From Addiction to Advocacy: Bri Inspiring Journeyee's

Summary
In this episode, Bree shares her powerful journey through childhood trauma, addiction, and recovery. She discusses her experiences with family dynamics, the impact of addiction on her life, and her commitment to helping others through advocacy. Bree emphasizes the importance of breaking stigmas surrounding mental health and addiction, and she reflects on her personal growth and the lessons learned along the way.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:21):
Welcome to an exciting episode of Pete First Anxiety. Welcome
my guest today, the one the only baby Fox Akay Brie.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Bree. How are you doing today?

Speaker 3 (00:28):
I'm good?

Speaker 4 (00:29):
How are you?

Speaker 1 (00:30):
I'm so excited you here today. Bree's actually a good
friend of mine. She's been supported the show since day
one and all the other great stuff. So Bre share
to tell her own story. So Brie want's you tell
everybody a little bit about yourself.

Speaker 4 (00:39):
So my name is Bree.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
I pressure on, by the way, do what I said,
Pressure's on?

Speaker 4 (00:48):
Yeah, I know right, the pressure is on. Uh.

Speaker 5 (00:50):
So I am a certified peer Recovery coach in the
state of West Virginia, and that actually changed this year.

Speaker 4 (00:59):
So I am.

Speaker 5 (01:01):
A prss SUD, which is Substance use dependency and so
I actually have a special a speciality.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
Now, which is super cool.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
There you go.

Speaker 5 (01:11):
And I've been through a lot of crap in my
life which makes me sort offied to do it. So
I get to use my own life experience and what
I do. And I'm writing a book.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
There you go. What you know the title of the
book is yet.

Speaker 5 (01:24):
So the title of the book is going to be
I Choose Love over fear, and it's a self help memoir,
so I use my own story and then I wrote
really good questions that go at the end of each
chapter that are super emotional, so they kind of hurt
your feelings a little bit.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Well, you know, I guess you don't hurt my feelings.
That's okay. So I won't read that book.

Speaker 5 (01:46):
But anyways, you know, don't worry, Peter, I'll read you
some questions from it, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
So Bree's here to tell her story. So, Brie, ever
part of this story you want to reveal, you can share.
I mean, you don't have to tell everything you don't
want to, but you know, give me a little more
background about what your story is about, or just you know,
jump into it however you feel.

Speaker 3 (02:06):
Okay.

Speaker 5 (02:07):
So I come from a family of addiction and a
family of non love, I guess. So one side of
my family is like full blown addiction, caloism, the whole
nine yards.

Speaker 4 (02:22):
And the other side of my family is a military.

Speaker 5 (02:24):
Family and they're just very I guess, closet addictions. They're
also very they just don't show a lot of emotions.
So I kind of had a weird childhood. I had
a great childhood. At the start of it, my mom
had custody of me. My dad got me every other week,
and my dad was a truck driver after he left
the military, he.

Speaker 4 (02:41):
Was there when he could be.

Speaker 5 (02:43):
And then my mom actually drank, Like my whole entire childhood.
I didn't know or realize how bad it was because
like I had fairy gardens. My mom garden for a living, basically,
and she always made sure I was at school, like
she had a great husband.

Speaker 4 (03:02):
The whole nine yards.

Speaker 5 (03:03):
It was like white picket fence suburban America until my
aunt moved in. And one night my mom caught my
stepdad with somebody else and put a knife through the door.

Speaker 4 (03:14):
And that's when we figured out that, you.

Speaker 5 (03:15):
Know, my mom's drinking was more than just her drinking
to have a good time. I remember waking up and
I remember my aunt going, you just need to go
back to bed, But I vividly remember like the knife
sticking out of the door and my mom crying, and
I was like, why is my mom crying? And she
was like, it's fine, it's fine, Like you just need
to go back to bed. Needless to say, my mom
and her husband got divorced after that. My mom does

(03:37):
not do jeeters, so but after that everything got really hectic.
Nothing was stable in the course of my life. From
the time that I was born until now, I.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
Have moved forty six times.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
Hold on, hold on forty six times. Dieze, what do
you think? What are you a witness protection or something?

Speaker 5 (03:56):
I have moved enough times that in middle school, I
used to tell people that my mom was a real
life gypsy and we didn't stay anywhere for longer than
three months. Would have sounded cooler, but a right, listen,
my mom was like a whole witchy vibe, like she
had like all of the like cool moon and stars stuff,

(04:17):
Like her whole living room was moving stars like yeah,
but I was like my mohame's the real life gypsy.

Speaker 4 (04:23):
I removed so much It's fine, but.

Speaker 3 (04:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
And making friends and stuff too.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, you know, like every place you go, you're like, well,
not long are we're going to be?

Speaker 5 (04:34):
Actually that was the thing is I managed to stay
in the same school district. Okay, okay, Well I had
all the same friends. I just didn't have a stable home. Yeah,
which means that my friends did care about me, and
they actually cared about my well being and two of
my friends more than once had went to the office

(04:54):
and been like, listen, your girls, girls got problems, okay,
which resulted in me having to talk to the counselor.
And again, we don't feel feeling so between my mom
and my dad. Both of them are like, am I God,
don't say anything, like you know, my mom's just my mom.

Speaker 4 (05:11):
We don't talk about it.

Speaker 5 (05:12):
The one time that I did talk about it is
she had met my stepdad and her my stepdad had
gotten in a fight. She broke his news with a
shovel and he hit her over the head of a
coffee cup, and that was the time that I called
my dad. I called my dad and was like, I
can't live here anymore. My dad did come and get me.
He well, he sent my cousin. He sent my cousin
to come and get me. And I went to school
the next day and I looked at my best friend

(05:32):
and I was like, my mom's dead, Like she's not
alive anymore. And she was like, how do you know
that your mom died? And I was like, bro like
ron knocked her out, like she's dead.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
So, of course, my friend, being a good friend that
she was, went to the office and was like, holy shit,
like Breese step head kill her mom and uh like
so CPS got in, needless to say, my mom was alive.
My mom was Okay.

Speaker 4 (05:55):
It's funny.

Speaker 3 (05:56):
It's funny now. It was not funny at the time.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
It's because it's like it as a kid, you're telling
another kid that a kid's.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
Gonna go, oh my god, they're dead, you know, and
it's like, huh and she's a school Yeah, yeah, my
stepdad killed my mom, you know, And I'm like, huh.

Speaker 5 (06:10):
Like why that was just normal for me, like yeah,
and looking back, yes, yeah, So my body used to
make me take like those depression tests every year that
they give it to school, and I was always fine,
and she like now looking back up, like she probably
did that because she knew that, like she traumatized.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
Me, like she could think anything else. I don't know
what she was thinking is going to happen, you know,
like it it's just yeah, I don't even know. It's sad.

Speaker 1 (06:39):
That's just like I know my dad when I was younger,
you know, compare a little bit. He was using alcohol.
He drank a lot, though, but he stopped after a
while though. But there is a moment though, remember that,
like the night thing for you, the one thing for
us was that they got in an argument and I
think it's the only time I've ever seen him really
get physical. And I don't remember what it was, and
it was just like they got into it. My aunt
was living with us two and the shit just went down.

(07:00):
And then there's other stories that come out that I
have never told anybody that I'll out to share some
time with someone. It's just it's just like I could
compare to a little bit. It just got crazy because
it's like, you know, it's when social and alcohol comes in.
It sounds like your mom was a functional alcoholic go
but you know, until it would just kind of boil
over and then shit just got wild. So did you

(07:20):
live with your dad after that after he came and
picked you up?

Speaker 3 (07:23):
No, So I went back to my mom's.

Speaker 5 (07:25):
I ended up living with my mom for the rest
of that year.

Speaker 4 (07:29):
My mom at the time worked at the bar.

Speaker 5 (07:31):
My escape from my mom was I had this Baptist
church that would come with a bus and they would
pick you up and they would take you to church
on Sundays.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
And I did that, Like that's what I did.

Speaker 5 (07:42):
I went on Sundays to this Baptist church that was
like Twuoe towns Over, and my mom was just like sure, whatever,
I don't care. That was the first time I got
baptized and something changed in me, and I was like,
I'm never going to be my mom, Never going to
be my mom, not gonna happen. I had really good
grades and everything until then, and I got invited to
be a People to People student ambassador. So I got
to go to seven different countries this summer from my

(08:06):
eighth grade into my ninth grade year, which was amazing
and a huge escape from my mom. Right yeah, I
spent I spent three months traveling across Europe, learning all
kinds of history, getting to go to places like Normandy
and the World War Two Museum.

