April 19, 2024 • 38 mins
Kelly and Chip discuss the new reality of texting being the most used format for communication in our culture in 2024. They debate on certain texting etiquette, response times, lack of response at all and how a lot of the issues still boil down to bad communication skills.
"It's like our technology has evolved with mass communication, but our emotional intelligence has not."
Kelly also brings up the difference between generations on response time via text and it's actually the opposite of what you may assume.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Happy Friday, Chip, A Hey, TG motherfucking if is it going.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
To be another beautiful weekend here in Nashville, Tennessee.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I don't even know. My world has been so crazy
this week that checking the weather has not been top
of my agenda.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
I mean, like, I love this time of year because
it's like you for coming out of winter, you forget that,
like you're gonna have nice weather at some point, you know,
and then you start waking up and it's nice every day,
and you're like, there's no way this is going to continue.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I wish that the listeners could see you talking about
weather right now. You're like, he has the biggest smile,
he's using his hand, he's very animated, very you seem happy,
joyous and free. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
I mean because it's like now we can go drink
on patios and stuff.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
You know, there's nothing better than ye and Wave Country opens,
you know.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Oh God, can you tell the listeners about if you
are new to this podcast and you have not heard
Chip talk about Wave Country, you obviously haven't listened in summer,
but it's about to be summer, so I feel like
you should give them some backstory because I'm sure we
will be hearing about it.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Yes, So Wave Country is I don't even know when
it opened, like probably early eighties or something.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
And so it's basically my age.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Yeah, it's like older than Kelly Cool and it is
owned by the city and it's just a big wavepool
that's got a it's got four slides, five slides. One
of them is for children and you know if you
like swimming with band aids.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Like, so this is where you and I could not
be more different because Chip loves a water park, like
living his last life. He will go by himself. He's
the creepy guy in the wavepool by himself, right I am.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I I will just like lay on a float. And
you know they're often playing like Jack FM, and I
think that's a good enough.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Like every every city as Jack FM.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Now Jay does what kind of music?
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Because it was like the best the best hits of
today and yesterday.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Like it's just like kind of the best.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
It's like, you know, like there's classic hits, but then
there's modern stuff too. There's songs that everyone knows, you know,
like any big karaoke.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Song is played on Did you want to give us
an example?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
You know, like don't stop believing you know stop, yeah,
or like sweet child of mine.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
But then it will be like background music.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Yeah, so I will go there about myself and sit
on a float and just stare up at the sun
and sing.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Out loud to jack at them.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
And I know everyone in the pool, including the lifeguards
who are sixteen and seventeen years old, right or like,
who is this crazy person?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Do you feel? Do you feel like in case of
an emergency, a sixteen or seventeen year old child essentially
could save you?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
No?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
At wave Country, I just want to detect so cool.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
I mean they do have those like little floating torpedo things.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I don't know about those because I myself do not
go to water parks because I hate them.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Well, you know they use them at like on bay Watch,
you know that thing like oh yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
All I can picture of Pamela Anderson running down the
beach in a re bikini carrying one of those yeah
oh yeah. But they don't have her rescuing you from
a wave pool.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I mean that'd be different. I would purposely drown.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Even the gay men love Pamela, who doesn't. I just
have this thing about sitting in water, and I know
there's chlorine. It don't come at me about this, but
there's something about the wavepool that I find so disturbing.
First of all, you know, every single person in there
is peeing, and I think probably doing other bathroom things
in there. Second of all, like you mentioned the band aids,
(03:44):
Like why are there always just floating band aids at
water parks. It's just so it just feels so unsanitary
to me, and I can't get over it. And I'm
not even like OCD or germophobe or anything like that normally,
but that situation, it's something about sitting in water, like
I don't know, it just really grosses me out.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
I think the reason why band aids are there is
because they fall off in the water.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
That's why they're popped into the waves.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Yeah, to be clear, these are not band aids that
are still in their packaging. There's yeah, so they slid
off a tower a finger, but a wound though, no
you don't. But they get pushed to the shallow end
because of the waves and I'm in the deep end.
And also there's so much chlorine. It's like I went
(04:39):
there during COVID. I thought it was safer to go
to the wavepool than it was to go to the
grocery store, and I never I didn't.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Get ca, you're outside, so yeah, swimming in bleach. Maybe
you're onto something. Maybe that was what saved you. Because
I've had COVID a lot of time.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Well I ended up having it, but never during the summer.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I'm about to rock your world with this transition. So
so anyway, so anyway, But what I was going to
say is the only time I feel like I can't
get in touch with Chip during the summer is if
he is at Wave Country. And so if Chip is
not responding to my text, I immediately know where he is. Like,
that is the one place that Chip does not get
(05:18):
back to you on a text.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Now I can't have my phone in the water.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Was that not good?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
That's good?
Speaker 1 (05:23):
So today I know blind sided you. So today I
really wanted to discuss not returning text and Chip and
I have kind of been going back and forth about
just all the reasons that this might happen. And it's
so interesting when you really think about our culture, Texting
(05:44):
is the number one form of communication at this point.
I feel in twenty twenty four, I personally feel like
I get more texts than phone calls even more than
like emails. Like I told you before this, I get
booked on jobs via text a lot of times now,
like people check my availability via text. I mean it's
not all the time, but I would say that it's
(06:04):
become our number one format for texting. And because of
that and communicating sorry, yeah, And because of that, it
almost feels like we're it to the place now where
maybe we need to talk about a little bit of
etiquette here and like what's appropriate, what is fair? Maybe
what are we missing and how are we going wrong
(06:24):
with it? And so I brought it to.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Go ahead, and I was just going to say, and
how do we put the lid back on Pandora's box?
You know, Like I feel like it's because it's just
going to keep getting worse, Like I think that email
is going to become the thing of the past.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Well it's kind of interesting because I like, I don't yeah,
I don't know that it can or will or whatever
that'll look like, but I do. I did find myself
this week, like I said, I've been really busy and
kind of like running back to back to back to
back to back, and I'll get to the end of
the day and realize I have not opened my email,
and then it's like you open your email, there's a
whole other world, and there's a whole nother world.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
You're like, oh wow, Well, it's like we now live
in a world where like a twenty five megabyte photo
is too big to send an email, but you can
text it and it comes through clearly. So I think that,
like it's weird. So I think that we're going to
start to see less email. I mean, I feel like
I'm it's I end up texting a lot more for
(07:20):
work stuff than email, and email is like a second
class citizen to me right now, and which is scary
because I prefer it and for work.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Of course, because you know why, it's the lack of urgency.
There's like a little more people don't know when you
read it. They don't know that it's like right there
in your like if you have to consciously go check
an email where a text is just flying into your phone.
And that was the main thing that you brought up
about this whole situation, like where we are now with
our culture with so much texting is being constantly on
(07:53):
call kind of so do you want to talk a
little bit about that.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Yeah, well, I mean, first of all, I would like
to do a little bit of a breakdown because there
are so many different relationships that we have that we communicate, right,
So we have work relationships, we have family relationships, we
have romantic relationships, and we have friendships.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
And the way that I.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Communicate or the expectations that I have in those communications
are different in all four of those categories. And you know,
like I do believe and even though I don't practice it,
I think that work life balance is really important and
it should be something that should be respected on both sides.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
I tend to work in a business that does not sleep.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
You know, so it's yeah, it's really difficult to have
that work life balance. And now when texting is part
of the conversation, it is really hard to turn it off,
you know. Like I know that there are some companies
out there that assistance I think at WME or maybe
at CAAA.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
These are two big agencies.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
One of them they're not allowed to take their computers
home and they don't have email on their phone, so
when they the office there, they can't work, which.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Is a nice, walking luxury.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Fucking brilliant, you know, like and I went. You know,
I worked as late as my boss did, so I
couldn't leave until she left. And my first job as
an assistant, and so it trained me to just constantly
because she and she was single and had no kids,
so she worked really hard and you know, work was
her life. And so I started my career with no
work life balance.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
So I've never been able to really get it back.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah, until I moved to Nashville, and we got a
little bit better because in New York and LA, people
tend to marry and have kids older, where if people
start families younger in the South, and so there is
a little bit more of respect for the family life.
