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June 21, 2024 39 mins

Kelly and Chip both tell stories that have happened in the last few weeks involving their bodies, though they are very different. Kelly gives a health update and Chip talks about a wild experience at a massage parlor.


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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, well, well, hi, oh boy. I just feel I
said this to you before the podcast. I feel like
the last month has just been wild. There has been
so much in my life that's happened. There's been so
much in your life. And you told me a story

after your weekend in New Orleans this weekend that I
was like, don't tell me anymore, save it for the listeners.
This is I did not know this existed, and we
will get to that. I can't lead with yours because
it is it's the Big Bloo show. First, No, I
thought you were joking.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
You're kidding, right, I was.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Like no, I literally wrote no, stop. I wrote stop,
and you said, I shit, you not. So we're going
to get to chips update. Mine is a little more
serious of nature, and I just I really wanted to
speak about this. I said this to you before the
podcast because I've had a couple instances the last three weeks.
I have really put into perspective once again that health

and your health like health is your greatest wealth, you
know they say that quote or whatever. But I threw
my back out. I had a slipped disc, and then
I started having muscle spasms and I was in bed
for a week. It was terrible. I think I've told
you guys about that, because I was on muscle relaxers
and I couldn't function, and I just it was wild.
I've never had that experience. Anyone who's experienced muscle spasms,
I think knows these were very bad. They were really

really bad.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah, she was laid up.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
I was laid up for sure. While I was laid up. Well,
I will say this. First I got better and I
was able to move, although very slowly, and then I
got strep throat, so then I got laid up again.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Even know, when'd you get that?

Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yes, you guys were all out of town, so it
kind of worked out because I didn't. I wasn't missing much,
you know, that's always my thing with fomo. But I
don't even know how I got it, because I really
didn't go that many places because of my back. But
I had gotten back to normal life. I went. I
did have a couple of work things, and so I'm
assuming I just picked it up somewhere along the line.

But who was, Like, who at forty one get strapped
out anymore? It's just wild. I just didn't even think
that that happened.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
It's Nashville. I feel like there's a lot of nasty
things getting spread around here.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Well, I was worried I had COVID. It was literally
in the middle of the night. I woke up and
just felt that swallowing thing of like I have nailed.
I have knives going down my throat, you know. So
I immediately went to the doctor because I had a
bunch of work stuff, and I got on antibiotics and
knocked it out. But good back to when I was
laying on my back because my back was out, I

found a lump in my boob. So I mean my
body was just literally like falling apart. And I didn't
tell anyone, including you. I was like, very I think
I told you right before I went to the appointment.
But it was so incredibly stressful that it was one
of those things where I just felt like I couldn't
even talk about it with people because it was going
to make me more stressed out. Does that make sense.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
That, well? Yeah, I mean, because then you're dealing with
the questions and not having the answers, right, that can
be really stressful. Then you're talking about it more and
it makes it feel more real, you know.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
That's kind of what I think I was worried about
because I actually have the most caring, loving friends who
I knew would be checking up on me too, and
I was thinking, I can't. I'm not going to be
able to handle having the how are you is it?
Because it's just going to make me more stressed out.
And what I was trying to do, because I kept
having these physical things happen with lower my stress level
to the lower, like, I was just like, I have

to shut her down. My body is speaking to me,
and now I really do listen when that happens, and
so I kind of did, but I was laying on
my back. I found the breast, uh, the lump, and
I went to my ghiano as soon as I could
move again with all these different things. Yes, so I
go to my ghino. She's like, we definitely need to

get this checked out. Then I go home and I
get strapped throat and I had to miss my appointment.
They immediately got me. It was one of those that like,
you don't want to have to wait for your mammogram,
but sometimes they take a minute, and they got me
in right away, which made me even more alarmed, if
that makes sense. But I couldn't go because I had
struck throat, and so I call them and I'm like,

I just got on the antibiotic yesterday and they were like, no,
you can't come, and then I'm like, god, so I
have to live with it another week, you know, and
it's I don't know. I just I'm saying all of
this to say for any women out there who have
been through this, like, oh my god, props to you,
because it's so stressful and it's isolating and scary. And
literally it's funny because we've talked about the fact that

