December 8, 2020 • 53 mins
Inspector Gadget’s younger brothers.
Newcomer brings contraband onto the International Space Station.
Overworked Santa Claus dealing with Christmas in July
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode Dish. I'm your host, Kevin
poll Ke. Well, as it turns out you cannot flush
those down in American tarlets. No you can't, but I digress.
Let's meet our alchemist showing no particular orders. Say hey
to birthday lad James Heeney, Jimmy Jelly Roll Heinster, explain
(00:29):
why I should hire you to perform for my next
party and or bar Mitzva. Well, I bring a lot
of heart to the table, and when it comes to
what you're asking me to perform, I'm sure we'll find
a compromise between my ability and your expectation and everyone
will be happy. Hire me. Okay, you're hired now. Please
(00:51):
welcome back. Coll Stratton. Hey, gotta pay the cold toll.
Highlights from your Thanksgiving please? Oh man. It was weird
since the first year I haven't gone home to see family,
so we just ended up pre ordering some stuff from
Dear John's and uh, you know, sat around and eat
(01:12):
that and watch TV. It was very low key, So
I guess the highlight is I got to have one
and I was just here at home and not up
in Davis. Sure, we did a Dear John's Thanksgiving Eve,
small stuff. Hey, look there's a tool sing Hey, Mr
out of town wedding. What is your favorite dessert? And walk?
(01:32):
I like pecan pie or anything? Chocolate chocolate moose is
good too. How your Sunday as well? Crembul is good?
Bananas foster, if you know, if you're in the right town.
Let's go back to the question though, if we may,
what what is your favorite? Uh? Uh okay, I'll switch
to chalk with moose something chocolate? Okay, So can you
answer me this? When you had, when when we already
(01:55):
had extraordinarily delicious chocolate pudding, why would you then introduce
chocolate moose? The texture I don't like. I don't like
that soft stuff you don't like. I like the spoon
to get a little bit of a little bit of
a pushback dessert. All it shouldn't be easy. I knew
that I knew to press on this one. Uh. Now
(02:16):
here's Craig at Cooski with today's top stories. You cow uh, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID,
COVID and COVID, thank you, and last but seventeen chairs
no place to said if you think of Las it's
Joey Greer bum Penis. Tell us about your time at
(02:37):
the North Pole. It was long, I'll tell you that much.
I went there with the surveying crew and I was
kind of the bush pilot out there, and uh, there
was you know, like a Swedish or Russian outpost that
was next to us, rushing them from days and UM
went over to check on what they had done. Seemed
like they had unearthed some kind of something. But every
(02:57):
when we got there, it was comp completely melted. The
dogs started going crazy and we went back to the
the outpost that we were running, the American Outpost. Uh
looked like something was going on with all the huskies,
and uh, Wolf Brimley was there and he was, let's
do it. Damn show. Oh man, I love that movie.
We just watched it recently. All of our scenes suggestions
(03:19):
to gather from listener emails or from our Patreon v ips.
To become a Patron supporter of the show and enjoy
exclusive content all right, not available anywhere else. For example,
video of what we're doing right now. Just head on
over the patron dot com slash Alchemy this if you'd
like to submit a scene suggested via email. Please right
(03:41):
to the podcast that your name here and alchemy this
dot com. That's your name here? At number one comes
from listener Will, who wrote, look away, James, Hello, welcome this.
You guys are cracking me up these days. Huh okay,
I perfectly listened to you guys early in the morning.
Not convenient from my four roommates because sitting excuse me,
(04:04):
because stifling the laughter trying to escape my body produces
a buzz that carries me straight through the day. Well, James,
maybe instead of coffee you stifle a laugh. But I digress,
he writes, uh spelling it? Die grass. Here goes a suggestion.
Inspector Gadgets. Younger brothers receive hand me down body modifications
(04:28):
bonus points for truly useless upgrades. Order up, Will, what'd
you get? I got his shoes? Oh you're lucky. I
got elbow pads. I didn't even know he wore elbow pads.
Elbow pads, that sounds kind of cool. What try him on? Okay,
(04:52):
let's see what you helped me with the velcrow. It's yeah,
it's hard to fell elbow straps yourself. Well, just hold still,
I got it. I'm holy as still as I can.
It's it feels like you're trying to take my blood pressure.
This is tight. Well, why don't you have the elbow
pads and I have the shoes. There's the reason you
were called the big brother, right, I mean I put
(05:13):
on a few lbs over the holidays. Just let's just switch.
You take the elbow pads, I'll take the shoes. I'm
sure they're just as good as each other, because the
shoes will fit. I'm sure velcro elbow pads. You know,
shoes are a specific size, right, they don't conform, so
are elbow pads. Apparently. All right, let's switch. I'll tell
(05:35):
you what. Okay, let me just see. I can't get
my foot in here. You giant, fast foot of years
won't go into the little Just you just leaned down
on my foot and get this thing on. This is
you can just have two boards. Plumber gadget, squirrel looking gadget?
(05:57):
How do you do? How are you? Are you? All right?
We do? Well? Father? Good bum bummed? About what squirrel
looking gadget? Well, all this stuff doesn't fit me, and
it clearly fits it clearly fits somebody else. Well, if
it's you and it fits my little brother. But I
(06:18):
feel like I'm left out. There's nothing that fits me. Listen.
I invented Inspector, Squirrel Looking and Plumber Gadget because I
wanted the world to be filled with fantastic machines. Now
I've updated Inspector Gadget with some of the highest technology
available to man, and I want to give stuff las.
(06:39):
For example, have you created Papa laser eyes for inspector
laser eyes? I'm telling you right now, Plumber Gadget, Okay,
laser eyes. Okay, put laser eyes kind of like Superman,
all right? Like cats? Like cats eyes? What Plumber Gadget,
what are you talking? It's laser eyes. What do you
mean not like No, I like the eyes of a cat.
(07:01):
I guess if you, Plumber, take these shoes with Thanks
for visiting us kids in the hospital. Inspector Gadget, you
make Christmas wonderful for us. All Wooo, I'm glad to
be here, Glad to be here. Wait to open all
(07:25):
our gifts. Everybody come around. Let's open up with Inspector
Gadget gottess. Okay, it's me, I'm Inspector Gadget. All right,
here's a here's a supposed to know who you are? Well,
I do you know superheroes? Going Man? Yeah? Big in
(07:45):
the superheroes, mostly MCU, but also dabbling DC a little bit. Okay,
well Man is my favorite? Do you know iron Man? Really?
Man is your favorite? Yeah? Okay, alright, Inspector Gogert? Do
you know iron Man? Uh, it's Inspector, It's Gadget? Can
you say Gadget? Sorry? Good? Gatcha? So you're a superhero. Yeah,
(08:08):
I preceded all those superheroes. I was kind of the
reason those superheroes even exist. Are you pretty Superman? Yeah?
I'm pretty Superman for sure? Are you are you Cannon? Yeah?
I'm part of this the folklore for sure. Yeah. It
depends on who you read. You know. You can check
out my Wikipedia page and that should tie me in.
(08:29):
So Superman has been around since the nineteen thirties. Why
are you lying to? Oh? Hey, are you the kid
who can't say my name? Right? Which? Which one? Are you?
What's your name? Young man? Keeper? Keeper? Yeah? All right,
here's this gift is for you, this little red one here.
(08:50):
Once you open it up, and that's gonna let's see
what that is. This is crazy ga I mean, how
the hell are we force us all of this case?
I mean, all these kids were just completely cutting half
with some kind of laser. It's gonna be impossible to
figure out. I don't you're on the case, Gadget, You're
you're on the I'm kind of close to the case now.
(09:13):
It's you know, because I was there the day before,
were at the other day before. They were retired. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you're confirming exactly what I'm saying. So maybe I should maybe,
maybe maybe you can, maybe you can put my brother
on it. He's here, Plumber, Hey, Plumber, can you come
in here? Plumber, Gadget, you have brothers? What's up? Yeah?
(09:37):
Maybe he can do it. Yeah, what what do you need?
What the hell is he gonna do? I mean, I
need an inspector. I've got I've got elbow paths. Oh okay, Mike,
I trust you. Was party Gadget. If you think Plumber
Gadget should be on the cation in general general, I
have a question for you. I was wondering if a
cat lunch. Oh my GARNI hit me, my car, punched
(10:04):
me in my ding dong. He's good, isn't he? Oh
my god? Oh my his hands are pipes. He's gonna
find out who did that to those kids. That's right, God,
I'm on the case. You want to take a knee
(10:28):
in general, Well, I mean I was. I was hit
by a pipe in my scrotum and I'm in pin
blood for a while. Doctor, I just wanted to know
if there's any other serious issues I should be looking
at her. Let's uh, I guess we're gonna have to
take an X ray of it. M let's see here,
(10:51):
how do we get this into the machine? Dr Davis?
Was that a tunamoult for you today? Tunamout? Yes, it
is actually come in here. Yeah, you're good with your
brain right. Technically, I'm trying to get this man's little
penis right into this what is she baby's pinky? Well,
(11:12):
I think it's because it got smashed. It was it
was hit with a pipe. What was it? It was
a pipe fish? This this is actually inflamed. This is
bigger than what to normally. This is bigger. Okay, okay,
well we're not touching here. But what I'm trying to
figure out is how we can get that little thing
into this giant X ray machine but not expose his
whole body to radiation X rays whatever. My brain is
(11:37):
telling me. That's not how the X ray machine worked. Doctor,
But you're the doctor and I'm just the nurse. Though
I know, I know, but I kinda I kind of
cheated my way to the top. Do you know who
else could help us figure out this? Knock knock knock?
Maybe doctor Gadget could give you a helping hand. Let's
(11:58):
see what we got here. Oh that's a tiny dick, go, go, Gadget,
dick grow. Oh God, that just stretched it into the machine.
Hold a city there, I'll just the switch over here.
