Think Like A Dad, Act Like A Mom Feat. Jade Novah

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
On one hand, I have my son's dad is very
much present, and then I have my husband who's very
much present, and so sometimes I feel like I get
lost a little bit in trying to make sure that
everyone's you know, it's like a mine feel exactly. And
so I feel like I have had to work on
not shrinking myself and my desires in this whole experience

(00:21):
because there's two very strong alpha males, and then I'm
raising a son too.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Welcome back to good mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and
I'm Mila, and it's Wednesday. It's my favorite.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
Day, my favorite day, favorite day. Happy hump Day, y'all,
Happy hump Day. I hope y'all are humping and fucking,
humping and fucking, not just fucking, but hemping in fucking.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
For the love of God, someone fuck for me. It's
been a long time. It's been a dry season.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
Not a dry season, very very dry. The pussy is parched.
I wouldn't say the pussy is parched. Push pussy is
very wet. You can get if you get v vitamins,
you push the bumpy parched.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
My VI vitamins keeps my pussy very moisturized. And activated.
But the season of sex.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
Is dry moisturize, not fertilized. Just want to be clear, fertilization,
the pussy is moisturize, are not fertilized.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
There would be no fertilization happening in the next four
hundred and thirty five days plus.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
Do you remember that song how you like your eggs
fry to fertilized?

Speaker 2 (01:44):
No? I do not remember. No, Why would anyone want
their eggs fertilized?

Speaker 3 (01:49):
It was just a funny song.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
I was like, were they talking about overreas, Yes.

Speaker 3 (01:53):
How you like your eggs fried to fertilized?

Speaker 2 (01:56):
Why would I want to fry my over it?

Speaker 3 (01:57):
It was just a funny joke.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
I don't know, Okay, I'm just that question.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
Maybe if you don't want'm fertilized, you're fry them. That
sounds like a like a hysterectomy or something. Oh no, yeah,
no fertilized eggs over here. God do you hear that?
Dear Jesus, No fertilized eggs and the next two to
three years, please God, please, no.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Anyway, I'm gonna stop talking like this is it? Because
we're in Georgia, We're in Georgia. I don't think that
people talk like this here.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
Now, they don't. They talk like that. But you're like,
over now, how about you say about now? I go'n
hold on to sin Like what? That's how Atlanta people talk.
You don't you have to really listen? Oh okay, well
down the makea straet, make a laugh, the megapizing.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
Talk.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
I'm like, okay, got it. I'm fluent in it because
I used to live here. So if you have any
if you need to be translated, just let me know.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
If Neila's gonna let everyone know and you've ever met her,
that she lived here, she has a real Atlanta resident.
She lived here for seven years.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
I was a hot girl in the streets.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
Everyone knows.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
I went out last night. I ran into someone.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
I know.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
You know why pop it in these streets.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
You are a legend. I am legend.

Speaker 3 (03:07):
You're here in the early two thousands, two thousand and
six and seven years after that, you know me, that's
like the late two thousands.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Okay, well, don't age yourself. I'm not even gonna think
you were.

Speaker 3 (03:17):
Hearing oh one, no, I all know you were just
getting into high school. Maybe now I just got out
of high school. Oh right, two thousand and six, oh one,
two thousand and one. Oh no, I don't know where
I was in my journey then junior high. I don't know. Anyways,
don't be hating on me, because I'm trying to tell
everybody I used to be in these streets. I am

(03:37):
by console. Well anyway, what's up?

Speaker 4 (03:45):
Nothing?

Speaker 3 (03:45):
Just being a New York Times bestselling author.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
Oh my god, me too, bitch too.

Speaker 4 (03:49):
Yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
Feel it feels great, it does right. Yeah, I feel
like a boss, bitch. I feel like I feel like
this just for visuals. This is like mine.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
This is is that an author?

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Look, oh, I was like a season like they're smart.
I write books and I drink tea like that.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
If you're not watching on YouTube, I really want to
go to YouTube. To pause right now and go to
our YouTube so you can see whatever the fuck you
just did. Shout out to our Shout out to our
subscribers on YouTube. We love you guys. You guys show
us level every week and keep leading comments, keep sharing,

(04:33):
keep subscribing, share the reels the shorts as they call them,
I think on the YouTube's.

Speaker 3 (04:38):
If you're just listening, you gotta go to YouTube because
we're fine as fuck.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
I know, And I bought a shirt that I'm going
to return at Northroom's next week, so you should check
it out.

Speaker 4 (04:46):
Now.

Speaker 3 (04:48):
Now that you're an author, you can't say stuff like that,
she's keeping it.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
We're rich and she's keeping it. I see the receipt away.
You don't need a receipt, you don't need much. Anything
you just need has makeup on it. Then don't give
a fuck. I wore this last night. I just want
to know what they do with all the ship that
they get back. That's fucked up.

Speaker 3 (05:08):
I know because Norsehriam has been the wash it. Do
they on the map for this reason? For hundreds of ys?

Speaker 2 (05:13):
No, they do this on purpose. But like I don't
know if it's good for taxes or whatever, but like
they must have like an in house dry clean, right
that means like ship that people bring back.

Speaker 3 (05:25):
I don't know that would makes sense.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
Let us know, norum. Anyway, how are you feeling. I'm
feeling good. I'm great. I got I was I didn't
go out last night, but I was still up when
you came back.

Speaker 3 (05:40):
Yeah, I was like, I was like, I'm gonna be
locked out of the house and then you're like, Okay,
it's like perfect, man, I was up.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
I was hanging out with Sa Maya shout out to Smaya.
Sexual Essentials were actually sitting in her content house in Atlanta.
You guys, it's officially open, so make sure if you
are a podcaster, a content creator. She has a beautiful,
beautiful home with multiple rooms, multiple vibes. If you saw
our episode with Somaya, we were in a whole other
space and now we're in a NewSpace. So just definitely

(06:07):
check out at se content House on Instagram and support
black women.

Speaker 3 (06:13):
You know she got sets on sets on sett Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
But anyway, let's just get into it.

Speaker 3 (06:19):
Let's do it.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
I'm really excited you guys because we have a special
guessed a ily connected because I've been trying to get
this bitch on my show for a long time, long
ass time since I discovered she listened to the show.
I was like.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
You every Wednesday. This is how I knew to shut
the fuck up, because I know the drill.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
You hear that YouTube, you see that YouTube. We're not
We're not rude.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
They're not rude. It's their thing.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
This is an audio show that has ventured to visuals.
We are not rude people. We actually talked to the
guests before they even sit down on the camera. I
know it's crazy to believe, but we're existing before this
very moment.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
They gave me tea.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, well, I would love to welcome to the guest,
the amazing artist herself, creator, singer, songstress, actress, supreme impersonator,
vocal impersonator. I don't know what else I'm.

Speaker 3 (07:18):
Missing, mama, wife, daughter, Yes, Jade Nova, Hey.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
I'm so excited. This is so surreal. I promise I'll
listened to you guys every single Wednesday. It's like my, my,
my lone time a time. I'm serious, I have my
headphones on, I'm juicing. No one knows what's going on
in the house. I'm just cracking the fuck up. So, yes,
this is surreal.

Speaker 3 (07:44):
I'm so happier here. That makes me feel so good
that you listen and that you enjoy it.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
I do, I really do.

Speaker 3 (07:49):
I love that. Erica told me like, Jade Nova listens
to the show, huh. And then we ran into you
last year at Spotify party as a fest and I'm
really I told her when she walked in, I'm like,
I'm so happy that you still like us. I can't
you still like us? We're still cool because we were
drunk as fuck, like on one, like on one you

(08:13):
can't tell us shit.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
We had just left Jana Jackson. Is that where we were? Okay,
shut up? We were. We had went to go see
Janna Jackson. We took some magic mushrooms, yesh, also drank alcohol.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
We were at Essence Fest, so like I feel like
when black people get around, like a lot of black people,
you get like energized.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
Well, see, the alcohol was kind of like beyond my
control because uh uh no, it was because at Essence Fest,
if you've ever been, or if you've just ever been
to New Orleans, you can't go there without becoming an
alcoholic for the time that you're there. Avoid it like
it's crazy, Like if you don't drink, like what are
you gonna do doing? If you're not eating all fried foods?

(08:51):
Like I literally had to walk like a mile to
find a vegetable. I went to a restaurant because I
was like, where the fuck are salads?

Speaker 1 (08:58):
And it balances itself out.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
It did, but I fell ill after. It took me
about two weeks to recover from that trip.

Speaker 3 (09:05):
It was intense, but we also did the maximum amount,
like no and just everything, just like every.

Speaker 2 (09:13):
Event, every possible thing that we could, like just do
every party, every bar, every person we could connect with.
It was a lot, but I'm so happy we connected
with you and that you're still a friend because we did.
We were drunk, and I have like brief moments of
remembrance of the night. I do remember us smoking. Then
I remember me behind the Spotify bar because the bars

(09:34):
tender stepped away for like I probably went to the
bathroom and I said, fuck her, I'm the bartender now,
and I started pouring drinks for the party, and then
I got kicked out. I got in trouble. Was like
she grabbed a bottle out of my maniac.

Speaker 3 (09:49):
Are just cracking up, Like why would you even be
back there?

Speaker 1 (09:52):
They kicked out the party.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
You just got kicked out of the Thankfully the party
was like close to end.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah we would have.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
I'm glad we showed up at the end and not
anywhere near the beginning. And then we the girl home
invited us to the Spotify party that then kidnapped her
and took her to the strip club, in which I
was having like these really dark thoughts, and Jamila was
getting mad at me because I just triggered disclaimer here.
The strip club was like, where was it?

Speaker 3 (10:18):
We're pressure pressure pressure with the good friend fish.

Speaker 2 (10:20):
The food was bomb at pressure. I be clear about that.
But the vibes were strange and it seemed like a
wedding haul of some sort. And everyone was kind of
just standing on the edges. And I told me, I
was like, this is where people go to get raped.

Speaker 3 (10:36):
And she looked like I was like, you are so negative.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
And She's like, you're so negative. She like didn't want
to talk to me.

Speaker 3 (10:43):
Why are you being so negative?

