September 1, 2023 • 53 mins
Join Mariah in this reflective episode as she recounts her recent escape to her friend's restaurant in Boulder, Utah. With a sense of liberation akin to a bird out of its cage, Mariah shares the sheer joy of breaking free from routine and immersing herself in a different world. Her journey takes a cinematic twist as she discusses her visit to the theaters, where she watched both "Oppenheimer" and the new Barbie movie starring Margot Robbie, accompanied by the same friend who hosted her in Boulder. Mariah opens up about her thoughts on both films, delving into the unique perspectives and themes they presented. She also contemplates the modern phenomenon of social media, exploring how it has evolved into a platform for both sharing opinions and, paradoxically, inhibiting the formation of genuine personal viewpoints. In this thought-provoking episode, Mariah offers a glimpse into her world of escapism, cinema, and the ever-evolving dynamics of social discourse on The Mariah Effect.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:57):
Hi, everybody. Welcome to beright Affect podcast. I'm Mariah and this
is this week's episode. I hadrecorded a episode while I was driving down
to Boulder, Utah this last week, but I guess it didn't register,
(01:21):
probably because my phone was hooked upto the like bluetooth in the car for
some reason. I guess it justdidn't record my voice. We'll see if
this record. Well, if you'rehearing it, then obviously this did record.
I'm using my phone today because Idon't know. I just needed it
(01:44):
to be a little bit more simple. And usually when I do the podcast
by myself, like a solo episode, it's kind of just like stream of
consciousness sort of vibe rather than aplanned idea of what I'm gonna go over.
I just have like a basic ideathat I talk about. But it
(02:07):
seems to be interesting to a lotof you. So I am going to
do that again today. I'm goingto talk about the stuff that I talked
about and on the drive down toBoulder. But you must be wondering why
I was going to Boulder, Utah. I have a friend of mine who
(02:30):
used to work at a restaurant thatwas much closer to where I live now,
and we're really good friends. He'sawesome, incredible, and he got
a job opportunity to work out arestaurant down in Boulder, which is,
(02:51):
I kid you, not the smallesttown I've ever like gotten out of the
car that wasn't just like a quicklike let me stop at a gas station,
you know. And it's insane becauseI really thought that Santa Quin was
like middle of nowhere town, butSanta Quin is basically a thriving city in
(03:17):
comparison to Boulder, Utah. Anduh, personally, I'm the type of
girl that just is not a countrygirl. I grew up in Aurora,
Colorado slash Denver and moved to LosAngeles, and so I've always been surrounded
(03:46):
by like wrapped up nicely in citylike right now is the closest to like
small town I've ever been. Butanyway, I he got a job offer
to go down to Boulder, Utah, and he decided to take it and
(04:06):
left, and so I haven't gottento see a whole lot of him because
Boulder, Utah, from where Ilive right now is like three and a
half to four hours of a drive, so me without like really like my
own car, and going through allof that I've been going through. I
(04:29):
haven't really been able to go downand see him or anything. But about
like a little bit over a monthago, I think, is when he
decided to come up for a randomday to go see the Barbie movie and
Oppenheimer. So we did the BarbenheimerBarbenheimer, Barbenheimer. I think that's what
(04:57):
it does to do that excursion ofwatching both Oppenheimer and Barbie in the same
day. So he came up,he invited me to go do that with
him and some of his friends thathe works with, and it was really
awesome to hang out with him andto meet his friends and go to the
(05:21):
movies like that was really good time. And they all were very very serious
when they said that they wanted meto come down to the restaurant. So
I have been for the last Idon't know, maybe like three or four
(05:41):
weeks, just been kind of inthis rut of doing the same things,
and it's been difficult to find enjoymentin my day. Because I think I
mentioned it last week, but I'mdefinitely like an outgoing kind of person,
(06:06):
like I thrive with being around otherpeople. I think I mentioned how thinking
about my happiest moments were in highschool when I was surrounded by this like
group of friends, and I justhaven't really had that in a long time.
(06:28):
And I think the worst part ofit is that at least when I
go to work someplace, like workingsomewhere, it's not exactly the thing because
they're like work friends. It's notexactly on the same level, but like
you see them every day, Likein high school when you saw your friends
every day and you make jokes andmake plans together, you know, Like
(06:54):
it's different but similar enough. Soeven though I didn't have the like group
friends to go hang out with ordo like a game night with or whatever,
I at least had work friends,you know. And I have my
friend Carlos that I would go anddo game nights and stuff. But the
(07:15):
biggest thing is that last fall Iwent back to school, and my thoughts
were, I'm gonna be in schoolfor the next few years to try and
get my social work degree. Like, isn't college where you meet like your
lifelong friends, you know, SoI was thinking I would do those things
(07:39):
that I didn't really do before,of going out to parties and being around
people and study groups and all thatstuff and then it was so abruptly cut
off by lukimi At. I thinkthat this time has been really hard outside
(08:05):
of leukemia, like basically becoming ahomebody, and it reminds me of the
most difficult time that I've had asan adult, which was during the during
(08:28):
COVID, where I didn't have ajob and I didn't see people, I
didn't go anywhere because I was soterrified of getting sick because of my lupus,
and I just didn't do anything.Like it sucked away a part of
my soul, like the very partsthat make me me. And I'm sure
(08:54):
so many other people can relate tothat, but it's almost like this is
happening to me again. I amin a better situation being around like my
family that cares for me and youknow, getting to do things sometimes with
Mallory, sometimes with Lucas, youknow. But I think that like I
(09:18):
hold on to those little moments sohard that I just feel so like empty
when they're not happening, and that'sbeen really hard. So I think it
was like last week or so,I was thinking, like I have like
(09:43):
a little bit of money for gasto go down there if I planned to
go on a day that Mallory hadthe night off. Then I could go
down and you know, either comeback later that night, but it didn't
matter like what time I got home, so I could come home at like
three am or whatever and not bea big deal, or find somewhere to
(10:07):
stay for the night and come backthe next day. Then that would be
totally okay. So I would godown and you know, see my friend's
restaurant and try the food and thenyou know, come home. And when
I tell you, I got inthe car and I started the drive.
(10:28):
It's just far enough to be likea road trip to not just be like,
oh, I'm going somewhere for theday, Like long enough to be
a road trip, but short enoughthat I wasn't completely exhausted doing it.
And it was like freeing, LikeI felt like a caged bird that had
(10:50):
been let out into the wild tojust like be myself and live my best
life. You know, I havespent so much time by myself that I've
resented being alone. But being inthat car and being able to you know,
sing as loud as I wanted to, and listen to whatever music I
(11:13):
wanted to and just do my ownthing like was so liberating and made me
so happy. And then going andseeing like my friend's restaurant and getting to
see and hang out with him andtalk about like all the stuff that he's
(11:35):
got going on, and he likelives at a staff house sort of situation
where like a lot of people thatwork at the restaurant also live in this
staff house because it's such a smalltown and so like being around their energy,
you know of like after work,you know stuff. And it reminded
(11:58):
me a lot of when I workedat a restaurant, you know, which
is like hell on earth, butin the best way, which sounds really
confusing maybe to some people, butworking in a restaurant is its own experience
of like being completely isolated from likelike having your own lingo of like how
(12:28):
to do certain things and like havinglike specific vibes like talking about a good
night versus a bad night, andmaybe like having to deal with like a
specific boss or you know whatever.It is, like it's like you're isolated
(12:50):
from the rest of the world.And I think that, like specifically with
my friend's restaurant, which isn't sucha small town like soch a small down
it's like isolated, it's even moreisolating for them, and so they really
bond, you know, and theylived together and work together, which is
like wild. I can't I cannotimagine living with the people that I worked
(13:16):
in restaurants with, like mmmmm nommm. But the whole experience was so
fun and like being able to lookup at the sky with like no light
pollution and seeing like so many stars, like it just left me breathless,
(13:39):
left me in awe of how freakingbeautiful it is. It's so hard,
it's like hard to even describe.I wish I had pictures of the sky,
but I was so like out ofit that I didn't even think to
take pictures of it. I justwas enjoying it. I was just living
(14:01):
in it. And you know,I'm definitely gonna go back, so maybe
I'll get pictures the next time i'mthere. But yeah, it was incredible.
