November 6, 2025 • 23 mins
Hi my ANGELS!!!! Thank you for hanging out with me today !!!! In this episoder I talk about my personal experience with gaslighting and also define what gaslighting and ghosting is and how you can heal from it . I hope that you all enjoy this, let me know what other kinds of videos you guys would like to see in the comment section below!!!!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi angels, Welcome back to my channel. So for those
of you that do not know me, Hi, my name
is Asha. Very nice to meet you. Join the A team.
Click subscribe, turn on your postedifications so that you're notified
every single time that I post. I'm feeling very inspired
and very uplifted by all of you and your positivity.
(00:21):
I'm just soaking it all in. As you guys can
see from the title here, we are going to be
talking about gaslighting and ghosting, something that I'm sure all
of us have experience, and I will also share briefly
my own personal story dealing with that as well.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
But before we jump.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Into the video, please make sure that you are following
me on Instagram and that will be right here.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And with that being said, let's just brands in this video.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
So the term gaslighting actually derived from a play called
gas Light in nineteen thirty eight, where a female character
was continuously falsely accused of wrongdoing, you know, with her husband,
which caused her to doubt her own sanity. And there
are many examples of gaslighting, so I'm going to give
(01:09):
you a few. One example of gaslighting could be someone
doing something really mean or wicked to you, like stealing
your headphones and then you are looking for them and
that person's telling you I didn't take your headphones. You
are mistaken, I have no idea what you're talking about,
and you're feeling.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Crazy for that.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Another example of gaslighting could be that individual will have
a character flaw and say something like you keep saying
that I never check in on you.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Well, look I'm checking on you.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
You know how you tend to exaggerate a lot of
the time, making you feel stupid, and throwing them actually
doing what they're supposed to do for once in your
face as evidence that they are always doing what they're
supposed to.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Do, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Another form of gaslighting would be a person accusing you
of doing something that's absolutely obscene, outright lying and trying
to convince you of something that you blatantly did not commit.
For example, you keep taking change out of my coin
bank and it's like.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
What, like, obviously, no, you're not. This is the classic one,
which I.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Personally have experience in being accused of a person accusing
you of having a serious character flaw and they'll do
something to make you upset, but then they'll say something
like you're really aggressive, like you're you're always angry all
the time.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
You know what, I don't even want to deal with
this right now, so I'm just gonna leave. That's what
they do.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
This leads me into ghosting because I believe that gas slighting.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
And ghosting goes hand in hand. So what is ghosting?
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Ghosting is when someone ignores you, abandons you, and shuts
off all.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Communication with you completely.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Now, when you were gaslighted and ghosted, it's very difficult
because you're not there to have a dialogue with that
other person because usually the person accusing you of these
certain things always leave. So what happens in turn, you're
left alone wondering what you did wrong, pondering on a
thousand different scenarios of how it could have played out differently.
(03:16):
And it's manipulative because all you have is you against
you when it took two to tango for those events
to transpire. People that ghost they are trying to make
you doubt your own perception of yourself, whether they are
cognizant of that or not.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Now here's the interesting thing.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
When you are accused of a serious character flaw such as,
oh my god, you're always angry all the time, You're
so aggressive, And you kind of know when you're in
this situation because you think, to yourself, why does that
feel so far from the truth?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
But all right, what else do you have to say?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
So this person's accusing you of this behavior, And because
you understand there have been plenty of times where we
have gotten into arguments here and things like that off
of what they have done, you reflecting on these instances,
you automatically become agreeable because it's like, Okay, well I
was angry last week at this, and I did get
(04:19):
angry the week before that because of something else. I
did get angry, So maybe they are perceiving that as
very aggressive, and you start just getting very confused and
jumbled in your thoughts and questioning whether how you felt
or how you reacted was actually merited. I'm going to
share with you guys a specific instance where that happened
(04:43):
to me, where I was gaslighted. I was dating someone.
And of course people that have some sort of you know,
flaw usually I mean, really, the greater the flaw, the
more charming the being is.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I mean, it's ungodly. It's demon time.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
One time after moultiple, multiple different disagreements amongst many different
things due to that individual's actions. All of the time,
the person started speaking to me less and things of
that nature.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
And naturally, when someone.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Pulls away from you, you start running after them because
you're trying to figure out, Okay, not only am I
not wrong for how I feel? I know I'm actually
not wrong in this situation, and I know exactly what happened.
