September 10, 2025 • 53 mins
Why does the female orgasm still feel like one of life’s biggest mysteries—even in 2025? This week on Velvet’s Edge, Kelly is joined by board-certified sexologist and host of the Orgasmic Enlightenment podcast, Kim Anami. Known for her transformational retreats and global work around intimacy, Kim breaks down the myths, mental blocks, and cultural baggage that keep so many women from experiencing their full pleasure.
From the reasons society still struggles with good sex, to why women orgasm differently solo versus with a partner, to how menopause and aging shift intimacy—Kim shares her wealth of knowledge on reconnecting with your body and reclaiming your right to pleasure. You’ll hear practical tools for women who struggle to orgasm, advice for men who want to be better lovers, and the empowering truth that sex gets to be better at every stage of life.
Website: kimanami.com
Podcast: Orgasimic Enlightenment
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HOSTS:
Kelly Henderson // @velvetsedge // velvetsedge.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Kim Anami is a Board certified sexologist and host of
the Orgasmic Enlightenment podcast. She has propelled millions into higher
stratospheres of connection, sensuality, energy, and aliveness through her online
sex and relationship school and intimacy retreats in Bali and Mexico,
and she is here with us today to unpack the
(00:32):
mystery of the female orgasm. Hi Kim, Hi Kelly, I'm
so glad you're here. I've been following you on Instagram
for quite some time now, and I feel like the
energy you bring to sex is how I want to
live the rest of my life, and so I've wanted
to get your insight and then also give it to
all the listeners because I find it to be very
empowering and also hopeful when you're talking about sex.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
I'm so glad to hear that. That's my purpose, to
really show people what's possible and for everyone to know
it's possible for them. And you've probably heard me speak
about what I call the Anami guarantee, which is that
everyone can so rather than people thinking, oh, I guess
some people can do this, or some people can have
that kind of orgasm, or some people just have a
(01:18):
high libido. Maybe I'm one of those people who doesn't. No,
I guarantee that everyone has all these things. Every woman
has a high libido. Every woman is multi orgasmic, can
have g spot, cervical escorting orgasms, ejaculate that hits the ceiling.
Every woman can shoot ping pong balls with her vagina.
These are not just special skill sets that were granted
(01:41):
to some and not to others. If a woman isn't
having these experiences, there's reasons why, and there's things we
can do about it so that everyone can.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I guarantee you my listeners are now going, oh, see
why she had her on. I want to start with
something I read on your website. You say your main
message is that everyone ought to be having more sex
and better sex, which is kind of what you just
said as well. But I want to know what are
the reasons that you think that people are not having
good sex in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I think for the most part, people don't know what
they don't know. And if you look at the dominant
messaging what's in media, films, television, rap songs, you see
a very superficial, very course expression of sexuality, very limited
where I say, you know, look, the big barometric question
(02:32):
is does sex leave you feeling energized, rejuvenated, transformed, euphoric,
and like it changed your life? And if not, then
you're doing it wrong. So the truncated, you know, pump
and dump kind of encounters we see like people have
that as a model and they just don't know that,
(02:53):
Like I said, in my view, sex is meant to
be this spiritually expansive, self actualizing. Yes, full of deep pleasure,
but it's actually meant to up elevate the essence of
who you are. That when you're in that kind of
relationship of what I call gourmet sex, let's say, versus
junk food sex, which is what we typically see presented
(03:14):
to us, then your whole life changes, your whole being changes,
You become more of the person you're meant to be.
And so all of my work is a map of
how to do that right. How do we unlock those places,
shift beliefs, remove blockages, whatever's in the way of that
guarantee of that essence coming out that I say we
(03:36):
all have.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
We're going to break down all of these ways too.
By the way, guys, let's talk about the female orgasm.
Let's just jump right in because that's what we said
we're here to talk about. But as a sex expert,
I'm assuming there are a ton of myths that you
are just like, I'm so sick of hearing this I
can't and that or that you just want to squash.
So can you break down some of those myths or
the things that you hear women coming to you with
(04:00):
the blocks to having these orgasms?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, thanks for asking that. Number One would be that
some women can and some women can't. Yeah. Right. That
becomes a default excuse that people give everywhere, from the
allopathic system to so called sex experts, like, oh, it's
just you know, don't worry about it. If you can't
do it, don't worry about it. There's other things you
can do. No, I guarantee every woman can't. And we've
(04:24):
had women in my work who no longer have a
cervix physically and they can still have cervical orgasms. So
if that doesn't give you hope and optimism about what's
possible for everyone, you know, So there's that. And then
a huge focus in my work, especially for women and
in the realm of orgasms, is that the vaginal orgasms
(04:47):
and by that I mean g spot ejaculation, squirting orgasms,
and then the queen of them all, the cervical orgasm
are the most important, most potent, life changing organs for women.
And so yes, women can have clitteral orgasms, nipplegasms, but
the most changing, like transformative ones that you can have
(05:10):
cathartic self realizing are these deeper vaginal ones. And so
there are people out there who say, oh, there's no
such thing as vaginal orgasms, or oh, only clteral orgasms exist,
and I'm like, okay, you've basically just told everyone that
you've never had these orgasms, you know, like tell me
this without telling me, right. So I'd say those are
(05:31):
the two biggest ones, is that you know, to make
it clear that everyone can and these do exist, and
they're the most important orgasms for women.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
When you say everyone can, where did we start. I'm
just thinking to myself about all the conversations I've had
with my friends, and so many women do say that
like I just can't or I've told you before the podcast.
I have so many women write into me every time
I have a sex expert on and say I cannot
organ with a partner where did this begin that the
(06:03):
female orgasm is just so much tougher to get to
than the male orgasm, because I think a lot of
us just associate that mentality with the way that it is.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
For whatever reason. I think people who haven't had those
deeper experiences, and because they're not formulaic, right, Like, I'd
say that the C literal orgasm and the standard penile orgasm,
because there's a spectrum of orgasms for men as well,
are pretty easy to bang off, right. They're much more physical, superficial.
(06:37):
Even less inspiration will bring those to the finish line.
But the deeper vaginal orgasms require as the price of admission, surrender,
really being able to let go, be vulnerable, drop your
guard and open up. And that's even if you're doing
them solow and then especially with a partner. And so
(06:59):
if people have never even touched that territory, which happens
also through extended time spent, right, Like, women are not
likely unless they're super accomplished and they've had lots of
these over their lifetime to pop these out in a
few minutes, right, And the average sexual encounter is three minutes.
(07:19):
Many ejaculate. Seventy five percent of men ejaculate within three minutes.
Ninety five percent of men ejaculate within five minutes. No
woman is going to be having g spot cervical orgasms.
She's barely barely even just gotten a rhythm and then
it's over right. And so it's this combination of even
(07:40):
the people who are supposed to be the experts who
haven't had these experiences in their own life and their
own relationships, or they're going off of outdated academic texts
that are completely wrong, and they're just spouting information, regurgitating
things that they think are correct. So for me, I
(08:00):
say that if I had gone to some kind of
typical sex school, I'd be broken, unsuccessful because I would
be parroting information that's largely wrong. But for me, this
journey really started in my own bad and in my
own relationships, where I had all these different orgasms very
early on. The first orgasm I ever had was a
(08:22):
cervical orgasm, And the only framework I had for even
understanding this was I'd read something that Freud said, which
he said, actually that the more immature female orgasm is literal,
and women's internal orgasms are more mature and profound, and
that at least gave me some clue, some thread, you know,
(08:43):
to kind of make a map of what where I was,
because I was learning and having all these experiences through
my own adventures. And then, you know, then I later
learned about Tantra and Taoism, and that gave me more
of a framework where these cultures looked at sex as
a spiritual journey, as a way to actually reach states
(09:05):
of enlightenment, altered states of consciousness, and so all of
that kind of information more reflected what was happening in
my own bad and my own relationships, you know, and
then me having a really passionate interest in all things holistic,
in the idea that we can heal ourselves, we don't
(09:25):
need other authorities to do that for us. All of
that combined to create the genre of my work of
holistic intimacy and sexuality, but this very self empowered approach
that we can find all this from within and we
don't need permission from other people. And in fact, most
of the time the messaging that we're given around sexuality
(09:47):
from external sources is really flawed and very mutated.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Well, even you mentioning that most people are having sex
for three to five minutes, that's shocked. I mean, that
just made me gas when you said that, And I
just immediately thought of so many men that I hear
saying my wife never wants to have sex, and I'm like, well,
if that's what's happening, no wonder that even pressing for us.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah, that's one hundred percent accurate. If that is the case,
and a woman feels that not even like a few times,
she's going to be like, look, I have much better
things to do, like pick the lynch off my towels
and clean the kitty litter. Would be preferable to feeling
like you just pump, dumped and slumped and then fell asleep.
Why would I willingly subject myself to something that feels
(10:36):
so abandoning and dismissive.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Well, I feel like in those scenarios you would feel
just used, almost yeah, and like totally, I don't know,
it just then becomes a job. You said the words
surrender when you were describing these internal orgasms, And I
want to know how much of a female orgasm is
mostly physical? Is it? How much is tied to emotion,
(11:01):
how much is mental? Because I do think that from
my experience, at least I should say I feel like
men and women really differ there, and maybe that's not true,
and maybe that's just you know, in some I don't
know surface level sex situations, but it feels like women
do need more of like an emotional connection or maybe
there's some sort of mental and emotional block to these orgasms.
(11:25):
Is that accurate?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
So it depends on the orgasm. If we're talking about
literal orgasms, I would say that trajectory is much more
similar to a typical penile orgasm. Okay, where eighty percent
is physical, twenty percent is how much you can let
go of control. You know, because I've still met women
and worked with women who, even though they have all
(11:48):
the right technique, if they're and by their own description
like they really have a hard time letting go of
control and opening themselves, they still will be holding on
with a death gript and unable to open up into
those experiences. So everything changes when we get inside the vagina.
