July 4, 2025 • 58 mins
In this powerful episode of Ask Nyomi: Bridging the Gap, host Nyomi Banks and co-host Dog Pound Mike Mike dive deep into one of the most taboo yet essential conversations: the stigma surrounding sex and how it affects communication in our most intimate relationships. From cultural conditioning to religious beliefs, we unpack:
Download our free resources and join the Love & Mental Health Challenge starting this May! 📬 Share your thoughts or ask a question:
Email: asknyomi@gmail.com | Subject: “Bridging The Gap” 🎧 Suggested Hashtags/Tags (for search & visibility):
#SexAndStigma #AskNyomi #BridgingTheGapPodcast #RelationshipCommunication #SexualHealing #IntimacyMatters #BreakingSexualTaboos #VulnerabilityInRelationships #MentalHealthAndSex #TalkAboutSex #NyomiBanksLive #LoveWithoutShame #SexualEmpowerment #RelationshipCoaching #CulturalStigma #SafeSpacesForLove #OpenConversations #EmotionalIntimacy #ElevateLove #SelfLoveJourney
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/ask-nyomi-bridging-the-gap-podcast--5343726/support.
- Why so many people still struggle to talk openly about sex
- The generational silence and shame passed down in relationships
- How vulnerability can build trust and intimacy
- Practical ways to start having honest conversations about pleasure, needs, and desires
Download our free resources and join the Love & Mental Health Challenge starting this May! 📬 Share your thoughts or ask a question:
Email: asknyomi@gmail.com | Subject: “Bridging The Gap” 🎧 Suggested Hashtags/Tags (for search & visibility):
#SexAndStigma #AskNyomi #BridgingTheGapPodcast #RelationshipCommunication #SexualHealing #IntimacyMatters #BreakingSexualTaboos #VulnerabilityInRelationships #MentalHealthAndSex #TalkAboutSex #NyomiBanksLive #LoveWithoutShame #SexualEmpowerment #RelationshipCoaching #CulturalStigma #SafeSpacesForLove #OpenConversations #EmotionalIntimacy #ElevateLove #SelfLoveJourney
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/ask-nyomi-bridging-the-gap-podcast--5343726/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome to a podcast like no other. Get ready for
insightful conversations, diverse perspectives into touch of inspiration. This is
Ask Naomi Bridging the Gap podcast. Join your host, the
dynamic Naomi Banks, as she delves into the heart of
various topics with a refreshing blend of curiosity and wisdom.
Each week as soon as Naomi is joined by special
(00:33):
guests who bring their unique stories and expertise to the table,
It's a journey of discovery, learning and growing. And let's
not forget about the one and only dog Pound in
My Money, adding his flavor and the player to the mix.
Together they make the dynamic held you won't.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Want to miss.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
From thought provoking discussions to moments of laughter and joy.
Ask Naomi Bridging the Gap podcast offers a space where
great topics meet amazing guests. So calendars, set your reminders,
and prepare to be entertained into license. Join Naomi Banks
and dog Pound Mike weekly for an unforgettable podcast experience.
Get ready to bridge the gap, expand your horizons and
(01:12):
immerse yourself from the world of asknam Subscribe now and
stay tuned for a podcast journey like no onor.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Well Hey, hey, I do two people will welcome back
to act time we visit the Gap podcast. The way
we talking about love, sex, relationship, culture differences, and so
much more.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
I bridging the gap between them all and teaching.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
The world all sex, language, attitude and spiritual uplifting.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
I am your host now and be Banks, And as always,
I am enjoyed by my incredible co host dog Pound Mike. Mike,
what's going on? Good?
Speaker 5 (01:46):
Good?
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Are you ready for this real raw conversation today? I
want to say hey hey to all of my BTG crew.
I see you all out there. Hey, hey, hey, hey,
Well today we have some amazing guests that is coming
with us that we're gonna be talking about a topic
that it's very taboo at times. You believe it's very
(02:10):
taboo at times, but they are going to help us
to break it down with the barriers surrounding this conversation.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
As a two amazing guests will come with us.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
But guess what, we gotta take a quick break before
we bring them all all.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
Right, So, integrity God is number, Bank said on a
NAMA Vision Gap podcast, and would be right back.
Speaker 6 (02:29):
Washington wells into two focuses on healing always for me.
If I look good, then I feel good. If I
feel good, then I share the good. If I share
the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate
the good, then I live the good. So I can
be paid to be my greatest, but I have to
learn the good to be the good.
Speaker 7 (02:49):
So what does it take to be the greatest?
Speaker 6 (02:52):
It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation. Be
kind to yourself and you'll always.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
What are some common that prevent people from asia grid
You guys, not many banks here from the season and
Self Love Podcasts.
Speaker 7 (03:12):
Yeah, I would say remorse.
Speaker 6 (03:14):
So shame and guilt is a very dividing emotional and.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
These are one of the many amazing conversations that we
have every day Monday and Friday right here in the
season and Love podcast with myself and now only Banks
as well as a resident therapist.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Doctor Will Washington Washington.
Speaker 6 (03:33):
Wellness come by, our relationships come by a lot of times.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
I'm we're afraid of.
Speaker 6 (03:40):
How people will look at us, and so that compassion
can't enter.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
You can hit us all the season of Some Love
Podcasts dot.
Speaker 9 (03:47):
Com with the truth. Is it.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
All right?
Speaker 10 (03:54):
Well?
Speaker 4 (03:54):
Welcome back.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
As I said, I have two amazing guests with us.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
We got Kills and Testing. Our co founded a sprum
and a host of Poor.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Nerves podcast and their mission is to desensitize stigmatize sex
through engaging conversation and creative projects. But welcome, Welcome, Welcome
calls and tests. Hey, Hey, beautiful ladies.
Speaker 11 (04:16):
Hi having us.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
I am excited for this conversation, especially when we're talking
about porn because you know that's a little bit part
of my background. Right, Such a fun So let's get
into today's conversation.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
So I'm ready. I am so ready.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Y'all ready conversation?
Speaker 12 (04:41):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (04:42):
All right, so let's starry.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
The big question is why does sex education often fall short?
I mean, we live in the world with sexist everywhere,
yet many people still struggle to have an open, healthy
discussion about it.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Kels and Tests, what's your take on this.
Speaker 8 (05:01):
It's funny when you said that, I got this visual
of like very uncoordinated people playing three flies up and
like the ball is sex education and just a bunch
of people like do you have it?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Do you have it?
Speaker 9 (05:11):
I have someone else deal with it, and I really
don't know. That's kind of the state of sex education.
Speaker 8 (05:17):
Like beyond STIs or safety, and even that's a little dicey,
but like in terms of really learning how to please someone,
how to be generous, how to receive feedback, like how
to actually have sex, no one really wants to touch
it because it feels pretty dicey. So it's really a
crapshoot of like the partners that you encounter and like
(05:39):
how close you are with your friends. Uh, and the
porn that you watch is kind of what we find
tends to just be this smorgage board of like trial
and error.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
Right, Yeah, yeah, I think that like when it comes
to school based sex, and you know, for so long
it's been stuck in this focus on you know, reproduction
and not getting pregnant, and there's just sort of whole
sides of it that get ignored around the communication and
the boundaries and the consent, and you know, that kind
(06:10):
of mimics I think just generally our cultures comfort.
Speaker 11 (06:14):
With those aspects of education.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
So it's like if we're not talking about that as adults,
we're probably not equipped to talk to our kids or
our students about that either, you know, so you.
Speaker 11 (06:25):
Kind of see like the.
Speaker 5 (06:28):
Inadequacies of sex said and like a formal school setting,
just kind of based on how fumbly all the adults
kind of are just in their personal.
Speaker 11 (06:38):
Lives about it.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Yeah, you know, as you speak, I remember, and I
shared this with our audience before. I remember, back in
the day, I'm a little bit older than you all are.
We used to have what we call it was like
a nice We used to do a field trip that
day for our health class and we had to be
I think it was fourth, fifth and sixth grade or
was it sixth step, No, it was six, seven and
eighth grade where we were to go to this I
(07:02):
guess it's like a sex museum where they teach us
on sex and stuff like that.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
So they put us all in different rooms.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
They put the girls in one room and the boys
in another room, and they tell us the birds and
the bees and how you know, all of those things.
But I remember, even for myself, my mother had a
very hard time speaking to me about sex education. It
was just like, don't do it, that's it, you know.
Period to where my father was more open to talk
to me about it because he wanted to make sure
(07:29):
that I knew that, Okay, you have to be responsible
for what you do. And what to allow for anybody
around your body. And I think that's what's missing even
in when we talk about sex, is the communication and
the respect of the word sex and also the importance
(07:50):
of what sex really means for us and that it's
not so taboo and make it so negative.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
Yes, yes, there's so much focus on just the like
the physical act you know and like, and such a
disconnect from what part and what space it takes up
in our lives in like a much bigger, more profound way.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Right.
Speaker 8 (08:16):
Well, yeah, I think like we've started scoring four years ago,
and in that time, I have so many more people
to volunteer information about their sex lives and like what
if I think of it in their background and their
experience and sex education. And I think even before communicating
like what sex means to you and like how you
want to have it with somebody, I think there's such
(08:37):
a big divide between what backgrounds were.
Speaker 9 (08:40):
All coming from sexuality.
Speaker 8 (08:42):
Like I have a good friend who grew up in
like pretty much a cult, like kind of an apocalyptic
you know, doomsday cold, and they were really fearmongering about
sex and like even masturbation, And so it's like somebody
coming from that background versus a background that their parents
were really open or some other are really religiously, Like
we all have start with such a different vantage point.
(09:05):
What sex even is to begin with, and like what
it means that, but learning how to even bring that
up is really important.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Yeah, you know. So let me ask you something.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
When when I read your profiles, when I read everything,
and it was like porn nerds, And it's when when
you when you look at the word porn and nerds
and you see it, just say, we don't have.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
No pictures of you at all. We will think you
were too mid or min How did we get here, ladies?
Speaker 9 (09:37):
We love surprising pope.
Speaker 11 (09:39):
I mean, that's just that's.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
One of the best parts of life is like surprise,
surprise porn nerd didn't think that, I mean, I think
you know, we, like she said, we started Squirm four
years ago and it started as just this general like
helping people have more open conversations about sex, talking openly destigmatizing.
Speaker 11 (09:56):
This big part of our lives.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
And we quickly found out that you just can't talk
about sex without talking about porn. When you're talking about
people's personal sex lives and how porn plays a really
big role in a lot of our lives, whether that's
openly or kind of secretly.
Speaker 11 (10:15):
And so we were like, let's just get into that.
Speaker 5 (10:18):
Like there's definitely a lot of information here, you know,
like there's numbers, there's data, there's a lot to learn
about the state of people's porn lives, you know, whether
you're in industry or a consumer of porn.
Speaker 11 (10:31):
And we're like, yeah, it's it's.
Speaker 5 (10:32):
Like a pretty nerdy approach to this very fun, sexy,
spicy topic, but you know, it kind of like helps
with helps kind of flesh out that whole.
Speaker 11 (10:41):
Side of of squorm well.
Speaker 8 (10:44):
And I have to say, like Tess is the original
porner because she literally wrote a thesis on porn and
I have like an honorary pornr.
Speaker 11 (10:54):
I'm I'm going to with the Peigner Crown.
Speaker 8 (10:57):
From just powers and hours of watching it and going
through the porn hubs.
Speaker 9 (11:01):
Now I'm like a junior, that's true.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Junior, Yeah, I'm.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
S you know, it's so funny when I went got
into the industry. When I got into the industry, I
did my research as well. I didn't write a thesis
on the paper, but I did my research myself. It
took me a good six months to really do the
research to find out everything. And this was before even
porn hub came along. So I was literally on the computer,
(11:31):
you know, doing this that's what you know, to try
to figure out how to market myself, the where to
put it on a business aspect of it, because my
thought for me was that all right, I'm gonna go
in here. Honestly, it came in as a money grap
I didn't I didn't know that once I got into
the industry that I would truly learn a lot of
things about myself, positive things about myself sexually and spiritually
(11:57):
that I think people miss when we do talkalk about sex,
when we do for me and when we do talk
about porn, there is always a negative and positive to
anything that we do in life.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
For you to be so even you test that wrote.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
The thesis, what made you write that thesis on porn?
Speaker 11 (12:26):
Then we love that word curvin. It is like a
term of endearment. I mean, I knew I wanted to.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
Work in the sexuality field, and I kind of the
same time that I was looking at schools thinking about
what I wanted to do, I was like, I want
to start with just some research and like figure out
kind of like where in this world.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
I fit in.
