Finding Strength in Community: Julie Barth's Tale

Julie Barth shares her journey as a trauma survivor, author, and founder of the Colin James Barth Outreach. She discusses her personal memoir, 'Notes from a Black Buddy,' and her mission to support women who become heads of households unexpectedly. Julie's story is one of resilience, community support, and finding purpose through adversity.



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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:21):
Hello, and welcome to the look exciting give us some
peak for anxiety. My guest today is a writer, mother,
is six trauma survivor and the founder of the Colin
James Barth Outreach and the author of her own personal memoir,
Notes from a Black Blady. Please welcome in, Julie Barth.
How are you doing today, Julie?

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Good Pete, how are you? Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
So welcome to me. I'm so glad you're here. So
why don't you tell abode a little more about yourself?

Speaker 2 (00:42):
Okay, as you said, I'm an author. Probably if anyone
asked to defind myself as a mother. First, I have
six children and I own a charity. I don't own
a charity. I've run a charity organization called the Colin
James Barth Outreach, borne out of all the experiences that
I've had in life. The cater to trying to help

(01:05):
women who find themselves in a position where they suddenly
become head of household while also having to take care
of their children, and just try and help through the
hurdles of getting somebody on their feet rather than letting them,
you know, falter without a whole bunch of safety nets
because you know, in our society, we really just don't
have a whole lot of safety nets until you've lost everything.

(01:27):
So that's kind of our mission is to be that,
you know, source when you know you have nowhere else
to turn to.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yeah, No, I love it. I love what you're doing.
I think it's great. I think it's it's scary though,
that we have to lose everything for us to finally
get the help we need kind of thing, and it's
just I don't get it. It doesn't make any sense
to me, honestly. Yeah, but I'm so happy you're doing
what you're doing. It's great because I think a lot
of people run into that problem and then they go to,
oh god, what if what is the next steps? I do?
You know? You just all of a sudden they become

(01:57):
the head of the household. Now they don't know what
they're supposed to do, you know, and there's where you
step into help out, which is great. I mean, like
I said, I love I actually love you doing so
You're all your self memoir those from a BlackBerry. What
was the basis of it? What was that? I'm sorry,
what was that one moment where you were like, hey,
you know, I don't want to write this book because
I know when it comes to telling a lot of
people's own stories, it's really hard because and you have

(02:19):
to release it all to the public and people start
knowing everything. I mean, I know it had to be
nerve wracking.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
Well, okay, so the backstory behind my first one mar
it's like part one of my life. My husband I
married my grammar school sweetheart. We had grown up together
and it was my first kiss and we ended up
having a daughter who has something called primordial Dwarfism. But
the road to get there was crazy and there were

(02:48):
a lot of ups and downs, and you know, we
didn't know what she had. It was in two thousand
and one. There was no Google. Again. I always say
that's probably a good thing rather than a bad because
it would have driven me nuts.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
Right.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
You know, we had four years of traveling around to
different hospitals, I think, you know, even in you to know,
forty some ultrasounds to then have her come out, and
it was even you know, the same mystery after she
was here, you know, as when we were pregnant, which
is crazy to think about because you know, our mindset
was when she comes out, well, I'll figure it out.

(03:20):
But it took us many years. So right as she
was getting better, we were rejoining life. We proceeded to
have two more children, and we had an older child,
so there were four in total. My youngest daughter was
six months He just you know, again, I'd known him
my entire life, and he was a worker, a trader
down at the border trade and he just wasn't acting himself,

(03:42):
you know, just very disconnected. And so I said, you know,
I just I want you to go to the hospital
because he had been back and forth to the doctors.
And you know that's another issue, is men's healthcare in
the way that they view you know, just you know,
here's some care of fate. It's just indigestion, and you
know it just so it started to sound to me
like there was something more going on that wasn't being addressed.

(04:04):
So I said, go to the hospital, figure it out,
and don't come home till you do. And within four
hours he was diagnosed with stage four pingrettic cancer. Yeah,
so they two days later, you know, it was kind
of like they sat in a room with us and
they said, he has two weeks to live. Take him home,
let him say goodbye to his kids, so it didn't

(04:25):
happen that way. Thank god. We had sixteen months, you know,
albeit some of them were, you know, not very good months.
Some of them were great months. But what I would
do is I would take him downtown on Tuesdays, and
you know, like I said, we had four little kids,
and I thought, oh, this is a great time for
us to like have those life moments. And unfortunately, is
anyone who's ever you know, had somebody in their life

(04:48):
with very terminal cancer, there weren't many moments of being
able to communicate with him. So I would sit there
and I had to be quiet because they didn't want
to bother him. And I was just literally coming off
the throes of everything, unpacking everything that had gone on
with Tatum, because you when push come to Shub, we
found out that a lot of malpractice happened, that they
lied about, that they were saying wasn't true, and just

(05:11):
ups and downs, and you know, I would take her into,
you know, have a routine checkup, and the next thing
I knew, she was flatlining. So I was kind of
unpacking all of that, and I had a BlackBerry, so
I started writing her story and I would take parts
of it and I would just email it back to
myself and then at the very end it flowed, you know,
kind of into what was going on with him. And

(05:31):
so it set on my laptop for about I want
to say, ten ten eleven years. I never even read it.
You know, I pieced it all together and just let
at six. So it was just too painful. But in
twenty twenty three, when I got remarried, I had a
horrible divorce and I came out of that divorce and
finally had the courage to read the book. And really

(05:53):
it was kind of part of that aha moment because
I thought, you know, as crazy as that entire decade,
or really the first half of my life was, things
didn't even get crazy until after he passed. So you know,
it was never written to you know, proove a pointer
to tell any story. Really, it was just really my story.

(06:14):
And I think after reading it, I felt like people
could benefit from it, and knowing that, you know, we
all say things in our inner voice that because it's
very raw, it's very emotional, and it opened a lot
of even me being the character. After reading it, it
explained a lot of things for myself that I hoped

(06:36):
other people could see and still holding on to all
those things for all those years because I traveled around
with a lot of guilt that I didn't know. So
that's kind of why I released the book, and it
when you know, with my daughter who became an artist,
and you know, it just kind of started this whole
trilogy and mission and everything else. So it was kind

(06:56):
of the catalyst that explains the backstory, why why I
do what I do?

Speaker 1 (07:02):
Oh, I gotta say, is I am speechless. I did
not see that coming as soon as you said he
had stage four and then you have a daughter with
the situation. So you said, it's primordial dwarfism.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
Is that?

