be, do have because again, you know,
(17:40):
it's like it's even like you go back to those
stories about the people who win the lotteries, right, and
there's all these tragic stories about well, they have and
they have more than they could ever need or wants, right,
and yet in many cases they because maybe they they're
not didn't know why that they wanted that, or it
(18:02):
was greed based or ego based or whatever it was,
then destruction ends up happening, you know. Um, So it
makes a lot of sense to bring a high level
of consciousness into the action that you're taking to that
you're creating the results that you want. If you are
interested in having a better time management and to bring
more peace into your life and to be more present.
One thing I think for sure that would be fascinating
(18:24):
for you to try is meditation. And there are there's
two apps I would recommend. One's called Headspace and the
other one is called Calm. Both are you know, the
same but different and you can see but you can
start it starts off with like a minute. Or there's
another great app that I love called Happy Not Perfect.
That's wonderful. Um. These are all simple little moments that
(18:48):
allow because I think Happy Not Perfect also allows you
to kind of check in with yourself about where you
are emotionally and then write it out and then burn
it and then um and then do a little meditation.
And it's very simple, but it's great structure. So if
I just have a little structure and I need a routine,
all of those apps will provide you structure and that
will help you to understand what the meditation is and
(19:11):
it'll walk you through it. It's they're guided, and that'll
be a good start. You recommend um morning meditation or
evening meditation both, and but if you're starting, I would
start in the morning. Literally, it could be two minutes.
It doesn't have to be You don't have to be
a Buddhist monk and go to the mountains and you know,
(19:33):
ohmen out you know. So I it's about making it
really accessible. But I do believe, and I would be
fascinated to follow up with you and see what happens
that if you start to meditate, what what is the
experience you have with time. You know, are you a
big fan of writing things down and having a visual Oh?
(19:54):
My god, yes, I mean I have. I have a
great little story about my own I have all my
clients right out of day in their extraordinary life ten
years from now, because I should write down my b
do have did you well? Well? But have you? Have
you ever written out your your vision? What is your vision?
What's your big vision? Well, my big my in my
(20:15):
entire life. Like if you were to write a day
in your awesome life ten years from now, what is
happening on that day? On that day, I would be
showing up to work or a job I love, and
and um, maybe doing a couple other things and working
(20:35):
with my friends and family because I like having the
people I like around me, and my kids would be
involved in a bunch of great activities. I'd get to
go see after and on the weekends, um, maybe we'd
have another one uh and um, I'd be able to
create some opportunities for other people and friends and family
(20:58):
because when I'm having a good time, I want everybody
to have a good time, you know, I'm like, I
want everybody to win, so and that makes me happy.
So because That's why I'm being a host, because I
like genuinely, genuinely hosting people, uh just entertain and I'm
making sure they're happy mission they're having a good time.
So and I'd like to uh, you know, even probably
a little bit more financial stabilities like that big moment,
(21:21):
just as as as in ten years from now, hopefully
find blessed enough to stay busy that that I think, um,
time wise, and be fine. Because look, in five years
I'm gonna be fifty. So I can't believe I said
that out loud. By the time I'm fifty, Um, I
should be feeling pretty good about there. I'm like, that's
(21:42):
my goal. That's my goal right there. And by time
I'm fifty, should that's that's the team is too long
far away, but I should have that be Do have that? All? Right?
First of all, you use should, and we talked about
that word word. What what do you suggest I do
you want to should? Shooting is like it's a is bad.
That's a pressure word. That is one of those things
(22:03):
I keep talking about your narrative. You have a narrative
around should and guilt, and both those things are like
they're like they're just so I can get out of
them and to get chose to get to it. Yeah,
it doesn't. That change your energy does and because there's
no pressure and it's like it's like it's heavy on me. Yes.
If you do nothing else but change your language your life,
(22:24):
I like that. Yes, you know, I try to incorporate
the four agreements in my life. Be impeccable with your word,
don't take things personally, don't assume anything, and always do
my best boom, don't make assumptions, don't make assumptions, don't
be free to ask questions. That's why that's yeah, So okay,
got it? So anyway, I be impeccable with your word. Right,
(22:44):
So that's that's what I'm saying. That the case in point,
so what you were trying to say. So, yes, and
I think once you do choose certain language that we
can get out of those bad habits. I think that
will change your And I think that being impeccable with
your word. People often think about it as being outside
of word to ourselves, right, you know, that's a commitment
to self. It's how it's what what are how are we?
