July 28, 2023 • 45 mins
In this special two-part episode, join Mariah and Jason as they embark on an intimate journey of self-discovery and laughter. Using probing questions from Mariah's "Me Journal" questionnaire, they dive into a wide range of topics, from profound thoughts on resting places to lighthearted favorites like curse words. This first part offers an authentic glimpse into their inner worlds, as they share candid responses and foster a deeper connection. Stay tuned for the next episode, where the exploration continues with more intriguing questions and heartfelt revelations from this engaging recording session.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Is that a heavy question because you'remaking a dig at my weight or I
can't drink coffee. It always makesme poop oh man, like well crazy
pop. Well, I am soglad the world knows that now. Yeah,
is my favorite because I feel likeit's so persatile. But it's motherfucker
(00:24):
so many things I could say aboutthat, but let's do the next question.
Okay, Hey, everybody, welcometo the Maria Effect Podcast. I'm
(01:14):
Mariah and here we are this week. How are you doing, Jason?
I'm really good. How are you? I'm doing pretty good. This.
We're recording this the day after fourthof July, which I didn't have any
plans and I've never been happier tonot have plans on a holiday. Did
you end up doing anything fun?Um? It was literally just hanging out,
(01:38):
hanging out at the house. Muhmom. She made hamburgers and did
like a macaroni salad that I didnot partake in because it had tuna in
it and I refuse. But yeah, everything else was super good and we
ate outside, got eaten alive bybugs and saw a couple of fireworks that
(02:00):
were like across the highway because onour side of the Highway. We can't
do fireworks, so because it's drier. I don't know, right right,
Yeah, the wild fire risk andUtaw is not trivial, is it.
Uh No, not at all.Um, It's very much like h California
(02:20):
in that respect. I think thattechnically Utah is a desert, Okay,
considered at least for part of it, even though we have mountains. I
feel like for the most part it'sconsidered excuse me, it's considered a desert.
But yeah, although this whole yearhas been so wet and rainy and
(02:45):
snowy that I think that the riskis pretty low this year. Okay,
gotcha, Yeah, Gota did youdo anything yesterday? Well, I'm in
tech exists, So Fourth of Julyis like a thing here, and I
thought that was kind of fun fora change. Yeah, and we barbecued,
(03:07):
you know, Fourth of July hamburgers. We really did the cliche.
Yeah to July. I didn't watchfireworks. I'm I'm at the place in
my life where I'm going to bedto the sound of fireworks rather than watching
them. Yeah, but it wasa great day. I'm kind of with
you. It was so nice tolike not have plans and just kind of
(03:28):
you know, they would catch upwith some friends, do a little bit
of work that I needed to dofor myself, and yeah, all good.
Yeah, yeah, it wasn't likeI feel like a lot of people
in the family had like their ownplan. But yeah, it was fun.
We had a good time. That'sreally great. And what did you
(03:49):
have in mind for us today?I was thinking, you know, like
we've been doing a couple episodes now, like we're pretty far in. It's
kind of funny because all of thesestories that I've told or talked about and
stuff, for the most part,have been things that I enjoy to watch
or read or whatever, and Ifeel like we haven't really talked about ourselves
(04:12):
a lot. And so I waslooking through my shelf and I got this
book like a little while ago calledall About Me Journal, And it's literally
just a book of filling in answeringquestions about yourself that it asked you.
And they're like really random questions sometimes, and some of them are really thought
provoking questions. So I just thoughtthat would be fun and we could both
(04:36):
participate in it, just talking aboutsome of the questions and stuff. That
sounds fun. There's a game outthere called we're not really strangers too.
That reminds me of that. I'mreally happy to just play a game where
we get to know each other.That sounds great. Yeah, okay,
and this is cool because I allask the question and we can answer our
(05:00):
answers. But like anybody listening,like maybe you could think of like what
you would answer, and if youwant to, you could tell us what
your answers are. But okay,so I just picked some random questions in
the book. But the first oneis kind of already heavy. But where
would you like to be laid torest? Should I go first? Yeah?
(05:24):
Is that a heavy question because you'remaking a dig at my weight?
Or no, let's see here.Where would I like to be to later
rest? Okay? I think myanswer is in the redwoods, in the
redwoods in northern California, I thinkso, like honestly, any red redwood
(05:49):
grove would do. Yeah, andI kind of like the idea of becoming
part of that ecosystem. Yeah,that sounds cool. I've kind of like
bounced around, like part of mewants to like answer in a way that
like my loved ones don't have toworry about a lot, So like cremation
(06:11):
was always something I like thought aboutjust because it's one of the easier and
least expensive, you know ways.But I feel like, I don't know,
as I get older, there's thingsthat like become more and more important
to me, and like I kindof like the idea of like becoming a
(06:33):
tree, you know, like theyhave those things where you can put like
your remains. I don't know ifthey cremate you first, but they like
put your remains in with some likeand stuff for the roots of like a
tree to be grown or whatever.I think that would be cool. And
if not that, then yeah,cremated and just put some of me in
(06:55):
the ocean, my great love,that would be my other choice. Okay,
So okay, so you're you're oceanon trees. Ye, ocean and
trees. I like that. Um, have you ever been on a double
date before? So I was thinkingabout that, you know, like,
are we talking about like a firstdate or are we talking about like a
(07:18):
double date, Like you've been datingsomebody for a long time and you go
on a double date. No,So a double date means that you go
on a date with another couple.Oh yeah, no, I get that,
But I'm saying, like, like, I think once you are in
a relationship for a long time,you end up going on a date with
another couple invariably because you just needto like have fun, you know,
(07:42):
you need Like, Yeah, Idon't think it gets kind of boring,
like just just one on one allthe time. Yeah, I don't think
that's the same thing. I thinkit has to be. I get what
you're saying now, So I thinkit has to be like maybe like one
of your first dates, so likemaybe before date five or so, and
you go on a date with anothercouple or like before you're like living together
(08:05):
sort of situation, right right,right, I can honestly say I've never
done within the first five dates adouble date, not in all my years.
How about you. I don't thinkI have either, Like I haven't
been on a lot of I haven'tbeen on a lot of dates dates,
Like I think this last year ofmy life has been the most I've gone
(08:26):
on like dates with people, justbecause I was in like a five year
long relationship with someone and before that, like I didn't really date, I
just like hooked up. WHOA,But yeah, I think that this last
year has been the most dates I'vegone on, and I've talked about going
(08:48):
on like if things got more seriouswith someone that I would go on like
a double date with like Kyle andSarah, or like go on a double
date with Lucas if he got adate or something, but just hasn't really
happened. So yeah, it's funny, like or you know, my grandparents
generation, like that was a thingfor sure. Oh yeah, parents generation
(09:11):
like that was like a deal,but for a generation, and like your
generation is definitely different. Yeah,I think it was like mostly a thing,
especially like with a first date,because you didn't know the other person
that you're going on a date with, and so you would want to go
with like your friend and whoever they'redating or going on a date with or
(09:31):
whatever, so you can make surethat you're both safe, like for girls
at least, and you know forguys sometimes too. But like I think
that was the main point of doingthat back in the day especially, and
so now it's kind of like I'lljust look them up online and see about
them, and I can make upmy mind or whatever, and I'll go
(09:54):
to the date in a public placeand I'll drive myself. You know,
that kind of thing, so it'slike less of a need for safety really
but totally yeah, totally. Um, do you like taking naps, Yes,
(10:15):
and I don't do it nearly oftenenough. But when I nap,
I nap like a bear. Likeit's really I don't. I'm not like
a power napper, like twenty minutes. It's two hours, you know.
