April 22, 2021 • 51 mins
Friendly game of would you Rather.
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Mob boss visited by senile Grand Father.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome back to another episode edition. I'm your hosts back,
Yes I am, thank you you surprisingly aggressive peace, But
I digress. Let's meet our alchemists, shall we? In no
particular orders, say hey to crank Katkowski Kakoo. Why have
(00:24):
you refused to devote yourself to the wickedly sexy world
of golf. Of golf? Well, uh, it's an elitist sport, right,
it costs a lot of money and it takes a
lot of time. Those are the three answers that we
(00:44):
were looking for. Thank you, pencils down, no more calls.
We have a winner. And now Gary Anthony William Oh yeah,
oh boy, yeah, right, give it. Did you ever have
the mums as a kid? And if not, what the hell?
I man? Did I have the moms? Yeah? I can't.
(01:05):
I have a huge family, you know, the six sisters,
two brothers, and we were all moumped up. We were momped,
we were musled, uh, infantigo, you name, you name any
kind of disease and brother, we had it. Yeah, and
now I can't get anything. I could lick, I can
(01:26):
lick any hand, any knob of anything. I can't get
anything anymore. Yeah, raised with a pestos. Hey, there's a
tool saying great a if taught the proper skills, do
you think you could work on a super yacht? Yes, yes, definitely,
I think I could be what they call a boson.
I'll be outside. I don't I don't want to do
(01:47):
the serving, but I'll pull up the anchor. It looks
like there's a button to do that. I'll help out,
put the toys out the slide, blow up the slide.
That's that's a deck can or as some like to say, deacon.
But Boston is in charge of all the deck ends.
It's interesting you chose the leadership managerial positions. What the
(02:12):
hell it's James Heeney, Jim Jim Jennis. Given the opportunity,
which European city would you visit? And why? I guess
I would? Uh, I guess I would visit Vatican City.
I feel like that is that the way we said
(02:34):
which city and that's the first city that came to
mind to make it's actually its own country? Is it? Really?
They have their own currency, it's the it's the city,
it's the city country because they have their own zip code,
have their own zip code. Well, I guess it's not
too much trouble. I'll make it Rome then and then
if as long as I can also get the Vatican
(02:55):
City out of that. Yes, okay, that all that was
the correct answer, thank you. Uh. And last but you
can see yourself out if you think him leavest it's
Joey Greer tickle butt where you're Russian. Well, first off,
I'm American, okay, and I'll say that to the day
I die. All right, USA, And I know a lot
(03:16):
of people are thinking USA under twenty three didn't make
it into the Olympics. I'm worried just like you. But
I'm also excited for that Disney movie that's gonna come
out in the next four years when they rarely the youths,
when we go out there and we just dominate on
the world stage. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it.
Let's do a damn show. All of our scenes Justin
has gathered, of course, from your listen to emails, or
(03:38):
from our patron v I p s to become a
patron's part of the show and enjoy exclusive content like
video of Joey's face, just head on over to patroon
dot com. Slash Alchemy there's If you'd like to submit
a scene suggestion by email, please right to the podcast
at your name here at Alchemy this dot com. That's
your name here Alchemy trying to beat you too it
(04:01):
see one comes from Patroon Van p Craig Nichols, who
wrote it is so hard to come up with original ideas.
I think I might have one, though, A friendly game
of would you rather? Gets out of hand? Thanks for
being awesome, Craig. Okay, who's next? Who's next? I got
some more started back? Here's abody wants over? Chardy Sindy? Yes, yes, yeah.
(04:26):
There's also some cheese and some meat. Does everbody want
me to bring that over? Yes? Bring it all? Meats, cheese, nuts, Sindy,
bring it all? Please? Thank you? Okay, who's next? I
don't know if we should keep playing with the amount
that we've been drinking. I just feel like, what's going
to happen? I don't know Cindy's off of her rock
(04:48):
or right now. I didn't know that she really is
in the position to be playing would you rather? Patricia?
Are you a party pooper at your house? As well? Oh?
Your own party? Patty, don't pop your own party? Patty, listen.
I just feel bad. I think that she's she's probably
a little more intoxicated than she realizes. I'm here to place,
(05:14):
and would you rather we're playing? Am I going home?
I'll take my home if I'm just worried about her? Okay,
so let's just toss her some softballs. Okay, just a
couple until she gets some meat in her system, some
cheese in her system. Do you want some? Just some water?
(05:35):
People are drinking water. Oh, come on, daddy, pooper. Okay,
here's the next scenario one. Okay, Gwendolen, would you rather
remove all the wine from Cindy's home? That is, try
(05:59):
to or put your head inside of the lion's mouth
for thirty four seconds? Thirty four seconds done. If this
house is dry at any point, I'd rather be dead. Okay,
let me just write that down. I have to write
all the answers down. That's a second lion's mouth for
(06:21):
thirty four seconds. There's no way it would stay open
that mong Well, you're prying it. You're prying. Gray struck
last night at a local home when a young lady
Gwendolin McAfee was beheaded by a lion when asked why.
Gwendolin had no answer. She'd been beheaded by a lion. Sir,
(06:46):
We've asked you several times to please let the family grief.
Can you please up do this at the funeral, sir? Please?
I wish I couldn't, but I kind of got film
at eleven, audio at eleven. Oh, you're gonna film first
in the shirt. Please? Can you just give the families
some space. You've been harassing them, You've been following these people,
(07:06):
you've been just talking about the tragedy. They just need
their time. Please. As soon as I talked to Gwendolen's
younger sister, Madeline, Madeleine, you were there at Cindy and
Patricia's place when Gwendolen stuck her head in the lion?
Was there a lot of flailing or a little flailing?
(07:27):
First of all, it's supposed to be a game of
hypothetical hypotheticals. We didn't expect that she would brought an
actual lion. Well, the unexpected happened here. Fill that all
out it O'Neil eleven fifteen, Mark Bunsen see you then?
(07:49):
Are you just? Are you live? Live? And I just
let the audience know I'm no, I'm no longer line.
But by the way, I feel very bad for your family.
I wish I weren't here was a wonderful person, and
her body looks great. By the way, her body still
looks amazing. She was in good shape. Yeah, she couldn't
want to plot it. I sure wish I had seen
(08:10):
her head before. I mean, we can do an open casket.
It's just gonna be a little weird. I don't know
if you want to do a sole job or staple
it up, but I mean I can get it done, so,
you know, based on the family's wishes. You know, we
don't have to, but you know I can get it
done quick turn around too. Maybe I'm thinking maybe we
just have the bottom half of the casket open and
(08:31):
just keep the top half close. Just that unheard of.
Oh Lord, have mercy. Why did my granddaughter have to
go this way? She was warned several times, Mr funeral director.
My my my father and my mother both went with
the head inside of large cats, and I warned her,
(08:52):
don't play the game, but she played. What if we
put like a bouquet or roses with the head would
not leave be? Oh? Yeah, got you got a beautiful body,
no offense, and then a beautiful uh uh you know
I'm talking about rows, whatever color you'd like. I gotta
(09:17):
I gotta delivery here. I gotta get a party sub
for for funeral director. Oh yeah, right, it right, it
right here, yeah, d funeral director. Uh so, which I know?
We ordered three sections here we got turkey meat ball
in lasagna. The lasagna sub is is completely separate, because
(09:38):
Mr funeral director, forgive me, I am peckish. I have
not eaten all day and most of yesterday. Could I
have a piece of your sandwich, but without the bread?
I just want the fixings from the inside. You want
to go inside. You want to open that sandwich up?
You just want to eat the inside. I want you to,
but not I want you to dig it out with
(09:58):
your bath funeral directed hand and feed me like a
mama bird would feed a baby bird if the mama
bird had hands. I'm gonna do this too quick. Okay,
what do you want? The lasagna? The lasagna because a
lot of for a lot of people, lasagna, honest, sandwich,
it's just too much carbs, you know. Can I take
(10:18):
this as an opportunity and I hope this isn't in
bad taste, but I love the game. Could we do
this as a would you rather be fed lasagna like
a bird by the funeral director? Or would you rather
bits of meat to be dangled above you and you
could jump for it almost like a dolphin? Would it
(10:38):
a type of that? Says Mark Bunsen. Again, here tragedy
again has struck the exact same family. It appears that
three members of the exact same family of Gwendolin and Madeline,
and we still don't the same way that has no head,
(11:00):
we don't have a last name. Three members jumped up
for meat and landed in an open grave that should
not have killed them, but somehow it did. We're here
with one of the members who were there, Chad, funeral director. Chad,
you were there, You saw the horror and the hope.
(11:24):
What can you tell America to bring a little less
grief to this shitoye? Horror and hope? You said it fantastically.
That's exactly how I would have said it as well.
But you said at first, so it sounds like it's
your idea, but I want to just reiterate that. Hearing
those words, that then became my idea as well, let's
let's let's really make it your idea, Chad, and just
(11:45):
switch around a hope and horror. Then let's just make
it your own name, if that's to do. I mean,
the hope is that everyone out there is gonna see
this and not dangle meat from a from an active
a live wire and then have your friends family jump
up and try to get to meat as a fun
little game, and then you know, keep lowering the meat
(12:06):
because you do want someone to eat the cha Chad,
where do we keep the extra tissue boxes? We're out
in the front. We're on the front. What do you
were at the front. We're out of tissue boxes in
the front, just with the Costco. What do you we're out?
Where do you put the tissue boxes? They should be
right underneath. It should be looks like a little drawer
should be just like welcome to Costco. Sure you see me.
(12:27):
You're looking for some tissues? Yeah you get the sixty
four or the seventy two. Yeah they're sir, They're right
in front of you. Can you not see the tissues?
They're right in front of you, sir. Well, I'm blind,
so I get the joke, but I don't necessarily find
it funny. You were, well, this is a cane that
(12:47):
normally you would see a blind person. I don't. I
never look down, sir. I didn't see your cane. Nice.
