June 2, 2022 • 41 mins
Pigeons in a shitting school.
TOO personal training.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I'm your host,
Kevin Pollic. Yes, yes, yes, yes yes that oh big
fan of pepper. Yeah, it goes on all savory dishes
pretty much before I try them. Wait, I'm sorry, did
you say angel dust? But I digress. Let's meet our alchemist,
shall we? In no particular order. Let's quickly check in
(00:25):
with Gary Anthony Williams for his two pet clothing review
Carola pet clothing review. Oh that's the one we cannot
my friend. I am literally and I'm not even joking.
You could be my best friend in the world that
if you showed up at my house anything do not.
(00:45):
I'm not even joking. I will strip your dog down
and I will kick you out. I'll strip it down
before I kick you out, because I don't want that
dog to have to go through that. I don't want
to look at My girlfriend keeps showing me pictures of
dogs and pantyhose and its. Yeah, as much as I
love her, that pisses me right off. Sure, and maybe
that's why she's showing you boy. Okay, thank you, okay, okay,
(01:14):
Oh my, there's Jackie Conzos through with Jay. Hey, what shoe?
Are you loving the most these Well, I'm living in
my hookas and you know it. You know I'm living
in my sneakers. I'm still dealing with my feet problems.
I won't regale you. I'm still in physical therapy. So
it like it's Hoca or bust. Yeah, howcas the ship.
(01:38):
And by the way, I don't have these uh maladies
word I haven't used. I just realized in too many years.
But I love the hoca, can't get enough of them them,
and I love the wild colors they come in. I
just think fun and um, that's my shoe preference. That's
(01:58):
my that's my shoe, that's my shoe. I keep hearing
from people who have these foot maladies that are wearing them.
Now I'm gonna overuse it, that are wearing Hocus, and
I think, are they giving me problems? Should I not
be wearing Hocus. I started wearing them after I had
the maladies, after the maladies hit me, and then I
started wearing them. An I DM Gary and I said,
(02:19):
you tell me what shoe you're wearing because I heard
you talk about how much you love your shoes. And
then I right now google dog and pantyhose which was
a big stock. It's not it's not look so disturbing.
But also I'm like, I'm so happy disturbing and happy
(02:54):
brain cleansing. No, no, please, thank you, give, thank you
for and if you're a member of our patron supporters,
you'll see the visuals just like we are back by
popular demand here now at tools seeing a tool postcards
from his hedge. Do you use any particular type of
(03:15):
pen when sending a missive using this is very good question,
thank you, Kevin Um. So I use a pilot G
two seven That is probably my preferred pen. I would
like to use a nice like I have Fountain pens um,
but I lose good pens. So the goal was started
(03:36):
about ten years ago. If I can maintain for a
while not losing a pen, then out a lot be
allowed to get a nice pen. But I have not
been able to not lose pens, so I haven't treated
myself to anything but G two O seven Um ball points,
you thicker. I liked my pens to bleed, if that
makes sense. And there's a paper mate as well that
(03:58):
I really love a ballpoint as well. But all right,
thank you for that. Dogs and pantyhose and pens it blade,
got it. Hey, there's Mark Gagliardi, Marcus. Oh really us?
Where why do they call it a Caesar South Because
not a lot of people know this. It has in
(04:19):
the bowl a tiny thumb that if two people are fighting,
the little thumb will pop out and give either a
thumbs up or a thumbs down, and you will you
will have to kill your dinner mate. Actually, it is
named after Caesar, a chef in a Tijuana restaurant who
invented the dish when the kitchen went down one night.
(04:42):
It was invented as a table side. Nothing to do
with the Yeah, and his name was Caesar. Has nothing
to do with Italy, and yet it winds up on
Italian all the time. Most people, myself included, I feel
it's synonymous with your Italian fair. Yeah, it is a
full on Mexican that I will not And that and
(05:05):
last but only honk if you're unusually horny, if you
think of Lisa's Craig Kakowski kakaw Oh man, what man?
Digging deep? Digging deep? Yeah, that's what I've got written down.
How are you I'm doing alright, I'm doing alright. You
(05:29):
never you never asked that and I'm doing I'm doing
pretty good. Okay, good? Are you getting out? Are you
venturing outside these days? Uh? No, we have been. We
just got word that our friend that we had dinner
with Saturday came down with COVID, so like what happens?
(05:51):
And then I gotta skip a premiere tonight that I
was going to just out of out of caution. But
now that I know how many pictures of dogs and
padios are out there, I'm gonna be fine staying at
home for a while. I mean, I think we do.
(06:12):
I think we know too much. Let's do it. I'm
sure all of our scene suggestions, as you may well know,
gathered from your listener emails or from our patron v
i P s. What's that you'd like to become a
patron v i P. Well, it's it's quite simple, and
I don't blame it because there's all sorts of exclusive
content that has designed and created just for you, including
a video of what we're doing right the fun Now, Yeah,
(06:32):
that's not out there for for mass consumption. That is
for our patients supporters own head on order patron dot com,
slash Alchemy. This we'd else like to hear from our
listeners who just want to write in a scene suggestion.
You want to send it via old timey email, do
it right us at Alchemy. This email at gmail dot com.
(06:53):
See one, in fact, comes from Patron v I P. Philip.
Hello Philip, he wrote, Hey, folks, I skipped the intro
in the last few messages, so I just wanted to
thank you again for doing this craziness, especially now my
obsession with Alchemy. This made me finally sign up for
a six week improv course starting April. Yeah, so let's
(07:17):
see how that goes. Report back to us, Philip. The
scene suggestion today lands like birds shoot on a black shoe. Huh.
I think really any ship, but it would be unpleasant. Uh.
The scene suggestion is as follows pigeons in a shooting school.
Love you all, Philip. Alright, what time? What time did
(07:40):
you say that the buyers will be here? The buyers
are gonna be here two pm? Okay, alright, alright, I'm
glad you're excited. I just want everyone to know that
this if we, if our company can sell this house,
then it's gonna boost our annual income by so can't
even I can't imagine this house not selling. It's it's
(08:03):
fully glass top full glass on the sides. It's a
beautiful Yeah, don't that's not scary, not at all. I
mean they call it. They call it the dome for
a reason. People, and you've all done great work. Today
is our last open house and if anyone can find
a well alright, pigeons, today is the last chance they're
(08:32):
gonna try to sell this house. It's the last open
house to haveing for this place. Right below us, you
see all that glass, Yeah, we can see right into
they see the little meeting there having in there. Well,
who do we want people living in our block? Human
beings living? You have twin brother? We don't want that,
(08:53):
and we're not gonna have it. That's right. We do
not my identical twin brother. So what are we gonna
do up here today? People? What are we gonna do
to this? We're gonna Lenny and Kenny, can I pose
a question real quick? Yeah? What is it? The top
of your celebration, Lenny, you were mentioning how we can
see down into those people's lives, and it suited dawns
(09:15):
on me. What is it, Danny? Yeah, if we don't
ship on the glass, we can continue to see into
their lives. Nudge nudge, wink wink. I'm let me take this.
Is this a non pigeon shitting school or a pigeon
shitting school? You ain't. Yeah, yeah, that's a good question. Kenny,
(09:35):
our voyeuristic friend, Denny thinks that his voyeurism problem is
more important than us shipping all over this house to
make sure no one can live here. Is is that
what it is? Denny? Is it a problem? Though? This
with a therapy for three years for your voyeurism? I
call that a problem. I'd call that a problem. Call
(09:56):
it a problem. Sounds like a problem to me. Welcome
to a Welcome to the perching class. We are a
more of a laid back um school. I know some
of you have transferred over from the shipping school, and
first of all, welcome um. We we believe in co
existing with humans, with dogs, um with dogs that wear clothes,
(10:21):
all types of man. Is that why you have that
bumper sticker that says co exists in the shape of
different animals? Exactly? We took it off this other one
that the humans have and we kind of repurposed it
for the way. Good question. A UM as A is
a roly poly. The o is a turtle. What is
(10:43):
the e? I can't figure out the even to all
of them? Does a runover skunk? The eye is a worm?