So why is this person acting like I'm the issue here?
And that individual after always being drunk and not being
(05:34):
accountable and not communicating and running around the conversation. Every
time I would try to have a conversation with this individual,
he would.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Say he didn't have.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Time, or he'll call me back, and all these things,
making up a bunch of excuses and saying he's busy
all these things, when, of course, in the beginning, it
wasn't like that, and he had all the time in
the world. I began to see this person, you know,
pattern that they are consistently exhibiting very very poor choices
(06:07):
and things of that nature. This person would never actually
sit down and have a conversation with me about it,
and ultimately blamed me and said that I have bipolar tendencies.
That's why they limit their exposure to me, because I
have many different outbursts and all these things, and no
one that even knows me will even acknowledge that. You know,
(06:30):
sometimes people just say things and they hope that it sticks.
That just slid right off, and it just made me realize, Wow,
this person is actually really gaslighting me. I mean, how
many different instances do I need to endure with this
person to just finally let this person be toxic all
by himself. He has such a cognitive dissonance from his
(06:53):
self and his own actions because he has a lot
going on in his own life, that it's easier to
blame me now. I was telling my friends at the
time when this happened. Any person that really cares about
you is not going to just call you names and
accuse you.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Of certain things.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
What they're going to do is try to come from
a place of understanding, because when you come from a
place of understanding, you want to come up with a solution.
And when someone doesn't want to come up with a
solution and try to understand you because they care, they're
going to just say, you know what, this is why
I don't talk to you, Because you always.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Have an issue.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
You're always trying to start something, and it's like, no,
I'm not trying to start anything. I'm trying to understand
where you're coming from, because you've been exhibiting very suspicious
behavior for a very long time now, and I can
never seem to catch you to actually talk to you
(07:52):
about it, because you're always busy or you disappear for
X amount of time. And it was just so unbelievably disgusting,
and it was an absolute mess.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I mean, thank god that situation is over. It was
an absolute nightmare.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
I don't even think half the time that certain people
realize what they do because they're so engulfed in their
own life and their own mess that even in them
hurting our feelings and doing really messed up things to us.
Not everyone is as calculating as we may think. So
it's so easy to become angry with an individual, like
(08:30):
how did you not know you were doing this?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Because some people really do.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Do things intentionally, But there are others who do things
because they're just so messed up. They're suffering so much
internally with their own demons and struggling with their own
demons that they hurt people honestly accidentally. As a casualty
just because they are just going through they're having so
much internal turmoil. Never did he ever take accountability for
(08:58):
anything he's ever done.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
He's always always drunk.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I was sober the entire duration of the relationship, and
he was constantly, constantly inebriated and started exhibiting so many flaws.
I was coming from a place of understanding, so I
was sticking around trying to figure out why the beginning
of the relationship was so incongruous to the latter end.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I was trying to give it the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
And I now learned and took from that situation that
whenever I see signs and red flags and things that
make absolutely zero sense, instead of trying to understand it,
because I know, once I begin to try to understand,
then the next step for me is trying to fix.
And once you do those things, then you start falling
for a whole bunch of things, and you stick around
(09:52):
way more than you actually should. So make sure that
whoever you decide to actually understand, make sure that individual
rule equally cares about you. Make sure that that individual
is someone that is actually worth your time, because otherwise
you end up in a dynamic where you're chasing after
someone who is not in the best space in their
(10:13):
life for answers, and they don't have it for themselves.
Because what do hurt people do? They hurt people. Whether
it's intentional or not, they hurt people. So whether that
person meant to hurt me at that time or whether
he didn't doesn't matter, because at the end of the day,
(10:33):
I have to make peace with what was just for myself.