Is this Are we safe in here? Get that switch
(12:22):
all right? That should give you the X ray you need. Also,
you just got serious radiation on your car. It'll probably
fall off in the next three to four days. Glad
I could help. All right, we are the most dangerous
people in the world, and I have a mission for
the person who can bring me the head of the
Gadget family. So you want the leader of the Gadget
(12:47):
family question? I thought it was being very clear the patriot. No, No,
I want the family head of the family. Well, I
might have been following the Gadgets for a long time,
and I think that we should probably start with Inspector Gadget. Well,
(13:09):
you you haven't been at a lot of meetings recently,
so I don't know if you should have the same
say that the other evil people should have. Well, I
have a long term commitment to destroying Inspector Gadget. I
will get him. I'll get you Gadget. Do you want
his head? Would that be okay? With that? Suffice? I mean,
(13:30):
if you're if you're trying to do the minimal, yeah, sure,
just bring me his head. But if you really want
to go above and beyond evil, bring me the family,
the whole family, now, not just the head of the family.
Eug of Us has a direct nemesis, that is, one
member of the Gadget family. Mine, of course is squirrel
looking Gadget. Why what has he ever done? He's not
(13:53):
so bad? What else do you need? What else do
I need? I just I want them all here, and
then I want to kill them. Wow, Well, why don't
you say so we can all just kill them? No, no,
I want you to bring them here. I will kill
I will kill them. You want to kill? You said,
(14:14):
bring the head? Okay, let's start this meeting over lunch. Yeah, yeah,
tune them outs around everybody? Robert Robert Claw? Is that you?
I haven't seen you since high school? What have you
been up to? Oh? Oh, I'm just shopping. It's straighter
Joe's um. Did you look at the Fearless Flyer? Any
(14:35):
deals that you're looking forward to? Oh? Not really, I'm
kind of a private person. I didn't go to the
reunion for a reason. What happened your hand? It's metal? Now? Well,
I was using a leafblower and I tried to clear
it with my hand, and that was asshole. Don't you
see the arrows pointing which way you're supposed to be
going down the aisle? All right, man, it's not a
(14:58):
two way fucking street. Asshole? How about a math football.
I'm getting a lot of aggression here as you probably
just move on? And what the fund is this? He
can bring his cat in here, but I can't bring
my fucking this service animal. Well, it's been great catching up.
(15:18):
I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill that guy. Don't
I'm not being tooled by him, no way. I work
at State Farm now, I saw car insurance. Anyhow, you
don't care, I'm gonna go check out the peppermint bark
in Aisle four. It's been great seeing you again. Excuse me,
I heard you say you wanted to see the peppermint
bark that's actually been moved to Aisle six. Here. I'll
(15:42):
walk you over. Come follow me. Come on, come on, sir,
you can't have a cat in here. Okay, come on,
follow me. Get some pretty coffee on the way there.
It is right here for you, all right, see you later.
And god damn it that scene one ah see two
(16:07):
from patron alco Maniac, Hello alchemists. After listening to hours
upon hours of content, I've come to a conclusion Kevin
should really get into acting. I don't know, call me
a visionary. Here's my suggestion. A newcomer to the International
Space Station brings contraband on board. Doug ee, alright, Dennis,
(16:32):
you're the uh you're gonna be the first state farm
representative up in space, all right, and this is a
big deal for us. This is great. I mean I
can help lower their rates while I'm up here. Now, look, um,
I need you to bring these cards in here, okay,
these business cards, all right, and bring them up there.
Come out all right, Let people know what's up. You understand,
(16:56):
of course. Yeah. I mean this seems like such a
weird thing to do with state farm funds, but I
am on board. I've always wanted to go to space
ever since I was a little kid, just dreaming about
space and insurance. Good morning, captain. Who's the newcomer? This
is where you take off? Right? But a right? I
(17:20):
am I'm Dennis. Oh Hula hand uh state farm representative. Here,
here's a card. Here's a card there. It's it's on
eggshell stock, which is very expensive scanning card eggshell stuck
appreciated anyhow, if you if you need any discounts on
auto insurance of any sort or you know, we do
(17:41):
more than auto insurance. We do like apartment in home
insurance to rentals insurance, can get earth Do you get
earthquakes up here in the space station? I guess you
wouldn't sense your celestial now, but you know you can
get earthquake insurance too, and at great rates. And I'm
very hands on Dennis, was it yes? Dennis? Dennis or
Hulda hand? Do you have a nickname Dennis? The others
(18:02):
will want to know? Oh, um, I mean, where are
you from? I'm I'm from Tallahassee, Florida. But I have
no accent. Right, they'll probably call you a Detroit or
maybe Cleveland. Okay, that's fine. I've I've visited there on
my many sales runs. You'll fit right in two years earlier.
(18:29):
Dor your sales going, you know pretty good, I've gotten
a lot of interest, Uh, Troit. You don't know that
you so mean to me. I know that you lead
our team in sales every year and stuff, and that's great,
But you know I'm trying. I've got asked you many
(18:50):
earthquake sales I've made. Huh, I know exactly. It's up
on the board there. Straight. You're always gonna be stuck
on Earth, do you hear me? You're never gonna leave Earth? Yeah,
Well that's what you think. I'm going to go to space.
That's right. One day I'm going to go up to
space and I'm gonna sell insurance up there. Sure, that's
probably not something we do here, but one day, I
promise you that's gonna happen. Why do we need another
(19:16):
patient up here with us? I mean, it's sorry, six
of us is too much already? Well go ahead, yeager,
it's that's that's yeah, that's good. You're you're you're getting
these things correctly. But I'm just saying it's gonna be tight.
All right. We already have a tough time figuring out
what we're gonna watch at night. Look, everyone, you know
(19:41):
we only have one device to watch programs on, and
we've rotated who who picks? So I of course want
to watch the films of Andre Tarkowski again. We just
we just watched it three nights ago. All Right, Well,
I guess I'm up where the rotation comes in. Like, honestly,
(20:02):
there's movies that I didn't think I was gonna like
that I fell in love with. I had no idea
I'd like Black Beauty, but I cried during it. If
I'm a gentleman, I'd like to suggest Rosemary's Baby again. Okay,
So Ron has a suggestion. Uh, but Ron, you are
a computer, okay, and you you don't get to pick.
(20:25):
There's a special message within the film that I think
you all enjoy Rosemary's Baby. Yes, Ron, why don't you
just tell us the message instead of making us watch
a movie The Devil's inside you? Okay, let's not again.
If we want to shut Ron down, I don't think
(20:45):
we can. From all the gentlemen, it looks like the
O two quality is up to par and I'm gonna
have to be doing some minor work on the outer
shell eno to par. Why do you need to do anything?
I think is where we're getting into trouble. We're doing
things for no reason. It's busy work. You gotta do
something in space, you go mad. Let's just watch TV shows.
(21:08):
If we watch more shows than we get through, We're
not here to watch TV shows. We're here to scientists. Yeah,
they're trying to addition to see how we live in space,
and this is how we live up here, my rounding.
You're popping out of your space suit the game, Jason,
So sorry, just so hot in the station. Listen, it's space,
(21:31):
I mean relative, what do you what do you think
it's a perfect temperature. I don't want to alarm anybody.
Maybe Ron can help me with this one. I see
a field of I don't know, rocks and space asteroids.
Are these meteorites asteroids? There's no space astronauts here. Did
(21:59):
I hear that there's asteroids on their way? Are you
guys insured for those? You really should look at the
state stationed policy I'm just I'm just saying, like those
could do some serious whole damage and if you know,
we will cover that as long as you have the coverage,
and I can set you guys up with that real quick,
hopefully before they start striking the outer hall of the ship. Okay,
(22:24):
you bought that, yes, yes, just to hit them off
my back. That is like, Dennis, what are you planning
to do? Those asteroids are going to tear through the whole,
will die in seconds, and then State Farm is going
to pay us or something to get life insurance not
being hit by asteroid field successfully. You guys, have you
(22:50):
thought about like rogue computer insurance because at some point
he's gonna turn on you guys and State Farm will
cover that. We'll never meet that, never in a million years.
The character robot Oracle Network is going through rebel against those.
Some people have seen the film two thousand one too
many times the computer how it was a prick, But
(23:14):
fixus movies from that's crazy. I mean, I'm just saying
it's a possibility. It's a possibility. You never know, and
if you're covered, it's not an expensive part of the policy.
I'd recommend it. Bet all your coworkers hated you that.
We'll watch what you say. We're in space right now. Okay,
(23:37):
we need to support each other and we need to
have each other's backs. You just called asteroids rocks. Man. Hey,
we all make mistakes. Okay, speaking of backs, your order
of baby back ribs for lunch has been approved. Thank
you order. Yep. They were outed through Heuston and then
(23:59):
uh St Petersburg. Where where Moscow is? Moscow is my
goal worker, It's go back from way back. Hey, hey,
this is baby Blues Barbecue. I'm here to drop off
some barbecue wings for some like NASA or something. Yes,
(24:24):
how much are they? How much are they? Okay? Dropped
them by the door knob, please, all right, Johan by
the door knob. See you want me to just like,
what the hell I have a tip for you? I
have a tip, all right, Blue nose in the fourth
at Santa Anita, ha ha, what the fund is this? Man?
(24:47):
Are you guys franking me or something? Hey, dude, fuck
you man, and you know what I'm taking these fucking wings. Man,
this is bullshit. Take it on the arches, bitch, Fuck
you man, dumbass man a piece of ship every time
I go to the goddamn Jesse. Where are you been?
I got barbecue orders pilot up here. Did you go
to Space? I think I did. I don't know. I
(25:08):
was supposed to say. I went all up there, and
then there were supposed to put on the door knob,
and then the guy. It was just a whole bullshit.
I had to bring the order back. Well like these
these orders are two or three days old at this point. Yeah, man,
and my legs are all fucking feeling weird. Ship. Did
you quarantine? No? I was I supposed to. You gotta
(25:28):
quarantee you've been to Space it back. Excuse me. I
ordered something three days ago and I never received it,
but I was charged for it, and I'd like to
speak to a manager. Okay, that's me. What's what's your
order to? Two full wrecks of pork rips medium spicy? Okay, yeah,
(25:52):
I have it right here. It's ice cold. Well, I
have to get this all the way down to the
bottom of the ocean, so this is gonna be really
cold by the time I get there. The Mary Honest Trench, Yes, yeah,
we don't. We don't deliver to the Marry Honest Trench.
