What's For Me Wont Miss Me Feat. Alea Lovely

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:19):
This is.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
I'm Meela, and it's Wednesday. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Honey.

Speaker 1 (00:35):
How you doing.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
I'm good. It's rainy, you know, just a rainy day
in l A.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
It is rainy, it's raining, it's retrograde, and technology has
been challenging.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
But I'm going to breathe through it.

Speaker 4 (00:51):
I'm not going to get stressed.

Speaker 5 (00:55):
You know, technology is my number one stress causer of stress.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
So I've got to just jump right into it.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
Okay, dokie.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
You guys, we have a special guest today. I'm really
excited to have her on. She's a fellow podcaster like us,
which I feel like we haven't had like a lot
of podcasters on lately, so I'm really excited to have
a potter on. Is that what they called them. I
don't think he made that a potter. I'd love to
Welcome to this show. Alia, lovely of a spiritual shit podcast,

(01:33):
energy channeler, mama, overall beautiful, spirited human and I'm just
excited to have you on.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Welcome to the show.

Speaker 4 (01:41):
Thank you so much. It's good to be here. Excited
to chat it up.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
How are you feeling today.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
You know, I'm feeling really good. I'm feeling really good.
The sun is out. You guys were talking about your rain,
and I would love to have Ellie rain right now
because it's super cold in the Midwest. But for you
based market Kansas City, Kansas City.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
Kansas or Missouri, Missouri.

Speaker 4 (02:05):
Thank you for asking. Is that where those people don't
know what to say?

Speaker 1 (02:10):
Is that where you're from?

Speaker 4 (02:12):
Yeah, so I'm from born and raised here. I did
a stint in New York and London for a bit
and then came back.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yes, I heard about this stint in London. I was
listening to another podcast and I was so intrigued by
kind of your journey to spiritual shit and what I
gathered was that you were more religious at one point
in your life, or maybe grew up really religious.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Is that is that that's correct?

Speaker 4 (02:36):
That is correct? Can you? Yes?

Speaker 3 (02:39):
I want to know this story. I want to know.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
Well, you know, like I was raised in a Christian home,
went to school, like, went to church four or five
days a week, and at some points I started asking
lots of questions and things weren't lining up in the
way that that felt in alignment with me. And so
I moved to London with my boyfriend, and my mom
really didn't like that. And it was really such a

(03:06):
cool experience because it was getting outside of my bubble.
It was the first time I was really traveling, the
first time I had really like gone somewhere internationally, and
I got to meet all these people that were wonderful
and amazing but didn't have the same beliefs as I did,
and so it really turned the foundation of my belief
system on its head. So I had an opportunity to

(03:27):
give my you know, ask the proper questions, and I
ended up turning one to eighty into an atheist, where
I just didn't believe in anything like oh my God,
the revelation of a lot of the things that were
happening in the church and stuff that I just wasn't
down with. So became an atheist for a long bit.
And then I moved to New York and I found

(03:49):
my people and found spirituality again.

Speaker 3 (03:52):
When you're when you met your husband, was he religious?

Speaker 4 (03:55):
So my ex husband the first one, he No, he
was not. And so it was kind of like the
opening the door to different points of view and things
that I had not encountered before, and so actually could
credit him for that, like opening me up to a
different type of world. But it was a really traumatic relationship,

(04:16):
and like, I feel thankful that I went through it
because it taught me a lot about myself and self
worth and things that maybe I wouldn't have gone through
if I hadn't met him. But I found my spirituality
again after we broke up, and I was living in
New York and I started going to sound baths and
crystal shops and all, you know, all the things, getting
card readings and so on, and it was really a

(04:38):
deep exploration of who I was after that relationship.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
That's so interesting.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Was your mom totally mortified that you were an atheist
for an extended amount of time.

Speaker 4 (04:51):
There was mortified. I don't know if it is the
word crush, devastated, depressed, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
Did you grow up Christian or Catholic?

Speaker 4 (05:00):
Yeah, okay, Christian Baptists Southern Baptist, so it's a different
kind of Baptists, you know, Yeah, mortify, Like I mean,
we've come to an understanding now that I'm an adult,
further an adult, But she had a real real problem
with it. My father was a little bit more like,
you know, do what you want. That's fine, But she
really had a hard time with it because she holds

(05:21):
like Jesus is our homeboy.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
You know, I know you are an energy healer. How
did how did you kind of tap into that? Is
this something kind of that you've always kind of known
existed within you? Or And I think also I was
listening to another show and you were saying, how you
have you see visions too, and you see you see
things as well, So like I would imagine that A

(05:45):
I don't know when these visions started happening if you
were a little girl, but how how did that kind
of how did those show up for you? And how
have they kind of led you into the work that
you do now?

Speaker 4 (05:57):
Yeah, So I would call myself an energy reader necessarily
that I'm a healer. But when I was little, I
would have dreams that came true a lot, And so
when I was in church, it was under the category
of a seer or like a prophet or something like that.
So when I was in that that space of like
being a child and like having these kind of names

(06:18):
put on me, I started to see like not just visions,
but like ghosts in our house or visitors, if you will.
Past loved ones would come to me in dreams and
give you know, relay messages and so on, and so
at some point I started to feel like nervous about
that because there were things that were happening that in

(06:40):
the visions or in the dreams that I was having
that were like not like good things. So I was
really like concerned about it. And so at some point
I was ten years old, I had this really scary
experience where this entity came into my room looked like
my mom hung over my bed, the whole sixth sense
kind of thing, and I essentially shut down my ability
to see like that kind of stuff because it scared

(07:01):
me so badly. And so when I got older, I
found out that my dad also has it, and then
I found out that my grandma has it, and then
it's just like kind of this thing that people don't
talk about, and so I kind of shut it down
and I was like, I'm not gonna deal with this.
And then when my grandpa died, he came through a
dream to both my dad and myself saying the same thing.
It was just like such a weird if you would

(07:24):
want to call it a coincidence, but not at all.
When my grandmother died, she gave me messages from my
mom and my sisters that were like things that I
wouldn't know anything about, and so at some point I
started to try to dig into it and start really learning, like,
what is this. This is super weird. It's not normal
for someone to have connection to these types of people
or things that you're not able to see and you're

(07:46):
like waking life. And then it's also super weird if
you tell other people about it and they're like, you're
fucking crazy. So it was something I hid for a
really long time. It's something that my dad really doesn't
talk about, and he occasionally will tell me about things
that have happened in the house. There was one time
I'm I was coming back from college and I stayed
at their house and I saw a little boy in
the hallway in the middle of the night. He opened

(08:06):
the door my door that I was seeing and came
in the room, and I was like freaked out, and
I ran outside and I saw he had like a
basketball in his hand and walked into the bathroom. And
so when I came to my dad in the morning,
I was like, I saw this and this in the
living room, and he was like, oh, yeah, he's here.
He doesn't bother anybody, like it was no big deal.
He's just been.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
Like, yeah, Charlie, no big deal.

Speaker 4 (08:28):
And he's like, don't tell your mom at a scare, like,
you know, just.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
Let it be.

Speaker 4 (08:32):
So it's it's kind of like that. So I think
that that's I started my podcast and the work that
I do now because I felt so tired of always
feeling like I was crazy. And this was like before
spirituality was kind of cool and mainstream. You could be like, oh, yeah,
I'm psychic and people are like, cool, that's chill. It
was just it was one of those things where it

(08:53):
was just like you you had to hide it, you
didn't talk about it. So I started the podcast Spiritual
Shit because I was like, well, like, maybe if I'll
find my people, I'll find other people who have these experiences,
or maybe I won't feel so alone. And that was
primarily the only reason I started the podcast. I mean, yeah,
it would be in some regard, but profit prophet like

(09:15):
prophetic things like that are dreams that would come true,
or someone that sees himself as a seer that sees
the future I wasn't seeing the future. I was seeing
something connected to like ghosts or people or entity or
spirits or something talking to me and telling me things.
I would have some dreams that would be like precognition,
but they would never be exact. It would be like, oh,

(09:37):
it would be like, for instance, I had a dream
that my sister her boyfriend had told her, or that
she told her boyfriend that she loved him. And I
called her and I was like, don't tell that boy
you love him. Oh no, not that he's not the one.
And as I'm on the phone with her, he calls
her to tell her he loves her, and she's like, no,
oh no, that's not the guy. You know. So it was,

(09:57):
you know, just it was always like a twist. It
wasn't like exact. So in that I'm sure, I know
that people have gifts and they can do stuff like that.
It's just that's not something that I felt comfortable with,
and that even to this day. I do card readings
and I talk to people and I help people understand
their energy and what blocks them. But I do not
do future predictions because there's so much in free will that,

(10:19):
like on a dime, you can decide today that that's
not the reality you want to live, so it's not set.

Speaker 5 (10:25):
I always thought it was interesting, Like I didn't grow
up religious at all. I've always been really attracted to
the witchy.

Speaker 3 (10:35):
Spirituality.

Speaker 5 (10:36):
But I always thought it was so strange that there
were so many like similarities and like, but religious people
are so anti because like you talk about profits, the
whole Bible was made by some men that got a
download and you know, yeah, and then like, but then
there's people like you who experience and your dad and

(10:58):
your grandmother and who experienced you say, are your grandfather
who experience these visions? And they're scared to discuss it
in these circles because it's it's also considered anti religious
or like yeah, or for some people like demonic you know.

Speaker 4 (11:18):
Yeah, it's h hypocritical. Like it's like a lot of
the aspects of modern day religion or Christianity are founded
off of old ancient pagan principles. So it's kind of funny.
And then when you get into like on a cultural level,
when we think about I always had a problem with
it when we learned about slavery and stuff in school
and colonization and all that kind of stuff, And I

(11:40):
was like, wait a minute, So you're telling me that
we got pulled out of here and we're worshiping someone
that they told us to Nah, Like, I mean.

Speaker 5 (11:48):
That's always my biggest thing with religion. I'm like, I'm
not going to carry on out a religion that they
gave me so they could justify stealing my ancestors.

Speaker 3 (11:58):
Cool, I'm not verse ship in your white Jesus.

Speaker 5 (12:01):
It always baffles me when I see like a lot
of black people in church.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
I'm just like, this is weird.

Speaker 4 (12:09):
Well, it's a good point to bring up because I
often find that it's difficult to find other people of
color in this space, and so it ends up being
a very white space because we don't, like, at least culturally,
we didn't grow up in places where we had a
lot of that flexibility depending on where you grew up obviously,
but Christianity seems to be the kind of like normal

(12:29):
foundation of how we were raised.

Speaker 5 (12:32):
Well, in addition to that, like on a cellular level,
not only were we conditioned to believe that, we were
conditioned that if we believed or practice anything.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
Else, we would die.

