YOU’VE BEEN A DESSERT TRAY AT AN ORGY? ft. Dirty Lola

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey Tigers, you're at you know what I'm talking about?
This is I have the Tiger Tour twenty twenty four.
It's officially underway. The first how many shows were there too?

Speaker 2 (00:09):
Of six?

Speaker 1 (00:10):
Oh my god, I did six shows and like it
was crazy, but it was so fun. It was so great.
Thank you to everyone who came out. It's continuing. Raleigh,
North Carolina, April thirtieth, Philadelphia May first, Boston May second, Portland, Oregon,
May fourteenth, San Francisco May fifteenth, Sacramento May sixteenth, Seattle, Washington,
May seventeenth, and those are pretty much sold out, so

(00:31):
we added two more shows on Saturday, May eighteenth, Seattle
get those, Houston, Texas June twenty seventh, Austin, Texas June
twenty eighth and twenty ninth, and Salt Lake City, Utah,
September twenty sixth. Tickets are available at Carinefisher dot com.
The whole tour features the wonderful Chloe le Branch, who
you've heard on this show.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
I will see you there, bye.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Welcome the guys. We bought the anti select shamings podds.
Oh you have a sad I'm Christina Hunting I'm Karin Fisher.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
And I'm ya.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
That's your boy.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
Friends, bring us to flooding, your horning and your shame.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
Heys what yes, okay, talk about fucking.

Speaker 4 (01:12):
Hello, fuckers, how you doing. Welcome to another episode of
Guys We Fucked.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
It's the antiest slut shaming podcast. I'm Karin Fisher, I'm
Christina Hutchinson. Welcome and get on corinfisher dot com right
now if you live in the following cities, because I
of the Tiger Tour twenty twenty four is coming to
you Portland, Oregon, May fourteenth, San Francisco, California, May fifteenth, Sacramento, California,

(01:39):
May sixteenth, Seattle, Washington. Those are going extremely fast, so
get on at May seventeenth, Houston, Texas, June twenty seventh, Austin,
Texas June twenty eighth and twenty ninth, and Salt Lake City, Utah,
September twenty sixth. Again, tickets at Karinfisher dot com or
in the link tree link in my bio on Instagram,
on Twitter, on threads, and I'm at Philanthropy gal on

(02:02):
all those things. Thank you so much. Other cities had
We've been having a great time.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yeah, she sold them out. Mary both so funny, Me
and greets after they're great.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
No one touched your booby. Chloe Lea branch is also
there if you.

Speaker 4 (02:16):
Want to email us, It's sorry about last Night Show
at gmail dot com. Today's subject line, what do you
wish someone had told you before turning thirty that you're
gonna love Botox, Hi, Current, and Christina. I'll skip some
of the pleasantries to focus on one. I'm twenty seven.
I've been listening since I was twenty.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
Oh.

Speaker 4 (02:33):
Hello, daughter, and I feel like you two helped raise me.
This is something I hear a lot in emails that
you read on the show, and I see echoed in
your comment sections and reviews. I think one of the
most impactful gifts you've given me and other women in
their twenties is perspective.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
That's beautiful. That's a very potent gift.

Speaker 4 (02:49):
Like many women, I grew up hearing all the cliches
about aging. I was told my twenties would be the
best years of my life. I was told, either overtly
or subliminally, that I would be ugly or boring. After
the clock struck twelve on my thirtieth birthday, Girl though.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
So I'm sure ugly, but I don't know who said boring,
because like, I don't think that's even.

Speaker 4 (03:06):
Also, I'm pretty sure forties. Every woman I'm talking to
in their forties is like this is better. I'm like sweet,
But like so many women, my early twenties were filled
with dumb butchery, being broke, giving too much of myself
to people who didn't deserve it and honestly never wanted it.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
I thought she I literally thought she was gonna right
giving too many blowjobs before I went. I literally thought
I was going to say giving too many blowjobs.

Speaker 4 (03:27):
Now, firmly in my late twenties, I'm making more money
than I ever have. I am more sure of myself,
I'm funnier, and I'm smarter. I honestly can't wait to
be thirty. But if I say we're almost thirty around
many of my female acquaintances, I can see the blood
drain from their faces. Okay, so you just got to
stand sturdy in that sea of people that are terrified
to age. Don't say that we have plenty of time left,

(03:50):
as though I'm suggesting we're on death's doorstep.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
That's so funny. Aging is so funny.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
To me.

Speaker 4 (03:55):
Hearing you both speak about the growing and the healing
you've done in the last several years has inspired me
to want to ask you what you wish you'd known
before turning thirty.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
It's just like, such not a big deal.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
I'm kind of like, this is like not to like
be patronizing, but this is like a cute email. I
didn't even be I didn't even think about turning thirty.
I just turned thirty.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
It was fine.

Speaker 4 (04:12):
And I think that's the best piece of advice that
we could possibly give you, is that like thirty is nothing. Yeah,
you might be surrounded by friends and magazines that tell
you whatever they're going to say about aging.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
It's beautiful and it's wonderful.

Speaker 4 (04:25):
And I feel every year that I get older, I
feel more self assured in myself and I feel sexier,
Like I feel I feel like more of a woman,
which is very exciting.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
It's also just like it's a privilege you're because you're
we're all aging. Your other option is death.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, and I want to die.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
Yet would I rather be older or dead? The answer
is older.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
And if I don't shock you dead, I mean you got
to Sweden.

Speaker 4 (04:49):
You have full control over that, Yeah, what do women
who fear the Big three to oo need to hear?

Speaker 2 (04:54):
What is your favorite part of not being twenty years
the Big Three? The Big Three? Oh is so funny.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
Honest, I wouldn't even I don't want that the Big
something oh to happen. That shouldn't be until, like you're fifty.
That's like big accomplishment being fifty. Thank you for teaching me.
Thank you for teaching me so much.

Speaker 4 (05:11):
I started learning listening to the show as a young feminist,
and I've learned about so much more. How to hear
things that make me uncomfortable without immediately wanting to fight
against it has a very valuable skill. How to be
accountable for my own healing.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Oh, man, we're doing our job.

Speaker 4 (05:24):
How to command the respect I deserve, and much more,
endless gratitude and appreciation. I went on a rant about
this based off of a meme that I saw on
Instagram once that was like, instead of saying I'm thirty
years old, say I'm at level thirty. I fucking love
that language about age because it is an accomplishment and god.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Well, first, you know, it depends on how some people
are thirty and are acting twenty and that's not good.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
That's true. It's not an accomplishment.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
But I always try to, Like, I mean, there's definitely
times where I feel like old, but I always whenever
I feel that, I always make a point to pause
whatever it is that I'm doing, and like center myself
and just ground myself and just be thankful for being here.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
I really am thankful.

Speaker 4 (06:04):
And I love being in my thirties, and I'm probably
gonna love being in my forties. And I'm going I'm
saving a mediumship for my seventies because I have something
to look forward to. But yeah, I really, when I
was in my twenties, I think it's all about making mistakes.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
Act in a little young and dumb. It's fun to
act like that.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
It's not cute when you're in your thirties, So do
it while you're in your twenties, you know.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
Yeah, I mean, I just like, yeah, I don't uh.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
When as I'm aging, like, there's nothing I wish Like
this is a common question, like what do you wish
people have told you? I wish people would have told
me nothing, because what I can constantly learn is to
not listen to anyone else but yourself. Yeah, that's a
current specific thing, and that is cerific thing because I should.

Speaker 2 (06:40):
Have listened to other people in my life and not myself.
But yeah, everyone's different.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
So like for me, and also I mean for me,
thirty was so weird because I became a public person
at thirty, which I think is really too old for
that to happen. So if you want to talk about age,
because it's like you, I really had such a great
like I really was fully me. I've been fullying me
since I was six, but I was really fully me.

(07:04):
And then so a lot of people are doing like
work to heal, so it's basical, but it was basically
like I was fine, and then I tried to be
more open and I let a lot of garbage in,
and then I ended up spending the next several years
clearing that out again and going back to the me
that I was before I became in the public eye.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
That's like a specific thing.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
If you're going to start a podcast that you talk
about your life and then you let a lot of
and then a lot of damaged people give you notes
that are completely incorrect, and you try to be open
because you you know you want to grow and here
listen to what other people have to say, but it
turns out they were wrong and you were right the
whole time as you had assumed, which was why you
got all that feedback in.

Speaker 3 (07:44):
The first place.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
Projection baby. But yeah, so that is part of it.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
But I guess the one thing I can get give
you is like a note about society. Right, So, like people,
especially men, but you know also women within grain massage
are going to try to weaponize like sexuality against you,
meaning or fuck ability is actually better. They're going to
try to weaponize fuckability. Right, So the more self assured

(08:13):
you get, the less like, the less easy it is
to attack you. Because when you're in your twenties, people
can attack your insecurity. But as you get more secure,
the patriarchy again like it is right in this context,
but it's just so overused, is going to try to
find ways to get through this armor that is getting
thicker and thicker that you're building for yourself. And the

(08:36):
one thing that I think they can they continue to
use because it continues to work is fuckability, right, And
so when I talk about fuckability, they're going to try
to say, like you're old, no one wants to fuck
you're you're you're thirty whatever, no one wants to you know,
you're unmarried, your child or you're dried up, you know,
all the you know, you're all these things are people

(08:58):
are going to try to use like you are less
valuable because you are less fuckable. So you're obviously not
less valuable, and you're also not less fuckable, and not
that that matters, not that how fuckable you are matters.
But I know some people are still like concerned about it,
and it's fine.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
We've been trained.

Speaker 1 (09:15):
That that is one of our you know, greatest things
we get to offer to the world. But don't do
not be prepared for it, because it's coming probably not
for like five years for you, I would say thirty five,
I say, when that really starts. But just know that
it is completely fabricated and it's a tactic to bring
you down. It's not even it's not even truthful. Yeah,

(09:38):
don't fall for it, and it's good to get a
heads up.

Speaker 4 (09:41):
Yeah, I would say My biggest lesson is that if
there are people in your life, whether they are friends
or family or a coworker that completely drain you, get
them out of immediately, get them out.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
Get them out, which is harder and harder in the
age of modern technology. I think about that all the time.
All the people muting and muting is very beneficial. Well,
I have to just have to keep tuguing my phone number.
It's like, oh, it's not like it's not like bad people.
It's just like I have a lot of people who
like I feel kind of neutral about, and I don't
I'd rather spend that time by my It's like, right,

(10:14):
it's kind of just like, I this is fucked up.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
I feel like they're just like wasting you know, like.

Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yeah, yeah, not bad people, but they're just kind of
don't give you anything. I don't need this message in
my inbox my friends.

Speaker 4 (10:23):
So, like this past Friday, I had a brunch hang
out with my friend Donna.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
I went over our house.

Speaker 4 (10:29):
She made breakfast and we had like we hung out
for a couple hours and talked and we did like
spiritual stuff and it was amazing. That friendship lights me up.
All of all of my friendships light me up. I
love spending time with my friends. Yeah, and if you
aren't excited to spend time with the person or like
you know, obviously if they're going through a bad period,
that's okay.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
Get be there for them.

Speaker 4 (10:49):
But if they drain you, if they insult you, if
they bully you, if they try to make you feelless valuable,
it's not personal because it has.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
Everything to do with them. But you don't have to
take that.

Speaker 4 (10:58):
Everybody's playing hot potato with their pain, okay, and you
don't have to catch the hot potato.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
And so that was that game. Yeah, I know, right,
it gave me anxiety, but I really like I did,
but like a fun ye musical chairs. Yeah, but yeah,
it's Uh, it's such when you have gotten everybody out
of your life that makes you feel less valuable or
just bad in any way.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
It is incredible how you will feel.

Speaker 4 (11:24):
It's an inner piece that everybody deserves and you should
if you haven't already.

Speaker 2 (11:27):
Lived alone, live by yourself.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
That's a gift I think every I want, I want
for every single person listening to this. Yeah, it's like
when people talk about saving up things, save up to
see if you can live alone. Yeah, it's the best, man,
it is the best.

Speaker 4 (11:40):
Okay, guys, And uh, you know, I run a self
help group share Pee once a week on my Patreon.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
It's patreon dot com.

Speaker 4 (11:47):
Slash Christina Hutchinson for one hour every single week, I
hop on a zoom with a bunch of people, a
lot of guys very proud of them, uh and and
women and non binary, but that the guy thing. I
was like, I'm right nice and we just talk about
whatever's on our mind and we get really deep and
people are going through some some people are going through
some crazy shit.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
Some people are just kind of just living their life
wanting to know what everybody else is doing.

Speaker 4 (12:12):
So it's a really valuable space, especially if you need
some to get something off your chest to a bunch
of people that don't know you but are willing to listen.
Patreon dot Com, slash Christina Hutchinson. I also have a
solo podcast called The Voices in Our Heads. Every Monday
it comes out, except you know today because those an
eclipse so megaphone is down.