So then I'd say the ratio flips from eighty percent
(12:08):
energetic being able to open and let go, and twenty
percent technique. And here's the proof in the pudding, right, Like,
for example, let's take the g spot or scorting. You know,
people are fascinated with this, and there's all kinds of
information online tutorials. Okay, if you take your fingers, you
come hither, use two fingers move like this. Okay, great,
So why aren't all women having these orgasms? Right? If
(12:31):
it was just about technique, why isn't that happening? Obviously
it's because there's another or several factors at play, and
the main one being the ability to open and let
go and so surrender is huge. And if people have
let's say, a history of sexual trauma that they've never
(12:51):
cleared within themselves, that's going to show up as restriction,
as holding back. Sometimes it literally shows up is what
I call a vagin I'm not on lockdown right, where
the vagina refuses to even be penetrated. So the allopathic world,
and this is even gross to articulate this, but they'd
be like, here's this stretcher we're going to give you
(13:12):
for your vagina to help you force it open. And
that's so much just re traumatizing and not even finding
the source of the problem. Where years ago and I
discovered this again, like in my own practice is working
with women who had these issues, they had a history
of trauma that they'd never cleared. And so of course
the body, being as wise and trying to help us
(13:35):
as it is, is like, bitch, don't come in here
until your solve this problem. Right Like, the door is
closed until you can heal. There's things that need healing.
I'm not feeling well, and if you can heal, that
door opens up. And that's what I saw in my
work then, right is when we would address these issues
on a deeper level, women could then open up even
to being penetrated, to feeling pleasure and then later to
(13:59):
these orgasms. And this comes down to that thing of
like the body is my ally and not my adversary.
These things aren't just random things that have happened to
me for whatever reason, as in, oh, I have this ailment,
I have this problem. It's like, no, the body is
actually giving us these clear messages. This needs to be healed.
(14:21):
This needs to be alchemized and resolved before you can
attain these states of pleasure and openness. And rightfully so,
the body is guarded and tensed up against threat, against
violation until we tell it otherwise, until we help to
heal it and integrate whatever's.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Happened, which actually is such a beautiful thing, like you
were just saying. I really I'm really trying to switch
the narrative around body stuff as I get older, because
I feel like we have this mentality we have a
symptom of something and we just want to get rid
of that symptom and we're mad at our bodies for
having it. Yeah, but it's like, what's the deeper message here?
And there always is one, right, Like I love what
(14:59):
you're saying about the trauma and our vagina being on lockdown,
but like wouldn't it be, And that's your body trying
to keep you safe. So it's doing the right thing
based on your history, which is a beautiful thing. You
just have to tell it that was then this is
now kind of thing in whatever ways that you.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Do that exactly and find ways to you know, somatic
healing act healing through the body. And we've had women
do this healing work and I suggest a whole range
of techniques, but one woman who did my work. We
have a really beautiful podcast called Healing Sexual Trauma with
the jd Oni Egg and if you know, using a
(15:37):
JDA is a big part of the work that I
do with women. So she had been violated and she
had this similar thing. She couldn't touch herself, She couldn't
even put her fingers in her own vagina because it
was all connected to this past trauma that she had.
And so she decided, okay, she was going to work
with the egg and to make it more of a process.
(15:58):
Every day, she said a time like she couldn't she
could barely touch herself without getting a panic attack. Right,
So she would set a timer for thirty seconds of
touching herself using the jade egg in her yoni, and
then she would stop the next day, she would increase
that to one minute, the next day a minute in
thirty seconds. And she did that so methodically, so diligently,
(16:19):
that she was able to shift the energy there and
heal that and alchemize it to the point where she
had severe endometriosis like paralytic, extreme pain. And tried even
all these natural approaches, herbal methods, all kinds of different treatments,
it evaporated her endometriosis. As she moved through this process
(16:40):
of reconciling and healing her vagina and her psyche, the
whole all of her symptoms disappeared and didn't come back.
And this is another beautiful expression of the body showing
us through some kind of symptom reproductive wise, there's something amiss,
something is out of balance, that needs deep or healing.
(17:00):
And even all of your most holistic methods, which I
still support as an adjunct, I just don't think they're
the core healing apparatus, right, It's deeper energetic, emotional, psychological, spiritual.
She addressed all that, and then the physical symptoms just gone.
She went back to her treatment physician and they were like,
I don't know how to explain it, but she's like,
(17:22):
well I do. Let me tell you.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
That's sometimes where I go to like Western medicine, because
we're not looking at the root, and the root is everything.
That's all the answers. Yeah, wow, you just answered multiple
questions for me in one. But I was going to
ask you if there was one specific place you would
say to start if someone is listening and they're just
really identifying with maybe even not even being able to
(17:51):
have an orgasm at all, like even by themselves, like
this woman you mentioned couldn't even touch herself without having
a panic attack, which I think is probably more common
than I would like to believe. So is there one
specific thing. Is it like a jade egg? Is it
loving touch? Is it hugs? Is it you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Look, I would say two things. One, yes, the jade
egg is an amazing self knowledge tool and then also
works to bring sensation, strength, reconnection into the whole vagina,
which is what we want to do. And at the
same time, I would say, as self, I call it
Yoni reconnaissance. Right, So rather than touching yourself with the
(18:42):
immediate intention of achieving orgasm, it's touching yourself with the
intention of healing, exploration, reconnection, getting to know every little
nook and cranny of yourself. Right, So you could call
that Yoni reconnaissance, Yoni massage. I have some great videos
on that on my YouTube channel for people to check out.
(19:03):
But you're really looking at how do I awaken? How
do I reconnect? The orgasm will come if you build it,
it will come. But the foundation for building that is
if your numb, if you're disconnected, if you have all
these neural pathways which have been mutated through some kind
of traumatic experiences which look to one degree or another,
(19:25):
we all have, whether it was some kind of like
comment about your vagina or a relationship that had some
bad energy in it or to outright abuse. We all
have layers of it, right, And so the more work
that we can do to alchemize these things, the more
clear the channel is, the more sensation we have, the
(19:45):
more connected we are. Dissociation comes out of trauma, right,
It comes out of things we don't want to look at,
and why and why would we want to look at?
Although at some point that's the price of admission, right,
is we have to alchemize and go true some face
the demons, right, go demon hunting and face these things,
slay them so that we can then rise above and
(20:08):
repattern ourselves or reset ourselves to our original settings of
bliss and pleasure. Which again that's the Anomi guarantee, is
that within all of us is this indestructible, pure place
that can experience all of these things. If we're not
there yet, and sometimes it might feel like we're really
far away from it, it's just because there's a whole
(20:30):
bunch of stuff that's in the way of connecting to that,
and then the work is to move through that and
clear it. It's like fung shui exceptional and relationship pung shwe.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
I love that reconnecting to pleasure, because I do think
that's one of the main things women have been robbed
of over time in association with sex, like whether it
was it felt like a job for so many years,
or our pleasure wasn't really focus, you know, like I
think a male's pleasure has been more of the focus
(21:04):
universally when we're talking about sex for so long, and
so reconnecting to pleasure in a slow way sounds like
a beautiful thing to me if anyone is listening. I
know you talk about the jade egg a lot on
your install but if people are listening and they don't
follow you yet, can you just give some descriptions of
what the jade egg does.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, So this was a practice I mentioned Daoism and Tantra,
and these are five thousand year old studies where they
looked at this the spiritual and sexual coming together. How
do we use our sexual energy in a way to
attain higher states of consciousness within ourselves? And they had
all kinds of practices to do that, and one of
(21:45):
the main practices in the Daoist studies was for women
was using a jade egg. So it's a piece of
jg carved into the shape of an egg. There's a
whole drilled through it that you put a string through.
The egg goes up inside the vagina and then and
you're using weight on the other end of it so
that you have feedback and resistance, and then you build
(22:06):
muscle articulation sensation within the vagina, just like you would
in an exercise routine lifting weights at the gem. So
when people are told to I don't know if they're
told this anymore, but they used to be told to
do their kegels. So keegels the way we're taught them
are just clenching your vagina at random in the wind.
(22:27):
And that's basically doing a bicap in the air. Right,
a bicep curl with no weight. It doesn't do anything
because there's no resistance. So if you have an object,
you pick up a five pound barbell right and you
start pressing it. Dumbbell, barbell, it's get.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Them mixed up.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Barbels. Then you're actually looking for that sweet spot of
enough exertion that you have to put out effort versus
it being too heavy that you can't even lift it
up right. You want to find that exact spot of
stance and that's the exact same thing with vaginal weightlifting
with the jade egg and so yes, I'm out there
(23:06):
lifting coffee tables and surfboards and chandeliers, but you don't
need to do that to get the benefits. You can
start very slowly with like a bag of crystals, you know,
or a few crystals, and work your way up and
you never even need to get to the coffee table territory.
I do that to prove a point. But all of
this brings you back that connection. It builds strength just
(23:29):
like any other muscle of the body. It actually needs
working out. And when people get you know, sixty percent
of women have urinary in continents. Fifty percent of women
after childbirth have pelvic organ prolapse of some kind. Something's wrong, right,
Your organs are not meant to fall out of your body.
The reason they are falling out is because your pelvic
(23:51):
floor is weak. Your pelvit bowl is not strong enough
to support them. Right. And if women are told to
quote do theirchegels and they're just squeezing their muscles, it's
doing nothing. So we clearly have a massive epidemic of
lack of pelvic floor strength and simple exercise, and so
the bizarre treatments that the obgyn world gives is, let's
(24:15):
sew a piece of plastic inside your vagina instead of
telling women to just go home and exercise their vaginas
for a few minutes a day. Right, it's he and
us the cutten, barbaric and same stupid some of the things. Frankly,
most of the things that women are told to do
from that sector of you know, so called medicine, whereas
(24:37):
these simple self empowering things you can do on your
own solutions actually work and they have permanent results.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Okay, So we kind of mentioned that men's pleasure was
more prioritized publicly, I think than women's. So how do
we reframe that, Like if a woman is really focused
on her partners pleasure? Because I think as women too,
we do want our partners to be happy and please
during sex, of course, but how do we shift the
(25:07):
narrative in our own head to not sacrificing our own
pleasure for that sake, Like, what is one of the
first steps that we could take as women to really
prioritizing our own pleasure.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Well, first of all would be I agree that there's
this focus on men, even like I said, media films TV,
what do you see you see a thirty second encounter
where the guy definitely has an orgasm and the woman
maybe maybe not.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
And it's never even mentioned. I always think that's so weird.
It's like, we see that guy have the orgasm and
then yeah, the scene ends, and you're like, but what
about her?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
And why is that? Why is that constantly reinforced to
us right all the time? Right, So we're getting this
messaging all the time. So, and also the message that
men are more sexual than women. When we are more
emotional men and more sexual, women really need to be
coerced into having sex. They're not that sexual beings. Okay,
this is where I'm going to do a full one
(26:03):
eighty and say women are insatiable. The natural state of
women is complete insatiability. What happens when a man has
an orgasm, he goes.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
And takes a nap.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Right when the woman has an orgasm, she can have another.