Speaker 4 (08:22):
I got to go to Belgium and eat chocolate.

Speaker 5 (08:24):
I got to go to France and go up the
Eiffel Tower, like things that I will remember for.

Speaker 4 (08:29):
A lifetime, which was super cool.

Speaker 5 (08:32):
The bad thing about that was is I was also
planning to move into my dad's Right yeah. So I
come home from Europe and I know sooner get off
the plane and my Dad's like, hey, this is Clara.
She's gonna move in And I was like what, and
he's like, well, by move in, I mean you don't
have a bedroom anymore. And we moved Clara and her
kids in and we're getting married. And I was like

(08:52):
at that moment, in my head, I was like, oh
my god, my dad hates me and Clara is the
wicked witch of the West.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
How was the two things that happened for me in
that moment? And everything changed after that with my dad.

Speaker 5 (09:03):
Like, I was very angry because I didn't like her.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
A lot of it I think now, or did you
not give her a chance? Was it just because you're
so mad that Claire's kids took your room You're just like,
well fuck her, then I don't care.

Speaker 5 (09:17):
Yeah, so I think a lot of it now, like
looking back on it, because she did try. She did try,
But in my eyes, when I was mad at my mom,
I was mad at my stepdad. I was mad at
my dad because you know, obviously he moved Clara in
and she was like, you know, I want to be
your mom. I want to be the supportive person. I
want to do all this. And I think in my

(09:39):
brain and was like, you're not my mom, Like, and
I was an only child, so like I am my
mom's only kid.

Speaker 4 (09:45):
In my met my dad's only kids.

Speaker 5 (09:46):
So to gain siblings was a blessing and a curse
for me, like I had always wanted siblings, Like most
of me and her kids got along, and me and
my stepsister Megan had had our tussles. I think it
was just because we were the same age and they
put us both in the same room. Having two fourteen
year old girls in the same room gets a little testy. Okay,
I don't know how it is for guys.

Speaker 3 (10:07):
At fourteen, but girls at fourteen are assholes.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yeah, we mean to.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
Female dominance Me and my brother when we stayed together
for the short period of time. We do Aleas fight
all the time, and we we like wrestling a lot.
We'd wrestle. There's moments where you just could hear us
like we're gonna come through the fucking ceiling because we're
just throwing each othe around up there for a bit,
you know, all the crazy shit we would do because
we're watching it on TV. So like, well, hey, listen, hey,
it says don't try this at home. Fuck it, We're
gonna try it at home anyway. So we start wrestling.

(10:35):
Oh god, there's there's days where we just like and
then we go to our friend's house and start wrestling.
To you, we'd think one time we drop kicked one
kid into the TV in the living room at my
friend's house. You know, we did some pretty hardcore shit.
It back in the day when it came to that
kind of shit. So, yeah, you're about the same.

Speaker 4 (10:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
Yeah, Well though you got.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
To ask all that question is because you know, really
refers to clarify because my kids, I think, are the
feeling the same way. Because my wife now me and
her when she moved in and they were not or
they were kind of stand offish. They were okay at first,
but then that was the same thing as they were like, oh,
she's trying to be my mom. But my wife had
clarified no, no, I am so, and so she used
her name, you know, and she said, I'm Stacy. I'm

(11:13):
not your mom. You have your mom, your mom's there.
I am just Stacey to you. If you want to,
if you call me mom by some point, that's up
to you. I don't I'm not asking you any of
that stuff. And it's like, I wonder if that's their
mindset too, because I know one of them made that
comment said, oh, they're trying to replace She's trying to
replace mom, and I'm like, no, she's not. She's never
said that once. She clarified that with you in the
beginning that hey, and they're about twelve, twelve, and fifteen

(11:38):
at the time. So, but they don't really talk to
me now as it is because of course I'm the
evil person, which I wasn't the greatest, you know, but
I wonder if that was their mindset. G Stacey hadn't
done anything but just say I'm Stacy. I'm not your mom.
You have your mom, And she clarified, They're like, your
mom's there, I'm not trying to replace your mom.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
You know.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
Now this is different versus your step mom who came
in and said, well, I'm trying to I.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
Want to be your mom. I wanted to all these things.

Speaker 4 (12:01):
It's like, yeah, like I think she meant like, I
think she meant good.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
She didn't realize what she was saying to you.

Speaker 5 (12:09):
Yeah, like she knew, you know, like my mom is
not the greatest person, right, Like she was like, I
just want to offer you the stable environment, and I
was like, absolutely not.

Speaker 4 (12:19):
I don't like you.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
She's like like chaos.

Speaker 3 (12:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (12:23):
Well, I think the other side of that is is
like when I would visit my dad, like a lot
of times I ended up at my aunt's or my.

Speaker 4 (12:28):
Grandma's or my other aunts.

Speaker 5 (12:30):
Like I was at my dad's house like for holidays, like,
but every other weekend when he had me, like I
was so many other places, doing so many other things
with other people in his family that it was never
just really me and him other than like one vacation.
I remember one vacation where we went to every every
cave or cavern in Ohio, which was really cool, and

(12:50):
I have a scrap book from that because it was
like so special to me because I was.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
Like, oh my god, my dad chose me.

Speaker 5 (12:54):
So I think for me it was more like my
dad's not choosing me again, like they got nomadic.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
Yeah, no, I get that completely because that's how it
was with our dad. Though we didn't see him much
because he worked a lot, so he worked overnights a
lot of times, so we didn't really see him as much.
So he was always constantly working. But like there's a
couple of times he disappointed us, like we were excited
to see him, and then he just didn't come. But
it was like because he had to work, and then
work ran late, so then he got stuck. You know,
later I found out that, you know, some of those

(13:22):
situations probably weren't just work. He was being a dad,
was being a hoe back in the day, right, you
know it, It got interesting real quick. And you know,
don't get me wrong, My mom on the other side,
wasn't an angel either, because apparently she was leaving in
the middle of night to go see her now her
now husband she's with now to go see him in
the middle of night.

Speaker 2 (13:41):
Left us home alone by ourselves when we are sleeps.

Speaker 5 (13:43):
You know.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
It's just, yeah, this is a double edged sword there.
It's entertaining as you find these things out.

Speaker 4 (13:47):
Yeah, definitely is.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
No, but no, I could relate to your story a
lot of the ways.

Speaker 1 (13:52):
I mean, it's just you just wanted to spend time
with your dad, and he was like all his other
family members wanted to see you too, And I get that,
but I think that you would have benefited more from
him spending more time with you, you know, because that's what
you wanted. Though, did you ever tell him that's what
you wanted to do? Hey, Dad, I just want to
do something with you.

Speaker 5 (14:09):
I think I did because I think I was scared because,
like I said, my dad's like this big bad marine, right,
he's kind of My dad's kind of.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
Stand offish like.

Speaker 5 (14:19):
And I think a lot of the times like he
didn't know what to do with me, like because he
would just be like, you're just like your mother, Like oh,
and like are their relationships. My mom and my dad
divorced like at when I was six months old, so
like I do not know my mom and my dad together.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it makes sense. So I know you
mentioned before that you you've had addiction background. What what
was your addiction though? So we're getting too here we go,
Here we go, guys.

Speaker 5 (14:53):
Yeah, this is actually so I move in with my dad, right, yeah,
and I get my wisdom teeth.

Speaker 4 (15:00):
So I ended up getting my teeth out.

Speaker 5 (15:02):
My stepsisters had all had theirs out, my stepbrother had
his out. I was there for all that. I got
to watch him have the ice packe and I was
doing chocolate dish. Mine was worse. It ended up not
only getting my teeth out, but I also ended up
with dry socket twice. So in a matter of two months,
I ended up with three hundred and thirty.

Speaker 4 (15:24):
I like fives, which is vic it it fuck yeah.

Speaker 5 (15:28):
At seventeen, No, I was seventeen year old, needs that
many pills fucking ever, And at this time I was
like going through my goffe. So I was pissed off
at my mom. I had moved out of my mom's
house because she like laid hands on me, and I
was like, I'm done with you. I'm old enough to
make my own decisions. Moved in with my dad's. Well,
my poor dad. Once again, he's a great man, he's

(15:50):
just a little naive, so he didn't realize that I
was taking.

