This week on Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen delve into the intersection of intimacy, sexuality, and recovery. They’re joined by the incredible Carlyle Jansen—a sex educator, registered psychotherapist, and founder of Good For Her, Toronto’s groundbreaking sexuality shop and workshop space. Carlyle is also the author of Sex Yourself and Anal Sex Basics, and she brings over two decades of experience helping individuals and couples reclaim pleasure, navigate intimacy, and communicate more effectively. Today, she helps us better understand how our sexual selves evolve in recovery, and how we can reconnect with our bodies and desires—without shame.
Together, we'll explore questions many of us have: What happens to libido after quitting substances? How do we navigate physical connection when sober sex feels so unfamiliar? What do terms like “responsive desire” actually mean, and why do they matter in recovery? This conversation helps deconstruct cultural shame, normalize sexual differences, and guide the path back to pleasurable living.
Carlyle offers practical techniques like mindfulness, post-intimacy debriefs, and body exploration exercises.
This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.
Episode Highlights
[00:01:00] Meet Carlisle Jansen: therapist, author, and founder of Good For Her
[00:03:00] Carlisle shares her first experiences with sex, shame, and trying to orgasm
[00:04:30] How a bridal shower kickstarted her career in sex education
[00:06:30] Why she opened a retail shop alongside her workshops
[00:08:00] The impact of growing up in a sex-silent household
[00:10:00] How family history and shame shaped her relationship with sexuality
[00:12:00] From workshops to therapy: how her work evolved
[00:15:00] The most common issue in her practice: mismatched libidos
[00:16:30] What changes sexually during addiction recovery
[00:18:00] What is sexual anorexia? And how is it different from sexual numbness?
[00:20:00] Trauma’s impact on sexual function and emotional availability
[00:21:30] Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the parts that show up during sex
[00:23:00] Why partners need to “start over” after sobriety
[00:25:30] How to rebuild trust and emotional safety during physical intimacy
[00:27:30] Navigating unpleasant emotions and sexual discomfort
[00:29:30] How to rethink consent and boundaries post-recovery
[00:31:30] Why kissing should not be a gateway to sex—and how to communicate about it
[00:34:00] Debriefing after intimacy: how to reflect and stay connected
[00:36:00] How to approach sober dating with clarity and boundaries
[00:40:00] The role of masturbation in recovery and reconnection
[00:44:00] Sex addiction, love addiction, and how to tell if it’s compulsive or just shame
[00:47:00] Why we seek validation through relationships—and how to unlearn it
[00:49:00] Tips to maintain long-term sexual connection with a partner
[00:52:00] Spontaneous vs. responsive desire—and how to honor your sexual blueprint
[00:55:00] Pressure kills arousal: why expectation ruins the moment
[01:01:00] Expanding what sex means: intimacy without intercourse
[01:03:00] Closing thoughts and how to keep showing up for your evolving self
Carlyle's Links
Links: carlylejansen.com
TEDx talk: https://youtu.be/12d2o8e9cSU?si=3DcVS-4uiexd4cdC
SIS Links
💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen
📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram
🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast
Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donationsPopular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Ruthie's Table 4
For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.