Nice because my eyes that don't work. Her up here,
that's wonderful, sir. Let me just give you the tissue
then I'll put them in your hand. Here you go.
There is that an affectation the way you're pronouncing tissue.
By the way, just do I'm pronouncing what's sir? A
(13:08):
again My other senses are a bit heightened, so I
can't help. But over here one more like a bat,
like a blind bat. That that's terrific than go yeah,
blind bat or blind as a bat. I get it. No,
you're hilarious. You work here. I just fired my excuse me.
(13:30):
You sold me some tissues last week, and I'm sorry
you you sold me some tissues last week. I saw
some tissues, yes, sir, and I have issues with the tissues.
You have an I do have it. I have several
issues with the tissues. Hold on just one second, bye, baby,
I miss you, I miss you. I'm sorry I had
to say goodbye to my wife. Now you have an
itsy with the tissues. Yes, I went at you into
(13:53):
into the tissue and the new cues. Uh it didn't
hold the mucues. God bless you. I could kiss you
for the I don't want to kiss you. I want
tissues that I don't have issues with. I wish you
would leave, sir, I really with you would well, I
(14:14):
wish you would help me with the tissue just a second. Yeah,
I mean Costco is great. Man. You get a car,
you just get in there, just like a member. It's great.
It's like a private club. You know what I'm saying.
You become a member. Oh you gotta you gotta pay,
Like this is like a ceremony or something initiation. Let
me just pull your story here for a second. What's up. Yeah,
(14:37):
there's a ceremony. All right, there's a ceremony, okay, and
looking around for I'm right here. Well, let me just
tell you there's a lot of people who want to
bring Costco down, a lot of people inside the government
and a lot of people in the private sector. All right,
you get what I mean. Well, I hear what you're saying. Members.
The ceremony has be gone. Put this robot quick, Put
(14:58):
this robot right now. Hold this giant cub of chocolate almond.
Would you rather have a standard membership at Costco for
the low low price of forty five dollars a month? Yes,
for the second option. He's just hopped up on these
(15:19):
helmets over here. He's an outsider. He's an outsider fellas
I'm standing on the inside. So technicality, you're all wrong. Uh?
What option? And forty dollars a month as opposed to
a year does seem a little pricing? I told you
he was expensive, it's elite. Forty five a month is
(15:40):
too much for you? No, no, no, he's he pays it,
he's a member. What was the second option? The second
option is to be dangled over coyotes with peanut butter
on your testicles. This is mark. Tragedy has rocked inside
(16:01):
a local Costco where a man has paid forty five
dollars a month. Forty five dollars a month, sir, I
tell a lot of other members around. I talked to
a lot about the members. I have a peanut allergy.
I couldn't speak to them. You cannot be inside the
(16:21):
store when you're because you don't have a membership. I
need you to step Are you serious? Right now. Don't
please don't use the freedom of pressed. Please don't say
freedom oppressed, freedom, don't say it, don't say it, don't
say it. Press. Okay, you can go inside. That has
(16:42):
seen one. Oh my goodness, see two comes frost from Kristen,
who wrote, I saw managed to lock myself out of
my bank account again. So my scene suggestion is a
highest involving several people who, having forgotten the answers to
their security questions, are now breaking into the high security
(17:03):
vault to access their own money because it's easier than
trying to reset their passwords. From Kristen Kelly. What is
the third sport you played in high school? Fu? Fuck Dennis? Dennis?
That is correct. What is the name of the street
that was perpendicular to the street your high school was on?
(17:26):
Willow Brook Drive? That is correct. What is the number
you like to play in roulette when you've had too
many drinks? And let's see him fucked now? Because I
know the sober number, I don't know the drunk number.
Sober numbers thirty two. I'm sorry that is incorrect. Goddamn god, David,
did you get our number? Did you get the bank
(17:47):
account number? Today? When you talk to the man, David.
Did you get it? Did you? I didn't get it.
I didn't get it. Okay, I'm working right now. Okay,
can you just give me some space. I'd like to
give you eat space, David, but the baby is running
out of food. We need to get in our account day.
(18:07):
I know that. What did you come trying to do here? Okay?
I'm trying to set up a new account. Maybe I can.
I can transfer some of the money from my old
account today. Okay, I'm trying to work it out. All right.
I give you exactly five days to do this, and
I mean exactly from right three to one now now,
all right, we're planning a heist in four days. Does
that work for everyone's schedule? Four days from now? Yeah?
(18:31):
For business days because that goes over a weekend. No,
we're going to include the weekend days as account. You Tuesday,
Tuesday's lights Tuesday? Okay, I'm good for that. Can we
can we just call it Tuesday instead of four days
from now? Well? I just wanted to give everyone time. Yes, Tuesday,
get Phil, good point Tuesday? Everyone? Um, everyone, just be cool.
(18:57):
We're just playing cards, okay, be cool? Him? Uh? Yes, Hello, Hi, Hello, Hi, sorry,
little fries with uh. I work for Costco. I'm here
giving out free samples. The cheese. Sorry, the cheese is
a little it's been outside for a little longer than
I'm supposed to have but it's good. It's good cheese.
I'm just playing cards with some friends, so this is
gonna be great. Actually, do you want to come in
(19:19):
and uh? Yeah, they all try the cheese. Oh yeah
sure yeah, get rid of all these samples. I get
cats from Costco and then I'll be able to guy.
This guy brought cheese. Welcome, thank you. Yeah, I'm looking.
Are you from Wisconsin originally? Yeah, so easy to guess. Sorry, continue,
(19:42):
I'll get the door. Hello. Hello, I'm with the local
police department, and there's somebody going around posing as a
Costco employee. He's a serial killer. What and I just
wanted to make sure that he hasn't come to your two.
He's seems like, no, sorry, that's my second door. Let
(20:04):
me go back and get it. Come on in though, Hell, yes,
are you there yet? Yes, I'm with the I'm with
the International Police Department. You can call it what you wish, sir,
there's a local there's a guy parading as a local policeman,
going around trying to get other people in trouble. I
(20:27):
just wanted cheese guy. Somebody's pretending to be a policeman,
trying to he's putting to be a local policeman. He's
inside right now, Come on, everybody, So which one of
you guys is the cheese man? All right? So which
one of you guys is the local police? I go,
(20:51):
oh my god, just having a caesar a right ship.
Should we do anything? Should we should we do anything
or not? I'm just this guy. We're cooking boom. Hello, guys,
speak care, help the guy with the seizure and uh yes, Helloi.
I am Emil the cook. I am from Interpola. I
(21:13):
am Emil Locook from Interpol. And I have a selection
of international cheese is here for you? Oh boy? Oh um.
We're trying to raise money for Interpol. Uh We're we're
selling cheeses and sausage this year. I have to get inside.
Why don't you come with me in that way? Clive, Look,
(21:34):
look another one at the goddamn door. I'm telling you
they're doing something at that house. There's something's going on, okay,
And what would you just get away from the window.
Then is that all right? Fine? You just want me
to get away from the cut damn it. I mean
every day around this time you're at the window looking
at the nibus scene when everyone's what do you want
me to do? Huh? You said, don't do anything. Just
(21:55):
stay at the house. They'll take care of you. And this.
I have dreams, Clive, I have dreams. I'll tell you
a third dream that you want me to know. I
want to have genetically engineered wings on my back and
be able to fly like okay, now, like wax, but
like definitely like some kind of like really soft steel,
so I'm like really strong but also like really agile. Okay,
(22:19):
technically it's possible, but ethnically I can't. I can't do that.
Oh come on, why not now? And I mean clearly
you're good for the money. You know, we have everything
lying around here. We could do it. But do it,
Just do it? All right, we'll do it. But we're
gonna ask you to bring the bird the way you can't.
(22:41):
We can bring the bird night, but we want metal wings,
you know, like that falcon Fella. No, that's that's superhero stuff.
You gotta go to Marvel for that you get are
you doing, David Marvel? Like who you need salt steel wings? Yes,
right right place. Absolutely. All I need to do is
get you are your passwords for your account so that
(23:02):
we can make sure that you can pay properly. Fuck me,
give me the third spoke that either one of you
played in high school. Um, you got to start, not
the second, not the first badminton. All right, I'm entering
that into your account. Clicking the click, click click. Give
(23:24):
me the street that was adjacent to the street that
you went to school. You got this, darling, I'm telling you, smokesock, smock.
I'm entering that account. It so far and finally you, sir,
give me the roulette number that you play when you're
(23:45):
right between sober and drunk, right between the two. Uh,
clicking to click you in, sir, to guess, Oh guess,
don't say guests, don't say guesses. Don't think we're faking
(24:06):
the account. I do not give a ship in and
move the money is there. I am fully prepared to
do a wing operation. Don't love this guy? What was
your name? Mat right? I mean we can do an
open casket if you want, But I mean what that sir,
whatever this bob surgery was she she did out. I
(24:28):
mean it's yeah, we're gonna have to do something. I mean,
maybe just the feat because this guy tore into her
back to put those wings in tissues in the front.
Do you know where the box they're in there? All right,
there's if you look, it looks like a desk. Okay,
there's drawers they're in there. Just pull open the kind
of just show her face then, right, just just a face.
(24:48):
Just prop them up on a pillar. I guess. I
mean you want to you want to have a giant pillow,
don't you standing up? I would never show her back,
which is where the damage is, right, so she should
be lying flat and maybe just yeah, but you get
those giant rods sticking out of her back. It's just
I mean, this is one of the most awkward. I
got another party stuff for funeral director. Oh yeah, okay,
(25:12):
so I gotta we gotta, we gotta caesar right on one. Yeah,
I got this one, the Caesar sound. We gotta full
right here? Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. And the last one
should be a pastrami salmon? Is that correctami salmon? Yeah? Alright?