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Get away from my mushroom? High went dark? Okay, I
started seeing visuals. I was felt bad for the strippers.
Like everyone was on the edges. It was like just weird.
It wasn't it didn't seem like a celebration. It seemed like,
I mean, I've been there several times Wana Mexico there
the other time I went, and like I'm saying that
the highlight is the fish.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
I don't know what the hoes are doing there. They're
not doing much dancing. There's not a lot of money
being thrown.

Speaker 2 (11:07):
It was too big. They need to downside, and then
they have the nerve to be super ridiculously overpriced.

Speaker 3 (11:13):
Okay, let's not.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
Sorry anyway, thanks for being here with.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
Us, Thank you for having me. I wore this mushroom
shirt because of you, guys, because it's like commemorative of
the first time I met you.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
Guys.

Speaker 3 (11:25):
Do you do mushrooms?

Speaker 1 (11:26):
I have done mushrooms and it's amazing.

Speaker 4 (11:28):
Yeah I did. I did.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
When is the last time my husband I were in Mexico? Yeah,
that's We were just in the ocean listening to Stevie
Wonder and then I cried. And the lady who worked
there was like, you were so beautiful when you cry,
Thank you, thank you. Yeah, I know it's I've had
a few trips.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
Mushrooms will definitely bring the tears, that's for sure.

Speaker 3 (11:51):
It will also bring the love. Like if you're in
love with someone and you do mushrooms, you're gonna be
in love times four hundred. Oh my god, I really
do love.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
You, girl.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
I was in love with nature. The water felt like
a little mermaid and Devin was just standing in the
water like this.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
He's like, I am king.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
I'm like why, He's like this is I can just
keep all the energy inside of me.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
I'm like, nigga, do you like Meanwhile, You're.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
Like, yo, it was it was great.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
I could just see you too, Dang.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
I should have bought you all some of the chocolates
I have. I have like two bars of mushroom chocolate. Okay, yes, ma'am,
you're telling me to travel international chocolate.

Speaker 3 (12:27):
You're talking to the smuggler herself.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
Teach me your ways.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Well, I have Nature's Pocket. This is actually the first you.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
Think you should put mushroom chocolate. I don't think I
was telling Nature's Pocket. Is your pussy by the way, No, no, no,
that would be a good brand Nature's Pocket.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
Oh so you I'm not putting mushroom chocolates in my pussy.
Probably weed. I'll put it in my vagina.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Would you put raw mushrooms in your pussy?

Speaker 1 (12:52):
You might get high.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
I would take chances.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
Know you wrap it correctly, wrap it in a way that.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
Put it in the condom, the more you know.

Speaker 3 (13:00):
Don't just say the condom, because the bites are gonna
just put like straight drugs in a condom. They're gonna
be smoking like in spermicide. Ass Listen, there's instructions we
This are all for entertainment purposes only.

Speaker 1 (13:10):
Correct.

Speaker 3 (13:10):
I don't smuggle drugs.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
Nothing happened of the sort.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
But if you were to, hypothetically speaking, I mean your authors,
so you guys can create.

Speaker 3 (13:21):
These so hypothetically speaking, if you're going to do it,
you need a couple of ziploc bags. You need to
remove all the air out of them. You need to
roll them like a burrito. They need to roll them
in some paper towels to soften them. And then you
take the burrito, roll the ziploc bag covered in paper towels,
and then you pop that into a condom and then
you tie one side of the condom with other air out.

(13:43):
Don't get the air in this.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
The hand gestures for me, and then you tie it.

Speaker 3 (13:47):
Like a balloon and then you insert it.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
You put lub on it or something.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
Well, you know, this condom already has that weird smelly shit,
and then you put it up. I mean, if you
need lube. I've had to use that when I had
to take a lot one time.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
Again, this didn't happen. This never happened.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
And then you have a little tie hanging, and then
when you get to your destination, perfectly when you're you know,
it depends how you're feeling. I've done in the air.
I haven't done it. You could do it all you
figure it out from there?

Speaker 2 (14:13):
Can you remove it? Figure it out from there? Cough?
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (14:19):
I've had people contact me and my dms like, hey,
can you tell me how to you know?

Speaker 2 (14:23):
In the theme of all of this, this is a
good Mom's Guide too. This month's theme is a Good
Mom's Guide too, not necessarily stuffing weed in your pussy,
but all things, other things, all things, all things, other things.
But yeah, I'm really excited to have you on the
show this month. And as we dive into our book,
which is out now, you guys, a Good Mom's Guide

(14:45):
to Making Bad Choices of officially out, make sure you
pick up a book for your your sister, your mama, whoever,
your cousin, your cousin. But Jade, I don't like know
that much about you. It into we let's do it.
Where are you from?

Speaker 1 (15:02):
Jane tell us, I'm from Cleveland, h origin story my
mama and my dadd Yes they I'm from Cleveland, Ohio.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
Yeah, have you always been like? How did you get
into I guess entertainment and music and writing and being
an artist was something that you were into as a
young young child.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yeah, like both my parents are pretty musical. And then
I was in a girl group from the time I
was like eight to eighteen years old. Really yeah, it
was really intense. Oh god, it was called I didn't
name it. I was the child Total Package, that was
the name of it. Yeah, so you know, we did
all the stuff that girl groups do minus the success.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yeah did you have was your mom? Like Tina knows
and how Sidaria? No, she was not obsion.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
No, I was obsessed. Remember the little hoodie from that
Beyonce had and the Irreplaceable video, Like I wanted it
so bad and yeah, the fur on the hood and
I wanted it and it was sold out, so like
I bought it off someone and gave them like double
such a stupid thing.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
But yeah, but yeah, I.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
Know I was in a group.

Speaker 4 (16:07):
And then.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
It was a weird time with the industry. That was
when you hadn't had to go through the major label system.
There wasn't much social media, so I was sort of
turned off from the industry because it was very much
a controlled space telling me what to We're telling me
the songs that I had to sing, telling me how
I had to act. So it really fucked me up. Honestly,
I'm still like have some residual shit from the way
that you had to present yourself or don't eat that

(16:30):
and oh like at twelve, you know, like it was
a lot of shit with that. But then yeah, so
once I got out of that group around eighteen nineteen,
I started writing. That's how I felt like, Okay, this
is the way I can get my foot in the
door with music without having to be an artist or
a puppet. And then a few years later I met
my now husband at a writing camp. It was like
a Rock Nation writing camp, and he's like, yo, like

(16:53):
why aren't you an artist? And you know, so we
just started working together use social media, and that just
changed my whole shit. Like we've been work and ever since.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
I love that, like you took control of your career. Yes,
like those days too, because I was telling you off
off camera that I used to work at Geffen and
I just remember like just the machine and just the
control and like artists not having any say on the songs.
They couldn't even write their own songs even if they
had the talent like, no, we've commissioned these people to

(17:21):
write for you. This is your artist expression. So I
mean it's it's that's like I guess the blessing of
social media is that it really has allowed creatives to
really take control of their.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
Creative process, seem independent artists by choice, no desire to
be in that major label system.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
Well it's like robbery. They like they like own you
and they still they still your voice.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
Man, they take your masters. Yeah, like the like the
Little Mermaid Little.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
I was thinking that, like, just like Little Mermaid, that's
movie was really about.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
Master Ursula taking your masters.

Speaker 3 (17:53):
Ursula is the major record label.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
Ursula is the man.

Speaker 3 (17:58):
Absolutely, you guys move here together to Atlanta.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
No, so, I had just moved to Atlanta. I met
him like two weeks into moving here, and he lived
here already. He lived here, he was already here a
few years. He's from Georgia.

Speaker 3 (18:09):
And did you guys know initially like that, like, did
you it was solely your work relationship or did it
then you knew from the gut like jump like this
is romantic?

Speaker 1 (18:18):
I knew. I mean, we were friends for a while,
but I was very much attracted to him. He's three
years younger than me though, and like my relationship before
him was a dude who was fourteen years older than me.
So it was such a huge contrast. I'm thinking, like, oh,
I could never date anyone younger than me, you know,
But yeah, I was into him. He was not into
me that way. Really, Yeah, I made the first move.
I remember we went to a restaurant. I went to Russan's.

(18:40):
If you're in Atlantah, yeah, no I do now for sure.
I didn't know any but we were like twenty two
reason four, I'm like saying all the ages, but yeah,
we went there and then I pretended to get tipsy
off Asaki and then we were in the car and
I like jumped on him and kissed him. I was like,
oh my god, now like every to yeah, I'm never
gonna remember this. Why And he's just like, you know,

(19:03):
like hey, like slow down. It's really embarrassing. And then
I blamed it on the soaky.

Speaker 2 (19:09):
That kind of being rejected as a woman, I feel like,
do not envyment. In the process of having to figure
that part out, I got rejected one time by one
white man because of that. It was it was like
the first time I ever like really, because I feel
like with black people, you just kind of know, you
get the eye contact. We have our we have our
own our own our own flirting communication. White people are confusing.

(19:33):
I don't I still don't get it, don't understand the
social so you're just starting to get it. I don't
understand the social cues. And I, yeah, I thought he
was coming to my room. I was on tour. I
used to work for Asic Gray and so we were
on tour and he was like on tour with us,
so he would always come to my room or I'd
go to his room late night and we'd hang out.
We'd talk. So I was like green flllow, like you

(19:56):
want to kiss me? Done, look at me? And then
I just like one day, just like drunk too, was
like and we were drinking. So I was like, this
is the perfect and I leaned and I tried to
kis him.

Speaker 3 (20:08):
He's like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa.

Speaker 2 (20:10):
And I was like, whoa what did you say? What
do you do? And I was like, oh, sorry, my bad,
I don't know my room. And after that, oh my god,
this is why this is traumatic. Also, now I'm mavy
flashback so we were also on tour. He brought his
friend who was like an Indian guy, a short, little
Indian man, a really nice guy. He tried to pass

(20:33):
me off to his brown friend after that, like, yeah, Australian.
I should have known that. Australians they don't have a
lot of expot like exposure to black people. They are
look you racist, but yes, Loki, and we don't have
high kings.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
They just all Australian.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
They don't know they're racist because they don't. There's not
a lot of black people there.

Speaker 3 (20:52):
Like the black people that are there, they're like, I
can't forget this out of my mind, like every time Eric,
I've never been in Australia. But she went and then
she like everybody kept asking me if I was Serena Williams.