Yeah, how about you. Ithink before getting super sick, naps are
(10:35):
something that I wanted but I couldn't. I can't do them, like it's
almost impossible, Like it's very verydifficult for me to get to sleep,
and so the idea of going throughall that effort to get to sleep for
only like thirty minutes an hour isjust sounds ridiculous to me. So I
(11:00):
would never really nap. I wantedto, I really wanted to, but
it just never seemed like it neverreally made sense. And now, being
sick and going through chemo and stuff, you just slept when you could,
You slept when you were able to, and so I guess you could count
those as naps because they happened duringthe day, but I don't know if
it necessarily count when you don't sleepthat much at night. So it's like
(11:24):
when you were able to sleep.So yeah, have you ever taken a
coffee nap? A coffee nap?What does that mean? Yeah? You
like you drink caffeine before you laydown for like ten minutes and then it's
like really recharging. No, I'venever done that. I can't drink coffee.
It always makes me poop. Ohman, like, well crazy poop.
(11:46):
Well I am so glad the worldknows that. Now. Yeah,
you're welcome. I'm just keeping itreal, Okay, I'm letting people know
you are the realists. Um let'ssee. Have you ever had your wisdom
teeth removed? That's yes, right? Oh yeah, And I had like
(12:07):
a crazy infection afterwards. It washorrible. You had what is it called
dry socket something? I had aninfection. It was really bad. I
also had the craziest hallucination when Iwas under the anesthesia. Yeah, thank
you. I couldn't think of theword. But it was totally like I
floated above the chair that I wasin and I was like watching these people
(12:28):
take my teeth out. It wasit was a really crazy situation. Oh
my gosh, Yeah, totally.There's part of me like wonders if maybe
I like died during that, andyou know how they say, like you
watch you have like the third partyobserver were happy, Yeah, but I
don't think I did, but theyprobably would have freaked out. That's crazy.
That's like totally nineties sitcom TV showepisode. It was such a weird
(12:54):
feel. It was very home orSimpson like, like I'm watching myself.
My experience was actually pretty horrible.I did get my wisdom teeth out.
They didn't need to come out necessarily. They it was more like a it
was better to get them out insteadof getting some sort of infection while I
was doing chemo and have to getthem out then because it would just make
(13:16):
things harder. So like during mybreak of chemo, I got my wisdom
teeth taken out, and it washorrible. I hated it so much.
Like the experience at the doctors wasreally bad because like I felt like I
could feel it, you know,like it was numb, so like it
(13:39):
didn't necessarily hurt too bad, butlike I could feel what they were doing
even though I was supposed to beon anesthesia, and like it just was
horrifying and I could hear the soundsand stuff and it just really like tripped
me. Out and then when Iwent home, I was like really like
my face was on them and stuff. And I was in the car and
I was trying to drink the milkshakethat Mallory got for me, but you
(14:03):
can't use the straw, and soshe takes the straw away from me,
and I was like trying to figureout how to eat it without the straw.
It is really ridiculous. Um.But yeah, I don't really like
a teeth doctor stuff. And Ihave very very straight white teeth just naturally,
(14:24):
so I haven't really had much needto go to the dentist. But
m M, I don't like it. No. Um, let's see how
many weddings have you been to?I have no idea many many weddings over
the years. Yeah, how manyweddings you How many weddings have you like
(14:50):
been in? Hmm, let's say, let's see one, two, three,
three that I can think of.But I say that with a little
bit of trepidation because I might beforgetting some and that would be a terrible
thing to forget. So yeah,let's let's go with three, but I
(15:11):
won't name who's Let's see, II haven't been to a lot of weddings
like I don't. I think alot of the people that I know who
got married and stuff either did likea whole thing and we weren't close enough
(15:33):
that they invited each other's wedding,or they got married at like a courthouse,
like a quick like let's just getmarried sort of thing, so they
didn't have a wedding. But outof our family, I think I've been
to maybe like six weddings or so. And I was in my godmother's wedding
(15:56):
as the flower girl, so cute, and the most recent wedding I went
to, I was she called melike the guest of honor, which I
don't think I was. I wasn'tin the wedding necessarily, but she made
me like a very important person ofthe wedding. I don't know that was.
(16:18):
That was kind of crazy wedding thing, and I really appreciated it because
she really wanted me to be there. But um, but yeah, that
was really weird. Everybody at thewedding knew who I was, and I
didn't know a single other person buther, so it was interesting. That
is interesting. Yeah, but yeah, I think that's it. Um.
(16:44):
I don't think i've been in anyother weddings, and if I am and
I'm forgetting you, I'm so sorry. Plus one, Um, when is
the most angry you've ever been?Oh yeah, do we get a skip
any of these questions or do wejust have to like go with them,
(17:07):
just go with them? Oh boy. Um, I've had a crazy life.
There's been a lot that's happened wherelike some stuff happened there wasn't very
fair. Um. Well, onethat comes up is like I was in
a work situation where, um,a person made up a story about me
(17:30):
to serve their own needs that wasn'ttrue, and that was such a horrible
feeling because you couldn't control it.Yeah, and you couldn't you couldn't change
the minds of the people that wantedto believe it. And I had poured
(17:52):
everything that I had into that job. So for for some thing that was
a manipulative lie to be the thingthat people that a set of people bought
into was was really really hurtful.Yeah, as as in the way that
(18:18):
I'm wired, I didn't just likethe hurt didn't go down the drain of
like tears, It went down likeI am pissed. Yeah, yeah,
So I mean there were tears too, but mostly anger. Yeah, what
about you. Um, I'm tryingto think, like I there were a
lot of times when I was ateenager that I got really really angry.
(18:41):
So I'm gonna try and focus onlike when I was an adult, because
those are I can remember those alittle bit easier. And um, there
are things that are more along thelines of things I can really talk about.
But um, I think that theangriest I can remember ever being was
(19:04):
a work situation. I got supersuper angry. I remember I left and
I went and sat in my carand I had to like calm myself down
in my car before I started driving, because I was literally like shaking with
anchor. Yeah, I was bad. That's not a fun place to be
when you're feeling that way. No, And it was one of the worst
(19:27):
jobs that I've ever had because ofjust how much they demanded of me and
how little they cared about my wellbeing, you know. And so it
was good that I left that job. That I didn't work at that job,
So it all happened for a reason. And then I remember I got
home and I was like, let'ssee how long they last without me?
(19:48):
As if like they couldn't exist orwork without me, like the whole hospital
was going to collapse without me.But yeah, super angry, I usually.
