August 3, 2025 • 19 mins
In this episode of Allison’s Corner, Allison is diving into something deeply tender and transformational: the idea that friendship is its own kind of community. As we navigate adulthood, healing, and hyper-independence, real friendship can sometimes feel like a luxury—but what if it’s actually a necessity? What if the people we love are not just companions, but soft landing places, sacred mirrors, and co-creators of joy? This episode is part storytelling, part soul work, and part reminder that we’re not meant to do life alone. We’re unpacking:
If you’ve ever longed for deeper connections, questioned the shifting nature of your friend group, or are learning how to ask for what you need in your platonic relationships—this episode is for you. So pour something warm, take a deep breath, and let’s talk about the beauty and power of real friendship.
Stay Connected:
Be blessed!
- Why friendship is more than just vibes—it’s a form of chosen family
- The difference between being supported and being seen
- How to recognize when a friendship is feeding your spirit vs. draining it
- What it looks like to build community as a grown woman with boundaries, softness, and standards
If you’ve ever longed for deeper connections, questioned the shifting nature of your friend group, or are learning how to ask for what you need in your platonic relationships—this episode is for you. So pour something warm, take a deep breath, and let’s talk about the beauty and power of real friendship.
Stay Connected:
- Email your thoughts and feedback to us at allisonscornerpod@gmail.com
- Follow us on Instagram for updates: https://instagram.com/allisonscornerpod
- Check out our YouTube for more insight: https://www.youtube.com/@AllisonsCornerPod
- Join the conversation with our book club: https://www.instagram.com/allisonandfriendsbookclub/
- Subscribe to my newsletter on Substack for more reflections and resources: https://allisonscornerpod.substack.com/
- Love the show? Support Allison directly: https://buymeacoffee.com/allisonscornerpod
Be blessed!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey, and welcome to Alison's Corner. This is my little
corner of the Internet where we dive into wellness, personal growth, relationships,
and just other topics best suited for you. I'm your host, Alison,
bringing you fresh perspectives, inspiring conversations, and a little something
(00:29):
to spark your day. Be sure to follow along with
Allison's Corner on Instagram, subscribe to our newsletter, and watch
us on YouTube at Allison's Corner Pod. Here you'll find
more insights and community updates of what we have going
on on Allison's Corner. Now, without further ado, here is
(00:50):
today's episode. Hello everyone, and welcome or welcome back to
another episode of Alison's Corner. Of course, I am your host, Alison,
and before we get started, I want to ask y'all
a really quick question. When was the last time you
(01:15):
linked on your friends without apologizing for it? Because one
thing that I've noticed is we live in a world
where asking for help feels taboo, even if it's with
the people that are closest to us. And I want
you to take a second to think about that. We
(01:35):
live in a world that constantly praises self sufficiency. Hyper
independence is glamorized. We love a goal getter, a strong friend,
the one who gets it done on our own. But
you know what's often missing from that narrative, help, community, support,
(02:02):
even softness. And I've learned sometimes the hard way, that
we were not designed to do life alone. So I
want to tell y'all a really quick story. I remember
when I lost my job during the pandemic in twenty twenty,
(02:23):
and I was honestly feeling just lost and super overwhelmed
because of everything that was going on at that time.
And my friends, despite having their own issues and dealing
with all that twenty twenty had to give us, they
stepped in and offered so much encouragement. I'm talking daily
(02:48):
job postings, referrals, recommendations, and even just little check ins
that reminded me that I wasn't alone. And here's the
crazy about all of that. I didn't even ask for
any of that. They just showed up. I have an
(03:09):
episode from season one called What About Your Friends? And
in that episode I talked a lot about friendship breakups
and even some friendship green flags. But as I've gotten
older and I've had to learn more about myself and
(03:31):
my relationships, I really wanted to revisit the topic of friendship,
but from a different angle. So this episode, it isn't
just about friendship. It's about how friendship can save us
and literally be the village that we need. Because the
(03:54):
truth is, our friendships can save us. They can be
the community that holds us up, especially when everything feels
like it's falling apart. So go ahead and grab your
favorite drink. Mine is water today, because hydration is self care,
(04:14):
and let's go ahead and dive in, all right, So
let's be real. Friendship nowadays can definitely feel performative. We
see it all the time on social media. You have
the cute brunch pigs, the birthday dinner content, vacations with
(04:36):
the crew you know, and all of those things are
great and things I myself have also participated in. But
what happens when the cameras are off. What happens when
you're crying in your car or spiraling in your room.
