March 7, 2024 • 17 mins
Kailey Dickerson joins Caroline on this week’s “Call Caroline” bonus episode! They answer listener voicemails and get real about their current sex lives and fostering intimacy in marriage. Kailey opens up about waiting until marriage with her husband Russell Dickerson and why she’s glad she made that choice.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Caroline.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
She's a queen and talking, so.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
She's getting not afraid to fais, so just let it flow.
No one can do we quiet car Line is sound
a Caroline. I'm so excited to be back on a
bonus episode of Call Caroline with.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Kaylie Differson where we answer your burning questions.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
I cannot wait. You ready to burn?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I'm reard it up? Ready, burn it up? There, Okay,
let's see what we got.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Hi girls.
Speaker 5 (00:42):
In a recent discussion with some married friends over dinner,
the topic came up of what is the average amount
of a married couple to have sex so week? Wondering
what you both think about this?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Do you want to go first?
Speaker 3 (00:58):
I just love this because you and I in the
first podcast we were like champs, and I want to
know if you're still This is actually a great question
because we were like, yeah, we have sex every day
every day, And now I'm thinking.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Like, WHOA, that was a lot for me.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Are you still keeping that?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I actually thought about this this morning getting ready to
see you. I was like, I feel like we need
to readdress this.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I'm so glad we're.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Going to readdress because yeah, we'd been married for what
four years? Three? No kids, like, and that was a
goal of mine because I was a goal.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
It was a goal. Oh for sure, every single day
it was a goal.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Wait, it was a goal. You're like, we're gonna have
sex every day?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Oh yeah, tell me what the goal was? Like, why
was that the goal because you just knew that would
make the marriage?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Well? Yes?
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Or because you couldn't get enough of that burning record
Russell Dickerson.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yes, he was like a hot dad before he was
a hot dad.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I I know, obviously, but also I feel like that
was one of the things I watched I didn't really
see in my parents' marriage was like passion for each
other and so I they loved each other and they're
still married like fifty five years, but they had me
at forty two. So like, obviously all these things are
at play, right, And I was like, if I don't
(02:10):
prioritize this now, how am I going to prioritize it
when I have kids?
Speaker 4 (02:14):
God, you're always on it. You knew you.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I'm an observer. I'm the youngest of six kids, So like,
my whole life was watching everyone live and be like yes, no, yes, no,
like that don't want to do that?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Wow, So that really worked in your favorite Yeah, I
really did.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I's a major advantage, honestly, And so I would look
at other marriages. And what's funny is one of my
best friend's parents, they are obsessed with each other so cute.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I look up to them so much.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
And they're older, they're older, yeah, but she's the oldest.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
So they are.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Younger parents than they're like twenty years younger than my parents.
And like she would be like when she was in
high school, my friend was in high school, her mom
would be like, honey, I'm drawing the bath like with
all the friends over and like, no shame in their game?
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Was it friend embarrassed?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
No, I mean maybe a little, but she was so
used to it. They're so fun and like funny. I
probably high school hauld have been mortified if the parents
someone's parents said that, But like as someone who I
didn't see that with my parents, I always admired it.
And but I you know what's so funny is I
would think, like, what makes couples great together?
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
And I thought they laugh at each other and that
was like a correlation i'd made. Come to find out later,
I was reading this marriage book and it was talking
about sex and the more sex you have, the funnier
you find each other.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Really, so I tell you why that is.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
I have no idea, Boxy chosen interble connected all of it,
all of it, and I was like, oh, how interesting.