And the issue too with me gettingangry is that when I get angry
or upset in any way any strongemotion, I cry, and so people
(20:12):
will think that will take that asme being weak. A lot of the
times, like and I'm trying tosay, like, no, I'm angry
with you, and I want totalk about this. I want to,
you know, have this discussion,but I can't because I'm so overcome with
emotion and I feel like I can'ttalk, and I don't like confrontation,
(20:33):
and so like it gets to betoo much, so I just cry and
then I'll say things later like Ishould have said that, I should have
said this. So many things Icould say about that. But let's do
the next question. Okay, howmuch sleep do you want to be getting
at night? I want to begetting seven and a half to eight hours
(20:53):
of sleep at night, and Iactually get about six to seven and a
half hours a night. I wantto sleep ten hours a night, and
I probably sleep about five. Okay, on average, there are some nights
where I sleep more, but there'sbut there's most of the time it takes
(21:18):
me so long, so long toget to sleep that I just like,
I can't turn off my brain.And then finally I'll get tired enough that
I'm like, okay, go tosleep, and I'll fall asleep, and
then I'll wake up like two hourslater because I have to pee, or
because I have to um, Idon't know, like there was a noise
in my room or something, andso I wake up and I'm like,
(21:41):
all right, let's do this processall over again. And then two hours
later I fall asleep again. Okay, we said, how much do you
actually get. What is your biggestdisappointment? Well, I have. I
have a couple of come to mind. So one I would say is I
(22:03):
had two people in my life Iloved a lot and they didn't make it
through their illness, and that wasreally disappointing, but on like a heartbreak
level in terms of my own disappointmentin myself in a way, I would
say, I would say my biggestdisappointment is in losing touch with some friends
(22:26):
that I had that meant the worldto me and I think about all the
time still. Yeah, and youknow, sort of I never thought of
myself as the kind of person thatwould actually lose touch with people you know
that I love, and so i'dsay, like, that actually is something
(22:48):
that nags at me every once ina while about you. I think,
like the biggest disappointment I have formyself is how often I let myself slip
into the backseat, into the backgroundof my own life. Because there's just
(23:14):
been so many times where I careabout somebody so much that I put their
needs before my own. And Ithink it's something that I kind of learned
from the people around me growing up, that if you do something for yourself,
it's selfish. So I think thebiggest disappointment I have with myself is
(23:38):
that I didn't do enough things formyself. I was always doing things for
other people, and it took somuch control over my life that I was
with somebody for such a long timethat I shouldn't have been with for that
long, and you know I shouldhave I should have made myself a priority,
(24:04):
because you know, I'm not.It's not as if like, oh
I let twenty years passed me by, but to me, and like,
especially with me getting sick now,I feel like so much time has passed
me by like even losing these fiveyears or six years or so of time
(24:25):
that I, you know, justkind of drifted in the wind a little
bit. Like losing that time makesme so frustrated in myself and disappointed in
myself for letting it happen. ButI don't know, it doesn't do anything
to just dwell on the fact thatI did that. It's you know,
(24:48):
I have to take control of whereI am now and try and make this
changes and take care of myself.Now, you're very lucky that you are
the age you are. Yeah,there's still have a lot of life ahead
of you, so to know thatnow, Yeah, who assuming you're in
(25:15):
a heel. Yeah, I'm hopingthat this whole part of my life is
like a new beginning chapter. Ilove. I love when you talk about
it, like though, yeah,okay, let's see how long would your
ideal hug last? Really depends onwho the hug is from and with m
(25:37):
hmm or four. Yeah, Ihave different hugs. Yeah, yeah,
totally, Like if it's with like, um, you know, I wish
I could give a hug to thesedays. It's no longer like she would
have been your a great grandma,But my grandma, my grandma murt right,
(26:00):
Yeah, I give murder big hug, long hug. Oh yeah.
And you know like or like youknow Van or Emory, like niece and
nephew, like I'll hold them allday long. Um. But in general,
let's say like it's a friend oryou know, colleague or something,
it's like in and out, likelet's just quick hug, like you know,
(26:22):
like hug tap tap, We're good. Yeah. Yeah, I feel
I feel like so with uh,like a family member or somebody super close
to me, like a super closefriend, I would say, uh,
maybe like six seconds like a nicelike good long enough where it's like,
(26:48):
oh I love you, like along enough for you to think I love
you so much I missed you andthen be done. Um. And like
a stranger, Not that I reallyhug strangers all the time, but like
somebody you're just meeting who is likea huggy person very clearly obviously already and
it's like, oh, nice tomeet you, and they hug you like
(27:10):
again in and out like one second, boo, we're done and we're good
totally. But yeah, if I'mlooking for comfort and I want to hug,
like there's hugs that I have withlike Kyle or somebody that when I'm
talking about like my feelings and they'llcome to give me a hug for like
comfort that'll last like a minute,which is a long time for a hug,
(27:36):
but sometimes it's like what you needjust to kind of calm down.
I remember one time I went tohug my mom and like my actual mom,
and she like went to hug me, and I don't know what I
was feeling or whatever, but Iwas feeling some type of way, and
(27:57):
I gave her the hug and Ijust started crying. So it changed from
a hug to like being held andwe were like that for twenty minutes,
and I just cried and cried andcried and talked about something. But most
of the time it makes me souncomfortable because like there wasn't a lot of
(28:18):
like physical affection sort of thing growingup that much, so like hugs in
general just made me kind of nervous. And I remember one time we were
playing a game. I don't thinkit was We're not really strangers, but
it was another game kind of similar, and we were playing it and one
(28:41):
of the questions was, like whogives like the most awkward hug or something
like that, and everybody voted orwhatever, and I voted, and then
they flipped it over and two peoplevoted for me, and I was like,
I give hawkward hugs. And Lucastold me um that he voted for
me because I always give him likea side hug and he's like a yeah,
(29:04):
and he's like a full hug typeof person. I was like,
oh, okay, then I'll changethat. And ever since then, he's
like, you give the best hugs, just pick him up next time.
I don't think I'm strong enough forthat right now, but yeah, that'd
be funny. Um. One ofmy one of my favorite colleagues and friends,
(29:26):
her mom never hugged her when shegrew wow, so she loves to
give hugs and and I think it'sso interesting, like the way that we
grew up and then how we havea relationship with hugs. It's really it's
really uh, it's really a funnything. Yeah. Yeah. I like
hugs when they're by people who arehugable, like if they're super cute and
(29:48):
adorable, people like yeah, let'shug, like let's do this, And
it makes me smile. Um,But yeah, I don't know. H
see, Oh, what's your favoritecurse word? It's definitely the F word.
I don't know if we can sayit. Yeah, you can Spotify.
I don't want Spotify to, like, you know, push us down.
(30:11):
They won't. You just flag itas explicit, so useful in so
many contexts. But it's definitely whatI say, like when I'm pissed about
something or I screw something up.My favorite when or when my mind is
blown, I'm like, wow,Yeah, my favorite is um is my
(30:37):
favorite because I feel like it's soversatile, but it's motherfucker. And it's
because no matter how you say it, you sound cool, Like no matter
what you do, you sound coolwhen you say it, and you do
well I do um. But yeah, it's just like there's so many ways
you can say it like happy,like oh, motherfucker, or you could
(31:00):
be like angry like oooh, likeyou know, and like it always to
me, it always like sounds funny, it always sounds cool. I don't
know, makes me laugh when Ihear it, and it reminds me of
Samuel Jackson and Kiki Palmer because it'sher favorite swear word too. And I
(31:26):
saw a skit of her saying ita little while ago, and I was
like, that's my favorite too,girl, But yeah, definitely, that's
awesome. What's your least favorite?Hmm, they're all good. I don't
have any least favorites you I do. I don't like to use it.
(31:49):
I've only used it maybe once ortwice for a specific person. Then I
was like, yeah, they deserveto be called that, but it's the
C word going there. Yeah,I don't really like that one so much.
