November 9, 2023 • 35 mins
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@BreakfastClubPower1051FM
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Wake that ass up in the morning.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
The Breakfast Club Morning.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
Everybody is DJ n V, charlamagnea God. We are the
Breakfast Club. We got a special Guess in.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
The building, Leslie fucking Joan Leslie.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Joe's ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
He ha he hair, he hair.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
How you feeling.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
I'm good. I was looking for Jess.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
You know, she's she got shows in Detroit.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
This will after. I thought she's gonna be here so
I can key kid, that's my girl. You are you
kidding me?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
And she is so funny.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
I gotta say that, she's one of my favorite people
on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I love her shit. She always make me laugh so funny.
Speaker 5 (00:34):
What kind of jewels do you give the young female
stand ups like Jess?
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Uh?
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Well, Jess shit, she don't need nothing, she gets it
like this is the one thing I love about Jess, though,
is that she's confident enough to be like very sexy
and still do come and see. When I was coming up,
it was just the rule just you know, okay, I'll
put it like this. Women comedians have to go through
a certain thing, like if I dress sexy and walk
on stage five minutes, I'm not gonna be heard because
(01:01):
when I walk on stage, the first thing is you're
gonna get the women going, oh, she thinks she's cute,
and then they gonna look at that man and be like,
oh does he think?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Does he want to fuck her?
Speaker 4 (01:10):
And then you got the man. So that's five minutes
of going to like all that happens. So I used
to just do the T shirt jeans, tenis you so
you can pay attention to me. But the thing I
like about her is that she don't give a fuck,
Like she gonna go up there and she gonna do
her fun and she's gonna do her and I like
that that women are starting to become more like I'm
(01:32):
fucking like, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I'm still funny and I'm fine as fuck. Like it's
like I love that.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
So what I would give, what I always give young women,
is to you don't have to prove that you're a woman,
like Jess does go on stage and do that, which
like you, she doesn't have to prove she's a woman.
Like a lot of female comics write like period jokes
or this jokes. If you can make them funny, that's different.
(01:58):
Just be yourself, you know, yeah, yeah, that's what I
would just like, always keep writing, don't stay on the
same thing.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
You should refresh your set a lot.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
You should always be writing new jokes and and anything
that you think is funny. It's definitely something you should
go on stage and try.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
What advice would you give her about having a permanent
gig on top of the stand up, like you know,
just say a daily show or a daily radio show,
you mean, like this show.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
She should be here for now that one.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
Yeah, I would say to keep doing what she's doing
because see, to me, Jess is gonna bring you numbers.
Jess is gonna bring you a whole different and no
shitting on y'all. But y'all all men, y'all are and
y'all don't know about bitches. Trust me, I'll listen to
your shit. You don't know nothing about pussy, nothing, not
a fucking thing, right And and to me, when Jess
(02:50):
is on here, she really be like, you know, doing
her thing. You know, I really like her responses. She's
not scared of y'all. So I would tell her to
continue because she one thing I like about her. I
bet you she gets the numbers because she continuously put
that context. I bet you she gets the numbers. That's
somebody y'all need on it.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
She's a coaching shifting Yeah you do.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
You really do need to like and bring some youth
to this room. I'm not like, again, I'm not insulting you.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yes you are, but I'm not insulting.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
But you're not lying. But some of this ship because
this is this is the Breakfast Club. Y'all.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
Fucks have been here for a while and you should
be here for some more time. But the only way
to do that is to continue to roll with the
fucking change, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
And y'all need a bitch in here. That's the first
time you've been there.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
This first time, yeah, because I was like, here, if
she would I come take this motherfucker because y'all sitting
in here with.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Thrownes as funck off.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
You're not gonna have time. You're gonna be doing the
Daily Show.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Oh you think so? Thank you y'all.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
First of all, I have to say thank you so
much for coming on there. That was one of the
best segments I've ever done. I still get people ask
me about it. I love that you came on there
and was very vulnerable and is just wonderful. You made
me a fan of you that day.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Very much real.
Speaker 5 (04:04):
I actually heard you talking about it afterwards on your
podcast too, and I was like, oh wow, it.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Was really awesome me and Lenny was just like he
was so fucking great, like he's just really good.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And a lot of people asked me about that.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
It was like yeah, and I was like, yeah, man,
what he said was true, Like you said some really good.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
I want to do from the beginning from Leslie Jones.
If you don't know how did you get into comedy?
What what made this say that this is what I
want to do as a kid.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Or well, I never thought I was a comedian.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
I never thought I was a comedian until someone entered
me into a contest.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I just thought I was silly.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
You know, people invite me to parties and shit and
they be like, you know, we got to invite Leslie.
You know, I just was getting invited to a lot
of stuff and just didn't understand why.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
And people like to hang out with me. And one
day my friend was.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Like, yoich because you are stupid, like you're really funny,
and she was like, you should do comedy and I
was just like, no, that's.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Like Eddie Murphy, that's like whoop we go over.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
And I was like, I can't do that, Like I
might be an actress and then I'll act I'm Whoopie,
like you know, I'll do a role or something. I
never thought as myself as a stand up. And then
when she signed me up, she signed me up for
a contest at college. It was the funniest person on
campus and school Colorado State, and I was on a
scholarship in basketball there and she came and told me.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
She was like, yeah, I signed you up for this contest.
Speaker 4 (05:19):
And I got mad, but I wasn't really mad because
I was like, oh, well, let's try it. As soon
as I touched the mic, it's I can't I tell
everybody they think I'm lying. But it was literally like
I saw like It's like had been doing it forever.
It's like I saw myself like there's nothing, there is
no option of me doing anything else. It was just
(05:40):
like a light that went on in a line that
went straight, and how.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Did you start preparing after that?
Speaker 3 (05:45):
So now you want to do comedy, right, But it's
like anything else people you know, most people that go
on stage, you think they could do comedy and then
they fail because they don't know sets, they don't know times,
they don't know delivery. You start studying it and said
this is what I want to do it, And who
did you study?
Speaker 4 (05:57):
Well? I mean I First of all, what I realized
is that I was already studying like my dad had,
every comedy because it was DJ So I was already
into Pigfoot and Millie Jackson and you know Mom's may.
I already knew about all that stuff. I had already
had the knowledge of it. And uh, as far as
like knowing what I was supposed to do on stage,
(06:18):
I still was in that mode of like, well, I
want to be like Eddie Murphy, I want to be
like what we go work. I want to I want
to be like Richard Pryor. But what I didn't understand
is that they are who they are. That's the reason
they do the comedy that they're doing. I'm gonna have
to find out who I am. I learned that from Jamie.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
So.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
You know when I saw Jamie Fox, yes so, cause
he was I think it was the second time or
maybe third time I performed, and uh, I'm shit. I
bombed like a motherfucker. But when he came on stage,
it was like, holy shit, he performs just like what
your probably and are like, this is crazy. So it
made me go, Okay, what is what is this formula?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
What is this?
Speaker 4 (06:55):
And then when I talked to him, he was just like,
you're young. You don't really have nothing to talk about.
Go out and live, Go out and discover life, get fired,
get hired, get your heart broke, break some hearts, just
go through life so you can start have something to
talk about because right now you're trying to do jokes
and you're not mature enough to do the jokes that
you're doing, and you're not funny enough to do the
jokes that you're doing, and you don't have shit to
(07:16):
talk about.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
So you know, that's what I did. I went out
and lived. I went out and lived, and he.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Was right because by the time I came back, I
had shit to talk about. So getting prepared is doing
doing like me and me and Mike Tyson had this
very conversation. It's like before I was even Mike anything,
I did a thousand fights.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
So that's basically it.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
Like I tell New Jackson, like man, whenever I hear
a new Jack or anybody complaining about the spot up.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
You shut up, like especially when they complain about a
main club.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
And he was like, motherfucker, do you know how.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
Long it took us to work for you to get
the fuck spot? And you bitching about it? Man, I'll
stump the shit out of you right now in front
of this club. So it's like, do a billion Oh yeah, yeah,
I do a billion spots a billion.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I don't care.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
I have performed fucking everywhere, son. I have performed in
living rooms, I've performed in salons. I've performed in motherfucking classroom.
I've performed everywhere.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
If it's a mic, I was there.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
You motherfuckers who've only don it two or three years,
don't nobody give a fuck about what you're talking about.
Fuck you and do the fucking work like Instagram motherfuckers.
Like there's only like I said, Jess can pull it off.
I've seen pretty V pretty V funny, but.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
Just put in the works exactly.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
And that's what people don't understand. This is not microwave.