Is that? Which one was? Then? In the middle. Oh ship,
I gotta I got him out of order. Now, I
think the one that looks the one it's like leaking soup.
(25:37):
Tell me, you tell me, because I'm looking at it
right now. I see they're all leaking. So which one
am I going into because I'm not gonna well, yeah,
they are leaking. They are all leaking, Chad. I checked
the I checked the desk. There's no tissues in there.
I just went to Costco. I just I just went
to Costco. Alright, get this. Hello, Hey, this is Darrow
(25:58):
from Costco. I realize that I sent you home with
some tissues. And Darrel asked, how asked how you were?
I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. Did you ask how? Literally,
nobody's ever asked me that. Before I get I gotta
tell you. I feel good. I had five I had
five vaccines the other day, just just to make sure
that they all work. And I feel excellent. I feel
(26:21):
like I could fly without wings. Um good too? Or
was I supposed to return your niceties? And Darrel, we
all got to use the phone, so you can hurry
up the phone. You know what? Then you take this call, marking, No,
you take this call Daryl, I am storming out. You
(26:46):
see that. You see the back of my head. That's
how you know I'm storming away. No, Daryl, Darrel, don't leave. Hello,
I just need to call my wife. Sarrel. Oh my god,
you left your work. How are we gonna pay for this? So? Uh?
How are you gonna pay for this? We had all
these little goats and always little pigs where I can't
ask this the bank account. Look, I know a place.
(27:08):
I know a place we can go and there's a
it's a house you can go and they'll ask you
questions and there's a sequey they can hi gets. I
think cereal, so yellows and pigs are right there. Children.
I am on edge E d A j E edit
(27:31):
you look, look, let me just go to the house.
I'm sure that that there's a heighst going on. I
think in the next day I heard I give you
twenty four hours to figure this out. Twenty four and
that's and then I'm taking the goats in the pigsies. Okay,
So we have technically one more day before the big heist,
(27:52):
and I just want to make sure everyone's schedule is
still clear. Okay, I'm Darra I'm brand new here. I
need to get my account heisted. Yes, so this is
We're gonna be splitting everything five ways now. So I
hope everyone's okay with that. Um, so we are. Yeah,
twenty four hours. Um, who brought the pig over here?
(28:12):
My wife made me bring it? Okay? What was your
what was your account question? Dearily? You didn't know? Oh?
My account question was my mother's maiden name? You don't
know that. I don't know what maiden means. I'm sure
I could figure out what that man I'm shocking. Before
she was married. Yeah, Oh it's Millie Millie. Her maiden
(28:33):
name was Milly before she was married, Martha Millie. Huh,
you've heard, you've heard the term maiden voyage, right, I
just never knew what it meant. You didn't know that
meant the first voyage were off. We need to focus
on the vault. Everybody heard of iron Maiden, right, I have?
(28:55):
I have, indeed, and that didn't kille you off. It
did not none of that. You're you're taking us away,
all right. He's Darrel's are now a team members? I'm
sorry you heard of You've heard of maid in America? Right? Yes?
I have that the first America first that you're okay, okay,
(29:18):
so your mother's first name, my mother's first name, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I haven't made a power point about the lasers in
the vault, the maiden power point. Uh, that's your first one.
This is my first part. I use keynote, but this
is my first power point. Does this slide look good
with all the graphics? Uh? Thursday? Up there, we're doing
(29:42):
the heist on Tuesday. Tu cluttered? It's got too much information,
I'd see. I think that maybe less less information pert slide, Patricia,
do you ever say anything positive? What? It's just negative? Negative? Negative?
I buddy's been seeing something negative. I can get a
(30:02):
negative chap in once. I would do this highest with
that pig. Then, Oh my god, welcome to first Digital Bank.
How can I help you in your pig? Hey? Hey,
how are you? First of all, how are you? I'm
I'm all right, I'm all right. I just got a
tattoo removed, and he really heard it. I had two
(30:27):
angel wings on my back. Oh that is that is tragic. Hi,
I would like to get the money out of my account.
My mother's maiden name was Millie Okay, what is the
account under oh ship scene too? That a scene to everybody.
(30:49):
A long time patron v I P. Toy Bow who
wrote Dear Kevin and the Comedy Extraordinaires, thank you for
keeping up the insanely funny show in these pandemic times.
Pandemonic yep, that says pandemonic times. As many others have
pointed out already, it's amazing how you guys constantly give
the metaphorical finger to the technical challenges of remote recording sessions.
(31:13):
Do we Doug Bame rules? Now that's true? Any hooters,
here's another scene IDEA New York mob boss has to
tolerate his senile grandfather who has come to visit from Italy.
All the best capeche toivo from Finland. All right, got
(31:35):
to lasagna here, anybody? Hey Bobby, Bobby, can you put
a fucking socking it for two seconds? I'm trying to
find out what time and grandfather. I'm just bringing the lasagna. Hope.
I'm gonna drop it on the table if anybody wants
to eat it. All right, that's what I'm doing. Lasia
to the side. You heard what the guy said. Come on,
I did move it. I'm gonna drop it off. Whoever
wants the lasonia can have it. If you don't want
(31:56):
to lasagna, just to move it to the Sunna want
the las onya, that's never a question. If we want
the lasagna is all about timing over here. Come on,
I told you it takes me two hours to make
the sasagna. Okay, I told you, I told but six
to make this asagnia. You're my sister's boy, and that's
the only reason you breathe there, get this lasagna. The fun.
(32:19):
Oh my god, Oh my god, that's the reason you
are sick. You know what you have to do, too violent.
You need to have this lasagna and calm down, all right, everyone,
he let me, let me talk. Don't let me talk
to them. Hey, Bobby, we want the lasagna. I appreciate
what you've done for the fat. No, you don't the
funk If I don't. You've kept this family fit for years.
(32:42):
I just gotta look up to the guy and make
him seem like the big guy. But we know you
can't drive a call without gas in the pank, right,
you keep the family faked? Does anybody care? Does anybody care?
No one cares? Hey, look at my Look at my eyes.
Don't you look like the eyes of somebody who cares. Yeah,
they looks like little hots. Oh my god, I don't care.
(33:04):
So I've been driving for the family for about twenty years.
You're gonna be helping me out with other driving duties. Uh,
today is going to be kind of your big one.
You're gonna be picking up the boss's dad from from
the airport. That sounds really good. Yeah, I'm looking forward
to really make it a name for myself and the family.
(33:27):
Think you need to be able to get to the
airport three different ways? Do you know three different ways? Uh? Well,
there's only two entrances, not the physical into the physical airport,
but like I'm in the routes to it, you know,
so like one I could take an extra turn here
or there. I just use Google Maps. Okay, all right,
we try not to use Google Maps because that leads
(33:49):
a trace, so we don't we don't want that. You
have to know it, do you know it? The map?
And you have ways? I have ways. I wasn't being
app specific. I'm just saying, alright, rookie, this is a
big deal for us. All right. We got the father,
the leader of the Julie Biondi family coming in from Italy. Okay,
and if we can snag him, we're gonna have leverage
(34:11):
over them. Do you understand this? I just don't have
a very good accent for it. I just feel like
I feel like they're gonna knows. Just let's just run
through one more time. Are you got this? Go from
the top? All right? Okay, I'm I'm pretty new with this.
I just gotta pick him up at the airport. I
want to make a name for myself and the family.
(34:33):
You're dancing a lot, You're dancing with your feet a lot.
While you doing that, just just dance still and saying
it's just I'm nervous. I just I I don't think,
you know what, Maybe we should get somebody else for
this job. Maybe we should get somebody else the job.
This is the job, man, Okay, where's help? Where's your
accent from? It sounds unique? Oh, it's I grew up
(34:55):
in like the Queen's Area of New York. U don't know,
I shouldn't know. That's right, that's right, that's that's if
I've heard Elmhurst, that's Almhurst, Yeah, Elmst, Elmst. Queens. So
what kind of business are we going to be doing
after we pick up the boss? Oh man? So much
(35:16):
stuff we got. We got illegal medical operations, they do
all kinds of free freaky surgery. We got. We got
digital bank, highs, schools and schools. Sir, sir, sir, sir,
(35:37):
this is America. If you're gonna get into our country
all for that plane, you're gonna have to learn to
talk America America. Yes, yes, ah, the brago. Is you
looking for something specific? See see my my son, my son? Okay, sir,
(36:00):
what is your son's name? I want this. He is
a man, he's a maiden. He's made. That's right. So
you've heard of maiden America. What's his name? And Tony?
Huh na na? Mario no no Luigi. Wait a minute,
(36:23):
are you talking about Antonio? No no Mario, no no Luigi. Yes, yes,
I know of Antonio. No no Mario no no Luigi. Sir,
you are who you think I am. Forgive me for
confronting you. It's all right, this all right. I gotta
go to the bathroom, sir. A man of your important
(36:47):
statue don't need to go to the bathroom. The bathroom
will come to you. Just wait right, I think it
just did that man. That man is peing on himself.
Oh I am look at that. I'm a leaking like
a false sandwich and leave us, says staying. It's what's happening? Name? No, No,
(37:09):
I'm supposed to be on this flight. Okay, if you
check the log, I have a ticket. Okay, I'm supposed
don't have a log. Okay, this is not a four
ship that's sailing across the ocean. Okay, we have a
flight manifest. You're on the flight manifest. Yes, I'm supposed
to be in Vatican City today. Okay today. What's the
reason for your travel? It's I'm doing business at Vatican City.
(37:35):
You're doing business in Vaticanton. Whoppers in my and your
first name, maiden name? Excuse me say again? Your maiden name,
your good name Deborah? You seem like if you don't okay, Deborra.