Speaker 2 (12:30):
But every Monday it.

Speaker 4 (12:31):
Comes out, and at the end of most of the episodes,
I read a little excerpt from a book that has
been changing my life lately. I've been reading from Rjspin
a Supercharged Self Healing. He was paralyzed from the waist
down and healed himself completely in one hundred days of
a lot of autoimmune diseases and diabetes.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
What do I think is an audio immune? No, that's
not autoimmune, is it?

Speaker 5 (12:52):
Maybe?

Speaker 2 (12:52):
I don't think.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
I'm not a doctor, but either way, the voices in
our heads out every Monday and then patreon dot com
slash Christina Hutchinson and follow me on social media because
boy have I plateaued And I'm trying to suck that
algorithm's d real good and I am very good at
blowjobs and I am being very mindful of my blowjobs with.

Speaker 4 (13:10):
The algorithm, and it's still uh flicking me off. So
follow me at Christina hutch k r y st yn A.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
I was looking about if diabetes is an autoimmune but
it says I don't know, it's like there's an autoimmune
type of diabetes anyway. Sorry, I just like knowledge anyway,
if you like, if you all, I do like knowledge.
That was actually a great transition. I love knowledge, I

(13:41):
love facts, I love learning. I have really spent the
past several years uh reading the news and becoming a
really super active citizen. I was always an active citizen,
but like kind of like only in a in like
the feminism space, and then I decided to broaden that
a bit, and if you're interested in doing that too,
but the regular news like bores you or upsets you,

(14:01):
and you want to have someone hold your hand through it,
I'm your gal.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
So without a Country.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
It is on YouTube every Wednesday, usually at nine pm
Eastern Standard time, but also you can listen to the
audio version anywhere you listen to podcasts.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
It's been so interesting.

Speaker 1 (14:17):
We've been doing so many a great guests, obviously talking
about the presidential election that's upcoming, and doing a lot
of animal writes chatter because I've been super into that.
This week, on this week's episode, we talked about culling,
which if you want to find out what that is,
you know, listen to this week's episode. It's it's bad.
It's not good. Yeah, So enjoy that. And we have

(14:42):
a very special birthday in the house to Eric is
not even paying attention to his own birthday celebration book.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
You could just grave it there. You can just leave
it there. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
We have a big Eric's big birthday is tomorrow, by big.

Speaker 2 (15:04):
We don't know.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
I don't know exact is it twenty seven twenty six?

Speaker 2 (15:07):
Only twenty.

Speaker 1 (15:09):
Only twenty six? I actually thought you were. I thought
you were already twenty six? All right, so the big
two six is tomorrow? Are you doing it big?

Speaker 6 (15:17):
Yeah? This is the one I've been I've been grated.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
Are you serious?

Speaker 6 (15:20):
Yeah? I gotta get health insurance now, Oh.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
I see. Or you could just not yeah, just get catastrophic.

Speaker 6 (15:27):
Yeah, I could just slip my back, just get worse
and worse and worse.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
Well, were you have twenty six? Are you going seven?
Were you going to the doctor to fix it? Now?

Speaker 3 (15:37):
I was?

Speaker 6 (15:38):
And then I started traveling a lot, and then I couldn't.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
Right, Okay, all right, we'll just get really into time
massage for forty dollars.

Speaker 4 (15:43):
Yeah, yeah, and make sure you ground have your bare
feet on the earth.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
It takes the toxins out the minerals of the earth.
Really just try it can't hurt. But that's not going
to hurt his back. Probably might help you back.

Speaker 6 (15:54):
I feel like, help get hepatitis from putting my Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
Don't do it on like you know the word.

Speaker 4 (15:59):
There's ahypodermic needles laying around, right, But you could find
a six spot.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
In like Long Island City or something, Roosevelt Island. No
hypodermic needles there just ghosts to any any birthday wishes
for twenty six What do you what is this year
going to offer you?

Speaker 2 (16:13):
What or what are you going to offer this year? Yeah,
that's a great Yeah, that's a question.

Speaker 6 (16:17):
I never thought i'd asked myself.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
Well, start thinking about it. So question. You never thought
you'd ask yourself?

Speaker 6 (16:22):
What am I going to offer this year?

Speaker 3 (16:24):
What are you offer?

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Worlds men just don't know.

Speaker 6 (16:26):
I don't think that broadly. I just have like a
list of problems. I have a list of problems in
my head that I need to solve all the time.

Speaker 2 (16:32):
That's the spirit. Okay, what do you have?

Speaker 3 (16:35):
Are you?

Speaker 2 (16:36):
What do you wish for yourself?

Speaker 1 (16:37):
Working actively towards solutions? Are they just kind of floating
around haunting you?

Speaker 6 (16:40):
No, I'm both.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
Okay, we're both ghost hunters.

Speaker 6 (16:44):
Cool, all right, Yeah, I think this year I'm gonna
fix my back.

Speaker 2 (16:48):
Okay, all right, okay, I'm going to.

Speaker 6 (16:52):
I don't know, just keep keep them. I'm to finish,
gonna get to an.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
Hour material, an hour of material? Okay, what you're what?
What stand up year is this for you? This?

Speaker 6 (17:02):
I started twenty sixteen.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
I didn't have to do math. I just wanted to
tell us how many years.

Speaker 6 (17:11):
This will be? Seven?

Speaker 2 (17:13):
Okay, that's good time to do an hour. That's a
good time to do an hour A long a long time.

Speaker 6 (17:16):
Yeah, I don't count the pandemic.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
Okay, that's fair, that's fair. You can, but you don't
have to know.

Speaker 6 (17:22):
I was doing like ten live shows of the pandemic. Okay,
a lot of Zoom birthday parties.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
For a birthday party, yeah, I zoom like cocktail hour
with girlfriends, and I was.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
Like, that's kind of sad.

Speaker 6 (17:35):
They would they would pay me to roast family members.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
Oh that's fun.

Speaker 6 (17:40):
Who'se They just families? Never find me on this site
that I saw.

Speaker 2 (17:44):
I find you. Yeah, Zoom Fanservant dot com. I can
seek your shows, me daddy.

Speaker 6 (17:50):
I would see with the robe on and I would
roast people on their birthday.

Speaker 3 (17:54):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yeah, the road parts of the robe is weird? You Okay?
Do you need to make a music video?

Speaker 3 (18:00):
Drink?

Speaker 2 (18:00):
Yeah? Did the mommy touch you weird? Because let us know?

Speaker 6 (18:03):
Yeah, the Zoom producer off screen, he was, it's pretty handsy.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Jesus Christ was my roommate.

Speaker 6 (18:12):
Was my roommate?

Speaker 1 (18:12):
It's fine, molester, No, that wasn't it was another roommate. Okay,
all right, well good happy.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
Birthday ahead of you.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
Yeah, that's not I mean to me about that girl
who was sit writing about the Big Three. Oh yeah,
you look. Age is just what you make of it.
It feels a lot older than either of us.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
I know, I feel young as hell, I honestly do.

Speaker 6 (18:35):
Okay, also, come see me in Edmonton.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Here we go six.

Speaker 6 (18:44):
Eighteen through twenty first.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
Nice really sold it for us. That was good. How
you doing, crinn? I'm good. I just so.

Speaker 1 (18:53):
I don't know if you go through this, but I
am at a point in my life and this has
never really happened to me before. Like it's happened, like
you know, every now and then, within individual people, but
it's never happened like large scale. I am like absolutely
repulsed by almost, like sexually by almost anyone I've ever dated.
Like the thought of having sex with them makes me
want to actually trustic makes me want to throw up

(19:14):
in a toilet bowl.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (19:16):
I pretty much always feel that way when I break
up with somebody after like a year. No, and it's
nothing against them because they're not ugly, they're just Yeah,
I'm disappointed.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
In myself a little bit.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
There's like two Yeah, there's like two of my more
serious excess who like don't repulse me at all, and
like not that I would want to have sex with them,
but like they don't repulse me in any way. But yeah,
mostly everyone else, like whether they've been boyfriends or just
like people, Yeah, like that's deeper than not wanting to
just like actually like the thought that their hand has

(19:48):
touched even like my skin just makes me just yeah,
like you said. And then and some of them, like
a lot of them not in contact with anymore, but
like some of them I.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
Am, and like we're still runs.

Speaker 1 (20:01):
But like then every now and again, because like we
have dated or have had that relationship, they'll say something
like a little flirty and like you're.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
Like when a guy I always just getting I just
grew up a little bit.

Speaker 4 (20:12):
When a guy tries to flirt with you and you
are not feeling it, whether it's like a repulse, repulsion
or just like I'm not interested in you, it is
so gross and it's not their fault, but it's like
if it hits different, man.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
I just like don't like I would rather fuck just
like a guy on the subway train than any of
these people, like like just like and then and then
then I started visualizing like one time, like you know,
when they're penis went into my vagin and I'm just like,
oh no.

Speaker 2 (20:39):
Don't do that. You wait because it's it's like intrusive thoughts.

Speaker 3 (20:43):
You know.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
Wait, so Eric does to get intrusive thoughts, but about
other ship?

Speaker 3 (20:48):
God?

Speaker 2 (20:48):
So sorry? Does this? Does this? Does this ever happen
to you?

Speaker 3 (20:51):
Eric?

Speaker 2 (20:51):
With women?

Speaker 6 (20:53):
A little bit?

Speaker 1 (20:53):
Honestly, like it makes you want to like actually fucking
like your you're like your skin is crawling.

Speaker 6 (20:59):
No, I would say skin is crawling. I was just
I just think.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
About that's pulsating.

Speaker 6 (21:03):
Like it's just like with this person that I didn't
have any real connection with, I was like, why.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
Were they hot?

Speaker 1 (21:11):
Well, this doesn't feel as severe as what I'm Yeah,
it has a picture on pain.

Speaker 6 (21:14):
Now it's more like a yeah, it's like like a
guilt or like a disappointment in myself.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
Yeah yeah, I mine's not even there.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
I'm like I'm like, whatever, whatever I did, I did,
you know, But I'm not like sitting around like, oh, how.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
Did you do this? The memories are tainted now. The
memories are tainted.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
Well, the memories were never good. They were they weren't memories.
I was like holding in my heart. None of these
people good. Two people who's like, uh, like the two
people who's like yeah, well actually I was just I
was like basically like three of my like four like
main core boyfriends, don't they don't repulse me still yeah,
And the one I never really had sexual chemistry anyway,

(21:52):
but like he doesn't.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
I we're still like good friends, Like yeah, yeah, yeah,
it doesn't.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
Repulse yeah, but like yeah, it's just so fucking crazy.

Speaker 4 (21:59):
One of who's a good person, but him as a
person doesn't repulse me, but like, yeah, thinking back to
being intimate with him, I was thinking about the other
because I was driving through the neighbor his where he
used to live, because I was in Pennsylvania.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yeah, I was like I used to like hump them
in the hot tub. Yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
Like and sometimes it's because of like who they are are,
who they revealed themselves to be. But sometimes it's just
because you like the nasty like yeah, yeah, because like
just something about like the yeah, just you really below
the league.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
They're not. No, it's not even like some of them
like aren'tnastily.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
These are people that I was like, really wildly attracted
you at a time, right, and then just one day
I looked at them and it's like they fucking morphed
or Something's crazy.

Speaker 2 (22:41):
Yeah, isn't it crazy? It really looked different. It's Yeah.

Speaker 4 (22:44):
It reminds you of that moment when you're like when
when somebody like you can't be with that person and
for some reason, you just really want to when you're
attracted to them, and then whatever day, however long it takes,
the switch happens where you're like, oh, I don't want
to fuck them anymore.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
I don't want to be with them. And then you're like,
how did I want to?

Speaker 1 (22:59):
It's kind of like I masturbate every day, but every
time afterwards, I'm like, that was dumb, Like you know,
like you just kind of you're like your brain immediately shifts.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
So masculine immediately.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
Yeah, I actually like to sit in it for like
I don't, but I kind of like sit in because
it's the chemicals in the fucking vibe I've been lately,
Like I remember like reminiscing on the first boyfriend I
had who was filthy sexually. Oh I thought you meant
like no, and I was like, oh, we all have
a first job. Yeah, no, like just like a dirty whore,

(23:30):
ye Christopher. Yeah, oh wow, Christopher the worst person I've
ever dated.

Speaker 2 (23:35):
Well, that's why we're so good in bed, all so
good in bed.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
But I don't I don't want to spread that night
because I have fucked a lot of people who are
great in bed, who are also great people.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yeah, that's why I make that clear. That's good. Yeah,
the repulsion I felt it before for a couple x's. Uh,
it is weird.

Speaker 6 (23:48):
It is weird.

Speaker 4 (23:49):
Yeah, okay, so yeah, I came home to visit my brother,
and uh, my parents gave me back all the gifts
that I made them from childhood, and.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
They're really being very petty. I mean they're leaning. Gave
me back the.