Speaker 2 (21:03):
No, and I was like, what.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
The fuck are you talking about. She's like, seriously, there's
no black people. They just assumed that I was. I
was like, but Serena like a celebrities. She was like yeah,
like several people, and I was like, are they blind?
So after that, I was just like I don't need
to ever go to Australia because.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
It's beautiful, wow, beautiful. Bit yeah, it was definitely.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
But was Serena in town?

Speaker 2 (21:24):
No? No, you was right, But my first time trying
to kisse a white man, I was passed off to
the brown man.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
Yeah that's okay, it wasn't for you.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
But anyway, I don't know how we got here.

Speaker 1 (21:37):
Oh because I had the rejection of my husband. Yes, yeah, so.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
Obviously he warmed up.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
Yeah, yeah, he warmed it.

Speaker 2 (21:43):
Wait, so you know, we were talking and I was like,
I didn't really even realize that, Jade, you were a
mother and you have a I was.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
Fourteen years old.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
So you had your son before you married your husband. Yes,
so what was like, what was life like before that? Like,
tell me about your pri and see and oh wow?
And was it intentional or was it kind of like?

Speaker 1 (22:05):
Okay, so I was in college, I was about to
be engaged to was dad and you know.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
Aged in college.

Speaker 3 (22:14):
Was he the fourteen year old the guy who was
fourteen years older?

Speaker 4 (22:17):
No?

Speaker 1 (22:17):
No, no, no, no, there was a man between them. They
were men between that. But yeah, no, we were in
college together. Embarrassingly, we did kind of plan it. We
did kind of plan embarrassing Oh yeah, because like what
were we thinking?

Speaker 2 (22:31):
You don't know anything.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
You're in college, you're dumb.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
We were so young, and we were like, yeah, like
let's do this, like it was like getting a dog
or something like really really dumb.

Speaker 3 (22:40):
Were you almost done with college?

Speaker 1 (22:41):
We were like yeah, yeah, yeah, we were.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
We were.

Speaker 1 (22:43):
I was a senior in college, like this is the time. Yeah,
I thought that that was what the thing to do.
And so silly, silly me. So we planned it. We
were excited we were having this baby.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
I mean, my.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
Pregnancy was it was it was nice, like he was there,
he was supportive. You know, all the things found out later.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Was your family supportive of even knowing that, like you.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
Were young, Yeah, they were. They were supportive. And I
finished school, you know, my son was in classes with
me all that, you know. But yeah, it wasn't it
wasn't a smart choice. It was a bad choice. I mean,
I'm so grateful for my son. I'm so grateful, you know.

Speaker 2 (23:21):
Of course, of course, this kind of I think that
like when when when we as mothers like share our
like indiscretions around around like the choices we made around
birth and having a child, we often feel like we
need to defend ourselves in ways and make sure people
know we love our kids, Like, don't worry, love, We're
glad we're here. But it's okay to like have regrets.

Speaker 3 (23:41):
Yeah, it's okay to like to be like I was dumb. Yeah,
Like that was a dumbast.

Speaker 1 (23:45):
It was a really dumb ass decision because you don't
really like I was pregnant when I was twenty one
years old, Like I had just got this freedom over
my life, and then I just gave it away, Like
and then shortly after I had our son, Like we
lasted maybe a year, and then we broke up, and
like this is so crazy because I never really talk

(24:09):
about this relationship, and you know, I appreciate all that
he does for our son, and you know, the support
that he gave me after we broke up, but us together,
like he didn't really want me to do music. Like
when we first got together, he didn't even really knew.
He didn't even really know that I did sing or
that I had an interest in being a creative. And

(24:29):
so as I started to like find myself and like
get back to myself, he didn't enjoy that part, you know,
And so after we broke up, like maybe two weeks later,
Tyler Perry reached out I saw like a YouTube I
did and invited me to go on tour with Medea's
big happy family, and so I told him about it.
I'm like, hey, I have to go. I have to

(24:51):
take this opportunity. And he was with our like thirteen
month old son while I was gone, and there was
so much guilt and there were so many people who
were like judging me for choosing myself. And it was
like the first big opportunity that I ever had. I'm
like twenty one to twenty two years old, and it's
like I can't really choose myself without feeling guilt now
that I'm a mom, and that's just a constant, you know,

(25:12):
from that point on the first moment I'm an adult
and the first opportunity I have, everything comes with that
like asterisk of like, well, bitch, everyone's gonna be judging you,
and you really really can't choose yourself.

Speaker 3 (25:22):
Peacefully even when you're like a baby too.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
I'm just I'm just a kid trying to have my
dreams come. Yeah, are you sure?

Speaker 2 (25:31):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (25:31):
Like what do you mean this little baby's more important
than me?

Speaker 2 (25:33):
I'm a baby too.

Speaker 1 (25:34):
No, for real, for real, it's it's.

Speaker 2 (25:36):
Wild, but imagine like saying no to that, like where you'd.

Speaker 1 (25:39):
Be now right, it changed my life though it gave
me the financial freedom to then move to Atlanta, and
then I got a publishing deal as a writer, Like
it just changed my whole life. And if I hadn't
done that, girl, I was like a manager at lacost No,
like no shade to that at all, but like it
would have been a completely different world. Like if even
I had married my son's dad, Like my life would
have been so different.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
That's that's so crazy, like to think about like the alternate,
the alternate journey that could happen, you know, when you're
like I just like, choosing yourself is so fucking important.
Say that again, Choosing yourself is so fucking important as
a woman, Like it literally can change your whole trajectory.
And like it's like those like those moments you know,

(26:21):
if you like guilt or shame fuck you up, you
may have a whole different path.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
And I'm so grateful that even though I was young,
I knew even then that the people who were discouraging
me from choosing myself, or people who were projecting their own.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
Fears yes, who didn't choose it.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
And then the crazy thing is those are the same
women who complain so much about not choosing themselves. It's
the weirdest thing. It's like, you guys want me to
do the shit y'all did, and you're shaming me for
doing what you didn't do that you wanted to do,
Like it makes no sense.

Speaker 3 (26:50):
Well they I don't think people when you project, you
don't even realize that you have resentment or anger or
like jealousy and envy in a way that like it's
just like nature to you because like damn, like you're
doing too much because I didn't get to do it,
and like that that guilt and shame that comes with
motherhood is like it's it's just like here's a baby.
Here's your shame and.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
Guilt, baby shame and guilt, And don't you dare choose
anything outside the will you know, if you choose yourself,
you're a terrible human being.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
You're a selfish bitch, your selfish period.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
Wild It's really I never thought about it like that.
It's like this little cute package of baby noess, shame, guilt, confusion, joy.

Speaker 3 (27:39):
Even to the point like you're saying like your baby
daddy like holding you to it, and it's like okay,
like like there's gonna be parents that do it, moms
who didn't live their life be free, like because we're
the generation that's shifting ship, right like, but like for
the men who are oftentimes like our peers and our
age and ship, that ship is so wrapped up in
like the patriarchy because it's like there's also this understanding.

(28:04):
It's like once you're my you're my baby mama, you
and that baby belong to me. And then there's like
and there's this like automatic like the like not every man,
but like a lot of men because my baby I
did this to me too, is like yeah, and now
like you're indebted to this baby. And it's like it's
like a it's like a way to control you, like
I can now I can now manipulate you through calling

(28:27):
you like insinuating you're a bad mom. Like it's a
it's a way. It's a way a man can manipulate
a woman by shaming you into believing like you're like
you're guilt for doing things for yourself through the baby, you.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
Know what I mean. The crazy thing is like if
it were reversed, like if my son's dad got an
opportunity to travel, like he's a provider, Like he's a
great father.

Speaker 2 (28:50):
You're playing role. Yeah, this is exactly the role that
you've you know, you've chosen for yourself. Yeah, it's wild.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
It is wild.

Speaker 3 (28:57):
Wild.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
So after that choice and coming back, like, what was
the what was the state of your relationship at that point.

Speaker 1 (29:04):
With my son's dad. Yeah, I mean it was like
it was bittersweet because on one hand, he did hold
it down while I was gone, But on the other hand,
it wasn't without like you said, letting you know that, Hey,
I did this thing, you know. So, I mean our
relationship was good, we co parented, it was it was fine.

(29:26):
But after that situation and then I decided to move
to Atlanta, that opened up a whole other thing because
then it's like, how are you leaving your son? And
it's like, I'm not leaving him, I'm just moving somewhere
else and we're gonna co parent. This is just the
way that it will always be. It's just I'm gonna
be here and you're gonna be there. And again, like
if he had decided that he got a job in
North Carolina or something. It wouldn't be like, how are

(29:48):
you leaving your child to be like this is the
way your life is going. So there was a lot
of guilt and shame around that, like me not allowing
our son to be in one space always but Cleveland
what I'm a goa in Cleveland, Ohio?

Speaker 2 (30:01):
And all right, I mean your son too. I was
pretty young at that point. Yeah, like that you actually
did at the perfect time. Yeah, as your child gets older,
when they're really in school and the schools are calling
you and ship.

Speaker 3 (30:13):
And even then they could be relocated.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
I encourage all the moms to think like the dad,
Think like a dad. Like like, if you're feeling if
you're feeling away, you're making decision and you're feeling guilt,
put be the dad. Put yourself as the dad, and
then shift your then shifts your perspective.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
Think like a dad, act like a mom.

Speaker 3 (30:33):
Think like a dad, Act like a mom. That's a
good one. At the title of the show.

Speaker 2 (30:37):
I'm writing it down, okay, because a bitch will forget.
And I didn't even smoke it. You mentioned before you
had a sea section. What was that like? Because I
had a sea section also, and it was not. I
was not prepared. No, I did not plan on having
a sea section. Now that I've been in this space of,

(30:58):
you know, speaking to so many women about birth experiences,
I realized I was grossly overlooked in my in my
in the process of birth and my pregnancy in ways
by my doctor. I to actually talk about it a
lot in the book, and I really I hope she
doesn't sue me. She can't fucking see, because I really
did basically say she malpracticed me.