I need one more piece of information. I just need
to know your last name and the street you grew
(37:55):
up on. Okay, uh, flam Shade is my last name, okay,
and the tree I grew up on, honey toil. Excuse me,
you don't mind if I just asked? Ever one last question,
do you no? No, please, you're the manager here. I
know you know you can't spell manager without man. I'm
(38:18):
just a man. Uh did you ever he just asked
you one last question? He said, I just have one
last question, and then he asked you too, and you
panicked and you answered both of them. You realized that
he was sticking it to you, right. No, I just
thought I thought he just misspoke. I didn't think that
(38:38):
it was put your hands behind your back? What what's
going on? Mr? Do believe me? I guess just to
go ahead and get into the back seat. We're gonna
be taking you to your your house and you're going
to see a family. I want sam My son. He's
really busy making lizam you and I think if you
just can't do the back seat, it's gonna be really good.
(39:02):
Don't don't try to do that accent. No, no, no,
it's so so Mr Jambaloney, this is a very real accent.
Just get into the back seat. You you fed? No,
you're a cop. You're fed a cop. No, that's that's
(39:24):
a can't be. And if I was, I'm sure that
that the fed of the cops would come and save me.
Right now, because they'd be listening, right, I know, I know, Hey,
Mr Jambaloni, Jambaloney just busted him. Guys, do we go in,
do we move in and help his ass? Or do
we just let him burn play out? I mean, if
he's gonna get killed, that we kind of want to
see that. Rather, would you rather go in and help him?
(39:47):
Or or or or would you rather help him? Or? Right?
Would you only help him? Or We're with you? Everyone
hear me on this. Would you I had to look
I looked away for a moment, but I'm ready they
listen again. Would you rather help him? Or send about
(40:14):
six d wild pigs after him? Lady's gentlemen, I'm reporting
live from the funeral home where Steve Lecoq, brother of
Emilio lacoc, has been found dead at a random Ali
We're here right here, with the bodies right behind us.
If you can see it, are you getting the body
on the camera? I got it? I got it, man,
(40:35):
we can see the body. I got my I got
I'm doing my job. I'm shooting about it. Your job
is to talking to the people what's going on. They're
not gonna get the audio for fifteen minutes A while
I haven't even got my audio tape right there, I'm
just saying. I'm saying, I'm the camera, I'm shoot, I'm
doing my job. Well, you look, the camera lens looks
like it's pointing at me. I just want to make
(40:55):
sure it's pointed at the body. Hey, I got one
camera leans on you, and then I've configured it so
I have another one shoot off to the side. Didn't
know you're using them? All right, man, we had my
audio rolling. This is this is good stuff. We call
(41:16):
the ship. No no, no, keep rolling, keep rolling. We
don't call anything end freedom of press. I can do
whatever we want. And Mr JIMBERLINI your father is there's
a situation coming from the airport. Now what kind of situation? Well, yeah,
(41:37):
that's the Sergio no no, Antonio no no, Luigi asked for.
They kind of knew who he was at the airport.
It seems like a fed picked him up and somehow
your father was able to feed into a bunch of
pigs right there at the airport in a random alleywayo
allewey in the airport. You're telling me my father, who
came all the way from Vatican City, is in an
(41:58):
alley by the airport. Well he's no longer as said,
we can't find him anymore. He just somehow unleashed a
bunch of pigs on the guy. Okay, so you lost
my father who traveled for the first time to America.
I neede the pants. I needed some pants, Oh sir, Yeah,
Well this is Costco, so just follow me, which don't
(42:19):
I don't have a membership. You don't have a membership?
How much easy? It's actually really cheap. Forty five dollars
a month. Give him the other or or we can
cover your testicles and peanut butter and I have Daniel,
(42:41):
you and have coyotes. Nippy your nippit your sack? This
is sir? Is that is that peanut butter? Uncomfortable? It's
all right, yep, we can put a little more on there.
Hey man, do you want me to bring the coyotes
in now Okay to the coyotes? Hey, Jerryman, flam tappy,
(43:04):
rip scamp. That's scrappy getting him. We are at the
scene of a tragedy where it appears an old pentless
man just kicked the ship out of an entire herd
of coyotes, dislocating their jaw, and I'm here with the
(43:27):
veterinarian right now, I'm gonna tell us sure exactly is
there anything that can be done to save these coyotes.
It's gonna take a it's a good question. Thank you
for being here, so surprised somebody was here so quickly. Um,
it's gonna take some some genetic modified surgery. Um, we
have a doctor that we like to go Tom, Sorry,
(43:49):
hold on, I just got I want to understand everything.
Genetic modified surgery. Go ahead, it's using metals instead of
Usually these kind of situations can be handled with other
animal parts, but this time, these coyotes are badly, badly injured. Um,
if we were to have a funeral, we would have
to do a closed casket for all of them. But
(44:09):
we're not. We're gonna save him. We're gonna take him
to Dr Marvel. He's amazing. Tragedy. Tragedy has turned into
a to say hi to my mom. Oh yeah, please
go ahead, my mom. Thank you. So it's only a
teen dollars fault. These are mixed nuts. That's right. Yeah,
(44:31):
that's a good deal. It's a great and can I
recommend just going over just around the corner here, or
in the next island, you can get a free sample
of those nuts. Let's see if you want to taste them. Okay, yeah,
that's the taste like nuts, but taste like mat Yeah.
Mr Jammaliny Gammaloni, we just got word from your father. Yeah,
(44:53):
what happened? He's uh, here's the Peter, I guess it is. Uh.
Peter has him surrounded in the local costco. He's in
there just eating nuts, but apparently did some damage to
some wildline giving him straight. I don't understand why you're
dancing around. It kicked. He dislocated a rabbit squad. I
(45:18):
guess of coyotes band. He's called a band. They called
the Band of Coyotes. So I'm not an animal man.
I'm just a guy with knowledge. Look, I know I'm
from Italy. But for a dollar this slice of pizza,
it's pretty good. Yeah, you're telling me. I don't want
to jump on the but you should try the Costa dogs.
(45:39):
They're they're great. Costa dog, Costa dog, Cosca dog, Costa dog,
Cosca dog, Costa dog. That is so same. Three there
was a scene three that was in fact scene three.
(46:00):
Oh my goodness, gracious, let's thank all of our alchemists
before they pass out from a lack of energy that
has been expended in the episode for you and your
delightful years. Let's start with Mr Gary Anthony Williams. Gary,
thank you so much for rejoining the Band of Coyotes.
Um uh tell us when the Netflix show is debuting.
(46:25):
By the way, the Netflix show is on your television
right now. No, it is ten fantastic episodes of the
Crew on literally literally on your team. It is on
my TV right now. Yeah. Uh, it's called The Crew.
(46:47):
It's on Netflix or ten episodes. Very exciting. Yeah, that's
certainly the Planets or any other uh product or projects
ors that you'd like folks to know about. Uh, you know,
just follow me on at Gary and Benny Williams on
the Instagram. I got a bunch of new cartoons coming out,
(47:08):
like as as Craig would say, a ship load of them. Yeah,
that's it. That's thank you for letting me be here.
Oh man, thank you so much, James Enei, thanks for
having me. Don't forget. On Saturday, April four, at five
(47:28):
thirty pm Pacific time, we're gonna be doing Austin sketch Fest.
Now I'm sure that there's a ton of great content
that you can also catch. But if you want to
catch us live, it's five thirty pm Pacific time. A
that'll be the night before the Oscars. And if you're
looking for a diversion away from all the stress and
anxiety this year that the Oscars will of course be
(47:51):
which movie that you didn't see will win? Uh? You
want to check us out with the Austin UH Comedy Festival.
Is that what it's called? Yeah, I'm sure if you
google it they if they haven't got a nice easy
way to find it. If you google Austin Sketch Fest,
well then we'll get talk. We'll talk to him and
we'll make sure they search engine optimization that stuff really soon. Thanks.
(48:13):
Thanks for that, James, appreciate the confusion. Craig, do you
want to clarify any of that information. I just realized
that Austin Sketch Fest UH competes with the Independent Spirit Awards,
so I might bind me missing that that show. Also
the Master's Tournament April eight through eleven in Augusti, Georgia.
I'll be a slot opened up after tiger Woods horrific injury,
(48:36):
so I'll be competing in that tournament this year. I
don't know. Yeah, great after your lack of interest in
golf earlier, the latest the latest elitest sports. Uh, filled
with horrific racism. But uh, I'm a I'm a thirty
two handicap and I'm gonna do the best I can
in this use you appreciate that a tool saying where
(48:59):
will you be? Uh that that weekend I might be
out hanging out, just hanging out. I heard a rumor
that you're joining us. Yeah, yeah, that is that. That
rumor is actually very true. I'll be there. So I'm
very excited because I went to undergrad in Austin, so
I feel like a little bit of a homecoming there.
That's very nice. But uh, I do want to take
(49:21):
golf less and that's weird that Craig hates it. I
kind of want to get back into it. So if
anyone wants to reach out on my social it's a
tool time. Well, I think Joey is the answer to that.
Joey Gary, would you help a tool with his golf?
Came totally. Yeah. First thing you want to do is
you want to get rid of the clubs. You want
to get your hands on the ball all right? Do
you wanted to understand how the game flows? And I
think having that piece of metal in between you and
(49:44):
I was just not gonna help you. You gotta be
one with it. We like, have you ever played soccer?
You have? Yeah, so you can check out out to me,
this is Instagram, and uh, we're gonna have sketch best
sketch best like clear, so you can check that out
so it could be less confusing, but maybe you won't.
(50:05):
I don't know. I don't know. I've got the address.
It's t X sketch Fest dot com. There is a
t X sketch Fest dot com. Thank you for that times,
and thank you all for Let's thank our producing engineer
the Stars, Mr Doug Babe. Fine folks that I hurt meeting.