Speaker 5 (12:44):
So like even for me, I didn't I didn't have
to be religious for my parents. But when I started
to like not want to be, like Jesus is my savior,
I felt guilty about it. And I was like, why
do I feel guilty? This is not even what.

Speaker 3 (12:59):
I was grow up on.

Speaker 5 (13:01):
But there's still this underlying fear that maybe you won't
get into heaven or something.

Speaker 4 (13:07):
Yeah, I think actually I have a When my grandmother
passed away, I was in the middle of the transformation
process for my belief system, and my parents were all
still like really pressuring me. And at the time I
was married to my ex husband, and so when she
started to descend, we'll say, like she started to pass away,

(13:30):
she got really sick. She was in the hospital, and
we were all sitting around her just kind of like
waiting for when that was going to happen. And I
remember sitting there and just like like almost praying to
her and saying, please let me know what happens when
we die, like please let me not be on the
wrong side of this, Like if like hell is the
only thing that's kind of like you know, the carrot

(13:52):
on the stick keeping me in this religion. I want
to know and make sure that I'm not making the
wrong choice by deciding against that or that I want
to believe in something else. And so like, I never
I didn't think it was appropriate obviously, like whisper that
in her ear or anything like that, but I just
kind of like knew I felt like I just I

(14:12):
felt she was in that in between space. So I
was like, I can truss that she hears me and
that she'll she'll let me know. Four days, maybe five
after she passed, she comes to me in this dream
that was crazy wicked. I'm in her house and in
the house, she has these French doors that come out
from her kitchen and at boom, like they open up,

(14:33):
and there's all these people that come rushing in. I'm
getting chills as I tell the story. They come rushing
in and they start to descend in what looks like
a whirlpool almost that goes down in like a portal
in the middle of her living room. And so I
see her there and she's like small, and her head
is like a normal adult size, but she's like a
child sized person. And I'm looking at her and she's like, quickly,
come to me, I need to tell you something. And

(14:53):
there are these two insanely tall men that are standing
next to her like almost like waiting to usher her
somewhere else. And she was like, number one, it's a girl.
And I was like, it's a girl. Like my cousin
was pregnant at the time, and my sister was pregnant
at the time, but they both had boys. And so
I really think and believe that she saw my daughter
like the one the person I have no Then she

(15:14):
said too, she told me some personal information about my mom,
what my mom had done. My mom redid my grandmother's
makeup post mortem after the mortuary people had did all
the stuff. She was like, that's not how my mom
would want to want it to look, so she did it.
I had no idea that my mom did that. I
had no idea how she did it. I would not
be able to compose myself in that way. That was
my mom's way of being able to spend time with her.

(15:36):
And she told me some other things that are personal
I won't mention here, but anyway, she told me to
tell my mom and let her know that like I
know what you did for me, like I know, like
what you did whatever. And then afterwards she gave me
a few other messages and they were getting ready to
take her away and she and she goes, oh wait
and grabs my arm and she says, it's not like
how they say it's going to be. And with reference

(15:57):
to your question that you were trying to ask me
while we're in the hospital room, it's not how they
say it's gonna be. You are on the right path.
I will be your guide. Don't worry about like all
the answers or whatever, like you're on the right path,
like I'll tell you later. And then I wake up.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (16:14):
And so it was after that that, like maybe a
year later, that all the pieces kind of started to
come together for myself to have that opening of like
there is no hell, like we live here in hell
now if we choose our perspective or how we're connected
to other people the mindset, like people are living through

(16:34):
heaven and hell currently as a reality. And so she
was teaching me through that like she's been a spirit
guide of mine. But I felt I felt so much,
like I don't know the word, like relief, like upon
having that dream of just like Okay, I can allow
myself to figure this out as I go that there's

(16:54):
not this pressure I have to figure it out now
that there's not this like you know, demon, hell, Brimstone
and fire waiting for me if I don't follow suit permission.
And it was such a relief, right exactly.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
She was like, I don't have to go buy this book.

Speaker 4 (17:13):
Yeah. And she was one. She was someone who kind
of like marched to the beat of her own drum anyway,
she read cards. I never like was allowed to participate
in it because my mom sheltered me from her doing
that stuff. But when my mom found out that I
was doing it, oh man, she was like, that's the
stuff your grandma used to do. And I was like, wait,
what grandma used to do this?

Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh, this is cool.

Speaker 4 (17:31):
So it's kind of funny how just travels through the
family anyway.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
Wow, I mean I just got I got chills listening
to that story. And it's that's so beautiful that that
you have this gift too, that where you can kind
of get confirmations along the way. And I think about
I think about people that have this gift like yourself,
and I think about the I guess assumptions that people
make that because you have this access for lack of

(17:59):
about it or word to the other side or to
messages that like they look at people like this and like, well,
why is it your life perfect?

Speaker 1 (18:10):
Right?

Speaker 2 (18:10):
Like you have all the answers right like shouldn't you know,
like you're an energy channel? Or can't you unblock yourself?

Speaker 1 (18:16):
Can't you do this? Can't you do that?

Speaker 5 (18:18):
Like?

Speaker 2 (18:19):
And I think that that's a misconception, And I'm sure
I'm curious really to know, like how you respond to
those type of things, because I mean, I know that.
I mean I think early on in when I was
a child, I saw things as well when I was young,
and I got scared, and I've since I've blocked them
off and I've never really experienced them again. I definitely
feel energy a lot, and I think, even more recently,

(18:42):
have been more open to this voice and my intuition
that has been talking to me a lot louder more recently.
And part of me too is like hoping that, like
the work that I'm doing this year is going to
help kind of open my mind up to those things again.
But I'm just curious to know, like how do you
how do you guys explain to other people this gift

(19:04):
and how it's not necessarily a tool to fixing yourself essentially,
and know any answers to everything.

Speaker 4 (19:13):
Yeah, that's a great question. It's in my belief that
everybody has a connection. So like, I think that sometimes
when we like words are important and when we call
it a gift, people tend to put it on a
pedestal and think, Wow, there must be something special about you.
You must have this access that I don't have. And like,
while there are varying degrees of access, I think like

(19:35):
we're born with that birthright, like we're born connected. It's
just that when we grow up, we have levels of
trauma and less levels of conditioning that take us out
of that connection. So I think for myself, the reason
why I stayed partially connected is because I had a
father who understood those types of sensitivity. Is my mother

(19:56):
who is very, very scared, high anxiety life, but it
won't trust her intuition, maybe as much she's starting to now,
but not when we were children, like that still was
able to slip through and I was still able to
kind of trust a lot of those things. But in
traditional Western world you don't have permission to do that.

(20:17):
And we're our children now, our new generation is coming
through and being able to do that, but in ways
that we weren't able to do when we were kids.
And so for myself, like I don't treat it like
it's it's this like holy thing. You know, I'm actually
very irreverent. If you listen to my podcast, you know
it's called spiritual shit. So there's not this kind of
like we're not looking at it like in a distance, right,

(20:40):
like it's something so high and far away from us,
and that like this person has access to this. I
think that when we decondition ourselves, we find that connection
to our own intuition, to our guides, to our ancestors,
to our spiritual selves or higher selves or whatever God,
and it's just a matter of like peeling the layers back.
So that's my job. Like I come into a space

(21:01):
where I'm in an energy reader, I would say that
my gift is that I'm clear audience, So I get
messages through my ears. Like I hear things very audibly
at times, and I can hear in people's voices the
frequency if they don't agree with themselves. Basically, like if
someone is saying something out loud and they're like, oh yeah, dad,
just the way that they say something, the sound of

(21:22):
the way that they say it, tells me otherwise I'm
a human lie detector. And that could be that I'm
really gifted, if you will, But it could also be
that I had an unstable home and I needed to
figure out how people speak or to know when I
was going to be in danger, so that way I
could anticipate the needs of other people to make them

(21:44):
comfortable so I could stay safe. So like the empathicness
thing that we talk about people being sensitive to other
people's emotions and so on, like that could be a gift,
and it is, but also it could be like hypervigilance
to keep yourself safe in environments where you felt like
your parents or whoever your caretaker was wasn't stable. It
was a way to stay out of the way of

(22:04):
the t rex. If I can anticipate the emotion or
the energy of what's coming, I can keep myself safe.
And so with my father, I love my dad, but
like he came in it was kind of volatile when
we were young, and probably a little bit bitter that
he had so many children, and he was very empathically
sensitive to noise and sensory I think my dad might
be on the spectrum, and so when he would come
in we just didn't know which dad we were going

(22:25):
to get if the noise was going to be too
much for him and he's gonna be overstimulated, and he's like,
everybody clean this house. Everybody, Like when he came in
the house, it was like be ready, like we're not
sure about where I get. Yeah, like everybody quiet, don't
say anything, you know, Like it was like that, So
my gift, if you will, may have come out of
my greatest wound of like that that sensitivity of like

(22:46):
oh I don't want to you know. And and in fact,
it's why I ended up burying my first husband because
it was someone that that felt familiar to me. I
knew how to do that game. And once I deconditioned
myself out of that, and I'm like, wait a minute,
this person is gaslighting me. This person is making me
feel this way, like I don't like this triggeredness all
the time, Like I don't like to be in this

(23:06):
fight or flight all the time. It felt like love
because it was familiar. But I'm past this shit, like
I've outgrown this now, like let me move on. And
now I have this insanely amazing partner who's so loving
and I'm so comfortable with and I can be exactly
myself and I can trust my intuition and it's a
really beautiful thing. I love him. But all that to say, like,

(23:29):
I think that innately, and what my message is, particularly
in my podcast and what I do is helping people
access their own inner wisdom. I am not a fan
of like guruism. I'm not a fan of like someone
being like, I'm the gift and you have to lean
on me, and this is what Oh, I'm the channeler
of blah blah blah. Okay, that's fine, and people do
have those gifts. They do. But if I'm creating a

(23:51):
world where people can have access to their own inner wisdom,
I think people are better off because instead of having
to turn to me every Wednesday or every Friday to
get their answer, their clarity, or their guidance, they can
turn to themselves and access that wisdom themselves. So it's
about peeling those onions. And you can tell I'm really
passionate about this, but it's about peeling those onion layers

(24:12):
back of the conditioning we've had put on us with
our trauma and all the things that we've gone through
that has kept us from connecting to ourselves, and that
is the gift.

Speaker 2 (24:21):
I mean, I love that you said that, because I
think that a lot of times we do. I mean,
we're conditioned to look outwardly. I mean even religion asks
us to do that, you know, to look outwardly to
get the answers when truly they are within us. And
you know, it does help to get little signs along
the way and get you know, get that extra push
from from people like you or you know, intuitives or

(24:42):
whatever whatever it may be, even whatever your religion is,
and as well, but not to lean so heavily into
that space and rely on solely that because A you
do yourself such a disservice and ultimately what you learned
is just you just don't trust yourself in any space,
in any aspect. And B you're probably I mean, if

(25:04):
you're spending a lot of money on your greetings or
the tides at church and just all these things like
just giving and giving and giving without really I mean
maybe you get a return, but not really because it's
not really connected to your highest self and what you
really want.