Speaker 11 (12:47):
And at that same time, I.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Was just learning a lot about the porn industry and
a person like just from personal exposure and like finding
a lot of porn that I didn't even know existed.
And I was just like, Oh, there's a lot here,
and it's not the same story that I've been told
growing up about porn, you know, where I kind of
was like, maybe this isn't for me, or like what's
(13:09):
going on in that industry. I realized like, oh, there's
so much more to this than what I thought. And
so I got into school and was choosing my area
of study, and I was thinking a lot about outside
of school. When you graduate high school and you're out
in the world and you're dating and you're having sex,
Like where do you learn about what sex can be
(13:32):
or what sex is?
Speaker 11 (13:33):
Like, where do you learn about these things to try
or you know.
Speaker 5 (13:38):
It just beyond you know, those like few classes maybe
you had in middle school. And through that research or
like porn kept coming up. A lot of people are
learning about sex from porn. It's kind of this de
facto sex said in our like adult life so it
was this sort of meandering process of like where do
(13:58):
I fit in in this sexuality old I'm like really
pumped about a lot of the porn that I'm seeing
out there. I'm also learning that a lot of people
are watching porn to learn about sex. Like there's some
overlaps here, there's like intersections between this sort of adult
sex said and all the porn that's being like pumped out.
Speaker 11 (14:17):
Into the world.
Speaker 5 (14:19):
So I wrote a thesis with that sort of intersection
of adult sex, st and porn in mind.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Mm hm, So so what did you get on it? Like,
you know, when the professors scene, they're like, so you just.
Speaker 11 (14:38):
Want to watch porn in the library?
Speaker 9 (14:39):
Is that what this is all about? I was like, yeah, no,
I would not do that.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
Come on.
Speaker 5 (14:50):
Fortunately, I was in the Amsterdam so they're pretty open
to that topic and it was a sociology of sexuality masters,
so they were like super surprised. I got a lot
of support, and I was working with people in the
porn industry while I was in Amsterdam, so I was
kind of like doing this school internship and meeting a
(15:11):
lot of people that way that were not connected to school,
and just my mind.
Speaker 11 (15:15):
Was like consistently being blown open.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
So it was it was, yeah, a lot of support
from the school and just overall like such an eye
opening experience.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Nice, beautiful, and I think Amsterdam is their sixteen I
mean their porn scene was a little different from our American.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
Person Yeah, yeah, very very different. And just you know,
I was working with this company called Blue Artichoke Films,
which is a smaller like queer woman run ethical in
the erotic film company. I'm trying to remember the words
(15:54):
that they used to describe their platform, but you know,
it was like these kind of like longer form erotic films.
Speaker 11 (16:00):
And something notable.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
At the time was the National Society of Dutch Sexologists,
which was like classically a little bit more of a traditional.
Speaker 11 (16:13):
Not super pro porn group of people.
Speaker 5 (16:15):
They had like awarded this company the Sexology Prize or
award of the year for like contributing to like a
healthy discourse on sexuality.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
It was like, yay porn.
Speaker 11 (16:26):
So I don't know, it was like it was a
wild time.
Speaker 4 (16:32):
Did you have any questions?
Speaker 7 (16:34):
You know, it's something I did have a question.
Speaker 12 (16:37):
First of all, what you just said about being over
answering them, I guess my question is here in America,
like now we said earlier, you know, sex is like
a taboo, but over there is it much more, you know,
a freer topic.
Speaker 7 (16:50):
You know, people can talk about it and discuss it.
Speaker 12 (16:53):
Like America, everybody having sex, but don't nobody want to
talk about it.
Speaker 7 (16:56):
Yeah, so there is like more open.
Speaker 11 (17:00):
I think in some ways, yes, I don't think.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
I mean, there's a few ways that I want to
answer this. In some ways, yes, I don't think Amsterdam
or the Netherlands has the same religious.
Speaker 11 (17:11):
Purity baseline that we have, and I.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
Think that really informs how we talk about sex in
the United States.
Speaker 11 (17:18):
That doesn't apply as much in the Netherlands. Also, I
was in school in.
Speaker 5 (17:25):
Amsterdam, which is like circle inside of small circle, and
so there's a lot of the rest of the.
Speaker 11 (17:32):
City and the rest of.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
The country that is like kind of more traditional, a
little less comfortable talking about these things. But with the
red Light district and like a lot of sex worker
advocacy groups and like porn being made, it definitely felt
like I wasn't going to surprise that many people by
being like I'm studying porn. They're like cool, So is
that person over there, like you know, It definitely feels
(17:56):
like a more open, open topic of conversation in a
lot of ways.
Speaker 7 (18:00):
Right, that's real, that's real, you know.
Speaker 12 (18:02):
And for our listeners out there, you know, we want
to know what's in your experience of learning about sex.
Speaker 7 (18:07):
You know, me dog found I learned from my big brother.
Speaker 12 (18:10):
So, you know, are you guys on the group are
you able to have open conversation?
Speaker 7 (18:19):
Do you have to figure things out on your on
the own.
Speaker 12 (18:21):
So get us up at bridging the gap, bringing the
gap live on social media and say your thoughts with us.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Yeah, don't forget to put that hashtag in front of it.
Because we were trying to come viral. We were coming viral.
That's what we're doing. Viral, viral, viral, you know.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Now, for Kells, test was.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
The you know, she was the pooring, you know, special
ty for you. You said you like Honor rariy, So
what was it like?
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Really?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
And then I got a question for the both of y'all,
what is your favorite niche like? What was that first?
Was that first scene of first movie that you watched
that you said.
Speaker 9 (18:58):
I'm hooked?
Speaker 8 (19:00):
Good questions?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I'll say, so, my background is all in production.
Speaker 8 (19:05):
I did film and theater stuff like all through my twenties,
and Tessa and I have been long, long friends, so
when we started to want to like do a pandemic project,
we were just going crazy and it was like, let's
combine these skill sets to try to make resources for
people in a brand that's really fun and entertaining and
is able to reach people in this time where they're
(19:26):
feeling really isolated.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
So that's been the most the way that I've brought my.
Speaker 9 (19:31):
Skills set into it.
Speaker 8 (19:33):
And then on a personal level, my mom when I
was like twelve, got and she became a sex worker.
So from that point on, I just became like very
fascinated with the stigma surrounding sexuality and sex work and
erotic media. She's like an erotic photographer that you know,
did a book and the whole thing. So yeah, I
(19:53):
think it's just been something I've been like very fascinated
with for a long time, and more from like a
story perspective rather than an academic perspective.
Speaker 9 (20:03):
But through many hours, I have earned my badge.
Speaker 8 (20:11):
As far as like porn niche I okay, so we
often I think we say it in the pod, like
maybe it's on the cutting room floor though that you know,
people will like send YouTube recommendations but don't send like
porn recommendations very often. But I found my favorite porn
category through a friend sending it to me unsolicited and
with platonic friend, and it's massage porn.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
I like love massage porn.
Speaker 8 (20:36):
It's so relaxing and super hot, and that's my favorite.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Okay, I kind of one of the first ones that
I saw that I really loved was public sex in
a sculpture garden, and I was just like, everything about that.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Is so hot.
Speaker 5 (20:54):
Like she was blindfolded and being like led by around
all this art and they were like people walking in
the background and like admiring the sculptures. And then they
found this one that had like a little kind of
like arch thing that they could hide in and like,
you know, have sex in. And I'm just like, whatever
is going on here? Like I want to see more
of that.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
So, oh yeah, that sounds sexy. In the massage one,
I know that's sexy because I've done several different scenes.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
Like, so I already know, I already know.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
You know for you kills now, you said your your
mother was kind of worked in the sex work and
it's this is the thing because I have children, well
they're adults now, but we never really had heard the
voice for someone who has been a child with a
parent that worked in that industry.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
You know, Usually they get.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Like a bag a bad you know, kind of notion
on what that looks like for you know, they don't
realize that. You know, for myself, I live a regular life,
you know, like we're not fucking at home with cameras.
For you, what did that look like for you? You know,
coming from a child of a sex worker.
Speaker 8 (22:05):
Yeah, I mean I've said often like I feel like
I have Obviously I have issues with my mom. It's
any relationship, but none of them have come from what
she does for a living.
Speaker 4 (22:17):
You know.
Speaker 8 (22:17):
I think it's just normal to have kind of storied
relationships with your parents. And in our case, like I
she always was like you know, she's it was a
very gradual like ascent into it, And it started when
I was like twelve, and I think reached just kind.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Of like full potential where it stayed mostly out.
Speaker 9 (22:36):
When I was like fifteen or sixteen.
Speaker 8 (22:38):
So it was like I was kind of acclimated to
it as I got older and understood more about it
and became more independent.
Speaker 9 (22:46):
And I think I think the biggest.
Speaker 8 (22:49):
Learning from it was, like, especially in my early twenties
and especially like dating, being out on a date and
kind of like doing the chat of like what about
your family, do your parents do? All that kind of
stuff where I would like feel this really preemptive kind
of defensiveness.
Speaker 9 (23:06):
About it, like well, no, like she's not. It's not
like out of duress.
Speaker 8 (23:10):
It's not because she had other options, like she had
a corporate job, like I would like feeling I would
have to kind of justify why she landed in this
line of work and like but reflexively not necessarily from
what the other person was giving me. And so I
think that really like investigating and getting curious about that
stigma and the source of it has been super formative
(23:32):
to my own personal views on sex work and in
turn squirm now too. But yeah, I mean it's like
I think, you know, it's a normal relationship, Like we
have our ups and we have our downs, and she's
doing her work, and like, more power to her.
Speaker 9 (23:46):
If she likes it and is happy, Like I think, great,
you know.
Speaker 4 (23:50):
You know, thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Why I say that is because a lot of times
when we are parents and we have children, we tend
to we want to make sure that they are together mentally, physically, emotionally.
Speaker 4 (24:07):
Having that kind I remember having that conversation with my girls.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
At the age of I believe all of them was
like thirteen, when I told them, each one of them
except for this last one, at twelve. I told them
at thirteen what it was that I did, and I'd
explained to them exactly what it is and why I
am doing it, and I just left it like that,
and if they had any questions or you know, to
come and ask me. It's nothing that they ever seen
(24:33):
for themselves, at least to my knowledge. But then I
got them used to understanding what I did for a living.
This is a part of my job, this is a
part of my career, this is what I do. And
they've been able to watch me gradually grow from now
I'm retired, going into something else, still using with sex
(24:54):
as a positive moving forward, and also but teaching them
that way. So I love the way that I love
the way that you tube right here u kls and
tests that you come together and you're actually giving a
different perspective for it, for the knowledge of it coming
from a child of a sex worker, you know, and
(25:14):
as someone who is actually into it as a consumer researching,
you know, and it gives a more roundabout way of
understanding of it.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
And I appreciate that.
Speaker 9 (25:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (25:28):
Thanks, Yeah, I think it's important for us to not
position ourselves as like this is the squirm stance on porn,
or we are like experts on porn. It's like we
each have different approaches to this topic and like different backgrounds,
and the main goal of all of it is to
like help people have whatever sorts of relationships with it
(25:49):
or conversations with their kids or their partners and like
and and hopefully like our diverse backgrounds and kind of
are my more academic approach Calsey's like personal approach, and
then the creative side can just like offer permission for
people to come at this from like whatever position they're in,
you know.
Speaker 11 (26:08):
On their own.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Yeah, now for you, Now, let's let's go to the podcast. Now,
have there been any standout moments on the podcast or
any episode that really resonated with your audience?
Speaker 8 (26:23):
Yes, Yes, it's hard to choose Lynch the one though, well,
I have one in mind that Okay, I think so.
Speaker 5 (26:33):
In the very last episode, because it's a mini series,
so six episodes and kind of like a narrative arc
from start to finish.
Speaker 11 (26:41):
It's not an always on.
Speaker 5 (26:42):
So episode six, which is the last one of season one,
we talk about this idea of porn literacy, so just
helping to better contextualize porn as another form of media
in our.
Speaker 11 (26:55):
Lives as a way to destigmatize it.
Speaker 5 (26:59):
And I've heard from multiple people when they listen to
that episode, there's this we pull some audio from a
class of middle school I think eighth graders in Boston
who took this porn literacy.
Speaker 11 (27:14):
Class and it's like an after school class.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
They don't watch any porn in it, even though they
all thought they were going to and that's why they
signed up for class, Like, oh, we don't get to
watch porn. Of course there's no porn shown, but they
talk about porn and do this like media literacy workshop
with them to like help them, you know, better understand
what it is that they're seeing and apply that to
(27:37):
their personal lives.