I saw the fruit and I recognized that before I
knew what the root was that they were connecting.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
And for me personally, I tend to.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Stuff things like I don't want to deal with a
feeling or emotional like ignore.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
I'll like ignore it, don't make a big deal.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
And I can't obviously be intimate with my husband. If
I can't be intimate with my thoughts and emotions, I'll.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Look you there, Kaylee Dickerson. Again, you are so wise.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
So I this was something I kind of put in
place for myself, was like, Okay, well we're going to
be intimate that way later, so I better talk about
it now. I better say like, hey, that really hurt
my feelings, or hey I'm feeling like distant or I
haven't had enough time with you, or I have to
say it so.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
You wouldn't have spoken up before. That was not natural.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
It's hard for me to do. Yeah, So you're.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Like, okay, I'm gonna because we're gonna be intimate. I
want to be intimate across the board.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, So anyway, I'll have to say it's not every
single day anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
We have kids. I know, I'm tired, but I love it.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
That was a goal though, I love it.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, it was my goal. It was totally my goal.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
I mean, and you won that goal for years, for years.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I mean I still it still wasn't every single day,
every single week like obviously, but if you aimed for
every day, it was probably like at least five times.
And now I'd say we're more in the four four department,
three four department, Ford apartment.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
A week we try.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
With a baby that's four months, Kayleie, you are killing the.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Game maybe no, I mean obviously postpartum.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
Yeah, you gotta give yourself a break, right, you gotta
hold two months.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, So I'd say those first like few months probably
more like one to two. Yeah, and then we try
to up it. But I don't know this week we
were real tight. We probably it was probably only twice
last week. Okay, so like win because like we.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Since we're talking about sex, we have to like no
pun intended slip it in sometimes, right, because like sunny
sleeps in the bed with us years ago.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
But I love it.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
No Caroly know this that I slept in my parents' bed. Yeah,
but because of that, you have to find other times.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Okay, so do y'all are y'all nighttime people in the
Are you traditional in the bed at night when the
kids are asleep?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Or a nap time.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Love a good nap time. Yeah, that's more so. That's
an easy with kids because by the end of the
night I'm so tired, and I try to coordinate that
they at least overlap at the one o'clock nap, so.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
You can have how much time you need, not pay.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
But hey, mmy sleeps for like three hours, so I'm
not saying it's three hours. But like we got we
have some freedom there, like, and we're not as tired
as we are actually at yesterday.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
We were hanging out and Sunny was watching cartoons upstairs,
and I was talking to Michael in his office and
he was like, you're quick, really fast. I'm like, I mean,
and I was like.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
You gotta it's gonna be fast fast.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
I mean, I'm like, I'm talking like five minutes or
under fast.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
It's like, okay, you go but you have to make
this happen fast and then come to find out right
towards the moment.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
He's like, my I'm like, go, go, go.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Right towards the moment, but I'm like, just get real
with Caroline Hobby, everybody, you.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Know, people need to know about how you get it
in Okay, I'm not trying to have all these sexual
puns doing it, but it's happening.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Because it's important, you got it. It's so important, it's
so so so.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Important because if that goes, it really can that's the
beginning of the downward slide.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah, And I think if anyone's really honest with themselves.
When there's an one of my friends, she says this,
she goes, I need an emotional orgasm before I can
have a real one.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Mmm.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
So she has they have this, like she needs to
have a heart to heart conversation and like not even
a big deep something, but just a hey.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
How was your day? What are you worried about right now?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Like just a connectedness emotionally, And that makes all the
difference too. And I think it's it's cyclical, like the
more you're having sex, the more because because that hormone
that's released when you breastfeed is released.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Men release it after they have sex. Fun fact. Fun fact,
And so they form a bond in all of that.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
So if you're looking for him to be mushy and
all that there, it depends on the guy.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I'm like imagining he's some like not nice guy who's
not mushy afterwards.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
But if you marry a good one, it does form
some bonding and then they're more likely to be vulnerable
and open, and then you are. Because it's just cyclical,
it feeds, it feeds itself, and if.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
You don't have that intimacy, your relationship starts to get
a little.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Yeah old, we get, we get more, we misunderstand each other,
Yeah we miss each other.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
It's yeah, yeah, you feel less.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
On the same page. And I'm like, why do I
feel like this? Oh, because it's been a couple of days.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, a couple of days.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
You are the winner a couple days.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I'm like, Michael, and I will Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
So to get back to the question, I say, we
are like at it two times a week.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Okay, Okay, there's any weeks that it's been like that
in the last several months.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
If we were four times a week, I would be
like we're killing in the game.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
It feels, do you okay.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I also feel like there's weeks that it's like two
times a week for like two weeks, and then there's
a week that it's like four yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Yeah, yeah, because it is it's the more you have,
the more you crave it. It's just it's it feeds itself.