No, I feel like it's it'sreally harsh and very like I just
(32:12):
feel like it's very um, sexistmost of the time. Yeah, or
at least used in that way.Um, But yeah, I don't really
love it. I would love tohear like two like profoundly intellectual philosophers debate
the merits of using that word,if ever at all, and who'd see
who see what arguments they construct?But yeah, yeah, I just that's
(32:37):
that's a rough one. You gottabe really really like, yeah, I
really have some visual for somebody touse that one. Yeah. I think
that one of the times I usedit was when I was super super like,
when I was the angriest I've everbeen, as an adult. But
I don't think I really meant itin that moment when I said it,
(32:57):
and I only said it to myself, totally doesn't talking to anybody. It's
like right on the edge of ahate word. Yeah you know, yeah,
um but yeah. And what's interestingis there's like books because I read
like romance and fantasy and stuff,and there's sometimes where a book will be
it's such a good book, andthen all of a sudden, they'll like
(33:21):
use that word in the book aslike a like a sexy time type of
thing, and I'm like, oh, like, what's wrong with you?
And I have to immediately like docka couple stars on the book because I'm
like, there was no reason,Yeah, there was no reason. Very
old English kind of vibe yea toit if it's used in that way.
(33:45):
Let's see, do you think you'relikable? I don't know why am I
I think you are? But thisisn't about what I think. It's about
what you think about yourself, strapulof one. I think so, But
I also have found people that reallydon't like me. So yeah, in
(34:06):
certain circles, people like definitely sayI'm like the condescending white guy. Yeah,
I feel like I'm really likable.I think the issue comes up when
I'm trying too hard to be likableor when I am super nervous, and
(34:27):
so I don't act like how Inormally would. So I feel like,
when I'm acting like myself, verylikable and I get along with people really
well. But when I'm nervous orI feel like anxiety or something, I
try too hard to be likable,and that's when people don't like me.
Like a couple of jobs I've hadwhere I've started out and i'd like,
(34:52):
try too hard to be like likable, and so then there's a couple of
people that are like, oh,she's fake like and I'm like, oh,
I'm not, And I try afterwardsto try and mend that and it
just never never gets fixed. Sothere's always people when I work at a
job who just don't like me atall. I loved I loved your try
(35:15):
too hard vibe that you just puton, did I yea? But yeah.
And there's been a lot of jobswhere I've started out as like a
like higher up person like a bossor a supervisor or a trainer or something,
(35:37):
and I started out that way.So there's like a lot of like
jealousy or resentment towards me already forthat for people who have worked there for
a while and aren't in that position, you know, especially because I have
to kind of ask them because theyknow the job. I have to ask
them for help with something or whatever. They're kind of like, oh,
look at you, like you needhelp and thing. So, but I
(36:02):
think in general I'm likable. Iconcur let's see. Ooh, okay,
this one I picked because I feellike this really got me thinking and I
want to see what your answer wouldbe, and I kind of want to
see what other people's answers would be, Like this is genuinely I want to
(36:28):
see other people's answers, especially especiallyif they're different from mine, and like
why you feel that way? Sothis one is which of the following sounds
like the truest statement. One ourexistence is unimportant and insignificant. Two,
life is an experiment an experience.Three consciousness is a paradox. And four
(36:57):
this life is only in preper forthe next. Wow. Wow, isn't
that good? Okay okay um?I think it is too simple to say
life is only preparation for the nextokay um, that would give no meaning
(37:21):
to this one, but a lotof meaning to the next one, which
makes no sense to me. Ourexistence is unimportant, in insignificant, absolutely
not absolutely not um no way.Life is an experiment in the life is
(37:42):
an experiment in the experience. Lifeis an experiment in experience. Okay,
now that one I can absolutely absolutelyget down with me. Most consciousness is
a paradox. M M. Idon't even honestly understand consciousness. Yeah,
it's very sort of it's sort oflike a recursive logic thing that makes my
(38:07):
head explode. Yeah, so Idon't think of it as a paradox as
much as like a chicken or eggproblem. So definitely life as an experiment
in experience. This is life school. Yeah, that's so funny because that
is exactly the one that I pickedtoo. I feel like, so the
(38:27):
consciousness is a paradox. One remindsme a little too much of a philosophy
sort of stuff, because philosophy isprobably one of the worst classes I've ever
taken, because I get so frustratedwith the idea of questioning things to a
(38:51):
point where you just feel like nothingmatters and nothing works. And I feel
I personally feel like that's what philosophyis, is like is this a chair
or is this my perception that it'sa chair? Like does this actually exist
(39:12):
or is this just something that I'vecreated? Like that's kind of like where
philosophy was taking me, and Idid enjoy that ride. So I feel
like that consciousness one is very muchthose vibes, and so I don't even
want to consider it as an optionof being true. This life is only
in preparation of the next is somethingthat sounds very religious to me, Like
(39:37):
I feel like a lot of peoplewho are religious would feel that way,
like not necessarily that this life matters, like doesn't matter at all, but
more as if like the next lifematters more so. And like I think
that people find a lot of comfortin feeling that way because it's kind of
(39:59):
like, oh, if I makemistakes here, like it's teaching me how
to be better for when I amgone. And it also helps with dealing
with like the grief of people dyingbecause it's like, oh, they're in
their next life. They're in abetter place, you know what people say.
So I feel like that's a veryum like religious vibes kind of one
(40:22):
I'd be interested to see what Mallory'smom would pick, because I know that
she does believe that there is likea next life and that it's very important
things like that, so I'll haveto ask her. But and then the
first one just sounds so like dismissiveto our entire experience, like is unimportant
(40:45):
and insignificant, like maybe to thewhole of the whole of forever, Like
maybe if you're taking it into accountof like we're just one s back in
this entire universe universe and the universeis just one small part of all of
(41:06):
space, like sure, but likethat doesn't make it insignificant to you.
That doesn't make it insignificant to thepeople in your life, Like it doesn't
matter so much about like what theentirety of everything matters. It's like what
matters to you because you're the oneloving your life. So I don't like
(41:29):
that one either. That's why Ipicked the second one. I'm with you.
The other thing is like for thisto be unimportant and insignificant, there
has to be something or someone whois saying that, and by doing that,
they would be deeming themselves important andsignificant to be making such an assertion,
(41:51):
right, so doesn't fly. That'sa big ego. I'm just kidding.
If you if you do feel likethat is the more true statement,
like, please tell us why youthink that is, Like why you think
that that's true, because I'd bereally interested to know like your thought process
of it, because I know there'sa lot of people who feel like our
(42:14):
lives are just like, yeah,like it doesn't matter because there is no
life after this one. Anything youdo doesn't matter to the whole of human
existence. Like I feel like alot of people that I've talked to who
talk to me about why they don'tvote or you know, things like that,
(42:34):
kind of have that feeling of like, well, my vote doesn't matter
in the grand scheme of things.And I think that people make make good
arguments when it comes to that thing. I don't agree, but I think
that they make good arguments, Andso I'd be interested to hear why you
feel that way and you know,maybe consider it in a different light.
(43:00):
I also want to know if youreally believe that why you're not just like
literally painting on the walls with crayonseverywhere you go, Yeah, Like,
why aren't you living like it's unimportantand significant? You know, that's fair.