Speaker 4 (24:03):
Rod Stewart autographed thing. It's a cheers Nancy. I'm gonna
bring it for the studio. Yeah, that's sick. I would
love a Rod Stewart autograph.

Speaker 3 (24:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
I'm like, damn, dude, my mother is behaving worse than
any ex I've ever had.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
And it's a freaking mom Like.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
I feel bad for your brother because now he's like
the middleman in this fucking weird breakup, like yeah, just yeah,
don't eat it to a good will if you don't mind,
I know that's what you do.

Speaker 7 (24:28):
Even like give it to me to throw out, you
know what you're doing, like to have an exes that
I like, like I hate, I just I just I'm
not gonna mail it back to them like a little baby, right, it's.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
Ruined, immature.

Speaker 4 (24:40):
I don't think I've ever done that to an except
just like and if it's something like valuable, just text
him and hey, do you want this?

Speaker 2 (24:45):
I want to make sure it doesn't get ruined or
destroyed if you don't. If you want it, it's.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
Yeah, no, I mean I think I said this on here,
but I I really have no problems with Frank, except
for I had given him like a poster and he
mailed it back to my dad's store.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
That's really And I remember that I will so fucking.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
Kill because it's also like, you know what what made
me mad about it? Because I knew it would upset
my dad, and it did upset my dad, and I
was like, I know it would upset my dad more
than me, and like I walked into my parents, I
walked down to the dinner table one night and the
conversation stopped and I go, well, what you guys were
obviously talking about me?

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Mom and Dad? What were you talking about?

Speaker 1 (25:23):
And then my mom was like, well, oh, Dad got
something at the store today.

Speaker 2 (25:27):
And I was like a mom, like what were we
talking like?

Speaker 1 (25:30):
And yeah, no, this this thing and I think it's
I think Frank send back a gift you gave him.
I was like, oh no, God, And I was just
like and I think they were also feeling so protective
of me.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
That's sweet, you know.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
Yeah, anyway, sorry, I'm used to it.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
I'm not. It's fucked up. And my hair, I guess
from when I was a kid. Gave you back your hair.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
She gave me back giant lock of my hair that stop,
and she gave me back all these Christmas work and
wait in nineteen ninety four, let's find a thing on
Etsy that makes hair into like key chains and sends
it back to her in the form of something out,
let's just keep doing it.

Speaker 2 (26:05):
Which I would. We'll keep repurposing it and then we'll
send it back to her.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
I would, And like, I like Rot Stewart thing, like
I really went, you know, I am gonna be so
happy to have it in the studio and here yeah,
and then this is kind of this actually relieved the tension,
even though it's super Cunsky's comical. Yeah yeah, but if
they have a sense of humor, and they were being
so so so so petty to the point where it
was funny, I was whatever problem with right, But there

(26:31):
was a framed tea towel I did not give my mother.

Speaker 2 (26:35):
I don't think my brother gave it to her either.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
I asked him, he said no, that said, omg, my
mother was right about everything.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
She got. That mead for you, mom, What the fuck
you doing?

Speaker 3 (26:47):
Dude? What?

Speaker 2 (26:48):
And my dad? All these gifts I gave to my
dad they like best dad ever.

Speaker 1 (26:51):
Shit, I'm like, God, damn, guys, that's so fucking low.
It's so low. But it's like wan, it reinforces my decisions,
and I'll speak to that.

Speaker 4 (27:00):
Of course, it's not making it exactly, so it makes
me actually feel like I am thankful for the inner piece,
this new found interpiece that I have every single day
since I stopped speaking them. But then I'll miss them,
you know, I'll miss like there were times where I
could think back to my child, and I remember the
good times, because of course there were good times.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
They just got overshadowed by the suicide attempts. But you
know it's starting to get them.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
Sending your mom articles about the suicide pods.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
Oh shit, fuck up? How much are they? We could
go fund one and have it delivered the house, Like dude,
I'm like, damn man.

Speaker 4 (27:43):
I knew that they were immature, and I knew that
they were stubborn and petty and like that.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
But like the gifts I gave you when I was
a kid.

Speaker 4 (27:50):
There was a Beyonce christmasweater that I've been missing so
much that she did get back to me that I
was very thankful for.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
I loved that sweater, and I was why did she
have it? Because I had a bedroom there that I
decorated with very expensive furniture that I shouldn't have done
it with, but I, you know, we were new money.

Speaker 4 (28:05):
So I've got this like thousand dollars beautiful dresser.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
Oh my god, so beautiful. I would kill to have.

Speaker 3 (28:11):
A back, just some movers, like when Rory.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
When Rory Gilmour moved out of.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
Her grandparents' house, she just sent friends to move out.

Speaker 1 (28:19):
True you can definitely do that, yeah, because it is
mine to buy buy it. But yeah, I had a
bedroom there with stuff in the closet and she said, like,
I guess she went to the bathroom all my shampoo,
my tampons that I like, wrapped tampon she sent you tampons. Yeah,
because there were tampons in the bathroom that I had
for when I was there, and she gave those back
to me.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
This woman's a while yeah man, yeah man, yeah man, yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
I was so's It's like they're asking you to It's
like they're trying to test how far they can push
you before you take your money out of the investment.

Speaker 3 (28:49):
I'm going to Yeah, I mean I've been trying to tell.

Speaker 4 (28:51):
You to do this for it a long time, and
you know what, I still even though they're being just awful,
it's just so fucking ridiculous. But uh, I don't want
to put them in a position where they have to
move out if they're not ready.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
I just don't.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
I don't feel like that because you know what, it's
gonna it's gonna eat at me.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
But they're seething at me. I'm gonna feel it, sure,
I'm gonna feel it homeless. They're just gonna live in
a smaller home.

Speaker 4 (29:13):
Which is because they don't need a four bedroom, three
bath beach house.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
They just don't. It's a beautiful home that I can't
go in.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
But yeah, I think I'm gonna have my my brother
buy me out, oh mortgage so I can get Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
Oh he was you he's willing to. Oh yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:31):
We talked about it lightly and then I was like, oh,
there's a solution where I'm not forcing my parents out
because I just don't want to.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
I don't want to deal with the flack.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
But yeah, I was like, damn, man, that was it
was intentionally cruel.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
Like when your parents do something that is intentionally cruel,
it's like, it's not the role of a parent, is
what it's not.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
I'll tell you it's a bully, Like you can you know,
there's just some things like in the dynamic that the
parent never.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
Should be engaging in.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
So like even if the child does petty like the parent,
I'm sorry, hosterize above, like that is part of the
relationship contract. In my opinion, this is just like unacceptable
behavior for a parent.

Speaker 4 (30:11):
Yeah, and there's I've I've witnessed so many parents of
children that are our age right, and the and the
kid will go like fuck you, I fucking hate you
ma or whatever, like acting like very rude, very disrespectful.

Speaker 2 (30:21):
And I've witnessed the parent go when you're ready to
talk to me in a calm way, mm hmm, call me.
I want to talk to you. And I'm like, wow,
a parent could still be loving when the kid's being
a cunt.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
That's wild, yeah, wild to create something and then and
then say you hate it or you know, and then
make its life more difficult to me.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
As like, what the fuck man, that's.

Speaker 4 (30:43):
Not Yeah, it's so, it's so wow, it's wild, it's wild.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
So yeah whatever, I'm free. So that's good.

Speaker 4 (30:53):
And hopefully i'll be a lot richer maybe about a year.
How long is it gonna take?

Speaker 1 (30:57):
But yeah, I know, I'm like, you got to get
that money back, that's yeah. Yeah, and it's appreciated a lot,
so that's cool. But you know, we'll see. But you
know who's not awful our guest. She's, in fact, the
exact opposite of that. She's so lovely.

Speaker 4 (31:14):
I learned so much about just communicating with partners, with
sexual partners and romantic partners through our conversations together.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
I think you're gonna love this interview.

Speaker 4 (31:22):
She's an award winning sex ed you tainer, speaker, and
self proclaimed dildo slinger. She's been known for her live
sex ed show Q and a show Sex at a
Go Go, and as a sexpert on the Netflix docu
series The Principles of Pleasure.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
Ladies and Gentlemen. Please welcome to the.

Speaker 5 (31:37):
Show, Dirty Lola. We are here with Dirty Lola. You
are a lot of you wear a lot of.

Speaker 4 (31:49):
Hats, sex educators, one of them so excited to have
somebody on the show. We haven't had somebody in a
minute that's like deals in like the sex space. Also
in your Instagram profile to a dildo slinger, Yes, what
does that mean?

Speaker 3 (32:02):
It's still dildo? Oh sweet sweet, I slang them, Yeah,
got it, kind of got it? Yeah? Do you?

Speaker 1 (32:08):
Dildos are so interesting the ones that are waited.

Speaker 4 (32:11):
Yes, because I use a vibrator. I'm a hatachi all day.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
Same same, I'm not. I've never gotten into dildo's Like
I own a couple.

Speaker 2 (32:22):
Yeah, I mean you have to own it. Every feel
like everybody does. Every woman owns a couple.

Speaker 3 (32:26):
For other people. Oh nice, but a couple for myself.
But I don't I've never gotten not well, no, historically,
I didn't get off through penetration until after forty I'm
turning forty three this summer.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
So that's a fun birthday present.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (32:42):
So like when I hit like thirty nine forty eight,
I think my current partner we were having sex and
we had been It was like one of those days
where you're just like little moments and then at one
point I'm like, what is going on? I was like
convulsing and he's like I I it feels like an orgasm.
Like He's like, it feels like what happens inside, And
I'm like it's something. It wasn't normal, like what I

(33:06):
normally experienced.

Speaker 2 (33:06):
I was like, oh shit, you can still discover new
things about it.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
You can wow. But it's like also, now I know
I still have to work for it. It doesn't just yeah,
it doesn't just come ye did. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
I have a couple of female friends that are like
they just the second penises and them they're like coming.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
I'm like, yeah, good for you, girl.

Speaker 3 (33:23):
Yeah that's not me. That just means their inner glitters
is like sh yeah, primed and ready.

Speaker 4 (33:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Dill does are. Yeah, I've tried. The
first time I ever sexted with a guy was not
that long ago.

Speaker 1 (33:34):
Uh, And I was like, I'm gonna send you a
video of me and a dildo and I'd never really
use one before, and I was like, this is weird.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
They're like, uh, it also manipulating it yourself. Yeah, can
feel weird. And I have short arm, right, so like
sometimes I'm like, ah, so I do have like a
really long it's mostly handle though.

Speaker 2 (33:53):
It's like like Dill does all handled.

Speaker 3 (33:55):
Yeah, because it's otherwise I wouldn't be able to do
the things.

Speaker 2 (33:58):
And they make suction they do. Those are kind of
cool if you suck, if you have a stool.

Speaker 3 (34:03):
Yeah, but when I'm alone, do I want to do
all them?

Speaker 2 (34:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (34:07):
I guess it's good for practice, but yeah, I always
I wish they made us well, I think they do.

Speaker 1 (34:12):
Probably probably too expensive. A male sex doll with an
erect penis.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
I like twenty it's like twenty thousand dollars. I looked, yeah,
remember yeah really, oh wait it's whatever.

Speaker 8 (34:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
I literally was like it looked looked sick. I was like, yeah,
but it's twenty thousand.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
Dollars they like look really real.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
Yeah, they're incredible.

Speaker 5 (34:31):
Nah.

Speaker 3 (34:31):
I would have puble name them and dress them up
and that's fun.

Speaker 1 (34:34):
I also like that you just made a statement. I
think every woman owns a couple of dil dos because
I literally the co host of the show.

Speaker 2 (34:40):
I don't own any dollars I've had.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
I've had them sent to me, but that I gave
them out, Yeah, because I did not have any personal
use for them. But as a sex educator, do you
do you think that most women own a dil do?
I would say most women own a vibrator. I know
I'm in the minority. I don't have any of these
things because again, I would get gifted so many of them,
Like I have one wrapped ready to give someone in

(35:02):
my apartment.

Speaker 2 (35:03):
Right now, but I will not use it yet. Like,
this isn't for me, It's just not. They make me seasick.

Speaker 3 (35:08):
I think a lot it depends on the demographic. Yeah,
the lesbians the dildos, but also a lot of people
think that that's how you come. A lot of people
think or or have started out with that thinking, so
they bought that first. Also, everybody calls everything a dildo, true,
Like they're like, I want a dildo, but I want

(35:29):
to vibrate. And I'm like, so you want to vibrate,
like clearly different. Do you want it for internal?

Speaker 1 (35:34):
No?