So that's been a nice little introduction. Anyway, I'm digressing,
but I you know, so for work stuff, I prefer
(09:52):
it to be email, so that there is a paper
thread and it's like you can kind of see back
and forth, and you can pull people in if you
need certain things answered, and it's a big conversation happening together.
And it's not just all these side texts that are
hard to search and hard, hard to save and hard
to reference. But I feel like now everything, everyone treats
(10:14):
everything with such urgency that it's a text, and I'm like,
I often like, I'm the same as you. At the
end of the day, I look at my email and
I'm like, oh, now I've got to deal with this shit.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Well, so that's work. But what were you gonna mention about?
What's your variation between work relationship?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
You know, obviously it's when you're in a relationship like
that person has expectations that they're supposed to feel like
the most important person in your life.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Yeah, so, and you.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Know, also you probably should they should feel like the
most important person in your life. So it's you want
to constantly be chatting with them. So it's like that,
I prefer to be over text because then it's like
in constant communication. In fact, in my last relationship, it
was months before I had his email address.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
It was all just text and phone calls. Like I
didn't have any reason.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
You really don't need it unless you're like booking a.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Flight, booking a flight.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Then you know my mom, it's she doesn't text, so
I have to call her. And I prefer to talk
to my family on the phone because there it's a
different kind of conversation unless it's just me and my
sister like bullshitting about stuff. So it and then I
guess friends is sort of all over the place, like
it's usually like group text with friends, just like making
(11:27):
plans and stuff.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
It's it's very rare.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
I do have a couple of friends that like to
have really long text conversations and then I'm just like, can.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
We just fucking talk for a minute. Yeah, this is
driving me crazy.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah, although it is really convenient to like text and
watch TV at the same time, you can kind of
do that.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
That's why I do it, is because I can be
doing other things, right, but I'm with you certain things
do you just need to make the call. So what
you're saying or what I'm hearing you say, is you're
text to not text ratio or how you communicate with people?
What is different based on what kind of relationship that
you have.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yes, yeah, I I yes, I think there is a
strata there and they.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Can't use words that the rest of us.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Now, well, it's just like there's the rest of it now,
I want to say delineation, Like you just think all
those relationships are treated a little differently, Like for example,
within work, if if you need something from your boss, yeah,
and your boss is a texter and your boss isn't
responding to your text. Yeah, it can be really stressful,
(12:36):
but it's also really irresponsible to be like, well, I
texted my boss and you know, like and just move
on and like don't get something done in time or whatever,
or you run the risk of being forced to make
a decision that might be counter to what your boss
would have had you do. Sure, but if your boss
isn't responding, like what is your recourse? So, I mean,
(12:57):
I do think it's you have to like learn people
and learn their expectations. Like for me, if I think
I've gotten to the point now where if something is
really urgent a phone call, like if someone calls me,
that means something's important because that's like you cannot they
need the answer now. But text feels like it's just
(13:20):
one step short of that too, whereas emails like get
to it when you get to it, and then if
you fucking mail me something, you're lucky if I ever
open it.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Like carrier pigeon, God, what that was really difficult for me?
Speaker 2 (13:35):
If you've had a pigeon carrier.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I was watching this show The Gentleman on Netflix the
other day. It's so good by the way, if you
guys need a new bin show, And in one of
the scenes, the guy prefers carrier pigeons, and I was dying.
I'm just like, oh my god, that is an actual thing.
He can send notes that way. I had no idea,
But so that's interesting. So the point you're making is
it's varied between relationships. And I I was saying to
(14:00):
you when I first even brought this topic up. One
of my big like pet peeves is when people don't respond,
and I know a lot of it is, like I
have I feel like it's almost disrespectful for me when
someone texts me to not respond. So like, if I'm
not responding to you, there's usually a reason. Either I'm
(14:21):
super busy or there's always a reason I'm super busy
and I have not been able to get to my phone.
But like, even when I'm really busy, I'm pretty good
about it, and I'm pretty good about it pretty quickly,
or i'm driving obviously, or I've already told you the answer.
I've told I've set the boundary whatever you want to like,
whatever the situation was, and I'm not going to fucking
(14:43):
say it again. That's like, so it's an intentional.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Note, So it isn't that is like not responding at
that point? Is your answer?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Is my response?
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Yes? Correct?
Speaker 1 (14:53):
But there are people in my life who don't operate
that way, and I don't feel obligated to respond to
all their texts if they were just like, I'm just
in a place where I don't have the energy or whatever,
and I just have like a guilty conscience, Like just
to me, I'm like, that's just communicating to that person
that they're not important to me. And I never want
to make anyone feel that way. But I just don't
(15:14):
think everyone feels that way. So what is the etiquette there? Like,
what is the reality?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
I honestly, I don't know what it is because I
also think that you know, and people do put this
word around boundaries are important and we cannot make assumptions
about why someone's not responding to us every it's because
it's not the same reason every time I saw this.
It was funny because Kelly brought up this topic the
(15:40):
other day and then I a friend of mine posts
like shared this on his story, and I took a
screenshot of it. I don't know what the screenshot's from,
but It's like someone poses like a question and then
and then someone just answers it. It looks like it might
have been on Reddit or something. But people who don't
who don't reply until days later. It's a relatively very
(16:01):
new phenomenon that basically anyone in your life gets access
to you all the time. It was only twenty years
ago that if you left the house for the day
you were actually gone, you'd return messages when you got
back hours or even days later, and someone responded the
phone is there for my convenience. It is not an
electronic leash if it's not convenient for me to talk
(16:21):
to you for any reason. And this applies to texting
to including I'm just not feeling social right now. I'm
not obligated to answer.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
This is not rude. This is a normal personal boundary.
And that just.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Made me think, like that's so right. But I too,
like harbor guilt when I don't respond. And the worst
is when I know I haven't responded and then I
run into somebody and I.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Was like, oh my god, I go hi, Oh my god,
I bet to take you back. Did that not go through?
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
So many relationships where I talk to certain friends so
regularly that if I don't respond because I'm such a
normal responder, they're like are you okay? Like literally and
so like what you just said is interesting to me
because I hear what that person is saying, and I
don't really know that I understand why you can't just say, hey,
(17:22):
I'm trying to be off my phone or something like
if it's a person that's important to you for sure specifically,
or a person you talk to regularly, I don't think
that it's too much to ask to send a text
that says, hey, I just need to be off my
phone today or hey, I'm busy. I find this to
be the biggest issue with like our culture is we
(17:45):
don't know how to fucking communicate. Yet we have so
much access to all the communication possible, like you're saying,
like we're so easily reached at all times now because
we have text, email, Instagram, like there's all these things
whatever that you can find people and see where they
are and all this stuff. Yet basic communication skills like
(18:08):
simply saying one sentence to explain something to someone else
or just to kind of be like, hey, I get
I'll get to this in a mid or whatever it's
not that difficult. Yet it seems so complex for so
many people to me, and to me when I look
at it, because I know so much about the like
anxious avoidant dynamic, it just creates this perpetual cycle of
(18:32):
fucking with everyone's head. And anyway, like I don't I
think it's like a person's responsibility to take care of
their own needs. If you're not getting a response and
like you're spiraling out, like that's on you. You got
to go like figure out what's happening. But I also
just think I'm like, would it be so difficult, especially
for a romantic relationship, but even a friendship, like just
(18:54):
send the fucking text or like when you do get
back to it, you know, sorry super big, I've been
super busy or whatever whatever it is. I just think,
like communication is not that difficult, and so why is
it so fucking difficult?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Yeah, you know, it's funny.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
As you were talking, I started thinking about like sometimes
I'll send friends like a funny.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Song or a video or a meme or whatever, and.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Of course it's always nice to get some sort of
like haha or a response, but you know, I've got
friends that don't. But I know that they're watching them,
and they just know it's me like thinking of them
back in you know, like when I was in high school.