You're not gonna just become funny overnight. There's no such
thing as that. I hate when people say that you
might be generally funny, but you need to go through
the steps of becoming a real professional. There's a different
between an amateur and a fucking professional. And everything everything
is to say, you gotta go through how to write,
(09:06):
You gotta the first three years it's just you figure
and out how to even stand on stage? Do I
want a stool? Do I want some water here? Do
I want the Do I want to hold the mic?
Do I want to put the mic here? Do I
want to sit there?
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Say all that, like how to how to talk?
Speaker 2 (09:18):
I never thought about it.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
No, how to talk? How to look at the audience?
Do you look right at the audience? Do you look
or I me myself if you really pay attention. I
never look at the audience until I'm doing crowd work.
I look over the audience because you can't. It's like
a concentration thing on his zone. Yeah, yeah, I'm in
his owne. So you know you gotta do that. I
tell you like this. I had been doing comedy for
(09:40):
three years and I thought I was the ship because
I was.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I was killing that motherfucker.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
And I went up to Jans and Brown and I
was like, yeah, and Jay, when fuck I'm gonna start
seeing the fruits of my motherfucking labor, like when I'm
when I'm gonna blow up.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
He was like ten years. I remember bus I went.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
I went home and cried because I was like ten
because this is the thing. It wasn't that I said
in my head not fuck him, you know, because I
was in that type of comic. I was a very
much like when I started comedy, I prayed to God.
I said, listen, I want to be a good comic.
If I'm not gonna be a good comic, just let
me be a promoter or something, because I don't want
to do comedy wrong. So when he said to ten years,
(10:14):
it was it was not me going, ah, now that's
you saying. And then now it was me taking it
in from a veteran telling me like, damn, I'm not
gonna know myself until ten years. He was like, yeah,
all this, you know, pussy fucking and smoking weed all that.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
That's because he literally asked me one day, he said
what do you do doing the daytime? And I was like,
I do a lot of stuff.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
He was like, well, from your set, it sounds like
only thing you do is fuck and smoke weed and
watch game shows. So he was like, that's all we
get from it, and I was like, nah, that that's
the ten year thing because see, first three years you
learn how to be on stage, just just thick of
yourself as a toddler. The first year you're walking around,
you're doing shit jokes, you're doing pussy jokes, you're doing
all the dumb jokes. The second year you may have
(10:55):
graduated a little bit, but you're still doing sex jokes.
Sex jokes is whenever you're seeing people doing sex jo
unless they're just veterans and they got sex jokes, it's
an easy thing.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
To go into. It's just it's like low hanging fruit.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
So those first three or four years you're really just
deciding who you want to be as a comic or whatever.
Five years is when you start getting your gigs. You
gotta set you know. Oh my god, whenever I see
a new jack that's doing it two years and they
have more than five minutes, I want to run up
on stage and smother them with.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
A bag, Like.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
Who told you that somebody wanted to listen to you
for five minutes? No, get one good fucking joke. You
should have nothing, even if they ask for five, you
should be doing three. Make that three the strongest that
you do. And people who get up there that are
new and you start working on your new shit, find
a workout place to do that, cause when you come
to a main club, you need to be shooting your
(11:46):
motherfucking shot, like don't nobody know you?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yes, I understand trying out new jokes.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
That is great, but that's like after six or seven
years that you get that cocky to go to a
spot and try out a new joke. You should always
have a set set because don't nobody know you yet.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
So when you get to h get to have a
set set because don't nobody know you yet.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
I mean, I'm just saying making a T shirt.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
But after you get.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
Eight nine years, eight nine, eighth year, ninth years, that's
when you start getting the big gigs instead ten years,
ten years is when you get tired of your set.
Ten years is when you go, Okay, I got their attention.
Now what I want to say?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
That's when you start talking about yourself real.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
That's when that's when that's when you bring them jokes
out because you're going to be good enough to do it.
And by that time, you got at least twenty thousand
sets under your fucking belt, and you should be. And
people got to know the ten year rule. There's no
way to beat it. Oh fuck are you who's saying no,
there'll be to not what you're talking about. I've been
in the business since motherfucking eighty seven, bitch.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
I know you know how you know what you're saying
is the truth.
Speaker 5 (12:51):
Because even when you look at the new generation, I
don't care if it's Jesse, Larryus, DC, Young Fly, Andrew Schultz,
They've all been doing stand up for damnitary ten years.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
A bet, Andrew's been doing it for sixteen exactly.
Speaker 5 (13:02):
Jess should be right at ten right now, and DC
should be right at ten right now. So you're absolutely right, yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Yeah, And it's just like it's like people want to
beat the system, and you're not gonna beat the system.
Put it in the fucking work. Put it in the
fucking work. Your time would come.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Leslie, who do you think curse is more? You and
Samuel L.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
Jackson we about it the same because we did meet
and both of us.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Wow, you think I cursed a lot?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
I do, the name of your book is Leslie fucking.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Joy because that's what people say when they come up
to me. They'd be like, Lasley fucking Jones. So that's
that's why I made it that. But it's the first
time I cursed in front of my mom because she
knew I had a bad mouth. My dad did too.
My dad knew I had a bad mouth, but they
was like, no, you respect enough to not to curse
around here.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
And we was walking to the store.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
I will never forget to walk into the store and
I had just went to a parade where they had
to drum and I was like, mom, you should have
seen the major rest. They were swinging the ass and
my mom was like, yo, you're not talking to your friend.
To watch your mouth, girl.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
You know.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
I was about to get into the you know, fucks
and all of that, and she was like, oh, what
you sound like when you're not around me. I was like,
very bad, very bad. But I think that me and
Samuel L. Jackson are the same. I think we cursed
at the same and met each other in the Yeah,
it was hilarious and I actually imitated him on SNL.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
I missed that.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Oh my god, we did family feud, let me tell you.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
And I don't give a fuck because Kenan Donna love it,
but we okay. It was one of those those times
where you they literally literally let us just have a
little fun. So they wanted me to be Samuel Jackson,
but they was gonna put the beard on me, and
for some reason, we didn't have the beard, and I.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Just dressed like he, like with the hat and the leather.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Jacket, and it's like I did look like Samuel, but didn't.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I just looked like Leslie. So when he came to
me and he.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
Was like Samuel a man, we were laughing so hard
because Kennan was like, wait a minute, now, you don't look.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Like no damse.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Was he pretending to be Steve.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
God?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
And all I kept saying is you can burn it half.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
It was just like really really fun. But yeah, when
I finally met him, yeah, it was just like so funny.
But I think he cursed less when he met me.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Because I got to ask, so you talked about you
remember bombing? So I always ask comedian when they come up,
you remember your worst show and.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Your best show?
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Oh, Shita, babe, like again was a thousand, one thousand.
I can name ten straight. That is probably the same
type of words. Let me, See I fell off the stage. No,
but that wasn't my worst show. I fell off the
stage and got right back up and was like, I'm
a stunt man too, and kept rick.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
But you're talking about like a bomb, like I remember
Kevin kept up heying.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
One time he talked me about the time where they
threw a chicken wing at the Charles over the chicken
wing at him. Right, that was one of his worst shows.
So what was like that one show that's always.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
In your mind? It be like that motherfucking venue.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Damn, I guess hmmm. I would say riddles.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
But see again, I'm such a I'm a gainst homie.
I'm gonna win the audience, But I would say riddles.
Maybe in Chicago was always kind of a hard room
to do. I'm riddles A d Ray used to host it.
What happened today? I think that's when I fell off
the chair. I stood up on a chair and then
fell off the chair.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
But now I still rip that shit was so fucking funny.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
I could just tell you funny shit like I got
introduced in Omaha at this poetry poetry show and this
is was so hilarious, Like I was, you know, and
I was beautiful, like young, had long hair. On the road,
and you know, dudes be trying to talk to you
and sit and especially the ones that you want.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
To talk to.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
So I remember this rotster dude was trying to talk
to me. He was fine, looked like Bob Marley, motherfucker.
I was like, oh, you're definitely going to the hotel room.
So I'm talking to him and then dudes like, I'm
about to introduce you, right, And I had on these
fucking clunky ass sandals or something, and he introduced me,
and man, I came down that step and fucking summersault
(17:14):
rolled right into in front of the fucking thing and.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Jump back up. I was like, yeah, that's how I
come on stage. That's how I come on stage. Man.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
I looked over and the roster was paying his bill
to leave. I said to you, mother, you.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Motherfucker, what about the best show? So the best show?
