I Had To Fire My Job Feat. 19 Keys

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
This is Ania.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
I'm Jamila.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
Oh okay, you know, you know we got a special guest.
I got to use my full Muslim name today.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
I was like, oh, Jamila, not Mila today.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
For those of you who are confused, my name is
Jamila and I go by Mila.

Speaker 4 (00:42):
It's been many layers to me.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
It's also possibly Jamila. But you know my name is no.
You let people call you that.

Speaker 3 (00:49):
I live in the valley amongst a lot of whites.
I've grown up here in my whole life, and I'm
not correcting everybody every five minutes. So I've been a
lot of things, a lot of I know. I have
whit friends who are like, your name's Jamila. I'm like, yes, bitch,
always has been so yeah. Hi, Hi, how are you feeling.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
I'm good. I'm good. You guys, welcome to Money March.
If you're just joining us, We're focusing on finance and
wealth and all things money and abundance this month. I'm
really excited because we have a special guest today. We
have none other than Thought Leader and what what? What

(01:29):
do you like to be introduced us? Thought leader works
for me, okay thought leader titles? No, okay, well, I'm
mean neither thought Leader. Nineteen Keys is in the building
joining us today. So thank you, sir for coming by.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
We've been wanting to interview you for a minute. We've
been We've been low key stalking you on the ground
and watching the videos.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
We're professional Instagram stokers. So if you open up your
dms and happen to find eighteen from us, I canore
those we got you here.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
I appreciated them a moment. This is done.

Speaker 4 (02:07):
I mean consistency. Shit persistency.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
People like count themselves out because they are too like
the two. Their ego gets in the way of asking
for what they want, you know, and like every single
thing we've gotten is because we pull up in those
dms and we ask Someone asked me that, like, who
does your pr I'm like the Instagram dms me, So yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
Well I don't really know much about you prior to
what you do now, So can you give us a
little backstory? Who is nineteen Keys? Where are you from?

Speaker 4 (02:40):
How did you become a major thought leader on the internets.

Speaker 5 (02:44):
You know, I grew up in Oakland, California. I'm born
in Saint Louis, raised in Oakland, California. My story really
starts early. You know, I got videotapes and me speaking,
you know, on topics that I talk about now. From
a child, I feel like I was really groomed and
raised to be who I am today. Is just you know,
throughout iterations of my life in different cycles, you know,

(03:05):
I found my way into the streets and it's different things,
but as an adult, I found my way back to it.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
You know.

Speaker 5 (03:12):
There was a time where I remember, you know, being
in the streets of Oakland. I used to speak at
sometimes they had like protest and rallies, and oft the
time it did be about like social justice right, and
it would be no young black men speaking, but it'd
be about young black men.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Death a lot.

Speaker 5 (03:27):
So I just felt like there was no representation, you know.
So I remember I used to grow and grabbing Michael
a bullhorn and speak and give a speech that was
just you know, my passion at the time, and then
weeks after that there would still be people walking up
to me and giving me compliments about you know what
I said, and making suggestions of me to speak more
and things of that nature.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Is this teenage keys or is this.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
Uh ye just teenage?

Speaker 5 (03:52):
Let me see, Oh it was at this shop. I
think maybe like twenty one twenty, you understand me. Yeah,
I think it's about twenty one twenty. But you know,
I grew up in a black Muslim environment in Oakland, California,
and so I've always seen black men speak up, you
understand me.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
I already seen black men have their.

Speaker 5 (04:10):
Enterprises and you know, have the ability to manage other
people and to go out there and speak about social
justice and things of that nature. So that was never like,
you know, something that was special to me. That was
just normal to me growing up. Right, we had a
very interesting upbringing growing up in Oakland, California.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
So for me to you know, feel.

Speaker 5 (04:30):
Like that's a path that I could follow of being
an eloquent speaker and the type of conversations that we
have privately bringing those to a public stage, that's just
me being myself. Like I got seven brothers, so like
and two sisters. This is how we just talk. I
had a shop in Oakland. People would come in there
and they'd chop it up with me, and like, these
are the conversations and debates and bills that we have

(04:51):
been So you know, I always thought like, damn if
people actually because I never hear our perspectives on the
internet or in.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
The news or on TV.

Speaker 5 (04:59):
So I'm like, damn people hurt our perspective, they would
love it or it changed their mind, you understand me.
So that always been my thought from a young age, right,
And so I.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Remember it was Shabo College. They had a.

Speaker 5 (05:13):
Opportunity that they sent to me to come up there
and speak to the young men. And I guess some
of the young men seeing me on Instagram, I hadn't
be at like three four hundred followers, but they just
seen how I carried myself. Things I talked about daily,
the journey entrepreneurship.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
As I was in this space of I had just
fired my job and I started.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
My own business. What you mean you just fired your job?

Speaker 1 (05:35):
I fired my job. Now, firing is a two way street.
I understand me. No I fired, I fired. I put
them on though.

Speaker 5 (05:42):
I let them know, you understand me that I'm going
to bigger and better things. I matched out all that
I can do here and y'all can no longer go
for me. I worked that product, right, So I was
getting paid like six figures. It was a good job
by any standards, right.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
I learned a lot, you know. I took all the
information and knowledge, but I decided that damn, you know, I.

Speaker 5 (06:00):
Can't talk to people about independence. If I'm not independent,
I can't talk to people about these things. So I
just felt like a hypocrite if I wasn't doing on myself.
So instead I decided to just go on that journey.
So I truly believe that you know, the way a
job can fire you. You can fire them, whynot. It's
a business relationship, right, I do.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
Something for you, you do something for me. Right.

Speaker 5 (06:20):
If I feel like I have, you know, outgrew the
terms of disagreement, then you fired.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
Right, you can no longer do anything for me, right.
So I think that.

Speaker 5 (06:28):
That's a like a slave master mindset, that they only
put the power on one side of the dynamic.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
Right, So hell yeah, I fired them.

Speaker 5 (06:38):
Then I took that information, knowledge and experience, and I
started to work for myself, right, And so that afforded
me the opportunity to feel free and to really chase
things that I was driven and I felt that was
purposeful in my life.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
Right.

Speaker 5 (06:51):
And so at the time I had a clothing store,
ice to designed everything. I did the marketing, the branding.
So I took all the skill sets that I learned
from product and I said, damn, if I can make
these people through million dollars a year, what can I
do for myself?

Speaker 1 (07:03):
Right?

Speaker 5 (07:03):
So even if I just get the percentage of that,
I'll be all right, right, And so you know I
was right. And so there were students that seen me
talk about my journey and my process of development, and
it was like, yo, we want him to come up
there and speak, and so the guy agreed that was
the head of that particular program. I went up there
and I remember asking my brother Jay Short, I say, listen,

(07:26):
you know this is gonna go viral.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
It's all I'm talking to him, all right.

Speaker 5 (07:29):
I ain't never had nothing reach a thousand views or nothing,
but I just really believe that, you know, this perspective
is needed. And I when I go speak anywhere, I'm
not just speaking to the students, I'm speaking to everybody, right,
Always tell them like the people that are there, they're
there to witness the message that.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
The world is gonna received as well. Right.

Speaker 5 (07:48):
So I went in there and I think it about
an hour and a half, I gave my lecture to
the students and did a Q and A, and I
remember I told him to send me the video because
he started making these edits and cuts, and it kind
of looked like everything you see on social media, like
it looked like you're trying to go viral or something.
And really, I genuinely wanted people to get every aspect

(08:09):
of the message, so I make sure that none of
it could been misunderstood. So I had all these lengthy captions.
I make sure that there was sonic marketing where there
was booms, and every point that I wanted people to
pay attention to, we put overlay.

Speaker 1 (08:21):
Text on it.

Speaker 5 (08:22):
And so when I dropped the first video, lo and behold,
it went viral. Dropped the second video, I probably got
like fifty sixty clips.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
On one video.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
What were you actually talking about?

Speaker 5 (08:30):
I was talking about just the journey mental development, you know,
that struggle on the journey of family versus friends. You know,
people wanted support, not supporting, seeing the vision, thinking long term, right,
being underestimated, how to use that as leverage on the journey,
like all of those things that you know. I think
it was really hard hitting for people as they were

(08:52):
listening because you had all these celebrities that is following
blogs was picking it up like it was every clip
was just going crazy like they'd never heard the gospel before.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
It's on about so, you know, and on from there.

Speaker 5 (09:03):
I always took that principle, like I hed Kevin Harse say,
when you have the fire lit, it's easier to keep
throwing stuff in the fire and relight it, right, And
so instead, you know, I decided to keep the motion moving.
And you know, fast forward five six years later, you know,
we're still in action.

Speaker 3 (09:17):
So that was five or six years ago that you
started on this journey of public speaking.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, I would say about five years ago.

Speaker 3 (09:23):
I think it's it's powerful to you know, you know,
change your words and say I fired my job. I
think a lot of people become dependent on our jobs
because it's our butter and butter our it's our shelter,
it's our bills, and so like to people have dreams
and a lot of times ignore the dreams because they're
married to these jobs. They feel slaved to them because
they feel like, well, if this doesn't work out, at

(09:45):
least I have this consistent check. So I think like
that mindset shift is important, even the language that you
use and that you're like, I see that I'm making
you money.

Speaker 4 (09:54):
And truly, when you work at a like a.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
Corporation like that, they don't give a fuck about the salesperson,
like you're replaceable. But you know, a lot of times,
as black people are as just you know, working people,
we are so dependent upon those jobs that we don't
have the the fear like prevents us from pursuing our
dreams or like our power and what we know we're
good at. But and I heard you say something about,

(10:18):
like you feel like you were groomed for this from
a young age, Like what kind of household did you
grow up in? How did your parents groom you for this?
Like what was your like were your parents married or
what was the ideology that like puts you in that
mind frame from a young age to have the courage
to be like, I'm out of here, I'm good my parents.

Speaker 5 (10:37):
I grew up in a black Muslim household, and I
think the earliest affirmation that thought they ever gave.

Speaker 1 (10:42):
Was is that you are a god right. And in
that journey of understanding what that meant.

Speaker 5 (10:48):
Right has been a lifelong journey right, And through different
phases of my life's different mental development, it means something
different to me through each phase. But it has been
the backbone of self belief that has stirred me alone,
the path of believing that you know, the impossible is possible.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
Right.

Speaker 5 (11:07):
So no matter times I got in trouble, right, I
always thought that now, but.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
I'm a god, I can get myself out of it. Right.

Speaker 5 (11:13):
Always took that level of accountability over my reality.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
Right.

Speaker 5 (11:17):
And so also like just that glooming process of being
young in a black Muslim household, we.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
Were just taught about who the devil was and who
God was.

Speaker 5 (11:25):
So I was never surprised about what I see in
the world, right, because we was taught about the ills
of society.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
Right.

Speaker 5 (11:30):
So as a young man, even in the streets, right,
when I see, you know, the police do something, when
I see cast in the street do something, I understand
the mentality of where both sides come from.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
Right.

Speaker 5 (11:40):
It's like understanding the snake nature and if it bites you, right,
you don't get mad at the snake.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
That's just his nature.

Speaker 5 (11:46):
He didn't do nothing to you personally, And so understanding
the nature of this world gives you the ability to
deal with this world. Right, and so for me me
understanding you know that there's many young black men, ain't
many young males who don't know what it's like to
you know, have let's say, you know, a role model
in their life, a father in their life, some knowledge

(12:07):
yourself in their life.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
Right.

Speaker 5 (12:09):
I wanted to make sure that those are the keys
that I give out, you know, because I believe we
live in a world that is underfathered. I understand me,
and so that lack of that means that there's a
lot of people who don't get that ability to truly
develop themselves with the right energies around.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Understand me. And so I just kind of participated in.