I have to make the situation cathartic for myself because
I genuinely do believe that closure only really does come
from ourselves.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
So just be.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Mindful of things like that, because I'm sure many of
you ladies can attest to being situations like that where
someone will get mad at you for being upset and
only get mad at your reactions. They are so hyper
sensitive over how you react to their behavior so that
(11:06):
they don't have to take any accountability or responsibility for
what actually got you to that place. And another thing
to note too is when somebody in anger is constantly
bringing up your career and things of that nature, that's
not somebody that you want to be with because that
individual as well would bring up my career when he
(11:29):
would be upset with me and things like that, when
really the cold heart fact in truth was that that
person definitely struggled with a lot of you know, alcoholic
tendencies and it's probably very embarrassing for him to really
admit because he did a lot of things and probably
doesn't remember them, and you know, would call me drunk
(11:51):
multiple times and things of that nature, and I would
pick up, you know, because at the time I really
cared and I was trying to understand this individual, and
really it led nowhere. These type of people that exhibit
this type of behavior, what they like to do is
they like to start fires and then they.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Like to walk away. They want you to question yourself.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
They want you to doubt yourself, They want you to
question your own sanity. In these types of dynamics of
being gaslighted and ghosted, the main emotion that you will
feel is confusion.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
And you will feel alone.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
That's because that individual boom starts a fire, runs away
from it, ignores you till they feel like you've simmered.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Down a little bit.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's what they do. Then they start taking notes of you.
None of their behavior but warranted that reaction out of you.
But they start taking notes on you so that they
can pull you out on any time you react in
a way that they don't want up There you go
acting angry again. What I say about that? You don't
want me to You don't want me to You don't
(12:56):
want me to leave again? Do you? You don't want
me to start? This is why I stopped talking to you,
because honestly, it's scary.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
It's scary how you are. This is why I really
can't do this with you.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
That is manipulation, that is being gaslighted. What is the goal, really,
whether they know that this is their goal or not.
What is the goal when somebody gets that deeply rooted
into your brain and is convincing you of things that
you didn't do, trying to make it seem like you're
crazy for reacting to things that any normal individual, any
(13:31):
sane individual, would be upset at.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
What are they trying to do? They're trying to get
you to not trust yourself that way, anytime another situation happens,
you're always going to take their word over your own.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
You're going to believe what they said over their actions. Boom,
you became the perfect victim. Now they can unconvince you
of all the wrong that they've ever did, or all
the wrong that they will continue to do. You don't
react the way that they want, and they start to
see that you start to have some common sense. Again,
they're gonna ghost you. Ghosting is a form of control.
(14:08):
So how can we heal from these types of experiences?
Problem with a lot of us and a lot of
us as women being nurturers, we always try to come
from a place of understanding, and sometimes this is where
we mess up.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
We mess up trying to understand whoa whoa? Whoa whoa?
Why is this person like this?
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Especially if you're someone that is an mpath You're like,
well are you okay?
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Why are you acting like this?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
And you get so sucked in and just drawn in
to that individual's drama. You subscribe to their issues now
and now they're coming at you all types of ways,
calling you crazy, calling you you know, bipolar, You're aggressive,
You're this, you're that, And it's like, how am I
(14:57):
all these things? All I've ever done was try to
understand why you're acting like this. I have to chase
you down to get an answer for why you are
behaving this way.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
It can barely explain yourself. You're not a reliable source here.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Listen to what your partner is saying to you in anger.
What types of things are they bringing up in anger?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Well, you think.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
You're better than everyone because you have and thousand followers
on Instagram, And you think that you're better than everyone
because you went to college and you have a bachelor's degree.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Like, watch what people choose to use as AMMO against you.
Why are you bringing that up?
Speaker 1 (15:39):
How is that relevant to the subject, the continuous subject
that you are XX and X.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
How is that relevant to the subject. We weren't talking
about my accolades here that you've very well taken note of.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Thank you for that, Thank you for that. But we're
not talking about that now, are we. So listen to
what it is that's being said in moments of anger.
You will never reconcile with somebody who accuses and deeply
distorts consistently.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
You will never reconcile.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That is one of the most freeing things that I've
ever discovered when I was going through my situation at
the time, because I realized I'm trying to make sense
with someone who this entire time was making no sense.
This is a very relevant topic here because I think
this is a lot of the issue that many of
(16:33):
us have, and some of us may be in this
exact type of situation right now. How is it tailored
to you. If you feel this and it's making sense
to you, let me know. We're giving the benefit of
the doubt constantly because well, they weren't like this in
the beginning, and I'm just waiting for that person to
show up again, and he never existed. That person in
(16:55):
the beginning didn't exist. Everyone's trying to impress in the beginning,
and some people just do a really, really good job
and then once things go left, they stay left and
they never come again. They never return to normalcy again.