Speaker 1 (07:12):
Like you said, what is? Can you can't explain to
people what that is? Because even I don't know what
that is. I'm a little curious myself.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
Yeah, so it's a type of dwarfism where, you know,
some types of dwarfism you have a larger head that
is disproportionate. Yeah, primordial dwarfism is literally they just look
like tiny people. Okay, Yeah, I don't there are stars
with it, but I'm not sure it's when at the
time when we found out what she had, it was

(07:39):
on the Discovery Channel. That's how we found out because
I think of seeing.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
Something like that before where the girl just looked really small,
but it wasn't the you know, the usual dwarfism you see,
like you were saying, the bigger head and the smaller
body kind of thing. So I mean, you have all
that going on, and then you have your husband who
he's going through what he's going through. Wow, all I
can say is wow, because that is just that's just
a lot. Like I'm hats off to you because I

(08:04):
don't know if I can handle it. I've got a
lot going out of my own life too, you know,
and I really haven't told anybody about this. Body. Just
found out my wife and I have tyrone cancer. So
I'm like, oh, this is also you know, like you know,
and then she has to have a whole droll in
her head and it's just I got a lot going on.
But I'm like, damn, but you had Wow, you know
you appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
Yeah, Well, I'm sorry to hear about your wife. That's
that's terrible. Yeah, And I think that that's also the
other thing is that you know, I think we all
think that we have so much going on, and like
we live in our own head and we're like, we
don't really want to talk about it, but everyone has
a backstory to tell some you know, it's all in degrees.
So as bad as it was, and that's been my

(08:47):
perspective kind of like as bad as I think I
have it, there's always someone else out there, you know,
as sad as that is, you know, so yeah, I
apologize that you're going through that, because it is. It's
very I can't even imagine knock on wood, you know,
the diagnosis of cancer yourself. But when you love someone
and you know you're there for them and you're supporting

(09:09):
them and you can't do anything, it's like you almost
want to like tap out and be like I got
this you yeah, you go, let me take your place.
And again, I you know, I'm very thinking.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
Looking it's more surrill than having to have the conversation
your sniffing other about, like, you know, because she has
to have an operation done on her masteroid, which is
that one right behind your ear. They have to drill
into it because she her bone is decing. Okay, so yeah,
nothing is more surril than the conversation with your snificing
over when you have to have to talk about whether
or not something goes wrong, if you're pulling the plug

(09:43):
or not. That was just the moment of just like god,
you know, everything else so like I, like I said,
with with everything you were dealing with, I could fielure
on that one hundred percent. I'm just like wow, you know,
and it's it just gets so surreal, you know, and
it's it's it's just hard, man. It's really a lot
going on. Like you know, like you said, you know,
it could always be worse, you know, but it's hard

(10:04):
to watch your loved one degree and you kind of,
you know, kind of just kind of fade away from you.
And you know, it's almost like watching someone with Alzheimer's
slow they lose themselves a little by little, and it's
you know, I watched my grandmother and it was just
hard because she forgot who everybody was, you know, and
she had this book you know where it's kind of like,
what is it that anam sand the movie with Drew Bimer.
She forgot everything every single day. It was almost similar

(10:26):
something in that situation, you know, every days. Yeah, yeah,
you know, I'm talking about that whole scenario, that kind
of thing like that too, and it's just so you
have six total, but at the time you had the
four sore the other two come in from another marriage.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
Yeah. So after Colin passed, you know, we lived in
the same city that we had an amazing group of
people who actually an entire community that really came out
for us.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
You know, we were awesome.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
It was one of those small towns where you not
only you know, you end up marrying people that you
went to high school with. That was just something familiar,
and you know then you knew everyone. It was almost
like it was a continuation of your former selves and
your adult lives. So we were very fortunate to have
a community around us that did that. But at the

(11:10):
same time, when he passed away, it was like I
was stuck in talk about fifty first states.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
You know.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
It was like when he passed everyone in my life,
or really everyone in the community, they had just started grieving,
you know, like the loss was so heavy to them
that all seeing me just like broad sadness, whether I
wanted it to or not. Yeah, And I think even
more so, you know, I had watched him slip away
for sixteen months, like every single day I lost a

(11:38):
piece of him, and so when they were just starting
to grieve. I was kind of like, I'm out, Like
I can't sit in the sadness anymore. I need to
move forward. I need to not be myself, like I
can't be that person anymore. So I just found you know,
and this is this is another reason why I wrote
the book, because I'm going to say this and this

(12:00):
is this is a construct of my own mom. I
felt as if people were judging me so harshly because
either I wasn't grieving hard enough, I wasn't acting the
way i'myone moned, I get that, yeah, or like they
were judging my love for him, because like, how could
you just move on so quickly? Because I did start
dating someone else a year later, you know, how could you?

(12:21):
And again, I'm not sure that anybody felt that way,
but I did, and so I was I was, you know,
protecting that onto other people. So I met a gentleman
who was working in my home about a year after
Colin passed, and I had to have the house REDOUNK
couldn't stay if I didn't, because it was, you know,
our dream house. And so I ended up leaving town

(12:43):
with him and moving to a very isolated place in Charlotte,
and when we got there, it was like the bottom
just fell out. He was it was ten years of
a very abusive relationship and again that's what led me
on the road to go back to my roots, you know,
and really the first book. But when we got there,
Tatum ended up the same daughter who has primordial Dwarfism,

(13:06):
ended up coming down with a rare form of connected
tissue cancer. So it was completely unrelated to everything before. Yeah,
so the only the only care for what was removal.
So literally they like removed the right side torso and
grafted her legs to fill that space, and you know,
it was just literally a continuation of what am I

(13:28):
doing here? But it was in that moment that for
the first time since Colin had passed or even gotten sick,
I truly remembered like who he was and how much
we were able to fight together, but how much like
the loss that I felt. And then I was stuck
in this horrible relationship where he didn't even come home
at night, he wasn't at the hospital, he just didn't

(13:49):
care about me at all. So you know, again I
felt the blessing of what I had, but also like
it was like all the memories that I was trying
so hard to forget about, how grat he was and
who because I didn't want to think about him. You know,
they all fled it back to remember who I had
actually lost, not the person that I ended up losing
in the end because there was not much left to them.

Speaker 1 (14:10):
So yeah, no, that's that's great to have the happy memories,
especially in grief. And I think when it comes to
the timeline, I think it's based on your own thing,
you know, like people grieve in their own ways, like
you know, I do my own thing. A lot of
times when people passed, I don't really did affect me
too much. It's only several people. But that's just how
I am though. It's just you know, if I didn't
really have a strong connection with some people, it's kind

(14:31):
of like, all right, it bothers me for a day,
but it's it. But you know, when I lost my godmother,
who I was really close to, it was hard. Man.
It's like it was like you were sitting there and
I was actually recording an episode of the show. So
this is really interesting what happened. So I felt this
like real weird feeling, like ugh, something's not right, Okay.
So then two hours later I got the message from
my cousin, which is her son, and he was like, yeah,

(14:54):
you know, hey, listen, by the way, you know, Mom
had passed away and he only told me first and
very limited people, which I understand that completely, you know.
And it was just like I just didn't know what
that feeling was, and it was it fucked me up bad,
like I couldn't even imagine, like you know, and and
I know all about abuse relationships my ex and I
we were together fifteen years, and it was just God,

