Stop Being Realistic

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
M h.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
I'm Mila.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
And it's Wednesdays. It's Wednesday, bitches, and it's raining in La.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
So it's a special all day because it never arranged
in motherfucking La. Hey.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
Hey, hey, hey.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
That was beautiful, totally necessary the Hills.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
I'm alive with the sound of music. You know, I
haven't really like I don't know if you know this
about me super important. I really like musical theater. I
know you hate it, but I really love it. So
in this.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
Thirty something year of life, I have come to appreciate
musical theater only because.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
LASS like to. Like two years ago, you hated Hamilton.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
I told you. In this thirty something years, I was like,
this has just happened.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
It's true. I don't like Hamilton. I know the people
are gonna come. You can't like musical theater and not
like Hamilton.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
You can choose which theatrical experiences you enjoy.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
You never saw you never saw it live. That's why
I did not see it live. I did not.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
I saw it on the television and it was annoying. However,
my daughter is got cast it in West Side story.
So now you're now you're into musical thing. Now I
enjoy it because we had to practice so much, and
I was like getting.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Really into it.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
I was trying to like show her how to like
get theatrical and like it's so fun use your project.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
Well that, but also like get quiet and then like
get loud and like use your over except face. She'll
expression like just use.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
Your voice to like up the ante and exude emotion
and so randomly the other day I had this, I
had this song stuck in my head and I was like,
why is this song stuck in my head?

Speaker 1 (02:13):
We're in the car and I just put it on.
It was Grease. Oh I love Greece.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
I got so into it. My daughter was like, can
we change this? I was like, no, you, this is
something you need to know. I was like, I've never seen.
Oh yeah, I put a little on early. Yeah, we
gotta watch Grease now. But I was really empty.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
You better catch up because I need a man, and
my heart is said on.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
You, you better catch up.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
You bet, I understand. Listen our our suburban white side
is coming through. Honey. It's a fucking classic. I realized
that that I got adult, like there was not one
single black person at the whole high school.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
I know, ari I pee Olivia, Olivia Newton, John fucking
legend tragedy that she has pass.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
We still got John though, we do have John. We
do have John. He's epic.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
He's epic.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
I'd love fucking musical theater. He was also in the
redo of Hairspray, which was a fucking phenomena. So fine,
he was fine. It was fine as fun.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Emphasis on was I don't know what he did his face.
He did a lot of stuff to his face, but
in the hairline. Is he married to a black woman? Now, okay,
he's married to uh, what's her name? She's yeah, she's
an actress too, I'm thinking of And I'm pretty sure
there's still very much deep into scientologies.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
That's also I think made him unattractive. I think like
they fucked him over there. It's always interesting everyone that
joined scientology gets weird looking. It always interests me when
like top notch celebrity, Not that celebrities can't be stupid,
but it's like, how did you get got like? I
would be highly like, I would be highly suspicious if

(03:50):
I had a lot of money in a religious like
any religious group was trying to recruit me, get the
funk away from me.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
Well, they get you when you're low, they get you
when you're down. They know, Like I mean, like any
religious have you ever said the episode of of uh,
what is it?

Speaker 1 (04:04):
South Park? When they explained scientology, I mean, it's yeah,
that's all, That's all I needed to hear. It was like,
this is stem Have you ever seen the documentary?

Speaker 2 (04:12):
I saw some of it and Leah Remonie, she's like
a super like she was in it.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
She was young, she was born into basically, and.

Speaker 2 (04:20):
Then she had to get pulled out of it because
her friend went missing that they still can't find the wife. Yeah,
the wife of one of the leaders went missing. And
she was like this ain't something's not right because no
one everyone was just kind of acting like it just
didn't happen, Like this whole person that was her friend
just didn't disappear off the face of the planet. And
then she like exposed like the concentration camps they.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
Have, oh, because what do you mean a concentration cam?

Speaker 2 (04:41):
They basically have these these these camps where they send
people that have like done wrong in the church and
they have to do like they live there. They basically
it's a concentration camp. I mean, for lack of a
better word, but that's kind of what they call them.
And they have to like scrub toilets with toothbrushes.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
Remember Mimi from Love and Hip Hop, she was also
she got into her mom was in it and she
got into it scientology, yes, and it fucked her up
pretty badly.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
She talks about a little bit.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
But Leah Remeny is like a current active, like proponent
of like exposing scientology. I'm honestly surprised that she's like
still with us, because they are they'll take you. They're nuts. Listen,
shout out to Leah Remene. I would love her to
come on the show. Actually, she's fucking hilarious.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
I do like her.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
I mean, yeah, I was thinking about us the other
day because I was thinking, like Jessica was on talking
about her cult experience and like I'm always suspicious of
like a month of cults. Cults.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
Oh my god, I'm obsessed with I'm obsessed with cults.
Hunh Okay, I'm obsessed with cults because I'm always intrigued
by like how people can get got, Like I know,
it's possible. And I know people are always like searching
and seeking tribe, but I'm so anti like like any

(05:54):
structured belief system. I'm actually I feel like this is
my announcement that my religion and it's not only love,
but it's free thinking. Okay, Jess, In case everybody is wondering,
my religion is freethinking. Got it? Because anytime someone tries
to force you to think a certain way, be suspicious.
Guy here first, I'm gonna turn into the cult think free,
but even the free thinkers we try to force you

(06:16):
to do one of them I get. I like, oh
my god, I just said this vision.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
I had this vision of you on the boat in Mexico,
trying you on Mollie, trying to convince this girl to
like get out of her shell, and her boyfriend was
getting so fucking pissed. I didn't make that with him.
Oh no her, Yeah, get my little girl crushed. You
would not leave her alone, and he was so pissed,

(06:42):
and you were not reading the room at all.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
You were just like because you just come back from.

Speaker 2 (06:45):
Your like I fucking free like acid trip and you
were on a motherfucking high. And I was like, bitch,
if you don't sit the fuck down and leave this
bitch alone.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
Her boyfriend's gonna beat her after this. Guess what. Guess what,
they're not together anything, they aren't.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
But I think pretty sure that hold their whole trick
was ruined because of it was because of us. I
made out with her. You were trying to like get
her like I don't know what, you're trying to get
her naked or like your molly.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
Just half oh.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
And then she took it, and then she was like
having the worst high ever because her boyfriend was not
happy and they.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
Were like, bye, I goes around. I'm admit I'm a
pushy freethinker. If someone looks too wound up when I'm
on one, I'm like, can you relax? You can take
off your shoes. That was That was another time I
know because I I can feel people's energy and I
know and they need to get free, and sometimes that
is it. People need to get free and they're resisting

(07:38):
and I can feel it and it throws my energy off,
like you gotta get out, you seem to in your head. Well,
I think you know.

Speaker 2 (07:43):
Your retreat leaders has shown you how to massage gently
people into this space and not like.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
It's dressing me up. Yeah, I've worked on it. I've
worked on it. I just want people to think for
themselves and not like through the lens of society and
like everybody around them. And I just I see, I
see it happen so often, and people lose themselves and
I can literally see people thinking in their head too much,
and I'm like, can you fucking stop stop thinking? But

(08:11):
also I think about shit overly, and so I get it.
But you know this is all to say, you guys,
don't join any cults this year. It's not this year.
Maybe next year consider it, but twenty twenty three is
not the year to join colts. So the only cult
you should consider joining is Mila's Freethinking Sanctuary. She won't
force it on you, but it's fine. Oh god. I yeah,

(08:33):
I'm pretty judge of like religious structures, but not if
you're not too pushy. Everyone should just be entitled to
believe whatever they want to believe. Amen, and no one
be judgy about it. Amen, including me. Amen. Remember that
time where you tried to go to church you were
trying to find Remember remember three years ago.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
When you're on a certain they could have got me
then I was low. Weren't their eyes weren't peeled open,
They didn't see that I was struggling.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
No, no, no, I mean it's I believe in church.
I've had like stints of going to church and like
I feel the Holy Spirit and all that good stuff.
But I don't know, I get uncomfortable and they start
asking for money and judging and pointing fingers and you know,
good and goddamn well everybody in the congregations doing some
inappropriate shit. You know. I'm like, listen, let's all be real.