A lot of people that make thosearguments actually color in the lines,
(43:22):
which is odd. They still followthe status flow. Yeah, and they
really believe in like the religion ofscience in particular, But if it's unimportant
and significant, and what what weightdoes science hold quote air quotes true that
let's see. Okay, back toour questions. That is the end of
(43:47):
part one of this two parter episode. We just filmed for so long about
so many different things, and Ithink that instead of cutting it down a
lot, I would rather just haveit be two different episodes so that,
you know, everybody can hear whatwe had to say, because I feel
like a lot of it is funand a lot of it is really giving
(44:13):
people the impression of like who weare, you know, and what we
think. So I just wanted tosay, please follow us along and we'll
see you next week. Thank youso much for listening. Bye bo bo
(45:04):
bo bo b
Is that a heavy question because you'remaking a dig at my weight or I
can't drink coffee. It always makesme poop oh man, like well crazy
pop. Well, I am soglad the world knows that now. Yeah,
is my favorite because I feel likeit's so persatile. But it's motherfucker
(00:24):
so many things I could say aboutthat, but let's do the next question.
Okay, Hey, everybody, welcometo the Maria Effect Podcast. I'm
(01:14):
Mariah and here we are this week. How are you doing, Jason?
I'm really good. How are you? I'm doing pretty good. This.
We're recording this the day after fourthof July, which I didn't have any
plans and I've never been happier tonot have plans on a holiday. Did
you end up doing anything fun?Um? It was literally just hanging out,
(01:38):
hanging out at the house. Muhmom. She made hamburgers and did
like a macaroni salad that I didnot partake in because it had tuna in
it and I refuse. But yeah, everything else was super good and we
ate outside, got eaten alive bybugs and saw a couple of fireworks that
(02:00):
were like across the highway because onour side of the Highway. We can't
do fireworks, so because it's drier. I don't know, right right,
Yeah, the wild fire risk andUtaw is not trivial, is it.
Uh No, not at all.Um, It's very much like h California
(02:20):
in that respect. I think thattechnically Utah is a desert, Okay,
considered at least for part of it, even though we have mountains. I
feel like for the most part it'sconsidered excuse me, it's considered a desert.
But yeah, although this whole yearhas been so wet and rainy and
(02:45):
snowy that I think that the riskis pretty low this year. Okay,
gotcha, Yeah, Gota did youdo anything yesterday? Well, I'm in
tech exists, So Fourth of Julyis like a thing here, and I
thought that was kind of fun fora change. Yeah, and we barbecued,
(03:07):
you know, Fourth of July hamburgers. We really did the cliche.
Yeah to July. I didn't watchfireworks. I'm I'm at the place in
my life where I'm going to bedto the sound of fireworks rather than watching
them. Yeah, but it wasa great day. I'm kind of with
you. It was so nice tolike not have plans and just kind of
(03:28):
you know, they would catch upwith some friends, do a little bit
of work that I needed to dofor myself, and yeah, all good.
Yeah, yeah, it wasn't likeI feel like a lot of people
in the family had like their ownplan. But yeah, it was fun.
We had a good time. That'sreally great. And what did you
(03:49):
have in mind for us today?I was thinking, you know, like
we've been doing a couple episodes now, like we're pretty far in. It's
kind of funny because all of thesestories that I've told or talked about and
stuff, for the most part,have been things that I enjoy to watch
or read or whatever, and Ifeel like we haven't really talked about ourselves
(04:12):
a lot. And so I waslooking through my shelf and I got this
book like a little while ago calledall About Me Journal, And it's literally
just a book of filling in answeringquestions about yourself that it asked you.
And they're like really random questions sometimes, and some of them are really thought
provoking questions. So I just thoughtthat would be fun and we could both
(04:36):
participate in it, just talking aboutsome of the questions and stuff. That
sounds fun. There's a game outthere called we're not really strangers too.
That reminds me of that. I'mreally happy to just play a game where
we get to know each other.That sounds great. Yeah, okay,
and this is cool because I allask the question and we can answer our
(05:00):
answers. But like anybody listening,like maybe you could think of like what
you would answer, and if youwant to, you could tell us what
your answers are. But okay,so I just picked some random questions in
the book. But the first oneis kind of already heavy. But where
would you like to be laid torest? Should I go first? Yeah?
(05:24):
Is that a heavy question because you'remaking a dig at my weight?
Or no, let's see here.Where would I like to be to later
rest? Okay? I think myanswer is in the redwoods, in the
redwoods in northern California, I thinkso, like honestly, any red redwood
(05:49):
grove would do. Yeah, andI kind of like the idea of becoming
part of that ecosystem. Yeah,that sounds cool. I've kind of like
bounced around, like part of mewants to like answer in a way that
like my loved ones don't have toworry about a lot, So like cremation
(06:11):
was always something I like thought aboutjust because it's one of the easier and
least expensive, you know ways.But I feel like, I don't know,
as I get older, there's thingsthat like become more and more important
to me, and like I kindof like the idea of like becoming a
(06:33):
tree, you know, like theyhave those things where you can put like
your remains. I don't know ifthey cremate you first, but they like
put your remains in with some likeand stuff for the roots of like a
tree to be grown or whatever.I think that would be cool. And
if not that, then yeah,cremated and just put some of me in
(06:55):
the ocean, my great love,that would be my other choice. Okay,
So okay, so you're you're oceanon trees. Ye, ocean and
trees. I like that. Um, have you ever been on a double
date before? So I was thinkingabout that, you know, like,
are we talking about like a firstdate or are we talking about like a
(07:18):
double date, Like you've been datingsomebody for a long time and you go
on a double date. No,So a double date means that you go
on a date with another couple.Oh yeah, no, I get that,
But I'm saying, like, like, I think once you are in
a relationship for a long time,you end up going on a date with
another couple invariably because you just needto like have fun, you know,
(07:42):
you need Like, Yeah, Idon't think it gets kind of boring,
like just just one on one allthe time. Yeah, I don't think
that's the same thing. I thinkit has to be. I get what
you're saying now, So I thinkit has to be like maybe like one
of your first dates, so likemaybe before date five or so, and
you go on a date with anothercouple or like before you're like living together
(08:05):
sort of situation, right right,right, I can honestly say I've never
done within the first five dates adouble date, not in all my years.
How about you. I don't thinkI have either, Like I haven't
been on a lot of I haven'tbeen on a lot of dates dates,
Like I think this last year ofmy life has been the most I've gone
(08:26):
on like dates with people, justbecause I was in like a five year
long relationship with someone and before that, like I didn't really date, I
just like hooked up. WHOA,But yeah, I think that this last
year has been the most dates I'vegone on, and I've talked about going
(08:48):
on like if things got more seriouswith someone that I would go on like
a double date with like Kyle andSarah, or like go on a double
date with Lucas if he got adate or something, but just hasn't really
happened. So yeah, it's funny, like or you know, my grandparents
generation, like that was a thingfor sure. Oh yeah, parents generation
(09:11):
like that was like a deal,but for a generation, and like your
generation is definitely different. Yeah,I think it was like mostly a thing,
especially like with a first date,because you didn't know the other person
that you're going on a date with, and so you would want to go
with like your friend and whoever they'redating or going on a date with or
(09:31):
whatever, so you can make surethat you're both safe, like for girls
at least, and you know forguys sometimes too. But like I think
that was the main point of doingthat back in the day especially, and
so now it's kind of like I'lljust look them up online and see about
them, and I can make upmy mind or whatever, and I'll go
(09:54):
to the date in a public placeand I'll drive myself. You know,
that kind of thing, so it'slike less of a need for safety really
but totally yeah, totally. Um, do you like taking naps, Yes,
(10:15):
and I don't do it nearly oftenenough. But when I nap,
I nap like a bear. Likeit's really I don't. I'm not like
a power napper, like twenty minutes. It's two hours, you know.