Speaker 3 (35:34):
I just want it for clatoral. I'm like, so it's
definitely not a dildo.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
Right, but I think I would.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
I think there's a swath of women who just own
a vibrator, but that they never owned anything else and
somehow either a friend gave it to them or they
finally realized they wanted to try it out. But they
don't own any other toys. So if you don't own
anything else, you probably don't own just a dildo. True,
And I think if you own some things, like you

(36:01):
have a small collection, may have one, may have one.
But mostly what we sell to people are vibrators and
then occasionally, I mean again demographic like what are you
using it for? Is it? But stuff? Are you peg?
I hate calling it pegging. It's just anile sex. You're
having anilesex where you're penetrating the man. You know, like
those things reasons, but it's rare I sell a dildo

(36:24):
to somebody who's like this is the primary ways because
now there's there's like rabbit toys. There's other penetrable vibrators. Yeah,
so it's like the two in one. So but but
they sell I mean, we do sell a lot of dildos,
it's just not the.

Speaker 4 (36:39):
It's not the main the main one. You have a
sex toy that you had partnered with called the Handy
that mimics a hand job.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
For a man. Yeah, it's interesting. So I boyfriends give
us a day.

Speaker 3 (36:54):
Yeah, I'm doing a summit. This actually is coming weekend,
but they gave me the training so I can make
sure I like understood the whole thing. And I get hype,
Like I get super excited if your products actually like
other I don't ever want to be inside that's cool.
But I'm like, oh god, and I'm like, do you
know what else we could do with this? Like I
was so excited because one, it's like a little machine.

(37:17):
It's it's not totally hands free. You still need to
hold it. They do have a version or like a
strap to kind of put it on your body to
make hands free the walk around right, or you could
like lay it, I guess somewhere. But it's like a
little unit. It's about the weight of a magic one.
It's like maybe a little a little bit heavier, not much,

(37:38):
and it has full range of motion up and down,
but it has a strap on it and the strap
straps to They have sleeves, which is just like the
soft squishy inside of like flashlights or other brands of strokers.
It's a soft squishy so it fits in there. But
I love it because they're like, oh, but you could
use this if you already own something you love, you
could just strap that in there.

Speaker 2 (37:59):
Okay, it'll work.

Speaker 3 (38:00):
And I get excited for people because I'm like, this
is a game like this, I think it one taking
things out out of your hands another pun but taking
it out of your hands helps to not acclimate your
brain to how you do things, because it's not that
the same thing goes with vibrators. It's not that you're
becoming to sensitize. Your brain is really smart and your

(38:21):
brain knows this is how become And when you aren't
using that way, your brain's like, why are we doing
it the hard way? You've already taught me the fast way,
So if you switch it up, your brain can't learn
that A to Z, it'll have to learn other letters.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
So we always tell people.

Speaker 3 (38:35):
Put condoms on. Try different toys. Sometimes just go old
fashion into your hand. But if you're going hands free
and you're not doing it like yourself, you can it
can change up, but it can go. It plugs in,
so it's like an old school message want it plugs
into the wall, and it can go like six hundred
chokes per minute, hundred. It's like it's like kind of mad.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
That's kind of hot. Hot to watch a guy.

Speaker 3 (39:02):
Yes, I love to watch my favorite plant.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
I watch porn a lot.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
My favorite part of the porn is when the guy
is coming, like when he's just like yeah, he's like exploded.

Speaker 3 (39:13):
And they're making noises. And my favorite has been the
so called straight man letting another man jerk him off.

Speaker 2 (39:20):
That porn is like what.

Speaker 3 (39:23):
Right right? Or and so this is it's fun. It's
fun to play with it. But I like it because
men people with penises don't often they kind of get
left out and everybody's like, it's so easy for you,
and it's like no, don't.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
Yeah, yeah, oh it's not easy to come.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
They struggle with stuff because it's mental sometimes some of
them and some I've I've had so many dates with
men who are like apologizing because they don't work as
them easily. Oh I apologize, but do they get hard upset? Apparently,
And I'm always like, hey, I'm good. I don't work
as them easy either. I love a I love a session. Yeah,

(40:00):
I love a Let's stop and have tea and come
back to it, like I don't need. But apparently, like
people get insulted. Interesting here is like a what I
don't or like hurt and I'm like, you gotta stop internalizing.
We don't.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeah, it's not personal.

Speaker 3 (40:14):
Yeah, especially if they upfront load like, hey, this is
how my body works.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
Yeah, that's always nice. Yeah, heads up.

Speaker 3 (40:20):
Like my current partner, the very first time we ever
hooked up, he was just like, so, just so you know,
it's probably not gonna have I'm just gonna focus on
you because I just He's like, I'm not even gonna
get hard. It's like now that I'm not turned on,
I'm just awkward and nervous. Okay, and until my body
knows you like that, He's like, but I am very

(40:41):
in here, and he was.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
I had a great time. Wow, very communicative man.

Speaker 3 (40:45):
He's a therapist.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
I was gonna say, I've.

Speaker 4 (40:49):
Never met a man that gives that much of a
genuine like this is the lay of the land before.

Speaker 3 (40:54):
But I appreciated it. It's amazing, great, And I still
had those little feelings of like and I was like, no,
he already he already explained it. Yeah, it's not it's
not you.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
Especially like if you're having that conversation before the clothes
even come off, you're like, okay, well this is right obviously,
like he wouldn't go through this to like light it in.

Speaker 4 (41:10):
Me right in a point as women, we know most
women understand like that sex is still very enjoyable even
if you don't come right. Yes, And I feel that
all the time, Like I don't have to come during sex.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
It's I still have a great time.

Speaker 3 (41:23):
I love the ramp up, like when we're together because
he lives in California, so I we go back and
forth when I'm with him. Sometimes I'm like, he's like,
do you want to I'm like no, like maybe day three,
Yeah that's hot because it feels great, but like day
three is going to be this explodes and it's gonna
be crazy because my body's like okay, okay, because I

(41:46):
could he'll get me there, like we've got methods like
we've got ways if he comes first, we have toys,
and you know he's gotten to know my body.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
But I'm like, no, don't do it.

Speaker 3 (41:57):
Let's just wait.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Have you ever dabbled in ton trick?

Speaker 3 (42:00):
I haven't because I have too much and not that
I'm not yucking anybody's young, but for my own self,
I think you have to be into it right, and
I would be giggling too much and laughing.

Speaker 2 (42:14):
There's a lot of staring at each other.

Speaker 3 (42:16):
Making noise, and when I had sex with people who
do it, and.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
Wait, what kind of noise can they make? One energy,
I don't want to do it.

Speaker 3 (42:27):
And the person that does that with me ever listens,
I do enjoy it with him, it's part of his right,
but I don't want.

Speaker 4 (42:37):
To do it, Okay, I guess I I the idea
of it was compelling to me because a couple of
times I'll have sex with my partner and I'll go
as slow as like I'm on top of them and
I will go as slow as I possibly can, and
it feels incredible. I'm so in like, I'm so present
when I go slow. So I guess I just assume associated.

Speaker 3 (42:58):
There's also that, but there's other there's like a lot
of it's a little too woo for me.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
Okay, I was gonna say, I was like, it's like
the spiritual part because it feels like you're like releasing
demons something.

Speaker 3 (43:08):
There's and it's not just a noise as anybody who's listening.
I'm not saying I know you do more than that.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
I know more than that.

Speaker 3 (43:14):
I don't have I don't want to. Just i've viewed it.
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, no, yeah, no, I'm
that's not my ministry. I'm good.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
Yeah, I think that's important to know, just like stuff
you're not into, it's like not like it repulses, it's
not for me.

Speaker 4 (43:30):
You ever had anything pitched to you by a sexual
partner that you were like.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
Nope, oh man, no I don't.

Speaker 1 (43:38):
I'm still waiting for someone who has done like fecal play.

Speaker 3 (43:42):
That's okay, nobody's ever pitched it. But that's because it's
a hard no.

Speaker 1 (43:45):
Right, because I know it exists, but I just I'm
I keep I keep asking.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
Keep bumping into porn about it, right, Like sometimes it'll
be nestled into whatever you're and I'm.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
Like, no, you should have poop in the title.

Speaker 3 (43:59):
I'm not, it's not my poop. I came around to
golden showers. I came around to that, like that used
to be in the same category, but then I was like, well,
not in my face, and if we were in the bath, okay.
And now I have whole scenarios built around this and
have done it, and I'm like, I like it in
this container, but I don't think there's ever a container

(44:21):
that that, right and not near my body, right, Yeah,
I don't want that. But I'm kind of like, I
don't know Mikey from the life commercials. Yeah, Uta Lolas,
she likes it. I will try anything. My fetish is
other people's fetishes. I get off when other people are

(44:44):
at their happiest. Like I painted a man with he
had a messy fetish and we were at a conference
and he had found me on fet life and he's like,
I have a messy fetish and I want somebody to
paint me to look like Santa Claus using dessert toppings.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
Get there.

Speaker 3 (45:05):
Actually, but you know what, But it wasn't about It
was just the joy, the pleasure it brought him. And
we didn't have sex at all.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
I was.

Speaker 3 (45:14):
He was well, and he was also gay, but his
partner was watching, and so I'm talking to him the
whole time and he's like, you're really good at this. Also,
how are you staying so clean? I'm like, I hate
being messy, so I can stay clean. But this brings
you so much joy that I am having such a
good time. And then he's like, I'm like, what's gonna
happen now? And he's like, oh, I'm gonna go wash

(45:34):
up and we're gonna fuck. And I was like, yeah,
so I got to facilitate. That's fun, and his partner
got to I got to be a part of like
a scenario and it was lovely. But for me, would
I want that? No? The only closest I've gotten to food,
I've been a dessert tray.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Oh on your body?

Speaker 3 (45:57):
Yeah, at an orgy, like all the people I know orgy. Yeah.
It was a bunch of people I know though, no strangers.
It was just like everybody was a friend and they
got to decorate me like a Sunday that's cool, and
then eat me without utensils. And then I was like,
before sex, I gotta go shower. I don't want to
use fection, but.

Speaker 4 (46:15):
Yeah, well, what's that life like to be on what's
I am?

Speaker 3 (46:21):
Not really back in the day, like when I started
what twenty eleven, twenty twelve, it was like this whole
new world because I was new to kink and I
hadn't really experimented, and you're reading about all these things
and people are talking and I had a dom and
so you're reading about other people's like journeys through submission.

(46:44):
But slowly you start realizing all the assholes are also there.
There's a lot of racism and maybe it's gotten better.
Fancy Feast wrote a whole article about it, like a
couple of years ago because it was just getting really bad.

Speaker 2 (46:58):
Yeah, yeah, like about that on grinder.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
So you would think these more niche apps would be better,
and somehow they're worse worse.

Speaker 3 (47:05):
Well, it's also because there's like there's race play, right,
and there's sure that's the kink is like playing with
I think for people of color. When you're playing doing
race play, you're playing with something you shouldn't like, which
is all about right, like we talk about non consensual
like non cons you know, sex and things like that,
where we know this isn't real we're building a container

(47:26):
to kind of get to explore in a taboo, but
we know it's not real. We know the person who's
doing things to us wouldn't really.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
Harm because if you thought that, you would never enjoy yourself.

Speaker 3 (47:36):
And it's still in this container and you understand consent
and all these things. When it comes to race play,
it's like being with a partner who you know would
never say these things or think these things. But there
are people who want to take that. So white people
who would do race play in the opinion that it
feels very like, why are you pursuing this because this
isn't taboo?

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Wait, there was white people on They still.

Speaker 3 (47:59):
Do, And like, I've been to some events where it's
like you just want to feeling about how it's portrayed.
Like I think it's different in a one on one.
I don't want to be at an event and you've
got black men lined up like on an auction block
and that's happened, you know, and that stuff feels really uncomfortable.
And like, again we talk about yucking yums, but I'm like,

(48:21):
how much of this is about sexual exploration and how
much is this about you getting to utilize the power
dynamic that steals with premacy in kink and then call
it kink and then tell people they can't tell you
not to do it. But also then the messages like
I've been called the inwords so many times on or
I want you to be my little inward or like that.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
Without any conversation about it.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
To you.

Speaker 4 (48:48):
It's like in jokes, like like we do stand up comedy,
like the butt, when the butt of the joke is
the perpetrator of the bad thing.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
It's not a funny joke.

Speaker 4 (48:56):
And it's like with kink, it's the whole point of
the power play is the person that usually not in
power gets to take control and they lead and they
go this is my idea. The person that's empower in
society takes that or like structurally empower.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
That's just racism, right, yeah, that's wild.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
And like people saying things like oh man, he's like
I you're gonna you're gonna come see me anyway because
you're that kind of in weird but like like like
I'm some kind of like I can't help myself and
I'm just like, sir, I'm gonna put you on the internet. Yes, yeah,
that was back in the day when I really on Twitter,
and I would just like put things on and talk
about what was happening because it was Yeah, it's your

(49:35):
experience trying to enjoy yourself, and you're like why why
does it have to be like that? So I'm not
on there as much. I put my events up there.
It's a really great resource if you were looking for
stuff to do, because everybody puts their events there.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
I don't event.