Speaker 4 (15:55):
More and more and more and more right, and.

Speaker 5 (15:58):
I had went through all three models a shorter amount
of time than what I probably should have. But I
was taking them as prescribed right because the doctor said
I could take two to four day whenever I was
in pain.

Speaker 4 (16:13):
I didn't think before.

Speaker 5 (16:16):
If you had to guess day, I was really just
taking four to five. So I mean, not really that
bad yet right testing the waters, but I knew I
like the way they felt that I felt like because
when I was numb, I didn't have to feel my feelings.
And number two, I knew that I was still getting
good grades, so I was like, I'm getting good grades,
nothing's wrong with me.

Speaker 4 (16:34):
I'm fine. And then we started.

Speaker 5 (16:36):
Like partying on the weekends because my dad would let
us drink there. My dad would let us drink there
as long as we left our keys, so we weren't a
lot to leave, but like us and our friends would
have parties in my dad's backyard. And then after that
I ended up graduating and everything, and then I met
the wrong friends, and me and the wrong friends would
trip on rhebotessin and chlorocedn c's and duster. And at

(17:00):
that time I already moved out of my dad's house,
so I didn't stay a day longer than graduation.

Speaker 4 (17:05):
Actually I think I moved out before graduation was even over.

Speaker 5 (17:07):
And that started house parties and me being mad at myself,
being mad at my parents, like I was just mad
at everybody. I was mad at the world, and I
was tired of being mad. I took whatever it could.
I will say, do not think about taking corecedencies the.

Speaker 3 (17:21):
Way that I did. I ended up.

Speaker 5 (17:25):
So we took so many and like go trip off
of them if you take enough of them.

Speaker 4 (17:29):
Sinus medication for people that have heart issues.

Speaker 5 (17:32):
Okay, and we did this one night. I took like
thirty and was driving home and I had accidentally turned
my bright lights on and it was snowing. So if
you've ever turned your lights on and it's snowing and
it's like your brights, it's kind of like Star Wars.
There's Star Trek and like everything's like in hyper speed.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
I did this.

Speaker 5 (17:54):
Yeah, and on a back road in the middle of
the country, ass Ohio, Okay, like pitch black. Everything else
around me is like white, and I'm like, holy shit,
I'm in a fucking spaceship right, I'm just stopped in the.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
Middle of the road, like watching the snow come at me.

Speaker 5 (18:08):
And I remember opening my car door and throwing up
and being like somebody else has to drive, Like done
with this? And then I met Connor's dad and I
got sober. I decided that we decided that, you know,
everybody else, I'd been cheated on through all of high
school with every guy I've ever dated. He had to
so like it was like, you know what, We've been
best friends since we were like ten, Like why don't
we date just because you are friends with somebody does

(18:30):
not mean you should date them.

Speaker 4 (18:31):
Okay, so we're amazing.

Speaker 1 (18:33):
So let me ask you this question though. Okay, so
your relationships with Connor Stad Okay, was it hard to
trust him at first or the really cheated on you?
Is that always a constant fear in your head, like,
oh my god, he's gonna cheat at me at some
point in this relationship or was it just kind of
like you're like, oh whatever, I'm young, fucking I'll find
somebody later on.

Speaker 5 (18:51):
Honestly, I'd never thought Connor's sapatute on me ever, because
he had been through kind of the same situations. Like
it was like we were like the exact same person,
Like he was having the exact same issues.

Speaker 4 (19:02):
That I was.

Speaker 5 (19:03):
So like it was like he came from a family
of refuse, Like his dad used to put out cigars
on his arm, like he had huge ass scars. Like shit, yeah,
like we had Like basically we trauma bought it, I
really think is what happened. But we both just had
enough of dating shit people, and we're like, you know what,
Like I know that you're a good person, you know
that I'm a good person.

Speaker 4 (19:24):
We're gonna try this.

Speaker 5 (19:26):
We got a fucking apartment together and a cat and
a puppy, and we were like, really our best lives. Yeah,
the cat, the cat, and the puppy are essential, okay,
And we were like, we're just gonna live our best lives.

Speaker 4 (19:37):
And I got to stay at home.

Speaker 5 (19:39):
I didn't work. He worked, and uh I got pregnant.
I remember looking at him and going, you know, we're
gonna have this baby and he was like what And
I was.

Speaker 4 (19:51):
Like, yeah, I'm pregnant and he was like, oh, no,
you're not.

Speaker 5 (19:54):
And I was like, yeah, yeah I am, and uh
so I He made me wait two weeks and come
back and I took a pregnancy test and I remember
sitting on the bathroom floor just crying. I couldn't open
the door. I was so fucking scared, and I didn't
know why I was scared, but I knew that I
was scared to open the fucking door. And I did,

(20:16):
and I handed it to him. And that was the
first and only time I've ever seen Corey be mean.
And that's the first and only time I've ever seen
Corey be violent. He gave me an ultimatum. He was like,
I'll give you five hundred dollars and you can go
and get an abortion, or I can give you one.
And he punched me in the stomach card enough that
I started bleeding. I tried to run him over with
my car. I ended up at my trying Casey's house,

(20:37):
and I blocked him on everything.

Speaker 4 (20:39):
I didn't say anything.

Speaker 5 (20:40):
I was convinced that I had lost this kid, and
I decided not to go to the doctor about it
or anything. We just kind of took care of it
at my friend Casey's house, like she held me through it,
her mom held me through it. I started drinking, and uh,
I decided, you know what, fuck it. I can't drink

(21:01):
my life away. I'm not my mom. So I decided
that I was gonna be a Navy seal. So I
took all their training. I passed all of their tests.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
I got a ninety nine on my as BAB and.

Speaker 5 (21:11):
The guy was like, you can't be a Navy seal
And I was like, the fuck you let me do
all this testing for And he was like.

Speaker 3 (21:18):
You're a woman, and we're outside.

Speaker 5 (21:22):
For too long, Like you can get things that guys
can't get, and then we can't treat that in the field,
so you can't be a Navy seal and I was like, well,
find fuck you, I'll go be a Marine. And I
went to sign up for the Marines, sign all the
paperwork and everything. I passed everything except for the pregnancy
test and spoken like a true attic. The lady looks
at me because they dip your pregnancy test and they

(21:42):
dip the thing to make sure that you don't have
drugs in your system. And lady looks at me and goes, honey,
you're positive. And I was like what and she was like,
you're positive and I was like positive for what. I
don't do drugs and the lady's like, no, not drugs.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
And I was like what do you mean. She's like,
you're pregnant. And I said I'm what.

Speaker 5 (21:58):
And I made her do three more tests because they
didn't believe her. Sure, shit enough, I went to the
doctor and I was three and a half months pregnant.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
No, this is still the same one from Connor's dad. Correct, Yeah, yep.

Speaker 4 (22:12):
I had never went.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
I'm just asking so I know how this this is going. Okay,
I got you know, Okay, I'm following you because I
was like, wait a minute, I'm trying to do the
timeline in my head of where you're at. So after
the incident with Connorstad, then you went to do all
the military testing. It didn't because you already thought you
lost the baby at that point, so you didn't.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
Get checked out.

Speaker 3 (22:30):
Yeah, never get anyway.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
Yeah, I'm just trying to understand.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
I'm processing it through my head exactly how this is
going timeline wise. It's making sense now to me. It's okay.
So does okay? So let's fast forward a little bit.
Does he does he know whose dad is?

Speaker 5 (22:42):
So? I was eight months pregnant with Connor and Connor's
dad took his own life phone.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
Shit, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
Have you told Connor about it yet? Or is he
too young to tell him right now?

Speaker 4 (22:54):
No, So Connor knows about his dad. Two things happened.

Speaker 3 (22:57):
One.

Speaker 4 (22:58):
I showed up at at the funeral pregnant.

Speaker 5 (23:00):
His mom was like, wow, my son is still a
lying son of a bitch because he told them all
that I stole five hundred dollars when I got an abortion.
His mom came down the day that Connor was born.
She got to hold him and everything. His mom has
sent letters and money. He won't ever know that side
of his family because his dad is very controlling, and
his sister doesn't believe me, so she could be fixed

(23:21):
with the maternity test that they won't do it because
I'm a liar.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
So so do you.

Speaker 1 (23:26):
Still hear from his mom at all? I mean it
sounds like she's the supportive one out of the group.