Like if I was if I thought of you, I
might like send you a postcard and I didn't expect
a postcard in return.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
None of my face message is what we do.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Oh my god. We didn't have computer.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
People or aim, remember Aim, Oh my god, Aim.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
That was nice even.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Gearing up for this word forever. Oh wow. Well, right,
I'm a couple of years old. I found this article
on Wiki how and it said it was like talking
about text anxiety. Like a lot of people have text anxiety.
So if you're not if someone's not responding to your text,
like I said earlier, it might trigger certain people. But
(20:05):
they said, don't worry. They may just be taking time
to process your text. Okay, this is the most basic,
like no shit Sherlock article ever. But I'm gonna I'm
gonna giving us some points anyway, they're just processing what
you said, which is they might be, you know, taking
their time to understand and reply like okay, cool, they're
experiencing text anxiety. For some people, texting can cause a
(20:28):
flood of anxious feelings I've actually experienced this with other
people where if they have a lot going on or
don't know what to say, they just don't say anything.
But I'm like, then say, I don't know what to say. Again,
it's like back to my communication issues. They're experiencing digital burnout.
That is real, and I totally support taking like a
(20:50):
step back from your phone. They're struggling with their mental health,
they have condition a condition that impacts focus like ADHD.
They're avoiding conflict, they're giving you the silent treatment, they're
ghosting you, They're genuinely busy.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
I was gonna say, like, please tell me they are busy?
Is on this list?
Speaker 1 (21:11):
It is? And that is a vallad excuse I believe. However,
did you hear so many of the other ones are
completely just about not knowing how to process feelings, deal
with emotions, and communicate properly. So again, it becomes a
relationship issue if you really think about it.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah, yeah, I think the thing that makes it like
why we're even having this conversation is because text is
I mean, it is a new form of communication.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Like yeah, I mean it's not that new, but it is.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Yeah that it's like this, Yeah, it's like everyone text
now except for my mom and my dad texts and
he's older than her. But I can remember when I
was at my first job in New York City. It's
when texting. I was a very early adopted or texting.
But it was even like cell phones. It was like
knew that cell phones were widely available and everything had them,
(22:08):
and I remember thinking like it was a privilege to
have someone's cell phone number, like all the executives at
our company, like it was not in their signature. It
was like their assistance email or phone number, maybe their
direct work line and their email, and that was how
you had to communicate with these people because the cell
phone was sacred. It was like, you know, the bat
(22:29):
phone to them, and you weren't just running And even
on business cards. People, we never put our cell phones
on business cards.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
It was just like emergency only are you're really close to.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
The person, And it was meant it was really meant
to be a work thing, Like it wasn't meant so
that you could like chat with your friends all day, right,
And now it's become like it is our lifeline to
the world, like we do everything with our phones. You know,
in some countries they only use Apple Pay and Samsung
or Google Pay or whatever. Like people don't even carry
wallets anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
You know, remember when the text you had to do
the numbers and it was like he had hit three,
he had hit one like three times to get to
see or something.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Yeah, Nokia.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
But then it was like predictive text started coming and
I'm like, shit, I rely on my Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
But what you said earlier, you were like, we've come
so far yet is it the right thing? And so
I brought up the younger generations because I've been experiencing
frustration with texting with younger generations.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Well, well I didn't know if I was getting ready
to interrupt you if you were finishing. I, you know,
not to defend them, but also to defend them. Like
every fucking day someone myself included, thinks or says out loud,
I hate my fucking phone. I wish I could delete
(23:48):
it all and throw this thing away, or I'm.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Moving to a flip phone or whatever.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
And maybe they're actually wising up and not and this
is like their reaction to that, and they're taking their
lives back. Maybe it's actually a good thing. We have
just become accustomed to that expectation.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
You know.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
Look, I think it is never good to be a
poor communicator. Okay, get you know, like you like taking
your life back. Is not like I get to be
a poor communicator because I'm taking my life back. You
can say I'll follow up in the morning, like I'm
I don't work at night, you know, or whatever. It is, like,
there is a way to communicate. I'm not texting you
(24:30):
right now, it's even if it's after out.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah, that there's like that makes sense to me. But
let me give an example. Okay, So okay, first of all,
just in general the younger generations. It's interesting to me
because as much as our culture seems built on urgency
and accessibility, there is a lack of urgency in the
younger generations.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
And I'm not I'm not saying this. I don't know,
like I don't think that we've necessarily created the healthiest culture.
I agree with that as well. And so you're right,
there are some things that are ingrained in me because
like what you said earlier about your earlier work experience,
that's how I've been taught to work too, and that's
how you kind of have to work in our business
if you want it, Like it's one of those jobs.
(25:15):
It's like if it was easy, everyone would be doing it.
So who's going to work the hardest and like keep
you know, the hustle going and whatever, And that's usually
who succeeds. And so I think I'm shocked sometimes, like
when I have people working for me, or in this
specific instance, I was trying to hire someone to film
something for me, and a lot of the video people
(25:38):
that I know are on the road on the weekends
and it's on a Friday, so there, you know, they
were already out town. So I'm getting references from people
and just all the things. And I was told to
message this one kid because I was like, is there
anyone like younger that's just trying to get started, because
like what I need is pretty straightforward and basic. And
so I was asking around on set one day and
(25:59):
I got this guy's he's like probably early twenties, and
so I texted him, and like it was the middle
of a work day. I didn't feel the need to
call him, like because that's how I've learned to communicate
or whatever. But I didn't hear back from him. So
I text the guy who gave me the referral, and
he was like, oh, he does travels. It was like
(26:19):
a Tuesday though he does travel sometimes work. Let me
text him and check in, and he like texts the
guy and the guy writes him back and says, yeah,
I'm he was doing something, but I don't really know what.
They didn't tell me, but I didn't get the sense
that he was like traveling or whatever. He responds to
me the next day, and I was so turned off
(26:41):
because it was a work Like it wasn't like I'm
just texting you whatever, but like I was texting about
a work opportunity and also like I can't move forward
or right. It kept me having to like go through
are you gonna be able to do this? Like I
have to cover my ass and find someone so like
and I just don't understand it because when I was
starting my career, I mean I was like working for free.
(27:02):
I was like, get me on set, I'll be wherever
I If someone texts me about a job, I'm responding
right away, like if you have a job opportunity for me,
I am there in two many Like it's like I
don't understand not having that, Like that's so weird, but
that this is not my first experience with this, That's
what I'm saying. So then when it came back in
(27:22):
the next day and was very nonchalant, like I still
needed somebody actually at that point, but I like went
out of my way to find someone else who responded
in a timely manner and had a little more urgency.
But anyway, I guess my point is just like I
hear what you're saying, and maybe they are taking their
life back ish, but I'm also like, where's the line
(27:46):
between like taking care of responsibility, working hard, building something,
especially if you're an entrepreneur, and learning how to fucking
communicate in business Because if you can't fucking respond to
a text of mine, I'm not hiring you.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Well, that's the thing, especially when it's like because this
example is like you were offering someone a job.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
You tried to charge me a lot, and I was like, okay, bye,
bitch bye.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah You're like, no, we good, Yeah, we good.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
That was just on the cake.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
But yeah, you're like, yeah, it was really about.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
The communication, because I'm just like, if you're not a
met to me, what that said was you're not reliable.
I don't I don't want to have to be waiting
on you to be there on time because I don't
trust you now. And I also I am like, what if
you got flaky the day of, Like it just produced
a lot of different feelings than me that I didn't
know that about that person, and I still don't know
(28:46):
that to be true about that person. But because of
the lack of urgency or or just communicating, hey, I'm
on set, can I text you about this tomorrow for details? Right,
I would have been like, sure.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
Great, and that is that's clear communication? Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yes. All I'm asking for averagehip is clear communication because
with men.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Jobs, it all comes down to that.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
And if you can't do basic communication, you're telling me
so much about you, that's it.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Anyway, it might it might be that you're just an
anxious person, and that's fine because you don't want an
anxious person, and why.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Did you also aspire this right now?