Speaker 3 (31:20):
Yeah, she's lucky you didn't sue her.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, Like I really didn't say her name. I didn't,
but she's the Kardashian doctor, so y'all figured out. Oh,
but I didn't know that at the time. I wasn't
like seeking the Kardashian doctor. Like my friend my friend's
mom worked in ses and she's like, she's amazing and
and she was cool. She was cool until like they're
now looking back. She preyed upon my naiveness because I

(31:43):
did not have any friends with children. I had no
blueprint of what advocating for myself looked like. I was scared.
My family medicalizes everything, so like I don't know about you,
but like my family something's wrong, go the doctor, you know.
And so I mean she was talking about ccies like
while I like I was like five months pregnant, like
saying like, oh, if you get a sea section, like

(32:05):
I can do the tiniest little scar and so slight,
it's so easy. Like she was prepping me for this shit,
and I was like, well, I'm not doing that, so
it don't matter, you know. And I even talk about
her me sharing my I had watched the Business of
being born with Ricky Lake, and I really wanted to
have a home birth, and like my idea that like
I was going to go share this with my female

(32:26):
doctor who had children, and she was going to be
excited for me. That was dumb and naive of me,
because I was basically removing her role from the process
and she wasn't gonna make no money. So she was like, bitch,
do you know men dead babies I've delivered. And I
was like, whoa, Okay, well I'm a terrible parent. I'm
already I'm already like ruined, I'm already stepping into this
role a in a in a I guess in a

(32:50):
selfish way, trying to have this experience at the sake
of my child's safety is what I basically felt like
she was projecting onto me. And then my sea section
experience was it was it wasn't that she did a
bad job at all. That wasn't even it. It was
just like I was not prepared. No one told me, Okay,
so this is what happens afterwards. Whereas I've talked to
some women, maybe I don't know, I want to hear

(33:11):
your experience, but someone were like, oh it was great,
it was easy.

Speaker 1 (33:14):
It was horrible. It was horrible, And I think I
have a very similar situation.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
Like I didn't.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
I didn't have as much education or even thinking about
alternatives to traditional medicine of like a home birth. It's
so crazy because if I were to be pregnant now,
it would be a completely different experience for me. You know,
like the drugs they make you take, all these different
stuff that they do in western medicine is like kind
of wild. And you're right, they're incentivized, like they make

(33:39):
money from giving you a C section, And they took
advantage of me being naive, like you said, not really
having a blueprint of anybody that I knew who was
having kids, and like three weeks before my due date.
She's like, oh, your blood pressure is a little high.
I think you might have toxemia. And I'm like, oh,
thank you. M Yeah, I'm like, oh my god, what
is that. And I'm just like that's crazy. And she's like, yeah,

(33:59):
we're we're probably gonna have to take him.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
My ass, your young, healthy ass. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
Yeah, they they She scared me and made me feel
like I had no other choice. And I didn't even
fight for it. I didn't consider that there was an
alternative or like maybe we can wait this thing out.
I'm like, okay, cool.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
They say like your baby could be in danger, your baby,
you could have a seizure, you could die. Yeah, baby
could die, and then immediately like, okay, we'll do what
you have to do. Correct.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Yeah, I thought we were gonna die. So I did it.
And it was the worst. The recovery was horrible. I
was doubled over and then I had an allergic reaction
to the medication so I'm vomiting. No, it was the worst.
It was the worst. So yeah, I would not would
not recommend I would not recommend it.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
I know, before we started talking about this, we were
talking about like if we would have second children. Hell no,
And I was like air goes like you just said
last month, and I was like, it's traumatic, like thinking
about birth, like whether you've gotten you had a c section,
whether you pushed a human at your pussy, if you
got to have an decision, Like, it's traumatic and I

(35:06):
think it doesn't have to be. But like the shift
that your body goes through to bring a human through,
like is it's intense?

Speaker 2 (35:13):
Well, it's traumatic when you don't have the things in
place that we as women should have, you know, like
there is no real care, real true before and after
care of pregnancy and birth, like for the women that
have had these incredible birthing experiences and these beautiful support
systems and you know, packs like gaste, you know, just

(35:39):
like the celebration of you and this new birth of you,
and like, I think that there can be a lot
of beauty in it. Unfortunately, once that baby comes out,
you're kind of discarded and the focus is on the child. Yep,
you're like, okay, well thanks for your services. Figure it out,
Like here's this icy icy pad. What do I do
with this? Where does this go? In my head?

Speaker 1 (36:02):
Like that's for your pussy, and even what to do
with the baby once it comes. I didn't know what to.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
Do with it. I remember, like I remember, I wanted
to leave the hospital so bad because they just kept
waking me up every five second. Yes, but I also
remember that moment, like looking at my baby. I remember
I can see it vividly, exactly what she was wearing,
putting her in the car seat for the first time,
not knowing what the fuck I'm doing and saying, and
then being like bye, and I was like, oh my.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
God, they're trusting me.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
But we're leaving as three. Ye we came as too,
well sort of, and then now we're leaving as three,
and I'm I'm a child myself. Why did I do her?

Speaker 3 (36:43):
I remember that ship too. In the hospital, they kept
they played this video like showing you how to care
for your baby, but like you're fucking delirious so you
don't really watch it, and like they're like they're coming
in every five seconds, so you're not really sleeping in
that dumb ass bed. And then I got home and
that same thing. I went to for a regular checkup
and they're like, your blood pressure, we're gonna check you in.
I'm like, what, bitch, I have three more weeks. My
house was dirty because I didn't think I was coming

(37:04):
home with no goddamn baby. And I remember just being like,
oh fuck. I didn't look at I didn't pay attention
to the video, Like what the fuck was the video
telling me to do? And I was like, am I
gonna kill it?

Speaker 4 (37:15):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Yeah? I think I bathed him like five times. I
just thought, yeah, it was I didn't know what to do.

Speaker 3 (37:21):
I was afraid I bathed her, but I was like,
this is a this she could break, this is a
lot of movement. Let me just tuck her back in.
And I remember like cleaning the house and like getting
like sidetracks and then be like the baby, what is
it alive? Like you like, there's moments where I literally
forgot that there was another person there and I had
to remember to go check on it.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
I definitely put my finger under his nose like all
the time to make sure he was still.

Speaker 3 (37:42):
Breathing, because if something happened to the baby, it was
just totally your fault.

Speaker 1 (37:44):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
Like and then becoming a parent, and you know, we
talked about this on our episode with Somaya. Is that
like you know that inner child work that kind of
starts to come up for you and really thinking about
your childhood and like what things you want to adopt
and what things you want to edit out of your
experience with your parents, and like you being faced with

(38:08):
this little person that you're responsible for nurturing and guiding
and then realizing like you don't know shit, and especially
being so young as well, like, yeah, I'm curious to
know like what kind of like things came up for
you from like I don't know, like inner child stuff
or like, I mean things that you were I mean,
I don't know what your relationship is with your parents

(38:28):
or how you were raised, but how did that influence
how you showed up as a mother.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah, well, my parents they got married at like seventeen
years old, so they were kids themselves, and we didn't
have much discipline at all, Like we pretty much kind
of and you know, shout out to mom and dad,
I love you all. I know you did the best
that you could. However, however, you know, our house was disgusting.

(38:54):
You know, my mom was a bit of a hoarder,
so there was shit everywhere. We ate horribly. They never
knew where we were coming or going.

Speaker 3 (39:02):
You know.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
And so since three, there's three of us. So I
have two older sisters, yeah, all girls, all girls. Yeah,
And we just were kind of just figuring that shit out,
all of us together. And so I knew that we
didn't have a kitchen table, like, we didn't sit down
and eat dinners, like, it was none of that Cosby
show shit. So when I had my son, I was
I wanted to give him more of what I thought

(39:26):
was this traditional like proper upbringing, you know. I and
maybe to a fault, you know, because I think that
I helicopter him. And I don't know if you all
can relate to this by having just one, because everyone's like, oh,
the remedy to that is having another kid, you know,
and I'm like, no, thanks for that. But yeah, I
think I might have been overly protected because, like you

(39:48):
said that in a child, thing that came up for
me was that I didn't feel safe. I didn't feel
like I was protected. So I'm just you know, and
I might have made him a little too cautious because
I'm projecting that fear of what I had on to him.
So yeah, and now that he's older, the inner the
mirror stuff comes up all the time, you know, like
he doesn't always take up space, and I'm like telling

(40:10):
him things and I'm like, oh shit, like this is
for me.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
You know.

Speaker 1 (40:13):
There's so many lessons that I'm learning. And it's crazy
because he's fourteen, and that's around the time when I
was in that girl group and I was shrinking myself
or always in my head, and I see him do
that all the time, just overthinking everything, being so calculated
and so yeah, it's constantly and I'm like, Okay, I
have to do the work so that we can break
this thing. It's on me. Everything I'm telling him is

(40:35):
things that I need to tell myself constantly.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
Yeah, I think to his parents, who when we see
our children kind of reenacting or behaviors that feel similar
to us, we often go into like how to fix
mode or like how to like basically seeing seeing ourselves
and our children. But also there is a definite need

(41:02):
to remember that the kids will will will struggle, like
they'll they'll have insecurities about showing taking up space, But
that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be the same
trajectory as yours, you know what I mean. It might
just be a moment in his in this in his
development at this moment. It doesn't mean.

Speaker 3 (41:19):
That like this is how it's like his end is
his end? All they all.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Because I think, I know, for for me and even
like I think about you know, my mom too, like
her seeing certain things play out, or even my daughter,
like I'm my mom is a single mom. I'm a
single mom and I didn't really have a good relationship
with my father. I had really no relationship with my
father from very early parts of my life. And her,

(41:45):
my daughter and her father, I mean, they do have
a relationship. It's not maybe like the relationship I dreamed
of or for them, but she doesn't know any different,
you know what I mean, And so it's good for her.
But for me, and I'm thinking about my childhood and
my relationship with my father, me wanting it to be
a certain way, and like how it affected me is

(42:08):
not the same as like how it's going to affect her.
And I think as parents sometimes we see kids like
doing shit that we did and we're like, oh my god,
it's showing up. It's the same. What are we going
to do? We have to combat it, we have to
you know, and we like give ourselves all this anxiety
and pressure to protect them or like teach them something different,
which that's our that's our job is at least to
check in and say like are you good? You okay?

(42:32):
But yeah, I think that that's something that I think
all parents we struggle with.