I'll just keep saying that.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
And that's why it is important, like I do believe
just to like bring it back to like not just
to be funny about sex and stuff, but like it
is a huge part of a relationship. Yeah, if you're,
in my personal opinion and observation of couples and myself,
if you're not having a healthy sexual relationship weekly and
(09:18):
like feeling that emotional intimacy and physical intimacy, it's going.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
To start sliding. I feel like that's how it starts
to slip.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
I will say also with the caveat of like we
weren't doing that dating personally. Oh yeah, So I actually
think it protected me in a lot of ways and
our relationship because we actually genuinely were obsessed with being
with each other that I knew he was, that was
all going to be great. You know, I knew I
(09:54):
was already going. There was no need to test drive.
Like I was like, this is We're going to be fine.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
What if it would have been bad?
Speaker 3 (10:00):
It was.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
It wasn't gonna be bad. It was good.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, there's chemistry, like you have chemistry, and there was chemistry.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
But I do.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Think that was one of the reasons that we are
still obsessed with hanging out with each other, and everyone's like,
how do I get what y'all have? And I really
do think that was a huge piece of it because
and why I know, he's such a good man and
all these things, like he honored me for like two
and a half years, you know, and protected me, so
(10:28):
that now on this side, I'm like, there's no way
he would do anything different. And we built such a
solid foundation of just being obsessed with each other, and
so then you add in the extra and then it's
just pretty great.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Okay, So what was your wedding night?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Like?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Awesome? It was actually it was like that really it
was no, like, no, it.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Was it was everything you could have dreamed of, everything
I dreamed of anymore.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Seriously dead serious.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
That's like, which is crazy? That is like it is
that's not everybody's story. Are you nervous because I mean
this is two and a half years ago, held up.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
No, I was just so excited, Like it's so funny.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
His contact photo in my phone is still like a
picture a selfie we took on the way to the
hotel after our after our wedding, and like the excitement
is so like.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Palpable, Like when you look at this picture, it's so cute.
It's so cute.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
I mean that is Yeah, it has to be one
of the most thrilling moments of your life.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Yeah, it really was. And our honeymoon what a blast?
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Were you just naked the whole time?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Yeah? Pretty much, and like four times a day or
like I mean yeah, yeah, we tried.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
That was a little bit much. One of those days,
I was like, that's too much. We need we need
to chill.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Like I'm actually I'm sore.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, I'm like if you yeah, yes, it's like if
you don't, if you don't, like, all you really have
to look forward to being married is like paying taxes together.
And so I was like, I really want to like
have something to look forward to, and so like we
moved in together after that, and it was truly just
like this newly.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Weed happy bubble, and I don't know that it's popped.
You know, I don't know a little bit. Kids pop
it a little bit, but in the best way.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
You know. I don't want to make it seem like
the kids they're so I would never change a single thing.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
But because now you get to love Russell in a
whole new way. Yeah, and see the kids and him
seeing I would do that.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
The exact same way every single time if I had
a choice, which I don't.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I'm not going to relive my life, but I highly
recommend it. But I would say.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
The reason I say all that is, you know, I
think in a dating relationship, if you're actively having sex
that much, it's actually detrimental because you're not getting to
know the person exactly. And in anyone, I'm like, that's
that's like saying everyone has a sex drive, right that.