Yeah, how about you. Ithink before getting super sick, naps are
(10:35):
something that I wanted but I couldn't. I can't do them, like it's
almost impossible, Like it's very verydifficult for me to get to sleep,
and so the idea of going throughall that effort to get to sleep for
only like thirty minutes an hour isjust sounds ridiculous to me. So I
(11:00):
would never really nap. I wantedto, I really wanted to, but
it just never seemed like it neverreally made sense. And now, being
sick and going through chemo and stuff, you just slept when you could,
You slept when you were able to, and so I guess you could count
those as naps because they happened duringthe day, but I don't know if
it necessarily count when you don't sleepthat much at night. So it's like
(11:24):
when you were able to sleep.So yeah, have you ever taken a
coffee nap? A coffee nap?What does that mean? Yeah? You
like you drink caffeine before you laydown for like ten minutes and then it's
like really recharging. No, I'venever done that. I can't drink coffee.
It always makes me poop. Ohman, like, well crazy poop.
(11:46):
Well I am so glad the worldknows that. Now. Yeah,
you're welcome. I'm just keeping itreal, Okay, I'm letting people know
you are the realists. Um let'ssee. Have you ever had your wisdom
teeth removed? That's yes, right? Oh yeah, And I had like
(12:07):
a crazy infection afterwards. It washorrible. You had what is it called
dry socket something? I had aninfection. It was really bad. I
also had the craziest hallucination when Iwas under the anesthesia. Yeah, thank
you. I couldn't think of theword. But it was totally like I
floated above the chair that I wasin and I was like watching these people
(12:28):
take my teeth out. It wasit was a really crazy situation. Oh
my gosh, Yeah, totally.There's part of me like wonders if maybe
I like died during that, andyou know how they say, like you
watch you have like the third partyobserver were happy, Yeah, but I
don't think I did, but theyprobably would have freaked out. That's crazy.
That's like totally nineties sitcom TV showepisode. It was such a weird
(12:54):
feel. It was very home orSimpson like, like I'm watching myself.
My experience was actually pretty horrible.I did get my wisdom teeth out.
They didn't need to come out necessarily. They it was more like a it
was better to get them out insteadof getting some sort of infection while I
was doing chemo and have to getthem out then because it would just make
(13:16):
things harder. So like during mybreak of chemo, I got my wisdom
teeth taken out, and it washorrible. I hated it so much.
Like the experience at the doctors wasreally bad because like I felt like I
could feel it, you know,like it was numb, so like it
(13:39):
didn't necessarily hurt too bad, butlike I could feel what they were doing
even though I was supposed to beon anesthesia, and like it just was
horrifying and I could hear the soundsand stuff and it just really like tripped
me. Out and then when Iwent home, I was like really like
my face was on them and stuff. And I was in the car and
I was trying to drink the milkshakethat Mallory got for me, but you
(14:03):
can't use the straw, and soshe takes the straw away from me,
and I was like trying to figureout how to eat it without the straw.
It is really ridiculous. Um.But yeah, I don't really like
a teeth doctor stuff. And Ihave very very straight white teeth just naturally,
(14:24):
so I haven't really had much needto go to the dentist. But
m M, I don't like it. No. Um, let's see how
many weddings have you been to?I have no idea many many weddings over
the years. Yeah, how manyweddings you How many weddings have you like
(14:50):
been in? Hmm, let's say, let's see one, two, three,
three that I can think of.But I say that with a little
bit of trepidation because I might beforgetting some and that would be a terrible
thing to forget. So yeah,let's let's go with three, but I
(15:11):
won't name who's Let's see, II haven't been to a lot of weddings
like I don't. I think alot of the people that I know who
got married and stuff either did likea whole thing and we weren't close enough
(15:33):
that they invited each other's wedding,or they got married at like a courthouse,
like a quick like let's just getmarried sort of thing, so they
didn't have a wedding. But outof our family, I think I've been
to maybe like six weddings or so. And I was in my godmother's wedding
(15:56):
as the flower girl, so cute, and the most recent wedding I went
to, I was she called melike the guest of honor, which I
don't think I was. I wasn'tin the wedding necessarily, but she made
me like a very important person ofthe wedding. I don't know that was.
(16:18):
That was kind of crazy wedding thing, and I really appreciated it because
she really wanted me to be there. But um, but yeah, that
was really weird. Everybody at thewedding knew who I was, and I
didn't know a single other person buther, so it was interesting. That
is interesting. Yeah, but yeah, I think that's it. Um.
(16:44):
I don't think i've been in anyother weddings, and if I am and
I'm forgetting you, I'm so sorry. Plus one, Um, when is
the most angry you've ever been?Oh yeah, do we get a skip
any of these questions or do wejust have to like go with them,
(17:07):
just go with them? Oh boy. Um, I've had a crazy life.
There's been a lot that's happened wherelike some stuff happened there wasn't very
fair. Um. Well, onethat comes up is like I was in
a work situation where, um,a person made up a story about me
(17:30):
to serve their own needs that wasn'ttrue, and that was such a horrible
feeling because you couldn't control it.Yeah, and you couldn't you couldn't change
the minds of the people that wantedto believe it. And I had poured
(17:52):
everything that I had into that job. So for for some thing that was
a manipulative lie to be the thingthat people that a set of people bought
into was was really really hurtful.Yeah, as as in the way that
(18:18):
I'm wired, I didn't just likethe hurt didn't go down the drain of
like tears, It went down likeI am pissed. Yeah, yeah,
So I mean there were tears too, but mostly anger. Yeah, what
about you. Um, I'm tryingto think, like I there were a
lot of times when I was ateenager that I got really really angry.
(18:41):
So I'm gonna try and focus onlike when I was an adult, because
those are I can remember those alittle bit easier. And um, there
are things that are more along thelines of things I can really talk about.
But um, I think that theangriest I can remember ever being was
(19:04):
a work situation. I got supersuper angry. I remember I left and
I went and sat in my carand I had to like calm myself down
in my car before I started driving, because I was literally like shaking with
anchor. Yeah, I was bad. That's not a fun place to be
when you're feeling that way. No, And it was one of the worst
(19:27):
jobs that I've ever had because ofjust how much they demanded of me and
how little they cared about my wellbeing, you know. And so it
was good that I left that job. That I didn't work at that job,
So it all happened for a reason. And then I remember I got
home and I was like, let'ssee how long they last without me?
(19:48):
As if like they couldn't exist orwork without me, like the whole hospital
was going to collapse without me.But yeah, super angry, I usually.