I've thought about getting a boob job before and I
literally was thinking to myself, oh my god. The first
that I had was oh my god, I love my boob.
I hope nothing's wrong with my boobs. And so I've
now I will never do that. Like it's just one
of those things that now that I know what, I know,
it's not going to happen. But all that to say,
I finally got to go in. And the reason I

also wanted to talk about this is because it's just
like I want to prepare anyone who ever has to
go through this because it's just stressful. So I go
go to the appointment. I had a friend come with me,
but they have to stay in the lobby. So they
call you back and she's like, we're gonna do your
now was due for my normal mammogram anyway, so we

did that. She's like, we're gonna do extra scams on
your left boot because that's where the lump was, and
so I'm like all right. So then they go, okay,
well we did that first of all mammograms. I don't
know chip, if you know, it'd basically be like you
putting your dick in a machine and then squeezing it.
It's terrible.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
I thought that's what it was.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
It's not fun. It's definitely not comfortable, but you know,
you get through it. And then she's like, okay, well
now we have twenty or thirty minutes and the radiologist
to look over this, and then if we need more scams,
we'll let you know. And I was like, okay, first
of all, this lady, I think they're taught to like
talk to you when they're doing this, maybe to distract

you as the goal, but for me, she like finally
figures out what I do for a living, or a
certain amount of questions, and then she starts asking me
for makeup tips while I'm getting a mammogram, and I
was like, it's.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
Just a way to make it feel normal, you know.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
I didn't want it to feel normal though. That was
the thing is I was thinking to myself, I know
this isn't your fault, because I really do feel like
this is their training because my Ghano does it when
she's given me pap smears, which are also uncomfortable. But
I really cannot tell you what foundation you should be
using right now, like that isn't I literally need to
be focused on my body and it's painful and it's stressful,

and I just want to be in this moment and
try to like breathe through it. But I don't want
to be talking to you about things that feel really
fucking stupid to me right now, like right when I'm okay,
I'm happy to give you all the advice ever, but
like not right now. So anyway, that was a really
hard one. Again. I know it comes from a good
place and I'm sure they're trying to help, but I

actually don't think it's helpful. I don't think it's helpful,
and my Ghana does it during a pap smear either,
so I may start to speak up about that. But
I go into this other lobby and you know, you're
sitting in there with women who you know have cancer,
so it's already really startling. And I was just looking
around at these women, thinking, oh my god, like just
feel for everybody, you know, like wanted to go give
everyone a hug. It's very stressful, it's hard, it's overwhelming,

and you're back there. You can't take people back with you.
So you're in this other lobby and I'm sitting in
there just like, you know, thinking, you're just like with
your thoughts. Finally, another nurse comes out and she's like,
missus Henderson, can we we need to do more scans.
Can you come back with me? And so I'm like okay,
So it's a whole new nurse. I have to walk
into a whole new wing and do another mammogram on

just my left boom. And so I was like, this
does not feel good, Like the fact that they needed
more scans that had already convinced myself like this is
not good at all. So she does all these things.
I'm getting more and more progressively stressed, and like my
heart was kind of racing and you're just like focusing
on doing all the right moves. They can get all
the scans they need, we do them. And she's like, okay,
another twenty or thirty minutes and go back into the lobby.

So I'm like, okay, me while my friend is out
in the other lobby like just I felt so terrible,
which thankfully she brought her computer to work. But so anyway,
I'm just sitting there and I'm thinking the fact that
they needed more scans can't be good. Like they definitely
saw something and they're just trying to figure out what
it is, you know, all of that stuff. Sit there
for another twenty minutes, and then this other nurse comes

out and just goes miss Henderson, come with me.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
Oh no.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
I was like, oh, this cannot be good like this,
this is not good at all. So I am walking,
I said to my friend. I felt like I was
like dead man walking, because you feel like all of
a sudden, everyone is You're passing all the nurses stations
and you feel like they're all looking at you like
with this knowing of like oh, you know, like this
is bad or whatever, and so I'm kind of getting panics.

We go back to this other wing and I'm in
the back room and she's like, Okay, they want to
do an ultrasound on two spots they saw in your
left boob. So I was like two because I had
only felt the one lump and that was even more
concerning to me. So I was like, great, so I
definitely have cancer and they're trying to figure out how
bad it is. Is what it felt like to me. Yeah,
So I let they do the ultrasound or whatever, and

she's like, Okay, this one's only going to take like
ten minutes with the radiologists to look over.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
I'll be right back.