Speaker 5 (12:27):
That whole reality that you know, if you have a
gift of talent or skill and know how or something
to do, you have to utilize that in some capacity
to add to.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
The world, right, in some measurement of good.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
I think about just education in general, and I'm curious
to know your views on that. I don't know, did
you go to college.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
I went to one year of college. I dropped out.
I ended up catching the case, not because.

Speaker 5 (12:50):
Not during college, but I was accused of something and
then I beat the case I was accused of an assault, right,
I end up beating that case.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
And then I never ended up going back to college.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
So what are your views on education? Because I mean, obviously,
you know we're all I think from an early age
we're primed to believe that going to college is going
to set you up for success, that it's guaranteed to
set you up success, and we all know that it
really sets you up for extreme debt.

Speaker 4 (13:20):
Set you up to work for the man.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
I mean, granted, I think there's benefits in education. I
think now we live in a world where education is
a lot more accessible. You can learn really and get
really specific about what you actually care about. Now, But
what are your views on I mean, I'm assuming you're
not really for college or am I wrong?

Speaker 5 (13:42):
Well, it depends, right, I think it's not as general
and shouldn't be used as loosely as it always has, right, Like,
of course, I'm pro education. I believe learning, right, I'm
pro learning, I'm pro knowledge, right, pro self development. You
can't get that without being educated.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
Right.

Speaker 5 (13:59):
If you look at the way to all people have
built their wealth, it has been through education, right, And
so you know whether that's Asian Jewish, White, Hispanic culture,
whoever it is, right, education is a primary backbone in
that process of their standards towards wealth.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
Right. So you can't get rid of education because.

Speaker 5 (14:16):
The people who don't know nothing can't do nothing right.
And so even when you look at any neighborhood in America,
it's the low education that you know decreases their opportunities
and the outcome of their life, right, And so that's
the environment. So I'm definitely pro education. And when it
comes to college and even in the public school system,
I think that that's where all of that needs to
be reforming and all thinking go around that needs to change.

(14:40):
There are many elements about the public education system that
is just a complete scam, right for those who believe
that it does anything else but to make you a
worker of somebody else that you know has a job.
It is meant to prepare you for the workforce, right
as human capital. It's not meant to make you smart,
and not meant to make you to you know, industry thinker,

(15:01):
and I meant to make you a genius, brilliant, to
develop those aspects of yourself that allow you to thrust,
to flourish, and to live in purpose, the thing that
people chase after they go through college and education and
they in debt, and they still don't feel like they purpose, right,
they living within a purpose and they don't have drive
towards the things that they learn at all. Right, And
so you know, I heard Robert Smith say that sixty

(15:21):
percent of black wealth goes towards you know, college debt. Right,
And so when you think about just that staggering figure
within itself, it has to be a scam, right if
that's not what got us out of the condition. And
we're spending all of this money and sixty percent of
black wealth is being poured into debt, where would that
money have been, right if we utilize an alternative system,

(15:44):
developing skill sets and finding a correct division towards education.
But because so many parents try to live their failures, right,
and they try to pass that off onto their children
to be the first one who graduate from school, first
one graduate from college. Get this increase your opportunities for success.
They never gave them any other routes route. And so

(16:05):
you know, a low leveled thinker is always going to
findly one solution to a problem. A high level thinker
has multiple solutions to a problem. So now we live
in today where we have more access than any of
the generation ever to exist. Right, So you can learn
out the internet, you can learn from artificial intelligence, you
can learn from peers, you can learn from so many
different people to get direct skills that can help you

(16:26):
live the type of life that you want, rather than
have the go to a slew of courses, right, pay
thousands and thousands of dollars and not use probably.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
Ten percent of that information in real life.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
I totally agree. I also agree that we are in
the age of so much information and it's not even
really being used. I mean, I think because a our
detention span is non.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
Existent absolutely, and.

Speaker 2 (16:51):
B there's just so much distraction that's like muddled in
all the information by design, so that it's like, oh,
that's cool, that's interesting, but let me see this over here,
and then just you kind of go back and forth
and back and forth, and you spend so much time
wasting time that it is wild to know that there
is literally you can do anything you want. The YouTube

(17:14):
university is a real fucking thing. Like I've learned so
much just from a listening to podcasts. Now you don't
even have to read books you can just listen to them.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
That's the fact.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
Like there's so many's they've simplified everything, and yet there's
still such a like a lack in education.

Speaker 5 (17:33):
I think it's mental exhaustion is a real thing. We
got a thing where everybody has access to the information,
but most people don't know how to think right like
you can. If you give a smart man right a
phone the internet, he's going to do smart things with it.
You give a person that's low education and they're considered
to be unintelligence and dumb, they're going to do dumb
things with it because they only have the option of

(17:54):
their resources, which is their mind, right, that's what they
know what to do with it. So there's always going
to be some people who use things intelligently and something
people who use things ignorantly, right, And so they don't
mind giving tools to a society when they already know
their education levels. We didn't teach y'all nothing in school.
This ain't dangerous to give.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
Y'all this, right, Just look at how you you go
get this phone and you go dance with it. You're
not gonna put out no message, You're not gonna do
anything that matters to the world. Or the system, and if.

Speaker 5 (18:21):
You do, we just go change the rules, go deplatform,
demonetize you, de boost you.

Speaker 1 (18:26):
So we just go, you know, squash any threats to
what we feel like should be the society. So who
are the gatekeepers?

Speaker 5 (18:32):
The most successful people, those people that have the control
over their algorithms and social media and the platforms, and
those impositions of power, and those who already come from
families of power. Who you know, it becomes less about
the education more about the network, right, and so you know,
you can be smartest you onto you don't know the
right people, you can't do nothing. But now we at

(18:54):
this point where possibly you still can because you got
the internet. So you see people who are able to
build themselves up to where they can become the most
talked about subject in the world possibly. And then there
are some people who are stopped from becoming those subjects
because they make sure that no, that was about to
go viral, let's let's.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Kill that, right.

Speaker 5 (19:12):
We don't want that to be the primary talk of
the town. So it's a dangerous society where you know,
you're not really free to grow, right, And so you
got to learn how to play the game.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
The game ain't taught how.

Speaker 5 (19:24):
To be played in school. It's not They don't tell
you how to do your taxes. They don't tell you
how to do credit. They don't tell you how to
build a business. They don't tell you how to utilize
social media. They don't tell you how to think. They'll
tell you what type of thinker you are, right, and they.

Speaker 4 (19:36):
Tell you how to think, and they tell you how
to not think freely.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
Well that at or positively they're not thinking.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
That's like most of it is memorization.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
I was listening to an episode you had on your show,
and you were talking about how even the most like
gifted young black women, girls or boys, often when they're
exposed essentially then they're then taken from the community and
put into these white schools and they're sent to these

(20:05):
white colleges and then kind of used as a tool
to keep the machine going. And I was like, WHOA,
I've never even like considered that, And it's it's so
true because even as genius as that young boy or
girl may be, they don't have the wherewithal or the
education to know that they can use that and bring

(20:27):
it back to the community. It's almost like they're trained
to seek the validation in whiteness.

Speaker 3 (20:33):
Well that's the whole system, right, like everything, but I
never realized like that.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
I mean obviously, but it's like to really think about
the isolation and to take them from the community and
then put them in Go to Stanford, go to Yale,
you know where you're where you're gonna experience being the
minority but also celebrated because you're the minority and you're smart.
So it's like this mind fuck of like, well I'm
the smartest, I'm the smartest one here, but I'm also

(20:58):
like the only one here.

Speaker 4 (21:00):
I think.

Speaker 3 (21:00):
It's also like the system so fucked is because like
when you talk about education, and you know, even black
people like you said like they're like, well, I didn't
go to college. I'm gonna give this opportunity for my
child because this is the system in which we've been given.
You're going to go get this higher education and do
something with your life. But when the curriculum is feeding
the beast and you're not learning an education that supports

(21:22):
who you are or who your culture is or what
your history is, then you're just memorizing things that have
absolutely nothing to do with you or your community or
how to better it. In fact, you might be a
gifted child and you might test high, but you are
testing high within a system that was not created for you.
It was created you know, everything we've learned, Like you know,
we just asked U where we're from.

Speaker 4 (21:42):
We're from the valley. And I've always been one.

Speaker 3 (21:44):
Of two or three black kids in every school I
went to until I went to college. And that's because
I chose to go to HBCU because my parents are like, oh,
you need to get the fuck out of here. But
it's crazy that like we push our kids. Well, first
of all, we've assimilated to this entire system, because this
is just you know, like the history of America essentially.
But then you learn and you exceed in these systems

(22:06):
that were never really created to put you on top.

Speaker 4 (22:09):
It's only created.

Speaker 3 (22:10):
Like you said, I'll take all remove you, I'll put
you with Billy and Joe, and then I'll put you
at the top of my company so you can make
me three million dollars a year, you know. And so
if you're not if you're not clear about who you
are and how you support your community or your family,
you will think that that's the ultimate success story.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
You know.

Speaker 3 (22:28):
So it's just like you, we have to continuously examine
what truly is success for us. Does it look like
you know, Becky down the street. No, because she has,
she's been, that's her, that's a system for her, that's
her education. She her parents are going to put that
fucking trust fund aside for her. So she's not like
starting from zero, she's starting from one hundred because she

(22:51):
has credit, she knows, she has inherited a business and
you know, and not to It's just we have to
be clear as black people that our systems and our
education is completely different, and we have to oftentimes be
willing to reject those things and not go to those
schools even if I am right, even if I can
and go a route that like evolves us in a

(23:14):
completely different way.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (23:16):
That and you have to be connected to not even
the word culture is just so washed down, but you know,
an ethnic route, right, Like you can be black, but
what's your ethnicity, what is your values, your belief what's
your religion right?

Speaker 1 (23:32):
What is your system, what's your principles? Right? What do
you take pride in?

Speaker 5 (23:36):
So you know, if you're not connected to that, and
you become separated from that. Right now, you think you're
better than that. Right now, you're not connected to the
issues problem. Matter of fact, you don't even know them.
So you get this intelligence and you're so disconnected to
what's happening in the neighborhoods the hood. Black people like
you can be for humanity, but it's okay to have
a singular focus, to say I want to focus on

(23:57):
black people and those problems, right the same way. You
know there's some women who just focus on women problems, right.
There are gay people focus on nothing but gay people problems,
Jewish people, Jewish problems. They only make it seem like
there's a problem to be pro black, right, and his
ideas like, well, what's the opposite of pro black is
anti black? So anti black is accepted more widely than

(24:20):
being pro black. Right, anti black, you can talk about murdering, killing,
robbing each other, you can talk about degregation, you can
talk about slinging, you know, fitting all to each other.
That's that's that's anti black behavior.

Speaker 4 (24:32):
Black crime.

Speaker 5 (24:33):
Right, But pro black gets made fun of in media
pro black man all of a sudden because those tropes
have been perpetuated by those people who own media. Black
people didn't create those tropes, but we perpetuate them.

Speaker 2 (24:45):
Well, I think about the the term or the the
I guess, yeah, the term or the identity of a hotel,
right right. You know, that's that's always comes up in
on the internet, and amongst amongst black women, they be like,
oh shit, there's a whole tep thing. They're like, oh, Lauri,
you're about to come over here and talk about good
morning queen or grand rising. And you know, I've had

(25:09):
to check myself because I've I've received it from certain
people where I'm like, Okay, this feels genuine, and then
there's other people where I'm like please, Like, I don't know,
and but I think that we are so not used
to even talking to each other in a positive way
and greeting each other in that way that it feels facetious.

Speaker 5 (25:31):
Where we learned that from though, Like if you first
seen that in the movie, first, you first seen that
on a TV show, it wasn't never just a natural
thought to you've heard somebody else say it, so then
you learned that's how I'm gonna treat this person. It
wasn't a natural thought that if a person treats you nice,
then they corny you know what I'm saying, like the
oracles of the world.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Nice, it's the certain words. It's a certain word. And
because of the language and certain words that I guess
trigger certain women. I think because there's black men that have,
especially with black women, that have presented themselves in one
way and then treated them another way.

