May 3, 2022 • 55 mins
Two folks give Tony Robbins a couples massage.
Politician has to poo.
Cheese boys and/or girls.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, welcome back to yet another episode about for me
this I'm your host, Kevin, Yes that Kevin? What was that?
Is this really good time for each questions of yours?
Right now? Right now? To be clear, this is the
best time for us to do. Yeah, I didn't think so,
(00:24):
but I digress. Let's meet ms. See how I talk
him down. Let's be talking. Shall we go? Tick order.
Let's quickly check in with the Craig Akowski for his
late morning but too long before lunch snacks review the
cow We do record in a difficult window. Yes, ideally, Yeah,
(00:47):
I'm having lunch at noon, which is always right in
the middle of of our two episodes. We get a
time to break at noon. Usually, um my wife and
I also trying to diet right now, so she got
a bunch of a bunch of snacks, which I think,
are you know, hundred calories are less at the at
(01:10):
the whole food. So there are options in the house,
but they're they're thin, like literally like thin, mostly mostly flavors,
mostly flavorless. Yeah, so I'll let you know what I
what I picked, but I'm not gonna like it. Okay,
I'll pick for you the you know, Chris and I
(01:34):
were on the Osborne Was it Robert Osborne? Is that right? Yeah?
And I've recently tried the Atkins as well. Shockingly great
and very very very low sugar and carbon super low. Alright,
that's all I got for you. Oh my, there's Jack
eagans All at the Root. JACKO, what seafood best describes
(01:55):
your current mood? Oh? Well, I would say I've immediately grouper.
That's what came to my heart. Not not happy as
a clam, no trooper, um, it just it's what came
to me. So I have to follow my gut and
and believe in myself. Could I pick a grouper out
(02:17):
of a lineup? I certainly couldn't. And group is also
good for your gut. Back by popular demand, here is
Chris Alvarado, Friend of the Sea. Your review please of
this season's Blowdeck Sailing Yacht. Haven't watched an episode? Okay,
that's that's strong, that's a strong, bold choice. It's wild
(02:38):
because Jessica and I we go through our you know,
our DVR list, and we're like, what's happening to us?
Why aren't we if this one just slipped through our hands?
And we love that captain. We love him. Can I
make a suggestion though, as much as we love that captain, Uh,
it's Gary. You don't need any more Gary in your life.
(02:59):
I know, I know, dude. It's like, how does he
keep getting rewarded for being such a piece of shit?
You are correct, Gary's a piece of ship for five
hundred please, Craig. Also always dieting my whole life, and
I spent a lot of time eating those flavorless bars,
and um, I just want to say I feel you.
(03:21):
I I do a lot of Laura bars. It's like,
so I just I love you and I'm just I'm
here and support with you. That's it. Sorry, thank you,
thank you. Chris. Yeah, and I'm gonna throw out that
last one to reiterate the intermittent fasting. It's made all
the difference in the world for me, not just losing
weight but keeping it off. Try not to eat after
seventh thirty at night, and then don't eat again for
(03:41):
at least nine thirty am. That's the fourteen hour stretch
where your body starts eating its own fat. I'll move
on now, drop the kids at the sinners. We got
Mark Gagliardi, Hello spaceship Earth Lover, What did you learn
from it this time? Well, as you know, I'm a
big fan of Epcot's Spaceship Earth and every time I
(04:04):
learned something new, A thing I learned this time, Well,
the thing I had found out and then confirmed this
time is that, um, a lot of the animatronics inside
that ride are based on our are reused animatronics from
the Hall of Presidents. So if you look closely, you
(04:25):
will see that working Guttenberg's printing press is a bowl
cutted and Renaissance dressed Andrew Jackson and and the monk
that is copying a Bible back in the old medieval
times area of it. Not medieval times like the restaurant,
(04:45):
medieval times like the times. Uh. Fortunately no, John Adams. Uh.
So that's what I That's what I not learned this time,
but confirmed this time. I own two eyes. I knew
there would be something, and I'm glad I asked. And last,
but leave your key with the doorman. If you think
(05:06):
of Leasa, it's James Heeny, j j Jimmy. On average,
how many minutes do you need to choose what to wear?
Each day? O? God? You know what I changed twice
before this zoom call and I turned. It turns out
I put the sweatpants I slept in back on because
(05:26):
I figured I would just decide when I was done
recording today what I was really gonna wear. So it's
it's not minutes, it's ours, Kevin, good call. I too,
am naked from the waist down. Let's do it. Well,
let me just can I just say one thing? I
am so excited, uh I, I'm gonna be taking over
Chris's and anybody. I'm gonna be reading all of the
emails and I can't wait. So you can stop saying,
(05:49):
James Heeney, don't look at this. I'm gonna be gone
filming a movie, some big deal right now, a big deal.
But I'm gonna be reading every email that comes through,
So please say hi, I'm gone nice, Yes, I I was.
I am remiss. I was meant to mention a couple
of things. One, thank you so much for those of
you who heard our cries from more uh scene suggestions.
(06:12):
You crushed it. In fact, you also crushed Chris's ability
to breathe clashed my computer and sprot So this is
an official thank you. Now kindly funk off. Remember this
is a comedy show. What I really mean to say
is thank you, We're we're good for the time being.
I want to let you know we're in need, and
(06:33):
I also want to let you know thank you, We're
we're good for the time being. And then the other
thing is that James will be taking over the reading
and responding to the emails and UH and the patron
scene suggestions. So I can't wait to see you all
have fun with that um and thank you for your
seeing suggestions. We gather them, as most of you know
(06:53):
from our listener emails or from our patron v I
P s or how comaniacs. To become a patron supporter
of the show, please please do because you get exclusive
content like bonus scenes. We record bonus scenes just for
the Patreon peeps. Also video of what the fuss is
happening right now us in the zoom and Aclamaniac level.
Several of them have been in the zoom with us.
(07:16):
More of those to come. Head on over to patron
dot com, slash alchemy this. If you'd like to submit
a scene suggestion by email, it's alchemy this email and
gmail dot com. That's acumented com. Scene one is some
patron V I P. Chase Spansky, who wrote, here is
(07:40):
a scene suggestion inspired by one of your live hangs.
Awhile back. The next live hang is, Yeah, what's usually
the last Saturday of every month? That usually it is
the last Saturday of every month if you want to
come hang live, and then if your patrons subscribe, it's
on demand later. So this sucks. He says, this scene
(08:01):
suggestion was inspired, in fact by one of those live hangs. Um,
so if they stink, you have only yourselves to blame. Okay,
two of you give Tony Robbins a couple's massage. That's
quite it's quite a twist couple's massage. But okay, thank
you for being you. Chase. Yeah, what what room am
(08:24):
I in? You're in room four twenties, sir, it's upstairs.
Well you actually you can take the elevator. Oh can Yeah,
it's a reserve for V I P. S because we
don't want the commoners to be cluttering up the elevator.
I thank you very much of your time. Can I
just tell you one thing, Yes, you are being the
(08:47):
best you that you can be right now. And oh
my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,
I had a feeling, but I didn't want to stay
until I was absolutely Douglas. Listen more, are you Tony Robbins,
I'll be baby baby. Watch I'll prove it to you.
Then just stay here with me today at work. Okay.
(09:08):
Then you'll see, you'll see, you'll see. I don't know
what you have, any suspicions. Just stay here with me
today at work and then like you'll see what I do. Okay, Yeah,
let me let me just call my work really quick
and just tell him that I can't come, and just
give me one moment. Are you gonna tell them? Okay yet?
Go go go ahead, go ahead, bank chuckey cheese, where a
(09:28):
kid can be a kid? Hey, can you put Jim
on the phone? Is this Joanne? Yeah? Joanne? Are you
calling in again? I have I have a diarrhea, Joanne?
This is your third diarrhea? This goddamn Joanne? Yes, Jim,
it's god damn Joanne. And it was diarrhea? Then then
(09:50):
would I really say it? And no one lies about diarrhea,
lie about diarrhea? Listen, what do you want me to say?
I have diarrhea, I can't come, and you don't want
all the kids to get diarrhea. And you know we
got twenty two birthdays in a year in soccer rewards ceremony.
You're on speaker. She heard all of that, and I
got to do the soccer rewards ceremony and half the birthdays. Now,
(10:12):
Joe Anne, what what is preferable? Me to show up
and help you a little bit, or me to show
up and ship in the ball pit. That's gonna be
a big problem with all those kids. You're the only
one who knows how to troubleshoot the animatrons. I'm sorry, guys, listen,
call me if you need help. I'll see if If
I'm feeling better, I'll come in. But for right now,
(10:32):
I'll I have to go. I have to use the bathroom.
A baby that was really unattractive. Oh gosh, I thought
you were going to say really good acting no, because
you just I don't want to be with a liar.
You just straight up light Wait. You asked me to
(10:53):
do this. You asked me to stay with you at
work today. I gave you the option to stay because
you think I'm I'm flirting with every shimmer we have,
and I want you to see that I'm not I'm sorry.
Are you a mussus? Yeah? Okay? And how do you
flirt with your hands? I know you you're very handsy.
I flirt with my hands, but I work with my hands,
(11:15):
and I can separate the two. I'll show you. Okay, great,
show me. I would love that. Will you put on this? This? This?
Will you put this on? I'll put on this, mock you.
It will make me more attractive to you. It's just
so that whoever comes in next you think you work here?
Oh okay, let me look at my schedule real quick? Yeah, great, perfect.
(11:39):
Oh I'm taking off my normal clothes. Oh my god,
Oh my god, oh my god. Look at who my
eleven am is. Look at this, Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins,
Are you serious? No? No, no, you know. But I've
(12:01):
never listened to him. I don't know what he sounds
like or anything. But he's uh, he's a motivational speaker. Yeah, yes,
but he's not your GurGur. No, I mean, he's not
my gurper. I've never heard of him. Well, I've heard
of him, but I've never listened to him. You don't understand, baby.
He's Piple's favorite. Like people loves him he's inspired pit
(12:23):
bulls like, I'm unattracted to you again, but you know
I love people. You know that that's a fact. This
is just as a person is unattractive, because me is
a person loves people. Now, just just just sit, just
sit and and if I asked you for oil, hand
(12:44):
me oils. Okay, okay, no problem, give me one sick Hi,
We're ready for the eleven am. I've got to tell
you that there's something really exciting that you might not realize,
but I've confirmed firsthand you're eleven am. It's Tony. Oh
(13:06):
my god, do you mind if I watch? Can I
just can I just say that to me? Let me
go get him? Let me go get him? Okay, okay,
see that was like a little bit flirtation and not
necessarily from you. But did you see how excited he was.