Speaker 5 (23:30):
So I haven't heard from her. And since Connor was seven. Yeah,
I don't know if he's still alive. I don't know
if his dad's still alive. But whenever he died, all
of his friends and stuff wrote letters and sent me
pictures and like I have them all printed out. Connor
knows about his dad. Connor knows what his dad did.
I didn't tell him until this year, just because I

(23:52):
didn't think you'd understand. He's fourteen. It's gonna be fifteen, okay,
So you told me?

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Okay?

Speaker 5 (23:57):
So I told him that dad died and he was sick,
like I didn't necessarily lie to him. I just didn't
tell him what he was sick with. But he also
had an addiction.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
I listen, listen, let me stop you right there really
quick and say something to you that has to be
the hardest conversation you ever had. I don't think at
any point you you you don't even have to clarify.
I don't think he lied to him, because like, how
do you talk to a kid about their dad killing himself?
You know what I'm saying, Like, how would you?

Speaker 2 (24:24):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (24:25):
I had interviewed somebody I don't know if you've seen
the video yet. The woman I had an interviewed who
had to tell her two kids younger than Connor and
and and told them about what happened to their dad,
And like, listen, hats off to you, because that's the
hardest conversation to have with a kid, is to explain
that to him like, well, I'm sorry your dad thought,
you know, he just wanted to silence the pain.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
Or whatever whatever however you want to put it.

Speaker 1 (24:43):
It's it's a tough conversation general, because then he's got
to understand, you know, what his dad did, well, like
what did he do?

Speaker 2 (24:48):
Like why? You know?

Speaker 1 (24:50):
And you know, it's hard, but I think it's a
real conversation for someone his age to have to understand
that that you know, you know, the statistics are saying
though if we all look at him still, it's still
eighty percent of me. Else do commit suicide and things
like that too. And I think, you know, having that
conversation Conor now, is that making him aware of that situation,
is that he'll be better understanding in the fact that
you're what you're doing now is you can you can

(25:11):
have these conversations with them, because I think that we
need to start having these conversations that young gentleman his
age because with the Internet now, it's gotten worse, you know.
And I had a guest on the show, mister Whiskey.
I don't know if you if you haven't seen that
episode yet, anybody go back and watch it and see
Whiskey and I were discussing it. He said that when
the Internet was when social media really took off, twenty
percent was the rate of young men went up for

(25:33):
suicides for young men around Counter's age. And it's the
scariest thing ever because it's like, shit, now you're introducing
another element for someone to bully everybody with, and now
you have to worry about what is happening when you're
not looking, you.

Speaker 5 (25:44):
Know, So two things that made it easier. And I
guarantee that Connor's dad did it because of his addiction.
He from the looks of it. When we went and
cleaned out the apartment and his truck, there was multiple
liquor bottles, there was needles like he was doing Heroin. Oh,
Like thankfully, I mean, Connor did go through my addiction

(26:07):
with me, so like he understands, as shitty as that
is to say, like not saying that I was the
greatest parent at the beginning of his life. So one,
that made it easier because he understands that addiction is
a disease. And two he's been through a lot of
mental health stuff with people in my family and people
at school, so he kind of gets that too. So
like when he came to me this year, he was

(26:29):
like listen. He's like, you've always told me that you know,
my dad was sick and that's why he died.

Speaker 4 (26:34):
He's like, but what was he sick with?

Speaker 5 (26:35):
Because my friends are asking, because his friends want to know,
like where's your dad? And Connor always goes, well, he
died before I was born. He was sick, and now
they're they're asked, they're old enough to ask questions. And
I just waited for him to come to me on
his own, and I was like, listen, like this is
what happened. Nobody really knows the whole story. I was like,
your dad was missing for three days, I said, and
we found him.

Speaker 4 (26:55):
He had shot himself in his car.

Speaker 5 (26:57):
I was like, and he had stuff in his system,
Like we know that he was using at the time,
And just like when your mom was sick, I was like,
he was sick too. And Connor goes, thank you for
explaining it to me. It's like, thank you for not
lying to me. Like, I think that was the hardest
part is to look my ken in the eye. I
know that he understood, Like that.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
Was the hard part. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
It's tough fun and hats off to you. It's a
tough conversation general to have to talk to him about it,
you know, but he came and asked you about it,
and you know it all. All I'm gonna say is
that Connor, hats off to you, man. Like you you went,
you asked a question about the subject that is very
hard to talk about as men. You know, we as
men don't talk about this shit enough and we probably

(27:39):
need to start the conferences changer.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
So hats off to you. But you know, you you
asked a very tough question and mom handled it very well.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
And it's hard, man, It's it's just it's heart ranching
here when you have to explain it to kids, you know,
like what happened and like I was referring to that
one with Reshna was the name of the lady. I
was talking to her when she was describing it. Girl,
I was like, I'm like, how old the kids? She's
the kids were really young too, and she's like, yeah,
I'd explained it to him, but the way she explained
it was masterful.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
It's like, oh, it's amazing.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
She explained it like dad had dark colors and this
and that, so you know, but you know, it heads
off him though, for asking, you know. And I think
with his experience of seeing the stuff around him is
going to do him better though, because he'll under better
understand what he's looking at and it gives him a
fighting chance. And I mean, god, I don't even know
if I could have that conversation with somebody because it's
just like what do you say, Like, how do you

(28:29):
even start the conversation? Well, you know, this is what happened,
you know, And now now he's done, now he knows
what happened. So what I just said, I don't him. I
don't know, man, hats off to you, because I don't
think I could have done it.

Speaker 4 (28:39):
It's a tough situation.

Speaker 2 (28:40):
I really don't sure.

Speaker 4 (28:41):
Unfortunately, like my kid has seen a lot of death.

Speaker 5 (28:45):
My kids had a lot of trauma even before he
was born, obviously, because that wrecked me. He was my
best friend, like, even if we weren't good together, like,
he was still my best friend. And I'm gonna fucking
hurt so and I had Connor, and Connor was a
traumatic birthing experience. So this kid decided that he did

(29:06):
not want to come into this world. He flipped himself
out of my birthing canal. They induced me. I dilated
if I wouldn't dilate anymore, ended up with six different epidurals.
And the whole time I was pregnant with him, I
had sinus infection, so that actually put balls of mucus
in my lungs.

Speaker 4 (29:23):
Well, we didn't know that it was balls mucus.

Speaker 5 (29:25):
And my lungs, and I felt like I was having
a heart attack, so they had to do an emergency
C section. They had to section Connor out of me,
and he had wrapped his umbilical cord around himself three times.

Speaker 4 (29:34):
He came out blue.

Speaker 5 (29:36):
He was nine pounds nine ounces and twenty one and
a half inches long, so my body physically could not
birth him.

Speaker 3 (29:42):
And he ended up coming out.

Speaker 5 (29:44):
With a broken clavicle and the whole left side of
his face was black and blue from where they had
to section him out. So I mean, yeah, and then
he ended up being Johnnis. So we spent three weeks
in the hospital. Yeah, and I got her Cassette, and
I fell in love. I fell in love with percocet
the minute that I took it, because I was fucking superwoman.

(30:08):
They ended up giving me fifty to take home, which
I knew better because I had already started, like I
had already taken the pills right like in high school.
So I was like, I know how this is gonna
end for me. I have to raise this kid. I
took a total of ten of them and then I quit.
I knew I wanted to breastfeed him. I knew that

(30:28):
I wanted to be the best mom that I could.
I knew I didn't want to be my mom, and
A come full circle with my mom. A year after
I had Connor, my mom decided to quit drinking. She
did get sober for her grandson, and turns out my
mom's started to happen. All these health issues should have
been high blood pressure, she had high cholesterol, she had
high this hi that couldn't figure out what the heck

(30:49):
was going on till we go to this like free doctor.
One day they listened to her heart and they go, oh,
do you have you ever been told you have a
heart murmer?

Speaker 4 (30:55):
My Mom's like, oh, yeah, I've had that sounds little.

Speaker 5 (30:58):
Turns out that my mother was born without her mania
or to carp valve. So all of the years of
drinking and using and everything else that she did kept
her alive because it kept her blood didn enough to
pump through her heart. So when they say everything happens
for a reason and God has a plan, I guess
that's true because even though I had a shit childhood

(31:19):
because my mother being what she was, I wouldn't have
my mom if she wouldn't have done that, Like, yeah,
I probably would.