Speaker 5 (26:08):
The men who said good morning and have been toxic
as well. So there's been way more men that have
said good morning, and we're more toxic than the.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
People that you can count that have said good rising.
You understand me. So you you.

Speaker 5 (26:20):
Can't vilify a couple of words when your whole life
people have been telling you good morning, if you've had
bad incidents with them.

Speaker 4 (26:27):
No, I agree. You can't write off we learned, we
learned good morning from you can't.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
You can't write unity based on like some shower apples. However,
I will say just from like person, well, first of
both my parents from Philly.

Speaker 4 (26:42):
It's a lot of black Muslims in Philly.

Speaker 1 (26:44):
Yeah, shout out to Philly, Shout out to Philly.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
I have a lot of cousins, a lot of relatives,
even me, like, I think, let's good to it. I
I have like even I like in my my even
growing up in the valley in white spaces, I got early.

Speaker 4 (27:04):
My blackness.

Speaker 3 (27:05):
I was aware of it. I knew very early I
was going to HBCU. Both my parents went to HBCUs,
my grandparents went to HBCUs, my aunt, my uncle, like
having pride in being black was very important, and like
Malcolm X was like one of the first books I
was it was mandated for me to read in my household.
I think for women or for me, let me say personally,

(27:27):
my not my issue, but my Sometimes when I have
written off certain people, and I've assumed that is that
I've had experience is with men who identify as I'm
a Muslim man, and I'm and I only want to
be with a virtuous woman, and I'm and maybe they're
highly educated and they know how to talk, and they
are charming, and they are coming off as religious in

(27:50):
ways and educated, and they use that same power to manipulate,
which is my problem with a lot of religions in general.
And we see that in Christianity the pastors be and
all types of shit and stealing and fucking and all
these shady things that are un Christian or unholy. And
I mean and I say this across the board, like
I'm not into hypocrites, you know, but I think women

(28:13):
sometimes get a bad taste in their mouth because in
certain religions, and like most of them, honestly, the patriarchy
excuses behavior that's not of the word or of the
study in which you follow, and then they use it
as a as a tool to shame and belittle women.
And so it immediately when you see a man and
he's like, oh, I'm a good Muslim man and good

(28:35):
morning queen, and you're like, i'd been got before, because
let me tell you, I'll be the first to say
I have been got by someone who you know, represents
himself as in a certain way. And then lo and behold,
And that's my fault because I know better. You peel
back some layers and it's like, oh, you're just as
unhealed as a lot of these other men, but you

(28:56):
are covering it in this religion and this cloth, and
that I think puts a bad taste in people's mouth.
And I don't disagree that we get like the Also
how we, like you said, if like we watch media
that is continuously feeding us negative imagery about ourselves, we
are going to beginning to hate ourselves. And let's face it,

(29:16):
America has intentionally built its whole shit on making Black
people not know who they are and hate themselves and
in turn hate each other and not you know, seek
to know our true essence and our true nature and
our true you know, culture, and our true religion and
where we came from. But I just I think that

(29:37):
is my issue with the hotypes that I have come across.

Speaker 5 (29:40):
Well, I mean, I don't you know the word hotep
is you know, it's a false classification. Hotel just mean
live in peace, right, right, but to be at peace
rather But in the Urban Dictionary, what you explained was
more so just you know, your personal experiences from the
environments and relationships you had, Right, they have nothing to
do with the origins of how black people create this,

(30:03):
you know, propaganda against consciousness or intelligence. That's not where
that stem from. It does not stem from personal relationships.
It stems from the media, right, And this is how
we justify it because of our experiences that we add
on top of that. Then we stigmatize it, right, But
that's not the reality of where it stems from.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
The stem is that it comes from somebody else.

Speaker 5 (30:25):
Throwing the program in a wrench, and that saying that, no,
anytime that a black Muslim or someone conscious is portrayed,
make them be portrayed, corny, right, make them be portrayed,
you know, like whether it's in Boys to Men, whether
it was Damon Wayne's making fun, it was, make them
be or oracle making fun of the intelligent, right, always
make them betrayed that way, And always make the criminal

(30:46):
or the so called gangster be the cool one, right,
the glorified, the one that all the women won't. That
was not something that came from a personal experience. That
was something that came from propaganda. Right, So most of us,
when you really think about the root of your programming,
the way you think about things, now, it's not your thinking, right,
it's thinking that was given to you. And so there's

(31:07):
something that has to go away from that. Because you
can go into Muslim countries, Christian countries, everybody golla have.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
The same experience that you just said.

Speaker 5 (31:13):
Right, right, right, whether you are in you know, because
you live in America and there's so many different religions,
you blame that religion, right, you blamed right, that person
in their background. But if you're in the whole Muslim country,
that's just a bad apple, right, right, if you're in
a whole Christian country, are just a bad Christian.

Speaker 1 (31:32):
Right.

Speaker 5 (31:33):
But because there's so many different religions, No, that's the Muslims,
that's the Christians.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
No, that's that nick, that's as sis, right.

Speaker 5 (31:40):
So I think that we overgeneralize based on our personal experiences, right,
and so we don't really think about you know, that's
just that's my environment.

Speaker 1 (31:49):
And so same.

Speaker 5 (31:50):
Idea that there's no true black on black crime. It's
just proximity. Right, there was that's who he had to
rob because that was the closest person. You had money
to him, right, That's who he got into it that
they didn'tuldn't solve the conflict. He shot that person, right,
He wasn't particularly just seeking a black person, but he
don't live next to white people, right, and so therefore
it looks like it's it's self hate, but it's really environment, right,

(32:13):
And so it's kind of learning.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
How to see outside of that box. Right. But now
it's being played so well right.

Speaker 5 (32:20):
That you know the world, like the world is screaming
for I believe right in my thesis is you know
twenty twenty two one. Everybody talking about masculinity and femininity
and toxicity. But the reality of it is, if you
really look at it, I just think that they didn't
know how to ask for what was the solution. Only

(32:41):
people knew how to talk about what was the problem. Right,
that's what most people know is just the problem. Oh,
this is toxic masculiney. That's not what That's not what
you're saying, right, No, it's the lack of fathers.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
It's the lack of masculinity in the household.

Speaker 5 (32:55):
That's why children are decreasing in you know, opportunities and
end up crimes and right, women who.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
Are without a father and the household end up being
more promiscuous. That's just a fact. It's not something I
came up with.

Speaker 3 (33:08):
Fact, it's a fact women who had grow up without
fathers tend to be more promiscuous.

Speaker 5 (33:13):
That is a statistical thing, and you can look it
up now. But well, they do studies, well, yes, people
are pretty honest. They do studies along with people, and
then they do you know, surveys, and then they figure
these things out and they do the year to year
to figure these things out.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
But it was more so.

Speaker 5 (33:30):
Based upon the fact that if you take a two
parent household, that child has you know, a greater chance
of you know, being healthy, right and possibly successful and normal.
Versus a single mom household, they have a decreased opportunity
versus if.

Speaker 1 (33:43):
That child was with their father.

Speaker 5 (33:45):
Right, So that child living with their father has the
same opportunity that child growing up in a two parent household.

Speaker 1 (33:50):
Really, yes, versus if that child has a single mother.
The world got dirty.

Speaker 4 (33:59):
Issues biography on this hold.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
Let's just talk about it. We can understand it logically.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
I'm curious. I mean, I listen, you're talking to two single,
single black mothers. Huh who I. Of course, more than anything,
I wish I could have. I wish me and my
partner could have stayed together.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
Should have worked it out.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
Unfortunately that just wasn't conducive to either one of our happiness.
So you're telling me that my daughter living with her
father is statistically she's in a better position of are
basically going to grow up with this? I with this?
I guess, masculine, No, no, no, it's it's the two parent household, right, Like,

(34:39):
So a child who grows up with her father has is.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Basically has as much of a chance as if they
grew up in the two parent household versus just the mother,
I beg to differ.

Speaker 4 (34:52):
I feel like most women, there's a level.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
Of nurturing that isn't that isn't going to be present.
There's a level of I just feel like emotional intelligence
that is not going to be present. And not to
say that men are not emotionally intelligent, because I think
that there are men that are, but there's a lot
of men that are emotionally inept. And I think that
women generally are a little more mature. And yes, this,

(35:19):
I believe that two parent home is ideal. That is
that is ideal. I want that if I ever have
another child, Absolutely that is my hope and prayer. But
I'm not going to stay in a relationship that doesn't
serve me or the family, you know. So I'm just
curious how the father takes on this role of the

(35:40):
two parents.

Speaker 4 (35:42):
Better than maybe just the mother.

Speaker 5 (35:44):
Yeah, well, she got to look at what the child needs, right,
you know, Like specifically, I say, for a boy first, right,
you know, a boy does not want to become his mother, right,
So therefore a boy gonnaturally rebel against his mother because
that's not who he wants to be. So your thoughts
are not my thoughts. As a man, I don't think
like you. So the way you'll go about solving a
problem thinking about things is not how I'm going to

(36:04):
If I take on your thinking, I'm gonna take on
feminine thinking.

Speaker 1 (36:07):
That's not my first mind.

Speaker 5 (36:09):
So I'm naturally going to rebel against the things that
you'll say, because I don't want to become you. A
child wants to become their father, right, The son wants
to become their father.

Speaker 1 (36:18):
That's what you look up to right in that household.
But that's now.

Speaker 5 (36:24):
You're talking about a completely different dynamic. We're just talking
about a father.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
Right.

Speaker 5 (36:28):
So young even when a father is not a good man,
their young boy still wants to know their father. They
need to know what's inside them. It's it's actually very important.
A father is like a mountain for a child.

Speaker 1 (36:39):
Right.

Speaker 5 (36:40):
The child gets to a point where you know, you
cross that mountain, where you reach the top, and you
went further than your father.

Speaker 1 (36:47):
Right, And that's the journey of every child. Right, that's
your hero.

Speaker 5 (36:51):
Even for young girls, their hero is their father. Right,
that's the one that's going out in the world. They
can't wait for their father to come back home to
teach them, to protect them, to consul them.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Right. And when as a young boy, if you looking
up to your father, whether.

Speaker 5 (37:05):
You think he's a good man or not, the child
don't know that. The child don't know the difference between
us father being moral and moral. They just know that
that's their father, right, and so they need something for
their father.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
They need their comforting, They need that protection, right.

Speaker 5 (37:18):
Don't get that, then they start to seek it outside
the house.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
They can't get that in the mom.

Speaker 5 (37:24):
They're still going to miss that, and they're going to
miss that masculine energy. So what a lot of men
join gangs, A lot of men get into groups, right,
they start to seek that in so many different ways,
of that masculine comfort, right, same thing with young women.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
They seek that in men.

Speaker 5 (37:40):
They didn't have their father, So that's where the permiscurity
starts to permit.

Speaker 1 (37:44):
Right.

Speaker 5 (37:44):
But the father is a guiding force, right, It's that
strong voice that you have.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
Right.

Speaker 1 (37:50):
And so even oftentimes when a child, even if.

Speaker 5 (37:53):
The father is not or the man is not good,
a child doesn't see that, doesn't know that. All he
knows that that's what they want their father. You have
an idea of who your father is, and you want
your father to uphold that idea.

Speaker 1 (38:05):
Right, And when you look at society.

Speaker 5 (38:08):
Today, well that's not all fathers Like black men are
in their children's lives more than any other men and
spend more time with their children than.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
Any other men. Right, that's just that's a known fact. Right.