I always say it's like dating someone because you both
like lunch. It's like, well, yeah, obviously we all like lunch,
(12:43):
but it doesn't mean that you are compatible. And I
think that can be hidden when you have sex too early.
I think it can hide a lot.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Mike.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Love covers a multitude of sins and I feel like
sex conceals sin because.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
As soon as you have it, especially as female, you're
emotionally attached, and so are they, whether they tell you
or not, or they start running away, and then you've
given yourself and you're like, oh my gosh or yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I think it's really practical. Honestly, it's like and you
learn self control. So in the same way Russell and
I had self control towards each other, we have self
control married.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Like it doesn't even cross my mind.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I'm like, he said no to me for two and
a half years, He's not going to say yes to
some random person on the fly. Like that's just never,
that's not gonna happen. And so I think you need
to learn to flex that muscle one way or another.
And I think dating trains you to do it. And
then I mean, I'm not here to be like ultra
religious on the matter, like I love people who've lived together,
slepty of whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Like you do you, But I think this is there's
a reason.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I feel like God instills that in us and like tries,
he tries to protect us.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
I think what we said before is go back to
the podcast.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I think it can really hurt you, and you can
get emotionally attached to someone that you're not supposed to
be with.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
And maybe end up with someone that you're not supposed
to be.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah, honestly, And I'm like, this is the most important
decision of your life. Like I wanted to be as
soberminded in that decision as possible. I didn't want it
clouded by well, we have great chemistry or this or that.
And I just think a lot I've watched it happen sadly,
that a lot of personality and a lot of hidden
things are hidden and stay hidden because you can just
(14:24):
bury it with.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Your physical connection. And it takes a minute to get
to know someone fully. Yeah, And you got to be
like willing to like kind of ride out a period
of time because I've always said, like, the first eight months,
I feel like you just got love goggles on.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
Yes you can't.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
See anything, but how amazing this person is. You can't
believe you have this connection.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
They're so cute, all the things they do, You're like,
oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
And then come about eight months to a year, that's
you're like, ooh, it's just getting real, And do we
want to stick this out?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, totally, and I think I had note when Russ
and I got married, nothing surp nothing.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I was like, I knew you were like this. You
knew I'm like this.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Here we are, and that's why you're so grounded and
you have such a strong foundation.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I really, I really think that. Yeah, and I I'm
always hesitant to share it. I don't even actually know
if I've ever shared it in this like great detail,
because like you don't want people to feel judged by
it or like feel like anything other than I just
want people to build right.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
And I think that really helped us build right. I
love that.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
So now, hey, on the other side, it's a party,
you know. It's like on the other side, you're like, yeah,
let's have sex every day. That's why we were like two.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
And a half years.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
That's why when he was like, well, I'm not getting
married telling forty, I was like, well, I'm not a nun,
my guy, so find someone else.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
They ain't gonna hit, ain't gonna be me.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Really, I love you, Okay. So to answer the question,
have sex as much as possible? Yeah, really honestly have
it all the time. Yeah, but wait for that commitment
yeah right.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Wait for a safe Yeah, a safe place. I love it.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Well, if that's not a burning question, I don't know
what is. So thank you Kaylee Dickerson for joining me
on my podcast This is I feel like we had
a combo of get real and coffee with Kaylee.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
It was an honor, it was and a pleasure.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
It was so much fun. Thanks for going all the
way with me. Hey, you went the distance.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
That's a danger of being with like good friends, all
these kinds of things. You're just like you never know
what's gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Oops said all that.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Thank you know, so, if y'all have more burning questions,
make sure to go to the show notes and leave
a burning question.
Speaker 4 (16:30):
And Kaylee Dickerson, thank you so much for joining me.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Congrats on just your beautiful life and the person that
you are and Russell's success is number one party tonight
that you're leaving to go to your beautiful boys.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Your beautiful life.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
Just you're the best copy of Kaye your podcast. You
are just such a light and inspiration. So I'm grateful
to be your friend and I'm so grateful you came
on here.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
I love you. Thanks for having me. Bye.