Speaker 3 (42:35):
Yeah, you know, once you have a kid, like there's
shadow work that shows up. You start to think about
your relationship with your parents and if you want to
show up like them, and then like how are you
going to edit it out? But then there's this other
challenge too of like you don't sometimes you're doing shit
and you don't even realize that you've inherited those parts
of you until you look you check yourself and you're
like why am I fucking doing this? Like why am

(42:57):
I showing up this way? And it's like, oh, because
you like you showed up this way, like even like
I resonated with what you said earlier, is like my
my parents, Like our love language is just like it's
it's we're like we love. Obviously there's love, but like girl,
you where your earrings at?

Speaker 2 (43:13):
Hey?

Speaker 3 (43:14):
Ugly?

Speaker 1 (43:14):
Like that's how we talk about literally yeah, and it's like.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
Like that's our like love language also, but it's like
it's almost like I'm gonna talk shit to you and
put you down a little bit, but you know, I
love you, but I'm not you know what I mean.
And so like with my daughter, I'm not like I
wouldn't say I'm like a super tough mom, but like
I will talk to her like I'm talking to one
of y'all, like, girl, don't fucking play with me, like
you're a bad actress stuff, you know, like and like,

(43:38):
but like I've had to check myself on like, you know,
not being too harsh because I believe, like not that
I have to be harsh because the world is harsh,
but like having to check myself to be softer be
like she's she's like you know, like.

Speaker 1 (43:51):
See I'm the opposite. I need some more balance. I'm
I I coddled too much. And like you said, like
my family, we my my my dad wasn't very verbal
about love or like you're very pretty? Are any of
those sorts.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
Of a girl, especially with your father's in your house? Yeah,
and three girls at that and it's like now you
had three chances.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
Yeah, but he had his own social anxieties, like you know,
and like he just didn't he told me, like not
long ago that hearing I love you in the house
is like something he only thought happened on television, Like
he didn't. That's just how his mother wasn't. And my
grandma she's a horrible person. I'm sorry she's still alive.
Grandma Baddy is a horrible person. Sorry Grandma, but you are.

Speaker 4 (44:37):
I know it.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
Like she she's she's but I mean that's her life,
and I'm sure these experiences hardened her, but she I
couldn't imagine growing up in that household. So he's just
going through his own stuff. But then like for me,
I overly like, oh I love you? Are you okay?
And and my husband's like, yo, you have to like
relax like he's a young man now, like you still

(44:59):
kind of talk to him like he's a baby. And
I just I'm overcompensating for that.

Speaker 3 (45:05):
You know, did you did you have a conversation with
your dad or with your mom? Like listen, I realized
like in our household, you didn't do a lot of
I love yous, and did he have? He was like,
well that's not what I got. So you've had the
opportunity to have this conversation.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
Yeah, I had this conversation with him. I think the
first time he finally said it, I was like twenty
four to twenty five is the first time I've heard
him say.

Speaker 2 (45:25):
It, and actually the album fast time he ever said
I love you.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
Yeah, I can't remember verbally now, you know, he in
his mind is like, I'm showing up every day. I'm here,
you know, I'm doing the best that I can. But yeah,
the first time I heard it out loud, and I think, well,
the first time I heard it, he put in a
card he wrote it, and I'm like, holy shit, I'm like,
did you write this? You know, it's kind of weird,
but yeah, I was. I was in my like mid
to late twenties. And now he says it, but when
he does, he says it uncomfortably. It's like I love you.

(45:53):
I'm like, seriously, it's just this, Yeah, it never is
just like a I love you, you know. It's just
very like uncomfortable for him, and I get it, like
that's just my dad, you know. But my I'm working
on an album now, and the whole thing is about
that is about uh, words of affirmation being my love language.
Because I didn't hear I love you a lot as
a child and how that affected my relationships and even

(46:16):
my friendships, you know, like I was looking for validation
and anyone who would give it to me. So the
moment a guy would be like, oh you pretty, I'm like, oh,
marry me, you know, because that's all I needed, you know.
And then ultimately learning how to use that power of words,
because like y'all say, words of spells. I've said that
I need that merch by the way, but yeah, using
that same power on myself and that I don't need

(46:36):
anybody to do it, that I can do this very
thing for me. And that's the message is called where
have I been? Like where have I been? All my life?

Speaker 3 (46:42):
Like you for yourself, like getting at like affirmed outside
of me, but like I have the power to do
that for myself. Absolutely, That's that's that's powerful. I didn't
think about it. I mean I have thought about that
because it's like it feels awkward to say nice things
to yourself. Me and Erica did like ten minutes of
like talking really affirmative to each other is really uncomfortable,
and you are so fucking bombed. Yes I am, but

(47:03):
it's like even thinking about what you said, like I
think our parents come from. Their parents come from a
place where I don't think there were a lot of
like super verbal emotional conversations, probably because of the height
of like you know, the times like mm hmm. Shit
is rough and tough because we're are you know, our
existence is complicated in America.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
Yeah, they're the product of the silent generation.

Speaker 3 (47:27):
Yeah, it's literally a silent generation. And like my dad
said that to me. He's like, you know, parent like
a lot of my like my parents, and like they
didn't come from that like that error. Like even my
baby Daddy's parents are like significantly older than my parents.
And he had mentioned it to me one time that
his parents, his mom had never said like really doesn't
say I love you. And I had to tell her
like take her aside, and so you know, like he

(47:48):
noticed this, and then I noticed her start to say it,
you know, and he like she would he would say it,
and she would just hang up the phone and I
and I noticed that, and I had to let her know, like,
you know, he said this to me, and then I
noticed her has start to you know integrated. But it
was interesting, like it is. It may be a generational thing.
It's just like an uncom and it's like, why would
that be uncomfortable to tell your kid you love them?
I know it's like so strange, but it's like because

(48:10):
because it's implied and if you applied and if you
haven't received that, then it's it's difficult to offer it
to someone, even if it is implied, and even if
you think, like you know, I love you, But it's
just like, like you said, those words are powerful as fuck,
you know, and like shout out to you for like
transmuting that that experience to loving the fuck out of
your son verbally out loud, you know.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
So yeah, I.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Gotta find the balance, though I do. I'm like, I'm
a love bomber. Yeah, it's a lie.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
It's a lot.

Speaker 1 (48:40):
He's like, Okay, Mom, I know, I know you love me. Mom.

Speaker 3 (48:43):
You know we tried and like my trauma is my
mom over looves me. I check in with.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
Them sometimes, like do what trigger? Are you good? Because
I don't want to be that but we're all you know,
it's it's gonna be something.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
Yeah, it's true. It's true. I'm curious to know about
the transition into you know, having your son and then
meeting your husband and him kind of taking on this
role too, of being his father, and what that was
like for you and andrew Son. I don't know how
old he was when he was three.

Speaker 1 (49:18):
When we got together, so he was relatively young. I mean,
it's interesting because it's my son's dad isn't like a
deadbe dad, like he very much is present in his life.
But my husband is also very much one who if
I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it
all the way like he is textbook aries. So even
he before we got together, he was hesitant because he

(49:39):
understood that if he got with me, it was a
package deal, and he wanted to make sure, like even
back then, that if I do this, that I'm doing
this the right way. So he adopted that whole I
am the father as well sort of way of navigating
our dynamic like right away. And so for me it
was like it's an interesting balance because on one hand, I

(50:00):
have my son's dad is very much present, and then
I have my husband who's very much present, and so
sometimes I feel like I get lost a little bit
in trying to make sure that everyone's you know, it's
like a mind feel exactly. And so I feel like
I have had to work on not shrinking myself and
my desires in this whole experience because there's two very

(50:22):
strong alpha males and then I'm raising a son too,
so there's a thing of like, well, I guess they know,
you know, and it's just getting lost in it.

Speaker 2 (50:29):
And does your son call your husband dad as well?

Speaker 1 (50:33):
No, he calls him Devin, and he calls his dad dad.
But Devin calls our son his son when he introduces
him to people, this is our son. Like right now,
he's coaching our son's team, you know, like he's very
much all the things that a dad should be, you know.
But yeah, it's just interesting trying to balance all of
the pieces.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
Does your son like allow him to take on that
I said and he's coaching right now? But does has
there been a I guess like a period of time
in which maybe your son kind of rebelled it was
like you're not my dad?

Speaker 3 (51:04):
Mmm?

Speaker 2 (51:04):
I'm curious because I know for me, as like I
grew up with my stepfather and definitely I had those feelings.
I think even more so because my dad wasn't showing
up and I really wanted him to, and then I
just wasn't ready to allow him to show up for me.
I was like holding It was like a placeholder I
was holding for my father, like he's gonna show up,
He's gonna be here, and you, I don't really need you.

(51:25):
I appreciate you, but like I don't really need you.
And he took that to heart and he wasn't able
to kind of like transcend that.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
Unfortunately, you just made me see something though in myself.
That's so interesting because that's more so me, like I've
been waiting for my dad to show up and be
like assertive, and so it's difficult for me to allow
my husband to be assertive in our household sometimes because
maybe that like you saying that, it just makes so

(51:52):
much sense, like I'm waiting, I haven't seen that, and
I haven't seen so I don't even know. I'm like
is it submission or control? Like walking that fine line
that fear, but like he's very much dominant alpha, like
this is what we're doing, and so I'm the one
who kind of pushes up like, well, is that what
we're doing?

Speaker 2 (52:11):
You know?

Speaker 1 (52:11):
And then on top of the fact that we work
together too, so there's that dynamic of like feeling like
is this how it's supposed to go or is this
like the act of submission? And I just don't know
how because it's I've never seen it before, you know,
so really more so on me than our son, you know, girl,
like right now, Like Devin that's my husband's name for
those who don't know, But Devin, he is very much

(52:34):
on this health journey, like, uh, he wants to be
raw vegan eventually, and I think this is a girl.
He took a deep breath and I'm there, like, and
we did we did a cleanse together and it was beautiful.
I love how y'all both sit at the same time.
It was it was beautiful. But it's just not something
that I am ready and wanting to do right now.

(52:56):
But my husband, you know, he's very much in that space.
So if we eat something, you know, and we're all
plant based in the house, mind you, but he's like,
I don't want to do golute in anymore. I don't
want to do brown rice anymore. I don't want to
do anything fried. I don't want to do anything processed,
you know.