Speaker 5 (38:21):
There are many great black fathers. And the problem is
is that is Black fatherhood is not heralded at all.
Black fatherhood is known as like an enemy, that's the
baby daddy, right, And so instead with itout being celebrated,
you have all these people with daddy issues. They never
get over it ever, right, and they go their whole

(38:41):
life not even knowing that their perspective, the ideology, their philosophies,
their ways, their emotions, right, have never been dealt with.
Shout out to Kendrick, you made that beautiful song.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
Daddy issues, right. Men don't know how to become men.

Speaker 5 (38:53):
Right because they never had a father in their household
that taught them how to deal with those emotions. Wait
a minute, son, this is how you go through this process.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
So so for them, so for the women that are
single moms, that have boys. I mean, this is something
that you know, I think is also as important. And
I've shared this too, is I think how important it
is Say your father is doesn't want to be in
the picture, say that father has passed away, is in

(39:21):
your opinion, a second runner up would be for that
woman to make sure that that son has positive male
figures in his life. Or is that enough? Is that enough?

Speaker 5 (39:35):
I don't think anything can absolutely replace a biological father.
That that just the normality of having a biological father.
You come from that like part.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
Of you is him. That's that's the essence, right, So
that's who you are.

Speaker 5 (39:47):
So there's like things about your father that even his flaws,
you have to know about so you can overcome them. Right,
Like he let's say that he was addicted to drugs.
You need to know that you might smoke weed not
knowing that this is a day that you got from him, right,
So learning your.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Father allows you to go above.

Speaker 5 (40:04):
Right, you look at your father and this is the
mountain that you must climb. This is the peak that
you must go over. You like, a father spoiling his
child is not good. Our father is supposed to give
that child the opportunity to grow and develop, right, and
you don't you know, grow your child or your sons,
particularly in fear, because some fathers do that. They don't

(40:26):
want them sons to be better than them. You supposed
to grow your son not to be like you, but
to be better than you. That's the journey of a
good father. Right now, if a you know, you don't
have a fall in the household, not there whatever reason,
that child, Like I said, it's no way to just
replace that, Like you can't replace a mother right completely,
like that biological mother, that biological essence. We have an
attachment to that regardless. But now having that masculine energy

(40:51):
or that feminine energy can be replaced.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
Right, So a good.

Speaker 5 (40:56):
You know, mentor or role model or you know, back
in the day, it wasn't just single homes. These was communities, right,
so there were many men that were helping raise that child,
many women that were helping raise that child.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
You can go to elders. Nowadays we just don't have that, right.

Speaker 5 (41:12):
We have a lot of household where there's a singular
authority and then that child has to rebel against that
all listen to that.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
Are you a proponent of women like sticking it out,
like sticking it through, like just all the perils of relationship.
Like I'm curious, like at what point.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
All the perils at what point?

Speaker 2 (41:33):
At what point? Like what is a good enough reason?

Speaker 3 (41:36):
I think, Okay, I'm sorry, I'm kunding you off. I
think the like not the issue. But I think just
like we talked about language and programming in the society
in which we live in because we're women and we're
single moms, and we talked about this, Like I think
for women, when there comes a time like maybe you
have a kid with someone and it is not working

(41:57):
out for whatever reason, I belie leave heavily that, Like,
especially for black women, the stigma of being a single
black mom is so heavy. Is that a lot of
times we are conditioned as women that I'm going to
stick this out for my fam, for this family unit,
so that I can give my child this two parent home,
because this is the epitome, Like this is the success

(42:20):
of you know, like a black family.

Speaker 4 (42:22):
And I think it sometimes using that.

Speaker 3 (42:25):
Like obviously, yes, if I could in a perfect world,
we would be with those people and everything would be
you know, hunky dory family matters. But if we are
not being really like the language that we use around that.
It has to be like, I don't think men feel
that way. If a man has a baby with someone

(42:45):
and it's not working out, they are like, all right,
it's not working out, I'm out. But the levels that
women like, the stigma that women feel, the disappointment that
women feel about lead like tearing your family apart is
sometimes I'm so deeply ingrained in us that I know
so many women. I've witnessed women stay in situations and

(43:06):
relationships that do not serve them. And a lot of times,
if it's not serving you, it's not serving your child,
So it's not serving the bigger picture, because your child
feels all of that shit. You know, you can't hide,
Like children have the highest emotional intelligence because they're closer
to source. So if you like, if you're sticking it
out to be in a relationship because you think that

(43:26):
I'm gonna beat this stigma, that is not always the
programming we should be given, giving like moms and women,
because yes, I think it's in our nature to try
and make that shit work. Because as black women, we've
seen so often in the media, you know, like the
baby mama stigma. I'm gonna be on welfare. I'm gonna
be broke. It's like this saving Isaiah. I always make

(43:49):
this example because it sticks out of my head as
a child of fucking Holly Berry, like strung out and
fighting things. I say, I'm sorry, I'm fucking the movie yet,
but it's stuck with me and I and even I
saw my mom stay with my dad for years. They
were gathered for years, not emotionally evolved enough to be
in a relationship. And the granted they did and I'm fine,

(44:09):
I think I'm in therapy, but like that was one
of the biggest thing in my relationships when I saw
that that person my you know, my child's father wasn't
growing at the same rate as me and I wasn't growing,
and it wasn't productive for either of us.

Speaker 4 (44:23):
Or for my child.

Speaker 3 (44:24):
I made the best decision for me to walk away
because I saw my mom not walk away and evolve
to a complete person. I mean she's a complete person,
but like it took time, you know, after the fact.
So I just think, like, we have to be careful
of the language you use around it, because women will
settle into that and fight so hard for a relationship
and for a family structure that may not really be
the best for that child because it's not healthy. And

(44:48):
you know, I have them in a new relationship and
I've grown. I had a baby when I was twenty six,
and I was a baby, and I there are things
that I was totally unaware of that I should be
checking off a list of having a child with someone.
But now being in a healthy relationship and a mature
relationship where we're clear about our family structure and that
we're breaking generational you know, traumas and things that didn't

(45:09):
work out in our in our like in our personal
you know, family dynamics, and we're changing that actively.

Speaker 4 (45:15):
I understand completely.

Speaker 3 (45:18):
Like a healthy relationship has made me, like being a
mother easier.

Speaker 4 (45:23):
It's made me.

Speaker 3 (45:24):
Be a better mother because I have support in a
healthy way. But I've also been in a relationship where
it drained me and I was like a skeleton of
the version of myself than I am now. And so
I just like I want to always like be clear
to women that are listening or reading or whatever, like
you don't have like being in an unhealthy relationship with

(45:45):
your partner, even if it is your child's father, if
it does not serve either of you and you cannot
get past that it is not like necessarily healthy to
try and like make it work.

Speaker 5 (45:55):
Yeah, now see, I think you said something key on
the second part of what you're explaining. You found a
healthy relationship dynamic that works for you, right. I was
explaining in the first beginning of what works right now.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
How you make your work, that's up to you.

Speaker 5 (46:09):
But what works is a healthy dynamic right of a
two parent household, right where you know that child gets
to participate in the development with masculine and feminine getting
along and helping that child be reared and developed.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
Right.

Speaker 5 (46:24):
And so that's the whole entire key right, because you
just explained what works right now. The problem that those
other things didn't work because you know, they weren't healthy,
they weren't right, right, And then that's because of a
cycle of things that weren't right before both of you
are right, And so what we're talking about is how
do you break the cycle? Right, So we talk about

(46:47):
creating healthy dynamics before children, right that you know, what
is the expectation of being a husband, what is the
expectation of being a wife, what is the expectation of
being a mother, what's the expectation of being a father? Right,
We're not talking about just passionate love and romanticism. We're
talking about the duty that both people are going into. Right,
what's the long term vision and the expectation that child is.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
Going to have to live in? Right?

Speaker 5 (47:12):
That reality that you all create for them, Well, that
lack of conversation, that you didn't have the maturity of
picking the wrong people or being together at the wrong time,
that's not the child's fault that the dynamic was that
between their parents, but they have to live through that,
and the consequences are their development because that's their environment.
So that produces their outcome partially of who they are.

(47:33):
If they don't have the grit to be able to
get over.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
That, or they don't choose that, if you don't recognize, like, hey,
we maybe made an early decision that we weren't really
mature enough to make, and now the best healthy thing
is for us to move away from each other and
do this in a co parenting and how right.

Speaker 1 (47:47):
And the co parenting is.

Speaker 5 (47:48):
The super key because the other side of that, you know,
you got the whole the baby mama drama, you know,
baby daddy drama. That's the issue, because the child suffers
the most, absolutely right. The mother that hates the father,
that child suffers the most. The father that hates the mother,
that child suffers. So your hate against this child's father
or your hate against this child mother who suffers the child. Right,

(48:10):
You can't have parents who hate each other. They gon
feel that because that hate produced me. Right, So how
y'all go, like, there has to be an aspect of
you that treat that person with love because you love me.
So that's respecting the child first and foremost, right, and
so without that dynamic, that child doesn't get to see that. Right,
those moments that you think the child may not know that,

(48:31):
there's a lot of unconscious, rooted seeds that get planted
in that child's development.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Right.

Speaker 5 (48:35):
They may never say anything, and it may just be
a part of them as they grow up.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
There's a lot of.

Speaker 5 (48:40):
Mother who may you know, father out the household may
verbally talk about that man like he ain't shit. Now,
that boy never wants to become that man, right, but
he doesn't realize that. He doesn't know he don't want
to become a man, right, not just his father. Right,
because that's the way she spoke about men, So now
you don't even want to become masculine because it just
sounded so toxic. Right, And so you know, same thing

(49:03):
with the father, do y'all mom? Main shit, she don't
know this, So now she's not developing healthily, right because
of y'all dynamics. So who gets the worst end of
that is always the child, right, So what I was
just explaining is the same thing a doctor would explain.
What's the remedy, right, what works and what doesn't work.
I don't personalize anything.

Speaker 1 (49:20):
I talk about.

Speaker 5 (49:21):
I just look at the high level overview, like these
are the science, just the facts, the statistics, it's what
will work. Then we have our personal feelings towards things
because of our experiences, so we go look at and
perceive it based on that. But no, let's just look
at the plain facts, right, Like a child would love
to be in a healthy relationship and hope that their

(49:41):
parents made the right decision to find the right person
before they were made so that they get the opportunity
of growing up in a healthy dynamic.

Speaker 4 (49:49):
Are you a product of a healthy dynamic?

Speaker 1 (49:51):
No?

Speaker 4 (49:52):
Are your parents still together?

Speaker 1 (49:53):
No?

Speaker 5 (49:55):
No, I've seen both sides, you know, I was with
my mother born than I was with my father.

Speaker 1 (50:03):
I had to look at my.

Speaker 5 (50:04):
Parents as human beings, right, you know, So like I
speak a lot of things from experience, right, I learned
as an adult to understand my parents to not personalize
their dynamics because I was able to look at them
for who they are, what they went through, what's their background,
what they didn't have, what did happen to them? Right,
And so instead of you know, me taking anything personal

(50:26):
in between or what my mother said about my father,
my father said about my mother, I understand why two
people will say those things about each other based on
who they are, right. So I remember I was young
or how I was in my teens when I read
a book about this, and it helped me understand the
dynamics so well that I was just able to forgive
both of them. So I didn't hold that on to

(50:47):
either one right for them not being together or my
father not being there at times that he should have.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
Right for you when this dynamic changed for you.

Speaker 5 (50:55):
Early, So like I grew up, you know, mostly when
I was younger, I grew up more of my father.

Speaker 1 (51:01):
Right.

Speaker 5 (51:01):
My mother ended up leaving and I stayed at the
house with my pops in Oakland. She went to Saint Louis, right,
and then you know, Pops in not going back to
Saint Louis. So I probably was like six five, very early, right,
But I was always taught about you know, what is
the healthy dynamic?

Speaker 1 (51:21):
Right.