Speaker 3 (49:51):
Yeah, I don't really use it because it's supposed to
be like Facebook. I don't really use it.

Speaker 2 (49:55):
None of my friends I've been.

Speaker 4 (49:57):
On it, but like I like, I like Orgies. I
remember Orgie. I'm like, that's so, is that the type
of event that will be on Felt Life?

Speaker 3 (50:03):
It's everything Like I have my show that I do
and I put that on there, and it's like so
it's like sex positive events, sex at events, but also
kink munches and things, and it's divided up by your
zip code because it's wherever people post things.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
Kinkuches, munches, Yeah, munches, can you come to you?

Speaker 3 (50:23):
You pick, somebody picks a restaurant, whoever plans it, and
you're all just meeting each other and eating. You're not
doing anything kinky, but it's kind of like you get
to meet people in the community, Okay, especially if you're new,
like you just move to the area or you're exploring,
you can find like a munch and sometimes they're like

(50:44):
people will be specific, like it's for littles or it's
for you know whatever, but people will come, so that's nice.
Those are nice things. Other things I love about.

Speaker 2 (50:54):
Kink balancing the people that like make you feel better
about humanity.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
And then the disappointment and the boys and the awful
the racism that's gonna be so fucking disappointing.

Speaker 3 (51:03):
It's like the Internet anywhere else, it's like you have
to weed it out. So I'm just not I don't
actively participate like I used to on it.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
Do you have you ever been a field?

Speaker 3 (51:15):
Yes, I'm currently.

Speaker 2 (51:16):
Do you like that?

Speaker 6 (51:18):
No?

Speaker 3 (51:19):
Okay, want it to be is No, it's okay. It's
the app itself has just been a mess. Like they
I get notifications where they're telling me somebody liked me.
But I'm not paying for Majestic right now because I
refuse to pay for Majestic while it's buggy because I
used to. So they tell me when somebody likes me

(51:41):
that I can't see that person anyway, So they tell.

Speaker 2 (51:43):
Me like they're just baiting you.

Speaker 3 (51:45):
Right, But then when I have messages, I get no
notification that somebody has messaged me.

Speaker 2 (51:51):
Yeah you want to know, right, Well, I'm.

Speaker 3 (51:52):
Constantly having a check or people are disengaging because they've
messaged me and I'm not and it does it's not
even showing I have a notification when I open the
app until I get into it. So it's like, why, Yeah,
you haven't set up to notify me for stuff I
can't do anything about unless I pay, But you're not
telling me when somebody's messaging me, and then when I pay,
it's not like it's getting better. I want it. I

(52:15):
want that to be fixed.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (52:17):
Yeah, I've had multiple experiences that I will say like
and this is I guess there are there is there
a third app that's that's not fueled and not fet
life that you can arrange like a three way or
something like.

Speaker 2 (52:27):
Funds I mean anything. Yeah, every Instagram.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
I mean, all the dating apps. There's this fake wall.
People try to say like this is better for this,
but my experience has been the freaks were on okay Cupid,
Like good point I found a sugar daddy on Okay Cupid.
His profile is just like a regular regular I'm a
man in tech and little headshots and then he's like,

(52:52):
I want you to pretend you're my whore and I
want to pay you for sex. And I was like, okay,
that's fine, and he would take me out and then
you would pay me for a cab. I'm doing air
quotes and I'm like, six hundred dollars is a lot
for a cab, But thank you, sir, have a good night.

Speaker 1 (53:06):
Hell yeah, I'm gonna get on Okay Cube.

Speaker 2 (53:08):
But that sounds press sound was awesome.

Speaker 3 (53:10):
That was years ago. I don't even know if it's
still as fun because people migrate around. But that's the thing.
It's like some sites are more built for you to
be like the freak up front, yeah, but they all
end up being the same thing.

Speaker 1 (53:21):
If you can find anyone, like if they're yeah, if
they're gonna show who they are, they're gonna show.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Who they are for sure.

Speaker 4 (53:27):
It sucks because like, you know, the sexual space and
if you're kinky or if you're into like I don't know,
like adventure just being a little adventurous, which I think
most people are like at least curious about right, It's
such a vulnerable place. And we were talking about earlier,
like the kink, like like consent play. I had something
I did with a partner and it was so freeing.
It was so but it was because I trusted him.
If I had even one iota that he was getting

(53:50):
like some power thing from it, that was that didn't
make me feel I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself.
But my god, how enjoyable it is when you do
feel safe. But then when something happens like the race
is or just a part like a partner just being
I don't know, just something disappointing.

Speaker 2 (54:04):
Like that, it's like how do you bounce back?

Speaker 1 (54:07):
Because it's such a vulnerable space that's so special to
you and you don't want it tainted, But sometimes it
just Yeah, yeah, I think any time you're engaging with
people who are strangers, but you know, I might ultimately
become more like you're gonna open yourself up to that, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
Because there's just people, some people.

Speaker 3 (54:29):
Not in a good way. Yeah, Yeah, it's hard. I mean,
it's happened. I think I haven't been as active in
kink as I used to be mainly because like the
person I used to be very kinky with that just
dissolved in like not a great way, damn and so,
and I just haven't found anybody to be kinky with.
Like you gotta trust people, yea. And I like to

(54:51):
be hit like I like to be hurt. I need
to make sure you know how to hurt me, not
harm me. Ye, Like I love a Bruce, I don't
want you know, Sprain or a you know what?

Speaker 1 (55:06):
And so, how do you like? How do you how
do you engauge? How do you have that conversation with people?
I think especially like men have been Men have been
more hesitant to hit honestly, and I think, you know,
it's for a good reason. And I like that men
are thinking about what they're doing more.

Speaker 2 (55:24):
But then it like over corrected a little bit.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
So how do you how do you start that? I
like to be hit conversation these days?

Speaker 3 (55:32):
Usually it comes up somebody's like, what are you into?
And I just lay it out.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (55:38):
So I think it's just in my field profile right
now that I'm kinky. I don't know. I always try
to have it out like I'm I like sometimes men
thinks it's like I'm like, it's like a trick, so
I can be.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
Like, gotcha, bitch. Yeah, some men I've been with have
treated it like that, like but I won't hit you.

Speaker 3 (55:57):
I also have a vase filled with toys on my headboard,
so if you came back, I've got paddles, I've got
a couple of flogs, I've got crops, I've got kinds
of hitting implements, and I have them arrange like flowers,
but in a vase on so when you.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Come into my bo okay, so that's a nice little bouquet.

Speaker 3 (56:16):
You see, there's love and there's input impackaged toys. So
I have that and people are hesitant and like we can.
I'm not asking for you to like kick me in
the cunt and only went to do that and she
lives in Canada. Well no, but she does it hard
because I it was figured that out accident. It was

(56:38):
an accident. Yeah, well it wasn't an accident. She was
spanking me and I have a hard ass. And then
she was like I'm gonna punch you and I'm like okay,
and she's like that feels I'm like yeah, she's like
my arm's getting tired. She's like, can I kick you?
And I'm like okay, and then she goes, what if
I did a little scoop scoop and like kind of
also got her and I was like okay, and I

(57:01):
was like.

Speaker 1 (57:01):
This is.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
The boots. Interesting to have the boots, but it's like.

Speaker 3 (57:08):
You know what it's it was like the top of
the boot and the way and it was like expert,
but I wouldn't trust She's also a very good friend.
A good friend, I trust him, right yo?

Speaker 2 (57:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (57:20):
But yeah really, And so that's how it's like that
worked because I know she knows what she's doing. She's
also an educator. She's a kink educator.

Speaker 1 (57:30):
Seeing her work, I'm her friends the part, so I
feel like that I'm trusting at.

Speaker 3 (57:37):
Yeah, she's I know she knows what she's doing. I'm
not I've seen her resume, but with other people, so
there's I'm not ever asking people to do that. I'm like, oh,
I would love a spanking. You can start with hands
and I'll walk people through it, like hello educator hat
because I'm like, here's a here's a handy diagram. I
actually have one because I do have a class on it.

(57:57):
You need to die. You want to see where it's
good to hit. But I don't know when people are
feeling not like they want to do it. I don't
have to have that be a part of my sex.
I'm very good with, like I'm cool if you don't.
I love a rough moment. Don't I bruise like a
goddamn pair, like on my boobs in my upper I
have bruises right now from a man just squeezing my

(58:18):
arms and I saw them in the shower. I'm like,
what the fuck? What was that?

Speaker 1 (58:24):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (58:25):
Yeah, he was squeezing me and I send him picture.
She was like, I'm so certain. I'm like, no, I
love it, Like thank you, I love this. I love it.
It's gonna go away and I'll be sad about it.
So we have to see each other again so I
can take some level of that. And also I can
just do regular so I don't know how long will
last only doing vanilla sex, Like I gotta get a

(58:46):
little spice in there at some point. But if it's
not your tea, I don't want to make you do
a thing you don't feel comfortable, of course, and sometimes
it just means we don't vibe, like if you think
kink is weird. We're not gonna vibe.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (59:02):
I could never imagine having sex with somebody who made
a face, right, I'm like, oh, okay, different planets.

Speaker 3 (59:09):
I might want you to slap me and spit on me.
I just and and then later tell me I'm a
good little girl and rub my head while we cuddle.
I'm big on the mean first, your sour.

Speaker 2 (59:20):
Yeah, in the aftercare that's literally.

Speaker 3 (59:23):
Yeah, I'm like, be mean to me, really mean it,
and then be so nice.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
Yeah that's really nice. Yeah, that's great.

Speaker 3 (59:32):
That's how I explain it.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
And they're like what yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 4 (59:37):
Because when you're playing with like being treated in a
way that's still controlled in this container, which is really fun.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
It's like I kind of liken kink.

Speaker 4 (59:45):
It's going to sound fucked up, but when you were
a kid and you were just playing pretended nothing sexual,
but like you got lost in your imagination and you.

Speaker 2 (59:52):
Were on a high from how much fun.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
You were having, it is that same exact feeling, except
also you're wet, right, so f it's.

Speaker 3 (01:00:00):
A it's a whole other land, especially if somebody's there
with you and and you're really getting into it. Also,
this is not me in regular life. If a man
ever came at me sideways, I would beat your ass.
I am not. And people are like, oh, you're not
really a submissive. Oh I am not. Through the day,
you deserve to be submitted to. I don't if you

(01:00:22):
call yourself a dom. If I'm do I feel that
from you. That's a different story. You telling me your
dom is like okay, right, yeah, yeah, well and I
and I've had that, Like I've had friendships. My ex
husband used to get so mad because we had a friend,
a mutual friend, and he's like, whenever you're around him,
I can just see you fall into it. And I'm

(01:00:45):
like yeah, and he's like why And I'm like, because
when we're with him, he immediately it's like I know
where we're going. He's told us where we're going. I'm like,
I always have to make the plans with you. When
we hang out with him, I know where I'm going.
I had don't have to think about it. He leads
me there. I'm a brat with him and he actually

(01:01:06):
plays with me, like you get mad at me for
being bratty. He will and I will fight. I'm stubborn.
I will I get fucked up because I'm stubborn. And
like one time he was like, I'm gonna keep punching
you until you give him. I'm like, oh well, and
I had the hugest bruise and he's like, fuck you
win because I can't keep chuging you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
And I'm like, ha my.

Speaker 3 (01:01:27):
But I'm like it's just something about the energy. And
also I know we're taking care of like when we
hang out. Like one time I was out of town
in the city where he was and I was like, oh,
you want to do dinner while I'm in time. He's
like yeah. He's like, okay, I'm picking you up at
this time. I will be ready da da da. This
is where we're going. And I'm like great. And we

(01:01:48):
got to the place and he's like, we're ordering this.
I know you like all this, and you're gonna try
this because I'm wanting you to try this. And we
never we never had sex. We were very close friends.
It was I wanted, but no at the time it
was not. It was just like a very off limits
but we got to flirt in that space. But it
was just so I'm like, that's what I want to

(01:02:09):
find is somebody who can like wrangle me. I need
to be wrangled sometimes. And he understood when I was
not to be wrangled. He knew when I was wow,
when it was like, oh you're not. You need to
be in your in charge space right now.

Speaker 2 (01:02:21):
That's so beautiful when a man can read you.

Speaker 4 (01:02:23):
Yeah, it is gorgeous. Also, I love what you said
the inner brat. Some guys do bring out like the
inner brat in a good way.

Speaker 2 (01:02:30):
Yes, it's so fun.

Speaker 3 (01:02:33):
You so hard to wrestle you.

Speaker 4 (01:02:35):
Yeah, and guy like Dommy the best Dommy guys.

Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
I can always tell by the way they look at you.

Speaker 4 (01:02:40):
They just look at you like they have like a
Mona Lisa smile in a way and you're like, what.