Speaker 1 (09:20):
So she goes in and I start crying immediately when
she left, because I was like convinced. I'm just like,
this is not good. This is now the third set
of scans that I have to do, and they're really
trying to get a better look at it. So it
just yeah, like they see it. They just need to
figure out how much it's spread, how much it's moved, whatever.
And then ten minutes goes by and sure enough she
walks in and she goes, Okay, you're good, and I

was like I go, literally, I'm not exaggerating. I go, wait,
what that was my response, and she goes yeah. She goes, yeah,
you have a couple cysts in your boobe, but it's
very common. She was like, how old are you as
I had forty one almost forty two, and she goes, yeah,
it's probably hormonal changes, but it's very common at this age,
and we'll just monitor them. If you feel anything changed,
or if it grows too big and it gets painful,

we have a procedure we can do. But otherwise, yeah,
you're fine. And I was like, like, I can go home.
I'm fine, there's nothing like I don't have cancer whatever.
I literally chip when I tell you, I don't know
if I had breathed that freely in three weeks. Like
it was like I let out the biggest sigh of
relief and my body relaxed for the first time since
I've found the lump, and I just, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
Well I was just going to say, like, obviously I
haven't experienced it, and yeah, but I have my mother
is a breast cancer survivor.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
Really I didn't know that.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
Yeah, I don't even know how long it's been. I
feel like she's been in remission for over ten years.
But the moment that she told me that she had it,
it was like I was punched in the gut, like
you just I couldn't breathe because there's a it's you're helpless.
There's nothing that I can do to ensure that she's
going to live or make her feel better about it

or any there are just no words. So I can't
imagine being because I don't even think my mother there
was never like a I think I have breast cancer,
Like they just discovered it one day, and so she
didn't have that like waiting period. She just got like
the bad news. So I can imagine that the feeling
that you had was a little similar yet scarier than

the way that I felt when my mother told.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Me, because I was anticipation.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
Yeah, because you were like at that point, so incredibly
helpless and imagining all the bad possibilities.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
When you try not to. But my dad made such
a good point. He was like, of course, you try
to keep the best perspective, and you know, in my family,
we really try to focus on one day at a
time and one moment at a time when it's a
hard time, and just not making things into a situation
until you know it's a situation, Like So this was
a situation where I thought, Okay, I'm not going to

get myself worked up because I don't know yet, Like
when they tell me I have cancer, then I'll grieve
like I have cancer. But what I was trying to
tell myself was, you don't know yet. But my dad
made such a good point because he was just like,
it's just virtually almost impossible as a human being to
know that there's something and to live in that waiting

space and not go doomsday a little bit in your head.
Like I would pull myself back out of it, like
you don't know yet, try to stay calm. I would. Again,
That's why I didn't want to tell you guys, because
I really was trying to like regulate how much stress
I took on about it and how much worry I
was putting into it until I knew what it was.

But it was definitely impossible because there would be moments
where either I would feel the lump. I would kept
like checking to make sure it was still there, you know.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
Evita getting bigger because you're not really sure.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
Well, it just didn't ever change, which made me and
of course you google and I'm like, it looked it
sounds exactly like all the cancerous lumps the way that
mine is. And yeah, it's just it is. It's virtually
impossible to never have those moments. I do think I
did pretty well with trying to stay as normal as
I could. But I just wanted to say to all

the women who have ever experienced that, like, I am
just sending you so much love and you are so
fucking strong. That shit is hard. It is really really hard.
And your mom I didn't even know your mom had
been through that. I mean, yeah, how many years ago.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
Was that it was? I'm I think over ten. I
feel like she's already celebrated her ten year anniversary. That's
amazing remission.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
Yeah, So it's just like it puts everything when you
are sick. I had three back to backs of the back,
the strep throat, and then that Obviously the cancer scare
was the biggest one of all because that feels the
most monumental. I knew the back would get better, I
knew I would get over strep throat, and that one
felt like, Okay, this is about to change my entire life,
you know. But anytime I think my health gets in