The s is this snay? It feels like maybe not
(11:04):
a diverse enough group. None of them got legs for take.
Can I ask a question real quick? Hi Danny, when
you're here and welcome you. You were put a clarification.
It's still cool to shoot on cats though, right you
mentioned the stay away from dogs. No, no, we are
we want to exist with all animals cats are Is
(11:26):
there a problem? Well, it's not a problem so much
as a disappointment. I was hoping maybe I could learn
some new angles. You can try the school down the
next block if you like, so shoot on children know
that well, they have a different theory, and I'll let
them explain it to you. We're not a big fan.
Oh it's a it's a bird shopping school. Another bird
shipping school. I thought you many human school. I mean
(11:48):
you could go to a human school if Bill except you, Sarah, class,
we have a new student today, and I'd like everyone
to be very kind to our new student. He's going
to join us for every he's going to be here
every day for all of our classes until the end
of the year. This is Danny. Everybody say Hi, Danny,
(12:10):
Hi Danny. Danny is a bird, but we don't shame
him for that. My mom. Yeah, number one diseases in
the world. Okay, now, see this is what I mean.
We're making assumptions about birds. Just because Denny's a bird
doesn't mean he is are the rats of the sky?
(12:33):
Can I just address that comment directly? And yes, I'm
a talking pig, of course you can. Danny. Thank you.
Uh miss I didn't catch your name, but your mother
has a problem with the rats in the sky. So
your name is Sophia. Alright, So there's two examples of
your mother is an idiot. Oh my gosh. Now now, Danny, Danny,
(12:58):
this is a Montessori school. We don't talk like that, right,
So when let me know when the monks get here.
So listen, here's the deal, kids, and hear me out.
If you if you if you're able to shoot on people,
you're as you're free as a bird, all right, that's
something you should take the heart. If you want to
(13:18):
be free as a bird, you can shoot on whoever
you want. Hey, Hey, Danny, if it's up. Thanks for
meeting me. Look, some of the other boys and I
are gonna go out for ice cream and a mug today,
and we just thought it was kind of pretty cool
how you talk to that girl, and we wanted to
know if you wanted to go out for ice cream
and a mug with us after school today. I mean
your kids and I'm a bird. It's kind of weird.
(13:40):
Um oh, we could try a pirate. You want to
try a pirate. I could get up on one of
your shoulders and then we could assume you'll be riding
your bikes. Yeah. Sure, I just thought we could all
kind of be equal and just walk down there. But
if that's what works for you, that's finding me. Yeah,
were to walk me through the ice cream thing though
I'm not real clear run what that is? I scream,
(14:02):
It's like, um oh, let me call somebody. Okay, take
it that Dedny. Hey, if you're not doing anything after school,
we could maybe work together. I got this little baggy
that just needs to be delivered down a couple of
(14:23):
blocks down if you know what I mean. It just
doesn't involve flying because I'm not really keen on flying. Oh,
this will definitely involve. Okay, I'll have somebody else. Yeah, No,
I'm I'm pretty happy on the ground, Mr Hernandez, everybody's
I'm feeling very very upset and sad, and I want
to express it and get it out of my body.
(14:46):
I'm feeling stifled in my body. Okay, Sophia, why why
are you feeling stifled in your body? The new guy
Bird came and then totally bullied me, and then all
the other guys in the class like him for it
because their secret bullies. They don't do it out loud,
but I know they like it when people do it,
(15:08):
and it makes me feel like a little rotten piece
of our old apple that was spit out by a
coyote when it wasn't hungry anymore. Now it's getting taken
over by mold and also aunts. Okay, no, no, I understand,
look Sophia. UM. I hate to say this, but the
culture at the school is not going to change. There
(15:30):
are schools in the area. They are both both ground
based and tree based schools. I could actually have you transfer.
I'm gonna have you transferred to another school. This is
it's a bird shipping school. I think you might be
happier there. Just you know, if the boys are bothering
you here, if well, if the birds are bothering you,
(15:51):
and if Denny, our new student, is bothering you and
the boys are bothering you, maybe it's kind Sorry, So you, darling,
come in, sit down. Your father and I've been talking.
First of all, I was sorry we named you Sophia,
and that was the basically was mistake. I thought it.
(16:11):
We're just we're big golden girls. Family loved golden girls
at any moment of the day. Tell her what you
did to be Arthur years ago, Darth, Tell her what
you did to be Arthur. I in the middle of
be Arthur was doing uh name on Broadway, and I rushed.
(16:34):
I rushed the stakes broke her ankle. I broke her ankle,
she fell into the orchestra pit, and then she kicked
my ass. To be honest with you, now, that's not
why we call the family meeting Bill. But Mr Hernandez
Colin said that you had been transferred to a pigeon shitting.
I don't think it's the right move. I liked the
(16:56):
Montessori because there I can express my self using art
and my words, and I can be listened to as
a whole person. But then I told him and he's
keep me out. Everything is changing, understood. But your father
and I do feel like you've been living in this
(17:17):
house with us, in this neighborhood with people for so long.
It's time for you to just get out and see
a different way. We've changed the locks. So after you, yes,
after you leave tomorrow. Uh ms. The Let me just say,
first of all, I'm a fan. Now, this is this
pan I'm holding. I'm gonna go ahead and tap each
(17:38):
one of your toes individually. You let me know if
you feel anything. We're gonna start on lower end, otherwise
known as this little pig. All right, do you feel that, ma'am? Ye?
Not a scene. One scene too comes from listener DJ,
(18:03):
who wrote, Hello, Alchemists, I'm in the process of ending
one of my gym memberships to afford the Alchemniac status.
Well you you let us know if you were in
fact successful in that process. Uh and good luck to you, DJ.
Your heart's in the right place anyways. With that in mind,
I couldn't help but think about some of the weird
(18:23):
and often concerning conversations I hear when I am not
listening to music in the gym, So my scene suggestion
is personal training that gets a little too personal. Thank
you so much. You guys are fantastic d J. Anyways,
I said, though, may these are my shoes, get off
my ass already with this. You know what I'm saying. Yeah,
(18:44):
I know what you're saying. Man. By the way, yeah,
this is crazy. First of all, I'm loving the nape
of your neck right now. Yeah. Secondly, um, I saw
this Mompi stick of the Day for the exist It
have had a T on the end of it, and
I was just curious as a motherfucker what what animals
(19:05):
might make up a T in the in the word
co exists. I mean to me, it would take a
couple of them, right, you need to That's that's exactly
why I wanted to talk to you. By the way,
that can I can I just to take the back
of my hand and stroke the nip if we're talking
the back of your hand. I got no problem with this.
I'm sorry, can I I've been waiting to use this machine. Hey, Hey,
(19:27):
Jimmy Olsen Take five had put a shock in it. Okay,
you know why you call you Jimmy Olsen. Right, it's
a reference. It's a reference. I was already walking away. Yeah,
I know, but I just wanted to catch up to
you and let you know what was happening. It's a reference.
It was making a reference. I thank you. I mean
you guys, you guys, go back to your thing. I'm
(19:49):
gonna no, no, no, We're gonna follow you know why
you wait? I thought you were training him what. I'm
headed to the to the bicep machine because I want to.
Because you want to work on those sticks sticks? Yeah
I do. I mean you don't even work here. Would
you like him to resemble arms? That's my first question.
(20:13):
I mean, now, you're just insulting me. I don't even
know who Jimmy Olsen is, but that felt like that
one wasn't. I tried to tell you it was a reference, man, reference.
I'm just gonna go to this bicep machine. Okay, do
you want us to spot you? But I'm one of
us can spot you. Sure, fine, let's see what you get.