Speaker 3 (01:02:45):
The fuck is They're not telling you. They don't say shit,
I'm a dumt okay, good for you, Like, yeah, I'm
a leo. What do we want to do? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
Hi, that's cool. And you were so you were saying
before we started recording, are you're but you?

Speaker 4 (01:03:01):
I was asking you about is there any topics I've
come up for you lately that you're like you want
to talk about, or you're excited about, or you just
trends You're noticing and one of them you said, which
we were like, yes, similar boat. Everyone thinks they're Polly,
or they call things Polly that's not actually polly.

Speaker 2 (01:03:14):
So could you speak a little bit more on that. Yes.

Speaker 3 (01:03:17):
So Number one, I blame the media because we keep
getting these articles written by non bi monogamous people sure
about about every yes, yeah, and or they're calling everything polyamory,
or they're compiling like an article like it was the
New York Times article what was it like maybe five

(01:03:37):
years ago, maybe six, It was a bit ago, and
a friend of mine was in it, and he has
this beautiful wide web of partners and the way it runs,
and I was so stoked because I'm like, this is
what people need to see. And they kind of got
relegated to this little like paragraph that not even really mentioned,
and they chose this picture that made them look like

(01:03:58):
they had been fighting, and it was literally just k
that's not staring. There were and I had seen all
the other pictures that they took for this article, and
they chose like the one that made it look like
they were unhappy. And then they you the main couple
they focused on in the article where people that were
like just starting out horribly and fighting, and I'm like,
why is every single article about polyamory or about any

(01:04:22):
kind of nominogamy focusing on these people who are just
dipping their toe into it, have not read any books,
have not taken any time to do anything except for go,
I found somebody, and I think I want to do this,
And then we wonder why it's crashing and burning. And
there's so many people having these fruitful, long lasting, beautiful
non monogamous relationships and showing the different types because there's polyamory,

(01:04:46):
but there's monogamoush there's swinging, there's you know, there's just open.
There's just different levels, and they boil everything down to polyamory.

Speaker 4 (01:04:55):
Yeah, and every single level of that of being a
somewhat open or anything other than monogamous.

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
So much thought, so much thoughtful communication.

Speaker 3 (01:05:02):
Yes you have to do homework. Yeah, you're opening up
your relationship. And I say this coming from a place
as a person who did not open their relationship up properly,
but did it at least slowly, like it was incremental
and it lasted for a while. And I've always been polyamorous.
I was living this life when I was in high school.

(01:05:23):
I wopped because I thought, Oh, it's just I'm just slutty.
I fell in love with this man. I also met
my ex husband when I was nineteen. Oh, we got
married very early. We were together for seventeen years.

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
Oh so beautiful.

Speaker 3 (01:05:33):
It's beautiful, I guess. And then thirty seven he's like,
peace out. I'm dumbe. He left me for his girlfriend
to go be monogamous. I mean they went to be
monogamous together. I know. It was the polyamory nightmares. Like
everybody's like, why what stops him from leaving? I'm like
the same thing. That doesn't stop anybody from siety.

Speaker 1 (01:05:49):
If the reason why you're in a monogamous relationship is
like for security, that to me is like the most discussed,
Like what part of it?

Speaker 2 (01:05:55):
Your a prisoner of love?

Speaker 3 (01:05:57):
I just literally left his wife and two kids and
ghosted her. They're married, had two kids, ghosted her. TikTok
found him, but he left her and started a new life,
not the one.

Speaker 2 (01:06:11):
Found They found him updates, Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:06:13):
Yeah, they found this dude was like, we got you.

Speaker 2 (01:06:17):
I'm so happy with two children.

Speaker 3 (01:06:20):
He was pregnant when he left, pregnant the second one
when he.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
Left, so he it's in my it's her post is
in my story. You can read it.

Speaker 3 (01:06:26):
The first one, the first kid was like too, yeah,
a toddler. Yeah, she was pregnant, and he like literally
just didn't come home one day because he didn't want
to do it anymore. He didn't want to be married
or a dad anymore. And he left and he he
left his restaurants, He closed his restaurant, boarded it up,
didn't pay his employees, so he ghosted his wife. He
got his business. Nobody could could find him, and all

(01:06:47):
she wanted. She's like, I want to find him so
I can divorce him, because if you don't, you have to,
like it's got I think you have.

Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
To wait certain money years certain many years ago, and then.

Speaker 3 (01:06:55):
You can put an ad in the paper to see
and if he never answers the ad, then they'll let
you divorce with out. But you have to, like, I
just want to be done. Exactly found him, TikTok found him,
and so like she's like thanks because she has an
address so she can serve him, so she can send
him to papers, because that's all she wants. She doesn't
want money, but he like left.

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
Her and he's with somebody else.

Speaker 3 (01:07:16):
I don't know if he's with anybody else. He just
he pieced out. So I'm like, that is somebody who
was married and kids. If we know, paperwork and babies
are not binding contracts, right, They're not going to keep
you next to somebody is not going to save you.
It's not going to save your marriage. And the same
way with like, opening my marriage gave me probably a

(01:07:38):
good solid seven years.

Speaker 2 (01:07:40):
Wow, we did it.

Speaker 3 (01:07:41):
Additional, we probably would have fallen apart a lot earlier
because I met him when I was young. We grew
up and I realized like, oh I am polyamorous and
I am kinky. I didn't get to explore in my
twenties because I was in a monogamous Martha Stewart at
home living life all. I mean, I was working, but
you know, like we were living like all our friends

(01:08:02):
are like single and we were still going out, but
we were living like that married people life age at
a at a young age. And then like I'm almost
hitting forty and I have to like start over.

Speaker 2 (01:08:14):
But I had already we had already opened up.

Speaker 3 (01:08:17):
But I was like, oh, if I hadn't opened up one,
I would be starting from square fucking one. I at
least left that relationship with my other relationship with my
current my current primary partner, main partner intact. I met
him while everything was unraveling, which is weird and weird strange,
but it's just like it's not It doesn't guarantee you anything, right,

(01:08:41):
and I wouldn't trade it, Like, this is who I am,
and for him it wasn't who he was. I always yeah,
I always said he was polygamous by circumstance. Yeah, And
I'm like, that's part of my sexual identity. That's how
I for myself. I'm not saying this for everybody, don't
write in but.

Speaker 2 (01:08:59):
But it makes you happy, it makes me happy.

Speaker 3 (01:09:00):
It's how I function. I don't know how to be monogamous.
I was bad at monogamy. I was good at it
while it was infatuated, because we all have the infatuation
in our That was like a good solid five years.
And then I had a mental breakdown because I'm like,
oh the fuck am i I'm not I was, I'm
queer and I was like, now I'm just living a
straight life. I could never announce young someone else's vagina.

Speaker 2 (01:09:22):
Again, like what Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:09:24):
And then you know but we did it. When we
did open, it was incremental. It started out with me going,
wouldn't you like, like, can we just go find a
girl together? And we're both awkward, queer woman, shy man,
not going to go through you. But it was good bonding.

Speaker 2 (01:09:38):
Yeah, it is good bonding. That's a surprise.

Speaker 1 (01:09:43):
The three ways when you go on the date together, yeah,
and your both you and your partner are like, I'm nervous.

Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
I hope she likes Yeah, it's so cute.

Speaker 3 (01:09:49):
And we never even got to the date park, but
we would go like, who do you like?

Speaker 2 (01:09:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:09:54):
And then we had We ended up having a foursome
that was like, that's fun. It was like New Year's
of twenty eleven. Yeah. And that was for him the like,
oh we could do this and like not implode And I'm.

Speaker 2 (01:10:05):
Like, right, you need to prove it to yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:10:08):
Yeah. And then it was a slow, slow, slow, and
I think I was getting to my happy spot and
for him he was not. And then he met his girlfriend.
He met his girlfriend through me because we were It's fine.

Speaker 2 (01:10:20):
Well it worked out because you weren't anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:10:22):
All the mess, all the things. I don't regret anything.
I would the I wish that he would have spoken
up sooner. The bad part was him letting it drag
on when he was done and then that's right, and
then saying he wasn't done, and it was he wanted
me to ask for the divorce. And I'm like, I'm

(01:10:43):
a masochist, and I was afraid to be alone because
I hadn't lived on my own sin I was a
nineteen right, So I'm like, I'm because I've been on
my own since I was sixteen, So I'm like.

Speaker 2 (01:10:51):
Are your own six sixteen?

Speaker 3 (01:10:52):
I got kicked out of the house, so I've been
a grown up for a very long wow.

Speaker 1 (01:10:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:10:56):
And I was like, had not lived as an adult soul.
So I'm like terrified of that, just everything, And I
thank him now. I'm like, you pulled the band aid off.
I would have never left you. We both would have
been continued to be miserable. And I'm glad you're happy,
and I'm glad you have what you want and you

(01:11:16):
have the life. I definitely am a much happier person
and I'm getting to live the life I want. And
also like, that's it's hard. I anybody. I have friends
who met in high school and are still together, and
every day I'm like, y'all are so lucky that you
grew up at the same rate and that you were
the same kind of person, because if you're.

Speaker 4 (01:11:33):
Not, and it's pure lucky too, yeah, pure like you
from the same town, of similar circumstances and completely different
mental tra directory are all different.

Speaker 3 (01:11:42):
Yeah different, but it's you know, and now I'm happy.
But I'm dating here, and.

Speaker 2 (01:11:47):
It's not easy dating.

Speaker 3 (01:11:48):
From everything, even if you're honest, open, it's so hard
getting dudes to just like, I don't know, act right, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:11:58):
Yeah, yeah, for sure. And it's easy to get it's
easy to lose.

Speaker 1 (01:12:02):
Your your it's easy to lose hope, and it's easy
to lose Like when I was dating around, I'll getting
these positions where I'm like, I mean, I don't like
I didn't like feeling like this, but I'm like, I.

Speaker 2 (01:12:11):
Fucking hate men, Yeah, I hate them. I don't like
like and I would see a man I'm like, I
hate you. I'm like, that's not good. That's not good.
To generalize a genous it's not.

Speaker 3 (01:12:22):
And also I've had some I mean, for me, it's
been This is where we started talking about the you're
not really polyamorous. It's all these men who are putting
I'm Polly in their dating profile and we start dating one.
It's been a lot of divorced men in their forties.
I don't know why I've been pulling that demographic, but
like in their forties fifties, I love an older man,

(01:12:44):
but now I've aged out because now I'm like, they're.

Speaker 2 (01:12:46):
Like, no older man's eighty or something, right, well.

Speaker 3 (01:12:49):
For them, the other they're like fifty, Yeah, you're forty.
You're too close to me. Yeah, But it's like they
put that, but what they're looking for is not at
all polyamory. They're like looking, they want to date and
they don't want to have strings attached. I'm like, yeah,
that's dating though dating is you're not we're not making
a commitment. You can date so many people until you

(01:13:11):
say to somebody, I only want to see you. So
but that's not polyamory.

Speaker 1 (01:13:16):
It's just dating keeping you. But it's also keeping the
person hanging. If you're just dating for.

Speaker 2 (01:13:19):
Eight months, like what is that? Where is that going?

Speaker 3 (01:13:21):
But it's fine if that's what we're and if you
tell me we're doing this person who I'm still smitting
over and I knew it was coming, and it was like,
this is what I get. I knew he was monogamous,
but he was like, I'm looking to explore and I've
had gotten out of relationship and I was like, okay,
I'm down really great sex.

Speaker 2 (01:13:37):
Oh God, that's like I could tell.

Speaker 3 (01:13:41):
I still think about it, man, Yeah, talk of Okay,
we're talking about tantra. Yeah, we had it was a
lot of that was the first time I experienced like
energetic sex. But I'm like, your orgasm is making my
orgasm lasts longer and this body stuff, and sometimes I wasn't.
He would just be doing things to me and he
would have an orgasm and just not even being inside me,

(01:14:01):
and I'm like, what are we doing? I love this? Okay.
Then he was so sweet and he was like, hey,
I am reconnecting with an X, and I don't want
to keep stringing you along while I'm fringing this out.
But I know we're going to want to be monogamous.

Speaker 2 (01:14:15):
Men love reconnecting with an X.

Speaker 1 (01:14:16):
There's a couple there's a list that love and not
dumping you and reconnecting with the X.

Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
Or top two fits pushing you to dump them but he.

Speaker 3 (01:14:26):
Was really lovely about it. I'm glad he didn't drag
it on like the moment I think he realized like,
oh I'm a rare man, and he was super sweet
about it, and he's just like you were the best
part of my year, and like, thank you. I'm so
glad I met you, and I hope our connection doesn't
have to end. And I thought they love to say
they want to be your friend, and I was like,
he's not, that's not for real. But he checked on
me like he was, and he sent me like Merry

(01:14:49):
Christmas and happy and whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:14:51):
And that frustrate you. Though I'll probably be frustrate.