Speaker 3 (53:12):
And I'm like, that's everything that we have in America,
you know, and we need to move. We're starting up
building a.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
Farm from here, no, like and that's not that far
from like we need to grow our own stuff. Like yeah,
like he's very much that's the trajectory. That's where he's
trying to go. And this is sort of the first
time that we're not like eye to eye like normally
we're just close. I'm like, we're going vegan, We're moving
to la we're moving back to Atlanta, like everything's always
in alignment, and so now it's really showing up for
me that rebellious thing of like, well, I don't know

(53:40):
that I want to and then he's like, well I
want our son to well, like how do you get
to make this decision? I know this is yeah, and
so I'm sort of like rebelling because I feel triggered
and someone leading me is somewhere. You know. It's kind
of wild because at the end of the day, I
think to myself like, well, damn, he wants me to
live longer, like he wants me you know what I mean,

(54:00):
he wants to be like drink water. And I'm like,
you know it, you know what I mean, Like it's
wild though, So yeah, I mean I'm grateful, but this
is the first time we're kind of like not in alignment,
and I'm just like really triggered by someone trying to
make me do something great.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
That kind of goes back to I think that inner
child war too, because I mean I resonate with that too.
I never had like a strong male figure leading me.
I had a very strong female figure leading me, and
I watched her take on all the roles and all
the responsibilities, and she was the leader. And so I've
adopted those principles as well, and it has not served

(54:40):
me in relationships at all because I've literally had no
blueprint for the alternative. Yeah, and you know, I've really
had to fight against myself and the triggers of like,
I'm not a docile bitch, I'm not. I don't really
think that you. I trust you to lead like that part,
you know, and like, yeah, you made up a few

(55:02):
bad choices, so nigga, I don't know. But then again, bitch,
so did you? Yeah? So like but like, it's it's
been very difficult for me in relationships to allow a
man to be a man in ways, and I've heard
that from multiple men. I would say my most recent
relationship is probably the most soft I've been. And I

(55:27):
enjoyed it. I was like, Okay, I can do this,
and and then but inevitably, people, you know, they make mistakes,
and then it's like, oh, not falling back into that
mindset again, like not allowing people's fuck ups and their
discretions or indiscretions to like harden me and make me

(55:52):
revert back to this person that or revert back to
these habits that I know have not served me and
I know are not going to serve my child. And
I don't want her to see. I want her to
see Mommy was you know, she was powerful, she was patient,
she was humble, she was strong, but also like she

(56:12):
lets a man lead. She let her man lead. She
let her man make decisions, and her man made good
decisions hopefully, But it's it's a hard it's literally fighting
against myself, Like everything Amy is like this feels wrong?
Is it wrong?

Speaker 1 (56:29):
I'm lichy, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (56:31):
I think Also like if you've been in relationships where
you've you've been like been led by niggas that didn't
really deserve to be leading, or you've you've you've backed
down from yourself in ways, and then it's like you're
in relationships and you're triggered by the people trying to
lead you or you've never seen it or whatever. And
it's like we also have to be conscious of like

(56:54):
what we're asking for and if we're ready to receive it,
you know, because obviously we don't, like we do want
men to kind We love men and you know, we
want to be married and we want a man to
take a strong position and know what to do and lead.
And then it's like when that happens, you're like, wait,
hold on, this is uncomfortable, Like what the fuck do
you mean? You know, like, what are you I think.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
It's also like humanizing the man too, because he will
fuck up, oh, will lead you astray at some point,
and then not holding him to this mistake stake and
weaponizing it.

Speaker 3 (57:25):
No, I mean, humanizing is a good word, but it's true.
It's like he's not a fairy tale. This is a
real human and there are going to be flaws and
like and just yeah, just like kind of accepting that
and like letting your guard down because.

Speaker 2 (57:40):
They are learning to be leaders. They are not born
just knowing how to lead a bitch, you know, and
we expect that in ways we're like, okay, well you're
want to lead me, then leave me. Don't make no mistakes, nigga,
like show up and show like be the head of
the household and make all the decisions and da da
da da. And it's like that's there's all. That's an
immense amount of pressure on a man as well, even

(58:02):
if that's the role that they chose to take and
that's the role that society made for them, but like
they will be flawed leaders at times.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
And it's so wild though, because like with Devin, like
he is very much a natural born leader, and he
has very rarely led us astray, like he like invest
in bitcoin. I'm like, thank you so much, or like
do this or you know, purchase bitcoin or do this thing.
Like he is very much he hasn't really fucked up

(58:32):
in the leadership department. I think it's also because I
had a child so young, you know, and then I
got married you know, youngish, and then I'm looking back
and it's like I never really had an opportunity to
just have full autonomy over my life. And so that's
what I mean when it's like that thin line between
submission and control, because I don't know what life feels

(58:54):
like navigating it, making my own choices, me saying, Okay,
I want to be raw because I want to be raw,
not because my husband thinks it's the greatest thing in
the world. And I'm going to try and like cater
to this lifestyle because you know, we're a unit and
we're a family, you know, or I may not make
this take this job because I have to consider my
child or consider my husband.

Speaker 4 (59:13):
You know.

Speaker 1 (59:13):
It's just I've always been considering someone the fuck else, and.

Speaker 3 (59:16):
You're like, it's I'm gonna consider to be what the
fuck do I want to do?

Speaker 4 (59:18):
You know?

Speaker 1 (59:19):
And I don't know what that looks like, because, like
it was saying earlier, it's like son, my son's dad,
my son, and my husband, and I'm just.

Speaker 4 (59:25):
Like, what really this?

Speaker 1 (59:27):
That's like I need to go to your retreat. I'd
be like a week to not have to like consider
anybody else, because I don't know what that looks like.

Speaker 3 (59:34):
Most women don't, Like, that's the crazy thing, Like most
adult women don't. And like even if you had, like
cause you know, like that brief time in your twenties,
what you did not have, you probably weren't.

Speaker 1 (59:45):
Oh I had a whole face, well, honey, college, college
was my.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
Wh fast so freshman to.

Speaker 3 (59:55):
You got it in those three years are strong.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
They were strong, and then you planned the baby.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
I'm retiring. I'm retiring over now I'm having a baby.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
Everyone totally normal.

Speaker 1 (01:00:08):
Yeah, I didn't get it. It wasn't long enough my whole face. No,
I didn't have an adult whole face.

Speaker 3 (01:00:13):
Right where you're smarter. I mean, pickens are slim. It's
not as. It's not as funny.

Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
It's not fun it's not as.

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
Do you think a whole face is like a like
it's a requirement for women?

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
I think so.

Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
I think so too.

Speaker 3 (01:00:24):
I do because you don't. You know, my thing was
is like I don't want to be like forty five
trying to hold it out like because then it's but
then it's like, bitch, you late, Well you might never.

Speaker 2 (01:00:32):
Get the whole I'm just saying, some bitches just never
get the whole phase at all. And I'm just wondering
if that is, like, is that uh bad for them?

Speaker 3 (01:00:42):
Like someone I don't some women don't desire a whole face,
But I just urge you to try and tap into
it because you may one day desire it and then
be like fuck I didn't. I like, I'm maybe late
to the party because I thought, I like, you have
to really dissect of why you don't want to have
a whole face. Is it because someone told you that
you're gonna be a hell forever?

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
That's a religion.

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
Because Dreya said you can delete your wholeness and.

Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
He says, I've got to see is this a tweet
on camera? It's it's on camera. You don't remember this,
no girl? She said it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
I mean, and I agree, but I do think, like
I think men get the opportunity to explore their sexuality
freely and women are shamed and guilted. And then this
is a whole big thing. So I mean, I don't
not everyone, but like ninety nine point nine percent of people.
I think she'd explore their whole phase. My aunt told
me that I went to school here. Before I went

(01:01:33):
to school, she was like, you have to go to
black school because you're around to men, to white people
and you have to go hol it up. And I
was like what. She's like, trust me, you're not going
to marry that guy. And this is my baby daddy
because I was his my high school sweetheart. She was like,
you should go be a hoe. And in my mind,
I was like, I gotta go to black school and
I got to go hold up and that's what I did.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
Check check. I was like perfect better, and I'm happy
I got permissioned, like from my aunt, you know, Like
I mean, I would have probably done it either way,
but it was like clearer for me that this needed
to happen to like, you know, like figure it out.
So what does one do who's married and is not
going to have their whole phase? What do they do?

Speaker 3 (01:02:05):
I don't know. I think you should try and hold
up with your husband, and you can do that, yeah,
like act like a hope for your husband, and like
maybe go to the club and let someone like fill
on your booty and then leave.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
This This is the remedy these are. You're offhwing up
for your husband, go to the club, let them feel
on your booty. Don't tell your husband, because that's what
real ho does. Maybe make out, I don't know, don't
have sex though it's not going to be worth it,
or come to the good vibrantory because I do feel like, yes,
I agree that I think there's healing in the holling.

(01:02:37):
We talk about that in the book. And we even
had a whole merchant launch that said heal first, hold later.

Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
Oh my god, I forgot that we launched that the
ship that we make that that was the best seller,
didn't didn't fly off the shelves, off the show, and
I thought that I was like, this is this is it?

Speaker 2 (01:02:54):
This is a hit. Heel now, ho later. But I
also think, like, you know, being like you said, like
you haven't You've been a mom, you've been a wife,
you've been building your career, You've been like, you know,
this chameleon of sorts and ways, you haven't really had
the time to be still, be quiet and like not

(01:03:15):
have to make any choices. And I think that's like
what is the beauty of our retreat is like we
really create this environment where you don't have to do shit,
You don't have to decide anything We've decided for you,
and you can also choose not to do that also,
you know, And I think when we do these retreats,
I just see how these women it's very hard at

(01:03:38):
first for them to relinquish control. They must know every
step of the way, what is happening, Who is my roommate?
If that's what you know, if they've chosen to, you know,
do a double occupancy room. Who is my roommate? What
are we doing? Even though I sent you the schedule, bitch,
look at the schedule, like what's like? What what can
we expect? Like all these things? I'm like, girl, just surrender, yeah,

(01:04:00):
be still, Just turn your phone off, disconnect like sh
you know. And it's once people do and they're forced
to surrender, you will surrender. You have no choice. That's
like where the transformation happens, and like the remembrance of
yourself or the reintroduction or maybe not even remembrance because

(01:04:23):
maybe you didn't even know what it was in the beginning.
It's like the meeting of this person, which is you,
And a lot of that has to happen with leaving
your child, leaving your husband, and taking time off of work,
taking time off of world, and possibly leaving all this
together the state or country that you're in, Like I

(01:04:46):
do believe you can do these things at home, but
the likelihood of you doing them are very low, very
very slow. Like we could say next week is it?
Next week is the week that I'm going to like
be in silence, and then they'll find an excuse like
Oh my god, wait, I gotta send that one more email.
Hold on it and you see, oh shit, someone else
leave me. Oh I wait someone called. Oh it is
an evergen me call. You know, like you'll start making excuses.
So sometimes you literally need to go tap out to

(01:05:08):
tap in, and and I'm just I know that I
you know, I stuff. I still have to remember that myself.
I'm not a perfect leader, not a perfect healer by
any means. You know, I overwork myself constantly. I put
people in front before me all the time. People's needs.