He's gonna spot you, and I'm gonna cradle you while
(20:35):
you live. Oh, I'm going to continue to give you
grief and bust your balls and take the piss one.
Can you give me maybe one more? I'm gonna be honest,
it's more difficult while he's cradling me, and well you can.
Can you stop playing with the nape of my neck?
I just want to lift these weights. That's that's a
(20:57):
that's a man's choice. But I gotta tell you what.
You got a very nice nape. Second best nap in
the gym. Thank you three. So listen, you could you
could go to Golds, you could go to Planet Fitness, sure,
but this is where you want to be, all right.
This is a This gym is a party, all right.
(21:22):
So what well, I'm you know, I'm gonna be trying
out several different places, so you know, just hoping that
they'll each make a pisch. I value time. I'm sure
you value time. You could waste your time looking at
other gyms. But this is the place when you come
to Steve and Phil's Jim, this is a place you
feel home. SMP makes you feed. Now are you Steve
(21:45):
or Phil? Hey? Phil, got a question for you, buddy,
just ran out these flyers for you. The SNP makes
you fee where you trying to put something else at
the end of that run with feel but then I
realized it wouldn't rhyme. So you could have gone with
Key and Peel make you feel but I know it's
(22:06):
not your should I just run them off, buddy, I'm
real busy right now, I gotta meet you. Stop me, Yeah,
run them out, just gonna follow you that. I'm just
gonna walk with you. Oh you're gonna walk with me. Sure,
I'm just taking a look around. My main thing is
is the drywall. I do construction. That's where Steve and
I meant so I'm just checking me. Makes you feed
on feed, just just change whatever. I mean. Everything here
(22:30):
was really nice. I am tempted to go to Key
and Peel's Jim just because you know that catchphrase is
so like short sweet, it's exact, you know, and they're funny.
They are funny. But is that the muscle you want
to work or do you want to work your your biceps?
We got a bicep machine here, blow your mind blow? Okay,
all right, I'm in trade. You got a back machine,
amazing chess machine. Oh my god, man, we found your
(22:55):
husband dead. He was qrushed to death. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
What yes is he We think that he would have
survived had his funny muscle had been more developed. But
apparently he uh, he skipped that in with Mommy, what's
happening is your dad's never coming home? My gosh, please screaming.
(23:17):
I am a personal trainer for the police, ma'am. I
believe I know how to do this. Kid, your dad's dead,
cold dad. My name is Tommy. I don't know what's
your name? Tommy won't matter much now, Tommy, you're going
to be known as the kid with the dead dad
when you go back to school Monday. Jesus Christ. I
don't know, but I don't know how to stop it.
(23:38):
Do you have any pie in it of any type?
I'm hungry. I love the piece of pie. If you
have anything. We have a lemon pie we always have,
and there's a chocolate favorite my husband's favorite chocolate book. Well,
he certainly won't be eating Carlin. Listen, you could go
to many different funeral homes and you're not going to
(24:00):
find exactly what you're gonna find here at Steven Phil's
Funeral Services. If you come here, you feel good, all right,
And so we wanted to show you this casket. This,
this is your great This is a great casket. You
can use this all right, This is silver, amazing, beautiful.
I don't I don't need to hear you spiel and
(24:20):
I don't mean to. This does not mean anything about
my love and respect for my husband. Just give me
the cheapest one, okay in the grounder. Hey, there's somebody
in here. Oh sorry about that, that's my phone. We'll
go to the next one. Hey, whe should go over
(24:41):
to Stephen Phils for your cast get the first time around?
Too expensive for you? What you know people people were
squatting in there so I couldn't technically buy. Yah. Yeah,
yeah they do that. That place is rife with draculas.
Rife with Draculus really made the process if you tell
how to place is rife with Dracula. Yeah, yeah, she
(25:02):
you believe she went to Stephen Phils first. Yeah, that
slogan we make you feel good, but it's spelled p
h I l good. That's crazy. It's not even a
full rhyme. It's I actually liked you, guys. Um poster
Pete and Pete's Funeral home for Pete and Pete for
one year six feet and then in parentheses under and
(25:24):
I liked that was a sloth. It was very very clever. Well,
two slaws, it takes two, but any cute inny cute?
Oh no, no, no, you're thinking of a crucifix. We
got a slow crucifix in the Champion. Yeah. Oh hey,
come check out the chap We just got it redone.
(25:46):
All of the apostles, all of the stuff in it
looked the stations of the cross all slots. Ain't that something?
Oh god, this is the slowest service I've ever been
to take. This is taking forever, seemed to see. Three
(26:11):
comes to us from patron v I. P. Jarrett, who wrote,
finally getting to the front of the line, just to
be told you're in the wrong line. Thank you next?
Oh yeah, thank you Jesus. Wow, that was twenty minutes.
I will never get back right. Yeah, let me have
(26:35):
the two scoops in a mug. Okay, if you wanted scoops,
you we just do the cakes in this line, all right?
Do you want an ice cream birthday cake? Yeah? Sure,
what nobody wants an ice cream birthday cake? And you
put them out and they're dead, and like nine minutes,
why would you've been getting cakes from Steven Phils? Those
(26:56):
cakes are alive? Our cakes are dead from the get go. Okay,
so do I have to put this in the microwave?
What's the story with the dead cake? Just a regular
ice cream cakes? Yea? And so before I serve it,
do I put it in the microwave? No, it's ice cream.
I'm sorry. Maybe you should go to the instructional line. Yeah,
let me get into another line again, because that was
incredibly fun. How long you've been working here? Jack? Uh? Sir,
(27:20):
it's Jack, and it's I've been here six years. Six years? Huh?
Anyone else step up to the front of the line
only to find out there on the wrong line. No,
our customers are very happy most of the time. So
what am I doing here? I don't know. I'll take
the next customer because there. Yeah, yeah, I take the
next customer. Yeah, sorry, buddy, excuse me, I'm gonna kind
(27:42):
of rush. I need to pick up an ice cream cake.
It's under lamar l a. Oh here it is right, Oh, beautiful,
beautiful by twenty This is a sheet cake size ice cream. Lovely.
Here you go here and actually use it as a
sheet thank you? All right, And then we wrote on
it just like you said. So make sure everything is spelled.
(28:04):
Did you read that to me? I left my reading glasses.
Happy birthday to the latest graduate from school loved death dad, Okay,
that's that all right, thank you, and to a period
on the end of that. I love that. Okay, Well
it's a sign of that. Yeah, do you know my name? Yeah,
(28:31):
you're the latest graduated, right, graduating congratulation And honestly, I
was surprised that you even came. I was going to
give your ticket away too, Aunt Jack, who's not even
my aunt, but you know, she's so close to me.
What else, what's what's really? What's really? Is the problem
really that I don't know your name? Problem? But is
(28:55):
that really problem? Dad? And it's something that I've been
working on in therapy as an assumption, and now that
I know that it's a fact, I'm about to delve
deep and I get and I do have to ask
you just one last question, But is that really the problem?
(29:16):
So when you say you've got confirmation that your father
does not in fact know your name, but if I may,
you've been claiming it certainly since you came here eleven
years ago, and neither one of us. I don't think
I ever thought you would get confirmation. So this suggests
to me you had an actual confrontation with your father
(29:37):
and how did that and did you want me to
continue doing the squats while I tell you? Or can
I seven? Okay, I'll just kid doing that. It was
honestly very um eye opening, um to have a full
conversation with him. If you wouldn't mind going all the
way down. Okay, my knees are count I feel like
(29:58):
sure if if I'm in a camp, okay, um, and
thank you for your work that you've done for me.
That's where my wife says my dad daven okay, Um.
(30:19):
I actually no sign language, so I can count with
my fingers and um, is this the line? Is this
the line for squats in psychiatry? Or am I in
the right line on the right line? I'm with my
two o'clock. Okay, I'm too fifteen, So let me know
when it's time I can go get a soda. Well,
if it's going to be longer, bring your mug. All right.