Speaker 5 (25:20):
Well, we're looking for Religion places the power outside of you,
so you're constantly seeking for things outside of yourself, despite
the fact that the Bible says like we're made in
God's image or whatever like that, oh God you, God
is within you, and that we're just the extension of that.

(25:45):
But it really puts fear in your heart and makes
you feel like you are helpless. You have to pray
and hope and behave and do all these things in
order to get God's grace and pay and tithes and
offerings and all these things in order to be considered worthy.

Speaker 3 (26:06):
And like I never understood that.

Speaker 5 (26:09):
I never understood, like I want a God fearing woman,
Like why would God want us to fear Him for her?

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (26:15):
And why does that have to be a guy? And
why is he blue eyes and blonde hair? You know?

Speaker 5 (26:20):
But it's just like I was going to ask you about,
like as this shift happened, you know, you having this
gift and growing up in this religious place that kind
of prohibited you from using it and feeling comfortable with it.
How did your life transform as you started to tap
in and start to lean in versus like fear it
and try to block it, Like in what ways? Like

(26:43):
what did things begin to align for you? Well?

Speaker 4 (26:47):
You know, the micro affects the macro, and so internally,
when I was a God fearing woman, I feared men
like I feared relationships in certain ways that you know,
we were taught that he's a jealous Scot and that's
like a good thing. It's like he's a fucking tyrant.
Then I don't want somebody's all jealous up my ass
all the time, like no, thank you. So so it's

(27:08):
the relational like aspect of like within while I was
in religion that affected my relationships with my with authority figures,
with possible partners and so on. And when when I
got to this space, so I'll tell you what happened.
What really like took me out of it is, you know,
being in London and being around all these other people

(27:29):
who have all these different beliefs. I was like, I
just don't understand how these people are going to hell.
These are some of the nicest people I've ever met,
the kindest, like the people will give you, give the
shirt off their back, Like it just doesn't make sense
to me. And all of my Christian friends have like
effectively excommunicated me because I'm living with my boyfriend and
I just don't see how that's love. And then I

(27:49):
started like going down this rabbit hole of like all
of these thoughts, and I was like, I just understand
why when Jesus came, you know, like I would ask
the questions when I was younger too, like what about
the dynasts or what happened to people before Jesus came?
Do they also get saved? Like well, they had to
believe that he was on his way. And I was like, well,
that's not the same rule like for them, that is

(28:11):
for us. And they're like, oh, well, this is kind
of how it works. And then I started and this
was the thought. I couldn't reconcile how a god who
had made a mistake like had had to send his
son down to die for our sins because in his
creation there was a flaw. And if that was the case,

(28:32):
then why continued to send people here from the ether?

Speaker 3 (28:36):
Right?

Speaker 4 (28:36):
They were chilling in the ether with God. They were cool,
they were fine, And send them down here to test
them if they get seventy years at best on this
earth to be able to figure out whether or not
they'll be born in Iran or in the jungle somewhere
or in the United States or whatever, and like everybody
doesn't have a fair shot to be able to find Jesus,
so why continue to keep sending them down here to

(28:59):
test them only to send them to hell? They've been
in eternity with you before they got here, So I
couldn't reconcile that Like that to me couldn't make sense.
If God is love, then how can you keep sending
people and stop sending people obliterate the earth to start over?
Like what was the point unless you're a fucking narcissist
and you're up there being like are you gonna choose me? Okay?

Speaker 5 (29:20):
No, I mean not only is the religious standard of
God narcissist religion like upholds the patriarchy that people that
when you said that, I didn't realize that, Like how
much you know, like your relationships with men, you know,

(29:41):
kind of resembled that like fear of God. But I
mean ultimately it's like, is God upholding the patriarchy.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
To oppress the women? Right? I don't know, I never understood.

Speaker 5 (29:53):
I'm like, if God is God, why in the fuck
would he sent his only son to his sacrifice?

Speaker 3 (29:59):
Like why did he make up other rule? He can
pick up any rules?

Speaker 4 (30:02):
This is literally God and literally as.

Speaker 3 (30:04):
I was like, why would he do this?

Speaker 5 (30:07):
This seems violent and mean and he didn't even have
to like exactly, He's just testing everyone to see if
they choose him.

Speaker 4 (30:14):
Yeah. I wasn't for it, and that little thought, that
little seed was the thing that blew up the whole thing.

Speaker 5 (30:20):
And you know, and I always say that, I'm like
people blindly accept religion because it's passed down to them.

Speaker 3 (30:27):
And I thought about this recently.

Speaker 5 (30:29):
I was like, God, if any religious person rolls up
on our podcasts and here's me for five years, they're
gonna think I'm a religion hater. I'm like, Christians are
going to come for me. But I really don't get it.
I don't understand like the logic in it, especially like
you said, as black people. I mean, and I respect

(30:51):
everyone's belief systems, and I know everybody gravitates to different
things and things, different things speak to them and at
the end of the day, ultimately all this shit's kind
of this.

Speaker 4 (31:01):
It's all Yeah. Well, I was going to say, like spirituality,
even in its new a wave, if you will, has
turned into religion a little bit. And it was like,
didn't we leave isn't that why we left the church?

Speaker 2 (31:12):
I will, you know, I will say that that is true.
There is kind of like this judgment too.

Speaker 5 (31:17):
I'm that person. Man, I'm working on it. But if
I get with someone there immediately like Jesus, Jesus Jesus,
I'm like, oh, okay, we're probably not going to be
really good friends because I mean, granted, I have really
first of all, I went to like Catholic school my
entire high school. I have friends that are like very religious.

(31:38):
But it depends if you're so gung ho to defend
what you believe that you'll choose violence in order to
like not with like uphold friendships and relationships like if
I can respect you and you can respect me and
know that we're different and not like tell me I'm
going to Hell, then it and we can live harmoniously.

(32:02):
But generally people feel so defensive over their beliefs because
they have a lot to lose.

Speaker 4 (32:09):
Like, if you believe in Christianity, I mean me growing
up in it, you had a lot to lose if
you were wrong, Like the type of following that you're
required to adhere to like means that if you're wrong,
you've given up a lot. You've sacrificed a lot. It's
the conversations I have with my mom, which was funny
because she's in her later years, she's becoming more spiritual,

(32:30):
but at the beginning she was so volatile towards me.
If I had if I just started to even entertain
the smallest thing, and I thought, if someone can treat
their daughter like that, Like that was in that time
period while she was still growing, But if someone can
treat their daughter like that based off of the you know,
a couple of things that I did for my own
life and my own growth, that's not something I want

(32:51):
to be a part of. And if someone is in that,
like if you're directly like if I'm talking to you
and I'm Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, then my entire life has
been built on saving you. Like my entire life everything
that I've been conditioned to learn is that you're in
trouble and it's my job to make sure that you're
safe and so out of what may seem like love

(33:13):
but also ego and also you know, myriad of other things.
Like it's like, okay, either I need to hop in
and tell you about the blood of the Lord, or
I distance myself because I can't be tainted by someone
who doesn't believe what I believe. Let me stay in
my box so I can stay safe. And literally it's
a safety game. So when I got out of that

(33:33):
and then my grandmother's dream coming through and giving me
that confirmation that I was safe and I was okay,
it was so easy to let it go. It was
so easy to let it go because it was like,
I don't have anything to lose, Like, yeah, I don't
know what happens on the other side of this, and
I have an idea maybe, but nobody can ever really know.
So you don't know. I don't know, The Christians don't know,
the Buddhists don't know. Like nobody knows, so we can

(33:56):
just chill.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
It's literally life's great mystery. It's like the one saying
we can count on not fucking knowing.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
We can't google the ship.

Speaker 4 (34:04):
I don't care and I'm not sure why to find out, Like, yeah, it's.

Speaker 3 (34:08):
You can google it. There's some things that come up.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah, no, I'm saying you can't google it, but there's
no there's no actual proof of anything.

Speaker 5 (34:15):
You can't I have a question with that statement, Have
you maintained any of your friendships from when you were
radically religious?

Speaker 3 (34:25):
Have any of those relationships?

Speaker 4 (34:28):
Very little? I would say, like my familiar relationships I have,
like my for instance, my sister and her husband, like
he's a pastor and they are cool as shit, like amazing,
they come over like it's it's wonderful. I have a
wonderful relationship with them, but with regards not close relationships now,
like people know what I do. It was really funny

(34:49):
at my my aunt passed away recently and we went
to her funeral and there were some people from my
past that were there and they're like, so what are
you doing now? What do you get this? And what
are you that? And like, oh, yeah, I'm a podcasts
trying to do this. Oh you have a podcast, a
move posa podcast? What is it called? Spiritual shit? Oh?
You know? Like like and I almost like live for

(35:09):
that moment because it's like I can finally own my
own truth and who I am. But it makes people
deeply uncomfortable, and I think like it doesn't necessarily have
to be religious people that it makes it deeply uncomfortable with.
But if you are underneath organized religion, or in some
type of like confined spiritual box like that, people don't
allow you to be who you are, and it's it's
really confronting to be around people who know themselves when

(35:32):
you don't know yourself. So it's like it's like itchy,
you know.

Speaker 3 (35:36):
No, I completely agree.

Speaker 5 (35:38):
I think even for us in this space, not that
we were like particularly very lost, but as we begin
to talk honestly about who we were and publicly and
have to kind of own up to it and be vulnerable,
like that authenticity really contributed to our ability to manifest

(36:02):
because I truly believe that, like the universe works in
your favor when you're walking in your purpose, and you
can only walk in your purpose with you when you're
comfortable with who you are and you know, and like
even for you being in Kansas City, Missouri, like we're
in LA you know, like the hippiest place of all time,

(36:22):
but I often think about.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
The hippiest, plastickest place of all time.

Speaker 2 (36:27):
I'm like, I don't know if I like really think
full hippie when I think.

Speaker 5 (36:31):
Well, I think I think people are more free thinking.
I think we live in a place that is more
accepting of that. But if we lived in you know,
Middle America or the Midwest, she you know, she might
go to the town hall and they're like, there's the witch.