(09:24):
And sometimes when people are like holier than now, they
are that way because they're judging other people and they're
judging themselves, and it's just like, just be free.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
It make bad choices publicly like me and Erica.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 2 (09:42):
I you know, I think it's at some point in
the next few years. I got to go back and
listen to the show from the beginning. I thought about that,
But honestly, I'm scared why.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
I don't know. I know, I've come a long fucking way.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
We've all, we've both come a long way, and it's just,
you know, I think it's it'll be I mean, I'm
actually terrified for my child at some point to listen
to the show.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
Maybe she'll ever do it, maybe she'll just totally reject.
I'm hoping it's just like too long and they're like
fuck that, likeugh, mom's rich because of that thing she did.
Let's never listen. That's my hope I am. I'm looking
at our discord right now. Guys.

Speaker 2 (10:23):
If you're looking on YouTube right now, shout out to
our YouTube followers and subscribers. Hi, guys, I see you.
I'd be common thing back in the comments. If you're
not yet subscribe to her YouTube channel, please go ahead
and hit that subscribe it.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
It's nice to listen to our voices, but I think
it's also nice to have a visual experience of good
mom's bad choices. I'm a visual person, Like, even if
I listen to someone's voice, I want to like, who
the fuck is talking? But did I tell you the
time I was in the bathroom at a restaurant and
I was talking and someone came out the stall and
was like, do you have a podcast? Like I not,
I recognize your voice, but I never seen you. Oh
my god. I was like, oh, I'm in radio. I'm like,

(11:00):
this is me. I do I love that. That was cool,
but I'm curious to see like visuals. So if you
guys have never seen it.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
We put makeup on for you guys, we do and
we're kind of fine.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
Yeah, we put makeup on, not kind of like very
I did my hair, put foam in my hair.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
My braids are on their last their last legs, their
last days.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
So you know that Nairobi had to hit these fuzzies.
You know we're about to hit the retreat, so we
have to change our hairstyles.

Speaker 2 (11:27):
Well, yeah, I'm going to reactivate this hair. So I'm
gonna let the curls flow for seven days and then
we're going to wrap this ship back up because the jungle.
I try to do Costa Rica with my curly hair
and it was annoying as fuck. So there's a reason
why black women we get braids on vacation. There's no
fucking it's just too much. It's too much.

Speaker 1 (11:46):
One day when I stop using creamy crack. When I
stopped using creamy crack, one day, I'm going to do it.
But until is that what they call relaxer? Yeah, creamy crack,
creamy crack, creamy crack. I never heard that. No, I
don't use relaxer, so I don't know that good.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Well, you are black, so but I don't know's it
does never touch relaxer except one.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
You don't have a lot of black friends. That's why
you have you Always she's always sure to publicly get it.
It's always like where everyone knows that that's not true.
Every time we're around some one who doesn't really know.
She's like jimalism with all the white friends like she is.
I'm always looking at her. We have all the same
friend that the wage.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
I really need you to go to YouTube and watch
how Jamila just said this to me, because it was
just like.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
Like she can't wait to say you always say.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait. I could not wait.
This is why you don't know popular black terms. You
don't have enough black friends. Okay, one time, Creamy Crack
did touch my hair because my aunt my dam my
black side. She decided she was done dealing with my hair,
and she put when you were you were there visit?

Speaker 1 (12:53):
I was at my dad's house. Oh no. She was like,
don't you want your hair to be straight like mine?
And so easy? Is so easy? Rush?

Speaker 2 (12:59):
And I was like, yeah, I was like eight, and
I had no idea what she was talking about. I
thought she was gonna just like straighten it. No, bitch,
she put relaxer the whole thing. Yes, and then you
washed relaxed my hair.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Oh, your mom was burning and I was like, what
did your mom know? Oh? My mom?

Speaker 2 (13:13):
When I got home, my mom first of all cried
and then I cried because I was so confused. I
didn't know what I had done wrong, and then she
cursed her the fuck out.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
My mom permed my hair in the sixth grade while
my dad was sleeping because he refused.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
He was so anti and bitch. When he woke up,
he cursed her out so bad.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
I was like ten. I was like eleven, almost going
to the sixth grade, and I was like, do it,
do it. I didn't know what the fuck I was
gonna do.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
It.

Speaker 1 (13:39):
Is like it's gonna be better, do it, But you
know what, that's the thing like growing up as like
a black girl among in white spaces that like going
to the pool was a thing. And then my hair
fell out because I went to the pool and I
had like all this hair and it was gone because
I'm eleven, and who the fuck knows how to maintain
and chlorine exactly. But I just remember feeling like, what

(14:01):
the fuck, Why can't I just jump in the pool
and it be fine? But like those are like I
feel like those are the type of reasons we kind
of really have to reinforce like black beauty into our
black daughters, especially living in the fucking valley and going
to white schools, because I remember feeling different and just
wanting to fit in, you know what I mean, And
it's just like feeling like such a fun I remember
like dreaming like, please God, why do you make my

(14:24):
hair so difficult when I need to go to the pool.

Speaker 2 (14:27):
I think growing up in white spaces for me, because I'm.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
Mixed race is what they color.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
After Latina, I think that it was confusing for me
because it's like sometimes I fit in those spaces and
then other times it was like you don't fit in
these spaces, so it was like it was like, oh.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, come in, you're accepted. Oh wait, So I was
like confusing.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
I'm like, wait, like my hair doesn't like, my hair's
fine in water, you know what I'm saying. I can't
fit into the fucking franky jeans that everyone else is
wearing or I'm like, it's just like the guy the
boys don't like me how they like the white girls
at my school, you know, And I just it was confusing.

(15:12):
It was really confusing for me as someone who I
think I'm definitely not white passing, and so there's there's
just like this confusion I think for girls.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
That are, you know, have mixed race. Yeah, I don't
even know.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
I'm like, you see how I'm getting awkward talking about
I don't know why I don't call myself.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
I don't know why I hate the word mixed race
so much. Maybe because everyone's mixed in some capacity.

Speaker 2 (15:36):
And also I think black people specifically use it as
a way to feel like cool sometimes.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
Like oh I'm mixed. I'm like, bitch, you are black,
Like like I feel like sometimes black people think that mixed, well,
it's brainwashed to believe, like when.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
You say mixed like black, Like we want to always
let people know, especially like we're happening to having a
conversation at the gym the other day and my trainer
was like, oh, that's because you light skin, and I
was like, see why we do that? Like stop, He's like,
I didn't know you had that in you because you're light.
I was like, what the fuck does that happen to mean?

Speaker 1 (16:09):
Like, like, what were you talking like in reference to
what like what something you did? Like you bucked up? Yeah,
bucked up? And he was like, Oh, I didn't know
you had that in you. And I'm like, I mean,
I think that's like, but I think even black people
doing that to each other is a like, is something
that we're used to doing because colorism exists in blackness.
But I think that's the same reason people say shit
like mix. I'm well, people, like I think people not

(16:30):
that people aren't mixed and can't use that word. Obviously
that exists. I feel like as black people because of
fucking slavery, like we're all mixed in some way. But
I feel like, because we've been brainwashed to believe that
like any standard of beauty that's closer to European standard
is more beautiful, that people use it as a like
one up, not realizing that it just sounds ignorant and

(16:50):
self hating. And I realized that's not reasons why all
people use it. But like even our friends of like
mixed kids, I'm like, God, just call them, like.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
Well, the thing is is like, we can't win really
because mixed triggers people.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
But then when we say we're black, it triggers people. Really. Yeah,
they be like, you're not.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
All, you're not black because they want to put us
in a.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
Box in our blackness. I feel like if if if
a mixed black person doesn't identify it with black, like
say I'm black, I think.

Speaker 2 (17:15):
That's weird because if I don't know what creamy crack is,
I don't I'm not that black.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
No, I'm not saying that to you, but I'm just.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
Saying, but but to some people because I maybe I
don't know some person like who is mix of mixed
race may not know all the lingos in a particular like,
I just feel like you you're.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
Damned if you do, You're damned if you don't. A
lot of times I think, if you're black, you're black,
and you think that I do. I do.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
I'm just saying I do think that, But that is
not the case in the general population of blackness. I
generally feel like black people are accepting of all black people.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
You think that because you don't have to know. I
just think that black people are or are the warmer,
more welcoming race, I say, you're you're gonna be less
likely to be disowned by your black family members versus
I'm just.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
Gonna tell you, Mela, because you are a dark skinned
black woman, you deal with your own set of things
being a darks and black woman. True, and as a
light skin black woman, I deal with my own set
of things, and generally I'm constantly reminded about my lack
of blackness.