(30:43):
So your father and you had a confrontation, really a
conversation for the first time, and I couldn't believe that
he showed up and it felt so good, and I
was at such a high for him even being there.
I was. So you say, it's a conference conversation. Did
you ask him if he knew your name? I did?
I said it. Yeah, then I was correct using the
word confrontation. But let's get back to the conversation confrontation
(31:06):
that you have. Okay, um, to go from such a
high just a second, I'm still writing the word correct
next to my note. Okay, to go from such a
high to such a lull, which was high? Was him
being at my graduation. He's missed all of my previous graduations.
(31:28):
He's missed my birthdays. He's missed all right, Get the
lieutenant in here, sergeant, get the lieutenant in. Lieutenant. Just
found this note at the gym. The handwriting matches the
writing of the killer we've been looking for. It just
(31:49):
says correct next to some other scribble scrabble. But I'm
pretty sure we got the right guy. What we've been
looking for him for years? Exactly? Which is he? Is
he at Phil and Steves or is he at Pete
and Pete's Sir. I was so busy, just so busy
watching this girl's squad and give her life. I wasn't
(32:10):
paying a much attention to which gym I was in.
Uh you're telling me you found the killer that we've
been looking for for years, sir, years, Yes, sir, And
you don't remember where you were when you found him? No, no, sir,
I don't remember, sir. But the important thing is huh
I know, No, sir, I don't remember. You know what?
(32:32):
Give me your badge, Give me your badge, Give me
your badge, then, lieutenant, sergeant, what's going on here? What
is it? Oh, deputy deputy, Yes, sir, that's right, Yes,
their deputy, that's right. I I rank under all of you, Deputy,
what I have alpha energy? Yes, yes, sir, deputy. Where
I was just I was just dressing down this captain
(32:54):
for his uh yes, sir, for I just came back
from key and peetles all the eels gym. Oh wow, yeah,
you look great. You look great, deputy. Yeah, and then
never better. But but don't you worry. I was dressing
him down, and I was taking his badge from him.
I can give it to you. Would you like his badge? Sir? Well,
(33:14):
that would make me a captain. When I'm clearly something
about this finding this killer, then goll darn it, I'll
just do it on my own. I'll do it on
my own. On your own. You're going rogue captain, man
of your low rank. Good luck. That's the last thing
(33:39):
I ever heard my mother say. I'll accept that. Listen.
I can't let you in the gym with that idea
or a membership. You know, you have to have a
membership to go in here. So if you're not a cop,
I can't let you in. I'm I'm a full blown cop.
I'm full blown. I'm full blow your badge the holy
(34:02):
walka moley. He can I make a phone call? Do
you want to use one of our phones? Um? I
can't let you use the company phones, but you can
use my cell phone. Just don't read any of the
text messages. All right, there you go. Hello, Look at
that guys standing right there in the street in front
(34:24):
of at police station. Here's your first opportunity, kid, Sophie,
get over here. Here's your first chance, your first shitting
exam right there on that top. It's an easy target.
Come on, it's an easy target target. It's about the
fact that I don't have to shoot. I don't have
(34:47):
to shoot. What do you mean you don't have it's
shipping school. We always wait, you humans don't always have
to ship. Always do it once a day, twice if
it's special. But well, come on, no, wait a minute,
Hold on, what's a special ship? You know it's twice
(35:10):
a day. I know it's a special day because I'm
feeling very good and I'm getting a little bit of
extra stuff, and you know, out and in outcomes the
poop and incomes the pride, especially when it's too happy. Beau.
(35:30):
Oh yeah, when you get a double and nothing is
um soft, then you're very you're having a very good luck.
Out comes the poop, Sophia, thank you for being a friend.
You know what, you know what? I was once shipped
(35:53):
on by a bird that didn't shoot on me with
his butt, but ship on me with his words. And that,
oh Danny sounds like, Yeah, he's an ash cock. I'm
gonna get that bird a piece of my fist. And
(36:15):
he's the reason why our poop is white because he
started eating a lot of ice cream. Well, do you
know he tricked me once and he gave me two scoops,
straight up poops. He gave me two pop scoops, told
me it was vanilla. I said, it's vanilla. Cookies and crazy,
and I said, I usually like a Choco little base,
but I love Oreos. Incomes the pride to scoops poop. Anyway,
(36:40):
that guy's moved on now, So today what a show?
Oh my, Before any lawsuits are begun, I thought I
would go ahead and bring it to a conclusion. Thank
you also damn much for the scoops and the poops. Uh.
This has been a special to poop day and uh,
(37:01):
I think we all feel it. And along with the pride,
let's start our thanking with In fact, Jackie Gonzalaz to Ruthie, Jackie,
I wish you every day should be a two poop
special day. Uh. And then yeah, I wish that for you.
Although I often enjoy the efficiency of one. I don't
you know, I don't need to spend my life in there. No,
(37:25):
I don't need it. Thank you, Thank you for the
well wishes. Though it may everyone be regular and feel good. Um.
I am at Jackie t Ruthie on Instagram, and I
am going to listen to say that my account is
(37:48):
not a dance account yet right yet. But the further
that heat progressed, the closer we're getting to a full
on dance account. This is just a spoiler at tease
for when we advance. Um, things are gonna pop off
(38:10):
on my Instagram. I'm excited about all this legally. Thank you,
thank you, thank you for having me. Sure of course,
thank you as always to Gary Anthony Williams. I don't
know what Jackie was talking about, but I agree is
(38:31):
that close to dance account? Hey? You know people always
like Gary, where can you get? Where can I see
you on the socials? Yes, it's simple. It's my name,
Gary Anthony Williams. That's on the Instagram, Gary A. Williams.
I'm never on Twitter. It just seems like everyone's jelling
at each other. Yeah, not on Instagram that it's nothing
(38:54):
but love and dancing. Not that Jackie dearry, Not that
Jackie's account is about dancing, not yet yet. Thank you,
thank you, Mark Gagliardi, thank you, thank you. This is
a delight. Uh and thank all of you. This was
so fun. You guys don't make me laugh. We got
this with Mark and Hall on the Maximum Fun Network.
(39:16):
Blood and Treasure drops July seventeen, season two. Uh and
thanks for having me, thanks for adjusting the my and
my account is nothing and there's no dancing on any
of my social media accounts regardless of what happens in
the NBA playoffs. Um than thank you for adjusting the
blinds behind you so we sure see your faith. Well, yeah,
(39:39):
I'm a report tour would be completely a perfect until
saying thank you so much for I mean, it's always
so much fun. Everyone here is so talented. Uh yeah,
you can follow me on my socials on a tool
time and uh we we're pulling for the MAVs. Um
and maybe I'll dance, maybe I'll dance. Wow, good luck?
(40:02):
Uh two Stephen my warriors. That is all I can say. Um. Lastly,
but certainly not lastly, it's Craig Katkowski Ko damn it.
Thank you man. I feel like if I had gone
to shipping school, like it would put me in my
head so bad, like paralysis through analysis. You know, there's
(40:25):
some things that you just got to learn the natural way,
and then the more you learn different theories and stuff
like that, then you just you know, you think too much.
Uh well, learn it on God intended. Thank you so
damn much for that. Will you and Carlin be watching
any films and talking about them in podcast form anytime?