that position, not it really does put things in perspective, right.
I wish we could kind of remember this all the time,
of how much our bodies do and how to respect
them and appreciate them, because the things I typically look
in the mirror and do is like critique my body,
or you know, I don't sleep enough, or we've talked
about drinking too much, not eating the right things. It's

just like we kind of abuse our bodies and ultimately
like it's really fucking amazing what our bodies do every day.
And I've had the reminder lately of that because they
it wasn't functioning in the right way, right right. So anyway,
it's just been a wild couple weeks because amongst all that,
there was all this other stress. I don't know what
is happening, but the planets are planting, the energy is energy,

like the astrology is astrologying big time. Because it's been
a crazy time. But yeah, came out of it and
I'm healthy, so thankful. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
I mean, I don't know if this is something you
would to discuss, but what do you do? Like you
do they just stay there? Though?

Speaker 1 (15:04):
She said yeah, she was like, you can just exist
with them if they get she said, is it painful? Mine?
Actually isn't. It feels like it feels like a tiny
little hellett, almost like a hard hellett, like a it's like.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
An internal pimple.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
No, because it's like an oval shape. It's like what
I would imagine like a BB gun's bullet feels like,
but it's shaped in an oval, like a pill, but smaller.
That's the one I know about. I guess there's more
than one, but yeah, she said, unless She's like, they
sometimes they grow really big and I was like, uh so,
I'm gonna have one really big boot one mock. What

is that gonna look like? But she said no, but
a lot of times they just stay and you kind
of live with them. They ebb and they flow, and
I've had cyst on my ovaries and that's kind of
how it goes a lot. Most of the time they
end up just healing themselves. And so she was like,
in this case, it could be that, or it could
be something just live with for the rest of your life,
but just kind of keep tabs on it, and if

you feel any more, we obviously want to monitor you,
or if it changes, you know, big time, whatever, we
just want to monitor you. But yeah, it's just there
and mine's not painful and it hasn't grown as of now,
so I'm just gonna keep on trucking at The procedure
sounds really painful to me. I don't know if it
is or not, but she said basically they go in

and they pop it with like a needle. I guess, yeah,
So if I can avoid that, I will.

Speaker 2 (16:34):
Yeah, I would too.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
That scares me anyway, speaking of bodies.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
Well, speaking of bodies.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
Okay, let's how are we going to really transition this?
Because I just really wanted to acknowledge anyone, any breast
cancer survivors or anyone going through this currently, because I
just have so much even more respect. I've always had
respect for people who are going through cancer, but until
you get the scare, I don't think it fully registers.
Just how scary and like you said, how out of
control you can feel, an out of body and helpless.

So I just want to send props to anyone who's
ever been through that, the families who have been through that, like, yeah,
sending you guys love. And on that note, well, I.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
Guess to transition it, we could say that we paired
these conversations because both of them started with sort of
a shocking sort of disclosure. You know, you dropped it
on me. I was like, what, You're like, not kidding?
And so I dropped this on you. But also full
disclosure here, Kelly doesn't really know this story yet.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
She just no, I don't. I've made him say it
because I wanted to hear it in real time with you.
I just still can't believe it. I'm shuck.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
Well, okay, so while I'm getting this week. This week,
it was on Monday, it was it was over there.
Actually it happened on Sunday. Yet it happened on Sunday.
I flew to New Orleans for a photo shoot with
a band, and we were actually staying in ham and Louisiana,
which is about an hour north of the city.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
On the No one else probably knows that I literally
go Hammond. What are you doing in Hammond? Obviously from Louisiana,
I know exactly where that is.

Speaker 2 (18:11):
So I had agreed. I had a rental car, and
I had agreed to stay back because I needed to
pick up a rental guitar for the artist that was
just going to be a prop in the shoot. And
I was excited about doing that because there is a
massage place that I like a I love massage, and

I love like Chinese foot reflexology places, which a lot
of I know, but I think a lot of people
are scared to go into them because they often look
really sketchy, and yeah, it's true, but my experience has
been that they're always it's usually pretty great, and it's
so much more affordable than going to like a spa,
where you're really paying for the amenities more than the

than the actual massage. And I don't care. It doesn't
need to be a fancy place for me. I just
want to give a massage. So then I realized when
once I got there, that Guitar Center wasn't actually in
New Orleans. It was actually really close to the airport.
So I went over there. They didn't have what we needed,
and so we were trying to figure out another solution,