Speaker 4 (31:26):
Have never been born.

Speaker 5 (31:27):
Because my mom had used from the time that she
was sixteen until the time that she was fifty five.
She'd use her drink her whole entire life.

Speaker 4 (31:35):
So who is.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Your mom so alive as she passed away.

Speaker 4 (31:40):
So I lost my mom two years ago. This month
actually makes two years.

Speaker 2 (31:45):
Yeah, it doesn't get any easier, it doesn't. It's hard.
I lost my godmother a couple months ago, so I
could I could feel you on that one. It's tough.

Speaker 1 (31:53):
And when it comes to that situation, it's like We've
had several conversations to show with other people that specialize
in grief and things like that too, and it's the
hardest thing ever. You know, people always left with what
do you say to somebody's Maybe you can give some
advice to somebody from your own opinion, Like if somebody
has lost somebody, like, what do you.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
Suggest they do?

Speaker 1 (32:12):
I mean, it's always different from everybody, but I feel
like the people that go through it probably can better
understand it. Like, don't get me wrong, the experts are great,
but it's better when you hear from somebody, you know,
just a regular person saying it.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
You know.

Speaker 5 (32:25):
So one, losing my mother was the closest I ever
ever came to relapsing. I didn't even think about it.
I stopped and about three bottles of alcohol. I got
home and my wallet. I have a list of numbers.
One of them is my sponsor, one of them my mom,
one of them's my ex sponsor, and one of them's
my dad.

Speaker 4 (32:40):
And I put it in the clear part where your
ID should go.

Speaker 5 (32:43):
And I once put my cards back in my wallet
and I saw that and I looked over and I
went fuck. And I had called my sponsor and I
was like, listen, this is what I did. And she
said why and the hell would.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
You do that?

Speaker 5 (32:52):
And I said, this is what happened, and I just broke.
Little did she know she sent my cousin to dump
out my alcohol, And uh, I think the best thing
that happened to me wasn't like everybody going I'm so
sorry for your loss blah blah blah blah blah. The
best thing that happened for me was my cousin just
stopping and hugging me, and her looking at me and

(33:14):
telling me it's okay to not be okay in this moment.

Speaker 4 (33:18):
Like yeah, She's like, you.

Speaker 5 (33:21):
Get because you like with your parents, like you literally
shared DNA with them, Like that's kind of lost that
nobody can prepare you for. Like you can think about
it all day long, but at the end of the day,
like when it happens, like, that's a loss that you're
not prepared for. Nobody can prepare you for that and
the other things that happened.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
Is anybody though too.

Speaker 5 (33:43):
I have an amazing community. I have an amazing community
on TikTok. I have an amazing community in real life.
And I gained that community by reading my mom's poems. Yeah,
so that's that's how I started my TikTok. I started
reading poems that she wrote an active addiction. Nuh, that's
where I gained most of my following.

Speaker 4 (34:04):
But I think just.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
Around you.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
Yeah, speaking of TikTok, everybody may remember the episode Joe
and Joland Brie for he is actually the rehearson that
actually connected us together. We all met in the same
area as she was, so hats off to her. She
she was supposed to come back and we just haven't
got a date locked in. But yes, Brie's actually at
Brion and Joel are actually the number one viewed YouTube
episode I have so far right now, they're at like

(34:29):
two hundred and something views at least. And Every Country
Boy's actually number four on that list too, which is
another mutual friend of ours.

Speaker 4 (34:37):
Yeah, it's crazy so.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
It's crazy because people overlook TikTok to are like, oh,
TikTok I'm like, dude, you don't realize if you don't
with any social media, if you don't use it to
your advantage, then that's your fault, you know, like look
for the people you want to be around, you know,
and things like that too. And that's where we you know,
I met Jay as well, because you know Jay doing
his podcast now too, and you know he tells a
little bit a lie, but we won't talk about that.

(35:01):
So but yes, Jay, he's doing really good. He's thriving
really well. I'm so happy for him. He's doing really well.
I've linked him up with a bunch of people too.
He actually linked up with one guest named Masimo. Him
and Jay hit it off and they're having a great time,
and now they're talking about getting back together again. And
then Jay had also met mister Whiskey, So Ji and
mister Whiskey are talking about doing a try episode together.

(35:21):
So there's plenty to come with this coming up. So
it's going to be a pretty good time. So Jay
had reached out and said something to me about and
I was like, oh, hell yeah. So Whiskey had said
the same thing too. He'd reached out and me, he said,
Jay and I were discussing this, and I was like,
uh yeah, without any question, Yeah, let's get together and
let's do it.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
Why not.

Speaker 1 (35:36):
There's a lot coming up this season and other stuff
going so, you know. But anyways, yeah, it's it's been great.
It's a good time. You know, things like that too.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
All that great. So well, you know, I thank you
for coming and sharing your story.

Speaker 5 (35:48):
Though.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
Man, it's awesome. I mean no, it's hard. It gets easier.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
Like I let me tell you're right up there with
your probably number three on the list.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
So if I had to rank the craziest stories so
far to this day, I think you're number three.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
Number one is oh okay, okay, So what parts of
it did we miss?

Speaker 5 (36:05):
Now, let's so you didn't get you didn't get the
whole Africannor was born. I stayed sober for three years,
hit the wrong guy, started using pain pills again, started
using alcohol again, which turned into I didn't want to
withdraw from pain pills, so I used meth to get
off of pain pills and that ended in a three

(36:28):
year addiction. A DV situationship and the eighteen Feds kicking
in my door.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
Okay, well hold on, hold on, listen, listen. We got
a touch on this a little bit. Okay, hold on,
all right.

Speaker 1 (36:39):
So, so when you when you got back on him,
was it because the other guy was into that or
was it just something that happened along the way.

Speaker 5 (36:47):
So I had a shit day at work and came
home and he like had had a pill on my counter,
Like I had left work early because I was having
shit day, came home and he was like snorting a
line and I was like, fuck that shit, Like, you
ain't doing it in my without me, like, and that
was literally all it took. It took one bad day
and somebody there with it.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
Yeah, that's usually what it takes. It's just all right,
So let's let's keep codesing through it. We just hold
us of awful load of information here. So domestic vibe situation,
was it the same thing with him too? Was it
a bit more of a drug and field domestic violence
type thing? Like you know he was using, you were using,
and it just thinks got out of hand.

Speaker 5 (37:22):
So he was prence charming, We were gonna get married,
and then magically he lost his job. I was supplying
his habit, my habit, my kid, like the whole nine yards,
so much so that I bought an eight hundred and
fifty dollars engagement ring for myself. But the meth thing,
like he had friends, and I can't talk about all

(37:46):
of it because obviously, like it's not.

Speaker 4 (37:50):
It wasn't all laid out in court, So I'm not
going to talk about all of it.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
No, don't talk about anything you can't talk about You're fine.

Speaker 4 (37:56):
So, yeah, it was a wild four year years. I
can't say.

Speaker 5 (38:02):
By the end of it, I was using three point
five grams a day, if not more. I was running
from him because he had beat the shit out of me,
bit the side of my face, cracked my phone over
my head. I did fight for my life that time.
That was the one and only time that I even.

Speaker 2 (38:20):
Bit the side your face? Is that what he just
heard you say?

Speaker 3 (38:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (38:23):
Yeah, like Mike Tyson at the whole side of my face,
and my landlord called the cops.

Speaker 4 (38:28):
Thank god.

Speaker 5 (38:29):
When the cops came and he starts crying and he's like,
she beat me up, And the cop was like, do
you really.

Speaker 3 (38:35):
Want to like admit that The ninety eight pound girl
beat you up. He's like, she has bite marks on
her face.

Speaker 5 (38:42):
Bro, He's like, you can either leave with a shredded
dignity or you know, I can arrest you and her.
He's like, but I'm probably still not gonna arrest her.
She looks way worse. Like but I did. I end
up bruising his whole entire chest. I did end up
breaking a rib. I was not taking it like down.
I had watched my stepdad beat my mom, and I

(39:02):
was like, I'll be goddamn. It was mostly just mental abuse.
It was a lot of mental abuse, so much so
that like I try to take my own life twice
and at that time, like I just I thought that
everybody would be better off without me, like Connor would get.

Speaker 4 (39:18):
A better mom.