But what I was wanting to talkabout on the podcast was kind of
(14:24):
about this trip and like you know, giving you the rundown on that,
but also to be able to talkabout the Barbie movie, because when I
was driving down to see him,I was just reminded of when we went
to go see the Barbie movie andrealizing that I had a conversation with Jason
(14:45):
about the Barbie movie, but itwasn't on the podcast, like that was
a personal conversation between him and I, And like, it's so funny to
me how sometimes I confuse like whetheror not we've talked about something on the
podcast or not, because like ourconversations that we have outside of the podcast
(15:07):
can sometimes be our long conversations,and so like I don't remember which is
which, which is also very funnybecause I'm the one that edits the podcasts,
so I listen to what we've talkedabout on the podcast easily like six
or seven times per episode in editing. So you think I would remember what
(15:31):
has talked about on the podcast versuswhat's not, but I guess not,
which might be like I don't know, lupus, fog, cancer, brain
crap. I don't know. Butanyway, I realized I hadn't talked about
(15:52):
it here on the podcast, whichis actually kind of a good thing,
because I think if I talked aboutit right after I watched it, I
wouldn't have had this time time ofletting it kind of sink in and seeing
like the public response to the movieas well, which kind of like is
an interesting thing with social media nowa days where like before, and by
(16:15):
before, I mean when I wasa kid, which might have been because
I was a kid and not necessarilythe social media aspect of it. But
when I was younger, when youwatched a movie, if it was like
really important, it would be inlike news articles for sure, or be
mentioned in like on the news onTV or something. But that was kind
(16:41):
of it, Like there wouldn't bethis like big alert on like this big
media presence online about what was goingon with it and what everybody thought about
it, you know, which alot of people formed their opinions based off
of what other people think about stuff. I mean, I even do that
(17:02):
now with like books, Like onTikTok, there's this a part of TikTok
that has been labeled book talk,which is people talking about books and you
know, giving their opinions about certainbooks or recommending certain books for certain girls,
(17:23):
things like that. And with booktalk, people will give their opinions
about what books to read and stuff, and sometimes I'll be like, Okay,
if this person who I've come torespect based off of like our similar
interests in books. I'm going togo read that book. And sometimes that's
(17:48):
a good decision because yeah, itis a great book, and sometimes it's
a disastrous result. We're I endup painting everyone that's ever read the book
and myself for reading it too.But anyway, my point is that people
(18:11):
now put so much of their opinionsonline, which is great to share your
opinions and stuff, but it causespeople to make their own, like to
not make their own opinions about thingsthat they just kind of take what is
handed to them in their face andgo, I haven't seen the movie,
but so and so says that it'swonderful. So it's a wonderful movie.
(18:32):
So then they're out there telling people, oh, it's a great movie.
And so like being able to kindof watch the movie myself and form my
own opinions around it has been hasbeen good for me to do because I
(18:56):
don't really get out to see moviesa whole lot anymore. But having that
and then also seeing on TikTok oron Facebook or whatever people's opinions about the
Barbie movie too, and then alsoword of mouth from like people that I
know who've heard from people that theyknow about the movie. Like being able
(19:18):
to take all of that and formmy own opinion about it has been has
been good for me. So I'mglad that I've taken that time to go
through all of that before talking aboutit here on the podcast. So here
are some of my thoughts. Iwant to talk about Oppenheimer two as a
(19:41):
side note, which actually maybe Ishould do that first, because I want
the majority of this to be aboutBarbie. I have a lot opinions about
that. When we went to themovies, we went to see Oppenheimer first
and then we went to see Barbie, which like on a like that's the
way to do it, one hundredpercent. I think I would have been
(20:04):
super depressed if we watched Oppenheimer afterParpy, So it was good to have
that, like nice fun thing tolook forward to after. But Oppenheimer.
When I went to go see theBarbie movie and the Oppenheimer movie, the
Oppenheimer movie was one that I knewbasically nothing about. I knew he was
(20:30):
the he was the guy who hadsomething to do with the like nuclear bomb
or that bomb or whatever, andthat he was a scientist. That's that's
basically out I knew right going intoit, and I didn't know exactly if
the story was just like his life, his you know, his participation in
(20:56):
all of that, or the messagethat I was trying to get or whatever.
I don't know anything. I hadn'teven seen, I think, really
a commercial or I mean a trailerfor it or anything. So anyway,
when we went to go see that, I think the biggest things that stuck
out to me were that the beginningwas very confusing, and I think that
(21:21):
was intentional. I think it wasintentionally trying to like confuse you about what
was exactly going on and slowly revealsit like over the course of the movie,
so it kind of like trickles backin, so it's like, oh,
the scene from the beginning, nowwe're connecting it after we've told some
of his story and you can nowunderstand what they're talking about, like they
(21:45):
did that kind of a thing,which is even more confusing when you don't
know any of the premise of themovie. So that's probably my bad.
But we watched that the first coupleof minutes and I'm reminded I think maybe
two because we were at the Imaxtheater, like the big Boy theater that
(22:08):
I was reminded that movies in themovie theater allowed, which sounds like the
right, But like that movie hadso many moments that were orchestrated in a
way to you know, shock youand things like that. Like the sound
(22:37):
in that movie was almost as instrumental. Get it instrumental? Was I'm foolish?
Anyway, The sound in the moviewas just as integral to like the
(23:00):
viewing or the process of what wasgoing on, as like the characters,
as the plot. You know,Like the sound did so much, and
it does in a lot of movies, but like this one very much like
added everything to the story. SoI do appreciate it. I just think
(23:23):
that it was too loud for mepersonally in an IMAX movie theater. So
I think if I watched the movieat home, I would be a lot
more comfortable with the movie and beingable to like do the volume like how
I needed it to be. Andthat's like a personal preference. I also
(23:45):
think because there's so many accents thatare happening in the movie and I am
already like I already have a reallyhard time with being able to hear,
and there's all this sound crap goingon that some subtitles also probably would be
helpfuls, which is why watching itat home would be a little easier for
(24:08):
me. But I did enjoy themovie. I thought that the story was
very well told. I don't wantto get into it too much to spoil
anything for anybody, so I willjust say that I was really surprised with
(24:30):
the amount of like I knew itwould be serious, but the amount of
moments that were just kind of Idon't even know how to describe it,
like chilling moments of humanity, likeor inhumanity, I guess, which should
(24:52):
have been obvious when we're talking aboutlike a nuclear bomb, like an atomic
bomb, you know, but likeit told the story through his eyes,
this man who was doing what hecould in order to like doing what he
could, but also doing what hewas told to do, you know,
(25:15):
and the effects of doing something likethat in order to quote unquote save your
country or protect your country or whatever, and then having this large amount of
casualties that come from something that youcreated is just it's this this feeling that
(25:41):
I don't think that like people fullythink about, you know, And I
love how they brought that to youknow, our attention. I like how
they brought that in. I likehow they showed his anxiety that he has,
how they represent his like kind ofPTSD almost from his participation in this
(26:11):
event. It's really well done.It's really good, and I really liked
it. But with Oppenheimer now outof the way, we can talk about
Barbie. I want to make somethings clear before I start talking about Barbie.