Speaker 1 (18:19):
So that's something you don't ever experience. Well obviously not
because I'm black. So that's what I'm saying. So you
say generally even still like talking this way or going
to certain being in certain areas, liking certain music. Yeah,
like if I go to Philly or I'm in Atlanta
and I say certain things, or like oh why do
you talk like this? Or like not like obviously my appearance,
like I'm a black woman, there's no denying that. But

(18:40):
I've I have been told and I'm sure you too,
not just because you're light skin, but like oh, like
oh you're like grease, Like what the fuck are you
doing singing Greece? Or blink when I need too or whatever.
There's like there's always all these rules. It are surrounded
about just about race period. It's particularly blackness sensitivity because
our history is sensitive in this place. So I think,

(19:00):
like you, like.

Speaker 2 (19:01):
Every every aspect of blackness comes with things, you know
what I mean, whether you're mixed, while you're light skin,
whether you're darkin, whether you're a woman, whether you're a man,
like there are all these sensitivities around being black and
all these things because it hasn't always been easy to
just be black or like you know, all just like
all these variations of blackness, there's these rules about how

(19:21):
you can be black or if you know this word,
or if you eat this food or if you listen
to this music, when in a word, you've had this experience, right, like,
just because you didn't grow up in the hood doesn't
mean you're not black, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (19:32):
Or if I talk like this properly, then I'm not black.

Speaker 2 (19:34):
But like I experience that too, but in obviously a
different way than your experience was.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
I mean. And it's interesting because obviously we grew up
in the same area and mostly white spaces, and we've
probably had like some similar experiences with being the only
black person in certain spaces and some that are very different,
you know, So even amongst our own people for sure.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah, and fucking family members too, absolutely, So I have
to check friends all the time, like, bit.

Speaker 1 (20:04):
Well, I'm sure. I'm sure some like some white friends
probably think they can get away of saying certain shit
to you and vice versa. And I've had people say
shit to me. I'm like, why did you feel? And
I know that it's just ignorance in general, and that
goes on black for black folks and white folks. I
told you we were. I was in the sushi restaurant.
I met a new friend and I was like, I
don't know, we're talking about great hairs. First, I need
to stop meeting new friends. And I was like, oh,

(20:25):
I dye my hair black because my hair is really light.
And she's like, that's so interesting that you have this
like exotic hair and you choose to diet black, like
like if most black girls don't have like that exotic look.

Speaker 2 (20:36):
And I was just like exotic hair. And I literally
knew her for like ten minutes. I was like, why
the I don't there's certain words that trigger me. I
think you need to define what friend means. You need
to tighten that up a little bit.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
Just a lady I've met in the sushi rests. Tighten up,
You're right, I do. Everyone's my friend, not really.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
Anyway, Well, that is our colourism rent for the show. Guys,
We're going to move on to the next segment.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
People have been dying for us to have that argument,
but we got it out. Remember someone asked us if
we've experienced, like, do we experience prejudice because you're light
skinned and I'm dark skinned? Yeah, I was like what.
I was like, No, I don't think maybe, but we
were too for we were too dumb to notice it.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
Anyway, So I was in our discord. I don't know
if anyone has joined our discord yet. If you don't
know what discord is, it's a platform where we chat.
It's like a chat room. It's like the ultimate chat
room with different channels. We have all different channels. We
have one for affirmations or people share affirmations. We have
one for horries or people share horse stories. We have

(21:45):
one where we pipe each other up on successes. If
you're joining our retreat in Costa Rica, which is happening,
we have private channels for our retreaties where we are
bonding and sharing and talking, but I went into our
discord today because I felt like I wanted to share
an affirmation from the tribe.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
So today's affirmation is abundance is coming.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
I deserve it and accept it. And this is from
Jess Marie, So shout out to jefs Marie.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
Abundance is coming. I deserve it and accept it.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
I deserve it and accept it. Yes, yes, And I
feel that I feel like I'm already in abundance, but
more and more is coming. And I've just been really
trying to focus on thinking positively in January because I
feel like over the last few months I've been in
and out of this space and just like worrying, worrying, stress, stressed,

(22:42):
and just like thankfully, like I think I'm in such
flow of my life that I haven't like a lot
of bad things haven't been invited into my space. But
this year, I really really want to fight hard to
be a positive thinker because I can be sited in
my car all day just talking shit and I'm just
worrying what if this hasn't happened?

Speaker 1 (23:03):
With this has happening? Do this? Do we do this?
Do we do that? Do we do that?

Speaker 2 (23:05):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (23:05):
My god, we didn't do this. She didn't do this.
I didn't do this, We didn't do this, didn't do this.
I'm just like, bitch, stop. Well. I think, like what
like when you.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
When you like achieve a lot of things, like like
we have in a short period of time and manifested
a lot of things, you don't think about the like
maintenance that it requires and the anxiety that comes with
the maintenance, you know, because sometimes I'm like, this is what.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
We dreamed of, and I'm like, is it you know?
And of course it is. But like it when you
when you manifest things, it doesn't come with necessarily like
a manual, you know. And like we've worked so hard
on like working on all of these things that you

(23:50):
don't really learn how to like mentally your mental capacity
to keep up with it. And I do. I feel
like this year is really going to be dedicated to
us dedicating the time to have the mental capacity to
be present in it and without the anxiety of it
like disappearing or like upkeeping it, because it does come
with a lot of anxiety. So I think it requires

(24:10):
that we like do a lot of like spiritual and
mental exercise to just maintain it all without it being
super stressful.

Speaker 2 (24:21):
I love that you said the maintenance of it. I've
never really like viewed it as that, but it really is.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
There is like a maintenance.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
There's spiritual maintenance, there's which you know, there's maintenance of
your life in general, personal physical maintenance. But I think,
like the spiritual maintenance is so important to keep inviting
in the things that you're asking.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
Well, your mental health, Yeah, and like your mental health
is a direct reflection of how you manifest and like
how open you are and how like optimistic you are,
and how inviting you are of the things. If you're
constantly in a state of anxiety or like worry, then
it's not going to flow easily. So like I think
in the beginning of this proble, we were just like.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
La la la la, la la la, I'm fucking nep
and I'm healing, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (25:07):
Like it was just like a it was like a
it wasn't that intentional, It wasn't that intentional. It was
a hobby and there wasn't a lot of pressure. But
now as the pressure, like as it's less of a hobby,
it's it's more to maintain, and it's like it's scary
because you know, like, obviously you come from a background
where your mom's like a super professional like mogul, but

(25:31):
like that doesn't necessarily mean we've been given the tools
to like know how to run our own business or
like be a business professional. And obviously we are and
we've grown and we were like maturing into this role,
but like it's scary when you don't you like, I
didn't go to fucking business school, which I dropped out,
you know, and it's just like and it's all on

(25:53):
you and you don't necessarily feel like you've been given
like the lesson plan to know how to keep up
with everything, And so there are self doubting thoughts that
obviously are untrue because we're here. But it's just like
how do you eliminate those the higher you get in
your you know, your life. No, it's true. I think

(26:16):
I think there is a level of.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
Faking it till you make it that has that has
that has happened, and even in our business of like
it's faking it. But I knew that if we just
set it and wrote it down, eventually it would be true.
And I believed that and then it was and I've
just kept doing that over and over and over again.
And it's been true in my business, it's been true

(26:41):
in my personal life, it's been true in you know,
just pretty much all aspects of my life. And like
approaching my problems instead of like looking up at them
and trying to look down on them so that they
don't feel so overbearing.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
That's a good way to look at it, you know,
and like.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
Looking down and saying, okay, like I can see everything here,
like what is what is my What I've been trying
to do lately is think about, in my perfect scenario,
what would the outcome be, not like what is the
bad outcome? Because I think that's all a lot of
times where my mind goes the case the worst case