Speaker 5 (39:19):
Was it worth anything? There was a lot of guilt
and shame, one for using but too just how he
made me feel. Yeah, he cheated on me like twenty
different women, three of which he moved into my house.
And uh, at that point, like I was, I was done,
like I wanted to be done. The only good thing
that man ever did was save my life. He came home,

(39:41):
he cut me down, and then when we broke up
and we got arrested. He said I should have let
you die.

Speaker 3 (39:48):
I was like, well, too bad for you. You didn't.

Speaker 5 (39:51):
But uh so I was on the rent from him.
I was already running from him, so I still had
my apartment. He he was off my lease, but I
didn't trust him not to come back, so I made
myself homeless.

Speaker 4 (40:05):
I had a backpack, my ten.

Speaker 1 (40:08):
You didn't want to do what the hell you're dealing with,
firsus being homeless? You'd rather be fucking homeless at that point,
with all this shit going on.

Speaker 5 (40:15):
Yes, I left Connor at my mom's because I knew
he was safe there, right like my mom wasn' gonna
let anthing happened to him.

Speaker 4 (40:20):
She was sober. And I made myself homeless.

Speaker 5 (40:23):
And I was so homeless and so out there that
the FEDS couldn't find me. On June fifth of twenty
eighteen eighteen, FEDS busted open my door and I was
nowhere to be found, and they busted over opened sixteen
other doors looking for me.

Speaker 3 (40:39):
Couldn't find me.

Speaker 5 (40:40):
Somebody finally gave them my phone number and they called
me and were like, listen, can't find you if you
turn yourself in. We'll give you pr and I was like,
all right, cool, give me an hour to take a
shower and hung up on him. I called my friend
who had already been in the FEDS, and was like, listen,
I've never been in jail in my life. I'm not
going not fucked up. At this point, I had had
like two weeks clean and he came over with like

(41:02):
three grams.

Speaker 3 (41:03):
I did two of them.

Speaker 5 (41:05):
I called the cops back and I was like, okay,
I'll meet you at this gas station at the end
of this town and they were like okay. And I
left all of my stuff with this friend. I was like, listen,
they can get my phone when they raided. They're not
getting my phone. Now take all my stuff, and I did.
I went and turned myself in. I was the only
person that was even remotely awake and were high.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
What to stay at this point, like the fence and
everything else. This story just went from zero to a
thousand real quick. Here For that, it's like, oh, wait,
I didn't tell you the part about the FEDS, and
you're just like you're like casually adding it in, like oh,
it's okay, they'll guess what the fence came is call me.
I'm like, huh, what the fuck? What the fuck? My God,
I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

Speaker 3 (41:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (41:49):
So so I the crazy thing about it is and
this is another part.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
Where it's a crazy long time ago. This is this
is like some Elie in Wonderland type shit.

Speaker 5 (42:00):
Well, this is where the testimonial part of my story
comes in. So the day before the Feds kicked in
my door, right, I was laying in my tent in
the middle of the I was cold, I was tired,
I was ready to be done, and I remember just
like looking at the ceiling and screaming because at this point,
like I had just kind of taken my faith and

(42:22):
my religion and just like put it on back burner
and was like, hey, I put God all the way
over here. He ain't to see what the hell I'm doing. Um,
And I remember just screaming like, if you're still there,
just fucking help me. Like I don't care how, just
fucking help me. And I think if it wouldn't have
been that dramatic and it didn't happen the way that
it did, I would definitely still not be sober today.

Speaker 4 (42:45):
One percent needed that kind of reality check.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Oh, I just but I I.

Speaker 5 (42:53):
Got a three count federal felony indictment, and I got
two counts of aiding and abtting my ex because he
used my Facebook to a message somebody that did two
wired buys on him. And even at the time when
he was doing them, I knew. I knew for a
fact in my head, Like I was like, bro, he's
setting you up. And he's like, he's not setting me up.
He's my cousin. And I was like, I'm telling him
right now, he's setting you up. Because it was just weird.
It was weird how it happened. I had a bad feeling.

(43:15):
I was like, I'm telling you right now, like if
we go to jail, it's his fault, not that it was.
It wasn't our fault for like selling the fucking drugs
in the first place. But so I got two pounds
of eighting in a bedding and then I got one
cow conspiracy to deliver methamphetamines between Ohio, Georgia and West Virginia.
They could prove nine, nine hundred and fifty six pounds

(43:35):
out of my apartment in three years.

Speaker 2 (43:37):
Okay, well, I don't even know what to say.

Speaker 1 (43:38):
Honestly, man, I'm just like, wow, this just got interesting
real quick. Okay, So you know how long did you
spend in jail?

Speaker 4 (43:45):
So I actually spent no time in jail.

Speaker 5 (43:47):
And that was the one and only time in my
life that I have ever been in trouble. I took
the go big or go home a little too serious.
But because it was the first and only time that
I had ever been in trouble, they ended up giving.

Speaker 4 (43:58):
Me drug court.

Speaker 5 (44:00):
So I got to do eighteen and a half months
of Federal Drug Court, which is where I went to.
I had an old class eight to four every day.
I had to go to four meetings a week. I
had a drug test twice a week. I had to
go to Wheeling twice a month to go to actual
drug court. And I had to do all that for
the first six months. They wouldn't let me have a job,
which gave me a lot of time to go to meetings.

(44:22):
I met a lot of cool fucking people. I got
to do a lot of cool things, like I got
to go to convention. I got to go on a
camping trip. I've been on kayaking trips, been hog roasts,
like I got to learn that recovery can be fun
and it doesn't have to be just meetings and blay. Yeah,
And like I got to in my first year of recovery,

(44:43):
I got to host one of the largest recovery events
in our area. We ended up with over three hundred
people and over one hundred and fifty resources there to
give out. I got to take peer recovery coach classes.
I got to get over for three hundred and fifty
different resources for my state. Because I knew two things

(45:04):
when I got sober, when I wanted to help people,
and too, I wanted nobody to feel like how I felt.
I wanted nobody feel like they were alone. I want
to nobody to feel like there wasn't resources, because there
fucking is and it works really hard at that. I
visited multiple rehabs, I visited multiple recovery homes, I visited
multiple IOP places and was like, tell me what you do,
Tell me what you do that helps people like I
want to know, which is meant. It made me meet

(45:25):
a lot of freaking cool people, like I've gotten.

Speaker 4 (45:27):
To meet so many cool people because of that.

Speaker 5 (45:29):
I've gotten to do internships, I've gotten to spend time
at the YWCA, I've gotten to tour multiple rehabs. I've
made friends with multiple people in high places. I've gotten
to go to Every year, West Virginia hosts a recovery
day in the Capitol, and you actually get to go

(45:50):
and talk to lawmakers and they hold it inside the
Capitol building, and you get to sit in on Senate meetings.
You get to sit in on the House of Representatives,
and you get to watch how bills are passed. I've
gotten to do a lot of major things, all because
I got sober and I didn't want anybody to feel
like I felt. And after eighteen and a half months,
I graduated the Federal Drug Court. And I'll never forget

(46:10):
my probation officer because she looked at me and she said, Brie,
she said, you were the one that we voted least
likely to succeed out of all thirty eight people that
we arrested. She said, I didn't expect you to make
it past that first court hearing. She's like, I never
expected you to make it to drug court.

Speaker 4 (46:23):
Oh.

Speaker 5 (46:25):
I not only proved everybody else wrong, but I proved
myself wrong. Yeah, because I didn't think I could say so,
we'll get what.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
You doing now.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
You're doing great things for people now and all the
time you're spending doing all that stuff, So you know, yeah,
maybe maybe this was God's plan to put you through this,
to get you to this point where you could use
your experience to help other people.

Speaker 4 (46:44):
Though, Yeah, one hundred percent.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
Yeah, And then I doing right now, so everybody knows.

Speaker 4 (46:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (46:51):
So I work at a private clinic. There's a whole
ten of us that work there. We see I think
two hundred and fifty MATT patients at is medically assisted treatment.
And we do some box and sublicated BRICKSAUDI, vivotrol W text,
we do kind of everything. And then I also still
advocate advocate. I go to Advocacy Day every year in

(47:12):
the Capitol. We have a recovery walk this weekend in Parkersburg,
which is always a good time. It's the tenth annual
overdose Awareness Walk. I do walks for suicide prevention every year.
And I'm writing my own book.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
Got a lot going on. Man, it's awesome. It's awesome.
You know that's great too. I'm so happy to hear
that though, that you're doing so great. No, I know,
when you told us all that you you finished and
you're all set to go and you're doing more things.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
It's just it's just awesome, man, it really is.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
I got to say you moved up to number three
and two in the list now, by the way, because
that was fribed the craziest fucking story ever heard. The
second half it's just like, it's about what time. Its
crazy as the time it's Homeland Security can visit me.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
So yeah, P has his.