And while I was trying to figure out the solution,
I was like, I still want a massage, So I
quickly googled to see if there were massage places nearby.
There was a massage Envy in the same complex. It
was a big shopping center with multiple buildings near Guitar Center,
but a storm had rolled through and half of the

half of the shopping center did not have power. The
other half did. Massage Envy was closed. So I looked
further and there was a reflexology placed around the corner.
So I was like great, I called, they had power.
I went, and I went in. This lovely like middle
aged woman greets me. I I like to get like

thirty minutes of foot massage, thirty minutes of like in
the chair or just like you know, back massage or something.
And they didn't offer any combo like that, so it
was either like chair for I think they maxed out
the chair at twenty minutes foot you could do, or
you could get full body. So I got a full
body massage, which I do sometimes here in Nashville too,
at those places. And well anyway, I always, I always

never fully disrobe in those places. I only do that
at like nice spas. Okay, so I left my underwear on,
I start on the table face down, and I'm gonna
say this too. The place was probably the nicest reflexile,
Like the actual building was probably the nicest one I've
ever been in.

Speaker 1 (20:45):
Like, wait, why don't you take your underwear off? Just
out of curiosity because I do in places like that,
and I know I'm like, wait, should I not?

Speaker 2 (20:51):
Well, I'll get there, okay, okay, okay. So you know,
it was a really nice facility. It felt really it
was a lot cleaner than a lot of those are.
It was like a lot of thought have been put
into the decor. The rooms actually had like a lot
of them that have like just curtains and no doors,
and like it had real doors all the things. It
was nice. So I start face down. She like is

doing my shoulders and my back and all that, and
my legs. And then often what they do if you
wear underwear, they'll like take the sheet that covers you
because they cover you, yeah, and they'll tuck it into
your underwear so that they don't get like oil on it. Well,
she took my underwear and pulled it down so it

was like under my butt cheeks, so my butt was
completely exposed, and then she puts some oil on my
butt and like massage my butt.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
I will say, in those kind of places, they really
get in on your glues. I love that because I'm
so tight. There usually but a lot of people in
your body.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yeah, I mean they truly are. So it's still that
wasn't weird. And so she finishes my like my back
and says, okay, now flip over, and she was like,
you know, I take these off, and she like motions
to my underwearth so I like sort of arched my
body and she like slides them off of me. I'm
still laying on my stomach and then she like holds

the sheet so that I can turn over privately, and
she covers me up and then she starts like, you know,
she's doing my my chest and my arms, and then
she just goes tap tap tap on my dick and
she was like do you want And I was like, no, I'm.

Speaker 1 (22:29):
Good, do you want?

Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yes? Do you want? And I was like, oh, I'm good,
it's okay. I just need the massage, and then she
like taps it again. Are you sure?

Speaker 1 (22:40):

Speaker 2 (22:42):
I was like, yeah, I'm good, It's all good, just
the massage, and I'm like laying there being like I
cannot believe that this is happening. Meanwhile, it's it is
the first time it's ever happened to me, and I'm like,
I kind of felt embarrassed for her because I didn't
say yes, but I'm also like and part of me
was like, I should have just gone for it. This

is an experience. But then my you know, practical mind's like,
what if this is a sting operation and I everyone's
in Hammond and they don't know where. I Am like,
this is so crazy. And then I'm like I can't
wait to tell everybody. Oh my god, because it's not
like I wasn't embarrassed by it. I thought it was
really funny. And well, so then I text Kelly when

she's like we need to come up with a topic.
I'm like, what have we ever talked about happy endings?
And she was like what.

Speaker 1 (23:31):
I literally go, where is that coming from? What is
the reference here?