So you have to let that idea leave. I was
watching a video that Shalon had posted, Shalon Lester, and
(17:18):
she was saying that when you were in a long
term relationship, sometimes it's easier to leave an individual because
you have more data on that person. When you are
in a relationship with someone for a short amount of time,
very very brief, you start to fantasize and even romanticize
what that individual is or the dynamic between you and
(17:40):
that individual, because you don't have enough data to collect
on that person, and that's exactly what happened to me,
where I was constantly forgiving that person every five seconds,
and I was still very confused, and I'm chasing after them,
trying to figure out why are you doing this, and
all of a sudden, it's just like a project for me.
(18:01):
It's a project and it's consuming all of me, and
it was very, very frustrating. It was literally a nightmare.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
What you need to also do to heal is you
need to recall all the.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Events and scenarios that this person is accusing you of,
and you need to actually sit down in your sober
thoughts and realize how unjust these accusations actually are. And
what this will do is this will set you free
of self doubt, because what happens when you care for
someone so deeply and your emotions are involved, it's so
(18:32):
easy to kind.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Of trick someone into thinking, no, what your thinking is wrong?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Oh my god, No, I was not ignoring you the
entire week. I literally lost my phone for three days
and then I've found it and like some stranger returned
it to me, and then literally I was gonna text you,
but then I like literally lost all my contacts and
then I went out with my friends and then my
(18:57):
phone died, so it was just so much back to back.
I couldn't really get to you, and that I was
gonna call you on my friend's phone, but then I
thought you would think that's weird. I would rather have
waited until the weekend was over to finally like just
like call you and let you know that I was okay,
you know, but it's not like I wasn't actually ignoring you,
Like why would I ignore you?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Like what do I need to ignore you for?
Speaker 1 (19:18):
So they use like obvious things like saying what do
I need to ignore you for as a way to
kind of calm you down, and then you start to think, yeah,
I mean, why would this person ignore me for this?
I mean they are kind of talking about this, they
are acknowledging it, but really they're not acknowledging it.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
They're acknowledging a little part of.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
It to make you feel comfortable enough, like they're opening up,
but really they're not.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
They're manipulating the narrative.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Not all people that do things like this are cognizant
of the fact that they are like this, but a
lot of them are. It does not excuse their behavior whatsoever.
Now here's the tricky part, because I'm really all about
true transformation and doing the internal work. Giving that person
will help you realize that person's pain and confusion.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Now whoa stop here.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Forgiving anyone does not mean accepting them back into your life.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Forgiving an individual.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Does not mean that you have to be as close
to them as you were before. That you have to
start off the dynamic. It doesn't mean fresh start. What
it means is that you are no longer going to
be controlled by the thoughts of what happened with that individual.
You were no longer going to let their lack of
control control you. You are no longer going to allow
(20:33):
their confusion and their pain consume you be the stronger person.
And you know, yes, this individual hurt me, but you're
not going to stop me from moving on. You're not
going to stop me from having another healthy relationship. You're
not I understand that this was this circumstance, and that's
(20:53):
really all this was.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
I took intel of what this was. I will not
allow something like this to happen to me again.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Cannot fix an individual, You can't identifying it for yourself.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Because this is cathartic.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
For you does not mean you go ahead and try
to fix that other individual, because name a time where
it's ever worked, especially with guys. Guys don't like to
be fixed really better girlfriends. So name a time where
it's worked. And in conclusion, just no angels. Do not
ever allow anyone to destroy your integrity and your psychological
(21:29):
health ever in life. And that's why you forgive them.
You don't even have to let them know. Listen, I
forgive you because sometimes been there, done that. That doesn't
work when an individual is just so engulfed in their
own chaos and I forgive you is nothing to them.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
It's like, Okay, what are you forgiving me for?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
It doesn't even matter, Like I didn't do anything anyway,
of course you forgive me. I didn't do anything to you,
and then you get sucked back in, suck back in.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
So take it like this.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
If you are someone that has experienced being gaslighted, more
than likely you will get ghosted. It's a form of
a manipulation tactic used to control you, namely by an
individual who has no control in their own life, who
is suffering in their own life. I do challenge all
(22:24):
of you to come up to a higher standard. Not
everyone is going to be the same, not every individual
is going to be the same. Never ever, ever leave
a situation and take that and dump that onto the
next situation that you were in, because then you've officially
became a victim, and that is the last thing that
we ever want to become. So I hope you angels
(22:47):
have enjoyed this video. I hope that this really resonated
with you. Do not forget that I love you, and
God loves you, and I will see beautiful angels in
my next video.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
M
Hi angels, Welcome back to my channel. So for those
of you that do not know me, Hi, my name
is Asha. Very nice to meet you. Join the A team.