Speaker 4 (47:56):
Own crazy stories. Don't one lie to you.

Speaker 2 (47:58):
Yeah, I've got a lot of story, Trust me, I've
got a lot. I haven't told.

Speaker 5 (48:01):
Anybody about the you know, actually, you know what, fuck it,
I'll tell you the whole Land Security story then real quick.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
All right, so this is the scenario that happened. Okay,
So apparently the people in the house I was renting
when I moved to where I'm at now outside of DFW. Okay,
so there's we always make jokes about this house that
had two houses on for my dad's house. You know,
we're like, oh, it's a breaking bad house because people
kept coming in and out all day and I was like,
what the fuck is going on down there? So when
we moved in, you know, they laughed and we moved

(48:30):
in We're like, okay, Like there were some weird things
that were there, just like broken windows and things like
you know, just stuff that people do when you know,
move into place and move out a place.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
Okay, so this is what happened. The day had happened.

Speaker 1 (48:40):
Okay, So like I went to work, I got to work,
I stopped, I got out of my car, and all
of a sudden, it was like one of those movies
where you see just swarms of people just show up,
armed with guns, lop down the lake. Whole fucking group
of people show up and I'm like, oh, I'm like
what the fuck is going on? And I'm talking black
a sub's and all that, and there's people in the

(49:00):
distance walking around like I got people inside the building
looking going oh fuck, what does this guy do? Like
like we know this guy's white, but what the fuck
did he do? You know, maybe this dude's a little
more dangerous than we realized. Well, they came and they said, well, hey,
somebody wants to talk to you. So then this federal
agent came over to talk to me and he's like, hey,
I'm so and so with Homeland Security and I'm like okay,

(49:22):
and he's like do you know these people, And he
showed me a picture of the people that used to
live there and I was like, no, I don't but why.
I'm like, why, what's up. He's like, well, they're wanted
by Homeland Security. We need to talk to him. I'm like,
I don't know who they are. They're not hiding at
your house. Then the usual things they'll do to you,
ask if they're hiding your house, and do you want
to go back and checking you see. So he's like,
apparently they've been surveying my house for like up two months.

(49:44):
They said, we keep seeing this woman come down from
the corner, from the corner to your house.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Who's that?

Speaker 1 (49:48):
So that's my mom because my kids are usually home
when I'm at work, you know, or something, because they
spend a lot of time home alone with somebody by.
My parents were two houses down, so they weren't alone
for long, so they come and check out them and everything.
So he said, yeah, we kept seeing this one and
come out of the house center, who the hell is that?
I said that it's my mom.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
Okay, Well you know if you're hiding them, all the
usual things they tell you. Okay. So I'm like, all right, Well,
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (50:07):
But turns out, though, did I find out later on
that the two ladies that they were looking for is
actually one of my daughter's friends relatives. I was like, oh, yeah,
my relatives used to live in that house, so that
your guys are in now, it's like, like, what the
fuck is going on here?

Speaker 2 (50:21):
Dude? Like this kid's gotta be kid Like are you seriously? Yeah?
I was like what I was like, do you ever
see them at all? No? Not really. I'm like I can.
I wonder why, you know?

Speaker 1 (50:30):
And then it was just like I went inside to
work then, and everybody was just asking questions, like all
these people were watching the window because they saw I
pulled in, and then they saw the cops, all the
Holy Inn security guys.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
Show up, Like what the hell happened?

Speaker 5 (50:42):
Dude?

Speaker 1 (50:42):
There was stories time, dude. They were asking twenty questions
like oh my god, dude, what happened? What did you
get yourself into? And I just kept sucking them.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
At first.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
I was like, you know, I should have been some
of those drugs out of my house, man, Like fuck,
you know, it's a bad idea. I was running like
a McDonald's drive through. They just pulled up because like
you had to think where the house was here, the
stoop is like a little bit here, and then the
street is right here, so you only have that small
gap that you could pull into because these people had
so many people coming in that just started tearing up
the dirt everything right there. So it was a little

(51:10):
curve built into the dirt from where it was so
it's close enough, you know, And it was the craziest
thing ever. And then they were like oh yeah, and
they're like and every wed just talk about it. Hey,
did you hear about Peter? You here about the cop?

Speaker 2 (51:19):
Everybody?

Speaker 1 (51:20):
I swarmed them outside the parking lot, Like everybody was
talking about this for months.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
They're like, what happened? I told you there are some
drugs out of my house? What do you mean?

Speaker 1 (51:27):
And like I was messing with these people because I'm like,
I don't know it was I was like it was
just cops.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
It was it was Homeland Security. And they're all like,
oh shit, Homeland Skinned, Like yeah, you.

Speaker 1 (51:35):
Know that is yeah, those are the people. They're high
up in the government. They're all freaking out, going, oh god,
what what did you do?

Speaker 5 (51:41):
Man?

Speaker 2 (51:41):
And then you know, everybody just kept asking you. I
was just like, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:45):
It was crazy though, because, like I said, I was
going to work and I didn't realize they were behind
me the whole time they were they were following me.
There were the line of icbs behind me. The three
of them pulled up as I pulled in, so so
they showed up like that and they came over and
it was just some shit like you see out of
a movie.

Speaker 5 (52:00):
Man.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
They just showed up all surrounding me, and I was like, okay,
you know, Luckily none of them pulled the gun out,
because like I just got out of the car, complete confused.
I'm like, okay, They're like, all right, just stay here
for a second. We need to talk to you or
so somebody needs to talk to you. And then that's
when the guy came out and he came in. It
came out on the corner, and this dude was like
this is this is like hardcore like fucking you know,

(52:21):
like he came in though, but that.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
Was just like a ship. Yeah, oh yeah. That's just
one of many crazy stories shows me. Y'all ain't gons.

Speaker 1 (52:28):
Like the first season, the first podcast I did Pete's
Corner Store, I did tell the story about the one
when I was in Houston where the lady broke the
window out at the Jack in the boxes. That dude,
she starts smashing the window, and some crazy ass ship too.
And then there was there was another thing that happened
to a friend of mine.

Speaker 2 (52:44):
She worked there in the.

Speaker 4 (52:45):
Vacations are not for the week.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
Working in fast food not for the week.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
How about this one I got, I got one to
touch them? How about the cop that shot the kid
through the window at the fast food place? He could
he was looking through the drive the window, saw the
kid holding everybody up, going to point with a rifle,
and he shot, I'm right through the window.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Damn, I'm a good shot though, right to the window
the window.

Speaker 4 (53:07):
So you said breaking bad, right? That reminds me.

Speaker 5 (53:10):
I think the funniest part about the whole entire fence
thing is I get my discovery packet, right, So they
give you a discovery when you get arrested.

Speaker 4 (53:17):
It tells you, like who all told on you?

Speaker 5 (53:19):
Everything, like all the evidence in your case. You get
this packet, and the bottom of my packet it tells you,
like how much like how pure it was, like the
purity of what you were selling? So we ended up
getting ice charges instead of just math charges because ours
was ninety eight point nine percent pure.

Speaker 4 (53:35):
And when the guy handed it to me and he said.

Speaker 5 (53:38):
That, I was like, so you're telling me like I'm
on a real life episode of breaking Bad right now.
And he was like, this is not the time to
make jokes, like what.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
No, yeah, whoops?

Speaker 1 (53:49):
Sorry, Well, I'm just comparing it so I understand to
various situations, sir, I know.

Speaker 3 (53:55):
I like rude, like he is like, when are we
talking here?

Speaker 5 (53:59):
I did get my court actually wrote the X, so
I did get my moment in court with the crazy X.
He ended up skipping out on the DV charges because
he did end up in federal prison.

Speaker 4 (54:10):
So he subpoenaed me to court and tried to say
that it was all.