(50:27):
I'm Kevin Poulic, your host. Thank you each and every
damn one of you so very much for joining us
today and every damn time you've given us your ears
and um be kind to each other please and uh,
let's continue to wear a mask for just the lead
a bit longer. Please, Thank you until next time. Alchemy
(51:00):
seven
Welcome back to another episode edition. I'm your hosts back,
Yes I am, thank you you surprisingly aggressive peace, But
I digress. Let's meet our alchemists, shall we? In no
particular orders, say hey to crank Katkowski Kakoo. Why have
(00:24):
you refused to devote yourself to the wickedly sexy world
of golf. Of golf? Well, uh, it's an elitist sport, right,
it costs a lot of money and it takes a
lot of time. Those are the three answers that we
(00:44):
were looking for. Thank you, pencils down, no more calls.
We have a winner. And now Gary Anthony William Oh yeah,
oh boy, yeah, right, give it. Did you ever have
the mums as a kid? And if not, what the hell?
I man? Did I have the moms? Yeah? I can't.
(01:05):
I have a huge family, you know, the six sisters,
two brothers, and we were all moumped up. We were momped,
we were musled, uh, infantigo, you name, you name any
kind of disease and brother, we had it. Yeah, and
now I can't get anything. I could lick, I can
(01:26):
lick any hand, any knob of anything. I can't get
anything anymore. Yeah, raised with a pestos. Hey, there's a
tool saying great a if taught the proper skills, do
you think you could work on a super yacht? Yes, yes, definitely,
I think I could be what they call a boson.
I'll be outside. I don't I don't want to do
(01:47):
the serving, but I'll pull up the anchor. It looks
like there's a button to do that. I'll help out,
put the toys out the slide, blow up the slide.
That's that's a deck can or as some like to say, deacon.
But Boston is in charge of all the deck ends.
It's interesting you chose the leadership managerial positions. What the
(02:12):
hell it's James Heeney, Jim Jim Jennis. Given the opportunity,
which European city would you visit? And why? I guess
I would? Uh, I guess I would visit Vatican City.
I feel like that is that the way we said
(02:34):
which city and that's the first city that came to
mind to make it's actually its own country? Is it? Really?
They have their own currency, it's the it's the city,
it's the city country because they have their own zip code,
have their own zip code. Well, I guess it's not
too much trouble. I'll make it Rome then and then
if as long as I can also get the Vatican
(02:55):
City out of that. Yes, okay, that all that was
the correct answer, thank you. Uh. And last but you
can see yourself out if you think him leavest it's
Joey Greer tickle butt where you're Russian. Well, first off,
I'm American, okay, and I'll say that to the day
I die. All right, USA, And I know a lot
(03:16):
of people are thinking USA under twenty three didn't make
it into the Olympics. I'm worried just like you. But
I'm also excited for that Disney movie that's gonna come
out in the next four years when they rarely the youths,
when we go out there and we just dominate on
the world stage. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it.
Let's do a damn show. All of our scenes Justin
has gathered, of course, from your listen to emails, or
(03:38):
from our patron v I p s to become a
patron's part of the show and enjoy exclusive content like
video of Joey's face, just head on over to patroon
dot com. Slash Alchemy there's If you'd like to submit
a scene suggestion by email, please right to the podcast
at your name here at Alchemy this dot com. That's
your name here Alchemy trying to beat you too it
(04:01):
see one comes from Patroon Van p Craig Nichols, who
wrote it is so hard to come up with original ideas.
I think I might have one, though, A friendly game
of would you rather? Gets out of hand? Thanks for
being awesome, Craig. Okay, who's next? Who's next? I got
some more started back? Here's abody wants over? Chardy Sindy? Yes, yes, yeah.
(04:26):
There's also some cheese and some meat. Does everbody want
me to bring that over? Yes? Bring it all? Meats, cheese, nuts, Sindy,
bring it all? Please? Thank you? Okay, who's next? I
don't know if we should keep playing with the amount
that we've been drinking. I just feel like, what's going
to happen? I don't know Cindy's off of her rock
(04:48):
or right now. I didn't know that she really is
in the position to be playing would you rather? Patricia?
Are you a party pooper at your house? As well? Oh?
Your own party? Patty, don't pop your own party? Patty, listen.
I just feel bad. I think that she's she's probably
a little more intoxicated than she realizes. I'm here to place,
(05:14):
and would you rather we're playing? Am I going home?
I'll take my home if I'm just worried about her? Okay,
so let's just toss her some softballs. Okay, just a
couple until she gets some meat in her system, some
cheese in her system. Do you want some? Just some water?
(05:35):
People are drinking water. Oh, come on, daddy, pooper. Okay,
here's the next scenario one. Okay, Gwendolen, would you rather
remove all the wine from Cindy's home? That is, try
(05:59):
to or put your head inside of the lion's mouth
for thirty four seconds? Thirty four seconds done. If this
house is dry at any point, I'd rather be dead. Okay,
let me just write that down. I have to write
all the answers down. That's a second lion's mouth for
(06:21):
thirty four seconds. There's no way it would stay open
that mong Well, you're prying it. You're prying. Gray struck
last night at a local home when a young lady
Gwendolin McAfee was beheaded by a lion when asked why.
Gwendolin had no answer. She'd been beheaded by a lion. Sir,
(06:46):
We've asked you several times to please let the family grief.
Can you please up do this at the funeral, sir? Please?
I wish I couldn't, but I kind of got film
at eleven, audio at eleven. Oh, you're gonna film first
in the shirt. Please? Can you just give the families
some space. You've been harassing them, You've been following these people,
(07:06):
you've been just talking about the tragedy. They just need
their time. Please. As soon as I talked to Gwendolen's
younger sister, Madeline, Madeleine, you were there at Cindy and
Patricia's place when Gwendolen stuck her head in the lion?
Was there a lot of flailing or a little flailing?
(07:27):
First of all, it's supposed to be a game of
hypothetical hypotheticals. We didn't expect that she would brought an
actual lion. Well, the unexpected happened here. Fill that all
out it O'Neil eleven fifteen, Mark Bunsen see you then?
(07:49):
Are you just? Are you live? Live? And I just
let the audience know I'm no, I'm no longer line.
But by the way, I feel very bad for your family.
I wish I weren't here was a wonderful person, and
her body looks great. By the way, her body still
looks amazing. She was in good shape. Yeah, she couldn't
want to plot it. I sure wish I had seen
(08:10):
her head before. I mean, we can do an open casket.
It's just gonna be a little weird. I don't know
if you want to do a sole job or staple
it up, but I mean I can get it done, so,
you know, based on the family's wishes. You know, we
don't have to, but you know I can get it
done quick turn around too. Maybe I'm thinking maybe we
just have the bottom half of the casket open and
(08:31):
just keep the top half close. Just that unheard of.
Oh Lord, have mercy. Why did my granddaughter have to
go this way? She was warned several times, Mr funeral director.
My my my father and my mother both went with
the head inside of large cats, and I warned her,
(08:52):
don't play the game, but she played. What if we
put like a bouquet or roses with the head would
not leave be? Oh? Yeah, got you got a beautiful body,
no offense, and then a beautiful uh uh you know
I'm talking about rows, whatever color you'd like. I gotta
(09:17):
I gotta delivery here. I gotta get a party sub
for for funeral director. Oh yeah, right, it right, it
right here, yeah, d funeral director. Uh so, which I know?
We ordered three sections here we got turkey meat ball
in lasagna. The lasagna sub is is completely separate, because
(09:38):
Mr funeral director, forgive me, I am peckish. I have
not eaten all day and most of yesterday. Could I
have a piece of your sandwich, but without the bread?
I just want the fixings from the inside. You want
to go inside. You want to open that sandwich up?
You just want to eat the inside. I want you to,
but not I want you to dig it out with
(09:58):
your bath funeral directed hand and feed me like a
mama bird would feed a baby bird if the mama
bird had hands. I'm gonna do this too quick. Okay,
what do you want? The lasagna? The lasagna because a
lot of for a lot of people, lasagna, honest, sandwich,
it's just too much carbs, you know. Can I take
(10:18):
this as an opportunity and I hope this isn't in
bad taste, but I love the game. Could we do
this as a would you rather be fed lasagna like
a bird by the funeral director? Or would you rather
bits of meat to be dangled above you and you
could jump for it almost like a dolphin? Would it
(10:38):
a type of that? Says Mark Bunsen. Again, here tragedy
again has struck the exact same family. It appears that
three members of the exact same family of Gwendolin and Madeline,
and we still don't the same way that has no head,
(11:00):
we don't have a last name. Three members jumped up
for meat and landed in an open grave that should
not have killed them, but somehow it did. We're here
with one of the members who were there, Chad, funeral director. Chad,
you were there, You saw the horror and the hope.
(11:24):
What can you tell America to bring a little less
grief to this shitoye? Horror and hope? You said it fantastically.
That's exactly how I would have said it as well.
But you said at first, so it sounds like it's
your idea, but I want to just reiterate that. Hearing
those words, that then became my idea as well, let's
let's let's really make it your idea, Chad, and just
(11:45):
switch around a hope and horror. Then let's just make
it your own name, if that's to do. I mean,
the hope is that everyone out there is gonna see
this and not dangle meat from a from an active
a live wire and then have your friends family jump
up and try to get to meat as a fun
little game, and then you know, keep lowering the meat
(12:06):
because you do want someone to eat the cha Chad,
where do we keep the extra tissue boxes? We're out
in the front. We're on the front. What do you
were at the front. We're out of tissue boxes in
the front, just with the Costco. What do you we're out?
Where do you put the tissue boxes? They should be
right underneath. It should be looks like a little drawer
should be just like welcome to Costco. Sure you see me.
(12:27):
You're looking for some tissues? Yeah you get the sixty
four or the seventy two. Yeah they're sir, They're right
in front of you. Can you not see the tissues?
They're right in front of you, sir. Well, I'm blind,
so I get the joke, but I don't necessarily find
it funny. You were, well, this is a cane that
(12:47):
normally you would see a blind person. I don't. I
never look down, sir. I didn't see your cane. Nice.