He was like edging about this whole endeavor edging. Yeah,
(13:27):
you know, does that mean you take it to the limit,
but you don't let yourself go. And here's Tony Robbins,
and per usual as his tradition, front desk is going
to stay and make sure everything's good here. Yes, right,
(13:48):
but both of your mind just stepping out for a second,
well I just roum all three of us, or just
to I didn't see the lady person. Yeah, the three
of you can step out the yes, of course, yes,
of course, step up so I can get under this
I'm guessing extremely soft sheet. Yeah, and you can put
(14:10):
your karate pants in your tink top um in the
wicker basket over there, and well, you know, leave your phone, wallet,
shoes all that. We will step out. Let's step out.
We're stepping out now. And we have stepped out. Oh
my god, aren't you supposed to be at like Little
Caesar's or something. Hey, I'm sorry, what's she doing? Okay, kids,
(14:33):
Chuck and the Pizza Party crew, we're going to be
starting the show at a moment now. But first of all,
how many pictures of our sea cola do we need here?
How want a piece? How bald? Am I? I'm all
the way bald as you can see. I've got alopecia.
(14:54):
Can we draw on your head? Yeah? I want to
draw on your head? Can we draw on your head? Oh? No?
Just a second, Chuck in the in the Pizza Party gang,
you're gonna start the show. You've been saying that for
half an hour. Okay, well, are you stalling? No, no,
I'm not stalling. Let me let me get some more
(15:14):
RC going here and uh and your pizzas I think
are on the way. Yeah, Jim, come here, come here.
What what the hell is going on out there? I've
got my party's going, Your parties are going. Chuck, he's
not working. We don't have joe Anne. I don't know
if we're gonna make it through this day. We're gonna
need some help. Joey knows how to fix the antim
but she's the only mechanic we have for this place.
(15:38):
I mean, I tried swapping out one of the you
know from we used to have that presidential party. No, no,
I saw you had you replaced Pasqually with I think
that was in Andrew Jackson. It could be Millard Filball.
I don't know. Forget it's sake, uh, but but it's
it's not working. Look, we gotta think of something. These
(16:00):
kids are gone, they're cheering. Joan is the only one
that can fix him. We're gonna have to find out
where her head. I'm gonna get up there and pretend
I'm one of the animatrons. I know the routine. I've
seen it so many times. I know the song by
(16:21):
Hard Okay, I I look, I have faith in you.
Now I'm up playing some hot oil too. Yeah. Can
I just make a quick suggestion? Oh yes, yeah, no
elbows huh. And let's let's remember to devoted least seventeen
minutes to just my feet of course, of course. Okay, um,
(16:47):
now if I can just have that oil? No, not
with your hands? Okay, four hands. You're feeling four hands
on you? This is special for you. Nice. I'll start
on the feet, well, is it? Okay? Okay, so you're
feeling you're feeling the pressure of six hands on your
(17:12):
Can I go without the narration? Yes, I'll shut up.
I'll shut up because what do I have to say?
Because I have a lot of self about anyway, Like
if I see something to you, I guess not going
to be helpful in this situation. Do you know what
tomorrow is? Do you know what tomorrow is? God? I don't.
What's the destination you need to let go of? All
(17:37):
you have right now is right now. He's right, He's right,
And the most important thing you can do right now
is me Wow, oh Joman, what do you leave a
smock on? What are you doing. Sorry, I don't know,
(18:00):
just Scott into a trance. Sorry. Wait, mine's coming off.
I'm taking mine off too. Should I be taking this off?
I'll be taking ourself. We're not taking our unless that's
what you normally do here, in which case, here a
lot of chadder. Sound, a lot of chadder. How are
(18:21):
the feet comings? A lot of callouses on the bottom.
He could hear us. Birthday boy and girl up, birthday girl?
Everything is fine? Birthday world childer you okay, kids, stop
(18:43):
drawing on Chuck E. Cheese's head. Jim, Jim, come here,
Come here, hey, kids, Chucky'll be right back, Jim, I
don't think it's were to take a snack break? What that?
That went? Pretty good? Right? Pretty good? Look at your head? Looking?
Come here? Look in this mirror. Do you see yourself
(19:06):
right now? I've got hair for the first time in
the year, and that has seen one seen to come
from listener Kyle, who wrote, Hey, thanks Kevin and all
for providing the laughs twice a week. I listen at
work and often don't do well at hiding my laughter.
(19:27):
I have two ideas for an episode, one straightforward, in
the other with an unnecessary preamble. So I choose the
longer run. You know those shows like Lie to Me
where they say you can see this politician is lying
because look how white his knuckles are when he grips
the podium. Well, I always think, what if he just
has to pooh? That's my scene suggestions, politician has to pooh? Thanks, senator. Senator,
(19:56):
you'll be taking taking the podium in three minutes? Yeah,
do I have like a can we make it like
six or seven minutes because I'm man need to step
out for just a second. Sorry, sir, it's now two
minutes forty one seconds. If there's anything I can get
for you, I'm gonna mike you up with your hands.
This is Jimmy's audio. We're gonna we can't like this.
(20:19):
This is going like I I might need us, So
we're going to too many think you're gonna be fine.
I'm not quite certain of that, but that's okay. It's
okay to be uncertain. It's gonna it's part of your charm. Well,
I don't know if ever you know what minute thirty,
just if I could just step out for just a moment.
We don't have a moment, sir. We're now down to
(20:40):
sixty eight minutes seconds. All right, it's it's just the
cookout that we went to earlier this afternoon. I think
I'm a big success. Big success to Saw, it was
uh to me, sir, I'd like to introduce you to
our camera operators. This is one, two and three, so
obviously you'll be looking him. Yeah, that's what she's one
(21:03):
to he's three. My name is Jules Hi Jewels. Nice
to meet you. More than a number rich. I like
to be called number one. Uh huh, well Jewels number one,
but mostly you're gonna be concentrating on number two. Senator
number is all one is number two, straight down the middle,
(21:25):
and then at the very end, when you're done with
number two, you do a little number one. And please
don't forget that we are in association with YouTube Live,
which means six point three billion people will be watching this.
Six that's the entire relation of the five four three.
Welcome to another edition of Senator Speaks. Hello there to
(21:52):
everyone out there. I'd just like to say thank you
for having me here. On go number two, number two.
All right, let's clean up this barbecue. Everybody put the tinfoils.
Oh my gosh, I think this meat spoiled. What do
you mean? Who was supposed to keep the bunching burner
(22:12):
underneath the park? I'm charge of the burners. What's the difficulty? Well,
this is supposed to be maintained hot. All this food
is probably tainted. It ain't tainted. Oh it's tainted. It
was sitting in this tinfoil thing without anything haating it
at root temperature past How did anybody eat these raw shrimp?
(22:33):
They were supposed to be cooked, but they raw? Oh
that's who would eat? Who would eat raw shrimp if
they don't know they're roll? Maybe they eat if they
were cooked. I thought that that was supposed to be
like that. That's my fault. I thought it was for
dipping in cocktails. No, oh no, do you guys think
anybody thought this thick liquid was mayonnaise and spreading on
(22:58):
it's old milk. It's just so old it's thick. Now.
Oh no, you think people thought this was mayonnaise? Why
does it have a spread and spoon in it? I
put the spreading spoon in there because I thought it
was mayonnaise. Well, I come from where you was a
spreading knob, so the spoon was weird. So I just
ate it like oz cree. Well that's fair, that's fair. Oh,
(23:24):
that's so good. That's why there are two sides of
the tracks. I like to keep Old Milk with me
at all times, so that when I'm feeling down, I
take a with event and remind myself, ain't nothing more
sour than that had a dog we named Old Milk. Oh,
I love that name. Had to put her down, Yeah,
(23:48):
she all, she was a bit sour. Like you said,
she bought somebody. Oh, she beat everybody. I don't want
to sound I don't want to sound nefarious or anything anger,
like we're trying to hide something. Hold up, did you
go to college or something? I went to I went
to college. I just I'm worried that if people see
(24:09):
that this food is maybe not in the best quality,
that we might lose our license. Well, Mr Nefarium, why
don't you worry about your own situation? Well? Hold on,
hold on. Did somebody think that these drinks in the
martini glasses were actually cosmosca? This is straight up raw
chicken juice. No, Senator, I have a question about the dump. Yeah,
(24:36):
go ahead. The dump in this city has been an
issue for years, and and I know the dump has
been on your mind. Oh, you have no idea, and
you've you've talked considerably about the dump in the in
the past. But I have two points. Can we make
them quick? Well, let me go straight to number two.
(24:58):
I'll go straight to number I really wish that that
was an option. Um. Number two is the dumb yeah
and uh, the the brown uh senator referendum that the
councilman Brown purposed. Senator Senator, I have a question for
(25:19):
you if I my my my wife, and I love
that movie Bucket List, Um, and I don't know if
you're familiar with something that the Jack Nicholson character says
in it, and he says, never trust a fart. And
I've just worshiped and and ambatted by that rule the
rest of my life. Who let this guy in here? Who? What? What? What?
(25:42):
The question? Is this? What question? Senator Tina Gillespie from
Channel four. Yes, yes, I'm familiar with your work. I
had a question about the town Fair that you made
a year round exhibit and traction. There's been a lot
(26:03):
of complaints about the flume ride in general, that the
logs are backing up and then getting pushed that's causing
whiplash and other pains and bodies. Well, look, I do
know a little something about logs backing up and causing
pain to people's bodies, and not to mention the backsplash
that happens, Hi, Senator Kyle Kyle Junior, juniper um, you know, uh,
(26:32):
the environment. The environment is a big issue for all
of us, some of us. You know when it's when
it's when when it's cold, we sweat. You know that's weird,
cold sweats just just dripping down our faces at the
wrong time of year. What what what what are we
doing about the environment? Well, well, you know, I was,
I was just discussing the environment with some of my
(26:55):
con This is Steve Schoomer from Channel five five. I
was wandering and there's a lot of questions about your health.