Caroline.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
She's a queen and talking, so.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
She's getting not afraid to fais, so just let it flow.
No one can do we quiet car Line is sound
a Caroline. I'm so excited to be back on a
bonus episode of Call Caroline with.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Kaylie Differson where we answer your burning questions.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
I cannot wait. You ready to burn?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I'm reard it up? Ready, burn it up? There, Okay,
let's see what we got.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Hi girls.
Speaker 5 (00:42):
In a recent discussion with some married friends over dinner,
the topic came up of what is the average amount
of a married couple to have sex so week? Wondering
what you both think about this?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Do you want to go first?
Speaker 3 (00:58):
I just love this because you and I in the
first podcast we were like champs, and I want to
know if you're still This is actually a great question
because we were like, yeah, we have sex every day
every day, And now I'm thinking.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Like, WHOA, that was a lot for me.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Are you still keeping that?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I actually thought about this this morning getting ready to
see you. I was like, I feel like we need
to readdress this.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I'm so glad we're.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Going to readdress because yeah, we'd been married for what
four years? Three? No kids, like, and that was a
goal of mine because I was a goal.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
It was a goal. Oh for sure, every single day
it was a goal.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Wait, it was a goal. You're like, we're gonna have
sex every day?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Oh yeah, tell me what the goal was? Like, why
was that the goal because you just knew that would
make the marriage?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Well? Yes?
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Or because you couldn't get enough of that burning record
Russell Dickerson.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yes, he was like a hot dad before he was
a hot dad.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I I know, obviously, but also I feel like that
was one of the things I watched I didn't really
see in my parents' marriage was like passion for each
other and so I they loved each other and they're
still married like fifty five years, but they had me
at forty two. So like, obviously all these things are
at play, right, And I was like, if I don't
(02:10):
prioritize this now, how am I going to prioritize it
when I have kids?
Speaker 4 (02:14):
God, you're always on it. You knew you.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I'm an observer. I'm the youngest of six kids, So like,
my whole life was watching everyone live and be like yes, no, yes, no,
like that don't want to do that?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Wow, So that really worked in your favorite Yeah, I
really did.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I's a major advantage, honestly, And so I would look
at other marriages. And what's funny is one of my
best friend's parents, they are obsessed with each other so cute.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I look up to them so much.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
And they're older, they're older, yeah, but she's the oldest.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
So they are.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Younger parents than they're like twenty years younger than my parents.
And like she would be like when she was in
high school, my friend was in high school, her mom
would be like, honey, I'm drawing the bath like with
all the friends over and like, no shame in their game?
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Was it friend embarrassed?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
No, I mean maybe a little, but she was so
used to it. They're so fun and like funny. I
probably high school hauld have been mortified if the parents
someone's parents said that, But like as someone who I
didn't see that with my parents, I always admired it.
And but I you know what's so funny is I
would think, like, what makes couples great together?
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
And I thought they laugh at each other and that
was like a correlation i'd made. Come to find out later,
I was reading this marriage book and it was talking
about sex and the more sex you have, the funnier
you find each other.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Really, so I tell you why that is.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
I have no idea, Boxy chosen interble connected all of it,
all of it, and I was like, oh, how interesting.