Speaker 4 (36:47):
You know. I mean, I don't know if it's like that,
but yeah, it is like in I lived in New
York for a few years, and being in New York
was so freeing because it was like, oh wow, Like
if I told people, oh, I'm a psychic, which I
don't even really identify as a say, I would call
myself like a intuitive or something like that. But if
I said it, nobody linkedny It didn't matter. Like everybody
could be as different as they wanted to, and you

(37:08):
could throw the kitchen sink atty, like you could be
literally everything anything, and no one cared. Like it was
like cool, like that's fine here. Like you know, kans
City is a little bit more progressive within the city,
but not much. And you know, once my other friends
they all know what I do and they're totally chill
with it. But if I were to go to you know,
like my mom's church or something like that, it's like

(37:29):
it is, I will say, harder to be who you
are because of the push of conformity, not to mention
like you know, like it's really white out here. So
there's that, you know, Like I was just talking to
my husband about that, where like we went down to Arkansas,
went to Eureka Springs, and I was like, Wow, there's
like a lot of black people in the country here,

(37:49):
like shocking to me like that in Arkansas that there
are loads of black people in the country and up
here it's like something happened in Missouri where like all
of the black people went to Kansas City St. Louis,
like they just like fled. And so he's like, I
wonder what happened in Missouri to make it like that.
But there's a type of racism that exists here in
this space. And I remember thinking when I had to

(38:11):
come back, like there was you know, we had COVID obviously,
and then I was on my way to moving to
Paris and my visa got rejected last minute after I
let go of my apartment in New York, and I
was like, oh my god, no, like I have to
go back to Kansas City. And I remember talking to
my guides, like I have this like process of talking
to my GUIDs and my head and the messages that
I get whatever, and I was like, why do I

(38:31):
need to be here? Like, oh this is this sucks,
Like I'm not gonna be able to be myself. I'm
not going to be this da da da. And I
got this wisdom that came through so strong that was like,
you still need to learn how to be yourself. So
we're going to put you in a place where it's
going to be harder for you to be yourself so
that when you fully claim who you are exactly to
not be a shamed to like really like and also

(38:53):
because we need a light there, we need someone to
give people permission to be themselves there. And you're going
to be a disruptor. And I was like that did
not sign up for that package this year, you like,
I don't want to be the disruptor. But it became
it became true. You wouldn't believe how many people I
had dm me that for my past from my Christian
school that I went to. I'm like, I listened to

(39:13):
your podcast, like secretly, like I listened to your podcast
and I'm like, really, what do you think? It's really
opening my eyes to a lot of different things. Oh cool,
that's awesome, you know, and had no idea, like I
didn't even I didn't push it on hint them. I
wasn't like in their face like this is who I am.
I just became who I was meant to become. And
in that you find that people will be attracted to

(39:35):
your message because they're looking for that for themselves.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
M No, it's true, it's true.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
And I'm thinking about what you said too, about like
the name of your show, like saying being spiritual shit,
and how that can be a nerving for certain people
that you know are maybe religious or haven't even begun
to kind of decode what their belief system is. And
I think about me and me, let we do retreats

(40:02):
and we've had a few women come on, come to
the come on to the retreat who A never listened
to our show, so they had no idea what they
were what the fuck they were getting into and b
are religious and so they show up and they're like,
hold up.

Speaker 3 (40:17):
What the fuck are we doing out here?

Speaker 1 (40:18):
What is self worship?

Speaker 4 (40:20):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (40:20):
Whoa?

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Whoa? Whoa? Self worship?

Speaker 2 (40:22):
Like that the word just the words like spiritual means
that you are not like you don't love God, you
like love other. And then like self devotion meant like
you are seeking, You're not You're not seeking outwardly, You're
seeking inwardly, which for some reason is demonic or in
some capacity. And then even the word manifesting, and you know,

(40:44):
this month we're really focusing on the law of attraction
and what that means in so many different ways and spaces,
and even that word can be triggering, like.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
What you're doing some witchcraft over here? Like what is
what is this man.

Speaker 4 (41:00):
In the butt and the blood and body of Christ
is witchcraft?

Speaker 5 (41:03):
No shit?

Speaker 3 (41:04):
I was like, why am I drinking his blood and
his body? This?

Speaker 5 (41:09):
I've seen the craft and this seems a little on
the dark side. Listen, you couldn't get that shit past me.
I was like, yell, are all witches?

Speaker 4 (41:17):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (41:19):
But I was listening to something that you said, and
you said that manifesting is a sign of healing, like
that you are, that you're you're healing, and I love
that concept. Can you explain that a little bit more
for our listeners.

Speaker 4 (41:33):
Yeah. So I've been on this journey and manifestation is
something that's really interesting to me because the more and
more I grow and the more I mature, the more
I find out about what I didn't know, and so
in manifestation, it started off with the law of attraction,
right like we all watched The Secret. I'm sure that
the first wave of us anyway, and I remember watching

(41:53):
that and being like, you know, it's like you can
get anything you want with your mind and like being
positive and like all that stuff, which is great. But
at some point I was like, why isn't it working
for me? Like why I'm doing all the steps, I'm
doing all the things, you know whatever. And I started
to recognize that the things that I was asking for
in my life required a level of healing to open

(42:16):
myself up to allow them to come in. For me,
it was a partner. It was like the change in
my financial status. My job at the time, I was
a wedding photographer, and so every weekend I was going
seeing people fall in love and I'm like, why am
I in this brooken relationship? Why do I have this?
Why do I have that? And I started to think
about it and a lot, and in twenty twenty, I

(42:38):
went on this like eat, pray love kind of deal.
Like I wentent to Bali and like was there for
you know, two months, and I was like, I'm going
to you know, come here to heal and figure out
my shit and figure out why I am unable to
manifest a partner. And so there was this this this
vision that came to me while I was there, that
was telling me about my childhood and how I learn

(43:00):
that I can't depend on other people. And when I
was in that vision, I was like seeing myself as
a nine year old asking my parents for money for
gymnastics class that I wanted to go to and them
saying they didn't have it, and at some point I
had to be kicked out of the gymnastics class because
we didn't for non payment or whatever. And I thought
to myself, I'll never rely on my parents again for

(43:21):
the things that I need because when it hurts them,
it burdens them, it makes them sad that they can't
give me what I want. So it's better for me
not to want. And if I do want, I must
give it to myself. And so I had this vision
in this breakdown and this download of like, wow, like
I am this hyper vigilant, very masculine woman because I
have so like I'm blocking so much about allowing someone

(43:46):
else to come in my life and contribute. I must
do it myself. And so it's this learned behavior of
like I can't let anybody in because at some point
someone's going to take something away from me if they're
contributing that thing to my life. So here I am
looking for a partner that very thing, and like I
can't let anybody in because I have to do everything myself.
So in that I had the awareness around what it

(44:12):
was so I could be freed from it. And I
think that manifestation is not about like seeking things out
of the catalog of the universe like they tell us, like,
it's not about money, it's about manifesting the healing that
we need so we can be freed from it. And so,
for instance, if you need basic needs, obviously those you
can't focus on your spirituality and your connection and all

(44:32):
that stuff. If you need food, you know what I mean,
Like that it's not available to you, like your mindset's
not there. And so the process of us starting to
look at areas in our life where we're healing, Like
I think that the manifestation is showing us what we're healing.
We start to get those things once we look into
the shadow work or whatever you want to call it,
where it's like, oh wow, Like I really do have

(44:53):
a hard time with abundance. I have a hard time
with money, Like I can't change my shopping habits because
I remain broke here, so I can't have abundance here,
you know. And to ticket one step deeper. This might
be a bit controversial on spiritual communities, but I don't
think law of attraction is a law. I just don't.
It doesn't work all the time, it doesn't work the

(45:14):
same all the time. We have contracts and karma and
relationships and things that we're meant to learn, And when
you call it a law, it almost gaslights people when
they're trying to do what it is that they need
to do and they can't get the result that they want.
We don't look at layers of access, cultural stipulations. We
don't look at like tell people in third world poverty

(45:35):
like they just weren't positive enough, you know what I mean.
So it's more of a principle of attraction, which does
work most of the time kind of, but it's to me,
the aspect of that is to help us heal. It's like,
if I want this house, then that means I have
to get my finances together and I have this really
core wound about not having enough enough money, so it's

(45:59):
pointing at something that I need to healing with, right,
And so it's causing us to do this kind of
like want up all the time of these desires that
we're trying to call into our life so we can
bring ourselves to a higher consciousness.

Speaker 5 (46:15):
It's crazy because I've always considered myself spiritual and like
open minded. And I remember watching The Law of Attraction
like a few years ago and making vision boards and
having visions and visualizing things. And in this in the
movie or the book, they suggest starting with something small,

(46:39):
and I thought, I want to manifest attract a peacock feather.
And I thought that wasn't super like common, but easy enough.
But as soon as I said it, I never saw it,
and I was like, what the fuck. But recently I

(47:02):
was in the dollar store with Orlando, with my partner,
and we were in the line and there's packs of
peacock feathers.

Speaker 3 (47:11):
And I said, there goes that fucking feather, you know.

Speaker 5 (47:18):
And I feel different than I felt when I started
the process of the Law of attraction. But I started
to choose healing, not really connecting it with my ability
to manifest, but just subconsciously through our podcast and started
to really hone in on my powers as I saw

(47:38):
things to aligne. But when you say this about the healing,
it's so true. You know, a couple of things that
you said stood out to me just about like childhood
defense mechanisms. I woke up really early this morning for
no fucking reason, and so I started listening to meditations
in my phone and I found I saw a hypnosis

(48:01):
like therapists two years ago, and I found our session,
so for some reason, I just started playing it and
I was talking about this relationship I was in with
this really nice guy, a nice man, I said, but
I keep cheating on him, And the man says, I'm
just here to listen to you. I'm not really giving
you my opinion, but you're blaming yourself for qualities that

(48:26):
you've created to as a defense mechanism in your childhood.
And it's true, like I've seen a lot of infidelity
growing up in my like my parents' marriage. And you know,
I didn't really realize what he was saying to me then,
but even to you saying like I'm super sensitive to noise,

(48:46):
like it really irritates me, and but like not equating
that to like defense mechanism. As a child, even I'm
really sensitive to people's energy if they're off, if they
don't seem happy, or if they don't seem like right,
I get really overly invested in it, like is that
person okay?

Speaker 3 (48:59):
Are you okay?

Speaker 5 (49:00):
And that's also a developed defense mechanism, needing and wanting
attention that maybe I wasn't getting or you know, just
being overly invested in how everybody else was feeling. But
I never really put the two together about like the
ability to manifest and your healing journey really making it

(49:21):
the like the opening up that road to manifesting. But
now it makes so much sense that we've done all
this work on ourselves, you know, not really like we
were choosing to grow, but we were like we're going
to go on a healing journey. We're just like we're
going to start a podcast that ended up healing us.
It's healing us. And I mean all that to say,
I finally saw the fucking peacock feather.

Speaker 4 (49:45):
But you know what's really beautiful about that is that, like,
to me, like in that manifestation process, we're manifesting what
we need to be freed from. So for myself, like
for whatever reason, a partner was super important to me,
like a really well grounded someone, like someone to do
life with. Like I'm just that I'm a cancer, Okay, So.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
I got very meant was.