Speaker 5 (51:21):
But I also always looked up even you know, the
things I heard my mother say about my father, I
still looked up to my father because I wanted to
become a man, and I know I came from him, right.
And then I have an older brother and then he
would give me game on what that dynamic is, right.
So luckily I had somebody who could still guide and
mold me right. But then I learned a lots from
my father as well, where it's like just hearing the

(51:42):
stories about my father and the things that he did
tell me dropped so many seeds in me that I.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
Held on to him.

Speaker 5 (51:47):
But I think I'm a you know, I think I'm
blessed to have great perspective and grit through things, right.
I don't think everybody has that. Some people take things
way more personal. Some people they can go through way
lesson and affects them way more. So I empathize with
that dynamic. Things that make me better may destroy the
next person, right, But I know that the dynamic would

(52:10):
have been way better if my father and my mother
had a healthy dynamic.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
Of course, I mean right, yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:16):
And you know, especially having they had nine children together.
Oh wow, you did so.

Speaker 5 (52:21):
But I understand why those things feel. And you know,
speaking to them both as adults, I've heard them have
conversations with each other forty years later that they never
had and so like that communication part of just understanding
like them, y'all both hold on to things, and you've
never said the simple things to each other that would
have let you understand this whole dynamic that you've had

(52:43):
these last twenty thirty years.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
The stubbornness of adults.

Speaker 5 (52:47):
That believe they're mature, right, and all these things that
you create, but you still can't communicate that little bit
of feeling. Yet you raise a child to be emotionally intelligent.

Speaker 4 (52:56):
Do you think that dynamic because you're not a dad, right?

Speaker 1 (52:59):
No, not yet?

Speaker 3 (53:00):
Do you think that, yeah I got these nephews, did that?
Has that dynamic made you more aware of? I mean
essentially planning your seed like prematurely and absolutely?

Speaker 5 (53:16):
Yeah, you know, one thing I understand, you know, like
you definitely want to make sure you're ready, like I've
you know, I got like I said, I got a
lot of nieces and nephews.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
So I've seen it not work a lot, right, I've
seen it.

Speaker 5 (53:28):
Work, so, you know, and I've seen the hardships of
what the single mother goes through. I've seen the hardships
of what the.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
Father goes through.

Speaker 5 (53:35):
I've seen the CPS in the household, right, I've seen
with the child support.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
I've seen what the.

Speaker 5 (53:40):
Hate of two people in the dynamic does to that
child more so than anything, you know. So when I
think about the thing about being super intentional and where
we would have to be at a place in our life,
because you got to think so far ahead.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
Your love can be great.

Speaker 5 (53:55):
Right now, but how does the dynamic of that child
change everything? Because you're going to become a different person
when you have a child, right, I'm you know, as
a man, I don't go through physiological changes.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
I don't go through those things. Mine are all.

Speaker 5 (54:07):
Mental preparation and readiness. It's a different kind of energy
for me to get be ready for different responsibilities than
it is for you. You literally, your whole entire body changes, Right,
So it has to be a mental thing and an
empathetic thing that a man goes through. But I know
that for a woman to have a child before she's ready,
I think it's some of the worst things you could do.
You understand me, because there's going to be regrets within

(54:31):
that process.

Speaker 1 (54:32):
Right. It may not come out now, but it may
come out in a year later.

Speaker 5 (54:35):
Right, you may just you know, a woman goes through
postpartum depression. Sometimes she goes through bodily change. She start
thinking the things she giving up, what kind of life
she could have lived. She may go through hormonal change.
Now she's mad at you are things that didn't make
her mad at first. Right, So there's so many different
dynamics that go into that. And now we live in
different kind of societies today. It's not the same society

(54:56):
our parents lived in. They grandparents lived it, they will
I don't know if they could make it through the
world that we live in today because of the way
the world is.

Speaker 1 (55:04):
So we have to practice new things.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
And then I think a lot of times like people
are pro creating and getting in relationships for survival, and
you know, I think it's important. I know we are
a platform for a lot of moms and a lot
of women, and I know we have a lot of
listeners who are not moms yet or parents, and as
you talk about like issues and discussing the things that
not with just the issues, but how can we prevent

(55:29):
the issue from continuing? Is like listen, love is not enough, okay,
Like potential is not always enough and you are not
Like waiting is not going to kill you. In fact,
it's going to make you so much more happy. And
like that's another thing, like I even you know, my
daughter goes to the elementary school that I went to

(55:49):
down the street, same amount of black people are like
a sprinkle And I'm like, damn, these moms look old.

Speaker 4 (55:55):
But I'm like, no, bitch, they're smart.

Speaker 3 (55:58):
They got married, they established themselves, and then they met
old Johnny and they got and they had a baby
at forty you know what I'm saying. And in our
minds like that's not necessarily like the image that I
saw because look at me, I'm like they're old, Like
well they're whit a but the same age, Like wow,

(56:18):
you look so young, like we are the same age.
But you know, like like like when you think of
just the media and like the black family structure and
how often we see a healthy version of that, and like,
you know, it's just like we don't have sitcoms anymore.
We have fucking lemon hip hop. You know, bitch fighting
over one ain't shit, nigga, like what you know? And

(56:41):
then you know, women are and men, young men are
seeing these images and I'm like, oh, I'm gonna haveving
me a baby too, I'm gonna get me a baller,
you know, and not just say like that's everybody's thinking.
And I know we're all evolving constantly, but truly had
I mean, and of course my parents were like, you
don't need to have a baby. I was twenty six.
But you think you know everything, but just take it
from two bitches who had babies, broke up with people

(57:05):
that they thought they were going to spend the rest
of their lives with engage and love. I had a
baby with my high school sweetheart, and I loved him
and he served a purpose for that portion of my life,
to that level of a maturity that I was at
that point that I hadn't I wasn't intentional about my
own healing.

Speaker 4 (57:23):
I wasn't intentional.

Speaker 3 (57:24):
I'd had hopes and high dreams because that the idea
of it felt good, you know, like I'm gonna.

Speaker 4 (57:30):
Break the fa the black family dynamic and be a unit.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
Man. That sounds beautiful to me.

Speaker 3 (57:34):
It does sound beautiful when you've truly went through all,
like you've truly taken the time to know yourself.

Speaker 5 (57:40):
Well, I don't think I think you know the writer
that that that also that process of like you can
know yourself early, you can you can know yourself at
twenty six, at twenty five is unlearning things you thought
that were you right, because there's so much of the
world that gets into the mind that complicated who you
think you are, what you think you should be doing,

(58:02):
what you think you should experience, and so that can get.

Speaker 1 (58:05):
In the way of the idea of our Like.

Speaker 5 (58:08):
When our ancestors and our great grandparents and grandparents lived
a simpler life right where they decided who they were
very early on. It wasn't over complicated. You understand me, Hey,
I do this job, I live this type of life.
I'm be with this person. We're gonna make it work.

Speaker 1 (58:25):
Now. You insert the city life, you insert the city boys.

Speaker 4 (58:28):
And the city girls.

Speaker 5 (58:30):
Right, but people are not good at picking options. People
are not that smart. People have mental exhaustion. Too many
options is where you make bad choices, you understand me.
And so the least options you end up making better choices, right,
And so they're not really options, but they're there and
you expose to them, and so you think some of
them are good but not. Let's say ninety nine percent
of them are poison. But you have so many options,

(58:52):
you so happy. But what if you only had one
option and that was the good one?

Speaker 1 (58:56):
Would that be a better world? Absolutely?

Speaker 5 (58:59):
So we live in a much more complicated world today
where people want all these options even when ninety nine
of them are poison or toxic, and we think we
live in a more and more advanced world.

Speaker 1 (59:09):
No, we just have more toxic options.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
So so what do we do keys, because I know
you talk about mental engineering a lot, and and also
what is it the w oh yeah, the black world, order,
black world, order your movement. These options aren't going anywhere,
distractions are not going anywhere, and the world is moving

(59:33):
at a faster pace. We're moving into a world where
people are putting shit on their head and living in
alter alternate realities. And you know, AI is a real thing.
And there's just there's so much detachment happening, and so
how do what is how do you? How do you

(59:54):
use this mental engineering to save our people? Essentially, like,
what what is it that you're doing or what is
your I guess your main process and goal? And getting
people back to I guess living more simply is that
the goal.

Speaker 5 (01:00:11):
I think it's just living true you understand me, living
more truthfully? Right, people that don't know themselves they live alive? Right,
how can you live the truth if you don't know
who you are?

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
Right?

Speaker 5 (01:00:21):
You live all these other things you thought you could live.
A title, you live, perceptions, you live, opinions. Right, you
live which you think you need to be, rather than
who you are. So it's really teaching people how to
reprogram themselves right to know who you are, like above
all of those things, Like a person can go through
an iteration of one hundred things, I ain't found my
purpose yet right like that, you know just serves all

(01:00:43):
way in the wrong place. Your purpose is always with you.
You understand me, And so understanding who you are decreases
that amount of journey and process you have to go
through to understand the outcome. So I like to teach people.
You know, what's the customization of self?

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
Who are you? Knowledge yourself?

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
What is your thinking type? What is your personality type?
You understand me?

Speaker 5 (01:01:02):
Think about where you come from, your family dynamic? Think
about your intelligence type.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
How do you think? Think about your background? What are like?

Speaker 5 (01:01:10):
When I say we're not taught how to think, we
literally not right. We don't really know how to think.
We don't know how to go from diversion or conversion
thinking where you're thinking of multiple solutions versus only one solution.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:01:21):
Men are not taught how to deal with women. Women
are not taught how to deal with men. We're not
taught how to listen to each other. We're not taught
how to listen to ourselves. We're not taught about how
to deal with the shadow self, that person.

Speaker 1 (01:01:31):
In the mirror when nobody's there.

Speaker 5 (01:01:33):
Right, So, without being able to go through that evaluation
of self, you don't know what triggers you, right. Men
don't know what makes them aggressive. They don't know the
triggers of what a person makes them feel lonely, or
a person makes them feel angry, or a person makes
you know, give them self doubt. That's why so many
men commit suicide. Black men are at the highest risk
of suicide.

Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
Than any other men.

Speaker 5 (01:01:54):
Why they don't have emotional intelligence. They don't know how to
deal with these things, and they never taught self regulation.
Same thing with black women. You deal with so many,
you know, emotional experiences, but you don't know which one
or true, right, And so we're dealing with the dynamic
of just not knowing self when we're taught to everybody
to be skilled on just this general test. Hey, if

(01:02:15):
you a man, do this and if you failed, then
you're bad. But this man saying, well, this person, their
personality or their character, their upbringing makes them more prone
to actually agree with this way. This person says that,
what I actually don't agree with that at all. But
we're still graded on the same systems.

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
Same thing a child.

Speaker 5 (01:02:32):
That you know, you one person goes to school and
they like the subject, right, they get an A in and
another student they don't.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
Like the subject, they get a C or a D.

Speaker 5 (01:02:41):
It's not that they're not intelligence's not their interest, right,
so therefore they not gonna be able to focus as much.

Speaker 1 (01:02:47):
You call it. ADHD is just a lack of interest
that's not align with who I am right.

Speaker 5 (01:02:51):
So when you start to know yourself, you start to
get to the core of who you are. You start
to peel all of that stuff. What made me who
I am? How do I think? Why do I think
the way?

Speaker 1 (01:02:59):
This was?

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
So now when I know myself, I can adjust. Right.

Speaker 5 (01:03:03):
When you go through that motion of healing, right, because
it's not just mental engineering, we go through physical optimization
as well. So you know there's working out right, Like
I always talk about the adversity of working out being in.

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
The gym, right, No question before you go to that.
Are you mostly focused on men?