And the issue too with me gettingangry is that when I get angry
or upset in any way any strongemotion, I cry, and so people
(20:12):
will think that will take that asme being weak. A lot of the
times, like and I'm trying tosay, like, no, I'm angry
with you, and I want totalk about this. I want to,
you know, have this discussion,but I can't because I'm so overcome with
emotion and I feel like I can'ttalk, and I don't like confrontation,
(20:33):
and so like it gets to betoo much, so I just cry and
then I'll say things later like Ishould have said that, I should have
said this. So many things Icould say about that. But let's do
the next question. Okay, howmuch sleep do you want to be getting
at night? I want to begetting seven and a half to eight hours
(20:53):
of sleep at night, and Iactually get about six to seven and a
half hours a night. I wantto sleep ten hours a night, and
I probably sleep about five. Okay, on average, there are some nights
where I sleep more, but there'sbut there's most of the time it takes
(21:18):
me so long, so long toget to sleep that I just like,
I can't turn off my brain.And then finally I'll get tired enough that
I'm like, okay, go tosleep, and I'll fall asleep, and
then I'll wake up like two hourslater because I have to pee, or
because I have to um, Idon't know, like there was a noise
in my room or something, andso I wake up and I'm like,
(21:41):
all right, let's do this processall over again. And then two hours
later I fall asleep again. Okay, we said, how much do you
actually get. What is your biggestdisappointment? Well, I have. I
have a couple of come to mind. So one I would say is I
(22:03):
had two people in my life Iloved a lot and they didn't make it
through their illness, and that wasreally disappointing, but on like a heartbreak
level in terms of my own disappointmentin myself in a way, I would
say, I would say my biggestdisappointment is in losing touch with some friends
(22:26):
that I had that meant the worldto me and I think about all the
time still. Yeah, and youknow, sort of I never thought of
myself as the kind of person thatwould actually lose touch with people you know
that I love, and so i'dsay, like, that actually is something
(22:48):
that nags at me every once ina while about you. I think,
like the biggest disappointment I have formyself is how often I let myself slip
into the backseat, into the backgroundof my own life. Because there's just
(23:14):
been so many times where I careabout somebody so much that I put their
needs before my own. And Ithink it's something that I kind of learned
from the people around me growing up, that if you do something for yourself,
it's selfish. So I think thebiggest disappointment I have with myself is
(23:38):
that I didn't do enough things formyself. I was always doing things for
other people, and it took somuch control over my life that I was
with somebody for such a long timethat I shouldn't have been with for that
long, and you know I shouldhave I should have made myself a priority,
(24:04):
because you know, I'm not.It's not as if like, oh
I let twenty years passed me by, but to me, and like,
especially with me getting sick now,I feel like so much time has passed
me by like even losing these fiveyears or six years or so of time
(24:25):
that I, you know, justkind of drifted in the wind a little
bit. Like losing that time makesme so frustrated in myself and disappointed in
myself for letting it happen. ButI don't know, it doesn't do anything
to just dwell on the fact thatI did that. It's you know,
(24:48):
I have to take control of whereI am now and try and make this
changes and take care of myself.Now, you're very lucky that you are
the age you are. Yeah,there's still have a lot of life ahead
of you, so to know thatnow, Yeah, who assuming you're in
(25:15):
a heel. Yeah, I'm hopingthat this whole part of my life is
like a new beginning chapter. Ilove. I love when you talk about
it, like though, yeah,okay, let's see how long would your
ideal hug last? Really depends onwho the hug is from and with m
(25:37):
hmm or four. Yeah, Ihave different hugs. Yeah, yeah,
totally, Like if it's with like, um, you know, I wish
I could give a hug to thesedays. It's no longer like she would
have been your a great grandma,But my grandma, my grandma murt right,
(26:00):
Yeah, I give murder big hug, long hug. Oh yeah.
And you know like or like youknow Van or Emory, like niece and
nephew, like I'll hold them allday long. Um. But in general,
let's say like it's a friend oryou know, colleague or something,
it's like in and out, likelet's just quick hug, like you know,
(26:22):
like hug tap tap, We're good. Yeah. Yeah, I feel
I feel like so with uh,like a family member or somebody super close
to me, like a super closefriend, I would say, uh,
maybe like six seconds like a nicelike good long enough where it's like,
(26:48):
oh I love you, like along enough for you to think I love
you so much I missed you andthen be done. Um. And like
a stranger, Not that I reallyhug strangers all the time, but like
somebody you're just meeting who is likea huggy person very clearly obviously already and
it's like, oh, nice tomeet you, and they hug you like
(27:10):
again in and out like one second, boo, we're done and we're good
totally. But yeah, if I'mlooking for comfort and I want to hug,
like there's hugs that I have withlike Kyle or somebody that when I'm
talking about like my feelings and they'llcome to give me a hug for like
comfort that'll last like a minute,which is a long time for a hug,
(27:36):
but sometimes it's like what you needjust to kind of calm down.
I remember one time I went tohug my mom and like my actual mom,
and she like went to hug me, and I don't know what I
was feeling or whatever, but Iwas feeling some type of way, and
(27:57):
I gave her the hug and Ijust started crying. So it changed from
a hug to like being held andwe were like that for twenty minutes,
and I just cried and cried andcried and talked about something. But most
of the time it makes me souncomfortable because like there wasn't a lot of
(28:18):
like physical affection sort of thing growingup that much, so like hugs in
general just made me kind of nervous. And I remember one time we were
playing a game. I don't thinkit was We're not really strangers, but
it was another game kind of similar, and we were playing it and one
(28:41):
of the questions was, like whogives like the most awkward hug or something
like that, and everybody voted orwhatever, and I voted, and then
they flipped it over and two peoplevoted for me, and I was like,
I give hawkward hugs. And Lucastold me um that he voted for
me because I always give him likea side hug and he's like a yeah,
(29:04):
and he's like a full hug typeof person. I was like,
oh, okay, then I'll changethat. And ever since then, he's
like, you give the best hugs, just pick him up next time.
I don't think I'm strong enough forthat right now, but yeah, that'd
be funny. Um. One ofmy one of my favorite colleagues and friends,
(29:26):
her mom never hugged her when shegrew wow, so she loves to
give hugs and and I think it'sso interesting, like the way that we
grew up and then how we havea relationship with hugs. It's really it's
really uh, it's really a funnything. Yeah. Yeah. I like
hugs when they're by people who arehugable, like if they're super cute and
(29:48):
adorable, people like yeah, let'shug, like let's do this, And
it makes me smile. Um,But yeah, I don't know. H
see, Oh, what's your favoritecurse word? It's definitely the F word.
I don't know if we can sayit. Yeah, you can Spotify.
I don't want Spotify to, like, you know, push us down.
(30:11):
They won't. You just flag itas explicit, so useful in so
many contexts. But it's definitely whatI say, like when I'm pissed about
something or I screw something up.My favorite when or when my mind is
blown, I'm like, wow,Yeah, my favorite is um is my
(30:37):
favorite because I feel like it's soversatile, but it's motherfucker. And it's
because no matter how you say it, you sound cool, Like no matter
what you do, you sound coolwhen you say it, and you do
well I do um. But yeah, it's just like there's so many ways
you can say it like happy,like oh, motherfucker, or you could
(31:00):
be like angry like oooh, likeyou know, and like it always to
me, it always like sounds funny, it always sounds cool. I don't
know, makes me laugh when Ihear it, and it reminds me of
Samuel Jackson and Kiki Palmer because it'sher favorite swear word too. And I
(31:26):
saw a skit of her saying ita little while ago, and I was
like, that's my favorite too,girl, But yeah, definitely, that's
awesome. What's your least favorite?Hmm, they're all good. I don't
have any least favorites you I do. I don't like to use it.
(31:49):
I've only used it maybe once ortwice for a specific person. Then I
was like, yeah, they deserveto be called that, but it's the
C word going there. Yeah,I don't really like that one so much.
No, I feel like it's it'sreally harsh and very like I just
(32:12):
feel like it's very um, sexistmost of the time. Yeah, or
at least used in that way.Um, But yeah, I don't really
love it. I would love tohear like two like profoundly intellectual philosophers debate
the merits of using that word,if ever at all, and who'd see
who see what arguments they construct?But yeah, yeah, I just that's
(32:37):
that's a rough one. You gottabe really really like, yeah, I
really have some visual for somebody touse that one. Yeah. I think
that one of the times I usedit was when I was super super like,
when I was the angriest I've everbeen, as an adult. But
I don't think I really meant itin that moment when I said it,
(32:57):
and I only said it to myself, totally doesn't talking to anybody. It's
like right on the edge of ahate word. Yeah you know, yeah,
um but yeah. And what's interestingis there's like books because I read
like romance and fantasy and stuff,and there's sometimes where a book will be
it's such a good book, andthen all of a sudden, they'll like
(33:21):
use that word in the book aslike a like a sexy time type of
thing, and I'm like, oh, like, what's wrong with you?