If you'd be willing to do some jumping, Jack's for
us right now to make sure that you're qualified and
able to work. Unfortunately, Well, I got this microphone on
(27:16):
and I don't want to damage in it part of me.
Are you Steve Scooper from Channel five Live, Yes I am.
You come to this Applebie's Yes, I do. That's so weird.
Can I can I leave my husband? For you. Uh
leave your husband for me? I'm I'm a married man,
(27:36):
and uh's below with me? You're Steve Scooper from Channel
five Live. That MPs everything. Okay, we'll sit down. I've
already ordered a two for twenty. I was gonna eat
it myself. But why don't you sit down? Can we
make it at three for thirty? Do they have it?
I don't know? I sit down, Sit down, Tracy. You're
(28:00):
leaving Jack for Steve Scooper from Channel five Live. Yeah,
so yeah, my prayers. Well, guess what. I haven't told
him yet, but I'm leaving Lenny for um Tony Robbins.
Have you ever heard of him? Tony Robbins? It rings
(28:23):
the about kind of what what's his deal? He's a
motivational speaker, for sure, and I think so is Steve.
You know, well I guess so. I guess Steve does
motivate people to you know, he does the health beat, right? Yeah,
but tell me everything everything you know about Tony Robins.
I want to hear. I want to know it all.
(28:44):
I think you don't want you like flipping through TV
and you're like, is I think this is a pastor?
You're like, oh, but it's Steve Scooper from Channel five Live. Well,
I know and it's Steve because there's a little chiron
on the bottom and he's always telling me where he's at.
I was like, but did you want to ask me
about tonyo? Did you just want to talk about Camera one?
(29:04):
Camera one, go ahead and zoom in on this bulge
that is protruding from the senators behind. I've already been
written up. That's one of the hell of a backwards bowner.
(29:25):
I don't know why it's got written h I mean,
I'm zooming in. It's a bulge, baby, and jewels here
on camera three, just ready ready to be used at
any point. Again, my name is Jules Uh, Senator. Senator.
The state flag that's been proposed, but the turtle, the
(29:45):
turtle poking is yes, I do recall that state flag. Yes. Uh.
Could you talk a little bit about about why the
importance of the turtle to to this state? Well, I
think that the given the opportunity to escape the clutches
(30:06):
of the shell, the TOTAL would do everything in its
power to evacuate the shell is quickly as possible while
still maintaining some sort of integrity as a TOTAL. That said,
Senators Tony Robbins here, Tony Robbins here, motivational speaker, Tony Robbins,
that's the one. I want to encourage you right now
(30:30):
to just let it go. Let everything you have build
up inside. I'm telling you, I give you permission, Tony.
You don't you don't know what you're asking those jumping
to Robins. I can't breathe like that, that whole let
you go. I'm gonna be honest with you at this point.
I fear that if I were to, as you all say,
(30:53):
let it go, that the uh, the shrimp porking mayo
sandwich that I had this after noon and Cosmo I
used to wash it down my return. And you know,
I've been told that vulnerability has never been my strong suit.
But I may need to let you folks in on
something right now. Talk up watching live, let's go zooming.
(31:27):
I think the Senator's crowning. Oh it's called Oh. Oh,
I really wish I had I really wish I had
not paused right then. I shouldn't. Oh you know what,
My god, this is gonna be my last day as
a senator. I haven't seen to seen to everyone that
(31:47):
was seen to see three conserts from Patrin v I P.
Lawrence Star still here. Today's suggestion is Che's boys and
or girls looking forward to it all the best. Larry
Stewart PS. If Gary Anthony Williams is on this episode,
(32:08):
I think you're easily the funniest on the crew. I
thought I would pick this one while Gary was not
here because I don't think I don't think he needs
to hear that. I don't think that's helpful to anyone's help.
Keep it down, keep it dinner, Listen up, cheese boys
and or girls you know who? Sure, and take over
our turf with is it outside? The bred boys and
(32:37):
fred boys more like dead boys? Am I right? Yeah?
Am I wrong? Mostly right? Chee boys? Everybody? Now, we
don't you don't You don't run turf with a song
(32:58):
like that and just let some mother game come in
and take our stuff? Right? Yeah? Yeah, No, I wrong.
I don't know if that was a yes or no question.
Am I wrong? I don't think there's a way to
be wrong this here? Swiss, Swiss, look at look at me,
Look at me? He's right, m carry on two, yeah,
(33:20):
we'll do we'll do gooda geting good, feeling good, feeling good.
Everyone else sounding out of your names? I don't know, Whiz.
I think that I think we should be a little
bit more cautious of these Brent boys. What do you mean?
I'm the whiz? Right? Yeah, here's the Whiz. So when
I say, goes, am, I guess I'll trust you. I
(33:41):
guess I'll trust you. Am I wrong? You? On the Wiz?
You say no to me? You said, are you wrong? I? Look?
Here's I gotta be honest with you. To Wiz. You
ask a lot of rhetorical questions that I don't know
whether the answer. Did you call me? Why didn't you
call me the whiz? You're the whiz? No? The other word,
(34:06):
the word rhetorical? Okay, you can't say that anymore? Why
why can't I say rhetorical? What's your name again? Eat them? Yeah? Alright?
Bread boys yea? And our girls, which I have to
say now due to the lawsuit to be more inclusive.
(34:27):
Uh looks like the cheese boys and our girls are
threatening our turf. But I say cheese boys, cheese toys,
chez boys. Yeah, totally, I say that too. Uh So
what are we gonna do about it? What do you think? Right? Beat?
(34:49):
Up Jesus. Oh yeah, I say beat him up. I say,
I say, put the holes in them where they weren't
expecting it. Make them all look like Swiss cheese. That's
what I say. Nice, nice, pumper Nickel. You were gonna
say something, Yeah I was. I mean I was eat
him up. What I'm sorry, you know I can't shut
(35:12):
my my trap. Sorry, no, boss man, What do you
got though? Why don't we just fun do with the
whole fucking lot of them? Oh yeah, I'm talking burning
down the whole fucking village. Oh yeah, look you know
I I'm I'm on your side, believe me. But they've
(35:35):
got you know, they've got a celebrity spokesperson. Now, Bree
Larson is uh oh wonder, come on, Oh they got
Brie Larson. We got nobody. Boss. You said you had
a personal relationship with Larry Loaves, and we haven't seen.
We haven't as big a deal as Bree large. He's
a Carson, used cars, he got commercial I know who
(35:58):
he is. Just go talk to him. It'll help our
it'll help us, all right. Hey, Larry, you come in
for a car. You get a car. Larry Loaves is
gonna get you a car. You'll come in, sit right
down here. Say you're the fellow from that bread group
of boys and or girls, aren't you? Yeah? Yeah, yeah
(36:21):
we we we talked a couple of weeks ago. I
don't know if you remember. Sure, Sure, I can put
you in a nice sedan right now. Look, Uh, we're
we're more concerned about fighting for our turf and uh,
you know, the the cheese people are kind of infringing
on it. Hold on, let me shut this office door. Look,
(36:44):
you come in here every few weeks thinking that I'm
going to be some sort of celebrity spokesperson if you.
First of all, I didn't know that gangs even needed
celebrity spokespeople, and it wasn't even a big deal until
Captain Marvel decided she was gonna come down and be
the celebrity spokesperson for the cheese boys and girl exactly.
I just I've got to be honest with you. I
(37:04):
don't know if I'm the guy you're looking for now.
I mean, your your last name is Loaves. Come on, no,
I get it, But do you understand I'm trying to
run a business here. Now I can pick you in
a sensible SATURNA s l two from with low mileage.
But what I can't do is endorsed violence the same
(37:27):
way that Bree Larson can. Well. Look, we don't like violence,
you know, any more than anyone. But you know when
a turf is is in dispute, and when it's bread
turf established for years, and when the cheese people pump nickel. Look,
you know I'm the whiz, and you know our gangs
(37:49):
wouldn't take too kindly to this union of ours. But
I love you. I love you so much. Okay, where
are you going with this? We either got to run
away together or we gotta end this though you had
me run away. That's it. We're gonna leave our games. Well,
(38:11):
I think it's an option to the order for us
to be together and be happy, right, because there's no
way we could come together, right. That doesn't make sense
if we had a union, a meeting. Uh, you know,
cheese and bread. That's crazy talk. I I'm losing my mind.
I'm a wait a second, wait a second, because I've
heard I've received a couple of emails and one text
(38:33):
from someone calling themselves condiments. So maybe we bring them
into the conversation with cheese and bread next thing. We
know magic where the condiment is that I don't talk
to them. You don't know. I don't know. But if
I response, if I respond once, I think we're gonna
(38:54):
find out, you know what. Let me just hit this
text back real quick. Wait are you calling? He says
he's at the door. No, I gotta pink. He says,
he's at the door. This condiments. Wait, Hold all right,
hold on, hold on, hold on. This is feeling crazy.
So you're telling me I just brought this up and
now all of a sudden, the condiment he's here. Now
(39:15):
I'm gonna say they. I might have spoke when I
said he said they they they are here? All right?
Let me hey you condiments A Mayo? What's the Uh
that's a little too specific. What do you mean it's
too specific? I'm part of the condiments. Are you the
(39:35):
one I've been texting with? Hell? Yeah, go ahead, text
me in my phone room right now. No, I have
no reason not to believe you, So come on in.
You said, Mayo, Mayo, that's my name? Okay, Now you
putting on a voice right now? Or is that what
are you talking? I'm a condiment Mayo. Okay, that's cut.
The crap, Mayo, I'm with you might have heard of
(39:56):
me I write, or girls. I gotta be honest, alas
thought that you should have been with us anyways. I mean,
you're kind of just a condiment. But you think you're
so spahial. You think cheese is kind of just a condiment.
You're putting it on Papa other things to make it better. Right,
but you think you said about meat, no meets the meats.
(40:21):
Don't mess with the meats. They don't put that neck
to the neck. Come on, it was neat spoons, baby,
may it was neat spoons. You're talking about a spreading spoon.
I'm talking about a spread and spoon. Sense to me? Alright, alright, alright, alright, Look,
obviously you run a big part of this of this neighborhood.