(27:18):
scenario instead of like the best case scenario. And so
when you are constantly thinking about the worst case scenario,
and granted, like I've always said, I'm a realist and
you know, I've been pondering that idea too, and thinking
like is being a realist actually negative self talk? Like
when you are a realist and saying.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
Like, well, I'm just real about it, like realistically, is
that really going to happen? Actually? It is? Being a
realist is being pessimistic because realistically is not where we
should be thinking. I mean shit, like we didn't realistically
think to get here like we were but not really
and all the shit happened. And it's like had we
been thinking overly thinking to realistic and it wouldn't have

(27:59):
probably manifested this way we were like I don't know,
but that would be nice.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
Like so like what if like instead of you deciding
that you're a realist, like you are a dreamist I mean,
for lack of a better word, and like you just
dream about the best possible outcome, the best possible scenario,
Like what does that look like? Instead of like the
worst possible outcome? And granted, I think there is some
realism that has to happen in ways, but.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
Overall maybe not.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
And I think that's kind of like what I'm realizing
at this like in the season of my life and
just this month and over the last thirty days, I
feel like lately I've just been like going through kind
of a bit of a transformation personally, and it's been
feeling like I'm like, Okay, the way my mind has
been like moving through manifesting and inviting things in is working,

(28:51):
but like I'm still feel anxious, i still feel worried.
There's still negative self talk, So like how do I
eliminate those things so that things come even more rapidly
towards me? And a part of that is I think
like kind of like letting the realist and me die.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
Well.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
I think like the like the realism the realist. It's
the unfortunate part of like human nature and of like
the society in which we live in.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
Is that realism only gives you space to dream as
much of you as you experienced. So if I'm being realistic,
that's true.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
Yeah. Realistically, you know, I've never had the number one,
like a number one podcast in the world, so like
why that realistically? Why would I think that that's something
that I can do? Like realistically, I'm looking at the
charts and there's forty five people in front of me,
So realistically, like it's going to take this amount of months,
this amount of work, this amount of guests, you know.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
Like all these things. Realistically, I don't know Sean King Realistically,
I don't know mel Robins, So like, how is Erkama
and be on my show? You know, like realistically, if
I've only seen my parents struggle in a marriage, or
I've only seen a house this big realistically, I can't
dream that big. But that is the whole point of
not thinking realistically because it caps at your human experience

(30:17):
that you've had up to that point, and it does
require that you get out of your personal experiences to
actually obtain things that you've never experienced before. And if
you're constantly thinking that those things are impossible because you've
never seen them, it won't happen, you know, like I've
never fucking climbed Mount Everest. I can't do that, but
I could. And the truth is, the realism is that

(30:38):
anything that you want to achieve, you can if you
realistically understand that your experiences are limited and your mind
will limit you. And in fact, you have to step
out of that, like the confinement of your experiences and
go beyond that, because our dreams are much larger than
the experiences we've had up till now, and they will

(31:00):
continue to expand as long as you're able to see
that vision. And a lot of times our visions are
limited to our real experiences, and that is really not real.
It's true, you know. That's that's You're right. You have
to not be so realistic.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
You got to be kind of like like huge, you know,
you have to be huge, and you have to like
cease comparison, Like I feel like comparison is often like
the stealer of all joy, you know, and looking at

(31:37):
someone else's version of whatever they're they've attained or whatever
they're of accomplishing and then comparing it to yourself can
feel can make that realism come in even harder, Like oh,
I'm not as beautiful as her, or I don't have
the husband, so that's why my life doesn't look like this,
or you know, I didn't go to college, so therefore
I can't get that job.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
Oh she has this per like she has this parent
or this financial backing, so that's why she's there and
I can't do that. Yeah, it's like immediately counting yourself
out of an experience because you can't visualize yourself there.
But like that is how you get there, by visualizing
yourself in that space and believing that you were capable
of doing it, not because you get this husband or

(32:19):
you get this thing. It's just like I know I
can do that too. I don't give a fuck that
you came from here. I came from there. But I
am capable of also being in that space. I can
see myself there.

Speaker 2 (32:29):
Yeah that and also like not negative, not negatively self
talking that person's experience too, because I think that's also
to what happens.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
And you're like, fuck her. She got some my nerves like.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
Like why could your joy cause she's doing.

Speaker 1 (32:42):
Something you didn't do yet it's true, I mean you can,
I've done it. You can absolutely get caught up and
like why is this bitch succeeding in this? Because you're
too focused on the wrong shit. So I was.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
Looking online and I was or I was on Instagram
and I saw this. I saved this in my whatever
saved fold or whatever they call it over there and
the archives, and it was I don't even know if
this is a true I don't know if this is true,
but it spoke to me and it's the twelve laws
of karma. And I feel like karma for me is

(33:17):
directly in some ways linked.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
To how.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
How how you're able to call in the things you
want in your life, like how you treat people, how
you talk about people, acts of service, all these things. Anyway,
So the first one was is the great law and
it's whatever we put into the universe will come back
to us, which I agree. The second was the law
of creation. Life does not happen by itself. We need

(33:45):
to make it happen, which again is for me. And
manifesting is the action you put behind you know, whatever
is that you're dreaming big about. The law of humility.
One must accept something in order to change it. So
instead of fighting against whatever is, just accepting it and
moving through it so that you can have space to

(34:07):
have whatever it is the fuck that you want.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
The law of growth, which is number four.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
When when we change ourselves, our lives follow suit and
change too.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
We can't stay the same. We can't. It's not possible.
I mean we can. People do it every day. Your
circumstances won't change.

Speaker 2 (34:23):
They're miserable. The law of responsibility. We must take responsibility
for what is in our lives. So like, hey, like
my situation is fucked up because I've made these choices,
and not blaming other people for your choices. Number six
the law of connection. The past, present, and future are
all connected. The law of focus. We cannot think of

(34:44):
two different things at the same time.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
To pitch, I don't know if I'm messed with that one.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
That's hard because I'd be thinking of twenty two different
things at one time, and that forgot the first thing.

Speaker 1 (34:56):
We just did that in there.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
Eight The law of giving and hospitality. Our behavior should
match our thoughts and actions. The law of here and now.
We cannot be present if we are looking backwards. Ten
the law of change. History repeats itself until we learn
from it and change our path. The law of patience
and reward. The most valuable rewards require persistence, and then

(35:23):
it's just the last one, the last. The law of
significance and inspiration. Rewards are a results of the energy
and effort we put into it.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
Like thinking of karma reminds me of this episode we
did with the second episode we did with Beleja and
her husband called Mama's an Opener Marriage, I think, and
her husband like said something so profound and it's not
like that profound, but most things that are profound are
not that like are super simple. And he was just saying,
how you know, like basically she was seeing someone and

(35:55):
he was just like getting at him, like just like
just making it up about him because he realized there
were things in him that he was doing, and like
things in the person he was like talking shit about
that he was denying in himself and that was why
he was spewing these things like oh that what he's
doing is whack, Like, oh, that's stupid, but it's like
because he was too scared to go on a women

(36:15):
and try certain things or you know what I mean.
And I just realized when he said that, like it
always stuck with me because it's like a lot of
the times, the things that bother us in people are
things that we haven't given ourselves permission to explore because
we were like judging ourselves like we're gonna look stupid
or you don't know about this, or like that's them,
you know, and like that negative self talk. But it's
just like you have to like the energy that you

(36:36):
put out. That karma is real, and it's usually it
starts with how you're treating yourself and then you project
that shit into other people and then it feels acceptable.
So like even if someone's talking, I'm like this is
so dumb, like what are you talking about? And I'm
like why are you such a bit Like maybe it's you,
And then I'm like, damn, maybe it is me.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
Well I think about too, like in the journey of
healing and like you different modalities for healing and exploring
and like trying things on and stuff. Like a lot
of times people that haven't begun that journey at all
and don't even know where to start, they look at
you and are like.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
What the fuck you're weird?

Speaker 2 (37:11):
Like why are you? Why are you like chanting? Why
are you screaming? Why are you lighting candles on full moon?

Speaker 1 (37:20):
Like why are you? Like whatever it is?

Speaker 2 (37:22):
You know, And a lot of it is because they
haven't even begun to do the work, to even.

Speaker 1 (37:26):
Start to like like uncoding what works for them. Well,
it's just so easy to be like that's stupid, Like
that's the white people.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
Shit, Oh that's silly. Oh, Like why the fuck would
I do that?