(15:14):
it was a mess. I feel you. I'm like, I
can relate one hundred percent to a lot of your
story honestly, you know, without the loss of the loved
one yet. But I mean, I know what you're talking about.
It it's crazy because then it's like, you know, you
didn't want to think about it, but then he just
keeps coming back to you know, not even haunt you
to inspire. Let you know, hey, listen, you know these
are the great things and the great memories you had
with him, all that other kind of stuff, you know,

(15:36):
And I'm sorry you had to go through what you
had to go to to get to where you're at now.
I mean, you know, maybe maybe it was God's plan
the whole time is for you to go and then
come back and then realize you know what you were missing,
you know, And a lot of times that mean that
was your grieving process too, you know, because you know,
I get that small tongue feeling of like, you know,
everybody knows everybody's business kind of thing. And I went

(15:57):
to high school in a town like that too, and
it was like a lot of the people I knew
did the same thing. They all went to school together,
and a lot of them ended up getting married and
things like that too. And it was weird too that
some of the combinations because we were just like, well,
we never would have seen that coming, you.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
Know, like yes, agreed, yes, yeah, And you know, there's
something very comforting about it. But at the same time,
you know, I didn't know myself without him, so when
he was gone, I didn't I didn't fit in anymore,
you know, I'm not I never really felt like I
fit in anyway.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
Did you feel like it was always calling? And then
you're Julie like the sidekick kind of thing, like Batman
to the Robin almost you know what I'm saying no, But.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
I also I always felt like he protected me. You know,
I am a very very sensitive, sult very like probably
more so than anyone will ever know about me. And
where I hid all of those insecurities and I just balanced.
People think them very outgoing, people think that nothing bothers me.
And you know that's what I do is I pretend
like I don't care. I don't care, you know, yeah,

(16:56):
and I shove it down. Yeah. And I think com
is the first person to say, like, who cares? If
they don't like, you, don't worry about it, you know,
I love you don't have to worry about so and
so or what they're saying, or if somebody's staring at Tatum,
who cares? Who? You know? I remember when we first
found out what Tatum had. So we had been to
hospital on hospital and so my friend called me and

(17:18):
she said, I know what Tatum has. And I was like, oh, well,
great for you, because we literally went to the Mayo Clinic,
we went to Boston children so we went to Children's
Memorial and nobody knew what.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
Was going on.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
She said, well, she has this thing. There's this Discovery
Channel show and it has primordial dwarfism on it, and
I think that's what Tatum has, and you know, I
remember googling it and because then, you know, the Internet
had picked up by the time she was two thousand
and three, two thousand and four and up pop Tatum.
And I was just like devastated because everyone kept saying, Oh,

(17:52):
she'll grow out of it, she'll be fine, she'll be normal,
and so I was devastated, you know. And Colin came
home from work and he walked in the door and
I was like, I have to tell you something and
he's like all right, and I so follow me and
I showed him the whole article on the internet and
he just looked at me and he went, what's for dinner?
And I was like, what do you mean, what's for dinner?
What are you talking to me? He's like, Julie, did

(18:13):
you really think that nothing was wrong with her? And
I was like, yeah, I kind of did. And He's like,
nothing has changed. You know, she is who she is,
she will be what she's going to be, and nothing,
nothing has changed. And that's just what he was for me.
He was the voice of reason, he was the protector,
he was the shielder. I just always knew no matter

(18:35):
what came at us, we could conquer. And suddenly it
was just me and I didn't know. It was like
I had lost half of myself. So yeah, you know, yeah,
that was what he was for me, and it was
hard finding my way in the world without him.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
No, I get that completely. I get that feeling too,
because it's like that for me now. It's like, you know,
I just you have that other person that completes your
circle of you. You know that they play off everything
else that you do and things like that. And I'm
the more sensitive type and my wife is the more
aggressive type, you know. But it's just the way she
was raised kind of thing, so you know, but she
grew up in a small town too, had the same

(19:14):
situations and things like that. But you know, Colin sounds
like a great guy man, so sad and get to
meet him, man, he sounds like a really pretty interesting
character though, because like I have the same feeling about
certain things, like my daughters were. One ofe was questioning
her sexuality and came to toll me one day, Dad,
I think I like girls, And I'm like, okay, Like
my response is the same thing. Okay, so what do

(19:35):
you want me to say I don't love you? I mean,
what do you? What do you want me to say
in that situation? And I love his approach to things too.
It's just like, you know, he already had the the thought,
has the future site to be like, you know, there's
something wrong here. We could either freak out about it
or we could just kind of stay mellow about it
and just kind of learn more about it as we go,
you know. And I get being worried because I get
the whole side of you know, you being the sensitive side.

(19:56):
I am the same way, though I'm very hypersensitive. Becomes
a lot of things. You know. I'm usually the more
emotional person versus my wife when it comes to things,
you know, And I get it. So I'm right there
with you. I understand that because me, I would freaking
hell out. I'm like, whoa, what is this? You know?
What are people going to think? You know, because those
are the thoughts that originally would come in your head?
Is how am I gonna explain this to people so
they don't look at her and treat her differently like
she's just some kind of you know, foreign creature of

(20:18):
some planet or you know what I mean, it's just
like people don't understand things, so then they start judging
things and they start saying things, Oh, well, it must
have been something she did or something he did, and
it's not like that though. Unfortunately, a lot of times
I think people get that misconception in their head that
something had happened or you did something, or you did
drugs or something, you know, some some like far fetched
idea that's not even close to what's going on. And

(20:40):
they need to stay off Wikipedia, by the way, because
you know, it's like it's so it's just so aggrigant,
because it's like like why why treat them differently? Ask
questions like you learn more, you never know, you know,
just because she's different than you, Why do we have
to treat them differently? You know? And I feel like
that still goes on to day even worse, and it's like,
you know, you get out now with the Internet, you

(21:00):
have access to all these other social media sites. It's
like anything that goes on it's out of the ordinary.
It's automatically be posted out there and that's it, you know,
and then people just start talking their stuff and start
saying wild things, you know, in all these other crazy.

Speaker 2 (21:13):
Saying nothing phased him, but he was if something was
wrong or if he had a problem with someone, or
like he just attacked the problem, you know, like if
someone if he had a problem with somebody, he would
just call them out and say like, hey, you know,
I didn't like what you did, and he took care
of business, you know, instead of dragging it all around
with you. And you know, I'm a good dragger. I

(21:33):
will I will get I will be mad at some
of for ten years and never tell them. I won't
treat them any differently, but I'll carry a grudge of
or something, and I'm it's it's a character treat that
I'm I've worked very hard over the past, especially like
so since Colin died and I recognized it to stop,
you know, and to your credit about I have a
theory about why people do that. And you know it happened.