(40:46):
Soon unlikely. Solid man, that's exciting as hell. Let's thank
your engineering producers, the stars, folks that I hurt. Media,
I'm ho's Kevin Pollock. Thank you each and every damn
(41:07):
one of you for joining us, and continue to tell
everyone you've ever met him. Please write a review so
James Heene has something to do when he's done uh
today lendsing this motion picture. He keeps telling us he's
a part of um and yeah, we appreciate you. Please
be kind to each other until next time, remember to
(41:29):
gubbing
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I'm your host,
Kevin Pollic. Yes, yes, yes, yes yes that oh big
fan of pepper. Yeah, it goes on all savory dishes
pretty much before I try them. Wait, I'm sorry, did
you say angel dust? But I digress. Let's meet our alchemist,
shall we? In no particular order. Let's quickly check in
(00:25):
with Gary Anthony Williams for his two pet clothing review
Carola pet clothing review. Oh that's the one we cannot
my friend. I am literally and I'm not even joking.
You could be my best friend in the world that
if you showed up at my house anything do not.
(00:45):
I'm not even joking. I will strip your dog down
and I will kick you out. I'll strip it down
before I kick you out, because I don't want that
dog to have to go through that. I don't want
to look at My girlfriend keeps showing me pictures of
dogs and pantyhose and its. Yeah, as much as I
love her, that pisses me right off. Sure, and maybe
that's why she's showing you boy. Okay, thank you, okay, okay,
(01:14):
Oh my, there's Jackie Conzos through with Jay. Hey, what shoe?
Are you loving the most these Well, I'm living in
my hookas and you know it. You know I'm living
in my sneakers. I'm still dealing with my feet problems.
I won't regale you. I'm still in physical therapy. So
it like it's Hoca or bust. Yeah, howcas the ship.
(01:38):
And by the way, I don't have these uh maladies
word I haven't used. I just realized in too many years.
But I love the hoca, can't get enough of them them,
and I love the wild colors they come in. I
just think fun and um, that's my shoe preference. That's
(01:58):
my that's my shoe, that's my shoe. I keep hearing
from people who have these foot maladies that are wearing them.
Now I'm gonna overuse it, that are wearing Hocus, and
I think, are they giving me problems? Should I not
be wearing Hocus. I started wearing them after I had
the maladies, after the maladies hit me, and then I
started wearing them. An I DM Gary and I said,
(02:19):
you tell me what shoe you're wearing because I heard
you talk about how much you love your shoes. And
then I right now google dog and pantyhose which was
a big stock. It's not it's not look so disturbing.
But also I'm like, I'm so happy disturbing and happy
(02:54):
brain cleansing. No, no, please, thank you, give, thank you
for and if you're a member of our patron supporters,
you'll see the visuals just like we are back by
popular demand here now at tools seeing a tool postcards
from his hedge. Do you use any particular type of
(03:15):
pen when sending a missive using this is very good question,
thank you, Kevin Um. So I use a pilot G
two seven That is probably my preferred pen. I would
like to use a nice like I have Fountain pens um,
but I lose good pens. So the goal was started
(03:36):
about ten years ago. If I can maintain for a
while not losing a pen, then out a lot be
allowed to get a nice pen. But I have not
been able to not lose pens, so I haven't treated
myself to anything but G two O seven Um ball points,
you thicker. I liked my pens to bleed, if that
makes sense. And there's a paper mate as well that
(03:58):
I really love a ballpoint as well. But all right,
thank you for that. Dogs and pantyhose and pens it blade,
got it. Hey, there's Mark Gagliardi, Marcus. Oh really us?
Where why do they call it a Caesar South Because
not a lot of people know this. It has in
(04:19):
the bowl a tiny thumb that if two people are fighting,
the little thumb will pop out and give either a
thumbs up or a thumbs down, and you will you
will have to kill your dinner mate. Actually, it is
named after Caesar, a chef in a Tijuana restaurant who
invented the dish when the kitchen went down one night.
(04:42):
It was invented as a table side. Nothing to do
with the Yeah, and his name was Caesar. Has nothing
to do with Italy, and yet it winds up on
Italian all the time. Most people, myself included, I feel
it's synonymous with your Italian fair. Yeah, it is a
full on Mexican that I will not And that and
(05:05):
last but only honk if you're unusually horny, if you
think of Lisa's Craig Kakowski kakaw Oh man, what man?
Digging deep? Digging deep? Yeah, that's what I've got written down.
How are you I'm doing alright, I'm doing alright. You
(05:29):
never you never asked that and I'm doing I'm doing
pretty good. Okay, good? Are you getting out? Are you
venturing outside these days? Uh? No, we have been. We
just got word that our friend that we had dinner
with Saturday came down with COVID, so like what happens?
(05:51):
And then I gotta skip a premiere tonight that I
was going to just out of out of caution. But
now that I know how many pictures of dogs and
padios are out there, I'm gonna be fine staying at
home for a while. I mean, I think we do.
(06:12):
I think we know too much. Let's do it. I'm
sure all of our scene suggestions, as you may well know,
gathered from your listener emails or from our patron v
i P s. What's that you'd like to become a
patron v i P. Well, it's it's quite simple, and
I don't blame it because there's all sorts of exclusive
content that has designed and created just for you, including
a video of what we're doing right the fun Now, Yeah,
(06:32):
that's not out there for for mass consumption. That is
for our patients supporters own head on order patron dot com,
slash Alchemy. This we'd else like to hear from our
listeners who just want to write in a scene suggestion.
You want to send it via old timey email, do
it right us at Alchemy. This email at gmail dot com.
(06:53):
See one, in fact, comes from Patron v I P. Philip.
Hello Philip, he wrote, Hey, folks, I skipped the intro
in the last few messages, so I just wanted to
thank you again for doing this craziness, especially now my
obsession with Alchemy. This made me finally sign up for
a six week improv course starting April. Yeah, so let's
(07:17):
see how that goes. Report back to us, Philip. The
scene suggestion today lands like birds shoot on a black shoe. Huh.
I think really any ship, but it would be unpleasant. Uh.
The scene suggestion is as follows pigeons in a shooting school.
Love you all, Philip. Alright, what time? What time did
(07:40):
you say that the buyers will be here? The buyers
are gonna be here two pm? Okay, alright, alright, I'm
glad you're excited. I just want everyone to know that
this if we, if our company can sell this house,
then it's gonna boost our annual income by so can't
even I can't imagine this house not selling. It's it's
(08:03):
fully glass top full glass on the sides. It's a
beautiful Yeah, don't that's not scary, not at all. I
mean they call it. They call it the dome for
a reason. People, and you've all done great work. Today
is our last open house and if anyone can find
a well alright, pigeons, today is the last chance they're
(08:32):
gonna try to sell this house. It's the last open
house to haveing for this place. Right below us, you
see all that glass, Yeah, we can see right into
they see the little meeting there having in there. Well,
who do we want people living in our block? Human
beings living? You have twin brother? We don't want that,
(08:53):
and we're not gonna have it. That's right. We do
not my identical twin brother. So what are we gonna
do up here today? People? What are we gonna do
to this? We're gonna Lenny and Kenny, can I pose
a question real quick? Yeah? What is it? The top
of your celebration, Lenny, you were mentioning how we can
see down into those people's lives, and it suited dawns
(09:15):
on me. What is it, Danny? Yeah, if we don't
ship on the glass, we can continue to see into
their lives. Nudge nudge, wink wink. I'm let me take this.
Is this a non pigeon shitting school or a pigeon
shitting school? You ain't. Yeah, yeah, that's a good question. Kenny,
(09:35):
our voyeuristic friend, Denny thinks that his voyeurism problem is
more important than us shipping all over this house to
make sure no one can live here. Is is that
what it is? Denny? Is it a problem? Though? This
with a therapy for three years for your voyeurism? I
call that a problem. I'd call that a problem. Call
(09:56):
it a problem. Sounds like a problem to me. Welcome
to a Welcome to the perching class. We are a
more of a laid back um school. I know some
of you have transferred over from the shipping school, and
first of all, welcome um. We we believe in co
existing with humans, with dogs, um with dogs that wear clothes,
(10:21):
all types of man. Is that why you have that
bumper sticker that says co exists in the shape of
different animals? Exactly? We took it off this other one
that the humans have and we kind of repurposed it
for the way. Good question. A UM as A is
a roly poly. The o is a turtle. What is
(10:43):
the e? I can't figure out the even to all
of them? Does a runover skunk? The eye is a worm?