Speaker 11 (27:39):
So we pull audio from these kids who are in
the class, and.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
It's just like it makes me cry when I hear
it because it's the most like earnest direct, like just
this honest approach of kids who are really like out
there living this world of porn that's around all the time,
you know, and they're they're getting at access to it,
and they're trying to understand like what that means for
(28:04):
their own sex lives as young people who may have
never had sex before, and they're like in real time
trying to understand what all this is. And they share
that in this audio. And I've had people tell me
like hearing them gave me permission, the permission and like
strength that I needed to talk to my own kids
who are the same age about porn that maybe they're
(28:27):
going to see soon if they haven't already, to talk
about sex, And like that's just such a gratifying.
Speaker 11 (28:33):
Thing for me to hear that, you know, more of.
Speaker 5 (28:37):
These conversations are happening because of this episode that we created,
and that hopefully, just like you talking to your kids
about the work that you do, like hopefully more and
more of those conversations are just helping to break down
these sort of dangerous myths about the industry and like
equip people to feel more comfortable going into whatever relationships
(29:00):
they're going into.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
With that, right right, right, right, all right, So let's
play a little game.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
Okay, it's gonna it's called myth or fact.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
All right, So I throw out a statement and then
you let me know if it's true or totally a misconception.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
All right, all right, you are ready, right, you are ready?
Speaker 5 (29:25):
Okay, all right, so here we go.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
All right, porn Is it a bad influence on relationships?
Speaker 11 (29:37):
I would say, myth? If that's the end of story, agreed?
Speaker 4 (29:41):
Mmmm? Okay, would you say my mac? I say, uh,
it's a myth.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Mm hmm. It's gonna be very helpful, very very helpful.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
The next one is sex work? Is it not real work?
Speaker 9 (29:57):
Math?
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Math?
Speaker 9 (29:59):
Math? All right?
Speaker 3 (30:01):
The third way, everyone who watches poem wants to replicate it.
Speaker 4 (30:04):
In real life?
Speaker 11 (30:06):
Myth?
Speaker 4 (30:07):
Okay, she got a.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
He he over here looking the little sad eye.
Speaker 11 (30:22):
I think the.
Speaker 12 (30:23):
Last question is should be broken up to men and women,
because I think a lot of men do want to
replicate what they're seeing for in real life, you know,
and you know, I mean.
Speaker 4 (30:38):
That's your answer. This next thing to just wound out.
Speaker 11 (30:42):
That's a really important point though. It's a really good point.
Speaker 5 (30:46):
Yeah, the question was everyone so I think it's got
to be meth if we're talking about Yeah.
Speaker 12 (30:54):
If you want to say that, all right, so absolutely.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Look, Look I love that you two are using your
humor in your research just to break down these misconceptions.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
All right, So why do you think that humor is
such an.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
Effective tool in a conversation about sex?
Speaker 8 (31:18):
I just I think it's like the ultimate release valve,
you know.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
And actually in the podcast, somebody talks about this too.
Speaker 8 (31:24):
It's this woman Shane Louise Houston, who does the like
San Francisco Porn Film Festival, and she talks about and
you're in the festival and everyone's quiet, and it's hot
and it's tense, but then there's a funny moment and
it's just this like collective exhale where everyone gets to
laugh and just like how palpable that feeling is when
(31:46):
you're with other people to be able to connect over Like,
we're all finding pleasure and joy within this moment. And
I think the core of that, like we are experiencing
pleasure and joy and like dopamine together, is also very close,
say mirror to what happens in sex, right, Like you're
discovering joy and connection and so I think just it
(32:06):
kind of it's like a really nice entry point to
just feel more relaxed into the conversation and disarm people
to be more receptive to learning, because it can feel
really squirmy and like tense to feel like you need
to learn about something that you often feel like you
should just know, like people often feel like they should
(32:26):
just know how to have sex, how to communicate.
Speaker 9 (32:28):
It should just work, and so you can feel nice
to just like be in it together.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. I love the words squirm.
I love how you guys got squirm.
Speaker 4 (32:39):
So it wasn't nice.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
Squirm, I hear you, guys. Something exciting coming up for
twenty twenty five was happening.
Speaker 5 (32:45):
Well, we are really growing our events this year, So
in addition to the podcast that we put out in
the fall, we do events a lot in Portland, where
we're based, but also San Francisco, own Seattle.
Speaker 11 (33:00):
We've been expanding and they're.
Speaker 5 (33:03):
Just like the ones we've been working on now are
these squirmy socials. So it's kind of like a semi
structured way to get people together and have conversations about
sex and.
Speaker 11 (33:14):
Kind of like speed dating.
Speaker 5 (33:15):
But it's not one on one and the goal is
not necessarily to pair off, it's just to like bond
over this fun, spicy, sometimes challenging conversation. So we're growing
that series and like expanding to more cities, which is
very exciting. So want to get people in the room
together and feel and squirmy with each other.
Speaker 11 (33:33):
And whatever way that means to them.
Speaker 5 (33:36):
And then we have this conversation deck called get Squirmy,
which is a lot of questions for about sex and intimacy,
and so we're also growing the reach of.
Speaker 11 (33:46):
That and like maybe expanding that.
Speaker 5 (33:49):
Deck into a couple fun things which I won't get
too deep into. And then next year hopefully some more podcasting,
so either another Poor Nerds or something kind of fresh
and new.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
Okay beautiful. I love that. I love the whole.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Thing with doing events and stuff like that. I'm right
with y'all on that one. I'm true right with you
all on that one. Ill meran, So where can our
listeners sign up? Is it anywhere that they can sign
up at to know you know where to go or
when it comes up?
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yes, So our website is get squirmy dot com.
Speaker 8 (34:27):
We have a newslet or that you can sign up
for so you'll get we don't like spam or very Yeah, it's.
Speaker 11 (34:32):
Like light touch updates.
Speaker 8 (34:35):
Our Instagram is at squirm and that always has our
event information and we just it's like such social currencies
and you're looking for any way to support It's nice
to have a follow on Instagram and we have fun
stuff on there. Those are the two main ways to
engage with Squirm and Partners the podcast. Obviously, you can
follow subscribe on anywhere that you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Beautiful beautiful.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
All right, So we got some questions for you that
we did a pre before the show. So here's one
of the questions, How can couples start having better conversations
about their sexual needs and boundaries?
Speaker 11 (35:09):
Such a good question. I mean, I think.
Speaker 5 (35:13):
I think like timing is a really big part of
these conversations and whether they feel productive and.
Speaker 11 (35:23):
Safe or not.
Speaker 5 (35:24):
And I think a lot of the time this topic
can be so stressful in a relationship because we talk
to a lot of people who go years.
Speaker 11 (35:33):
Without ever talking like directly about.
Speaker 5 (35:36):
Their sex life, and so it kind of builds up
as this like oh.
Speaker 11 (35:41):
God, like we got to talk about it. I got
to talk about it.
Speaker 5 (35:43):
Maybe from both people but not actually like bridging that bridging.
Speaker 11 (35:47):
That gap with each other.
Speaker 5 (35:50):
So I think like setting aside time where you're both
you're not rushing off anywhere, you have blood sugar, you
ate something, maybe you're on a walk, and you're not
staring each other in the face, but it's like feels
like a good time for a maybe hard convo. And
then I think there's something super disarming about just named.
(36:12):
Kelsey taught me this, like naming the fact that you
don't really know what to say, but that you feel
like something needs to be said, Like I feel like
I want to talk about this and I'm not really
sure the right words, and I really care about you
and I really love you, and I want to talk
about this part of our life. I feel kind of
scaremy I'm not really sure what to say, but it's
(36:34):
important to me. And it's like you're not coming in
with this. Here we are, this is the thing. You're
just like, I'm just a person struggling a little bit
with this part of my life.
Speaker 11 (36:43):
Let's get into it. And I think that's timing.
Speaker 5 (36:46):
And then, like naming the discomfort can be two ways
to at least like broach the topic if it feels
intimidating to broach.
Speaker 7 (36:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 13 (36:57):
Yeah, I think it's also like not not reserving conversations
about desires or your sex life for when there's like
a problem to solve, you know.
Speaker 9 (37:07):
I think that because there's so.
Speaker 8 (37:09):
Much squeamishness around it, often people like hold it in
for as long as they can until they like haven't
been coming for three months or whatever and like have
to say something, you know, And so obviously there's such.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
A wide variety of like why someone want to talk
about sex.
Speaker 8 (37:24):
But I think just like knowing that that these kind
of conversations are like necessary, yes, but also really hot
and really informative, and like setting a precedent as early
as you can or as soon as you feel it
that like this is an open this is an open
conversation ongoing between the two of us for as long
(37:45):
as we choose to spend together, Like I want to
make sure you're enjoying this and get your desires met
and like vice versa.
Speaker 9 (37:52):
So just kind of.
Speaker 8 (37:53):
Set in the tone that it's like welcomed throughout the
course of the relationship.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Right, So, I have a very debatable question for you,
because some people have you know, too for you when
going out on dates, When going out a dating, when
should sex be brought up in a conversation the first date,
second date, third date, which.
Speaker 8 (38:14):
I mean for I think we're such a tilted sample
size because like it comes.
Speaker 9 (38:19):
Up with an hour, because it's like what do you do?
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Like well, so for me, it comes up really early.
Speaker 8 (38:28):
The topic of sexuality comes up really early consistently.
Speaker 9 (38:34):
But I guess, I guess what I would say is,
I don't think it should be. I don't think there's
like a too soon to discuss it. I don't think
it like needs to.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Come up on any certain number of dates.
Speaker 8 (38:47):
I think probably before you have sex, and I would
personally prefer to talk about it before I have it.
Speaker 9 (38:51):
But I don't feel like there's like a too soon
or like a prescription.
Speaker 8 (38:56):
I think it just it's that's to me, that's part
of like integrating the topic of sexuality in our lives
in a way where it doesn't feel like it's this
like I don't know, like white like white gold gloves,
like topic that you have to like save in dshelf
at a specific time.
Speaker 9 (39:11):
You know, it's a big part of all of our lives.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
Right, you know, I guess you know that. That's one
thing that I remember having this guy. He had an
amazing book. We had them back on our Chocolate radio
days on on that show, and I remember asking him
about the sleeping on the first date question. You know,
(39:35):
how do you feel about a woman? We're gonna say woman,
because with men, you know, they hey, you got it.
Speaker 4 (39:41):
But for a woman sleeping on.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Sleeping with someone on their first date, how do you
think that has grown or do you think we're still
in that time where it's still a stigma.
Speaker 11 (39:56):
That's a good question.
Speaker 5 (39:57):
I think it really depends on who you're talking to,
because I think there's a lot of people who for
whom sex is a very sort of like normalized, comfortable
part of their lives, and having sex with someone on
a first date is like really fun and not this
sort of.
Speaker 11 (40:17):
You don't have to like build up to.
Speaker 5 (40:19):
It in terms of it's like what it means in
a relationship necessarily. And then I think there's still a
lot of people in a lot of places where sex, yeah,
takes up a different space in that early dating.
Speaker 11 (40:35):
And I think if you're asking.
Speaker 5 (40:36):
Like me personally or kind of like the squirm averse,
that we tend to run in.
Speaker 13 (40:45):
That.
Speaker 5 (40:45):
I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with leaping with someone
on the first date of your having a good time,
you know. But I think, like, just like Kelsey was
saying before, we all come to sex with these different backgrounds,
with religion, with like purity culture, with you know.
Speaker 11 (41:00):
Fear mongering from a doomsday cult.
Speaker 5 (41:02):
If that was where you grew up, It's like that's
probably going to inform how comfortable you feel going into
these early dating situations and if you think it's okay
to have sex with someone on the first date, or
if you think there's something shameful about that.
Speaker 8 (41:17):
And I'll say though too, I don't think it's it's
very similar to porn for me, and that like you know,
porn gets this bad wrap of like porn bad like
reflective just like no, you.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Know, but we know like when you get more comfortable,
that's not true.
Speaker 8 (41:32):
I mean, I think we probably all agree on that here,
and like I feel that from a very like personal
personal standpoint with sleeping with someone on the first date,
have done it plenty of times, don't think there's anything
shameful about it. I am single now, and like I
don't really do that anymore just from like what I
want and what I'm trying to, Like, I know how
it affects my like attachment to somebody, and like can
(41:55):
skew or kind of cloud my vision of if I
really even like this person. So like I think there
can be a lot of like you can arrive at
your no in a lot of ways, and you can
arrive at your yes in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
I think the most important thing is like.
Speaker 8 (42:09):
Knowing why you're there, Like why you fall on whatever
side of the fence that you fall on, and if
it's because it's this reflexive like slutshaming thing, I would
encourage people to dig deeper past that, but there's plenty
abalid reasons to not.