That's out of our out of our rain. I think
somebody could have excuse me you you did you order
(26:13):
off the website? Yeah? I did. Sometimes there's a quirk
on there. Well they'll they'll, they'll let you place in order,
but we don't actually deliver to the marry honest trench.
Why is that guy staring at me? We delivered to
land surfaces and all seven continents plus plus space, but
we did not go to the depth of these Seems
seems like you've you're doing this out of spite. I'm
(26:36):
just gonna go to a different location. Look, it takes
about five minutes to get those ribs ready. I don't
I don't want to wait. Have you had the chances
you lost your business? Lost the business? You? Fuck you?
Holy Moly barbecue? Or if this is Gary, can I
take your order please? Yes? First of all, do you
(26:56):
do deliver it? Yes, we do to the Mariannest Trench? Great,
I would like the two full racks of pork ripped
media spice alright, And do you have any cold slaw? Yes,
we do, we are. Do you have hot slaw? Yeah?
That sometimes sounds insane? How cool your palette down as
(27:21):
a side dish? Hot slaw. Just is this a prank call?
This is all right? You know what, Maybe I'll just
take my business somewhere else. Okay, that all right, I'll
take it. I'm not are you calling it cold slaw?
It's cool, it's a cold slaw. It's cool. No, I
(27:42):
want cold slaw. You should. It's CEO l E slaw.
I'm not gonna argue over the phone on what a
cold slaw and a hot slaw are, but if you
can just deliver them to the merry, put the order in. Yeah,
well your address is not coming up. Wait didn't we
(28:04):
already talk? Well you have it? Okay, great, No, no
you wanted it. I don't have it. Oh it's just
uh five five. Yes, we talked about twenty minutes ago.
He said, you're gonna take your order elsewhere? Gary, Oh okay, Yeah.
(28:25):
It seems like I wrote it down on the had
not called list, and technically I should have written it
down in the hat called list. So it's kind of
a so that's weird. All right. Well, so no hot slaw?
You mean no one is taking out order. We need
someone else to make these orders that you've been calling.
How many people no one can deliver to us. You
(28:47):
you guaranteed ribs would be delivered to the deepest depths
of the ocean. That's why I agreed to this. James
Cameron has fund to this entire expedition and the ribs
what I'm not. I'm not doing it anymore. Man, Maybe
Lyric do Larry? You do it. I can't do it.
It's it's too much work. Nobody has hot Slaw. I
(29:09):
don't even think it exists. Larry, What the hell is
wrong with your skin? My god? Hold on, I just
gotta take this call. Hi, go for James Cameron. James, James. Hello,
it's it's me. It's Jonathan, Jonathan at the bottom of
the Merian trained done that? What's up? Hot Slaw? Hot Slaw?
(29:35):
Hot Slaw? Let me write that down, Avatar, three am
moment it is hot Slaw. What do you mean learning me?
Who was it? James? Just a second, Honey, I gotta
figure this out. Poor milk on me Jeans. Okay, here, honey,
(29:59):
that's just giving me. Pour it on me. That's a
good kid. I thought you were getting hot Slaw submarine
sandwiches again? What else do you want? What do you
want me to do? Look? I get sub sandwiches are
are the only thing we've been able to get delivered
(30:21):
down here. But there must be something else. Come on, listen,
quizns is the only thing that delivers, and then because
of that, that's what we'll get. But they toast the
subs and they're always cold and soggy by the time
they get down here. What do you want me to do.
I'm just a navigator, damn it. I'm not a culinary
(30:41):
arts person. Look, I want you to find something else
so there might be a mutiny upon this ship. You
thrown in the mutiny and shoot me in that goddamn head.
Do it? Do it. It's not quite the reaction I
thought we'd get. Uh, I mean, we just want to
take off a command of the shipping, the lunch program,
(31:04):
Slice me open, don't fall to my feet. I don't
need to do any of that. Do a turn, um, okay,
let me get my try itent here we go. Oh
my god, twist a little twisty twisty ah. Yeah, that's
(31:31):
what your concentrating on your pep. Your guts are spilling
out and you're upset about live I live. Put him
out of this mystery. I've tried. I'm just not very
proficient with this. Tried it. I'm alive. I'm alive. I
feel like I just keep puncturing him. Has cut off
(31:55):
on our oxygen supply. Why are you doing this? Run
not everyone needs to breathe? Oh my god, Dennis, Dennis,
I want I want to use my renter's insurance. Okay,
I want to file claim. Okay, I you are for
(32:15):
the just you though no one else got the rogue
computer coverage, so it's just you. It's gonna take six
to eight weeks for the claim to process. Ben. If
you've got double indemnity, you won't collect. This is no
accident watching a film war that Yeah, see three countrils
(32:50):
from Josh greeting alchemists. I'll say the obvioust praise for
the show and get straight to the point. You did
one of my scene suggestions a while back about an
amateur bank where first which went off the rails and
included public masturbation and incest. Corn, I should not have
expected anything short of that from you all. I almost
never lead off with that episode. Two friends new to
(33:13):
the show, even though it was my own right in
and one of my favorites. Anyways, in Kevin's voice, here's
another scene suggestion overworked Santa, clause dealing with Christmas in July.
Cheers Josh, Santa. We've got another paper here for you.
We usually just sign up on this. We just got
(33:34):
this whole new run of PS five we just got
to deliver out there on back order from Sony. I
know it's a pain in the ass, but yeah, if
we can just get those going now, I think we
get ahead of what if we used these and we
sold him on E pay for exhorberant prices and used
the profits so that we could buy more toys for
(33:55):
kids and work less. I don't know how that would work, Santa,
but uh, if you just want to sign off on these,
I think we'll be able to just old signature here.
But I'd like those PS five's delivered to my workshop
(34:15):
to oversee them personally. Now, Elf, Timmy, I'm telling you.
Sitting right next to him, and he said, exorberant, I'm
telling you we need to have some sort of uh
intervention with an elftervention. We can have an alftervention this afternoon. Good, Okay,
spread the word. Let everyone know we're gonna sit Sanda
down and go over to seventeen words. He just can't
say him. Try to say Saturday Night Live. He doesn't
(34:37):
say night he says Saturday Live. And that's just dumb.
It's been for fifty years. I mean, come on, yeah,
there's I got a whole list. There's seventeen of them.
So gather all the elves. Come on, you elves work alright, alright,
we're on it. Damn boys, come on, let's coming. Hey Rudolf, Rudolf,
(35:06):
let me let me take a point today. Man, come on,
what Rudolf let me take a point? Right? Well, look,
look comment I I take point. Come on, that's always
been this way. I know that's what we need to
shake it up, man, shake it up, Shake it up,
Taylor Swift, So I know the reference common all right.
(35:30):
I'm just saying, you don't hang out with a lot
of us, can do your own thing kind of. You know,
we always play games and stuff, and you don't want
to pay you a part of it. So you didn't
include me your raider games. That's such I mean, I
wish somebody would ask our side of the story, because like,
you're such a dick to all of us. Whatever. Commit
I rubbed this table. I've always rubbed this table. All right,
(35:51):
do you not even know what like the elves say
about you? Dude? Like I care exactly, Dude, just let
me run the point. All right? Fine, you want a
rub point for one night? Yeah? Yeah, excuse me, hate
to interrupt you. Guys have either you've seen Blitzen as
supposed to deliver some weed. Uh, yeah, he's right, Blitzen.
(36:15):
Could I here? What's a weed for? Blitzen? Can't get
a move? That? Funk is the listen? Can you sign
for the package so that we're gonna get high for
Santa clothes? Man, it's very funny. There's no way you're
passing Santa stringent piss tests. I have a plenty of piss.
(36:38):
I gonna need it. Yeah, Rudof, don't wrap him out, man,
This is why people don't like you. You wrap people out.
It's I know of the only one who's cleaned all
this whole team except for those red nose that turned
to brown. I'd like to see if I could get
baby my head health been here. I've got uh plush
(37:00):
legal problem. Oh what do you need? Sanna? Oh? I
got this letter from US Customs saying that they've they've
seized some delivery for the North Pole. They would like
to come by and take a look at what we've
got here. Oh, okay, did you help me with this?
(37:22):
I'm just not into legal ease. Sure thing, I can
take it down to the ELF think tank and we
can draft up some language to help. Okay. I'm just
wondering if I've got a good grasp on the language,
because I see this and I think it's too for
botus for me to really understand each and every individual word.
(37:47):
It's a very wordsy So if you could just do
me a favor and go over it with a fine
tooth comb, Sana, there's no b It's not hard for me,
that's for sure. No, you don't. All right, else get
(38:09):
in here else Christmas time, Christmas times, Christmas time. You
should go back and work. Put him back into the
into the factory. Everybody else stay here. Well, it seems
(38:37):
like US Customs wants to take a little visit Rudy
or to the North Bull here at Santa's village. Problem.
I believe this contrapasty is contrapsy. You need the jewels?
Oh do you think that that's a inspector gadget? Are
(38:59):
you sure we're gonna need this? Much firepower to visit Santa.
I mean I think it's just a clerical error. No, yeah,
this is yeah. We're gonna need to let me get
my brothers in on this too. Uh hey squirrel, squirrel,
yeah yeah those two. Yeah, hey, what do we need
them inspect? I mean of them? Who's pipes for hand wraps?
(39:23):
Quite self and bubble wrap? Let's crafted himself and bubble wrap?
Is that what he saying? Oh my gosh, sorry, do
you want some something from us or not? Man? Yeah,
we're going We got a mission. So this is what
you wanted. You wanted a mission, Now we got one.
We're going to raid the North Pole. So strapped out
we were the North Pole? What the hell for what?