Nice because my eyes that don't work. Her up here,
that's wonderful, sir. Let me just give you the tissue
then I'll put them in your hand. Here you go.
There is that an affectation the way you're pronouncing tissue.
By the way, just do I'm pronouncing what's sir? A
(13:08):
again My other senses are a bit heightened, so I
can't help. But over here one more like a bat,
like a blind bat. That that's terrific than go yeah,
blind bat or blind as a bat. I get it. No,
you're hilarious. You work here. I just fired my excuse me.
(13:30):
You sold me some tissues last week, and I'm sorry
you you sold me some tissues last week. I saw
some tissues, yes, sir, and I have issues with the tissues.
You have an I do have it. I have several
issues with the tissues. Hold on just one second, bye, baby,
I miss you, I miss you. I'm sorry I had
to say goodbye to my wife. Now you have an
itsy with the tissues. Yes, I went at you into
(13:53):
into the tissue and the new cues. Uh it didn't
hold the mucues. God bless you. I could kiss you
for the I don't want to kiss you. I want
tissues that I don't have issues with. I wish you
would leave, sir, I really with you would well, I
(14:14):
wish you would help me with the tissue just a second. Yeah,
I mean Costco is great. Man. You get a car,
you just get in there, just like a member. It's great.
It's like a private club. You know what I'm saying.
You become a member. Oh you gotta you gotta pay,
Like this is like a ceremony or something initiation. Let
me just pull your story here for a second. What's up. Yeah,
(14:37):
there's a ceremony. All right, there's a ceremony, okay, and
looking around for I'm right here. Well, let me just
tell you there's a lot of people who want to
bring Costco down, a lot of people inside the government
and a lot of people in the private sector. All right,
you get what I mean. Well, I hear what you're saying. Members.
The ceremony has be gone. Put this robot quick, Put
(14:58):
this robot right now. Hold this giant cub of chocolate almond.
Would you rather have a standard membership at Costco for
the low low price of forty five dollars a month? Yes,
for the second option. He's just hopped up on these
(15:19):
helmets over here. He's an outsider. He's an outsider fellas
I'm standing on the inside. So technicality, you're all wrong. Uh?
What option? And forty dollars a month as opposed to
a year does seem a little pricing? I told you
he was expensive, it's elite. Forty five a month is
(15:40):
too much for you? No, no, no, he's he pays it,
he's a member. What was the second option? The second
option is to be dangled over coyotes with peanut butter
on your testicles. This is mark. Tragedy has rocked inside
(16:01):
a local Costco where a man has paid forty five
dollars a month. Forty five dollars a month, sir, I
tell a lot of other members around. I talked to
a lot about the members. I have a peanut allergy.
I couldn't speak to them. You cannot be inside the
(16:21):
store when you're because you don't have a membership. I
need you to step Are you serious? Right now. Don't
please don't use the freedom of pressed. Please don't say
freedom oppressed, freedom, don't say it, don't say it, don't
say it. Press. Okay, you can go inside. That has
(16:42):
seen one. Oh my goodness, see two comes frost from Kristen,
who wrote, I saw managed to lock myself out of
my bank account again. So my scene suggestion is a
highest involving several people who, having forgotten the answers to
their security questions, are now breaking into the high security
(17:03):
vault to access their own money because it's easier than
trying to reset their passwords. From Kristen Kelly. What is
the third sport you played in high school? Fu? Fuck Dennis? Dennis?
That is correct. What is the name of the street
that was perpendicular to the street your high school was on?
(17:26):
Willow Brook Drive? That is correct. What is the number
you like to play in roulette when you've had too
many drinks? And let's see him fucked now? Because I
know the sober number, I don't know the drunk number.
Sober numbers thirty two. I'm sorry that is incorrect. Goddamn god, David,
did you get our number? Did you get the bank
(17:47):
account number? Today? When you talk to the man, David.
Did you get it? Did you? I didn't get it.
I didn't get it. Okay, I'm working right now. Okay,
can you just give me some space. I'd like to
give you eat space, David, but the baby is running
out of food. We need to get in our account day.
(18:07):
I know that. What did you come trying to do here? Okay?
I'm trying to set up a new account. Maybe I can.
I can transfer some of the money from my old
account today. Okay, I'm trying to work it out. All right.
I give you exactly five days to do this, and
I mean exactly from right three to one now now,
all right, we're planning a heist in four days. Does
that work for everyone's schedule? Four days from now? Yeah?
(18:31):
For business days because that goes over a weekend. No,
we're going to include the weekend days as account. You Tuesday,
Tuesday's lights Tuesday? Okay, I'm good for that. Can we
can we just call it Tuesday instead of four days
from now? Well? I just wanted to give everyone time. Yes, Tuesday,
get Phil, good point Tuesday? Everyone? Um, everyone, just be cool.
(18:57):
We're just playing cards, okay, be cool? Him? Uh? Yes, Hello, Hi, Hello, Hi, sorry,
little fries with uh. I work for Costco. I'm here
giving out free samples. The cheese. Sorry, the cheese is
a little it's been outside for a little longer than
I'm supposed to have but it's good. It's good cheese.
I'm just playing cards with some friends, so this is
gonna be great. Actually, do you want to come in
(19:19):
and uh? Yeah, they all try the cheese. Oh yeah
sure yeah, get rid of all these samples. I get
cats from Costco and then I'll be able to guy.
This guy brought cheese. Welcome, thank you. Yeah, I'm looking.
Are you from Wisconsin originally? Yeah, so easy to guess. Sorry, continue,
(19:42):
I'll get the door. Hello. Hello, I'm with the local
police department, and there's somebody going around posing as a
Costco employee. He's a serial killer. What and I just
wanted to make sure that he hasn't come to your two.
He's seems like, no, sorry, that's my second door. Let
(20:04):
me go back and get it. Come on in though, Hell, yes,
are you there yet? Yes, I'm with the I'm with
the International Police Department. You can call it what you wish, sir,
there's a local there's a guy parading as a local policeman,
going around trying to get other people in trouble. I
(20:27):
just wanted cheese guy. Somebody's pretending to be a policeman,
trying to he's putting to be a local policeman. He's
inside right now, Come on, everybody, So which one of
you guys is the cheese man? All right? So which
one of you guys is the local police? I go,
(20:51):
oh my god, just having a caesar a right ship.
Should we do anything? Should we should we do anything
or not? I'm just this guy. We're cooking boom. Hello, guys,
speak care, help the guy with the seizure and uh yes, Helloi.
I am Emil the cook. I am from Interpola. I
(21:13):
am Emil Locook from Interpol. And I have a selection
of international cheese is here for you? Oh boy? Oh um.
We're trying to raise money for Interpol. Uh We're we're
selling cheeses and sausage this year. I have to get inside.
Why don't you come with me in that way? Clive, Look,
(21:34):
look another one at the goddamn door. I'm telling you
they're doing something at that house. There's something's going on, okay,
And what would you just get away from the window.
Then is that all right? Fine? You just want me
to get away from the cut damn it. I mean
every day around this time you're at the window looking
at the nibus scene when everyone's what do you want
me to do? Huh? You said, don't do anything. Just
(21:55):
stay at the house. They'll take care of you. And this.
I have dreams, Clive, I have dreams. I'll tell you
a third dream that you want me to know. I
want to have genetically engineered wings on my back and
be able to fly like okay, now, like wax, but
like definitely like some kind of like really soft steel,
so I'm like really strong but also like really agile. Okay,
(22:19):
technically it's possible, but ethnically I can't. I can't do that.
Oh come on, why not now? And I mean clearly
you're good for the money. You know, we have everything
lying around here. We could do it. But do it,
Just do it? All right, we'll do it. But we're
gonna ask you to bring the bird the way you can't.
(22:41):
We can bring the bird night, but we want metal wings,
you know, like that falcon Fella. No, that's that's superhero stuff.
You gotta go to Marvel for that you get are
you doing, David Marvel? Like who you need salt steel wings? Yes,
right right place. Absolutely. All I need to do is
get you are your passwords for your account so that
(23:02):
we can make sure that you can pay properly. Fuck me,
give me the third spoke that either one of you
played in high school. Um, you got to start, not
the second, not the first badminton. All right, I'm entering
that into your account. Clicking the click, click click. Give
(23:24):
me the street that was adjacent to the street that
you went to school. You got this, darling, I'm telling you, smokesock, smock.
I'm entering that account. It so far and finally you, sir,
give me the roulette number that you play when you're
(23:45):
right between sober and drunk, right between the two. Uh,
clicking to click you in, sir, to guess, Oh guess,
don't say guests, don't say guesses. Don't think we're faking
(24:06):
the account. I do not give a ship in and
move the money is there. I am fully prepared to
do a wing operation. Don't love this guy? What was
your name? Mat right? I mean we can do an
open casket if you want, But I mean what that sir,
whatever this bob surgery was she she did out. I
(24:28):
mean it's yeah, we're gonna have to do something. I mean,
maybe just the feat because this guy tore into her
back to put those wings in tissues in the front.
Do you know where the box they're in there? All right,
there's if you look, it looks like a desk. Okay,
there's drawers they're in there. Just pull open the kind
of just show her face then, right, just just a face.
(24:48):
Just prop them up on a pillar. I guess. I
mean you want to you want to have a giant pillow,
don't you standing up? I would never show her back,
which is where the damage is, right, so she should
be lying flat and maybe just yeah, but you get
those giant rods sticking out of her back. It's just
I mean, this is one of the most awkward. I
got another party stuff for funeral director. Oh yeah, okay,
(25:12):
so I gotta we gotta, we gotta caesar right on one. Yeah,
I got this one, the Caesar sound. We gotta full
right here? Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. And the last one
should be a pastrami salmon? Is that correctami salmon? Yeah? Alright?
Is that? Which one was? Then? In the middle. Oh ship,
I gotta I got him out of order. Now, I
think the one that looks the one it's like leaking soup.