The s is this snay? It feels like maybe not
(11:04):
a diverse enough group. None of them got legs for take.
Can I ask a question real quick? Hi Danny, when
you're here and welcome you. You were put a clarification.
It's still cool to shoot on cats though, right you
mentioned the stay away from dogs. No, no, we are
we want to exist with all animals cats are Is
(11:26):
there a problem? Well, it's not a problem so much
as a disappointment. I was hoping maybe I could learn
some new angles. You can try the school down the
next block if you like, so shoot on children know
that well, they have a different theory, and I'll let
them explain it to you. We're not a big fan.
Oh it's a it's a bird shopping school. Another bird
shipping school. I thought you many human school. I mean
(11:48):
you could go to a human school if Bill except you, Sarah, class,
we have a new student today, and I'd like everyone
to be very kind to our new student. He's going
to join us for every he's going to be here
every day for all of our classes until the end
of the year. This is Danny. Everybody say Hi, Danny,
(12:10):
Hi Danny. Danny is a bird, but we don't shame
him for that. My mom. Yeah, number one diseases in
the world. Okay, now, see this is what I mean.
We're making assumptions about birds. Just because Denny's a bird
doesn't mean he is are the rats of the sky?
(12:33):
Can I just address that comment directly? And yes, I'm
a talking pig, of course you can. Danny. Thank you.
Uh miss I didn't catch your name, but your mother
has a problem with the rats in the sky. So
your name is Sophia. Alright, So there's two examples of
your mother is an idiot. Oh my gosh. Now now, Danny, Danny,
(12:58):
this is a Montessori school. We don't talk like that, right,
So when let me know when the monks get here.
So listen, here's the deal, kids, and hear me out.
If you if you if you're able to shoot on people,
you're as you're free as a bird, all right, that's
something you should take the heart. If you want to
(13:18):
be free as a bird, you can shoot on whoever
you want. Hey, Hey, Danny, if it's up. Thanks for
meeting me. Look, some of the other boys and I
are gonna go out for ice cream and a mug today,
and we just thought it was kind of pretty cool
how you talk to that girl, and we wanted to
know if you wanted to go out for ice cream
and a mug with us after school today. I mean
your kids and I'm a bird. It's kind of weird.
(13:40):
Um oh, we could try a pirate. You want to
try a pirate. I could get up on one of
your shoulders and then we could assume you'll be riding
your bikes. Yeah. Sure, I just thought we could all
kind of be equal and just walk down there. But
if that's what works for you, that's finding me. Yeah,
were to walk me through the ice cream thing though
I'm not real clear run what that is? I scream,
(14:02):
It's like, um oh, let me call somebody. Okay, take
it that Dedny. Hey, if you're not doing anything after school,
we could maybe work together. I got this little baggy
that just needs to be delivered down a couple of
(14:23):
blocks down if you know what I mean. It just
doesn't involve flying because I'm not really keen on flying. Oh,
this will definitely involve. Okay, I'll have somebody else. Yeah, No,
I'm I'm pretty happy on the ground, Mr Hernandez, everybody's
I'm feeling very very upset and sad, and I want
to express it and get it out of my body.
(14:46):
I'm feeling stifled in my body. Okay, Sophia, why why
are you feeling stifled in your body? The new guy
Bird came and then totally bullied me, and then all
the other guys in the class like him for it
because their secret bullies. They don't do it out loud,
but I know they like it when people do it,
(15:08):
and it makes me feel like a little rotten piece
of our old apple that was spit out by a
coyote when it wasn't hungry anymore. Now it's getting taken
over by mold and also aunts. Okay, no, no, I understand,
look Sophia. UM. I hate to say this, but the
culture at the school is not going to change. There
(15:30):
are schools in the area. They are both both ground
based and tree based schools. I could actually have you transfer.
I'm gonna have you transferred to another school. This is
it's a bird shipping school. I think you might be
happier there. Just you know, if the boys are bothering
you here, if well, if the birds are bothering you,
(15:51):
and if Denny, our new student, is bothering you and
the boys are bothering you, maybe it's kind Sorry, So you, darling,
come in, sit down. Your father and I've been talking.
First of all, I was sorry we named you Sophia,
and that was the basically was mistake. I thought it.
(16:11):
We're just we're big golden girls. Family loved golden girls
at any moment of the day. Tell her what you
did to be Arthur years ago, Darth, Tell her what
you did to be Arthur. I in the middle of
be Arthur was doing uh name on Broadway, and I rushed.
(16:34):
I rushed the stakes broke her ankle. I broke her ankle,
she fell into the orchestra pit, and then she kicked
my ass. To be honest with you, now, that's not
why we call the family meeting Bill. But Mr Hernandez
Colin said that you had been transferred to a pigeon shitting.
I don't think it's the right move. I liked the
(16:56):
Montessori because there I can express my self using art
and my words, and I can be listened to as
a whole person. But then I told him and he's
keep me out. Everything is changing, understood. But your father
and I do feel like you've been living in this
(17:17):
house with us, in this neighborhood with people for so long.
It's time for you to just get out and see
a different way. We've changed the locks. So after you, yes,
after you leave tomorrow. Uh ms. The Let me just say,
first of all, I'm a fan. Now, this is this
pan I'm holding. I'm gonna go ahead and tap each
(17:38):
one of your toes individually. You let me know if
you feel anything. We're gonna start on lower end, otherwise
known as this little pig. All right, do you feel that, ma'am? Ye?
Not a scene. One scene too comes from listener DJ,
(18:03):
who wrote, Hello, Alchemists, I'm in the process of ending
one of my gym memberships to afford the Alchemniac status.
Well you you let us know if you were in
fact successful in that process. Uh and good luck to you, DJ.
Your heart's in the right place anyways. With that in mind,
I couldn't help but think about some of the weird
(18:23):
and often concerning conversations I hear when I am not
listening to music in the gym, So my scene suggestion
is personal training that gets a little too personal. Thank
you so much. You guys are fantastic d J. Anyways,
I said, though, may these are my shoes, get off
my ass already with this. You know what I'm saying. Yeah,
(18:44):
I know what you're saying. Man. By the way, yeah,
this is crazy. First of all, I'm loving the nape
of your neck right now. Yeah. Secondly, um, I saw
this Mompi stick of the Day for the exist It
have had a T on the end of it, and
I was just curious as a motherfucker what what animals
(19:05):
might make up a T in the in the word
co exists. I mean to me, it would take a
couple of them, right, you need to That's that's exactly
why I wanted to talk to you. By the way,
that can I can I just to take the back
of my hand and stroke the nip if we're talking
the back of your hand. I got no problem with this.
I'm sorry, can I I've been waiting to use this machine. Hey, Hey,
(19:27):
Jimmy Olsen Take five had put a shock in it. Okay,
you know why you call you Jimmy Olsen. Right, it's
a reference. It's a reference. I was already walking away. Yeah,
I know, but I just wanted to catch up to
you and let you know what was happening. It's a reference.
It was making a reference. I thank you. I mean
you guys, you guys, go back to your thing. I'm
(19:49):
gonna no, no, no, We're gonna follow you know why
you wait? I thought you were training him what. I'm
headed to the to the bicep machine because I want to.
Because you want to work on those sticks sticks? Yeah
I do. I mean you don't even work here. Would
you like him to resemble arms? That's my first question.
(20:13):
I mean, now, you're just insulting me. I don't even
know who Jimmy Olsen is, but that felt like that
one wasn't. I tried to tell you it was a reference, man, reference.
I'm just gonna go to this bicep machine. Okay, do
you want us to spot you? But I'm one of
us can spot you. Sure, fine, let's see what you get.