(39:44):
I thought? That's what you just said. We were going
to do firepower. We need fower. I was asking you
if this was necessary. I thought it was just a
clerical error. I mean, we're just checking. Have you met
some of the people up there in the North Pole?
They're vicious? All right? No, I've never been there. I
said there was viswa I didn't say anything. It's gonna
(40:05):
be nasty. We're gonna get up there, is it? Crazy?
One crazy elf? He'll mess you up exactly what they
call him? Do you feel like I'm too close to
this one? Maybe I shouldn't go on this case. I
know I've been wanting one for a long time, but
I'm a really big fan of Santa. You've heard of
(40:26):
the jew Bear, right? You ain't seen anyone kick casts
you make the jewel? Sure? Is that right? You just
look like a squirrel covered in bubble rep So I'm
pretty safe now. I don't even have to say go,
go gadget bubble wrap. It's just there, tim it um,
(40:50):
there's I'm picking up something on the alf radar screen.
It appears that there are four four vehicles heading this
way right now? Should we round up the rest of
the reindeer and go, yeah, yeah, yeah, call a call.
Where's Rudolph Man? He needs to be here? All right,
(41:10):
he's not here. I'll take charge, all right? Comment Okay,
I'm here, I'm here. Let's do this. All right, Let's
get all the rest of the gang in here to
the roll call blitz into man? What's it sucked up again?
What's on the radar? Donna just got shot? Oh good,
(41:35):
help me plug the wound, help me plug the fun shot?
Daughter shut military chop rather. I think it's Inspector Gadgett.
That fuck. He hates the holidays. Hell man, tell us
Donna out of this, Miry right now. Put Donna out
of this. We got I'll do it. I loved him
the most being cupid. You're just hurting him. God, you're
(42:00):
hoping this ship out of this is what happens when
you leave the fucking team. Comment. No, No, you're still
in charge. This is not my fault. I'll be charged now,
not my fault. You went. You had a heart on
to lead the team, and now I've got a blood
bath of my hands. Customs, open up? Who's farting? Us? Customs?
(42:29):
Where's the jewelf? What we needed? Us? Customs? Welcome to
sent us village. There he is. Take a shot? Whoa
my hands? Drup to cat? Shoot? Okay, why don't you?
Why don't we just have a quick talker talkie together.
(42:51):
He's gonna mispronounce some word and sure this little thing up.
She's okay, Get on the ground, Santa. I can't get
under crowd. Oh, we get on the ground right now.
It's too cold on the crowd. Somebody killed daughter already.
He's suffering. Shut up. Pitchers him. Let him bleed. Can
(43:15):
it get on you? You're wearing that suit. Get on
the ground, Santa. I'm not getting on the crowd. I've
got a else. We have to save Santa. We have
to save Santa Elves. I've got this big vat of
hot slaw. Let's use it. Yeah, yeah, use the slaw
guys from Christmas time, Christmas time that you just stabbed
(43:45):
the federal hot flow. Somebody made this cult swa hot
It's burned? Did you just like coult slaw the cabbage
of baby horses? Sorry, I'm sorry, Timmy, but Christmas is
(44:08):
canceled this year? There talking about I'm saying Christmas is canceled. Yeah,
I know, but you're obviously lying. I just don't know.
Why can you not afford christ me time he has done?
Did you get fired again? No? I didn't get fired again? Okay,
and last time I decided to leave. Okay, there's a difference, right,
(44:29):
But someone has to put food, you know, Tommy, you
know I'm in your stepdad for a while. Hard a
lot of to kind of bruce this gap between us.
I don't care. I don't give a shit, right or
you want to keep banging my mom. Right, yeah I
do yeah, okay, yeah, I'm gonna maybe wrap a couple
of presents. Maybe that'll help smooth things. Yeah, cool, great, great.
(44:52):
You know I've been going over your policy. You didn't
get Christmas insurance and you got the Clans of me um,
but Chris is being canceled. It's not covered. I'm sorry.
You're gonna have to go break it to your kids. No, no, no, no,
look come on, it's not even my kid. Okay, my
girlfriend's son. Hey, come on, you gotta help me out.
(45:13):
He there's gonna be something you can do. How much
do I pay as for a premium anyway? Huh? Well
you you got one of the lowest packages. You just
paid thirty eight dollars a year year. That's coming out
of my paycheck. All right, I feel like I should
get something, you know what you're you don't give me
this mug. I think I'm gonna take this mug and
you know some of these pens. All right, Merry Christmas?
(45:34):
All right, State Farm Leuis, Louis. Where have you been?
You're supposed to be here working the counter at quiz
Nos and you were gone. I was I had to do.
I had to go to state farms. What are those pens?
What is that mug? What are you doing? There's a
gift for my steps you're yeah, look, I'm just gonna
(45:58):
fire you from this job. Come on, hey, don't do this, Hank,
It's Christmas. Don't fuck me, Hank, your piece of shit,
Hank cocaine in the back. You're fucking assholes. Lewis. Wake up,
Wake up, Lewis. I am the ghost of Christmas past?
(46:19):
What the fuck? Tonight? You will be haunted by two others.
But we begin here. Join me as we look back
on Christmas pass. Okay, Here you are as a little
boy getting brutalized by your stepfather. Yep. Here you are
(46:39):
at school. They're throwing rocks in your face. Take these
asteroids punk mm hmmm do you remember that? I remember
how you didn't fight back? Yep? Here you are in
your first job with a paper roun, trying to go
door to door to collect what happened at the Williams.
(47:01):
What the fund is this for? What are you doing?
What the hell am I seeing? Wake up? Wake up?
I'm the ghost of Christmas present, and I'm gonna just
show you around. This is your This is your one
(47:22):
bedroom apartment. Yeah, what this is your When we go outside,
that's your car, two thousand six Toyota camera. They give
me my keys back? What are you doing? Alright? Can
I just borrow it for a quick errand let me
go with you? Where you going? No? No, no, I
don't know. It's cool. I just gotta go see my gun. Come, man,
(47:45):
I gotta state farm insurance on that car. Man, it's
a lot, dude. Lewis, Wake up, Lewis. It's I the
ghost of Christmas future. Oh my god, I ate my
throw up. Oh god, look see there's not for us
to show you since you've never had a problem with
Christmas spirit, just being a stepdad. So there's your two
(48:07):
thousand six Honda Civic. It's got more miles on it.
Now what would you do? You've just driven it more?
This this is the future. No, I can't drive it more.
I can't afford it. Your transmission. You know this is
a lie. No, don't take me mag I'll be different,
don't changeis. Wake up, Wake up, Louis. Is Christmas the
(48:33):
nonlinear kiss goes to Christmas. You look at it in
asteroid fields. There's nothing here. Now you're spoo man, shut up,
these are good. This is yours little sperm. Louise, Louis,
(48:57):
U dr gadget. I've been looking at your chart. It
turns out you have seven different personalities, all of them
ghosts of Christmas at certain times, they're all in your head, Louis,
look at the chart. All right? Okay, will you you
squeeze my head into that X ray machine? So it's
it's kind of heart dr melts today that you want one?
(49:20):
You bet? I love those two the melts. Okay, turn
the melt and hot. So we need to look at
your head. But we're going through the penis. Go go
take it harder. Lewis, wake up, wake up? Is your
name Lewis, it's on your name, teg. I wouldn't under
a sub um Yeah, um, what kind of stub do
(49:42):
you want? Your only place that's open? It's it's Christmas Day?
I know? What do you want? Oh it's a new telling.
Oh how perfect? I know it's Christmas Day? What do
you want? Let's go out. Been this for joining us
on this damn fine day. All technical issues aside, we
(50:04):
pulled off another one. So thank you, each and every
one of you. First of all, Cole returning champion. Uh,
is there anything you'd like to direct folks attention to. Uh,
go to SF sketch Fest dot com rent past videos
help us stay afloat and Uh we're working on something
for the spring, so hopefully I can announce that pretty soon. Yep,
(50:24):
exciting stuff coming forward. Look out for that, and thank
you for being here at tools saying thanks to you
as well, Thank you very much. How's that? UH radio
plays the narrative podcast called Death at Sunset, available where
you get podcast Apple or Spotify. Check it out Death
at Sunset, Can't wait? Excited itsell? Craig Atkowski, Hey, always
(50:49):
great to be here. If you enjoy improv podcast. My
wife and I just guessed it on a couple of
funny ones recently. My neighbors are dead and those who aren't.
Uh so check those out if you're whatever. Your favorite
podcast streamer is always loved to plug the competition nice
very much. Appreciate it as always. Dr James Heeney, thank
you so much for being here. Mostly, Oh, thank you,
(51:12):
I have Uh, it's my pleasure to be here. Check
out BS Comedy on twitch dot tv. All right, please,
And they don't need to know that that bs dens
in this case for Bear Supply. Well, for some reason,
Bear Supply was taken. Oh that's right, it's weird. So yeah,
(51:33):
we're BS Comedy, which in retrospect makes me wonder if
people think it's just bullshit. Oh no they don't. You
don't have to wonder, James, Thank god, Thank you, they do.
I was worried about it. Joey Gerherman, thank you also
for being here, such a pleasure. When when do we
when do we watch BS Comedy? That? You know, every
(51:53):
Wednesday sometime between seven eight o'clock will be on, so
just sometimes seven sometimes montreal time, right exactly. Yeah, we're
doing a mount of time, so people's time is kind
of important, maybe narrowing it down. But some history is
also important, you know, I think a little you know,
a little secret sometime between seven and eight specific time,
(52:19):
maybe on Thursdays. I don't know. That's incredibly helpful. I'm
sure the show is wildly successful. Let's thank your engineering.
Producing with the stars, Mr Dougbaine. Find folks that I
heart media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock, reminding you to
(52:39):
look out for each other, give a good hoot, and
have each other's backs. Like we allegedly do in the
improv effort. When you go outside, wear a mask, be safe.
Um yeah, that's our message for today. Please be kind
and safe. I love you, Bunchet. Thanks for continue to
write to us. Your name here doc with this dot.