(26:33):
I did not really make it apriority to want to watch Barbie.
The whole reason I went was becauseI wanted to spend time with my friend
that lives out of town that Idon't really get to see very often,
and because I was excited to goto Salt Lake City to do this with
(26:56):
them. Right, So, Ihad no real interest in it for a
couple of reasons, but the mainones are that when I was younger,
Barbie was not really on my radar, like I think I did have one
maybe at one point, maybe,but I remember when I was really little,
(27:23):
and I have no idea where wewere when we were having this conversation,
but I remember having a conversation withmy godmother about Barbie, and she
very much like didn't like Barbie.And because I thought that my godmother.
My nanny was like the prettiest,the smartest, the best person ever,
(27:53):
Like I worshiped her. I thought, you know what, me too,
No, Barbie, I don't likeBarbie. I don't like Barbie. I
don't like Pink like you know,because I wanted to be like her,
and who wouldn't. She was incredible, is incredible. She's not dead.
I don't know why I said itlike that, but I mean, like
(28:14):
from the view of when I wasa little kid, like I thought she
was everything. And when we whenI got like a little bit older,
I think because this was a veryyoung conversation, like I was really little.
I couldn't even tell you how old, but I know it's like one
(28:37):
of my first memories that I haveto be honest with you. But when
I got a little bit older,I remember getting I don't even remember from
who it must have been from mymom, but getting gifts of dolls.
They would be brad Stalls, soI had like I loved brad Stalls.
(28:59):
I had brats. I would almostalways get the Sasha one, which if
my mom was getting these for me, I think she was like, oh,
that's the black one. My daughter'sblack let's get Sasha, which I
think is very funny. But Imean that's another thing too, Like Barbie
like in most cases, was whiteblonde Barbie. You know. I know
(29:26):
that they had other dolls. Iknow that they they like definitely had some
diversity in the Barbie quote unquote,But at the same time, like you
gotta think of things from the perspectiveof like a child that grew up in
like poor conditions and so like beingable to seek out and buy you know,
(29:52):
a specific Barbie that wasn't really onthe shelves at Walmart, at freaking
Toys r us, you know,like we did what we could so my
mom would get me the brat stalls, and I felt more connected with brat
(30:14):
stalls. I feel like a lotof my friends played with brat stalls.
I feel like brat stalls were likethe doll for the cheap girlies, for
the inexpensive mommy's, you know.And I loved my Sasha dolls. I
think I remember I had one thathad like real eyelashes, which is like
(30:38):
so weird to think about now,But like I thought she was the prettiest.
I thought she was the chilliest,Like I thought she was cool,
and I think that they were alittle bit more like not so preppy type,
you know, like Barbie always seemedkind of stuck up, kind of
(31:00):
preppy, you know, and BradStyles just seemed cooler to me. Maybe
that's because I grew up in aneighborhood that was more racially diverse than some
and also went to, you know, a school that had like predominantly Latino
and black kids that went there.I don't know, but anyway, so
(31:26):
I wasn't very much a Barbie girl. I was more Brad's girl. The
other reason, too, was thatI had seen like maybe one or two
like little clips or not even fullcommercials. I think I saw like a
billboard of it or something in ain a TikTok or something, and I
(31:48):
saw that Will Farrell what's going tobe in the movie. And not that
I hate Will Farrell or anything likethat, but I think that the Will
Ferrell comedy that he usually has inhis movies is like slapstick stuff, and
(32:14):
I don't care for it, Likeit is not my type of humor.
I think that, like thinking aboutit, like comedians that like that are
like Will Ferrell that I do likeis like Jim Carrey, but that's because
I think that a lot of hislike humor that he does is physical comedy
(32:37):
and like what he does with hisbody, whereas Will Ferrell is more like
slapstick comedy in like I don't know, like fart dukes and you know,
silly like weird sounds that'll make andstuff like that, which like, in
(33:00):
my opinion, when Jim Carrey doessome stuff like that, it's like small
parts of the movie and done well, whereas in my opinion, a lot
of the times when Will Ferrell doesit just doesn't make me laugh. And
that's my own personal preference. Butknowing that he was going to be in
(33:22):
the movie and not knowing like howmuch of the movie he was going to
be a part of just like kindof put me off too, Like I
wasn't really interested in that. Andthe other part of it is, as
far as I knew of the premiseof the movie, it was just Barbie
comes to the real world and learnsabout how what it's like to be a
(33:45):
woman in the real world, andit's like I've already heard that story,
you know, Like was the moviewith the Tyra Banks life size I think
it's called might have to double checkmyself if I'm wrong editing Mariah will insert
that here. But I feel thatstory's already been told, and like it
(34:13):
just didn't appeal to me to watchit from the eyes of Barbie, even
though Barbie was going to be MarcoRobbie and I love Marco Robbie. I
just had a hard time with likethinking it was going to be anything original,
So I wasn't really interested in seeingthe movie that much. Like I
figured if it came out on likeNetflix or something that, like, i'd
(34:37):
watch it. Maybe if enough peoplewere like, you gotta watch the Barbie
movie, then I would have likeof course, jumped on the bandwagon and
been like, all right, let'ssee what this is about. I guess
and watched it. But that beingsaid, I also have this weird thing
(34:59):
of like, if something is supersuper popular with people, I don't really
watch it. I don't know why, Like it took me forever to watch
Crazy Rich Asians, Like I literallydidn't watch it forever and ever and ever
and ever and ever, and thenI literally walked in on Mallory mid movie
watching it and she was like,we're watching this blah blah, blah.
(35:22):
And I was like, oh,I've never seen it, and she was
like what And I had to sitdown and watch the movie from like the
halfway point. Yeah. I don'tknow what that's about with me, Like
it's such a weird thing to havein me sometimes of like just not wanting
to watch it because it's so popular. Anyway, Off, I'm getting off
(35:45):
track here anyway. Summing up,I don't I wasn't interested in watching the
movie. But my friend was like, let's go see these movies, like
do you want to come, Like, I'll get your ticket, blah blah
blah, you don't have to worryabout anything. I was like, all
right, whatever, So I went. We saw Oppenheimer, and then we
(36:09):
went and had a sushi which wassuper good, and then we went to
back to the movies to see Barbethe Barbie Movie. Now again, I
don't want to get into too manydetails and spoil the movie, but during
Oppenheimer, which is like a realstory that talks about death on a very
(36:37):
large scale and the PTSD of causingthat sort of horrible event, made me
cry, yes, but not asmuch as the Barbie movie made me cry.
(37:00):
And the Barbie Movie was kind ofa trip because it's very much this
like silly comedy you know that haslike this silly kind of premise of you
know, Barbie is like feeling likereal, like feeling real sorts of things,
(37:28):
Like she's not as she's not asa you know, perfect, she's
not feeling as perfect as she alwayshas. And Margart Robbie is the main
Like there's a lot of Barbies,but Margot Robbie is like referred to as
stereotypical Barbie, which is I thinkreally funny. But she's referred to as
(37:52):
stereotypical Barbie. So she doesn't havelike a real like she doesn't have a
job, she doesn't have a professionthat goes with her title. She doesn't
really do anything that is technically Iguess you could say productive to the society.