Speaker 2 (23:36):
And then I was like I'll tell you about it,
and she's like stop. So you know, it's funny because
I had a friend in New York, a girlfriend who
she one day went to get a massage, like on
her lunch break and went to a really nice salon
in New York, and she said her mascuse was this
super hot dude and it was right, like she didn't

know what she was hunting up for. Super hot dude.
He massaged her breast a little bit, which she said
was out of the ordinary, but it didn't feel like
hyper sexual, right, So you know, she paid and tipped
him one hundred dollars and booked another appointment. Okay, And
when she went back he fingered her. Oh, and she

told all of the girls that she worked with about it.
They all started booking appointments with him, and he was
fingering all of them and oh, wish.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
You guys could see my face right now, she's like
my jog he was dropping.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
And then one day he was not there anymore, so
you know, he must have done it to the wrong person.
And you know, so it's like this. It's what got
me thinking, is I don't know sort of the etiquette,
the signs, Like I know that this is pervasive and
it happens, and you read about it, and I've you know,
been told by several of my male friends that that

they've gotten it done, and so you know, it was
just like a shock to me that it happened. And
part of me really wishes I just like let her
do it, just to have the experience, But I also
don't want to go.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
To jail, right, thinking that is illegal, right.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
It is illegal everywhere in the United States except for
in brothels in Nevada, Okay.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
So it's definitely illegal in Louisiana.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
It is one hundred percent of illegal in Louisiana. And
it's you know, because it's solicitation and prostitution because you
are paying for a sex act. Even if you don't
pay more than you were going to pay, it's still
an exchange of money.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
I just can not process what that moment must have
been like because the first time you said, she's like
tap tap tap, and you're like, no.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
That's also weird. It wasn't sexy at all. She literally
like tapped the head of my dick, like, which all
that was there between her finger and my penis was
this thin cheap sheet.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
Well, right, so immediately already she's kind of gone there.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yeah. I mean it was funny because I was going
through my receipts in the car and the artist is
in there, and I was like, Jasleen, I need to
keep that. This was for food. Oh, here's my sexual
assault receipt. Right.

Speaker 1 (26:08):
I mean, she's gotten herself. I mean, not maybe not fired,
but because they may condwn that kind of thing at
that place.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
But arrested. She could have if you were the person
she doesn't know. Yeah, so I did. We did a
little bit of research to see sort of what the
etiquette is, the sign what the signs are. I mean,
I did click on a website. I found that there
was a website called backstage dot com, and that's where

a lot of people adver taught, I guess, used to
advertise or go find places that did it. When I
typed in backstage dot com, it's like this website has
been taken over by the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Oh my,
so that's shut down. I really got in.

Speaker 1 (26:52):
I put into my Google search do happy endings happen
often or whatever? And it brought me to all these
Reddit pages. And what I was telling telling you was
that I couldn't actually click through them because they're all
blocked as being mature. But what I could see behind
that was that all these people were talking about, Yeah,
I go here and this is the experience, and X,

Y and Z, and they have all these answers to it.
So it feels like it's way more common than I
would have ever thought. I actually think I thought this
was just a fairy tale, not a fantasy thing that
people said. I didn't think this actually existed, which is
very naive.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
I guess I think it's pretty pervasive, and I think
a lot I don't know that it's it's probably less
common in spas than it is, like you know, having
there are people out there that do erotic massage that
you can find online that will come to your house.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
But even when the google tontric massage, it's something different
and they specifically say this does not include a lot
of things, because I think that's probably what they get
approached about the most, right, right, like people thinking they're
there to do a sex act and it's like, no,
tantra is actually something so different, But okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
Well, I in the research, I found a website called
Respect Massage and it's it's a website for professional massage
therapists to like learn about, you know, kind of all
sides of the business. And so this was like a
this is just one part of the website that's talks
about this, because I mean, clearly, if they're putting this

up on the website, it's pretty for pervasive. So apparently
there's some code language, code language though, well, you know,
if you were a mass and one of the things
is there's codes on both sides, you know, because there
are people that are advertising that they're there they'll do it.
There are people that are advertising that they are looking

to have it done to them. So if you were
a parlor on this website recommends that you not put
the word rose or roses in the name of your
your spa or parlor because that's a common sign that
you perform sex acts.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
So just the actual the roads. It's like the pineapple
being the thing for swingers. Right, if you leave a
pineapple outside you guys just by the way, or if
you have a pineapple in your kitchen like decoration, it's
supposed to be a communication that you and possibly your
significant other swingers that might be careful with the pineapple.