I saw the fruit and I recognized that before I
knew what the root was that they were connecting.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
And for me personally, I tend to.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Stuff things like I don't want to deal with a
feeling or emotional like ignore.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
I'll like ignore it, don't make a big deal.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
And I can't obviously be intimate with my husband. If
I can't be intimate with my thoughts and emotions, I'll.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Look you there, Kaylee Dickerson. Again, you are so wise.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
So I this was something I kind of put in
place for myself, was like, Okay, well we're going to
be intimate that way later, so I better talk about
it now. I better say like, hey, that really hurt
my feelings, or hey I'm feeling like distant or I
haven't had enough time with you, or I have to
say it so.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
You wouldn't have spoken up before. That was not natural.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
It's hard for me to do. Yeah, So you're.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Like, okay, I'm gonna because we're gonna be intimate. I
want to be intimate across the board.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, So anyway, I'll have to say it's not every
single day anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
We have kids. I know, I'm tired, but I love it.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
That was a goal though, I love it.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, it was my goal. It was totally my goal.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
I mean, and you won that goal for years, for years.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I mean I still it still wasn't every single day,
every single week like obviously, but if you aimed for
every day, it was probably like at least five times.
And now I'd say we're more in the four four department,
three four department, Ford apartment.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
A week we try.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
With a baby that's four months, Kayleie, you are killing the.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Game maybe no, I mean obviously postpartum.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
Yeah, you gotta give yourself a break, right, you gotta
hold two months.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, So I'd say those first like few months probably
more like one to two. Yeah, and then we try
to up it. But I don't know this week we
were real tight. We probably it was probably only twice
last week. Okay, so like win because like we.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Since we're talking about sex, we have to like no
pun intended slip it in sometimes, right, because like sunny
sleeps in the bed with us years ago.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
But I love it.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
No Caroly know this that I slept in my parents' bed. Yeah,
but because of that, you have to find other times.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Okay, so do y'all are y'all nighttime people in the
Are you traditional in the bed at night when the
kids are asleep?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Or a nap time.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Love a good nap time. Yeah, that's more so. That's
an easy with kids because by the end of the
night I'm so tired, and I try to coordinate that
they at least overlap at the one o'clock nap, so.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
You can have how much time you need, not pay.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
But hey, mmy sleeps for like three hours, so I'm
not saying it's three hours. But like we got we
have some freedom there, like, and we're not as tired
as we are actually at yesterday.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
We were hanging out and Sunny was watching cartoons upstairs,
and I was talking to Michael in his office and
he was like, you're quick, really fast. I'm like, I mean,
and I was like.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
You gotta it's gonna be fast fast.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
I mean, I'm like, I'm talking like five minutes or
under fast.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
It's like, okay, you go but you have to make
this happen fast and then come to find out right
towards the moment.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
He's like, my I'm like, go, go, go.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Right towards the moment, but I'm like, just get real
with Caroline Hobby, everybody, you.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Know, people need to know about how you get it
in Okay, I'm not trying to have all these sexual
puns doing it, but it's happening.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Because it's important, you got it. It's so important, it's
so so so.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Important because if that goes, it really can that's the
beginning of the downward slide.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah, And I think if anyone's really honest with themselves.
When there's an one of my friends, she says this,
she goes, I need an emotional orgasm before I can
have a real one.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Mmm.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
So she has they have this, like she needs to
have a heart to heart conversation and like not even
a big deep something, but just a hey.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
How was your day? What are you worried about right now?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Like just a connectedness emotionally, And that makes all the
difference too. And I think it's it's cyclical, like the
more you're having sex, the more because because that hormone
that's released when you breastfeed is released.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Men release it after they have sex. Fun fact. Fun fact,
And so they form a bond in all of that.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
So if you're looking for him to be mushy and
all that there, it depends on the guy.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I'm like imagining he's some like not nice guy who's
not mushy afterwards.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
But if you marry a good one, it does form
some bonding and then they're more likely to be vulnerable
and open, and then you are. Because it's just cyclical,
it feeds, it feeds itself, and if.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
You don't have that intimacy, your relationship starts to get
a little.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Yeah old, we get, we get more, we misunderstand each other,
Yeah we miss each other.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
It's yeah, yeah, you feel less.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
On the same page. And I'm like, why do I
feel like this? Oh, because it's been a couple of days.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, a couple of days.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
You are the winner a couple days.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I'm like, Michael, and I will Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
So to get back to the question, I say, we
are like at it two times a week.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Okay, Okay, there's any weeks that it's been like that
in the last several months.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
If we were four times a week, I would be
like we're killing in the game.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
It feels, do you okay.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I also feel like there's weeks that it's like two
times a week for like two weeks, and then there's
a week that it's like four yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Yeah, yeah, because it is it's the more you have,
the more you crave it. It's just it's it feeds itself.