What happens when it's not cute or convenient anymore? And
(04:59):
the issue is a lot of us don't know how
to let people in during those messy moments, and a
lot of us don't know why we have this pressure
to always have it together. We don't want to seem
like a burden. We don't want to seem weak. We
(05:21):
don't want to be that quote unquote friend that doesn't
know what she's doing. But y'all, real friendship isn't about perfection,
it's about being present. I feel like lately in our society,
hustle culture has been the thing that we have been
(05:42):
seeing time and time again. And one thing about hustle
culture is that it's taught us to value productivity over
being present, even in our relationships, even in our friendships,
and we ask what can this person offer me? Instead
(06:04):
of how can I do life with this person? Because
historically community was an optional. It was all about survival.
You know, people raised children together, they shared meals, they
watched out for one another. But now we've moved into
(06:25):
this hyper independent mode that makes us believe we're supposed
to do everything alone and only come together for fun.
I have been seeing this quote online and it's been
circulating quite a bit on Instagram, Instagram and TikTok, and
it's just stuck with me. The quote says everyone wants
(06:49):
a village, but no one wants to be a villager.
Let that sink in Okay, because we crave the support
of community, but we always don't want the responsibility that
often comes with it. You know, we want our friends
to check in on us, but we don't always check
(07:12):
in on them. We want a shoulder to cry on,
but we avoid being available when someone else is grieving.
And it's because of this loop of unmet needs and
missed opportunities that continues to happen. We don't ask for
(07:33):
help because we assume everyone else is busy. We start
to downplay even our own needs and we just push
through it and we're like, I'm fine even when we're
falling apart. And y'all, that is dangerous because connection begins
(07:54):
to happen when we're honest, and safety, especially say and friendships,
comes from that honesty that's being met with care, not
with judgment. So what would it look like to reimagine
friendship as being something deeper, something that can actually sustain us?
(08:22):
What could it look like if we were real and
really gave into the notion of community style friendship. What
could that really look like? You know, it could look
like shared support systems, a friend who brings you soup
when you're sick. You know, friends who call you before
(08:46):
your big interview just to hype you up. Friends who
send you that Hey, I know you said work might
be hard this week, so I'm just checking in, you know,
just doing that. It can be an emotional safety debt,
not just memes and reels in the group chat, but
(09:07):
real questions. Do you feel seen right now? How's your heart?
You know, just really going deep because your friends know
when your silence is loud. I know, for me, my
friends hate this. Ever so often I send a very deep,
(09:31):
introspective question to a slew of my friends in my
phone just because. And I do it not as a
way to pry, even though half the time I'm getting
a questioning I emosa you know, those big eyes when
they text me back. But I'm not doing it as
(09:51):
a way to pry at all. It's really just seeing
their opinion, where they are emotionally and how they feel
about things. And I feel like I have learned so
much in doing that about my friends that I would
have never known in some of our everyday conversations. You know.
(10:11):
Community style friendship can also look like just practical help
you carpool together, babysitting, you know, helping them when they're moving.
I have friends who are moms and they will tell
you I am the auntie that will plan a friend
(10:32):
date if it includes the kiddos, and I don't mind. Now.
Granted I get pushed back nine times out of ten,
but if the baby's got to come on the friend day, cool,
I'll make sure that it's fun for them too. You know. Also,
it's about accountability because we need friends to say to us,
(10:55):
didn't you just say you were working on that, or
you know, you were excited about that new opportunity, why
do you stop pursuing it? And I feel like that
is so important, y'all because if it hadn't been for
me sometimes getting that little kick, I probably would not
be doing some of the stuff that I'm doing. And listen,
(11:18):
I get it because accountability can be uncomfortable. But accountability
is also love, and it's care and love in action.
You know. Friendships like that stop us from settling into
loneliness and making loneliness our baseline. They continue to remind
(11:44):
us that we're not isolated, even when life tries to
convince us otherwise. And here's the thing. This kind of
shift is necessary. It can't be something that we look
at as optional, because loneliness is literally killing people. Research
(12:06):
shows that it's just as dangerous to our health as
smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. I want you to really
let that sink in, because as humans, we are designed
to be deeply social beings. I want to be fully
transparent here. You know, if you ask any of my
(12:29):
friends if I am the girl who will go out,
they will automatically tell you no. I am a homebody
by nature, and I do not care say what you
want about it. I am also somebody who is naturally introverted,
and I actually really enjoy my own company. So sometimes
(12:52):
I'll do things by myself. I'll go to concerts by myself.
I'll go to music festivals by myself. I will go
to the movies by myself. I will do any and
everything by myself, and it really doesn't bother me. But
(13:12):
within the last year I started to realize that I
have a community of people who love me, and because
I have a community of people who love me, specifically
my friends, I should learn to enjoy spending time with them,
sometimes one on one or even more in a group setting.