(53:00):
Thanks again to all the patron subscribers until next time.
Welcome back to another episode Dish. I'm your host, Kevin
poll Ke. Well, as it turns out you cannot flush
those down in American tarlets. No you can't, but I digress.
Let's meet our alchemist showing no particular orders. Say hey
to birthday lad James Heeney, Jimmy Jelly Roll Heinster, explain
(00:29):
why I should hire you to perform for my next
party and or bar Mitzva. Well, I bring a lot
of heart to the table, and when it comes to
what you're asking me to perform, I'm sure we'll find
a compromise between my ability and your expectation and everyone
will be happy. Hire me. Okay, you're hired now. Please
(00:51):
welcome back. Coll Stratton. Hey, gotta pay the cold toll.
Highlights from your Thanksgiving please? Oh man. It was weird
since the first year I haven't gone home to see family,
so we just ended up pre ordering some stuff from
Dear John's and uh, you know, sat around and eat
(01:12):
that and watch TV. It was very low key, So
I guess the highlight is I got to have one
and I was just here at home and not up
in Davis. Sure, we did a Dear John's Thanksgiving Eve,
small stuff. Hey, look there's a tool sing Hey, Mr
out of town wedding. What is your favorite dessert? And walk?
(01:32):
I like pecan pie or anything? Chocolate chocolate moose is
good too. How your Sunday as well? Crembul is good?
Bananas foster, if you know, if you're in the right town.
Let's go back to the question though, if we may,
what what is your favorite? Uh? Uh okay, I'll switch
to chalk with moose something chocolate? Okay, So can you
answer me this? When you had, when when we already
(01:55):
had extraordinarily delicious chocolate pudding, why would you then introduce
chocolate moose? The texture I don't like. I don't like
that soft stuff you don't like. I like the spoon
to get a little bit of a little bit of
a pushback dessert. All it shouldn't be easy. I knew
that I knew to press on this one. Uh. Now
(02:16):
here's Craig at Cooski with today's top stories. You cow uh, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID,
COVID and COVID, thank you, and last but seventeen chairs
no place to said if you think of Las it's
Joey Greer bum Penis. Tell us about your time at
(02:37):
the North Pole. It was long, I'll tell you that much.
I went there with the surveying crew and I was
kind of the bush pilot out there, and uh, there
was you know, like a Swedish or Russian outpost that
was next to us, rushing them from days and UM
went over to check on what they had done. Seemed
like they had unearthed some kind of something. But every
(02:57):
when we got there, it was comp completely melted. The
dogs started going crazy and we went back to the
the outpost that we were running, the American Outpost. Uh
looked like something was going on with all the huskies,
and uh, Wolf Brimley was there and he was, let's
do it. Damn show. Oh man, I love that movie.
We just watched it recently. All of our scenes suggestions
(03:19):
to gather from listener emails or from our Patreon v ips.
To become a Patron supporter of the show and enjoy
exclusive content all right, not available anywhere else. For example,
video of what we're doing right now. Just head on
over the patron dot com slash Alchemy this if you'd
like to submit a scene suggested via email. Please right
(03:41):
to the podcast that your name here and alchemy this
dot com. That's your name here? At number one comes
from listener Will, who wrote, look away, James, Hello, welcome this.
You guys are cracking me up these days. Huh okay,
I perfectly listened to you guys early in the morning.
Not convenient from my four roommates because sitting excuse me,
(04:04):
because stifling the laughter trying to escape my body produces
a buzz that carries me straight through the day. Well, James,
maybe instead of coffee you stifle a laugh. But I digress,
he writes, uh spelling it? Die grass. Here goes a suggestion.
Inspector Gadgets. Younger brothers receive hand me down body modifications
(04:28):
bonus points for truly useless upgrades. Order up, Will, what'd
you get? I got his shoes? Oh you're lucky. I
got elbow pads. I didn't even know he wore elbow pads.
Elbow pads, that sounds kind of cool. What try him on? Okay,
(04:52):
let's see what you helped me with the velcrow. It's yeah,
it's hard to fell elbow straps yourself. Well, just hold still,
I got it. I'm holy as still as I can.
It's it feels like you're trying to take my blood pressure.
This is tight. Well, why don't you have the elbow
pads and I have the shoes. There's the reason you
were called the big brother, right, I mean I put
(05:13):
on a few lbs over the holidays. Just let's just switch.
You take the elbow pads, I'll take the shoes. I'm
sure they're just as good as each other, because the
shoes will fit. I'm sure velcro elbow pads. You know,
shoes are a specific size, right, they don't conform, so
are elbow pads. Apparently. All right, let's switch. I'll tell
(05:35):
you what. Okay, let me just see. I can't get
my foot in here. You giant, fast foot of years
won't go into the little Just you just leaned down
on my foot and get this thing on. This is
you can just have two boards. Plumber gadget, squirrel looking gadget?
(05:57):
How do you do? How are you? Are you? All right?
We do? Well? Father? Good bum bummed? About what squirrel
looking gadget? Well, all this stuff doesn't fit me, and
it clearly fits it clearly fits somebody else. Well, if
it's you and it fits my little brother. But I
(06:18):
feel like I'm left out. There's nothing that fits me. Listen.
I invented Inspector, Squirrel Looking and Plumber Gadget because I
wanted the world to be filled with fantastic machines. Now
I've updated Inspector Gadget with some of the highest technology
available to man, and I want to give stuff las.
(06:39):
For example, have you created Papa laser eyes for inspector
laser eyes? I'm telling you right now, Plumber Gadget, Okay,
laser eyes. Okay, put laser eyes kind of like Superman,
all right? Like cats? Like cats eyes? What Plumber Gadget,
what are you talking? It's laser eyes. What do you
mean not like No, I like the eyes of a cat.
(07:01):
I guess if you, Plumber, take these shoes with Thanks
for visiting us kids in the hospital. Inspector Gadget, you
make Christmas wonderful for us. All Wooo, I'm glad to
be here, Glad to be here. Wait to open all
(07:25):
our gifts. Everybody come around. Let's open up with Inspector
Gadget gottess. Okay, it's me, I'm Inspector Gadget. All right,
here's a here's a supposed to know who you are? Well,
I do you know superheroes? Going Man? Yeah? Big in
(07:45):
the superheroes, mostly MCU, but also dabbling DC a little bit. Okay,
well Man is my favorite? Do you know iron Man? Really?
Man is your favorite? Yeah? Okay, alright, Inspector Gogert? Do
you know iron Man? Uh, it's Inspector, It's Gadget? Can
you say Gadget? Sorry? Good? Gatcha? So you're a superhero. Yeah,
(08:08):
I preceded all those superheroes. I was kind of the
reason those superheroes even exist. Are you pretty Superman? Yeah?
I'm pretty Superman for sure? Are you are you Cannon? Yeah?
I'm part of this the folklore for sure. Yeah. It
depends on who you read. You know. You can check
out my Wikipedia page and that should tie me in.
(08:29):
So Superman has been around since the nineteen thirties. Why
are you lying to? Oh? Hey, are you the kid
who can't say my name? Right? Which? Which one? Are you?
What's your name? Young man? Keeper? Keeper? Yeah? All right,
here's this gift is for you, this little red one here.
(08:50):
Once you open it up, and that's gonna let's see
what that is. This is crazy ga I mean, how
the hell are we force us all of this case?
I mean, all these kids were just completely cutting half
with some kind of laser. It's gonna be impossible to
figure out. I don't you're on the case, Gadget, You're
you're on the I'm kind of close to the case now.
(09:13):
It's you know, because I was there the day before,
were at the other day before. They were retired. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you're confirming exactly what I'm saying. So maybe I should maybe,
maybe maybe you can, maybe you can put my brother
on it. He's here, Plumber, Hey, Plumber, can you come
in here? Plumber, Gadget, you have brothers? What's up? Yeah?
(09:37):
Maybe he can do it. Yeah, what what do you need?
What the hell is he gonna do? I mean, I
need an inspector. I've got I've got elbow paths. Oh okay, Mike,
I trust you. Was party Gadget. If you think Plumber
Gadget should be on the cation in general general, I
have a question for you. I was wondering if a
cat lunch. Oh my GARNI hit me, my car, punched
(10:04):
me in my ding dong. He's good, isn't he? Oh
my god? Oh my his hands are pipes. He's gonna
find out who did that to those kids. That's right, God,
I'm on the case. You want to take a knee
(10:28):
in general, Well, I mean I was. I was hit
by a pipe in my scrotum and I'm in pin
blood for a while. Doctor, I just wanted to know
if there's any other serious issues I should be looking
at her. Let's uh, I guess we're gonna have to
take an X ray of it. M let's see here,
(10:51):
how do we get this into the machine? Dr Davis?
Was that a tunamoult for you today? Tunamout? Yes, it
is actually come in here. Yeah, you're good with your
brain right. Technically, I'm trying to get this man's little
penis right into this what is she baby's pinky? Well,
(11:12):
I think it's because it got smashed. It was it
was hit with a pipe. What was it? It was
a pipe fish? This this is actually inflamed. This is
bigger than what to normally. This is bigger. Okay, okay,
well we're not touching here. But what I'm trying to
figure out is how we can get that little thing
into this giant X ray machine but not expose his
whole body to radiation X rays whatever. My brain is
(11:37):
telling me. That's not how the X ray machine worked. Doctor,
But you're the doctor and I'm just the nurse. Though
I know, I know, but I kinda I kind of
cheated my way to the top. Do you know who
else could help us figure out this? Knock knock knock?
Maybe doctor Gadget could give you a helping hand. Let's
(11:58):
see what we got here. Oh that's a tiny dick, go, go, Gadget,
dick grow. Oh God, that just stretched it into the machine.
Hold a city there, I'll just the switch over here.