(38:14):
Like she goes and hangs out withher friends and then she does parties
and like that's the extent of whatshe does with her time. Right,
So she is a part of thesociety that is matriarchal, it's run by
(38:36):
the women, but she is ina position that doesn't really hold so much
power really, and so when shestarts to kind of fall apart, a
little bit and is not so perfect. It's kind of like it's taking away
the part of her that is ofvalue in her role as the type of
(38:59):
Barbie that she is, if thatmakes sense. And so the movie progresses,
you know, going to the realworld and stuff like that to figure
out what's wrong with her. AndI think that one of the most poignant
(39:20):
moments of the movie is, youknow, there's a moment where she is
having a conversation with America Ferreira's character, who is from the real world,
and they're having this conversation and MargotRobbie is being so open and honest with
(39:45):
what's going on with her and howhorrible she feels because she is in this
position where she's like, I amnot worth anything, like the one thing
I'm good for, which is beingperfect being you know, this like stereotypical
(40:08):
idea of what Barbie is, right, I'm not that so I'm worth nothing,
Like I hold no value, Iam nothing. In this moment,
and I don't remember exactly what shesays, but that's like kind of the
gist of what she says. AndI started crying so hard. I started
(40:30):
like sobbing crying. I couldn't holdit back. And I now that I
think on it a little bit more, it's like in that moment, I
was crying because you know, I'veI've felt that feeling, you know,
of feeling worthless, of feeling likewhen I can't do the thing that people
(40:52):
know me for being good at,Like if I can't succeed in that,
then I feel worthless, which islike like, for example, like if
I'm a good cook, right,people know that I'm a good cook.
I make a dinner and my chickenthat I make is still raw inside.
(41:14):
This has happened on the chicken thatI cook is still raw inside, and
I served it to them like thatIt cuts me so hard. That cut
me so hard. I felt horrible. I felt worthless, like what am
I even doing? You know?And another thing like what I talked about
(41:38):
last week, when I was inhigh school and I was, you know,
doing badly at school because I wasn'tdoing homework. It's like I've been
told my whole life. The onething I've been told my whole life is
that I am smart, that I'mintelligent, that I, you know,
am going to do something with mylife scholastically, And here I am messing
(42:07):
it all up. It hurt.It hit me so hard. So I
really related to that because I've feltthat way before. But the other part
of it too, was like,why is it that we feel like this?
Like I'm sure that men feel likethis sometimes, but I feel like
(42:29):
this is a very woman feeling tofeel like not feeling good enough, not
feeling like we've done enough, youknow, and so like I think that's
also why it hit me so hard. And then the other part of it
too, The other part of thisconversation is when America Fur has this huge
(42:53):
speech which I'm you know, like, if you've seen anything about the Barbie
movie, you've probably heard about thisspeech that she does. But she makes
this speech about talking about the contradictionsthat women have to go through in life,
Like the contradictions of having to youknow, be happy with who we
(43:19):
are, like love ourselves, butalso strive to be better. How Like
we are supposed to be pretty,but not too pretty because then we're only
known for our prettiness. How we'resupposed to do this thing but also not
do this thing. Like there's alot of contradictions that come with being a
(43:43):
woman in society that are just likewhat do you want for me? Then?
You know, and she does thespeech so beautifully, like there's no
way that I could even come clostto replicating some of the things that she
says, so I'm not even goingto go into it and try. But
(44:05):
it got me to thinking about someof the some of the contradictions that I've
lived through, which is like,you know that you're supposed to be like
you're supposed to want to be healthy, like have a healthy body, be
skinny in other words, but thenalso that like with this like whole plus
(44:25):
sized like getting rid of fat phobiasort of stuff, is like you need
to accept who you are and loveyour body as you are, but you
want to be healthy, but ifyou're trying to get skinny, like if
you want to be skinny, thenyou're not loving your fat body. You
(44:46):
know. Like this whole thing,this whole idea that's so like complicated and
like confusing, and it feels likeyou can never do anything right, you
know. And I have always struggledwith that of like always feeling wrong and
(45:07):
that comes from like some family traumathat I've been through too, but always
feeling like what I do is wrongand it's like the quote that I remember
from there's this song that was onlike the Simpsons Blues album which I used
(45:29):
to listen to all the time,and there's a song that Bart sings.
I think it's like, oh man, I cannot remember the name of the
song, but in the song hesays he says something like damned if you
do, and I'm damned if Idon't. And it's like, that's a
(45:50):
story my life. I feel likeyou can't. Like there's been moments in
my life where I just felt likeI can't win. I can't win,
and I always internalize that as itbeing my fault without thinking about like the
person or the people that are puttingthis pressure on me and aren't happy with
(46:13):
what I do. I put theblame on myself, when in reality their
expectations are insane of me as aperson. So that's really their problem,
not mine. But anyway, theBarbie movie, I feel like was a
(46:34):
good movie. Well I heard thatsome people, like we're talking about the
movie and saying things akin to likeit didn't like invent the idea that like
feminism should be a like feminism isa thing, and that like women should
be equal. It didn't invent thatidea, Like, it's not original in
(46:57):
that, but I do think thatit is original in this idea that it
presents, which I haven't seen ina lot of movies or TV shows or
anything presenting this idea that a matriarchalsociety will still not the ideal situation for
(47:19):
the world because it's not equal,would be so much safer for women and
for men than this patriarchal society thatwe have right now, which is just
going to this idea that like womenare like we are programmed differently, like
(47:46):
we are meant to be nurturers,mothers cares right, and so not to
say that there aren't women out therethat are horrible people, that are you
know, disastrous and to cruel andmean, Like I'm not saying that all
women are great, but I amsaying that there's been studies about what women
(48:13):
in leadership positions, how they operateversus how men operate, and it creates
safer environments. So again, it'snot the ideal situation because we should be
equal. We should have equal sayand equal rights and equal care and equal
(48:37):
opportunity, all of that stuff.We should be equal. But it is
interesting to look at how different weas leaders are, and it forces the
question of like how freakings sad itis to realize that we have to as
(49:09):
women be scared and we have tofight tooth and nail for everything that we
can to just be safe and havecontrol over our own bodies and our own
(49:30):
actions and all of these things,and we have to be held to these
expectations, like all of this stuff. It just really puts into perspective this
idea of you know what, likehow different our genders are. And I
(49:51):
think that one thing that the moviekind of misses on is bringing into it
should have brought into the conversation moreabout you know, gender fluid people and
they them you know, like,I feel like that should have been more
(50:12):
brought into the conversation because it waskind of left out. And I recognized
that the dolls themselves are Ken andBarbie, so they clearly make it just
you know, two genders in thatso the movie does no different. But
I do think that in the worldthat we're talking about now, the world
(50:35):
that we're representing now especially, shouldhave more inclusivity talking about that in a
movie that's literally about gender. Butanyway, anyway, getting off of my
high Wars here. I think itwas a good movie. I think that
(50:57):
the music and the movie was beautifuland great, especially Billy Halish's song,
and I think that I'm so gratefulthat I got to see it, especially
for free. Shout out to myfriend. But that's what I talked about
(51:19):
on the drive down to Boulder,Utah, and my phone didn't record any
of it. So this is metalking about it a second time and looking
at the clock. I have runout of time in talking today, so
I'm gonna wrap this up by bringingup that I do have a Patreon if
(51:43):
you'd like to help out. Thelinks are on the website the dash Mariah
dash effect dot com, and that'swhere you can get information about every episode.