(13:35):
So this past year have been a little bit more
conscious in going out of my way to spend quality
time with my friends. You know, it's summer, so of
course I've been getting impromptu hangouts to the pool or
a little barbecues that they've been having, and I have
been saying yes to all of them. I've been you know,
(13:58):
going out to eat with my friends more often and
just really enjoying their company as well. And I have
to say, letting my guard down and being more conscious
of the way that I interact and not being so
isolated has allowed my friendships to really grow and blossom
(14:20):
in a deeper level. And while we know that romantic
relationships and family matter, friendship is the first space where
many of us learn intimacy and trust and love. Because
not everybody comes from a great family and not everybody
(14:42):
is in a romantic relationship, there is something powerful about
friends because friends are your chosen family. You know, when
one of my homegirls lands a new job and I
was the one that was helping her review her resume
(15:03):
and mock interviewing her. That's the when for both of us.
When one of my friends gives birth and I'm the
one who is driving her to her appointments or cooking
her meals, or even helping with the baby. That is
sacred because community friendship is soul care. It's remembering that
(15:27):
we're better when we do life together. So I know
the one question you have on your mind, and that
is how do we build it? What does it take
to move from a vibe only friendship to a village
level one? Crazy enough, it's so simple, And here are
(15:50):
a few ways you can start. Go ahead and text
your friend today, just say hey, I'm proud of you.
How can I support you this week? And you might
be surprised that that text could open a door that
you didn't even know needed to be open. You know,
another thing that you can do is create rituals. It
(16:14):
could be weekly calls, monthly check ins, friendship dinners, you
can do a Sunday reset session over zoom. All of
that can help you in staying in touch. Also, just
make help normal. And what I mean by that is
let your people know it's okay to call me when
(16:36):
you're not okay, and also to be that person who
makes that call. And of course, you know, be intentional,
ask what's something you need support with this month? Go deeper,
don't be afraid and make sure it's not just surface level.
(16:57):
And of course, last, but not least, be the one
to be vulnerable first. I know that's hard, but try it.
Go ahead and say I'm just not doing great, or
you can even say I could use a friend today,
because the more we normalize that, the more we begin
(17:17):
to invite other people to do the same. And listen,
this does not require you having a massive friend group.
It will take a couple of consistent, loving people who
will show up for you with care and with truth.
And if those people are there, trust me, that is
(17:41):
just the beginning of your village. So here is your
challenge for the week. Be the village for one friend.
Send the texts, make the meal, ask the real question.
Because friendship just isn't about company. It's also about community.
(18:03):
And when we build friendships that function like villages, we
remember what it means to be human. Again. Of course,
I will end today's episode with a quote, and it says,
because at the end of the day, the world doesn't
need more independent people, it needs more connected ones. As always,
(18:30):
God bless have an amazing day and thank you for
listening to Alison's Corner. Thanks for tuning in to Allison's Corner.
If you enjoy today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
a review, and share it with a friend who'd love
to join the conversation. For more context and updates, follow
(18:53):
us on Instagram and YouTube at Allison's corner Pod. Until
next time, be blessed.
Hey, and welcome to Alison's Corner. This is my little
corner of the Internet where we dive into wellness, personal growth, relationships,
and just other topics best suited for you. I'm your host, Alison,
bringing you fresh perspectives, inspiring conversations, and a little something
(00:29):
to spark your day. Be sure to follow along with
Allison's Corner on Instagram, subscribe to our newsletter, and watch
us on YouTube at Allison's Corner Pod. Here you'll find
more insights and community updates of what we have going
on on Allison's Corner. Now, without further ado, here is
(00:50):
today's episode. Hello everyone, and welcome or welcome back to
another episode of Alison's Corner. Of course, I am your host, Alison,
and before we get started, I want to ask y'all
a really quick question. When was the last time you
(01:15):
linked on your friends without apologizing for it? Because one
thing that I've noticed is we live in a world
where asking for help feels taboo, even if it's with
the people that are closest to us. And I want
you to take a second to think about that. We
(01:35):
live in a world that constantly praises self sufficiency. Hyper
independence is glamorized. We love a goal getter, a strong friend,
the one who gets it done on our own. But
you know what's often missing from that narrative, help, community, support,
(02:02):
even softness. And I've learned sometimes the hard way, that
we were not designed to do life alone. So I
want to tell y'all a really quick story. I remember
when I lost my job during the pandemic in twenty twenty,
(02:23):
and I was honestly feeling just lost and super overwhelmed
because of everything that was going on at that time.