(40:41):
We run a big part of this neighborhood. And the bread,
the bread's run a big part of this statement. There's
a lot of exposition here. I'm just trying to say,
is either we all kill each other or we all
joined forces. What do you say? I think we should
join forces? But I told you were smart. Wi. Yeah,
this is the guy. I love you. I love you too,
(41:02):
all right? Why don't we all go talk to our
own gangs. Move this plot forward? What do you say?
All right? That was good? Yeah, let's beat him up,
pop off. I don't want him that. Look we were
now we've got we've got condiments are in the mix,
(41:23):
and uh, you know soon meets are gonna get involved.
You know, we gotta nip this bud while it's still
not a full flower. Um Ms Larson, Mr Lows. Your
table is spread over here, We've got you in the
back in the dark, as you requested. That's that's fantastic.
(41:45):
This is a real treat, real treat. I gotta say,
pleasure to meet you. Sorry, it's under these circumstances of
gang warfare. Really unfortunate, really unford it is. But but
big fan, big fan of my um theatrical releases are
my ten million commercials. Actually, if you're gang running, thank you.
(42:08):
Oh yes, since they brought you in, it's been it's
it's been really remarkable what Cheese has been able to handle.
I mean, of course, I love Captain Marvel. Who didn't
love Captain Marvel? And commercials are great, But I love
the career. It really is everything that you've done as
a as a gang spokesperson. Well that's the thing. I
thought I was coming in as a spokesperson, and then
(42:29):
I kind of took over as a bit of a
boss and I liked that. Yeah, well you you can
do whatever you want. A new role, you know, it
was a new role to take on. It was a
new It was a evolution of my character. Hi, do
you too? Would you prefer flat water or spark Oh?
My god, can I ask you a question? Ms Larson?
(42:49):
Do you really drive that car? I personally, that's too
many qualifiers. I'll take it as a no. But listen,
do you want sparkling? Or are flat sparkling? Sparkling? But hey,
um listen, you need to keep that between us. Okay,
Oh my telling place and you, sir, what would you
(43:10):
like sparkling? Look, sparkling sounds great. Just bring us the
big bottle and we'll split it. Okay. And so would
you drive her car? Sir? Would I drive her car?
You know what? Funny you should mention cars if either
of you is interested in a late model Ford Bronco.
I just got to on the lot. How late of
(43:34):
a model about we're talking we're talking early two thousand's
before they switched the headlights as long as not the
ninety four Bronco, because we all know what that is.
The breads are gonna eat some cheese tonight. Cheese boys,
lovely girl also gonna have our way with these tonight
(44:00):
is con Wait everyone, please, before the rumble starts. Before
the rumble starts. I just drove over here in a
Plymouth Voyager with Brier, and she has something she would
like to say. That's right, the bread boys and or
(44:22):
girls and the cheese boys and or girls a combining
right here. As long as the meats don't show up,
we're fine. And Brie Larson has something she'd like to
say to everyone who Hello everyone, I want to give
you all a hand, yes, because you relieved in yourselves
(44:44):
and you've caught my good fight. But now it's time
to join hands and become one. Ms Larson. I see
bologney is sticking out of your top. What the hell
it's is, lars the type of um? Please don't stare
(45:10):
at what's underneath my top? Sorry, sorry I am I
think you guys. She's joined together, Larsen. I see PASTRAMI
is falling under your but Senator Larsen. Recently and some
(45:31):
bologny poking out just a little from from the top
of do know the feeling if if you could comment
on that, well, look a little bit. And also that
the gang warfare that's going on in this town between meats, cheeses, condiments,
and bread. Well, look, the city has been has been
(45:55):
inundated with all kinds of foods that may not go
well together. And when they all combine in one place
a a street, corner, or a stomach and they begin churning,
things can go to ship pretty quickly, he said. Ship.
(46:17):
Uh ms, Larson, you understand here at this car company,
we can't have any ties to gain activity. Absolutely Okay,
so we're gonna have to let you go. Well, I
just want to talk to you for a second because
think about you know, who do you want to let go?
Do you want to let go Bree Larson? Or do
(46:37):
you want to let go who I am during your commercials,
which is um Patina Wendel Stock. You know that's that's
who I am when I'm doing those commercials. You know,
that's the my backstory. There's you know, like I was
adopted and I found my real I'm saying, let's see
what we're saying well you can see the board is
(46:59):
behind me. Board. Now do we think there's some merrit
to the idea that maybe Breed Larson isn't selling our cars,
Bree Larson affiliated with gangs and instead we have Petina
Bendel socks? What killer? What Steve Jesus Christ. I think
(47:23):
what we're saying is maybe her character, her character isn't
affiliated with the gang. Is that right, Miss Larson? That's right,
the character isn't. But if you are really you know,
interested in decapitating me? Oh question, follow up question if
I made from Ms Larson? Okay, this character that you're
portraying during the commercial, Patina, if I'm to understand, it's
(47:48):
Bettina that's the sort of obnoxious uh smile and not you. Um,
that's a tremendous relief if that's the case. Yeah, I
mean because because really me, it's almost a sneer that
your character is doing as as a way of appearing charming. Yeah. Yeah,
(48:10):
And I talk a little unnaturally, and that's on purpose
because it's not me talking, it's betweena Wendells. Could we
decapitate that character because that's the that's that's what I
think that makes sense? You know, Um, I see what
you're saying because I'm I'm delivering it to you as
two separate people. But at the end of the day,
(48:32):
it's one body. We can't we can't hear you. The
salami coming out of your mouth? Is that is our
for today? Oh salami? Jombo. Let's thank all of our alchemists,
starting with Patina, Jackie Dollars to Ruthing. Thank you very
(48:53):
much for every damn thing. And where might folks find
you other than right here with us right here? Um? Yes,
thank you for having me. I'm I'm at Jackie Truthee
on Instagram and that's you know, I have some fun
on there, Okay? Is that where we'll find your latest
(49:13):
wears short films? Whatnot? Exactly? And now that you mention it, yes,
our short film Lump just became an official selection of
the Portland's Comedies look Out now, look out now? Is
there a more hit placed in Portland? I heard this
(49:35):
one is a fun one, um, and it's actually going
to be in person so we can that'll be fun
and maybe we'll win another award, I don't know. Congratulations
by the way, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mark Gagliardi, you too
have something to mention to everyone in terms of viewing pleasure,
don't you well listening pleasure, I've got we got this
(49:57):
with Mark and Howe on the Act, some Fun Network
weekly episodes dropping. You've of course been on there, um
and uh, season two Blood and Treasure coming out soon.
We're still using the release date. We're still saying soon.
So season two coming to CBS very soon. And CBS
of course stands for the Carol Burnett System. Thank you
(50:22):
your Salvado. I had to look up who Bree Larson was.
I had to look that up. That is that's a joke.
That's fair. She's Kennedy Award. When are You probably saw that,
but I don't recognize her from anything, honestly, Captain Martin,
but I've never seen that. That's fine about a car
commercial that Jackie hates whatever I auditioned for that? What car? Yeah, Jackie,
(50:46):
you must know you're a little I don't know. I
don't know. It comes up so much, but I don't
love the commercial very much. But there have been thousands.
You're right for this car, and it does not bode
well that none of us remember the may Grandma Um. Otherwise, though,
having a good time, had fun, today, and uh, that's that.
(51:08):
And hey, and I'm excited for you guys to start
sending your suggestions to James. I mean, obviously it's still
to the Patreon or Alchemy this email at gmail dot com,
but James will be taking over the suggestion duties for
a second, so have Adam. Also for those who have asked,
a few of you have where the f is Joey Um,
he asked, uh permission which was a bit more than
(51:31):
what was necessary, but to take a little time off
to devote his creative juices. And I think you all
know what I mean by that, because we're talking about
Joey is semen um to two very pressing projects, and
of course that that that's the sort of policy here
with the Alchemist. My goodness, yes Um, one of our
(51:55):
founding members who I'm sure you all remember, uh, Vanessa
raglan Um had to bow out an order to venee
I've forgotten better wow Um to start and running now
historically popular and successful theater in the greater Los Angeles area.
(52:17):
So thank you for your concern. I've passed it along
to Joey, who who to this day successfully also continues
to eat his income. And he'll respond, he'll respond to
time time in his own way. Uh, James Eny, thank
you for being here. Thanks for having me actually speaking
(52:37):
at Joey career. Let me just say he's been working
really hard on one project that has You can find
it on Spotify and I totally suggest you check it out.
It's called American Curiosity and it's got Vanessa in there,
and I think there's only one episode that's been released,
but it's a very curated Uh, you should just check
(52:57):
it out. It's so cool, it's so awesome. He's been
working hard on that. I know that's one of the
things that's been on his plate. But you know, I
can't wait to read all of the suggestions and things
that come into the Patreon email and Gmail. But I
also miss getting those awesome, awesome letters through the rating system,
(53:18):
Like you gotta give us, you gotta give us a
good rating. I mean, rate us however you like, but
if you're listening to the end of the podcast, my
guess is it's five stars. Please give us a rating
on iTunes. Oh, however you get your podcasts. Uh. And last,
but way not least, Mr craig Kowski Nissans, I'm a
(53:44):
big fan of Breen Larson in general, I just don't
you know, and I think that came across Jackie, wouldn't
her endorsement for gang Warfare? Decent actress? Also like great
time to bring up John Montague, the teen century British
uh lord who you know, played constantly at the gaming
(54:06):
table and therefore didn't have time to take a full meal,
and so he would ask for, you know, some combination
of breads and cheeses and meats to be brought to him.
And then everybody would say, because he was the earl
of sandwich, everybody would say, give me the same as sandwich.
And to this day that's, uh, that's why we call
(54:26):
it a sandwich. That's awesome to this day. About that,
I mean, I'm it might change in the future, but
right now we're calling that a sandwich. Well, there are
there are a few to this day's I'd like to
bring one to everyone's attention. There are almost zero, almost
so less than one floor thirteen has marked in an
(54:49):
elevator of your hotel that you'll be staying in. That's
our country. Still no, because you know it might be
bad luck. Anyhow, Let's thank our producer and engineer to
the stars, Mr Doug, the fine folks that I hurt Media.
(55:13):
I'm your host, Kevin Pollack, thanking each and every day
one of these so very very much and sincerely for
your support. You're listening, ears, however, You're consuming this particular thing,
and continue to tell everyone you've ever met, and please,
oh please be hind you each other. It is the
strong choice. Until next time, O.