That's where you can read blog poststhat I wrote months ago. You
can check us out on the websiteand see links to other podcasts and other
(52:04):
episodes. If you haven't seen,if you haven't listened to our other episodes.
All the information is on their onefor you to look at, and
links to other ways that you canlisten. All that stuff is on the
website. It's been so good beingable to talk to you guys today and
share about my trip. If youwant to see pictures of the trip too,
(52:28):
that's all over my Facebook and pageand the Instagram page two, So
go ahead and check those out,give them a like, thank you so
much and bye. Don't be b
Hi, everybody. Welcome to beright Affect podcast. I'm Mariah and this
is this week's episode. I hadrecorded a episode while I was driving down
to Boulder, Utah this last week, but I guess it didn't register,
(01:21):
probably because my phone was hooked upto the like bluetooth in the car for
some reason. I guess it justdidn't record my voice. We'll see if
this record. Well, if you'rehearing it, then obviously this did record.
I'm using my phone today because Idon't know. I just needed it
(01:44):
to be a little bit more simple. And usually when I do the podcast
by myself, like a solo episode, it's kind of just like stream of
consciousness sort of vibe rather than aplanned idea of what I'm gonna go over.
I just have like a basic ideathat I talk about. But it
(02:07):
seems to be interesting to a lotof you. So I am going to
do that again today. I'm goingto talk about the stuff that I talked
about and on the drive down toBoulder. But you must be wondering why
I was going to Boulder, Utah. I have a friend of mine who
(02:30):
used to work at a restaurant thatwas much closer to where I live now,
and we're really good friends. He'sawesome, incredible, and he got
a job opportunity to work out arestaurant down in Boulder, which is,
(02:51):
I kid you, not the smallesttown I've ever like gotten out of the
car that wasn't just like a quicklike let me stop at a gas station,
you know. And it's insane becauseI really thought that Santa Quin was
like middle of nowhere town, butSanta Quin is basically a thriving city in
(03:17):
comparison to Boulder, Utah. Anduh, personally, I'm the type of
girl that just is not a countrygirl. I grew up in Aurora,
Colorado slash Denver and moved to LosAngeles, and so I've always been surrounded
(03:46):
by like wrapped up nicely in citylike right now is the closest to like
small town I've ever been. Butanyway, I he got a job offer
to go down to Boulder, Utah, and he decided to take it and
(04:06):
left, and so I haven't gottento see a whole lot of him because
Boulder, Utah, from where Ilive right now is like three and a
half to four hours of a drive, so me without like really like my
own car, and going through allof that I've been going through. I
(04:29):
haven't really been able to go downand see him or anything. But about
like a little bit over a monthago, I think, is when he
decided to come up for a randomday to go see the Barbie movie and
Oppenheimer. So we did the BarbenheimerBarbenheimer, Barbenheimer. I think that's what
(04:57):
it does to do that excursion ofwatching both Oppenheimer and Barbie in the same
day. So he came up,he invited me to go do that with
him and some of his friends thathe works with, and it was really
awesome to hang out with him andto meet his friends and go to the
(05:21):
movies like that was really good time. And they all were very very serious
when they said that they wanted meto come down to the restaurant. So
I have been for the last Idon't know, maybe like three or four
(05:41):
weeks, just been kind of inthis rut of doing the same things,
and it's been difficult to find enjoymentin my day. Because I think I
mentioned it last week, but I'mdefinitely like an outgoing kind of person,
(06:06):
like I thrive with being around otherpeople. I think I mentioned how thinking
about my happiest moments were in highschool when I was surrounded by this like
group of friends, and I justhaven't really had that in a long time.
(06:28):
And I think the worst part ofit is that at least when I
go to work someplace, like workingsomewhere, it's not exactly the thing because
they're like work friends. It's notexactly on the same level, but like
you see them every day, Likein high school when you saw your friends
every day and you make jokes andmake plans together, you know, Like
(06:54):
it's different but similar enough. Soeven though I didn't have the like group
friends to go hang out with ordo like a game night with or whatever,
I at least had work friends,you know. And I have my
friend Carlos that I would go anddo game nights and stuff. But the
(07:15):
biggest thing is that last fall Iwent back to school, and my thoughts
were, I'm gonna be in schoolfor the next few years to try and
get my social work degree. Like, isn't college where you meet like your
lifelong friends, you know, SoI was thinking I would do those things
(07:39):
that I didn't really do before,of going out to parties and being around
people and study groups and all thatstuff and then it was so abruptly cut
off by lukimi At. I thinkthat this time has been really hard outside
(08:05):
of leukemia, like basically becoming ahomebody, and it reminds me of the
most difficult time that I've had asan adult, which was during the during
(08:28):
COVID, where I didn't have ajob and I didn't see people, I
didn't go anywhere because I was soterrified of getting sick because of my lupus,
and I just didn't do anything.Like it sucked away a part of
my soul, like the very partsthat make me me. And I'm sure
(08:54):
so many other people can relate tothat, but it's almost like this is
happening to me again. I amin a better situation being around like my
family that cares for me and youknow, getting to do things sometimes with
Mallory, sometimes with Lucas, youknow. But I think that like I
(09:18):
hold on to those little moments sohard that I just feel so like empty
when they're not happening, and that'sbeen really hard. So I think it
was like last week or so,I was thinking, like I have like
(09:43):
a little bit of money for gasto go down there if I planned to
go on a day that Mallory hadthe night off. Then I could go
down and you know, either comeback later that night, but it didn't
matter like what time I got home, so I could come home at like
three am or whatever and not bea big deal, or find somewhere to
(10:07):
stay for the night and come backthe next day. Then that would be
totally okay. So I would godown and you know, see my friend's
restaurant and try the food and thenyou know, come home. And when
I tell you, I got inthe car and I started the drive.
(10:28):
It's just far enough to be likea road trip to not just be like,
oh, I'm going somewhere for theday, Like long enough to be
a road trip, but short enoughthat I wasn't completely exhausted doing it.
And it was like freeing, LikeI felt like a caged bird that had
(10:50):
been let out into the wild tojust like be myself and live my best
life. You know, I havespent so much time by myself that I've
resented being alone. But being inthat car and being able to you know,
sing as loud as I wanted to, and listen to whatever music I
(11:13):
wanted to and just do my ownthing like was so liberating and made me
so happy. And then going andseeing like my friend's restaurant and getting to
see and hang out with him andtalk about like all the stuff that he's
(11:35):
got going on, and he likelives at a staff house sort of situation
where like a lot of people thatwork at the restaurant also live in this
staff house because it's such a smalltown and so like being around their energy,
you know of like after work,you know stuff. And it reminded
(11:58):
me a lot of when I workedat a restaurant, you know, which
is like hell on earth, butin the best way, which sounds really
confusing maybe to some people, butworking in a restaurant is its own experience
of like being completely isolated from likelike having your own lingo of like how
(12:28):
to do certain things and like havinglike specific vibes like talking about a good
night versus a bad night, andmaybe like having to deal with like a
specific boss or you know whatever.It is, like it's like you're isolated
(12:50):
from the rest of the world.And I think that, like specifically with
my friend's restaurant, which isn't sucha small town like soch a small down
it's like isolated, it's even moreisolating for them, and so they really
bond, you know, and theylived together and work together, which is
like wild. I can't I cannotimagine living with the people that I worked
(13:16):
in restaurants with, like mmmmm nommm. But the whole experience was so
fun and like being able to lookup at the sky with like no light
pollution and seeing like so many stars, like it just left me breathless,
(13:39):
left me in awe of how freakingbeautiful it is. It's so hard,
it's like hard to even describe.I wish I had pictures of the sky,
but I was so like out ofit that I didn't even think to
take pictures of it. I justwas enjoying it. I was just living
(14:01):
in it. And you know,I'm definitely gonna go back, so maybe
I'll get pictures the next time i'mthere. But yeah, it was incredible.