Click subscribe, turn on your postedifications so that you're notified
every single time that I post. I'm feeling very inspired
and very uplifted by all of you and your positivity.
(00:21):
I'm just soaking it all in. As you guys can
see from the title here, we are going to be
talking about gaslighting and ghosting, something that I'm sure all
of us have experience, and I will also share briefly
my own personal story dealing with that as well.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
But before we jump.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Into the video, please make sure that you are following
me on Instagram and that will be right here.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And with that being said, let's just brands in this video.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
So the term gaslighting actually derived from a play called
gas Light in nineteen thirty eight, where a female character
was continuously falsely accused of wrongdoing, you know, with her husband,
which caused her to doubt her own sanity. And there
are many examples of gaslighting, so I'm going to give
(01:09):
you a few. One example of gaslighting could be someone
doing something really mean or wicked to you, like stealing
your headphones and then you are looking for them and
that person's telling you I didn't take your headphones. You
are mistaken, I have no idea what you're talking about,
and you're feeling.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Crazy for that.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Another example of gaslighting could be that individual will have
a character flaw and say something like you keep saying
that I never check in on you.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Well, look I'm checking on you.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
You know how you tend to exaggerate a lot of
the time, making you feel stupid, and throwing them actually
doing what they're supposed to do for once in your
face as evidence that they are always doing what they're
supposed to.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Do, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Another form of gaslighting would be a person accusing you
of doing something that's absolutely obscene, outright lying and trying
to convince you of something that you blatantly did not commit.
For example, you keep taking change out of my coin
bank and it's like.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
What, like, obviously, no, you're not. This is the classic one,
which I.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Personally have experience in being accused of a person accusing
you of having a serious character flaw and they'll do
something to make you upset, but then they'll say something
like you're really aggressive, like you're you're always angry all
the time.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
You know what, I don't even want to deal with
this right now, so I'm just gonna leave. That's what
they do.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
This leads me into ghosting because I believe that gas slighting.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
And ghosting goes hand in hand. So what is ghosting?
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Ghosting is when someone ignores you, abandons you, and shuts
off all.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Communication with you completely.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Now, when you were gaslighted and ghosted, it's very difficult
because you're not there to have a dialogue with that
other person because usually the person accusing you of these
certain things always leave. So what happens in turn, you're
left alone wondering what you did wrong, pondering on a
thousand different scenarios of how it could have played out differently.
(03:16):
And it's manipulative because all you have is you against
you when it took two to tango for those events
to transpire. People that ghost they are trying to make
you doubt your own perception of yourself, whether they are
cognizant of that or not.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Now here's the interesting thing.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
When you are accused of a serious character flaw such as,
oh my god, you're always angry all the time, You're
so aggressive, And you kind of know when you're in
this situation because you think, to yourself, why does that
feel so far from the truth?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
But all right, what else do you have to say?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
So this person's accusing you of this behavior, And because
you understand there have been plenty of times where we
have gotten into arguments here and things like that off
of what they have done, you reflecting on these instances,
you automatically become agreeable because it's like, Okay, well I
was angry last week at this, and I did get
(04:19):
angry the week before that because of something else. I
did get angry, So maybe they are perceiving that as
very aggressive, and you start just getting very confused and
jumbled in your thoughts and questioning whether how you felt
or how you reacted was actually merited. I'm going to
share with you guys a specific instance where that happened
(04:43):
to me, where I was gaslighted. I was dating someone.
And of course people that have some sort of you know,
flaw usually I mean, really, the greater the flaw, the
more charming the being is.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I mean, it's ungodly. It's demon time.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
One time after moultiple, multiple different disagreements amongst many different
things due to that individual's actions. All of the time,
the person started speaking to me less and things of
that nature.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
And naturally, when someone.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Pulls away from you, you start running after them because
you're trying to figure out, Okay, not only am I
not wrong for how I feel? I know I'm actually
not wrong in this situation, and I know exactly what happened.
So why is this person acting like I'm the issue here?