Speaker 4 (50:11):
So that was really important to me. I know. So
I'll tell you this story, and this is really crazy,
but when I was in Bali and I was on
that journey, I was like I was very committed to
like being very honest with myself, and I was very
committed to saying like if there is going to be
if there's going to be someone that comes into my life,
then I need to know that I'm ready for that

(50:32):
type of person that I'm asking for. So what does
it mean to ask like to work on myself in
seriousness and say I'm okay with being single until like
it's the right time, not because I'm feeling desperate, not
because I'm wanting to fill a void, but because I
feel whole by myself. And so I had this kind
of had a healing session with a girl named Holly Laurel.

(50:54):
She's actually based out of la and and in that
like reiki healing session be she left. I had a
dream and in the dream, I was I was sitting
on the steps of like a monument and I was
there with my sisters, Like so I like my gifts.
They come through in dreams a lot. And I saw
a group of black men, eight of them marching, and
there was one guy in the front that really stood out.

(51:16):
And they came up the stairs and the guy comes
straight to me and says, are you single? And I
was like, well, I get out of here, like what
do you want? Why are you bothering me? You know,
like whatever in the dream, and he's like, come inside
with me. So we go inside of this monument building
and inside it looks like this beautiful French or Victorian
kind of like palace or something. And we start doing
this like Bridgerton esque type dance, right We're in like

(51:37):
Jordan's and hoodies and whatnot. And and so we finished
the dance and he was like, would you like to
come with me to the back room. And I'm like
m hm, I know what happens there, you know, like
I all the skepticism and I'm really like bothered by
this person like being around. And so when we get
to the back of the room. In the dream, he says,
do you want to have sex? And I'm like, see,
I knew it. I knew that you were just blah

(51:58):
blah blah blah blah blah blah and and mind you.
In the healing session that I had, she was telling
me about some past lives that I've had and how
like men only wanted me for sex and that's kind
of like some of my karma here and whatever, and
that's like it's a long story. But in the dream,
so he has to. He asked if you want to
have sex? And I was like, get out of here.
I don't want da da. He says, wait, I'm not finished.
Do you want to have sex or do you want

(52:21):
your equal and capable partner? And I was like whoa,
because at this point in my life, I was so
tired of like, you know, empty sexual contact and like
having these relationships with the promise of something and then
them ghosting me or whatever. And I said, I want
my equal and capable partner. And he said, then wait

(52:41):
for me. Wait for me, like, don't just be out
with these people or whatever. Wait for me. And so
I woke up from that dream. It was February twenty
second too to two, and I said, okay, okay, I'm
gonna wait for homie to come into my life. Six
months later, George Floyd happens and all this stuff goes

(53:03):
down and there's protests going on outside of my apartment,
and I got on Bumble, not to date, but to
check on black men. And I got on there to
see how they were doing because I know the type
of work that I do. I know our communities. I
know that we don't seek therapy the way that we should,
and with religion and all the stuff that we all taught,
we y'all know, Like I wanted to see how they
were doing because us watching that over and over in

(53:25):
the news and the way that it was, it's traumatic.
It's so traumatic, like anytime it was like black issues,
it's always black trauma. And I was like, this, this sucks.
This sucks. So I just went on there to talk.
And so David was one of the first people that
came through, and I said, how's your heart, King, how
are you doing? And that for him was like nobody

(53:47):
ever asked how my heart's doing, Like what's going on,
you know? And he's like, I want to meet you.
Let's go get a coffee, and I said, I won't
meet you until you leave me a voice note first,
because I told you my gift is Claire audience, so
I can tell from your voice whether or not you're
bullshit or not. So he left a voice no, and
I was like, Okay, he's cool. He sounds cool. So
I go to meet him and when I see him
in person, I didn't notice in all the pictures. When

(54:07):
I see him in person, it's the guy from the
fucking dream. Like the hands were the same. I remember
the hands because of the Bridger can dance and I
kidch you not. And like when he said it, he said,
he said, so I see your cancer too, And I
was like, you're cancer and he's like, yeah, when's your birthday?
He's like July nineteenth, and I'm like I'm July eighteenth,
what you know. Like we were like oh my god,

(54:29):
and I knew, like I knew right then and there,
like Okay, that's this is the person. This is the
one that I'm calling into my life. It was through
that that healing process journey that I was able to
be freed from that desire. I was like, okay, Like
when we are looking to manifest stuff. A lot of
times we're in that urgency space. We're asking out of scarcity.

(54:49):
For instance, if your rent is due and you don't
have the money, I need to manifest money now. And
that energy, to me often offers more resistance because we're
in that need space and for whatever reason, and I
don't know how it works, but the energy it blocks
that because it says I'm without this thing right now,
and whatever frequency I'm on is what I'm attracting. At
least that's a call it according to the principal attraction.

(55:10):
And so when I was whole and I was like, okay, cool,
I don't need anyone. I got my little apartment. I'm cool,
I'm chilling. I'm just here to talk, he walks into
my life like as promised. And if I think, if
we looked at a lot of our manifestations is like
like true manifestations, not the inauthentic desires that are pressed
on us, like oh I need to have these nikes

(55:30):
or a yacht or whatever, because society says so like
our true authentic desires, at some point we're meant to
have them, but we're on some kind of timeline often
and that timeline to me is what kind of strangulates,
like what it is that we're trying to bring into
our life because we're in a hurry to get it.
And when he said wait for me, and I was like,
all right, I'm good. He told me in the dream

(55:52):
he's coming, I can chill. It was it made it
super easy and so like clear when he did come
into my life, this is the person. There was no question.
And so I'll tell you one more story to take
it to a step further. I never thought of myself
of being a mom. I have fibroids, enemytriosis, the gamut
of hormonal issues, you name it. So doctors always told

(56:13):
me that I would have fertility problems. So when I
met David six weeks into our dating, He's like, I
think you want to have kids. He's already got two kids.
And I'm like, oh, you know, we know we're our
soulmates and whatnot, but like let me think on it.

Speaker 1 (56:26):
And that's early. It was like a month and a half,
a month.

Speaker 5 (56:28):
And a half early next week said you knew it
was your soulmate and he knew too.

Speaker 4 (56:32):
He knew too, Like it was just it was so easy.
It was like within like three or four days, we
were like, okay, like I see where this is going.
I dated enough. We had both gotten out of bad marriages,
like we just knew, and so there was this moment
we had this discussion where I was like, you ever
thought about what you name your kid? And you know,
da da da, And I'm like, no, I don't really

(56:53):
let myself think about that stuff because I don't know
if I can have kids. And he's like, I think
I would name like my child Cairo, and I'm like,
shut up, because I have all this like past life
stuff with Cairo, like all this connection with Egypt. If
you look at my necklace right now, I'm wearing this
like scaab blue scaup thing that I got made like
very into Egypt. And I was like, okay, this is

(57:13):
super weird. So I told him I guess I'm just
looking for a sign like to like no, if this
is the thing that I want or not. And when
I said that, thirty seconds later, I'm scrolling on Instagram,
Tiamorori's profile comes up and she says something like TBT
to our fifth year anniversary. We renew our vows every year.
Blah blah blah, blah. We didn't on our tenth because

(57:35):
I was way pregnant with Cairo and I had just
asked for the sign shit, and so I was like,
oh my god. So I threw my phone and he
was like, you gotta trust that. You tell all your
followers to trust the signs and trust this and manifesting
and blah blah blah. And I was like, were you right. Okay,
well we'll try for one month, just one month, and

(57:57):
if it doesn't work, I don't want to hear about
it ever again. I don't want to get my hopes up.
I don't want to, you know, like just let it
die and first try got pregnant. So my daughter's name
is kiro Veda and color Veda. But like she came
in like a bullet, and it was just like wow,
Like these are like the things that I had been
asking for for years of my life. I got the home,

(58:20):
the partner, the baby, the job within six months during
a pandemic, when it was the most impossible time, because
at some point I had let it go, I had
let myself be freed from the desire of it, and
it just came rushing to me.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
I think of the word like surrender. You kind of
have to surrender to the whole the process. And like
I do think about manifesting and like you know, manifesting
people want to manifest yachts and manifest money quick when
their bank accounts are empty and and there's a level
of this scarcity mentality. I even think about myself in

(58:55):
ways because I was telling I was telling Mela, I
was like, I have to heal my money wounds because
I have money wounds myself where I'm all always kind
of just like money's always come to me easily in ways,
like when I'm on my last dollar, I'll get a
check in the mail.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
I'll be like, oh shit, Okay. However, I still I
still have issues.

Speaker 2 (59:11):
Around believing that I won't that I will have financial
independence in a way that or I don't have to
think about money anymore.

Speaker 1 (59:21):
And I think one of.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
The reasons and things that I that it came from
is a moment with my mom where I asked her
for some money and she said she didn't have it,
and I remember being like, oh my god, like what
this is weird? Like are we okay? Like do are
we gonna have to move? Like I just spiraled in
that moment as a child. And it's so funny because
my mom is very uh, she's not she has no

(59:47):
scarcity mentality really in her. So she didn't necessarily I
didn't get that from her per se, but just those words,
it had this imprint in my in my like little
child's DNA and it's it's and it's manifested as an adult.
And I've seen how I've continued to kind of live

(01:00:08):
in this space of like having just enough to do
the things that I want. And so I've been talking
to I've been talking to myself really and saying, like,
how do I heal these wounds? Because I have so
much that I'm doing and so many things that I
know are are generating income and that are going to
give me and bless me in abundance. And I'm always
trying to invite in an abundance, but I know that
there's this wound that has to heal in order for

(01:00:31):
me to really be ready to invite in that abundance,
like not be fearful of when it comes and not
being prepared and not knowing how to balance everything and
not spending it all because there's that too.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
I'm not I'm also not great with money. Once I
get it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:45):
Don't say it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:47):
I shouldn't say it, but it's it's it's historically been
a fact in my life that I have to acknowledge
in order to heal.

Speaker 4 (01:00:54):
Awareness though, That's a really important portion of the healing process,
is the awareness and the willness to be honest with
yourself in that like I real, recognize, real, I understand
that struggles so well. And it's like, all of a sudden,
it was like I had all this financial abundance when
I was used to being really broke for a long time,
and they don't teach financial like wherewithal in school or

(01:01:16):
anything like that. It's like, I don't how do I
do these taxes? How do I do that? You know whatever?
And you just don't know what you don't know until
you do, until you do.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
And then you do know and believing that you can
do it. Even right now, I'm in the process of
like exactly a new car. I'm figuring this out, and
I was I was so overwhelmed at first, like I
don't know anything about cars, Like how the fuck do
I do this? And I'm like, at my thirty five
year old age, I don't know how to do this shit,
like what the fuck is wrong with me? And then
over the last few days, I'm like, Okay, things are

(01:01:42):
starting to make sense.

Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
I can do.