It's like that DJ callet another one and another one
and another one. It is endless. She has no limit.
So you know when men joke like oh they need
a few girls, and like, bitch, you can handle a
few girls. It's women who can handle none of not
that I'm promoting this as as like a like a
(26:36):
preferable option, but in theory, women are the ones who
could handle multiple men, where men can't even handle one woman.
It's like, you know, one ejaculation and they're boomed down
for the count. They have hours to recover, you know,
the average guy. So there's that to start with, is
that women actually are very innately sexual beings, and there's
(26:58):
a whole amount of programming out there telling them that
they aren't, and the whole Madonna horror programming. Right, so
women are either sluts or they're virgins, and there isn't
really this happy medium of a voracious, healthy, sensual woman.
You have to create that. So that's part of it
is just even looking at the programming that you've been
(27:19):
given and thinking, Okay, do I buy into this? And
you might because it might have been your life experience
thus far. So having what I've said earlier, the conscious
self exploration practice, a Yoni egg routine, and then as
you build that connection, it moves more into self pleasuring,
meaning as you start to get to know yourself and
(27:42):
experience pleasure you d no then you can go more
actively into the ascent and pursuit of these orgasms, right,
and then as you start to have them, you nourish yourself.
There's a term that I coined, the well fucked woman,
which is that when a woman is true satiated and
activating her sexual energy, she changes, right. She goes from
(28:06):
being what guys might think of as like a naggy girlfriend,
you know, or a bitchy girlfriend. I'm like, yeah, you're
just not fucking her well enough. If that's what you've got,
it's actually.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
The biggest comeback of all times. Well sorry, you didn't
fuck me well enough.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Hundred percent. It's so accurate because if a woman is
being fully sexually satisfied to the height of her potential,
which is a lot you need a beast of a
man to actually satisfy a woman, then she is your
biggest ally supporter. She's easy going, she's generous, she's kind.
(28:42):
She's going to drop to her knees and give you
blowjobs all the time because she appreciates you for fucking
the shit out of her and activating this confidence, this superpower,
this beautiful feminine energy that all awakens in her when
she is a well fucked woman, an underfunxed woman is
(29:02):
going to be the opposite. She's yelling at shop clerks,
she's freaking out at people in traffic. Right, she's going
to humiliate her man in public and berate him in
front of friends and family. Like you, you have not
seen the start of this yet. You know what I mean, too,
pump chumped me.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
You're done. And this isn't even conscious.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Right, They're just doing this stuff and they both don't
know consciously. He thinks she's a bit. She just gets
so irritated and resentful at him, but it's really he
is not fucking her well enough and has no idea
how to, and she doesn't even realize because she's been
given no permission to be this massive sexual goddess that
(29:42):
she truly is inwardly. And then they both are like
the blind leading the blind, right, And so so much
of my work is again like showing people what's possible.
This is really the natural state of things, is that
he's doing his job to make sure that you're always sad, satisfied,
beyond satisfied. And then you in turn gift him with
(30:04):
all the radiance of your true feminine energy, and that
supports and nourishes him like a superpower, you know, he
becomes turbocharged with that energy that you now give back
to him, and then we have the beautiful cycle of
Yann and Yang the way it was always meant to be.
That's how we're meant to be existing together.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
That makes so much sense to me. I've never thought
of it that way, but and almost when you were talking,
I was thinking, it's just almost like a respect that
comes from being a well fucked woman because when you're
there the partner, you look at your partner and you
want more. Like you said, you're insatiable. So that means
all the things that you want a gift to him
(30:44):
because you respect how he's gifting to you. I love
the Yin and yang like idea there too, because we
never talk about that, and that is the way it's
supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah, it's a beautiful harmony. And the core of that
is through sex. And that's another issue, is this idea
that oh, sex is a small part of a relationship.
It's not the most important thing. No, it actually is.
It's the core. It's the glue. It is your secret
superpower connection that you have with each other. You go
(31:15):
into that liminal sexual space. You have these deep spiritual, otherworldly,
cosmic experiences and then you emerge out into the world
as these superheroes, as a superpower couple. I call it
right where you've activated these energies and skills and talents
and traits in each other that you've lit up through
(31:38):
the potency of your connection. And that's what I mean.
You become the best versions of yourselves. And the secret
is your bed. That's where it all happens. So that's
where the magic happens, the alchemy, you know, the full
fusing of yin and young energy that coming together to
come out into the world, to come into your states
(31:58):
of consciousness.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
So that's with a partner. Will you talk a lot
about self pleasure too, And I'm also thinking about people
who might not be in a relationship listening to this,
what is the importance of self pleasure? Because I truly
still talk to some women who just don't do it
at all. They have no relationship with themselves in that capacity.
(32:21):
And I've always found that to be a little like,
I don't even know what to say when that comes up,
but it feels like it has to be a block
of some sort. Is that accurate. Is this Does everyone
need to be doing this? You know, like, what's the
relationship to self pleasure with all of the stuff that
we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Yeah, well, first of all, with the block idea, I
do think that's true. I think the origin of that
could be for some people, it's even religious where there
were strong ideas around not ever touching yourself and there's
there's issues with that. So it could just be that
a belief that you've taken in and or it could
be negative experiences. Let's say you were in a relationship
(33:03):
that felt violating sexually, even if it wasn't a full
abuse situation, but even a partnership where it just there
was a lot of ick. There was a lot of
duty sex, a lot of obligatory sex, and you're kind
of like, you don't want to touch that, you don't
want to go, you know, into those places in your
body because you don't feel good about them. So that's
(33:23):
part of it. And then that takes some conscious examination
to acknowledge where that may have came from, and then
a leap of faith of say me telling someone okay, look,
these are the keys to the queendom and your own
self knowledge and connection is really the foundational part of
rebirthing yourself as a healthy sensual being. So, yes, having
(33:48):
a self pleasuring practice when you're single is really important
because that energy, okay, sexual energy is life force energy
r Right, it's the energy that creates new life. And
if you're not making babies with it, or you're not
in a partnership, it's still important to stay connected to
that energy and use it as a rejuvenating creative power
(34:11):
in your life. And so when people talk about being celibate,
you know, usually the way that's practiced is people are
celibate without any kind of sexual contact or thoughts or
they're trying, and then we see where that leads. Right,
what's the highest percentage of abuse in an institution ever?
Has to give you a church of course, people who've
(34:33):
been forced to be celibate. Right, So the correct way
to be celibate if you don't have a partner is
self pleasure in a conscious way, in a devoted way,
in a I'm gonna get to know myself and connect
to this energy and learn how to use it in
my life, learn who I am as essential being, and
(34:53):
then that energy that you start to play with it
changes you, right, you can have that well focked woman
are even as a single person. And we have countless
stories of women where they were self pleasuring the night before,
had a great experience with themselves. They go out into
public in sweats, flip flops, hair back in a bun,
(35:14):
no makeup, glasses, and they get hit on relentlessly, like
pumping gas and then run across the parking lot to beg,
beg for their phone number, and they're like, what the
hell Like I'm like, I'm like, you could not look
anymore like put less put together. And these guys, because
they're feeling you're now radiating this aura, this aura of beauty,
(35:38):
of femininity, of magnetism that is literally drawing people to
you on this energetic level and imbuing you with a
kind of beauty. And that's the well, that's being a
well fucked woman. And so then when you're in that place,
how easy is it going to be for you to
attract a partner? Right? So much easier if you're tracted
(36:00):
and inward and like hunched over and like I'm cut
off from this energy. No one's gonna touch that, or
if they are, they're going to be at the same
level of you. Which could be semi traumatized in a
frozen state, not dealing with their staff, very easily triggered
and activated. You don't want that. You want to up
level yourself and come to a new vibration, a new frequency,
(36:23):
and attract somebody from there. Right, And look, we're all
works in progress, and no one's ever fully healed. Ever,
there's always another level to go. In fact, that's what
the word anami means in Sanskrit. It means there's always
another level to go in healing. You never reach a
static place of you're done.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
You know, it's okay, here's your go on here, yeah, trophy,
you're good.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Like no, it's never like that, So you don't have
to be like perfect. And you know, think you're ready,
but you have to put in some effort to get
that energy revved up and generating a field, an auric
field that then draws people into you, and you'll know
you're ready because the men will start to come if
you build it, they will come. Right.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
It's like you start putting that and.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
They just start dropping out of the sky.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
You know, like, I am so true though it is
truly this, I've experienced this as well. It is so true.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Like I have nothing against dating apps, per se, the
whole online thing. I've never done them. But the reason
why is because I know that when I'm in that state,
the men just come from all over the place, even
you know, and that's, to me, is the best barometer
to know. Okay, I'm ready because I've been doing this
inner work, literally inner work, and these men are just
(37:44):
showing up right about any effort. I'm not seeking them
out like parking lots, grocery stores, elevator or you know,
like anywhere is possible because your energy is magnetizing them in.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Well, you mentioned that we're never fully healed. It's always
a work in progress, and I would imagine too, that
could incorporate so many of the different things that we
go through in life. You know, there's seasons of things
like sometimes you're in a really great season and things
they're just flowing and easy, and maybe those are easier
times to have sex, and then sometimes you're struggling and
(38:26):
it's not always like the best energetically for you. And
one of the conversations that I keep having with a
lot of my friends is menopause. You know, I'm forty three,
and I'd mentioned this to you before the podcast, because
you speak about menopause in a way that I've never
heard anyone else talk about it in relation to sex,
because so many of my friends are starting to be like,
(38:47):
I have no sex drive, I don't want to be touched,
you know, and like we're also at the same time
having all these menopause symptoms, and you speak about it
in a way of like, if you're having sex, you're
not going to have these some So can you talk
about this a little bit in what your mentality about
menopause is.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
So my view is that all and I mean all
reproductive ailments symptoms, things that are out of balance. So
that means everything from PMS to difficult periods to challenging menopause,
growth synsus, low libido, PCUS, and ametriosis, all of it,
Like I reference that woman example earlier, all of it
(39:27):
has a preceding cluse, meaning some kind of emotional mental imbalance.