Speaker 2 (17:30):
What was the most amazing show that you still love?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I just can't. Okay, it's just too many. I would say.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
One of my favorite ones is when I went to
Grand Rapids, Michigan, and uh, they had a whole section
that was deaf and they had the girl doing THEA. Yeah,
they were deaf, and she was signing so you know,
I have a dirty show. And I was like, how
you say suck dick? So she was like doing it.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
So I was like, so dick s dick.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
And then she got really tired and I was like,
ain't that's something the white girl got tired of sucking dick?
Man Grand Rappers where they were on fire.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It's so many good shows. I mean when I was
on tour with Cat like sold me.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
Oh my god, I have to tell the story because
I know Cat remember this.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (18:21):
So it was the beginning of the fucking tour. We
was in Chicago, I remember this. So it was a
New Year's show, so we went out performing. Cat was late,
so I had to go out and you know, keep
performing or whatever. So when Cat got there, you know
Cat is Cat. So this dude was waiting with her
fur coat, like this beautiful black fur coat.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
So he was like, Cat, I want you to wear
an I want you to wearing on stage.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
So Cat was like yeah, so you put the coat
on and he went out and you know, people lost
it and they was already mad that he was late,
but to see him, they lost it.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
They lost. They he was going crazy.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
Cat took off that coat and strew it out into
the audience and dude was like, dude, feinted. No, man, Dude,
that call was like fifteen thousand dollars.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
They ripped that motherfucker apart.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
And he was just like, Yo, probably gave him the money.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
No, he did not.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
No, he did not hear about Cat being so generous.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
He may have gave me that. I just didn't know.
I don't know, but I think Cap was like, that's
the way the kriokie crumbos. Hummy.
Speaker 5 (19:21):
You know Chris Rock, he did the forward to your
book and you talk about your relationship with Chris Rock.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Yeah, I mean I'm known him forever, know, you know,
all the comedians known each other forever, Chris. I met
Tony Rock before I actually met Chris Rock, but just
known each other forever. And I used to always just
bug the shit out of him and be like, Yo,
I'm only gonna make it if somebody like you tell
them I'm funny.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Well, you ain't telling them I'm funny, Christy.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
And he'd just be like he always said he didn't
say I wasn't ready, but he did say that. But
he was like, no, they're not ready for you, That's
what he was saying. But I was always man. I
would chase him out to the car at the Lave Factory.
I would chase him all the way out to his
car and I'd be like, what the fuck, yo, what
you're doing? Like, well, you see me ripping these motherfuckers?
And he just smile at me and getting this car
(20:06):
like got that at grass I.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Love it, he said.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
In the four Door, he said he talked about how
SNL could easily find white comedians because of the institutions,
but don't have an idea with the find funny black people.
So how difficult is it for a black comedian to
be discovered for it?
Speaker 4 (20:19):
And just like what he said, like you find them
in the institution, you find the funny bitches at the DMV.
And that's real talk. Like Barbara Carlile. I will always
mentioned Barbara Carlyle because Barbara Carlile when I was coming out,
was one of the biggest female combat like so freaking funny,
like funny as hell.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
How she didn't blow up, you know.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
What I'm saying, Because she didn't say have the same
opportunities as maybe a white you know, female comic can
get seen easier if they get the laugh factory spots
in the comedy store and the seller and all of
that stuff, you know, and really like we have to
vouch for each other.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Like at the seller had to vouch for for yam
I always.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Say her name is Yaminica.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Yaminica, always say her name when she she loves that
I mess her name up. But she'd be like, you know,
to say my name, bitch, one of the man When
I say y'am a Mika and she gonna be like, god,
damn it, Leslie so funny, ah one of my faith.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Oh she's so funny. So and she don't care. She
will just tell you tell her.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
But at first they weren't gonna let her in the cellar.
So I was like, yo, if I hadn't got sn L,
that would be me, So let her in. You got
white comics down there talking about having sex with their
wife with a Christmas roll and you talk about she's blue.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
No fuck that put her up.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
So you know, it's it's like that's it's just that
type of community.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
You know, it's that type of community.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
But but you know, Chris, Chris knew what did take
somebody like a Chris to say, yo, you need to
put her on. Well now, I mean nowadays, now it's different.
Now we're getting a lot more love. But back in
the day, yeah, you got to get introduced through amel.
You know, that's how it is an old boys club.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Every comedian always talk about bad promoters, and promoters are
always bad in the commity.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
How bad was sisty shot?
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Oh? And like and I'm just to tell you, I'm
pretty sure just shisty ass promoters. They're bad for everybody,
but for women it's extra. It's an extra layer there
because oh god, I hate to say it like this,
because it was really hard in the beginning because promoters.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
You know, you have some of the.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
Promoters that think they gonna get to fuck you or
either like that you that you are being brought for
them to fuck you. I remember, and I'm not gonna
even mention this comic, but when you hear the story,
he gonna fucking know who he is.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
But I remember it.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
But because I was all of these that man, I
came from hos, pimps and crackheads and drug dealers. You
comedy niggas is jokes. Young niggas are clowns like I
wouldn't fuck you with my enemies pussy, and I don't
like that bitch.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
You know what I'm saying, fuck her with a hard dick,
but not yours.
Speaker 6 (22:49):
So so so you would like when I first came,
it was like if you if there was a headline
they want you to go on the road, It's like,
are you fucking?
Speaker 4 (23:02):
Are you fucking? It used to be like that, but
I would get on room because I was funny. But
you definitely would have the moments where, hey, why you
not being nice to the promoter?
Speaker 1 (23:12):
The promoter like you, why you're not being nice to
the promoter? Man?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Fuck that that nigga is seventy two and he has
on my grandfather's suit. Damn, What the fuck you think
I'm gonna fuck the promoter? What deal is you making?
Speaker 1 (23:27):
You know? I mean that type of shit.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
Or the hotels, like I remember another fucking comment. We're
all on the same hallway and they didn't get no
bitches because they're not gonna get no bitches. And they're like, oh,
we just trying to figure out who's gonna get to
come to Leslie's room. I said, none of you hoes,
And what was so funny is that I actually was
hooking up with somebody to night and that.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Motherfucker walked right down the hallway and I opened.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Up the doors like, yeah, that's who gets the pussy,
not you dirty niggas.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Damn like you dirty dick.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
Okay, okay, you're gonna have to cut all that. I
even had a comedian come to my room to give
me my money, and my homegirl was there. We were come
to my room and say, hey, so you got your
friend here, So y'all want to have what what what
makes you think that somebody want to fuck you?
Speaker 1 (24:18):
You light skinned piece of shit?
Speaker 4 (24:20):
Damn No, I know, and I'm in any comic you
asked me and ask about me, will tell you I
am that bitch that yeah, we don't fuck with us
that you know.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
It's funny what you talking about with the money thing.
Speaker 5 (24:31):
That's what I've always concerned about with women and promoters,
because I'm always like, moots be short. They're more than
likely to be like, I'm not giving her money.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
I don't feel like nothing gonna happen.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
Oh I she's talking about worst shows and I'm a
mentioned everybody name and this ship. Okay, So I'm in
New York, New York. You know, it's not that many women.
When I was doing it. It's fute and we get
them shows or whatever. And yes, I did.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
A show for Raid and John.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
Ray.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
So he books me in fucking Brooklyn, right, and.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
It's I remember it was Drew Frasier somebody else and
I don't remember who this promoter's name was, but he,
I guess because I was a female. And the crowd
wasn't good. So Drew went up, He did all right.
Another comedian went up and they wasn't really doing that well.
So he comes over to me and he goes, yo,
just do ten minutes. Just do ten minutes. Because he
didn't know me, so he's like, just do ten minutes.
(25:27):
And I was like, okay, well, no problem. And he
was like, I pay you when you.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Get off stage. So I was like, all right, all right.
So I get on stage and I'm ripping, I'm destra
roying ten minutes I got off.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
Why the fuck you get off stage? Why the fuck
you get on stage? I say, dude, you told me,
because he literally came.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Up and said, I don't think I'm gonna have all
the money. Just do ten minutes. So I was like,
you just told me to do ten minutes. He's like, no,
you were killing now. Fuck that fuck that, I'm not
paying you.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
So I'm just like new to New York and I'm
just like, dude, like and so.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
I go to rap and I was like, Yo, this
motherfucker's not gonna pay me.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
You booked me? What the fuck right? And he was like,
I'm talking to I don't know. I said the fuck.