Speaker 3 (29:30):
No, I'm not saying I'm saying you might The non
response might just be that you're an anxious person and
you're like, I can't deal with two things at once.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
I'm not saying you're the anxious person.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Oh, I thought you were calling me saying a.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
Non response might be because someone's anxious about it, and
then you're like, I don't want to work with that
person any like if they're too high strung.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Like yeah, it's interesting because women are so good at
doing multiple things at a time, and I think men
are a little more laser focused on the one thing
they're doing. And so I feel like this creates a
really weird dynamic, especially with texting, because I hear so
many girls being like, well, they're like, well, he's at work,
but like, so what I'm still like they're texting all
(30:08):
day every day, you know, and they just get so frustrated,
and I'm like, okay, well he is at work, like
there are boundaries, but I hear what they're saying too,
of like he could say, hey, babe, like I'm at work,
and when I'm at work, like I can't respond right
away all the time or whatever.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
It is like or double click of heart heat.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Dude, Yeah, it ain't that hard.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
I'm alive, but my job is stressful, right. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I think that's all so basically all that I'm asking
for here from this conversation to anyone listening who's feeling
me at all, or maybe feels the opposite. It's like
all that I think, I think that this problem could
be resolved, and I don't think texting is going anywhere,
so I think that we have to kind of consider
how to resolve these things. But I just think it's like,
(30:53):
think about what actually the person is asking of you.
Like I do think a lot of people get anxious
and overwhelmed and then they shut down because they're like,
I didn't know what to say, and it's like, are
they asking you to solve the problem though? Are they
just asking like a question? And if you don't know
what to say, you could say, hey, I don't really
know what to say to that, or let me think
about this. Can I get back to you? Buy five
(31:15):
point thirty on Friday or something? You know, give a time,
give us specific But it's just like we have to
learn better basic communications because our culture is not slowing
down with the mass communication. Like it's almost like we've
built the technology, but our brains and our like emotional
intelligence has not grown yet right to match it.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
I also think too, we need to put a little
onus on the first person who reaches out to Like,
if something is urgent, you should say that you should
say urgent all caps, or like hey, sorry to bother you,
sorry to bother you at night, but I need to
get this done, or hey, I'm sorry, just like reaching
(32:00):
out out of the blue like I'm in a pickle
or whatever it is, so that it says like I
need a response, like you can't sit around on this,
or like I know you're at work, I'm dying to
know this, or yeah, whatever it is. You can't just
be like, hey, do you want to get dinner tonight
and expect someone to think that like you urgently need
that answer.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
But you know what's worse is because texting you can't
hear tones. The person could be like crying, they're having
a terrible day and they're like, hey, you want to
get dinner tonight, and then you don't respond and you're
but so it's like, okay, so now I know you
feel you yeah, and then you just internalize it. You
never you think they hate you whatever it is, and
it's like, okay, Well, if you had started the text
of saying, hey, I'm having a really hard day, is
(32:42):
there a chance that you're available for dinner? I could
really use a friend or something. But it's like we
also are so many humans don't want to actually communicate
the truth about what they're feeling or they're not aware
of what they're feeling. So it's like again goes back
to Okay, get in touch with what's actually happening for
you and then just be honest. Like people respond so
(33:03):
much better to that than I think you would think
they do. Like, Yes, that has been something I've learned
in the last three years and it's genuinely changed my
entire life to just shoot people straight kindly, but like
just be straight up, like, hey, I'm super overwhelmed right now,
Like this is big for me in dating. It's just
like I'm super overwhelmed right now. I am really interested
(33:25):
in meeting you. This is just not a good time
for me or something like. It's just like I'm not
trying to blow you up. Just say the fucking truth.
It doesn't have to be so complex and difficult, right.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
You know. I I'm so like.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
Averse to I don't I'm not I don't like conflicts,
so I try to yes, And so it's when I
have to give even if it's like I'm not even
it's not a fight, Like if I have to give
someone a bad news or I'm like, you know, just
saying no, like I'm I hate it, but there is
(34:00):
nothing better. There's no better feeling than when you just
fucking rip the band. They'd often do it because you're
just it frees you of the anxiety of having to
do it, so the.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Build up of doing it, putting it off it has
to be so much worse. I don't relate to that,
so it's hard, but I just I know the times
where I've had the anticipation of stuff is really the
thing that's making me crazy versus the actual experience or whatever,
conversation or whatever. Yeah, so like the build up. But
(34:30):
then oh I had a thought and I lost it.
It was going to be so epic, y'all, like so
epic and so good. I don't know. It was about
the avoiding conflict. Oh, what I was going to say
is I also in one of my relationships recently that
was like a big thing. And he didn't he didn't
(34:53):
feel good about conflict ever, very much like you like
just a kind soul, but like would try to avoid conflict,
and so that created probab in our relationship though, because
I'm like, if you just communicate with me, like I'm
not gonna fight with you.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
We're good.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
Yeah, don't communicate with me, And I have to guess
that is when I get pissed off, and that is
what that produces conflict, because I'm just like making up
all these stories in my head about what's happening by
your behavior, and if you just told me what was happening,
it wouldn't really be an issue, you know, And so
I just think it creates actually more problems to not
(35:26):
communicate And if people are responding poorly to your honest truth,
especially if you say it in a kind way, do
you really want those relationships in your life anyway?
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (35:36):
The people who are good will respect you, right.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
I guess It's where it gets gray.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
Is like when it's family or your boss or you know,
a work thing. It's someone that you're like doing business
with that you don't even really know. That's when it
really gets harry. It's like when you're dealing with someone
like I don't know this fucking person, you know, Like, yeah,
so you don't even know what to expect. But totally,
I mean, I think it all boils down to like
(36:02):
we should all just sort of respect each other. We
should respect each other's privacy, we should expect each other's
work life balance, we should respect each other's time, and
we should respectfully respond to people in whatever way is
the most respectful way, Like well it's.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Also but maybe want to say, like respect the way
that our cold Like I don't know that this is changing,
you know, I mean, do you take care of you?
But like there have been. That's like basically saying like
I wish the internet would go away, and maybe it
all will, I don't know, but as of right now,
it doesn't seem like that. So leaning in a little
(36:40):
more to maybe having I don't know, kinder etiquette. I
feel like we're like we're like the texting police today.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
If we're like old people now or like I feel that.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
You guys, you have to respond. It's rude.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
You know what the rudest thing is is to start responding.
I mean this is for only Apple users, Like you
start respawning so the person you see the bubbles and
then you stop.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Nothing will make me crazier. I'm literally all your bubbles.
Speaker 3 (37:08):
You know what's fucked up is I have a gift
of that so I can send someone that gift and
it just looks like I'm typing, and so I'm gonna
send it to you right now so that you have.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Great with my head. Anyway, I'm curious what you guys
think about this. Are you a person who feels obligated
to text at all times? Are we missing the mark
here by being so available all the time. Do you
think it'll change in our culture? Or are you the
person who's like, bitch, I'm not available all the time,
and I have boundaries around it, and I have some
(37:39):
things to say to what you said. You can email
us at the edge at velvetedge dot com, or I
would love to hear this via voicemail. You can check
out the voicemail on my Instagram page and the link
in bio. Also, oh sorry, I'm at Velvet's Edge. Chip
also put it in his bio and one day we're
going to get him to start posting about the podcast too.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
So bad at promoting myself.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
But you can follow me and not see any post
because I rarely post at Chip doors it's Chip d
r s h.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
You sold yourself and then you took it back because
you were like, you can follow me, except I never post.