He's gonna spot you, and I'm gonna cradle you while
(20:35):
you live. Oh, I'm going to continue to give you
grief and bust your balls and take the piss one.
Can you give me maybe one more? I'm gonna be honest,
it's more difficult while he's cradling me, and well you can.
Can you stop playing with the nape of my neck?
I just want to lift these weights. That's that's a
(20:57):
that's a man's choice. But I gotta tell you what.
You got a very nice nape. Second best nap in
the gym. Thank you three. So listen, you could you
could go to Golds, you could go to Planet Fitness, sure,
but this is where you want to be, all right.
This is a This gym is a party, all right.
(21:22):
So what well, I'm you know, I'm gonna be trying
out several different places, so you know, just hoping that
they'll each make a pisch. I value time. I'm sure
you value time. You could waste your time looking at
other gyms. But this is the place when you come
to Steve and Phil's Jim, this is a place you
feel home. SMP makes you feed. Now are you Steve
(21:45):
or Phil? Hey? Phil, got a question for you, buddy,
just ran out these flyers for you. The SNP makes
you fee where you trying to put something else at
the end of that run with feel but then I
realized it wouldn't rhyme. So you could have gone with
Key and Peel make you feel but I know it's
(22:06):
not your should I just run them off, buddy, I'm
real busy right now, I gotta meet you. Stop me, Yeah,
run them out, just gonna follow you that. I'm just
gonna walk with you. Oh you're gonna walk with me. Sure,
I'm just taking a look around. My main thing is
is the drywall. I do construction. That's where Steve and
I meant so I'm just checking me. Makes you feed
on feed, just just change whatever. I mean. Everything here
(22:30):
was really nice. I am tempted to go to Key
and Peel's Jim just because you know that catchphrase is
so like short sweet, it's exact, you know, and they're funny.
They are funny. But is that the muscle you want
to work or do you want to work your your biceps?
We got a bicep machine here, blow your mind blow? Okay,
all right, I'm in trade. You got a back machine,
amazing chess machine. Oh my god, man, we found your
(22:55):
husband dead. He was qrushed to death. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
What yes is he We think that he would have
survived had his funny muscle had been more developed. But
apparently he uh, he skipped that in with Mommy, what's
happening is your dad's never coming home? My gosh, please screaming.
(23:17):
I am a personal trainer for the police, ma'am. I
believe I know how to do this. Kid, your dad's dead,
cold dad. My name is Tommy. I don't know what's
your name? Tommy won't matter much now, Tommy, you're going
to be known as the kid with the dead dad
when you go back to school Monday. Jesus Christ. I
don't know, but I don't know how to stop it.
(23:38):
Do you have any pie in it of any type?
I'm hungry. I love the piece of pie. If you
have anything. We have a lemon pie we always have,
and there's a chocolate favorite my husband's favorite chocolate book. Well,
he certainly won't be eating Carlin. Listen, you could go
to many different funeral homes and you're not going to
(24:00):
find exactly what you're gonna find here at Steven Phil's
Funeral Services. If you come here, you feel good, all right,
And so we wanted to show you this casket. This,
this is your great This is a great casket. You
can use this all right, This is silver, amazing, beautiful.
I don't I don't need to hear you spiel and
(24:20):
I don't mean to. This does not mean anything about
my love and respect for my husband. Just give me
the cheapest one, okay in the grounder. Hey, there's somebody
in here. Oh sorry about that, that's my phone. We'll
go to the next one. Hey, whe should go over
(24:41):
to Stephen Phils for your cast get the first time around?
Too expensive for you? What you know people people were
squatting in there so I couldn't technically buy. Yah. Yeah,
yeah they do that. That place is rife with draculas.
Rife with Draculus really made the process if you tell
how to place is rife with Dracula. Yeah, yeah, she
(25:02):
you believe she went to Stephen Phils first. Yeah, that
slogan we make you feel good, but it's spelled p
h I l good. That's crazy. It's not even a
full rhyme. It's I actually liked you, guys. Um poster
Pete and Pete's Funeral home for Pete and Pete for
one year six feet and then in parentheses under and
(25:24):
I liked that was a sloth. It was very very clever. Well,
two slaws, it takes two, but any cute inny cute?
Oh no, no, no, you're thinking of a crucifix. We
got a slow crucifix in the Champion. Yeah. Oh hey,
come check out the chap We just got it redone.
(25:46):
All of the apostles, all of the stuff in it
looked the stations of the cross all slots. Ain't that something?
Oh god, this is the slowest service I've ever been
to take. This is taking forever, seemed to see. Three
(26:11):
comes to us from patron v I. P. Jarrett, who wrote,
finally getting to the front of the line, just to
be told you're in the wrong line. Thank you next?
Oh yeah, thank you Jesus. Wow, that was twenty minutes.
I will never get back right. Yeah, let me have
(26:35):
the two scoops in a mug. Okay, if you wanted scoops,
you we just do the cakes in this line, all right?
Do you want an ice cream birthday cake? Yeah? Sure,
what nobody wants an ice cream birthday cake? And you
put them out and they're dead, and like nine minutes,
why would you've been getting cakes from Steven Phils? Those
(26:56):
cakes are alive? Our cakes are dead from the get go. Okay,
so do I have to put this in the microwave?
What's the story with the dead cake? Just a regular
ice cream cakes? Yea? And so before I serve it,
do I put it in the microwave? No, it's ice cream.
I'm sorry. Maybe you should go to the instructional line. Yeah,
let me get into another line again, because that was
incredibly fun. How long you've been working here? Jack? Uh? Sir,
(27:20):
it's Jack, and it's I've been here six years. Six years? Huh?
Anyone else step up to the front of the line
only to find out there on the wrong line. No,
our customers are very happy most of the time. So
what am I doing here? I don't know. I'll take
the next customer because there. Yeah, yeah, I take the
next customer. Yeah, sorry, buddy, excuse me, I'm gonna kind
(27:42):
of rush. I need to pick up an ice cream cake.
It's under lamar l a. Oh here it is right, Oh, beautiful,
beautiful by twenty This is a sheet cake size ice cream. Lovely.
Here you go here and actually use it as a
sheet thank you? All right, And then we wrote on
it just like you said. So make sure everything is spelled.
(28:04):
Did you read that to me? I left my reading glasses.
Happy birthday to the latest graduate from school loved death dad, Okay,
that's that all right, thank you, and to a period
on the end of that. I love that. Okay, Well
it's a sign of that. Yeah, do you know my name? Yeah,
(28:31):
you're the latest graduated, right, graduating congratulation And honestly, I
was surprised that you even came. I was going to
give your ticket away too, Aunt Jack, who's not even
my aunt, but you know, she's so close to me.
What else, what's what's really? What's really? Is the problem
really that I don't know your name? Problem? But is
(28:55):
that really problem? Dad? And it's something that I've been
working on in therapy as an assumption, and now that
I know that it's a fact, I'm about to delve
deep and I get and I do have to ask
you just one last question, But is that really the problem?
(29:16):
So when you say you've got confirmation that your father
does not in fact know your name, but if I may,
you've been claiming it certainly since you came here eleven
years ago, and neither one of us. I don't think
I ever thought you would get confirmation. So this suggests
to me you had an actual confrontation with your father
(29:37):
and how did that and did you want me to
continue doing the squats while I tell you? Or can
I seven? Okay, I'll just kid doing that. It was
honestly very um eye opening, um to have a full
conversation with him. If you wouldn't mind going all the
way down. Okay, my knees are count I feel like
(29:58):
sure if if I'm in a camp, okay, um, and
thank you for your work that you've done for me.
That's where my wife says my dad daven okay, Um.
(30:19):
I actually no sign language, so I can count with
my fingers and um, is this the line? Is this
the line for squats in psychiatry? Or am I in
the right line on the right line? I'm with my
two o'clock. Okay, I'm too fifteen, So let me know
when it's time I can go get a soda. Well,
if it's going to be longer, bring your mug. All right.