Speaker 1 (37:36):
You know what I'm saying, Like, why would you be
doing Cartwell's bitch, you're thirty four, you know what I mean? Like,
there's a lot and that's the same shit, the same
shit that doesn't allow you to try the modalities because
you're so busy thinking judging what it is you haven't
tried it. And I'm like, I'm a tryer of things,
you know a bit, You'll try some shit. You know,
because I'm like, fuck it, I'm not gonna knock it
till I try it. But I too have had times

(37:58):
where I'm like, this is ridiculous. You guys, remember that
time we went to the conference and the white women
were like jumping up and down and making weird noises,
and we were like, where the fuck are we at?
And then like two years later, we're doing same thing.
We totally we judge them. We're like, this is strange.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
But you know, I think too white was strange because
we didn't see one person in that room that looked
like us. I think if that was a room full
of like brown and black people mixed with some other races,
we would have been like, this is interesting. We probably
still would have judged, but maybe been more open to it.
I think oftentimes it's really hard to accept or be
open yourself up to spaces where you don't you physically

(38:32):
don't see yourself in them. It feels foreign, it feels unnerving,
it feels like you're not invited. So I think when
you don't have those kind of spaces, like that's what happens.
And that's why I'm so grateful that we have the
space that we have and I'm so glad that we
have our retreat because obviously the retreat is for all women,
all races, all ages. However, I find that a lot

(38:56):
of the women that come are women of color, and
I'm so happy that they come because they're able to
see themselves in these spaces doing different shit, shit that
they would never try in their town, especially like in
certain towns where they are they're I mean generally we're
most of the minority and everywhere we go, but they're
really the minority in the yoga studio, in the meditation lounge,

(39:18):
in whatever space that they're trying to go to to
do the healing. And unfortunately it gets in the way
sometimes even though it shouldn't, and even though, like I
always want to, I want to encourage you right now,
if you're listening, still go go.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
And do that shit. You You'll make a friend there.
You will.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
There's someone there waiting to be your friend, probably all
of them. But a lot of times we don't feel
like we have we're invited and we have a seat
at that table because we don't see ourselves there.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
Yeah, or that it's relatable, or that they're going to
understand where I'm coming from because maybe I'm experiencing, you know,
a different struggle or a different obstacle than you.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
H it's true, and you know, manifesting like I just
feel like at its core, like it doesn't have to
be that complicated, and I think people have made I mean,
there's different ways to manifest and everyone has their own
things that they do. But at the core, it's really
just the start. The start is a positive self talk,

(40:13):
be believing in yourself and see action like there's things
in between there and and actually me and Mila have
created a document, a document. We can't call it a
a PDF, can't call it a PF don't let the PDF.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
No, it's a digital asset.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Well, I don't know a beautiful pamphlet.

Speaker 1 (40:35):
No one uses pamphlet anymore. This is not a hotel
if you.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
Check the pamphlet, the experience in which we know, we
talk about these like we've created a handbook, these actual
tools and steps that can help you at least just
start the process of manifesting and believing in yourself and.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
Like creating real uh just real.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
Things and writing things down where you're like, Okay, this
is what I want to invite in because a lot
of times we don't even know what we want, Like,
we have a lot of things what we want, and
so we're trying to focus on all of them, and
it's like we have to hone it in and like decide, Okay,
this is what I'm focusing on right now. So I'm
just really excited for you guys to read through it
and apply it to your life. And you know, we

(41:22):
get to share the tools that have worked for us.
And you know, if you've been following us from the
beginning of Good Moms, then you know, like you saw
us in my dining room. We were in my dining
room recording this show. We are now in our studio
in the Hollywood Hills recording our show. So this is

(41:43):
literally the power of manifestation. And you know, obviously me
and Mila together have manifested a lot, but you don't necessarily,
you don't need Amla or an Erica to do your
own manifesting. However, I am really excited to do a
lot of manifesting in the jungle with a group of
women because there is power in numbers, and just like

(42:04):
bringing that element, being able to bring that element live
to people is super special, Like being able to like
do it in groups and really like hone all of
our energy, hone all of our divine feminine energy as
one to really put intention behind each woman's dreams.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
Like it's just that's excites me when we do that absolutely,
Like the collective is powerful and like you know, it's
one thing to put your own energy all the time,
and that's powerful. We're all like superhuman, you know, we
have superpower powers. But like when you collectively have a
like a community of people where you trust and you

(42:46):
can collectively harness that power, it is super powerful.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
We also manifested a studio in which we can smoke
Weedn't how that was.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
That's like, that's how we know we manifested the ship
because this is very rare. This is you don't just go.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
Into studio places where you can just be smoking in
the office place.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
You know. They told we told everyone that guy approved
us was gonna give us the keys and then told
us he checked our stuff and that we smoke weed
and that we curse and that he's not gonna be
able to give us the space. That was like eight
months ago, and fuck that guy. Yeah, And we were
patient and we wrote it down and we and we
literally wrote down like office that we can smoke in,

(43:26):
like that was super important, and here we are. We
are smoking the weeds.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
So if you're interested in just you know, getting started
and manifesting, click the link in this episode description, or
go to our website at Good mom'spad Choices dot com
and check it out.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
Let us know, give us your feedback, and we're going
to continue to make you know, continue to create how
to's on things that we like, you know, like the
tools that we've learned because.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
People ask us all the time, and like it's one
thing to listen to an episode, but I know, even
like I'm diving into audibles lately and sometimes I'm like
sometimes I'm like, damn it, now I know why it's
better to read books sometimes because then I can like
highlight and write down, Like when I'm listening, it's hard
for me to capture, so we've highlighted it for you.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
It's true, I mean, and even to just like business partnerships,
you know, like obviously like uh, physical things like houses
and not that any of us are living in a
mansion right now but soon, and like cars, and like
businesses and like book deals those are things too. But
even like love and your hopes of like where your

(44:38):
mental health will be and your spiritual practice will be.
Those those are all things that are like manifestival too.
And even if you don't I feel like, even if
you don't see it or you don't know how it's
going to get there. Like even in my relationship I
had probably was like, no one's gonna want to fuck
with me, Like I've talked way too much on the internet.
My titties are always out, like I just had probably

(44:59):
like let it go. But in my mind, I was like,
there's gotta be someone. There's gotta be someone with the shits.
I was like, see it online.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
I'm like, look at Pamela Anderson and Tolmily that.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
From twenty years ago. She figured it out, Billie. They
didn't last, but fuck it, someone is gonna meet me
as rockstar as I am. And I was adamant about
that shit. And even when I had so many friends
like girl, you need to calm down. Oh you're not
gonna find anyone. You need to be less honest, and
I was like I can't physically, I can't do it.

(45:32):
And and it's true, like even without like necessarily knowing
how it's gonna come. It will come as long as
you're secure in what you want and who you are
and that you're going to get there. And it doesn't
matter like what it is that you're manifesting, because like
a bit, you didn't know I was going to be
fucking podcasting, you know, five years ago to this extent
for five years, and it didn't matter because I was like,

(45:55):
I will if I want to, and here we are.

Speaker 2 (45:57):
You know.

Speaker 1 (45:57):
It's just like the consistency of no knowing, just expecting
your blessings, you know, like I expect this to happen,
and so I'm gonna put in the work and it's
gonna come, and I'm gonna work on myself. Doesn't mean
I'm going to necessarily try and change myself or water
down for a nigga, because that's impossible, but I'm going
to work on myself so when whoever comes, they're going
to recognize the good that I have to offer, you know.

(46:19):
And sometimes so often we're so busy telling ourselves like, realistically,
no one's gonna want a date a bitch for their
titties out. Realistically, no one, you know, Realistically, two moms
can't talk about spoken pot on a podcast and become successful.
That's not realize.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Never, I mean honestly, like I never thought that when
that became apparent to me that that was a thing
that people thought about like us.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
And me and you.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
I was like, oh, okay, well this is a life.
This is not what I I didn't this is not
something I anticipated. But having a show about like two
moms smoking weed, well that and then people saying like,
now you're unlovable, Now you're not worthy, Like I had
other reasons why I thought I wasn't worthy.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
It wasn't that this is actually my main thing. Are
you sure this is the best thing about me here?
You know what that's really?