(21:56):
I think it happened with Tatum, but more so it
happened with Colin where after he died, where I was
like this heroine who couldn't do anything wrong, you know,
I was this strong wife and this great mom who's
juggling everything. After he died, it was kind of like
I flipped. You know, I went from in my head maybe,
but there were voices out there where I went from

(22:17):
like this person could do nothing wrong to this person
who's so severely judged and couldn't do anything right. And
I think as human beings, I don't even think we
mean to do this. It's just that when you see
a child with special needs, or you see you know
someone else who's you know, significant now there is sick,
it makes you feel very vulnerable that it could happen

(22:39):
to you. And if it happens for absolutely no reason
and it is random and it's just the universe, that
is a very hard seat for people to sit in
and it makes them uncomfortable. So therefore I think what
they have to do is make a reason why you're
going through what you're going through, because if there's no reason,
then it could happen to them. And I again, I

(23:00):
don't think that anyone does it consciously, but I think
when you see something like that, you have to say, well,
I haven't done any of A, B and C whatever
you think happened to get there, so I'm safe. And yeah,
and I think that's the ugly side of illness. I
think it's the ugly side of disability. But again, I
think that that's a human characteristic, that it's a protective

(23:22):
mechanism that I think we all have to a certain degree.
Some obviously take it a lot further, But I do
think that that there's instant like, well, there's a reason why,
because if not, then you know, I don't want to
be in her shoes. So yeah, I have to convince
myself that she's done something deserved that I haven't, because
I can't live in this feeling like I could be next.

(23:43):
So I think that's why a lot of that goes on,
you know, not that I didn't ever do anything to
make people talk about what I was doing. Everybody is.
But I think when when you have a special needs
daughter or some something tragic like that happens in front
of the world, everybody's got something to say about it.
Some people are kind, some people are not. And yeah,
I agree with you the social media. You know, I

(24:05):
was just talking with my daughters about this. I have
a fourteen year old and we were on the road
yesterday to a concert, and you know, we were just like,
why has Why is America? And I am going to
single America out here? Why is everyone so angry and
so quick to judge, and just I call it pre pissed,
like they're already mad and they're looking for a way

(24:27):
an outlet for that anger. They're looking for an allowance
for that anger. And I just I don't understand, you know,
where it's coming from. I think a lot of it
is the media that loves to pit us against one
another and stir the pot. But I said to her,
and I'm a very optimistic person, and I hope that
this is not the case that I said. For the
first time since I've been alive, I feel like there

(24:50):
are things that can't be fixed, and I am a fixer,
and it really bothers me because I don't know what
the answer is. I don't think taking guns away is
going to do it, because the inside the problem, the
people that want the guns, and why they want the guns,
and why what they're doing what they're doing, fucking is
the problem.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
Part in the French with great fucking point, Julie right there,
it's the person that is The gun is an inanimate object,
It isn't what caused the problem. Is the person that
operated the weapon, that did it, you know, And in
so many these different situations. You know, it's a lot
of times, like let's take the Tennessee one. For the
kid that was doing the school shooting in Tennessee, the
parents knew he had bad intentions from a gun anyways,

(25:29):
which I just don't I don't get, like it bottled
in my Mind's like, why are you going to give
this kid the power of to do something destructive knowing
that he has bad intentions in the beginning, And I
think you're gonna get held accountable for it, you know,
and it's it's just crazy. And then you know, your
fourteen was gonna have to seeing these things, going, Mom,
what's going on in the world? Why are they allowing
these kind of things? You know, And it's like, you know,

(25:50):
then you have to explain it to him. And it's
it's the same thing with you know, like social media
posts with females in general. Though you know, like a
lot of the girls that are have more provocative clothing,
they're trying to get all the attention. It's like these
younger girls see that and go, well, maybe that's what
I need to do too. But it's like then you
have to explain it because I'm a girl. Dad, so
I had to explain it to my daughter, like, you know,
boys just do not an act right, and you know,

(26:11):
anybody that's listening and gets offended by this, I really
honestly don't know how to explain it to him. But
you know, it was just like eat friends and you know,
post all these different pictures and not feel like, you
know somebody is going to say something about it. But
you know, at the same time, it's it's just like
it's so bad. It's just like we don't police our
social media sites enough that we have these predators that
are just out there messaging people. Even roadblocks was the

(26:33):
one that really tripped me up a little bit, the
one that the kids always played that game all the time.
You know. Then it was like, then these things are
coming out by these different predators that would come out
and start like disguising themselves as other things, and they're
asking information these kids, and these kids are responding. Because
we had a situation with a friend of ours son.
He was giving out his home address to some random
person and I was like, I told his mom. I
was like, yeah, hey, listen, your son's in there giving

(26:55):
out his home address. I just said something to him
for you. But you might want to go reiterate that
with him. You know, he's not even thinking about what
he's typing, because oh, this is just my friend. I'm
typing and telling where I'm from, you know, and Robot
and what was the other one? Minecraft was the other
one too. We had an incident where there was a
young kid from Colorado that was messaging her my daughter
and her friend, telling oh I love you and this
and that. I was like, clearly he's not there all

(27:16):
there because when I messaged him, I wasn't rude. I
just asked him a bunch of questions and he's giving
out his home address and where he lives, and I'm
just like, yeah, man, I was like, I just think
you need to stop messaging these girls, you know. And
it was just like it was that's a real moment, like,
oh god, now I can't let these kids play on
the internet without somebody wandering in asking or saying these
weird things to them. Yeah, I agree, you know. And

(27:38):
you know, in given Tatum situation, you know, she starts
posting things on social media, people just start asking questions,
you know, and then then those harsh critics will come
in and start saying things too, and it's just like
you know, artist by it, she's thet awesome Okay, well
you know what I'm saying though, she she is already
going to be in the spot ready because she's already

(28:00):
and then they're gonna find out, you know, what her
condition is, and then you know, unfortunately what I have
to deal with the internet trolls that come with it
and things like that too, and you know, and it's
just I one don't agree with that. I think we
need to police these sites a lot better. These comments
that get made, you know, they need this. They need
to really start really checking through some of the comments

(28:20):
that get made, all these crazy things, because you know,
it's always something that they're mad about, you know. And
there was there was a situation the young lady who
is a cosplayer, which basically is like she dressed up
like her favorite anime character. Okay, so people were so
triggered by this girl not being of what they claim
to be. Oh that the character is supposed to be white,
but they really don't define them in these shows. It's
just the character plays a character. She was excited it

(28:41):
was her favorite character. She dressed up the cos played
with amazing she looked just like them, but these people
were so triggered that they threatened to kill her. Well,
you're not this, You're not that, It's like, but then
you know these younger kids, like your fourteen year old
is going to see these and go, well, mom, why
are they so mad about that? You know what's so angry?
White's got them so triggered, you know what I mean.
And it's the same thing, the same say you're running into.
It's just like, there's just angry people out there. The

(29:03):
Internet gives them more access to people now, and now
you have to deal with the fact that now you
have to worry about some predator or some weirdo coming
in there and start saying something very triggering, or start
telling these poor kids, well, your life doesn't matter, and
all these other harsh things you could say to them,
you know what I mean. It's just it's disgusting, honestly.