So I called Rob Stapleton. I love Rob Stapleton. Rob
Stapleson called Big Beff, and I don't know where Biff
is now today, but he called Big Beff and they
got out that car.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Big Bes's hand was around that promoter's next so fast.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
He was like and then he was like, you're gonna
do a fucking female like that motherfucker you And he
was like, nah, dude, it wasn't like that. She just
wasn't patient enough to wait for me my fucking money,
Like like like real talk. They do think that they
can pump punk people. I had a lot of had
a lot of promotions in Atlanta.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Oh so when you're paying at my money? So, so
how much I owe you?
Speaker 4 (26:44):
I only owe you six hundred, No, you owe me
eleven hundred keep counting. Okay, no ride to the airport
like shit like that. Oh no, I have been left
at venues. Oh car leaving. Okay, I'm the female. You
should wait for the female. Oh they went back to
the hotel.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Really.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Oh no, it's a lot of shit. And that's that's
why I always say now because I'm sure, sure it's
a little different now because women do speak up. But
I always tell male comedians when you're on the road
with a female, fucking look out for her. Look out
for her, because like I know a lot of female
comedians that's been raped, that's been fucking like hurt, beat up,
(27:24):
slapped by other comedians and you know who you are, dang.
Real talk like it's like it's another battle. It's another
battle because we are women. But like I said, I'm
a big six feet you know. She got to go
on like five minutes.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Okay. A couple of questions from the book.
Speaker 5 (27:42):
You wrote your first joke in ninety seven, right, but
didn't use it until twenty ten.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Why weren't you confident in performing that material.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
It wasn't my first joke, it was my first real joke. Okay,
So because the same thing with Jamie said, you won't
have enough skill to tell that joke yet, you know,
or you don't like after and it's real talk. After
my parents passed away, after my brother, after my brother died,
that's when I was like, I'm doing all that shit.
So it's like you have to have some type of
(28:11):
hunger too, and you are talented enough to do your material.
But there are some jokes that are more advanced when
you write it.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
That you got.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
Okay, I'm gonna do that in a couple of years,
or either you're gonna give it to someone else. But
my first real joke was from a bad date and
I was sitting in the middle of the living room
eating cold Chinese food. And I had three bad dates
in a row that week. So I was sitting there
and I was like, this is some bullshit. Like back
(28:39):
in the slave days, I'm like a man dingo. I
would have all of the good all a good dick
I would have. I would never be single. I would
never fucking.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Be single, Like I just wouldn't Like I would.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Get all the denzels, I would get all the shacks,
I would get Kimbo slice and then every nine months
I'm like, I.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
Just wouldn't be single. I would my card would be full.
You know, look at my.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Teeth, So you got teeth, look.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
Nice teeth, and you know I'm gonna you know, I'm
gonna have kids with good teeth.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
So you in the book with Welcome to my funeral.
Speaker 4 (29:20):
Because I mean, how every time you see a celebrity funeral,
don't you go they didn't plan that, like they had
Rea Aretha and Whitney's funeral was so long. Jesus was like,
why they not here yet? So I specifically wrote how
I want my fucking funeral, you know, just I just
you know, that's how I want my funeral. If you're
gonna have a long funeral, let's make it a goddamn event.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
And I've always wanted to be.
Speaker 7 (29:44):
Burnt like a warrior, you mean created, cremated, Nope, burnt
like a warrior, like with the arrows, like you know
how they make that spiff and Game of Thrones and
then they put you on.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
The top and they said the evault. That's exactly how
I want to go.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Why not, motherfucker, they don't do that?
Speaker 4 (30:02):
Why exactly, don't give a fuck my goddamn wishes like
keen taking this motherfucker and I want a biscuit, walk
in with some dragon eggs and come out with dragons.
Speaker 5 (30:20):
Now, I know you got to go, but are you
going to be the host of the daily You're doing
it all next week?
Speaker 1 (30:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
And don't you tell me you want? I mean that
something you would.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Want, you know what, I'm not gonna lie. I think
I'd be pretty good at it.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
And I think I think Nighttime is ready for a
black woman, ready for one that's ready to to to
to go do it, because I feel like I've been
built for that ship. Like I call myself the two
thousand year old woman because I've been through every decade.
But I feel like they need somebody who is can
bring joy and bring laughter, and and and and inform
people in a way that they like take their medicine with.
(30:55):
It's time to bring some laughter back to life.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Period.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
It's time for everybody to stop being so fucking offended.
How about this is what I want to say. Everybody
has been acting for the last five years like a
motherfucking five year old. Everybody needs to stop the what
about me shit because it's just starting to become ridiculous
at this point, and grow the fuck up, Grow the
(31:20):
fuck up. I am sick of it, y'all, sick of it.
And you know, you, you know, you know you're showing
your ass. Act like a motherfucking grown up. You know
what's right, you know what's wrong. Stop acting like a fucking.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Five year old. And that's what our society is acting
right like now.
Speaker 4 (31:38):
And you know, like everybody in here know, it'd always
be a black woman that come and go knock it.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
All, fix it. That's right.
Speaker 4 (31:47):
It was Esomer, Nail Carter, Oprah Winfrey. You know, we
got all our sisters that came in. Just let's get
this ship right back. What y'all doing and allow you
the platform to do that. Man, Yes, Like I like
the peace on therapy, I want to I feel like
I want to talk to men too, and like I'm
(32:07):
gonna give y'all so much permission to fucking learn and
advance to where we are as women, Like we doing
the work. Men are not doing the work. And I'm
gonna say it, y'all not doing the work. And let
me just say this too, y'all don't know shit about pussy.
It's one of your favorite things. It's one of your
(32:29):
favorite things. You don't know shit. I don't understand how
you don't know shit about pussy or if your dick.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Is working properly.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
What should we know to go to?
Speaker 4 (32:37):
First of all, go to the doctor, put your nuts
in a doctor's hand, and cough to the fucking left.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Find out what's wrong with your dick. First. There's a
lot of no. I'm being very honest.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
I've been hooking up and dudes, dicks are not working properly.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Y'all didn ate all that fucking McDonald's and all that shit.
Speaker 4 (32:54):
You ain't drinking water, You're not fucking taking care of yourself,
and that's your dick. That's like one of your prize possessions.
You go get your con check. You won't get your
dick check, damn, and then get mad at us when
your dick don't work. Don't get mad at me. That's
your department. That's your department. That's go get your dick
check and then and then go get your mind check.
(33:16):
Stop showing up to tender dates expecting me to solve
your fucking dilemma.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
I show up for dick and you throw me at
ruper's que of your.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
Fucked up ass shit like I don't know why your
daddy don't love you.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (33:31):
Your mind affects your dick. It affects your dick. It
affects your dick. Do you think you're gonna be walking
around sad and depressed and your dick is just gonna
be out out here Wiley, No, it's not.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
It's sad like you, So take care of your dick.
I really believe.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
That's a lot of problems with these with these podcast
dudes and these passport bros. Y'all don't know how to
fuck a woman correctly, and then when she tell you
that now she ain't shit.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
No, go learn how to fuck. I bet you'll solved
a lot of problems.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
Between us because y'all don't know how to.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Fuck, and you're mad because we do.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
This is the best mental health promo.
Speaker 4 (34:10):
I'm being honest with you. I am being so honest.
I really believe that a lot of friction is now.
Women are going we are tired of bad sex, and
we're tired of being quiet about bad sex.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
I had some bad sex two nights ago.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
I told you at the RITZ. I told that motherfucker
to get the fuck out. How damn you fuck me
like that at the Ritz God damn, the goddamn Empire
State Building is right there. How you fucked me like
that in front of the Empire State Building? The fuck
out of here, poor guy.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Well, at least it ain't no surprise. You're not hearing
this for the first time.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Trust me, Jesus, you know who you are.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Leslie Jones, get her book right now. Sure you watch
her on the Daily Show all next week in the
Daily Show.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
And to that gentleman she's talking about, go get therapy.
You're gonna need all that.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Where did they find you, Leslie? At Let's Dog?
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Yes, at Let's Dog.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
I think it's like four g's on Instagram, three g's
on Twitter.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
And what I used to say is, why is that?
Because I'm a motherfucking g.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
That's right in the book. The book available everywhere else.