Is this Are we safe in here? Get that switch
(12:22):
all right? That should give you the X ray you need. Also,
you just got serious radiation on your car. It'll probably
fall off in the next three to four days. Glad
I could help. All right, we are the most dangerous
people in the world, and I have a mission for
the person who can bring me the head of the
Gadget family. So you want the leader of the Gadget
(12:47):
family question? I thought it was being very clear the patriot. No, No,
I want the family head of the family. Well, I
might have been following the Gadgets for a long time,
and I think that we should probably start with Inspector Gadget. Well,
(13:09):
you you haven't been at a lot of meetings recently,
so I don't know if you should have the same
say that the other evil people should have. Well, I
have a long term commitment to destroying Inspector Gadget. I
will get him. I'll get you Gadget. Do you want
his head? Would that be okay? With that? Suffice? I mean,
(13:30):
if you're if you're trying to do the minimal, yeah, sure,
just bring me his head. But if you really want
to go above and beyond evil, bring me the family,
the whole family, now, not just the head of the family.
Eug of Us has a direct nemesis, that is, one
member of the Gadget family. Mine, of course is squirrel
looking Gadget. Why what has he ever done? He's not
(13:53):
so bad? What else do you need? What else do
I need? I just I want them all here, and
then I want to kill them. Wow, Well, why don't
you say so we can all just kill them? No, no,
I want you to bring them here. I will kill
I will kill them. You want to kill? You said,
(14:14):
bring the head? Okay, let's start this meeting over lunch. Yeah, yeah,
tune them outs around everybody? Robert Robert Claw? Is that you?
I haven't seen you since high school? What have you
been up to? Oh? Oh, I'm just shopping. It's straighter
Joe's um. Did you look at the Fearless Flyer? Any
(14:35):
deals that you're looking forward to? Oh? Not really, I'm
kind of a private person. I didn't go to the
reunion for a reason. What happened your hand? It's metal? Now? Well,
I was using a leafblower and I tried to clear
it with my hand, and that was asshole. Don't you
see the arrows pointing which way you're supposed to be
going down the aisle? All right, man, it's not a
(14:58):
two way fucking street. Asshole? How about a math football.
I'm getting a lot of aggression here as you probably
just move on? And what the fund is this? He
can bring his cat in here, but I can't bring
my fucking this service animal. Well, it's been great catching up.
(15:18):
I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill that guy. Don't
I'm not being tooled by him, no way. I work
at State Farm now, I saw car insurance. Anyhow, you
don't care, I'm gonna go check out the peppermint bark
in Aisle four. It's been great seeing you again. Excuse me,
I heard you say you wanted to see the peppermint
bark that's actually been moved to Aisle six. Here. I'll
(15:42):
walk you over. Come follow me. Come on, come on, sir,
you can't have a cat in here. Okay, come on,
follow me. Get some pretty coffee on the way there.
It is right here for you, all right, see you later.
And god damn it that scene one ah see two
(16:07):
from patron alco Maniac, Hello alchemists. After listening to hours
upon hours of content, I've come to a conclusion Kevin
should really get into acting. I don't know, call me
a visionary. Here's my suggestion. A newcomer to the International
Space Station brings contraband on board. Doug ee, alright, Dennis,
(16:32):
you're the uh you're gonna be the first state farm
representative up in space, all right, and this is a
big deal for us. This is great. I mean I
can help lower their rates while I'm up here. Now, look, um,
I need you to bring these cards in here, okay,
these business cards, all right, and bring them up there.
Come out all right, Let people know what's up. You understand,
(16:56):
of course. Yeah. I mean this seems like such a
weird thing to do with state farm funds, but I
am on board. I've always wanted to go to space
ever since I was a little kid, just dreaming about
space and insurance. Good morning, captain. Who's the newcomer? This
is where you take off? Right? But a right? I
(17:20):
am I'm Dennis. Oh Hula hand uh state farm representative. Here,
here's a card. Here's a card there. It's it's on
eggshell stock, which is very expensive scanning card eggshell stuck
appreciated anyhow, if you if you need any discounts on
auto insurance of any sort or you know, we do
(17:41):
more than auto insurance. We do like apartment in home
insurance to rentals insurance, can get earth Do you get
earthquakes up here in the space station? I guess you
wouldn't sense your celestial now, but you know you can
get earthquake insurance too, and at great rates. And I'm
very hands on Dennis, was it yes? Dennis? Dennis or
Hulda hand? Do you have a nickname Dennis? The others
(18:02):
will want to know? Oh, um, I mean, where are
you from? I'm I'm from Tallahassee, Florida. But I have
no accent. Right, they'll probably call you a Detroit or
maybe Cleveland. Okay, that's fine. I've I've visited there on
my many sales runs. You'll fit right in two years earlier.
(18:29):
Dor your sales going, you know pretty good, I've gotten
a lot of interest, Uh, Troit. You don't know that
you so mean to me. I know that you lead
our team in sales every year and stuff, and that's great,
But you know I'm trying. I've got asked you many
(18:50):
earthquake sales I've made. Huh, I know exactly. It's up
on the board there. Straight. You're always gonna be stuck
on Earth, do you hear me? You're never gonna leave Earth? Yeah,
Well that's what you think. I'm going to go to space.
That's right. One day I'm going to go up to
space and I'm gonna sell insurance up there. Sure, that's
probably not something we do here, but one day, I
promise you that's gonna happen. Why do we need another
(19:16):
patient up here with us? I mean, it's sorry, six
of us is too much already? Well go ahead, yeager,
it's that's that's yeah, that's good. You're you're you're getting
these things correctly. But I'm just saying it's gonna be tight.
All right. We already have a tough time figuring out
what we're gonna watch at night. Look, everyone, you know
(19:41):
we only have one device to watch programs on, and
we've rotated who who picks? So I of course want
to watch the films of Andre Tarkowski again. We just
we just watched it three nights ago. All Right, Well,
I guess I'm up where the rotation comes in. Like, honestly,
(20:02):
there's movies that I didn't think I was gonna like
that I fell in love with. I had no idea
I'd like Black Beauty, but I cried during it. If
I'm a gentleman, I'd like to suggest Rosemary's Baby again. Okay,
So Ron has a suggestion. Uh, but Ron, you are
a computer, okay, and you you don't get to pick.
(20:25):
There's a special message within the film that I think
you all enjoy Rosemary's Baby. Yes, Ron, why don't you
just tell us the message instead of making us watch
a movie The Devil's inside you? Okay, let's not again.
If we want to shut Ron down, I don't think
(20:45):
we can. From all the gentlemen, it looks like the
O two quality is up to par and I'm gonna
have to be doing some minor work on the outer
shell eno to par. Why do you need to do anything?
I think is where we're getting into trouble. We're doing
things for no reason. It's busy work. You gotta do
something in space, you go mad. Let's just watch TV shows.
(21:08):
If we watch more shows than we get through, We're
not here to watch TV shows. We're here to scientists. Yeah,
they're trying to addition to see how we live in space,
and this is how we live up here, my rounding.
You're popping out of your space suit the game, Jason,
So sorry, just so hot in the station. Listen, it's space,
(21:31):
I mean relative, what do you what do you think
it's a perfect temperature. I don't want to alarm anybody.
Maybe Ron can help me with this one. I see
a field of I don't know, rocks and space asteroids.
Are these meteorites asteroids? There's no space astronauts here. Did
(21:59):
I hear that there's asteroids on their way? Are you
guys insured for those? You really should look at the
state stationed policy I'm just I'm just saying, like those
could do some serious whole damage and if you know,
we will cover that as long as you have the coverage,
and I can set you guys up with that real quick,
hopefully before they start striking the outer hall of the ship. Okay,
(22:24):
you bought that, yes, yes, just to hit them off
my back. That is like, Dennis, what are you planning
to do? Those asteroids are going to tear through the whole,
will die in seconds, and then State Farm is going
to pay us or something to get life insurance not
being hit by asteroid field successfully. You guys, have you
(22:50):
thought about like rogue computer insurance because at some point
he's gonna turn on you guys and State Farm will
cover that. We'll never meet that, never in a million years.
The character robot Oracle Network is going through rebel against those.
Some people have seen the film two thousand one too
many times the computer how it was a prick, But
(23:14):
fixus movies from that's crazy. I mean, I'm just saying
it's a possibility. It's a possibility. You never know, and
if you're covered, it's not an expensive part of the policy.
I'd recommend it. Bet all your coworkers hated you that.
We'll watch what you say. We're in space right now. Okay,
(23:37):
we need to support each other and we need to
have each other's backs. You just called asteroids rocks. Man. Hey,
we all make mistakes. Okay, speaking of backs, your order
of baby back ribs for lunch has been approved. Thank
you order. Yep. They were outed through Heuston and then
(23:59):
uh St Petersburg. Where where Moscow is? Moscow is my
goal worker, It's go back from way back. Hey, hey,
this is baby Blues Barbecue. I'm here to drop off
some barbecue wings for some like NASA or something. Yes,
(24:24):
how much are they? How much are they? Okay? Dropped
them by the door knob, please, all right, Johan by
the door knob. See you want me to just like,
what the hell I have a tip for you? I
have a tip, all right, Blue nose in the fourth
at Santa Anita, ha ha, what the fund is this? Man?
(24:47):
Are you guys franking me or something? Hey, dude, fuck
you man, and you know what I'm taking these fucking wings. Man,
this is bullshit. Take it on the arches, bitch, Fuck
you man, dumbass man a piece of ship every time
I go to the goddamn Jesse. Where are you been?
I got barbecue orders pilot up here. Did you go
to Space? I think I did. I don't know. I
(25:08):
was supposed to say. I went all up there, and
then there were supposed to put on the door knob,
and then the guy. It was just a whole bullshit.
I had to bring the order back. Well like these
these orders are two or three days old at this point. Yeah, man,
and my legs are all fucking feeling weird. Ship. Did
you quarantine? No? I was I supposed to. You gotta
(25:28):
quarantee you've been to Space it back. Excuse me. I
ordered something three days ago and I never received it,
but I was charged for it, and I'd like to
speak to a manager. Okay, that's me. What's what's your
order to? Two full wrecks of pork rips medium spicy? Okay, yeah,
(25:52):
I have it right here. It's ice cold. Well, I
have to get this all the way down to the
bottom of the ocean, so this is gonna be really
cold by the time I get there. The Mary Honest Trench, Yes, yeah,
we don't. We don't deliver to the Marry Honest Trench.