(25:37):
Tell me, you tell me, because I'm looking at it
right now. I see they're all leaking. So which one
am I going into because I'm not gonna well, yeah,
they are leaking. They are all leaking, Chad. I checked
the I checked the desk. There's no tissues in there.
I just went to Costco. I just I just went
to Costco. Alright, get this. Hello, Hey, this is Darrow
(25:58):
from Costco. I realize that I sent you home with
some tissues. And Darrel asked, how asked how you were?
I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. Did you ask how? Literally,
nobody's ever asked me that. Before I get I gotta
tell you. I feel good. I had five I had
five vaccines the other day, just just to make sure
that they all work. And I feel excellent. I feel
(26:21):
like I could fly without wings. Um good too? Or
was I supposed to return your niceties? And Darrel, we
all got to use the phone, so you can hurry
up the phone. You know what? Then you take this call, marking, No,
you take this call Daryl, I am storming out. You
(26:46):
see that. You see the back of my head. That's
how you know I'm storming away. No, Daryl, Darrel, don't leave. Hello,
I just need to call my wife. Sarrel. Oh my god,
you left your work. How are we gonna pay for this? So? Uh?
How are you gonna pay for this? We had all
these little goats and always little pigs where I can't
ask this the bank account. Look, I know a place.
(27:08):
I know a place we can go and there's a
it's a house you can go and they'll ask you
questions and there's a sequey they can hi gets. I
think cereal, so yellows and pigs are right there. Children.
I am on edge E d A j E edit
(27:31):
you look, look, let me just go to the house.
I'm sure that that there's a heighst going on. I
think in the next day I heard I give you
twenty four hours to figure this out. Twenty four and
that's and then I'm taking the goats in the pigsies. Okay,
So we have technically one more day before the big heist,
(27:52):
and I just want to make sure everyone's schedule is
still clear. Okay, I'm Darra I'm brand new here. I
need to get my account heisted. Yes, so this is
We're gonna be splitting everything five ways now. So I
hope everyone's okay with that. Um, so we are. Yeah,
twenty four hours. Um, who brought the pig over here?
(28:12):
My wife made me bring it? Okay? What was your
what was your account question? Dearily? You didn't know? Oh?
My account question was my mother's maiden name? You don't
know that. I don't know what maiden means. I'm sure
I could figure out what that man I'm shocking. Before
she was married. Yeah, Oh it's Millie Millie. Her maiden
(28:33):
name was Milly before she was married, Martha Millie. Huh,
you've heard, you've heard the term maiden voyage, right, I
just never knew what it meant. You didn't know that
meant the first voyage were off. We need to focus
on the vault. Everybody heard of iron Maiden, right, I have?
(28:55):
I have, indeed, and that didn't kille you off. It
did not none of that. You're you're taking us away,
all right. He's Darrel's are now a team members? I'm
sorry you heard of You've heard of maid in America? Right? Yes?
I have that the first America first that you're okay, okay,
(29:18):
so your mother's first name, my mother's first name, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I haven't made a power point about the lasers in
the vault, the maiden power point. Uh, that's your first one.
This is my first part. I use keynote, but this
is my first power point. Does this slide look good
with all the graphics? Uh? Thursday? Up there, we're doing
(29:42):
the heist on Tuesday. Tu cluttered? It's got too much information,
I'd see. I think that maybe less less information pert slide, Patricia,
do you ever say anything positive? What? It's just negative? Negative? Negative?
I buddy's been seeing something negative. I can get a
(30:02):
negative chap in once. I would do this highest with
that pig. Then, Oh my god, welcome to first Digital Bank.
How can I help you in your pig? Hey? Hey,
how are you? First of all, how are you? I'm
I'm all right, I'm all right. I just got a
tattoo removed, and he really heard it. I had two
(30:27):
angel wings on my back. Oh that is that is tragic. Hi,
I would like to get the money out of my account.
My mother's maiden name was Millie Okay, what is the
account under oh ship scene too? That a scene to everybody.
(30:49):
A long time patron v I P. Toy Bow who
wrote Dear Kevin and the Comedy Extraordinaires, thank you for
keeping up the insanely funny show in these pandemic times.
Pandemonic yep, that says pandemonic times. As many others have
pointed out already, it's amazing how you guys constantly give
the metaphorical finger to the technical challenges of remote recording sessions.
(31:13):
Do we Doug Bame rules? Now that's true? Any hooters,
here's another scene IDEA New York mob boss has to
tolerate his senile grandfather who has come to visit from Italy.
All the best capeche toivo from Finland. All right, got
(31:35):
to lasagna here, anybody? Hey Bobby, Bobby, can you put
a fucking socking it for two seconds? I'm trying to
find out what time and grandfather. I'm just bringing the lasagna. Hope.
I'm gonna drop it on the table if anybody wants
to eat it. All right, that's what I'm doing. Lasia
to the side. You heard what the guy said. Come on,
I did move it. I'm gonna drop it off. Whoever
wants the lasonia can have it. If you don't want
(31:56):
to lasagna, just to move it to the Sunna want
the las onya, that's never a question. If we want
the lasagna is all about timing over here. Come on,
I told you it takes me two hours to make
the sasagna. Okay, I told you, I told but six
to make this asagnia. You're my sister's boy, and that's
the only reason you breathe there, get this lasagna. The fun.
(32:19):
Oh my god, Oh my god, that's the reason you
are sick. You know what you have to do, too violent.
You need to have this lasagna and calm down, all right, everyone,
he let me, let me talk. Don't let me talk
to them. Hey, Bobby, we want the lasagna. I appreciate
what you've done for the fat. No, you don't the
funk If I don't. You've kept this family fit for years.
(32:42):
I just gotta look up to the guy and make
him seem like the big guy. But we know you
can't drive a call without gas in the pank, right,
you keep the family faked? Does anybody care? Does anybody care?
No one cares? Hey, look at my Look at my eyes.
Don't you look like the eyes of somebody who cares. Yeah,
they looks like little hots. Oh my god, I don't care.
(33:04):
So I've been driving for the family for about twenty years.
You're gonna be helping me out with other driving duties. Uh,
today is going to be kind of your big one.
You're gonna be picking up the boss's dad from from
the airport. That sounds really good. Yeah, I'm looking forward
to really make it a name for myself and the family.
(33:27):
Think you need to be able to get to the
airport three different ways? Do you know three different ways? Uh? Well,
there's only two entrances, not the physical into the physical airport,
but like I'm in the routes to it, you know,
so like one I could take an extra turn here
or there. I just use Google Maps. Okay, all right,
we try not to use Google Maps because that leads
(33:49):
a trace, so we don't we don't want that. You
have to know it, do you know it? The map?
And you have ways? I have ways. I wasn't being
app specific. I'm just saying, alright, rookie, this is a
big deal for us. All right. We got the father,
the leader of the Julie Biondi family coming in from Italy. Okay,
and if we can snag him, we're gonna have leverage
(34:11):
over them. Do you understand this? I just don't have
a very good accent for it. I just feel like
I feel like they're gonna knows. Just let's just run
through one more time. Are you got this? Go from
the top? All right? Okay, I'm I'm pretty new with this.
I just gotta pick him up at the airport. I
want to make a name for myself and the family.
(34:33):
You're dancing a lot, You're dancing with your feet a lot.
While you doing that, just just dance still and saying
it's just I'm nervous. I just I I don't think,
you know what, Maybe we should get somebody else for
this job. Maybe we should get somebody else the job.
This is the job, man, Okay, where's help? Where's your
accent from? It sounds unique? Oh, it's I grew up
(34:55):
in like the Queen's Area of New York. U don't know,
I shouldn't know. That's right, that's right, that's that's if
I've heard Elmhurst, that's Almhurst, Yeah, Elmst, Elmst. Queens. So
what kind of business are we going to be doing
after we pick up the boss? Oh man? So much
(35:16):
stuff we got. We got illegal medical operations, they do
all kinds of free freaky surgery. We got. We got
digital bank, highs, schools and schools. Sir, sir, sir, sir,
(35:37):
this is America. If you're gonna get into our country
all for that plane, you're gonna have to learn to
talk America America. Yes, yes, ah, the brago. Is you
looking for something specific? See see my my son, my son? Okay, sir,
(36:00):
what is your son's name? I want this. He is
a man, he's a maiden. He's made. That's right. So
you've heard of maiden America. What's his name? And Tony?
Huh na na? Mario no no Luigi. Wait a minute,
(36:23):
are you talking about Antonio? No no Mario, no no Luigi. Yes, yes,
I know of Antonio. No no Mario no no Luigi. Sir,
you are who you think I am. Forgive me for
confronting you. It's all right, this all right. I gotta
go to the bathroom, sir. A man of your important
(36:47):
statue don't need to go to the bathroom. The bathroom
will come to you. Just wait right, I think it
just did that man. That man is peing on himself.
Oh I am look at that. I'm a leaking like
a false sandwich and leave us, says staying. It's what's happening? Name? No, No,
(37:09):
I'm supposed to be on this flight. Okay, if you
check the log, I have a ticket. Okay, I'm supposed
don't have a log. Okay, this is not a four
ship that's sailing across the ocean. Okay, we have a
flight manifest. You're on the flight manifest. Yes, I'm supposed
to be in Vatican City today. Okay today. What's the
reason for your travel? It's I'm doing business at Vatican City.
(37:35):
You're doing business in Vaticanton. Whoppers in my and your
first name, maiden name? Excuse me say again? Your maiden name,
your good name Deborah? You seem like if you don't okay, Deborra.