Speaker 9 (42:23):
Do it if you don't want to.
Speaker 5 (42:25):
I think that's something that we came to in the
Porn Nerds show too, is like a lot of the
show is wrestling with this idea that a lot of
people are watching a lot of porn and feeling a
lot guilt about it, and like why is that, you know,
And by the end of the show, we're not trying
to prescribe a dose of porn to anybody, where it's like,
(42:45):
here's a healthy dose. Here's an unhealthy dose, because that's
just so subjectively really fun though. I just mean like
a little yeah one massage, Yeah yeah, you get one
new room.
Speaker 9 (42:57):
Massage per day a PM.
Speaker 5 (43:05):
But it's like, yeah, you can arrive at your Yes,
I want to watch porn every day because it feels
good for me, or no, I don't want to watch
porn anymore because of X y Z. But understanding why
why you might feel compelled to like feel bad about
the porn you're watching, or not want to watch it,
or feel like you need to cut it off cold turkey,
like just better understanding what is driving you internally versus
(43:28):
what is like some external story that you're being told
about your behavior?
Speaker 4 (43:33):
Right, you know, thank you for those answer. Those both
great great answers. Do you have any questions about my way?
Speaker 7 (43:40):
You know, I do.
Speaker 12 (43:40):
I have one question. I guess this is for all
the females out here. I mean watching a lot of porn.
We do see porn, and when we see it, you know,
it's like the women are the restive.
Speaker 7 (43:54):
I mean, I seeing what y'all just sell little.
Speaker 12 (43:57):
Capture the woman come here and she makes the first
move and going back to the last thing you asked about,
you know, one nice dance.
Speaker 7 (44:04):
I think women nowadays they may make.
Speaker 12 (44:08):
The first move because they want to see exactly you know,
what's I mean, what they're getting. Like men used to think, oh,
I'm trying to have it on the first day, because
some women they want on the first day to see,
let me see how this guy's sex is. I mean
when I grew up, I was a younger guy out
there some older women, and it was just for the sex.
You know, they wanted to see what, you know, what
(44:30):
they'll get out of me sexual wise. So I think,
and you know, do you females think that are you are?
Will you make a first move on a on a
male just to see what you can get out of
the sex experience.
Speaker 9 (44:44):
It's gonna be bad.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Let's just learn faster.
Speaker 8 (44:53):
I don't know, I've never thought about it that way.
I feel like when I make a move and when
I have sex on the first day, it's just because
I'm like into it and horny and there's a vibe
and we made out on the street and it's like, okay,
let's just do hand stuff and then you.
Speaker 9 (45:06):
Know, here we are.
Speaker 4 (45:09):
I don't know, just.
Speaker 8 (45:15):
In my mind, not cognitively a test, but I does
give you a lot of information.
Speaker 9 (45:19):
That's for sure.
Speaker 5 (45:20):
I think the reverse of that is I probably wouldn't
hold out for too long if because I do want
to eventually know if there's chemistry or not right, So
it's like you're you're gonna kind of want to know
before you get too invested in this person's personality.
Speaker 9 (45:39):
I did have that once. I want like five or
six states on this guy.
Speaker 8 (45:41):
I really liked it super fun and like it's unusual
for me not to have sex for that long.
Speaker 9 (45:48):
And then it was really.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
Bad, like just the chemistry was not there.
Speaker 8 (45:51):
And it was like a month and a half into
knowing him, and I was like, wow, I wish I
just kind of.
Speaker 4 (45:55):
Knocked that out anticipated use this, this ship gonna be
really good.
Speaker 7 (46:02):
And then it was just like.
Speaker 9 (46:04):
It was just like it was like a balloon. Just
like it's not.
Speaker 4 (46:09):
Just like.
Speaker 9 (46:12):
That we were like midway through. I think we were both.
Speaker 11 (46:16):
So much build up too for that. I think that's
that's tough.
Speaker 4 (46:19):
Yeah, I think that that is that was That was
a good question about well, if you think, okay, you
got one more you.
Speaker 12 (46:27):
Know, so, what what is one thing you wish more
people could understand about the industry all all together.
Speaker 11 (46:35):
Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 5 (46:37):
I feel like the short answer for me it would
be that it's just like any other industry. Like it's
like people who are working hard, who come at it
from a lot of different interests and desires and want
to get different things out of it, and there's like
really amazing, creative, you know, super positive experiences, and then
(46:58):
just like any other industry, there's like bad stuff that happens.
Like it's it's no different than working in finance, or
working in politics, or working.
Speaker 11 (47:07):
In you know, real estate.
Speaker 5 (47:09):
There's like unethical stuff that happens in every industry. It's
just the porn industry that seems to be front and
center in a disproportionate way. So I just want more
people to understand that it's like real people working hard,
doing what they love a lot of the time, and
then just like any other industry, there's there's the shitty stuff.
Speaker 3 (47:31):
Yeah, yeah, you know, you know, I actually I love
that you all, that you truly bring light to it
in to take away the stigma of it and just
being on the outside of it. It's great to hear
that we have other voices besides us that's you know,
are the sex workers or the retired sex workers just
(47:54):
keeping a positive.
Speaker 4 (47:55):
Movement of it?
Speaker 3 (47:56):
And I do truly appreciate appreciate it all, and I
love the insight that you that you have right now.
But for our listeners, I have a question for you
if you have any more questions to keep them coming,
and I want you to tag us at hashtag bridge
that Gap live or on social media and so we
can keep this conversation going.
Speaker 4 (48:16):
Going on.
Speaker 3 (48:19):
Do you have any last words for us kills and
tests before we close out?
Speaker 11 (48:26):
I have a question for both of you.
Speaker 5 (48:29):
I want to know what you what you think makes
someone good at sense.
Speaker 3 (48:33):
I love your question the girl, No, I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding, you know. For for me, it is
surely the communication. It's to asking the questions because I
(48:54):
want to know what what turns you on as well
as I want you to know what turns me on.
So it's kind of to have a mutual conversation with
each other and really get to knowing each other's body.
For me, that's one thing that I did learn with
being in the adult industry is what really turns me
on a lot of times we don't know that is
(49:16):
because we've been talked to. When we do that self
discovery of ourselves as we call masturbation, we're not supposed
to do that. So like for me, if you're uncomfortable,
let's get comfortable together. Let's do some things even before
we get into the hardcore of things. I want to
touch and explore you, and you touch and explore me.
(49:38):
And that's what makes great sex for me, is you
are willing to go through that journey with me in it.
Speaker 7 (49:48):
Yeah, that's a very good answer.
Speaker 12 (49:50):
And I think even before you know you talk about dating,
but even for dating, I mean, I've been in a
few relationships where I was friends with the person first,
and it was kind of like a cheat because when
you're friends with someone, you talk about everything. You just
talk about everything. And this was a person I didn't
even have to think I had a chance for being
in a relationship with, you know, So she talked to me.
(50:11):
I talked to her about past experience and things, and
it got so fun that when we did get together,
everything was kind of out in the open and we
kind of.
Speaker 7 (50:20):
Knew what each other life, you know, So it was
just like it was.
Speaker 12 (50:24):
Just like Seth even for it even got the adult
that we would have sex.
Speaker 7 (50:29):
We had conversations about it.
Speaker 3 (50:30):
Yeah, you know what in that talk I'm telling you
when that when you talk that sex talk, that sexy
talk that around.
Speaker 9 (50:38):
You, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
Yeah, it's like communication truly is the best.
Speaker 4 (50:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (50:46):
Yeah, I think something that connects both of your answers
is just the vulnerability that you're experiencing with that person,
whether it's through that friendship and you're getting to know
each other and in a different way, and you're like
vulnerable because you don't have this oh we're trying to
date and like trying to have sex. You just can
learn from each other that way. And then what you're
(51:07):
talking about with the like someone being willing to go
there with you, that takes the willingness to be vulnerable,
and like that is such a such a sexy quality
for someone you know to like really be there with
you and help you feel seen and help you feel
super sexy.
Speaker 3 (51:25):
Yeah, you have to because it's a very enjoyable space
to be and even connected spiritually honestly, and so you
want to make sure that you are truly enjoying that.
Like what I said, me learning about myself more sexually
and spiritually happened within the industry when I was in
(51:45):
the industry because I didn't go to church, so I
had to be connected spiritually.
Speaker 4 (51:49):
I had to pray in my.
Speaker 3 (51:50):
Car, I had to pray on set to make sure
that I was just as grounded as I could be,
but also sexually. It gave me an open to be me,
to really be who I am and understand myself completely.
A lot of the times we don't have that opportunity
with the outside world and society because it's been looked
(52:14):
down on what sexuality and I can't understand how sex
can be such a demonized world when this is something
that we give birth to.
Speaker 4 (52:23):
You know, this is the thing.
Speaker 3 (52:24):
That magic happens that you know, a beautiful creation is
happening from that. So why can't we start to educate people,
you know, not only to educate wise, but the spiritual.
Speaker 4 (52:35):
Wise, the communication wise.
Speaker 3 (52:39):
To just make it to where this can truly be
a beautiful thing.
Speaker 8 (52:43):
Yeah, well everything, Yeah, recording of this mantra. I have
a how did dog dog pound? How did did you
get your nickname?
Speaker 9 (53:01):
Dohn Pound?
Speaker 2 (53:02):
Is that what it is?
Speaker 7 (53:11):
I mean?
Speaker 12 (53:12):
Back when I was younger, I mean I was sexual.
I was sexual at a young age. And you know, relationships,
I've been in relationship, but my experience would been to
you know, give with somebody, we have some sex, we
have some good times and and they do refer to
some kind of men as dog. But I tell him
like it is. That's one that's another part of my name.
(53:33):
I think now he was part of giving my name
because I just I just tell her like it is
straight from the dog man. When you dog that talk,
what's real, And that's that's where.
Speaker 7 (53:45):
It came from.
Speaker 3 (53:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was the he kept it real.
We had a show back in the day was Chocolate Radio.
We had Chocolate Radio and it was him and another
guy and they were just and you know, I'm like
the one to just keep it cute and sexy and
you know, and they like really robed with it, but
coming from a man's point of view. And then we
(54:06):
added someone new to it, didn't know it all like
he was booked sense of and he was also a
director in the porn industry, so he was coming from
a different aspect as well.
Speaker 4 (54:16):
So when you have all three of us there, you know,
he just being what people would say on.
Speaker 3 (54:23):
He would say what people want to say but can't
say to a shame.
Speaker 4 (54:29):
To say, you know what I mean? And so that
was very for me. It was very.
Speaker 10 (54:34):
Doggish on some of the things that he says. So
I was bark, you know, type of everybody's here because
of sex, would be nobody here every.
Speaker 12 (54:54):
You know, you have to take it like it is,
and so it's there's after everybody's gonna have it.
Speaker 7 (54:59):
Everybody's trying to have it, So let's talk about.
Speaker 4 (55:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (55:06):
Unfortunately dog Pound has calmed down a little bit, so
he's like, I don't even really got an old hounddog.
Speaker 11 (55:19):
Quiet these days.
Speaker 4 (55:26):
You know.
Speaker 3 (55:27):
We again, ladies, thank you so much again for being
here and just giving us this great conversation.
Speaker 4 (55:33):
Again.
Speaker 3 (55:33):
If you want to share your website again, your podcast
and where people can find you at your social media everything,
give it to him awesome.
Speaker 8 (55:41):
Get squirmy dot com is our website, follow us on
Instagram at squirm and the.
Speaker 9 (55:45):
Podcast is Poor Nerds. It's six episodes. It's so much fun.
You're gonna love it, guarantee.
Speaker 3 (55:50):
It beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 4 (55:53):
So before we go, I want to do a quick reminder.
Speaker 3 (55:56):
In May, we are launching our Love and Mental Health
Awareness Month series. This is something very dear to me
that I just cannot wait to do. Remember every week
in May we'll be joined by a panel of a
credible guests to discuss love, relationship and mental wellness and
you don't want to miss it. Next month we got
(56:18):
a whole lineup of amazing guests coming.
Speaker 4 (56:22):
I just can't wait. Doc Partma, you got any last words?
Speaker 7 (56:26):
This was a great show.
Speaker 12 (56:27):
Love to talk to you, ladies and everybody.
Speaker 4 (56:36):
My beautiful people, Thank you too. I'll I have beautiful people,
so listen again.
Speaker 3 (56:41):
Remember if you want a love sex relationship advice, you
can always email us at Assiomi at gmail dot com.
And as always, be good to one another in yourself
and I always keep your sex a beautiful people. That
is a rep for another episode of Acts Naomi Breathing
the Gap And I hope today's conversation has us something
(57:01):
beautiful with me you and gave you the two to
elevate your love lifeitudes the next level. And I want
you to remember, transformation doesn't happen overnight. It happens one conversation,
one choice, in one moment of.