That these are not periods. Were not meant to be difficult,
menopause was not meant to be a struggle. We're not
meant to be getting growths on the body. These are
all expressions of stuck energy and unresolved issues and when
we resolve them, then they evaporate. It's that easy. So
(39:49):
over the decades of me doing this work, I've had
countless women in the menopausal process. And now there's this
huge focus on perimenopause, which honestly twenty years ago, I
don't even know where that word came from. Right, it's
like getting people on the train even earlier and earlier,
and they've gone through menopause with nary a blip on
the radar. Meaning if they are well fucked women, or
(40:13):
they're going through this process of learning about these things
in my work and applying them, they don't have a
single symptom. The only thing that happens is their period stops.
They're wet as can be, they're lubricating, libido is still
crazy high, like to the point where they have to
bring like extra pairs of panties with them because they're
soaking through them in the day because they get excited
(40:35):
and they're wet all the time. And the only thing
that shifts is they just stop bleeding. That's it, and
in my view, that is how it's supposed to happen.
Is a transition. Now, the reason I think why so
many women are experiencing the opposite is one they might
have already had challenging periods and p max, right, and
so that's just going to carry on through montopause. Why
(40:57):
would that change also? And the reason is because they're underfucked.
They're not having this level of life changing transformative secs
that I say is the default and the norm for
every woman, or ought to be the norm for every woman,
and when they do so. I've even had women come
through my work in the middle of difficult menopads. Right,
(41:19):
So they are having hot flashes, they are having lubrication issues,
and they start applying these principles and they shift it
and they don't want to go on hormones. Right, They're
coming to me because I'm saying, you can do it
without hormones. I'm saying that prescribing women hormones for a
natural state of their life is really I think it's
(41:40):
actually snake oil, to be honest, Like, I am shocked
that so many practitioners, even those seemingly in a more
natural place, are recommending that for women, because it's really
saying I have zero faith in the woman's in a
human woman body and that I think it only can
survive by being heavily medicated. Like what the fuck kind
of rationale is that? I don't even I feel embarrassed
(42:03):
for these people that they think that, and they're doing
this to women and the karmic load that they're getting
for that, Like how how can you think that? So anyway,
so when women are sexually connected, they literally glide through.
It's like it lubricates the entire process. So perimenopause, menopause, postmenopause,
(42:23):
no hormones, no lube, don't need to go shopping at
Ann Taylor, you know, like you don't have to do
any of those things. You can still be a sexy, voracious,
multi argasmic wet wet wet, wetter than wet we have.
This is one of my favorite quotes ever from one
of our female clients is like, would she say a
tsunami of wetness is if she's.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
On your website? I mean, I think that's goals, right,
that sounds amazing and so it's so interesting. I love
what you're saying though about I just hate how our
culture just throws a pill at everything. And I've never
felt right and again, I'm not fully in any of
these symptoms. So I don't know how I'll feel at
(43:06):
a different time, but I've never felt right about getting
on hormones. I did hormone treatment with some infertility stuff,
and I was like, what am I? I knew before I
did it wouldn't work for my body. I did it.
I hated it, and I was so right. I should
have listened to my body. It was so harsh and
it doesn't feel it doesn't feel good to my body,
and so I wish I would have listened in hindsight.
(43:28):
But that's how I feel going into this stage of life.
Is like I don't want to throw any more of
that into my body. I would rather treat it with
food or natural ways if I need some help. But
I just the being well fucked seems like a better
option to like, how can that make it worse?
Speaker 2 (43:48):
It's the best option.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
We have this interview.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Oh, she's from the South. You would have you seen
the one my podcast? It's sixty one Rich and Ask
Fucked across Alabama.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
I have to watch it now. I haven't seen that
one yet.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Her name is Michelle, and she is amazing and she
was in like a not great marriage for like forty years. Yeah,
and she was fifty nine or sixty and who does that?
Who gets a divorce at that old es?
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Actually from the house.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
Yeah, oh, like so courageous. She does it. She gets
found my work, dives into it, and then within within
a year or nine months or something, she'd met this
man and they start having the most epic relationship you know,
of her life. And she said she used to need
to have buckets of lube like by her bedside, you know,
and now nothing, like they are having sex left, right
(44:44):
and center all over the house, like through hours long
sex date.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Not a drop of.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Lube is ever used. Wow, and no, no, hop like
none of these symptoms that she's, yeah, like her friends
have gone through all this stuff and she's like, no,
hasn't gone through any of it. So it's completely possible.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
And like I.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
Said, I think that, and now that I've seen it
enough enough women going through it to think, okay, just
say confidently this is the answer, and this is the
answer that everybody else is missing. So I appreciate other
advice out there around like working out and high protein
and it called, Yeah, that valid information, great support, but
people on that are buy and large always still taking hormones.
(45:28):
That's always a part of these people's protocols. And that's
where I'm like, no, you guys are snake oil salespeople,
because you don't need it. If you're having amazing, life
changing sex, that trumps everything. Those hormones that you're generating,
if we want to even look at it that way,
right through orgasm, through pleasure, all of these high quality,
(45:50):
powerful hormones you're generating from within, and so they're going
through the body and they're supporting whatever transition might happen.
If people want to say to me, oh, but you
lose this hormone and that, and like, okay, can we
just think for a moment that the human body going
through this thing that all women go through, has a
natural way to reconfigure itself and to make it work
(46:13):
without needing exogenous supplements hormones for the rest of our lives.
Like how is that logical? Like that's the part that
I get confused by. I'm like, how do you think
that's more logical than thinking that somehow your body has
a means to do this naturally? We just have to
figure it out. And the obvious and the clear and
(46:33):
the actual answer is our sexual energy. But all these
people which again, to me, they're just admitting that they're
sexually inexperienced and underfucked that they've never actually had these
deeper orgasms, they've never actually had these transcendent sexual experiences,
because if they did, they would realize that that's going
to want to leap propel them into this other dimension
(46:56):
where they're like menopause menta, what what are you even
talking about? Right Like, I don't even like what There
are cultures in the world who don't even have a
word for menopause because it's not a thing. It's a
very North American thing. It's a very manufactured thing. And
then now like I think the perimenopause thing is now like,
oh no, you're not used to Now there's another ten
(47:18):
years you have to worry about that you could be
suffering for. And if you think about it, right, like,
the allopathic aim with women is to have women on
hormonal birth control from puberty until death. Right now, they
suggest going on the birth control pill for even acne,
you know, age fourteen.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
They suggested for menopause symptoms now, like or period problems.
I've never I can't do birth control either. It's another
thing my body does not like.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
Yeah, so then you do that, and then people try
to have children, and if they've been on hormonal birth
control for their whole life, their body doesn't know how
to produce regular hormones, so they end up going through
IVF maybe successful, maybe not. And then by the time
they've had some babies done, it's time. Oh no, you're
in perimenopause, so now you can go on these hormones.
(48:08):
Like again, does that really make sense logically that women
are meant to be medicated their entire lives? Like if
we were in the future looking back at this, we
would consider this a barbaric time when we heard these
kinds of crazy things to women.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
Well, also, if you think about it, the only people
that benefit are the people that make money off of
that sex is free. So right, Yeah, I always think
that about these these things with like menopause or whatever
the buzzword is. It just feels like it's great that
we have Western medicine for a lot of things, but
at the same time it does get overdone to me,
(48:44):
where everything there's a pill to solve it, but you're
only solving the symptom. You're not even looking at the root.
And then we're not looking at why we even got
into the place that we got, you know, like why
are these symptoms so bad? Why is my period so bad?
Is it stuff that I'm eating? And you know, like
there's all these things that we don't do in our culture,
in the North American culture. I guess I should say
(49:06):
that I think contribute to all of these factors that
we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
One hundred percent. And that's the thing about the allopathic world.
It's like there's no emphasis on personal responsibility. What have
I done? What have my lifestyle choices? What have I
made that could have created this situation? And then also
that they are the intermediary. It's like having a priest
between you and God, it's having the doctor between you
(49:30):
and your body. Then emphasis is never about you. How
can I help you to learn your own body more
and reconnect with it. It's no, I'm the expert, you know,
Outsource all your power to me and I'll give you
a pill. Yeah, doesn't even fix it. It just temporarily
usually replaces one symptom for another. You get rid of this,
(49:51):
but now you've got this mm hm.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
Well, I know we're running out of time, but I
do want to touch on men for just a second,
and because I know there's some men who are listening
or some wives that are listening that are going to
send it to their man. But what can men do
if they are like, I want my woman to be
well fucked? Where do they learn? You know, I don't
know that there's that many resources for men either, So
what would be one suggestion you have to give to
(50:15):
men who want their partner to be in this situation
that we're talking about as a well fucked woman, but
don't really know where to start.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
So my programs I have Vaginal Kung Fu, which is
the Jada coming together for couples, how to be a
well fugged woman, Sexual Mastery for men, and then I
have Sexy Mama, which is a holistic pregnancy and orgasmic
birth program. So I have two programs that are set
up for men. I love working with men and teaching men,
(50:45):
and there's so much out there, and there's so many
earnest men out there who really do want to learn,
so they can sign up for my programs if you
haven't already. My Orgasmic Enlightenment podcast has tons of content
for men than couples singles, so you can start listening
to that that's free. My Instagram often has tons of
(51:06):
information on it as well. There's so much free content there.
And then depending on the relationship, right, like sometimes one
person is more committed to growth and the other person
is less. It's ideal if both people are excited and
ready to just jump into this work and then you
can do it together, whether that's signing up for a
(51:28):
program together or listening to a podcast together and then
talking about it afterward, letting that start the conversation, or
if the partner is less on board, then you start
the process. You invite them, but you start doing that
work on your own and then usually that elicits shifts
in you that the partner picks up on and they're
(51:51):
like intrigued by it. It's going on over there, you know.
So it's really that initial education piece that I said before,
like knowing what you don't know and just listening to
these episodes, hearing interviews from what we call our well
fucked all stars like Michelle, people who've had these epic
experiences with applying this work in their lives, seeing what's
(52:13):
possible right to start to open your mind to okay,
things can be so much different than what I thought,
there is hope, there is a reason to be wildly optimistic,
and to also then remember the Nami guarantee. They did it,
you can do it. All the things I talk about,
every single one of them is available to every person.
Speaker 1 (52:34):
It's available to every person. I just love that mentality. Well,
Kim and Ami, thank you for being here. I really
appreciate you coming on. And I'm gonna put all of
her information in the description of this podcast, so you
guys go follow along. The podcast is great. Instagram is great.