Speaker 2 (29:19):
Yeah, it's you know, I did a lot of dumb stuff.
You know, I grew up at a time and we
didn't know.

Speaker 1 (29:26):
A miracle.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
I'm alive, but I will say that, you know the
world was much smaller. I didn't have to deal with
all of the things that come at these kids. So
quickly that we don't even know about. Ignorance sometimes feels
like bliss, but it's not. And you know, with all
my six kids, I will have my oldest call me
and say, did you know what your youngest was doing online?

(29:47):
Of course I'm like, no, I don't. I have no
clue because I've never been one to follow them around
or to see what. You know.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
That's talk to the older sisters chiming in though, too,
because it's it's a great sense of family. It seems
like you built a great sense of family and everybody's
looking out for each other. Hey, mom, I don't need
to be snitching on my younger sister, but do you
know what she's posting? And it could be nothing, you know, honestly,
or it could be something, and you're like, you know,
I can't. You know, it's hard when it comes to
doing that kind of thing because you've got to sit
there and monitor everything they're doing these days, you know,

(30:15):
and fear that you know, you don't know what's going on.
And as a parent, it's hard, and I know you
agree this undercent, it's hard to keep track all that
stuff of what these guys are getting into. And you know,
with them being able to get on TikTok and all
these other sites that they probably shouldn't be on right
this second, instead of you know, them doing a better
job of sorting through some of these younger kids. They're
exposed to all these things. You look at Charlie Kirk

(30:36):
video where they unfortunate, where they saw the people who
were posting it everywhere he had shot. You could see
the whole video what happened. It's like, what happens with
the fourteen year old kid that's seeing that, Like they
don't need to see that. That's the real world to them, Like,
I get it happen, you know, but let their parents
talk to them about it. Don't show a video of
a man being shot right there in public like that
for somebody to see. And then the little kid sees that,

(30:57):
and then they're traumatized. They don't know what to say
after that, mom. But then I just look at It's
not like what we were kids when Faces of Death
was the big thing and we all talk about, oh
we all watch faces that Nobody watched that stuff. That
stuff was brutal to watch, you know, and then all
these other websites we had limited access to that you
could get into but you know, with but I just
that's why I have a love hate relationship with social media.

(31:17):
I feel like it's it's great to connect with people
that other things, but at the same time, it's it's
a it's a very dangerous place for younger kids, he says,
because the messages that are being sent out to them
are you know, are not great, you know, and then
some of them, you know, see these other posts and seeing, Okay, well,
I want to be like these people. I want to
be a content creator, but don't realize what the backside
of it is or the backlash you deal with when
it comes to those kind of things when you're in

(31:38):
the public light, you know, and and things like that too.
And then their mental health becomes a big issue too,
because then they start cyberbulling people and they say cyber
and they're the hell. These kids can't even go into
video games these days not getting cussed out by a
grown man, which hats off to some of these companies.
They have ways to report it now that you know,
child abuse and things like this and all those other
things you can do now. But it's like it shouldn't

(31:59):
hadn't got to the point it got to now, you know,
because there was an incident recently last year that where
there was a person talking trash with the little kid.
Dude drove to the kid's house, ended up taking the
kid's life because he was so mad over our damn
video game because he was like, oh, well, this kid's
just jawjacking at me and saying things like that, and
you know, and all the things that we never did.

(32:20):
Possibly we always we use kids always told somebody, yeah, yeah,
roll up, we're all We're all serious until that person
shows up at your door, and then you have to
deal with that head on kind of thing, you know.
And it's like I could speak for once and tell
you that when we refer to a call do Lobby.
I have to explain this to my wife all the time.
She goes, what the hell is a call do Lobby?
I just to summarize, if anybody hasn't played, we didn't
grow up in the nineties and didn't play in a

(32:41):
call do Lobby. It was the most toxic environment you
could be in. Like anything got set and everything got
set in these things, you know, And I'm telling you now,
I had ninety percent of us all would have been
banned we would not have internet access if that's how
it worked at that point, because we.

Speaker 2 (32:56):
Did good thing, you know what I'm.

Speaker 1 (32:59):
Saying though, Like, but we speak from experience though when
we're talking to these younger kids and things like that too.
And that's why I'm pushing so hard for mental health
because it's like, we need to talk to some of
these kids at a younger age about it, you know.
And because when social media got introduced. Actually, one of
my guys, mister Whiskey, and I were discussing is he
said that twenty percent of young men's suicide rate shot
up because the ability to cyber bully was so high

(33:21):
right there. And that was just from when social media
was introduced, you know. And it's just crazy because it's like,
you know, you know, parents shouldn't have to bury their children,
you know, that whole that saying goes and things like
that too, and it's like, you know, some of these
kids are getting attacked from so many fronts now it's
so hard to defend them before. When in the nineties
for us, it was just AOL as the messenger was
literally AOL is literally the only thing to get online.

(33:43):
Well maybe you know whatever those other weird ones were
like net Earth and all these other ones, you know,
all the kind of you know, the Internet was still
growing at that time. We didn't have really a big
social You had like AOL chat rooms about as far
as you got to a community of people talking from
around the world versus the phone. You know.

Speaker 2 (33:58):
So, but to me, it's just Angie knew who you knew,
who was on the other end of the line. That's
where things get problematic too, mm hmm, that too when
you talk about backlash. I hesitate to even say this,
but when Charlie Kirk did die, everyone was so oh,
it's transgender. The only common denominator in most of these

(34:20):
situations is a Y chromosome. And I don't say that
to single men out. I don't say that because I'm
a man hater. I say that because there's something going
on where we are not protecting our young men, our boys.
We're not we're not being the voice for them, We're
not doing something correctly or you know, we should we
have to step in because when that is the only

(34:42):
common denominator. We love to say all of these other
things are going on, but I can honestly say school
shootings are almost always men. You know, there's something going
on in the mentality, in the systematic way that we
are treating boys that is leading to what is happening,
and that to me means all of these young men,
they don't do it for any other reason, but they're

(35:03):
hurting inside. And the fact that we aren't stopping to
say what is going on in society that boys are
growing up with such horrible fears, with such you know,
whatever it is that is churning all of this, and
nobody wants to say it because it sounds like we're
blaming a gender. We're not. I'm not. I'm blaming our

(35:23):
society for not recognizing that this is a problem and
not sitting down and saying what can we do about it?
Because not only are people getting hurt and people are
getting killed, but men are not having the life that
they should have. If they are hiding these insecurities, if
they're angry all the time, if they're aggressive, if they're
feeling bad, whatever it is, we should not let an

(35:46):
entire generation of men grow up feeling like the only
the only way to relate to people and to be
in this world is by constantly being angry, constantly trying
to control constantly. You know, what kind of life could
you possibly have when you're sitting in your room killing
things over and over all night long? What why would

(36:07):
we want?