Speaker 4 (57:15):
Courage ny time.
Speaker 3 (57:16):
So you have everything within you to create the love
and the intipacy that yous us, So don't forget to subscribe.
Speaker 4 (57:24):
Put that those there so you would never look to anotherness.
So share this with someone who needs to heal it
and let's keep baling with some others.
Speaker 11 (57:33):
Really, Toney.
Speaker 3 (57:34):
You can find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, if alreadio
and everywhere podcasts are another one. You can follow me
on instruments, tickt and all social platforms at ads, Saomi and.
Speaker 2 (57:46):
For our daily inspiration and be nine sweet.
Speaker 11 (57:50):
So until next week's keep growing.
Speaker 3 (57:53):
Keep loving and remember to always do.
Speaker 4 (57:57):
This is your girl the guide.
Speaker 3 (57:58):
Now I'm the banks here as the naxime Ana x
Naomi prosume the game
Welcome to a podcast like no other. Get ready for
insightful conversations, diverse perspectives into touch of inspiration. This is
Ask Naomi Bridging the Gap podcast. Join your host, the
dynamic Naomi Banks, as she delves into the heart of
various topics with a refreshing blend of curiosity and wisdom.
Each week as soon as Naomi is joined by special
(00:33):
guests who bring their unique stories and expertise to the table,
It's a journey of discovery, learning and growing. And let's
not forget about the one and only dog Pound in
My Money, adding his flavor and the player to the mix.
Together they make the dynamic held you won't.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Want to miss.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
From thought provoking discussions to moments of laughter and joy.
Ask Naomi Bridging the Gap podcast offers a space where
great topics meet amazing guests. So calendars, set your reminders,
and prepare to be entertained into license. Join Naomi Banks
and dog Pound Mike weekly for an unforgettable podcast experience.
Get ready to bridge the gap, expand your horizons and
(01:12):
immerse yourself from the world of asknam Subscribe now and
stay tuned for a podcast journey like no onor.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Well Hey, hey, I do two people will welcome back
to act time we visit the Gap podcast. The way
we talking about love, sex, relationship, culture differences, and so
much more.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
I bridging the gap between them all and teaching.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
The world all sex, language, attitude and spiritual uplifting.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
I am your host now and be Banks, And as always,
I am enjoyed by my incredible co host dog Pound Mike. Mike,
what's going on? Good?
Speaker 5 (01:46):
Good?
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Are you ready for this real raw conversation today? I
want to say hey hey to all of my BTG crew.
I see you all out there. Hey, hey, hey, hey,
Well today we have some amazing guests that is coming
with us that we're gonna be talking about a topic
that it's very taboo at times. You believe it's very
(02:10):
taboo at times, but they are going to help us
to break it down with the barriers surrounding this conversation.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
As a two amazing guests will come with us.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
But guess what, we gotta take a quick break before
we bring them all all.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
Right, So, integrity God is number, Bank said on a
NAMA Vision Gap podcast, and would be right back.
Speaker 6 (02:29):
Washington wells into two focuses on healing always for me.
If I look good, then I feel good. If I
feel good, then I share the good. If I share
the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate
the good, then I live the good. So I can
be paid to be my greatest, but I have to
learn the good to be the good.
Speaker 7 (02:49):
So what does it take to be the greatest?
Speaker 6 (02:52):
It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation. Be
kind to yourself and you'll always.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
What are some common that prevent people from asia grid
You guys, not many banks here from the season and
Self Love Podcasts.
Speaker 7 (03:12):
Yeah, I would say remorse.
Speaker 6 (03:14):
So shame and guilt is a very dividing emotional and.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
These are one of the many amazing conversations that we
have every day Monday and Friday right here in the
season and Love podcast with myself and now only Banks
as well as a resident therapist.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Doctor Will Washington Washington.
Speaker 6 (03:33):
Wellness come by, our relationships come by a lot of times.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
I'm we're afraid of.
Speaker 6 (03:40):
How people will look at us, and so that compassion
can't enter.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
You can hit us all the season of Some Love
Podcasts dot.
Speaker 9 (03:47):
Com with the truth. Is it.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
All right?
Speaker 10 (03:54):
Well?
Speaker 4 (03:54):
Welcome back.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
As I said, I have two amazing guests with us.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
We got Kills and Testing. Our co founded a sprum
and a host of Poor.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Nerves podcast and their mission is to desensitize stigmatize sex
through engaging conversation and creative projects. But welcome, Welcome, Welcome
calls and tests. Hey, Hey, beautiful ladies.
Speaker 11 (04:16):
Hi having us.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
I am excited for this conversation, especially when we're talking
about porn because you know that's a little bit part
of my background. Right, Such a fun So let's get
into today's conversation.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
So I'm ready. I am so ready.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Y'all ready conversation?
Speaker 12 (04:41):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (04:42):
All right, so let's starry.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
The big question is why does sex education often fall short?
I mean, we live in the world with sexist everywhere,
yet many people still struggle to have an open, healthy
discussion about it.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Kels and Tests, what's your take on this.
Speaker 8 (05:01):
It's funny when you said that, I got this visual
of like very uncoordinated people playing three flies up and
like the ball is sex education and just a bunch
of people like do you have it?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Do you have it?
Speaker 9 (05:11):
I have someone else deal with it, and I really
don't know. That's kind of the state of sex education.
Speaker 8 (05:17):
Like beyond STIs or safety, and even that's a little dicey,
but like in terms of really learning how to please someone,
how to be generous, how to receive feedback, like how
to actually have sex, no one really wants to touch
it because it feels pretty dicey. So it's really a
crapshoot of like the partners that you encounter and like
(05:39):
how close you are with your friends. Uh, and the
porn that you watch is kind of what we find
tends to just be this smorgage board of like trial
and error.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
Right, Yeah, yeah, I think that like when it comes
to school based sex, and you know, for so long
it's been stuck in this focus on you know, reproduction
and not getting pregnant, and there's just sort of whole
sides of it that get ignored around the communication and
the boundaries and the consent, and you know, that kind
(06:10):
of mimics I think just generally our cultures comfort.
Speaker 11 (06:14):
With those aspects of education.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
So it's like if we're not talking about that as adults,
we're probably not equipped to talk to our kids or
our students about that either, you know, so you.
Speaker 11 (06:25):
Kind of see like the.
Speaker 5 (06:28):
Inadequacies of sex said and like a formal school setting,
just kind of based on how fumbly all the adults
kind of are just in their personal.
Speaker 11 (06:38):
Lives about it.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Yeah, you know, as you speak, I remember, and I
shared this with our audience before. I remember, back in
the day, I'm a little bit older than you all are.
We used to have what we call it was like
a nice We used to do a field trip that
day for our health class and we had to be
I think it was fourth, fifth and sixth grade or
was it sixth step, No, it was six, seven and
eighth grade where we were to go to this I
(07:02):
guess it's like a sex museum where they teach us
on sex and stuff like that.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
So they put us all in different rooms.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
They put the girls in one room and the boys
in another room, and they tell us the birds and
the bees and how you know, all of those things.
But I remember, even for myself, my mother had a
very hard time speaking to me about sex education. It
was just like, don't do it, that's it, you know.
Period to where my father was more open to talk
to me about it because he wanted to make sure
(07:29):
that I knew that, Okay, you have to be responsible
for what you do. And what to allow for anybody
around your body. And I think that's what's missing even
in when we talk about sex, is the communication and
the respect of the word sex and also the importance
(07:50):
of what sex really means for us and that it's
not so taboo and make it so negative.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
Yes, yes, there's so much focus on just the like
the physical act you know and like, and such a
disconnect from what part and what space it takes up
in our lives in like a much bigger, more profound way.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Right.
Speaker 8 (08:16):
Well, yeah, I think like we've started scoring four years ago,
and in that time, I have so many more people
to volunteer information about their sex lives and like what
if I think of it in their background and their
experience and sex education. And I think even before communicating
like what sex means to you and like how you
want to have it with somebody, I think there's such
(08:37):
a big divide between what backgrounds were.
Speaker 9 (08:40):
All coming from sexuality.
Speaker 8 (08:42):
Like I have a good friend who grew up in
like pretty much a cult, like kind of an apocalyptic
you know, doomsday cold, and they were really fearmongering about
sex and like even masturbation, And so it's like somebody
coming from that background versus a background that their parents
were really open or some other are really religiously, Like
we all have start with such a different vantage point.
(09:05):
What sex even is to begin with, and like what
it means that, but learning how to even bring that
up is really important.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Yeah, you know. So let me ask you something.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
When when I read your profiles, when I read everything,
and it was like porn nerds, And it's when when
you when you look at the word porn and nerds
and you see it, just say, we don't have.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
No pictures of you at all. We will think you
were too mid or min How did we get here, ladies?
Speaker 9 (09:37):
We love surprising pope.
Speaker 11 (09:39):
I mean, that's just that's.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
One of the best parts of life is like surprise,
surprise porn nerd didn't think that, I mean, I think
you know, we, like she said, we started Squirm four
years ago and it started as just this general like
helping people have more open conversations about sex, talking openly destigmatizing.
Speaker 11 (09:56):
This big part of our lives.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
And we quickly found out that you just can't talk
about sex without talking about porn. When you're talking about
people's personal sex lives and how porn plays a really
big role in a lot of our lives, whether that's
openly or kind of secretly.
Speaker 11 (10:15):
And so we were like, let's just get into that.
Speaker 5 (10:18):
Like there's definitely a lot of information here, you know,
like there's numbers, there's data, there's a lot to learn
about the state of people's porn lives, you know, whether
you're in industry or a consumer of porn.
Speaker 11 (10:31):
And we're like, yeah, it's it's.
Speaker 5 (10:32):
Like a pretty nerdy approach to this very fun, sexy,
spicy topic, but you know, it kind of like helps
with helps kind of flesh out that whole.
Speaker 11 (10:41):
Side of of squorm well.
Speaker 8 (10:44):
And I have to say, like Tess is the original
porner because she literally wrote a thesis on porn and
I have like an honorary pornr.
Speaker 11 (10:54):
I'm I'm going to with the Peigner Crown.
Speaker 8 (10:57):
From just powers and hours of watching it and going
through the porn hubs.
Speaker 9 (11:01):
Now I'm like a junior, that's true.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Junior, Yeah, I'm.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
S you know, it's so funny when I went got
into the industry. When I got into the industry, I
did my research as well. I didn't write a thesis
on the paper, but I did my research myself. It
took me a good six months to really do the
research to find out everything. And this was before even
porn hub came along. So I was literally on the computer,
(11:31):
you know, doing this that's what you know, to try
to figure out how to market myself, the where to
put it on a business aspect of it, because my
thought for me was that all right, I'm gonna go
in here. Honestly, it came in as a money grap
I didn't I didn't know that once I got into
the industry that I would truly learn a lot of
things about myself, positive things about myself sexually and spiritually
(11:57):
that I think people miss when we do talkalk about sex,
when we do for me and when we do talk
about porn, there is always a negative and positive to
anything that we do in life.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
For you to be so even you test that wrote.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
The thesis, what made you write that thesis on porn?
Speaker 11 (12:26):
Then we love that word curvin. It is like a
term of endearment. I mean, I knew I wanted to.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
Work in the sexuality field, and I kind of the
same time that I was looking at schools thinking about
what I wanted to do, I was like, I want
to start with just some research and like figure out
kind of like where in this world.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
I fit in.
Speaker 11 (12:47):
And at that same time, I.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Was just learning a lot about the porn industry and
a person like just from personal exposure and like finding
a lot of porn that I didn't even know existed.
And I was just like, Oh, there's a lot here,
and it's not the same story that I've been told
growing up about porn, you know, where I kind of
was like, maybe this isn't for me, or like what's
(13:09):
going on in that industry. I realized like, oh, there's
so much more to this than what I thought. And
so I got into school and was choosing my area
of study, and I was thinking a lot about outside
of school. When you graduate high school and you're out
in the world and you're dating and you're having sex,
Like where do you learn about what sex can be
(13:32):
or what sex is?
Speaker 11 (13:33):
Like, where do you learn about these things to try
or you know.
Speaker 5 (13:38):
It just beyond you know, those like few classes maybe
you had in middle school. And through that research or
like porn kept coming up. A lot of people are
learning about sex from porn. It's kind of this de
facto sex said in our like adult life so it
was this sort of meandering process of like where do
(13:58):
I fit in in this sexuality old I'm like really
pumped about a lot of the porn that I'm seeing
out there. I'm also learning that a lot of people
are watching porn to learn about sex. Like there's some
overlaps here, there's like intersections between this sort of adult
sex said and all the porn that's being like pumped out.