How are we driving? What what we're doing, and who
(23:07):
we're being? Right, So being impeccable with your word is
is doing what you say and saying what you do.
But it's also what is what? What is that story
I'm telling myself? You know what? What How am I
walking forth with? What authority? With? You know, if I'm
the author of my life? What am I authoring? Right? What?
What authority? And I am I bringing? And if it's
(23:29):
the authority of guilt, then you're doing great? You know?
Meaning look, you know, meaning you're you're aligned, right. I
guess I think about it not to at job, but
I think I accepted living with it because I knew
it drove me right, and I knew it and I
knew it and I knew it kept me motivated. Okay,
you know, fear is a great motivator, right, So, but
(23:52):
it's not a happy place. It's not a happy place
to live, and it's it's it's something else that I
said to you. It's like if you were to think
about how many hours you spend or minutes or whatever
feeling guilty, and you were to take that energy and
transform it into something joyful, what else is possible for you?
What could you create from that place of joy or peace?
(24:13):
And the thing you said earlier about like in five
years you'll be a certain age and you and so
when you are at certain age, then you will be peaceful.
And I was like, none, No, we got to switch
that up, right. It is be that peace now, infuse
that into into you know, come up with this vision,
feel into the peace, and start to create from peace.
Start to show up to work from a place of peace,
(24:37):
be with your family from a place of peace. Trust
from a place of peace. And then that's going to
be the transformer that sets everything else into motion. So
my homework slash takeaway, Yeah, I'm gonna get these apps
really make a conscious effort in addition to my praying
which I do at night. Great, I'm gonna try to
(24:57):
do incorporate the meta station um both both in addition
with a prayer in in the morning. Yeah. I like
the one minute too minute deal to start off with absolutely,
which is enough, it is. I mean, I think that's
like take the pressure off, right. That's the other thing
about pressure. We think that we have to do this
extraordinary mountaintop you know, month long meditation, and so we're
(25:20):
never going to do it, so we don't do it
at all. And that's as you would. You probably would agree.
In terms of getting started into workout, you don't start
by being you. You start by being me, which is
I'm going to walk for a mile. And that's it
right right? Um? Okay, that choosing better words, being more
propable with my word, with with with changing the language.
(25:41):
I got to be conscious of that. And I'm gonna
write stuff down. Write out your vision for this year,
five years, ten years, whatever makes sense? What's what do?
I was gonna say, what's too much? A year? I write?
So I I have a good little quick story if
I may, can I share this quick story? So I
I now am able to use the as an example.
I wrote out my tenure vision five years ago. Okay,
(26:04):
in and I wrote A and the way I write it,
it's a it's bad writing because I I encourage people
to use a lot of adverbs, which is the like
number one thing you don't want to do as a
as an act actual writer. But but in terms of visioning,
it's excellent. So the intent is to write from this
place of you know, I am excitedly waking up with
joy and ease every you know, on the morning where
(26:26):
I I turned to my beloved and you know, I'm
you know whatever. So I wrote this whole day that
included my Central Park West Upper West Side, you know,
wrap around terrorists and my my awesome the man in
my life who was extraordinary, and you know, all the
and like we deeply connected on all these levels and
on and on and on and on, right, I mean,
(26:47):
one of the things I talked about was that I
am you know, I talked about myself as having a
show called Coach Steph and you know, I always wanted
to be a talk show host and all these things
so and books and all the whatever. But but here,
here's here's the best. Right. So in the vision, I am, uh,
I my doorbell rings and it's John McEnroe. And John McEnroe,
(27:09):
in my vision, is my friend. But he's also somebody
that brings us our US Open tickets. And I'm a
massive tennis fan, right, So I say, I don't know
what I'm more excited about the fact that John mcinroe
is our friend or that he gives us these amazing
seats to every single match at the U S Open.
So that always made me laugh and I loved it.
So I meet this guy a year ago on the street.