Speaker 4 (35:21):
Yes, audio is kicking because the audio is different because
I don't really read it.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
I just tell the stories. So it's really good.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:30):
Yeah, So if you just don't want to read, you
should read That's right. You should read Learned How to
Curse Off right too.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
It's Leslie Joey fucking Jones.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, yeah, up in the morning.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
The Breakfast Club
Wake that ass up in the morning.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
The Breakfast Club Morning.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
Everybody is DJ n V, charlamagnea God. We are the
Breakfast Club. We got a special Guess in.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
The building, Leslie fucking Joan Leslie.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Joe's ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
He ha he hair, he hair.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
How you feeling.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
I'm good. I was looking for Jess.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
You know, she's she got shows in Detroit.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
This will after. I thought she's gonna be here so
I can key kid, that's my girl. You are you
kidding me?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
And she is so funny.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
I gotta say that, she's one of my favorite people
on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I love her shit. She always make me laugh so funny.
Speaker 5 (00:34):
What kind of jewels do you give the young female
stand ups like Jess?
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Uh?
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Well, Jess shit, she don't need nothing, she gets it
like this is the one thing I love about Jess, though,
is that she's confident enough to be like very sexy
and still do come and see. When I was coming up,
it was just the rule just you know, okay, I'll
put it like this. Women comedians have to go through
a certain thing, like if I dress sexy and walk
on stage five minutes, I'm not gonna be heard because
(01:01):
when I walk on stage, the first thing is you're
gonna get the women going, oh, she thinks she's cute,
and then they gonna look at that man and be like,
oh does he think?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Does he want to fuck her?
Speaker 4 (01:10):
And then you got the man. So that's five minutes
of going to like all that happens. So I used
to just do the T shirt jeans, tenis you so
you can pay attention to me. But the thing I
like about her is that she don't give a fuck,
Like she gonna go up there and she gonna do
her fun and she's gonna do her and I like
that that women are starting to become more like I'm
(01:32):
fucking like, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I'm still funny and I'm fine as fuck. Like it's
like I love that.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
So what I would give, what I always give young women,
is to you don't have to prove that you're a woman,
like Jess does go on stage and do that, which
like you, she doesn't have to prove she's a woman.
Like a lot of female comics write like period jokes
or this jokes. If you can make them funny, that's different.
(01:58):
Just be yourself, you know, yeah, yeah, that's what I
would just like, always keep writing, don't stay on the
same thing.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
You should refresh your set a lot.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
You should always be writing new jokes and and anything
that you think is funny. It's definitely something you should
go on stage and try.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
What advice would you give her about having a permanent
gig on top of the stand up, like you know,
just say a daily show or a daily radio show,
you mean, like this show.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
She should be here for now that one.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
Yeah, I would say to keep doing what she's doing
because see, to me, Jess is gonna bring you numbers.
Jess is gonna bring you a whole different and no
shitting on y'all. But y'all all men, y'all are and
y'all don't know about bitches. Trust me, I'll listen to
your shit. You don't know nothing about pussy, nothing, not
a fucking thing, right And and to me, when Jess
(02:50):
is on here, she really be like, you know, doing
her thing. You know, I really like her responses. She's
not scared of y'all. So I would tell her to
continue because she one thing I like about her. I
bet you she gets the numbers because she continuously put
that context. I bet you she gets the numbers. That's
somebody y'all need on it.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
She's a coaching shifting Yeah you do.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
You really do need to like and bring some youth
to this room. I'm not like, again, I'm not insulting you.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yes you are, but I'm not insulting.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
But you're not lying. But some of this ship because
this is this is the Breakfast Club. Y'all.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
Fucks have been here for a while and you should
be here for some more time. But the only way
to do that is to continue to roll with the
fucking change, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
And y'all need a bitch in here. That's the first
time you've been there.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
This first time, yeah, because I was like, here, if
she would I come take this motherfucker because y'all sitting
in here with.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Thrownes as funck off.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
You're not gonna have time. You're gonna be doing the
Daily Show.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Oh you think so? Thank you y'all.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
First of all, I have to say thank you so
much for coming on there. That was one of the
best segments I've ever done. I still get people ask
me about it. I love that you came on there
and was very vulnerable and is just wonderful. You made
me a fan of you that day.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Very much real.
Speaker 5 (04:04):
I actually heard you talking about it afterwards on your
podcast too, and I was like, oh wow, it.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Was really awesome me and Lenny was just like he
was so fucking great, like he's just really good.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And a lot of people asked me about that.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
It was like yeah, and I was like, yeah, man,
what he said was true, Like you said some really good.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
I want to do from the beginning from Leslie Jones.
If you don't know how did you get into comedy?
What what made this say that this is what I
want to do as a kid.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Or well, I never thought I was a comedian.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
I never thought I was a comedian until someone entered
me into a contest.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I just thought I was silly.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
You know, people invite me to parties and shit and
they be like, you know, we got to invite Leslie.
You know, I just was getting invited to a lot
of stuff and just didn't understand why.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
And people like to hang out with me. And one
day my friend was.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Like, yoich because you are stupid, like you're really funny,
and she was like, you should do comedy and I
was just like, no, that's.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Like Eddie Murphy, that's like whoop we go over.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
And I was like, I can't do that, Like I
might be an actress and then I'll act I'm Whoopie,
like you know, I'll do a role or something. I
never thought as myself as a stand up. And then
when she signed me up, she signed me up for
a contest at college. It was the funniest person on
campus and school Colorado State, and I was on a
scholarship in basketball there and she came and told me.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
She was like, yeah, I signed you up for this contest.
Speaker 4 (05:19):
And I got mad, but I wasn't really mad because
I was like, oh, well, let's try it. As soon
as I touched the mic, it's I can't I tell
everybody they think I'm lying. But it was literally like
I saw like It's like had been doing it forever.
It's like I saw myself like there's nothing, there is
no option of me doing anything else. It was just
(05:40):
like a light that went on in a line that
went straight, and how.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Did you start preparing after that?
Speaker 3 (05:45):
So now you want to do comedy, right, But it's
like anything else people you know, most people that go
on stage, you think they could do comedy and then
they fail because they don't know sets, they don't know times,
they don't know delivery. You start studying it and said
this is what I want to do it, And who
did you study?
Speaker 4 (05:57):
Well? I mean I First of all, what I realized
is that I was already studying like my dad had,
every comedy because it was DJ So I was already
into Pigfoot and Millie Jackson and you know Mom's may.
I already knew about all that stuff. I had already
had the knowledge of it. And uh, as far as
like knowing what I was supposed to do on stage,
(06:18):
I still was in that mode of like, well, I
want to be like Eddie Murphy, I want to be
like what we go work. I want to I want
to be like Richard Pryor. But what I didn't understand
is that they are who they are. That's the reason
they do the comedy that they're doing. I'm gonna have
to find out who I am. I learned that from Jamie.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
So.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
You know when I saw Jamie Fox, yes so, cause
he was I think it was the second time or
maybe third time I performed, and uh, I'm shit. I
bombed like a motherfucker. But when he came on stage,
it was like, holy shit, he performs just like what
your probably and are like, this is crazy. So it
made me go, Okay, what is what is this formula?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
What is this?
Speaker 4 (06:55):
And then when I talked to him, he was just like,
you're young. You don't really have nothing to talk about.
Go out and live, Go out and discover life, get fired,
get hired, get your heart broke, break some hearts, just
go through life so you can start have something to
talk about because right now you're trying to do jokes
and you're not mature enough to do the jokes that
you're doing, and you're not funny enough to do the
jokes that you're doing, and you don't have shit to
(07:16):
talk about.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
So you know, that's what I did. I went out
and lived. I went out and lived, and he.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Was right because by the time I came back, I
had shit to talk about. So getting prepared is doing
doing like me and me and Mike Tyson had this
very conversation. It's like before I was even Mike anything,
I did a thousand fights.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
So that's basically it.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
Like I tell New Jackson, like man, whenever I hear
a new Jack or anybody complaining about the spot up.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
You shut up, like especially when they complain about a
main club.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
And he was like, motherfucker, do you know how.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
Long it took us to work for you to get
the fuck spot? And you bitching about it? Man, I'll
stump the shit out of you right now in front
of this club. So it's like, do a billion Oh yeah, yeah,
I do a billion spots a billion.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I don't care.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
I have performed fucking everywhere, son. I have performed in
living rooms, I've performed in salons. I've performed in motherfucking classroom.
I've performed everywhere.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
If it's a mic, I was there.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
You motherfuckers who've only don it two or three years,
don't nobody give a fuck about what you're talking about.
Fuck you and do the fucking work like Instagram motherfuckers.
Like there's only like I said, Jess can pull it off.
I've seen pretty V pretty V funny, but.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
Just put in the works exactly.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
And that's what people don't understand. This is not microwave.