Speaker 11 (14:17):
Into the world.
Speaker 5 (14:19):
So I wrote a thesis with that sort of intersection
of adult sex, st and porn in mind.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Mm hm, So so what did you get on it? Like,
you know, when the professors scene, they're like, so you just.
Speaker 11 (14:38):
Want to watch porn in the library?
Speaker 9 (14:39):
Is that what this is all about? I was like, yeah, no,
I would not do that.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
Come on.
Speaker 5 (14:50):
Fortunately, I was in the Amsterdam so they're pretty open
to that topic and it was a sociology of sexuality masters,
so they were like super surprised. I got a lot
of support, and I was working with people in the
porn industry while I was in Amsterdam, so I was
kind of like doing this school internship and meeting a
(15:11):
lot of people that way that were not connected to school,
and just my mind.
Speaker 11 (15:15):
Was like consistently being blown open.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
So it was it was, yeah, a lot of support
from the school and just overall like such an eye
opening experience.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Nice, beautiful, and I think Amsterdam is their sixteen I
mean their porn scene was a little different from our American.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
Person Yeah, yeah, very very different. And just you know,
I was working with this company called Blue Artichoke Films,
which is a smaller like queer woman run ethical in
the erotic film company. I'm trying to remember the words
(15:54):
that they used to describe their platform, but you know,
it was like these kind of like longer form erotic films.
Speaker 11 (16:00):
And something notable.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
At the time was the National Society of Dutch Sexologists,
which was like classically a little bit more of a traditional.
Speaker 11 (16:13):
Not super pro porn group of people.
Speaker 5 (16:15):
They had like awarded this company the Sexology Prize or
award of the year for like contributing to like a
healthy discourse on sexuality.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
It was like, yay porn.
Speaker 11 (16:26):
So I don't know, it was like it was a
wild time.
Speaker 4 (16:32):
Did you have any questions?
Speaker 7 (16:34):
You know, it's something I did have a question.
Speaker 12 (16:37):
First of all, what you just said about being over
answering them, I guess my question is here in America,
like now we said earlier, you know, sex is like
a taboo, but over there is it much more, you know,
a freer topic.
Speaker 7 (16:50):
You know, people can talk about it and discuss it.
Speaker 12 (16:53):
Like America, everybody having sex, but don't nobody want to
talk about it.
Speaker 7 (16:56):
Yeah, so there is like more open.
Speaker 11 (17:00):
I think in some ways, yes, I don't think.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
I mean, there's a few ways that I want to
answer this. In some ways, yes, I don't think Amsterdam
or the Netherlands has the same religious.
Speaker 11 (17:11):
Purity baseline that we have, and I.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
Think that really informs how we talk about sex in
the United States.
Speaker 11 (17:18):
That doesn't apply as much in the Netherlands. Also, I
was in school in.
Speaker 5 (17:25):
Amsterdam, which is like circle inside of small circle, and
so there's a lot of the rest of the.
Speaker 11 (17:32):
City and the rest of.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
The country that is like kind of more traditional, a
little less comfortable talking about these things. But with the
red Light district and like a lot of sex worker
advocacy groups and like porn being made, it definitely felt
like I wasn't going to surprise that many people by
being like I'm studying porn. They're like cool, So is
that person over there, like you know, It definitely feels
(17:56):
like a more open, open topic of conversation in a
lot of ways.
Speaker 7 (18:00):
Right, that's real, that's real, you know.
Speaker 12 (18:02):
And for our listeners out there, you know, we want
to know what's in your experience of learning about sex.
Speaker 7 (18:07):
You know, me dog found I learned from my big brother.
Speaker 12 (18:10):
So, you know, are you guys on the group are
you able to have open conversation?
Speaker 7 (18:19):
Do you have to figure things out on your on
the own.
Speaker 12 (18:21):
So get us up at bridging the gap, bringing the
gap live on social media and say your thoughts with us.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Yeah, don't forget to put that hashtag in front of it.
Because we were trying to come viral. We were coming viral.
That's what we're doing. Viral, viral, viral, you know.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Now, for Kells, test was.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
The you know, she was the pooring, you know, special
ty for you. You said you like Honor rariy, So
what was it like?
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Really?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
And then I got a question for the both of y'all,
what is your favorite niche like? What was that first?
Was that first scene of first movie that you watched
that you said.
Speaker 9 (18:58):
I'm hooked?
Speaker 8 (19:00):
Good questions?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I'll say, so, my background is all in production.
Speaker 8 (19:05):
I did film and theater stuff like all through my twenties,
and Tessa and I have been long, long friends, so
when we started to want to like do a pandemic project,
we were just going crazy and it was like, let's
combine these skill sets to try to make resources for
people in a brand that's really fun and entertaining and
is able to reach people in this time where they're
(19:26):
feeling really isolated.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
So that's been the most the way that I've brought my.
Speaker 9 (19:31):
Skills set into it.
Speaker 8 (19:33):
And then on a personal level, my mom when I
was like twelve, got and she became a sex worker.
So from that point on, I just became like very
fascinated with the stigma surrounding sexuality and sex work and
erotic media. She's like an erotic photographer that you know,
did a book and the whole thing. So yeah, I
(19:53):
think it's just been something I've been like very fascinated
with for a long time, and more from like a
story perspective rather than an academic perspective.
Speaker 9 (20:03):
But through many hours, I have earned my badge.
Speaker 8 (20:11):
As far as like porn niche I okay, so we
often I think we say it in the pod, like
maybe it's on the cutting room floor though that you know,
people will like send YouTube recommendations but don't send like
porn recommendations very often. But I found my favorite porn
category through a friend sending it to me unsolicited and
with platonic friend, and it's massage porn.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
I like love massage porn.
Speaker 8 (20:36):
It's so relaxing and super hot, and that's my favorite.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Okay, I kind of one of the first ones that
I saw that I really loved was public sex in
a sculpture garden, and I was just like, everything about that.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Is so hot.
Speaker 5 (20:54):
Like she was blindfolded and being like led by around
all this art and they were like people walking in
the background and like admiring the sculptures. And then they
found this one that had like a little kind of
like arch thing that they could hide in and like,
you know, have sex in. And I'm just like, whatever
is going on here? Like I want to see more
of that.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
So, oh yeah, that sounds sexy. In the massage one,
I know that's sexy because I've done several different scenes.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
Like, so I already know, I already know.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
You know for you kills now, you said your your
mother was kind of worked in the sex work and
it's this is the thing because I have children, well
they're adults now, but we never really had heard the
voice for someone who has been a child with a
parent that worked in that industry.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
You know, Usually they get.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Like a bag a bad you know, kind of notion
on what that looks like for you know, they don't
realize that. You know, for myself, I live a regular life,
you know, like we're not fucking at home with cameras.
For you, what did that look like for you? You know,
coming from a child of a sex worker.
Speaker 8 (22:05):
Yeah, I mean I've said often like I feel like
I have Obviously I have issues with my mom. It's
any relationship, but none of them have come from what
she does for a living.
Speaker 4 (22:17):
You know.
Speaker 8 (22:17):
I think it's just normal to have kind of storied
relationships with your parents. And in our case, like I
she always was like you know, she's it was a
very gradual like ascent into it, And it started when
I was like twelve, and I think reached just kind.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Of like full potential where it stayed mostly out.
Speaker 9 (22:36):
When I was like fifteen or sixteen.
Speaker 8 (22:38):
So it was like I was kind of acclimated to
it as I got older and understood more about it
and became more independent.
Speaker 9 (22:46):
And I think I think the biggest.
Speaker 8 (22:49):
Learning from it was, like, especially in my early twenties
and especially like dating, being out on a date and
kind of like doing the chat of like what about
your family, do your parents do? All that kind of
stuff where I would like feel this really preemptive kind
of defensiveness.
Speaker 9 (23:06):
About it, like well, no, like she's not. It's not
like out of duress.
Speaker 8 (23:10):
It's not because she had other options, like she had
a corporate job, like I would like feeling I would
have to kind of justify why she landed in this
line of work and like but reflexively not necessarily from
what the other person was giving me. And so I
think that really like investigating and getting curious about that
stigma and the source of it has been super formative
(23:32):
to my own personal views on sex work and in
turn squirm now too. But yeah, I mean it's like
I think, you know, it's a normal relationship, Like we
have our ups and we have our downs, and she's
doing her work, and like, more power to her.
Speaker 9 (23:46):
If she likes it and is happy, Like I think, great,
you know.
Speaker 4 (23:50):
You know, thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Why I say that is because a lot of times
when we are parents and we have children, we tend
to we want to make sure that they are together mentally, physically, emotionally.
Speaker 4 (24:07):
Having that kind I remember having that conversation with my girls.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
At the age of I believe all of them was
like thirteen, when I told them, each one of them
except for this last one, at twelve. I told them
at thirteen what it was that I did, and I'd
explained to them exactly what it is and why I
am doing it, and I just left it like that,
and if they had any questions or you know, to
come and ask me. It's nothing that they ever seen
(24:33):
for themselves, at least to my knowledge. But then I
got them used to understanding what I did for a living.
This is a part of my job, this is a
part of my career, this is what I do. And
they've been able to watch me gradually grow from now
I'm retired, going into something else, still using with sex
(24:54):
as a positive moving forward, and also but teaching them
that way. So I love the way that I love
the way that you tube right here u kls and
tests that you come together and you're actually giving a
different perspective for it, for the knowledge of it coming
from a child of a sex worker, you know, and
(25:14):
as someone who is actually into it as a consumer researching,
you know, and it gives a more roundabout way of
understanding of it.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
And I appreciate that.
Speaker 9 (25:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (25:28):
Thanks, Yeah, I think it's important for us to not
position ourselves as like this is the squirm stance on porn,
or we are like experts on porn. It's like we
each have different approaches to this topic and like different backgrounds,
and the main goal of all of it is to
like help people have whatever sorts of relationships with it
(25:49):
or conversations with their kids or their partners and like
and and hopefully like our diverse backgrounds and kind of
are my more academic approach Calsey's like personal approach, and
then the creative side can just like offer permission for
people to come at this from like whatever position they're in,
you know.
Speaker 11 (26:08):
On their own.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Yeah, now for you, Now, let's let's go to the podcast. Now,
have there been any standout moments on the podcast or
any episode that really resonated with your audience?
Speaker 8 (26:23):
Yes, Yes, it's hard to choose Lynch the one though, well,
I have one in mind that Okay, I think so.
Speaker 5 (26:33):
In the very last episode, because it's a mini series,
so six episodes and kind of like a narrative arc
from start to finish.
Speaker 11 (26:41):
It's not an always on.
Speaker 5 (26:42):
So episode six, which is the last one of season one,
we talk about this idea of porn literacy, so just
helping to better contextualize porn as another form of media
in our.
Speaker 11 (26:55):
Lives as a way to destigmatize it.
Speaker 5 (26:59):
And I've heard from multiple people when they listen to
that episode, there's this we pull some audio from a
class of middle school I think eighth graders in Boston
who took this porn literacy.
Speaker 11 (27:14):
Class and it's like an after school class.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
They don't watch any porn in it, even though they
all thought they were going to and that's why they
signed up for class, Like, oh, we don't get to
watch porn. Of course there's no porn shown, but they
talk about porn and do this like media literacy workshop
with them to like help them, you know, better understand
what it is that they're seeing and apply that to
(27:37):
their personal lives.
Speaker 11 (27:39):
So we pull audio from these kids who are in
the class, and.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
It's just like it makes me cry when I hear
it because it's the most like earnest direct, like just
this honest approach of kids who are really like out
there living this world of porn that's around all the time,
you know, and they're they're getting at access to it,
and they're trying to understand like what that means for
(28:04):
their own sex lives as young people who may have
never had sex before, and they're like in real time
trying to understand what all this is. And they share
that in this audio. And I've had people tell me
like hearing them gave me permission, the permission and like
strength that I needed to talk to my own kids
who are the same age about porn that maybe they're
(28:27):
going to see soon if they haven't already, to talk
about sex, And like that's just such a gratifying.
Speaker 11 (28:33):
Thing for me to hear that, you know, more of.
Speaker 5 (28:37):
These conversations are happening because of this episode that we created,
and that hopefully, just like you talking to your kids
about the work that you do, like hopefully more and
more of those conversations are just helping to break down
these sort of dangerous myths about the industry and like
equip people to feel more comfortable going into whatever relationships
(29:00):
they're going into.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
With that, right right, right, right, all right, So let's
play a little game.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
Okay, it's gonna it's called myth or fact.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
All right, So I throw out a statement and then
you let me know if it's true or totally a misconception.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
All right, all right, you are ready, right, you are ready?