And my friends, despite having their own issues and dealing
with all that twenty twenty had to give us, they
stepped in and offered so much encouragement. I'm talking daily
(02:48):
job postings, referrals, recommendations, and even just little check ins
that reminded me that I wasn't alone. And here's the
crazy about all of that. I didn't even ask for
any of that. They just showed up. I have an
(03:09):
episode from season one called What About Your Friends? And
in that episode I talked a lot about friendship breakups
and even some friendship green flags. But as I've gotten
older and I've had to learn more about myself and
(03:31):
my relationships, I really wanted to revisit the topic of friendship,
but from a different angle. So this episode, it isn't
just about friendship. It's about how friendship can save us
and literally be the village that we need. Because the
(03:54):
truth is, our friendships can save us. They can be
the community that holds us up, especially when everything feels
like it's falling apart. So go ahead and grab your
favorite drink. Mine is water today, because hydration is self care,
(04:14):
and let's go ahead and dive in, all right, So
let's be real. Friendship nowadays can definitely feel performative. We
see it all the time on social media. You have
the cute brunch pigs, the birthday dinner content, vacations with
(04:36):
the crew you know, and all of those things are
great and things I myself have also participated in. But
what happens when the cameras are off. What happens when
you're crying in your car or spiraling in your room.
What happens when it's not cute or convenient anymore? And
(04:59):
the issue is a lot of us don't know how
to let people in during those messy moments, and a
lot of us don't know why we have this pressure
to always have it together. We don't want to seem
like a burden. We don't want to seem weak. We
(05:21):
don't want to be that quote unquote friend that doesn't
know what she's doing. But y'all, real friendship isn't about perfection,
it's about being present. I feel like lately in our society,
hustle culture has been the thing that we have been
(05:42):
seeing time and time again. And one thing about hustle
culture is that it's taught us to value productivity over
being present, even in our relationships, even in our friendships,
and we ask what can this person offer me? Instead
(06:04):
of how can I do life with this person? Because
historically community was an optional. It was all about survival.
You know, people raised children together, they shared meals, they
watched out for one another. But now we've moved into
(06:25):
this hyper independent mode that makes us believe we're supposed
to do everything alone and only come together for fun.
I have been seeing this quote online and it's been
circulating quite a bit on Instagram, Instagram and TikTok, and
it's just stuck with me. The quote says everyone wants
(06:49):
a village, but no one wants to be a villager.
Let that sink in Okay, because we crave the support
of community, but we always don't want the responsibility that
often comes with it. You know, we want our friends
to check in on us, but we don't always check
(07:12):
in on them. We want a shoulder to cry on,
but we avoid being available when someone else is grieving.
And it's because of this loop of unmet needs and
missed opportunities that continues to happen. We don't ask for
(07:33):
help because we assume everyone else is busy. We start
to downplay even our own needs and we just push
through it and we're like, I'm fine even when we're
falling apart. And y'all, that is dangerous because connection begins
(07:54):
to happen when we're honest, and safety, especially say and friendships,
comes from that honesty that's being met with care, not
with judgment. So what would it look like to reimagine
friendship as being something deeper, something that can actually sustain us?
(08:22):
What could it look like if we were real and
really gave into the notion of community style friendship. What
could that really look like? You know, it could look
like shared support systems, a friend who brings you soup
when you're sick. You know, friends who call you before
(08:46):
your big interview just to hype you up. Friends who
send you that Hey, I know you said work might
be hard this week, so I'm just checking in, you know,
just doing that. It can be an emotional safety debt,
not just memes and reels in the group chat, but
(09:07):
real questions. Do you feel seen right now? How's your heart?
You know, just really going deep because your friends know
when your silence is loud. I know, for me, my
friends hate this. Ever so often I send a very deep,
(09:31):
introspective question to a slew of my friends in my
phone just because. And I do it not as a
way to pry, even though half the time I'm getting
a questioning I emosa you know, those big eyes when
they text me back. But I'm not doing it as
(09:51):
a way to pry at all. It's really just seeing
their opinion, where they are emotionally and how they feel
about things. And I feel like I have learned so
much in doing that about my friends that I would
have never known in some of our everyday conversations. You know.
(10:11):
Community style friendship can also look like just practical help
you carpool together, babysitting, you know, helping them when they're moving.
I have friends who are moms and they will tell
you I am the auntie that will plan a friend
(10:32):
date if it includes the kiddos, and I don't mind. Now.