Speaker 2 (47:07):
And then I had to remember, like this is the
happiest I've ever been. This is the most purposeful I've
ever felt. Like fuck what you said, funk what you think? Okay, well,
there was a morning that happened, like I there was
like I was sad about it for a while, but
then like I feel very much empowered in knowing that
like the person that is for me will show up
and be perfect for me, you know what I mean?

(47:30):
And like it it's like even then when you show
up as yourself and your mooth, authentic self.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
You can't lose.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
You can can't lose in love, you can't lose in
whatever that you're passionate about, you can't lose in Like
there's just the level of I feel like karmic blessing
you get just from showing up.

Speaker 1 (47:47):
Well, well, you have to think about it, like we're
all like, uh, like divine creatures. We're all created like
exactly how we're supposed to be fucking pandas panda kangaroos,
can aroo in Australia, Like we're all of a certain
like we're all like spiritual beings that were planted here
specifically with purpose. I know if we veer outside of

(48:10):
exactly who we are. If I'm a fucking kangaroo in China,
bitch is not gonna work. My food is not there,
my alignment is not there. If I'm a kangaroo acting
like I'm a fucking polar bear, bitch, I'm gonna die.
But it's just about like honing in on exactly who
you are without all of the noise of social standards.
Your mama, your daddy, your cousin, your auntie, your teacher.

(48:32):
It's just like we forget that we're divine beings. God
Spirit has placed us here and our only job is
to show up as ourselves for sure. But the world
tells you like that's not good enough, and then you
start telling yourself that's not good enough or it's too much,
or it's to this, or it's too weird. But bitch,
you're supposed to be weird. Look at weird Out. Do

(48:53):
you think he would have been weird out without being weird?
You know what I'm saying. I don't know. It's the
best I could come up, you know, you know my SiO.
So that's that white side, not my best. But you
know what I'm saying, I'm kidding. But that's the thing, Like,
our divine purpose is in being exactly who we are,
and the things that are meant for us cannot find

(49:14):
us if we're not comfortable in being exactly who we are.
Even if it's smoking pop moms. There were more than that,
But you know what I mean, Like.

Speaker 2 (49:24):
Yeah, I totally agree. I also think that we are
also we are also I guess what I guess I'm
trying to say is like we are still extensions of
our ancestors and the people were influenced by the people
that we are from, but we have to I guess
in this lifetime being yourself, you kind of find discernment

(49:47):
and the pieces that you want to take from those people.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
Like I am not like my mother.

Speaker 2 (49:51):
I have pieces of her because I am of her,
but I have my own spiritual divine reasoning for being
here and having I guess autonomy over my spirit in ways.
And so I think that you take what you need
from the people that you come from, but hopefully like
you're able to like have the discernment.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
And that's the hardest part, is knowing what is of
you and what is of other people. I'm still figuring
that out, you know, Like it's that's enlightenment, I guess,
because I mean I'm not there yet, and even parts
of you that are in spite of people, you know
what I mean, Like, and I'm this way in spite
because like I hated that my mom was this way.
So I've done like the complete like the complete opposite,

(50:35):
because sometimes there's that too. But I also feel like
sometimes like it's about taking things from people, but also
kind of like we are living in a in a
generation that's so different than the like where our parents
were able to like completely be themselves, especially as women.
But I think sometimes we are actually breaking generational curses

(51:01):
in a major way because we are we could be
more clear about who we are without just like the
I just feel like in general, as time evolves, there's
a lot of fucked up shit that happens too, like
eating plastic, but.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
We we do have.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
The freedom to show up more as ourselves, you know,
obviously look like the like evolution of women, like look,
my whole thigh is out. That probably couldn't happen in
a certain time. I don't know what era, but you know,
I feel like it started there naked, and then it
went well, and then it went back. So you know,
it's true. It's true, but it's we're all influenced by
this outside world, and it's important that you know you

(51:39):
just like who the fuck you are. Yeah, because then
your mom tell you it's not likely that like your
job is not what did she say about this job
is not likely going to find you a us?

Speaker 2 (51:53):
She said, Oh yeah, it's gonna be much harder for
me to find someone I don't know. Essentially, like I
don't know, I felt like she was trying to say,
like a sustainable man like one that's.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
Like serious serious, But then then you tell a guy
you're dating and he was like, that's true. Yeah, but
that's the thing. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
Like there's been a level of like okay, like mourning
that I've had to say like, wow, okay, someone that
I love thinks that of me or of what I
do that brings me happiness and joy.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
And then and then and then be able to make
it not hurt your feelings and then be like that
doesn't hurt my feelings at all, or.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
Make you self dumb? I like, is this too much?
Am I doing the most? Can't I shut the fuck up?
Could I spin this? Could I like, loo hold more?
Could I be stressed out about this shit? Could I
you know what I'm saying, like, and yeah, if anything,
I just try to listen to my body. If it

(52:50):
makes my body feel uncomfortable, then it's probably not for me.
And whenever when I felt that, I was like, oh damn,
like this is yeah, no, this is not of me.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
This is a view. Be your own people, This is
a view. So I feel secure in that. So and
you have to and then that's a part of the
growing process. If you're not willing to like say, hey,
is this me or is this someone else and sit
on it, you know, deeply, and like decide that's important.
Most people just immediately if someone doesn't like it, they're like,

(53:20):
oh no, this is the wrong decision. And me and
Erka would have been nowhere if we would have listened
to everybody's fucking opinion, we would have never I don't
know where the fuck would be. But like stressed out
worried about people's opinion. Even now that I'm in a relationship,
like a serious relationship and my person knows me, like
you know, like there's no there's no fucking surprises. It's
not gonna be like someone date people, I'd be like,

(53:41):
this would be the test. Like, so, if you're out
in public and someone randomly comes up to you and
just discloses some random information about me, how are you
going to feel if it's sexual? You know what I mean,
because that can happen, but like it's bound to it's
bound to actually like you.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
I just mean in general, And that's a question that
most people don't really ask the person, and it's a
defining question because sex really matters to people. And then
imagine then amplifying that to like millions of people. Yeah,
you know, like that's a hard pill to swallow. But
it's actually now like on this part of my journey

(54:18):
because I do have a partner that I know is
going to be in my life forever.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
I do. I do feel like I'm embarking on this
different chapter of my life because now I like not
that I needed a relationship to do this, because I
was always I was already like obviously actively trying to
grow and evolve and get out of like bad habits
and like learn my trauma so that I could better
at it. But it's also given me, like I realize

(54:43):
now like this year there's gonna be a different level
of work that I have to unlock because it's not
about like fighting the world about who I am or
a partner or like convincing people that I'm worthy because
like I know my people who love me. But now
like really digging deep into so like the parts of
myself that do I love or don't love, and like

(55:05):
just reflecting deeply on the things. Like it's just a
different level of I'm like, damn, it's a different like
validating yourself. It's like that kind of love and then
when someone else loves you truly, it's like it makes
it reflects how you love yourself and if I've actually
been doing the work or how I've been avoiding it,
or have I been meditating and breathing and why or
why not? You know. So it's just like I think
I'm about to embark on this different level of like

(55:29):
self reflection that is scary, but I'm also like really
excited about. So I'm just I'm excited for you. Thinks
I'm excited for us. I feel the same way. I
feel like it's that new January energy. Maybe it's just
because like we're.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
Going at we're about to leave too, and I'm like
I'm about to be in nature, and I feel like
I'm really tapping into like I feel like this year,
I'm really stepping into that space of like wanting to
be in that element more like just prioritizing like just
even just taking like really being in nature, like taking

(56:06):
my shoes off, even if it's in my backyard, like
actually doing that and realizing that like I.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
Can really retreat here if I want to.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
And because I think escapism is something that I think
I struggle with, Like I'm like let me just get
out of here real quick, oh I'm queen of it,
or just let me just go missing for two days
an escapism, But I need that too. I think that
that's important also, But what am I doing with my
time during that time?

Speaker 1 (56:32):
And yeah, I'm just well just like being clear about
what makes you feel good and honoring that I prefer
to be in the jungle half naked, you know, Like
that's my preference. But like and then saying how can
I make my life more aligned with being in the jungle,

(56:54):
you know? And like last year respect like three months
out of the country, which I think, Wow, that's so
dope that that's like our life and that's like we
can bring our kids and it's we're still working and facilitating,
facilitating healing for other people, and like that is ideal
for me, you know, and I do. I think this
is this is our second retreat in like we've been

(57:16):
doing this for one year now. We've been retreating this
for one year, wow, And we've taken like a hundred
women to healing and too the jungle and to themselves
and we're continuing to embark on that journey. And I
think we're like more confident in it. We're more confident
in ourselves in this space and it's so exciting. Yeah,
and I'm really grateful, and I'm also just I don't know.