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
This, And I've been talking positively to myself in the car,
like today they had a hiccup with the situation, and
I was like, it's gonna work out. It's gonna be fine,
and we're gonna figure this out too. You're not gonna
spiral like you normally do. It's gonna be okay. I also,
I also was thinking about just how when we want
things but necessary, they're not necessarily aligned for where we

(01:02:07):
are in our life, in our healing.

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
Journey, and just in general.

Speaker 2 (01:02:11):
And like I've heard you talk about how there's seasons
in manifesting, Yes, And I never looked at it that way,
And I couldn't agree more with you, Like there's certain seasons.
First of all, you can't ask for everything at once, yeah,
and then also the seasons. Can you can you talk
to us a little bit about the seasons of manifesting?

Speaker 4 (01:02:31):
Yeah? I think you know, just in our world, we're
used to everything being really fast, like instant gratification, microwave culture,
you know, and with that we think that manifestations are
not working because they're taking a long time. And I
don't think that we're.

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
Huh, I said, hence the peacock feather.

Speaker 4 (01:02:54):
I just you know, so I don't think that we're
meant to, like you said, manifest everything all at once.
And the surrender process to me is like knowing summer
is coming, but it's wintertime and you're wishing for it
to be warm right now, but having to wait until
it's actually summer. So it's like it's not that summer
doesn't exist, it's just it's it happens during summer, so

(01:03:16):
you have to wait until that happens. Our society is
just like I mean, we're raised on capitalism, so it's consumed, consume, consume.
Things need to happen. We're looking forward to something, projects
and so on, and we get addicted to that constant
stimuli over and over and over that things should be happening,
things should be moving, there should be progress always, and
like a flower doesn't do that, flower doesn't bloom you round,

(01:03:40):
so like nature doesn't bloom year round, animals don't pro
create year round. Like why do we think that in
our lives that we must approach it? And push forward
always like it's it's constant striving, it's tiresome. And so
when I learn that it was this like it was
almost like free you know, to like go okay, like

(01:04:01):
what does it look like to observe what it is
that I do have? How do I make what I
have the life that I want? And to me, when
I started to become more content, started to surrender, started
to come into a place where it's like, wow, like
look at my life, like the last five years, what
I've manifested right like it means I'm super good at manifesting,

(01:04:23):
but I'm not supposed to like have it all happen
all the time. And so in that it gave me
some space to breathe that like, Okay, well this is
my life right now. Can I enjoy what I've manifested
so far? That to me energetically in the frequency produces
more gratitude, And when we have more gratitude, we end
up becoming more of a vibrational match for what it
is that we're attracting into our life. And so like

(01:04:46):
that like I had when I was in Bali, I
was like, oh wow, like I've afforded myself this experience
I'm here, I'm doing you know this and whatever to
helm myself, and I became into a place where I
was I felt content where I was at, and it
was a not to have the partner or the house
or know what was going to happen next. And then
COVID happened. At the time, I was a wedding photographer

(01:05:08):
and suddenly I was out of a job, like completely.
So I had started my podcast a year before, but
it wasn't doing what it's doing now, and I was like,
oh my gosh, like I'm out of income. It came
to the point where I had to face that wound
of not asking someone for something, like I had to
ask friends for money and I never had to do
like not never had to. I just never would do

(01:05:29):
that in my life. I would sell pictures of my
feet online before I would ask anybody what for money,
Like it was just like an anxiety for me that
like I didn't want to have to need. And so
in that moment, I had some friends that had already
said like, Hey, we know you're going down there. If
anything happens, let us know, We'll send you some money.
You'll be okay, And I was like, that's weird like
that they had offered that, but then it was in

(01:05:51):
my back pocket when I had the surprise expense and
everything got taken out of my account and I was
in Bali with nothing, and like I had to It
took me three days to draft the email and send
it to ask for the money. Now, these people that
I'm talking about are good friends of mine and they're millionaires.
Like what I was asking, five hundred dollars one thousand
dollars wouldn't have been anything to them, especially in Bali.

(01:06:13):
But to have to ask, to have to need that,
like it was such a big burden for me.

Speaker 2 (01:06:21):
And it's like the ask and also them knowing that
you need it. The ask, Yeah, it's embarrassing.

Speaker 5 (01:06:27):
You haven't done what you're supposed to do the fact
that you can't somebody closer to you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:33):
Now you're exposed.

Speaker 2 (01:06:34):
Even though your friends know you're not a millionaire.

Speaker 3 (01:06:36):
Now they really know.

Speaker 4 (01:06:39):
But it's vulnerability, right, It's vulnerability, And it's like to
be able to ask, Like I mean, I know, I
know people ask me for stuff all the time, and
it's like that for the people that I loved in
my life, I'm happy to show up for them. I'm
happy to give to them. Why do I not feel
worthy of someone doing that for me?

Speaker 5 (01:06:57):
It's also the fear that someone can tell you now, oh,
and you're like, well being is in the hands of
somebody else, and then like the disappointment for me, it's like, yeah,
I'm gonna be disappointed if someone I think I'm so
close to that, I feel like it's in the position
to maybe do it, and they don't.

Speaker 3 (01:07:16):
And you know, cancers don't forget shit.

Speaker 4 (01:07:18):
Yea never never.

Speaker 3 (01:07:22):
It's it's scary even thinking.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
I was thinking about what you were talking about gratitude
and how it's linked to I guess, deciding what it
is you do and don't manifest. I think about like
how gratitude is such a key component to manifesting, because
once you really have more gratitude and compassion for yourself,
your asks change, Like the things that you might have wanted,

(01:07:49):
they you're like, I don't really need to put my
energy into that because A, it's probably not realistic at
this time, right in this moment.

Speaker 1 (01:07:56):
And we talked about.

Speaker 2 (01:07:57):
Realistic and how like realistic can also be kind of
a negative, like it's kind of negative, a negative thought
when someone says, Oh, I'm just being realistic.

Speaker 1 (01:08:05):
You know.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
It can kind of have this negative connotation, which I
do agree around it, But I think when you live
in gratitude and and honestly that can be the most
challenging part of just being human, and especially in this
day and age, because there's so much there's so much
exposure to what everyone else is doing and everyone else has,
and so there's a lot of comparing happening.

Speaker 1 (01:08:29):
But I think that.

Speaker 2 (01:08:30):
I've even noticed how my manifesting has the things that
I'm asking for as I've tapped more into my gratitude change,
Like I don't actually want that, no, thanks, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08:40):
Or I can wait for that.

Speaker 2 (01:08:42):
I actually want this more instead because I'm grateful for
what I have right in this moment, right now.

Speaker 4 (01:08:47):
Yeah. There's a there's a phrase that I love that
I say to myself, and it says, I'm kidding myself
to think I know what's best for my life. And
it's a weird phrase, right because at first it sounds negative,
But the way that I interpret that is that like,
I really don't know what's going to make me happy
until I experienced it, and until then I will base

(01:09:11):
my asks off of a past version of myself of
what I thought made me happy. So if the universe
is trying to level me up, then I might not
know what to ask for if I'm not in a
grounded space where I'm grateful with what I have, So
I will continue to ask for things and then continue
to get them, but may not give me the feeling
I was expecting or the satiation I was hoping for,

(01:09:34):
and continue to run after the next thing because I'm
not satiated. I haven't gotten to that space of gratitude.
So it's it's interesting, Like, for instance, you said, like
the ask becomes different. That's so true. You know, at
first it was like a you know, a bigger house,
it was this, it was that, and you know, upon
becoming a mom and like upon like really digging into

(01:09:55):
this type of work, the things that I used to
want are like that's stupid, Like that would never made
me happy, how you know, Like it's it's like that
you have this like just a leap almost of change
and what you may have asked for You ever asked
for something and been glad you didn't get it that
one guy girl whoever? You know, like it's like, ooh,

(01:10:16):
thank god, thank you, Like it's just it's it's it's something.
So for instance, I when the house that I'm living
in I had to dream about. This is like any
other story, but we were in the process of buying
this other house that I thought for sure was like
the one. But I remember thinking like, yeah, it doesn't
have the red roof on it like my dream did.

(01:10:39):
But like we're gonna like push through and get this house,
like we want to get the house. I want to
I'm pregnant, like you know, like we're trying to nest
and stuff like that. I really want to get this house.
And it was one thing after another that ended up
coming up, like the sewage pipe was broken. There was
you know, all kinds of stuff. And I was like,
all right, I know that I'm I asked for this house.
I know that we've done all the process to get here,

(01:11:00):
but I'm getting the feeling my intuition is telling me
like this is not it. This is not the house.
And even though my partner was like, what do you
what do you mean? Like we looked at like a
thousand house like this is it. The market's crazy right now,
I said, I gotta let this one go. I have
to let it go, because like something in my internal
spirit was saying this, how this is. You're not going

(01:11:21):
to be happy here. This is not even though everything
matches close to what it is that you've been asking for,
it's not quite it. And so I said, Okay, we
gotta let it go. And in that moment, I felt
this kind of like devastation, like oh, like now we
have to start the whole process all over again, like
maybe we won't get a house at all, Like did
I put us in a worse position? YadA YadA. And

(01:11:44):
it was that day that we let the house go
that this house came on the market and it had
the red roof, just like I had dreamed about, And
so I didn't even need to like come into the
house to like no. But when we came to see
the house, the owner happened to be here, and which
is weird, Like this is very rare that the owner
is in the house when you go see it, like
a realtor whatever. So we went and we end up

(01:12:05):
talking to him for a while. Here I am pregnant,
we got two step kids with us, you know, like
we're talking to him about this family and like, oh,
it's perfect for our family, and when it was finally
time to put down an offer, we had offered maybe
ten thousand or twenty thousand under asking price, and then
here's these investors coming in with like forty fifty thousand
dollars over asking price, and they said, we want to
give it to that family, and I was just like,

(01:12:28):
oh my god, Like I didn't know that this was
on the other side of what it was that I
was asking for. And if I continue to push through
instead of like trust my gut to like say, you know,
I'm kidding to know if like this is you know,
if this is going to be best for our family,
I really need to like to take a second and

(01:12:48):
just trust, Like I need to come back to myself
and just trust, like what's meant for me, you won't miss me.
And if I'm not in a scarcity space trying to
like fill a void, I won't settle for something that
the universe didn't have for me in the first place.

Speaker 3 (01:13:06):
Definitely, I can.

Speaker 5 (01:13:09):
I understand that when you're in the scarcity mindset, it's
hard to trust spirit when you're desperate, especially like as
a mom or a woman, we have been taught a
lot to like rely on men outside things that are
supposed to save us.

Speaker 3 (01:13:25):
You know, that's been a big thing for me.

Speaker 5 (01:13:26):
Like I thought I was gonna be saved, but spirit
showed me many times the sugar Daddy is not coming.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
Not manifesting, is not working.

Speaker 3 (01:13:36):
I was like, God, I look good. What the fuck
all these other bitches have.