Speaker 3 (01:14:54):
I wanted to be mad at him, but it was
kind about it, and it's just like how are you doing?
How are you f feeling? And he really was upset
that I was going to be upset, but it was
just like, but that happens, right, And I knew it,
Like I said, this is not your fault, it's or
my fault. It's you were monogamous, and I'm not sure
I would why I want to be folded into your life.

(01:15:16):
It's not how you do things. And I knew that
going in and I just thought I could buy more time.
I did not that I thought I would convert him,
because I didn't think that at all. I just thought
I would have longer before he would roll into like
I found somebody or I'm back with my ex. Sure.
But then we've been chatting, like I he is an
artist and so I follow him. We follow each other,

(01:15:36):
and he sends me jokes sometimes and I was like, oh,
what are you making? Because I saw him post a
thing and we're talking and he's like, oh, yeah, like
I tried new technique. He's a glass flower and so
he's like, oh, I'm thinking about making dildos. Remember we
talked about that, and I'm like yeah, He's like I
would love to collab. I'm like I would love that,
and he goes yeah, because you know we already know
we work well together winky face. And I'm like you, okay, yeah,

(01:15:57):
it was funny. I know, I know, but i'd I
do like that he's actually being the person he said
he's gonna be, and he is a really lovely man,
and I like having conversations with him. I can like
I'll get over him one days. Yeah. This is the
pratfalls of being polyamorous. Is I do fall in love
with people?

Speaker 8 (01:16:15):
Yeah, Now does it take away like I have a
friend who's who's I would say.

Speaker 4 (01:16:27):
Polly, it's more she has a primary partner, but then
she'll have sexual relationships and then I think she fell
for one person and that person ended up revealing themselves
to be like just a huge piece of shit, like
narcissistic but so charming and really kinky and whatever, and
like she was heartbroken while like sitting next to her
primary partner on the couch and they have a thing

(01:16:48):
where they don't talk about it, that's one of their rules.
I'm like, that's gonna be such a strange experience to
be going through a heartache while your husband's.

Speaker 2 (01:16:55):
Next to you. Sure, what is that one of the most.

Speaker 3 (01:17:00):
If there was a feeling of the world being created,
it has to be what happens when your heart is
breaking and you're falling in love and love deeply at
the same time, because I we are and it feels
so fucked up, Like.

Speaker 2 (01:17:13):
Your heart's got to be the most open it'll ever be.

Speaker 3 (01:17:15):
It is the most It's like I can't even describe
it because my marriage was falling apart when my partner
current came into my life hate saying current, he's not
going anywhere. I'm not letting him, so you're staying here.
And he's not even that we don't do hierarchical. He's
like my main he's my main man. Yeah. But he

(01:17:36):
was coming in and I was already like, ohm, in
your long distance, I don't know if I want to
do this. And then the divorce started happening, the stuff
falling apart, and I was like, I don't want to
do this to you because I'm a mess, I am
a wound. I don't know if I can be kind
to you. I don't know. I don't know if I
can be the person that I need to be to
be in a relationship and be respectful. Yeah, And he's like, no, I.

Speaker 2 (01:17:58):
That communication is so beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:17:59):
I would be like, yeah again, it's okay, you're so
emotionally diligent.

Speaker 3 (01:18:03):
I'm you know, And well it also helps having somebody
like him to I've gotten so much better at like
how I communicate because I'm talking to somebody who has
a good communication toolbox. So I'm less reactive because he's
not doing shit to make me right, right, So I was.
I remember having that talk with him, and he's like,

(01:18:23):
I'm here if you want to. I want to be
with you through. I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere.
I know where you are. I understand what you're saying,
but I want to support you anyway I can.

Speaker 1 (01:18:34):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (01:18:34):
And I was actually starting a tour. Uh that year's
like my excess for the divorce. I'm falling in love
weird and I have to go on tour. And I'm like,
so I call him because I have to go to Canada.
And I was going to this conference and I was
doing like three workshops, a podcast recording, and a live show,

(01:18:56):
and I'm like, I'm gonna I'm gonna die, Like I'm
I don't know how I'm gonna make it because I'm
so you know, your your brain is just yeah, it's slighty,
it's your everything's ef. You're in a fog. So I
text him, I'm like, hey, I have the hotel room.
They covered everything, and I have a ticket. Would you
want to come? I need I need support and I
would just love to see you and I just need

(01:19:16):
to be with somebody. I need human touch, right, And
he's like, I'm on the plane. I got you. Wow,
And he came to Canada, and it was he just
saved me because he was like, drink water. I wasn't eat,
you know, I eating, I'm going through stuff, but being
with somebody who just was like, I want to hold you.
And that was my first time ever had an orgasm
during penetrative sex.

Speaker 2 (01:19:35):
Oh, because I was got to your heart. Well he did.

Speaker 3 (01:19:38):
He was just so good with me and it was
no expectations. He was just there. He like held my purse,
he liketally like I forgot my notes and he's like,
I got you don't worry about it. And he's like
I got. He's like had my schedule and he's like
you're not going You're going here now because I was
so a mess. He was just there, Wow, I'm going
to get you food. Well, when you come out of

(01:19:59):
this thing, food will be there. And I hadn't been
taking care of like that, not even with my ex husband,
because I was always the terror and it wasn't an
equal and I had So I'm getting this stuff that
I've wanted for seventeen years and have never gotten and
this person is just doing these things and it's like

(01:20:19):
it felt like a super nova in my body, like
it was just I'm in tears and then I have
to have to leave you and go back because I
had to live.

Speaker 2 (01:20:28):
With my ex for a year. Whoa with them for you?

Speaker 3 (01:20:31):
We had two beds like Burton Ernie, I had two
full beds in that New York apartment. Like that's what
it was like. Because we I was like, I can't
sleep in this bed with you anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:20:44):
You're done.

Speaker 3 (01:20:44):
You didn't have money to move out. I'm like, I
need the year.

Speaker 2 (01:20:47):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:20:47):
It's hard because it was also like sudden. It wasn't like, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:20:51):
That's happened right.

Speaker 3 (01:20:53):
Well.

Speaker 4 (01:20:53):
It's interesting, like Karent has talked about on the podcast
for like you know, like in straight relationships, like a
lot of times all of fe male partner wants is
just support and help, and like if you could think
of head induce the littlest thing to a woman means
so much. If you know my favorite snack and you
put it on the counter as I'm leaving, all that
means so much. So it's really interesting how your body

(01:21:17):
physically reacted to the sex and be that way.

Speaker 2 (01:21:20):
For the first time because he was like you felt safe.

Speaker 3 (01:21:23):
Yeah, he's getting railed because he's an Easter gift. Yeah,
and he knows I like I'm weird. I like Easter
baskets and stuff and set me like a box full
of grass and like fun socks and like fancy one
fancy candy thing because I'm trying to eat less candy.
But I'm like, if it's gonna be candy, yeah, make

(01:21:44):
a good candy. And just like I like bananas, I'm
allergic to bananas, so like banana things.

Speaker 2 (01:21:49):
Okay, So he just.

Speaker 3 (01:21:51):
Sent me all this and it's like, oh, you know me, listen,
you listen. But also I didn't expect it. And he's like,
did you get a box? And I'm like, no, I
didn't check because I don't check. If I don't know
I'm getting anything. It's like go check, you you have it,
it's there. And it was like the sweetest thing.

Speaker 2 (01:22:06):
The thoughtfulness. Yeah, it doesn't Actually, it's not like all
you have to do is pay attention to what I
say and then remember it later. Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 3 (01:22:13):
It's the same thing we do. Yeah, it's the same.

Speaker 1 (01:22:15):
Well, women show up for each other like that all
the time. I mean, even like I'm just thinking of
like I mean, Christina, does that you show up for
me aut like that all the time. And then I
was thinking of like recently I was in DC performing
and like the kitchen clothed early before I was on stage,
and so I didn't get to eat dinner. And I
came off stage and Chloe, who features for me, she
had like found a vegan restaurant and got me like

(01:22:37):
a vegan burger, which is like hard to get on
the road, and like had it waiting for me, and
I'm like I almost cried, so say, this is so nice,
like just just to put in like the thinking of
that be like she didn't have this thing, I know
she needs this, and then go above and beyond for
like my weird eating habits like we did do those.

Speaker 3 (01:22:58):
Yeah, friends same, I have olfriends. Sure Like during COVID
people got I was like okay, I got your I'm
like go outside and she's like why, I'm like just
open the door. And I had sent her. I was
like here's everything, whatever you needed, and she's done the same,
and like we doings. We try to like what do

(01:23:20):
you need?

Speaker 2 (01:23:21):
Yeah, what do you what you might you want?

Speaker 3 (01:23:23):
But also cataloging what like oh I remember you, this
is a thing about you that you. Yeah, So having
a man do that and it's possible gave me hope
for men because I'm like, oh, these men exist. They
don't get enough play, they get.

Speaker 2 (01:23:41):
Enough like you know, woo woo.

Speaker 3 (01:23:43):
Right, and and he doesn't. It's not like he's like
this isn't special. I'm being a partner to my partner
who does these things for me. We are and sometimes
I have to remember to be like that for him,
right yeah, move far away. And sometimes I'm like, oh,
I don't always have the cash or whatever to send
him things, but I'm like, oh, yeah, he loves seeing

(01:24:04):
my outfit of the day and that's cute, like, so
I have to make sure he really He's like, I
didn't get to see your outfit. I forgot. He's like
that's okay, And I'm like, I'm gonna remember next time.

Speaker 2 (01:24:15):
I'm gonna remember.

Speaker 3 (01:24:16):
And he sends me songs, so I try to remember,
like anything that reminds me of him, I'll send him
because he really appreciates those things. Yeah, he also has
so much. He's king of compersion, and I wish I
could be at his level. But I love dishing with
him because he will sometimes I have to go it's
too new for me to share with you right now.
Because he gets so excited.

Speaker 2 (01:24:36):
He's like, I'm so excity for you.

Speaker 3 (01:24:38):
I'm like, calm down, I want on one date.

Speaker 2 (01:24:41):
So I'm so exciting. It's great, it's great. So that's
like I got to use that as a title for something.
It's so good jacket for it.

Speaker 1 (01:24:49):
Yes, but does it make dating and those like disappointments
that you you will come across, uh, dating, especially in New
York City, with the whether it's the sexual or romantic,
like a little less, like the blows are a little
less because you have at least one partner that's like this,
that's gonna be such an amazing.

Speaker 3 (01:25:07):
I think for me at least, it quiets the voice
because as a black woman, as a fat black woman,
and somebody who's historically not felt cute, that voice is
always like, oh, it's because you're not hot or you
don't have it. And so it was like, you have
a partner.

Speaker 2 (01:25:23):
Shut the fuck up, who loves.

Speaker 3 (01:25:25):
You, right, And so that is the other voice. It's
like shut up, like we we have love, Like that's
you know, amazing. And someone who also besides that love
thinks for fucking smoking so even when I don't feel
that way, I am reminded. Yeah, And so that quiets
that part of it. I don't think it always makes
it better. Like the first person that I had dated

(01:25:47):
here after moving out and being on my own, and
it really felt like, oh, I'm gonna have a partner
here too, because everybody, nobody's been a partner it it's
just been people have been dating. Nobody's moved into that
this person had been. It was like we met during lockdown,
like and our first date was in a CVS because

(01:26:07):
it was we.

Speaker 2 (01:26:09):
Were gonna actually.

Speaker 1 (01:26:11):
You both have your masks amazing. The carpet is so comforted.

Speaker 3 (01:26:16):
It had been warm, it had been weirdly warm, and
I live in Conyllen, so I was like, you want
to And then it was freezing the day of the
date and he didn't want to call it off, and
so we're outside, hands and pockets are mask on. He's like,
I'm like, do you like drug stores? He's like, are
you being funny? And I'm like no, He's like, I
fucking love. I'm like, na, are you being funny? He's

(01:26:36):
like no. I'm like, dude, there's a really good CVS
in the corner. It's like a good CVS. We spent
like an hour and we shopped. I needed to shop,
he needed to shop. So we were talking and buying
things and at one point somebody who worked are y'all
on a date. I was so cute having a thing.
And then after we got coffee and then fat in
his car with the windows rolled down.

Speaker 2 (01:26:58):
Because that sounds like a It was an amazing.

Speaker 3 (01:27:01):
Date and we were. We dated for a while. It
was really lovely. He ended up being a jerk and
he broke up with me to be or he just
broke up because it was too good.

Speaker 2 (01:27:12):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:27:12):
He broke by his inauguration came around and he like
broke up with me the next day because he said
it was like I don't know that it felt it worked.

Speaker 2 (01:27:23):
I want to know.