Speaker 5 (01:03:21):
No, we have a lot of women in that. It's
a lot of women. Women ask the most questions. All Right,
women are are definitely in this space where you know
they're they're working to develop themselves, right, because a lot
of women are gaining material success but are spiritually successful.

Speaker 1 (01:03:40):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:03:40):
A lot of women are finding capital, but they they're
not happy, they're not finding joy, right. And so it's
one thing to understand and get a college degree and
say we're the most educated, but are you the most happy?

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
Right? Are you the most satisfied? Right? Are you living
a joyful abundance life? And that quality? Can you brag
on that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
Do you find that do you think that that is
because women generally are masculine and really able to tap
into their softness.

Speaker 5 (01:04:07):
I don't think women generally are masculine. I think women
develop masculine thinking.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
I don't think, yes, I don't think by nature we
are masculine. But I would say in this day and age,
in this capitalist society, especially with women being at the
forefront of starting the most businesses and now not being in,
not taking care of the household, being out of that,
being out of the household, we are walking into spaces
where we have to we have to put on this

(01:04:37):
mask of masculinity in ways to be respected, or at
least that's what we think, even single parents, single moms
having to take on both roles right and having to
figure it the fuck out. And so I'm just curious, like,
do you think that you know that the soft woman
is I guess do you think that there is a

(01:04:59):
lack of of soft women in this world? And that
is that is a result of I guess the spaces
that men have created for us.

Speaker 5 (01:05:11):
I think there's a lack of masculine men in this
world that's making women masculine. I agree, right, and so like,
so just look at the dynamic. Everybody always talk about
women being the most highly educated, creating the most businesses,
things of that nature.

Speaker 1 (01:05:24):
Well, what happened to the men? Like what happened? Right?

Speaker 5 (01:05:28):
Like, because when you celebrate one, you have to say, well,
why aren't these numbers growing over here? So that means
that something is happening to these men where they're not
developing as well. Right, So while one thing is being
propped up, nobody's looking at the other side. It's saying
something is happening with masculinity. That's an issue, right, And
so that conversation has to understand that these dynamics are

(01:05:49):
married to each other. One is happening because of the other, Right,
it's not just that one is better. Like these men
are getting destroyed, so.

Speaker 2 (01:05:57):
Women are becoming successful by design.

Speaker 5 (01:06:00):
I mean everything in America is by design, isn't it.
We live in the system.

Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
So you think it's by design, then.

Speaker 5 (01:06:06):
Absolutely, absolutely, right, Like once you destroy a family dynamic,
once you destroyed like, come on, what we've been going
through in the last few years is black men getting
murdered in the streets, right, And then all of these
movements have been built off black men's death. The only
person that don't benefit from it is a black man. Right,

(01:06:27):
there's no movement about yo, black men need more space,
black need this, that, and the third. Even though we
have the worst statistics out of anybody in America from
all categories except suicide, and that's because white men beat
us there. But when it comes to you know, finances,
when it comes to education, when it comes to cancers,
when it comes to prison, when it comes to gun violence,

(01:06:49):
when it comes to every other spectrum, there ain't no
movements of empathy that's out there broadly. There's no corporations
that's plastering that around saying we.

Speaker 1 (01:06:57):
Need to fight for that and make space right.

Speaker 5 (01:07:00):
But then there's a celebration for everybody else who's not
going through those numbers and saying, well, let's just take
a look at them.

Speaker 1 (01:07:07):
So it's kind of like an aye hah in your face.
So it's making it worse.

Speaker 5 (01:07:10):
Not only is these brothers already gone through stress. Now
we're bragging about the fact that we're making success because
of the fact that you all are feeling right now because.

Speaker 1 (01:07:19):
You at war who you had war with.

Speaker 5 (01:07:21):
What's the root cause of this, right, and so the
destruction of the family dynamic, the destruction of that masculine
man is of course going to create a cycle.

Speaker 1 (01:07:30):
Right, this has to happen.

Speaker 5 (01:07:32):
By design then, so I feel like, you know, it's
a thing where we have to be empathetic and we
have to really observe and listen and look at each other.

Speaker 1 (01:07:41):
The beauty of women being able to enjoy.

Speaker 5 (01:07:44):
Success is amazing when you take a high level look
at it and you say, okay, well, what happened before this?
We all know what happened. We was all fighting in
the sixties and seventies and eighties. In the nineties, we're
all talking about the crack epidemic. We're all talking about
the prison population, and all of a sudden, well, black
women are sessful now. It's like, you don't think all
of this is connected. We talk about the five hundred

(01:08:05):
years of slavery, but that's not connected to the outcome
of today.

Speaker 3 (01:08:09):
What is the benefit of black women being educated and successful?

Speaker 4 (01:08:13):
I mean, like.

Speaker 3 (01:08:15):
Prior to this, like all those things are true, like
the crack epidemic, the the you know pipeline, like the
prison system, but like, if it's by design, what are they?

Speaker 4 (01:08:26):
What are their hopes. If black women are excelling, so
like alone.

Speaker 2 (01:08:31):
Breaking the family dynamic.

Speaker 4 (01:08:34):
Family they got, the woman is removed from the home.
Right if you go to masculate, they masculate.

Speaker 5 (01:08:40):
Go to any country right now in the world. Do
you want to break up the dynamic? Go educate the women.
So you say educated, but look at the type of
education they get too. It's not an education that works
that makes the dynamic work. It's the education that takes
them away and put them into the workforce for the
government for more like why but but well, where has

(01:09:02):
it not worked? Where has that dynamic anywhere on the
planet in history?

Speaker 2 (01:09:06):
Successful government?

Speaker 1 (01:09:08):
We're not all working in the government, but you're paying
more taxes. That's working for the.

Speaker 4 (01:09:12):
Government essentially your business.

Speaker 1 (01:09:14):
You understand me.

Speaker 5 (01:09:14):
Everybody works for the government, whether you want to or not.
You got to pay taxes. You work for the government
birth you did, so you can't get away from that dynamic.
But I know for a fact that the most dangerous
thing in the world be for black men and women
to get along. So of course anything that we can
do to make sure that doesn't happen, right will be implemented,
because once that happened and y'all focused, and y'all work together.

(01:09:37):
If black women are as beautiful as you are as powerful,
imagine if y'all working with us and with our ideas
and we're building our own world.

Speaker 1 (01:09:44):
Man, we can't have that take over fast.

Speaker 3 (01:09:47):
I have a question, because we know the devil of
the world that we exist in. Do you have and
because of your your thoughts and the message that you
push by promoting you know, like unity with an our culture,
like have you in our community?

Speaker 4 (01:10:02):
Have you experienced just like I don't know how to
call it the ops, Like have you experienced your message
is not?

Speaker 2 (01:10:12):
Are you a target?

Speaker 3 (01:10:13):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:10:14):
I'm I'm pretty sure. You know.

Speaker 5 (01:10:17):
I think that any security shit allts my security. You
understand me, Like, like I said, I was grown for this,
so you know this only thing I know, Like I
only know speaking the truth, only know thinking in this manner,
like this is what I've seen growing up my whole life. Right,
So if I'm gain intelligence, then I'm againing to solve
the problems that I grew up with that affect me
the most. If I didn't grow up in a dynamic

(01:10:39):
of a household that wasn't healthy, then why wouldn't I
utilize my mind to.

Speaker 1 (01:10:43):
Try to solve that.

Speaker 5 (01:10:44):
Right, Like, if we have the most healthy, intelligent people,
the most successful educated women, and all these people getting
it successful, how do we take that back and now
figure out how to change the dynamics that created these
cycles that we don't agree with. If we're that good
and that in intelligence, and we're better and we getting
that much money, then how come we're not taking those

(01:11:04):
things and pouring those resources into changing our dynamic.

Speaker 4 (01:11:08):
Are you in a relationship or are you married?

Speaker 1 (01:11:10):
Or I'm in a relationship?

Speaker 4 (01:11:12):
So how long have you guys been, how you've been along?
How long are in relation years?

Speaker 3 (01:11:16):
So?

Speaker 4 (01:11:16):
How how do you date?

Speaker 3 (01:11:18):
As a as a as a man that is intentional
about how you start a family and with who? And
like for men that are listening and women that are
listening and you know, are looking for sacred you know,
partnerships and healthy relationships. What are some of the like
what are the things that you look for in a
partner or have looked for in order to like start

(01:11:41):
essentially planning the seeds and the fund the fundamentals of
building a family for yourself.

Speaker 5 (01:11:46):
I would think first alignment, right, like, and I think
it takes time before you find true alignment and know
it's a process, right, like you know, believing in the
same God, right, having a healthy masculine if in a
dynamic you understand me, both having an understanding of knowledge
your self, knowing each other, both having that internal self

(01:12:07):
love without each other, right, going through that journey of healing,
going through that journey of what is our vision for
each other's futures, our futures together, and going through that
process of planning and of course before the child, right,
and so like it's just a whole journey of aligning
right your ethnic background.

Speaker 1 (01:12:26):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:12:27):
So if you all can come in an alignment, I
think you have a long future together. But if you
don't go through enough journey with each other and enough alignment, right,
then you're gonna find out inside the relationship, inside the marriage,
like damn, we didn't talk about this, or we didn't
get to this part. I never told you this about me,
or I didn't share this, right. So I feel like
you know, when you're in any relationship, it's a lifelong

(01:12:49):
journey of aligning with each other and communicating with each
other and listening to each other and relearning each other
and having the uncomfortable conversations because it's like you go
through trials and tribulations and that adversity is what makes
you all worth it for each other, You understand me. Like,
I think the idea of the belief of is just
you know, you know, good selling from on here out,

(01:13:12):
and everything's gonna be in this romantic phase forever. I
think that's the delusion that people live in. But like
the idea of, yo, you know, are we willing to
talk with each other and help each other grow in
those areas that we know we're gonna need.

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
Are we gonna be patient with each other? Right?

Speaker 5 (01:13:28):
And then not in understanding Like you talked about understanding
that if you're in a relationship with somebody, you know,
you don't stay just for the sake of staying. Stay
because y'all still aligned, Right, Stay because maybe I want
to quit because you know, you don't feel like working
this thing out or that's a part of yourself you
don't feel like dealing with.

Speaker 1 (01:13:49):
Right, But is it really that right?

Speaker 5 (01:13:52):
Like?

Speaker 1 (01:13:52):
Or maybe like if you go through that, what can
you get on the other side? Right? If you look
at any successful relationship.

Speaker 5 (01:13:59):
It's because they went through all of that it's not
because everything was just peaches and nice. They went through
all of the goddamn arguments. They done, went through all
of the learning, they went through all of the crime,
They went through all of those moments where they have
the console.

Speaker 1 (01:14:11):
They have to communicate, they have to.

Speaker 5 (01:14:13):
Relearn, they have to figure out better ways to work
and know each other.

Speaker 1 (01:14:16):
They grow and mature, the dynamics change.

Speaker 5 (01:14:19):
Like, you know, committing to be in any relationship, whether
it's a business relationship, whether it's a family relationship, You're
gonna go through peaks, valleys, up and downs.

Speaker 1 (01:14:27):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (01:14:28):
It's like a life sign and shit just moving up
and down. You don't just get that shit smooth selling.
So for me, it's about going through a journey of alignment.

Speaker 3 (01:14:36):
How do you think, like professional women like ourselves maintain
our softness while also being entrepreneurs and business owners and
you know, and for women who are you know, want
to essentially be wives and be in marriage, how do
you what device do you give for that type of balance?

Speaker 5 (01:14:55):
No, I think Queen out four, Queen up four is
good advice. You know, I don't claim to be a
man knows everything. I don't know everything right. And you know,
there's so many different ways that women can you know,
soften themselves up right, so many practices within nature. But
she does that like womb healing, you understand me, where

(01:15:16):
she helps women get in tune with themselves again and
go through that journey of healing themselves and knowing themselves
and doing that shadow work and going through that self
love and that self therapy right, so that they.