You can't do it.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Story I post stories more than in feed.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
Okay. Well, as you guys go into the weekend and
Chip works on promoting himself, I hope that you are
living on the edge and well, fuck.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
You don't act casual when Kelly texts you.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
If I text you, you better not be acting fucking casual. Okay,
I'm just kidding. You. Guys can act as casual as
you want because it's the weekend, all right. As you
guys go into the weekend and you're living on the edge,
I hope you always remember to act casual.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Bye Bye,
Happy Friday, Chip, A Hey, TG motherfucking if is it going.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
To be another beautiful weekend here in Nashville, Tennessee.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I don't even know. My world has been so crazy
this week that checking the weather has not been top
of my agenda.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
I mean, like, I love this time of year because
it's like you for coming out of winter, you forget that,
like you're gonna have nice weather at some point, you know,
and then you start waking up and it's nice every day,
and you're like, there's no way this is going to continue.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I wish that the listeners could see you talking about
weather right now. You're like, he has the biggest smile,
he's using his hand, he's very animated, very you seem happy,
joyous and free. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
I mean because it's like now we can go drink
on patios and stuff.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
You know, there's nothing better than ye and Wave Country opens,
you know.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Oh God, can you tell the listeners about if you
are new to this podcast and you have not heard
Chip talk about Wave Country, you obviously haven't listened in summer,
but it's about to be summer, so I feel like
you should give them some backstory because I'm sure we
will be hearing about it.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Yes, So Wave Country is I don't even know when
it opened, like probably early eighties or something.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
And so it's basically my age.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Yeah, it's like older than Kelly Cool and it is
owned by the city and it's just a big wavepool
that's got a it's got four slides, five slides. One
of them is for children and you know if you
like swimming with band aids.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Like, so this is where you and I could not
be more different because Chip loves a water park, like
living his last life. He will go by himself. He's
the creepy guy in the wavepool by himself, right I am.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I I will just like lay on a float. And
you know they're often playing like Jack FM, and I
think that's a good enough.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Like every every city as Jack FM.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Now Jay does what kind of music?
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Because it was like the best the best hits of
today and yesterday.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Like it's just like kind of the best.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
It's like, you know, like there's classic hits, but then
there's modern stuff too. There's songs that everyone knows, you know,
like any big karaoke.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Song is played on Did you want to give us
an example?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
You know, like don't stop believing you know stop, yeah,
or like sweet child of mine.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
But then it will be like background music.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Yeah, so I will go there about myself and sit
on a float and just stare up at the sun
and sing.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Out loud to jack at them.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
And I know everyone in the pool, including the lifeguards
who are sixteen and seventeen years old, right or like,
who is this crazy person?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Do you feel? Do you feel like in case of
an emergency, a sixteen or seventeen year old child essentially
could save you?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
No?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
At wave Country, I just want to detect so cool.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
I mean they do have those like little floating torpedo things.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I don't know about those because I myself do not
go to water parks because I hate them.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Well, you know they use them at like on bay Watch,
you know that thing like oh yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
All I can picture of Pamela Anderson running down the
beach in a re bikini carrying one of those yeah
oh yeah. But they don't have her rescuing you from
a wave pool.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I mean that'd be different. I would purposely drown.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Even the gay men love Pamela, who doesn't. I just
have this thing about sitting in water, and I know
there's chlorine. It don't come at me about this, but
there's something about the wavepool that I find so disturbing.
First of all, you know, every single person in there
is peeing, and I think probably doing other bathroom things
in there. Second of all, like you mentioned the band aids,
(03:44):
Like why are there always just floating band aids at
water parks. It's just so it just feels so unsanitary
to me, and I can't get over it. And I'm
not even like OCD or germophobe or anything like that normally,
but that situation, it's something about sitting in water, like
I don't know, it just really grosses me out.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
I think the reason why band aids are there is
because they fall off in the water.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
That's why they're popped into the waves.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Yeah, to be clear, these are not band aids that
are still in their packaging. There's yeah, so they slid
off a tower a finger, but a wound though, no
you don't. But they get pushed to the shallow end
because of the waves and I'm in the deep end.
And also there's so much chlorine. It's like I went
(04:39):
there during COVID. I thought it was safer to go
to the wavepool than it was to go to the
grocery store, and I never I didn't.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Get ca, you're outside, so yeah, swimming in bleach. Maybe
you're onto something. Maybe that was what saved you. Because
I've had COVID a lot of time.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Well I ended up having it, but never during the summer.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I'm about to rock your world with this transition. So
so anyway, so anyway, But what I was going to
say is the only time I feel like I can't
get in touch with Chip during the summer is if
he is at Wave Country. And so if Chip is
not responding to my text, I immediately know where he is. Like,
that is the one place that Chip does not get
(05:18):
back to you on a text.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Now I can't have my phone in the water.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Was that not good?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
That's good?
Speaker 1 (05:23):
So today I know blind sided you. So today I
really wanted to discuss not returning text and Chip and
I have kind of been going back and forth about
just all the reasons that this might happen. And it's
so interesting when you really think about our culture, Texting
(05:44):
is the number one form of communication at this point.
I feel in twenty twenty four, I personally feel like
I get more texts than phone calls even more than
like emails. Like I told you before this, I get
booked on jobs via text a lot of times now,
like people check my availability via text. I mean it's
not all the time, but I would say that it's
(06:04):
become our number one format for texting. And because of
that and communicating sorry, yeah, And because of that, it
almost feels like we're it to the place now where
maybe we need to talk about a little bit of
etiquette here and like what's appropriate, what is fair? Maybe
what are we missing and how are we going wrong
(06:24):
with it? And so I brought it to.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Go ahead, and I was just going to say, and
how do we put the lid back on Pandora's box?
You know, Like I feel like it's because it's just
going to keep getting worse, Like I think that email
is going to become the thing of the past.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Well it's kind of interesting because I like, I don't yeah,
I don't know that it can or will or whatever
that'll look like, but I do. I did find myself
this week, like I said, I've been really busy and
kind of like running back to back to back to
back to back, and I'll get to the end of
the day and realize I have not opened my email,
and then it's like you open your email, there's a
whole other world, and there's a whole nother world.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
You're like, oh wow, Well, it's like we now live
in a world where like a twenty five megabyte photo
is too big to send an email, but you can
text it and it comes through clearly. So I think that,
like it's weird. So I think that we're going to
start to see less email. I mean, I feel like
I'm it's I end up texting a lot more for
(07:20):
work stuff than email, and email is like a second
class citizen to me right now, and which is scary
because I prefer it and for work.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Of course, because you know why, it's the lack of urgency.
There's like a little more people don't know when you
read it. They don't know that it's like right there
in your like if you have to consciously go check
an email where a text is just flying into your phone.
And that was the main thing that you brought up
about this whole situation, like where we are now with
our culture with so much texting is being constantly on
(07:53):
call kind of so do you want to talk a
little bit about that.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Yeah, well, I mean, first of all, I would like
to do a little bit of a breakdown because there
are so many different relationships that we have that we communicate, right,
So we have work relationships, we have family relationships, we
have romantic relationships, and we have friendships.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
And the way that I.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Communicate or the expectations that I have in those communications
are different in all four of those categories. And you know,
like I do believe and even though I don't practice it,
I think that work life balance is really important and
it should be something that should be respected on both sides.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
I tend to work in a business that does not sleep.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
You know, so it's yeah, it's really difficult to have
that work life balance. And now when texting is part
of the conversation, it is really hard to turn it off,
you know. Like I know that there are some companies
out there that assistance I think at WME or maybe
at CAAA.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
These are two big agencies.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
One of them they're not allowed to take their computers
home and they don't have email on their phone, so
when they the office there, they can't work, which.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Is a nice, walking luxury.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Fucking brilliant, you know, like and I went. You know,
I worked as late as my boss did, so I
couldn't leave until she left. And my first job as
an assistant, and so it trained me to just constantly
because she and she was single and had no kids,
so she worked really hard and you know, work was
her life. And so I started my career with no
work life balance.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
So I've never been able to really get it back.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah, until I moved to Nashville, and we got a
little bit better because in New York and LA, people
tend to marry and have kids older, where if people
start families younger in the South, and so there is
a little bit more of respect for the family life.