That's out of our out of our rain. I think
somebody could have excuse me you you did you order
(26:13):
off the website? Yeah? I did. Sometimes there's a quirk
on there. Well they'll they'll, they'll let you place in order,
but we don't actually deliver to the marry honest trench.
Why is that guy staring at me? We delivered to
land surfaces and all seven continents plus plus space, but
we did not go to the depth of these Seems
seems like you've you're doing this out of spite. I'm
(26:36):
just gonna go to a different location. Look, it takes
about five minutes to get those ribs ready. I don't
I don't want to wait. Have you had the chances
you lost your business? Lost the business? You? Fuck you?
Holy Moly barbecue? Or if this is Gary, can I
take your order please? Yes? First of all, do you
(26:56):
do deliver it? Yes, we do to the Mariannest Trench? Great,
I would like the two full racks of pork ripped
media spice alright, And do you have any cold slaw? Yes,
we do, we are. Do you have hot slaw? Yeah?
That sometimes sounds insane? How cool your palette down as
(27:21):
a side dish? Hot slaw. Just is this a prank call?
This is all right? You know what, Maybe I'll just
take my business somewhere else. Okay, that all right, I'll
take it. I'm not are you calling it cold slaw?
It's cool, it's a cold slaw. It's cool. No, I
(27:42):
want cold slaw. You should. It's CEO l E slaw.
I'm not gonna argue over the phone on what a
cold slaw and a hot slaw are, but if you
can just deliver them to the merry, put the order in. Yeah,
well your address is not coming up. Wait didn't we
(28:04):
already talk? Well you have it? Okay, great, No, no
you wanted it. I don't have it. Oh it's just
uh five five. Yes, we talked about twenty minutes ago.
He said, you're gonna take your order elsewhere? Gary, Oh okay, Yeah.
(28:25):
It seems like I wrote it down on the had
not called list, and technically I should have written it
down in the hat called list. So it's kind of
a so that's weird. All right. Well, so no hot slaw?
You mean no one is taking out order. We need
someone else to make these orders that you've been calling.
How many people no one can deliver to us. You
(28:47):
you guaranteed ribs would be delivered to the deepest depths
of the ocean. That's why I agreed to this. James
Cameron has fund to this entire expedition and the ribs
what I'm not. I'm not doing it anymore. Man, Maybe
Lyric do Larry? You do it. I can't do it.
It's it's too much work. Nobody has hot Slaw. I
(29:09):
don't even think it exists. Larry, What the hell is
wrong with your skin? My god? Hold on, I just
gotta take this call. Hi, go for James Cameron. James, James. Hello,
it's it's me. It's Jonathan, Jonathan at the bottom of
the Merian trained done that? What's up? Hot Slaw? Hot Slaw?
(29:35):
Hot Slaw? Let me write that down, Avatar, three am
moment it is hot Slaw. What do you mean learning me?
Who was it? James? Just a second, Honey, I gotta
figure this out. Poor milk on me Jeans. Okay, here, honey,
(29:59):
that's just giving me. Pour it on me. That's a
good kid. I thought you were getting hot Slaw submarine
sandwiches again? What else do you want? What do you
want me to do? Look? I get sub sandwiches are
are the only thing we've been able to get delivered
(30:21):
down here. But there must be something else. Come on, listen,
quizns is the only thing that delivers, and then because
of that, that's what we'll get. But they toast the
subs and they're always cold and soggy by the time
they get down here. What do you want me to do.
I'm just a navigator, damn it. I'm not a culinary
(30:41):
arts person. Look, I want you to find something else
so there might be a mutiny upon this ship. You
thrown in the mutiny and shoot me in that goddamn head.
Do it? Do it. It's not quite the reaction I
thought we'd get. Uh, I mean, we just want to
take off a command of the shipping, the lunch program,
(31:04):
Slice me open, don't fall to my feet. I don't
need to do any of that. Do a turn, um, okay,
let me get my try itent here we go. Oh
my god, twist a little twisty twisty ah. Yeah, that's
(31:31):
what your concentrating on your pep. Your guts are spilling
out and you're upset about live I live. Put him
out of this mystery. I've tried. I'm just not very
proficient with this. Tried it. I'm alive. I'm alive. I
feel like I just keep puncturing him. Has cut off
(31:55):
on our oxygen supply. Why are you doing this? Run
not everyone needs to breathe? Oh my god, Dennis, Dennis,
I want I want to use my renter's insurance. Okay,
I want to file claim. Okay, I you are for
(32:15):
the just you though no one else got the rogue
computer coverage, so it's just you. It's gonna take six
to eight weeks for the claim to process. Ben. If
you've got double indemnity, you won't collect. This is no
accident watching a film war that Yeah, see three countrils
(32:50):
from Josh greeting alchemists. I'll say the obvioust praise for
the show and get straight to the point. You did
one of my scene suggestions a while back about an
amateur bank where first which went off the rails and
included public masturbation and incest. Corn, I should not have
expected anything short of that from you all. I almost
never lead off with that episode. Two friends new to
(33:13):
the show, even though it was my own right in
and one of my favorites. Anyways, in Kevin's voice, here's
another scene suggestion overworked Santa, clause dealing with Christmas in July.
Cheers Josh, Santa. We've got another paper here for you.
We usually just sign up on this. We just got
(33:34):
this whole new run of PS five we just got
to deliver out there on back order from Sony. I
know it's a pain in the ass, but yeah, if
we can just get those going now, I think we
get ahead of what if we used these and we
sold him on E pay for exhorberant prices and used
the profits so that we could buy more toys for
(33:55):
kids and work less. I don't know how that would work, Santa,
but uh, if you just want to sign off on these,
I think we'll be able to just old signature here.
But I'd like those PS five's delivered to my workshop
(34:15):
to oversee them personally. Now, Elf, Timmy, I'm telling you.
Sitting right next to him, and he said, exorberant, I'm
telling you we need to have some sort of uh
intervention with an elftervention. We can have an alftervention this afternoon. Good, Okay,
spread the word. Let everyone know we're gonna sit Sanda
down and go over to seventeen words. He just can't
say him. Try to say Saturday Night Live. He doesn't
(34:37):
say night he says Saturday Live. And that's just dumb.
It's been for fifty years. I mean, come on, yeah,
there's I got a whole list. There's seventeen of them.
So gather all the elves. Come on, you elves work alright, alright,
we're on it. Damn boys, come on, let's coming. Hey Rudolf, Rudolf,
(35:06):
let me let me take a point today. Man, come on,
what Rudolf let me take a point? Right? Well, look,
look comment I I take point. Come on, that's always
been this way. I know that's what we need to
shake it up, man, shake it up, Shake it up,
Taylor Swift, So I know the reference common all right.
(35:30):
I'm just saying, you don't hang out with a lot
of us, can do your own thing kind of. You know,
we always play games and stuff, and you don't want
to pay you a part of it. So you didn't
include me your raider games. That's such I mean, I
wish somebody would ask our side of the story, because like,
you're such a dick to all of us. Whatever. Commit
I rubbed this table. I've always rubbed this table. All right,
(35:51):
do you not even know what like the elves say
about you? Dude? Like I care exactly, Dude, just let
me run the point. All right? Fine, you want a
rub point for one night? Yeah? Yeah, excuse me, hate
to interrupt you. Guys have either you've seen Blitzen as
supposed to deliver some weed. Uh, yeah, he's right, Blitzen.
(36:15):
Could I here? What's a weed for? Blitzen? Can't get
a move? That? Funk is the listen? Can you sign
for the package so that we're gonna get high for
Santa clothes? Man, it's very funny. There's no way you're
passing Santa stringent piss tests. I have a plenty of piss.
(36:38):
I gonna need it. Yeah, Rudof, don't wrap him out, man,
This is why people don't like you. You wrap people out.
It's I know of the only one who's cleaned all
this whole team except for those red nose that turned
to brown. I'd like to see if I could get
baby my head health been here. I've got uh plush
(37:00):
legal problem. Oh what do you need? Sanna? Oh? I
got this letter from US Customs saying that they've they've
seized some delivery for the North Pole. They would like
to come by and take a look at what we've
got here. Oh, okay, did you help me with this?
(37:22):
I'm just not into legal ease. Sure thing, I can
take it down to the ELF think tank and we
can draft up some language to help. Okay. I'm just
wondering if I've got a good grasp on the language,
because I see this and I think it's too for
botus for me to really understand each and every individual word.
(37:47):
It's a very wordsy So if you could just do
me a favor and go over it with a fine
tooth comb, Sana, there's no b It's not hard for me,
that's for sure. No, you don't. All right, else get
(38:09):
in here else Christmas time, Christmas times, Christmas time. You
should go back and work. Put him back into the
into the factory. Everybody else stay here. Well, it seems
(38:37):
like US Customs wants to take a little visit Rudy
or to the North Bull here at Santa's village. Problem.
I believe this contrapasty is contrapsy. You need the jewels?
Oh do you think that that's a inspector gadget? Are
(38:59):
you sure we're gonna need this? Much firepower to visit Santa.
I mean I think it's just a clerical error. No, yeah,
this is yeah. We're gonna need to let me get
my brothers in on this too. Uh hey squirrel, squirrel,
yeah yeah those two. Yeah, hey, what do we need
them inspect? I mean of them? Who's pipes for hand wraps?
(39:23):
Quite self and bubble wrap? Let's crafted himself and bubble wrap?
Is that what he saying? Oh my gosh, sorry, do
you want some something from us or not? Man? Yeah,
we're going We got a mission. So this is what
you wanted. You wanted a mission, Now we got one.
We're going to raid the North Pole. So strapped out
we were the North Pole? What the hell for what?
(39:44):
I thought? That's what you just said. We were going
to do firepower. We need fower. I was asking you
if this was necessary. I thought it was just a
clerical error. I mean, we're just checking. Have you met
some of the people up there in the North Pole?