Like I said, I've been following for years, so I've
learned a ton and you can see Kim lifting all
(52:55):
sorts of stuff with her vagina, which is fascinating in
and of itself. So go check all of that out.
And thank you so much again for being here.
Speaker 2 (53:04):
It's a pleasure. I really enjoyed our conversation. Kelly, thank
you for having me.
Kim Anami is a Board certified sexologist and host of
the Orgasmic Enlightenment podcast. She has propelled millions into higher
stratospheres of connection, sensuality, energy, and aliveness through her online
sex and relationship school and intimacy retreats in Bali and Mexico,
and she is here with us today to unpack the
(00:32):
mystery of the female orgasm. Hi Kim, Hi Kelly, I'm
so glad you're here. I've been following you on Instagram
for quite some time now, and I feel like the
energy you bring to sex is how I want to
live the rest of my life, and so I've wanted
to get your insight and then also give it to
all the listeners because I find it to be very
empowering and also hopeful when you're talking about sex.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
I'm so glad to hear that. That's my purpose, to
really show people what's possible and for everyone to know
it's possible for them. And you've probably heard me speak
about what I call the Anami guarantee, which is that
everyone can so rather than people thinking, oh, I guess
some people can do this, or some people can have
that kind of orgasm, or some people just have a
(01:18):
high libido. Maybe I'm one of those people who doesn't. No,
I guarantee that everyone has all these things. Every woman
has a high libido. Every woman is multi orgasmic, can
have g spot, cervical escorting orgasms, ejaculate that hits the ceiling.
Every woman can shoot ping pong balls with her vagina.
These are not just special skill sets that were granted
(01:41):
to some and not to others. If a woman isn't
having these experiences, there's reasons why, and there's things we
can do about it so that everyone can.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I guarantee you my listeners are now going, oh, see
why she had her on. I want to start with
something I read on your website. You say your main
message is that everyone ought to be having more sex
and better sex, which is kind of what you just
said as well. But I want to know what are
the reasons that you think that people are not having
good sex in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I think for the most part, people don't know what
they don't know. And if you look at the dominant
messaging what's in media, films, television, rap songs, you see
a very superficial, very course expression of sexuality, very limited
where I say, you know, look, the big barometric question
(02:32):
is does sex leave you feeling energized, rejuvenated, transformed, euphoric,
and like it changed your life? And if not, then
you're doing it wrong. So the truncated, you know, pump
and dump kind of encounters we see like people have
that as a model and they just don't know that,
(02:53):
Like I said, in my view, sex is meant to
be this spiritually expansive, self actualizing. Yes, full of deep pleasure,
but it's actually meant to up elevate the essence of
who you are. That when you're in that kind of
relationship of what I call gourmet sex, let's say, versus
junk food sex, which is what we typically see presented
(03:14):
to us, then your whole life changes, your whole being changes,
You become more of the person you're meant to be.
And so all of my work is a map of
how to do that right. How do we unlock those places,
shift beliefs, remove blockages, whatever's in the way of that
guarantee of that essence coming out that I say we
(03:36):
all have.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
We're going to break down all of these ways too.
By the way, guys, let's talk about the female orgasm.
Let's just jump right in because that's what we said
we're here to talk about. But as a sex expert,
I'm assuming there are a ton of myths that you
are just like, I'm so sick of hearing this I
can't and that or that you just want to squash.
So can you break down some of those myths or
the things that you hear women coming to you with
(04:00):
the blocks to having these orgasms?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, thanks for asking that. Number One would be that
some women can and some women can't. Yeah. Right. That
becomes a default excuse that people give everywhere, from the
allopathic system to so called sex experts, like, oh, it's
just you know, don't worry about it. If you can't
do it, don't worry about it. There's other things you
can do. No, I guarantee every woman can't. And we've
(04:24):
had women in my work who no longer have a
cervix physically and they can still have cervical orgasms. So
if that doesn't give you hope and optimism about what's
possible for everyone, you know, So there's that. And then
a huge focus in my work, especially for women and
in the realm of orgasms, is that the vaginal orgasms
(04:47):
and by that I mean g spot ejaculation, squirting orgasms,
and then the queen of them all, the cervical orgasm
are the most important, most potent, life changing organs for women.
And so yes, women can have clitteral orgasms, nipplegasms, but
the most changing, like transformative ones that you can have
(05:10):
cathartic self realizing are these deeper vaginal ones. And so
there are people out there who say, oh, there's no
such thing as vaginal orgasms, or oh, only clteral orgasms exist,
and I'm like, okay, you've basically just told everyone that
you've never had these orgasms, you know, like tell me
this without telling me, right. So I'd say those are
(05:31):
the two biggest ones, is that you know, to make
it clear that everyone can and these do exist, and
they're the most important orgasms for women.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
When you say everyone can, where did we start. I'm
just thinking to myself about all the conversations I've had
with my friends, and so many women do say that
like I just can't or I've told you before the podcast.
I have so many women write into me every time
I have a sex expert on and say I cannot
organ with a partner where did this begin that the
(06:03):
female orgasm is just so much tougher to get to
than the male orgasm, because I think a lot of
us just associate that mentality with the way that it is.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
For whatever reason. I think people who haven't had those
deeper experiences, and because they're not formulaic, right, Like, I'd
say that the C literal orgasm and the standard penile orgasm,
because there's a spectrum of orgasms for men as well,
are pretty easy to bang off, right. They're much more physical, superficial.
(06:37):
Even less inspiration will bring those to the finish line.
But the deeper vaginal orgasms require as the price of admission, surrender,
really being able to let go, be vulnerable, drop your
guard and open up. And that's even if you're doing
them solow and then especially with a partner. And so
(06:59):
if people have never even touched that territory, which happens
also through extended time spent, right, Like, women are not
likely unless they're super accomplished and they've had lots of
these over their lifetime to pop these out in a
few minutes, right, And the average sexual encounter is three minutes.
(07:19):
Many ejaculate. Seventy five percent of men ejaculate within three minutes.
Ninety five percent of men ejaculate within five minutes. No
woman is going to be having g spot cervical orgasms.
She's barely barely even just gotten a rhythm and then
it's over right. And so it's this combination of even
(07:40):
the people who are supposed to be the experts who
haven't had these experiences in their own life and their
own relationships, or they're going off of outdated academic texts
that are completely wrong, and they're just spouting information, regurgitating
things that they think are correct. So for me, I
(08:00):
say that if I had gone to some kind of
typical sex school, I'd be broken, unsuccessful because I would
be parroting information that's largely wrong. But for me, this
journey really started in my own bad and in my
own relationships, where I had all these different orgasms very
early on. The first orgasm I ever had was a
(08:22):
cervical orgasm, And the only framework I had for even
understanding this was I'd read something that Freud said, which
he said, actually that the more immature female orgasm is literal,
and women's internal orgasms are more mature and profound, and
that at least gave me some clue, some thread, you know,
(08:43):
to kind of make a map of what where I was,
because I was learning and having all these experiences through
my own adventures. And then, you know, then I later
learned about Tantra and Taoism, and that gave me more
of a framework where these cultures looked at sex as
a spiritual journey, as a way to actually reach states
(09:05):
of enlightenment, altered states of consciousness, and so all of
that kind of information more reflected what was happening in
my own bad and my own relationships, you know, and
then me having a really passionate interest in all things holistic,
in the idea that we can heal ourselves, we don't
(09:25):
need other authorities to do that for us. All of
that combined to create the genre of my work of
holistic intimacy and sexuality, but this very self empowered approach
that we can find all this from within and we
don't need permission from other people. And in fact, most
of the time the messaging that we're given around sexuality
(09:47):
from external sources is really flawed and very mutated.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Well, even you mentioning that most people are having sex
for three to five minutes, that's shocked. I mean, that
just made me gas when you said that, And I
just immediately thought of so many men that I hear
saying my wife never wants to have sex, and I'm like, well,
if that's what's happening, no wonder that even pressing for us.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah, that's one hundred percent accurate. If that is the case,
and a woman feels that not even like a few times,
she's going to be like, look, I have much better
things to do, like pick the lynch off my towels
and clean the kitty litter. Would be preferable to feeling
like you just pump, dumped and slumped and then fell asleep.
Why would I willingly subject myself to something that feels
(10:36):
so abandoning and dismissive.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Well, I feel like in those scenarios you would feel
just used, almost yeah, and like totally, I don't know,
it just then becomes a job. You said the words
surrender when you were describing these internal orgasms, And I
want to know how much of a female orgasm is
mostly physical? Is it? How much is tied to emotion,
(11:01):
how much is mental? Because I do think that from
my experience, at least I should say I feel like
men and women really differ there, and maybe that's not true,
and maybe that's just you know, in some I don't
know surface level sex situations, but it feels like women
do need more of like an emotional connection or maybe
there's some sort of mental and emotional block to these orgasms.
(11:25):
Is that accurate?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
So it depends on the orgasm. If we're talking about
literal orgasms, I would say that trajectory is much more
similar to a typical penile orgasm. Okay, where eighty percent
is physical, twenty percent is how much you can let
go of control. You know, because I've still met women
and worked with women who, even though they have all
(11:48):
the right technique, if they're and by their own description
like they really have a hard time letting go of
control and opening themselves, they still will be holding on
with a death gript and unable to open up into
those experiences. So everything changes when we get inside the vagina.
So then I'd say the ratio flips from eighty percent
(12:08):
energetic being able to open and let go, and twenty
percent technique. And here's the proof in the pudding, right, Like,
for example, let's take the g spot or scorting. You know,
people are fascinated with this, and there's all kinds of
information online tutorials. Okay, if you take your fingers, you
come hither, use two fingers move like this. Okay, great,
So why aren't all women having these orgasms? Right? If
(12:31):
it was just about technique, why isn't that happening? Obviously
it's because there's another or several factors at play, and
the main one being the ability to open and let
go and so surrender is huge. And if people have
let's say, a history of sexual trauma that they've never
(12:51):
cleared within themselves, that's going to show up as restriction,
as holding back. Sometimes it literally shows up is what
I call a vagin I'm not on lockdown right, where
the vagina refuses to even be penetrated. So the allopathic world,
and this is even gross to articulate this, but they'd
be like, here's this stretcher we're going to give you
(13:12):
for your vagina to help you force it open. And
that's so much just re traumatizing and not even finding
the source of the problem. Where years ago and I
discovered this again, like in my own practice is working
with women who had these issues, they had a history
of trauma that they'd never cleared. And so of course
the body, being as wise and trying to help us
(13:35):
as it is, is like, bitch, don't come in here
until your solve this problem. Right Like, the door is
closed until you can heal. There's things that need healing.