So that's been a nice little introduction. Anyway, I'm digressing,
but I you know, so for work stuff, I prefer
(09:52):
it to be email, so that there is a paper
thread and it's like you can kind of see back
and forth, and you can pull people in if you
need certain things answered, and it's a big conversation happening together.
And it's not just all these side texts that are
hard to search and hard, hard to save and hard
to reference. But I feel like now everything, everyone treats
(10:14):
everything with such urgency that it's a text, and I'm like,
I often like, I'm the same as you. At the
end of the day, I look at my email and
I'm like, oh, now I've got to deal with this shit.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Well, so that's work. But what were you gonna mention about?
What's your variation between work relationship?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
You know, obviously it's when you're in a relationship like
that person has expectations that they're supposed to feel like
the most important person in your life.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Yeah, so, and you.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Know, also you probably should they should feel like the
most important person in your life. So it's you want
to constantly be chatting with them. So it's like that,
I prefer to be over text because then it's like
in constant communication. In fact, in my last relationship, it
was months before I had his email address.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
It was all just text and phone calls. Like I
didn't have any reason.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
You really don't need it unless you're like booking a.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Flight, booking a flight.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Then you know my mom, it's she doesn't text, so
I have to call her. And I prefer to talk
to my family on the phone because there it's a
different kind of conversation unless it's just me and my
sister like bullshitting about stuff. So it and then I
guess friends is sort of all over the place, like
it's usually like group text with friends, just like making
(11:27):
plans and stuff.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
It's it's very rare.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
I do have a couple of friends that like to
have really long text conversations and then I'm just like, can.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
We just fucking talk for a minute. Yeah, this is
driving me crazy.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah, although it is really convenient to like text and
watch TV at the same time, you can kind of
do that.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
That's why I do it, is because I can be
doing other things, right, but I'm with you certain things
do you just need to make the call. So what
you're saying or what I'm hearing you say, is you're
text to not text ratio or how you communicate with people?
What is different based on what kind of relationship that
you have.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yes, yeah, I I yes, I think there is a
strata there and they.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Can't use words that the rest of us.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Now, well, it's just like there's the rest of it now,
I want to say delineation, Like you just think all
those relationships are treated a little differently, Like for example,
within work, if if you need something from your boss, yeah,
and your boss is a texter and your boss isn't
responding to your text. Yeah, it can be really stressful,
(12:36):
but it's also really irresponsible to be like, well, I
texted my boss and you know, like and just move
on and like don't get something done in time or whatever,
or you run the risk of being forced to make
a decision that might be counter to what your boss
would have had you do. Sure, but if your boss
isn't responding, like what is your recourse? So, I mean,
(12:57):
I do think it's you have to like learn people
and learn their expectations. Like for me, if I think
I've gotten to the point now where if something is
really urgent a phone call, like if someone calls me,
that means something's important because that's like you cannot they
need the answer now. But text feels like it's just
(13:20):
one step short of that too, whereas emails like get
to it when you get to it, and then if
you fucking mail me something, you're lucky if I ever
open it.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Like carrier pigeon, God, what that was really difficult for me?
Speaker 2 (13:35):
If you've had a pigeon carrier.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I was watching this show The Gentleman on Netflix the
other day. It's so good by the way, if you
guys need a new bin show, And in one of
the scenes, the guy prefers carrier pigeons, and I was dying.
I'm just like, oh my god, that is an actual thing.
He can send notes that way. I had no idea,
But so that's interesting. So the point you're making is
it's varied between relationships. And I I was saying to
(14:00):
you when I first even brought this topic up. One
of my big like pet peeves is when people don't respond,
and I know a lot of it is, like I
have I feel like it's almost disrespectful for me when
someone texts me to not respond. So like, if I'm
not responding to you, there's usually a reason. Either I'm
(14:21):
super busy or there's always a reason I'm super busy
and I have not been able to get to my phone.
But like, even when I'm really busy, I'm pretty good
about it, and I'm pretty good about it pretty quickly,
or i'm driving obviously, or I've already told you the answer.
I've told I've set the boundary whatever you want to like,
whatever the situation was, and I'm not going to fucking
(14:43):
say it again. That's like, so it's an intentional.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Note, So it isn't that is like not responding at
that point? Is your answer?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Is my response?
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Yes? Correct?
Speaker 1 (14:53):
But there are people in my life who don't operate
that way, and I don't feel obligated to respond to
all their texts if they were just like, I'm just
in a place where I don't have the energy or whatever,
and I just have like a guilty conscience, Like just
to me, I'm like, that's just communicating to that person
that they're not important to me. And I never want
to make anyone feel that way. But I just don't
(15:14):
think everyone feels that way. So what is the etiquette there? Like,
what is the reality?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
I honestly, I don't know what it is because I
also think that you know, and people do put this
word around boundaries are important and we cannot make assumptions
about why someone's not responding to us every it's because
it's not the same reason every time I saw this.
It was funny because Kelly brought up this topic the
(15:40):
other day and then I a friend of mine posts
like shared this on his story, and I took a
screenshot of it. I don't know what the screenshot's from,
but It's like someone poses like a question and then
and then someone just answers it. It looks like it might
have been on Reddit or something. But people who don't
who don't reply until days later. It's a relatively very
(16:01):
new phenomenon that basically anyone in your life gets access
to you all the time. It was only twenty years
ago that if you left the house for the day
you were actually gone, you'd return messages when you got
back hours or even days later, and someone responded the
phone is there for my convenience. It is not an
electronic leash if it's not convenient for me to talk
(16:21):
to you for any reason. And this applies to texting
to including I'm just not feeling social right now. I'm
not obligated to answer.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
This is not rude. This is a normal personal boundary.
And that just.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Made me think, like that's so right. But I too,
like harbor guilt when I don't respond. And the worst
is when I know I haven't responded and then I
run into somebody and I.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Was like, oh my god, I go hi, Oh my god,
I bet to take you back. Did that not go through?
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
So many relationships where I talk to certain friends so
regularly that if I don't respond because I'm such a
normal responder, they're like are you okay? Like literally and
so like what you just said is interesting to me
because I hear what that person is saying, and I
don't really know that I understand why you can't just say, hey,
(17:22):
I'm trying to be off my phone or something like
if it's a person that's important to you for sure specifically,
or a person you talk to regularly, I don't think
that it's too much to ask to send a text
that says, hey, I just need to be off my
phone today or hey, I'm busy. I find this to
be the biggest issue with like our culture is we
(17:45):
don't know how to fucking communicate. Yet we have so
much access to all the communication possible, like you're saying,
like we're so easily reached at all times now because
we have text, email, Instagram, like there's all these things
whatever that you can find people and see where they
are and all this stuff. Yet basic communication skills like
(18:08):
simply saying one sentence to explain something to someone else
or just to kind of be like, hey, I get
I'll get to this in a mid or whatever it's
not that difficult. Yet it seems so complex for so
many people to me, and to me when I look
at it, because I know so much about the like
anxious avoidant dynamic, it just creates this perpetual cycle of
(18:32):
fucking with everyone's head. And anyway, like I don't I
think it's like a person's responsibility to take care of
their own needs. If you're not getting a response and
like you're spiraling out, like that's on you. You got
to go like figure out what's happening. But I also
just think I'm like, would it be so difficult, especially
for a romantic relationship, but even a friendship, like just
(18:54):
send the fucking text or like when you do get
back to it, you know, sorry super big, I've been
super busy or whatever whatever it is. I just think,
like communication is not that difficult, and so why is
it so fucking difficult?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Yeah, you know, it's funny.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
As you were talking, I started thinking about like sometimes
I'll send friends like a funny.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Song or a video or a meme or whatever, and.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Of course it's always nice to get some sort of
like haha or a response, but you know, I've got
friends that don't. But I know that they're watching them,
and they just know it's me like thinking of them
back in you know, like when I was in high school.