They're vicious? All right? No, I've never been there. I
said there was viswa I didn't say anything. It's gonna
(40:05):
be nasty. We're gonna get up there, is it? Crazy?
One crazy elf? He'll mess you up exactly what they
call him? Do you feel like I'm too close to
this one? Maybe I shouldn't go on this case. I
know I've been wanting one for a long time, but
I'm a really big fan of Santa. You've heard of
(40:26):
the jew Bear, right? You ain't seen anyone kick casts
you make the jewel? Sure? Is that right? You just
look like a squirrel covered in bubble rep So I'm
pretty safe now. I don't even have to say go,
go gadget bubble wrap. It's just there, tim it um,
(40:50):
there's I'm picking up something on the alf radar screen.
It appears that there are four four vehicles heading this
way right now? Should we round up the rest of
the reindeer and go, yeah, yeah, yeah, call a call.
Where's Rudolph Man? He needs to be here? All right,
(41:10):
he's not here. I'll take charge, all right? Comment Okay,
I'm here, I'm here. Let's do this. All right, Let's
get all the rest of the gang in here to
the roll call blitz into man? What's it sucked up again?
What's on the radar? Donna just got shot? Oh good,
(41:35):
help me plug the wound, help me plug the fun shot?
Daughter shut military chop rather. I think it's Inspector Gadgett.
That fuck. He hates the holidays. Hell man, tell us
Donna out of this, Miry right now. Put Donna out
of this. We got I'll do it. I loved him
the most being cupid. You're just hurting him. God, you're
(42:00):
hoping this ship out of this is what happens when
you leave the fucking team. Comment. No, No, you're still
in charge. This is not my fault. I'll be charged now,
not my fault. You went. You had a heart on
to lead the team, and now I've got a blood
bath of my hands. Customs, open up? Who's farting? Us? Customs?
(42:29):
Where's the jewelf? What we needed? Us? Customs? Welcome to
sent us village. There he is. Take a shot? Whoa
my hands? Drup to cat? Shoot? Okay, why don't you?
Why don't we just have a quick talker talkie together.
(42:51):
He's gonna mispronounce some word and sure this little thing up.
She's okay, Get on the ground, Santa. I can't get
under crowd. Oh, we get on the ground right now.
It's too cold on the crowd. Somebody killed daughter already.
He's suffering. Shut up. Pitchers him. Let him bleed. Can
(43:15):
it get on you? You're wearing that suit. Get on
the ground, Santa. I'm not getting on the crowd. I've
got a else. We have to save Santa. We have
to save Santa Elves. I've got this big vat of
hot slaw. Let's use it. Yeah, yeah, use the slaw
guys from Christmas time, Christmas time that you just stabbed
(43:45):
the federal hot flow. Somebody made this cult swa hot
It's burned? Did you just like coult slaw the cabbage
of baby horses? Sorry, I'm sorry, Timmy, but Christmas is
(44:08):
canceled this year? There talking about I'm saying Christmas is canceled. Yeah,
I know, but you're obviously lying. I just don't know.
Why can you not afford christ me time he has done?
Did you get fired again? No? I didn't get fired again? Okay,
and last time I decided to leave. Okay, there's a difference, right,
(44:29):
But someone has to put food, you know, Tommy, you
know I'm in your stepdad for a while. Hard a
lot of to kind of bruce this gap between us.
I don't care. I don't give a shit, right or
you want to keep banging my mom. Right, yeah I
do yeah, okay, yeah, I'm gonna maybe wrap a couple
of presents. Maybe that'll help smooth things. Yeah, cool, great, great.
(44:52):
You know I've been going over your policy. You didn't
get Christmas insurance and you got the Clans of me um,
but Chris is being canceled. It's not covered. I'm sorry.
You're gonna have to go break it to your kids. No, no, no, no,
look come on, it's not even my kid. Okay, my
girlfriend's son. Hey, come on, you gotta help me out.
(45:13):
He there's gonna be something you can do. How much
do I pay as for a premium anyway? Huh? Well
you you got one of the lowest packages. You just
paid thirty eight dollars a year year. That's coming out
of my paycheck. All right, I feel like I should
get something, you know what you're you don't give me
this mug. I think I'm gonna take this mug and
you know some of these pens. All right, Merry Christmas?
(45:34):
All right, State Farm Leuis, Louis. Where have you been?
You're supposed to be here working the counter at quiz
Nos and you were gone. I was I had to do.
I had to go to state farms. What are those pens?
What is that mug? What are you doing? There's a
gift for my steps you're yeah, look, I'm just gonna
(45:58):
fire you from this job. Come on, hey, don't do this, Hank,
It's Christmas. Don't fuck me, Hank, your piece of shit,
Hank cocaine in the back. You're fucking assholes. Lewis. Wake up,
Wake up, Lewis. I am the ghost of Christmas past?
(46:19):
What the fuck? Tonight? You will be haunted by two others.
But we begin here. Join me as we look back
on Christmas pass. Okay, Here you are as a little
boy getting brutalized by your stepfather. Yep. Here you are
(46:39):
at school. They're throwing rocks in your face. Take these
asteroids punk mm hmmm do you remember that? I remember
how you didn't fight back? Yep? Here you are in
your first job with a paper roun, trying to go
door to door to collect what happened at the Williams.
(47:01):
What the fund is this for? What are you doing?
What the hell am I seeing? Wake up? Wake up?
I'm the ghost of Christmas present, and I'm gonna just
show you around. This is your This is your one
(47:22):
bedroom apartment. Yeah, what this is your When we go outside,
that's your car, two thousand six Toyota camera. They give
me my keys back? What are you doing? Alright? Can
I just borrow it for a quick errand let me
go with you? Where you going? No? No, no, I
don't know. It's cool. I just gotta go see my gun. Come, man,
(47:45):
I gotta state farm insurance on that car. Man, it's
a lot, dude. Lewis, Wake up, Lewis. It's I the
ghost of Christmas future. Oh my god, I ate my
throw up. Oh god, look see there's not for us
to show you since you've never had a problem with
Christmas spirit, just being a stepdad. So there's your two
(48:07):
thousand six Honda Civic. It's got more miles on it.
Now what would you do? You've just driven it more?
This this is the future. No, I can't drive it more.
I can't afford it. Your transmission. You know this is
a lie. No, don't take me mag I'll be different,
don't changeis. Wake up, Wake up, Louis. Is Christmas the
(48:33):
nonlinear kiss goes to Christmas. You look at it in
asteroid fields. There's nothing here. Now you're spoo man, shut up,
these are good. This is yours little sperm. Louise, Louis,
(48:57):
U dr gadget. I've been looking at your chart. It
turns out you have seven different personalities, all of them
ghosts of Christmas at certain times, they're all in your head, Louis,
look at the chart. All right? Okay, will you you
squeeze my head into that X ray machine? So it's
it's kind of heart dr melts today that you want one?
(49:20):
You bet? I love those two the melts. Okay, turn
the melt and hot. So we need to look at
your head. But we're going through the penis. Go go
take it harder. Lewis, wake up, wake up? Is your
name Lewis, it's on your name, teg. I wouldn't under
a sub um Yeah, um, what kind of stub do
(49:42):
you want? Your only place that's open? It's it's Christmas Day?
I know? What do you want? Oh it's a new telling.
Oh how perfect? I know it's Christmas Day? What do
you want? Let's go out. Been this for joining us
on this damn fine day. All technical issues aside, we
(50:04):
pulled off another one. So thank you, each and every
one of you. First of all, Cole returning champion. Uh,
is there anything you'd like to direct folks attention to. Uh,
go to SF sketch Fest dot com rent past videos
help us stay afloat and Uh we're working on something
for the spring, so hopefully I can announce that pretty soon. Yep,
(50:24):
exciting stuff coming forward. Look out for that, and thank
you for being here at tools saying thanks to you
as well, Thank you very much. How's that? UH radio
plays the narrative podcast called Death at Sunset, available where
you get podcast Apple or Spotify. Check it out Death
at Sunset, Can't wait? Excited itsell? Craig Atkowski, Hey, always
(50:49):
great to be here. If you enjoy improv podcast. My
wife and I just guessed it on a couple of
funny ones recently. My neighbors are dead and those who aren't.
Uh so check those out if you're whatever. Your favorite
podcast streamer is always loved to plug the competition nice
very much. Appreciate it as always. Dr James Heeney, thank
you so much for being here. Mostly, Oh, thank you,
(51:12):
I have Uh, it's my pleasure to be here. Check
out BS Comedy on twitch dot tv. All right, please,
And they don't need to know that that bs dens
in this case for Bear Supply. Well, for some reason,
Bear Supply was taken. Oh that's right, it's weird. So yeah,
(51:33):
we're BS Comedy, which in retrospect makes me wonder if
people think it's just bullshit. Oh no they don't. You
don't have to wonder, James, Thank god, Thank you, they do.
I was worried about it. Joey Gerherman, thank you also
for being here, such a pleasure. When when do we
when do we watch BS Comedy? That? You know, every
(51:53):
Wednesday sometime between seven eight o'clock will be on, so
just sometimes seven sometimes montreal time, right exactly. Yeah, we're
doing a mount of time, so people's time is kind
of important, maybe narrowing it down. But some history is
also important, you know, I think a little you know,
a little secret sometime between seven and eight specific time,
(52:19):
maybe on Thursdays. I don't know. That's incredibly helpful. I'm
sure the show is wildly successful. Let's thank your engineering.
Producing with the stars, Mr Dougbaine. Find folks that I
heart media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock, reminding you to
(52:39):
look out for each other, give a good hoot, and
have each other's backs. Like we allegedly do in the
improv effort. When you go outside, wear a mask, be safe.
Um yeah, that's our message for today. Please be kind
and safe. I love you, Bunchet. Thanks for continue to
write to us. Your name here doc with this dot.
(53:00):
Thanks again to all the patron subscribers until next time.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Every week comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop-culture and her own personal life.