Speaker 2 (01:13:42):
Shown because you know what if that, if that sugar
Daddy showed up, there'd.

Speaker 1 (01:13:46):
Be no healing taking place.

Speaker 2 (01:13:48):
I know, I'd have no reason to heal, and you'd
be just a sad, lowly bitch.

Speaker 3 (01:13:54):
It's true.

Speaker 5 (01:13:54):
And like even like two years ago, I was in
a really fucked up position. I was staying with someone
I really want to be staying there.

Speaker 3 (01:14:01):
I have a daughter.

Speaker 5 (01:14:02):
I had like asked people. I really didn't want to
ask for anything. I think I asked my baby daddy
to like co sign for me, and he was like,
I'd rather help a stranger.

Speaker 3 (01:14:11):
I asked my grandmother.

Speaker 5 (01:14:12):
She agreed, and like the very last second, renigged to
co sign. Granted, she's fucking like eighty years old. I
don't know where her credit she needed it to go.
But I was desperate and I was like at an
all time low, and I was and I remember her
telling me. She was like, God bless the child that

(01:14:35):
has their own.

Speaker 1 (01:14:36):
That's what your grandma said to you.

Speaker 3 (01:14:37):
Yes, dang, And I was like, what the fuck? God,
do you hate me?

Speaker 2 (01:14:45):
But I was all the spiritual shit working against me,
but yeah, I.

Speaker 3 (01:14:49):
Was like, it's because I don't believe in Jesus.

Speaker 5 (01:14:53):
But at the like my deepest soul, I was like,
something is going to work because I can't be in
this position. And granted I figured it out by myself,
and for that I'm grateful, because where I wanted to
move is not really where I wanted to be. I
just wanted to be out of the situation that I
was in. But now I need to move again. And

(01:15:14):
I felt this fear start to come up in my
body again, and I had to tell myself, like last night,
like you're not in that same place, You're not that
same person, and you see how it worked out for you, right,
Like stop with that fear, and like sometimes when you're
used to being in scarcity and like we were talking about,

(01:15:35):
like the reality is bitches could be homeless, but like
I'm not bitchous, and just to shift my mindset and
to welcome the unknown and to know and to trust
the situation. And it's like it reminds me a lot
of like even in our journey, we didn't have an
expectation for this podcast. It's been like let's I need

(01:15:57):
a friend, let's start talking. It's it's just like the
alignment though, the little signs of alignment that have come
through and the process that kind of.

Speaker 3 (01:16:07):
Let me know like it's okay.

Speaker 5 (01:16:09):
And it's like the smallest shit, like I want this
person to be on our show, and then we walk
in somewhere and that person's right there.

Speaker 4 (01:16:15):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:16:16):
I'm like, and it's small and it's not like a
yah or a house.

Speaker 5 (01:16:20):
But those were the moments where I started to realize
my powers were getting stronger and our powers together were
really strong. And I think people miss that, like you know,
that dream you had about your husband, or the fact
that you scrolled and then Tiamari's and her pregnant Cairo,
you know what I mean, Like those are the things
that people miss, but those are also the indications that

(01:16:43):
you're what you're asking for is not being unheard. And
it's like getting in the car and then you have
a thought and it's one eleven and you're like Okay,
the spirit is telling you to sit tight and not
to trip.

Speaker 3 (01:16:56):
You know.

Speaker 5 (01:16:56):
It's even like I'm big on like songs or billboards
of I'm having a thought or a question and I
seek outwards and there's a song that's answering all my questions.
This is like twelve year old Jumila, but it's true,
like people forget to to just look for the little
signs and the alignments that let you know that your
manifestations are working and your you know, your dreams, your

(01:17:19):
wishes or your prayers.

Speaker 2 (01:17:21):
Yeah, oh amen, let the say, well, Alia, I have
a question, or it's not only a question, it's it's
something we do on our show. We usually ask our
guests to share an affirmation. So I wanted to know
if you have an affirmation that you know that helps

(01:17:41):
you day to day or one that you know is
on your heart recently that you could share with our audience.

Speaker 4 (01:17:47):
Yeah. The one that is coming to mind first is
I am safe. I am And that's been really important
for me lately. I'm someone who's you know, because of
the extra sense in the like connectedness to like all
of that stuff. I'm a highly anxious person and like
I think also on the spectrum. But there's like a

(01:18:09):
lot of like just things I'm hyper sensitive to that
causes me to feel unsafe. And so when I really
tap in, really connect with myself with my energy, you know,
even the external energies that work with me, like, it's
like okay, Like I'm safe. And what does that mean
to me? It means more than just like physical safety.

(01:18:32):
It means like spiritual safety. It means I'm protected, I'm loved,
I'm cared for that in this moment in time where
all my fears are coming up and rushing to the surface,
I'm still safe. And so for instance, I'm having some
like major wounding if you will, come into the surface
around money specifically, and the world has come in in

(01:18:56):
such a unique way to show me, Hey, remember this.
Remember we were working on this and you got super comfortable.
We're going to work on this to another level. Oh
yay me. There's a type of anxiety that comes with
financial stress. There's a type of anxiety that comes with
relational stress that comes with you know, shelter basic type
of stress. And in that I come back to myself

(01:19:19):
and say I'm safe, Like this is a scary you know,
to confront because of my wounding. Like somebody else might
look at it and go, oh, that's not a big deal.
It's like, no, no, I'm about to have a panic attack.
You know I'm coming for me. But in that moment,
it's like I at least have my partner, I have
my home, I have my daughter, like we're not in

(01:19:41):
any imminent danger. Like I start to recount all the
things that mean safety to me personally, and it brings
me in a very calming space to be able to
confront that issue that I'm having in that moment, to
ask even ask myself the question what am I afraid of?
In this moment? What am I afraid of? What are
my highest fears? Are these realistic fears or these like

(01:20:02):
my trauma reacting to certain wounding, like in like my
inner child even acting out, it's telling me I'm not safe,
And so it puts me in this like almost like
a talk therapy situation. Okay, what are you afraid of? Well,
I'm afraid of X. Okay in this moment right now?
Are you safe even though we're afraid of X? Yes,
I am okay. And it's a way to talk myself

(01:20:24):
off the cliff and I love.

Speaker 1 (01:20:25):
That I am safe. I am safe.

Speaker 5 (01:20:30):
We're going to be best friends after this because I
feel like we have You don't know it yet, but.

Speaker 4 (01:20:36):
Come now, come and see us.

Speaker 1 (01:20:38):
I know comes to La.

Speaker 3 (01:20:40):
I relate to so much of the stuff that you're saying.

Speaker 4 (01:20:44):
Thank you, thank you, and you you as well. This
is fun.

Speaker 1 (01:20:49):
I know.

Speaker 3 (01:20:50):
I'm like, are you taking clients for readings?

Speaker 4 (01:20:53):
Because I actually am. I am. So you can go
on to my website, the lovely alia dot com, and
I got my services on there. I love doing readings
like I have like you can see here all my
but you can't see I have like thousands of cards
sitting down here.

Speaker 1 (01:21:08):
So you do virtual readings?

Speaker 4 (01:21:10):
Mm hmm, yeah to a calendar, because it would.

Speaker 3 (01:21:14):
You say, I'm adding myself to your calendar after this?

Speaker 1 (01:21:17):
Can you do a reading right now? Can you read us?

Speaker 2 (01:21:21):
Yeah, let's do like a mini Okay, okay.

Speaker 4 (01:21:27):
Should I do it individually or collectively?

Speaker 1 (01:21:30):
You can do it individually.

Speaker 2 (01:21:31):
I think we both need individual I think me and
Mi La are both in like we are like one
and the same, but we're so not at the same time.
But I think we're both going through like I don't
know some separate wounding that needs to be healed.

Speaker 4 (01:21:45):
All right, So I'll do a three card pool, which
is not really like a lot that I can give
you information wise, but we'll do it anyway. When I
do my general readings, it kind of I do what
I call this. It's like a pyramid channel, and in
the pyramid it kind of tells me what, like what's
blocking you, like what's in your way, and like what's
the theme that you're dealing with right now? So who

(01:22:08):
wants to go first?

Speaker 3 (01:22:09):
I'll go first.

Speaker 2 (01:22:11):
Okay, it's Terra time. This is a different type of
Tarot time. I'm so excited.

Speaker 4 (01:22:20):
So I need you to say your full name out
loud three times.

Speaker 5 (01:22:23):
Jamila Asada Map, Jamila Asda Map, Jamila Asada Map.

Speaker 4 (01:22:32):
Guys, God's angels and ancestors, please be with us as
we go to Jamila's reading, that we bring forth what
is in their best and highest good and remove anything
that's causing resistance in their path from then living their
best life and their best purpose. So be it all right,
let's see what do we have for Mela. It's so
fun to do on the spot.

Speaker 3 (01:22:51):
I'm so excited that you're down.

Speaker 4 (01:22:54):
I'm down. Okay, So first card that comes up this
door to value. It's in your theme position, and door
to value is about your worthiness. You are on the
opportunity of opening the door to your worthiness, starting to
understand where your abundance is at and starting to understand
more about how you can bring that in. Like you
said earlier, you're in the process of healing. So this
door to value is really important because it's more about

(01:23:15):
personal healing. Personal value and door cards are always opportunities
that you get an opportunity to take. So it's about
making the decision to say I'm worthy of and calling
that in. What's really cool is on your left side,
which is the internal like I call it the feminine
masculine energy, but inward directed energy. You have a cornucopia cards.

(01:23:35):
So harvest is on the horizon, which is really fun
because like, if you're in the process of manifesting money
and all that good stuff here in your worthiness, then
you are opening yourself up to that harvest. But like
we spoke about earlier, you need to be able to
wait for it. And it's not that it's not around
the corner. It's just that you may be a bit
more impatient in that sense. So inwardly, there's going to

(01:23:56):
be a lot of manifesting. It might not necessarily be
in the outward express of finances, relationship, and so on,
but it's more about you manifesting that healing that you've
been looking for. Now in the middle here you have
the door to romance cards. So that's two door cards,
and it comes in the heartline directly underneath that door
to value. So you're opening up not just relationships and romance.

(01:24:16):
But when I think of romance, I think of like
when someone's anticipating our needs, right, Like when someone comes
to you and they're like, oh, I've got flowers for you,
I'll get you some chocolates or whatever. It's like, oh
my god, you thought of me. Like romance in the
universal sense is being open to, like you said, those
signs that the universe is trying to give you. That
it's open to the worthiness that you've been working hard
to get in your life. So again it's two decision cards.

(01:24:39):
It comes up in the heartline saying like you have
a double opportunity here to step through that door and
this particular trajectory in your life to start to own that.
Now on the right hand side, on your outward directed energy.
You have the carrying connections card in the reverse position,
and this card sometimes means that you could be headed
for a breakup, but I don't read it like that.
That's how the author wrote this deck.