But what I was wanting to talkabout on the podcast was kind of
(14:24):
about this trip and like you know, giving you the rundown on that,
but also to be able to talkabout the Barbie movie, because when I
was driving down to see him,I was just reminded of when we went
to go see the Barbie movie andrealizing that I had a conversation with Jason
(14:45):
about the Barbie movie, but itwasn't on the podcast, like that was
a personal conversation between him and I, And like, it's so funny to
me how sometimes I confuse like whetheror not we've talked about something on the
podcast or not, because like ourconversations that we have outside of the podcast
(15:07):
can sometimes be our long conversations,and so like I don't remember which is
which, which is also very funnybecause I'm the one that edits the podcasts,
so I listen to what we've talkedabout on the podcast easily like six
or seven times per episode in editing. So you think I would remember what
(15:31):
has talked about on the podcast versuswhat's not, but I guess not,
which might be like I don't know, lupus, fog, cancer, brain
crap. I don't know. Butanyway, I realized I hadn't talked about
(15:52):
it here on the podcast, whichis actually kind of a good thing,
because I think if I talked aboutit right after I watched it, I
wouldn't have had this time time ofletting it kind of sink in and seeing
like the public response to the movieas well, which kind of like is
an interesting thing with social media nowa days where like before, and by
(16:15):
before, I mean when I wasa kid, which might have been because
I was a kid and not necessarilythe social media aspect of it. But
when I was younger, when youwatched a movie, if it was like
really important, it would be inlike news articles for sure, or be
mentioned in like on the news onTV or something. But that was kind
(16:41):
of it, Like there wouldn't bethis like big alert on like this big
media presence online about what was goingon with it and what everybody thought about
it, you know, which alot of people formed their opinions based off
of what other people think about stuff. I mean, I even do that
(17:02):
now with like books, Like onTikTok, there's this a part of TikTok
that has been labeled book talk,which is people talking about books and you
know, giving their opinions about certainbooks or recommending certain books for certain girls,
(17:23):
things like that. And with booktalk, people will give their opinions
about what books to read and stuff, and sometimes I'll be like, Okay,
if this person who I've come torespect based off of like our similar
interests in books. I'm going togo read that book. And sometimes that's
(17:48):
a good decision because yeah, itis a great book, and sometimes it's
a disastrous result. We're I endup painting everyone that's ever read the book
and myself for reading it too.But anyway, my point is that people
(18:11):
now put so much of their opinionsonline, which is great to share your
opinions and stuff, but it causespeople to make their own, like to
not make their own opinions about thingsthat they just kind of take what is
handed to them in their face andgo, I haven't seen the movie,
but so and so says that it'swonderful. So it's a wonderful movie.
(18:32):
So then they're out there telling people, oh, it's a great movie.
And so like being able to kindof watch the movie myself and form my
own opinions around it has been hasbeen good for me to do because I
(18:56):
don't really get out to see moviesa whole lot anymore. But having that
and then also seeing on TikTok oron Facebook or whatever people's opinions about the
Barbie movie too, and then alsoword of mouth from like people that I
know who've heard from people that theyknow about the movie. Like being able
(19:18):
to take all of that and formmy own opinion about it has been has
been good for me. So I'mglad that I've taken that time to go
through all of that before talking aboutit here on the podcast. So here
are some of my thoughts. Iwant to talk about Oppenheimer two as a
(19:41):
side note, which actually maybe Ishould do that first, because I want
the majority of this to be aboutBarbie. I have a lot opinions about
that. When we went to themovies, we went to see Oppenheimer first
and then we went to see Barbie, which like on a like that's the
way to do it, one hundredpercent. I think I would have been
(20:04):
super depressed if we watched Oppenheimer afterParpy, So it was good to have
that, like nice fun thing tolook forward to after. But Oppenheimer.
When I went to go see theBarbie movie and the Oppenheimer movie, the
Oppenheimer movie was one that I knewbasically nothing about. I knew he was
(20:30):
the he was the guy who hadsomething to do with the like nuclear bomb
or that bomb or whatever, andthat he was a scientist. That's that's
basically out I knew right going intoit, and I didn't know exactly if
the story was just like his life, his you know, his participation in
(20:56):
all of that, or the messagethat I was trying to get or whatever.
I don't know anything. I hadn'teven seen, I think, really
a commercial or I mean a trailerfor it or anything. So anyway,
when we went to go see that, I think the biggest things that stuck
out to me were that the beginningwas very confusing, and I think that
(21:21):
was intentional. I think it wasintentionally trying to like confuse you about what
was exactly going on and slowly revealsit like over the course of the movie,
so it kind of like trickles backin, so it's like, oh,
the scene from the beginning, nowwe're connecting it after we've told some
of his story and you can nowunderstand what they're talking about, like they
(21:45):
did that kind of a thing,which is even more confusing when you don't
know any of the premise of themovie. So that's probably my bad.
But we watched that the first coupleof minutes and I'm reminded I think maybe
two because we were at the Imaxtheater, like the big Boy theater that
(22:08):
I was reminded that movies in themovie theater allowed, which sounds like the
right, But like that movie hadso many moments that were orchestrated in a
way to you know, shock youand things like that. Like the sound
(22:37):
in that movie was almost as instrumental. Get it instrumental? Was I'm foolish?
Anyway, The sound in the moviewas just as integral to like the
(23:00):
viewing or the process of what wasgoing on, as like the characters,
as the plot. You know,Like the sound did so much, and
it does in a lot of movies, but like this one very much like
added everything to the story. SoI do appreciate it. I just think
(23:23):
that it was too loud for mepersonally in an IMAX movie theater. So
I think if I watched the movieat home, I would be a lot
more comfortable with the movie and beingable to like do the volume like how
I needed it to be. Andthat's like a personal preference. I also
(23:45):
think because there's so many accents thatare happening in the movie and I am
already like I already have a reallyhard time with being able to hear,
and there's all this sound crap goingon that some subtitles also probably would be
helpfuls, which is why watching itat home would be a little easier for
(24:08):
me. But I did enjoy themovie. I thought that the story was
very well told. I don't wantto get into it too much to spoil
anything for anybody, so I willjust say that I was really surprised with
(24:30):
the amount of like I knew itwould be serious, but the amount of
moments that were just kind of Idon't even know how to describe it,
like chilling moments of humanity, likeor inhumanity, I guess, which should
(24:52):
have been obvious when we're talking aboutlike a nuclear bomb, like an atomic
bomb, you know, but likeit told the story through his eyes,
this man who was doing what hecould in order to like doing what he
could, but also doing what hewas told to do, you know,
(25:15):
and the effects of doing something likethat in order to quote unquote save your
country or protect your country or whatever, and then having this large amount of
casualties that come from something that youcreated is just it's this this feeling that
(25:41):
I don't think that like people fullythink about, you know, And I
love how they brought that to youknow, our attention. I like how
they brought that in. I likehow they showed his anxiety that he has,
how they represent his like kind ofPTSD almost from his participation in this
(26:11):
event. It's really well done.It's really good, and I really liked
it. But with Oppenheimer now outof the way, we can talk about
Barbie. I want to make somethings clear before I start talking about Barbie.
(26:33):
I did not really make it apriority to want to watch Barbie.