You're not gonna just become funny overnight. There's no such
thing as that. I hate when people say that you
might be generally funny, but you need to go through
the steps of becoming a real professional. There's a different
between an amateur and a fucking professional. And everything everything
is to say, you gotta go through how to write,
(09:06):
You gotta the first three years it's just you figure
and out how to even stand on stage? Do I
want a stool? Do I want some water here? Do
I want the Do I want to hold the mic?
Do I want to put the mic here? Do I
want to sit there?
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Say all that, like how to how to talk?
Speaker 2 (09:18):
I never thought about it.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
No, how to talk? How to look at the audience?
Do you look right at the audience? Do you look
or I me myself if you really pay attention. I
never look at the audience until I'm doing crowd work.
I look over the audience because you can't. It's like
a concentration thing on his zone. Yeah, yeah, I'm in
his owne. So you know you gotta do that. I
tell you like this. I had been doing comedy for
(09:40):
three years and I thought I was the ship because
I was.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I was killing that motherfucker.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
And I went up to Jans and Brown and I
was like, yeah, and Jay, when fuck I'm gonna start
seeing the fruits of my motherfucking labor, like when I'm
when I'm gonna blow up.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
He was like ten years. I remember bus I went.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
I went home and cried because I was like ten
because this is the thing. It wasn't that I said
in my head not fuck him, you know, because I
was in that type of comic. I was a very
much like when I started comedy, I prayed to God.
I said, listen, I want to be a good comic.
If I'm not gonna be a good comic, just let
me be a promoter or something, because I don't want
to do comedy wrong. So when he said to ten years,
(10:14):
it was it was not me going, ah, now that's
you saying. And then now it was me taking it
in from a veteran telling me like, damn, I'm not
gonna know myself until ten years. He was like, yeah,
all this, you know, pussy fucking and smoking weed all that.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
That's because he literally asked me one day, he said
what do you do doing the daytime? And I was like,
I do a lot of stuff.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
He was like, well, from your set, it sounds like
only thing you do is fuck and smoke weed and
watch game shows. So he was like, that's all we
get from it, and I was like, nah, that that's
the ten year thing because see, first three years you
learn how to be on stage, just just thick of
yourself as a toddler. The first year you're walking around,
you're doing shit jokes, you're doing pussy jokes, you're doing
all the dumb jokes. The second year you may have
(10:55):
graduated a little bit, but you're still doing sex jokes.
Sex jokes is whenever you're seeing people doing sex jo
unless they're just veterans and they got sex jokes, it's
an easy thing.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
To go into. It's just it's like low hanging fruit.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
So those first three or four years you're really just
deciding who you want to be as a comic or whatever.
Five years is when you start getting your gigs. You
gotta set you know. Oh my god, whenever I see
a new jack that's doing it two years and they
have more than five minutes, I want to run up
on stage and smother them with.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
A bag, Like.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
Who told you that somebody wanted to listen to you
for five minutes? No, get one good fucking joke. You
should have nothing, even if they ask for five, you
should be doing three. Make that three the strongest that
you do. And people who get up there that are
new and you start working on your new shit, find
a workout place to do that, cause when you come
to a main club, you need to be shooting your
(11:46):
motherfucking shot, like don't nobody know you?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yes, I understand trying out new jokes.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
That is great, but that's like after six or seven
years that you get that cocky to go to a
spot and try out a new joke. You should always
have a set set because don't nobody know you yet.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
So when you get to h get to have a
set set because don't nobody know you yet.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
I mean, I'm just saying making a T shirt.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
But after you get.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
Eight nine years, eight nine, eighth year, ninth years, that's
when you start getting the big gigs instead ten years,
ten years is when you get tired of your set.
Ten years is when you go, Okay, I got their attention.
Now what I want to say?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
That's when you start talking about yourself real.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
That's when that's when that's when you bring them jokes
out because you're going to be good enough to do it.
And by that time, you got at least twenty thousand
sets under your fucking belt, and you should be. And
people got to know the ten year rule. There's no
way to beat it. Oh fuck are you who's saying no,
there'll be to not what you're talking about. I've been
in the business since motherfucking eighty seven, bitch.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
I know you know how you know what you're saying
is the truth.
Speaker 5 (12:51):
Because even when you look at the new generation, I
don't care if it's Jesse, Larryus, DC, Young Fly, Andrew Schultz,
They've all been doing stand up for damnitary ten years.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
A bet, Andrew's been doing it for sixteen exactly.
Speaker 5 (13:02):
Jess should be right at ten right now, and DC
should be right at ten right now. So you're absolutely right, yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Yeah, And it's just like it's like people want to
beat the system, and you're not gonna beat the system.
Put it in the fucking work. Put it in the
fucking work. Your time would come.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Leslie, who do you think curse is more? You and
Samuel L.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
Jackson we about it the same because we did meet
and both of us.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Wow, you think I cursed a lot?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
I do, the name of your book is Leslie fucking.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Joy because that's what people say when they come up
to me. They'd be like, Lasley fucking Jones. So that's
that's why I made it that. But it's the first
time I cursed in front of my mom because she
knew I had a bad mouth. My dad did too.
My dad knew I had a bad mouth, but they
was like, no, you respect enough to not to curse
around here.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
And we was walking to the store.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
I will never forget to walk into the store and
I had just went to a parade where they had
to drum and I was like, mom, you should have
seen the major rest. They were swinging the ass and
my mom was like, yo, you're not talking to your friend.
To watch your mouth, girl.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
You know.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
I was about to get into the you know, fucks
and all of that, and she was like, oh, what
you sound like when you're not around me. I was like,
very bad, very bad. But I think that me and
Samuel L. Jackson are the same. I think we cursed
at the same and met each other in the Yeah,
it was hilarious and I actually imitated him on SNL.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
I missed that.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Oh my god, we did family feud, let me tell you.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
And I don't give a fuck because Kenan Donna love it,
but we okay. It was one of those those times
where you they literally literally let us just have a
little fun. So they wanted me to be Samuel Jackson,
but they was gonna put the beard on me, and
for some reason, we didn't have the beard, and I.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Just dressed like he, like with the hat and the leather.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Jacket, and it's like I did look like Samuel, but didn't.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I just looked like Leslie. So when he came to
me and he.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
Was like Samuel a man, we were laughing so hard
because Kennan was like, wait a minute, now, you don't look.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Like no damse.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Was he pretending to be Steve.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
God?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
And all I kept saying is you can burn it half.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
It was just like really really fun. But yeah, when
I finally met him, yeah, it was just like so funny.
But I think he cursed less when he met me.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Because I got to ask, so you talked about you
remember bombing? So I always ask comedian when they come up,
you remember your worst show and.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Your best show?
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Oh, Shita, babe, like again was a thousand, one thousand.
I can name ten straight. That is probably the same
type of words. Let me, See I fell off the stage. No,
but that wasn't my worst show. I fell off the
stage and got right back up and was like, I'm
a stunt man too, and kept rick.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
But you're talking about like a bomb, like I remember
Kevin kept up heying.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
One time he talked me about the time where they
threw a chicken wing at the Charles over the chicken
wing at him. Right, that was one of his worst shows.
So what was like that one show that's always.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
In your mind? It be like that motherfucking venue.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Damn, I guess hmmm. I would say riddles.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
But see again, I'm such a I'm a gainst homie.
I'm gonna win the audience, But I would say riddles.
Maybe in Chicago was always kind of a hard room
to do. I'm riddles A d Ray used to host it.
What happened today? I think that's when I fell off
the chair. I stood up on a chair and then
fell off the chair.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
But now I still rip that shit was so fucking funny.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
I could just tell you funny shit like I got
introduced in Omaha at this poetry poetry show and this
is was so hilarious, Like I was, you know, and
I was beautiful, like young, had long hair. On the road,
and you know, dudes be trying to talk to you
and sit and especially the ones that you want.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
To talk to.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
So I remember this rotster dude was trying to talk
to me. He was fine, looked like Bob Marley, motherfucker.
I was like, oh, you're definitely going to the hotel room.
So I'm talking to him and then dudes like, I'm
about to introduce you, right, And I had on these
fucking clunky ass sandals or something, and he introduced me,
and man, I came down that step and fucking summersault
(17:14):
rolled right into in front of the fucking thing and.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Jump back up. I was like, yeah, that's how I
come on stage. That's how I come on stage. Man.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
I looked over and the roster was paying his bill
to leave. I said to you, mother, you.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Motherfucker, what about the best show? So the best show?