Speaker 1 (01:24:59):
They bring it.

Speaker 4 (01:25:00):
This is about but it doesn't mean that. It doesn't
mean your partner that you have. It could mean some
other external relationship that you have. Okay. More importantly, more importantly,

(01:25:20):
this is about. This is about you choosing yourself here, like,
this is the separation of you making decisions based off
of someone else. Like you said something earlier about being
people pleaser, right, like, overly invested in what other people need.
This is you breaking up with that so you can
have romance for yourself, choosing yourself. Okay, you might choose

(01:25:40):
yourself over Erica, and that's okay, Okay, all right, So
that's a that's a little compact. Does that make sense
for you?

Speaker 3 (01:25:50):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (01:25:50):
Yes, okay, all right, So Erica, it's your term. I
want you say your full name out loud three times.

Speaker 2 (01:25:57):
Eric Dickerson, Dickerson, Eric Nicole Dickerson.

Speaker 4 (01:26:03):
Guys, God's angels and ancestors, please be with us as
we go through Erica's reading that we bring forth what
is in their best in highest good and remove anything
that's causing resistance in their path from them moving their
best life and their best purpose. So be it all right.
So that's just the little prayer that I do that
like protects my energy and make sure the intention is
known that we have for Eric. Come, okay, oh wow,

(01:26:27):
that's so funny. All right, so funny enough, even though
you heard me shuffle the heck out of these cards.
Yours is also door to value. So you guys are
very aligned in energy, which is kind of crazy. So collectively,
you guys are both in that part of the process
where you're starting to understand your worthiness and you're having
this opportunity for abundance to come into your life and
really open that door in all of your worthiness, like

(01:26:50):
you said, with your finances and stuff like that. More
for you, I think particularly, it has to do a
lot more with that type of abundance money on the
left hand side. And the reason I say that is
because on the left hand side you have the MVY card,
and the MBY card shows up in that inward directed
energy side. So it's not necessarily that you're jealous of
other people, but you're like almost racing against something like
I should be here by now, I should be doing

(01:27:11):
this by now. It's almost an internal because it comes
up on the left side. It's more about you comparing
yourself to yourself. I should be doing this by now,
and you're taking yourself out of the amazing progress that
you've made so far because you're looking forward and saying,
but I should be here, and it's taking you out
of that space of that worthiness and that gratitude. But
in the middle here you have the seventh chakra, archangel Uriel,

(01:27:32):
and Uriel is all about that connectedness that you have
in your crown chakra, that beautiful color that you have
behind you for your podcast, that's this color. So that
connectedness to the crown, it means you're highly highly intuitive.
You're very very connected. And that's part of the problem,
if you will, because you can see what's the future,
you can see what's in the future for yourself, so
you're like, let's go, like when it why isn't not happening?

(01:27:54):
Like come on, let's go. And in that way, it's
out of your comfort zone. You have a garden and
the gate card on the outward world perspective. So for you,
it's like, all right, this, this causes me discomfort. Let's
fix it, let's move it, let's go, you know, And
in that, you're needing to get out of your comfort
zone by allowing things to unfold when they're supposed to.
Even though you have that high intuitive ability to be

(01:28:15):
able to sense what's coming, you're probably an early adapter.
You're probably like pretty good on trends pretty quickly. It's
just you being able to wake through that and go
through that process instead of rushing through it. That makes sense, Yeah,
it does.

Speaker 2 (01:28:31):
Oh yeah, that's exactly what I feel in so many ways,
especially within this space of like finance and abundance.

Speaker 1 (01:28:39):
I'm like, girl, there's no way it's not going to happen.
You do.

Speaker 2 (01:28:43):
You're doing everything that you a that you love, You're
walking in your purpose like you're doing all the things,
so it will come.

Speaker 1 (01:28:50):
It has to come.

Speaker 4 (01:28:50):
But like hello, I mean in your scorpio too, right, Yeah, yeah,
so I'm a Scorpio rising.

Speaker 2 (01:28:58):
We have a lot too time patients, you too, girl,
Scorpio rising too, so.

Speaker 4 (01:29:04):
Hard with patients, like just you know, it's allowing the process.
Your lesson is different than meals in that way, like
it's about the okay, Like I'm needing to be really
really present right now, even though I have a connection
to that future foresight.

Speaker 5 (01:29:19):
Okay, recently it was like trying to go to sleep,
but I was like, you're safe. You have you have
the number one podcast as, you have a podcast studio.
I'm literally like telling myself about my accolades so that
I can believe them, like you've come a long way, like.

Speaker 3 (01:29:39):
You're worthy, you're capable. I'm like, well, what kind of
weirdo am? I?

Speaker 1 (01:29:43):
I don't think that's weird.

Speaker 2 (01:29:45):
Sometimes you got to live out and write them out
so they're like real, yeah, you know, like you do
you all those things you said you yes and more right?

Speaker 1 (01:29:54):
You know?

Speaker 4 (01:29:55):
Yeah. Because sometimes we just we override, like we used
to just like okay, onto the next thing. We don't
allow ourselves to really soak in what it is that
we've done and enjoy what we've manifested.

Speaker 2 (01:30:06):
I was telling her the other day and I was
like I feel numbs sometimes, like numb to my successes
that like I've prayed for and I'm like, okay, got
it next.

Speaker 4 (01:30:15):
Yeah, Like I call that achievement syndrome. What is it
called achievement? I call it achievement syndrome. It's the the
lack of satiation by the things that we've manifested because
it's the process of manifesting that we're like addicted to.
It's not necessarily an addiction such as it's joke. Yeah yeah, Like,
it's just it doesn't feed us because we're still looking

(01:30:36):
to be worthy somewhere else. And it's like, wow, we
really did like manifest the whole husband, baby, house, whatever,
and like I can't just chill, no, you want more.
It's like, okay, next, Like I remember when my podcast
h hit number one in the spiritual genre and I
was like, oh my god, I did it. Okay, what's next?

(01:30:57):
Now I need to get on YouTube and I needed this.
And then I'm like, ll just chill for a second,
Like damn, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:31:03):
Yeah, I resonate with that feeling too. Yeah, Like are you.

Speaker 3 (01:31:07):
Satisfied, bitch?

Speaker 4 (01:31:09):
No, I'm like I'm sure, like my angel guides or whatever,
they're like, you know, are my ancestors. For sure, you
are living in our greatest dream. Just chill out for
a second. Okay, this just right now, at this.

Speaker 2 (01:31:19):
Very moment for real, especially if you're black or brown
living in America.

Speaker 3 (01:31:24):
Yeah, like, congratulations you're here.

Speaker 5 (01:31:30):
I mean when you think about like all the people
that didn't make it, all the combinations of people that
had to exist for you to exist.

Speaker 1 (01:31:37):
These lineages were done, and.

Speaker 5 (01:31:40):
Yeah, like there takes us two people, you know, from
two different lineages, and we're both black. So there's all
these these this trauma and this like conflict and this violence.
But then here you are and you're living your purpose,
which is a whole other feet and that's a big deal.

Speaker 4 (01:31:58):
Yeah, in the middle of a lot of disruption, and
like we're in the middle of a really interesting time,
like starting in twenty twenty, Like y'all saw all the
uproar and how like all this new stuff was coming
to the surface. I think like there we're in the
process of digging down underneath the rug and sweeping things out.
So it feels like it's getting worse while it's actually

(01:32:18):
getting better because we're revealing a lot of things so
that way we can heal. And we're not just healing
for ourselves, we're healing our ancestors. I know that for myself.
When I started healing myself I start, my mom started
healing things, and as I think, as a result of
me healing some of those things, so she start coming
to me on her own and being like, well you
think about this?

Speaker 1 (01:32:37):
What do you think about it that way?

Speaker 3 (01:32:39):
Either?

Speaker 2 (01:32:40):
And honestly, like, I've seen a shift. It's been over
the last I mean, it's been a slow shift, but
even this the end of this last year into this year,
I've seen a shift in my mom. And obviously she
has she's autonomy over her own healing process as well,
But I never really associated it with me though too.

Speaker 4 (01:33:01):
And how me the generation trauma stops with you.

Speaker 2 (01:33:04):
Damn Well, it's also it's that it's the way I react,
the way we once you're heal, the way you react
to certain people that allows them to space to heal
certain things where they're not getting the same reaction and
therefore they can't give.

Speaker 1 (01:33:14):
You the same reaction anymore.

Speaker 4 (01:33:16):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:33:16):
So yeah, wow, thank you for that.

Speaker 4 (01:33:19):
Yeah, of course in a time.

Speaker 1 (01:33:23):
Well, well, I'm just so happy that we did this.
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:33:26):
Yeah, thank you for coming on, thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 (01:33:30):
Can you tell our people where they can find you?

Speaker 4 (01:33:33):
Yes, you can go to the Lovelyalia dot com. A
l e a to find basically everything. You can find
me on Instagram at the Lovely Alia as well, and
I also have offerings on Patreon dot com slash The
Lovely Alia if you want to join my conscious community.
We have this community of mystics and people that are
into all the weird shit that get together and ask
each other questions and we have events and it's just

(01:33:54):
really fun to be able to have a group of
people that you know are not going to side at
you when you're like, oh, yeah, I saw this, goes
do I talk to my GUIDs or I do this
and that, So it's really cool.

Speaker 1 (01:34:02):
I love that.

Speaker 5 (01:34:05):
Well, you know where to find us, guys, Good Mom's
Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram, go to our website Good
Momsbadchoices dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:34:15):
We have offerings of.

Speaker 5 (01:34:16):
Merchandise, retreats, and we also have a Patreon, Patreon dot
com backslash Good Mom's Bad Choices.

Speaker 3 (01:34:25):
And it's not.

Speaker 1 (01:34:26):
Too late to come to the retreat, guys. I know
that we are.

Speaker 2 (01:34:29):
It's it is we're at the we're at the last hour.

Speaker 1 (01:34:33):
But if your spirit is.

Speaker 2 (01:34:35):
Calling you to a leave the ghettleness of America, maybe
it's really cold as fuck where you are.

Speaker 1 (01:34:41):
Guess what, It's not cold in Costa Rica.

Speaker 2 (01:34:45):
We have an amazing group of women that are coming
for both dates. The first date is February second, the
second is February eleventh. Please come, we join our Sisters Circle,
our little Tribe Circle. There's healing, there's booty shaking, there's
topless dancing. We took over a whole property. It's women
only and it's such a safe and beautiful space. So

(01:35:08):
if you feel your spirit calling, come, come come. I'm
linked everything here in the episode description, and make sure
you follow the Good Vibe Retreat on Instagram.

Speaker 3 (01:35:18):
But I think that's it all right, See you guys
next week.

Speaker 5 (01:35:22):
Bye bye,

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Episode Transcript

Hosts And Creators

Erica Dickerson

Jamilah Mapp

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