Speaker 2 (57:43):
I just feel like actively trying to find the joy
and everything is the goal for me right now, and
I'm really dedicated to that. And I realize there are
certain elements that I'm learning in school that just it's
just true, Like breathing, moving, like being still, sex, like

(58:04):
all these things really make pleasure pleasure. Food is a
way of life. Guess what breaking news.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
Striking news.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
And that's even in alignment, you know, Like we're in
school and we're learning about like Tibetan tantra, but then
we're talking to you know and studying Queen of Fua,
the Sacred Woman, and then like this ancient African studies,
and it's like, oh, it's.

Speaker 1 (58:26):
All the same. It's all the same. The elements. It's
the breathing, it's the moving of your body, it's the quietness.
It's it's literally the most basic shit, breathe, move, drink, eat,
be quiet, like like that is the medicine and it's
and it's in every like ancient healing remedy and method

(58:47):
and it's so simple and yet it's so hard. And
that's when I noticed that, like with our tantra, like
taking time to do that, I was like, this is crazy,
how much I'm avoiding it? Yeah, I'm like, why am
I avoiding? Why am I avoiding sitting on breathing for
twenty minutes? Why I will do anything and everything by
fucking sitting breathe? I rather stress, I gotta, I got,

(59:09):
I got to stressed, super important stress. No, but literally
that's what I choose. That's literally the choice that you're making. Sorry,
and I'd rather stress.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
I'm stressed, so I can't stop that to do that,
No way, God, don't want to do stress.

Speaker 1 (59:20):
Who wants to do that? It's true, it's true. So,
oh my god, don't choose stress. It's like, don't choose violent.
It's violence to yourself. Shirt. Don't choose stress for real?
You heard it here? First, ah my goodness. Do we
have a hoary? We do, But first we have a

(59:42):
tarot card that you picked.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
Oh yes, okay, so you guys today I picked the
High Priestress priestess. Priestess bitch is hot, okay, and I
am the High Priestess literally, I am the High priest
Like that backup? Actually, Okay, intuition say cret knowledge, divine, feminine,
the subconscious mind.

Speaker 1 (01:00:08):
Yep, wow, say that again. You want to you want
to hear that again, intuition, sacred knowledge, divine, feminine, the
subconscious mind.

Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
You know. But before I start telling this, I was
just thinking about, like how Queen of Fuis talks about
just remembering.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
It's like a lot of these practices are just remembering,
and it's true, it's not. It's like it's in our
sacred knowledge, like especially as women, as goddesses that like
create all things. The healing is like in our we
know on a cellular level, and like we do ourselves
such a disservice when we like totally ignore ourselves anyway.

(01:00:49):
While the magician is the guardian of the conscious mind
and the tangible world, the High Priestess is the guardian
of the subconscious mind and the teacher of sacred knowledge,
hidden mysteries. Sitting at the threshold of the conscious and
subconscious mind, the High Priestess has an innate ability to
travel between these realms effortlessly. She teaches you that the

(01:01:10):
world is not always as it seems, and more profound
influences are often at play. She ushers you through the
thin veil of awareness, offering you a deep, intuitive understanding
of the universe and a heightened awareness of secret or
hidden information. The High Priestess signifies spiritual enlightenment, inner illumination,

(01:01:31):
divine knowledge, and wisdom. She shows up in your trail
readings when the veil between you and the underworld is
thin and you have the opportunity to access the knowledge
deep within your soul. Now is the time to be
still so you can tune into your intuition the answers
are seeking. The answers you are seeking will come from within,
from your deepest truth and knowing. Allow the High Priests

(01:01:54):
to become your guide as you venture deep into your
subconscious mind and access this inner with wis. Connect with
your intuition and your higher self through meditation, visualizations, shamatic journeying,
and being part of spiritual communities.

Speaker 2 (01:02:12):
Wow heavy, I've been like intuition has been a theme
since the beginning of the year for me.

Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
Like not doubting it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:22):
I've gotten multiple messages about intuition and I'm pulling that
really really like it's just a confirmation that I'm definitely
focusing on the right thing right now in my life,
and that's honing that shit like a razor.

Speaker 1 (01:02:39):
Like that's really my.

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
Goal is to be able to really and that comes
with knowing thyself.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
That comes with like Queen of Fu's teachings of.

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
You know, the sacred woman and her intuition like the
know or the healer of all things.

Speaker 1 (01:02:55):
So I'm really I'm dedicated to to that. Well, that's
our that's our femininity, is our intuition, Like we're fucking
super women, you know, Like our intuition is our superpower
and we forget to be in tune with it. But
that is often going to save us time and time

(01:03:17):
and time. Again, thank you Mahogany Taro for that reminder.
You ready for the hurry, ready to get raunchy, get
we're gonna go deep, but now we're gonna get Now
we're gonna get dirt, huge dirty by Christina Aguilere and

(01:03:43):
then get her hips.

Speaker 2 (01:03:48):
In that video, they were like sticking out the side
all I see our hips.

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
Why is that the only visual ad? Blonde hair and
hip bones to the black ends? Oh god, it was
really I love that shit. I was like, oh yeah,
I like this Christina, She's fucking amazing. Yeah. Hmmm, So we.

Speaker 2 (01:04:11):
Also found this Horry in our Discord. Guys, this fuck
that I do this right. This episode's content is sponsored
by Discord. Everyone in our Discord.

Speaker 1 (01:04:20):
Knows this story. This is like a famous person in Discord.
I'm not going to say his name because it's anonymous,
because so if you want to, if you want to
push your business in Discord, don't worry. I'm not going
to tell it's it's anonymous unless you're in Discord.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
Everyone knows the hory is a free range, right, It's
there for this purpose.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
Okay, I'm gonna tell you guys about this. This is
from a male. This is front of our active males
and Discord, and I love to see the fellows in
Discord because there's men over there too. We have some
private channels just for women, but you know, they just
love a little testosterone and we bitches, and it's nice
to have some male perspective on there too. So if
you're a guy and you're listening and you're like, is
it dis Chord for me, yes, sir, Yes, sir, it is,

(01:05:02):
as long as ado don't be a weirdo and if
you like love and praise women and free women, it's
the place for you. And if you're mature, okay, I'm
with the shits. Okay. Anyway, I'll tell you a funny
story how I got into loving to be dominated by
a woman. So back in Germany, I met this German
female female at the barber shop. Nice tits, of course,

(01:05:23):
so I holler at her. Nice tits, of course, so
I holler at her and we hang out after she
gets off that Friday. We go out, come back home,
and of course have sex a few times after showering dah.
Next morning, she has to go to work and leaves
me there at her place. I came prepared and had
my DVD book of movies and TV shows.

Speaker 2 (01:05:43):
You know, this was a while, he said, I'm chilling.
So I'm watching in my pd blue. I'm my portable
DVD player and I accidentally knock it off the bed.
DVD falls out and rolls under the bed. I reach
undergrad my DVD in a box of sex toys skids
out into the view.

Speaker 1 (01:06:03):
So nosy me. I started investigating because last night she
kept trying to play with my ass and I got
mad and tell her to chill you got a chill boom.
I don't know how you say that in German.

Speaker 2 (01:06:14):
No, Nit, it's more direct. Anyway, now I got Now,
I got so many fucking questions, Like this motherfucker is
a freak.

Speaker 1 (01:06:32):
She had anal.

Speaker 2 (01:06:33):
Trading beads, prostate massage, you name it.

Speaker 1 (01:06:36):
Wow, he's discovered all this just leaning over the bed.
It mistakenly fell under, so he had he had to investigate.
Oh wow, Okay, hold on, damn, did I did this
in order?

Speaker 2 (01:06:55):
This motherfucker could have had an ass thrashing marathon and
never had to use the same tour twice.