And that individual after always being drunk and not being
(05:34):
accountable and not communicating and running around the conversation. Every
time I would try to have a conversation with this individual,
he would.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Say he didn't have.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Time, or he'll call me back, and all these things,
making up a bunch of excuses and saying he's busy
all these things, when, of course, in the beginning, it
wasn't like that, and he had all the time in
the world. I began to see this person, you know,
pattern that they are consistently exhibiting very very poor choices
(06:07):
and things of that nature. This person would never actually
sit down and have a conversation with me about it,
and ultimately blamed me and said that I have bipolar tendencies.
That's why they limit their exposure to me, because I
have many different outbursts and all these things, and no
one that even knows me will even acknowledge that. You know,
(06:30):
sometimes people just say things and they hope that it sticks.
That just slid right off, and it just made me realize, Wow,
this person is actually really gaslighting me. I mean, how
many different instances do I need to endure with this
person to just finally let this person be toxic all
by himself. He has such a cognitive dissonance from his
(06:53):
self and his own actions because he has a lot
going on in his own life, that it's easier to
blame me now. I was telling my friends at the
time when this happened. Any person that really cares about
you is not going to just call you names and
accuse you.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Of certain things.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
What they're going to do is try to come from
a place of understanding, because when you come from a
place of understanding, you want to come up with a solution.
And when someone doesn't want to come up with a
solution and try to understand you because they care, they're
going to just say, you know what, this is why
I don't talk to you, Because you always.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Have an issue.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
You're always trying to start something, and it's like, no,
I'm not trying to start anything. I'm trying to understand
where you're coming from, because you've been exhibiting very suspicious
behavior for a very long time now, and I can
never seem to catch you to actually talk to you
(07:52):
about it, because you're always busy or you disappear for
X amount of time. And it was just so unbelievably disgusting,
and it was an absolute mess.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I mean, thank god that situation is over. It was
an absolute nightmare.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
I don't even think half the time that certain people
realize what they do because they're so engulfed in their
own life and their own mess that even in them
hurting our feelings and doing really messed up things to us.
Not everyone is as calculating as we may think. So
it's so easy to become angry with an individual, like
(08:30):
how did you not know you were doing this?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Because some people really do.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Do things intentionally, But there are others who do things
because they're just so messed up. They're suffering so much
internally with their own demons and struggling with their own
demons that they hurt people honestly accidentally. As a casualty
just because they are just going through they're having so
much internal turmoil. Never did he ever take accountability for
(08:58):
anything he's ever done.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
He's always always drunk.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I was sober the entire duration of the relationship, and
he was constantly, constantly inebriated and started exhibiting so many flaws.
I was coming from a place of understanding, so I
was sticking around trying to figure out why the beginning
of the relationship was so incongruous to the latter end.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I was trying to give it the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
And I now learned and took from that situation that
whenever I see signs and red flags and things that
make absolutely zero sense, instead of trying to understand it,
because I know, once I begin to try to understand,
then the next step for me is trying to fix.
And once you do those things, then you start falling
for a whole bunch of things, and you stick around
(09:52):
way more than you actually should. So make sure that
whoever you decide to actually understand, make sure that individual
rule equally cares about you. Make sure that that individual
is someone that is actually worth your time, because otherwise
you end up in a dynamic where you're chasing after
someone who is not in the best space in their
(10:13):
life for answers, and they don't have it for themselves.
Because what do hurt people do? They hurt people. Whether
it's intentional or not, they hurt people. So whether that
person meant to hurt me at that time or whether
he didn't doesn't matter, because at the end of the day,
(10:33):
I have to make peace with what was just for myself.
I have to make the situation cathartic for myself because
I genuinely do believe that closure only really does come
from ourselves.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
So just be.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Mindful of things like that, because I'm sure many of
you ladies can attest to being situations like that where
someone will get mad at you for being upset and
only get mad at your reactions. They are so hyper
sensitive over how you react to their behavior so that
(11:06):
they don't have to take any accountability or responsibility for
what actually got you to that place. And another thing
to note too is when somebody in anger is constantly
bringing up your career and things of that nature, that's
not somebody that you want to be with because that
individual as well would bring up my career when he
(11:29):
would be upset with me and things like that, when
really the cold heart fact in truth was that that
person definitely struggled with a lot of you know, alcoholic
tendencies and it's probably very embarrassing for him to really
admit because he did a lot of things and probably
doesn't remember them, and you know, would call me drunk
(11:51):
multiple times and things of that nature, and I would
pick up, you know, because at the time I really
cared and I was trying to understand this individual, and
really it led nowhere. These type of people that exhibit
this type of behavior, what they like to do is
they like to start fires and then they.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Like to walk away. They want you to question yourself.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
They want you to doubt yourself, They want you to
question your own sanity. In these types of dynamics of
being gaslighted and ghosted, the main emotion that you will
feel is confusion.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
And you will feel alone.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
That's because that individual boom starts a fire, runs away
from it, ignores you till they feel like you've simmered.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Down a little bit.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's what they do. Then they start taking notes of you.