Speaker 3 (01:27:24):
He was like what he had told me, he didn't
want things, he didn't move too fast, and I was like,
that's fine. But then he invited me to like he's like,
I cleared out a drawer for you because you're here.
I was, I would come Sunday night and leave Monday.
He's a little love bomber. He likes stop part of
it right, And I was like, hmmm, I don't think
I'm bringing anything because that feels like the thing you
don't really want, and forever I didn't do it, and

(01:27:45):
you always have to bring this big bag. He's like,
just bring some toilet, like keep some stuff here. You
don't always have to like at least bring your toiletrees
and I was like, okay, literally put that thing together.
And he broke up with me. So I had this
toilet true bag full of stuff that and then we're
we He was like, I want to stay friends, all right, sir.

(01:28:08):
So then I didn't. I kind of was like okay,
let's see and we a little bit back and forth.
And then my birthday came and I had to work
that day and I was going to take myself to
see the Anthony Bourdaine documentary because I loved Anthony, and
I realized like, oh, maybe I shouldn't be alone because
I'm going to be a mess. And I had called him.
I was like, hey, it's my birthday and I got

(01:28:29):
tickets for this movie and I don't want to go alone.
Do you want to go with me? And he was
like I would love that, and I'm like, this will
be a great friend activity we go movies, great, we're
both crying, we get something, we go for a drink
after and then we're sitting in his car and we're
talking and I don't know, I felt it. I could
feel it in my body because he had said yes
too quickly. He asked me to date him again, and

(01:28:51):
I was like, I said yes because I'm stupid. But
I said, well, I'm just intriguing though, right Well, I
was just like what brought this on? And he goes, well,
I realized I didn't need to be up with you,
and that like it was silly and we could have
just taken a step back, and like I missed hanging
out with you. But I I was like, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:29:08):
Did someone re emerge then it didn't work out with
him or something that full?

Speaker 4 (01:29:13):
Sometimes sometimes people don't like when it's too good, right,
that's also true.

Speaker 3 (01:29:17):
So I was like, okay, So we stepped back into it.
We're dating for a while, and then I got chosen
to do the Sex Diaries on HBO and they were like,
who of your partners, who of your people would want
to be in it? So I called my main partner
and I called him and I'm just like, you don't
have to do it. I'm just asking and he was
so enthusiastic, like through the roof enthusiastic about this, and

(01:29:39):
I was like, are you sure, because you freak out
a little bit. He was a children's performer, like he
did Bubbles for kids and stuff so well, but he
got so excited. So we did it and the and
he also had me and where my partners by, so
they were all, we're gonna have a threesome. And then
he agreed to let them film it, not the sex part,

(01:30:01):
but like us all meeting, and they did and it
all went great, and he freaked the fuck out while
they were still filming, and he also met a twenty
five year old So I get this breakup, Noe, I
go away and I come back.

Speaker 2 (01:30:12):
Even the Bubbles guy.

Speaker 3 (01:30:15):
I'm in Albuquerque filming part of filming because it was
like we did video diary for it. So I'll sing
another lover and some friends and filming things and he's
like when are you coming back? And I'm like soon,
I'll be back. He's like, Okay, we're supposed to have
a date. He cancels the date. He tells me he's
not feeling well, and he's like but I'll call you
when you get home. And I'm like, because he never
calls me, like that's weird. And I get home and

(01:30:38):
he's just like, I know I'm a jerk. And I said,
I wouldn't do this to you, but what am I
supposed to do? She doesn't want me to date other people.
And he had already had his freak out about the show,
like he didn't finish filming. He didn't. He wouldn't even
answer them to find out he'd already signed the contract.

Speaker 2 (01:30:57):
But doesn't know him. But they were super.

Speaker 3 (01:30:59):
Respectful and they were like trying to find out if
he would if they were like, if you don't want
to be a part of it, will take you out.
He would not answer them, so the contract stood right,
so and I couldn't contact him at this point because
now whatever so a mess. So then he breaks up
with me, but I was still filming, so I talk
about it. Yeah, So in the sex starts you see

(01:31:22):
all those things and then she's like, he broke up
with me. This dirt back like, and I'm like, why
would you break up with me? I'm still filming.

Speaker 2 (01:31:28):
That's so.

Speaker 3 (01:31:30):
It's on HBO.

Speaker 2 (01:31:34):
Where it belongs, but it was how old was he?

Speaker 3 (01:31:37):
And he was fifth almost fifties, right, So that's and
that's my thing, is like the even if you're being
honest and I'm not asking for long term, I'm not.
I'm like, I I want a companion. I want to
spend time with somebody sometimes because I'm busy. I'm busy
as fuck. Y'all know, you know I'm busy. I want

(01:31:59):
to I go to cool stuff and I would like
to have a date sometimes and I want somebody I
can call me, like you want to go this thing? Yeah,
because I hate doing that with the dead boys because
you're like, they don't deserve it. They don't deserve it,
and they don't get back to you and then you
and then I'm like, why am I doing.

Speaker 2 (01:32:13):
To invite you?

Speaker 3 (01:32:14):
Am I treating you to this?

Speaker 2 (01:32:15):
Exactly?

Speaker 3 (01:32:16):
This caveat?

Speaker 2 (01:32:17):
Yes, giving me cavity.

Speaker 1 (01:32:19):
That's why I just started bringing like friends and stuff.
I don't even ask. I just like ask friends who
are deserving.

Speaker 3 (01:32:24):
Sometimes it's like a sex party and I want yeah,
you know, I want to bring a penis with I
got it plus one.

Speaker 2 (01:32:31):
Mine's like mind's like a movie screening, yeah, yeah, no,
those fun things.

Speaker 3 (01:32:35):
I'll call friends, those will call friends. But when it's
like fun, sexy thing, yeah, a little flirty, yeah, I
want to think. So that has been and I tell
people that, I'm like, I'm not trying to be your girlfriend.
I'm also open to whatever happens, but I'm not trying
to be a girlfriend. I want something steady and constant,
open communication about what we're looking for. Fold me into

(01:32:56):
your life or folded into mine. And they're always like,
am I going to meet your other person? And I'm
like not. My sister didn't meet my partner until one
because of distance, but two I don't. I'm like, I
don't let people meet my family, my blood family, and
then I don't let people meet my Polly family. And
then when I was like, we're in this okay now,
and I felt good about it, and we had Christmas

(01:33:17):
together and everybody loves each other. It's one It's been
six years, so it was like it was time. But
I'm not letting some rando eat my poly family. For sure. No,
you didn't earn that, and like why would you? Yeah,
it's like no, I need to protect them. I'm very
mama bear about this.

Speaker 4 (01:33:34):
He's nice to have your area the area is separate, Like,
it's just nice something I'm learning as I get older.
I'm like, oh, it is kind of nice to have,
Like this is boyfriend time, this is family, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:33:43):
Yeah, yeah, I wanted separate, but yeah, and I mean,
I'm I'm I'm trying. The most steady thing is the first.
It's like the fuck boy in my life. He gets
mad if he listens to this. He'll be like, why
do you always you are? You don't like literally? And
then he has ADHD, and I'm like, I know you
object criminals is a problem for people with ADHD.

Speaker 2 (01:34:05):
Yeah, I will give you that, but try to be better. Better.
I also have Their's therapeutic method employed.

Speaker 3 (01:34:12):
But he remembers me when I post about having a
date with someone else on Instagram, of course, and so
ill and so I called him out on it this
last time because he was like he doesn't even say hey,
He'll go where are you?

Speaker 1 (01:34:27):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:34:28):
Where are you?

Speaker 2 (01:34:29):
Text?

Speaker 3 (01:34:30):
I want to thank you, and I'm like, I'm home.
It's two thirty in the afternoon. I'm home, and I
have my period and I'm working right now, so.

Speaker 2 (01:34:38):
I can't come out of the gates, cap bro, you can't.

Speaker 3 (01:34:40):
Come over right now, and I'm like, I will be
closer to you next weekend because I'm kat saying I'll
be in a neighborhood closer. Let's let's like convene then.
And then I thought about it and I was like,
did you text me because you you read about me
sucking dick on Instagram? Did that remind you I? I existed?
And he wrote lol, And I'm like, I'll take that. Yes,

(01:35:00):
it's funny. But he's like, oh you don't. He's like,
why don't you ever hook me?

Speaker 2 (01:35:06):
Hook you hug? Because I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:35:09):
I only pat him on the bat. I mean, like,
no picture boy, if you don't get hug, I just
we're not We're I don't feel emotionally connected. I know
nothing about him. I know his job, I know they
he lives in. Yeah, I know his living situation and
what he always has to come to my house.

Speaker 2 (01:35:29):
I don't know anything about.

Speaker 1 (01:35:30):
I mean, that sounds like a real boy, and sometimes
it's going to come to my house and it's fine.

Speaker 2 (01:35:34):
It's like I don't really want to know more than that.

Speaker 3 (01:35:36):
Well, and I said, I've known you four years. I
am the queen of keeping somebody in my life. To
fuck around with. Like I got a dude running ten
years strong. Wow, yeahs in and out whatever. We just
you know, but I am same. I was like, you know,
we don't really he just came to my house. It
was the first time we had been in each other's

(01:35:59):
personal space.

Speaker 1 (01:36:00):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (01:36:00):
And because we would always meet at hotels and things,
that was always that was always our adventure. And he's like,
I just want to get to know more about you.
And I'm like, this is fun. I really do like
hanging out with you, and I wouldn't mind it. And
but I'm like at least he's like, hey, I'm realizing,
like we've had this bond and we know very little
about each other. I want to fix that. This other
dude is just like I said, you know, I don't
really really know anything about you. And he's just like,

(01:36:21):
hmm so this movie and I was like okay, okay, yeah,
but I was like the hug thing because it was
also Christmas, I am incited him and I felt bad
and I'm like, hey, I'm having people over, not to fuck.
We're all bringing snacks and snacks to the round table.
We're gonna get high, and we're gonna like be alone

(01:36:44):
on Christmas together. You were welcome to come, and you
were welcome to spend the night, but not if you
don't come when everybody else is here. Not inviting you
here for sex, I'm inviting you here to not be alone.
And he actually showed up and he bought a snack
you wrought. It was nice. He helped me clean up
that nice after we cleaned, and he like hugged me.

(01:37:06):
And he's like, you hugged me real.

Speaker 2 (01:37:10):
Bad yet, you know, And I get it.

Speaker 3 (01:37:12):
Yeah, that's like people get touch starved.

Speaker 1 (01:37:15):
Sure, Yeah, a lot of a lot of sex workers
that I've talked to, they're like, yeah, sometimes guys just
want to talk, yes, just want me to sit next
to them while I talk to me.

Speaker 2 (01:37:23):
I'm like, this is why.

Speaker 3 (01:37:24):
Professional cuddling exists, right, people are so touch starved. I realized.
Sometimes I'm like I haven't hugged, like or like really
been encompassed by another person in a long time because
I'm working and I haven't seen my main partner and
maybe I'm dating, but we're not really like hanging out.
And the the dude who gave me bruises, I was like,

(01:37:46):
he came over and I was leaning on him, and
I like audibly sighed because it was just like, oh
I haven't Oh I haven't had this lean on someone
just be it feels amazing. Yeah, I'm like, oh I
missed this and I wasn't feeling well and he was like, no,
I still want to come through. Like it's all good
if we don't have sex, and we ended up like

(01:38:07):
playing around but it was so nice, naturally right, and
he checked in, he was like, are you sure I
feel like I And I'm like, you didn't believe me.
I wouldn't have sucked your dick if I didn't want to.
There's no I did that because we were in the
moment and it was right there and I was like, hello, friend,
I haven't seen you in a while.

Speaker 2 (01:38:27):
That's great.

Speaker 4 (01:38:28):
Here we are, that's beautiful. Yeah, well we have to wrap.
But this has been a lovely conversation. Thank you so
much for sharing your experiences with us. What would you
like to promote? Where can we find you? Where can
we get more of you?

Speaker 3 (01:38:39):
All the things? I'm on Instagram dirty Lola at dirty
Lola on Instagram. My website's Lola at Sex. No, that's
not right, that's an email. It's Dirtylola dot co is
my my email. And then I have a show called
Sex at a Go Go, which is a comedy show,
a real lesque show, and a sex said class had

(01:39:00):
a threesome.

Speaker 2 (01:39:01):
Nice.

Speaker 3 (01:39:02):
Nice, And our next one is June twenty second. June
twenty second, perfect at the Brooklyn Art House.

Speaker 2 (01:39:07):
Oh cool, great, Well, thank you so much for your time.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:39:11):
This has been Guys we Fucked, the anti slot shreaming podcast.
We'll talk to you next Friday. Guys We Fucked is
presented by Luminary, created and hosted by Karn Fisher and
Christina Hutchinson. Editing and music coordination by Mike Coscarelli. Theme
song by Rob Patterson and Jake Cozen.

Speaker 2 (01:39:27):
Suck my wet ass pussy. Christina said to cut that before,
but now it's in air. Yeah, let's keep it.

Speaker 6 (01:39:32):
Who cares stat

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