Well, welcome back to yet another episode about for me
this I'm your host, Kevin, Yes that Kevin? What was that?
Is this really good time for each questions of yours?
Right now? Right now? To be clear, this is the
best time for us to do. Yeah, I didn't think so,
(00:24):
but I digress. Let's meet ms. See how I talk
him down. Let's be talking. Shall we go? Tick order.
Let's quickly check in with the Craig Akowski for his
late morning but too long before lunch snacks review the
cow We do record in a difficult window. Yes, ideally, Yeah,
(00:47):
I'm having lunch at noon, which is always right in
the middle of of our two episodes. We get a
time to break at noon. Usually, um my wife and
I also trying to diet right now, so she got
a bunch of a bunch of snacks, which I think,
are you know, hundred calories are less at the at
(01:10):
the whole food. So there are options in the house,
but they're they're thin, like literally like thin, mostly mostly flavors,
mostly flavorless. Yeah, so I'll let you know what I
what I picked, but I'm not gonna like it. Okay,
I'll pick for you the you know, Chris and I
(01:34):
were on the Osborne Was it Robert Osborne? Is that right? Yeah?
And I've recently tried the Atkins as well. Shockingly great
and very very very low sugar and carbon super low. Alright,
that's all I got for you. Oh my, there's Jack
eagans All at the Root. JACKO, what seafood best describes
(01:55):
your current mood? Oh? Well, I would say I've immediately grouper.
That's what came to my heart. Not not happy as
a clam, no trooper, um, it just it's what came
to me. So I have to follow my gut and
and believe in myself. Could I pick a grouper out
(02:17):
of a lineup? I certainly couldn't. And group is also
good for your gut. Back by popular demand, here is
Chris Alvarado, Friend of the Sea. Your review please of
this season's Blowdeck Sailing Yacht. Haven't watched an episode? Okay,
that's that's strong, that's a strong, bold choice. It's wild
(02:38):
because Jessica and I we go through our you know,
our DVR list, and we're like, what's happening to us?
Why aren't we if this one just slipped through our hands?
And we love that captain. We love him. Can I
make a suggestion though, as much as we love that captain, Uh,
it's Gary. You don't need any more Gary in your life.
(02:59):
I know, I know, dude. It's like, how does he
keep getting rewarded for being such a piece of shit?
You are correct, Gary's a piece of ship for five
hundred please, Craig. Also always dieting my whole life, and
I spent a lot of time eating those flavorless bars,
and um, I just want to say I feel you.
(03:21):
I I do a lot of Laura bars. It's like,
so I just I love you and I'm just I'm
here and support with you. That's it. Sorry, thank you,
thank you. Chris. Yeah, and I'm gonna throw out that
last one to reiterate the intermittent fasting. It's made all
the difference in the world for me, not just losing
weight but keeping it off. Try not to eat after
seventh thirty at night, and then don't eat again for
(03:41):
at least nine thirty am. That's the fourteen hour stretch
where your body starts eating its own fat. I'll move
on now, drop the kids at the sinners. We got
Mark Gagliardi, Hello spaceship Earth Lover, What did you learn
from it this time? Well, as you know, I'm a
big fan of Epcot's Spaceship Earth and every time I
(04:04):
learned something new, A thing I learned this time, Well,
the thing I had found out and then confirmed this
time is that, um, a lot of the animatronics inside
that ride are based on our are reused animatronics from
the Hall of Presidents. So if you look closely, you
(04:25):
will see that working Guttenberg's printing press is a bowl
cutted and Renaissance dressed Andrew Jackson and and the monk
that is copying a Bible back in the old medieval
times area of it. Not medieval times like the restaurant,
(04:45):
medieval times like the times. Uh. Fortunately no, John Adams. Uh.
So that's what I That's what I not learned this time,
but confirmed this time. I own two eyes. I knew
there would be something, and I'm glad I asked. And last,
but leave your key with the doorman. If you think
(05:06):
of Leasa, it's James Heeny, j j Jimmy. On average,
how many minutes do you need to choose what to wear?
Each day? O? God? You know what I changed twice
before this zoom call and I turned. It turns out
I put the sweatpants I slept in back on because
(05:26):
I figured I would just decide when I was done
recording today what I was really gonna wear. So it's
it's not minutes, it's ours, Kevin, good call. I too,
am naked from the waist down. Let's do it. Well,
let me just can I just say one thing? I
am so excited, uh I, I'm gonna be taking over
Chris's and anybody. I'm gonna be reading all of the
emails and I can't wait. So you can stop saying,
(05:49):
James Heeney, don't look at this. I'm gonna be gone
filming a movie, some big deal right now, a big deal.
But I'm gonna be reading every email that comes through,
So please say hi, I'm gone nice, Yes, I I was.
I am remiss. I was meant to mention a couple
of things. One, thank you so much for those of
you who heard our cries from more uh scene suggestions.
(06:12):
You crushed it. In fact, you also crushed Chris's ability
to breathe clashed my computer and sprot So this is
an official thank you. Now kindly funk off. Remember this
is a comedy show. What I really mean to say
is thank you, We're we're good for the time being.
I want to let you know we're in need, and
(06:33):
I also want to let you know thank you, We're
we're good for the time being. And then the other
thing is that James will be taking over the reading
and responding to the emails and UH and the patron
scene suggestions. So I can't wait to see you all
have fun with that um and thank you for your
seeing suggestions. We gather them, as most of you know
(06:53):
from our listener emails or from our patron v I
P s or how comaniacs. To become a patron supporter
of the show, please please do because you get exclusive
content like bonus scenes. We record bonus scenes just for
the Patreon peeps. Also video of what the fuss is
happening right now us in the zoom and Aclamaniac level.
Several of them have been in the zoom with us.
(07:16):
More of those to come. Head on over to patron
dot com, slash alchemy this. If you'd like to submit
a scene suggestion by email, it's alchemy this email and
gmail dot com. That's acumented com. Scene one is some
patron V I P. Chase Spansky, who wrote, here is
(07:40):
a scene suggestion inspired by one of your live hangs.
Awhile back. The next live hang is, Yeah, what's usually
the last Saturday of every month? That usually it is
the last Saturday of every month if you want to
come hang live, and then if your patrons subscribe, it's
on demand later. So this sucks. He says, this scene
(08:01):
suggestion was inspired, in fact by one of those live hangs. Um,
so if they stink, you have only yourselves to blame. Okay,
two of you give Tony Robbins a couple's massage. That's
quite it's quite a twist couple's massage. But okay, thank
you for being you. Chase. Yeah, what what room am
(08:24):
I in? You're in room four twenties, sir, it's upstairs.
Well you actually you can take the elevator. Oh can Yeah,
it's a reserve for V I P. S because we
don't want the commoners to be cluttering up the elevator.
I thank you very much of your time. Can I
just tell you one thing, Yes, you are being the
(08:47):
best you that you can be right now. And oh
my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,
I had a feeling, but I didn't want to stay
until I was absolutely Douglas. Listen more, are you Tony Robbins,
I'll be baby baby. Watch I'll prove it to you.
Then just stay here with me today at work. Okay.
(09:08):
Then you'll see, you'll see, you'll see. I don't know
what you have, any suspicions. Just stay here with me
today at work and then like you'll see what I do. Okay, Yeah,
let me let me just call my work really quick
and just tell him that I can't come, and just
give me one moment. Are you gonna tell them? Okay yet?
Go go go ahead, go ahead, bank chuckey cheese, where a
(09:28):
kid can be a kid? Hey, can you put Jim
on the phone? Is this Joanne? Yeah? Joanne? Are you
calling in again? I have I have a diarrhea, Joanne?
This is your third diarrhea? This goddamn Joanne? Yes, Jim,
it's god damn Joanne. And it was diarrhea? Then then
(09:50):
would I really say it? And no one lies about diarrhea,
lie about diarrhea? Listen, what do you want me to say?
I have diarrhea, I can't come, and you don't want
all the kids to get diarrhea. And you know we
got twenty two birthdays in a year in soccer rewards ceremony.
You're on speaker. She heard all of that, and I
got to do the soccer rewards ceremony and half the birthdays. Now,
(10:12):
Joe Anne, what what is preferable? Me to show up
and help you a little bit, or me to show
up and ship in the ball pit. That's gonna be
a big problem with all those kids. You're the only
one who knows how to troubleshoot the animatrons. I'm sorry, guys, listen,
call me if you need help. I'll see if If
I'm feeling better, I'll come in. But for right now,
(10:32):
I'll I have to go. I have to use the bathroom.
A baby that was really unattractive. Oh gosh, I thought
you were going to say really good acting no, because
you just I don't want to be with a liar.
You just straight up light Wait. You asked me to
(10:53):
do this. You asked me to stay with you at
work today. I gave you the option to stay because
you think I'm I'm flirting with every shimmer we have,
and I want you to see that I'm not I'm sorry.
Are you a mussus? Yeah? Okay? And how do you
flirt with your hands? I know you you're very handsy.
I flirt with my hands, but I work with my hands,
(11:15):
and I can separate the two. I'll show you. Okay, great,
show me. I would love that. Will you put on this? This? This?
Will you put this on? I'll put on this, mock you.
It will make me more attractive to you. It's just
so that whoever comes in next you think you work here?
Oh okay, let me look at my schedule real quick? Yeah, great, perfect.
(11:39):
Oh I'm taking off my normal clothes. Oh my god,
Oh my god, oh my god. Look at who my
eleven am is. Look at this, Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins,
Are you serious? No? No, no, you know. But I've
(12:01):
never listened to him. I don't know what he sounds
like or anything. But he's uh, he's a motivational speaker. Yeah, yes,
but he's not your GurGur. No, I mean, he's not
my gurper. I've never heard of him. Well, I've heard
of him, but I've never listened to him. You don't understand, baby.
He's Piple's favorite. Like people loves him he's inspired pit
(12:23):
bulls like, I'm unattracted to you again, but you know
I love people. You know that that's a fact. This
is just as a person is unattractive, because me is
a person loves people. Now, just just just sit, just
sit and and if I asked you for oil, hand
(12:44):
me oils. Okay, okay, no problem, give me one sick Hi,
We're ready for the eleven am. I've got to tell
you that there's something really exciting that you might not realize,
but I've confirmed firsthand you're eleven am. It's Tony. Oh
(13:06):
my god, do you mind if I watch? Can I
just can I just say that to me? Let me
go get him? Let me go get him? Okay, okay,
see that was like a little bit flirtation and not
necessarily from you. But did you see how excited he was.