Speaker 2 (17:30):
What was the most amazing show that you still love?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I just can't. Okay, it's just too many. I would say.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
One of my favorite ones is when I went to
Grand Rapids, Michigan, and uh, they had a whole section
that was deaf and they had the girl doing THEA. Yeah,
they were deaf, and she was signing so you know,
I have a dirty show. And I was like, how
you say suck dick? So she was like doing it.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
So I was like, so dick s dick.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
And then she got really tired and I was like,
ain't that's something the white girl got tired of sucking dick?
Man Grand Rappers where they were on fire.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It's so many good shows. I mean when I was
on tour with Cat like sold me.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
Oh my god, I have to tell the story because
I know Cat remember this.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (18:21):
So it was the beginning of the fucking tour. We
was in Chicago, I remember this. So it was a
New Year's show, so we went out performing. Cat was late,
so I had to go out and you know, keep
performing or whatever. So when Cat got there, you know
Cat is Cat. So this dude was waiting with her
fur coat, like this beautiful black fur coat.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
So he was like, Cat, I want you to wear
an I want you to wearing on stage.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
So Cat was like yeah, so you put the coat
on and he went out and you know, people lost
it and they was already mad that he was late,
but to see him, they lost it.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
They lost. They he was going crazy.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
Cat took off that coat and strew it out into
the audience and dude was like, dude, feinted. No, man, Dude,
that call was like fifteen thousand dollars.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
They ripped that motherfucker apart.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
And he was just like, Yo, probably gave him the money.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
No, he did not.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
No, he did not hear about Cat being so generous.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
He may have gave me that. I just didn't know.
I don't know, but I think Cap was like, that's
the way the kriokie crumbos. Hummy.
Speaker 5 (19:21):
You know Chris Rock, he did the forward to your
book and you talk about your relationship with Chris Rock.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Yeah, I mean I'm known him forever, know, you know,
all the comedians known each other forever, Chris. I met
Tony Rock before I actually met Chris Rock, but just
known each other forever. And I used to always just
bug the shit out of him and be like, Yo,
I'm only gonna make it if somebody like you tell
them I'm funny.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Well, you ain't telling them I'm funny, Christy.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
And he'd just be like he always said he didn't
say I wasn't ready, but he did say that. But
he was like, no, they're not ready for you, That's
what he was saying. But I was always man. I
would chase him out to the car at the Lave Factory.
I would chase him all the way out to his
car and I'd be like, what the fuck, yo, what
you're doing? Like, well, you see me ripping these motherfuckers?
And he just smile at me and getting this car
(20:06):
like got that at grass I.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Love it, he said.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
In the four Door, he said he talked about how
SNL could easily find white comedians because of the institutions,
but don't have an idea with the find funny black people.
So how difficult is it for a black comedian to
be discovered for it?
Speaker 4 (20:19):
And just like what he said, like you find them
in the institution, you find the funny bitches at the DMV.
And that's real talk. Like Barbara Carlile. I will always
mentioned Barbara Carlyle because Barbara Carlile when I was coming out,
was one of the biggest female combat like so freaking funny,
like funny as hell.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
How she didn't blow up, you know.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
What I'm saying, Because she didn't say have the same
opportunities as maybe a white you know, female comic can
get seen easier if they get the laugh factory spots
in the comedy store and the seller and all of
that stuff, you know, and really like we have to
vouch for each other.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Like at the seller had to vouch for for yam
I always.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Say her name is Yaminica.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Yaminica, always say her name when she she loves that
I mess her name up. But she'd be like, you know,
to say my name, bitch, one of the man When
I say y'am a Mika and she gonna be like, god,
damn it, Leslie so funny, ah one of my faith.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Oh she's so funny. So and she don't care. She
will just tell you tell her.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
But at first they weren't gonna let her in the cellar.
So I was like, yo, if I hadn't got sn L,
that would be me, So let her in. You got
white comics down there talking about having sex with their
wife with a Christmas roll and you talk about she's blue.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
No fuck that put her up.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
So you know, it's it's like that's it's just that
type of community.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
You know, it's that type of community.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
But but you know, Chris, Chris knew what did take
somebody like a Chris to say, yo, you need to
put her on. Well now, I mean nowadays, now it's different.
Now we're getting a lot more love. But back in
the day, yeah, you got to get introduced through amel.
You know, that's how it is an old boys club.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Every comedian always talk about bad promoters, and promoters are
always bad in the commity.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
How bad was sisty shot?
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Oh? And like and I'm just to tell you, I'm
pretty sure just shisty ass promoters. They're bad for everybody,
but for women it's extra. It's an extra layer there
because oh god, I hate to say it like this,
because it was really hard in the beginning because promoters.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
You know, you have some of the.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
Promoters that think they gonna get to fuck you or
either like that you that you are being brought for
them to fuck you. I remember, and I'm not gonna
even mention this comic, but when you hear the story,
he gonna fucking know who he is.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
But I remember it.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
But because I was all of these that man, I
came from hos, pimps and crackheads and drug dealers. You
comedy niggas is jokes. Young niggas are clowns like I
wouldn't fuck you with my enemies pussy, and I don't
like that bitch.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
You know what I'm saying, fuck her with a hard dick,
but not yours.
Speaker 6 (22:49):
So so so you would like when I first came,
it was like if you if there was a headline
they want you to go on the road, It's like,
are you fucking?
Speaker 4 (23:02):
Are you fucking? It used to be like that, but
I would get on room because I was funny. But
you definitely would have the moments where, hey, why you
not being nice to the promoter?
Speaker 1 (23:12):
The promoter like you, why you're not being nice to
the promoter? Man?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Fuck that that nigga is seventy two and he has
on my grandfather's suit. Damn, What the fuck you think
I'm gonna fuck the promoter? What deal is you making?
Speaker 1 (23:27):
You know? I mean that type of shit.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
Or the hotels, like I remember another fucking comment. We're
all on the same hallway and they didn't get no
bitches because they're not gonna get no bitches. And they're like, oh,
we just trying to figure out who's gonna get to
come to Leslie's room. I said, none of you hoes,
And what was so funny is that I actually was
hooking up with somebody to night and that.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Motherfucker walked right down the hallway and I opened.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Up the doors like, yeah, that's who gets the pussy,
not you dirty niggas.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Damn like you dirty dick.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
Okay, okay, you're gonna have to cut all that. I
even had a comedian come to my room to give
me my money, and my homegirl was there. We were come
to my room and say, hey, so you got your
friend here, So y'all want to have what what what
makes you think that somebody want to fuck you?
Speaker 1 (24:18):
You light skinned piece of shit?
Speaker 4 (24:20):
Damn No, I know, and I'm in any comic you
asked me and ask about me, will tell you I
am that bitch that yeah, we don't fuck with us
that you know.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
It's funny what you talking about with the money thing.
Speaker 5 (24:31):
That's what I've always concerned about with women and promoters,
because I'm always like, moots be short. They're more than
likely to be like, I'm not giving her money.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
I don't feel like nothing gonna happen.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
Oh I she's talking about worst shows and I'm a
mentioned everybody name and this ship. Okay, So I'm in
New York, New York. You know, it's not that many women.
When I was doing it. It's fute and we get
them shows or whatever. And yes, I did.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
A show for Raid and John.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
Ray.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
So he books me in fucking Brooklyn, right, and.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
It's I remember it was Drew Frasier somebody else and
I don't remember who this promoter's name was, but he,
I guess because I was a female. And the crowd
wasn't good. So Drew went up, He did all right.
Another comedian went up and they wasn't really doing that well.
So he comes over to me and he goes, yo,
just do ten minutes. Just do ten minutes. Because he
didn't know me, so he's like, just do ten minutes.
(25:27):
And I was like, okay, well, no problem. And he
was like, I pay you when you.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Get off stage. So I was like, all right, all right.
So I get on stage and I'm ripping, I'm destra
roying ten minutes I got off.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
Why the fuck you get off stage? Why the fuck
you get on stage? I say, dude, you told me,
because he literally came.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Up and said, I don't think I'm gonna have all
the money. Just do ten minutes. So I was like,
you just told me to do ten minutes. He's like, no,
you were killing now. Fuck that fuck that, I'm not
paying you.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
So I'm just like new to New York and I'm
just like, dude, like and so.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
I go to rap and I was like, Yo, this
motherfucker's not gonna pay me.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
You booked me? What the fuck right? And he was like,
I'm talking to I don't know. I said the fuck.