The whole reason I went was becauseI wanted to spend time with my friend
that lives out of town that Idon't really get to see very often,
and because I was excited to goto Salt Lake City to do this with
(26:56):
them. Right, So, Ihad no real interest in it for a
couple of reasons, but the mainones are that when I was younger,
Barbie was not really on my radar, like I think I did have one
maybe at one point, maybe,but I remember when I was really little,
(27:23):
and I have no idea where wewere when we were having this conversation,
but I remember having a conversation withmy godmother about Barbie, and she
very much like didn't like Barbie.And because I thought that my godmother.
My nanny was like the prettiest,the smartest, the best person ever,
(27:53):
Like I worshiped her. I thought, you know what, me too,
No, Barbie, I don't likeBarbie. I don't like Barbie. I
don't like Pink like you know,because I wanted to be like her,
and who wouldn't. She was incredible, is incredible. She's not dead.
I don't know why I said itlike that, but I mean, like
(28:14):
from the view of when I wasa little kid, like I thought she
was everything. And when we whenI got like a little bit older,
I think because this was a veryyoung conversation, like I was really little.
I couldn't even tell you how old, but I know it's like one
(28:37):
of my first memories that I haveto be honest with you. But when
I got a little bit older,I remember getting I don't even remember from
who it must have been from mymom, but getting gifts of dolls.
They would be brad Stalls, soI had like I loved brad Stalls.
(28:59):
I had brats. I would almostalways get the Sasha one, which if
my mom was getting these for me, I think she was like, oh,
that's the black one. My daughter'sblack let's get Sasha, which I
think is very funny. But Imean that's another thing too, Like Barbie
like in most cases, was whiteblonde Barbie. You know. I know
(29:26):
that they had other dolls. Iknow that they they like definitely had some
diversity in the Barbie quote unquote,But at the same time, like you
gotta think of things from the perspectiveof like a child that grew up in
like poor conditions and so like beingable to seek out and buy you know,
(29:52):
a specific Barbie that wasn't really onthe shelves at Walmart, at freaking
Toys r us, you know,like we did what we could so my
mom would get me the brat stalls, and I felt more connected with brat
(30:14):
stalls. I feel like a lotof my friends played with brat stalls.
I feel like brat stalls were likethe doll for the cheap girlies, for
the inexpensive mommy's, you know.And I loved my Sasha dolls. I
think I remember I had one thathad like real eyelashes, which is like
(30:38):
so weird to think about now,But like I thought she was the prettiest.
I thought she was the chilliest,Like I thought she was cool,
and I think that they were alittle bit more like not so preppy type,
you know, like Barbie always seemedkind of stuck up, kind of
(31:00):
preppy, you know, and BradStyles just seemed cooler to me. Maybe
that's because I grew up in aneighborhood that was more racially diverse than some
and also went to, you know, a school that had like predominantly Latino
and black kids that went there.I don't know, but anyway, so
(31:26):
I wasn't very much a Barbie girl. I was more Brad's girl. The
other reason, too, was thatI had seen like maybe one or two
like little clips or not even fullcommercials. I think I saw like a
billboard of it or something in ain a TikTok or something, and I
(31:48):
saw that Will Farrell what's going tobe in the movie. And not that
I hate Will Farrell or anything likethat, but I think that the Will
Ferrell comedy that he usually has inhis movies is like slapstick stuff, and
(32:14):
I don't care for it, Likeit is not my type of humor.
I think that, like thinking aboutit, like comedians that like that are
like Will Ferrell that I do likeis like Jim Carrey, but that's because
I think that a lot of hislike humor that he does is physical comedy
(32:37):
and like what he does with hisbody, whereas Will Ferrell is more like
slapstick comedy in like I don't know, like fart dukes and you know,
silly like weird sounds that'll make andstuff like that, which like, in
(33:00):
my opinion, when Jim Carrey doessome stuff like that, it's like small
parts of the movie and done well, whereas in my opinion, a lot
of the times when Will Ferrell doesit just doesn't make me laugh. And
that's my own personal preference. Butknowing that he was going to be in
(33:22):
the movie and not knowing like howmuch of the movie he was going to
be a part of just like kindof put me off too, Like I
wasn't really interested in that. Andthe other part of it is, as
far as I knew of the premiseof the movie, it was just Barbie
comes to the real world and learnsabout how what it's like to be a
(33:45):
woman in the real world, andit's like I've already heard that story,
you know, Like was the moviewith the Tyra Banks life size I think
it's called might have to double checkmyself if I'm wrong editing Mariah will insert
that here. But I feel thatstory's already been told, and like it
(34:13):
just didn't appeal to me to watchit from the eyes of Barbie, even
though Barbie was going to be MarcoRobbie and I love Marco Robbie. I
just had a hard time with likethinking it was going to be anything original,
So I wasn't really interested in seeingthe movie that much. Like I
figured if it came out on likeNetflix or something that, like, i'd
(34:37):
watch it. Maybe if enough peoplewere like, you gotta watch the Barbie
movie, then I would have likeof course, jumped on the bandwagon and
been like, all right, let'ssee what this is about. I guess
and watched it. But that beingsaid, I also have this weird thing
(34:59):
of like, if something is supersuper popular with people, I don't really
watch it. I don't know why, Like it took me forever to watch
Crazy Rich Asians, Like I literallydidn't watch it forever and ever and ever
and ever and ever, and thenI literally walked in on Mallory mid movie
watching it and she was like,we're watching this blah blah, blah.
(35:22):
And I was like, oh,I've never seen it, and she was
like what And I had to sitdown and watch the movie from like the
halfway point. Yeah. I don'tknow what that's about with me, Like
it's such a weird thing to havein me sometimes of like just not wanting
to watch it because it's so popular. Anyway, Off, I'm getting off
(35:45):
track here anyway. Summing up,I don't I wasn't interested in watching the
movie. But my friend was like, let's go see these movies, like
do you want to come, Like, I'll get your ticket, blah blah
blah, you don't have to worryabout anything. I was like, all
right, whatever, So I went. We saw Oppenheimer, and then we
(36:09):
went and had a sushi which wassuper good, and then we went to
back to the movies to see Barbethe Barbie Movie. Now again, I
don't want to get into too manydetails and spoil the movie, but during
Oppenheimer, which is like a realstory that talks about death on a very
(36:37):
large scale and the PTSD of causingthat sort of horrible event, made me
cry, yes, but not asmuch as the Barbie movie made me cry.
(37:00):
And the Barbie Movie was kind ofa trip because it's very much this
like silly comedy you know that haslike this silly kind of premise of you
know, Barbie is like feeling likereal, like feeling real sorts of things,
(37:28):
Like she's not as she's not asa you know, perfect, she's
not feeling as perfect as she alwayshas. And Margart Robbie is the main
Like there's a lot of Barbies,but Margot Robbie is like referred to as
stereotypical Barbie, which is I thinkreally funny. But she's referred to as
(37:52):
stereotypical Barbie. So she doesn't havelike a real like she doesn't have a
job, she doesn't have a professionthat goes with her title. She doesn't
really do anything that is technically Iguess you could say productive to the society.