Speaker 2 (29:28):
Right. Also, if if if a customer, if you call
and you say like, hey, if I get a full
body musta if i'm you know, sign up for this,
how relax will I be? And if they tell you
completely relaxed, that means that they're probably willing to jack
you off. And and this is there is.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
Yeah, you're assuming it's always that women are doing it
to men, but it sounds.

Speaker 2 (29:55):
Like you have men. I think it's yeah, it goes
both ways. I think wow. Also, if someone calls himself
a masseuse versus a massage therapist. That might be a
sign that they're willing to do sex X on the
client side if they ask. You know, if you're a
legit massage therapist and your client is saying asking about

like getting glute work done, that could be a short
a tell tale signe.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
But like I would have done that not knowing, because
I actually, really my glutes are typically where I hold
so much stress. For one, but then from the workouts
that I do, it's the place that gets the tightest
on me and it throws my back out. Look at that, like,
it's when my glutes get too tight, I have a
freaking slip disk and can get out of bed for
a week. So that is what I would have wanted

to work out. Like I literally thought to myself, I
should have gotten a massage the week that I finally
got really bad. And so what if I had said,
can you do glute work? What would have happened to me?

Speaker 2 (30:53):
Well, I think you just need to If you ever
have to ask that, you should just clarify that I mean,
actually I need to glutwork, Like this is not some code.
If a client is asking about draping, like how covered
up do I need to be? Like? Do I need
to put this sheet on? Then they were probably trying

to expose themselves as a hint to you know, entice
you into doing some sex work on them. And then
if if they use words like full service, full body release, those.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
Are other release seems like a big indicator.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
Right right. But you know it's funny because I found this.
I found a website. You know, it's called fusia dot com.
So I have no idea what this website is. This
is just a regular It looks like it's like anyone
can sort of post information on here. But it basically

says that erotic massage has been around for centuries, but
the term happy ending is relatively new. It says it
was first used in nineteen ninety nine and an Australian newspaper,
and it was used in a way to explain a
massage that involves a sex act. I mean that called
like a robin tug and those sorts of things.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
But I said to you, I was like, the reason
they finally coined it in nineteen ninety nine is because
we thought the world was ending. In two thousand at
yegk and so they were like, let's all go out
with a bang, like literang a bang.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
But this is interesting since happy ending massage is another
form of massage, they offer the most benefits of a
typical London erotic massage. Here are some of the things
that you can gain from a happy ending. It can
improve your mental, physical, and emotional health. It can boost
your blood circulation. It can help get rid of stress.
It can help deal with a wide range of sexual problems,

such as premature ejaculation and a rectile dysfunction. It can
deal with anxiety and other mental health related issues. It
can encourage mental relaxation through its ability to put you
into a trance. And it consists you to learn more
about some unusual body parts that can turn you on
during foreplay.

Speaker 1 (32:58):
Yeah, I mean none of that is surprising to me.
It's more about the fact that it's just not legal,
and so if you're going and requesting it, or it's
being offered to you with the tap tap tap, it's
a little alarming because it's against the law.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
Yeah, it's so it's exactly why.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
We all love sex, right, Like it's right, that's the
whole point. But yeah, maybe keep it to your you
and your partner, or you and whoever you're having sex with.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
I don't Yeah, I just I would be so curious
for anyone if anyone's experienced it and actually said, yeah,
let's do this, I would love for them to call
in and.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
Leave us an anonymous voicemail. We will not reveal.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Any and yeah, we won't say anyone's names. But I'm
also like curious, like what people think, should I have
just let her do it? You know, like a question?

Speaker 1 (33:50):
I have a question. So I always wonder about guys
getting boners during massages because I just assume that would
probably like I wondered if Yeah, I was wondering if
that's why you wear your underwear because you're trying.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
To like, no, I do it because I'm trying not
to suggest that I want a hand job from these women.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
You're that worried about it?

Speaker 2 (34:07):
Yeah, Because I mean that's why I differentiate between the
like sketchiers parlors.

Speaker 1 (34:13):
And like I'm like fall nude. Yeah, so I guess
I just my question to you would be you keep
saying you wish you would have done it, but like,
as a dude, can you just get turned on by anything?
Would you just close your eyes and fantasy about something else.

Speaker 2 (34:29):
This is a little t M. I but like I
after she tapped it the second time, like there was
you got hard. I didn't get hard, but it was
it like blood started going there. Like I had to
start thinking about like dead puppies, you know, because it's
I mean, it's it's a touch, you know. Like so

would it be my choice of person to get a
hand job from?