So I called Rob Stapleton. I love Rob Stapleton. Rob
Stapleson called Big Beff, and I don't know where Biff
is now today, but he called Big Beff and they
got out that car.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Big Bes's hand was around that promoter's next so fast.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
He was like and then he was like, you're gonna
do a fucking female like that motherfucker you And he
was like, nah, dude, it wasn't like that. She just
wasn't patient enough to wait for me my fucking money,
Like like like real talk. They do think that they
can pump punk people. I had a lot of had
a lot of promotions in Atlanta.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Oh so when you're paying at my money? So, so
how much I owe you?
Speaker 4 (26:44):
I only owe you six hundred, No, you owe me
eleven hundred keep counting. Okay, no ride to the airport
like shit like that. Oh no, I have been left
at venues. Oh car leaving. Okay, I'm the female. You
should wait for the female. Oh they went back to
the hotel.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Really.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Oh no, it's a lot of shit. And that's that's
why I always say now because I'm sure, sure it's
a little different now because women do speak up. But
I always tell male comedians when you're on the road
with a female, fucking look out for her. Look out
for her, because like I know a lot of female
comedians that's been raped, that's been fucking like hurt, beat up,
(27:24):
slapped by other comedians and you know who you are, dang.
Real talk like it's like it's another battle. It's another
battle because we are women. But like I said, I'm
a big six feet you know. She got to go
on like five minutes.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Okay. A couple of questions from the book.
Speaker 5 (27:42):
You wrote your first joke in ninety seven, right, but
didn't use it until twenty ten.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Why weren't you confident in performing that material.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
It wasn't my first joke, it was my first real joke. Okay,
So because the same thing with Jamie said, you won't
have enough skill to tell that joke yet, you know,
or you don't like after and it's real talk. After
my parents passed away, after my brother, after my brother died,
that's when I was like, I'm doing all that shit.
So it's like you have to have some type of
(28:11):
hunger too, and you are talented enough to do your material.
But there are some jokes that are more advanced when
you write it.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
That you got.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
Okay, I'm gonna do that in a couple of years,
or either you're gonna give it to someone else. But
my first real joke was from a bad date and
I was sitting in the middle of the living room
eating cold Chinese food. And I had three bad dates
in a row that week. So I was sitting there
and I was like, this is some bullshit. Like back
(28:39):
in the slave days, I'm like a man dingo. I
would have all of the good all a good dick
I would have. I would never be single. I would
never fucking.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Be single, Like I just wouldn't Like I would.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Get all the denzels, I would get all the shacks,
I would get Kimbo slice and then every nine months
I'm like, I.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
Just wouldn't be single. I would my card would be full.
You know, look at my.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Teeth, So you got teeth, look.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
Nice teeth, and you know I'm gonna you know, I'm
gonna have kids with good teeth.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
So you in the book with Welcome to my funeral.
Speaker 4 (29:20):
Because I mean, how every time you see a celebrity funeral,
don't you go they didn't plan that, like they had
Rea Aretha and Whitney's funeral was so long. Jesus was like,
why they not here yet? So I specifically wrote how
I want my fucking funeral, you know, just I just
you know, that's how I want my funeral. If you're
gonna have a long funeral, let's make it a goddamn event.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
And I've always wanted to be.
Speaker 7 (29:44):
Burnt like a warrior, you mean created, cremated, Nope, burnt
like a warrior, like with the arrows, like you know
how they make that spiff and Game of Thrones and
then they put you on.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
The top and they said the evault. That's exactly how
I want to go.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Why not, motherfucker, they don't do that?
Speaker 4 (30:02):
Why exactly, don't give a fuck my goddamn wishes like
keen taking this motherfucker and I want a biscuit, walk
in with some dragon eggs and come out with dragons.
Speaker 5 (30:20):
Now, I know you got to go, but are you
going to be the host of the daily You're doing
it all next week?
Speaker 1 (30:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
And don't you tell me you want? I mean that
something you would.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Want, you know what, I'm not gonna lie. I think
I'd be pretty good at it.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
And I think I think Nighttime is ready for a
black woman, ready for one that's ready to to to
to go do it, because I feel like I've been
built for that ship. Like I call myself the two
thousand year old woman because I've been through every decade.
But I feel like they need somebody who is can
bring joy and bring laughter, and and and and inform
people in a way that they like take their medicine with.
(30:55):
It's time to bring some laughter back to life.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Period.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
It's time for everybody to stop being so fucking offended.
How about this is what I want to say. Everybody
has been acting for the last five years like a
motherfucking five year old. Everybody needs to stop the what
about me shit because it's just starting to become ridiculous
at this point, and grow the fuck up, Grow the
(31:20):
fuck up. I am sick of it, y'all, sick of it.
And you know, you, you know, you know you're showing
your ass. Act like a motherfucking grown up. You know
what's right, you know what's wrong. Stop acting like a fucking.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Five year old. And that's what our society is acting
right like now.
Speaker 4 (31:38):
And you know, like everybody in here know, it'd always
be a black woman that come and go knock it.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
All, fix it. That's right.
Speaker 4 (31:47):
It was Esomer, Nail Carter, Oprah Winfrey. You know, we
got all our sisters that came in. Just let's get
this ship right back. What y'all doing and allow you
the platform to do that. Man, Yes, Like I like
the peace on therapy, I want to I feel like
I want to talk to men too, and like I'm
(32:07):
gonna give y'all so much permission to fucking learn and
advance to where we are as women, Like we doing
the work. Men are not doing the work. And I'm
gonna say it, y'all not doing the work. And let
me just say this too, y'all don't know shit about pussy.
It's one of your favorite things. It's one of your
(32:29):
favorite things. You don't know shit. I don't understand how
you don't know shit about pussy or if your dick.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Is working properly.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
What should we know to go to?
Speaker 4 (32:37):
First of all, go to the doctor, put your nuts
in a doctor's hand, and cough to the fucking left.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Find out what's wrong with your dick. First. There's a
lot of no. I'm being very honest.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
I've been hooking up and dudes, dicks are not working properly.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Y'all didn ate all that fucking McDonald's and all that shit.
Speaker 4 (32:54):
You ain't drinking water, You're not fucking taking care of yourself,
and that's your dick. That's like one of your prize possessions.
You go get your con check. You won't get your
dick check, damn, and then get mad at us when
your dick don't work. Don't get mad at me. That's
your department. That's your department. That's go get your dick
check and then and then go get your mind check.
(33:16):
Stop showing up to tender dates expecting me to solve
your fucking dilemma.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
I show up for dick and you throw me at
ruper's que of your.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
Fucked up ass shit like I don't know why your
daddy don't love you.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (33:31):
Your mind affects your dick. It affects your dick. It
affects your dick. Do you think you're gonna be walking
around sad and depressed and your dick is just gonna
be out out here Wiley, No, it's not.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
It's sad like you, So take care of your dick.
I really believe.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
That's a lot of problems with these with these podcast
dudes and these passport bros. Y'all don't know how to
fuck a woman correctly, and then when she tell you
that now she ain't shit.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
No, go learn how to fuck. I bet you'll solved
a lot of problems.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
Between us because y'all don't know how to.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Fuck, and you're mad because we do.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
This is the best mental health promo.
Speaker 4 (34:10):
I'm being honest with you. I am being so honest.
I really believe that a lot of friction is now.
Women are going we are tired of bad sex, and
we're tired of being quiet about bad sex.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
I had some bad sex two nights ago.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
I told you at the RITZ. I told that motherfucker
to get the fuck out. How damn you fuck me
like that at the Ritz God damn, the goddamn Empire
State Building is right there. How you fucked me like
that in front of the Empire State Building? The fuck
out of here, poor guy.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Well, at least it ain't no surprise. You're not hearing
this for the first time.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Trust me, Jesus, you know who you are.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Leslie Jones, get her book right now. Sure you watch
her on the Daily Show all next week in the
Daily Show.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
And to that gentleman she's talking about, go get therapy.
You're gonna need all that.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Where did they find you, Leslie? At Let's Dog?
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Yes, at Let's Dog.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
I think it's like four g's on Instagram, three g's
on Twitter.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
And what I used to say is, why is that?
Because I'm a motherfucking g.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
That's right in the book. The book available everywhere else.
Speaker 4 (35:21):
Yes, audio is kicking because the audio is different because
I don't really read it.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
I just tell the stories. So it's really good.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:30):
Yeah, So if you just don't want to read, you
should read That's right. You should read Learned How to
Curse Off right too.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
It's Leslie Joey fucking Jones.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, yeah, up in the morning.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
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