(38:14):
Like she goes and hangs out withher friends and then she does parties
and like that's the extent of whatshe does with her time. Right,
So she is a part of thesociety that is matriarchal, it's run by
(38:36):
the women, but she is ina position that doesn't really hold so much
power really, and so when shestarts to kind of fall apart, a
little bit and is not so perfect. It's kind of like it's taking away
the part of her that is ofvalue in her role as the type of
(38:59):
Barbie that she is, if thatmakes sense. And so the movie progresses,
you know, going to the realworld and stuff like that to figure
out what's wrong with her. AndI think that one of the most poignant
(39:20):
moments of the movie is, youknow, there's a moment where she is
having a conversation with America Ferreira's character, who is from the real world,
and they're having this conversation and MargotRobbie is being so open and honest with
(39:45):
what's going on with her and howhorrible she feels because she is in this
position where she's like, I amnot worth anything, like the one thing
I'm good for, which is beingperfect being you know, this like stereotypical
(40:08):
idea of what Barbie is, right, I'm not that so I'm worth nothing,
Like I hold no value, Iam nothing. In this moment,
and I don't remember exactly what shesays, but that's like kind of the
gist of what she says. AndI started crying so hard. I started
(40:30):
like sobbing crying. I couldn't holdit back. And I now that I
think on it a little bit more, it's like in that moment, I
was crying because you know, I'veI've felt that feeling, you know,
of feeling worthless, of feeling likewhen I can't do the thing that people
(40:52):
know me for being good at,Like if I can't succeed in that,
then I feel worthless, which islike like, for example, like if
I'm a good cook, right,people know that I'm a good cook.
I make a dinner and my chickenthat I make is still raw inside.
(41:14):
This has happened on the chicken thatI cook is still raw inside, and
I served it to them like thatIt cuts me so hard. That cut
me so hard. I felt horrible. I felt worthless, like what am
I even doing? You know?And another thing like what I talked about
(41:38):
last week, when I was inhigh school and I was, you know,
doing badly at school because I wasn'tdoing homework. It's like I've been
told my whole life. The onething I've been told my whole life is
that I am smart, that I'mintelligent, that I, you know,
am going to do something with mylife scholastically, And here I am messing
(42:07):
it all up. It hurt.It hit me so hard. So I
really related to that because I've feltthat way before. But the other part
of it too, was like,why is it that we feel like this?
Like I'm sure that men feel likethis sometimes, but I feel like
(42:29):
this is a very woman feeling tofeel like not feeling good enough, not
feeling like we've done enough, youknow, and so like I think that's
also why it hit me so hard. And then the other part of it
too, The other part of thisconversation is when America Fur has this huge
(42:53):
speech which I'm you know, like, if you've seen anything about the Barbie
movie, you've probably heard about thisspeech that she does. But she makes
this speech about talking about the contradictionsthat women have to go through in life,
Like the contradictions of having to youknow, be happy with who we
(43:19):
are, like love ourselves, butalso strive to be better. How Like
we are supposed to be pretty,but not too pretty because then we're only
known for our prettiness. How we'resupposed to do this thing but also not
do this thing. Like there's alot of contradictions that come with being a
(43:43):
woman in society that are just likewhat do you want for me? Then?
You know, and she does thespeech so beautifully, like there's no
way that I could even come clostto replicating some of the things that she
says, so I'm not even goingto go into it and try. But
(44:05):
it got me to thinking about someof the some of the contradictions that I've
lived through, which is like,you know that you're supposed to be like
you're supposed to want to be healthy, like have a healthy body, be
skinny in other words, but thenalso that like with this like whole plus
(44:25):
sized like getting rid of fat phobiasort of stuff, is like you need
to accept who you are and loveyour body as you are, but you
want to be healthy, but ifyou're trying to get skinny, like if
you want to be skinny, thenyou're not loving your fat body. You
(44:46):
know. Like this whole thing,this whole idea that's so like complicated and
like confusing, and it feels likeyou can never do anything right, you
know. And I have always struggledwith that of like always feeling wrong and
(45:07):
that comes from like some family traumathat I've been through too, but always
feeling like what I do is wrongand it's like the quote that I remember
from there's this song that was onlike the Simpsons Blues album which I used
(45:29):
to listen to all the time,and there's a song that Bart sings.
I think it's like, oh man, I cannot remember the name of the
song, but in the song hesays he says something like damned if you
do, and I'm damned if Idon't. And it's like, that's a
(45:50):
story my life. I feel likeyou can't. Like there's been moments in
my life where I just felt likeI can't win. I can't win,
and I always internalize that as itbeing my fault without thinking about like the
person or the people that are puttingthis pressure on me and aren't happy with
(46:13):
what I do. I put theblame on myself, when in reality their
expectations are insane of me as aperson. So that's really their problem,
not mine. But anyway, theBarbie movie, I feel like was a
(46:34):
good movie. Well I heard thatsome people, like we're talking about the
movie and saying things akin to likeit didn't like invent the idea that like
feminism should be a like feminism isa thing, and that like women should
be equal. It didn't invent thatidea, Like, it's not original in
(46:57):
that, but I do think thatit is original in this idea that it
presents, which I haven't seen ina lot of movies or TV shows or
anything presenting this idea that a matriarchalsociety will still not the ideal situation for
(47:19):
the world because it's not equal,would be so much safer for women and
for men than this patriarchal society thatwe have right now, which is just
going to this idea that like womenare like we are programmed differently, like
(47:46):
we are meant to be nurturers,mothers cares right, and so not to
say that there aren't women out therethat are horrible people, that are you
know, disastrous and to cruel andmean, Like I'm not saying that all
women are great, but I amsaying that there's been studies about what women
(48:13):
in leadership positions, how they operateversus how men operate, and it creates
safer environments. So again, it'snot the ideal situation because we should be
equal. We should have equal sayand equal rights and equal care and equal
(48:37):
opportunity, all of that stuff.We should be equal. But it is
interesting to look at how different weas leaders are, and it forces the
question of like how freakings sad itis to realize that we have to as
(49:09):
women be scared and we have tofight tooth and nail for everything that we
can to just be safe and havecontrol over our own bodies and our own
(49:30):
actions and all of these things,and we have to be held to these
expectations, like all of this stuff. It just really puts into perspective this
idea of you know what, likehow different our genders are. And I
(49:51):
think that one thing that the moviekind of misses on is bringing into it
should have brought into the conversation moreabout you know, gender fluid people and
they them you know, like,I feel like that should have been more
(50:12):
brought into the conversation because it waskind of left out. And I recognized
that the dolls themselves are Ken andBarbie, so they clearly make it just
you know, two genders in thatso the movie does no different. But
I do think that in the worldthat we're talking about now, the world
(50:35):
that we're representing now especially, shouldhave more inclusivity talking about that in a
movie that's literally about gender. Butanyway, anyway, getting off of my
high Wars here. I think itwas a good movie. I think that
(50:57):
the music and the movie was beautifuland great, especially Billy Halish's song,
and I think that I'm so gratefulthat I got to see it, especially
for free. Shout out to myfriend. But that's what I talked about
(51:19):
on the drive down to Boulder,Utah, and my phone didn't record any
of it. So this is metalking about it a second time and looking
at the clock. I have runout of time in talking today, so
I'm gonna wrap this up by bringingup that I do have a Patreon if
(51:43):
you'd like to help out. Thelinks are on the website the dash Mariah
dash effect dot com, and that'swhere you can get information about every episode.
That's where you can read blog poststhat I wrote months ago. You
can check us out on the websiteand see links to other podcasts and other
(52:04):
episodes. If you haven't seen,if you haven't listened to our other episodes.
All the information is on their onefor you to look at, and
links to other ways that you canlisten. All that stuff is on the
website. It's been so good beingable to talk to you guys today and
share about my trip. If youwant to see pictures of the trip too,
(52:28):
that's all over my Facebook and pageand the Instagram page two, So
go ahead and check those out,give them a like, thank you so
much and bye. Don't be b
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