Like if I was if I thought of you, I
might like send you a postcard and I didn't expect
a postcard in return.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
None of my face message is what we do.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Oh my god. We didn't have computer.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
People or aim, remember Aim, Oh my god, Aim.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
That was nice even.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Gearing up for this word forever. Oh wow. Well, right,
I'm a couple of years old. I found this article
on Wiki how and it said it was like talking
about text anxiety. Like a lot of people have text anxiety.
So if you're not if someone's not responding to your text,
like I said earlier, it might trigger certain people. But
(20:05):
they said, don't worry. They may just be taking time
to process your text. Okay, this is the most basic,
like no shit Sherlock article ever. But I'm gonna I'm
gonna giving us some points anyway, they're just processing what
you said, which is they might be, you know, taking
their time to understand and reply like okay, cool, they're
experiencing text anxiety. For some people, texting can cause a
(20:28):
flood of anxious feelings I've actually experienced this with other
people where if they have a lot going on or
don't know what to say, they just don't say anything.
But I'm like, then say, I don't know what to say. Again,
it's like back to my communication issues. They're experiencing digital burnout.
That is real, and I totally support taking like a
(20:50):
step back from your phone. They're struggling with their mental health,
they have condition a condition that impacts focus like ADHD.
They're avoiding conflict, they're giving you the silent treatment, they're
ghosting you, They're genuinely busy.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
I was gonna say, like, please tell me they are busy?
Is on this list?
Speaker 1 (21:11):
It is? And that is a vallad excuse I believe. However,
did you hear so many of the other ones are
completely just about not knowing how to process feelings, deal
with emotions, and communicate properly. So again, it becomes a
relationship issue if you really think about it.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah, yeah, I think the thing that makes it like
why we're even having this conversation is because text is
I mean, it is a new form of communication.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Like yeah, I mean it's not that new, but it is.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Yeah that it's like this, Yeah, it's like everyone text
now except for my mom and my dad texts and
he's older than her. But I can remember when I
was at my first job in New York City. It's
when texting. I was a very early adopted or texting.
But it was even like cell phones. It was like
knew that cell phones were widely available and everything had them,
(22:08):
and I remember thinking like it was a privilege to
have someone's cell phone number, like all the executives at
our company, like it was not in their signature. It
was like their assistance email or phone number, maybe their
direct work line and their email, and that was how
you had to communicate with these people because the cell
phone was sacred. It was like, you know, the bat
(22:29):
phone to them, and you weren't just running And even
on business cards. People, we never put our cell phones
on business cards.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
It was just like emergency only are you're really close to.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
The person, And it was meant it was really meant
to be a work thing, Like it wasn't meant so
that you could like chat with your friends all day, right,
And now it's become like it is our lifeline to
the world, like we do everything with our phones. You know,
in some countries they only use Apple Pay and Samsung
or Google Pay or whatever. Like people don't even carry
wallets anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
You know, remember when the text you had to do
the numbers and it was like he had hit three,
he had hit one like three times to get to
see or something.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Yeah, Nokia.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
But then it was like predictive text started coming and
I'm like, shit, I rely on my Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
But what you said earlier, you were like, we've come
so far yet is it the right thing? And so
I brought up the younger generations because I've been experiencing
frustration with texting with younger generations.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Well, well I didn't know if I was getting ready
to interrupt you if you were finishing. I, you know,
not to defend them, but also to defend them. Like
every fucking day someone myself included, thinks or says out loud,
I hate my fucking phone. I wish I could delete
(23:48):
it all and throw this thing away, or I'm.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Moving to a flip phone or whatever.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
And maybe they're actually wising up and not and this
is like their reaction to that, and they're taking their
lives back. Maybe it's actually a good thing. We have
just become accustomed to that expectation.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
You know.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
Look, I think it is never good to be a
poor communicator. Okay, get you know, like you like taking
your life back. Is not like I get to be
a poor communicator because I'm taking my life back. You
can say I'll follow up in the morning, like I'm
I don't work at night, you know, or whatever. It is, like,
there is a way to communicate. I'm not texting you
(24:30):
right now, it's even if it's after out.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah, that there's like that makes sense to me. But
let me give an example. Okay, So okay, first of all,
just in general the younger generations. It's interesting to me
because as much as our culture seems built on urgency
and accessibility, there is a lack of urgency in the
younger generations.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
And I'm not I'm not saying this. I don't know,
like I don't think that we've necessarily created the healthiest culture.
I agree with that as well. And so you're right,
there are some things that are ingrained in me because
like what you said earlier about your earlier work experience,
that's how I've been taught to work too, and that's
how you kind of have to work in our business
if you want it, Like it's one of those jobs.
(25:15):
It's like if it was easy, everyone would be doing it.
So who's going to work the hardest and like keep
you know, the hustle going and whatever, And that's usually
who succeeds. And so I think I'm shocked sometimes, like
when I have people working for me, or in this
specific instance, I was trying to hire someone to film
something for me, and a lot of the video people
(25:38):
that I know are on the road on the weekends
and it's on a Friday, so there, you know, they
were already out town. So I'm getting references from people
and just all the things. And I was told to
message this one kid because I was like, is there
anyone like younger that's just trying to get started, because
like what I need is pretty straightforward and basic. And
so I was asking around on set one day and
(25:59):
I got this guy's he's like probably early twenties, and
so I texted him, and like it was the middle
of a work day. I didn't feel the need to
call him, like because that's how I've learned to communicate
or whatever. But I didn't hear back from him. So
I text the guy who gave me the referral, and
he was like, oh, he does travels. It was like
(26:19):
a Tuesday though he does travel sometimes work. Let me
text him and check in, and he like texts the
guy and the guy writes him back and says, yeah,
I'm he was doing something, but I don't really know what.
They didn't tell me, but I didn't get the sense
that he was like traveling or whatever. He responds to
me the next day, and I was so turned off
(26:41):
because it was a work Like it wasn't like I'm
just texting you whatever, but like I was texting about
a work opportunity and also like I can't move forward
or right. It kept me having to like go through
are you gonna be able to do this? Like I
have to cover my ass and find someone so like
and I just don't understand it because when I was
starting my career, I mean I was like working for free.
(27:02):
I was like, get me on set, I'll be wherever
I If someone texts me about a job, I'm responding
right away, like if you have a job opportunity for me,
I am there in two many Like it's like I
don't understand not having that, Like that's so weird, but
that this is not my first experience with this, That's
what I'm saying. So then when it came back in
(27:22):
the next day and was very nonchalant, like I still
needed somebody actually at that point, but I like went
out of my way to find someone else who responded
in a timely manner and had a little more urgency.
But anyway, I guess my point is just like I
hear what you're saying, and maybe they are taking their
life back ish, but I'm also like, where's the line
(27:46):
between like taking care of responsibility, working hard, building something,
especially if you're an entrepreneur, and learning how to fucking
communicate in business Because if you can't fucking respond to
a text of mine, I'm not hiring you.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Well, that's the thing, especially when it's like because this
example is like you were offering someone a job.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
You tried to charge me a lot, and I was like, okay, bye,
bitch bye.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah You're like, no, we good, Yeah, we good.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
That was just on the cake.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
But yeah, you're like, yeah, it was really about.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
The communication, because I'm just like, if you're not a
met to me, what that said was you're not reliable.
I don't I don't want to have to be waiting
on you to be there on time because I don't
trust you now. And I also I am like, what if
you got flaky the day of, Like it just produced
a lot of different feelings than me that I didn't
know that about that person, and I still don't know
(28:46):
that to be true about that person. But because of
the lack of urgency or or just communicating, hey, I'm
on set, can I text you about this tomorrow for details? Right,
I would have been like, sure.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
Great, and that is that's clear communication? Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yes. All I'm asking for averagehip is clear communication because
with men.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Jobs, it all comes down to that.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
And if you can't do basic communication, you're telling me
so much about you, that's it.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Anyway, it might it might be that you're just an
anxious person, and that's fine because you don't want an
anxious person, and why.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Did you also aspire this right now?