I'll just keep saying that.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
And that's why it is important, like I do believe
just to like bring it back to like not just
to be funny about sex and stuff, but like it
is a huge part of a relationship. Yeah, if you're,
in my personal opinion and observation of couples and myself,
if you're not having a healthy sexual relationship weekly and
(09:18):
like feeling that emotional intimacy and physical intimacy, it's going.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
To start sliding. I feel like that's how it starts
to slip.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
I will say also with the caveat of like we
weren't doing that dating personally. Oh yeah, So I actually
think it protected me in a lot of ways and
our relationship because we actually genuinely were obsessed with being
with each other that I knew he was, that was
all going to be great. You know, I knew I
(09:54):
was already going. There was no need to test drive.
Like I was like, this is We're going to be fine.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
What if it would have been bad?
Speaker 3 (10:00):
It was.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
It wasn't gonna be bad. It was good.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, there's chemistry, like you have chemistry, and there was chemistry.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
But I do.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Think that was one of the reasons that we are
still obsessed with hanging out with each other, and everyone's like,
how do I get what y'all have? And I really
do think that was a huge piece of it because
and why I know, he's such a good man and
all these things, like he honored me for like two
and a half years, you know, and protected me, so
(10:28):
that now on this side, I'm like, there's no way
he would do anything different. And we built such a
solid foundation of just being obsessed with each other, and
so then you add in the extra and then it's
just pretty great.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Okay, So what was your wedding night?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Like?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Awesome? It was actually it was like that really it
was no, like, no, it.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Was it was everything you could have dreamed of, everything
I dreamed of anymore.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Seriously dead serious.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
That's like, which is crazy? That is like it is
that's not everybody's story. Are you nervous because I mean
this is two and a half years ago, held up.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
No, I was just so excited, Like it's so funny.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
His contact photo in my phone is still like a
picture a selfie we took on the way to the
hotel after our after our wedding, and like the excitement
is so like.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Palpable, Like when you look at this picture, it's so cute.
It's so cute.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
I mean that is Yeah, it has to be one
of the most thrilling moments of your life.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Yeah, it really was. And our honeymoon what a blast?
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Were you just naked the whole time?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Yeah? Pretty much, and like four times a day or
like I mean yeah, yeah, we tried.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
That was a little bit much. One of those days,
I was like, that's too much. We need we need
to chill.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Like I'm actually I'm sore.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, I'm like if you yeah, yes, it's like if
you don't, if you don't, like, all you really have
to look forward to being married is like paying taxes together.
And so I was like, I really want to like
have something to look forward to, and so like we
moved in together after that, and it was truly just
like this newly.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Weed happy bubble, and I don't know that it's popped.
You know, I don't know a little bit. Kids pop
it a little bit, but in the best way.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
You know. I don't want to make it seem like
the kids they're so I would never change a single thing.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
But because now you get to love Russell in a
whole new way. Yeah, and see the kids and him
seeing I would do that.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
The exact same way every single time if I had
a choice, which I don't.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I'm not going to relive my life, but I highly
recommend it. But I would say.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
The reason I say all that is, you know, I
think in a dating relationship, if you're actively having sex
that much, it's actually detrimental because you're not getting to
know the person exactly. And in anyone, I'm like, that's
that's like saying everyone has a sex drive, right that.
I always say it's like dating someone because you both
like lunch. It's like, well, yeah, obviously we all like lunch,
(12:43):
but it doesn't mean that you are compatible. And I
think that can be hidden when you have sex too early.