I'm not feeling well, and if you can heal, that
door opens up. And that's what I saw in my
work then, right is when we would address these issues
on a deeper level, women could then open up even
to being penetrated, to feeling pleasure and then later to
(13:59):
these orgasms. And this comes down to that thing of
like the body is my ally and not my adversary.
These things aren't just random things that have happened to
me for whatever reason, as in, oh, I have this ailment,
I have this problem. It's like, no, the body is
actually giving us these clear messages. This needs to be healed.
(14:21):
This needs to be alchemized and resolved before you can
attain these states of pleasure and openness. And rightfully so,
the body is guarded and tensed up against threat, against
violation until we tell it otherwise, until we help to
heal it and integrate whatever's.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Happened, which actually is such a beautiful thing, like you
were just saying. I really I'm really trying to switch
the narrative around body stuff as I get older, because
I feel like we have this mentality we have a
symptom of something and we just want to get rid
of that symptom and we're mad at our bodies for
having it. Yeah, but it's like, what's the deeper message here?
And there always is one, right, Like I love what
(14:59):
you're saying about the trauma and our vagina being on lockdown,
but like wouldn't it be, And that's your body trying
to keep you safe. So it's doing the right thing
based on your history, which is a beautiful thing. You
just have to tell it that was then this is
now kind of thing in whatever ways that you.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Do that exactly and find ways to you know, somatic
healing act healing through the body. And we've had women
do this healing work and I suggest a whole range
of techniques, but one woman who did my work. We
have a really beautiful podcast called Healing Sexual Trauma with
the jd Oni Egg and if you know, using a
(15:37):
JDA is a big part of the work that I
do with women. So she had been violated and she
had this similar thing. She couldn't touch herself, She couldn't
even put her fingers in her own vagina because it
was all connected to this past trauma that she had.
And so she decided, okay, she was going to work
with the egg and to make it more of a process.
(15:58):
Every day, she said a time like she couldn't she
could barely touch herself without getting a panic attack. Right,
So she would set a timer for thirty seconds of
touching herself using the jade egg in her yoni, and
then she would stop the next day, she would increase
that to one minute, the next day a minute in
thirty seconds. And she did that so methodically, so diligently,
(16:19):
that she was able to shift the energy there and
heal that and alchemize it to the point where she
had severe endometriosis like paralytic, extreme pain. And tried even
all these natural approaches, herbal methods, all kinds of different treatments,
it evaporated her endometriosis. As she moved through this process
(16:40):
of reconciling and healing her vagina and her psyche, the
whole all of her symptoms disappeared and didn't come back.
And this is another beautiful expression of the body showing
us through some kind of symptom reproductive wise, there's something amiss,
something is out of balance, that needs deep or healing.
(17:00):
And even all of your most holistic methods, which I
still support as an adjunct, I just don't think they're
the core healing apparatus, right, It's deeper energetic, emotional, psychological, spiritual.
She addressed all that, and then the physical symptoms just gone.
She went back to her treatment physician and they were like,
I don't know how to explain it, but she's like,
(17:22):
well I do. Let me tell you.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
That's sometimes where I go to like Western medicine, because
we're not looking at the root, and the root is everything.
That's all the answers. Yeah, wow, you just answered multiple
questions for me in one. But I was going to
ask you if there was one specific place you would
say to start if someone is listening and they're just
really identifying with maybe even not even being able to
(17:51):
have an orgasm at all, like even by themselves, like
this woman you mentioned couldn't even touch herself without having
a panic attack, which I think is probably more common
than I would like to believe. So is there one
specific thing. Is it like a jade egg? Is it
loving touch? Is it hugs? Is it you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Look, I would say two things. One, yes, the jade
egg is an amazing self knowledge tool and then also
works to bring sensation, strength, reconnection into the whole vagina,
which is what we want to do. And at the
same time, I would say, as self, I call it
Yoni reconnaissance. Right, So rather than touching yourself with the
(18:42):
immediate intention of achieving orgasm, it's touching yourself with the
intention of healing, exploration, reconnection, getting to know every little
nook and cranny of yourself. Right, So you could call
that Yoni reconnaissance, Yoni massage. I have some great videos
on that on my YouTube channel for people to check out.
(19:03):
But you're really looking at how do I awaken? How
do I reconnect? The orgasm will come if you build it,
it will come. But the foundation for building that is
if your numb, if you're disconnected, if you have all
these neural pathways which have been mutated through some kind
of traumatic experiences which look to one degree or another,
(19:25):
we all have, whether it was some kind of like
comment about your vagina or a relationship that had some
bad energy in it or to outright abuse. We all
have layers of it, right, And so the more work
that we can do to alchemize these things, the more
clear the channel is, the more sensation we have, the
(19:45):
more connected we are. Dissociation comes out of trauma, right,
It comes out of things we don't want to look at,
and why and why would we want to look at?
Although at some point that's the price of admission, right,
is we have to alchemize and go true some face
the demons, right, go demon hunting and face these things,
slay them so that we can then rise above and
(20:08):
repattern ourselves or reset ourselves to our original settings of
bliss and pleasure. Which again that's the Anomi guarantee, is
that within all of us is this indestructible, pure place
that can experience all of these things. If we're not
there yet, and sometimes it might feel like we're really
far away from it, it's just because there's a whole
(20:30):
bunch of stuff that's in the way of connecting to that,
and then the work is to move through that and
clear it. It's like fung shui exceptional and relationship pung shwe.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
I love that reconnecting to pleasure, because I do think
that's one of the main things women have been robbed
of over time in association with sex, like whether it
was it felt like a job for so many years,
or our pleasure wasn't really focus, you know, like I
think a male's pleasure has been more of the focus
(21:04):
universally when we're talking about sex for so long, and
so reconnecting to pleasure in a slow way sounds like
a beautiful thing to me if anyone is listening. I
know you talk about the jade egg a lot on
your install but if people are listening and they don't
follow you yet, can you just give some descriptions of
what the jade egg does.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, So this was a practice I mentioned Daoism and Tantra,
and these are five thousand year old studies where they
looked at this the spiritual and sexual coming together. How
do we use our sexual energy in a way to
attain higher states of consciousness within ourselves? And they had
all kinds of practices to do that, and one of
(21:45):
the main practices in the Daoist studies was for women
was using a jade egg. So it's a piece of
jg carved into the shape of an egg. There's a
whole drilled through it that you put a string through.
The egg goes up inside the vagina and then and
you're using weight on the other end of it so
that you have feedback and resistance, and then you build
(22:06):
muscle articulation sensation within the vagina, just like you would
in an exercise routine lifting weights at the gem. So
when people are told to I don't know if they're
told this anymore, but they used to be told to
do their kegels. So keegels the way we're taught them
are just clenching your vagina at random in the wind.
(22:27):
And that's basically doing a bicap in the air. Right,
a bicep curl with no weight. It doesn't do anything
because there's no resistance. So if you have an object,
you pick up a five pound barbell right and you
start pressing it. Dumbbell, barbell, it's get.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Them mixed up.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Barbels. Then you're actually looking for that sweet spot of
enough exertion that you have to put out effort versus
it being too heavy that you can't even lift it
up right. You want to find that exact spot of
stance and that's the exact same thing with vaginal weightlifting
with the jade egg and so yes, I'm out there
(23:06):
lifting coffee tables and surfboards and chandeliers, but you don't
need to do that to get the benefits. You can
start very slowly with like a bag of crystals, you know,
or a few crystals, and work your way up and
you never even need to get to the coffee table territory.
I do that to prove a point. But all of
this brings you back that connection. It builds strength just
(23:29):
like any other muscle of the body. It actually needs
working out. And when people get you know, sixty percent
of women have urinary in continents. Fifty percent of women
after childbirth have pelvic organ prolapse of some kind. Something's wrong, right,
Your organs are not meant to fall out of your body.
The reason they are falling out is because your pelvic
(23:51):
floor is weak. Your pelvit bowl is not strong enough
to support them. Right. And if women are told to
quote do theirchegels and they're just squeezing their muscles, it's
doing nothing. So we clearly have a massive epidemic of
lack of pelvic floor strength and simple exercise, and so
the bizarre treatments that the obgyn world gives is, let's
(24:15):
sew a piece of plastic inside your vagina instead of
telling women to just go home and exercise their vaginas
for a few minutes a day. Right, it's he and
us the cutten, barbaric and same stupid some of the things. Frankly,
most of the things that women are told to do
from that sector of you know, so called medicine, whereas
(24:37):
these simple self empowering things you can do on your
own solutions actually work and they have permanent results.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Okay, So we kind of mentioned that men's pleasure was
more prioritized publicly, I think than women's. So how do
we reframe that, Like if a woman is really focused
on her partners pleasure? Because I think as women too,
we do want our partners to be happy and please
during sex, of course, but how do we shift the
(25:07):
narrative in our own head to not sacrificing our own
pleasure for that sake, Like, what is one of the
first steps that we could take as women to really
prioritizing our own pleasure.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Well, first of all would be I agree that there's
this focus on men, even like I said, media films TV,
what do you see you see a thirty second encounter
where the guy definitely has an orgasm and the woman
maybe maybe not.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
And it's never even mentioned. I always think that's so weird.
It's like, we see that guy have the orgasm and
then yeah, the scene ends, and you're like, but what
about her?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
And why is that? Why is that constantly reinforced to
us right all the time? Right, So we're getting this
messaging all the time. So, and also the message that
men are more sexual than women. When we are more
emotional men and more sexual, women really need to be
coerced into having sex. They're not that sexual beings. Okay,
this is where I'm going to do a full one
(26:03):
eighty and say women are insatiable. The natural state of
women is complete insatiability. What happens when a man has
an orgasm, he goes.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
And takes a nap.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Right when the woman has an orgasm, she can have another.
It's like that DJ callet another one and another one
and another one. It is endless. She has no limit.
So you know when men joke like oh they need
a few girls, and like, bitch, you can handle a
few girls. It's women who can handle none of not
that I'm promoting this as as like a like a
(26:36):
preferable option, but in theory, women are the ones who
could handle multiple men, where men can't even handle one woman.