He was like edging about this whole endeavor edging. Yeah,
(13:27):
you know, does that mean you take it to the limit,
but you don't let yourself go. And here's Tony Robbins,
and per usual as his tradition, front desk is going
to stay and make sure everything's good here. Yes, right,
(13:48):
but both of your mind just stepping out for a second,
well I just roum all three of us, or just
to I didn't see the lady person. Yeah, the three
of you can step out the yes, of course, yes,
of course, step up so I can get under this
I'm guessing extremely soft sheet. Yeah, and you can put
(14:10):
your karate pants in your tink top um in the
wicker basket over there, and well, you know, leave your phone, wallet,
shoes all that. We will step out. Let's step out.
We're stepping out now. And we have stepped out. Oh
my god, aren't you supposed to be at like Little
Caesar's or something. Hey, I'm sorry, what's she doing? Okay, kids,
(14:33):
Chuck and the Pizza Party crew, we're going to be
starting the show at a moment now. But first of all,
how many pictures of our sea cola do we need here?
How want a piece? How bald? Am I? I'm all
the way bald as you can see. I've got alopecia.
(14:54):
Can we draw on your head? Yeah? I want to
draw on your head? Can we draw on your head? Oh? No?
Just a second, Chuck in the in the Pizza Party gang,
you're gonna start the show. You've been saying that for
half an hour. Okay, well, are you stalling? No, no,
I'm not stalling. Let me let me get some more
(15:14):
RC going here and uh and your pizzas I think
are on the way. Yeah, Jim, come here, come here.
What what the hell is going on out there? I've
got my party's going, Your parties are going. Chuck, he's
not working. We don't have joe Anne. I don't know
if we're gonna make it through this day. We're gonna
need some help. Joey knows how to fix the antim
but she's the only mechanic we have for this place.
(15:38):
I mean, I tried swapping out one of the you
know from we used to have that presidential party. No, no,
I saw you had you replaced Pasqually with I think
that was in Andrew Jackson. It could be Millard Filball.
I don't know. Forget it's sake, uh, but but it's
it's not working. Look, we gotta think of something. These
(16:00):
kids are gone, they're cheering. Joan is the only one
that can fix him. We're gonna have to find out
where her head. I'm gonna get up there and pretend
I'm one of the animatrons. I know the routine. I've
seen it so many times. I know the song by
(16:21):
Hard Okay, I I look, I have faith in you.
Now I'm up playing some hot oil too. Yeah. Can
I just make a quick suggestion? Oh yes, yeah, no
elbows huh. And let's let's remember to devoted least seventeen
minutes to just my feet of course, of course. Okay, um,
(16:47):
now if I can just have that oil? No, not
with your hands? Okay, four hands. You're feeling four hands
on you? This is special for you. Nice. I'll start
on the feet, well, is it? Okay? Okay, so you're
feeling you're feeling the pressure of six hands on your
(17:12):
Can I go without the narration? Yes, I'll shut up.
I'll shut up because what do I have to say?
Because I have a lot of self about anyway, Like
if I see something to you, I guess not going
to be helpful in this situation. Do you know what
tomorrow is? Do you know what tomorrow is? God? I don't.
What's the destination you need to let go of? All
(17:37):
you have right now is right now. He's right, He's right,
And the most important thing you can do right now
is me Wow, oh Joman, what do you leave a
smock on? What are you doing. Sorry, I don't know,
(18:00):
just Scott into a trance. Sorry. Wait, mine's coming off.
I'm taking mine off too. Should I be taking this off?
I'll be taking ourself. We're not taking our unless that's
what you normally do here, in which case, here a
lot of chadder. Sound, a lot of chadder. How are
(18:21):
the feet comings? A lot of callouses on the bottom.
He could hear us. Birthday boy and girl up, birthday girl?
Everything is fine? Birthday world childer you okay, kids, stop
(18:43):
drawing on Chuck E. Cheese's head. Jim, Jim, come here,
Come here, hey, kids, Chucky'll be right back, Jim, I
don't think it's were to take a snack break? What that?
That went? Pretty good? Right? Pretty good? Look at your head? Looking?
Come here? Look in this mirror. Do you see yourself
(19:06):
right now? I've got hair for the first time in
the year, and that has seen one seen to come
from listener Kyle, who wrote, Hey, thanks Kevin and all
for providing the laughs twice a week. I listen at
work and often don't do well at hiding my laughter.
(19:27):
I have two ideas for an episode, one straightforward, in
the other with an unnecessary preamble. So I choose the
longer run. You know those shows like Lie to Me
where they say you can see this politician is lying
because look how white his knuckles are when he grips
the podium. Well, I always think, what if he just
has to pooh? That's my scene suggestions, politician has to pooh? Thanks, senator. Senator,
(19:56):
you'll be taking taking the podium in three minutes? Yeah,
do I have like a can we make it like
six or seven minutes because I'm man need to step
out for just a second. Sorry, sir, it's now two
minutes forty one seconds. If there's anything I can get
for you, I'm gonna mike you up with your hands.
This is Jimmy's audio. We're gonna we can't like this.
(20:19):
This is going like I I might need us, So
we're going to too many think you're gonna be fine.
I'm not quite certain of that, but that's okay. It's
okay to be uncertain. It's gonna it's part of your charm. Well,
I don't know if ever you know what minute thirty,
just if I could just step out for just a moment.
We don't have a moment, sir. We're now down to
(20:40):
sixty eight minutes seconds. All right, it's it's just the
cookout that we went to earlier this afternoon. I think
I'm a big success. Big success to Saw, it was
uh to me, sir, I'd like to introduce you to
our camera operators. This is one, two and three, so
obviously you'll be looking him. Yeah, that's what she's one
(21:03):
to he's three. My name is Jules Hi Jewels. Nice
to meet you. More than a number rich. I like
to be called number one. Uh huh, well Jewels number one,
but mostly you're gonna be concentrating on number two. Senator
number is all one is number two, straight down the middle,
(21:25):
and then at the very end, when you're done with
number two, you do a little number one. And please
don't forget that we are in association with YouTube Live,
which means six point three billion people will be watching this.
Six that's the entire relation of the five four three.
Welcome to another edition of Senator Speaks. Hello there to
(21:52):
everyone out there. I'd just like to say thank you
for having me here. On go number two, number two.
All right, let's clean up this barbecue. Everybody put the tinfoils.
Oh my gosh, I think this meat spoiled. What do
you mean? Who was supposed to keep the bunching burner
(22:12):
underneath the park? I'm charge of the burners. What's the difficulty? Well,
this is supposed to be maintained hot. All this food
is probably tainted. It ain't tainted. Oh it's tainted. It
was sitting in this tinfoil thing without anything haating it
at root temperature past How did anybody eat these raw shrimp?
(22:33):
They were supposed to be cooked, but they raw? Oh
that's who would eat? Who would eat raw shrimp if
they don't know they're roll? Maybe they eat if they
were cooked. I thought that that was supposed to be
like that. That's my fault. I thought it was for
dipping in cocktails. No, oh no, do you guys think
anybody thought this thick liquid was mayonnaise and spreading on
(22:58):
it's old milk. It's just so old it's thick. Now.
Oh no, you think people thought this was mayonnaise? Why
does it have a spread and spoon in it? I
put the spreading spoon in there because I thought it
was mayonnaise. Well, I come from where you was a
spreading knob, so the spoon was weird. So I just
ate it like oz cree. Well that's fair, that's fair. Oh,
(23:24):
that's so good. That's why there are two sides of
the tracks. I like to keep Old Milk with me
at all times, so that when I'm feeling down, I
take a with event and remind myself, ain't nothing more
sour than that had a dog we named Old Milk. Oh,
I love that name. Had to put her down, Yeah,
(23:48):
she all, she was a bit sour. Like you said,
she bought somebody. Oh, she beat everybody. I don't want
to sound I don't want to sound nefarious or anything anger,
like we're trying to hide something. Hold up, did you
go to college or something? I went to I went
to college. I just I'm worried that if people see
(24:09):
that this food is maybe not in the best quality,
that we might lose our license. Well, Mr Nefarium, why
don't you worry about your own situation? Well? Hold on,
hold on. Did somebody think that these drinks in the
martini glasses were actually cosmosca? This is straight up raw
chicken juice. No, Senator, I have a question about the dump. Yeah,
(24:36):
go ahead. The dump in this city has been an
issue for years, and and I know the dump has
been on your mind. Oh, you have no idea, and
you've you've talked considerably about the dump in the in
the past. But I have two points. Can we make
them quick? Well, let me go straight to number two.
(24:58):
I'll go straight to number I really wish that that
was an option. Um. Number two is the dumb yeah
and uh, the the brown uh senator referendum that the
councilman Brown purposed. Senator Senator, I have a question for
(25:19):
you if I my my my wife, and I love
that movie Bucket List, Um, and I don't know if
you're familiar with something that the Jack Nicholson character says
in it, and he says, never trust a fart. And
I've just worshiped and and ambatted by that rule the
rest of my life. Who let this guy in here? Who? What? What? What?
(25:42):
The question? Is this? What question? Senator Tina Gillespie from
Channel four. Yes, yes, I'm familiar with your work. I
had a question about the town Fair that you made
a year round exhibit and traction. There's been a lot
(26:03):
of complaints about the flume ride in general, that the
logs are backing up and then getting pushed that's causing
whiplash and other pains and bodies. Well, look, I do
know a little something about logs backing up and causing
pain to people's bodies, and not to mention the backsplash
that happens, Hi, Senator Kyle Kyle Junior, juniper um, you know, uh,
(26:32):
the environment. The environment is a big issue for all
of us, some of us. You know when it's when
it's when when it's cold, we sweat. You know that's weird,
cold sweats just just dripping down our faces at the
wrong time of year. What what what what are we
doing about the environment? Well, well, you know, I was,
I was just discussing the environment with some of my
(26:55):
con This is Steve Schoomer from Channel five five. I
was wandering and there's a lot of questions about your health.