(30:43):
So your father and you had a confrontation, really a
conversation for the first time, and I couldn't believe that
he showed up and it felt so good, and I
was at such a high for him even being there.
I was. So you say, it's a conference conversation. Did
you ask him if he knew your name? I did?
I said it. Yeah, then I was correct using the
word confrontation. But let's get back to the conversation confrontation
(31:06):
that you have. Okay, um, to go from such a
high just a second, I'm still writing the word correct
next to my note. Okay, to go from such a
high to such a lull, which was high? Was him
being at my graduation. He's missed all of my previous graduations.
(31:28):
He's missed my birthdays. He's missed all right, Get the
lieutenant in here, sergeant, get the lieutenant in. Lieutenant. Just
found this note at the gym. The handwriting matches the
writing of the killer we've been looking for. It just
(31:49):
says correct next to some other scribble scrabble. But I'm
pretty sure we got the right guy. What we've been
looking for him for years? Exactly? Which is he? Is
he at Phil and Steves or is he at Pete
and Pete's Sir. I was so busy, just so busy
watching this girl's squad and give her life. I wasn't
(32:10):
paying a much attention to which gym I was in.
Uh you're telling me you found the killer that we've
been looking for for years, sir, years, Yes, sir, And
you don't remember where you were when you found him? No, no, sir,
I don't remember, sir. But the important thing is huh
I know, No, sir, I don't remember. You know what?
(32:32):
Give me your badge, Give me your badge, Give me
your badge, then, lieutenant, sergeant, what's going on here? What
is it? Oh, deputy deputy, Yes, sir, that's right, Yes,
their deputy, that's right. I I rank under all of you, Deputy,
what I have alpha energy? Yes, yes, sir, deputy. Where
I was just I was just dressing down this captain
(32:54):
for his uh yes, sir, for I just came back
from key and peetles all the eels gym. Oh wow, yeah,
you look great. You look great, deputy. Yeah, and then
never better. But but don't you worry. I was dressing
him down, and I was taking his badge from him.
I can give it to you. Would you like his badge? Sir? Well,
(33:14):
that would make me a captain. When I'm clearly something
about this finding this killer, then goll darn it, I'll
just do it on my own. I'll do it on
my own. On your own. You're going rogue captain, man
of your low rank. Good luck. That's the last thing
(33:39):
I ever heard my mother say. I'll accept that. Listen.
I can't let you in the gym with that idea
or a membership. You know, you have to have a
membership to go in here. So if you're not a cop,
I can't let you in. I'm I'm a full blown cop.
I'm full blown. I'm full blow your badge the holy
(34:02):
walka moley. He can I make a phone call? Do
you want to use one of our phones? Um? I
can't let you use the company phones, but you can
use my cell phone. Just don't read any of the
text messages. All right, there you go. Hello, Look at
that guys standing right there in the street in front
(34:24):
of at police station. Here's your first opportunity, kid, Sophie,
get over here. Here's your first chance, your first shitting
exam right there on that top. It's an easy target.
Come on, it's an easy target target. It's about the
fact that I don't have to shoot. I don't have
(34:47):
to shoot. What do you mean you don't have it's
shipping school. We always wait, you humans don't always have
to ship. Always do it once a day, twice if
it's special. But well, come on, no, wait a minute,
Hold on, what's a special ship? You know it's twice
(35:10):
a day. I know it's a special day because I'm
feeling very good and I'm getting a little bit of
extra stuff, and you know, out and in outcomes the
poop and incomes the pride, especially when it's too happy. Beau.
(35:30):
Oh yeah, when you get a double and nothing is
um soft, then you're very you're having a very good luck.
Out comes the poop, Sophia, thank you for being a friend.
You know what, you know what? I was once shipped
(35:53):
on by a bird that didn't shoot on me with
his butt, but ship on me with his words. And that,
oh Danny sounds like, Yeah, he's an ash cock. I'm
gonna get that bird a piece of my fist. And
(36:15):
he's the reason why our poop is white because he
started eating a lot of ice cream. Well, do you
know he tricked me once and he gave me two scoops,
straight up poops. He gave me two pop scoops, told
me it was vanilla. I said, it's vanilla. Cookies and crazy,
and I said, I usually like a Choco little base,
but I love Oreos. Incomes the pride to scoops poop. Anyway,
(36:40):
that guy's moved on now, So today what a show?
Oh my, Before any lawsuits are begun, I thought I
would go ahead and bring it to a conclusion. Thank
you also damn much for the scoops and the poops. Uh.
This has been a special to poop day and uh,
(37:01):
I think we all feel it. And along with the pride,
let's start our thanking with In fact, Jackie Gonzalaz to Ruthie, Jackie,
I wish you every day should be a two poop
special day. Uh. And then yeah, I wish that for you.
Although I often enjoy the efficiency of one. I don't
you know, I don't need to spend my life in there. No,
(37:25):
I don't need it. Thank you, Thank you for the
well wishes. Though it may everyone be regular and feel good. Um.
I am at Jackie t Ruthie on Instagram, and I
am going to listen to say that my account is
(37:48):
not a dance account yet right yet. But the further
that heat progressed, the closer we're getting to a full
on dance account. This is just a spoiler at tease
for when we advance. Um, things are gonna pop off
(38:10):
on my Instagram. I'm excited about all this legally. Thank you,
thank you, thank you for having me. Sure of course,
thank you as always to Gary Anthony Williams. I don't
know what Jackie was talking about, but I agree is
(38:31):
that close to dance account? Hey? You know people always
like Gary, where can you get? Where can I see
you on the socials? Yes, it's simple. It's my name,
Gary Anthony Williams. That's on the Instagram, Gary A. Williams.
I'm never on Twitter. It just seems like everyone's jelling
at each other. Yeah, not on Instagram that it's nothing
(38:54):
but love and dancing. Not that Jackie dearry, Not that
Jackie's account is about dancing, not yet yet. Thank you,
thank you, Mark Gagliardi, thank you, thank you. This is
a delight. Uh and thank all of you. This was
so fun. You guys don't make me laugh. We got
this with Mark and Hall on the Maximum Fun Network.
(39:16):
Blood and Treasure drops July seventeen, season two. Uh and
thanks for having me, thanks for adjusting the my and
my account is nothing and there's no dancing on any
of my social media accounts regardless of what happens in
the NBA playoffs. Um than thank you for adjusting the
blinds behind you so we sure see your faith. Well, yeah,
(39:39):
I'm a report tour would be completely a perfect until
saying thank you so much for I mean, it's always
so much fun. Everyone here is so talented. Uh yeah,
you can follow me on my socials on a tool
time and uh we we're pulling for the MAVs. Um
and maybe I'll dance, maybe I'll dance. Wow, good luck?
(40:02):
Uh two Stephen my warriors. That is all I can say. Um. Lastly,
but certainly not lastly, it's Craig Katkowski Ko damn it.
Thank you man. I feel like if I had gone
to shipping school, like it would put me in my
head so bad, like paralysis through analysis. You know, there's
(40:25):
some things that you just got to learn the natural way,
and then the more you learn different theories and stuff
like that, then you just you know, you think too much.
Uh well, learn it on God intended. Thank you so
damn much for that. Will you and Carlin be watching
any films and talking about them in podcast form anytime?
(40:46):
Soon unlikely. Solid man, that's exciting as hell. Let's thank
your engineering producers, the stars, folks that I hurt. Media,
I'm ho's Kevin Pollock. Thank you each and every damn
(41:07):
one of you for joining us, and continue to tell
everyone you've ever met him. Please write a review so
James Heene has something to do when he's done uh
today lendsing this motion picture. He keeps telling us he's
a part of um and yeah, we appreciate you. Please
be kind to each other until next time, remember to
(41:29):
gubbing
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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