I think it can hide a lot.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Mike.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Love covers a multitude of sins and I feel like
sex conceals sin because.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
As soon as you have it, especially as female, you're
emotionally attached, and so are they, whether they tell you
or not, or they start running away, and then you've
given yourself and you're like, oh my gosh or yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I think it's really practical. Honestly, it's like and you
learn self control. So in the same way Russell and
I had self control towards each other, we have self
control married.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Like it doesn't even cross my mind.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I'm like, he said no to me for two and
a half years, He's not going to say yes to
some random person on the fly. Like that's just never,
that's not gonna happen. And so I think you need
to learn to flex that muscle one way or another.
And I think dating trains you to do it. And
then I mean, I'm not here to be like ultra
religious on the matter, like I love people who've lived together,
slepty of whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Like you do you, But I think this is there's
a reason.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I feel like God instills that in us and like tries,
he tries to protect us.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
I think what we said before is go back to
the podcast.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I think it can really hurt you, and you can
get emotionally attached to someone that you're not supposed to
be with.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
And maybe end up with someone that you're not supposed
to be.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah, honestly, And I'm like, this is the most important
decision of your life. Like I wanted to be as
soberminded in that decision as possible. I didn't want it
clouded by well, we have great chemistry or this or that.
And I just think a lot I've watched it happen sadly,
that a lot of personality and a lot of hidden
things are hidden and stay hidden because you can just
(14:24):
bury it with.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Your physical connection. And it takes a minute to get
to know someone fully. Yeah, And you got to be
like willing to like kind of ride out a period
of time because I've always said, like, the first eight months,
I feel like you just got love goggles on.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
Yes you can't.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
See anything, but how amazing this person is. You can't
believe you have this connection.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
They're so cute, all the things they do, You're like,
oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
And then come about eight months to a year, that's
you're like, ooh, it's just getting real, And do we
want to stick this out?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, totally, and I think I had note when Russ
and I got married, nothing surp nothing.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I was like, I knew you were like this. You
knew I'm like this.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Here we are, and that's why you're so grounded and
you have such a strong foundation.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I really, I really think that. Yeah, and I I'm
always hesitant to share it. I don't even actually know
if I've ever shared it in this like great detail,
because like you don't want people to feel judged by
it or like feel like anything other than I just
want people to build right.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
And I think that really helped us build right. I
love that.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
So now, hey, on the other side, it's a party,
you know. It's like on the other side, you're like, yeah,
let's have sex every day. That's why we were like two.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
And a half years.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
That's why when he was like, well, I'm not getting
married telling forty, I was like, well, I'm not a nun,
my guy, so find someone else.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
They ain't gonna hit, ain't gonna be me.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Really, I love you, Okay. So to answer the question,
have sex as much as possible? Yeah, really honestly have
it all the time. Yeah, but wait for that commitment
yeah right.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Wait for a safe Yeah, a safe place. I love it.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Well, if that's not a burning question, I don't know
what is. So thank you Kaylee Dickerson for joining me
on my podcast This is I feel like we had
a combo of get real and coffee with Kaylee.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
It was an honor, it was and a pleasure.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
It was so much fun. Thanks for going all the
way with me. Hey, you went the distance.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
That's a danger of being with like good friends, all
these kinds of things. You're just like you never know
what's gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Oops said all that.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Thank you know, so, if y'all have more burning questions,
make sure to go to the show notes and leave
a burning question.
Speaker 4 (16:30):
And Kaylee Dickerson, thank you so much for joining me.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Congrats on just your beautiful life and the person that
you are and Russell's success is number one party tonight
that you're leaving to go to your beautiful boys.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Your beautiful life.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
Just you're the best copy of Kaye your podcast. You
are just such a light and inspiration. So I'm grateful
to be your friend and I'm so grateful you came
on here.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
I love you. Thanks for having me. Bye.
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