It's like, you know, one ejaculation and they're boomed down
for the count. They have hours to recover, you know,
the average guy. So there's that to start with, is
that women actually are very innately sexual beings, and there's
(26:58):
a whole amount of programming out there telling them that
they aren't, and the whole Madonna horror programming. Right, so
women are either sluts or they're virgins, and there isn't
really this happy medium of a voracious, healthy, sensual woman.
You have to create that. So that's part of it
is just even looking at the programming that you've been
(27:19):
given and thinking, Okay, do I buy into this? And
you might because it might have been your life experience
thus far. So having what I've said earlier, the conscious
self exploration practice, a Yoni egg routine, and then as
you build that connection, it moves more into self pleasuring,
meaning as you start to get to know yourself and
(27:42):
experience pleasure you d no then you can go more
actively into the ascent and pursuit of these orgasms, right,
and then as you start to have them, you nourish yourself.
There's a term that I coined, the well fucked woman,
which is that when a woman is true satiated and
activating her sexual energy, she changes, right. She goes from
(28:06):
being what guys might think of as like a naggy girlfriend,
you know, or a bitchy girlfriend. I'm like, yeah, you're
just not fucking her well enough. If that's what you've got,
it's actually.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
The biggest comeback of all times. Well sorry, you didn't
fuck me well enough.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Hundred percent. It's so accurate because if a woman is
being fully sexually satisfied to the height of her potential,
which is a lot you need a beast of a
man to actually satisfy a woman, then she is your
biggest ally supporter. She's easy going, she's generous, she's kind.
(28:42):
She's going to drop to her knees and give you
blowjobs all the time because she appreciates you for fucking
the shit out of her and activating this confidence, this superpower,
this beautiful feminine energy that all awakens in her when
she is a well fucked woman, an underfunxed woman is
(29:02):
going to be the opposite. She's yelling at shop clerks,
she's freaking out at people in traffic. Right, she's going
to humiliate her man in public and berate him in
front of friends and family. Like you, you have not
seen the start of this yet. You know what I mean, too,
pump chumped me.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
You're done. And this isn't even conscious.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Right, They're just doing this stuff and they both don't
know consciously. He thinks she's a bit. She just gets
so irritated and resentful at him, but it's really he
is not fucking her well enough and has no idea
how to, and she doesn't even realize because she's been
given no permission to be this massive sexual goddess that
(29:42):
she truly is inwardly. And then they both are like
the blind leading the blind, right, And so so much
of my work is again like showing people what's possible.
This is really the natural state of things, is that
he's doing his job to make sure that you're always sad, satisfied,
beyond satisfied. And then you in turn gift him with
(30:04):
all the radiance of your true feminine energy, and that
supports and nourishes him like a superpower, you know, he
becomes turbocharged with that energy that you now give back
to him, and then we have the beautiful cycle of
Yann and Yang the way it was always meant to be.
That's how we're meant to be existing together.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
That makes so much sense to me. I've never thought
of it that way, but and almost when you were talking,
I was thinking, it's just almost like a respect that
comes from being a well fucked woman because when you're
there the partner, you look at your partner and you
want more. Like you said, you're insatiable. So that means
all the things that you want a gift to him
(30:44):
because you respect how he's gifting to you. I love
the Yin and yang like idea there too, because we
never talk about that, and that is the way it's
supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah, it's a beautiful harmony. And the core of that
is through sex. And that's another issue, is this idea
that oh, sex is a small part of a relationship.
It's not the most important thing. No, it actually is.
It's the core. It's the glue. It is your secret
superpower connection that you have with each other. You go
(31:15):
into that liminal sexual space. You have these deep spiritual, otherworldly,
cosmic experiences and then you emerge out into the world
as these superheroes, as a superpower couple. I call it
right where you've activated these energies and skills and talents
and traits in each other that you've lit up through
(31:38):
the potency of your connection. And that's what I mean.
You become the best versions of yourselves. And the secret
is your bed. That's where it all happens. So that's
where the magic happens, the alchemy, you know, the full
fusing of yin and young energy that coming together to
come out into the world, to come into your states
(31:58):
of consciousness.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
So that's with a partner. Will you talk a lot
about self pleasure too, And I'm also thinking about people
who might not be in a relationship listening to this,
what is the importance of self pleasure? Because I truly
still talk to some women who just don't do it
at all. They have no relationship with themselves in that capacity.
(32:21):
And I've always found that to be a little like,
I don't even know what to say when that comes up,
but it feels like it has to be a block
of some sort. Is that accurate. Is this Does everyone
need to be doing this? You know, like, what's the
relationship to self pleasure with all of the stuff that
we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Yeah, well, first of all, with the block idea, I
do think that's true. I think the origin of that
could be for some people, it's even religious where there
were strong ideas around not ever touching yourself and there's
there's issues with that. So it could just be that
a belief that you've taken in and or it could
be negative experiences. Let's say you were in a relationship
(33:03):
that felt violating sexually, even if it wasn't a full
abuse situation, but even a partnership where it just there
was a lot of ick. There was a lot of
duty sex, a lot of obligatory sex, and you're kind
of like, you don't want to touch that, you don't
want to go, you know, into those places in your
body because you don't feel good about them. So that's
(33:23):
part of it. And then that takes some conscious examination
to acknowledge where that may have came from, and then
a leap of faith of say me telling someone okay, look,
these are the keys to the queendom and your own
self knowledge and connection is really the foundational part of
rebirthing yourself as a healthy sensual being. So, yes, having
(33:48):
a self pleasuring practice when you're single is really important
because that energy, okay, sexual energy is life force energy
r Right, it's the energy that creates new life. And
if you're not making babies with it, or you're not
in a partnership, it's still important to stay connected to
that energy and use it as a rejuvenating creative power
(34:11):
in your life. And so when people talk about being celibate,
you know, usually the way that's practiced is people are
celibate without any kind of sexual contact or thoughts or
they're trying, and then we see where that leads. Right,
what's the highest percentage of abuse in an institution ever?
Has to give you a church of course, people who've
(34:33):
been forced to be celibate. Right, So the correct way
to be celibate if you don't have a partner is
self pleasure in a conscious way, in a devoted way,
in a I'm gonna get to know myself and connect
to this energy and learn how to use it in
my life, learn who I am as essential being, and
(34:53):
then that energy that you start to play with it
changes you, right, you can have that well focked woman
are even as a single person. And we have countless
stories of women where they were self pleasuring the night before,
had a great experience with themselves. They go out into
public in sweats, flip flops, hair back in a bun,
(35:14):
no makeup, glasses, and they get hit on relentlessly, like
pumping gas and then run across the parking lot to beg,
beg for their phone number, and they're like, what the
hell Like I'm like, I'm like, you could not look
anymore like put less put together. And these guys, because
they're feeling you're now radiating this aura, this aura of beauty,
(35:38):
of femininity, of magnetism that is literally drawing people to
you on this energetic level and imbuing you with a
kind of beauty. And that's the well, that's being a
well fucked woman. And so then when you're in that place,
how easy is it going to be for you to
attract a partner? Right? So much easier if you're tracted
(36:00):
and inward and like hunched over and like I'm cut
off from this energy. No one's gonna touch that, or
if they are, they're going to be at the same
level of you. Which could be semi traumatized in a
frozen state, not dealing with their staff, very easily triggered
and activated. You don't want that. You want to up
level yourself and come to a new vibration, a new frequency,
(36:23):
and attract somebody from there. Right, And look, we're all
works in progress, and no one's ever fully healed. Ever,
there's always another level to go. In fact, that's what
the word anami means in Sanskrit. It means there's always
another level to go in healing. You never reach a
static place of you're done.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
You know, it's okay, here's your go on here, yeah, trophy,
you're good.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Like no, it's never like that, So you don't have
to be like perfect. And you know, think you're ready,
but you have to put in some effort to get
that energy revved up and generating a field, an auric
field that then draws people into you, and you'll know
you're ready because the men will start to come if
you build it, they will come. Right.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
It's like you start putting that and.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
They just start dropping out of the sky.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
You know, like, I am so true though it is
truly this, I've experienced this as well. It is so true.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Like I have nothing against dating apps, per se, the
whole online thing. I've never done them. But the reason
why is because I know that when I'm in that state,
the men just come from all over the place, even
you know, and that's, to me, is the best barometer
to know. Okay, I'm ready because I've been doing this
inner work, literally inner work, and these men are just
(37:44):
showing up right about any effort. I'm not seeking them
out like parking lots, grocery stores, elevator or you know,
like anywhere is possible because your energy is magnetizing them in.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Well, you mentioned that we're never fully healed. It's always
a work in progress, and I would imagine too, that
could incorporate so many of the different things that we
go through in life. You know, there's seasons of things
like sometimes you're in a really great season and things
they're just flowing and easy, and maybe those are easier
times to have sex, and then sometimes you're struggling and
(38:26):
it's not always like the best energetically for you. And
one of the conversations that I keep having with a
lot of my friends is menopause. You know, I'm forty three,
and I'd mentioned this to you before the podcast, because
you speak about menopause in a way that I've never
heard anyone else talk about it in relation to sex,
because so many of my friends are starting to be like,
(38:47):
I have no sex drive, I don't want to be touched,
you know, and like we're also at the same time
having all these menopause symptoms, and you speak about it
in a way of like, if you're having sex, you're
not going to have these some So can you talk
about this a little bit in what your mentality about
menopause is.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
So my view is that all and I mean all
reproductive ailments symptoms, things that are out of balance. So
that means everything from PMS to difficult periods to challenging menopause,
growth synsus, low libido, PCUS, and ametriosis, all of it,
Like I reference that woman example earlier, all of it
(39:27):
has a preceding cluse, meaning some kind of emotional mental imbalance.
That these are not periods. Were not meant to be difficult,
menopause was not meant to be a struggle. We're not
meant to be getting growths on the body. These are
all expressions of stuck energy and unresolved issues and when
we resolve them, then they evaporate. It's that easy. So
(39:49):
over the decades of me doing this work, I've had
countless women in the menopausal process. And now there's this
huge focus on perimenopause, which honestly twenty years ago, I
don't even know where that word came from. Right, it's
like getting people on the train even earlier and earlier,
and they've gone through menopause with nary a blip on
the radar. Meaning if they are well fucked women, or
(40:13):
they're going through this process of learning about these things
in my work and applying them, they don't have a
single symptom. The only thing that happens is their period stops.