If you'd be willing to do some jumping, Jack's for
us right now to make sure that you're qualified and
able to work. Unfortunately, Well, I got this microphone on
(27:16):
and I don't want to damage in it part of me.
Are you Steve Scooper from Channel five Live, Yes I am.
You come to this Applebie's Yes, I do. That's so weird.
Can I can I leave my husband? For you. Uh
leave your husband for me? I'm I'm a married man,
(27:36):
and uh's below with me? You're Steve Scooper from Channel
five Live. That MPs everything. Okay, we'll sit down. I've
already ordered a two for twenty. I was gonna eat
it myself. But why don't you sit down? Can we
make it at three for thirty? Do they have it?
I don't know? I sit down, Sit down, Tracy. You're
(28:00):
leaving Jack for Steve Scooper from Channel five Live. Yeah,
so yeah, my prayers. Well, guess what. I haven't told
him yet, but I'm leaving Lenny for um Tony Robbins.
Have you ever heard of him? Tony Robbins? It rings
(28:23):
the about kind of what what's his deal? He's a
motivational speaker, for sure, and I think so is Steve.
You know, well I guess so. I guess Steve does
motivate people to you know, he does the health beat, right? Yeah,
but tell me everything everything you know about Tony Robins.
I want to hear. I want to know it all.
(28:44):
I think you don't want you like flipping through TV
and you're like, is I think this is a pastor?
You're like, oh, but it's Steve Scooper from Channel five Live. Well,
I know and it's Steve because there's a little chiron
on the bottom and he's always telling me where he's at.
I was like, but did you want to ask me
about tonyo? Did you just want to talk about Camera one?
(29:04):
Camera one, go ahead and zoom in on this bulge
that is protruding from the senators behind. I've already been
written up. That's one of the hell of a backwards bowner.
(29:25):
I don't know why it's got written h I mean,
I'm zooming in. It's a bulge, baby, and jewels here
on camera three, just ready ready to be used at
any point. Again, my name is Jules Uh, Senator. Senator.
The state flag that's been proposed, but the turtle, the
(29:45):
turtle poking is yes, I do recall that state flag. Yes. Uh.
Could you talk a little bit about about why the
importance of the turtle to to this state? Well, I
think that the given the opportunity to escape the clutches
(30:06):
of the shell, the TOTAL would do everything in its
power to evacuate the shell is quickly as possible while
still maintaining some sort of integrity as a TOTAL. That said,
Senators Tony Robbins here, Tony Robbins here, motivational speaker, Tony Robbins,
that's the one. I want to encourage you right now
(30:30):
to just let it go. Let everything you have build
up inside. I'm telling you, I give you permission, Tony.
You don't you don't know what you're asking those jumping
to Robins. I can't breathe like that, that whole let
you go. I'm gonna be honest with you at this point.
I fear that if I were to, as you all say,
(30:53):
let it go, that the uh, the shrimp porking mayo
sandwich that I had this after noon and Cosmo I
used to wash it down my return. And you know,
I've been told that vulnerability has never been my strong suit.
But I may need to let you folks in on
something right now. Talk up watching live, let's go zooming.
(31:27):
I think the Senator's crowning. Oh it's called Oh. Oh,
I really wish I had I really wish I had
not paused right then. I shouldn't. Oh you know what,
My god, this is gonna be my last day as
a senator. I haven't seen to seen to everyone that
(31:47):
was seen to see three conserts from Patrin v I P.
Lawrence Star still here. Today's suggestion is Che's boys and
or girls looking forward to it all the best. Larry
Stewart PS. If Gary Anthony Williams is on this episode,
(32:08):
I think you're easily the funniest on the crew. I
thought I would pick this one while Gary was not
here because I don't think I don't think he needs
to hear that. I don't think that's helpful to anyone's help.
Keep it down, keep it dinner, Listen up, cheese boys
and or girls you know who? Sure, and take over
our turf with is it outside? The bred boys and
(32:37):
fred boys more like dead boys? Am I right? Yeah?
Am I wrong? Mostly right? Chee boys? Everybody? Now, we
don't you don't You don't run turf with a song
(32:58):
like that and just let some mother game come in
and take our stuff? Right? Yeah? Yeah, No, I wrong.
I don't know if that was a yes or no question.
Am I wrong? I don't think there's a way to
be wrong this here? Swiss, Swiss, look at look at me,
Look at me? He's right, m carry on two, yeah,
(33:20):
we'll do we'll do gooda geting good, feeling good, feeling good.
Everyone else sounding out of your names? I don't know, Whiz.
I think that I think we should be a little
bit more cautious of these Brent boys. What do you mean?
I'm the whiz? Right? Yeah, here's the Whiz. So when
I say, goes, am, I guess I'll trust you. I
(33:41):
guess I'll trust you. Am I wrong? You? On the Wiz?
You say no to me? You said, are you wrong? I? Look?
Here's I gotta be honest with you. To Wiz. You
ask a lot of rhetorical questions that I don't know
whether the answer. Did you call me? Why didn't you
call me the whiz? You're the whiz? No? The other word,
(34:06):
the word rhetorical? Okay, you can't say that anymore? Why
why can't I say rhetorical? What's your name again? Eat them? Yeah? Alright?
Bread boys yea? And our girls, which I have to
say now due to the lawsuit to be more inclusive.
(34:27):
Uh looks like the cheese boys and our girls are
threatening our turf. But I say cheese boys, cheese toys,
chez boys. Yeah, totally, I say that too. Uh So
what are we gonna do about it? What do you think? Right? Beat?
(34:49):
Up Jesus. Oh yeah, I say beat him up. I say,
I say, put the holes in them where they weren't
expecting it. Make them all look like Swiss cheese. That's
what I say. Nice, nice, pumper Nickel. You were gonna
say something, Yeah I was. I mean I was eat
him up. What I'm sorry, you know I can't shut
(35:12):
my my trap. Sorry, no, boss man, What do you
got though? Why don't we just fun do with the
whole fucking lot of them? Oh yeah, I'm talking burning
down the whole fucking village. Oh yeah, look you know
I I'm I'm on your side, believe me. But they've
(35:35):
got you know, they've got a celebrity spokesperson. Now, Bree
Larson is uh oh wonder, come on, Oh they got
Brie Larson. We got nobody. Boss. You said you had
a personal relationship with Larry Loaves, and we haven't seen.
We haven't as big a deal as Bree large. He's
a Carson, used cars, he got commercial I know who
(35:58):
he is. Just go talk to him. It'll help our
it'll help us, all right. Hey, Larry, you come in
for a car. You get a car. Larry Loaves is
gonna get you a car. You'll come in, sit right
down here. Say you're the fellow from that bread group
of boys and or girls, aren't you? Yeah? Yeah, yeah
(36:21):
we we we talked a couple of weeks ago. I
don't know if you remember. Sure, Sure, I can put
you in a nice sedan right now. Look, Uh, we're
we're more concerned about fighting for our turf and uh,
you know, the the cheese people are kind of infringing
on it. Hold on, let me shut this office door. Look,
(36:44):
you come in here every few weeks thinking that I'm
going to be some sort of celebrity spokesperson if you.
First of all, I didn't know that gangs even needed
celebrity spokespeople, and it wasn't even a big deal until
Captain Marvel decided she was gonna come down and be
the celebrity spokesperson for the cheese boys and girl exactly.
I just I've got to be honest with you. I
(37:04):
don't know if I'm the guy you're looking for now.
I mean, your your last name is Loaves. Come on, no,
I get it, But do you understand I'm trying to
run a business here. Now I can pick you in
a sensible SATURNA s l two from with low mileage.
But what I can't do is endorsed violence the same
(37:27):
way that Bree Larson can. Well. Look, we don't like violence,
you know, any more than anyone. But you know when
a turf is is in dispute, and when it's bread
turf established for years, and when the cheese people pump nickel. Look,
you know I'm the whiz, and you know our gangs
(37:49):
wouldn't take too kindly to this union of ours. But
I love you. I love you so much. Okay, where
are you going with this? We either got to run
away together or we gotta end this though you had
me run away. That's it. We're gonna leave our games. Well,
(38:11):
I think it's an option to the order for us
to be together and be happy, right, because there's no
way we could come together, right. That doesn't make sense
if we had a union, a meeting. Uh, you know,
cheese and bread. That's crazy talk. I I'm losing my mind.
I'm a wait a second, wait a second, because I've
heard I've received a couple of emails and one text
(38:33):
from someone calling themselves condiments. So maybe we bring them
into the conversation with cheese and bread next thing. We
know magic where the condiment is that I don't talk
to them. You don't know. I don't know. But if
I response, if I respond once, I think we're gonna
(38:54):
find out, you know what. Let me just hit this
text back real quick. Wait are you calling? He says
he's at the door. No, I gotta pink. He says,
he's at the door. This condiments. Wait, Hold all right,
hold on, hold on, hold on. This is feeling crazy.
So you're telling me I just brought this up and
now all of a sudden, the condiment he's here. Now
(39:15):
I'm gonna say they. I might have spoke when I
said he said they they they are here? All right?
Let me hey you condiments A Mayo? What's the Uh
that's a little too specific. What do you mean it's
too specific? I'm part of the condiments. Are you the
(39:35):
one I've been texting with? Hell? Yeah, go ahead, text
me in my phone room right now. No, I have
no reason not to believe you, So come on in.
You said, Mayo, Mayo, that's my name? Okay, Now you
putting on a voice right now? Or is that what
are you talking? I'm a condiment Mayo. Okay, that's cut.
The crap, Mayo, I'm with you might have heard of
(39:56):
me I write, or girls. I gotta be honest, alas
thought that you should have been with us anyways. I mean,
you're kind of just a condiment. But you think you're
so spahial. You think cheese is kind of just a condiment.
You're putting it on Papa other things to make it better. Right,
but you think you said about meat, no meets the meats.
(40:21):
Don't mess with the meats. They don't put that neck
to the neck. Come on, it was neat spoons, baby,
may it was neat spoons. You're talking about a spreading spoon.
I'm talking about a spread and spoon. Sense to me? Alright, alright, alright, alright, Look,
obviously you run a big part of this of this neighborhood.