Speaker 1 (36:07):
You know, you have a great point there though, because
some people can't distort reality from fiction to fake you know,
video games and things like that too. Because that was
a big conversation about you know, violence in general too,
and I think a lot of it is the way
men think, because I did not an episode with a
woman named Betsy Homeberg and I were talking about you
and Negi's self talking and we got into a conversation

(36:28):
about men. It's like we work on a tower system. Okay,
so men are always looking to the top, which is
at alpha male, and I think that when we do
with that, I think we're we're really fucking up on you.
Pardon the language, guys, but I gotta be real with y'all.
It is just it's not right. Like think about it. If
you're an alpha male, you should be able to talk
about everything. And then guys, we're not wold not talk
about our feelings whenever we're told about, oh you're too

(36:49):
much A was these things, and you know, then the
whole thing about men's mental health came out the backlash
from MAP because all these people were celebrating making these
goofy videos, and it's just like it's a problem. Guys.
Eighty percent of all suicides are men. Let's just face
the facts of the numbers are the numbers are there.
We can't lie that eighty percent of our men. Men
make up most of the population. So really, if you
think about it from this or I suspect if you

(37:10):
have a group of friends with six friends, four of
those friends aren't making it for some reason. They're going
to take their life for some reason. Either they're in pain,
or they're you know, feel like they're not being heard,
or they feel like they're not wanted, or they're just
dealing with too much that they just can't open up
and talk. And you know, and we'se men, we need
to start talking. We need to open our mouths and
say something. We need to talk to somebody. And I
don't feel like that's what a lot of these younger

(37:32):
guys are seeing from these other social influencers that are
coming out and they're not like they're not talking about
There are a few out there that I've seen that
you know, are doing it, but it's like there's not
enough of us out there talking about these things. And
you know, it's scary because you know, when I did
an episode of Men's Talk before I started this podcast,
I learned that the statistics are that men in my

(37:52):
age range are the second most likely to commit suicide.
And it's a scary thought because to me, I was
just like, oh shit, whoa hold on? Why is that?
So I went to explore it a little more, and
it's the fact that we don't talk and see the
generational gaps of men that are being told, oh, well,
you know, if you're, if you have feelings, you're or
whatever you want to give a name, you can give
what a drug turnam, You're being called some kind of

(38:12):
name that you're less of a man because you have feelings,
you know. And I feel like, you know, that's the
wrong message we're sending to these younger gentlemen now, is
that they're seeing all these things or seeing all these people,
the entertates of the world, all these people get online.
How the one guy that really recently pissed me off
was what is his name? Now? I think I think
his handle is cooking for Gains or something like that
I know somebody had mentioned him, but this guy literally

(38:33):
was on a live stream was talking about depression like
it's it's not a depress You're not depressed, it's just
a mindset or something like that. I was just like,
what what are you doing? Man? Like, what are you
telling these people? Because there's young guys out there that
watching your videos going, oh yeah, you know cooking for gains.
Told me that I'm not depressed. It's just a mindset,
you know, And it's like what, It's just like the
guy that came on and told everybody that water is

(38:55):
not okay to drink. I'm like like stop, like stop
it please. And that's why I mean by policing the
internet more. It's like these videos where these guys are
putting all this misinformation out. It's like, you know, we
got to do something about it. Kiss we're giving the
wrong message to these kids, and we're telling them that,
you know, these mental healthful things you have in depression especially,
it's not real. It's just a mindset. It's just you're
just you know, and what I can't remember his exact explanation,

(39:16):
but it was it was something so stupid. You're just like, wait,
what did you just say huh you have the like
minion kind of stary're like, you know, it's like what
it didn't make any sense to me? And it's like,
you know, it's it's so disheartening that you know, these
these younger gentlemen are seeing these things and they're like, oh,
this is okay because you know so and so it
says it's okay, and then it's like, but no, it's not.
Stop Like that's that's a problem though with men, is

(39:38):
that I feel like, you know, we're so scared to
talk about our feelings because a lot of female scrutinize
this shoot because they'll be like, oh, well, you know,
you're less of a man because you have feelings, or
they're too sensitive. That's the other thing. Are you're too sensitive?
I'm like, so I have feelings, so they should be
validating what you're trying to say. I don't. I don't
understand how this conversation goes, you know, and like I'm
not getting it. And to me, it's just kind of
irritates me because it's like, after walking at the stats,

(40:00):
it's like eighty percent are all men? I like how
many times we have to say that to you, it's insane.
We have to do something now. But instead of doing
something of this problem, we're more worried about gun control,
which which is not the issues. The person operating the
inanimate object is the problem, But the person operating it,
we're not worried about what they're doing, you know. And
a lot of these school shootings spent. The health gets mentioned,
but then what do they do about it? Oh well,
pick up that rug and just sweep it on, or

(40:21):
don't even talk about it again.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
Yeah, let's focus on minority groups instead, you know, the
transgenders of them.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
Yeah, people have nothing to do with anything. It's stupid,
you know, and it's just it and I ain't crazy.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
I think the one thing that social media did, which
was you know, obviously not planned, was it gives the
same platform to everybody, whether you are insane, whether you
have the right idea, everyone gets the same amount of airtime,
you know, and the more outlandish it is, the more
people want to see it.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
So you know, you're getting extremes coming at you from
every angle, whether that's positive extremes like toxic positivity or
negative and all these mixed signals that kids are. You know,
you used to be able to. I think I was
talking about the news, and there is no such thing anymore,
you know, Like, I don't know if you know this

(41:11):
singer David Day for VD. Have you heard of him
at all?

Speaker 1 (41:15):
I probably have. I might, I might have had. I
love music, so I probably have heard of it though.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
So well, he's this really amazing up and coming R
and B artist that my kids just love. I love him,
well he we' it's still ongoing. Nobody really knows the story.
They found a girl in the trunk of his car
and that was chopped into pieces that had gone missing
a year ago. So now there's all of this chatter

(41:40):
about what it is he's done, and you know, every
day there's a new story. Oh there's a baby buried
in the background. So you know, I was talking to
my daughter about the other day and I said, you
don't you don't know what's real anymore, because there's no verification.
There's no like, you know, nothing used to get on
the news until it was verified. You know. Sure they

(42:02):
use the media to sway us back then, but at
least that was one common goal. You know. Now it's
like you don't know who to trust, and now you
know put in AI and it's can never. We're getting
into an age where you cannot believe. You at least
used to believe your own eyes. Now you can't even
believe your own eyes. So yeah, we're rolling into you know,

(42:24):
we're rolling into a champion competition with a bunch of
kids and people that are broken, you know, that are
all ramped up in bandages, and we're saying, Okay, it's
going to get worse, so let's go, you know, And
we haven't fixed the problems from the past. We're just
carrying them into the future with more technology, more inundation,
less control over our children. And you know the fact

(42:48):
that nobody's saying, you know, maybe we should let's slow
down a little bit on this. You know, yeah, let's
introduce chat JBT s our kids never have to learn again.
It's just is crazy.