None of their behavior but warranted that reaction out of you.
But they start taking notes on you so that they
can pull you out on any time you react in
a way that they don't want up There you go
acting angry again. What I say about that? You don't
want me to You don't want me to You don't
(12:56):
want me to leave again? Do you? You don't want
me to start? This is why I stopped talking to you,
because honestly, it's scary.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
It's scary how you are. This is why I really
can't do this with you.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
That is manipulation, that is being gaslighted. What is the goal, really,
whether they know that this is their goal or not.
What is the goal when somebody gets that deeply rooted
into your brain and is convincing you of things that
you didn't do, trying to make it seem like you're
crazy for reacting to things that any normal individual, any
(13:31):
sane individual, would be upset at.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
What are they trying to do? They're trying to get
you to not trust yourself that way, anytime another situation happens,
you're always going to take their word over your own.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
You're going to believe what they said over their actions. Boom,
you became the perfect victim. Now they can unconvince you
of all the wrong that they've ever did, or all
the wrong that they will continue to do. You don't
react the way that they want, and they start to
see that you start to have some common sense. Again,
they're gonna ghost you. Ghosting is a form of control.
(14:08):
So how can we heal from these types of experiences?
Problem with a lot of us and a lot of
us as women being nurturers, we always try to come
from a place of understanding, and sometimes this is where
we mess up.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
We mess up trying to understand whoa whoa? Whoa whoa?
Why is this person like this?
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Especially if you're someone that is an mpath You're like,
well are you okay?
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Why are you acting like this?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
And you get so sucked in and just drawn in
to that individual's drama. You subscribe to their issues now
and now they're coming at you all types of ways,
calling you crazy, calling you you know, bipolar, You're aggressive,
You're this, you're that, And it's like, how am I
(14:57):
all these things? All I've ever done was try to
understand why you're acting like this. I have to chase
you down to get an answer for why you are
behaving this way.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
It can barely explain yourself. You're not a reliable source here.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Listen to what your partner is saying to you in anger.
What types of things are they bringing up in anger?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Well, you think.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
You're better than everyone because you have and thousand followers
on Instagram, And you think that you're better than everyone
because you went to college and you have a bachelor's degree.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Like, watch what people choose to use as AMMO against you.
Why are you bringing that up?
Speaker 1 (15:39):
How is that relevant to the subject, the continuous subject
that you are XX and X.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
How is that relevant to the subject. We weren't talking
about my accolades here that you've very well taken note of.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Thank you for that, Thank you for that. But we're
not talking about that now, are we. So listen to
what it is that's being said in moments of anger.
You will never reconcile with somebody who accuses and deeply
distorts consistently.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
You will never reconcile.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That is one of the most freeing things that I've
ever discovered when I was going through my situation at
the time, because I realized I'm trying to make sense
with someone who this entire time was making no sense.
This is a very relevant topic here because I think
this is a lot of the issue that many of
(16:33):
us have, and some of us may be in this
exact type of situation right now. How is it tailored
to you. If you feel this and it's making sense
to you, let me know. We're giving the benefit of
the doubt constantly because well, they weren't like this in
the beginning, and I'm just waiting for that person to
show up again, and he never existed. That person in
(16:55):
the beginning didn't exist. Everyone's trying to impress in the beginning,
and some people just do a really, really good job
and then once things go left, they stay left and
they never come again. They never return to normalcy again.