Speaker 1 (34:52):
No, but gender choice, right, right, But you're not doing
anything to them, so that's where you're like a hands
of hand right.

Speaker 2 (34:59):

Speaker 1 (35:00):
But if somebody said a hole as a hole at
one point, like it's so fucked up. I don't know
who it was, Diplo probably or something that somebody. Yeah,
Like there are all those things. I'm just curious, Like,
as a dude, you don't necessarily have to be attracted
to the person to get turned on, because you can Okay, no, interesting, I.

Speaker 2 (35:20):
Mean it certainly helps, but of course, but there's also
something like exciting about that situation. Like I was like, oh,
this is an exciting situation, so that plays into it too.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
Yeah, because it's a little taboo, well.

Speaker 2 (35:33):
It's a lot, it's a lot of taboos.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Yeah, it's the most ty boo you can actually get. Yeah,
but yeah, I can see that. You're like, oh, it's exciting,
it's like secret. It's all the things that I think
we would all quote unquote fantasize about or if you
were going to make up a scenario that's happening, except
maybe it would have been like a hot dude doing
it versus this woman. But yeah, yeah, that's it's I

see why it would have been kind of enticing if okay,
let's talk about this. What if it was a hot
dude and he did it, what would you have done?

Speaker 2 (36:10):
I don't know. I mean, I really honestly can't answer
that because there's a part of me that I know
that I did the right thing by like not going
through with it. But I'm also like, it is, yeah,
it's a story, and it's like, you know, it might
have been fun, you know. So if it were a

hot dude, then maybe I would have been more inclined
to say fuck it and just go with it. Yeah,
but I really can't answer it because I'm not in
that situation.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
So there's a place at the end of my street.
There is a place that I go to sometimes and
it's a foot miss it the same kind of place
you're talking about. I do table massages because those people
work you so like. It is not the most relaxing
spa like experience, but those women definitely know all the
reflex points. They help my back all the time, my neck, everything.
But I have noticed the walls are very thin there,

and so I've heard there specifically. The last time I went,
there was a man in the room next to me
and he was making a lot of noises, and I
did think to myself, right, this sounds sexual. But surely
he is not being this loud if she's actually doing something.
And then I thought to myself, also, surely that doesn't
really happen that, you know whatever. And then you come

back with this story and I'm like, oh my god,
was that could getting a hand job while I was
just getting my neck worked on? Yeah, that would make
me feel very weird to get this rando get a
hand job. Yeah, I think I like that idea. God,
this is fascinating that this even exists. I know the
dark Web, It's like that was what it felt like

when I was googling, and I was like, there is
a whole world of happy endings that exist on the
Internet that I and code words and places that you
can go and all the things that I just don't
even know happens. Make she wonder what else is going
on out there. I don't think I want to know. Yeah, wow, well,
these are very different body experiences for us, But I

think the whole podcast is about bodies today. Yeah, body,
yadda yadda, yadda, yadda, YadA yaddy. Yeah. Well, I kind
of wish you would have done it too, just so
we could talk about it, but with it, Like, my
other question is is how would you Would you just
be quiet? Would you just be like moaning to yourself?

I mean, I don't know what about what would have
happened when I bet she was good? Seems like she
knows what she's doing.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
Yeah, she knows her way around it. All right.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
If you guys have had a happy ending or know
someone who has, please, please, I'm begging you tell us
the story. I need to know. I did not know
this was so common. You can always leave us a voicemail.
They are completely anonymous. We can't actually even see who
left it. So if you're worried about that, don't worry
about it. Just don't say your name, we won't obviously
post that. Even if you do say your name, I

never post those anyways, So leave us a voicemail. The
link to the voicemail system is in the link of
my bio of Instagram. It's at Velvet Edge. It's also
in the bio of chips Instagram, which.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
Is at chip doorsh. It's Chip d R s c H.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
You can also email us at the Edge at velvet
sedge dot com. And I will put all of this
in the description of this podcast. But as you guys
go into this wage and if you're living on the edge,
like Chip apparently is, I hope you always remember too.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
Ah casual, all right, bye,
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