Speaker 5 (54:12):
Me, and I was like, listen, I will stand up
on the stand and I will be the most honest
person ever, like I will admit that I was his
accomplice in every sense of the word. I was like,
but I had take his shit too, like, and he
had brought letters to court that he had forced me
to write a gunpoint like he had held me at
gunpoint for three days until I wrote these letters. He
was like, well, here's these letters that you wrote, like

(54:33):
you admit that you got drugs from other people. And
I was like, yeah, I admitted to using with other people.
I was like, who cares, Like I got drugs off
them one time when he wasn't with me. I was like,
that doesn't play into the factor of like you're going
to take one day off of whatever I said I
was using at the house, like when we were using together,
Like that's wild behavior. And finally, like his attorney just

(54:57):
like was relentless.

Speaker 4 (54:58):
And I was like, listen.

Speaker 5 (55:00):
I was like, if you were held a gunpoint for
three days. I was like, would you write down what
he was saying to write or what he said happened?
I said, or would you write down what actually fucking happened?
And his lawyer and my lawyer, the judge, like everybody
just stopped and he just looked at me and he
was like, no further questions. When I left, he stood
up in federal recort and screamed that I was a
lying ass rat bitch.

Speaker 4 (55:21):
I mean, the federal judge was like ten and a
half years.

Speaker 5 (55:23):
He was only supposed to get four. He could have
just went in there and been like I did it.
It's fine, and got four years, but the judge gave
him ten and a half for being a douchebag.

Speaker 2 (55:32):
Yeah, all right, well, you know, just took number one.
But okay, you know, I mean that's probably the fucking
crazy story ever right there. You know, Whitney just took
number two. But that's all right. Well, we'll let the
letter on the unfortunate news.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
But anyways, we're at the part of the show where
I started asking the very important questions. This one comes
in from a good friend of mine. She runs a
podcast called The Shit that goes On in Her Heads. Okay, so, Brie,
if your mental had a song, what would that song be?

Speaker 5 (55:55):
Well, if my mental health had a song, hostly, the
most accurate song.

Speaker 4 (56:00):
My mental health is, uh.

Speaker 5 (56:02):
I don't know if you've been on TikTok lately, but
there's a song and it's like the voices in my
head go.

Speaker 3 (56:09):
I have no idea what the song is called. It's
like an E d M.

Speaker 5 (56:12):
Song, but like the changes in frequency in that song
legitimately is how my brain works.

Speaker 4 (56:18):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
That's a. That's a that's an interesting answer.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
I never know that I had.

Speaker 4 (56:28):
If I didn't try bad.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
So right, well, you know you learn things as you go.
Huh yeah, all right, and with with the last question.

Speaker 3 (56:37):
Like Pete's been hounded by homeland security.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
Before, right listen, and now it's gonna be new reference
like did Pete tell you to story about homeland security?

Speaker 2 (56:45):
Is gonna be the new opening to everybody. Hey listen,
Jimmy pe Yeah, do you tell you about homeleands? Scurity? Like,
oh god, here we go. All right, so bring my
last question for you as we get ready to wrap up.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
The laughter is the best medicine.

Speaker 2 (56:56):
It's fine, God listen.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
Anyways, So the last question and the most important question
is if you could break this stigma of mental health,
what would.

Speaker 4 (57:04):
He be howe?

Speaker 5 (57:06):
I think it would like I approach mental health and
addiction kind of in the same way because there is
a lot of around bolt and my favorite thing to
do with addiction when because I get a lot like
you don't look like an addict. My number one question
to people is what does an addict look like? And
then I said there and I break it down, so
I go, you know, do you feel like in the

(57:26):
morning when you wake up, do you have to have
your cup of coffee as like, do you feel groggy.

Speaker 4 (57:30):
Without your cup of coffee? Do you feel irritable without
your cup of coffee? Are you an asshole to people?

Speaker 5 (57:34):
Are you one of those people that has to drink
that cup of coffee at least halfway before anybody talks
to If so, congratulations, you have an addiction. And it's
kind of the same way with mental health, Like I
you know, obviously mental health is different, but it's not
one size fits all, and like, I think that's the
important thing to realize. And that's kind of what I
did with my kid recently. So, like I've been trying

(57:55):
to talk my kid into going to therapy right because
men's mental health is different. I can give him all
the advice in the world, but I'm not a therapist.
I am a specifically addiction Like yeah, I can help
you a little bit, but I don't fall under that category.
But the number one thing that I tell him because
right now, in school, like it's real popular to have

(58:16):
a diagnosis, Like if you have a diagnosis, that makes
you a popular kid. And Connor's number one thing was like,
I can't go to therapy if they diagnosed me with
something like I can't go to therapy. I don't want
to be popular for that. That's not what I want
to be popular for. H And I just kind of
looked at him and I was like, listen, bro I
was like, I don't advertise everywhere that.

Speaker 4 (58:33):
I have ADHD.

Speaker 5 (58:34):
I was like, but I'm open enough to talk about
it with people who want to know. I was like,
you don't have to go and tell everybody in school
that you have depression or you.

Speaker 4 (58:43):
Have this, or you have that.

Speaker 5 (58:45):
I was like, but if people ask you about it,
you should be open enough to talk about it and
talk about your struggles because when you talk about your struggles,
that can help somebody else. And each time you do that,
it breaks a stigma for somebody. Each time you can
sit there and you can talk about your problems, and
you can talk about what's happening, and you can talk
about your mental illness, you can talk about your addiction,

(59:06):
like that breaks the stigma for somebody because they see
you as a human. And I think that that's you
to breaking stigma, is being able to see the human
behind the disease.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
I think that is probably the greatest statement ever made
in this show. I love it, absolutely think it is
I really do. And with that being said, thank you
so much Brave for being here. I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (59:25):
Do you want to plug? Everybody can find you.

Speaker 1 (59:27):
You can plug your clinic if you want where peopn
go find if they need help in the area that
they're in. What's your final message to everybody here before
we start signing off?

Speaker 5 (59:34):
So you can find me? All my social media pretty
much is bree Baby Fox. I don't share my Facebook,
but if you want to follow me on ig, YouTube, TikTok, whatever,
that's fine. I Am not going to share the clinic
just because I don't know that.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
We don't.

Speaker 5 (59:51):
Like I got a line going on, but it is
New Martinsville, West Virginia, so I think we're the only
one there.

Speaker 2 (59:56):
You go.

Speaker 1 (59:57):
And with that being said, guys, want to wrap up
this episode of Pete for sign would you say?

Speaker 5 (01:00:02):
And if you can get out an advocate continue?

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
Definitely? All right?

Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
Okay, right now that she's done missing up my exit
trow you know the outro here? Okay, So anyways, freethink
Social for being here with so much fun having you.
I'm so happy he came to show your story. I
can be honest. He had no fucking clue what I
was about to get into what that was that was interesting?
Needless to say, I appreciate everything you're doing for people.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
I really do.

Speaker 1 (01:00:24):
Man, like keep it going like like you know and
heads up to Connor Truo man, you know, like I said,
like he is, you know, better off with you versus
someone else. I think because you're teaching him so much
now that it's going to benefit him later on. And
I like his idea of like I don't want to
be a part of this just because I have a diagnosis.
I don't want to be popular. That's not a reason
to be popular. I love that mentality he has, so

(01:00:47):
just tell him just to stay strong.

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
Man, listen.

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
You know, he's doing what most men can't do is
talk about their own problems, you know. And and it
just just keep going, man, just like keep going, like
you know, don't give up. Understand you're never alone, dude.
You could literally reach out to me if you had to.
Your mom knows where to find me if you ever
needed somebody to talk to. And listen, man, I'm always here, guys,
and I can't stry this this enough.

Speaker 5 (01:01:06):
Man.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
We need to talk more.

Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
Eighty percent is just way too high of a number, dude,
we need to start bringing it down, not let it
go up. And with that being said, this we're gonna
wrap with this episode of Pete for Its Anxiety. Guys,
you don't want to find me on Pete for a Sonxiety.
I'm Annax all the way down to TikTok, I'm on
Spotify all the way down. iHeart radio and as always say,
it costs nothing, absolutely there to be kind of somebody,
one kind act you could you say some's life or hell,
you can make their day. I'm Pete for Its Anxiety.
Something I'm saying. Don't ask you your days that they say, hey,

(01:01:28):
how's your mental health today? But dit my integrity a
word I wouldn't die.

Speaker 5 (01:01:38):
Don't got them worn, mark, don't have to, don't think that.
Wait