(27:31):
This British guy literally on the street, and um, we
and we end up having lunch and then I don't
hear from from a long time, and then um, this
past May, he calls me and and he, you know, says,
do you remember me? I'm like, I think so. So
we end up going out that night and I forgot
that he was a tennis person and he loved tennis,
(27:52):
and um, I started to talk to him about about
tennis and you at the US Open, and he said, oh,
it's so interesting. I was just with my friend John McEnroe,
who gives me my tickets for and this is now
my life person that I'm with. WoT I manifested. So
it's no joke, right, jotted down sort of applying that
(28:14):
whole methods of the secret from it is yes and
the secret. You know, I think there's a fine line
to be magical thinking and the secret, and I think
the secret. The good thing about the secret is that
it's it's the law of attraction and just from a
very simple basic thing, it's like attracts, Like it's like
what you think about expands, what you resist persists. I mean,
(28:34):
we could sit here all day in rhyme, you know,
but it's um but those are still valuable. Think that
there is a difference. There is a difference because also
I think, you know the other thing you have to
do the work and what I what I landed on,
you know. But the way end my my vision is
I say this or something even better for the highest
good of all concerned. Which is which is holding with
(28:56):
that loose fist, which is to say, I am this
is what I would love at this point in my life.
This is what makes sense to me. I realized there's
so much I don't know that I don't know that,
I don't even know. I don't know. So it's in
God's hands, if you will, and I'm going to surrender
this over. But here's here's a little I'm gonna place
my order for what I think i'd like, and if
something better shows up, God bless you know ten years
(29:17):
ago since you went back, we're talking about a ten
year plan. I know you just went back five years.
I think about what I wanted at that time and
had that comed fruition I was. Where I'm at now
is so much better. And I'm like, wow, I think
back and I go, oh gosh, I'm so glad that
didn't happen. You know, I'm so glad that didn't happen.
And so I'm cool with my goals um uh, evolving
(29:44):
and and and being open to it and rolling with
the punches, if you will. But there's also something okay
about writing down what you want this year to be
and so and so. Yeah, and I think it's kind
of cool maybe even looking back and you see that. Yeah.
So I've got my little homework, I've got my app
I've got working on my language, which I might need
um to jot down some words that I shouldn't use.
(30:07):
Can I Can I say shouldn't because it's not let's
let's try to get rid of that word all just
the it is a it is a guilt inducer. It's
a guilt inducer. I'm writing that. I just made that
up down because it perpetuates the narrative that you don't
(30:27):
want to create, and you are a powerful creator and
we all are, and we're constantly creating people. It's like
people who live in their victims story are the people
who continue to operate from a wounded place in their life.
And then suddenly it's like all these bad things keep happening.
There's right, but we can absolutely. So this is so,
(30:48):
I mean, we're gonna have to do a check in. Yeah,
do it, check in because I feel much better just
after this conversation. Yeah, so we're gonna So, so you're
going to create some sort of morning meditation for one
to five minut it's the start. You can visualize. You
can do whatever you want. You know. I would write
out that vision that you have, but not from a
goals oriented place, right, but from a vision like if
(31:11):
you're writing it in the first person, as if it's
happening right this second. That tends to that tends to
ignite the energetic, the energy that you want to bring
that you know that, and it brings the energy and motion.
It's fun to read. It should make you laugh a
little bit. It could be I said, should you didn't
call me out to it gets to it gets to
tickle you and to bring the You get to choose
(31:36):
to be in the joy of of this making you laugh.
And another way to think about that vision is to
think about it as like, wouldn't it be nice if
wouldn't it be nice if I felt peace every day?
Wouldn't it be nice if I felt like I had
all the time in the world, and I could and
I could be present in every moment. Wouldn't it be
nice if that also unlocks a little freedom and takes
away the pressure, because it's just kind of a wouldn't
(31:56):
it be nice if so? That's a good other little exercise.
I have a vacation coming up in like a week
or two. Good. I think during that time is when
I can really dive in, yeah right, recharge and and
apply my new little um outlook slash strategy. Yeah. I
would even I would even offer you coming up with
(32:18):
some sort of little mantra which is just like, I mean,
whatever it means in terms of how you want to
relate to time, you know, or peace or you know?
Is it is it that? Is it the time that
stresses you out? Is it not having that stresses you out?
It's like the mantra could just be as simple as
I I have enough and I am enough and I
(32:41):
have you know, or or I am It's all good.
It's all good, dot com. It's all good. It's all
good dot com. Okay, we're going to check back in
check bad love it. Let's do it good. Okay, I've
got my little homework, all right,
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