(40:41):
We run a big part of this neighborhood. And the bread,
the bread's run a big part of this statement. There's
a lot of exposition here. I'm just trying to say,
is either we all kill each other or we all
joined forces. What do you say? I think we should
join forces? But I told you were smart. Wi. Yeah,
this is the guy. I love you. I love you too,
(41:02):
all right? Why don't we all go talk to our
own gangs. Move this plot forward? What do you say?
All right? That was good? Yeah, let's beat him up,
pop off. I don't want him that. Look we were
now we've got we've got condiments are in the mix,
(41:23):
and uh, you know soon meets are gonna get involved.
You know, we gotta nip this bud while it's still
not a full flower. Um Ms Larson, Mr Lows. Your
table is spread over here, We've got you in the
back in the dark, as you requested. That's that's fantastic.
(41:45):
This is a real treat, real treat. I gotta say,
pleasure to meet you. Sorry, it's under these circumstances of
gang warfare. Really unfortunate, really unford it is. But but
big fan, big fan of my um theatrical releases are
my ten million commercials. Actually, if you're gang running, thank you.
(42:08):
Oh yes, since they brought you in, it's been it's
it's been really remarkable what Cheese has been able to handle.
I mean, of course, I love Captain Marvel. Who didn't
love Captain Marvel? And commercials are great, But I love
the career. It really is everything that you've done as
a as a gang spokesperson. Well that's the thing. I
thought I was coming in as a spokesperson, and then
(42:29):
I kind of took over as a bit of a
boss and I liked that. Yeah, well you you can
do whatever you want. A new role, you know, it
was a new role to take on. It was a
new It was a evolution of my character. Hi, do
you too? Would you prefer flat water or spark Oh?
My god, can I ask you a question? Ms Larson?
(42:49):
Do you really drive that car? I personally, that's too
many qualifiers. I'll take it as a no. But listen,
do you want sparkling? Or are flat sparkling? Sparkling? But hey,
um listen, you need to keep that between us. Okay,
Oh my telling place and you, sir, what would you
(43:10):
like sparkling? Look, sparkling sounds great. Just bring us the
big bottle and we'll split it. Okay. And so would
you drive her car? Sir? Would I drive her car?
You know what? Funny you should mention cars if either
of you is interested in a late model Ford Bronco.
I just got to on the lot. How late of
(43:34):
a model about we're talking we're talking early two thousand's
before they switched the headlights as long as not the
ninety four Bronco, because we all know what that is.
The breads are gonna eat some cheese tonight. Cheese boys,
lovely girl also gonna have our way with these tonight
(44:00):
is con Wait everyone, please, before the rumble starts. Before
the rumble starts. I just drove over here in a
Plymouth Voyager with Brier, and she has something she would
like to say. That's right, the bread boys and or
(44:22):
girls and the cheese boys and or girls a combining
right here. As long as the meats don't show up,
we're fine. And Brie Larson has something she'd like to
say to everyone who Hello everyone, I want to give
you all a hand, yes, because you relieved in yourselves
(44:44):
and you've caught my good fight. But now it's time
to join hands and become one. Ms Larson. I see
bologney is sticking out of your top. What the hell
it's is, lars the type of um? Please don't stare
(45:10):
at what's underneath my top? Sorry, sorry I am I
think you guys. She's joined together, Larsen. I see PASTRAMI
is falling under your but Senator Larsen. Recently and some
(45:31):
bologny poking out just a little from from the top
of do know the feeling if if you could comment
on that, well, look a little bit. And also that
the gang warfare that's going on in this town between meats, cheeses, condiments,
and bread. Well, look, the city has been has been
(45:55):
inundated with all kinds of foods that may not go
well together. And when they all combine in one place
a a street, corner, or a stomach and they begin churning,
things can go to ship pretty quickly, he said. Ship.
(46:17):
Uh ms, Larson, you understand here at this car company,
we can't have any ties to gain activity. Absolutely Okay,
so we're gonna have to let you go. Well, I
just want to talk to you for a second because
think about you know, who do you want to let go?
Do you want to let go Bree Larson? Or do
(46:37):
you want to let go who I am during your commercials,
which is um Patina Wendel Stock. You know that's that's
who I am when I'm doing those commercials. You know,
that's the my backstory. There's you know, like I was
adopted and I found my real I'm saying, let's see
what we're saying well you can see the board is
(46:59):
behind me. Board. Now do we think there's some merrit
to the idea that maybe Breed Larson isn't selling our cars,
Bree Larson affiliated with gangs and instead we have Petina
Bendel socks? What killer? What Steve Jesus Christ. I think
(47:23):
what we're saying is maybe her character, her character isn't
affiliated with the gang. Is that right, Miss Larson? That's right,
the character isn't. But if you are really you know,
interested in decapitating me? Oh question, follow up question if
I made from Ms Larson? Okay, this character that you're
portraying during the commercial, Patina, if I'm to understand, it's
(47:48):
Bettina that's the sort of obnoxious uh smile and not you. Um,
that's a tremendous relief if that's the case. Yeah, I
mean because because really me, it's almost a sneer that
your character is doing as as a way of appearing charming. Yeah. Yeah,
(48:10):
And I talk a little unnaturally, and that's on purpose
because it's not me talking, it's betweena Wendells. Could we
decapitate that character because that's the that's that's what I
think that makes sense? You know, Um, I see what
you're saying because I'm I'm delivering it to you as
two separate people. But at the end of the day,
(48:32):
it's one body. We can't we can't hear you. The
salami coming out of your mouth? Is that is our
for today? Oh salami? Jombo. Let's thank all of our alchemists,
starting with Patina, Jackie Dollars to Ruthing. Thank you very
(48:53):
much for every damn thing. And where might folks find
you other than right here with us right here? Um? Yes,
thank you for having me. I'm I'm at Jackie Truthee
on Instagram and that's you know, I have some fun
on there, Okay? Is that where we'll find your latest
(49:13):
wears short films? Whatnot? Exactly? And now that you mention it, yes,
our short film Lump just became an official selection of
the Portland's Comedies look Out now, look out now? Is
there a more hit placed in Portland? I heard this
(49:35):
one is a fun one, um, and it's actually going
to be in person so we can that'll be fun
and maybe we'll win another award, I don't know. Congratulations
by the way, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mark Gagliardi, you too
have something to mention to everyone in terms of viewing pleasure,
don't you well listening pleasure, I've got we got this
(49:57):
with Mark and Howe on the Act, some Fun Network
weekly episodes dropping. You've of course been on there, um
and uh, season two Blood and Treasure coming out soon.
We're still using the release date. We're still saying soon.
So season two coming to CBS very soon. And CBS
of course stands for the Carol Burnett System. Thank you
(50:22):
your Salvado. I had to look up who Bree Larson was.
I had to look that up. That is that's a joke.
That's fair. She's Kennedy Award. When are You probably saw that,
but I don't recognize her from anything, honestly, Captain Martin,
but I've never seen that. That's fine about a car
commercial that Jackie hates whatever I auditioned for that? What car? Yeah, Jackie,
(50:46):
you must know you're a little I don't know. I
don't know. It comes up so much, but I don't
love the commercial very much. But there have been thousands.
You're right for this car, and it does not bode
well that none of us remember the may Grandma Um. Otherwise, though,
having a good time, had fun, today, and uh, that's that.
(51:08):
And hey, and I'm excited for you guys to start
sending your suggestions to James. I mean, obviously it's still
to the Patreon or Alchemy this email at gmail dot com,
but James will be taking over the suggestion duties for
a second, so have Adam. Also for those who have asked,
a few of you have where the f is Joey Um,
he asked, uh permission which was a bit more than
(51:31):
what was necessary, but to take a little time off
to devote his creative juices. And I think you all
know what I mean by that, because we're talking about
Joey is semen um to two very pressing projects, and
of course that that that's the sort of policy here
with the Alchemist. My goodness, yes Um, one of our
(51:55):
founding members who I'm sure you all remember, uh, Vanessa
raglan Um had to bow out an order to venee
I've forgotten better wow Um to start and running now
historically popular and successful theater in the greater Los Angeles area.
(52:17):
So thank you for your concern. I've passed it along
to Joey, who who to this day successfully also continues
to eat his income. And he'll respond, he'll respond to
time time in his own way. Uh, James Eny, thank
you for being here. Thanks for having me actually speaking
(52:37):
at Joey career. Let me just say he's been working
really hard on one project that has You can find
it on Spotify and I totally suggest you check it out.
It's called American Curiosity and it's got Vanessa in there,
and I think there's only one episode that's been released,
but it's a very curated Uh, you should just check
(52:57):
it out. It's so cool, it's so awesome. He's been
working hard on that. I know that's one of the
things that's been on his plate. But you know, I
can't wait to read all of the suggestions and things
that come into the Patreon email and Gmail. But I
also miss getting those awesome, awesome letters through the rating system,
(53:18):
Like you gotta give us, you gotta give us a
good rating. I mean, rate us however you like, but
if you're listening to the end of the podcast, my
guess is it's five stars. Please give us a rating
on iTunes. Oh, however you get your podcasts. Uh. And last,
but way not least, Mr craig Kowski Nissans, I'm a
(53:44):
big fan of Breen Larson in general, I just don't
you know, and I think that came across Jackie, wouldn't
her endorsement for gang Warfare? Decent actress? Also like great
time to bring up John Montague, the teen century British
uh lord who you know, played constantly at the gaming
(54:06):
table and therefore didn't have time to take a full meal,
and so he would ask for, you know, some combination
of breads and cheeses and meats to be brought to him.
And then everybody would say, because he was the earl
of sandwich, everybody would say, give me the same as sandwich.
And to this day that's, uh, that's why we call
(54:26):
it a sandwich. That's awesome to this day. About that,
I mean, I'm it might change in the future, but
right now we're calling that a sandwich. Well, there are
there are a few to this day's I'd like to
bring one to everyone's attention. There are almost zero, almost
so less than one floor thirteen has marked in an
(54:49):
elevator of your hotel that you'll be staying in. That's
our country. Still no, because you know it might be
bad luck. Anyhow, Let's thank our producer and engineer to
the stars, Mr Doug, the fine folks that I hurt Media.
(55:13):
I'm your host, Kevin Pollack, thanking each and every day
one of these so very very much and sincerely for
your support. You're listening, ears, however, You're consuming this particular thing,
and continue to tell everyone you've ever met, and please,
oh please be hind you each other. It is the
strong choice. Until next time, O.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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