Speaker 5 (29:25):
Okay, all right, so here we go.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
All right, porn Is it a bad influence on relationships?
Speaker 11 (29:37):
I would say, myth? If that's the end of story, agreed?
Speaker 4 (29:41):
Mmmm? Okay, would you say my mac? I say, uh,
it's a myth.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Mm hmm. It's gonna be very helpful, very very helpful.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
The next one is sex work? Is it not real work?
Speaker 9 (29:57):
Math?
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Math?
Speaker 9 (29:59):
Math? All right?
Speaker 3 (30:01):
The third way, everyone who watches poem wants to replicate it.
Speaker 4 (30:04):
In real life?
Speaker 11 (30:06):
Myth?
Speaker 4 (30:07):
Okay, she got a.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
He he over here looking the little sad eye.
Speaker 11 (30:22):
I think the.
Speaker 12 (30:23):
Last question is should be broken up to men and women,
because I think a lot of men do want to
replicate what they're seeing for in real life, you know,
and you know, I mean.
Speaker 4 (30:38):
That's your answer. This next thing to just wound out.
Speaker 11 (30:42):
That's a really important point though. It's a really good point.
Speaker 5 (30:46):
Yeah, the question was everyone so I think it's got
to be meth if we're talking about Yeah.
Speaker 12 (30:54):
If you want to say that, all right, so absolutely.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Look, Look I love that you two are using your
humor in your research just to break down these misconceptions.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
All right, So why do you think that humor is
such an.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
Effective tool in a conversation about sex?
Speaker 8 (31:18):
I just I think it's like the ultimate release valve,
you know.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
And actually in the podcast, somebody talks about this too.
Speaker 8 (31:24):
It's this woman Shane Louise Houston, who does the like
San Francisco Porn Film Festival, and she talks about and
you're in the festival and everyone's quiet, and it's hot
and it's tense, but then there's a funny moment and
it's just this like collective exhale where everyone gets to
laugh and just like how palpable that feeling is when
(31:46):
you're with other people to be able to connect over Like,
we're all finding pleasure and joy within this moment. And
I think the core of that, like we are experiencing
pleasure and joy and like dopamine together, is also very close,
say mirror to what happens in sex, right, Like you're
discovering joy and connection and so I think just it
(32:06):
kind of it's like a really nice entry point to
just feel more relaxed into the conversation and disarm people
to be more receptive to learning, because it can feel
really squirmy and like tense to feel like you need
to learn about something that you often feel like you
should just know, like people often feel like they should
(32:26):
just know how to have sex, how to communicate.
Speaker 9 (32:28):
It should just work, and so you can feel nice
to just like be in it together.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. I love the words squirm.
I love how you guys got squirm.
Speaker 4 (32:39):
So it wasn't nice.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
Squirm, I hear you, guys. Something exciting coming up for
twenty twenty five was happening.
Speaker 5 (32:45):
Well, we are really growing our events this year, So
in addition to the podcast that we put out in
the fall, we do events a lot in Portland, where
we're based, but also San Francisco, own Seattle.
Speaker 11 (33:00):
We've been expanding and they're.
Speaker 5 (33:03):
Just like the ones we've been working on now are
these squirmy socials. So it's kind of like a semi
structured way to get people together and have conversations about
sex and.
Speaker 11 (33:14):
Kind of like speed dating.
Speaker 5 (33:15):
But it's not one on one and the goal is
not necessarily to pair off, it's just to like bond
over this fun, spicy, sometimes challenging conversation. So we're growing
that series and like expanding to more cities, which is
very exciting. So want to get people in the room
together and feel and squirmy with each other.
Speaker 11 (33:33):
And whatever way that means to them.
Speaker 5 (33:36):
And then we have this conversation deck called get Squirmy,
which is a lot of questions for about sex and intimacy,
and so we're also growing the reach of.
Speaker 11 (33:46):
That and like maybe expanding that.
Speaker 5 (33:49):
Deck into a couple fun things which I won't get
too deep into. And then next year hopefully some more podcasting,
so either another Poor Nerds or something kind of fresh
and new.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
Okay beautiful. I love that. I love the whole.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Thing with doing events and stuff like that. I'm right
with y'all on that one. I'm true right with you
all on that one. Ill meran, So where can our
listeners sign up? Is it anywhere that they can sign
up at to know you know where to go or
when it comes up?
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yes, So our website is get squirmy dot com.
Speaker 8 (34:27):
We have a newslet or that you can sign up
for so you'll get we don't like spam or very Yeah, it's.
Speaker 11 (34:32):
Like light touch updates.
Speaker 8 (34:35):
Our Instagram is at squirm and that always has our
event information and we just it's like such social currencies
and you're looking for any way to support It's nice
to have a follow on Instagram and we have fun
stuff on there. Those are the two main ways to
engage with Squirm and Partners the podcast. Obviously, you can
follow subscribe on anywhere that you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Beautiful beautiful.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
All right, So we got some questions for you that
we did a pre before the show. So here's one
of the questions, How can couples start having better conversations
about their sexual needs and boundaries?
Speaker 11 (35:09):
Such a good question. I mean, I think.
Speaker 5 (35:13):
I think like timing is a really big part of
these conversations and whether they feel productive and.
Speaker 11 (35:23):
Safe or not.
Speaker 5 (35:24):
And I think a lot of the time this topic
can be so stressful in a relationship because we talk
to a lot of people who go years.
Speaker 11 (35:33):
Without ever talking like directly about.
Speaker 5 (35:36):
Their sex life, and so it kind of builds up
as this like oh.
Speaker 11 (35:41):
God, like we got to talk about it. I got
to talk about it.
Speaker 5 (35:43):
Maybe from both people but not actually like bridging that bridging.
Speaker 11 (35:47):
That gap with each other.
Speaker 5 (35:50):
So I think like setting aside time where you're both
you're not rushing off anywhere, you have blood sugar, you
ate something, maybe you're on a walk, and you're not
staring each other in the face, but it's like feels
like a good time for a maybe hard convo. And
then I think there's something super disarming about just named.
(36:12):
Kelsey taught me this, like naming the fact that you
don't really know what to say, but that you feel
like something needs to be said, Like I feel like
I want to talk about this and I'm not really
sure the right words, and I really care about you
and I really love you, and I want to talk
about this part of our life. I feel kind of
scaremy I'm not really sure what to say, but it's
(36:34):
important to me. And it's like you're not coming in
with this. Here we are, this is the thing. You're
just like, I'm just a person struggling a little bit
with this part of my life.
Speaker 11 (36:43):
Let's get into it. And I think that's timing.
Speaker 5 (36:46):
And then, like naming the discomfort can be two ways
to at least like broach the topic if it feels
intimidating to broach.
Speaker 7 (36:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 13 (36:57):
Yeah, I think it's also like not not reserving conversations
about desires or your sex life for when there's like
a problem to solve, you know.
Speaker 9 (37:07):
I think that because there's so.
Speaker 8 (37:09):
Much squeamishness around it, often people like hold it in
for as long as they can until they like haven't
been coming for three months or whatever and like have
to say something, you know, And so obviously there's such.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
A wide variety of like why someone want to talk
about sex.
Speaker 8 (37:24):
But I think just like knowing that that these kind
of conversations are like necessary, yes, but also really hot
and really informative, and like setting a precedent as early
as you can or as soon as you feel it
that like this is an open this is an open
conversation ongoing between the two of us for as long
(37:45):
as we choose to spend together, Like I want to
make sure you're enjoying this and get your desires met
and like vice versa.
Speaker 9 (37:52):
So just kind of.
Speaker 8 (37:53):
Set in the tone that it's like welcomed throughout the
course of the relationship.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Right, So, I have a very debatable question for you,
because some people have you know, too for you when
going out on dates, When going out a dating, when
should sex be brought up in a conversation the first date,
second date, third date, which.
Speaker 8 (38:14):
I mean for I think we're such a tilted sample
size because like it comes.
Speaker 9 (38:19):
Up with an hour, because it's like what do you do?
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Like well, so for me, it comes up really early.
Speaker 8 (38:28):
The topic of sexuality comes up really early consistently.
Speaker 9 (38:34):
But I guess, I guess what I would say is,
I don't think it should be. I don't think there's
like a too soon to discuss it. I don't think
it like needs to.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Come up on any certain number of dates.
Speaker 8 (38:47):
I think probably before you have sex, and I would
personally prefer to talk about it before I have it.
Speaker 9 (38:51):
But I don't feel like there's like a too soon
or like a prescription.
Speaker 8 (38:56):
I think it just it's that's to me, that's part
of like integrating the topic of sexuality in our lives
in a way where it doesn't feel like it's this
like I don't know, like white like white gold gloves,
like topic that you have to like save in dshelf
at a specific time.
Speaker 9 (39:11):
You know, it's a big part of all of our lives.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
Right, you know, I guess you know that. That's one
thing that I remember having this guy. He had an
amazing book. We had them back on our Chocolate radio
days on on that show, and I remember asking him
about the sleeping on the first date question. You know,
(39:35):
how do you feel about a woman? We're gonna say woman,
because with men, you know, they hey, you got it.
Speaker 4 (39:41):
But for a woman sleeping on.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Sleeping with someone on their first date, how do you
think that has grown or do you think we're still
in that time where it's still a stigma.
Speaker 11 (39:56):
That's a good question.
Speaker 5 (39:57):
I think it really depends on who you're talking to,
because I think there's a lot of people who for
whom sex is a very sort of like normalized, comfortable
part of their lives, and having sex with someone on
a first date is like really fun and not this
sort of.
Speaker 11 (40:17):
You don't have to like build up to.
Speaker 5 (40:19):
It in terms of it's like what it means in
a relationship necessarily. And then I think there's still a
lot of people in a lot of places where sex, yeah,
takes up a different space in that early dating.
Speaker 11 (40:35):
And I think if you're asking.
Speaker 5 (40:36):
Like me personally or kind of like the squirm averse,
that we tend to run in.
Speaker 13 (40:45):
That.
Speaker 5 (40:45):
I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with leaping with someone
on the first date of your having a good time,
you know. But I think, like, just like Kelsey was
saying before, we all come to sex with these different backgrounds,
with religion, with like purity culture, with you know.
Speaker 11 (41:00):
Fear mongering from a doomsday cult.
Speaker 5 (41:02):
If that was where you grew up, It's like that's
probably going to inform how comfortable you feel going into
these early dating situations and if you think it's okay
to have sex with someone on the first date, or
if you think there's something shameful about that.
Speaker 8 (41:17):
And I'll say though too, I don't think it's it's
very similar to porn for me, and that like you know,
porn gets this bad wrap of like porn bad like
reflective just like no, you.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Know, but we know like when you get more comfortable,
that's not true.
Speaker 8 (41:32):
I mean, I think we probably all agree on that here,
and like I feel that from a very like personal
personal standpoint with sleeping with someone on the first date,
have done it plenty of times, don't think there's anything
shameful about it. I am single now, and like I
don't really do that anymore just from like what I
want and what I'm trying to, Like, I know how
it affects my like attachment to somebody, and like can
(41:55):
skew or kind of cloud my vision of if I
really even like this person. So like I think there
can be a lot of like you can arrive at
your no in a lot of ways, and you can
arrive at your yes in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
I think the most important thing is like.
Speaker 8 (42:09):
Knowing why you're there, Like why you fall on whatever
side of the fence that you fall on, and if
it's because it's this reflexive like slutshaming thing, I would
encourage people to dig deeper past that, but there's plenty
abalid reasons to not.
Speaker 9 (42:23):
Do it if you don't want to.
Speaker 5 (42:25):
I think that's something that we came to in the
Porn Nerds show too, is like a lot of the
show is wrestling with this idea that a lot of
people are watching a lot of porn and feeling a
lot guilt about it, and like why is that, you know,
And by the end of the show, we're not trying
to prescribe a dose of porn to anybody, where it's like,
(42:45):
here's a healthy dose. Here's an unhealthy dose, because that's
just so subjectively really fun though. I just mean like
a little yeah one massage, Yeah yeah, you get one
new room.
Speaker 9 (42:57):
Massage per day a PM.
Speaker 5 (43:05):
But it's like, yeah, you can arrive at your Yes,
I want to watch porn every day because it feels
good for me, or no, I don't want to watch
porn anymore because of X y Z. But understanding why
why you might feel compelled to like feel bad about
the porn you're watching, or not want to watch it,
or feel like you need to cut it off cold turkey,
like just better understanding what is driving you internally versus
(43:28):
what is like some external story that you're being told
about your behavior?