Speaker 3 (29:30):
No, I'm not saying I'm saying you might The non
response might just be that you're an anxious person and
you're like, I can't deal with two things at once.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
I'm not saying you're the anxious person.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Oh, I thought you were calling me saying a.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
Non response might be because someone's anxious about it, and
then you're like, I don't want to work with that
person any like if they're too high strung.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Like yeah, it's interesting because women are so good at
doing multiple things at a time, and I think men
are a little more laser focused on the one thing
they're doing. And so I feel like this creates a
really weird dynamic, especially with texting, because I hear so
many girls being like, well, they're like, well, he's at work,
but like, so what I'm still like they're texting all
(30:08):
day every day, you know, and they just get so frustrated,
and I'm like, okay, well he is at work, like
there are boundaries, but I hear what they're saying too,
of like he could say, hey, babe, like I'm at work,
and when I'm at work, like I can't respond right
away all the time or whatever.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
It is like or double click of heart heat.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Dude, Yeah, it ain't that hard.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
I'm alive, but my job is stressful, right. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I think that's all so basically all that I'm asking
for here from this conversation to anyone listening who's feeling
me at all, or maybe feels the opposite. It's like
all that I think, I think that this problem could
be resolved, and I don't think texting is going anywhere,
so I think that we have to kind of consider
how to resolve these things. But I just think it's like,
(30:53):
think about what actually the person is asking of you.
Like I do think a lot of people get anxious
and overwhelmed and then they shut down because they're like,
I didn't know what to say, and it's like, are
they asking you to solve the problem though? Are they
just asking like a question? And if you don't know
what to say, you could say, hey, I don't really
know what to say to that, or let me think
about this. Can I get back to you? Buy five
(31:15):
point thirty on Friday or something? You know, give a time,
give us specific But it's just like we have to
learn better basic communications because our culture is not slowing
down with the mass communication. Like it's almost like we've
built the technology, but our brains and our like emotional
intelligence has not grown yet right to match it.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
I also think too, we need to put a little
onus on the first person who reaches out to Like,
if something is urgent, you should say that you should
say urgent all caps, or like hey, sorry to bother you,
sorry to bother you at night, but I need to
get this done, or hey, I'm sorry, just like reaching
(32:00):
out out of the blue like I'm in a pickle
or whatever it is, so that it says like I
need a response, like you can't sit around on this,
or like I know you're at work, I'm dying to
know this, or yeah, whatever it is. You can't just
be like, hey, do you want to get dinner tonight
and expect someone to think that like you urgently need
that answer.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
But you know what's worse is because texting you can't
hear tones. The person could be like crying, they're having
a terrible day and they're like, hey, you want to
get dinner tonight, and then you don't respond and you're
but so it's like, okay, so now I know you
feel you yeah, and then you just internalize it. You
never you think they hate you whatever it is, and
it's like, okay, Well, if you had started the text
of saying, hey, I'm having a really hard day, is
(32:42):
there a chance that you're available for dinner? I could
really use a friend or something. But it's like we
also are so many humans don't want to actually communicate
the truth about what they're feeling or they're not aware
of what they're feeling. So it's like again goes back
to Okay, get in touch with what's actually happening for
you and then just be honest. Like people respond so
(33:03):
much better to that than I think you would think
they do. Like, Yes, that has been something I've learned
in the last three years and it's genuinely changed my
entire life to just shoot people straight kindly, but like
just be straight up, like, hey, I'm super overwhelmed right now,
Like this is big for me in dating. It's just
like I'm super overwhelmed right now. I am really interested
(33:25):
in meeting you. This is just not a good time
for me or something like. It's just like I'm not
trying to blow you up. Just say the fucking truth.
It doesn't have to be so complex and difficult, right.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
You know. I I'm so like.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
Averse to I don't I'm not I don't like conflicts,
so I try to yes, And so it's when I
have to give even if it's like I'm not even
it's not a fight, Like if I have to give
someone a bad news or I'm like, you know, just
saying no, like I'm I hate it, but there is
(34:00):
nothing better. There's no better feeling than when you just
fucking rip the band. They'd often do it because you're
just it frees you of the anxiety of having to
do it, so the.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Build up of doing it, putting it off it has
to be so much worse. I don't relate to that,
so it's hard, but I just I know the times
where I've had the anticipation of stuff is really the
thing that's making me crazy versus the actual experience or whatever,
conversation or whatever. Yeah, so like the build up. But
(34:30):
then oh I had a thought and I lost it.
It was going to be so epic, y'all, like so
epic and so good. I don't know. It was about
the avoiding conflict. Oh, what I was going to say
is I also in one of my relationships recently that
was like a big thing. And he didn't he didn't
(34:53):
feel good about conflict ever, very much like you like
just a kind soul, but like would try to avoid conflict,
and so that created probab in our relationship though, because
I'm like, if you just communicate with me, like I'm
not gonna fight with you.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
We're good.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
Yeah, don't communicate with me, And I have to guess
that is when I get pissed off, and that is
what that produces conflict, because I'm just like making up
all these stories in my head about what's happening by
your behavior, and if you just told me what was happening,
it wouldn't really be an issue, you know, And so
I just think it creates actually more problems to not
(35:26):
communicate And if people are responding poorly to your honest truth,
especially if you say it in a kind way, do
you really want those relationships in your life anyway?
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (35:36):
The people who are good will respect you, right.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
I guess It's where it gets gray.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
Is like when it's family or your boss or you know,
a work thing. It's someone that you're like doing business
with that you don't even really know. That's when it
really gets harry. It's like when you're dealing with someone
like I don't know this fucking person, you know, Like, yeah,
so you don't even know what to expect. But totally,
I mean, I think it all boils down to like
(36:02):
we should all just sort of respect each other. We
should respect each other's privacy, we should expect each other's
work life balance, we should respect each other's time, and
we should respectfully respond to people in whatever way is
the most respectful way, Like well it's.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Also but maybe want to say, like respect the way
that our cold Like I don't know that this is changing,
you know, I mean, do you take care of you?
But like there have been. That's like basically saying like
I wish the internet would go away, and maybe it
all will, I don't know, but as of right now,
it doesn't seem like that. So leaning in a little
(36:40):
more to maybe having I don't know, kinder etiquette. I
feel like we're like we're like the texting police today.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
If we're like old people now or like I feel that.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
You guys, you have to respond. It's rude.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
You know what the rudest thing is is to start responding.
I mean this is for only Apple users, Like you
start respawning so the person you see the bubbles and
then you stop.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Nothing will make me crazier. I'm literally all your bubbles.
Speaker 3 (37:08):
You know what's fucked up is I have a gift
of that so I can send someone that gift and
it just looks like I'm typing, and so I'm gonna
send it to you right now so that you have.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Great with my head. Anyway, I'm curious what you guys
think about this. Are you a person who feels obligated
to text at all times? Are we missing the mark
here by being so available all the time. Do you
think it'll change in our culture? Or are you the
person who's like, bitch, I'm not available all the time,
and I have boundaries around it, and I have some
(37:39):
things to say to what you said. You can email
us at the edge at velvetedge dot com, or I
would love to hear this via voicemail. You can check
out the voicemail on my Instagram page and the link
in bio. Also, oh sorry, I'm at Velvet's Edge. Chip
also put it in his bio and one day we're
going to get him to start posting about the podcast too.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
So bad at promoting myself.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
But you can follow me and not see any post
because I rarely post at Chip doors it's Chip d
r s h.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
You sold yourself and then you took it back because
you were like, you can follow me, except I never post.
You can't do it.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Story I post stories more than in feed.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
Okay. Well, as you guys go into the weekend and
Chip works on promoting himself, I hope that you are
living on the edge and well, fuck.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
You don't act casual when Kelly texts you.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
If I text you, you better not be acting fucking casual. Okay,
I'm just kidding. You. Guys can act as casual as
you want because it's the weekend, all right. As you
guys go into the weekend and you're living on the edge,
I hope you always remember to act casual.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Bye Bye,
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