Speaker 1 (42:57):
Speaking of chat GPT, did you hear that story about
the kid that made a noose and hung himself because
chat BGT told him how to do?

Speaker 2 (43:05):
So I was like, boy, that does not surprise me.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
It was it was something I saw in the news
the other day. So I was interviewing a woman named
doctor Fujane and I were talking she has an app,
and her point was talking about the AI was chat
gpt got mentioned. She said, did you know that chat
gpt was telling people at suicide iiation how to kill themselves?
And I was like what, She's like yeah. I was like,
She's like, we built our AI to not allow that

(43:29):
to happen because of that reason. And she was telling
me about it, and this first time I had heard
anything about it. I was like, really, what are you
talking about it? Like you're serious? She's like yeah, She's
like they were writing, they were typing to it because
you know that whole thing and where oh, well, you
know chat gpg is my new therapist. God, please stop
that off, you know, but you know it was it
was a topic that we had gotten to and that
was the subject that have brought it up. And she

(43:49):
was like, yeah, my app has AI, but we're not
like chat gpt, and mentioned the whole story about how
that they were writing suicide idiation thoughts to chat BT
and it was recognize them and then giving them plans
on how to do it. I had so recently. I
was watching something else the other day where to come
across the post to where the Congress they were in
Congress or some kind of high court. We were talking

(44:11):
about the young gentleman that was looking up talking about
his thoughts, and it was reading it. They showed the
conversation he was having with chat GPT, and chat GPT
was telling him all these things, and they said okay,
and then gave him up what is it, a play
by player how to do a noose? And then the
kid ended up paying himself. And I'm just like, what
the hell is going on here? It's like they you
can't tell me they didn't think about that when they

(44:33):
made this AI, Like you know, chatty gg was great,
but like if you were gonna keep it, you know,
even even at that, you should have thought of every angle,
including that thought of like what if someone starts writing
something in here, you know, especially those kind of things.
And then they started leading them on how to do it.
It's just it's just crazy.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
It's like, you know, there's no we're gonna lose all
control over it, because it's going to be another learning
machine once it and it already does say has the
ability yeah, and and they once it can think on
its own, because then it's going to have its own
agenda and we will not be able to control that.

Speaker 1 (45:07):
Yeah, very much like Terminator. A lot of people say
Skynet they refer to. That's what they're referring to, the
whole Terminator thing. You know, how we the robots took over,
because it's essentially, you know, sky Net was the original
base of what it was that was leading them all.
And you know, I never know, if you ever see
the Terminator movies, that's basically what they're about, basically talking
about how in the future robots have took over and
everyone's being replaced by robots, but they look like humans

(45:30):
because they have skin over them and things like that too,
you know. But essentially it was Skynet was the the
AI in the movie was playing the villain role of it.
It was basically telling them what to do. Are you
like I Robot the one with Will Smith and things
like that too, where the robots started taking over all
of a sudden and things like that too. You know,
that's the scary part of it all such that it's
just it's learning everything about us, you know, and things

(45:51):
like that too. And you know, as you're talking to
these things and it's just like, oh, I cannot imagine
the information you're giving these guys. You know, are these
these ais what they're learning from us as humans? You know,
especially get a hateful person in there and they just
start programming all that stuff in there, and then it's
just God, I don't even want to think about it. So, Julie,
we're at the part of the interview where I'm going
to ask you two important questions. I don't know if

(46:12):
you've ever seen one of these episodes, I ask all
my guests the same thing. Okay, so the first one
comes credit to my friend Gretchen, who runs a podcast
called The Shit That Goes On in Our Head. Okay,
so gretch and I interviewed, so I'm gonna ask you
the same question she asked me. So, Julie, if your
mental had a song, what would that song.

Speaker 2 (46:27):
Be if my mental hop had this song? Mm hmm, gosh,
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
It's a great question. I know, yeah, well, I mean
on the day, well that too.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
I really don't know. And I'm a huge music person,
but what's the really does depend on the day? Graveyard
And the only reason is because I lived up for
ten years. I don't know. If you know the Holisey
song about Graveyard that that tends to be me in
a nutshell, I will follow it to the graveyard if
I'm Yeah, if I'm set on something, whether it's good, bad,

(47:02):
or indifferent from me, I refuse to give up. I'm
not hard to you know.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
You know that.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
I had a friend who used to say, like, I'd say, like, oh,
you know, I'm thinking about quit drinking or whatever. She'd say,
God hates a quitter. I'd be like, then God must
love me because I don't give up on things even
when I shut So I would say graveyard, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
So you know I could feel that though, because it
depends on my day for me, and there's a lot
of days my depression kicks in really hard and I
get up, do the show, and I go back into
that mode. So no one ever knows. And I don't
tell a lot of people because it's just like I
don't like, I get people are trying to be helpful
with oh my god, oh my so so I don't.
I don't want to hear all that. I really don't
want to hear all that. That's just me, though, But

(47:40):
that's just me as a person. Don't take that for
anybody else listening that, you know, that's how you should think.
That's just how I am. I just don't really want
to listen to it all. I'm like already feel bad.
I don't feel in the greatest mood. I don't need
you to keep pouring shit on me.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
You know.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
It's just like I understand you mean well, but I
just don't need it.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
I really don't, you know, love y'all, someone tries, when
someone tries to pay you up when you're just like,
I want to be down. I don't want to make lemonade.
Don't give me. If you're giving me lemons, I will
surely enjoy sucking on them as is.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
But right now, she's like to go home just for
a little extra out of pain.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
Yeah, just so I could really struggle through it and
then I'll come back bounce back even harder.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
All right, So, Julie, here's the second question I ask everybody,
the reason this whole podcast even start is if you
could break this stigma about mental health, I mean, anything
that you hear on a daily basis, what would it be.

Speaker 2 (48:32):
That there is a line between normal and crazy. There
is no line between normal and crazy. We all teeter
on it, and as much as we like to tell
ourselves I'm totally saying I am totally with it. We
are all just a minute away from a break.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
It doesn't Yeah, everyone has mental health.