(01:05:29):
My boundaries sometimes are blurry, you know, and you know
there's it's about the check in. It's about the check
in and knowing that, like, hey, I need to come
back to myself real quick.

Speaker 3 (01:05:41):
The check in is really where the healing happens, because
like I heard you say something earlier, and I've really
been thinking about this a lot lately. Is like a
lot oftentimes if you don't get quiet, you don't even
you can't even check and balance the trauma that's happened.
You can't even process that shit, like like things are
affecting you a certain way, and like you know, you

(01:06:03):
made a comment about like you know, the like emotional
abuse or abuse that you experienced in previous relationship and
how you're still in ways recovering that or even the
group you know, and like how you felt like you
had to dim your light in ways or like but
like look at you now, I wouldn't. I don't see
that sitting in front of you. You know what I mean?
But like you know, only you know what you've experienced

(01:06:24):
and how it lives in your body and how it
plays out and your you know how you are right
now and how you've had to work against that. But
a lot of times, as women, especially as black women,
we have so many things to take care of and
so think so many things that are prioritized over our
own healing. Is that we're not even in the position
to be like, damn, this happened and it really hurt me,
and I have to really check in with myself like damn,

(01:06:45):
like am I faar my feelings hurt? How am I affected?
Like how is this like giving me anxiety? Because we
don't even recognize, like we don't even give ourselves the
opportunity to feel the hurt or the pain or process
the trauma to even begin to heal from it. Because
we're not quiet enough, and there's always something more important
than you, you know what I mean, And like being
silent and crying for two hours is not on the

(01:07:06):
fucking agenda.

Speaker 1 (01:07:07):
There's no time.

Speaker 3 (01:07:07):
There's no time for that, like witch clean that shit up.
And it's like even right now in my life as
like I'm you know, I'm I'm in a good position.
I'm in a really like healthy relationship, and there's still
like remnants is of like paranoia from a relationship I
had fucking five years ago, and I'm still paranoid in
ways and I'm still moving a certain way and I'm

(01:07:27):
like why the fuck is this living in my body?
But I'm only realizing it because I've taken the opportunity
to sit down and be like, Okay, how has this
affected me? And even like the book, like writing the
book made me realize, like, bitch, you haven't healed any
of this shit, like you've talked about it, but like
have you really sad in it? How has this affected you?
Like that got you know, like someone hits you in

(01:07:48):
the face one time while you're holding your baby, you
know what I mean, and it's like you could like
live through it quickly and like know it happened, but
like the processing of that is a completely different looks
completely different than like maybe telling your homegirl like this, nigga,
then you know what I mean, that's one part of it,
and even like acknowledging it, but then like really sitting

(01:08:09):
in it and like letting it sink in and letting
like yourself go there again, because a lot of times
trauma is so painful you don't even want to revisit it.
And even as women who are business women and strong
women and boss women and moms and like, you know, successful,
it's like, oh, I don't, like I don't really want
to dwell on that because I'm not a victim. I'm
not an abut, I'm not from a Lifetime movie.

Speaker 1 (01:08:29):
But it's like you two were also a dumb bitch,
and like I was a dumb bitch.

Speaker 3 (01:08:34):
I was a dumb bitch. Hi, I'm Jamila, and I'm
five years free of being a dumb bitch. Maybe five months,
I don't know, but but it's true. And it's just
like even I've said this a couple of times because
I was so I was so moved. I was shocked,
Like when me and Erica did this audible because the
headphones are on, I can hear myself and hearing myself

(01:08:56):
read the words of the experiences that bitch I had,
like hold on, I need a minute, and I wasn't
expecting it to read.

Speaker 2 (01:09:03):
It's that hearing your own voice. It's the hearing of
your own voice without interference, without even you telling someone
this happened to me and then validating you or saying
something to you. It's just this is what happened, and
it's there, and it's there, and no one's gonna comment,
and you have to just decide how do you feel?

Speaker 3 (01:09:23):
How'd that make you feel? How do you feel right now?
Are you over it? Like where is that stored in
your body? Like in your chest and your stomach? Like
why are you crying right now? Bit shat that you're
over it? And I was like, I guess not, you know,
And it's like that is really that, Like that quietness
is like what women don't grant themselves. And it's definitely

(01:09:43):
like the like the fact, like you really need that
to move forward, You really need that silence. And I'm
so grateful for the retreat because we create and it
even sounds funny talking about it because we joke a lot,
and we're joking joking, but like it's some deep shit
happening over there, and we've created a space where we're like, okay, bitches,
we're getting deep, you know what I mean, like ready

(01:10:05):
to heal, And like that feels uncomfortable for like a
bunch of women you don't know, sitting in a circle
like now we're gonna get deep. Now you're gonna cry,
and everyone's like, hold up, what the fuck do you mean?
You know, but it's like no, It sometimes requires for
some stranger bitch to tell you in the jungle, we're
gonna cry now, and then you then you have to submit.
And that's why it's uncomfortable for a lot of women,
because we haven't given ourselves the space to.

Speaker 1 (01:10:27):
Just like to just feel the permission literally to just.

Speaker 3 (01:10:31):
Feel like cry. I know you have something to cry about.

Speaker 2 (01:10:34):
I knew, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:10:38):
Like it's heavy, it's heavy carrying this and we don't
have to. But we haven't been given permission to to
to remove the luggage and to undress and to like
literally get naked and to be like oh shit, like
this is me. This is like it's not that pain,
it's not that nigga who hit me. It's not that
person who called said I was a hoe, Like, it's
not you know all these things. Oh there I am there,

(01:10:58):
I am underneath the if I just get down there.
But we're so like distracted and sometimes choosing distraction because
it's it hurts to heal, mmm, it hurts to heal,
but the other side is so much better.

Speaker 1 (01:11:15):
And it's a constant journey.

Speaker 3 (01:11:17):
And you can't be a soft woman if you don't
really like go through the healing, Like you can't be vulnerable.

Speaker 2 (01:11:22):
You'll just be hard, a hard ass bitch, a hardened hope.

Speaker 3 (01:11:28):
But what was like the last straw for you? Like,
was there last straw? Or you guys just cordially be
like okay and I'm gonna be famous.

Speaker 2 (01:11:35):
Catch you later.

Speaker 1 (01:11:36):
Moving with my son's dad, Oh it was really I
just we were in our apartment and I was just
sitting there and I said, are you happy? And he's
like I was like, yeah, I'm not happy, Like maybe
we shouldn't get married, Like what are we doing? And
we just kind of gave ourselves permission to choose what

(01:11:57):
everyone you know, the opposite of what everyone expected us to.
And it was such a thing like you're not going
to marry your son's dad, Like, oh my god, you
have this opportunity, and I'm like, no, I'm not seriously,
because they're like, you know, how many people would would
love to be able to be married to the person
they have a kid with, And I'm like, well, more
power to them.

Speaker 2 (01:12:14):
How many people are unhappy.

Speaker 1 (01:12:19):
But that's literally what family members said, you know, knowing
some of the trauma that we experienced in our relationship,
despite the fact that we just weren't good together, that
I could not be self actualized in that relationship at all,
you know, So I knew and I gave us permission

(01:12:40):
to choose ourselves, you know. And I don't know, granted,
I don't know if at the time he was truly
ready to let go of that, but I was, And
I promise you the moment I made that choice, everything
just start. It was like, oh, there you are, Now I.

Speaker 2 (01:12:55):
Can choose yourself. There's literally never a that's never going
to be a bad choice. We talk about that on
the book too, about like sometimes people wait for relationships
to blow up in their face for them to be over. Yeah,
and then sometimes you know, like we interviewed this girl,
her name's a Birds Papaya, and she talks about how

(01:13:15):
she decided to leave her husband on a very uneventful
Wednesday and it was just like I'm done. And it
wasn't like anything crazy happened. It was just like we're
not happy. Yeah, And then when making that choice, but
then like how like the peanut gallery comes in and
they're like they're not but they're not there. They're not
with you day to day. Nope, they do not know

(01:13:37):
how you feel in your body day to day. They
do not know the you know, the way your husband
has ignored your pleasure, or the way that you're not
pleased sexually, or you don't feel heard. They just see
you show up at holiday events and smile with your
kid and take these cute pictures and you're married, and
that you're married. Did it writing crossed off the boxes?

(01:13:57):
They're not there, So you know, it's really it's such
a personal choice, and I mean, I commend you for
making such a big choice at such a young age.

Speaker 1 (01:14:06):
Thank you. I'm so grateful that I that I called it.

Speaker 3 (01:14:11):
It's not popular for women to choose their happiness, so
you have to really be adamant about it. It's it's
almost highly discouraged. Yeah, it's like you are the third
and who cares if you're not happy? Is your baby
happy and fed?

Speaker 2 (01:14:27):
Well? Jade, I know we got to get out of here,
but there's three things I want to get too. Because
since you listen to our show, yes I do all
the time, I know that there is something that you
probably have heard, and I feel like we should do
it because it's gonna be fun. Okay, and we've had,
you know, a little heavy conversation. Let's lighten it up
a little bit.

Speaker 1 (01:14:42):
Let's do it.

Speaker 2 (01:14:42):
Let's play Trigger. So you guys, if you don't know,
you've never heard heard of this game. Trigger is a
game we play with our guests and we just say
one word and they say the first thing that comes
to their mind. Don't overthink it, just go for it. Ready,
Let spin our squa mm hmm, depends depends what day

(01:15:05):
it is. Edibles, nice, religion, a construct, masturbation, awesome, non monogamy, natural, mushrooms.