They're wet as can be, they're lubricating, libido is still
crazy high, like to the point where they have to
bring like extra pairs of panties with them because they're
soaking through them in the day because they get excited
(40:35):
and they're wet all the time. And the only thing
that shifts is they just stop bleeding. That's it, and
in my view, that is how it's supposed to happen.
Is a transition. Now, the reason I think why so
many women are experiencing the opposite is one they might
have already had challenging periods and p max, right, and
so that's just going to carry on through montopause. Why
(40:57):
would that change also? And the reason is because they're underfucked.
They're not having this level of life changing transformative secs
that I say is the default and the norm for
every woman, or ought to be the norm for every woman,
and when they do so. I've even had women come
through my work in the middle of difficult menopads. Right,
(41:19):
So they are having hot flashes, they are having lubrication issues,
and they start applying these principles and they shift it
and they don't want to go on hormones. Right, They're
coming to me because I'm saying, you can do it
without hormones. I'm saying that prescribing women hormones for a
natural state of their life is really I think it's
(41:40):
actually snake oil, to be honest, Like, I am shocked
that so many practitioners, even those seemingly in a more
natural place, are recommending that for women, because it's really
saying I have zero faith in the woman's in a
human woman body and that I think it only can
survive by being heavily medicated. Like what the fuck kind
of rationale is that? I don't even I feel embarrassed
(42:03):
for these people that they think that, and they're doing
this to women and the karmic load that they're getting
for that, Like how how can you think that? So anyway,
so when women are sexually connected, they literally glide through.
It's like it lubricates the entire process. So perimenopause, menopause, postmenopause,
(42:23):
no hormones, no lube, don't need to go shopping at
Ann Taylor, you know, like you don't have to do
any of those things. You can still be a sexy, voracious,
multi argasmic wet wet wet, wetter than wet we have.
This is one of my favorite quotes ever from one
of our female clients is like, would she say a
tsunami of wetness is if she's.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
On your website? I mean, I think that's goals, right,
that sounds amazing and so it's so interesting. I love
what you're saying though about I just hate how our
culture just throws a pill at everything. And I've never
felt right and again, I'm not fully in any of
these symptoms. So I don't know how I'll feel at
(43:06):
a different time, but I've never felt right about getting
on hormones. I did hormone treatment with some infertility stuff,
and I was like, what am I? I knew before I
did it wouldn't work for my body. I did it.
I hated it, and I was so right. I should
have listened to my body. It was so harsh and
it doesn't feel it doesn't feel good to my body,
and so I wish I would have listened in hindsight.
(43:28):
But that's how I feel going into this stage of life.
Is like I don't want to throw any more of
that into my body. I would rather treat it with
food or natural ways if I need some help. But
I just the being well fucked seems like a better
option to like, how can that make it worse?
Speaker 2 (43:48):
It's the best option.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
We have this interview.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Oh, she's from the South. You would have you seen
the one my podcast? It's sixty one Rich and Ask
Fucked across Alabama.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
I have to watch it now. I haven't seen that
one yet.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Her name is Michelle, and she is amazing and she
was in like a not great marriage for like forty years. Yeah,
and she was fifty nine or sixty and who does that?
Who gets a divorce at that old es?
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Actually from the house.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
Yeah, oh, like so courageous. She does it. She gets
found my work, dives into it, and then within within
a year or nine months or something, she'd met this
man and they start having the most epic relationship you know,
of her life. And she said she used to need
to have buckets of lube like by her bedside, you know,
and now nothing, like they are having sex left, right
(44:44):
and center all over the house, like through hours long
sex date.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Not a drop of.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Lube is ever used. Wow, and no, no, hop like
none of these symptoms that she's, yeah, like her friends
have gone through all this stuff and she's like, no,
hasn't gone through any of it. So it's completely possible.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
And like I.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
Said, I think that, and now that I've seen it
enough enough women going through it to think, okay, just
say confidently this is the answer, and this is the
answer that everybody else is missing. So I appreciate other
advice out there around like working out and high protein
and it called, Yeah, that valid information, great support, but
people on that are buy and large always still taking hormones.
(45:28):
That's always a part of these people's protocols. And that's
where I'm like, no, you guys are snake oil salespeople,
because you don't need it. If you're having amazing, life
changing sex, that trumps everything. Those hormones that you're generating,
if we want to even look at it that way,
right through orgasm, through pleasure, all of these high quality,
(45:50):
powerful hormones you're generating from within, and so they're going
through the body and they're supporting whatever transition might happen.
If people want to say to me, oh, but you
lose this hormone and that, and like, okay, can we
just think for a moment that the human body going
through this thing that all women go through, has a
natural way to reconfigure itself and to make it work
(46:13):
without needing exogenous supplements hormones for the rest of our lives.
Like how is that logical? Like that's the part that
I get confused by. I'm like, how do you think
that's more logical than thinking that somehow your body has
a means to do this naturally? We just have to
figure it out. And the obvious and the clear and
(46:33):
the actual answer is our sexual energy. But all these
people which again, to me, they're just admitting that they're
sexually inexperienced and underfucked that they've never actually had these
deeper orgasms, they've never actually had these transcendent sexual experiences,
because if they did, they would realize that that's going
to want to leap propel them into this other dimension
(46:56):
where they're like menopause menta, what what are you even
talking about? Right Like, I don't even like what There
are cultures in the world who don't even have a
word for menopause because it's not a thing. It's a
very North American thing. It's a very manufactured thing. And
then now like I think the perimenopause thing is now like,
oh no, you're not used to Now there's another ten
(47:18):
years you have to worry about that you could be
suffering for. And if you think about it, right, like,
the allopathic aim with women is to have women on
hormonal birth control from puberty until death. Right now, they
suggest going on the birth control pill for even acne,
you know, age fourteen.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
They suggested for menopause symptoms now, like or period problems.
I've never I can't do birth control either. It's another
thing my body does not like.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
Yeah, so then you do that, and then people try
to have children, and if they've been on hormonal birth
control for their whole life, their body doesn't know how
to produce regular hormones, so they end up going through
IVF maybe successful, maybe not. And then by the time
they've had some babies done, it's time. Oh no, you're
in perimenopause, so now you can go on these hormones.
(48:08):
Like again, does that really make sense logically that women
are meant to be medicated their entire lives? Like if
we were in the future looking back at this, we
would consider this a barbaric time when we heard these
kinds of crazy things to women.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
Well, also, if you think about it, the only people
that benefit are the people that make money off of
that sex is free. So right, Yeah, I always think
that about these these things with like menopause or whatever
the buzzword is. It just feels like it's great that
we have Western medicine for a lot of things, but
at the same time it does get overdone to me,
(48:44):
where everything there's a pill to solve it, but you're
only solving the symptom. You're not even looking at the root.
And then we're not looking at why we even got
into the place that we got, you know, like why
are these symptoms so bad? Why is my period so bad?
Is it stuff that I'm eating? And you know, like
there's all these things that we don't do in our culture,
in the North American culture. I guess I should say
(49:06):
that I think contribute to all of these factors that
we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
One hundred percent. And that's the thing about the allopathic world.
It's like there's no emphasis on personal responsibility. What have
I done? What have my lifestyle choices? What have I
made that could have created this situation? And then also
that they are the intermediary. It's like having a priest
between you and God, it's having the doctor between you
(49:30):
and your body. Then emphasis is never about you. How
can I help you to learn your own body more
and reconnect with it. It's no, I'm the expert, you know,
Outsource all your power to me and I'll give you
a pill. Yeah, doesn't even fix it. It just temporarily
usually replaces one symptom for another. You get rid of this,
(49:51):
but now you've got this mm hm.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
Well, I know we're running out of time, but I
do want to touch on men for just a second,
and because I know there's some men who are listening
or some wives that are listening that are going to
send it to their man. But what can men do
if they are like, I want my woman to be
well fucked? Where do they learn? You know, I don't
know that there's that many resources for men either, So
what would be one suggestion you have to give to
(50:15):
men who want their partner to be in this situation
that we're talking about as a well fucked woman, but
don't really know where to start.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
So my programs I have Vaginal Kung Fu, which is
the Jada coming together for couples, how to be a
well fugged woman, Sexual Mastery for men, and then I
have Sexy Mama, which is a holistic pregnancy and orgasmic
birth program. So I have two programs that are set
up for men. I love working with men and teaching men,
(50:45):
and there's so much out there, and there's so many
earnest men out there who really do want to learn,
so they can sign up for my programs if you
haven't already. My Orgasmic Enlightenment podcast has tons of content
for men than couples singles, so you can start listening
to that that's free. My Instagram often has tons of
(51:06):
information on it as well. There's so much free content there.
And then depending on the relationship, right, like sometimes one
person is more committed to growth and the other person
is less. It's ideal if both people are excited and
ready to just jump into this work and then you
can do it together, whether that's signing up for a
(51:28):
program together or listening to a podcast together and then
talking about it afterward, letting that start the conversation, or
if the partner is less on board, then you start
the process. You invite them, but you start doing that
work on your own and then usually that elicits shifts
in you that the partner picks up on and they're
(51:51):
like intrigued by it. It's going on over there, you know.
So it's really that initial education piece that I said before,
like knowing what you don't know and just listening to
these episodes, hearing interviews from what we call our well
fucked all stars like Michelle, people who've had these epic
experiences with applying this work in their lives, seeing what's
(52:13):
possible right to start to open your mind to okay,
things can be so much different than what I thought,
there is hope, there is a reason to be wildly optimistic,
and to also then remember the Nami guarantee. They did it,
you can do it. All the things I talk about,
every single one of them is available to every person.
Speaker 1 (52:34):
It's available to every person. I just love that mentality. Well,
Kim and Ami, thank you for being here. I really
appreciate you coming on. And I'm gonna put all of
her information in the description of this podcast, so you
guys go follow along. The podcast is great. Instagram is great.
Like I said, I've been following for years, so I've
learned a ton and you can see Kim lifting all
(52:55):
sorts of stuff with her vagina, which is fascinating in
and of itself. So go check all of that out.
And thank you so much again for being here.
Speaker 2 (53:04):
It's a pleasure. I really enjoyed our conversation. Kelly, thank
you for having me.
Host
Kelly Henderson
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