So you have to let that idea leave. I was
watching a video that Shalon had posted, Shalon Lester, and
(17:18):
she was saying that when you were in a long
term relationship, sometimes it's easier to leave an individual because
you have more data on that person. When you are
in a relationship with someone for a short amount of time,
very very brief, you start to fantasize and even romanticize
what that individual is or the dynamic between you and
(17:40):
that individual, because you don't have enough data to collect
on that person, and that's exactly what happened to me,
where I was constantly forgiving that person every five seconds,
and I was still very confused, and I'm chasing after them,
trying to figure out why are you doing this, and
all of a sudden, it's just like a project for me.
(18:01):
It's a project and it's consuming all of me, and
it was very, very frustrating. It was literally a nightmare.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
What you need to also do to heal is you
need to recall all the.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Events and scenarios that this person is accusing you of,
and you need to actually sit down in your sober
thoughts and realize how unjust these accusations actually are. And
what this will do is this will set you free
of self doubt, because what happens when you care for
someone so deeply and your emotions are involved, it's so
(18:32):
easy to kind.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Of trick someone into thinking, no, what your thinking is wrong?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Oh my god, No, I was not ignoring you the
entire week. I literally lost my phone for three days
and then I've found it and like some stranger returned
it to me, and then literally I was gonna text you,
but then I like literally lost all my contacts and
then I went out with my friends and then my
(18:57):
phone died, so it was just so much back to back.
I couldn't really get to you, and that I was
gonna call you on my friend's phone, but then I
thought you would think that's weird. I would rather have
waited until the weekend was over to finally like just
like call you and let you know that I was okay,
you know, but it's not like I wasn't actually ignoring you,
Like why would I ignore you?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Like what do I need to ignore you for?
Speaker 1 (19:18):
So they use like obvious things like saying what do
I need to ignore you for as a way to
kind of calm you down, and then you start to think, yeah,
I mean, why would this person ignore me for this?
I mean they are kind of talking about this, they
are acknowledging it, but really they're not acknowledging it.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
They're acknowledging a little part of.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
It to make you feel comfortable enough, like they're opening up,
but really they're not.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
They're manipulating the narrative.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Not all people that do things like this are cognizant
of the fact that they are like this, but a
lot of them are. It does not excuse their behavior whatsoever.
Now here's the tricky part, because I'm really all about
true transformation and doing the internal work. Giving that person
will help you realize that person's pain and confusion.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Now whoa stop here.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Forgiving anyone does not mean accepting them back into your life.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Forgiving an individual.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Does not mean that you have to be as close
to them as you were before. That you have to
start off the dynamic. It doesn't mean fresh start. What
it means is that you are no longer going to
be controlled by the thoughts of what happened with that individual.
You were no longer going to let their lack of
control control you. You are no longer going to allow
(20:33):
their confusion and their pain consume you be the stronger person.
And you know, yes, this individual hurt me, but you're
not going to stop me from moving on. You're not
going to stop me from having another healthy relationship. You're
not I understand that this was this circumstance, and that's
(20:53):
really all this was.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
I took intel of what this was. I will not
allow something like this to happen to me again.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Cannot fix an individual, You can't identifying it for yourself.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Because this is cathartic.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
For you does not mean you go ahead and try
to fix that other individual, because name a time where
it's ever worked, especially with guys. Guys don't like to
be fixed really better girlfriends. So name a time where
it's worked. And in conclusion, just no angels. Do not
ever allow anyone to destroy your integrity and your psychological
(21:29):
health ever in life. And that's why you forgive them.
You don't even have to let them know. Listen, I
forgive you because sometimes been there, done that. That doesn't
work when an individual is just so engulfed in their
own chaos and I forgive you is nothing to them.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
It's like, Okay, what are you forgiving me for?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
It doesn't even matter, Like I didn't do anything anyway,
of course you forgive me. I didn't do anything to you,
and then you get sucked back in, suck back in.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
So take it like this.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
If you are someone that has experienced being gaslighted, more
than likely you will get ghosted. It's a form of
a manipulation tactic used to control you, namely by an
individual who has no control in their own life, who
is suffering in their own life. I do challenge all
(22:24):
of you to come up to a higher standard. Not
everyone is going to be the same, not every individual
is going to be the same. Never ever, ever leave
a situation and take that and dump that onto the
next situation that you were in, because then you've officially
became a victim, and that is the last thing that
we ever want to become. So I hope you angels
(22:47):
have enjoyed this video. I hope that this really resonated
with you. Do not forget that I love you, and
God loves you, and I will see beautiful angels in
my next video.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
M
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