Speaker 1 (01:15:21):
Fun, childhood, your childhood traumatic.

Speaker 2 (01:15:26):
Beyonce the Queen.

Speaker 1 (01:15:28):
Cardi Bi you know I love her.

Speaker 2 (01:15:33):
Oh my god, I'm going to get it out of here.

Speaker 3 (01:15:37):
Major goal.

Speaker 1 (01:15:39):
Love language words of affirmation worst choice. Oh, oh my god,
you said don't overthink it.

Speaker 2 (01:15:53):
That's a big question.

Speaker 1 (01:15:55):
I mean I'll keep it light, like not getting locks sooner.
I mean I love it, pet Peeve mm hmm being corrected,
mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (01:16:10):
Let's you sign again.

Speaker 1 (01:16:11):
Gemini, Pisces moon cancer, rising's a lot of.

Speaker 2 (01:16:17):
Water, watery, favorite position, m dotty style, her face, college,
bad habits, a lot most toxic trait, messy, Harry pussy.

Speaker 1 (01:16:35):
And I mean messy, not like oh girl, I mean
like I am. I will leave my clothes on the floor.

Speaker 2 (01:16:41):
You think that's because you grew up with a messy home.

Speaker 1 (01:16:43):
Perhaps, Yeah, it's just easy. It's like, what do you
mean there's chaos? You said Harry Pussy has not for me.
I like, I like it nice and clean period sex.
I'm getting better with it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:03):
Acting or music?

Speaker 1 (01:17:04):
Music?

Speaker 2 (01:17:06):
Uh hard, No.

Speaker 1 (01:17:09):
Difficult.

Speaker 2 (01:17:10):
Celebrity girl crush.

Speaker 1 (01:17:12):
Oh there's so many. Oh my god, who am I
like obsessed with you? Guys?

Speaker 2 (01:17:20):
Oh yeah, celebrity guy crash.

Speaker 1 (01:17:27):
Guys, who's my celebrity guy crush? And I'm not gonna
be like my husband. I think who is hot? Y'all
help me? I'm like having a like I can't tell
you who.

Speaker 2 (01:17:42):
You said?

Speaker 1 (01:17:42):
Who knows?

Speaker 2 (01:17:43):
I don't know him no more. What do you mean him?

Speaker 3 (01:17:46):
His last season were over girls.

Speaker 2 (01:17:49):
He's getting older and you don't like a little like
something happens. I like his wife's cute, y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:17:57):
I'm really stuck on this and I don't want to
ruin it.

Speaker 2 (01:18:00):
Does mean?

Speaker 1 (01:18:01):
Oh, Damon does Lori Harvey's I think he looks like
Na's X.

Speaker 2 (01:18:06):
He does.

Speaker 3 (01:18:09):
He looks just like that.

Speaker 1 (01:18:11):
Never thought about that.

Speaker 3 (01:18:12):
As soon as I saw I thought they're the same person.

Speaker 1 (01:18:14):
I could see that.

Speaker 3 (01:18:15):
Yeah, that's why.

Speaker 2 (01:18:16):
Don It was my old man celebrity crush. Harrison Ford.
He's fun.

Speaker 1 (01:18:19):
Harrison Ford could get it.

Speaker 3 (01:18:21):
We'll go with him over in album.

Speaker 2 (01:18:24):
I don't know. I'm not really into I saw that
maye if I saw the person you just see this.
You didn't see the print. I saw the prince. I
don't know if Harrison got that print. Probably not. Biggest
regret mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (01:18:40):
Biggest regret not taking up space owner. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:18:50):
Motherhood a balancing act and that concludes trigger. Thank you
for playing with us, Jade. Before we get out of here,
do you have an affirmation that you can share with
our guests, I.

Speaker 1 (01:19:03):
Do okay, I came prepared, let me find it, okay.
So this is one I needed for myself because speaking
gives me anxiety, and I think it comes from fear
of being judged. And you know, I was doing like

(01:19:23):
I mentioned the girl group, and so there was a
polish and like a poise and a very calculated way
of being that I haven't shook all the way yet
and I'm really ready to just show up completely, completely,
authentically uninhibited. That's why I listened to you all so much,
because you are like goals. And I know it's a
pricess You're looking at me like you know, but.

Speaker 2 (01:19:46):
I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 (01:19:47):
Like the way that you're able to be transparent about
who you are, things that you guys have, guys have
gone through. You know, that's goals for me. So I
needed this. I am allowed to be myself and o
people who I am.

Speaker 3 (01:20:01):
I am allowed to be myself and show people who
I am.

Speaker 1 (01:20:06):
Because man, that shit's scary.

Speaker 2 (01:20:08):
It is.

Speaker 1 (01:20:09):
It's scary, be very scary.

Speaker 2 (01:20:10):
I love that. Thank you for sharing that. I also
want to share an affirmation we have in the book.
Once you guys buy the book, write this moment right now,
and then the leak in the bio right this moment.
The book is filled with a lot of affirmations. In
each chapter, me and Mila each share an affirmation as
it pertains to whatever we're talking about. And in the

(01:20:32):
chapter titled post Traumatic Baby Daddy Disorder, Oh girl, p
T B d D.

Speaker 3 (01:20:38):
Do we need to trademark that?

Speaker 2 (01:20:40):
Yes, Okay, don't say it. Don't say it.

Speaker 3 (01:20:42):
By the time I hear this, this is going to
be trademark.

Speaker 2 (01:20:44):
Sorry, started a website, go go daddy everything. So this
affirmation is Mela's affirmation actually from your chapter.

Speaker 3 (01:20:54):
Oh wow, because I know I feel like I feel
like you're much better at the affirmation.

Speaker 2 (01:20:58):
I really love this one, and I think it's it
relates to what we were talking about here. I forgive
myself for choosing other people's safety over my own.

Speaker 1 (01:21:08):
I forgive myself for choosing other people's safety over my own.

Speaker 2 (01:21:13):
Yeah, all right, you did that.

Speaker 3 (01:21:19):
I did write a book, y'all is an author.

Speaker 2 (01:21:24):
So yes, remember the Remember both of those affirmations. Anyone
who's listening, and if that resonates, write it on a
piece of paper, put it on a mirror, writing your phone,
make it your screensaver, or just buy our book on
Audible and screenshot it and.

Speaker 1 (01:21:38):
Send it to us buy their book.

Speaker 2 (01:21:41):
Period.

Speaker 3 (01:21:43):
Of course, it's Tarot time, and we had our dear
friend pick a card, and because she's a rich bitch,
she chose the King of Pinnacles, And so I'm gonna
tell you what that is real quick. The King of
Pentacles represents material wealth, financial abundance, and worldly success. This
king is a faithful provider. He uses his ambition and
confidence to create wealth for himself and others, and generates

(01:22:06):
his self worth from what he has accumulated and can
share with others. He is also fatherly figure who provides
others with advice, guidance, and wisdom, especially in financial and
work related matters. When the King of Pentacles appears in
a tarot reading, you are confident and successful at attracting
and managing wealth. Not only do you identify opportunities for

(01:22:27):
growth and success, but you also draw upon your self
discipline and control to manage your wealth and invest it
wisely for the long term.

Speaker 1 (01:22:34):
Because you got look, come on, thank you baby.

Speaker 2 (01:22:40):
Yes, And I just want to put all of this
wealth into your next project that you have coming out
in August. Can you tell the people where they can
find you and all the things that you have coming up.

Speaker 1 (01:22:48):
Yes, my name's Jade Nova, y'all. At Jade Nova everywhere.
I have a new song out it's called Butterfly, which
is honestly so in alignment with all of this, and
my album Where Have I Been will be around very soon,
so stay tuned, y'all.

Speaker 2 (01:23:03):
Yes, I can't wait, and y'all know where to find us.
If you're watching this on YouTube, make sure you're subscribed
to our YouTube channel. Leave us a comment, tell us
how beautiful we all are.

Speaker 3 (01:23:13):
Only nice comments, please, I will.

Speaker 2 (01:23:16):
I will curse you out in the comments. When people
are responding in the comments. It's me. It's me, it's
the one responding. I get the YouTube alerts on my phone.
She'd like said, if you don't stop, mostly they're good, though.
If you haven't rated and review us on Apple Podcasts,
please do, because all these white podcasts got like eleven

(01:23:36):
thousand reviews, and I'm like, how the fuck We've been
doing this for five years and we ain't even broke
two k. Come on, y'all, I really need you to
go and leave us a rating and review it takes
five seconds and it really really helps and it really
really matters, so please do that. Also, you heard us
talk about the retreat. We have one coming up in July,
two dates, July fifth and July twelfth. We're taking you
to Mexico Saluti the Mexico also known as Pueblo Maico,

(01:24:00):
Magic Pueblo because we're some magical bitches over here.

Speaker 1 (01:24:03):
Period.

Speaker 2 (01:24:03):
The property is gorgeous, it's ocean view, every single room
all inclusive, minusor flight, and there's just going to be
a lot of magic and beautiful experiences, lots of healing,
lots of fun. So this is the summer trip you've
been waiting for. Everything's in this episode description, so make
sure you check it out. Follow me my personal page
at watch Erica, and.

Speaker 3 (01:24:24):
You can follow me at Mila Underscore map. And I
know you're heard us talking about the book all fucking
month and all fucking episodes, So please you guys support
us by buying our book and supporting two black women authors.

Speaker 2 (01:24:36):
It's our first book. It means a lot to us,
so thank you. Oh and lastly, make sure you subscribe
to our Patreon. We have a few special lessons over there,
like how to navigate a sex party, how to RELI,
how to talk about cannabis with your kids.

Speaker 3 (01:24:51):
Out of date is a single mom?

Speaker 2 (01:24:53):
Yeah, So if you need some how to guidance, make
sure you join our patreon that's patreon dot com backslash
Good Mom's Bad Choices And we love you and we'll
see you next week.

Speaker 4 (01:25:04):
Bye and so record

Speaker 2 (01:25:31):
Las

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Hosts And Creators

Erica Dickerson

Jamilah Mapp

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC

24/7 News: The Latest

Therapy Gecko

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Think Like A Dad, Act Like A Mom Feat. Jade Novah