Speaker 1 (01:15:26):
Can be in that softness. Right.

Speaker 5 (01:15:29):
You have to understand that it's no softness in the
business world. That's where you become hard, so you become tough.
That's business is war. Economics is warfare, right, that's completely different.
Like go in nature, go and learn yourself again. You
understand me, Like, that's where you find your softness.

Speaker 4 (01:15:46):
I agree.

Speaker 2 (01:15:46):
We actually had Queen on last month. Yeah's told you amazing.
Do you think that women should not be in finance.
I'm just curious about your view on women good money
what you're talking about, but that are dominant in this
very warlike industry and way.

Speaker 1 (01:16:03):
Lemon should always get money.

Speaker 2 (01:16:04):
I don't mean they can get money other ways. I'm
just saying that ideally, would your partner be in the
same field as you.

Speaker 5 (01:16:12):
I haven't dealt with that, but I don't think I
would mind per se. But it depends because you know,
nobody wants to battle with their partner, you understand me.
So sometimes it's good when y'all in different fields, right,
because this is my expertise, this is yours. Right, So
like you battling with them on something logical and they
may linger over into the bedroom.

Speaker 1 (01:16:31):
You may have won this argument, right, and.

Speaker 5 (01:16:33):
So that sometimes is not good because now the relationship
becomes logical, right, and so instead of you know, love
and energy and flow.

Speaker 1 (01:16:42):

Speaker 5 (01:16:42):
Woman is like an ocean, right, she that's her emotions.
Like there's nothing logical about the ocean.

Speaker 1 (01:16:47):
You can't win that. You just have to go with
the flow of it.

Speaker 5 (01:16:50):
So when she becomes logical, now she's thinking just like you.
And it's like Dan, you're battling yourself, right. So you know,
woman being in her softness is no battle there you did,
so you know a woman can be in finances. The
black women were, you know, the banks of the household.
They were the ones who handled finances back in the day.
They knew how to handle mathematics and do those calculations.

(01:17:11):
That was something that he gave to her. I made
the money, baby, you handle the checkbook, right. She he
brung in the money, but a lot of times she
was the one that paid the bills, that had to
write the checks and send them off and get the
bills paid. She balanced the check books at the household, right.
But they didn't do the same thing, so there was
no argument.

Speaker 1 (01:17:27):
Trusted her to do that. She trusted him to do that.

Speaker 5 (01:17:30):
So that dynamic of look, I got my expertise, you
got yours. That's the polarities, we got, the opposites.

Speaker 1 (01:17:36):
They mixed, they work, they balanced.

Speaker 3 (01:17:37):
We'd like to play a little game called trigger, and
we're gonna ask you just sue one word and then
the first thing that comes to mind, just say what
comes to mind immediately.

Speaker 1 (01:17:49):
Psychological setup.

Speaker 4 (01:17:53):
Are you ready?

Speaker 1 (01:17:54):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:17:55):
Let's going okay, Religion, God, feminism, woman, birth woman, motherhood, woman,
love language.

Speaker 1 (01:18:10):
Love language, that's a good one.

Speaker 2 (01:18:16):
Understanding cannabis, we psychedelics, drugs, mushrooms, ship a trip, black man, god,
white man, yeah, oh yeah, your white friends.

Speaker 5 (01:18:44):
You Knowice mind asked me this before. I don't but
not not intentionally though, you know, listen, you're trying to
make me some money. We're trying we can work together.
What it be you feel on me? Like you ever
heard of John Brown?

Speaker 2 (01:19:02):
Mm hmmm.

Speaker 1 (01:19:03):
John Brown was an abolitionist. He was a white man man.
He killed.

Speaker 5 (01:19:07):
He killed a lot of white men in the name
of helping black people. Now, if I'm gonna have me
a white friend, he.

Speaker 1 (01:19:14):
Was cool with Frederick Douglas. Yes, that's what we need.

Speaker 4 (01:19:17):
Uh, favorite foods, I think.

Speaker 6 (01:19:22):
Guilty pleasure, Ah, pleasure right now, it's playing video games.

Speaker 2 (01:19:32):
Are you what the video games you're playing over there?

Speaker 1 (01:19:34):
I'm playing God Award right now.

Speaker 2 (01:19:35):
Okay, I'm not gonna act like I know what the
fuck that is? Africa, motherland, porn, sex, favorite sex position, love,
open relationship, Yeah, plussy, good after life.

Speaker 1 (01:19:55):
I don't know. Death, that's what's next?

Speaker 2 (01:20:00):
Self care necessary?

Speaker 3 (01:20:03):
Oh some of them, some of them. Some of them
are just hoses. Ain't nothing we could do about it,
just some of them.

Speaker 2 (01:20:17):
Roll the dice, sacred sex, great semen, retention, powerful, biggest regret, no,
biggest accomplishment. Oh pet peeve.

Speaker 1 (01:20:34):
Hm. People who calling me, I don't feel like talking.

Speaker 2 (01:20:36):
To me too?

Speaker 4 (01:20:38):
The same.

Speaker 2 (01:20:40):
I don't answer you. Get one words in texts, monogamy,
it's good idol, no bad choices, a lot of them.

Speaker 1 (01:20:53):
Therapy necessary.

Speaker 2 (01:20:55):
I see you sort of have trigger. You feel people triggered.
You look cool with cucumber over there. Well, we also
have a segment on our show called horror Stories.

Speaker 4 (01:21:10):
Wait, we didn't hear your affirmation? What's your affirmation?

Speaker 5 (01:21:13):
Affirmation Where there's a will, there's a way. That is
my favorite affirmation of all time. I think I've used
that like a superpower.

Speaker 4 (01:21:22):
Where there's a will, there's a way. Yes, you know,
I went to Clerk.

Speaker 3 (01:21:25):
So the thing at Clark Atlanta is find a way
or make one, And I feel like it's along the
same lines. Whenever there's a will, there's a way, Like
you want to get there, figured out what you're gonna do.

Speaker 2 (01:21:37):
Yeah, that's true. Do you have a horry for us?
Who stories?

Speaker 5 (01:21:49):
No, you brun this up earlier. It wouldn't be nothing
recent I could think about. But I remember I got
a lot of brothers, right, so, you know, it was
a point of time where I feel like, you know,
when you're young, you're arrogant enough to think that women
only want you.

Speaker 1 (01:22:08):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:22:08):
Well, my brothers looked like me. So I had to
share the world with them. And so I remember, you know,
my older brother, he's very he was very I don't
you know the word to describe him, very tough. Let's
just say that, you know, he liked to teach tough lessons.
So I remember, you know, I talked to this girl
one time and I'm go into deep details. I just

(01:22:29):
met her and everything, right, and this is like young, young,
but I remember, you know, talking with her casually ended
up meeting with him. We met with each other on
the train. I just met her. He just met her,
you know what I'm saying. But he got eyes on her,
you did, so long story short, you know, we end

(01:22:49):
up going through an iteration of night and being.

Speaker 1 (01:22:51):
A crazy night, got into fights, all.

Speaker 5 (01:22:53):
Kinds of different stuff, right, and then somehow she ended
up with him at the end of the night.

Speaker 1 (01:23:00):
Disappointed a heartbreak.

Speaker 5 (01:23:03):
No, I didn't know, so it wasn't a heartbreak, you
understand me. And he ended up knocking those down.

Speaker 1 (01:23:08):
Said that was a horse story. Both was horrible.

Speaker 2 (01:23:16):
Did you approach your brother like yo?

Speaker 1 (01:23:17):
What the fuck? I mean? I talked to him about it,
but you know, you get over those things.

Speaker 2 (01:23:20):
You never brought another woman around them.

Speaker 1 (01:23:22):
All I have.

Speaker 5 (01:23:23):
But you know, the game was different than you know
what I'm saying. I had to be game tight after that,
but I think it was. It was a great lesson
within it. But it was something I never forgot though,
because that was the first time and only time that happened.

Speaker 2 (01:23:32):
Yeah, I don't think I forget that either.

Speaker 3 (01:23:34):
But I think man of the ship, like that happens
to man and then they're like all women are horse
from whore Island. Like I was like man that get
like emotionally scarred from ship like that when that happened
at a young age.

Speaker 1 (01:23:45):
Chos, that's why it's a horse story. But I always
knew my potential to though, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (01:23:51):
So I don't think it was ever one of those
things where you made me feel less about myself. I
also knew his capabilities, like he.

Speaker 1 (01:23:58):
Was a master at this older brother.

Speaker 5 (01:24:01):
Yeah, not just like out of human beings, he is
a master at it, right.

Speaker 1 (01:24:05):
He could he could pull almost anyone. Right.

Speaker 5 (01:24:07):
So but I thought that, you know, my game was
tight and safe, right, So I learned the lesson. You
understand me, and so learn Yeah, you gotta learn some
tough lessons, but you know, growing up with a lot
of brothers, Like I said, you learn not to be jealous,
You learn not to be envious, right, you really learn
to share the world with other men.

Speaker 4 (01:24:26):
When's your birthday? Four? Yeah, my dad's May second. Do
you believe this could be a do you believe in
like having multiple wives?

Speaker 1 (01:24:36):
This is my sister called me and asked me about this.

Speaker 4 (01:24:39):
I need to know too, the sage yo yo.

Speaker 1 (01:24:43):
It was an intense conversation.

Speaker 4 (01:24:46):
Why is that something she's experiencing.

Speaker 2 (01:24:48):
Or something.

Speaker 1 (01:24:51):
I don't want to go it's her business. I don't
want to go into it. What do you believe she's
not experiencing it? By the way, but it's interesting.

Speaker 5 (01:24:59):
I think I have a level view of it rather
than a personal right because it's like asking a person.

Speaker 1 (01:25:05):
Do you believe in same sex marriage? Right?

Speaker 4 (01:25:08):
Right?

Speaker 5 (01:25:08):
Many people have they take so they say don't they do?
And then some people will say love is love. Some
people say, well, I can see how why not let
people love who they love?

Speaker 1 (01:25:16):
Right?

Speaker 5 (01:25:16):
So, in my political version of that, if you believe
in same sex marriage, you have to believe in polygamy
otherwise you're a hypocrite. Right, So I believe also that
men and women are different, and mostly men are different. Right,
Men have different character types, personality types.

Speaker 1 (01:25:33):
Right. If you go throughout the world, most of the time,
when you find.

Speaker 5 (01:25:36):
A group of like melanated black people, they're practicing polygamy, right,
a large group. Right, You're not gonna find forty five
million Black people where culturally they don't practice polygamy. Right,
we don't because we're not in an African culture. Right,
We're in a Western culture. We went through five hundred
years of slavery, and we practiced what our slave matters practice.

Speaker 1 (01:25:55):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:25:56):
Their form of love ideas romanticism. So I think that
the reality, which is unfortunate, that there's some man, you know,
who shouldn't think about it at all. And then I
think that there are some men who may be possibly
qualified for it, or that that's their personality type towards love.

Speaker 1 (01:26:13):
Where one man get graded on monogamy and that's easy
for him because that's all he wants.

Speaker 5 (01:26:18):
Or another man doesn't want to practice monogamy and he's
treated bad, but that was never what he wants. It
just was never allowed to express that because society never
created an opportunity for that. So I think that polygamy
should be looked at in that particular type of way.

Speaker 1 (01:26:32):
You understand me.

Speaker 5 (01:26:33):
I think it should be looked at responsibly, But most
people want to look at it personally, right, and so
therefore it always gets a bad rap. And so people
who want to practice that are men of resources who
practice that is held differently than a man of.

Speaker 1 (01:26:45):
No resources who practice it.

Speaker 5 (01:26:47):
You just look at Diddy is practicing it, you know
what I'm saying, Nick Cannon definitely practicing it right now?

Speaker 3 (01:26:53):
Would you practice it in your personal practice, in your
personal relation?