Speaker 4 (43:33):
Right, you know, thank you for those answer. Those both
great great answers. Do you have any questions about my way?
Speaker 7 (43:40):
You know, I do.
Speaker 12 (43:40):
I have one question. I guess this is for all
the females out here. I mean watching a lot of porn.
We do see porn, and when we see it, you know,
it's like the women are the restive.
Speaker 7 (43:54):
I mean, I seeing what y'all just sell little.
Speaker 12 (43:57):
Capture the woman come here and she makes the first
move and going back to the last thing you asked about,
you know, one nice dance.
Speaker 7 (44:04):
I think women nowadays they may make.
Speaker 12 (44:08):
The first move because they want to see exactly you know,
what's I mean, what they're getting. Like men used to think, oh,
I'm trying to have it on the first day, because
some women they want on the first day to see,
let me see how this guy's sex is. I mean
when I grew up, I was a younger guy out
there some older women, and it was just for the sex.
You know, they wanted to see what, you know, what
(44:30):
they'll get out of me sexual wise. So I think,
and you know, do you females think that are you are?
Will you make a first move on a on a
male just to see what you can get out of
the sex experience.
Speaker 9 (44:44):
It's gonna be bad.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Let's just learn faster.
Speaker 8 (44:53):
I don't know, I've never thought about it that way.
I feel like when I make a move and when
I have sex on the first day, it's just because
I'm like into it and horny and there's a vibe
and we made out on the street and it's like, okay,
let's just do hand stuff and then you.
Speaker 9 (45:06):
Know, here we are.
Speaker 4 (45:09):
I don't know, just.
Speaker 8 (45:15):
In my mind, not cognitively a test, but I does
give you a lot of information.
Speaker 9 (45:19):
That's for sure.
Speaker 5 (45:20):
I think the reverse of that is I probably wouldn't
hold out for too long if because I do want
to eventually know if there's chemistry or not right, So
it's like you're you're gonna kind of want to know
before you get too invested in this person's personality.
Speaker 9 (45:39):
I did have that once. I want like five or
six states on this guy.
Speaker 8 (45:41):
I really liked it super fun and like it's unusual
for me not to have sex for that long.
Speaker 9 (45:48):
And then it was really.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
Bad, like just the chemistry was not there.
Speaker 8 (45:51):
And it was like a month and a half into
knowing him, and I was like, wow, I wish I
just kind of.
Speaker 4 (45:55):
Knocked that out anticipated use this, this ship gonna be
really good.
Speaker 7 (46:02):
And then it was just like.
Speaker 9 (46:04):
It was just like it was like a balloon. Just
like it's not.
Speaker 4 (46:09):
Just like.
Speaker 9 (46:12):
That we were like midway through. I think we were both.
Speaker 11 (46:16):
So much build up too for that. I think that's
that's tough.
Speaker 4 (46:19):
Yeah, I think that that is that was That was
a good question about well, if you think, okay, you
got one more you.
Speaker 12 (46:27):
Know, so, what what is one thing you wish more
people could understand about the industry all all together.
Speaker 11 (46:35):
Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 5 (46:37):
I feel like the short answer for me it would
be that it's just like any other industry. Like it's
like people who are working hard, who come at it
from a lot of different interests and desires and want
to get different things out of it, and there's like
really amazing, creative, you know, super positive experiences, and then
(46:58):
just like any other industry, there's like bad stuff that happens.
Like it's it's no different than working in finance, or
working in politics, or working.
Speaker 11 (47:07):
In you know, real estate.
Speaker 5 (47:09):
There's like unethical stuff that happens in every industry. It's
just the porn industry that seems to be front and
center in a disproportionate way. So I just want more
people to understand that it's like real people working hard,
doing what they love a lot of the time, and
then just like any other industry, there's there's the shitty stuff.
Speaker 3 (47:31):
Yeah, yeah, you know, you know, I actually I love
that you all, that you truly bring light to it
in to take away the stigma of it and just
being on the outside of it. It's great to hear
that we have other voices besides us that's you know,
are the sex workers or the retired sex workers just
(47:54):
keeping a positive.
Speaker 4 (47:55):
Movement of it?
Speaker 3 (47:56):
And I do truly appreciate appreciate it all, and I
love the insight that you that you have right now.
But for our listeners, I have a question for you
if you have any more questions to keep them coming,
and I want you to tag us at hashtag bridge
that Gap live or on social media and so we
can keep this conversation going.
Speaker 4 (48:16):
Going on.
Speaker 3 (48:19):
Do you have any last words for us kills and
tests before we close out?
Speaker 11 (48:26):
I have a question for both of you.
Speaker 5 (48:29):
I want to know what you what you think makes
someone good at sense.
Speaker 3 (48:33):
I love your question the girl, No, I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding, you know. For for me, it is
surely the communication. It's to asking the questions because I
(48:54):
want to know what what turns you on as well
as I want you to know what turns me on.
So it's kind of to have a mutual conversation with
each other and really get to knowing each other's body.
For me, that's one thing that I did learn with
being in the adult industry is what really turns me
on a lot of times we don't know that is
(49:16):
because we've been talked to. When we do that self
discovery of ourselves as we call masturbation, we're not supposed
to do that. So like for me, if you're uncomfortable,
let's get comfortable together. Let's do some things even before
we get into the hardcore of things. I want to
touch and explore you, and you touch and explore me.
(49:38):
And that's what makes great sex for me, is you
are willing to go through that journey with me in it.
Speaker 7 (49:48):
Yeah, that's a very good answer.
Speaker 12 (49:50):
And I think even before you know you talk about dating,
but even for dating, I mean, I've been in a
few relationships where I was friends with the person first,
and it was kind of like a cheat because when
you're friends with someone, you talk about everything. You just
talk about everything. And this was a person I didn't
even have to think I had a chance for being
in a relationship with, you know, So she talked to me.
(50:11):
I talked to her about past experience and things, and
it got so fun that when we did get together,
everything was kind of out in the open and we
kind of.
Speaker 7 (50:20):
Knew what each other life, you know, So it was
just like it was.
Speaker 12 (50:24):
Just like Seth even for it even got the adult
that we would have sex.
Speaker 7 (50:29):
We had conversations about it.
Speaker 3 (50:30):
Yeah, you know what in that talk I'm telling you
when that when you talk that sex talk, that sexy
talk that around.
Speaker 9 (50:38):
You, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
Yeah, it's like communication truly is the best.
Speaker 4 (50:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (50:46):
Yeah, I think something that connects both of your answers
is just the vulnerability that you're experiencing with that person,
whether it's through that friendship and you're getting to know
each other and in a different way, and you're like
vulnerable because you don't have this oh we're trying to
date and like trying to have sex. You just can
learn from each other that way. And then what you're
(51:07):
talking about with the like someone being willing to go
there with you, that takes the willingness to be vulnerable,
and like that is such a such a sexy quality
for someone you know to like really be there with
you and help you feel seen and help you feel
super sexy.
Speaker 3 (51:25):
Yeah, you have to because it's a very enjoyable space
to be and even connected spiritually honestly, and so you
want to make sure that you are truly enjoying that.
Like what I said, me learning about myself more sexually
and spiritually happened within the industry when I was in
(51:45):
the industry because I didn't go to church, so I
had to be connected spiritually.
Speaker 4 (51:49):
I had to pray in my.
Speaker 3 (51:50):
Car, I had to pray on set to make sure
that I was just as grounded as I could be,
but also sexually. It gave me an open to be me,
to really be who I am and understand myself completely.
A lot of the times we don't have that opportunity
with the outside world and society because it's been looked
(52:14):
down on what sexuality and I can't understand how sex
can be such a demonized world when this is something
that we give birth to.
Speaker 4 (52:23):
You know, this is the thing.
Speaker 3 (52:24):
That magic happens that you know, a beautiful creation is
happening from that. So why can't we start to educate people,
you know, not only to educate wise, but the spiritual.
Speaker 4 (52:35):
Wise, the communication wise.
Speaker 3 (52:39):
To just make it to where this can truly be
a beautiful thing.
Speaker 8 (52:43):
Yeah, well everything, Yeah, recording of this mantra. I have
a how did dog dog pound? How did did you
get your nickname?
Speaker 9 (53:01):
Dohn Pound?
Speaker 2 (53:02):
Is that what it is?
Speaker 7 (53:11):
I mean?
Speaker 12 (53:12):
Back when I was younger, I mean I was sexual.
I was sexual at a young age. And you know, relationships,
I've been in relationship, but my experience would been to
you know, give with somebody, we have some sex, we
have some good times and and they do refer to
some kind of men as dog. But I tell him
like it is. That's one that's another part of my name.
(53:33):
I think now he was part of giving my name
because I just I just tell her like it is
straight from the dog man. When you dog that talk,
what's real, And that's that's where.
Speaker 7 (53:45):
It came from.
Speaker 3 (53:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was the he kept it real.
We had a show back in the day was Chocolate Radio.
We had Chocolate Radio and it was him and another
guy and they were just and you know, I'm like
the one to just keep it cute and sexy and
you know, and they like really robed with it, but
coming from a man's point of view. And then we
(54:06):
added someone new to it, didn't know it all like
he was booked sense of and he was also a
director in the porn industry, so he was coming from
a different aspect as well.
Speaker 4 (54:16):
So when you have all three of us there, you know,
he just being what people would say on.
Speaker 3 (54:23):
He would say what people want to say but can't
say to a shame.
Speaker 4 (54:29):
To say, you know what I mean? And so that
was very for me. It was very.
Speaker 10 (54:34):
Doggish on some of the things that he says. So
I was bark, you know, type of everybody's here because
of sex, would be nobody here every.
Speaker 12 (54:54):
You know, you have to take it like it is,
and so it's there's after everybody's gonna have it.
Speaker 7 (54:59):
Everybody's trying to have it, So let's talk about.
Speaker 4 (55:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (55:06):
Unfortunately dog Pound has calmed down a little bit, so
he's like, I don't even really got an old hounddog.
Speaker 11 (55:19):
Quiet these days.
Speaker 4 (55:26):
You know.
Speaker 3 (55:27):
We again, ladies, thank you so much again for being
here and just giving us this great conversation.
Speaker 4 (55:33):
Again.
Speaker 3 (55:33):
If you want to share your website again, your podcast
and where people can find you at your social media everything,
give it to him awesome.
Speaker 8 (55:41):
Get squirmy dot com is our website, follow us on
Instagram at squirm and the.
Speaker 9 (55:45):
Podcast is Poor Nerds. It's six episodes. It's so much fun.
You're gonna love it, guarantee.
Speaker 3 (55:50):
It beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 4 (55:53):
So before we go, I want to do a quick reminder.
Speaker 3 (55:56):
In May, we are launching our Love and Mental Health
Awareness Month series. This is something very dear to me
that I just cannot wait to do. Remember every week
in May we'll be joined by a panel of a
credible guests to discuss love, relationship and mental wellness and
you don't want to miss it. Next month we got
(56:18):
a whole lineup of amazing guests coming.
Speaker 4 (56:22):
I just can't wait. Doc Partma, you got any last words?
Speaker 7 (56:26):
This was a great show.
Speaker 12 (56:27):
Love to talk to you, ladies and everybody.
Speaker 4 (56:36):
My beautiful people, Thank you too. I'll I have beautiful people,
so listen again.
Speaker 3 (56:41):
Remember if you want a love sex relationship advice, you
can always email us at Assiomi at gmail dot com.
And as always, be good to one another in yourself
and I always keep your sex a beautiful people. That
is a rep for another episode of Acts Naomi Breathing
the Gap And I hope today's conversation has us something
(57:01):
beautiful with me you and gave you the two to
elevate your love lifeitudes the next level. And I want
you to remember, transformation doesn't happen overnight. It happens one conversation,
one choice, in one moment of.
Speaker 4 (57:15):
Courage ny time.
Speaker 3 (57:16):
So you have everything within you to create the love
and the intipacy that yous us, So don't forget to subscribe.
Speaker 4 (57:24):
Put that those there so you would never look to anotherness.
So share this with someone who needs to heal it
and let's keep baling with some others.
Speaker 11 (57:33):
Really, Toney.
Speaker 3 (57:34):
You can find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, if alreadio
and everywhere podcasts are another one. You can follow me
on instruments, tickt and all social platforms at ads, Saomi and.
Speaker 2 (57:46):
For our daily inspiration and be nine sweet.
Speaker 11 (57:50):
So until next week's keep growing.
Speaker 3 (57:53):
Keep loving and remember to always do.
Speaker 4 (57:57):
This is your girl the guide.
Speaker 3 (57:58):
Now I'm the banks here as the naxime Ana x
Naomi prosume the game
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