I need one more piece of information. I just need
to know your last name and the street you grew
(37:55):
up on. Okay, uh, flam Shade is my last name, okay,
and the tree I grew up on, honey toil. Excuse me,
you don't mind if I just asked? Ever one last question,
do you no? No, please, you're the manager here. I
know you know you can't spell manager without man. I'm
(38:18):
just a man. Uh did you ever he just asked
you one last question? He said, I just have one
last question, and then he asked you too, and you
panicked and you answered both of them. You realized that
he was sticking it to you, right. No, I just
thought I thought he just misspoke. I didn't think that
(38:38):
it was put your hands behind your back? What what's
going on? Mr? Do believe me? I guess just to
go ahead and get into the back seat. We're gonna
be taking you to your your house and you're going
to see a family. I want sam My son. He's
really busy making lizam you and I think if you
just can't do the back seat, it's gonna be really good.
(39:02):
Don't don't try to do that accent. No, no, no,
it's so so Mr Jambaloney, this is a very real accent.
Just get into the back seat. You you fed? No,
you're a cop. You're fed a cop. No, that's that's
(39:24):
a can't be. And if I was, I'm sure that
that the fed of the cops would come and save me.
Right now, because they'd be listening, right, I know, I know, Hey,
Mr Jambaloni, Jambaloney just busted him. Guys, do we go in,
do we move in and help his ass? Or do
we just let him burn play out? I mean, if
he's gonna get killed, that we kind of want to
see that. Rather, would you rather go in and help him?
(39:47):
Or or or or would you rather help him? Or? Right?
Would you only help him? Or We're with you? Everyone
hear me on this. Would you I had to look
I looked away for a moment, but I'm ready they
listen again. Would you rather help him? Or send about
(40:14):
six d wild pigs after him? Lady's gentlemen, I'm reporting
live from the funeral home where Steve Lecoq, brother of
Emilio lacoc, has been found dead at a random Ali
We're here right here, with the bodies right behind us.
If you can see it, are you getting the body
on the camera? I got it? I got it, man,
(40:35):
we can see the body. I got my I got
I'm doing my job. I'm shooting about it. Your job
is to talking to the people what's going on. They're
not gonna get the audio for fifteen minutes A while
I haven't even got my audio tape right there, I'm
just saying. I'm saying, I'm the camera, I'm shoot, I'm
doing my job. Well, you look, the camera lens looks
like it's pointing at me. I just want to make
(40:55):
sure it's pointed at the body. Hey, I got one
camera leans on you, and then I've configured it so
I have another one shoot off to the side. Didn't
know you're using them? All right, man, we had my
audio rolling. This is this is good stuff. We call
(41:16):
the ship. No no, no, keep rolling, keep rolling. We
don't call anything end freedom of press. I can do
whatever we want. And Mr JIMBERLINI your father is there's
a situation coming from the airport. Now what kind of situation? Well, yeah,
(41:37):
that's the Sergio no no, Antonio no no, Luigi asked for.
They kind of knew who he was at the airport.
It seems like a fed picked him up and somehow
your father was able to feed into a bunch of
pigs right there at the airport in a random alleywayo
allewey in the airport. You're telling me my father, who
came all the way from Vatican City, is in an
(41:58):
alley by the airport. Well he's no longer as said,
we can't find him anymore. He just somehow unleashed a
bunch of pigs on the guy. Okay, so you lost
my father who traveled for the first time to America.
I neede the pants. I needed some pants, Oh sir, Yeah,
Well this is Costco, so just follow me, which don't
(42:19):
I don't have a membership. You don't have a membership?
How much easy? It's actually really cheap. Forty five dollars
a month. Give him the other or or we can
cover your testicles and peanut butter and I have Daniel,
(42:41):
you and have coyotes. Nippy your nippit your sack? This
is sir? Is that is that peanut butter? Uncomfortable? It's
all right, yep, we can put a little more on there.
Hey man, do you want me to bring the coyotes
in now Okay to the coyotes? Hey, Jerryman, flam tappy,
(43:04):
rip scamp. That's scrappy getting him. We are at the
scene of a tragedy where it appears an old pentless
man just kicked the ship out of an entire herd
of coyotes, dislocating their jaw, and I'm here with the
(43:27):
veterinarian right now, I'm gonna tell us sure exactly is
there anything that can be done to save these coyotes.
It's gonna take a it's a good question. Thank you
for being here, so surprised somebody was here so quickly. Um,
it's gonna take some some genetic modified surgery. Um, we
have a doctor that we like to go Tom, Sorry,
(43:49):
hold on, I just got I want to understand everything.
Genetic modified surgery. Go ahead, it's using metals instead of
Usually these kind of situations can be handled with other
animal parts, but this time, these coyotes are badly, badly injured. Um,
if we were to have a funeral, we would have
to do a closed casket for all of them. But
(44:09):
we're not. We're gonna save him. We're gonna take him
to Dr Marvel. He's amazing. Tragedy. Tragedy has turned into
a to say hi to my mom. Oh yeah, please
go ahead, my mom. Thank you. So it's only a
teen dollars fault. These are mixed nuts. That's right. Yeah,
(44:31):
that's a good deal. It's a great and can I
recommend just going over just around the corner here, or
in the next island, you can get a free sample
of those nuts. Let's see if you want to taste them. Okay, yeah,
that's the taste like nuts, but taste like mat Yeah.
Mr Jammaliny Gammaloni, we just got word from your father. Yeah,
(44:53):
what happened? He's uh, here's the Peter, I guess it is. Uh.
Peter has him surrounded in the local costco. He's in
there just eating nuts, but apparently did some damage to
some wildline giving him straight. I don't understand why you're
dancing around. It kicked. He dislocated a rabbit squad. I
(45:18):
guess of coyotes band. He's called a band. They called
the Band of Coyotes. So I'm not an animal man.
I'm just a guy with knowledge. Look, I know I'm
from Italy. But for a dollar this slice of pizza,
it's pretty good. Yeah, you're telling me. I don't want
to jump on the but you should try the Costa dogs.
(45:39):
They're they're great. Costa dog, Costa dog, Cosca dog, Costa dog,
Cosca dog, Costa dog. That is so same. Three there
was a scene three that was in fact scene three.
(46:00):
Oh my goodness, gracious, let's thank all of our alchemists
before they pass out from a lack of energy that
has been expended in the episode for you and your
delightful years. Let's start with Mr Gary Anthony Williams. Gary,
thank you so much for rejoining the Band of Coyotes.
Um uh tell us when the Netflix show is debuting.
(46:25):
By the way, the Netflix show is on your television
right now. No, it is ten fantastic episodes of the
Crew on literally literally on your team. It is on
my TV right now. Yeah. Uh, it's called The Crew.
(46:47):
It's on Netflix or ten episodes. Very exciting. Yeah, that's
certainly the Planets or any other uh product or projects
ors that you'd like folks to know about. Uh, you know,
just follow me on at Gary and Benny Williams on
the Instagram. I got a bunch of new cartoons coming out,
(47:08):
like as as Craig would say, a ship load of them. Yeah,
that's it. That's thank you for letting me be here.
Oh man, thank you so much, James Enei, thanks for
having me. Don't forget. On Saturday, April four, at five
(47:28):
thirty pm Pacific time, we're gonna be doing Austin sketch Fest.
Now I'm sure that there's a ton of great content
that you can also catch. But if you want to
catch us live, it's five thirty pm Pacific time. A
that'll be the night before the Oscars. And if you're
looking for a diversion away from all the stress and
anxiety this year that the Oscars will of course be
(47:51):
which movie that you didn't see will win? Uh? You
want to check us out with the Austin UH Comedy Festival.
Is that what it's called? Yeah, I'm sure if you
google it they if they haven't got a nice easy
way to find it. If you google Austin Sketch Fest,
well then we'll get talk. We'll talk to him and
we'll make sure they search engine optimization that stuff really soon. Thanks.
(48:13):
Thanks for that, James, appreciate the confusion. Craig, do you
want to clarify any of that information. I just realized
that Austin Sketch Fest UH competes with the Independent Spirit Awards,
so I might bind me missing that that show. Also
the Master's Tournament April eight through eleven in Augusti, Georgia.
I'll be a slot opened up after tiger Woods horrific injury,
(48:36):
so I'll be competing in that tournament this year. I
don't know. Yeah, great after your lack of interest in
golf earlier, the latest the latest elitest sports. Uh, filled
with horrific racism. But uh, I'm a I'm a thirty
two handicap and I'm gonna do the best I can
in this use you appreciate that a tool saying where
(48:59):
will you be? Uh that that weekend I might be
out hanging out, just hanging out. I heard a rumor
that you're joining us. Yeah, yeah, that is that. That
rumor is actually very true. I'll be there. So I'm
very excited because I went to undergrad in Austin, so
I feel like a little bit of a homecoming there.
That's very nice. But uh, I do want to take
(49:21):
golf less and that's weird that Craig hates it. I
kind of want to get back into it. So if
anyone wants to reach out on my social it's a
tool time. Well, I think Joey is the answer to that.
Joey Gary, would you help a tool with his golf?
Came totally. Yeah. First thing you want to do is
you want to get rid of the clubs. You want
to get your hands on the ball all right? Do
you wanted to understand how the game flows? And I
think having that piece of metal in between you and
(49:44):
I was just not gonna help you. You gotta be
one with it. We like, have you ever played soccer?
You have? Yeah, so you can check out out to me,
this is Instagram, and uh, we're gonna have sketch best
sketch best like clear, so you can check that out
so it could be less confusing, but maybe you won't.
(50:05):
I don't know. I don't know. I've got the address.
It's t X sketch Fest dot com. There is a
t X sketch Fest dot com. Thank you for that times,
and thank you all for Let's thank our producing engineer
the Stars, Mr Doug Babe. Fine folks that I hurt meeting.
(50:27):
I'm Kevin Poulic, your host. Thank you each and every
damn one of you so very much for joining us
today and every damn time you've given us your ears
and um be kind to each other please and uh,
let's continue to wear a mask for just the lead
a bit longer. Please, Thank you until next time. Alchemy
(51:00):
seven
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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