Speaker 1 (01:07:01):
Wow. So anyways, I'm trying to figure out how to
tell her I'm on to her shit and she ain't
gonna get me. So later she I'm trying to tell
how I'm I gonna tell her I've found out her
shit and she ain't gonna get me. So later she
comes home and I'm ready, right, I'm just trying to
wait for the right time to tell it. But of
course things don't happen as planned, because as soon as
she gets in, we start going at it like cats

(01:07:23):
and dogs. She's been waiting all day for that dick. Well,
we're fucking. She's gripping my ass cheeks like she's trying
to stick a finger in there, and I got my ship.
I got my ship. My cheeks like locked like fork knocks.
We finished fucking, and she's like, why don't she let
me play with your ass? I'm like, nah, motherfucker, chill.

Speaker 2 (01:07:46):
Well she uh now she's obviously wait wait sorry, she persists,
and finally I blow up and I'm like, damn, leave
my ass alone.

Speaker 1 (01:07:57):
I don't know that I am on that gay shit.
So now obviously I was a bit extra, but she
got the point she had to get an extra. I
apologized and I left. So of course I got to
tell my boy Kobe. I don't know if I was
supposed to say his boy's name whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:08:13):
So I'm talking to Okay, and I'm telling him, bro,
this chick last night was trying to lick my ass
and sticking a finger in it.

Speaker 1 (01:08:20):
But I told her I wasn't with it. He said, what,
don't knock her till you try it, Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:08:26):
So I was confused at this reply, of course, because
most men ain't open to anal play.

Speaker 1 (01:08:31):
So after he signed off, that right is that right?
That's a lie right. So after he signed off on it,
I was trying to figure out how to tell her
it's okay if she want to lick or play with
it because my boy signed off on it. Not this
is this is niggas. If you were a nigga and
you ain't.

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
His boy signed off, so it's not gay. Okay, Okay,
well now changes. I got one alibi that changes everything.
I got one alibi, Toby said, Well, Kobe said, so
you guys, it's not gay.

Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
So fast forward. So fast forward to mine and her
next encounter. We're making out and my slow seff is like,
you want to do that thing? It's cool? Now you
want to do that thing to me? It's cool? Now
I can't stand yeah, trying trying to sound like I
am gay while I.

Speaker 2 (01:09:18):
Say it, Oh you want to do that thing?

Speaker 1 (01:09:22):
All right, yeah it's cool. How do you not sound gay? Niggas? Okay?
So anyways, she's like, assume the position, and my pride
is a little touched, but I try it. Anyways, Shit,
she knows what she wants, she sure do Okay. Shit
started to tingle, and I was too scared to it
to enjoy it. So I stopped her and I started
to sound like I was going through puberty.

Speaker 2 (01:09:44):
That ain't no play. Well have you hitten all those
high notes? Anyways?

Speaker 1 (01:09:50):
I right? Anyways, I left right after because I was
a little ashamed, but I was curious by then. But
I was curious by then and tried the toys next
time because it was something about my ass whole being way.
I just couldn't get used to. I feel you. So
next time she tried the training anal beads and those
things started hitting the G spot and I had to
stop her because I was honestly afraid because if they're

(01:10:12):
doing it right, it feels like you have to shit.
And the last thing I wanted or needed was a
blank shit on himself story. I was scared because I
didn't know if I could trust her with it, with
if we ever got into it, not to hang that
shit over my head like you wasn't saying.

Speaker 2 (01:10:25):
That shit last night when I got Poor baby, he's
so tormented, I know, but I'm happy he wrote the
story because these were literally the things that niggas feel
this way, and it's like it's not real.

Speaker 1 (01:10:37):
But anyways, a few more encounters with her, I developed
a trust with her, and it got to the point
when I walked When I walked in, I just assumed
the sub position on my knees ready. So this time
she used a prostate massager and I came over. It
came over and over without my dick being stroked. So
from then on I was game. Shit was so intense
and it was such an adrenaline rush. Because I was

(01:10:57):
always in control in my everyday life, I never knew
how to give up control and be totally vulnerable to
a woman. So the last time of my training, she
invites me in and she blindfolds me, and then she
bonds my hands and feet so I can't move. She
starts for play and by the time I'm pre coming
so much the beds almost have become a slipping slide.

(01:11:18):
She starts out with the anal beads, then proceeds with
the prosatus massager, and next thing I know, I feel
something with a bit more girth. All I know is
she fucked me with a shrap on.

Speaker 2 (01:11:27):
I swear to you, I came so much, back to
back to back. I cried like a baby. My God,
she fucked me up. I left that night and was
scared to ever go back. But ever since then, I've
been hooked and I tried regular relationships, but I like
that out of the ordinary relationships. So for me to
ever settle down, I think I'm gonna have to marry
a dom She doesn't have to be a total dominatrix,

(01:11:50):
but she has.

Speaker 1 (01:11:51):
To be able to handle my stub be dom. It's
one of my top love languages. The end, and wow,
I thought it was beautiful. And he said he's dominant
seventy five to eighty percent of the time sextually, but
that twenty five to twenty percent. He want what he wants.
And I'm not mad at that. I feel that. And
you can have a man who knows thyself, you know,
and ain't afraid to ask for what he wants. Yeah,

(01:12:14):
he's living a pleasureful life. That would make the world
a better place if we could just all figure out
our pleasures, relate it to a friend, own them, own them,
dance blissfully in them, date based on them, just invite
more of the pleasures. Hang around people that are like
that too. I mean, I don't know if all your

(01:12:35):
friends had to do the same thing, but like, luckily
for him with his friend's name, the other guy, Yeah,
he was like, oh, he wasn't lying like most of
these niggas be lying.

Speaker 2 (01:12:44):
Hey.

Speaker 1 (01:12:44):
Yeah, he's like, don't knock it till you try it,
and look, and he gave him permission. It's so crazy
how we need permission to try shit.

Speaker 2 (01:12:52):
Humans do humans as women do men do. Obviously, I
think men probably even more.

Speaker 1 (01:12:56):
For sure, especially from another man, because and even then
sometimes not enough, because it's like men kind of validate
each other's masculinity for sure.

Speaker 2 (01:13:03):
Oh yeah, yeah, because it's about alpha mentality.

Speaker 1 (01:13:08):
Well, this was a good episode. I really thank you
the Discord Tribe because there's so much more of that,
so much more of that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:17):
There's some rich content over there. There's rich stories. There's
really interesting stories, interesting people. It's like so cool to
see all the facets of people all over the world
just in one space and how they interact with one another.
And it's such a safe space and it's a cool space.

Speaker 1 (01:13:31):
And I know, I would think some love affairs are
happening in there. I see friendships, I see meetups. It's
just like, you know what it is. It's a tribe
of free thinkers. It's Jamila's first cult. Stop.

Speaker 2 (01:13:45):
Oh not, everyone's going to understand our sense of humor.
We're just kidding.

Speaker 1 (01:13:48):
It's our first culture. That's the first step. Come to
the discord and think free talk about sex. Oh, my god,
thank you again for sharing space with me.

Speaker 2 (01:14:01):
I love you.

Speaker 1 (01:14:01):
I love you too. I appreciate you, appreciate Oh we're
supposed to have new segments this year. What is it
You didn't look at my notes?

Speaker 2 (01:14:11):
Hi?

Speaker 1 (01:14:12):
I probably did. What was one of them? Should we
do a poll and discord? Yeah? We should. It was yeah,
I had a couple options. My god, yeah, let me know.

Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
It was like, mom, shit, it was high thoughts.

Speaker 1 (01:14:25):
I don't know. I feel like this whole episode is
high thoughts. It is. At some point it became high thoughts.

Speaker 2 (01:14:31):
Okay, well, now it's over. We gotta go.

Speaker 1 (01:14:34):
I love you, WE love you.

Speaker 2 (01:14:36):
Make sure you rate and review us on Apple, Spotify
or wait, I don't know if you can't do Spotify,
but you know the places you can do it. Please
do it and check out. It's not too late to
join the retreat. If you're a last minute type of bitch,
jump on, Jump on the retreat, come through, Come to
Costa Rica. We're going February second and February eleventh and
it's a motherfucking vibe.

Speaker 1 (01:14:57):
It will change your motherfucking life. Come reset, recharge.

Speaker 2 (01:15:00):
With a group of like minded women, us amongst a
lot of other beautiful, amazing people.

Speaker 1 (01:15:07):
And I guess that's it. Bye. Mm hmmm

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Erica Dickerson

Jamilah Mapp

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