Granted I get pushed back nine times out of ten,
but if the baby's got to come on the friend day, cool,
I'll make sure that it's fun for them too. You know. Also,
it's about accountability because we need friends to say to us,
(10:55):
didn't you just say you were working on that, or
you know, you were excited about that new opportunity, why
do you stop pursuing it? And I feel like that
is so important, y'all because if it hadn't been for
me sometimes getting that little kick, I probably would not
be doing some of the stuff that I'm doing. And listen,
(11:18):
I get it because accountability can be uncomfortable. But accountability
is also love, and it's care and love in action.
You know. Friendships like that stop us from settling into
loneliness and making loneliness our baseline. They continue to remind
(11:44):
us that we're not isolated, even when life tries to
convince us otherwise. And here's the thing. This kind of
shift is necessary. It can't be something that we look
at as optional, because loneliness is literally killing people. Research
(12:06):
shows that it's just as dangerous to our health as
smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. I want you to really
let that sink in, because as humans, we are designed
to be deeply social beings. I want to be fully
transparent here. You know, if you ask any of my
(12:29):
friends if I am the girl who will go out,
they will automatically tell you no. I am a homebody
by nature, and I do not care say what you
want about it. I am also somebody who is naturally introverted,
and I actually really enjoy my own company. So sometimes
(12:52):
I'll do things by myself. I'll go to concerts by myself.
I'll go to music festivals by myself. I will go
to the movies by myself. I will do any and
everything by myself, and it really doesn't bother me. But
(13:12):
within the last year I started to realize that I
have a community of people who love me, and because
I have a community of people who love me, specifically
my friends, I should learn to enjoy spending time with them,
sometimes one on one or even more in a group setting.
(13:35):
So this past year have been a little bit more
conscious in going out of my way to spend quality
time with my friends. You know, it's summer, so of
course I've been getting impromptu hangouts to the pool or
a little barbecues that they've been having, and I have
been saying yes to all of them. I've been you know,
(13:58):
going out to eat with my friends more often and
just really enjoying their company as well. And I have
to say, letting my guard down and being more conscious
of the way that I interact and not being so
isolated has allowed my friendships to really grow and blossom
(14:20):
in a deeper level. And while we know that romantic
relationships and family matter, friendship is the first space where
many of us learn intimacy and trust and love. Because
not everybody comes from a great family and not everybody
(14:42):
is in a romantic relationship, there is something powerful about
friends because friends are your chosen family. You know, when
one of my homegirls lands a new job and I
was the one that was helping her review her resume
(15:03):
and mock interviewing her. That's the when for both of us.
When one of my friends gives birth and I'm the
one who is driving her to her appointments or cooking
her meals, or even helping with the baby. That is
sacred because community friendship is soul care. It's remembering that
(15:27):
we're better when we do life together. So I know
the one question you have on your mind, and that
is how do we build it? What does it take
to move from a vibe only friendship to a village
level one? Crazy enough, it's so simple, And here are
(15:50):
a few ways you can start. Go ahead and text
your friend today, just say hey, I'm proud of you.
How can I support you this week? And you might
be surprised that that text could open a door that
you didn't even know needed to be open. You know,
another thing that you can do is create rituals. It
(16:14):
could be weekly calls, monthly check ins, friendship dinners, you
can do a Sunday reset session over zoom. All of
that can help you in staying in touch. Also, just
make help normal. And what I mean by that is
let your people know it's okay to call me when
(16:36):
you're not okay, and also to be that person who
makes that call. And of course, you know, be intentional,
ask what's something you need support with this month? Go deeper,
don't be afraid and make sure it's not just surface level.
(16:57):
And of course, last, but not least, be the one
to be vulnerable first. I know that's hard, but try it.
Go ahead and say I'm just not doing great, or
you can even say I could use a friend today,
because the more we normalize that, the more we begin
(17:17):
to invite other people to do the same. And listen,
this does not require you having a massive friend group.
It will take a couple of consistent, loving people who
will show up for you with care and with truth.
And if those people are there, trust me, that is
(17:41):
just the beginning of your village. So here is your
challenge for the week. Be the village for one friend.
Send the texts, make the meal, ask the real question.
Because friendship just isn't about company. It's also about community.
(18:03):
And when we build friendships that function like villages, we
remember what it means to be human. Again. Of course,
I will end today's episode with a quote, and it says,
because at the end of the day, the world doesn't
need more independent people, it needs more connected ones. As always,
(18:30):
God bless have an amazing day and thank you for
listening to Alison's Corner. Thanks for tuning in to Allison's Corner.
If you enjoy today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
a review, and share it with a friend who'd love
to join the conversation. For more context and updates, follow
(18:53):
us on Instagram and YouTube at Allison's corner Pod. Until
next time, be blessed.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!