And I have to immediately like docka couple stars on the book because I'm
like, there was no reason,Yeah, there was no reason. Very
old English kind of vibe yea toit if it's used in that way.
(33:45):
Let's see, do you think you'relikable? I don't know why am I
I think you are? But thisisn't about what I think. It's about
what you think about yourself, strapulof one. I think so, But
I also have found people that reallydon't like me. So yeah, in
(34:06):
certain circles, people like definitely sayI'm like the condescending white guy. Yeah,
I feel like I'm really likable.I think the issue comes up when
I'm trying too hard to be likableor when I am super nervous, and
(34:27):
so I don't act like how Inormally would. So I feel like,
when I'm acting like myself, verylikable and I get along with people really
well. But when I'm nervous orI feel like anxiety or something, I
try too hard to be likable,and that's when people don't like me.
Like a couple of jobs I've hadwhere I've started out and i'd like,
(34:52):
try too hard to be like likable, and so then there's a couple of
people that are like, oh,she's fake like and I'm like, oh,
I'm not, And I try afterwardsto try and mend that and it
just never never gets fixed. Sothere's always people when I work at a
job who just don't like me atall. I loved I loved your try
(35:15):
too hard vibe that you just puton, did I yea? But yeah.
And there's been a lot of jobswhere I've started out as like a
like higher up person like a bossor a supervisor or a trainer or something,
(35:37):
and I started out that way.So there's like a lot of like
jealousy or resentment towards me already forthat for people who have worked there for
a while and aren't in that position, you know, especially because I have
to kind of ask them because theyknow the job. I have to ask
them for help with something or whatever. They're kind of like, oh,
look at you, like you needhelp and thing. So, but I
(36:02):
think in general I'm likable. Iconcur let's see. Ooh, okay,
this one I picked because I feellike this really got me thinking and I
want to see what your answer wouldbe, and I kind of want to
see what other people's answers would be, Like this is genuinely I want to
(36:28):
see other people's answers, especially especiallyif they're different from mine, and like
why you feel that way? Sothis one is which of the following sounds
like the truest statement. One ourexistence is unimportant and insignificant. Two,
life is an experiment an experience.Three consciousness is a paradox. And four
(36:57):
this life is only in preper forthe next. Wow. Wow, isn't
that good? Okay okay um?I think it is too simple to say
life is only preparation for the nextokay um, that would give no meaning
(37:21):
to this one, but a lotof meaning to the next one, which
makes no sense to me. Ourexistence is unimportant, in insignificant, absolutely
not absolutely not um no way.Life is an experiment in the life is
(37:42):
an experiment in the experience. Lifeis an experiment in experience. Okay,
now that one I can absolutely absolutelyget down with me. Most consciousness is
a paradox. M M. Idon't even honestly understand consciousness. Yeah,
it's very sort of it's sort oflike a recursive logic thing that makes my
(38:07):
head explode. Yeah, so Idon't think of it as a paradox as
much as like a chicken or eggproblem. So definitely life as an experiment
in experience. This is life school. Yeah, that's so funny because that
is exactly the one that I pickedtoo. I feel like, so the
(38:27):
consciousness is a paradox. One remindsme a little too much of a philosophy
sort of stuff, because philosophy isprobably one of the worst classes I've ever
taken, because I get so frustratedwith the idea of questioning things to a
(38:51):
point where you just feel like nothingmatters and nothing works. And I feel
I personally feel like that's what philosophyis, is like is this a chair
or is this my perception that it'sa chair? Like does this actually exist
(39:12):
or is this just something that I'vecreated? Like that's kind of like where
philosophy was taking me, and Idid enjoy that ride. So I feel
like that consciousness one is very muchthose vibes, and so I don't even
want to consider it as an optionof being true. This life is only
in preparation of the next is somethingthat sounds very religious to me, Like
(39:37):
I feel like a lot of peoplewho are religious would feel that way,
like not necessarily that this life matters, like doesn't matter at all, but
more as if like the next lifematters more so. And like I think
that people find a lot of comfortin feeling that way because it's kind of
(39:59):
like, oh, if I makemistakes here, like it's teaching me how
to be better for when I amgone. And it also helps with dealing
with like the grief of people dyingbecause it's like, oh, they're in
their next life. They're in abetter place, you know what people say.
So I feel like that's a veryum like religious vibes kind of one
(40:22):
I'd be interested to see what Mallory'smom would pick, because I know that
she does believe that there is likea next life and that it's very important
things like that, so I'll haveto ask her. But and then the
first one just sounds so like dismissiveto our entire experience, like is unimportant
(40:45):
and insignificant, like maybe to thewhole of the whole of forever, Like
maybe if you're taking it into accountof like we're just one s back in
this entire universe universe and the universeis just one small part of all of
(41:06):
space, like sure, but likethat doesn't make it insignificant to you.
That doesn't make it insignificant to thepeople in your life, Like it doesn't
matter so much about like what theentirety of everything matters. It's like what
matters to you because you're the oneloving your life. So I don't like
(41:29):
that one either. That's why Ipicked the second one. I'm with you.
The other thing is like for thisto be unimportant and insignificant, there
has to be something or someone whois saying that, and by doing that,
they would be deeming themselves important andsignificant to be making such an assertion,
(41:51):
right, so doesn't fly. That'sa big ego. I'm just kidding.
If you if you do feel likethat is the more true statement,
like, please tell us why youthink that is, Like why you think
that that's true, because I'd bereally interested to know like your thought process
of it, because I know there'sa lot of people who feel like our
(42:14):
lives are just like, yeah,like it doesn't matter because there is no
life after this one. Anything youdo doesn't matter to the whole of human
existence. Like I feel like alot of people that I've talked to who
talk to me about why they don'tvote or you know, things like that,
(42:34):
kind of have that feeling of like, well, my vote doesn't matter
in the grand scheme of things.And I think that people make make good
arguments when it comes to that thing. I don't agree, but I think
that they make good arguments, Andso I'd be interested to hear why you
feel that way and you know,maybe consider it in a different light.
(43:00):
I also want to know if youreally believe that why you're not just like
literally painting on the walls with crayonseverywhere you go, Yeah, Like,
why aren't you living like it's unimportantand significant? You know, that's fair.
A lot of people that make thosearguments actually color in the lines,
(43:22):
which is odd. They still followthe status flow. Yeah, and they
really believe in like the religion ofscience in particular, But if it's unimportant
and significant, and what what weightdoes science hold quote air quotes true that
let's see. Okay, back toour questions. That is the end of
(43:47):
part one of this two parter episode. We just filmed for so long about
so many different things, and Ithink that instead of cutting it down a
lot, I would rather just haveit be two different episodes so that,
you know, everybody can hear whatwe had to say, because I feel
like a lot of it is funand a lot of it is really giving
(44:13):
people the impression of like who weare, you know, and what we
think. So I just wanted tosay, please follow us along and we'll
see you next week. Thank youso much for listening. Bye bo bo
(45:04):
bo bo b
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