Speaker 2 (01:26:57):
Answer? Are you gonna answer the question a person?

Speaker 5 (01:27:02):
No, I'm not practicing I'm not practicing polygamy currently.

Speaker 1 (01:27:06):
No, I'm not.

Speaker 2 (01:27:07):
I don't have a wow.

Speaker 1 (01:27:10):
List a.

Speaker 5 (01:27:10):
God is the great noer. Listen, I'm not practicing polygamy.
I don't plan on practicing polygamy. You understand me. But
God is the best of knowers. So all I'm saying
is the fact that like I'm of the one, I'm
mother the zero point zero zero one percent man.

Speaker 1 (01:27:23):
You understand me.

Speaker 5 (01:27:24):
It's not men who think like me in the position
that I am right financially, spiritually, intellectually, resource wise, influence wise, right.
And I think that men today have a different experience
than men of any other time.

Speaker 1 (01:27:37):
Same way women are.

Speaker 5 (01:27:38):
But the plethora of options that men get to see
visually changes the dynamic of what men want, right, And
so with social media and all of these different things,
I think you have to take that into account the
way you deal with this generation, right, because it's unfair
for men of this generation to be born under these

(01:27:59):
circumstances but get graded by men of every other generation
and character. So I just want people to approach the
situation with empathy when you think why are men this way? Right, Like,
how did they get here in the first place? If
you were a man and we're prone to look at
things visually, prone to want these things like the options
are everywhere. I would listen to minutes so far kind

(01:28:19):
of talk about it was a speech he was given
and he was talking about it was funny because he
was explaining how like women that's like he was explaining
something about, like, you know, men of that airs like
the seventies. He was talking about you seeing the women
out there, you know they wearing the tight skirts and dresses,
and you know you gotta deal with that as a man.
The temptation is everywhere, and I'm like, that's nothing to

(01:28:41):
what we deal with. Now you understand me, Like that's
ours just on ten times steroids. Right, So the discipline
that those men had to have in they generation is
nothing compared to what you think the discipline of this
child don't have a father, no emotional intelligence. The world
is selling sex at every single turn, Like, so now
you're going to grade them by the same standards that

(01:29:01):
the world had for the last thousand years.

Speaker 3 (01:29:04):
I think it's unfair with the women too confused trying
to you know, be chosen.

Speaker 4 (01:29:10):
It's just we are so far from where we've come.

Speaker 3 (01:29:14):
Yeah, I know, I know you talk about like I
think I heard a podcast you're talking about like like
whodoo and voodoo and like our original I mean religion
really you know, but like does the Nation of Islam,
like I know, in other like most strict religious like
structures like Christianity anything of that sort would be considered

(01:29:37):
demonic in ways. But like because is that something that
like the Muslims considered to be dark or is that Okay, Well.

Speaker 5 (01:29:47):
We don't believe in a mystery god, so I don't
believe in like yo, that's just devil worship stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:29:51):

Speaker 5 (01:29:52):
I look at things practically and logically, Like you know,
voodoo come from African practices and spirituality. You know, when
you look at the history, it was white people who
demonized it, right because they was getting beat by everybody
who practiced it. The Haitians practiced it, they won. Jamaicans
was up there practicing with Nanny and the Maroons. They won, right,
and so they didn't know how to fight against it.

(01:30:14):
Then they start using it. They took it from you,
used it, demonized it. But it's the same way women
were called witches. What they was using herbs, You know
what I'm saying. It was herbal remedies and practicing concuctions.
It was chemistry.

Speaker 1 (01:30:27):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:30:27):
Black people learn how to utilize the essence of their environment.
That's how we want wars. That's how we developed things.
How you think we learned about herbs and remedies and
things of that nature.

Speaker 1 (01:30:37):
We had to go practice and mixture and do a
bunch of different things. We did a lot of a
lot of Like Black people are.

Speaker 5 (01:30:42):
Innately spiritual, and this is what the Western experience misses
so much, right, Like the spiritual personality, the spiritual, you know,
characteristics and evolution and a lot of things. Things can
be named by something else, right, Like people believe in
manifest station. It's a belief in the unsaying you can
call things into existence, right, Like somebody else may say

(01:31:06):
that they are well they practice magic and you understand me,
and yeah, it's alchemy. Or somebody say they're summoning something.

Speaker 1 (01:31:15):
Right. You change the word and it's demonized. Right.

Speaker 5 (01:31:18):
So I think that most people are practicing the same thing.
Human beings have the same power. The thing about it
is the intention.

Speaker 1 (01:31:25):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:31:25):
An evil person, whatever they pick up and practice, is evil.
A good person sometimes can practice something unknowingly evil right
with good intent. So it is important to be able
to filter through when you're being used as a tool
for the devil with the intent of God.

Speaker 4 (01:31:44):
Wise man.

Speaker 2 (01:31:47):
So before we let you go, we did pull a card. Yeah,
and you pulled the six of six of.

Speaker 4 (01:31:55):
One, six of wine.

Speaker 2 (01:31:57):
I haven't hear.

Speaker 4 (01:31:57):
Wait, oh, I got the wrong Danford.

Speaker 2 (01:32:02):
And so let's read what the card's saying about. I
don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:32:06):
I just want to bring to the attention that it's a.

Speaker 3 (01:32:10):
Night and his noble steed, and there's people following behind him,
and he's wearing this hat that looks very much like
look The s.

Speaker 2 (01:32:17):
Of Wands depicts a man wearing a victory wreath around
his head and riding a decorated white horse through a
crowd of cheering people. His horse represents strength, purity, and
the successful progression of an adventure, and the group of
people marks the public recognition for the man's achievements. Upright,
this card means success, public recognition, progress, and self confidence.

(01:32:42):
The six of Wands appears when you have reached an
important milestone or achieved a significant goal, and you are confident,
self assured, and successful. You harness your strengths and talents
to bring about a happy outcome in your endeavors and
made it through the chaos of the five of wanes,
minimizing your distractions and focusing on the task at hand. Yes,
there were challenges along the way, but you overcame them

(01:33:02):
by concentrating your energies on the target. The six of ones.
The six of Ones suggests that not only have you
achieved your goals, but you are also receiving public acknowledgment
for your efforts. You may have recently received an award,
a claim or recognition from your peers for your work.
It may be even just a pat on the back,
but this attention is a big boost to your confidence

(01:33:22):
and gives you the strength to continue your endeavors. The
six of Ones is a positive encouragement to believe in
who you are and your accomplishment so far. Have faith
in what you've done and how others will receive it.
Do not let fear or guilt stand in the way
of your success. You ought to be proud, hold your
head up high and know you're worthy of admiration.

Speaker 1 (01:33:42):
That's powerful. Thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:33:44):
Does that resonate with you, Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:33:46):
Very clearly, very loudly. See, it's like what you know
you call terra. I'll just call it synchronicity. Absolutely, you know,
finding meaning in otherwise meaningless, like meaning in coincidence. One
person said, maybe that's a coincidence, but what's the meaning
in it?

Speaker 1 (01:34:00):
Right? And so for me, Ted is it's synchronicity, alignment energy.

Speaker 3 (01:34:07):
I'm always looking for messages from the ethers, from spirit
and they can come in all ways. But before we go,
you know, this is money March, and we're talking about money,
mindset and wealth and abundance. And I'm just wondering do
you have any advice as far as money, mindset and
wealth for our community. If you have any advice that

(01:34:28):
you have to give to the people, what would it
be building generational wealth or.

Speaker 1 (01:34:35):
I would say built the habits of wealth? Right.

Speaker 5 (01:34:37):
Many people have wealth goals, but they don't have wealth habits.

Speaker 1 (01:34:41):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:34:41):
So it's like you can want a million dollars, but
if you don't have the habits that will get you
a million dollars, you'll never get it. A wealthy man
who has wealthy habits and he wants a million dollars,
he's going to get it.

Speaker 1 (01:34:52):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:34:53):
So you never want to have wealth habits with poor Well,
you don't want to have wealth goal with poor man habits? Right,
So so what does that person do to get to
where they are? So when you focus on the process
versus the outcome, right, Well, I need to research, I
need to study, or I need to create me a
financial plan. Right, I need to develop this skill, I
need to create these different streams of income. I need

(01:35:15):
to do this consistently, right, Like focus on the habits
that you need to develop. I need to get this
type of coaching. I need to be around these type
of people. I need to go in these environments more frequently. Right,
you want to become the person that can produce the wealth.
Become the person, right that can produce the outcome that
you want to achieve. So if you focus on, you know,

(01:35:37):
the process versus the outcome, then wealth is inevitable. But
if you have a goal and you're not the person
with the habits that can achieve that goal, it's just
a wish and an illusion.

Speaker 2 (01:35:46):
Oh wow, I love that. That's so true. Yeah. I
think a lot of people they they think that. I mean,
we talked about manifesting last month and or just the
law of attraction, and one of the big messages is that,
like you can't just wish upon a star and shit
just happens. Like you have to put yourself in positions,
in places and mindsets in order to call those things in.

(01:36:09):
You have to be in those positions and and and
be living that life of the millionaire that you want
to be. So that's that's really great advice. Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:36:20):
They make withdrawals if you never made deposits.

Speaker 2 (01:36:24):
It's true. So where can our people find you?

Speaker 1 (01:36:29):
They can find me everywhere on Instagram nineteen underscore Keys.
There's a lot of fake bots.

Speaker 3 (01:36:35):
I know.

Speaker 4 (01:36:35):
I saw that, so yeah, it makes.

Speaker 1 (01:36:36):
You get the right one.

Speaker 2 (01:36:37):
There's a lot I don't know that.

Speaker 1 (01:36:39):
It's a lot of nice picture making fake pages.

Speaker 5 (01:36:44):
And then of course on YouTube you can find me
in nineteen keys all one word, and then I have
my show High Level Conversations, and then of course you
know b WO. If you want to join a coaching program,
I teach every Monday and every other Wednesday, and we
have the physical fitness where we go through the challenges
with people for transformation. Then we have the financial literacy

(01:37:04):
class and we bring in guest lecturers. But it's coaching,
so we're taking you through the process, right, rather than
just giving you the knowledge to a course. And then
of course I have my book, I have my crowns,
I have my health products, right, so if you want
to support any of those things, when you find me.

Speaker 1 (01:37:19):
There will be a link in a bio.

Speaker 3 (01:37:20):
I want a crown absolutely, I have to go pick
that up now with my afros popping.

Speaker 2 (01:37:25):
I don't know how much work, but I.

Speaker 4 (01:37:27):
Didn't know that was an option. I didn't know. Crowns.

Speaker 5 (01:37:29):
Yeah, we got the hats, we got the crowns, we
got the bucket hats understand me. So we have it
in I called those are the top crowns understand me,
so we have it in different iterations.

Speaker 3 (01:37:38):
Yeah, well, you know where to find us, ladies and gentlemen,
Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram Good Mom's Bad
Choices and well, if you're listening, you know where to
find us. We have a retreat coming up in July
in Mexico to retreats, please come check it out and
join us. We're healing the women and healing ourselves and

(01:38:00):
you guys. Our book is on pre sale. A Good
Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices is now live on
Barnes Andnoble dot com and Amazon dot com. If you
want to feed that beast either way, feed us and
go support two single moms. And you know, we put
some gems in this book and a lot of personal experiences.

Speaker 4 (01:38:20):
It's a memoir. It's prescriptive.

Speaker 2 (01:38:22):
What else that's hit?

Speaker 4 (01:38:24):
We love you, Talk to you next week.

Speaker 1 (01:38:26):
Bye,

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Hosts And Creators

Erica Dickerson

Jamilah Mapp

Popular Podcasts

24/7 News: The Latest

Therapy Gecko

The Joe Rogan Experience

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I Had To Fire My Job Feat. 19 Keys