Speaker 1 (48:52):
So, Julie, I did want to ask you a question though,
for somebody that may be going to grief now, do
you have any any advice to them? I mean, since
you've been there, you know what it's like. Is there
anything you can give for Like both sides, I'd say,
you know, like, hey, for the person that's grieving, you know,
just just you know, anything positive message you can tell them, like,
you know, you've been there, you know what they've been
filled through, you know anything you want to tell them.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
I think that the most important thing is do not
shut yourself off. Perfect example. But you just said, you said,
I just don't want to talk about it to people.
And I get that because I'm a person. When I'm
going through hard times, I just literally closed the door,
shut it, and I'm like, I'm dealing with me, I'm
doing me. But after a certain extent, when you don't
rejoin people, you struggle with it, there's nowhere to go

(49:31):
with it, and you forget forgetting who you really are
and the joy that you had I find that when
you learn grief, they pull back because they're like, nobody
wants to hear it anymore because it makes people uncomfortable,
so they stop talking about it. When you stop talking
about it, you isolate yourself. When you start isolating yourself,
then you don't have any support around you. And it's
just a very complex thing. Because I used to feel

(49:55):
like nobody wanted to hear me, so I pulled back.
And when I pulled back, I think people were like,
ohh needs their space, so they started pushing, you know,
and then you just get in this scenario where anger
starts resentment anger. Everyone's abandoned me. I really don't think
people have abandoned you. They just don't want to invade
your privacy or your space. We're all taught like, oh,
I don't want to bother them. I don't want to

(50:16):
bother them. Well, for the person that is going through grief,
they do want to hear what you have to say.
You can the people that will be in your life forever.
You could beat that mantra for the rest of your
life and they will still be there to listen to you,
because that's what friends are for. The people that are
quick to run. You didn't have them to begin with,
So let them go talk to those people. That's fine.

(50:36):
And for the person out there who knows of somebody
who's going through grief, don't do that. Don't say, oh,
I don't want to bother them. Oh they're going through
rough time, you know, pick up a phone, call them.
Even better, stop over at their house. And when you
don't ever say I'm sorry, I hate this, raise well,
you know, if I can do anything, let me know.
They're never going to let you know. They're never going

(50:57):
to take it up. They're never going to do that.
Sounds like a really well intentioned phrase, and I'm sure
it is, but it's almost like, okay, there I said it.
I am now absolved of any responsibility to help them.
You don't have to ask what can I do to help? Literally,
look around their house. You can see that their laundry's
probably done, they probably haven't gone grocery shopping for kids

(51:18):
need to be picked up from school. Just step in.
You are not going to be overstepping your brounds, and hey,
if you are, they will let you know. But I
think this whole leave them alone. You know, they need
time to process. Time alone when you're grieving is never
a good time. And I don't understand why people think
that you want to sit in your grief, that you
want to sit in your sadness. Don't try and pick

(51:38):
me up, but be there at least to hear what
I have to say and to commiserate with me and
guess what, tell me my life sucks. There was nothing
better when someone said, my god, your life sucks, because
recognizing it made me feel like I wasn't crazy for
feeling like my life sought. So those are the two
best things that I have in my repertoire.

Speaker 1 (51:58):
Yeah, no, I agree, I think goes So this is
a big key factor to just just listen. Sometimes they
just want to They just want to say what they're
going to say, and they just want you to listen
to what they're gonna say. You know, at them Loan,
you're doing enough right there, just just letting them feel
like they're being heard at all, if anything too, I mean,
they're going through a lot.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
If somebody says I don't want to be here anymore,
they probably don't mean I don't want to be here anymore.
They mean I don't want to be here in this position,
right now, so don't stop them and make a big
deal out of it. And you know, well, you shouldn't
say that. I hate. I hate when people tell me
what I should or shouldn't say.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
If I on the bush, if you think they're gonna,
if you think that's your biggest fear, just ask them.
A lot of people will tell you that, just to
come out and ask them, like, listen, Harry, you think
about harming yourself? You know they say no, okay, co
I was just just asking to make sure that you know,
I mean, that's all you do. And you know you're
not wrong for asking that question either, because if someone
starts giving that vibe, you know, just ask them, like

(52:54):
I said, just it's a hard question. You're not gonna
if they say yes, don't start panicking either. Please, for
the love God, please let panic stay calm and just
listen to them, you know, just talk them through it.
Listen to what they have to say. If you're really concerned,
I need eight. Is there for that reason too? Dial
them ninety eight and let them know. Just say, hey, listen,
this person's train. They can handle this. Let's let's talk
to somebody and get them some help. Like don't leave

(53:15):
them and just abandon. It's the same thing with people
that have addictions that I tell people all the time
I talk to anybody ask me about stuff like that.
I'm like, I need you understand right now that if
you're going to be in this thing, you need to
be in this thing. You can't leave halfway through this
conversation and say, oh, well this is too much for
me to handle, you know, because you're going to be
more detrimental leaving them in the middle of their need
versus you know, staying and riding through it. And it's

(53:37):
not going to be a fun ride. I'll tell you
right now. It's not a fun ride. It is never
a fun ride. It's hard to watch. But you know,
as long as you're there for them, that's really what
matters at the end of the day. Is it going
to be fun? Hell no, I'm going to tell you
right now, it's not fun. I've been through a couple
of experiences of things where I wish I didn't have to,
But you know, I experienced PTSD this past year, and
let me tell you what that was a crazy moment too,

(53:57):
which you know what I'm saying, It's just you just
can't give up like, if you're going to be there,
be there. Don't be there half in and half out
because you're going to do more harm to these people
versus help them.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
Agreed.

Speaker 1 (54:06):
So sorry. Anyways, Well, with that being said, Julie, I
want to thank you so much for being here today.
I enjoyed this conversation. It's real great. I appreciate you
coming on sharing your story. And you know, keep me
posting on things you guys are doing. I'd love to
promote anything you guys are doing, any kind of fundraisers,
you're doing, stuff like that. I would definitely love to
post it out there for you know, and do what
I can to support you guys, you know, and all
that kind of stuff like that. I really love what

(54:27):
you're doing. I think what you're doing is great. I
think it's needed. And just keep it going man like.
And guys, go check out her book. Why not? You know,
she's got a book. You might as well check it out,
read it, you know, tell her you liked it. She'd
love to hear what your thoughts are on her book.
Of course. I'll put all the links down in the
Bible below here for sure, and where you can get
to the book. All their stuff all their socials and Julie,
most importantly, where can people find you if they want to?
They reach out?

Speaker 2 (54:47):
If you go to my website juliebarthauthor dot com, it
has shoots out to my daughter's art, it shoots out
to my charity and it's just kind of like a
whole round circle. So and you can buy my books
there and yeah, so love it.

Speaker 1 (54:59):
I love it so once again, Julie, thank you so
much for being here, guys. And with that being said,
we're gonna wrap up this episode of Pete for Anxiety. Guys,
I'm Pete for society. You can find me on everything.
I'm on TikTok down to Spotify, I'm on iHeartRadio all
the way down to you know X and all those
other great places guys. And as always say, it costs nothing,
absolutely does to be kind to somebody, one kind act.
You can do the same sort of life or hell,
you can make their day. I'm Pete for Anxiety, signing

(55:19):
off saying, don't ask how your day is today, say hey,
how's your mental health? Respect that I drink, but yeah,
I got my techoty am I work where the guy
don't that don't work? My respect, don't have, but that
don't think that wa